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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 1 year ago

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Clownfall: Endgame

I am calling it that in the full knowledge that batshit things may yet happen, but listen. Listen. We have a year left before the general election. I am hedging my bets and assuming all that comes in that year will be Tory manoeuvring ahead of that. Let's all hope for a nice quiet year in which everything can fall neatly under that banner, that won't ruin this naming convention.

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor’s Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

The Premiership of Liz Truss

The Next Steps - Suggested Reading

The post-Truss contenders

Bye Matt

BoJo Resigns as MP

Alright, that's probably everything. Just nice to have it all in one place, innit? If you would like a nice soothing soundtrack to your reading, here's my recommendation. On with the show!

Clownfall: Endgame

Wednesday

So, let's start with charismatic and charming Home Secretary Suella Braverman! You may remember her from such hits as "Quitting before she could be fired after breaking the law only to be rehired by Sunak almost immediately and without consequence to appease the right wing nutjobs in the party", and "Claiming Pakistani men have a culture that makes them work in abuse rings to target vulnerable white English girls" (I should add that, if you are unfamiliar with Suella Braverman, regardless of what that quote implies, she is not, in fact, white); recently she made the news because she announced that being homeless is a "lifestyle choice". So true, Suella! They could give it up any time they wanted. They could, for example, get together and break in and steal your fucking house.

But in particular, here we're focussing on her recent stance towards the multiple huge pro-Palestine marches that have been taking place in London. So far she has indicated that she wants people who wave Palestinian flags to be arrested, so that's very measured and rational of her; but, last Wednesday (Nov 8th), she decided to write a lil opinion piece in the Times all about how mean and biased and liberal the police are. This is an absolutely fascinating assertion to I suspect literally anyone who has ever been involved with the police. But no! Quoth Suella, aggressive right-wing protesters are "rightly met with a stern response", while "pro-Palestinian mobs" are "largely ignored".

And, she claims, the march on Saturday isn’t simply a cry for help for Gaza, but an "assertion of primacy by certain groups - particularly Islamists - of the kind we are more used to seeing in Northern Ireland".

Imagine how well all that went down.

Thursday

You are underestimating how that went down, because it emerges that Suella deVille did not, in fact, get any form of validated sign-off or permission from Number 10 before squirting her ill-informed liquid horseshit all over the front desk of the Times news room, and that, Tumblrs, you'll be surprised to learn, is actually quite an important and compulsory part of criticising the police when you are the Home Secretary. Like, there is a Ministerial Code about this. It is very clear. It is in Article 8.2, Tumblrs. Thou Shalt Have Permission From Number 10 Before Making Media Interventions.

“The content was not agreed with Number 10,” a spokesperson for Prime Minister Rishi Sunak told reporters, referring to the prime minister’s Downing Street office. The ministerial code is clear that any ministerial media interventions need approval from No 10.

-AlJazeera

And the Tories are furious! The bloodbath forms quickly and loudly and the hounds start baying! Clown noses are flying everywhere! The factions are drawn! Because even now, there are Tories too stupid to understand that whether you agree with someone or not they still have to follow the rules! Also the other parties realise they can offer some actual opposition here, given that Suella has essentially dragged a barrel into the middle of the House of Commons dressed in a fish costume, handed around a set of loaded rifles, and then crawled inside to wait. The result is that the calls for her resignation are both deafening and pleasingly cross-party.

"(This is a) dangerous attempt to undermine respect for police", says Labour's shadow home secretary Yvette Cooper. "(It's) irresponsible," says London mayor Sadiq Khan. "The PM's weakness when it comes to standing up to Suella is the most shocking thing in all this," claims a senior Labour source.

They're wrong, of course. The most shocking thing is Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey realising he can actually appear in the paper if he plays this right and so surfaces to attempt some politics. "(Sunak) must finally act with integrity by sacking his out-of-control home secretary!" he declares, frightening many MPs who had forgotten he was even in the room with them.

Meanwhile, several Tories approach the BBC anonymously.

"The home secretary's awfulness is now a reflection on the prime minister. Keeping her in post is damaging him," says one. Another straight-up describes her as "unhinged". Another claims the comparison with Northern Ireland is "wholly offensive and ignorant", and really, all of this is permanently triggering that "Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point" reaction image.

Saturday

Hey, speaking of reaction images, look, Labour has a go:

Well. They tried.

BUT! Do you want to know the INTERESTING bit??!

Enter: Nadine Dorries! Mad shrieking pink harpy who spends her days maintaining a BoJo shrine in her bedroom! Always the most hinged of politicians, let's see what she has to say.

Former cabinet minister Nadine Dorries claimed Ms Braverman was trying to get sacked to give her a platform of martyrdom in service of the right-wing. "The competition is on now for who is going to be the leader of the opposition," Ms Dorries told the BBC.

???!??!?

PERTINENT POLITICAL OBSERVATION FROM DORRIES?!?!?? The most shocking part of this whole affair. Remember that time she yelled at a journalist during an interview about Boris Johnson's latest scandal when he asked her how Johnson was feeling about the whole thing and inadvertently implied they were having an affair when No One Asked? God, wonders never cease. She's even acknowledging the Tories can't win the next GE, look. I'd say this is growth, except I am 100% positive she's just being catty about BlowJo being fired again.

Anyway, the real Saturday issue: it's Armistice Day, and there's a pro-Palestine march planned.

Now, to give context, Armistice Day has a creepy level of patriotic state-worship attached to it in the UK. Some time in October everyone on telly suddenly starts wearing a poppy, and if you don't you get hanged, drawn and quartered by (a) the British press, and then (b) a baying mob outside your living room. You most be performatively sad. You must perform reverence and hero worship and say things like "Never again" all while whole-heartedly supporting current wars. You must talk about "our brave boys", and share the works of dead poets from the trenches, and then completely fail to absorb any of their lessons. If anyone tries to wear the white poppy to distance themselves from the current political appropriation while still commemorating the millions of conscripted casualties, you accuse them of being "woke" and pissing on the worthy dead of WW1. It's a whole thing, and politicians love using it as an excuse to point fingers and mock each other for being insufficiently patriotic if they wear the wrong tie to the ceremonies, or choose to walk with actual veterans rather than a head of the current army, or any number of other things. And then on November the 12th they'll order a drone strike or something.

So, off the bat, you can see how a pro-Palestine rally on the same day was likely to be seen as provocative to some.

"Some" included Sunak! He didn’t (publicly at least) ask the police to ban the protest, but did call on organisers to call it off, claiming the choice of date was “provocative and disrespectful”, because as I say, a march calling for the ceasefire of a genocide is super disrespectful to every sad dead poet in a trench who dreamed of a ceasefire so they could live, or something.

But the inevitable therefore happens, which is that far-right activists agree that it's disrespectful, and so decide to violently target the march to show their respect for the idea of peace on Armistice Day, or something.

Here's the planned route by the organisers:

Note, though, that the Armistice ceremony happens at the Cenotaph - visibly nowhere near the march. These two events actually wouldn't have overlapped, if it weren't for far-right protestors deliberately linking them to stop them being disrespectfully linked, or something.

And that's exactly what happened. From the Guardian:

Perhaps the most striking incident, though, was when far-right protesters charged past police who sought to hold them back from the Cenotaph. In this video, a man shouts “this is fucking our country” in celebration. Whereas the pro-Palestine march had been excluded from the area as a precaution, the far right was not; by overwhelming the police, they supposedly sought to defend the site from an enemy that simply wasn’t there.

(that's quite a good article of the whole thing, actually, I recommend giving it a read.)

Crucially to the clown show, though, several politicians and others accused Suella deVille of emboldening the far-right, which... well, several of the far-right protestors straight up said was the case on the day, so hard to disagree, really.

Rumours of a reshuffle in Whitehall circumnavigate the land so fast the truth gets sucked into a tornado and is declared MIA. Here's the thing! I've covered a few Cabinet reshuffles by now, Tumblrs, you know the drill. Reshuffles are always deniable until they actually happen – so if, say, a reshuffle was going to happen on Monday 13 November 2023, there’d be no need to publicise it in advance. That way, if things change and politics happen, you don't need to retract anything :)

Because, remember: reshuffles are always controversial. Yes, some people get demoted, and those people will often kick off, and some people who don't deserve it get promoted, and lots of people kick off. But the big thing is that a lot more people get overlooked for promotion.

His most ardent supporters would say that Rishi Sunak is a cautious man (if you'll allow me a moment to express my own view on the matter, Tumblrs, if you'll forgive this crumb of personal opinion amongst my otherwise impeccable journalling of greatest integrity, I once did a teambuilding task with my students where they had to build the best possible bridge out of uncooked spaghetti and pieces of marshmallow, and I personally would liken the structural integrity of his spine to the losing team's entry), and reshuffles will spread a lot of disappointment to Tory MPs who lose – or fail to gain – a cabinet position.

So, all in all... regardless of Suella's idiocy...

There's no guarantee of a reshuffle. Rumours are just that - whether they prove to be true or not remains to be seen.

Week Commencing Monday 13th November, 2023

New week, new challenges! And it's going to be a big week this week. On Wednesday (tomorrow, at time of writing), three big things are going to be announced, and these announcements will colour everything else this week:

One. The Supreme Court decide whether the government will be allowed to enact their plan to send some migrants claiming asylum in the UK to Rwanda, a signature Braverman plan that human rights campaigners (including many in Rwanda) have been trying to block for ages.

It’s a massive deal anyway – a flagship government idea that’s been bogged down in the court, and we’ll finally have an answer one way or another. For what it’s worth, the Tories aren’t confident about winning it, either. The optimists among them reckon it’s a 50/50 chance, the pessimists reckon it’s 70/30 against, so it's iffy at best.

But here's the thing!

Plenty of Tories have always disliked Suella. Others could handle the odd outburst she has, but can’t stomach the sheer number of them lately - the Lib Dem non-entity man was absolutely right that she is rapidly growing out of control and just does not know when to shut the entire fuck up.

Which means! If the Supreme Court allows the Rwanda plan, Braverman could become emboldened, like a far-right protest injuring police officers to defend the cenotaph from people who are nowhere near it and have no interest in it. Do we want an emboldened Braverman?? Well; no, obviously. I also don't want dysentery, or rotten meat, or a serial killer in my neighbourhood. But it's a question even Tories are asking themselves, which is notable.

Plus, even if the court allows it, there will still be months of planning, and lawyers might still prevent the plans in the long run... But psychologically, the issue is this: the government wants this win, but probably doesn’t benefit from Braverman feeling victorious.

Two. We’ll get inflation figures. The government promised to halve inflation, and it seems likely they’ve managed this. Expect them to massively celebrate this, to distract from the promises they haven’t kept e.g. waiting lists in England, competent governance, etc.

Three. Voting on a ceasefire in Israel seems likely for Wednesday. It’s the SNP’s idea, and it won’t affect government policy (they won’t support a ceasefire – they claim it’ll empower Hamas).

But it’s a big deal for Labour, even more so than the Tories. A Shadow minister has already resigned over the war. A bunch of frontbenchers want a ceasefire, but that isn’t Keir Starmer’s policy, a man who is calling for the colours of the Israel flag to be shown at sports matches to show that "we stand in solidarity with Israel", because you can really count on Starmer to fuck up everything he touches. So what do they do? Abstain? Claim they had a prior commitment?? We might see more resignations, basically. Big day for Starmer.

So! With all that in mind...

Monday

8.43am

Oh look. Timestamps are back. I wonder if that suggests anything?

Suella Braverman is sacked as Home Secretary.

But! Sunak is accused of waiting too long! Which he demonstrably did!

He should have made the decision after the illegal article that she shouldn't have written and triggered a far-right rally on fucking Armistice Day. Instead, remember that 'cautious' descriptor I talked about?? He waited until the tide had turned against her completely, and now looks like he (a) was too much of a useless wimp to fire her until he was sure people would still like him and pat his dick and tell him he's a Good PM, and (b) only fired her because he caved in to that appalling lefty liberal cabal that somehow these days includes the Metropolitan Police of all fucking people, and she'd have been able to stay otherwise.

Shout out to the best comment from Reddit:

u/nowonmai666: Doesn't she normally get sacked on a Friday so she can have the weekend off before being reappointed?

Anyway, that's the big risk now: Braverman’s supporters can claim she was only fired because Sunak caved in to the left.

8.56am

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns claims Sunak only sacked Braverman because he caved in to the left.

9.00am

Neil O'Brian, Pharmacy Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being a back-bencher with less power.

*sus*

9.09am

Nick Gibb, Schools Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being more diplomatic, or something.

*sus*

9.42am

The Lib Dems decide to build on the success of their leader getting to be on telly for his one comment on Thursday and call for a general election. Says Ed Davey: “It was the Prime Minister’s sheer cowardice that kept her in the job even for this long. We are witnessing a broken party and a broken government, both of which are breaking this country.”

Good job! They're having such a good few days.

Anyway remember the Tories don’t have to have a general election until December 2024, though, thanks to the Fixed-term Parliaments Act (2011), which was passed by the coalition government of Tories and, um, Lib Dems. In which Ed Davey served for three years.

Hmm.

9.43am

James Cleverly (remember him?) returns to the Cabinet and is appointed Home Secretary. The party attempts to appear trendy by experimenting with emojis:

This appointment is probably because Tory strategists wanted him in a domestic role to help the party’s chances in the next election; as Surprising Political Pundit Nadine Dorries told us, of all fucking people, the race is now on to lead the opposition.

But hey, this is not likely to lead to any more changes -

10.03am

FORMER PRIME MINISTER, BREXIT-TRIGGERER AND PIG-FUCKER DAVID CAMERON BECOMES FOREIGN SECRETARY

!!!!!!!!!!!!

And look! Another emoji! They're so hip!

(Side note... the balls on this one are astounding, actually. The UK political system has been in chaos ever since Cameron, and he was the first domino. This is not a well-loved former hero that will be greeted warmly by the unwashed masses.)

Awkward though, since just last month Sunak claimed that we’d lived through “30 years of a political system that incentivizes the easy decision, not the right one.” It would be a terrible shame if a journalist was to ask David Cameron whether he agreed with the Prime Minister on that, given that Cameron’s job is to support the Prime Minister now.

Especially since Cameron took to Twitter last month to explicitly criticise Sunak for breaking the Tory promise to deliver High Speed 2.

(Cameron tweeted this criticism last month. Labour MP Angela Rayner however promptly retweets it now lol suck a dick Dave, but try a human one this time)

Also, fun fact, Cameron has just come out of a large-scale lobbying and corruption scandal. Given the state of Sunak, though, that's actually probably what got him the job.

BUT!!! Here's an even funner fact: the man is not an MP. He left politics after he accidentally triggered Brexit and then it came out he'd once face fucked a dead pig's head while it was held on the lap of another Tory; he's been living it up in the lucrative world of after-dinner speaking, as these people do.

So can you do that?? Can you hold a Cabinet position if no one at all has voted for you??

Yes, turns out.

Don't be alarmed by that, though:

But, convention holds that anyone who becomes a Cabinet member while not being an MP needs to be a Peer - that way, if they do bad and naughty things, they can't be held accountable by the House of Commons but they can be held accountable by the House of Lords. Only problem is, Hameron is not a lord...

10.13am

The reshuffle, bafflingly, continues. Jeremy Hunt will remain as chancellor.

For the first time since 2010, the top four positions in government – Prime Minister (Sunak), Chancellor of the Exchequer (Hunt), Home Secretary (Cleverly) and Foreign Secretary (Cameron) – are all held by men.

10.18am

Lots of people tweeting about the historic context of Cameron’s appointment. Here’s my favourite:

10.48am

David Cameron is given a life peerage, so his proper name now is Lord Piggledick.

10.52am

Health secretary Will Quince quits. He wasn’t planning to stand for re-election anyway though, so this one is probably not a shock. But it's important that no one else resi-

11.04am

Decarbonisation minister Jesse Norman resigns.

...

Time for a

✨Conspiracy Theory✨

Between Quince and Norman – as well as Neil O’Brien and Nick Gibb – we’re seeing several mid-ranking ministers resign, despite being generally regarded as fairly competent.

It’s possible they were fired in private, and they’re publicly resigning to save face. But here’s another theory.

MPs aren’t allowed to seek commercial employment for six months after resigning from the government.

So hypothetically, if you were going to lose your seat in a general election, you’d want to have resigned six months earlier so you can still get a job.

If that’s what these guys are doing, it suggests we’re on track for a May 2024 election...?

11.05am

11.12am

Remember Cameron's financial scandal? Quick background here: David Cameron was specifically vice-chair of a £1bn China-UK investment fund.

So let’s see what throwback former leader Iain Duncan Smith thinks of Cameron’s return:

“I am astonished at this appointment. It seems to send a signal to China that we are pursuing business with them at all costs and any costs. Those who have been sanctioned now feel more abandoned than at any time. Those facing genocide and persecution will feel more abandoned than at any time.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Iain Duncan Smith *spits on floor*

11.50am

Former Tory deputy prime minister Lord Heseltine is asked to sum up the return of Cameron, and says it’s the “clearest signal that the sort of right wing lurch that we’ve seen and the anti-European movement that we’ve seen has been put to bed, and that will get a message across to people”.

12.13pm

A Tory MP is worried that Cameron’s return will turn back the clock on Brexit and Johnson’s election.

“It is very alarming. I am predicting a softening on small boats, a softening on legal migration. I would not be surprised if the ban on conversion therapy returns.”

... Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Anyway, let’s see how the public actually sees Cameron compared with other PMs!

Yeah, not sure people will mind if Cameron’s not Boris Johnson.

12.43pm

ITV political editor Robert Peston walks past a minister of state. The minister’s on the phone, but takes a moment to heatedly shout at Peston, “The PM just sacked me!”

I guess some days are easier than others as a journalist

12.47pm

Therese Coffey resigns as environment secretary!!!!

*choirs of heavenly angels sing*

You'll remember her of course, Tumblrs - she was one of the thugs manhandling people into the 'right' voting lobbies to force their vote on the day of Liz Truss' fracking law. Rumour has it she still has the Whip handle in her ass.

A lot of people seem to be resigning today! But don't be fooled. In almost every case, it’ll be because they were told to resign. They’ve been sacked, but they resign to save face. A last mercy from their benevolent leader.

My guess: Tessie here is terrible at media skills, so – get rid of her before she hurts general election chances. This, too, is a pattern.

12.52pm

Rachel Maclean sacked as Housing Minister! Fun fact, numbers fans: it took Doctor Who 33 years to make it to eight Doctors, but since the 2019 election, the Tories managed eight Housing Ministers in just under 4 years

trololol

1.15pm

Jeremy Quin quits as Minister for the Cabinet Office.

1.37pm

Times Political Editor Steven Swinford reports that No 10 is struggling to find a new housing minister (owing to rumours the job is cursed). Several people have turned it down, including Jeremy Quin. It is incredible to me that they didn't line someone up before sacking the last guy.

Kemi Badenoch and Michael Gove are apparently unhappy that Rachel Maclean was removed from the role. I for one do not care about the opinions of Kemi Badenoch or Michael Gove.

2.04pm

Health Secretary Steve Barclay becomes Environment Secretary. This is effectively a demotion for him. It is our 5th Environment Secretary in four years. Chasing that Housing Minister record! It took 19 years for Doctor Who to have five Doctors

2.15pm

Richard Holden appointed new Conservative Party chairman.

A 2019-intake Tory MP, he led the charge against Sir Keir Starmer over Beergate, which did damage Starmer a bit (albeit not much, given that it turned out Starmer had complied with lockdown regs, and the accusation was nakedly to try and distract from Partygate). So this appointment looks like more strategy to win the next election - someone not known enough to be hated, with what passes in the modern Tory party for a proven track record.

This could be a sign that the Tories intend to at least try to shore up the Red Wall votes? As unlikely as the Tories are to keep those seats.

That said, Holden’s seat disappears in a boundary change next election, sooooo … we'll see what they do there.

2.24pm

Victoria Atkins appointed Health Secretary, replacing Steve Barclay who’s moved to Environment Secretary. She's a relative unknown but also considered actually competent. Massive middle finger to Steve Barclay

2.37pm

Laura Trott (formerly in pensions) promoted to Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

2.42pm

Science minister George Freeman resigns.

3.18pm

YouGov conducts a snap poll: is the appointment of David Cameron as Foreign Secretary a good decision or a bad decision?

Good decision: 24%

Bad decision: 38%

Don't know: 38%

So that's going well

3.24pm

Greg Hands is made a business minister after losing the Tory chairman role.

John Glen moves from chief secretary to the Treasury to become the Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General.

3.39pm

With Cameron being a Lord now, he’ll be based in the House of Lords rather than the Commons. The most recent Cabinet Minister to be based in the Lords was former Brexit minister Lord Frost, who did weigh in on the matter:

“[T]hough I was not running a whole Department too. I don’t think it works well to have a lead Cabinet Minister answering questions and defending their Department solely in the Lords. The Lords is not a fully party political environment - nor should it be - and voters are owed proper political scrutiny. In our system, that can only happen in the Commons.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Lord Frost *spits on floor*

The SNP had already called this out, with MP Stephen Flynn claiming, “The UK is not a serious country.”

4.21pm

Conservative MP Lee Rowley appointed the 16th housing minister in the past 13 years. Even counting David Tennant twice, that's more than all the Doctors Who we've ever had, and that took almost 60 years.

5.16pm

Sky News’s Tamara Cohen reports that Sunak sacked Braverman by phone this morning! Downing Street says there won’t be any exchange of letters between them - this is almost unheard of. Politics runs on paper trails! Everything happens through formal letters! By phone!

It means we’re denied insight into their differences. But Cohen reckons we’re likely to hear from Braverman on Wednesday, as the Supreme Court rules on the Rwanda scheme.

6.03pm

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns, former Education Minister, submits no-confidence letter in Rishi Sunak.

It's almost like, in the absence of Dorries, she's decided that someone needs to step up and have a tantrum and that someone might as well be her. It is, actually, an extremely funny letter, as these letters go. Normally they're written with a sort of furious earnestness wrapped in formal language. I presume that Andrea Jenkyns MP, former Education Minister, was aiming for something similar, and the first paragraph manages it. But by the end you sort of start to wonder if this was supposed to be a letter she wrote with her therapist to get her feelings out:

My favourite line, when pulled in isolation, is "Yes Boris Johnson, the man who won the Conservative Party a massive majority, was unforgivable enough."

Yeah, Andrea babes. You're bang on there.

6.05pm

Esther McVey is appointed as Cabinet Office minister. Not a full cabinet member, but she will attend cabinet meetings.

This is notable: unlike a lot of today’s appointments, she’s on the right of the party. Her role will be to represent the government on TV and radio as much as possible, talking about gender/culture/British colonial history issues (i.e. she’s anti-woke and a screaming bigot).

In other words, with Braverman gone, McVey is an offering for the populist right of the party to try to appease them.

6.15pm

Sunak tweets about the new cabinet, claiming they’ll make “the right decisions for our great country, not the easy ones.” So it looks like that’s the new slogan, and we're pressing on with austerity

6.27pm

Tim Loughton, a Tory MP on the “One Nation” wing (i.e the David Cameron side) responds to Andrea Jenkyns’s letter of no-confidence by tweeting:

“Where can we submit a letter of no confidence in the Pantomime Dame?”

(It’s Andrea he’s publicly referring to as a pantomime dame there. A lil joke from the Tories for you)

6.31pm

Paul Scully sacked as minister for London. Didn't know that one was a position.

9.43pm

Sunak says that only a two-state solution will allow a new future for Israel/Palestine. This is, um, not what the Prime Minister of Israel wants. Who knows whether the Prime Minister of Israel will survive this crisis anyway – but these are big words from Sunak. Cameron’s influence? Maybe? Interesting either way

10.03pm

And then - PLOT TWIST!!!

According to ITV political editor Robert Peston, a senior government source reveals that Cameron was approached on TUESDAY.

Which means plans were underway to get rid of Braverman not only before the far-right violence on Saturday, but before her anti-police article on Wednesday. It seems she lost her job not because of what she said about police after all; but because she claimed homelessness was a lifestyle choice.

Well well.

11.05pm

And the day finishes with Andrea Leadsom back in government (as Under Secretary of State for Health and Social Care) which nobody saw coming! Pretty demeaning to the other 300 Tory MPs who could have been given this.

The final response from numerous Tories: they are feeling jilted and insulted because David Cameron being brought back when he's NOT EVEN AN MP, RISHI suggests that they themselves are not good enough to be in government.

No one tell them

#politik #clownfall: endgame

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is-this-yuri · 4 months ago

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every time i see some asshole exploit a homeless person for tiktok content i'm going to send my spirit hounds into the soul realm to beat the shit out of sam pepper's soul. this will manifest to him as a vague yet intense sense of dread and malaise. until he dies, at which point it will manifest to him as getting beat to shit by spirit hounds.

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smiley-positivity-potato · 2 months ago

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when i came out to my father and his wife, it was out of rage, for all transgender and transsexual ppl everywhere- for they were mocking them openly in front of me after they were mentioned on the news. to my father and his wife, we were a joke, a mistake needing to be ridiculed openly for harming no one- they were offended by us being happy. as I sat on their bed, I boiled with rage at the sound of their hackles and open hatred. so in an act of courage and rage, i turned around and said: "You know who else is trans- ME!".

I watched as their realities crumbled. They started hounding me on why. Why did this make me happy? Why did i choose this? Then my father said calmly, with nonchalant: "Well, it just means you'll go to Hell when you die." he wouldn't even look at me.

he didn't say it with disgust or rage or spite. he said it like it was a fact. like he KNEW that i wouldn't go anywhere else- for my father had finally became a pastor. and he thought he could speak for God and all spirits on judgment. I watched as my father folded clothes and said this, busying himself so he wouldn't have to acknowledge me. then his wife stepped in, and she said: "You mind as well put your arm on the stove because that's what Hells gonna feel like.".

She spat this, in reference to me admitting to her how earlier I had recovered from self harm- that included burning. she used my pain against me. but I did not budge. i was proud that i finally could express anger after years of having to hear transgender/transsexual jokes demeaning people who did nothing but try to be happy. i stood up for US.

the next day came, and my father's wife refused to use my new name i legally changed, in front of her nail client. so after the client left, i calmly and politely asked if she could call me my name. i asked and expected respect. i expected communication and hopefully understanding.

then two minutes later, my father came to me and said: "You have to leave. you made her upset and she doesn't want you here anymore. you have to leave NOW." i was shocked, flabbergasted but most importantly, hurt. my father and his wife had been taking half and a lil more of my disability check. they said they'd house me after i was homeless. but in a day, after coming out, things had changed. i was no longer wanted in their home. and my father did not and would not fight for me.

my father tried to joke with me after, as he packed my things. he tried to laugh with me as i called my first stalker to house me for a night because i had barely any money and nowhere to go. and as i felt the last hug i ever truly recognized from my father, I felt nothing. For he no longer was my father, he was a man, a boy, who chose a woman and his wrong beliefs over his child's safety and life. it wasn't the fact that he didn't argue with her that hurt- it was the fact that he didn't leave WITH ME, HIS CHILD. he stayed. for a woman who may not even stay in his life. for she was young, and had options still to choose from.

all because i was a trans man- a transsexual man trying to live his life, despite the discrimination and prejudice i had to face, i was labelled as optional. and then deleted. that day i came out, was the day my father's "love" changed. he openly lies still and says he loves me, but tells me my beliefs are wrong. he constantly tries to convert me to Christianity and his form of toxic love. he still wants and thinks he can change me. and it bothers him that he can't.

the day i stood up for all trans people, was the day my father stopped being on my side. and it is still a day i remember, because it was the day I realized my father didn't know what love was. and so, how could i ever expect him to love me?

#transmasc #trans poc #trans male #transgender #trans man #tboy swag #trans posting #transandrophobia #transphobes

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givehimthemedicine · 14 days ago

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let me tell you about my sneaking suspicion that Lucas bought Max the walkman and the Kate Bush tape

the events of 4th of July, 1985 kick off Max's depression.

high school starts in the fall of '85 (August 15, if we take Lucas on the Line as canon).

Kate Bush debuts Running Up That Hill on August 5, 1985, making that the earliest it's possible for Max to have heard the song.

the Hounds of Love album is released internationally Sept 15, 1985, making this the earliest it's possible for Max to own the tape.

as of October 1985, Max and Lucas seem to be a couple as Max "tries to be happy and normal". she's still living in her house.

by May 1986, lumax seems long over and Max is barely civil towards Lucas.

Lucas already knowing her favorite song at this point strongly suggests he found it out while they were still dating, possibly at the time Max herself originally discovered it. (she listens on headphones so he wouldn't have found out by overhearing after she owned it. it also seems unlikely she'd entertain questions about what her favorite song is or why; it seems like a sensitive subject.)

now a few things to point out about their finances:

Max's family was always poor, but she's now living in a trailer park as her single mom blows most income on addictions. we see no indications Max has, or has ever had, a job or any means of income. if she does have any spending money, she might need to spend it on food.

Lucas takes pride in working "like a real man" instead of a "homeless bum" and having enough spending money for the things he wants (2x1).

Lucas's recourse to getting dumped, thanks to his dad's advice, is to win Max back by getting her whatever she wants. he did this successfully several times during the summer of '85. his 3x2 remark "it's expensive" is another hint that he's been spending a lot on presents for Max when she's mad at him.

I would bet the walkman and the tape (maybe all those other tapes too) were either a Christmas present while they were still dating, or Lucas's final, failed, attempt at winning Max back.

#lucas sinclair #lumax #max mayfield

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six-white-venus · 9 months ago

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every night, without fail, i dream of a dog.

i don't really mind them. dogs, that is. on most days, I adore them. but every night I see this howling, miserable creature, my hand itches for a knife.

in the dream, i watch it roam around in the streets, tail wagging, always wagging as it nuzzles everyone's leg. they all smile and coo you're such a good boy, aren't you? and it is, so it barks and turns over to show its belly and they all laugh and everything is happy, it's splendid. is it? no one approached it during that one (thousand) time (s) it got hit by a truck and was dragged down the street, that poor old hound. no one wants to patch up a dirty, homeless dog. it will heal, anyway. it always does. and after it does, it will nip at their heels again and they'll all laugh and pat its head.

(they scrub their hands raw after that. their mothers chide them for touching a walking, breathing plague but it's fine, it's just a dog, it's not like it can hear anything anyway. the sink overflows. i sit and listen)

you can say it's loved, to some extent. if love is all smiles and stones on your back and leftover food and eyes that always yearn for praise and words that chase and embrace, then yes, it is so very loved. loved, but not enough to be called by name. it wanders the streets with its tongue out, watching, waiting, always waiting, for a stranger to take it home but a homeless dog has no home for a reason. i sit on the bench of its favourite park and all I can think is: what a stupid fucking dog.

i like cats. cats hiss. they scratch and flinch and run. they don't forgive. they never forget. but dogs never learn. slap your dog to near death, try it. after it whimpers and hides underneath your couch, extend your hand and coo a few niceties. slide its favourite treats towards its snout. sit cross-legged on the floor and call it by a name that feels like plastic on your tongue and watch it come back and lick your boots.

what a stupid fucking dog.

god forbid it snaps. god forbid it snarls and bites down on your cruel hands and saves itself from all the pain. an ungrateful beast, that's what it is. look at its teeth. is that maggots in its fur, in the holes of its wounds? disgusting, entitled bitch, not knowing its place. someone put that damn dog down.

they don't forget to feed the dog, no. they just choose not to. it was getting too fat, too loud and had the gall to growl at them when they raised their hand. really! the audacity! stupid fucking dog, look at it circle their feet anyway. look at it, waiting for them to say 'good boy!' when it drops a dried leaf at their feet, all hopeful and pathetic.

but all they do is click their tongue and beat it with a broom. watch it whimper and hide. the leaf looks like fire, like a flake of the sun, like summer. it's just a goddamn leaf and that's just a dog, so what does it matter? it doesn't. it never did and never will.

i dream of a dog every night and I hate it because it goes by my name. or rather, I go by its name. it's pathetic.

what a stupid fucking dog. someone put the damn thing down.

please.

#my writing #poetry #prose poetry #dog metaphor #writeblr #words #prose

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yamy-brett · 2 days ago

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Happy 91st Birthday, Jeremy. You are sorely missed.

From JEREMY BRETT PLAYING A PART by Maureen Whittaker. Quotes by Jeremy Brett.

"It all started for me on 3rd November 1933. I began life with everything a child could wish for. We had a huge, glorious, country house on the outskirts of Berkswell, near Coventry, with tennis courts, squash courts, horses and dogs and a wonderful, terraced garden created by my artistic mother, Elizabeth. The family was spoiled rotten, for we had three live-in staff, plus four other people who came in to help. We always seemed to be entertaining a houseful of fascinating people; the door was always open.”

The Grange, where Peter William Jeremy, was born, is a beautiful house with sweet smelling flowering wisteria on the front elevation and nestled in a magical vista of gardens, landscaped by Elizabeth, known as “Bunny”, who was the centre of this loving family.

The Huggins family was a significant part of the delightful Berkswell village in Warwickshire. William and Elizabeth had decided to move to the rambling, attractive Berkswell Grange in 1929 to accommodate a growing family. The three boys, John, Michael and Patrick, needed somewhere to play and to ride, so a large, impressive house was chosen in nearby Truggist Lane. The house featured seventeenth century timber framing, and nineteenth century additions, including a tiled roof.

Due to its grandeur and welcoming hostess, the Grange was the centre of village events, of Christmas parties, of afternoon teas and of music and entertainment.

William and Elizabeth were both keen archers, so it is no surprise that Jeremy took this seriously and belonged to the Woodmen of Arden, a notable club for the sport. “The whole family were taxophilites. Actually, my mother was a brilliant archer, won many awards. She had a special lightweight bow, and when I was growing up, I used her hand-me-downs. Looking back, I must have been about four or five when my father gave me my first lesson. The outfit is really glamorous – Lincoln green cut-away tailcoat, buff waistcoat with gold buttons, shite slacks, shite shoes and a New Zealand style hat that turns up at the side…”

Archery Week was hosted by the Huggins family at the beginning of August each year and to accompany the competitions on the extensive grounds at the Grange, they featured special balls for about 30 or 40 people for dinner, followed by dancing in the ballroom. “The dancing finished so late that breakfast was often served to the guests before they left for home the following day.”

“Naturally, I’d been practising like mad for the occasion. Firing at 100 yards I nervously let the arrow go. It wobbled in the air and my astonishment landed smack in the middle of the target. I was made Master Forester on my first day – a title which carries with it sitting at the High Table. Socially, archery can be pretty heaving going. That day the lunch ran to 12 toasts and I remember staggering out afterwards full of venison and summer pudding, cheeks pink from the port and nose still twitching from my first pinch of snuff…”

He told one interviewer that he had “a marvellous youth with every kind of animal under the sun, from ferrets to rabbits to mice to horses, to monkeys even. It was like a paradise, and a gorgeous home.”

Jeremy had a very special relationship with all animals. He welcomed dogs as earnestly as he welcomed his friends and often on his knees to greet them, face to face. His own dog, Mr. Binks, was a Jack Russell terrier that he affectionately called his “hound of heaven”.

Elizabeth’s reputation was always one of kindness to others, especially towards the homeless in the community. Gypsies and vagrants were frequent visitors expecting to be fed, have a wash or receive fresh clothing, and Williams shirts or trousers, could often be seen on these visitors leaving the Grange. Mrs. Huggins would go out and find Gypsies, taking them back to the Grange – the Colonel would come home from work to find a “Gypsy encampment with great cauldron in the walled courtyard, and clothes being dried in the saddle-room.”

During the Coventry bombing on 14th November 1940, in which more than four thousand homes were destroyed, including the 14th century cathedral, Jeremy’s mother, alerted by the sirens, the noise of exploding bombs and the sight of leaping flames across the open countryside, left her family to drive to the nearby town to what she could to help those who were caught up in the devastation. “The whole city was ringed with leaping flames, bathed in brilliant moonlight and a few searchlights were sweeping the smoke-filled sky.” Consequently, one family was taken into the Grange and 42 members of the extended family lived there until alternative accommodations could be found. There was no question in her mind about the decision; it was simply her first and characteristic response to suffering. “She was a dazzling woman, half Irish and fully Quaker, and ran our home, a large country house deep in the Black Country outside Coventry, in a sort of Flower Power way, always filling it with people that she’d picked up. I remember her bringing home a whole family called Weston during the war, and all of them stayed in our stables.”

Elizabeth Huggins had an enormous effect on the growing Jeremy and some would say that he was very like her in his response to others. “My mother had this extraordinary way of making us flower, and she had open doors and windows in her soul – that’s the only way I can put it. Everybody came to my mother. She was like a light of great warmth.”

What an amazing beginning to a brilliant gentleman.

This is just the very beginning of JEREMY BRETT PLAYING A PART by Maureen Whittaker.

#jeremy brett #happy birthday #i love you

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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AITA for laughing at my conservative uncle?

This is an incident that made half of my family go no/low contact with each other, and some still think I was an asshole for it (I think I wasn't), but I wanna get tumblr's perspective. I was 24(F) when this happened, my uncle was 58.

Thanksgiving 2021 my family wanted a big weekend long get together after not being able to do Thanksgiving in 2020 due to lockdowns. Family members took time off work and drove in from out of state so we could all hang out from Thursday to Sunday.

We all have that one uncle who spends every family event saying the most out there racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/whatever shit, and mine I feel is worse than most. He has some truly shitty takes like "It should be legal to hunt the homeless for sport", and "If a woman doesn't wanna get raped she should get married at like 16 and never go anywhere without her husband," and "If I ever saw a man pretending to be a woman I would kill him with my bare hands, and most of this nation would agree with me". Truly a piece of shit. Meanwhile my family knows I am extremely progressive, so they do their best to keep me and my uncle separate during family events or else it could (and has in the past) lead to shouting matches.

But here's the thing: I would happily avoid him and not talk to him during get togethers, but he loves arguing. He seeks me out. He'll follow me to the bathroom and bring up transphobic things happening in the news. He'll get up from the dinner table to walk over to me and shove an news article about Trump in my face. If he sees me enter the room he'll start talking LOUDLY about his political opinions. He WANTS to argue with me, and the family considers it my duty to ignore him and calls me an asshole when I engage, because that's just giving him what he wants. But he somehow never gets called out for hounding me, because "that's just how he is".

So it's Thanksgiving 2021. And maybe it's because of the therapy, or maybe it's just because I'm getting tired of avoiding him, or maybe it's the lockdowns that eroded my social graces, but I see him spot me from across the room and get that "ohhh I'm gonna make her sooooo mad" little glint in his eye and start to make his way over, and I don't find it infuriating anymore. I find it deeply funny that this divorced, no job, no bitches, deadbeat dad, that everyone secretly hates, has decided the only way he can get a drop of serotonin in his sad miserable life that HE ruined all by himself, is to turn to reactionary politics in a desperate attempt to get a rise out of his niece.

He starts in on the regular vile transphobic shit (I don't need to repeat it we've heard it all before, imagine the worst anti-trans rhetoric you've ever heard and yup. That's what he was saying) and I don't try to counter his points like I usually do. I just laugh. He keeps going, looking more and more puzzled, and I keep laughing.

He thinks I didn't hear him right. No no, I heard it all, and it was funny. He decides I must be too triggered to speak. No I promise, I'm having the time of my life. He guesses I'm not as smart as I think I am then, if I can't come up with a good counterpoint. Oh I'm plenty smart, and you're plenty hilarious.

Long story short he gets madder and madder that I won't engage until he's red faced and yelling. Family members are trying to calm him down and telling me to stop. I don't. I'm not mad that they're again blaming me for the interaction when I was just standing there and HE came up to ME, it's just really funny at that point. Really funny that the entire family walks on eggshells to protect his precious feelings when they could just laugh in his face like I am. My uncle punches a hole in my grandmother's wall and storms off cussing. The mood of the entire Thanksgiving weekend is ruined, and even my most left leaning family members think I'm an asshole because I KNOW how he is and I should have just walked away.

Should I have just walked away to save everyone's Thanksgiving weekend?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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howlingday · 18 days ago

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Avalanche time for jaune and hound

(rwby x final fantasy abridge)

Hound: You... Quiet... Why?

Jaune: Let me tell you a tale...

Jaune: When I was a wee lad... Every day, I would go to my church... get on my knees... and pray to whatever god was left to listen. And I said, "God? Are you there? It's me, Baby Jaune! There's only one thing in this world that I want more than anything. I don't care if you take my sword! My friends! Or the home in which I sleep! WHAT I WANT... is a talking dog best friend!"

Jaune: Now, here I stand... Swordless... Friendless... And homeless..

Jaune: But not... TALKING! DOG! BESTFRIENDLESS!

Hound: OH... WE... FRIENDS?!

YEEEEEEEEEAH

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Isn't it weird that the only person other than me who remembers that night was me and y-

Blake: WE DIDN'T FUCK. I-Isn't it weird how I just said that out loud?

Ruby: Extremely! Let's never talk about it again!

Blake: Agreed!

Jaune: (Knocking, Muffled) FOR REAL, THOUGH! SHUT! THE FUCK! UUUP!

Ruby: Don't you guys only have one bed in there?

Jaune/Hound: DAMN RIGHT~!

DOGGY STYLE SNUGGIES~!

Intruders will be shot. No wizards allowed.

--------------------------------------------------

Ilia: While that's happening, Jaune and the Hound will be cutting loose all the dinghies but one.

Jaune: You know what time it is, Hound~?!

Hound: DOGGY... STYLE... TIME... BAY... BEE...

--------------------------------------------------

Hound: Worried... Jaune...

Ruby: Jaune has been acting weird since we got here... I haven't seen him all day. Maybe he's just having some Jaune-time?

Hound: Re... Member... Doggy... Style... Time...

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: (Sobbing) I'm gonna find my dad, and I'm gonna make things right! And... (Sniffs) I'm gonna do it... with my talking dog best friend BY MY SIDE!

Hound: Oh... Dog... It... Means...

Jaune: Synchronize your non-existent watch, Hound! BECAUSE IT'S-!

Hound: DOGGY STYLE TIME~!

Jaune: DOGGY STYLE TIME~!

Hound: FROGGY ISLE TIME~!

Jaune: RUBGY FRENCH TIME~!

Ruby: Yeah~! Let's kill people~!

--------------------------------------------------

Papa Arc: (Cackling maniacally)

Jaune: ...Hey, Dad? You know what time it is, fucker?

Papa Arc: EXCUSE ME...?

Jaune: I SAID... DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!

FUCKEEEEEER!

Jaune: Doggy Style Time. MOTHERFUCKER.

--------------------------------------------------

God of Animals: (Writhing in agony) HOW CAN THIS BE SO PAINFUL...?!

Ruby: ...

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE TIME, MOTHERFUCKEEER~!

--------------------------------------------------

Nora: Jaune and the Hound are like the dad and his friend who sleep in the same bed and nobody questions it~!

Jaune/Hound: Doggy Style Snuggies, motherfucker~!

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: The clock's ticking for her ass... And when the alarm goes off, Salem's gonna wake up TO THE DOGS OF WAR BARKING AT HER DOOR! LED BY-

Qrow: Me.

Jaune: You? The fuck makes you think you're qualified to lead Doggy Style Time?

Qrow: The fuck is a "Doggy Style Time"?

Jaune: DID THIS MOTHERFUCKER-

Hound: YES.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Dammit! There's no way we'll make it in time! Unless...

Jaune: This calls for speed.

Hound: What... Speed?

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE SPEED~! (Hops into cart with Qrow) DOGGY STYLE SPEED~!

30 Minutes Later

Qrow: DOGGY STYLE SPEED FUCKING SUCKS!

Jaune: Did you take your foot off the Doggy Style Brake?

Qrow: The-

Hound: Trick... No brakes... On Doggy Style Train.

Qrow: Okay, now we just have to sneak onboard-

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE TRAIN~!

Qrow: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE THEY HEAR-?!

Guard: INTRUDERS!

Qrow: (Quietly) Motherfucker...

Jaune: WE GOTTA STOP THIS TRAIN BEFORE IT REACHES ANSEL!

Hound: And... If... Not?

Hound: Brakes... Good... Need... Brakes.

Qrow: Fuck! I- I don't know what to do!

Jaune: There's only one thing you can do, Qrow! Believe...

Qrow: Believe in what?!

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE TIME MOTHERFUCKEEER~! (Train stops)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: So, what have you guys been up to?

Qrow: Well, those idiots the SDC were gathering dust so they could shoot it at Salem.

Jaune: And thanks to Doggy Style Time and whatever the fuck Nora's team name was did, we grabbed most of it~!

--------------------------------------------------

Hound: Mystery... Meat... Secured.

Jaune: Setting security protocol to level... DOGGY STYLE~.

Ruby: (Hears clicks and whirs) And... what did that do, exactly?

Hound: You'll... know...

Qrow: Hey, if our ol' rustbucket still works, we can head on over! (Exits) The fuck did I just step on...? WHOA! HEY! NO! FUCK!

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE SECURITY, MOTHERFUCKER~.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: And while you guys do that, it'll be the perfect opportunity for Qrow, Hound, and myself to...

Blake: It has Doggy Style in the name, doesn't it?

Jaune: NO!

Jaune: ...Yes.

--------------------------------------------------

Jinn: Buuut... If you DID want some extra firepower, there is a relic you can gather, said to grant incredible magic and power to possibly be able to defeat Salem! But it will require you to take on a grueling trial, a set of tasks to complete in order to prove your worth to wield it! So, what do you say~?

Jaune: What do we say...? DOGGY STYLE TIME~.

Hound: DOGGY STYLE TIME~.

Qrow: Ugh... Doggy Style Time... So, what do we gotta do?

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Hey, uh, Mom? Have you seen Jaune anywhere?

Hound: TICK-TOCK GOES THE CLOCK~!

Jaune: WHO'S BRINGING JUSTICE, FUCKER~?

Qrow: Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS~!

Jaune/Hound: DOGGY STYLE TIIIME~!

Qrow: MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEEEEER~!

--------------------------------------------------

500 Years Later

???: C'mon, Grandma Summer! Tell us the story~!

?!?: Yeah~! Tell us~!

Hound: Very well, little ones~. This is the tale... Of-!

DOGGY STYLE TIIIIIIIIIIME~! MOTHERFUCKER~!

#rwby #final fantasy vii machinabridged #final fantasy 7 machinabridged #grimm hound #jaune arc #ruby rose #blake belladonna #qrow branwen #nora valkyrie #ilia amitola

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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On September 22, I'm (virtually) presenting at the DIG Festival in Modena, Italy. On September 27, I'll be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles with Brian Merchant for a joint launch for my new book The Internet Con and his new book, Blood in the Machine.

It's been 21 years since Bill Willingham launched Fables, his 110-issue, wide-ranging, delightful and brilliantly crafted author-owned comic series that imagines that the folkloric figures of the world's fairytales are real people, who live in a secret society whose internal struggles and intersections with the mundane world are the source of endless drama.

Fables is a DC Comics title; DC is division of the massive entertainment conglomerate Warners, which is, in turn, part of the Warner/Discovery empire, a rapacious corporate behemoth whose screenwriters have been on strike for 137 days (and counting). DC is part of a comics duopoly; its rival, Marvel, is a division of the Disney/Fox juggernaut, whose writers are also on strike.

The DC that Willingham bargained with at the turn of the century isn't the DC that he bargains with now. Back then, DC was still subject to a modicum of discipline from competition; its corporate owner's shareholders had not yet acquired today's appetite for meteoric returns on investment of the sort that can only be achieved through wage-theft and price-gouging.

In the years since, DC – like so many other corporations – participated in an orgy of mergers as its sector devoured itself. The collapse of comics into a duopoly owned by studios from an oligopoly had profound implications for the entire sector, from comic shops to comic cons. Monopoly breeds monopoly, and the capture of the entire comics distribution system by a single company – Diamond – was attended by the capture of the entire digital comics market by a single company, Amazon, who enshittified its Comixology division, driving creators and publishers into Kindle Direct Publishing, a gig-work platform that replicates the company's notoriously exploitative labor practices for creative workers. Today, Comixology is a ghost-town, its former employees axed in a mass layoff earlier this year:

https://gizmodo.com/amazon-layoffs-comixology-1850007216

When giant corporations effect these mergers, they do so with a kind of procedural kabuki, insisting that they are dotting every i and crossing every t, creating a new legal entity whose fictional backstory is a perfect, airtight bubble, a canon with not a single continuity bug. This performance of seriousness is belied by the behind-the-scenes chaos that these corporate shifts entail – think of the way that the banks that bought and sold our mortgages in the run-up to the 2008 crisis eventually lost the deeds to our houses, and then just pretended they were legally entitled to collect money from us every month – and steal our houses if we refused to pay:

https://www.reuters.com/article/idINIndia-58325420110720

Or think of the debt collection industry, which maintains a pretense of careful record-keeping as the basis for hounding and threatening people, but which is, in reality, a barely coherent trade in spreadsheets whose claims to our money are matters of faith:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/12/do-not-pay/#fair-debt-collection-practices-act

For usury, the chaos is a feature, not a bug. Their corporate strategists take the position that any ambiguity should be automatically resolved in their favor, with the burden of proof on accused debtors, not the debt collectors. The scumbags who lost your deed and stole your house say that it's up to you to prove that you own it. And since you've just been rendered homeless, you don't even have a house to secure a loan you might use to pay a lawyer to go to court.

It's not solely that the usurers want to cheat you – it's that they can make more money if they don't pay for meticulous record-keeping, and if that means that they sometimes cheat us, that's our problem, not theirs.

While this is very obvious in the usury sector, it's also true of other kinds of massive mergers that create unfathomnably vast conglomerates. The "curse of bigness" is real, but who gets cursed is a matter of power, and big companies have a lot more power.

The chaos, in other words, is a feature and not a bug. It provides cover for contract-violating conduct, up to and including wage-theft. Remember when Disney/Marvel stole money from beloved science fiction giant Alan Dean Foster, whose original Star Wars novelization was hugely influential on George Lucas, who changed the movie to match Foster's ideas?

Disney claimed that when it acquired Lucasfilm, it only acquired its assets, but not its liabilities. That meant that while it continued to hold Foster's license to publish his novel, they were not bound by an obligation to pay Foster for this license, since that liability was retained by the (now defunct) original company:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/30/disney-still-must-pay/#pay-the-writer

For Disney, this wage-theft (and many others like it, affecting writers with less fame and clout than Foster) was greatly assisted by the chaos of scale. The chimera of Lucas/Disney had no definitive responsible party who could be dragged into a discussion. The endless corporate shuffling that is normal in giant companies meant that anyone who might credibly called to account for the theft could be transfered or laid off overnight, with no obvious successor. The actual paperwork itself was hard for anyone to lay hands on, since the relevant records had been physically transported and re-stored subsequent to the merger. And, of course, the company itself was so big and powerful that it was hard for Foster and his agent to raise a credible threat.

I've experienced versions of this myself: every book contract I've ever signed stipulated that my ebooks could not be published with DRM. But one of my publishers – a boutique press that published my collection Overclocked – collapsed along with most of its competitors, the same week my book was published (its distributor, Publishers Group West, went bankrupt after its parent company, Advanced Marketing Services, imploded in a shower of fraud and criminality).

The publisher was merged with several others, and then several more, and then several more – until it ended up a division of the Big Five publisher Hachette, who repeatedly, "accidentally" pushed my book into retail channels with DRM. I don't think Hachette deliberately set out to screw me over, but the fact that Hachette is (by far) the most doctrinaire proponent of DRM meant that when the chaos of its agglomerated state resulted in my being cheated, it was a happy accident.

(The Hachette story has a happy ending; I took the book back from them and sold it to Blackstone Publishing, who brought out a new expanded edition to accompany a DRM-free audiobook and ebook):

https://www.blackstonepublishing.com/overclocked-bvej.html

Willingham, too, has been affected by the curse of bigness. The DC he bargained with at the outset of Fables made a raft of binding promises to him: he would have approval over artists and covers and formats for new collections, and he would own the "IP" for the series, meaning the copyrights vested in the scripts, storylines, characters (he might also have retained rights to some trademarks).

But as DC grew, it made mistakes. Willingham's hard-fought, unique deal with the publisher was atypical. A giant publisher realizes its efficiencies through standardized processes. Willingham's books didn't fit into that standard process, and so, repeatedly, the publisher broke its promises to him.

At first, Willingham's contacts at the publisher were contrite when he caught them at this. In his press-release on the matter, Willingham calls them "honest men and women of integrity [who] interpreted the details of that agreement fairly and above-board":

https://billwillingham.substack.com/p/willingham-sends-fables-into-the

But as the company grew larger, these counterparties were replaced by corporate cogs who were ever-more-distant from his original, creator-friendly deal. What's more, DC's treatment of its other creators grew shabbier at each turn (a dear friend who has written for DC for decades is still getting the same page-rate as they got in the early 2000s), so Willingham's deal grew more exceptional as time went by. That meant that when Willingham got the "default" treatment, it was progressively farther from what his contract entitled him to.

The company repeatedly – and conveniently – forgot that Willingham had the final say over the destiny of his books. They illegally sublicensed a game adapted from his books, and then, when he objected, tried to make renegotiating his deal a condition of being properly compensated for this theft. Even after he won that fight, the company tried to cheat him and then cover it up by binding him to a nondisclosure agreement.

This was the culmination of a string of wage-thefts in which the company misreported his royalties and had to be dragged into paying him his due. When the company "practically dared" Willingham to sue ("knowing it would be a long and debilitating process") he snapped.

Rather than fight Warner, Willingham has embarked on what JWZ calls an act of "absolute table-flip badassery" – he has announced that Fables will hereafter be in the public domain, available for anyone to adapt commercially, in works that compete with whatever DC might be offering.

Now, this is huge, and it's also shrewd. It's the kind of thing that will bring lots of attention on Warner's fraudulent dealings with its creative workforce, at a moment where the company is losing a public relations battle to the workers picketing in front of its gates. It constitutes a poison pill that is eminently satisfying to contemplate. It's delicious.

But it's also muddy. Willingham has since clarified that his public domain dedication means that the public can't reproduce the existing comics. That's not surprising; while Willingham doesn't say so, it's vanishingly unlikely that he owns the copyrights to the artwork created by other artists (Willingham is also a talented illustrator, but collaborated with a who's-who of comics greats for Fables). He may or may not have control over trademarks, from the Fables wordmark to any trademark interests in the character designs. He certainly doesn't have control over the trademarked logos for Warner and DC that adorn the books.

When Willingham says he is releasing the "IP" to his comic, he is using the phrase in its commercial sense, not its legal sense. When business people speak of "owning IP," they mean that they believe they have the legal right to control the conduct of their competitors, critics and customers:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

The problem is that this doesn't correspond to the legal concept of IP, because IP isn't actually a legal concept. While there are plenty of "IP lawyers" and even "IP law firms," there is no "IP law." There are many laws that are lumped together under "IP," including the big three (trademark, copyright and patent), but also a bestiary of obscure cousins and subspecies – trade dress, trade secrecy, service marks, noncompetes, nondisclosues, anticirumvention rights, sui generis "neighboring rights" and so on.

The job of an "IP lawyer" is to pluck individual doctrines from this incoherent scrapheap of laws and regulations and weave them together into a spider's web of tripwires that customers and critics and competitors can't avoid, and which confer upon the lawyer's client the right to sue for anything that displeases them.

When Willingham says he's releasing Fables into the public domain, it's not clear what he's releasing – and what is his to release. In the colloquial, business sense of "IP," saying you're "releasing the IP" means something like, "Feel free to create adaptations from this." But these adaptations probably can't draw too closely on the artwork, or the logos. You can probably make novelizations of the comics. Maybe you can make new comics that use the same scripts but different art. You can probably make sequels to, or spinoffs of, the existing comics, provided you come up with your own character designs.

But it's murky. Very murky. Remember, this all started because Willingham didn't have the resources or patience to tangle with the rabid attack-lawyers Warners keeps kenneled on its Burbank lot. Warners can (and may) release those same lawyers on you, even if you are likely to prevail in court, betting that you – like Willingham – won't have the resources to defend yourself.

The strange reality of "IP" rights is that they can be secured without any affirmative step on your part. Copyrights are conjured into existence the instant that a new creative work is fixed in a tangible medium and endure until the creator's has been dead for 70 years. Common-law trademarks gradually come into definition like an image appearing on photo-paper in a chemical soup, growing in definition every time they are used, even if the mark's creator never files a form with the USPTO.

These IP tripwires proliferate in the shadows, wherever doodles are sketched on napkins, wherever kindergartners apply finger-paint to construction-paper. But for all that they are continuously springing into existence, and enduring for a century or more, they are absurdly hard to give away.

This was the key insight behind the Creative Commons project: that while the internet was full of people saying "no copyright" (or just assuming the things they posted were free for others to use), the law was a universe away from their commonsense assumptions. Creative Commons licenses were painstakingly crafted by an army of international IP lawyers who set out to turn the normal IP task on its head – to create a legal document that assured critics, customers and competitors that the licensor had no means to control their conduct.

20 years on, these licenses are pretty robust. The flaws in earlier versions have been discovered and repaired in subsequent revisions. They have been adapted to multiple countries' legal systems, allowing CC users to mix-and-match works from many territories – animating Polish sprites to tell a story by a Canadian, set to music from the UK.

Willingham could clarify his "public domain" dedication by applying a Creative Commons license to Fables, but which license? That's a thorny question. What Willingham really wants here is a sampling license – a license that allows licensees to take some of the elements of his work, combine them with other parts, and make something new.

But no CC license fits that description. Every CC license applies to whole works. If you want to license the bass-line from your song but not the melody, you have to release the bass-line separately and put a CC license on that. You can't just put a CC license on the song with an asterisked footnote that reads "just the bass, though."

CC had a sampling license: the "Sampling Plus 1.0" license. It was a mess. Licensees couldn't figure out what parts of works they were allowed to use, and licensors couldn't figure out how to coney that. It's been "retired."

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/sampling+/1.0/

So maybe Willingham should create his own bespoke license for Fables. That may be what he has to do, in fact. But boy is that a fraught business. Remember the army of top-notch lawyers who created the CC licenses? They missed a crucial bug in the first three versions of the license, and billions of works have been licensed under those earlier versions. This has enabled a mob of crooked copyleft trolls (like Pixsy) to prey on the unwary, raking in a fortune:

https://doctorow.medium.com/a-bug-in-early-creative-commons-licenses-has-enabled-a-new-breed-of-superpredator-5f6360713299

Making a bug-free license is hard. A failure on Willingham's part to correctly enumerate or convey the limitations of such a license – to list which parts of Fables DC might sue you for using – could result in downstream users having their hard work censored out of existence by legal threats. Indeed, that's the best case scenario – defects in a license could result in downstream users, their collaborators, investors, and distributors being sued for millions of dollars, costing them everything they have, up to and including their homes.

Which isn't to say that this is dead on arrival – far from it! Just that there is work to be done. I can't speak for Creative Commons (it's been more than 20 years since I was their EU Director), but I'm positive that there are copyfighting lawyers out there who'd love to work on a project like this.

I think Willingham is onto something here. After all, Fables is built on the public domain. As Willingham writes in his release: "The current laws are a mishmash of unethical backroom deals to keep trademarks and copyrights in the hands of large corporations, who can largely afford to buy the outcomes they want."

Willingham describes how his participation in the entertainment industry has made him more skeptical of IP, not less. He proposes capping copyright at 20 years, with a single, 10-year extension for works that are sold onto third parties. This would be pretty good industrial policy – almost no works are commercially viable after just 14 years:

https://rufuspollock.com/papers/optimal_copyright.pdf

But there are massive structural barriers to realizing such a policy, the biggest being that the US had tied its own hands by insisting that long copyright terms be required in the trade deals it imposed on other countries, thereby binding itself to these farcically long copyright terms.

But there is another policy lever American creators can and should yank on to partially resolve this: Termination. The 1976 Copyright Act established the right for any creator to "terminate" the "transfer" of any copyrighted work after 30 years, by filing papers with the Copyright Office. This process is unduly onerous, and the Authors Alliance (where I'm a volunteer advisor) has created a tool to simplify it:

https://www.authorsalliance.org/resources/rights-reversion-portal/

Termination is deliberately obscure, but it's incredibly powerful. The copyright scholar Rebecca Giblin has studied this extensively, helping to produce the most complete report on how termination has been used by creators of all types:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/04/avoidance-is-evasion/#reverted

Writers, musicians and other artists have used termination to unilaterally cancel the crummy deals they had crammed down their throats 30 years ago and either re-sell their works on better terms or make them available directly to the public. Every George Clinton song, every Sweet Valley High novel, and the early works of Steven King have all be terminated and returned to their creators.

Copyright termination should and could be improved. Giblin and I wrote a whole-ass book about this and related subjects, Chokepoint Capitalism, which not only details the scams that writers like Willingham are subject to, but also devotes fully half its length to presenting detailed, technical, shovel-ready proposals for making life better for creators:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

Willingham is doing something important here. Larger and larger entertainment firms offer shabbier and shabbier treatment to creative workers, as striking members of the WGA and SAG-AFTRA can attest. Over the past year, I've seen a sharp increase in the presence of absolutely unconscionable clauses in the contracts I'm offered by publishers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/27/reps-and-warranties/#i-agree

I'm six months into negotiating a contract for a 300 word piece I wrote for a magazine I started contributing to in 1992. At issue is that they insist that I assign film rights and patent rights from my work as a condition of publication. Needless to say, there are no patentable inventions nor film ideas in this article, but they refuse to vary the contract, to the obvious chagrin of the editor who commissioned me.

Why won't they grant a variance? Why, they are so large – the magazine is part of a global conglomerate – that it would be impractical for them to track exceptions to this completely fucking batshit clause. In other words: we can't strike this batshit clause because we decided that from now on, all out contracts will have batshit clauses.

The performance of administrative competence – and the tactical deployment of administrative chaos – among giant entertainment companies is grotesque, but every now and again, it backfires.

That's what's happening at Marvel right now. The estates of Marvel founder Stan Lee and its seminal creator Steve Ditko are suing Marvel to terminate the transfer of both creators' characters to Marvel. If they succeed, Marvel will lose most of its most profitable characters, including Iron Man:

https://www.reuters.com/legal/marvel-artists-estate-ask-pre-trial-wins-superhero-copyright-fight-2023-05-22/

They're following in the trail of the Jack Kirby estate, whom Marvel paid millions to rather than taking their chances with the Supreme Court.

Marvel was always an administrative mess, repeatedly going bankrupt. Its deals with its creators were indifferently papered over, and then Marvel lost a lot of the paperwork. I'd bet anything that many of the key documents Disney (Marvel's owner) needs to prevail over Lee and Ditko are either unlocatable or destroyed – or never existed in the first place.

A more muscular termination right – say, one that kicks in after 20 years, and is automatic – would turn circuses like Marvel-Lee/Ditko into real class struggles. Rather than having the heirs of creators reaping the benefit of termination, we could make termination into a system for getting creators themselves paid.

In the meantime, there's Willingham's "absolute table-flip badassery."

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/15/fairy-use-tales/#sampling-license

Image: Tom Mrazek (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:An_Open_Field_%2827220830251%29.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

Penguin Random House (modified) https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/707161/fables-20th-anniversary-box-set-by-bill-willingham/

Fair use https://www.eff.org/issues/intellectual-property

#pluralistic #fables #comics #graphic novels #dc #warner #monopoly #publishing #chokepoint capitalism #poison pills #ip #bill willingham #public domain #copyright #copyfight #creative commons #licenses #copyleft trolls

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astoldbyaja · 3 months ago

Text

Balance -JJK AU-

Single dad Toji never makes good decisions which leaves him and his two toddlers homeless.

Bee believes in universal balance and to repay a past good gesture from the older Fushiguro she just randomly invites the three to stay in her apartment.

I always believed in balance, doing what is needed to maintain the natural order of the universe. Good with good, bad with bad, bad with good or good with bad. Whatever must be done to keep the balance. I always preferred the good with good, because good things come back around to me in some way, shape or form.

The name’s Beatrice Love, call me Bee. I loved a world of solitude. I realized this when I had turned twenty-two. I’m close to thirty and I was tired of being hounded about my bachelorette life.

“Father, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m okay on my own.” I replied on the phone.

“But living in Tokyo? It’s so… loud there!” my dad replied. I smiled.

“It’s peaceful to me.” I replied.

“But Beatrice, you need a man or at least a weapon to protect yourself. I don’t like you being so far away from the family by yourself.” he protested with a scowl probably.

“I’ll be fine, Dad, I promise. I must go. Say hi to stepmommy for me. Love you.” I replied.

“Love you too darling.” he said.

“Hey baby why don’t you come and hang out with us.” a scaly voice said as two men stood in front of me in the parking lot of the grocery store, stopping me from getting to my car. I gripped my bags tight.

“No.” I replied.

“Aw come on sweetheart, we don’t bite… hard.” the other man mocked. I scoffed and just remained glaring. The two men looked to be up to no good, piercings in their faces to look more intimidating and tattoos on their necks.

“I’m not interested.” I replied mentally hyping myself up to prepare for some type of altercation.

If they get violent, better be prepared to do whatever is needed.

However, a large hulking figure was walking past us, a man in a black tight shirt and white pants bumps one of the dudes, quickly catching their attention. This man was intimidating as he didn’t even bother to acknowledge the situation before us. In his large hand was a small bag of what looked like a cup of noodles.

“Hey, watch where you’re going asshole!” one of the men said. The stranger laughed almost as if amused.

“Hey something funny!” the other guy asked, now both their attention was on the giant.

“Yeah, staring at you two losers who don’t know how to not block a path is pretty comical.” the man said sarcastically, and I tilted my head watching as the two men now decided to give this man all the attention, going so far as to follow him.

I took this time to get my keys and move into my car. Before I could even close the door, I could hear yelling and commotion. I turned and saw the two men flat on their backs, unconscious. I was perplexed as I looked at the man who continued walking rotating his left arm now.

These men had bad intentions, and this stranger took their attention off of me so that I could safely get into my car. I needed to thank him or do something.

I put my stuff down on my seat floor before leaning up to step out of my car and find the man. However, he was gone. That was the first encounter with Toji Fushiguro.

I told myself if I ever saw him again, I would repay the favor somehow of him helping me out. Maybe I’ll treat him to lunch or something. Or if he’s not interested at all, a simple thank you would suffice I’d hope.

Who would have thought I’d see him exactly a week later. I was driving to my apartments parking garage, a violent storm was starting to roll in, thunder booming loudly. As I walked down the block, I noticed a large figure at the bus stop with two smaller figures. I blinked a few times tilting my head to get a better look at the figures.

It was a man, and two small kids huddled together beneath a big blanket. They were taking shelter from the upcoming storm. I looked both way before crossing the street over toward the bus stop and peaked my head in.

“Um, hello.” I replied.

“We’re allowed to be here; we ain’t leaving, you got a problem with it then I’ll be more than happy to help you solve it!” the man blurted violently finally. It sounded like he was expecting me to yell at him or show disapproval for them being here. I was taken aback by the aggression before the man finally pulled the blanket off his head revealing a familiar side profile before looking at me. Glaring green eyes connected to brown orbs and he seemed stunned by the sight of me. He had a slight cut over the corner of his mouth, and I glanced down at the two small heads that poked out from the blanket. A little boy with black hair who looked just like the older man and a little brunette-haired girl who looked at me with a stubborn pout. However, as the two children looked at me, they seemed mesmerized and stunned by me.

I wondered how many black women they have seen.

“Are you… waiting for the bus?” I asked. I noticed the man’s arms wrapped around the two children and he glared at me with distrust.

“Does it look like we’re waiting for the bus?” he snapped sharply. A jolt of lightning shot across the sky followed by a monstrous roll of thunder that made the two children whimper and hide in their father’s arms. I could hear the defense in the man’s tone, hell his entire body language was showing he was on edge. I looked down wondering what to do in this moment before looking up at him.

“I have a two-bedroom apartment very close to here. Would you like to rest there?” I asked.

A quick flash of surprise shot across the man’s face.

Ten minutes later, I was unlocking my door and stepping inside. My apartment was one that was always cozy. The man’s name is Toji, his daughter is Tsumiki and the younger boy is Megumi who clung to his daddy’s neck as they entered my home. Their eyes roamed the place, Toji’s more than his kids. I removed my flats and turned to him after placing my purse on my marble white bar. Toji was carrying his son and holding his daughter’s hand, and I noticed the backpacks on all their backs.

“Come I will show you your room and then the bathroom where you all can get cleaned up.” I replied and moved down the hall in the back. Toji followed, the distrust still in his eyes.

“Daddy where are we?” Megumi asked.

“We’re just stopping somewhere to get cleaned up.” he said in a much softer tone. I opened the door on my left where my guest bedroom was. Inside was a king size bed with a black comforter and white thinner sheet below with a closet on the opposite side and a nightstand on either side of the bed.

“Here you three can sleep.” I said. Toji leaned his head in and examined the room a bit, as if making sure it was safe. I just smiled politely then moved to the door on the opposite side of the bedroom.

I opened the bathroom door which showed a garden tub and large shower. The sink was wide with a massive mirror that could show at least four people’s reflection. In the back was a large walk-in closet.

“There are towels in that closet there and soap under the sink. If you have any dirty clothes, you can put them in that hamper, and I’ll wash them.” I told. Toji’s eyes followed my fingers to each location.

“I’ll go fix something to eat-”

“Why are you doing this? What are you getting out of this?” he asked looking at me with a suspicious glare. I shook my head.

“I merely wish to return the favor.” I said before nodding at him. He looked heavily confused. “Please make yourself at home.”

I turned and moved down the hall and over to a door we had passed earlier. It was the master bedroom, my room. I removed my necklace and earrings, but kept my hair pinned up. Now the sound of heavy rain began to attack the complex and I looked out my window to see the dark skies. I’m still for a second and quiet as I finally hear the bathtub running.

“Okay let’s get you guys cleaned up.” I hear Toji sigh. I smile and move from my room and enter the kitchen. I take out some ingredients and a pot and begin to make chicken, beef, rice and vegetables.

“Megumi stop splashing your sister.” Toji says sternly. I peak over the hall noticing the hamper outside with clothes in them. I smiled and approached noticing the large set of clothes in there. I didn’t question it nad began to pick up the hamper.

“This tub is huge daddy!” I hear Tsumiki said.

“Yeah, it is.” Toji replies. Once the clothes are in the wash and the table is set, I hear different footsteps approaching and I turn to see the three in more casual looking clothes, pajamas really. I noticed their eyes all darted toward the table and the children’s eyes widened. I smiled setting down some plates and some juice.

“Please help yourself. I hope the bath was to your liking.” I said. Toji led the kids to my table and sat them down the chairs. He handed them their plates and let them scoop however much food they wanted. Toji and I sat across from each other and he watched me closely as I just smiled. Megumi would scoop some rice onto his place and move to get another scoop, before hesitating and looking at me with worry. I smiled more.

“Go ahead.” I replied. His eyes sparkled and he looked at his dad who nodded giving a tired smile before moving to get more food. Once their plates were filled, I moved to pour them both a cup of juice.

“Thank you!” they said in unison.

“You’re welcome.” I said and looked at Toji who looked at me. He motioned toward my plate.

“Go ahead.” he said. I shook my head.

“You are my guest. Guests always get served first.” I announced and I could tell he was trying to study my face, figure out what my true intentions are if there was any before filling his plate. His kids were eating quietly smiling big at the flavors that hit their tongues.

“Wow, Ms. Bee this food is really good!” Tsumiki blurted. I gave a soft chuckle finally fixing my plate.

“I’m glad you like it!” I replied eating quietly and looking at Toji who was understandably tense.

“Looks like the rain’s gonna go all night. When it lets up in the morning we’ll be out of your hair.” he replied. I hummed as I chewed my food.

“If that is your desire. You and your littles are free to come and go as much as you’d like.” I replied. The children’s eyes dazzled with happiness before looking at their dad who didn’t trust it. His scowl said it all.

“And why would you be so kind?” he asked. I continued eating enjoying the delicious flavor of my food.

“It never hurts to be kind.” I said.

“Kinda stupid to let some strangers into your nice place don’t you think?” he asked. I nodded casually.

“Of course. If you planned to do anything malicious, we’ll worry about that bridge when we come to it.” I said with a smile. I wondered if his kids were in school or anything, but I was sure I wouldn’t get an answer on it. Toji eyed me some more before moving to down his cup of juice.

“Ms. Bee, can I have some more food please?” Tsumiki asked almost shyly. I smiled at her and nodded.

“Of course.” I replied, and she smiled and took some more food. Once the three were full, I cut on my TV in the living room and watched as the kids were curled up in my fleece blanket on the couch together. Toji was taking a phone call down the hall but was making sure he could see me, and I could see him. I was cleaning up the table.

“Yeah, I can take the job. Don’t worry about them, they’ll be fine.” I hear him say, as I washed the plates. I hear his footsteps approach, and he moved to pick up the plates of food from the table.

“If you’d like I can pack those up in containers for you.” I offered. Toji looked me some with a wince before looking at the food.

“No, you should keep it…” he said. “Did you really mean we can come and go as long as we want?” I nodded placing the dishes in the strainer.

“As long as it’s just you three.” I replied of which he immediately nodded.

“It will be… look I’ve never made the best decisions in life, and the last decision I made, caused me and my kids to be out on the street. Their moms are not in the picture… I do odd jobs, and they pay well. If you’ll allow my kids to stay here, while I work, I’ll pay for the room and board.” he said rubbing the back of his head now.

“That won’t be necessary.” I replied.

“What?” he asked confused.

“You and your children can stay in that guest room as long as you need to. I will provide food and whatever else is needed until you feel ready to leave.” I said.

“Why would you do all of this for a couple of strangers?” he asked. I could tell his brain was on the frits.

“You helped me, and this is how I am repaying the favor.” I replied.

“What, when did I help you?” he asked completely clueless.

“Last week when those men were bothering me. You took care of them. Now as a thank you I am taking care of you and your children.” I replied. I wiped my hands on my kitchen towel seeing Toji shook his head.

“That was hardly a gesture big enough for you to let us in your home.” he said. I shrugged.

“A kindness for a kindness. Balance.” I replied with a smile taking the plate of food and packaging it all up and placing it in the fridge. “Feel free to eat this when you get hungry.” I replied. As it got darker, Toji was the only one watching TV with his kids curled up under each arm. I was turning off my kitchen light noticing he was standing up with both kids in his hands.

Tsumiki muttered some.

“Daddy, do we have to go back to the bus station now?” she asked, voice dripping with sleep. Toji smiled warmly at her, glancing at me as I tucked one of the kitchen chairs in.

“No. We’re going to stay here tonight with daddy’s friend.” he said. I quietly followed him to the guest room and wished him a good night after he tucked his children into the bed. Immediately, their bodies seemed to relax as they curled up beneath the warm blankets. I turned to leave.

“Bee.” Toji said lowly approaching the doorway. I stopped and looked at him ready to accommodate anything he needed.

“Megumi can sometimes get a little scared of the dark. Could you leave the hall light on, and I’ll crack the door. If that’s not too much to ask!” he said lowly, and I just smiled sweetly and shook my head.

“Of course.” I replied cutting on the light in the hallway before looking at him and nodding. I moved to my own room now.

“Bee.” Toji said again and I looked at him curiously to see him looking down with what looked like embarrassment.

“Thank you.” he said, and I nodded

“Of course.” I replied before separating into my room.

The next morning, and the numerous mornings after, I would get up, make breakfast for everyone and we’d eat together. Toji was worried about leaving his kids here and made it very clear he was not someone to take advantage of nor were his kids.

We set boundaries immediately. I wasn’t to question him about his work no matter what I saw when he’d come back to my apartment. I was not to discipline his kids, but they were to listen to me and help around the apartment if I needed it. If there was anything he or I needed while he was out, he asked me to wait until he got home so we could both go out together with the kids.

They kept the guest room as clean as they could, and I let the kids watch TV and ask me questions. They had stuffed animals which they clung to the moment their dad left for work.

Sometimes Toji would take his kids out and ask if I wanted to accompany them to the store. I didn’t mind the company so sometimes I would go with them so they could pick out what foods and clothes they liked.

“Daddy, can I get this shirt?” Megumi asked and Toji’s first reaction was to look at the price tag and think for a moment.

“Sure bud.” he said throwing the shirt in the cart.

“So, Bee, what is it you do for work?” he asked. Oh, how was I to answer that?

“I work my own odd jobs.” I said and after we both shared a look to each other, he just nodded.

“Understood.” he said. We swapped numbers so we could keep each other updated on his kids. One day Toji was gone and did not come home, but he reached out and let me know his job would have him away from home for three days. I told him it was fine.

On the third evening, after I put the kids to bed, there was a knock on the door. I was familiar with the two patterns, but still checked the peephole. It was Toji. I opened the door and froze noticing the blood stains on his shirt and pants and we just stared at each other for a moment. He was gauging what I would do with the first time seeing this and I just looked him over. What would I do in this moment? I stepped back quietly, and he walked in, eyes not leaving mine as I closed the door and locked it.

I just stood there in my floral lace gown, and I just nodded quietly.

“You want to wash them, or would you like me to wash them?” I asked lowly. He let out a low sigh and looked down.

“No, I’ll do it. How were they?” he asked motioning toward the room. I nodded gently.

“They were good. You sound exhausted. There’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry.” I said gently and he nodded.

“Thanks.” he said and I smiled and moved around him. However, I feel his hand take my wrist quickly and I pause looking at him curiously. He wasn’t looking at me, more so looking at the floor with a gentle stare.

“Bee… if we’re overstepping our welcome, you’d tell me, right?” he asked. I blinked confusedly before nodding.

“Of course, Toji.” I replied. He nodded slowly and released my hand. The spot around my wrist felt cold as the warmth of his hand left me. I returned to my room and entered my bathroom noticing the slight ring of red around my wrist. I winced wondering whose blood this was. After showering I made my way back to my bedroom. I crawled under my blankets and just listened to all the noise outside my room.

I was so used to silence, but even the introduction of new noise did not disturb me. I could hear Toji’s heavy footsteps all about and I just closed my eyes letting the noises lull me to sleep. However, I could hear the doorhandle of my room open, and I assumed it was maybe Megumi or Tsumiki. However, when the door opened, and the sound of heavy footsteps slowly entered my room I slowly opened my eyes and look down.

Standing there in boxers and a tank was Toji. Quietly, I sat up and yawn.

“What is it?” I asked noticing the somewhat dark look on Toji’s face as he watched me. He closed the door and took a step closer to the foot of my bed and I watched as he began to remove his tank and then slowly play with the hem of his boxers until he finally pulled them down, semi erect cock pointing at me. I was a bit taken back by the sudden action. “Toji, what the hell are you doing?” He let out a low grunt.

“You’ve done a lot for me and my kids. They’re happy- happier than I’ve ever seen in a while, so I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe with a roof over their heads and food in their stomach. You’re obviously alone and so I figure we can help each other out. Besides it’s a way I can return the favor to you for what you’ve done for us.” he said his hand airlessly moving to palm his own cock to further get it to harden. I watched him for a moment thinking about his words. That is not how the balance works!

“Yeeeaaahh no.” I said blankly.

#jjk #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #TojixblackfemOC #smut #shenanigans #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #fushiguro tsumiki #jjk tsumiki #blackfemoc

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imholtorf · 1 year ago

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The Seven Deadly Sins in the Hellverse.

According to Vivziepop, she explains that the 7 Deadly Sins represent each circus act.

Lucifer Morningstar rules the Pride Ring and all of Hell as he represents the ringleader due to his status and attire. An app on Blitzo's phone that says "Lucimaster" probably the equivalent to ticketmaster as Lucifer owns a theme park called "Lu Lu World" and his wife, Lilith does concerts as there is a poster of her in the background in the Hazbin Hotel pilot episode.

2. Satan rules the Wrath Ring, though he never made a physical appearance, but he was mentioned several times by the characters as they use his name to swear and in the pilot episode of Helluva Boss a homeless imp is holding a sign that says "Monee Helps Satan Bless" he would be consider the imps' version of God. In episode "Ozzie's" there's an app on Blitzo's phone that says "Satan's Workouts" as he is mentioned by Beelzebub in "Queen Bee" that she saw him shirtless. Satan would represent the circus strongman.

Beelzebub rules the Gluttony Ring and is Vortex's girlfriend. She throws a ton of crazy hound parties when Vortex mentions her in "Spring Broken". Vivziepop says that Beelzebub represents the animal tamer as she goes through hoops, which she does during the "Cotton Candy" song. An app on Blitzo's phone that says "Bee Eats" the app would be about food delivery.

Mammon rules the Greed Ring, he owns a theme park called "Loo Loo Land" which is a rip-off of Lucifer's Lu Lu World. He represents a jester due to his obvious attire, an app on Blitzo's phone that says "Moneymakerz Bank" which is a banking app.

Asmodeus or Ozzie or Ozz rules the Lust Ring. He is the owner of a club called "Ozzie's" and a factory called "Big Ozzie's Factory" which the sex toys and Robo Fizz at Loo Loo Land are created. He was also responsible of creating the Fizzarolli sex toys, much to his displeasure as it was for Fizz's likeness for Mammon.

When I watched a youtube video of this youtuber called Cartoon Universe as he says that Asmodeus represents a stage magician as he appears on the stage with smoke like most magicians do. The app on Blitzo's phone called "Lustinder" a parody of a real-life dating app called "Tinder". Asmodeus is also the keeper of Asmodean Crystals, a type of magical mineral that gives hellborn demons access to the human world.

6. Leviathan rules the Envy Ring. There's no information about him or the Envy Ring, but there were glimpses of deep sea demons in "Ozzie's", and a mother and son deep sea demon from "Western Energy". In "Mammon's Magnificent Mid-Season Special (ft. Fizzarolli)", the twins, Glitz and Glam might also be from the Envy Ring, because of their fish-features. An app on Blitzo's phone that says "EnVee" a parody to "TikTok".

7. Belphegor rules the Sloth Ring. She never made any physical appearance, but she was mention by Beelzebub when she couldn't convince her to use her party drugs when she wanted to throw a bigger party. Sloth Ring is home to the Baphomets, a candle-headed goat demon and where the medical buildings are located such as the St. An's Hospital in "Western Energy" when Blitzo takes Loona there to get her Hellbies shot and the Rehab Center in "Unhappy Campers" where Barbie Wire resides before she was released.

Cartoon Universe theorizes the Belphegor is a Baphomet and represent the bearded lady. In app on Blitzo's phone is called "Sleepy Pillz" which is to help you sleep better. Belphegor's name is alluded on Stolas' Happy Pills in "The Circus".

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel

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roblogging · 27 days ago

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you can ignore this if its too personal or annoying im sorry i was just looking for advice from someone whose been here if you have any?

im 16 and theres a lot of reasons why but im living on my friends sofa right now but i cant stay here long and im just here to ask if you have any advice on how to get housed

you dont need to answer im sorry that this is the first thing i send to you i really do enjoy your stuff <3

HEY !! no worries whatsoever. genuinely. this is why i'm so open about this stuff !! i'll put it under the cut and also my dms are ALWAYS open, you can pop in there if you have any questions, or need someone to yell over the phone for you

okay so !! assuming you're from the uk? i assume so if asking me:

i had a really awful experience :/ and i don't say that to put you off but rather like,,, i got most of this advice AFTER i was put in the first homeless shelter. i was couch surfing with a friend with a limited time frame too and these were the routes that i took:

1) social services

as you're under 18, they have a duty of care to make sure that you are in safe housing. i was already in an ongoing case so it was slightly easier, but if it is home related issues that have led to this, you call them (or get your school to contact them) and make them aware that you are currently unable to return home and need somewhere to stay.

from here what they'll do is try to amend things. which is,,, yeah. fucking sucked. i had weeks of them trying to explain how i could just go home and do family therapy as if we hadn't had over 90 cases with them. they're gonna try to send you back but you stand your ground and refuse to - at 16, you have the right to make your own decisions in these scenarios.

they helped me get into a homeless shelter and received further support from them but they may offer temporary care with them (which i've also had before, i was in the foster system for a while, and it isn't as scary as it seems! i was also told by the social worker that this would be temporary if it was the choice made, whilst they looked for more permanent housing)

i also want to add that it was very soon before i turned 18, which may have played a part in their support for my own accom over "rectifying the family" - i would've left at 18 anyway, so they were more supportive of finding alt accom. but there were a lot of people in my shelters that were 16 and just stood their ground to get there.

2) local council

a bit trickier because it's only at 18 that they have a duty of care over you BUT i did utilise them !!

i got rejected from the first 6 homeless shelters because they "didn't know what ward to put me on" (sadly, a massive reality for trans people)

so what i did then was hound my council: calling them up multiple times a day, turning up at the door of the civic center to speak to people, SLEEPING outside the civic center and refusing to move for police (i do NOT recommend this one but,,, it was the most effective. councils hate looking bad and a teenager sleeping outside their building?? yeah, worked a treat.)

side note here that whilst they aren't an official means by which to get support, if you're sleeping rough you can contact the police/turn up to the station and they will also find support for you!! again, not official but they can't turn you away if you're sleeping rough.

over 18s will get put on the housing list, under 18s will be connected to social services, temporary care, or shelters - and from there, more permanent solutions are found

3) youth groups

this was my biggest help !!! i really recommend these !!! the issue i had was that i was from one county, but my sixth form was in another so i was in that one. it caused some issues with social services etc as they tried to communicate between counties (insane because it was literally a 20 minute drive between the two but whatever) so i was in communication with social services from my home county that wanted me to get back there with no accom organised, and youth groups in the county i was actually in to try find somewhete to stay. a mess but they were incredible.

mine was literally "(county) young and homeless" - an organisation that helped people under 18 get into accommodation

these were the best !!! i was connected with someone who then communicated with the homeless shelter i ended up in, and i stayed connected with them until i found my supported accommodation

they have these in most, if not all, towns !! if not explicitly for homeless people, they absolutely will have a youth council/group to reach out to to get support

i find these especially helpful as they deal with complicated situations with a lot more empathy than social services and councils, and you get a direct connection. you're not just a number on a page or a name on the top of a file, you're connected with a case worker who communicates with you day in and day out - idk, it just felt nice to have someone that was voluntarily on my side rather than corrupt systems that are underfunded and have (mostly) awful staff

AND FINALLY: supported accommodations

this one i didn't know about until i was already in the YMCA, but most towns have a YMCA/other supported accom organisations (p.s difference between supported accom and homeless shelter: homeless shelter is free of charge and for a limited time - mine was 6 weeks as a crash pad - whereas supported accom is typically an 18 month tenancy with rent. if you're under 16, you're fine here!! they sort it all out, but for peace of mind for anyone else that potentially reads this, housing benefit covers most of it !! i quit my job because it was making my rent higher with less HB, and it dropped from £200+ a week to £11 a week which you get through universal credit)

these operate under an open door policy !!

i had to go through the homeless shelter and a short application process for the YMCA (literally like a few days and one phone interview where they get a bit of background) SOOO you can't just walk into one and get housed, obviously. especially because they're all incredibly overrun with the housing crisis etc.

what they 100% offer though is the option to walk in and speak to staff, who will then support you in finding accommodation. you might need to call up to do this, but we had so many people just buzz in and ask to speak to staff (all of which were either housed with us or sent elsewhere to be housed)

AND THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW !!! i hope that's enough avenues to try, and i'm sorry you're in this situation. i'm not going to sugarcoat because we both know how fucking awful it is to be in this space, but i will say that no matter how cliche and half-hearted it sounds, it really does get better and the support IS out there, it just sucks that we have to fight so hard for it.

but yeah, i hope this helps !!! if you have any questions or need resources sent over or someone to call up the council and yell at them, orrrr even just someone to talk to who gets it, my dms are always open <3

i hope you get the support that you need 🫂

#asks #genuinely anything can be asked !!!#i'm open about the shit i've been through for this exact reason #the information and support is so hard to come by if you don't know what you're doing or haven't faced it before #so you can always ask 🫂🫂#i can't promise to always be of great help but i'll be there

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