#holy shit I can’t believe it’s about to stop being updated

[helpiamlostsomewhereinthegarden]

MC: *Peeking over Levi’s shoulder* Are they lovers?

Levi: Worse, it's a sports anime

MC: NOT THE SPORTS ANIME!!!

[logansargeantsbabymom]

helloooo my love🎀

i just wanna let you know you're my favourite logan writer and your writing is so good. can't wait for more of 'too good to say goodbye'!!! mwah

Thank You so much, you're too kind to me! You don't know how much this means to me! So with that being said here is

Too Good To Say Goodbye part 6

part 1 I part 2 I part 3 I part 4 I part 5 I part 6 I part 7 I part 8 I part 9 I part 10

F1 Masterlist

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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I can't be pregnant right? I mean I had my daughter almost 5 months ago, I’m not ready to be pregnant again.

When Lando brought me back some water, I had him grab me a pair of comfortable clothes because I wanted to “take a shower”. The second Lando closed the door of the bathroom I quickly grabbed the box from the cupboard and pulled out a test.

I let out a shaky breath after I peed on the stick and waited for the results. I just had to wait three minutes for an answer. I heard footsteps coming to the bathroom and I knew I had to hide the test, I just didn’t have anywhere to hide it. I quickly shoved the the test to the back of the cupboard before the door swung open.

“Hey, I couldn’t find the PJs that you like so I brought you one of my shirts and a random pair of your Mickey Mouse shorts. Is that fine?” Lando looked so worried that I randomly got sick.

“Perfect. Thank you” I said as he placed my clothes on the bathroom sink

“Do you want me to help you shower? I know how you get when you’re sick and I don’t want you passing out in the bath again.” It’s true, when I get sick and shower my blood pressure plummets and I go down fast.

“I’m okay, I’ll call out if my blood pressure drops. I promise.” with a quick kiss to my forehead Lando left.

That means only one thing now. Time’s up and I can check the results on the test. I quickly turned on the shower to make it seem like I was about to step in before I bent down to grab the test from the back of the cupboard.

I held the test in my shaky hands, whatever this result was is gonna change my life forever. Either I’m pregnant again but with Lando’s baby this time and I get to have that joy of being pregnant again and giving Lando his first born or I’m not and I want to get pregnant by Lando. I flipped the test over and let out a shaky breath while I read the result.

positive

Holy shit, I’m fucking pregnant again. So many questions have been floating around in my mind like how am I gonna tell Lando, when am I gonna tell Lando, Is he gonna be happy, does he want to be a dad, and more importantly how is Logan going to react? No, stop why are you thinking about Logan? He has no say in any of this. Stop having such a soft spot for him.

I placed the test down on top my clothes while I stepped in the shower. I have to process all this new information before I tell Lando. Maybe I should wait until I know this pregnancy is going to stick. Last thing I want is a Theo 2.0, I don’t want to be happy about this pregnancy and find out the gender of the baby only to lose it in the end.

A soft knock of the bathroom door pulled me out of my thoughts before I heard the door creak open a little and my head shot to look out of the shower curtain to make sure that the pregnancy test is out of eyeshot of Lando in case he poked his head in. Thank god he just opened it enough for me to hear him

“Baby? Are you okay, it’s been 45 minutes?” 45 minutes?! No. I haven’t been that deep in thought, have I?

“Oh sorry, lost track of time. I’m fine, coming out now.” I yelled, trying not to sound nervous. Lando and I have talked about having a kid together but we didn’t think it would happen this fast I mean yeah we fucked raw all the time but Lando almost always pulled out. Only 4 times he hasn’t and that was all in one night, 3 weeks ago. There was no way I’m 3 weeks pregnant, I can’t be.

I mean the test says I am but false positives are a thing. I can't believe it until a doctor confirms it or a bump grows if I wait it out. Having Yelena was such a joy, it still is. That little 5 month girl brings so much joy into my world and she doesn't even know it. She's a little carbon copy of Logan and I love that. I love it because I love Logan. Now imagine a little carbon copy of Lando running around the house? Aww, just makes my heart melt thinking about it. I have so much love in my heart for Lando because I know deep down, he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Lando is the one I want to grow old with, I want to share a last name with him, a family, a life. I want to do and have it all and I want it all with Lando.

-

I tried to sneak out of the bathroom and have it go unnoticed by the man who's baby is snug as a bug in a rug in my uterus but to no avail.

"Babe! You had me worried, I thought you went down for the count. I was about to call 911" Lando said as he jogged to where I stood as he pressed both his hands on either side of my face while moving it around inspecting every inch of my face for a scratch tor bruise.

"Lando.." I whispered. Doubt started to seep in as I opened my mouth

"Babe?" Lando's voice barely audible, scared that if he spoke any louder he'd hear words that he never want to hear.

"We need to talk" I didn't make eye contact which only sent him more into the 'we're breaking up' frenzy

"No, please" I could see the tears welling up in his eyes

"No! It's not bad," I started as a faint chuckle leaves my lips "At least I don't think it's bad"

The look in Lando's face told me that he didn't find my little joke funny, he wanted to know what I had on my mind before he would end up being 100% again.

I attempted to grab Lando's hand to guide him to the bed but he wouldn't budge. Exhaling a sigh I just told him as it was

"I'm pregnant" I let his hand go as I searched his face for any type of reaction. I needed something whether it was anger, joy, fear, disgust, I needed SOMETHING. Instead, I was met with a blank and unreadable expression.

As the seconds turned into minutes I started to regret my decision of telling him. I started to doubt whether Lando was ready to be a dad, I mean he takes care of Yelena like she’s his own but to actually have a kid with your own DNA is way different. You have to make decisions for the well being of your child together whereas Lando just asked me if he was able to do whatever with Yelena because she’s my daughter.

“You’re preg- what?” Lando shook his head as if he was trying to refocus his eyes after he spaced out.

There was not many things that could leave Lando speechless and this was one of the many FEW things that did.

“I am pregnant. I’m sorry, I know that we discussed maybe having kids in the future but I didn’t think it was gonna happen this fast. I don’t know if you want a kid and I really don’t want to do half this pregnancy alone again like how it was when I was pregnant with Yelena and I really, REALLY don’t want to have to go through that again but if that’s what you want I will leave and you’ll never have to see me again. Wait that’s actually a lie because I work for you, well technically McLar-” Lando cut me off by smashing his lips to mine and lifting me off the group and spinning us. When he pulled away he had the biggest grin plastered on his face.

“I’m gonna be a dad?! You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, I love you so much. So so so much. Can I kiss the baby?” he gestured to my tummy

“Honey, the baby is nothing but a clump of cells right now” I light chuckle left my lips as I lifted my hands to wipe a few stray tears away from my face that I didn’t know had fallen.

My rebuttal wasn’t enough for Lando though, because he bent down, lifted my shirt just above my tummy and started to whisper sweet nothings to it.

"Hi baby, I'm your dad. You can't hear me but I already love you so much, more than you'll ever comprehend when you're born. I want you to know that I'll protect you forever and I will spoil you rotten, even if your mommy says no. Only with certain things though, she'll kill me.” This ended up going on for about an hour, so much so that while Lando was talking to our soon to be baby he’d actually picked me up and gently placed me on our bed so I didn’t have to stand while he kept talking.

My heart was filled with so much joy and happiness and I wanted to relish in this moment forever. I’d closed my eyes 10 minutes after Lando placed me on the bed and I had my hand in his hair “You’re gonna have the best Aunts and Uncles in the whole world. You’re gonna love your sister, she’s amazing. She’s gonna love you so much, your brother also loves you so much. You’re probably with him right now having a good time. Tell him his mommy and daddy miss him so much.” Lando assumed I was asleep when he said what he said and I tried so hard not to cry.

In that moment, Lando talked about Logan with the most respect than he’d had since before the fight we had.

I think seeing Lando slowly start to forgive Logan has really helped me in my healing process of becoming a new mom and also co-parenting. I would be lying if I said life wasn’t hard right now because it is. It’s terrible right now and I would do anything to change the way I’m feeling but living for Yelena makes all this pain and stress worth it.

I would go through all this pain over and over again even if it gets worse just to give my baby a good life. I would do anything for her and her wellbeing and I know Lando would do the same for our kid.

“My little baby, I would do anything for you. Even if it meant giving up racing, I would do it all for you. I’m so excited to meet you, I already love you so much. You make me want to be a better version of myself and trust me, you’re gonna be the new favorite on the paddock, well, you and Yelena. You both would top Roscoe and Leo” Lando’s hand went to rest on my tummy. Even though he knew he would just be touching fat Lando didn’t want to feel like he was gonna miss any part of this pregnancy. He’d been there for the better half of my pregnancy with Yelena and he’d done any and everything he could’ve to make me feel better. I felt safe with Lando.

————

It had been 3 months since I found out I was pregnant, which means I was just starting my second trimester and I’d woken up so drained and nauseous and I had to quickly rush to the bathroom or Lando would be unfortunately the one who had to clean the mess. I slowly made my way out of the bed making sure to take deep slow breaths and tried to distract myself so I wouldn't puke until I got to the toilet but that didn't last long.

"Baby? Is Yelena up?" The thought of responding to Lando was enough to make me want to hurl so I had to run to the bathroom and I just barely made it. After spilling my all my guts into the toilet, I looked over to see Lando holding Yelena, bouncing her up and down while pacing back and forth in our room.

"Did I wake her?" I sounded defeated and that's because I was. I'm in my 2nd trimester of this pregnancy and I'm still getting nauseous in the mornings. My first two pregnancies weren't like how this one is shaping out to be and I can't help but have a bad feeling about it.

"Do you want to get checked out? I read about somethings that could be wrong and I just want make sure the baby is okay, I mean I care about you so much more but I want both of you to be alright." Lando has been my rock throughout this pregnancy, always getting me what I crave even if he knows I won't be able to keep it down, always running hot baths for me, letting me occasionally drive his McLaren.

"Yes please, I don't know how much more of this I can take." I whimpered, it sounded pathetic but I couldn't muster up any energy to sound okay.

No one on the grid or any of the WAGS new I was pregnant. I learned my lesson last time when I told the whole world about my pregnancy with Leo and then had to very publicly grieve with Logan.

"I'll call Logan to take Yelena for the day. I'll tell him you got some type of food poisoning and I have to take you to the hospital." All I could do was muster up a little energy to nod slightly.

Lando had a sad look in his eyes. He looked like he regretted putting his girlfriend through this much pain and agony. Lando was one to always want to take her pain away but right now and until I gave birth, he couldn't.

ten minutes later Lando walked back in the bathroom, where I still laid by the toilet, with Yelena. She looked all cute dressed up in her little Williams outfit that she was gifted from James when I told the world via instagram.

"Logan's 5 minutes out, I'll put her in her play pen and then I'll be back to help you get up and dressed, okay?" Lando took my silence as an agreement and he quickly placed Yelena in the makeshift playpen in her nursery before jogging back to me.

“Okay, cmon up you go.” Lando said as he placed both his arms under mine and clasped his hands together to pull me up “good girl, okay let’s go” we started walking to our room “I’m gonna sit you on the edge of the bed and grab you some comfy clothes okay?” Lando said as he placed me at the end of the bed.

I watched as Lando went to our walk in closet and grabbed me a pair of grey sweatpants and a rhea ripely t-shirt and my favorite pair of socks and crocs.

“Okay Honey, lift your arms. Good girl, okay now I need to to stand up so I can take your shorts off, good good. Thank you honey, okay lift one leg, good. Now the other, amazing. I know you’re exhausted but you’re doing so good for me.” after a few more minutes of him helping me get dressed we heard the doorbell ring.

“COMING!!” Lando screamed before he turned his attention back to me

“Okay honey, Logan’s here so I’m just gonna carry you to the sofa. Okay, up you go.” Lando carried me bridal style to the living room before he opened the door and let Logan come in.

I saw them whisper indistinctively while simultaneously looking in my direction. Logan had a look of pity on his face and I very rarely got that reaction out of him.

“Hi babygirl, I’ve missed you so much!” Logan said as he picked up Yelena and started peppering her with kisses. Logan made his way towards the door but he stopped and turned around and looked at me

“I’m sorry you’re sick. I hope the doctors can help you feel better, Yelena needs her mom to be 100% by the time she leaves her daddy’s house” Logan tried to make a small joke just to take my mind off being sick and part of it worked. A small smile creeped on my face as Logan bid his farewells and took our daughter and left.

Lando pre started the car before he made his way back over to me.

“Okay, up we go again. Good, you’re doing so well for me. We’re almost to the car, just a few more steps,” he unlocked the car and opened the passenger door “In we go, you’re doing so good for me. I love you so much” Lando put my seatbelt on for me before closing the door and jogging to the drivers side and starting driving to the hospital.

————

I’d gotten admitted into the hospital about 30 minutes ago and the doctors had hooked me to an IV for fluids and electrolytes, since I couldn’t keep anything down and I was severely dehydrated while they ran several tests to determine what was wrong with me.

After being poked and prodded and waiting for results for what felt like forever, the doctor and his follow student finally came back with some results.

“Hello Ms L/N, as you know we took several tests and at first we couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you but after the most recent test we ran, we found out that you in fact have developed hyperemesis gravidarum, It’s where you have extreme morning sickness during just about all stages of your pregnancy, there is one way to help with that.” The doctor had explained what my condition was

“Well, how can you help my wife? She’s suffering and she’s severely dehydrated, this obviously isn’t good for her or the baby.” Lando is always worried about my health but right now he was 100x more protective of me, probably because I’m carrying precious cargo.

“Well, I can start her right now on this pump that’ll inject her with Zofran which is basically anti-nausea medicine so you’ll be able to eat and drink without throwing it up” The doctor went on to explain the pros and cons of this little device but I was too out of it to listen. The IV that was injecting me with fluids was helping me for sure though, I felt like I had a lot more energy now than I had when I first got admitted.

“Thank you so much Doc. We really appreciate everything you did for us. Oh thank you ms, we really appreciate it” Lando said to the nice student doctor who had just wheeled a wheelchair into the room.

“You’re welcome. Ms L/N, I'm gonna help you up okay, are you okay with me putting my hands here to help you?" The doctors assistant, Kelani asked.

"Yes, that's fine. Thank you" My voice hoarse from vomiting non-stop for just about 4 months on end.

--------

When we got back home, I felt 30x better. I hadn't felt this good since 2 months after I had Yelena. I felt like myself again and boy was I hungry.

"Hey babe?" I whispered, unsure if Lando was awake seeing as when we got home immediately went to our room to put on a movie and take a nap, I had one hand combing through his curls while my eyes were laser focused on the movie currently playing on the screen. We had put on Captain America: The First Avenger before we took a nap and when I woke up, I saw that we were just about half way through Captain America: The Winter Soldier (my personal favorite movie)

"Yes my love? Are you okay? Are you gonna be sick?" Lando's head immediately shot up assuming the worst

"Quite the opposite actually. I'm starving" I watched as Lando's face contorted in confusion. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I knew it was going to be hard because the first trimester is always tough with all the nausea and not wanting to eat but this pregnancy I didn't want to even look at food because I wanted to vomit. I felt like there was no point in eating or drinking anything if I wasn't going to be able to keep it down and there were times where Lando had to force me to eat.

"Oh! Yes, I'll grab you anything you want. What are you and baby in the mood for? I mean it when I said I'll go anywhere"

"Baby is really in the mood for Wingstop, I don't know, baby's saying something about Mango Habanero wings and Voodoo fries" I chuckle

"Okay, I'll be right back" Lando said as he leaped from the bed and was about to run out of the room

"Wait!" That stopped Lando dead in his tracks "I want to come with"

Lando was quickly right back at my side as he was when he left and he helped me get up from the bed and then we made our way to the front door.

Opening it, we were met with a surprise. Logan was standing there with Yelena in his arms.

"Hey sorry, I ran out of milk for Yelena do you have any frozen breast milk?" Logan asked as he stared at the floor, almost as if he was ashamed to ask his Ex-Girlfriend for food for his baby.

"Oh yeah, let me grab you some. Are you gonna take her this weekend since it's Thursday and this is technically 'your weekend'?" Me and Logan have 'scheduled weekends' that we're supposed to have Yelena ordered by the courts but since we technically work together and we're on good terms, we take turns alternating each week. I started to make my way to the kitchen before stopping dead I my tracks at what Logan said next.

"Yeah, I just wanted to come grab some milk because I know we discussed rarely using formula when you were pregnant with Theo."

Hearing his name always stings, no matter how much time passes.

"Um, yeah. Well- uh here's the milk." I said as I handed Logan a little thermal bag of 10 frozen bags of frozen breast milk.

"Thank you. Sorry to bother you again, say 'bye' to mommy Yelena" Logan poked her tummy with one finger and she lifted her little arm and waved it in my direction.

All I kept thinking was man, I can't wait to relive all these 'first' moments with this baby.

--

Lando and I waited about 15 minutes to leave after Logan did. We both made our way to the car in a quiet but comfortable silence.

The Wingstop was about 10 minutes away which only meant one thing "All Too Well (Taylors Version) (10 minute version)"

By the time the song ended we'd already placed the order online and just had to wait until the pickup time to go in.

I think now that this Zofran is kicking in, I'm just so excited to eat.

"C'mon babe, It says it's ready." I sounded more excited than usual and rightfully so; I can (hopefully) actually eat.

We had gone inside hand in hand, Lando went to grab the food while I was getting our drinks. All was going well but I should've known that I couldn't keep my peace and pregnancy a secret for long and this proved it.

In a matter of minutes after grabbing the food, both of our phones were being bombarded with a lot of incoming texts and calls, one of them caught my eye though

Lily: Check your instagram now!

What? I opened instagram scared and when I saw the first thing on my feed I let out the biggest sigh and looked over at Lando who was already looking at me with a deflated look on his face.

"So much for telling them on our own terms eh?"

-----

HII!! I'M TRYING SO HARD TO GET THESE CHAPTERS OUT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE BUT I WANT TO MAKE THEM GOOD!

GENDER REVEAL IN THE NEXT CHAPTER I PROMISE 🥰🥰🎀🎀

taglist:

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101 @hiireadstuff @formulaal @kazza72584 @zabwlky1999 @dark-night-sky-99 @rougekiki @xoscar03 @jess-wither @bountychanti@dhanihamidi @Ggasly.p @tellybearryyyy

[mee3pp]

Farmhouse pt 8 

Cw: nothing major, swearing, talk of sex

“Bloody ell’ come on Johnny man up” Johnny mumbles to himself as he paces back and forwards in his room on base phone clenched tightly in hand with your contact open. His full intention is to ask you out on a lunch date and usually this would be no problem. He's a master when it comes to women. Come on, it's Johnny MacTavish. We are talking about the cocky, flirty and confident man but when it comes to you all that disappears. Does he know why? No, maybe it's because you are a carbon copy of your father. His captain? Maybe it's because you haven’t been tainted by the burdens of war? “Soap th’ worst she could say is no” Gaz sighs looking up from his phone as he sits on the edge of Soaps bed. “Yeah Yeah i know tha’” Soap rolls his eyes. 

12:20pm, 1/5/24 Saturday

Hey Lass how are ya? I was wondering

“Why th’ fuck is this so hard?” Soap groans. 

12:25pm, 1/5/24 Saturday

Hey Lass how are ya? Would you want to go out on a lunch date tomorrow? 12pm at the cafe down the street from the pub?

12:35pm 

[Read]

“I sent it” Soap groans as he slaps his phone on Gaz's lap who lets out an unhappy grunt. Gaz chuckles loudly at Soap as he is pacing the room like a headless chicken. “Calm ya fuckin’ farm Soap” Gaz manages through laughter after all his mate is acting hilarious. Soap practically launches himself at Gaz when he hears his phone ping in the specific ringtone he set for you. 

12:45pm 

Hey Johnny! I’d love to go on a date with you tomorrow…as long as my dad doesn’t find out. we will have to be sneaky eh?;) <3

Fuck. Poor Johnny nearly has a heart attack when he reads your message. Being sneaky is his specialty, he looks over at Gaz with a stupid grin who only mutters a bored “Caps gonna cut your dick off”. Johnny couldn’t give less of a shit though. 

Holy shit. He’s actually asked you out on a date? You can’t believe it, your first reaction is to call up Simon because you need him to do a favour. “Simon, are ya free tomorrow from 12pm till like 1:30?” You blurt out as soon as he picks up. “Okay first up, hold ya horses. What’s goin’ on?” Simon chuckles through the phone even though he knows exactly what's happening. “M’ goin’ out on a date with Johnny tomorrow, need ya to keep dad busy” You ramble out your rougher Cockney accent ringing through the phone making you harder to understand. “How th’ fuck do ya want me to do that?” Simon huffs. “I dunno mate, you’re his friend” You hiss trying to keep quiet from your room. “Do it and i’ll buy you a bottle of ya favourite bourbon” Your bribe earns a defeated sigh from Simon signalling he’ll help you. “Thanks i need ya to get him out of th’ house before 12” You hum before hanging up. 

“Oh my gosh! May!” You squeal through the phone as you pace your room. “What?!” Maybel giggles. “Johnny asked me out to lunch tomorrow” You giggle flopping on your bed landing on your back. Maybel gasps and giggles. “I Know!! Simon just told me "I'm so happy for you” she giggles and you scoff. “Tha’ blonde fuck” You groan although you aren’t angry one bit. “Does your dad know?” May asks the inevitable. “Nah, that's ya boyfriend's job to distract him” You sigh, running a hand over your face before looking at the time. “I’ll update ya tomorrow i gotta go feed and round th’ sheep up” You groan before hanging up. 

“Dad! I’m gonna go feed th’ sheep if ya wanna come” You announce walking into the kitchen and to your surprise a woman is sitting next to your father drinking tea. You stop dead in your tracks. “Hello, Kate Laswell” The woman smiles as she nods at you. She’s definitely older, her face hardened by the years of her life and no doubt the burdens of her job. “Ah sorry sweets should’ve let ya know we had a guest, this is my friend” Your father smiles apologetically. “S’ alright Dad, i’ll go deal with’ th’ sheep” You nod before walking hastily outside towards the tractor. Before you know it an hour has passed, you got distracted by moving hay and slashing a small field. The air is filled with your groans as you jump down from the tractor, your back and legs aching from being crammed in the tractor. You are by no means a small woman standing at just under 6’0 and you’ve got plenty of muscle from wrangling sheep, moving hay and the occasional trip to the gym. You’ve always been told that you have a ‘manly build’ or that you don’t have a ‘girly enough body’ and no man will ever want you. Well that was before you grew an excellent pair of tits and a pretty good ass if you did say so yourself. You've never been insecure of your looks or height. It's just something you’ve never paid attention to because you’ve always been able to get practically any man you want, you had plenty of boyfriends in high school and out of school, even a few girlfriends. 

As you stretch you hear a low wolf whistle coming from behind you and you whip around to see Gaz with a cheeky grin and you roll your eyes with a smile. “What are ya doin’ ere?” You giggle as you approach him. “My bird is on a girls trip and as ya know i’m starting a small hobby farm” He starts to say rubbing the back of his neck “i was wonderin’ if ya could give me a few pointers on lambs?”. You chuckle at him, looking a little upwards as he’s a few inches taller than you all the boys are. “I suppose i can do tha’ for ya” You shrug as you lead him to the sheep. 

It’s a few hours later and you’ve overloaded poor Gaz’s brain with information about sheep he has now left and you’ve decided to have a classic ‘everything shower’ to prepare for your date tomorrow. You turn in for the night with a big smile plastered on your face and you’re so excited you can barely sleep.

You walk into the small cafe wearing a short little baby blue dress and some converse, your hair let down and make up all done. When Soap spots you he is torn between feeling incredibly nervous and painfully hard he stands up hugging you and giving you a kiss on the cheek before you two sit down. “So Bonnie how’s yer work been treatin’ ya?” Johnny hums looking up from the menu. You answer with a smile “Good, not too busy i mean th’ ewes have all started giving birth it’s a little late in the year but my ram wasn’t very good this year” You’ve never worried about business one because the local butcher mostly buys from you and two because you know your dad has always got you. “Sounds interestin Bonnie” He beams looking you up and down but his eyes are shamelessly drawn to your cleavage then to the cross around your neck. “Yer religious?” He questions raising an eyebrow and you smile and nod. “Catholic got baptised when i was 17” This information makes Johnny a little nervous as he’s not sure if he’s going to have to get down on one knee if he wants a taste of your sweet cunt. “So are yer like.. Super strict or?” He asks with a sheepish grin as he knows you have probably guessed why he’s asking. “Yes and no, there are some things I follow more than others.” You start as you take a sip of your tea. “I drink, swear and i slip up using the lord's name in vain but I'm still waitin for marriage and i wanna have a traditional weddin” There are those two words he didn’t want to hear. Not that Johnny Soap MacTavish would back down now he’s too in love, if he has to marry you he will. To be fair after the first time you met he went out and bought an engagement ring anyway. 

“Cool” He nods simply like he dosen’t have a problem with not being able to fuck you right away, well thats because he dosen’t have a problem with it. He’s in the SAS after all, he’s a patient man. 

taglist:

@tabbslouuformer

@amberpanda99

@thepowers-kat-be

[pocket-watcher]

ugh, i have an idea that sounds really good in my head but im worried it'll sound cringe on paper...

so sub who has a comfort video game for the reason that they're hopelessly in love with one of the characters

favorite character somehow notices sub's feelings from their side of the fourth wall, trances them, and pulls them into the game world

(bonus points if both sub and fave character!dom are both fem)

》 @/seraphim-in-the-matrix

Please never be worried about cringe. Being cringe is to be human!!!

I’m sure I can deliver on this! Here ya go:

My PC whirred to life as I fit my pink headphones over my ears.

Finally, I thought to myself. No chores, no work, I finally get to just sit here and play.

My cursor hovered over the icon. I mentally checked I had a drink, some snacks, and that my phone was on silent.

I booted up the game.

The screen whirred to life, with bright colours, and there she was on the title screen.

Okay, so she might not be the main character, but she still was so lovely. Her sultry eyes, her outfit, it was perfect.

Or… would’ve been, if she was real. But I pushed that out of my mind and loaded into my current save.

“Welcome back, Kylie! 💕” the text read, her avatar bobbing up and down, her giant blonde curls landing a second after her body. I smiled at the screen, fiddling with my braids for a second.

I clicked through as the characters flitted their day to day, waiting to see her again. Of course, I’d played through about 60 times, so I knew exactly where to focus my attention.

“Oh! You’re here!” She said. Her avatar no longer in her regular outfit but I’n a more relaxed one reserved for her home scenes.

She looked so cute in her sweats and with her hair up. This was the baking portion of the game.

I was just about to start the mini game when my phone pinged. I thought it was on silent?! I picked it up, annoyed at the disruption when -

“Holy shit.”

I read and reread the notification again and again. They were making a sequel?!

I read the article three times to ensure I digested all the information possible.

“Uh, Kylie?” The text prompter read, her avatar now in a more curious pose than her usual excitable one.

That was weird. I’d never seen that pose before, but then again I don’t think I’d ever waited this long on one of her text screens before.

I turned my attention back to the article to ensure I hadn’t missed some mention of her character in the sequel.

“Kylie!” The text prompted flashed again. She was getting annoyed now, so cute in her little pose. I took a moment staring at the screen. Was this a new update?

That was when the screen glitched for a second. Bright colours filled the room.

I clicked to try and start the mini game. Nothing.

“Now do I have your attention?” The text read.

And another flash. I blinked, caught off guard.

I hit my computer, trying to fix the screen error.

That was when the flashing lingered.

Bright colours flashed in quick succession. Words I couldn’t quite read in time were hidden in there. I leaned in closer, cocking my head. Did I break the game?

It seemed to draw me in… I felt my head growing heavy - maybe it was just my headphones. I noticed my mouth was hanging open. It was then I started to process some of the text amongst the flashing lights.

“You’re doing so well!”

“I know you want me.”

“You’re mine.”

“Don’t you want to join me?”

“It would feel so nice to obey.”

My thoughts were at a standstill. Bring replaced by the flashing words and lights. The music was getting louder. My body felt like pins and needles.

And then it all stopped.

I looked around, no longer in my room, and big blonde curls filling my blurred vision.

“I can’t believe it worked!” She helped me up, steadying me as I swayed from lightheadedness.

“Come on, Kylie! This is going to be so much fun!!”

[blueberryinko]

How about this story idea/request??

Due to Covid + Quarantine, a boyfriend had been stuck over seas not being able to get back with her girlfriend back in the US (so imagine if the story took place today, that would of meant he was stuck in that other country for at least three years), only to finally get the opportunity to get back home.

He would get to his house where he and his girlfriend lives when when his went to finally see his gf again, he would see how quarantine had affected her; due to the need of money, she had to take jobs as a surrogate (with the current one being her 5th surrogate pregnancy with many, many multiples) with the cravings hitting her pretty hard, as she is now a heavily pregnant fat doughball, barely able to waddle and not being able to wear clothes due to her size (she also lactates a lot).

Then after a hard but loving conversation, the boyfriend admits that she loves the way his gf looks, with the couple getting into it.

Also you don’t have to write this, but maybe the boyfriend was stuck in Japan cause it was one of the first countries to get hit by COVID.

(Oh my fucking GOD this is so hot.)

Quarantine Gestator

(Minor reference to farting here only in the humorous sense, I promise)

“Can you believe I’m coming home soon?” Adam asked, looking at his computer screen, his girlfriend’s face showing on the monitor, though anything below her head was cut off.

“What- wait really?” Brie’s voice was pitchy and tinged with alarm, though she tried to mask it as enthusiasm. What would he say if he saw her like this? “Wh-when do you think you’ll be back?” She tried to probe gently, Adam not seeing his girlfriend’s nervousness. “Oh by next week at the latest.” He replied nonchanatly. “NEXT WEEK?” She yelped, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. “Oh my God, I- I can’t wait to have you b-back!” Truth be told she was dreading him coming back and seeing what a pig she’d made of herself.

Adam hadn’t seen his girlfriend in three years. The coronavirus pandemic had him stuck in Japan, only able to see her through Zoom calls. The time difference made it so that one of them was always tired and lethargic. She’d stopped showing her body a while back because ‘she’d grown too big to show ANYTHING off now.’ Being a professional surrogate, he’d gotten to see her belly grow with multiples twice over the pandemic, and he’d loved seeing every inch of her belly swell out larger and larger with half a dozen lives.

Being stuck in Japan hadn’t been all bad. Sure, the paper-thin walls of his apartment meant he could hear his neighbour blowing up her girlfriend like a hot air balloon, but the sights were still cool, he got delivery fresh from the restaurant across the way, and he’d managed to keep relatively healthy. The same couldn’t be said for his girlfriend.

“Hey honey, I’m ho-ome!” He called, opening the door to his apartment. “I-in here!” His girlfriend called. Last she’d updated him, she was seven months pregnant, and to his utter amazement, with eleven babies “Coming-holy shit babe!”

The sight Adam had walked into was.. really fucking hot. Brie had let herself go too much during the pandemic. She had REALLY let herself go. She was quite literally a huge ball of flab and baby, a doughball if he could make any such comparison. Adam felt his blood rush south as his jaw dropped, eyes wide. “B-brie.. baby, you look…”

Brie’s plump, round cheeks were a bright crimson, flapping her hands. Her body jiggled slightly as she did, completely humiliated by her titanic size. She was also, to Adam’s added arousal, completely naked, pink, puffy nipples gushing milk down her front. “Like a cow?” She knew it, she was a disgusting slob, she couldn’t even move of her own accord! Adam shook his head fervently. “No, god no, Brie, never! You look like a goddess!” He approached her, rubbing her soft, fat flesh gently. She cooed, sniffling. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Adam murmured. “You must have been so lonely.” He murmured. Quarantine had kept them apart for three years. “So.. when did you get, you know, this big?” He asked. Brie didn’t really know, but she could make an estimate. “Somewhere around a year and a half in? I think? I don’t know, I was carrying like seven babies back then, and my body just.. never lost the weight it gained. Doctors said my body was self-sustaining now at least, so there was that. I got used to it, but I didn’t want to show you my face, I love being like this, but I was so afraid you’d stop loving me.”

“Brie, how could I?” Adam reasoned. “You and I, six years we’ve been together, even longer we’d been best friends. I love you no matter how big or how small you are.” A kick from the babies made her body shudder, and Brie moaned. “What was it, thirteen babies in here this time?” He asked gently, kneeling to rub her belly. She confirmed with a nod. “Y-yeah, f-five families, a batch each.. the docs pumped me real full…” She moaned, the feeling of Adam’s hand orgasmic to her. She was so sensitive nowadays she could barely think, let alone waddle. Speaking of…

Her crotch dragged along the floor as she waddled. Small mews and whimpers escaped her as she did so, pounds and pounds of luscious, fatty flesh jiggling as she did so, the big butterball breeder simply unable to move under her own weight. Well, she could, just not for long. Adam caressed her belly as it met his hand. “So, you’re stuck like this?” Brie nodded, her chin hitting the thick layer of flab that was her divot. “For the rest of my life.”

“Then I’m moving you in to my place,” Adam decided. “We can get you a barn, some milking machines and an ultrasound room for you, I got a huge insurance payout from the airline after my flight delay.” Brie started to deny it, but Adam stopped her with a kiss. “Trust me babe, you can be my fat, bloated cow as long as you want.” Brie spluttered, “I don’t exactly like-nngggaaaahh!” She squealed as her clit throbbed, the weight of her pussy on the floor causing pressure in her underside.

“O-okay, I do like being like this.” Brie admitted quietly. Adam grinned, leaning down. He began to suckle from her teat, and Brie’s eyes went wide. “Oh, fuck, Adam!” She gasped as milk flowed down Adam’s throat. The babies kicked, and Brie wished they were theirs. Adam continued to drink, squeezing Brie’s golf-ball sized nipple, watching as a river of milk splashed down his girlfriend’s expanse, dripping down his chin. He stopped to take a breath, wiping his chin. “That.. tastes fucking amazing.” Adam grinned, rolling her further onto her belly.

“Adam-Adam, oh, sh-shit!” Brie shuddered, her entire frame reverberating as fat flesh slapped on her wooden floor. She flapped her hands, no longer in control of her body. The cold air wasted no time in chilling her sensitive, swollen labia, making her shiver. “C-cold, baby!” She whined. Adam leaned over, his hands over her head, fingers sinking slightly into her taut flesh. “I know love, want me to warm you up?” He asked gently.

Her coos were all the answer he needed, beginning to rub her belly. The sensation of dozens of unborn lives wriggling and shifting inside her caused her turgid frame to wobble, and she adored it. The fact that Adam seemed to be just as into it was a huge bonus for her. Her skin felt electric, his hands quickly warming her body. “Nnf- oh fuck!” She was a fat, baby baking blimp, and he was handling her like she was a modern angel, careful and loving.

“Fuck, you’re so big.” Adam hissed, playing with her fat belly. He wondered if her diameter would count as an entire baby bump in and of itself, layering kisses down her gut. “Aaanh!” Brie’s breath hitched, feeling him trailing down, down, down. Then, she felt hands on her underside. Then she was rolling. Her massive weight began to bowl around the room. “Uwaaaa…” If she could rub herself, she would. The feeling was heavenly, his hands manhandling her as she went. “Imagine what you’re gonna be like with MY babies inside you.” He growled possessively.

“A-Adam!” She started, and Adam watched as she babbled, her head coming around again to look at him from her divot. “You like that my big breeder?” She was helpless to him as she settled on her side. He kneeled down, taking her head in his hands and kissing her. “A-Adam, fuck, I want your babies!” She loved being a surrogate, but the primal, fertile side of her said she wanted her man’s babies cramming her womb, kicking and wriggling as they threatened to pop their big, fat mama.

“Oh I know baby, but don’t you like helping other families too? These babies are your gifts to the world, to people who want their own families.” Adam whispered, kissing her forehead. “Besides, you’re just a vessel now, right? What’s stopping anybody from, y’know, taking you as their breeder?” The teasing was too much. Brie’s pussy throbbed with need and her reddened cheeks heated further, sweat dripping down her chubby cheeks.

“N-nothing…” She mewed. Adam grinned, standing up. “Exactly, Brie. Nothing. Which means I can claim you.” She was rolling again, head over ass as she went, until her body pressed against the wall, her feet just barely touching the floor. Adam unzipped, his manhood threatening to tear his boxers in half. She couldn’t see it, but she sensed the shaft rubbing against her belly. “A-adam!” She needed him badly, and he knew it. Stripping off his boxers, he positioned himself.

“Such a big, fertile belly, gonna get so much bigger.” He teased, sliding his cock into her navel. She instinctively clenched around him, and he hissed. “Good girl, so fucking tight, aren’t you.” He loved how big her boobs had gotten, and as he fucked her belly, he leaned over, taking an engorged boob in his mouth. He squeezed and milk flooded his mouth. It was rich and almost like vanilla. “Adam, p-please-!” She gasped, flapping her hands. Adam kept a firm hold of her, pumping her for all her worth. She was surprised he was so eager, but she supposed her milk tank were just so big he couldn’t help himself.

Once he’d gulped down his fill, he wiped his mouth. He increased his speed, watching as she jiggled. He imagined her in the future, rolling about their house, moaning about how fucking pregnant he’d made her, his fat bred bride barely able to waddle under her weight. They’d have to get helpers, maybe maids. Those thoughts were naughty enough, and he could think of several ways they could help her. He was rigid, and Brie didn’t think he could get any bigger. “A-adam, gotta cum, g-gotta- please-!” She begged, vibrating visibly, creaking loudly.

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP- “Almost- there!” Adam came with a grunt- “UWAAA!” She came with a wet splash, shaking and shuddering as she rode out one of the longest orgasms she’d ever had. Brie gasped and panted for breath as it finally ended. She’d been pent up for a full two years and she was so glad she’d been able to cum. Adam wasn’t done yet though. And she was ready.

He rotated her body, grinning as her fat womanhood rose to meet him, her swollen underside glimmering with the slick results of her orgasm. Adam inserted a finger, testing. “Nggff!” She mewed, and he knew she was just if not more sensitive down here. “So wet.. all for me? Good baby baker.” He wasted no time in impaling her on his cock. She took him easily, and he was big enough that his head probed her cervix. He shifted his hips, pulsing inside her.

“A-adam, h-when did you get so— nyaaah! Big!?” She begged, alarmed at his size. He slowed, concerned he’d hurt her. “D-don’t stop!” She whimpered. He took it gentle, slow. Her heartbeat was so fast her skin was flush and hot, damp with sweat that dripped down her diameter. She was at the peak of her pleasure and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Any other man would surely have broken up with her, but not Adam. He sped up, fucking her vigorously. “Ngggh, nggh, graah!” He growled, her moans in tandem with his, plap, plap, plap, the slapping of their skin went. She couldn’t possibly get more pregnant than she was now, but he could certainly try.

“Breed me, breed me, fucking make me huge!” She begged, and as Adam came with a roar, her body billowed, stretchmarks becoming paler and harsher, her diameter straining and bulging to contain his gigantic load. She could feel his swimmers racing inside her, pumping her to the max. It was so much to bear that Adam fell back, taking her with him as she became plugged with his cock, sat right at the entrance to her cervix. “Whooaaa!” She squealed, landing on him with a soft whoomp.

He was pinned under her, and he wasn’t sure he could get up. They stayed like that for a while, Brie just enjoying being his cocksleeve, keeping his warmth enveloped in her puffy, pregnant lips. Then- “I really need to fart.” Adam admitted. Brie groaned. “Please don’t, please don’t-“ Too late, he’d already done it. “Babe!” She giggled, wrinkling her nose. “That’s so gross!” Adam laughed along with her, “C’mon, you’ve farted before too!” Brie squawked. “Yeah but not while someone has been inside my vagina!” The ridiculousness of the situation caught up to them and they couldn’t help but collapse into laughter.

Eventually Adam managed to roll her off of him, climbing on top of her. “Did you mean what you said?” She asked him. “About wanting your babies inside me?” Adam laid down on her belly, his head poking over the risen mountain of her cleavage. “Yeah. I love seeing you so fertile and fucked full of babies, but I want you to be my baby mama. Maybe exclusively just my babies one day.” He admitted. Brie bit her lip, before confessing something. “At the end of this pregnancy I get a thirteen million dollar payout. We could get married and start building our family.”

Adam gaped, before clambering over her breasts and kissing her. “You know how much I love you, right?” Brie mewed, kissing him back. And as his cock became stiff once again she raised an eyebrow. “Ready for round three? I wanna suck you instead this time.” And he did so eagerly.

-

Thirteen years later

“Belle, help me roll your mother to the truck!” Adam ordered. He helped his wife out of their mansion, the double doors built for her giant circumference. Their daughter rushed to help them. “Jesus Dad, was just trying to wrangle the octuplets! They’re being fussy with Millie and Jane again.” Their helpers were loyal friends to the family, but even they struggled with the twelve children the fat doughball of a woman had bred for Adam.

And she was very overdue with seven more, her body having delayed labour for a while to ensure the healthiest babies, somehow her body just knew, it was designed for incubating now. And finally it was time for the babies to be born so they had to drive a little ways up their land do the birthing house, where Adam and Brie could be in private for their new arrivals.

“Okay, go back and help them then, try and get them down for their afternoon nap?” Their daughter rushed off and Brie moaned through another contraction. “Baby stop worrying, we’ve done all this before..” She came with a grunt, another contraction tightening her diameter. Adam sighed. “I know, I just worry about you.” Brie chuckled. “Don’t, I know what I’m doing.” She murmured. As she was strapped into the truck, Adam rushed around to the driver’s seat.

Brie was a big, several hundred pound breeding blimp of a woman. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[bigbadripley]

Chapter 11 - Creep

Marc Spector/Steven Grant x Female!OC

Summary: Marc never expected to see his childhood friend Simone ever again. To Simone, Marc may as well have been dead. However, when Simone met Steven 15 years after Marc disappeared, she couldn’t help but notice how familiar he was.

18+ | 3kish Words | Third-person omniscient | Dark?fic/Angst | AU/AT |

Warnings: Heavy language, OC with religious trauma, childhood trauma, sexual trauma. Physical and emotional abuse of a minor, lots of angst, marijuana use, violence, brief sexual harassment 

A/N: I am quite nervous about this chapter. It’s the first that seems a little out of place, so please forgive that. There are periodic flashback chapters, this is one of them. I update warnings with each chapter. Only proceed if you can handle the themes included in the warnings. I wrote this entirely as a trauma dump.

Tagging for the loves: @ahookedheroespureheart​​

Minors DNI, DL;DR, if I miss a warning, please let me know.

Chapter list

"I don't care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around" -"Creep" by Radiohead

 A week had passed since Moni and Marc kissed, and they hadn't spoken the whole time. This wasn't the first time they'd been silent to each other, having had plenty of disagreements over their ten-plus-year friendship, but this was the longest time they'd ever gone without seeing each other in the halls at school. 

Marc had not been at school since their fight, and Moni chalked it up to him being out sick. When she made it to the following Monday without so much as a glimpse of her friend, she started to worry. 

However, Moni found the note that Marc shoved into Loser Jones the Tuesday after their fight. She was surprised to see it and was even more surprised by the subject matter of the note. 

I can't believe he wants to be my boyfriend. Holy shit. She thought to herself as her eyes danced over the words over and over again until she finally realized:

I fucked this up so bad! 

She spent every night that week reading the note before bed. Recanting it in her mind as if Marc was saying the words to her, wishing he would just walkie after school one day and ask her to meet so she could apologize, and they could start over, but as far as Marc, it was radio silence. 

Then she decided to do something about it. 

Moni wrote a reply to the note a couple of lines below the one Marc wrote for her, and when the following Monday came around, she planned to give it to him at school. When Marc was still a no-show, the plan changed to stopping by his house after homework to check on him.

The objective changed again when Moni's mother answered the door before she had the chance to leave.

"Señor Spector is here to talk to you, Mija!" Mamá yelled. Moni got up from the kitchen table, surprised by the turn of events but elated that Mr. Spector had stopped by. 

Moni stepped outside to speak to him, unattended by her mother. The man known as the rabbi around that area looked more exhausted than usual, but his eyes were still thoughtful. 

"Hi, Mr. Spector. I actually meant to come by later and see Marc. Has he been okay?" Moni greeted him with a smile. Mr. Spector's eyes changed from pleasant greeting to confusion then. 

"He didn't tell you?" He asked, sounding disappointed. Now it was Moni who was confused. 

"Tell me what?"

"He's gone, Moni. Just left a few days ago." The man replied, tired eyes now seeming to gloss over. 

Make no mistake, Moni heard what he said loud and clear, and she understood what it meant but didn't want to believe it. She was in complete denial almost instantly. 

"Gone? Where?" She asked, trying not to sound baffled and still holding a toothy smile. 

He's not gone, gone. He wouldn't leave without me.

"I don't know, hon. Marc said he was getting his GED and left. I figured he would have told you..." Mr. Spector trailed off as he successfully fought back the urge to cry. His eyes dipped to his shoes as he continued, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way." 

Disbelief flooded Moni's brain and turned her insides to mush as she processed what she heard. She stayed quiet for fear that if she opened her mouth, she would vomit on the spot. "I found these in his room. I know you both collected coins." Mr. Spector spoke back up, holding Marc's buffalo nickles for her to take. Moni took them and studied them momentarily, amazed that it came to this as she pictured his bedroom, then remembered their walkie-talkies. 

"Did you see his walkie in there?" She finally spoke up with a hopeful expression. She knew he would take it with him, and if he hadn't gone too far, he could come back. 

"I didn't, but I'll let you know if I come across it." Mr. Spector said. Moni silently hoped he wouldn't find it. 

After more chatter, Mr. Spector left, and Moni returned inside, filled with mixed feelings. She was sad and angry that Marc was gone and that he would ditch her, hopeful that he would come back and proud that he was able to leave. Moni truly felt that Marc deserved the world, and if he could find it: good for him. She was only disappointed that she wasn't there for it.

"Can't believe that ungrateful boy leaving his family like that!" Her mother said from the living room. Moni knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn't help the words from spewing through her teeth.

"You don't understand what Marc went through." She said. Her heart jumped as soon as she did, and she closed her hands into fists that caused crescent moon indentations in her palms from her fingernails. She braced herself for an earful. 

"What Marc went through?" Her mother spat. Moni listened to her footsteps on the hardwood floor grow closer as she spoke. "Your papá and I came to this country to give you a better opportunity! What about what we went through?" 

The moment Moni's mom came into view with her angry bloodshot eyes, Moni felt the rage build. 

Of course, she's making this about her and my stupid dad. 

"Right, tell me where papá is now?" Moni piped up, expressing her fury over being left behind the best way she could: fighting with her mom. The woman got closer to Moni's face and louder in her tone.

"He still loves you, Mija. So do I!" She shouted, pointing to her chest repeatedly, making the skin of her arm wiggle. She hadn't spoken to her father in nearly 5 years. Moni had heard enough and was shaking her head,

"That's why you want to send me away to his pervert brother?" Moni raised her voice, unable to hold it. 

Her mother raised her hand and slapped her with a loud register and a burning hot sting to her left cheek. It happened so quickly; the aftershock was the only thing that told Moni it had happened. It was the perfect example of slapping the taste out of someone's mouth, making her left ear ring. 

"Do not speak of your tío this way!" Mamá shouted, extending a pointer finger nearly an inch from Moni's nose. 

Every bit of power Moni felt a moment ago was gone, melted away like sugar in hot water. She finally spoke back up, words barely making it above a whisper. "Sorry, Mamá."

The remainder of Moni's day was spent in bed, crying quietly to herself as she read the note over and over again. 

 Moni kept to herself at school the following day, not used to Marc being absent for so long. Her lunches were spent by herself at a courtyard table where she picked at the slice of pepperoni-covered cardboard they tried to pass as pizza. 

It was a nice enough day to be outside; it was all she could do to escape the multitudes of prom posters spread from wall to wall in the cafeteria. She refused to go without Marc and even returned her ticket for a refund that morning.

"Oh look, it's Moni." She heard a nasally voice say from behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Danny Smith, so she stayed facing forward as he no doubt approached. 

Danny loved to pick on her, and as the old saying goes, if they're mean to you, they like you. Nobody could tell if Danny liked her or not because some days she was a stuck-up nun, and other days, she was a "boner garage" in his eyes, depending on how he felt. Moni and Marc despised his ass and were just as rude back if they needed to be.

"Don't call me that." She said, still not looking at the sandy-haired boy who was not sitting on the bench next to her, too close for her liking. She could smell his breath; he was so close. It reeked of cool ranch Doritos and made Moni nauseous. 

"My bad. The only person allowed to call you that was your boyfriend, Spector, right?" Danny teased, brushing shoulders with Moni to make it seem like playful banter. Moni knew Danny was more venomous than that. She kept her head down and hid behind her hair cascading into her face, deciding she didn't have the energy to deal with him. 

Danny made the mistake of assuming that because Marc wasn't around, he could get away with anything he wanted. His error was thinking Moni was the weak one of the pair. "Spector's not even here anymore, though, so who gets you now? Who gets to make Moni moan? Not that Spector ever did." The boy continued to blab. 

Moni felt her blood pressure rise with every word he spoke, and she feared she couldn't keep up her vow of silence much longer. Her fingernails dug into her palms like splinters as she held on by a thread. "I bet I could," Danny whispered, eyebrows flicking up in the corner of her eye as his disgusting hand found the small of her back. 

The thread snapped.

"You know what you could do?" Moni asked, turning her head to face him. Danny seemed to have hope in his eyes for a moment. His left eye was where Moni's focus was as she swung at him, fist connecting with his cheekbone and eyesocket with a powerful pop before Danny rag-dolled to the ground. "Leave me the fuck alone!" She shouted with a straining voice.

Her peers stared on. The courtyard that felt empty moments ago when this fucker was touching her was now suddenly loaded with students. Danny's friend Tommy Cornell rushed over and knelt by the wailing boy she laid out, looking at Moni like she was a monster.

Danny's cries alerted faculty to come out, and with them came Princal Sizemore. "Miss Fredrick! My office, now!" Sizemore boomed from the door to the building. Moni stood expressionless, with her tray in hand as she walked alongside Sizemore. 

 Moni was suspended for three days and a week of lunch detention upon returning. Sizemore didn't believe her side of the story, saying that she hit him and that the school's policy states that since she did that, instead of going to an adult, she would be punished. As predicted, Danny didn't own up to what he did or said to her. 

From the principal's office, Moni could see into the nurse's office window clear enough to glimpse Danny's busted and bruised eye. She didn't regret it, no matter how much the adults around her tried to guilt her.

The vein on the side of Moni's mother's forehead looked ready to burst when she had to leave work to get her daughter from school. The ride home was brutal, with her spitting Spanish expletives at Moni and Moni staying primarily silent for fear of being slapped. 

She was grounded until further notice, which meant school, home, and church would be the only locations for her to be. She would have to read her bible every night and pray for Danny's health before bed. These were the standards of a grounding in the Fredrick household. If she had any friends, those would be taken away also. 

Moni didn't expect to see a girl named Ericka at her front door the next day after school. She knew Ericka from the three classes they shared and from her living in the neighborhood and going to the same church as her. Moni always considered Ericka too cool for her, so they never spoke.

Ericka took the initiative of getting any notes or homework that Moni would miss during her suspension and bringing them to her so she would stay caught up. Moni was blown away by her kindness and how interesting the girl was. So much so that she took a leap of faith and invited her to hang out for a while. Despite her grounding, her mother was only okay with it due to their families being acquainted. 

It occurred to Moni that she hadn't had another girl over in several years, not since her friend Phoebe moved to Wyoming. It was awkward at first having Ericka in her room, but they got onto the topic of her posters and connected quickly. 

"I get why you punched Danny. He deserved it, but it sucks you got in trouble." Ericka said. Moni nodded,

"The suspension is looking like a vacation, truly. I don't wanna go to school because Marc was the only person who made the place bearable." 

"Speaking of Marc, can I ask you something?" The girl with the perfect box braids asked as she sat on the edge of Moni's bed. Moni stood by the foot of it, unsure if she should also sit. 

Moni assumed she knew where this was going and answered quickly. "He wasn't my boyfriend." She told. Ericka snickered at her response, 

"Not what I was gonna ask, but thanks for clarifying." She started, smoothing her hand over the blue comforter that covered Moni's bed to signal her to sit down. Moni did as such, and Ericka continued. "I was going to ask if you know where he is?" 

Moni wasn't surprised by her asking. It didn't take long for word to spread around Linclon of Marc's leaving and for the rumors to swirl over where he might have gone. 

"Nope. Not a clue." Moni answered honestly. If anyone else had asked, she would have told them it was none of their business where Marc went. With Ericka, she felt comfortable. 

"Really? I figured he woulda told you, being conjoined at the hip with you and all." Ericka responded, surprised. Moni shrugged,

"We had a fight, a long story I don't wanna talk about." 

"Respect," Ericka said, letting the subject go quickly and casually. The two girls were sitting side-by-side with Moni to Ericka's left. To Moni's surprise, Ericka brushed a strand of her dark hair out of the way of her face and behind her ear. 

The gesture was strangely intimate, something Moni had never had done to her by anyone but had read about it in plenty of books. It was typically a motion for a male character to show affection to a female. As odd as it was, Moni was comforted by it. "Well, once you're ungrounded, I know where to get some choice grass." Ericka finished, quieting her voice to avoid tipping off her mother in the other room. 

Moni smiled at this, not realizing Ericka was the type to do anything her parents would disapprove of. They both found this to be the start of a beautiful friendship. 

 Even with the prospect of a new companion fresh in her sight, Moni still sat in her room late that night with spent tears dried to her cheeks. The note was in her right hand, and her walkie was in her left. She was convinced it was her fault and kept repeating over and over:

I fucked this up so bad! I fucked this up so bad! 

The only thing she could think to do was see if Marc would answer. He had to answer. She ran her thumb over the side button that allowed her to speak and began, 

"Marc. Please tell me you can hear me. Please." She pleaded. She released the button for a moment and waited for a response. She usually got one quickly, but she was only met with silence. "God, why the fuck did you leave me? I want to hate you so goddamn bad, but I can't." She continued, grip tightening on the device. 

As more silence flooded their station, fresh tears rushed down the same trails the old ones took. "Fuck, Spector!" She croaked through a burning throat. She knew she sounded pathetic, but she didn't care. He clearly wasn't listening; if he was, he was ignoring her. She hated not knowing. Moni cleared her throat and spoke again, "I miss you. Please, tell me you took your walkie wherever you are." 

She thought she had heard enough white noise to know he wasn't there but imagined he was. She wanted to yell but didn't want to wake her mother. "Next time I see you, you're catching my fist to your jaw again, asshole." She cried, nearly breaking down halfway through the sentence. It felt like her heart was being squeezed and oozing like playdough through the fingers of the evil hand committing the act. She couldn't remember a time when she felt it was hard to breathe, but she was feeling it then. Even when she was alone, she had Spector. Now she didn't.

To her, this meant she was indeed, utterly, unmistakenly alone.

Moni spoke again, thumb still holding the button but not directing her words into the walkie. Instead, she stared at the note as her voice trembled, "I love you" repeatedly. 

Marc did take his walkie with him, but he didn't hear anything she said. The range reached thirty miles before the reception went dark; by then, he was far from Chicago. 

 In an unexpected twist, Ericka convinced Moni's mom to let her hang out outside the house regardless of the grounding, using her family's involvement with the church to their advantage. This meant Moni could take Ericka to the wood to try some of the "choice grass" she had mentioned.

Moni didn't take Ericka to her and Marc's spot but ventured further to a different area she knew of. The pair sat on a log and passed an expertly rolled joint between them. Given it was Moni's first time smoking, she coughed and spat a lot, and Ericka did her best to make fun of her as little as possible. 

Once they were both at giraffe heights, Ericka questioned Moni about her fight with Marc, and Moni explained what had happened. The tone differed from how she felt, trying to avoid telling her before. Now, Moni thought she could tell Ericka anything. 

It seemed Ericka felt the same way as they opened up to each other. By chance, Moni was the first person she ever came out as gay to, and she swore her to secrecy. 

"Who would I tell?" Moni asked with a laugh, implying that Ericka was her only friend now. This and Moni's easy acceptance made her feel good. Things got extra personal when they got onto the subject of their first kisses. 

"Tell me!" Ericka insisted. Moni took a deep breath and hid her face in her hands.

"Javi Espinoza, sixth grade." She admitted. Ericka responded by gagging and laughing so hard that she fell off the log. Once Moni was done cackling at witnessing this, she continued. "I know, but in my defense, it was before he started growing that weird pornstache." She said. 

Ericka picked herself off the ground and brushed the dirt from her jeans before rejoining Moni on the log. "You?" Moni asked as she dried her eyes with the back of her hand. Ericka shook her head, 

"It's far more embarrassing than Javi."  

"I showed you mine; you show me yours!" Moni argued, looking her friend straight in the face.  

"I haven't kissed anyone. I realized I liked girls when I was eight, and I've stayed far, far away from boys. Regarding girls, it's hard to tell if they like me like that." Ericka explained. 

Moni was surprised and couldn't find the words to respond as she watched the girl pull a pack of Marlboros from her leather bag. She observed as she put the yellow end of one of the cigarettes between her lips before thoughtfully handing one to Moni. It was right then that Moni realized she wanted to be of assistance. 

"I'll help, then," Moni said, eyeing Ericka as she lit her smoke with a zippo lighter. She took a deep drag, and on the exhale, she motioned for Moni to elaborate. Moni swore she had never known a girl so cool in her life. "I'll help you find a girl to kiss." She added. 

Ericka brought the zippo to Moni's cigarette and lit it for her, "You? Help me?" She asked, disbelieving that Moni could do such a thing. Moni took a minor hit from the cigarette and immediately started coughing like she did with the weed.

"Damn right." She croaked between wheezes. Ericka laughed and rolled her eyes, feeling Moni wouldn't be able to help her but appreciating the idea. 

The girls popped spearmint gum into their mouths, applied perfume, and dripped anti-red eye drops into their eyes before they hugged goodbye, and Ericka started heading home. Moni stayed behind for a while and noticed that Ericka had left her zippo and was too far ahead for her to tell her. 

Moni flicked the lighter, admired how the flame danced in her eyes and decided to go to the clearing where she would meet Marc. It was there she pulled the note out of her backpack. 

If it was possible to feel hate and love simultaneously, that was precisely how she felt when looking at the word "Moni" sloppily on the page. She hated the feeling. She wanted closure.

With the note in front of her, she flicked the zippo open and slowly brought the flame to the paper. In her mind, it would go up in flames quickly and disappear before she had a moment to change her mind. 

In reality, she couldn't do it. The closer the fire got to the page, the more her heart burned. The harder it got to breathe. She closed the lighter and put it in her pocket to return to Ericka the following day, and the note went back into her backpack. 

[xxshewritesinblacknwhitexx]

The Bane of My Existence Preview

PAIRING: Steve Harrington x Sinclair!Reader

WARNINGS: violence, bloody!Steve, cursing, angst, slight fluff

SUMMARY: you stupidly stay behind with your ex-boyfriend, after being caught by the Russian.

AUTHOR’s NOTE: I know. I know I said I had other stories to update first, but after watching Stranger Things last week, I was a little inspired. This is just a preview for what I have. If it gets traction then maybe I’ll continue. But I just wanted to dip my toes back in while I work on my other stuff. So, this is my first time writing for Steve Harrington, so let me know what you think.

Seconds turned into minutes, which felt like hours.  Steve was still passed out, and you were still tied up together.  Your screams for help had fallen on deaf ears, and you were just on the verge of a full blown panic attack.

“Help!”  You tried one more time, just for the hell of it.  Maybe, just maybe someone would hear it.

You felt movement from behind you, followed by a small groan.  “Hey, would you stop yelling?”  You heard Steve say groggily.

You immediately felt relief in the pit at Steve finally regaining consciousness.  “Steve?!  Oh, thank God, you’re awake.  Are you okay?”

Again he groaned, his body slumped over.  “My ears are ringing, and I can’t breathe.  My eye feels like it’s about to pop out of my skull, but you know know, apart from that, I’m doing pretty good.”

You were just happy that he was finally awake.  “I was so worried that you wouldn’t wake up.”

“You were worried about me?”  He questioned in surprise.  “That’s actually quite nice to hear.”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance.  “Yeah, well, don’t get used it, Harrington.”  You gave a small giggle, despite the situation you were in.

He chuckled softly to himself.  “Yeah, I guess I deserve that.  Where are our Russian buddies?” You could tell he was looking around the room with his one good eye.

“I don’t know but it probably won’t be long until they come back for us.”

You felt Steve gently tug on the straps keeping you two tied together.  “How are we supposed to get out of here?”

You released a deep breath.  “Well, I may have an idea.  You see that table to the right?”  Steve’s head turned left, causing you to shake your head at his cluelessness.  “Your other right, Steve.”

“Oh.”  He then turned his head to the right, and you both laid eyes on the table together.

“Okay, so do you see those scissors?”

“Yeah.”

“I was thinking that if we work together, you know move at the same time to get over there.”  You tried to explain in a rush.  You had no clue when those men were going to return, so this had to be quick.  “Then maybe I can kick the table and they’ll fall into your lap.”

Steve was quiet for a moment, trying to process what you were saying, before nodding.  “And I could cut the binds.”  You nodded yourself.  “And we could get out of here.  Yeah, yeah that could work.”

“Yeah?”  You asked him for reassurance.

“We can do this.”  He gave you that reaffirmation, chuckling again.  “I can’t believe those morons left scissors in here.”

You giggled again, agreeing with him.  You knew he was trying to lighten the mood a bit. “Right?! Complete morons.  Okay, so on the count of three we hop.”

“On the count of three.”  He repeated.

“One.”  You started off.

“Two.”  Steve counted right after you.

“Three.”  You both count together, lifting your chairs simultaneously.  

To both your surprises, the chairs actually moved three inches closer in the right direction.  The scissors were still pretty far out of reach, but it was progress.

“I can’t believe that worked.”   Steve stated in shock.

“Same.”  Again you agreed with him.  “You wanna go again?”

Steve nodded with enthusiasm, at the taste of freedom.  “Yeah, let’s go again.  One.”  This time he started off.

“Two.”  You counted back.

“Three.”

You both lifted your chairs together in the same fashion as before, and this time, you moved an additional six inches.  That much closer to the table.

“Holy shit.”  Steve exclaimed in excitement. 

“I know.”  You smiled from ear to ear.  “I know.  This is gonna work.”  You could almost taste that sweetness of freedom yourself.

“Uh, you ready to go again?”  Steve questioned, after a few moments.

You nodded in confidence.  “Uh, yeah, let’s do it.  Just a few more, and we’re almost there.”  You just knew you could do this.

“Okay, um, one.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

A slight miscalculation had you hopping before Steve and both your chairs tip at the same time, causing you to both crash to the floor landing roughly on your sides.

The impact from the fall should have knocked you unconscious, but it only forced a strangled sound from your body.

Upon hearing the sound, Steve tried to turn over toward you with concern.  “Hey, hey, Y/N, it’s okay.  You don’t have to cry.”

You couldn’t answer him though.  The strangled sound continued to build as you whole body began to shake when you finally let out an obnoxiously loud snort.

“Wait,” Steve began again, and you could hear the confusion, “are you laughing?”  And you had no idea why but that was even funnier to you.  “Jesus.”  He muttered, turning back over. “You’re laughing.” He stated in an obvious tone, turning away from you.

You kind of felt bad for laughing, but how could you not in this situation? This was just a little bizarre. “I’m sorry for laughing, but I just can’t believe that I’m gonna die in a secret Russian basement with my ex-boyfriend, the bane of my entire existence, Steve freaking Harrington.  I mean the irony of it all.”

“We’re not gonna die, Y/N.”  Steve muttered softly, not trying to let her hear the hurt when she called him the bane of her existence.  He knew he deserved that one too, but it still hurt nonetheless.  “I’m gonna make sure we get out of here.  You just gotta let me think.”

“All wanted to do is protect my baby sister, and look where that got me.”  You still giggled, now shoving your face into the cold floor. Reality finally starting to sink back in.

“Well, no one asked you to stay with me, Y/N.”  Steve spat, and you could now tell he was pissed.  “I told you, you should have left with Dustin and Erica.”

“Do you remember the last thing you said to me, Steve?”  You completely ignored what he said, feeling like you need to get this off your chest. Especially now that you’re all alone, and you might die tonight.

“What?”  You could hear Steve’s confusion.

You released a heavy sigh.  “The last thing you said to me before everything changed?”

You heard Steve release his on sigh.  “Y/N, I don’t—“

You immediately cut him off.  “It was right before the end of Freshman year.  You had made the basketball team that spring, and you were finally getting noticed by the popular crowd.”  You continued, as he just laid there in silence.  “I was worried that our relationship would change.  But you assured me it wasn’t going to.  You said that nothing between us will ever change.  That no matter what, I will always have your back.  And you will always have mine.”  You swallowed thickly.  “Then on the first day of sophomore year, you stopped speaking to me.”  Things remained quiet for a few uncomfortable seconds.  “And three years later, I hate that that shit still stays with me.”

It got quiet again.  Nothing but the sounds of both your and Steve’s breathing, with you trying to hold back your tears.  That was the first time you had said that out loud.  You had kept that bottle up inside for as long as you could remember.  It was actually your motivation to get you out and to keep you out of Hawkins. 

You then heard the sound of Steve clearing his throat, “Y/N, I,”

Steve never got to finish his sentence, as the buzzer sounded and the door to the room you were trapped in opened once more.  You both looked up at the same time to see the Russian leader and his men making their way inside.

[izusun]

*hands you an AU dump to hoard like a little goblin handing a small coin to a dragon*

OKAY so basically: after the doctor's visit where Izuku learns he's quirkless (I hc that they went when he was about five n' a half), Inko does a little bit of research on quirks and more specifically on her son's notebooks, learns that he's even more brilliant at quirk analysis than she originally suspected, and (after looking at some not great quirkless statistics) she instead informs Izuku that no, he's had a quirk all along! It's an analysis quirk!

So she updates the quirk registry, and Izuku goes through his life believing he has an analysis quirk, albeit teased for being a late bloomer, but he still can't shake the insecurity being quirkless for that one and a half year gave him.

He does research on all sorts of things, hacking, knife throwing, first aid, and building his own support gear and takes to all of it like a duck to water. He also does research on UA's policy for support gear in the entrance exam (cause surely they've gotta have a policy for non-offensive quirks like Koda and Hagakure) and finds that he can take one with him if he builds it himself. He goes fuckin bonkers.

Anyways: he trains with Katsuki, cause they're relationship is pretty good since Izuku has a 'quirk.' They both demolish the entrance exam. (Also Izuku kinda swears a lot because Katsuki rubs off on him)

Aizawa doesn't notice a goddamn thing is amiss until the battle trials on the second day (he decides to shadow All Might that day), where when he was using his quirk to silence his students while Izuku was rambling, he just didn't stop, as if he didn't notice anything was wrong. It happens again during the USJ.

So at some point during the sports festival, Nedzu (who is now intrigued because of Aizawa's complaining) invites Izuku into his office during a free period and lets him go ham on analysis, all while Aizawa is secretly there erasing Izuku's 'quirk.' Nedzu invites Izuku to be his personal student (making Aizawa go grey), he says yes, and then Nedzu drops the absolute BOMBSHELL that Izuku is actually quirkless. Cue an existential crisis.

(Also Izuku gets captured at the training camp alongside Katsuki because of his "analysis quirk," wonder how well that goes for him~)

- Goblin anon (sorry this one was kinda long)

GOBLIN?? DUDE???? HOLY SHIT I KNEW YOUR AUS ARE ALWAYS PHENOMENAL BUT THIS RIGHT HERE??? D U D E

i misunderstood the prompt a bit but i genuinely don’t know how to backtrack, so here you go goblin. sorry again o(TヘTo)

ok first of, inko taking on a stronger stance to support her son? love that of her. like, she doesn’t say sorry when izuku turned to look at her and cried that he can’t be like all might. instead, she took him in her arms and assures him that he will be a great hero. at first, of course half of it is lip service because she doesn’t know how to help her quirkless boy be a hero, since, you know, heroes need quirks.. (or do they)

and then she comes across a quirkless self help group which rang many many warning bells in her head. what kind of life do quirkless people live when a google research of them resulted in subsequent pages of results like how to stay safe when quirkless, or how to find jobs when quirkless, or quirkless mortality rates?

she fears for izuku, until she notices that her son’s smart. too smart for his age, but inko thought she’s just being biased. but izuku’s wit is something many people notice, for an instance, when izuku goes to the park to play and his friends’ (the few ones who stayed) parents tell her that her son’s smart for a quirkless person, she realizes that izuku’s wit is far more vast than normal.

then a thought worms into her head but wouldn’t it be bad to lie…but also, no one would be any the wiser.

further pushed by all the statistics she keeps seeing, or the lack thereof, about quirkless people, she makes the decision and pours it to izuku.

izuku who’s far smarter than his age and understood what his mom is asking from him. izuku who already saw the disparities between quirked and quirkless people at the tender age of five. izuku who knows what it means to lie about something as personal as a quirk, but realizes that it’s necessary for him to do so if he wants to live a “normal” life.

so he agrees; he tells inko that he’ll work even harder to sharpen his mind, and to keep expanding his knowledge.

when izuku’s quirk file is officially updated, he watches how his peers and teachers revert back into treating him as izuku. he regains his old friends, but he chose to drop them because he doesn’t want to surround himself with people who thought he was less for being quirkless.

katsuki stayed, surprisingly. katsuki stayed and everyday he kept bothering izuku to “get your quirk already!” katsuki stayed because he can’t fathom that the smartest boy in their class (of course not as smart as him, psshh) is quirkless. deku couldn’t be quirkless. (but if he found out that izuku, indeed, is, i wonder what would happen…)

katsuki was one of the loudest to celebrate when izuku announced that his quirk arrived.

“finally!” he screams and bothers izuku about the semantics of his quirk. he really wasn’t surprised to find out that izuku has an analysis quirk because he thought that nothing else would better be suited for izuku.

he doesn’t know that izuku pours so much of his time into learning and studying, often bypassing basics and intros to take more of the developed courses that are usually recommended for older ages. he doesn’t know that izuku is just a naturally smart kid with the ability to fill the gaps of his young mind with knowledge upon knowledge, storing and stacking them until he feels that he’s laid a sturdy foundation for his fake quirk.

then izuku began threading into different areas. he learns how to get into cyberspaces; hacking into accounts and delving more into how to access private information. he doesn’t thread too close lest he gets caught, but he learns the logistics of maneuvering around the web and burrowing in empty spaces to branch out his own. he creates and designs web algorithms for himself, just so he doesn’t trigger anyone who is looking into the web movements. he hones this and uses it to access more information.

then when he deems it enough, he turns his attention to something more tangible and something more physical. he learns other ways to be a hero; how to fight without a physical quirk, how to win against bigger opponents, how to use analysis quirk in fights.

izuku becomes more than a fake analysis quirk user; he creates it.

mental quirks are hard to describe, more so to compress, thus he creates new definitions of an analysis quirk. what used to be a silly lie is now a tangible fact that izuku believes in. because what makes a quirk? because what makes analysis a quirk? he learns these semantics (often political) and uses it to his advantage.

then he finally threads to hero analysis. at first it were classmates he analyzed; eyes running quickly at their forms and watching with great interest before calculating everything he’s seen and transversing it with the things he learned, and bridges these two facts together to create an analysis. it was a struggle at first: he didn’t know which to put emphasis on until he realizes, he doesn’t need to. he weaves them together and lets his analysis run long and watches how his hobby comes into fruition.

following his classmates are current heroes. these were more tough and more fun, and any of the information is less shared. he doesn’t tell his classmates or teachers about his analyses, only katsuki. and katsuki’s breath hitch every damn time at izuku’s talent quirk.

it is in their second year of middle school that midoriya begins to incorporate the facts with himself to create physical performances. the issues and things he learned through observing are now practiced by himself. he calculates the best way to fight with a body as petite as his, often taking examples from pro-hero hawks and other women heroes. their agilities and physicality suit izuku’s young body; he doesn’t see the merit in punching his way through things when he physically cannot.

so he learns ways to ease his muscles. he learns ballet and gymnastics; lets his muscles contort and mend themselves anew. he finds his balance and roots himself firmly, and learns to calculate his actions so he doesn’t waste his energy. katsuki doesn’t say anything, but he sees izuku’s dance and falls in love.

then in the spring of their third year of middle school, izuku learns how to build and handle weapons.

this is the easiest. izuku learns that weapons aren’t tools, but extensions of his arms and hands. they are not to be revered and not to be depended on because they can fail. instead, he learns to wield weapons as though they are parts of his bodies. he learns how to use swords and often narrowing to wooden sticks that can be picked up anywhere; he learns how to fire guns and how to hide daggers in his uniform. he learns that his body is the best weapon to use and that tools are just arsenal to help him win.

then he learns how to build them.

by summer, izuku begins reaching into UA’s servers. they are hard codes to crack, but not impossible. it takes him five days to access old entrance exam videos. the next day, the videos are snuffed and he is left to try digging deeper into UA.

he fails.

nezu must have caught onto his codes and proceeded to build walls against it.

so he slithers out. but a five minute video of last year’s entrance exam is enough for izuku because he learns two things: one, heroes must defeat villains and two, heroes must save others.

izuku prepares for this. unknowingly, katsuki is taught these same principles. katsuki would grumble and tell him that he knows what heroes must do, but izuku continues to hammer it down to him.

by the time of the UA entrance exam, izuku falls into the ease of having a fake quirk. he passes the written exam with flying colours and although it took three teachers to approve his support gears (present mic had to pull in powerloader, midnight, and hound dog to ensure that the well designed support gears are made by the hero student examinee and not by a support student examinee. majima saw the works and begged nezu to allow izuku to be his student.), izuku still succeeds and dominates the entrance exam.

when the zero pointer was released, he had flung himself towards the girl crushed by debris and yanks her out. he doesn’t waste a modified grenade to explode the zero pointer because through his calculations, doing so would not only create more collateral damage, but would also endanger the examinee in his arms because she still would be caught in the crossfire.

nezu hums in appreciation from the screening room, after all, smart minds always do think alike.

izuku gets a whopping 92 in the physical aspects of the entrance exam.

katsuki gets 85.

aizawa gleefully takes them in.

izuku thinks that no one will ever know of his and inko’s secret, but one look at nezu’s beady eyes and he knew that the stoat knew. it became a game to them, then. a game to see who else would realize.

and while izuku is smart, he doesn’t realize that nezu has basically taken him as his personal student the moment he and izuku had created a bet.

it takes two months for aizawa to figure things out. surprisingly, he is the only one to do so and he only realizes due to the many untimely attacks of LoV.

——

how angst would it be if katsuki realizes that izuku’s always been quirkless during their captivity in the LoV’s hideout.

[readingandwritingandreading]

Yours ~ Epilogue

My Blurb: Alas a quick update and another story finished! I can’t believe I have three finished stories and three in the works! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me! As always if you didn’t write it don’t post it anywhere. And if someone else is interested in being added to my lil tag list feel free to message me!

Summary: Skye Simmons is all set to start her new career and join her boyfriend in Florida. Until she finds out her boyfriend is in a feud with her soulmate. But does she even believe in soulmates? And will she choose to stay with what’s familiar and safe or take a chance?

Pairing: Dominik Dijakovic x Skye Simmons

Tagging: @pioched​​  @sirhunterwalker​  @snarkandsarcasmftw​  @miss-tipton-is-beautiful​​ @pikapuff316​​  @jumbledmindofmonet​​  @aura-ravenora77​​ @imperiumdumptruck​​  ​  @kyrathegreat985​​  @nightelf230​  @ms-novel​  @allelitedevils  @rocca09​  @kurtisdefender​

Read First: Yours Masterlist

Also Check Out: Main Masterlist

“And new WWE Universal Champion Dominik Dijakovic!” The announcement was met with thunderous applause as Dominik stared at the title from where he sat on the ladder. He held it up proudly, ignoring the pain in his knee and the side of his head that he was pretty sure was bleeding. He found Skye in the crowd easily, she was jumping up and down yelling with Brett on one side and his parents on the other.

“You did it baby, I almost had a heart attack but you did it!”  Dominik grinned at her thought and quickly scaled down the ladder. Turning to each side of the ring with the title raised in his hand before rolling out of the ring and limping to the top of the ramp. He turned to face the crowd once again with the title raised above his head as fireworks went off signaling the end of the PPV. 

He was greeted with another wave of applause and handshakes when he stepped through the curtain, coworkers and crew members offering their congratulations as he was escorted to medical. 

They had just gotten the gash on his head from a rogue ladder stitched when a commotion at the door caught his attention and Skye came barging in glaring at the new security guard who was trying to stop her. “That is my soulmate and I swear to everything holy you will let me back here or I will make sure you need medical care as well.” 

Dominik laughed and waved the terrified guard off, Skye launched herself at him apologizing when he winced in pain. “Shit, sorry, ladder match right.” She quickly looked him over, analyzing the bruising from the match. 

“I’m fine Skye, a little banged up but we did it!” he whispered, pressing the title into her hands. 

Skye smiled softly as she studied the title he had been chasing since his main roster debut a year ago. “You put in the hours of work and have taken your fair share of bumps and bruises, I had nothing to do with it.” 

“You cheered me on every step of the way, I couldn’t have done this without you by my side.” Dominik argued back, wincing again as the trainer finished wrapping his ribs. 

“You are good to go, congratulations champ.” The trainer patted him on the shoulder. 

“Thanks man, see ya Monday.” Dominik replied, stepping down off the table and draping an arm over Skye’s shoulders. “I’m starving”

“You need to change and clean up first, you stink.” Skye laughed, wrinkling her nose at his sweaty arm. 

Dominik’s parents and Brett met them outside the door to medical, his mom rushing over to check him out like Skye had. His dad looked like he was about to burst with pride and Brett was not so slyly checking out the other wrestlers backstage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fork clinking against a glass drew the conversation to Dominik as he stood up. It was late but the restaurant had agreed to stay open for the large group of wrestlers that had shown up after the PPV. Keith Lee, Mia Yim and several others had joined their group to celebrate Dominik’s win. 

“I just want to thank you all for joining me tonight. This has been a long journey and I am so thankful to celebrate it with all of you. Keith, thank you for your friendship and advice over the years. In the ring or out I know I can always trust you. Mom & Dad, I wouldn’t be the man I am today without you setting that example, raising me right and supporting my dreams. And Skye, my beautiful Skye. Words cannot express what all you are to me. My friend, my partner, my confidante, my cheerleader, my soulmate. There’s one more thing I would like to ask you to be.” 

Skye’s eyes widened and his parents, along with Brett gasped when he grabbed the box that Keith slid his way and slowly lowered himself to one knee in front of her. 

“I have loved you from the day I knocked you over in that hallway, I thought I knew how it would feel when I met my soulmate but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of loving and being loved by you. I came to life when I first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than I was before. I thank God everyday that I'm yours. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” 

The lump in Skye’s throat prevented her from answering but she nodded her head and her thoughts screamed at him as their table erupted into cheers.

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! 

[boldlyvoid]

Of Quartz I Will

Amethyst You So Much✨ Part 2: Of Quartz I Will

Summary: after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Warnings: fluff, gun violence, shooting tw, Reid's season 5 knee injury, hurt/comfort, emotional smut, body massage, hand jobs, riding, penetrative sex.

word count: 6K

Spencer notices her as she walks in, through the briefing room window, she’s wearing his purple shirt. He wanted to wear that for work today but couldn’t find it anywhere, now he knows why.

“Excuse me,” he says to his group of teammates as they contribute reading case files.

“Hey,” Spencer grabs her attention from the railing beside the briefing room. “I’ve been looking for that shirt everywhere.”

“It’s mine now,” she smiles, setting her things down at her desk for the night. “I’ll buy you a new purple dress shirt.”

“Buy yourself one, I like that one,” he whines.

“Finders keepers, doctor Reid. Either stop leaving your shit on my bedroom floor or move in already.”

Everyone hears it. All eyes are on them as they bicker in the middle of the bullpen, including the team of profilers just beyond the window.

“Okay,” he agrees. “We’ll talk about this later.”

She climbs the stairs quickly, giving him a good morning hug even though it was 9pm. “I love you, that’s why I’m wearing your shirt.”

He smiles against her shoulder as he holds her, “I love you, more so in my shirt.”

When he sits back down at his chair at the round table, everyone is waiting with a raised brow. They want details, they want his opinion, they want to hear him stutter and see him blush like he used to. But he doesn’t.

“Yes, I will be moving in with her. We have people to save,” Spencer reminded them. Avoiding eye contact and flipping through the files.

Derek tugs on his amethyst bracelet, he hasn’t taken it off since he got it, almost 2 years ago. “Are you ever going to get her any other jewellery?”

“When she goes home I’ll show you,” he whispers, still avoiding eye contact as they all gasp. “Keep it cool or I will kill you.”

He keeps an eye on her at her desk, smiling when she looks up to see him. She blows him a kiss and waves softly a few times, but other than that, they don’t talk for the rest of the day.

—

The next time She sees him, he’s in her bed sound asleep as she’s coming home from work. She sits on the edge of the bed and brushes his hair away from his face to wake him up gently, he blinks into the morning sunlight to see her.

“Good morning,” he smiles.

She’s in his pink shirt today. She liked to keep something of his close on bad cases that take him out of town. In this case, out of the country. He was in Canada for a few days, the case was horrific and she had to deal with all the office work in Penelope’s absence.

“Amethyst,” she whispers, it was part of their secret code.

Spencer, being a cunning linguist, he loved anagrams.

They had Amethyst for I miss you, Quartz for of course, and Olive for I love you. It was easier to keep the PDA to a minimum at work, not wanting to sit in a seminar like Derek and Penny about sexual misconduct and hostile work environments.

“Olive,” Spencer replies, pulling her down into the bed so she can cuddle in.

“We can’t stay, there’s another case. JJ told me to bring you in on my way home,” she explains softly. “They need you to go to ER Doctor Barton’s house, in McLean, he got a note saying someone was going to kill his son. So far they’ve also connected him to a few surrogate kills of Hispanic men, they need the speed reader to go through all his recent surgeries.”

He sighs, holding her tightly and snuggling in against her back, “no.”

She laughs, “Spencer, you can read really fast and the faster you read the faster you can come home to me.”

“Fine,” she has perfect logic, he always tells her that. “Are you driving me to the guy's house?”

“Yep, so we can stop for coffee and talk in the car, I really did miss you a lot,” she struggles out of his grasp to turn and face him, opting to hold his face in her hands as she looks at him. He’s exhausted, just like her.

“I missed you too, I’m sorry I was gone so long,” his voice is barely a whisper, “We should take a day off together soon.”

“Yeah,” she smiles wider, completely in love with him. “I’d really like that, maybe we can look at apartments?”

“Apartments?” He repeats the word with a grin, raising his eyebrow softly. “I thought you liked it here?”

“It’s too small, I want to get a cat, if you’re bringing your closet here we’re going to need a bigger one,” she ranted. “And actually, I was thinking if you’re on the same page as me and this is a long-term thing for you too, what if we just got a bigger place and got a mortgage and start a little life outside the FBI, together?”

He’s so in love with her, “get my bag?” Is all he can say.

“What?” She’s so confused, shaking her head softly as she comprehends it.

“On the floor there, grab my bag, please there’s something for you in there,” he points behind her, trapped under her and the blanker so it’s not like he could get it himself.

She gets up, placing the bag on the bed for him as she watches him dig through it for a little box. “Arminius helped me pick this out.”

He had become best friends with the owner of the rock shop, she wasn’t surprised to hear that he had gotten something else from there for him. It made her giggle with excitement, bouncing softly as Spencer sat up and moved his bag out of the way.

But then he got out of bed, he’s in a pair of purple boxers and his hair is a mess and he’s so nervous and she has no idea why until he gets down on one knee.

“I was waiting to do this.”

“Holy shit.”

He nods with a shaky laugh, “yeah, I’m in it long term if you are?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to drive you to work now?” She laughs, unable to stop smiling as the two of them stare hopelessly at each other. She hasn’t even looked at the ring yet, too occupied with the wonderfully happy look on his face.

“Quartz,” is all she can say, flabbergasted as she keeps laughing with a shocked smile.

He takes it from the box and she watches as he slides the most beautiful purple Amethyst ring over her ring finger and then her hands are back on his cheeks. Pulling him into a kiss, she can’t seem to hold him close enough as she breathes in. Holding her breath as she keeps him there.

He pulls away with a laugh, “when are we supposed to be there?”

“Now.”

“Damn,” they’re all giggles.

And it doesn’t stop, she takes off Spencer’s shirt and he puts it on instead, matching it with a vest and a tie while she makes him a coffee and can’t stop smiling as she glances at the ring.

It really only made sense for their engagement to happen in the same place she fell in love with him.

Sure, she liked him a lot when he was getting her rocks and she really wanted to get to know him more after his last note, but it was the bracelet that made her fall in love. He went out of his way to make her smile on what felt like the worst day of her life, and she knew she wanted forever with him from then on out. Now she was going to get it, she was going to be Agent Y/N Reid, and her ring was absolutely perfect.

He catches her taking photos of it in the sunshine when he comes out of the bedroom. She still can’t stop smiling, it’s just so perfect and she’s just so in love with him.

They get muffins from the bakery under her apartment before getting in her car, “where is it?” Spencer asks, playing the role of GPS whenever they drove together.

“120 Kensington Road, McLean Virginia,” she members it clearly.

“Take a right,” Spencer smiles, and she’s off.

She drives with one hand, looking at her ring almost more than the road as Spencer held her other one. She pulled up to the Doctor’s house and he didn’t want to leave. Sighing, he looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

“I will see you when you get home, I’m going to call out after this case is done and you get mandatory 24 hours off for back-to-back cases,” she said, knowing protocol almost better than him. “Go to work.”

“Fine,” he frowns again, getting out of the car and walking around to her door. She rolls the window down and tilts her chin up, leaning out for the kiss he’s waiting to give her.

“Let me know when you’re done, I can come and pick you back up,” she whispers against his lips between kisses.

One last smooch and he pulls away, backing up so he isn’t tempted to stay any longer, “olive.”

“Olive,” she replies with a smile, waving slightly before he disappears behind the door.

She releases a long sigh, melting into the chair as she lets the butterflies swarm around a bit in her stomach, it felt wonderful.

She went home, napped from 10 till 2 and then sat in bed to stare at her beautiful ring for a little while. She couldn’t believe he proposed just like that. All she asked was if he wanted to get a mortgage on a house and she guesses he heard "spend the rest of your life with me."

Sometimes, when Spencer was on a case in Virginia and too busy to keep her updated, she would turn on the police radio and listen to what was going on around in the area. It was good to keep her mind preoccupied and to remind herself that he was safe.

At least that’s what it used to do.

“Shots fired at 120 Kensington Road, McLean Virginia, 10-999, 11-41, all units in the area are requested.”

“10-999, officer down, 11-41, send ambulances,” she whispers to herself, remembering all the dispatch lingo from the office.

She doesn’t have time to panic, she unlocks her safe and grabs her gun, loading it and then she’s out the door, in her car and pulling up behind the sheriff's car as she’s running out.

She tosses her badge up to show the cops as she tries to run onto the scene, “I’m an FBI agent on his team, let me through!”

She slides her knees along the grass, surely ruining her jeans as she dives for him. She places a hand on his bloody knee and looks everywhere else, “are you okay? Are you good? Holy shit, Spence?”

Her breathing is so heavy, she clutches her chest with her left hand and tries to calm down as he looks up at her and they breathe in and out a few times without breaking eye contact. He’s completely fine, there’s just a bullet in his knee, he assures her.

“I’m fine,” he laughs lightly, wincing at the pain as he leans forward to kiss her gently.

She’s there only 2 minutes before Derek, JJ and Rossi are pulling up on the scene. Everyone huddled around them on the grass as the EMTs bandaged his knee up before taking him to the ambulance.

“You need to call Emily,” Spencer speaks over everyone, “something happened to Hotch, I’m fine here with Y/N, just go see him.”

He was always going to be fine with her, that was for sure. She never left his side, except when they took him in for surgery and forced her back into the waiting room. But as soon as he was okay again, his hand was in hers.

—

He was given a month off after his knee surgery, but he still ended up in the office most nights. Becoming more of a night owl than usual as he accompanied his fiancé to her desk and sat beside her as she did her work. It was really nice to spend time with her and not have to do anything.

Of course, he filled his time by going over other case files, things they weren’t able to get to as a team and things that didn’t fit the criteria of the BAU. He made phone calls and sent emails, helping small-town cops make simple connections and doing more good that way.

He sat at her desk, his leg resting over her lap as she made a few phone calls. Handing the background of the cases, filing off invoices and approvals. Dispatching units and requesting files and overrides from other departments. She was amazing.

She hangs up the phone, finally, after 45 minutes of rolling her eyes and sighing as she was transferred from office to office all around America. She places her hand on his leg and absentmindedly runs her hand along his shin, staring off at the desk, silently.

“Are you okay?”

She nods, “do you think you’re healed enough to start looking at places?”

He nods back, “actually, I already found one. Hold on,” he slides his leg off her lap and stands with his crutches, hobbling over to his desk where he looks through his files for a new folder.

When he comes back to her, he places the folder in her hands, “forever homes,” is listed on the tag and he sees her heart melt in her eyes. She opens the folder as he sits down, there are about 15 pages of house and apartment listings printed off.

“When did you do all this?” She whispered, shocked and not wanting to cry at work.

“Before I got shot, I was on the phone with Penelope and I asked her to help me find some, she printed off like 50 and I selected the good ones, but there’s more if you don’t like an-“

“Babe,” she cut the rant short, “I’m sure I’ll love any of them, as long as they come with you.”

He pulls a specific sheet from the pile, “this one is my favourite.”

She can see why, it’s a large, green exterior, Victorian home. There’s a turret and a porch, large windows with a bench seat in the kitchen. A garage, 4 bedrooms, a finished basement, a study and a pretty nice backyard.

“It’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but Derek said he’s willing to help teach me how to fix some stuff,” Spencer pressed his lips together awkwardly. He really wanted this on.

“Let’s get a Realtor and set up a walk-through,” she agreed, “and we should bring Derek because he’ll know more than most inspectors anyway. I don’t want to get a place with a cracked foundation or a faulty water heater.”

He smiled again, “remember last week when I had that extra appointment?”

She tilted her head, “no, there is no way you’ve already been there to check it out without me.”

“And I put an offer in, but I was waiting for your approval,” he adds, nervous for her to hate it.

“With what money? I thought we were doing this together?” He’s not sure why she’s upset, normally she loves his surprises.

“When I sold my moms house, I invested the money and it’s been gaining interest for years now,” his voice is soft, “I got through college with scholarships and if I was ever down on money I just had to go to one casino and I always leave with two grand, minimum, I promise, I’m really in this for the long run. I know what I'm doing.”

She smiles, picking up the listing and calling the agency. “Hi this is Y/N Y/L/N calling, my fiancé, Doctor Spencer Reid, recently put an offer in on the listing for 247 Chestnut Drive, I’d love to come and see it soon and take some measurements and things. If you could call me back…”

Spencer is so in love with her it hurts. He wants to scream right then and there, like a kettle on a hot stove for too long, he’s bursting at the seams. She hangs up the phone with the best smile he’s ever seen, “I’m going home early, cause I’m sick, care to join me?”

She stands then, putting her hand out for him so he could stand with her help. “Quartz,” he replies, taking her hand and stands, she gathers their things and she clocks out. No one really cared about all her sick days, she did her job well and they wanted the good doctor to be taken care of.

When he finally gets to show her the inside of the house, she is so in love with it. The hardwood is all original, same with the railings, shelves, banisters and countertops. They're all rustic and beautiful, she can’t help but run her finger over everything as she looks around with an open mouth. X

The kitchen cabinets are green, there is a beautiful colourful wallpaper as a backsplash… and it’s completely empty. It was a remodel, some house flippers did it up and didn’t want to stay. It was made more modern, updated appliances and every safety protocol met. It was perfect.

She turned to him with a smile after only 5 minutes of looking, “this is it.”

“Good,” the women showing them around said, “because your offer was approved, with your say so I can get everything started with escrow.”

“Holy shit!” Y/N cheered, jumping a bit and showing off while Spencer just leaned on his crutch. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his cheek a few times.

“You can start that paperwork,” Spencer smiled, holding her back with his face in the crook of her neck.

—

The hardest part of moving is transporting all of Spencer’s books from one home to another. It's at least 30 boxes of books and Derek will be faxing his chiropractor bill to Spencer within the week.

His office here was huge, floor-to-ceiling oak shelves and green walls, full of all his books and belongings now. It was his own space in the house he shared with his future wife.

It felt crazy to him.

She used to just be the cute girl in the office, he can remember the exact moment he laid eyes on her. She was walking around aimlessly with some files in her hands when he turned around at his desk. She looked lost, overwhelmed and like she was about to have a breakdown.

She looked at him with the same fear he felt on his first day, he took the file from her and knew exactly where it was meant to go. She followed behind him, quiet as a mouse as he placed it in a folder by the wall under a sign that said "Anderson."

He turned with a press-lipped smile and a nod and then they went their separate ways. Silent conversations became their thing, the only time he really heard her voice was when she called him in in the middle of the night or when he heard her on the phone.

Other than that; she smiled when they passed each other, she’d tap her watch when he needed to be doing something Hotch asked for and was preoccupied with something else, she even knew exactly what he was looking for by just observing his chaos. Always able to pull a sheet of paper from the bottom of the stack with ease, and always silently, until that one day she said sorry to him after slamming the phone.

Now he knows that she talks in her sleep, she likes to go over her plans out loud in the shower every morning, and she sings all day long. Be it little tunes, hums, random tongue clicks or whistling, she’s always making noise. His favourite, however, was when sometimes she’d remember something she was trying to remember during a conversation they had, 4 days prior, and she’d scream it out like he knows what she’s thinking every second of every day.

He was in love with her voice, he never wanted to stop hearing it.

He was in love with her face, he never wanted to stop seeing it.

He was in love with her body, he never wanted to stop touching it.

He was in love with her mind, he never wanted to stop exploring it.

All those thoughts rushing to his brain and rushing a new form of butterflies for him. Like anxiety, but happier. Like he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her. It was anticipation rather than fear.

She really was it for him, and as he unboxed his life into the house they were about to share for the upcoming future, it all became very real. This was how the rest of his forever was going to look with her. All their memories from here on out were going to take place in this house, in these rooms.

When he picked this house, it was just a fun idea, and now he looks at the hardwood floors and thinks about how wet baby feet are going to sound during bath time. He wonders how many times the creaky steps are going to let him know she’s coming up to bed, he wonders what screaming matches and fights and love-making will happen beyond the bedroom door across from his study.

He wonders if she’s going to love him as long as he wants to love her.

He opens his study door then, “Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?” She calls up from the bottom of the stairs.

“Can you come up here?”

She marches up the stairs, still not used to the creaky staircase or the length of stairs she had to climb, soon enough, she’s on the second floor and walking into his study, “what’s up?”

He doesn’t know how to ask, he doesn’t even really know what he wants actually. He just missed her, and she was only just downstairs.

“Can I have a hug?”

It comes out more pathetic than he predicted, cringing at the embarrassment as he shrunk into the couch.

“Quartz,” her voice is soft as she approaches him.

Sitting on the brown leather couch that was once in his apartment, she wraps her arms around him and he holds her back softly.

Resting his head on her shoulder, he just wants to hold her for a while. Eventually, they end up laying down with her on his chest, still holding each other as silent as they were in the beginning.

“I love you,” Spencer whispers against her hair.

She snuggles in more, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder softly, “I love you, too, are you okay?”

He nods softly, “I was just thinking about everything and I wanted to hold you.”

She swoons, “do you remember the first night we cuddled like this?”

He nods again, brushing his chin against her head each time, “it all feels like history repeating like it’s supposed to be this way for us.”

“I like to think so,” she agreed. “I actually think you’re my twin flame.”

He hums, thinking about it, “I’m not sure I know what that means.”

“So soulmates are kind of like mirror souls, they are exactly everything that the other needs and they fill the missing parts for each other." She explains softly and he can already tell where her rant is going.

"I don’t think that’s us because we are too similar; sometimes we butt heads and don’t see eye-to-eye, and you drive me crazy a lot of the time because we have the same anxiety and daddy issues, but it’s also because you do things I think about doing and then I can’t do them because they're done already and they’re my calm down things so then I have nothing to calm down with, like yesterday-“

“Babe,” he whispers, “I know, we finish each other’s sandwiches, that’s what your niece said when she saw us together.”

It makes her smile and he can feel her cheekbone against his chest, “twin flames are what happens when one soul is ripped in half and sent to two bodies. They’re capable of surviving separately, as long as they have the right kindling, but they burn brighter together.”

“People sometimes think fire is living because it consumes and uses energy, requires oxygen, and moves through the environment,” Spencer says softly, “have you ever seen something catch fire on both ends?”

“Yeah, a few times, why?”

“It’s never about burning the item entirely, both fires are only concerned with connecting to each other for mass destruction. They always burn in the strangest patterns, but they always connect first before devouring the victim.”

She sits up to look at him, “are you saying I devoured you?”

“That would be de-flowered,” he teases, “but no, I’m saying it makes sense. We really have been burning through everything to find each other.”

“I cannot believe you just said I de-flowered you before the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said,” she laughs, “and it was a mutual de-flowering, might I remind you.”

“I will never forget,” he coos, leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers.

She pushes him back against the couch, it’s been forever since they’ve really done anything. With moving, Spencer’s recovery, her working nights and sleeping all day. It hasn’t been rewarding in a long time, it’s just been enjoyable.

“No,” he whispers as she starts to trail kisses down his neck. “I’m not having sex on the couch the first time we do it in the house.”

She laughs against his neck, pushing herself off the couch and extending a hand to him, “did the doctor even say you can yet?”

“I can’t do all the work, but I can give a second opinion?” He couldn’t stop the grin on his face as she hauled him to his feet.

“Let me heal you,” she whispers, and he knows exactly what she means.

She lays him down on their bed, on top of the covers with no clothes on as she gathers her things. She closes the blinds, turns on her amber lamp, and lights her candles. But his favourite thing that she adds is the sound therapy… helping the water in his body vibrate at the right frequency to calm him completely. She’s going all out for this one.

Much like the first time.

She’s naked too, both of them completely unfazed by each other’s naked form by now. She sits between his legs with all her chakra stones in her hands and she sets them down on his stomach before arranging them in order where they’re supposed to help on his body.

The Amethyst is just above his head for his crown chakra, touching his scalp gently. He closes his eyes as she places a Lapis Lazuli on his third eye, in the centre of his forehead. An Aquamarine on his throat. Rose Quartz on his heart, Tiger’s Eye on his solar plexus, Pyrite on his belly button and finally, Fire Agate at his core.

He always felt so totally relaxed like this, even the first time she ever laid him down like this. He was so calm, he knew he was in good hands and seeing her bless the room made him feel even better.

“Only good may enter here,” the words she repeats every full moon when she opens the windows and blessed the whole house. Keeping them safe, happy, healthy and loved.

She kissed the scar on his knee, causing him to open his one eye to see her. She was laying between his legs now, head resting on his hip as she lightly ran her fingers over his knee, ticking the skin where he finally had feeling again. It took forever for the numbness to go away, even longer for the pain. But she was so patient with him the whole time, taking the best care of him.

She doesn’t mind that he’s hard, she’s very close to his dick as it rests on his stomach beside the crystal.

She kisses his hip, inching each kiss over until she’s pressing one right to the shaft of his dick and he takes a deep breath. Knowing she’ll stop if he forgets how to do the breathing exercises she showed him. He wasn’t allowed to tense his body, this was about pleasure and there was no rush.

For either of them.

He’s done this for her a few times over the years too, just as slow and sensual as she was being. It was calming, rewarding, they bonded with each other and really felt like one being this way.

He heard a cap open, but he was so used to it by now that it filled him with contentment rather than excitement. He remembers the first time she said she wanted to do this, getting some skin-safe, homemade, vegan massage lube and almost turning inside out with how awkward she was asking to do this for their first time.

She sat on her knees between his legs with a small bounce as she got excited about her favourite part. She sat with the bottle resting between her thighs, warming up while she ran some of it over her hands. She massaged his thighs first, getting all the knots and making sure there was no “Charlie's on any horses”, the first time she said that he almost cried laughing and ruined the mood for a little.

She took the rocks off him then, sitting more on his hips as she drizzled the warm oil on his chest. He let his hands rest on her knees, wanting to feel her skin while she felt his. Her hands felt like magic, running over his chest, arms and shoulders like this was her job. She knew every crook, every cranny, every pressure point and soft tissue on him. His body was just as much her’s now.

It's when she presses her body flat against his that he knows the mood is changing. Her breasts are flat against his chest, her hands are behind his head as she looks down at him, her groin pressed right against him as he aches for contact, grinding up into her slowly as she stares into his eyes.

“Better?” She whispered with a small smile, already feeling how much calmer he was, she just wanted confirmation.

“Much,” he’s just as quiet in his reply. “If I don’t bend that knee, it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t mind doing all the work, baby,” she kisses him quickly, “I know you like it more like this anyway.”

She slithers down his body then, his body slick with oil as she easily glides down and creating the most wonderful amount of friction with him. He groans, tossing his head back against the Amethyst on his scalp.

She sits on his good thigh, avoiding pressure with his bad knee like he was an old man now. She makes contact with the only part she didn’t message, adding more of the massage lube to her hand before lazily jerking him off. He keeps a hand on her thigh, groping and managing her right back as she kept a perfect rhythm.

She occasionally grinds against his thigh, mostly when he moans and groans. Extremely turned on by him having a good time, proud of herself for relaxing him, always complaining that he was too tense, she really knew how to release the pressure.

Just as she gets into it, the calming sounds of rain and high-pitched frequencies come to an end… Rhiannon starts playing and he literally watches her come alive; changing her rhythm to match the beat as she starts to grind against him more, she only added his song to the queue, somehow an hour had passed and her music was resuming.

And when Spencer said she was eclectic, he meant she could go from listening to a rare Canadian band called the Tragically Hip, to Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Evanescence and back to Fleetwood Mac. He had no idea where the mood was about to go.

He moved his hand up her thigh as he tried to power through the pleasure, her hand was so amazing he was bubbling away under his skin. He manages to get his middle finger between his leg and her, massaging her clit as she bucked her hips down on him.

Mutual pleasure in any sense was enough for them, seeing the other being perfectly content after everything they went through; it was euphoric. She leans up then and kisses him desperately, unable to stop stroking him as she sucked his tongue into her mouth.

She smiles against his mouth as the song changes again, it’s the song from the ending of Dirty Dancing, he knows how much she loves that movie. Her kisses get softer, she’s so gentle as she strokes him just a few more times before throwing a leg over his hips and lowering herself onto him in one go. Bottoming out faster than before, both of them making the same moan as they curled forward for each other, mouths clashing as they held onto each other.

Grinding together, Spencer kept a hand on her to help her ride as she was preoccupied with her hands in his hair and kissing his neck as they moved in tandem. It was so good, he was incredibly close but he wanted to hold off as long as possible to feel her finish first.

His ultimate pleasure was knowing she was pleasured, he massaged her clit once more between their bodies and she shuttered, “right there,” her words are small as she kisses under his ear, tugging his hair softly as he moans so she can lick at his neck as she moves her hips up and down, gloriously.

He can’t keep his eyes open, everything is too much and he’s so relaxed; it’s like his body is floating on a cloud as she rides him like they’re actually in heaven. He was really having the time of his life and it made him smile at the end of the whimper he released as she tightened around him suddenly and on purpose.

She moves faster, and so does his wrist as he helps her over the edge first. She’s panting in his ear as she rides him with purpose. She cums with a gasp and then he’s gone, her whole body stuttering as she let out the most relaxed and uncontrollable moan he’s ever heard from her.

His grip on her ass tightens as he holds her hips down, he cums with a gasp and it’s so powerful he passes out.

—

He’s so cute when he sleeps.

She’s got him all cleaned up, everything put away and where it’s supposed to be in their new room. She just lays beside him as she watches him nap, blissed out and relaxed, she doesn’t even care that it’s such a typical guy thing to fall asleep right after.

That was kind of her mission.

He’s been so stressed, he wasn’t going to tell her because he didn’t want his stress to become her stress like it so often did. Feeding off each other like a fire, he really knew how to give a phrase to a feeling. But he was stressed because he was in pain from his knee and no matter how much he lied and said he was fine, she knew he wanted to relieve the pain but he was afraid of even taking a Tylenol.

This is the most relaxed he’s been in months.

She ordered a pizza while he was asleep, it arrived before he woke up too. She sets the pizza box, 2 bottles of pop and a roll of napkins at the end of the bed, gently, before getting back into her spot.

She brushed his hair from his face and kissed the tip of his nose gently, seeing him scrunch his face and swallow before blinking awake. She smiled at him, “Hi, sleepyhead.”

“Hello, beautiful.”

“I ordered pizza,” she whispers.

“Olive,” he replies.

“Well yeah,” it makes her giggle but she has to say it, “I got our regular green olives, mushrooms and extra cheese.”

He laughs too, extra happy after both the sex and his nap. “I love you,” he says the full thing this time.

She presses another kiss to his lips before hauling him into a sitting position, “I love you, too.”

It’s the best night of her life so far.

the house

Taglist: @dreatine for inspiring a part 2 <3

@shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[mrpenguinpants]

Childe/Tartaglia: “Enemies” to “Lovers”

Aww, thank you 💕💕 All of you are so lovely ;-; Coming out from the bushes and attacking me.

Have you guy’s seen the Childe trailer? It’s in Chinese but holy shit I want him?? Who is Xiao anymore? WHAT ARE LOYALTIES??? I’m gonna ATTEMPT to roll for Childe. I love snake two faced characters so much.

I’ve never written for Childe before and there’s not a lot to go off on but I will try my best. Honestly, he’s like Dazai 2.0 for me lol.

I’m not sure what scenario you wanted but since I’m hard simping for this man, I made this a lot a bit self indulgent. I actually had a completely different idea so that’s where the enemies to lovers title comes from before I scrapped it. Now if you’ll excuse me, here’s your 2k words of food.

Update: Guess what? You’re getting a part 2. Don’t know when but now I have a taglist if you want to be added and tagged when it comes out 

---

Childe/Tartaglia: “Enemies” to “[Lovers]”

Childe silently hops over the wall and onto the roof in the dead of night. The moon was shining high, casting dark shadows that he slips in between them as he eyes his destination. An open window leading to an important personnel. Usually, he would send an agent to observe, but once he learned who this secret person was, he decided to take it into his own hands. To stretch his muscles a bit. His hand quickly caught the edge of the window sill as he raises himself and drops into the spacious room. He whistles lowly as he looks around. This was a big room but it wasn’t that much of a surprise, considering who was staying here.

“Thank you, have a good night.”

His head perks up as he hears a voice and steps into the shadows of the room. He can faintly make out an outline of a body behind the sliding doors and stands back, out of sight. He watches as the doors slowly open and the person he’s been looking for steps in. One of the leaders of the Qixing. As soon as the door’s close behind you, your shoulder’s finally relaxed before turning around to walk to the other end of the room where a large mirror was placed. You loosen the pin holding your clothes up, finally ready to get rid of these heavy clothes. He quickly averts his eyes but your voice once again breaks the silence.

“Do you make it a habit of watching others without their knowledge or are you going to say something?” you ask as you turn around as your eyes roam around what appeared to be an empty room. He weighs his options before shrugging and stepping out into the moonlight with his arms raised in mock surrender.

“I swear I would look away. I’m a bad guy but I’m not one of those types. I promise!” He laughs casually despite the circumstance, “I’m surprised you noticed me. But I suppose one of the Qixing would be capable of such an act.”

“Oh no, you were perfect. You just came at a bad time. But who are you? You don’t act like an agent” you eyed him carefully as you fiddled with your pin.

“I’m Childe, one of the Fatui’s Eleven Harbingers,” he replies giving a mock bow in your direction. He watches your reaction to see if you’ll panic and call for the Millelith. Instead, you simply nod along and you’ve stopped fiddling with the pin on your clothing.  

“Ah, I’ve met a few of you Harbingers. You don’t look like one” you remarked as you turn around once again to finally undo the pin. Childe quickly turns his gaze away as you settle the heavy clothes on the table to fold. You pull your inner clothes closer to yourself to keep warm in the chilly room.

“I’m a bit too young to see their way of thinking. So I don’t fit in well with them,” he shrugs unbothered. He’s never liked the other Harbingers anyways, “I wasn’t aware that the Qixing had other leaders present.”

“Well, the Qixing prefer to keep things somewhat discreet-”

“Yaoguang? Is everything alright? We heard voices,” one of the Millelith cuts you off as both Childe and your eyes dart to the paper screen door. Childe steps silently towards the window sill, ready to escape if needed. He would have to do a lot of unnecessary explaining if he were caught and the Qixing were already suspicious of the Fatui.

“Yes, I’m alright. I haven’t heard anything at all. Are you sure you are alright? Maybe you should rest,” you quickly walk to the door and slide it open just enough for the Millelith to see your face. The Millelith shakes his head and quietly apologizes for disturbing you before leaving.

“That looks like my cue to go, it’s getting pretty late anyway,” Childe smiles as he ducks under the window sill and gives a small wave back to you.

“Have a good night Childe.”

“You too, Yaoguang.”

---

“Don’t you think the Qixing are a bit too secretive?”

You turn around to see Childe sitting on the window sill as he ponders the thought. His right leg is resting on his left knee as his arm hold’s his chin as he stares at the wall in front of him. You give him a quick once over before going back to what you were doing, polishing your pin.

“Are you sure one of the Fatui should be saying that? Your organization plays with deceit and trickery” you laugh quietly to yourself as you place your pin in a old wooden box. It looked out of place in the room with the crude drawings and chipped paint, but Childe thought it suited you.

“Hey, I don’t agree with those methods at least! I’m here in front of you, aren’t I? But what about you? Aren’t you keeping me a secret from the Qixing?” he grins mischievously as he directs his attention onto you. Your back to still to him but he can watch your face in the reflection of the mirror. He’s not sure if he should commend you on your relaxed expression or the fact that he could easily kill you with your back turned.

“Mm, perhaps. But I enjoy this. You may not believe me but I think of you as a friend Childe. A personal secret of mine.” you say amused as you look up into the reflection of the mirror and manage to catch his surprised expression before it disappears.

“A friend? We’ve barely known each other,” he looked at you incredulously but with a wry smile, “I might seem nice but I’m still a bad guy.”

“A lot of people in Liyue don’t appear as they seem. But I don’t consider all of them as bad people. Don’t you think so Childe?”

He doesn’t say anything. You never mention it again.

---

“I have a younger sister who is an astrologist,” you say as you’re lying back on the bed while he sits on the window sill, “she’s the one that gave me this pin except her pin is red with the star and moon.”

You held the pin up for him to take and look for himself. He slips off the window sill and walks to your lying figure to take hold of it. It was a blue pin with a star in the center and the sun’s rays lining the edges of the rim. It was a bit worn but it was in incredibly good condition. He’s seen how you look at the pin so he’s not surprised.

“Astrology huh? Aren’t you Qixing named after the Big Dipper’s stars?” he asks as he hands the pin back to you and watches your eyes take a childlike gleam. He huffs a bit amused under his breath, you always seem to get like this whenever he let’s you ramble about stars.

“Yes, Yaoguang is translated from the Alkaid star. Alkaid derives from the Arabic phrase meaning "The leader of the daughters of the bier". The daughters of the bier are the three stars of the handle of the Big Dipper, Alkaid, Mizar, and Alioth. While the four stars of the bowl, Megrez, Phecda, Merak, and Dubhe, are the bie,” you ramble on making different gesture as you continue your mini lecture, “Tianquan and Yuheng are the stars Megrez and Alioth. They are here in Liyue too but Tianquan will be the one that preforms the Rite of Descension. It feels as if I’m attending my sister’s talent show even if Tianquan is older than me.”

“Hm, I’ve never looked into studying the stars. I’m more of a fighter,” Childe comments as he hears you laugh that you’re not surprised. He looks towards the moon and see’s it’s his time to leave. You give him a small wave as he starts back to the window sill before giving a small comment over his shoulder.

“You know I also have a younger sister.”

“Is she aware of what you do Childe?”

“No, of course not. Does your sister know what you do?”

“No, she doesn’t know either.”

---

“Can I see your mask?”

He unstraps it from his head and hands it to you as he watches you run your finger around the intricate details before moving it over your face. You’re both seated on the bed this time beside each other.

“I don’t understand how you can fight wearing this,” you say as you squint your eyes through the opening of the mask. He chuckles softly at the weird expression before plucking his mask out of your hands.

“Hm? I thought the Qixing were capable fighters?” he asks as he reattaches the mask to the side of his head. He rest’s his chin back onto his hand and settles back into his comfortable position.

“Yes, Tianquan uses the geo element while Yuheng uses electro,” you list off on one hand.

“What do you use?” he asks.

“Who knows” you answer.

He pouts a bit which you have to stifle your laugh at. It’s somewhat amazing how far he’s gone with this. He’s pretty busy managing business behind the scenes and getting on friendly terms with that funeral parlor man, Zhongli was it? Yet, he finds himself back here whenever he get’s a free night.

“I’m sorry for laughing but I never thought you could make such an expression. But I’m being honest. I can’t use a vision so I don’t know,” you shrug as you lie back down and close your eyes. Childe nods along even though you can’t see him. He had always thought the pin you carried was your vision until you let him hold it for himself.

“If you joined the Fatui. We could give you a vision,” he says as his gaze almost pierces through you but you continue to look unbothered. Your eye’s still remained peacefully closed.

“It’s the night before the Rite of Descension. It will be a busy day so you should get some rest before then Childe”

---

It was the day of the Rite of Descension and he had yet to see you. He knew you would be observing but wouldn’t you at least be at a vantage point where you could view the entire ritual?

“Excuse me, have you seen the Yaoguang?” he asks one of the Qixing attendants but she only looks at him confused. He’s not that surprised about that either.

“Yaoguang? I’m sorry but that leader isn’t here in Liyue right now. Did you mean to ask for Tianquan Lady Ningguang perhaps?” she attempts to correct as she gestures to the middle of the stage, where the white haired woman was standing.

“Yaoguang isn’t here? They haven’t appeared at all these past few weeks for the Rite of Descension to observe?” he asks again but the lady shook her head as he chuckled. So not even people closest to the Qixing knew that one of their leaders was being impersonated.

“Oh, sorry. Yes, I meant for Tianquan Ningguang. Sorry, these star names are a bit hard to wrap my head around” he laughs it off before walking away before the lady has time to respond.

“She is busy preparing for the Rite of Descension so she won’t be seeing anyone anytime soon. Perhaps after the ceremony if it’s urgent?” she still calls out to him before going back to her responsibilities.  

Tartaglia nods as he waves goodbye before continuing on. He never cared for the Rite of Descension but maybe today will be interesting. He spots two familiar faces in the crowd trying to get to the front to see the Rite of Descension. They seem to be friends. He laughs to himself as he reminisces all your past interactions with him. He’ll find out sooner or later who this mysterious Yaoguang impersonator is. After all, the walls have ears.

---

Part 2 perhaps? Depends on the feedback I get on this. I read about the big dipper for this fic. 

[smoochkooks]

—lost stars, part 2 (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: smut, angst, bits of fluff, (troubled) idol au, childhood friends to lovers

⟶ word count: 20k

⟶ summary: in dead hours of the night he stumbles upon the bars, reaching, searching, trying to feel something, for once forget about consequences and taste the bittersweet freedom. between sips of addiction and faint touches of nameless lovers he finds you again: his own long-lost star on a blackboard sky.

⟶ warnings: explicit sexual content, soft dom!jk but also bit possessive!jk, sub!reader, oral (f receiving), praise kink, jk calling oc his pretty girl, unprotected sex (stay safe kiddos!), creampie, implicit car sex, mentions of infidelity, smoking, both oc and jk are emotional mess sometimes.

✔ read part one here!

a/n: i’m sorry i keep you waiting for so long but it’s finally here. as i promised, by the end of october. this story has a really special place in my heart, i’ve had it in my drafts for over a year now. i hope you’ll enjoy it!

Twenty-two. No, twenty-three. Or maybe it was actually twenty-two? Jungkook starts counting again.  

Various, different certificates are aligned on the wall in front of him, every single one dedicated to the same man, sitting across the table with crossed arms and stern expression. It’s rather obvious his ego reaches far beyond the printed sheets of paper with his name written in swirly fonts. They are here just to make an impression, to fool people into believing that the pastel blue shirt he’s wearing and expensive watch on his wrist are the outcome of his hard work.  

He opens his mouth to say something, but it doesn’t reach Jungkook’s ears. He starts counting again; this time the number of letters on the first certificate.

“What do you suggest we should do then?”

The man whose achievements in marketing and public relations Jungkook currently attentively analyzes, is Lee Ilsug, or at least that’s what those diplomas indicate. To be honest, Jungkook couldn’t care less about his name or the list of accomplishments that made him be employed here.

He’s new in the company, that’s certain. Jungkook didn’t have to deal with him before but Yoongi had the unpleasantness though, when he needed to deny the rumours going all around the Twitter about his slightly too close friendship with a female singer he had collaborated with.  

Quoting Yoongi, Ilsung was pain in the ass. 

“The photo is blurry. It’s debatable whether it’s Jungkook-ssi or not.” Another voice, this time female, cuts in. Jungkook remembers her face fleetingly from some PR meeting he had attended before. It looks like she’s now Ilsung’s assistant. “I checked SNS. Fans are on Jungkook’s side, they don’t believe what that girl had written, which is a good situation for us to interfere and release a statement.”

“What do you think, Jungkook?”

It’s Sejin. He was the one who contacted Jungkook about the ruckus in the company that has been going on since morning. The case is simple: on the day he did his walk of shame out of your apartment, he stopped to light up a cigarette that happened to be another one of his cardinal mistakes he’s made in span of 24 hours. What started with getting the temptation and alcohol got better of him and sleeping with you, ended with someone taking a picture of him while smoking.

It’s truly a miracle the photo’s quality is moderately vague. His mom always tells him he was born under the lucky star but for Jungkook it’s more like fate was playing hide and seek with him. This time, he managed to blend into the shadows in time.

Ilsung clicks his tongue. It’s not a secret he hates his job yet cherishes the money he earns. He pushes his thick-rimmed glasses up his nose and leans over the table. He’s close enough for Jungkook to notice the fresh cut from shaving on his cheek and a small, golden cross hanging on his neck. 

He raises his brow, eyes trained on Jungkook. Cold, emotionless. Clearly, his ambitions don’t end on dealing with some idol’s reckless shenanigans. “Well? What’s on your mind, Jungkook-ssi? We are ready to release the statement denying rumours about the incident in an hour.”

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek. “But that will be a lie then. I did smoke, it’s me on that picture.”

Next to him, he hears Sejin clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Jungkook, I know it’s unfair but we can’t let it affect yours or boys’ reputations right now. We are a month before the comeback.” he says and no matter how much he tries to make it sound neutral, pulling the ‘what about the rest of the members?’ card is usually the last straw to bend Jungkook.

Jungkook releases a long sigh at that. He feels unworthy. He let down his brothers again, made them worry about him countless times before and that’s what he offeres in return: disappointment. He cannot risk his bandmates’ good name because of his incautious behavior. They sacrificed too much to be where they are now to lose it over a silly scandal.  

“Do what’s best for the team.” he decides after a while.

Once he’s out of the office, his thoughts drift instinctively to you. Do you already know about the mess he created? Do you even search through social media, looking for the updates about him? No, you wouldn’t go there, he tells himself. He’s almost sure. He hopes those revelations won’t ever reach you.

Sejin breaks his chain of thoughts, stepping into the elevator after him. “What were you even doing in that part of the city so early?” he asks, staring at Jungkook’s reflection in the mirror.

“Does it really matter?”

Sejin’s features soften a little. He’s been with them practically since the beginning. Seen their best and worst, always by their side even when the whole world seemed to be against them. Piggybacking Jungkook out of the practice room because he complained about his feet being sore, joking behind the stage about trivial things when no cameras where around. They trusted him. And he’s never stopped believing in them.

“I told you that million times before. You are allowed to lead your life the way you want, Jungkook. I know how you feel, but as a public figure you have to be extremely careful, first and foremost. People don’t forget, nothing ever disappears from the Internet,” he says, or rather repeats the same mantra he’s been telling them since they broke into the mainstream and started being overly recognizable. “I am here to protect you but I won’t be able to do that if you don’t take care of yourself first.”

He places a strong hold on Jungkook’s shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. Jungkook releases a sigh and the door slides open behind them. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Always, Jungkook-ah. I’m feeling like a father of rebel teenager now.” Sejin laughs lightly to clear the heavy atmosphere, making Jungkook snort.  

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!”

Sejin ruffles Jungkook’s hair, ignoring younger’s grumbling protests. The walk into the spacious parking lot of the company and Jungkook suddenly stops in his tracks.  

“Does Bang already know about this?“ he asks matter-of-factly, although he’s sure what the answer will be. The confirmation he needs comes with a nod from Sejin. “Is he pissed?” he adds then.

Sejin raises his brows, looking down at him. “His golden boy let him down, what do you think? He might not be mad but he’s sure as hell disappointed.” He gestures to his car and Jungkook follows him without a word, imagining his boss’ sour expression next time he sees him. In Bang’s self-made ranking he’s sitting at last place right now probably.  

“Want to grab a proper breakfast with me? I’ve been called into the company while I was in bed. I didn’t even have time to finish my coffee.” Sejin offers, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts.

“Okay.” Jungkook says, hopping in Sejin’s car. “You’re buying?” he asks, mustering a snickering smile even though he’s definitely not in the mood for joking.

Sejin rolls his eyes, fastening his seatbelt. “Don’t you think you own it to me for saving your ass once again?”

“But I’m your rebel teenager kid, remember?” Jungkook pouts. When he sees Sejin hesitating, he opts for another strategy. The one that never fails. “Rock-paper-scissors?”

“Deal.” 

Tonight, Jungkook pulls up in front of the club you’re working in with his car. It’s Friday night and he recalls you saying you work here every two weeks. He counted the days three times. There’s no way he made a mistake. He’s sober. And he has no intentions of getting drunk.  

You’re surprised when you see him. You haven’t spoken a word for a whole week since he walked out of your apartment. He seems happier when he approaches you, flashing a bunny-toothed smile like nothing ever happened. Maybe he’s good at pretending. That’s exactly what you told him to do - act like the night he stripped you bare and fucked you silly was merely a mirage.

In a way, you’re relieved he makes everything seem ordinary, even though it’s anything but normal.

He waits for you to finish your shift. Tells you he drove here with his car and your eyes involuntarily widen. When you’re standing in front of his black Mercedes Benz, you can’t help but gawk.  

“I don’t even want to know how much money this cost.” You take in the all-polished, black glory of his car, muttering “Holy shit” under your breath.

Jungkook chuckles to himself, gesturing for you to get in. You do it without a word, making yourself comfortable on the leather seat. If he manages not to make things awkward, you can do it to, acting as though he isn’t a well-known persona in your country with an addiction for unhealthy lifestyle.

He starts the engine and drives in the direction of your neighborhood, humming to himself the tune playing in radio. It’s awfully domestic, the way he navigates through the streets like he knows them like the back of his hand although you’re aware he’s glancing at his phone once in a while to check the directions. You catch yourself watching him from the corner of your eye with curiosity, biting your lip to suppress the urge to ask him million questions at a minute. Instead, you let him do whatever he has in mind. You can’t ruin this, you remind yourself.

Later that night, you’re sitting in his car in the darkness, parked on the rundown parking lot where no one’s standing expect for you. The only source of light is coming from the single street lamp nearby, illuminating delicately Jungkook’s features in dim, yellowish lighting.  

He doesn’t say much. He fumbles with the hem of his jacket almost absentmindedly and you know him well enough to sense there’s something plugging his thoughts. You call his name and he turns his head to the side. It’s too dark for you to spot the tiredness on his beautiful face, too dark to read from his eyes and find all the needed answers in them.

“Is everything alright?” you ask and it sounds awfully loud in a small space of his car. Despite the silent promise you made to yourself about keeping things between you civil, you can’t help but interfere.

Jungkook then whirls on his seat so he can face you fully, flashing you a smile meant to throw all your former worries away. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to sit with you for a while like that, if you don’t mind.”  

If anything, it doesn’t cure your concerns but you shove it to the back of your head for now. Nodding at his words, you fall into the distressing silence. The street lamp nearby goes out and if it wasn’t for the digital dashboard in Jungkook’s car, you would have been surrounded by darkness completely.  

Jungkook chuckles under his breath and you follow suit. The sudden change in the atmosphere should be taken as a sign to abandon this damned parking lot and go somewhere else, but he looks like he has other plans in mind. Hearing the soft whisper of your name, you start feeling like it all was meant to happen. Him appearing in front of the club, the lights going out and enabling you to read the true emotions from your faces – it’s all like fate is again playing tricks with you.  

You don’t know who moves first, crossing the invisible oceans between you and reaching homeland, but the next thing you feel is his lips on yours.

He tastes like the non-alcoholic beverage he drunk earlier, mixed with faint bitterness of his beloved cigarettes and something akin to mint, yet you’re drowning in it, in him, in the warmth of his breath on your wet lips.

You feel the world spiraling in front of your eyes, despite your soberity. You’re moving automatically; leaning into his touch and accepting the kiss with raw passion, welcoming his tongue in your mouth willingly. It should be alarming how good it feels to have him like this, in your arms, teeth scrapping your neck until you’re writhing in your seat. Breathless, he takes the hint, maneuvering your body until you’re straddling his lap.  

It feels dangerously familiar. You know what’s going to happen next, when he unzips your jacket and places his hands underneath your sweater, relishing in the way you shiver at the coldness of his touch. When he sinks his teeth in your neck and withdraws seconds before leaving a blossoming mark. Yet you make no vow to stop him.  

From this exact moment, it’s just a blur of hushed whispers, broken moans and quick caresses that leave you yearning for more. Jungkook acts like he knows your body inside and out, thrusting his fingers knuckle-deep into your heat until you’re keening and begging him for more. And he gives it to you with earnest, coaxing you into an orgasm with one last, final flick of his thumb on your sensitive bud.

Jungkook groans when you palm his bulge through the material of his pants, but he’s too desperate to feel your wetness around him to let you tease him any longer. When you sink down onto him, all of your rational thoughts fly away with the breathy moan you let out in unison with his choked gasp.

It’s fast and ragged, chasing the high that it’s both forbidden yet so craved. And it hurts, when tears well in your eyes, when you’re at the brick of pleasure and you know there’s no way in the world you’re going to experience a desire so raw and overwhelming with anyone, ever again. It hurts when Jungkook picks up the pace and fucks into you with ferocity and anger, because the world is unfair and he’s a slave in the system in which freedom means fucking you dirty in his car when it’s dark out.

And he hates it, hates it so much when you unveil in front of him, whimpering his name hoarsely and tightening around his cock deliciously. He swallows every sound you make with his mouth, clenching his teeth because the pleasure is right there, but he needs an extra push to throw himself over the edge. It’s his name on your lips and the whimper of “Inside, please” that finally makes him snap.

Then, there’s only guilt and laboured breaths. In his self-made list of mistakes, you’re aiming for the top.

Grocery shopping has never been your favourite thing to do.

You would never quite enjoy doing it, not due to the constant anxiety of forgetting about buying something even if you make a list of products beforehand, not when you don’t have enough money to buy a little extra than needed (thanks to the dear capitalistic world we live in).  

Right now, you’re standing in the middle of an aisle with cereal, trying to look as much casual as possible so people passing by wouldn’t suspect you to be a wanna-be thief. The cause of your distress sits at the very top shelf and there’s no way in hell you’ll manage to snatch that Reese’s Puffs without knocking everything over.  

Defeated, you raise your hand to take your second option (good, old Corn Flakes), but a familiar voice coming from the right stops you in tracks.

“Need some help?”  

Twirling on your feet, you’re now standing face to face with Kihyun – Minho’s friend from work. Smiling sheepishly, you nod. “I do, actually. Can you pass me these ones, please?”  

You feel stupid asking that but fortunately, Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind your awkwardness. You talked to him briefly a few times before thanks to Minho, who took his friendship with him as far as to go on a double date together.  

“So, how are you?” Kihyun asks, placing the cereal box in your cart.

“I’m good, thanks. I assume you’ve been also doing well,” He raises his eyebrows at that and you clarify, “Minho told me you got promoted lately. Congrats, chief Yoo.”

“Ah, yeah, thank you,” There’s a tiny bit of pink covering the apples of his cheeks when he waves his hand dismissively at your comment. “But it’s not that big of a deal.”

“I’m sure working in a homicide department is a big deal,” you say. “And I heard it requires some extra shooting training as well.” you add, alluding to what Minho has told you the day you read the message on his phone from someone named Soyeon.

To your surprise, Kihyun furrows his brows in a manner that could only mean he’s confused. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”  

Hiding your astonishment with a light laugh, you explain, “Don’t you go to the shooting range with Minho after work? He told me so a while ago.”  

Something akin to realization crosses Kihyun’s face. He shakes his head. “Yeah, we went there together once or twice but recently he’s training there our new recruit, Soyeon.”  

His words punch you right in the guts. Minho lied to you. He wouldn’t come up with that shitty excuse if he didn’t have something dirtier to hide, right? Maybe you’re exaggerating, but he certainly hasn’t been truly honest with you for a while now. It must be a reason behind his strange behavior.

“Are you okay?”  

For a moment you’ve forgotten you’re in the middle of the grocery store with your boyfriend’s friend. Shaking yourself off your unpleasant thoughts, you send Kihyun an apologetic smile.  

“I’m sorry. I just remembered I need to go to the pharmacist’s and they’re closing soon so I gotta hurry now.” you lie. He doesn’t look like he entirely bought your story but nevertheless, he bids you goodbye.  

You leave the store with half-empty shopping bag, raging headache and a torn heart.

They say silence can speak more than any exchanged words.  

It hovers in the air, heavy and overwhelming, a tension primed to snap at any moment yet it has never happened before. There’s always quiet, no hushed sentences, half-lies or stuttered confessions leaving quivering lips.  

Sometimes you wonder when will you have enough. When will you be able to resist, to say you’re hurting so bad it aches right in your heart, like there are tons of bricks lying on your chest, suppressing your breathing. And maybe this is the night.  

A few unread messages on your phone, next one popping up and the screen lights up. 

[1:23pm] jungkook:

i need you  

It pains, a dull ache and suddenly there isn’t enough air in the room.   [1:24pm] jungkook:

please  

He never begs. It doesn’t suit him. There is too much pride and power inside him to crawl in front of you, to fall to his knees and plead. Yet, you falter, shaking fingertips typing a quick response. When brain screams fuck you, you don’t deserve me, a sight of him makes all the rational thoughts go to hell.  

He stands in your door, slender body leaning against the frame. You haven’t seen him for a while, a week or maybe two. His skin is pale, sheer and delicate you worry it might break if you trail your fingers over it. There are bangs under his bloodshot eyes and you know he had trouble sleeping again. It hurts seeing him like this, beautiful and broken but you’ve always loved picking up the damaged pieces.

He smiles, a lopsided smirk you know oh so well, a dark amusement because here you are, pliant under his gaze, vulnerable under his every command.  

“Hello, doll.”  

It’s the ‘doll’ that makes you grimace. Nickname he uses only when you’re stripped bare for his liking, bend to his will. It means he’s been drinking. Probably the expensive whiskey you hate the taste of so much when it lingers bitterly on your tongue after each swipe of his mouth against yours. “Will you let me in?” he then asks although he already knows the answer.

It’s cruel of him how he uses your weakness. You hate seeing him like this, hate when he’s thrown apart and you’re the only one who knows how to fix him. That’s why you move away from the door in a silent invitation, biting your lip when you see his slouching posture and unsteady walk.  

It hurts when you help him sit on your bed and he smiles at you lazily, in all his beautiful yet broken glory. You almost don’t recognize him. It’s not your Jungkook. Your Jungkook would never drown his misery in alcohol, he would never sit in your room barely conscious, smelling of cheap bars and cigarettes.  

But you accept your fate the way it is.  

“I need to sober you up a little. I’ll go get you a glass of water, okay?” He hums in response, although you’re worried it might have not reach his ears at all.  

Jungkook looks up when your back, accepting the water and drinking it with eagerness. “You’re too good to me, you know that right?” he slurs a little once he’s done. “I don’t deserve you.” he adds after a moment, cupping your cheek with his unoccupied palm.  

You squeeze your eyes shut because you fear you might break down in front of him if you look him in the eyes. He strokes your skin, murming “I’m so sorry” all over again.  

You stay like that for a few beats of silence, breathing in each other’s presences until you hear Jungkook’s phone buzzing in the pocket of his jacket. Taking it out, you see ‘Jimin-hyung’ written on the screen. “Your friends are worried about you.” you murmur, nudging his side.

“Tell them to go to hell.” You hear him muttering under his breath. Sighing, you decide to exit the room and answer the call.  

“Jungkook? Where the fuck are you?!” Jimin’s angered, thick with Busan dialect voice rings in your ears, making you flinch. “You should’ve at least answer my text once so I would know you’re okay!”  

Mustering the courage, you take a deep breath and say, “Hi, it’s Y/N speaking. Jungkook’s friend.”  

There’s a pause on the other side, until your hear Jimin clearing his throat. “Oh, hi. Is Jungkook maybe with you?” he asks and you smile to yourself involuntarily noticing how his voice has changed once he realised he’s not speaking to his friend.  

“He is. Drunk, but in one piece.” you reply, sparing a glance at aforementioned Jungkook who’s now slumped down on your bed, probably fast asleep.

Jimin sighs with relief. “That’s good then. You know, we got into a little fight today and he suddenly disappeared without a trace, and we are right before the comeback so–”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you interrupt his rushed rambling. “I’ll take care of him.”  

“Thank you, Y/N-ssi. It means a lot.”  

‘’I’ve been taking care of his ass practically since we were kids, so it’s not a big deal for me,” you chuckle lightly, even though you’re definetely not in the mood for jokes. “Well, maybe not in that way but still.”  

“I know. He told me about you.”  

Your eyes widen. “He did?” you ask, failing to hide the surprised tone of your voice.  

“Yeah, he did. When he first told us he met his childhood friend accidentally in the club he got drunk in, we didn’t believe him at first. But then he slowly started opening up more about you and even showed me some picture of you and him when you were kids.” Jimin says. “You know, Jungkook hasn’t been himself for quite a while. He kept pushing us away but ever since he met you, he’s started smiling again. Please, promise me you’ll never hurt him.”  

You release a shaky breath. “I promise.”  

It’s easy to promise such thing. Because you’re for sure going to end up being hurt first.

It’s your alarm that wakes you up the next morning.

The sight of Jungkook is long gone, the only proof he’s been here in your bed last night is an empty glass on your bedside table and a small note written on the napkin.  

Thank you for everything. I really don’t deserve you.  

Jungkook.

Sheets have gone already cold underneath your fingertips where he laid beside you just hours ago. You didn’t get much sleep the night, watching his beautiful, pale features illuminated by the moonlight slipping through your window. He looked so peaceful with his chapped lips slightly parted and in that moment, you couldn’t think of any reason to hate him and what he’s doing to you.

Later, when you’re finally out of uni, you come home and take a quick shower. It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays are reserved for your small dates with Minho. The guilt you’re feeling while getting dressed and fixing your makeup is eating you from the inside. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you almost don’t recognize the shallow of a girl you’re seeing.  

You are not a bad person, you keep reminding yourself, then why did you sleep with him that night? Let him crawl into your bed again and again after?

Minho waits for you outside in his car. He’s taking you to a new Thai restaurant and you manage to hide the frown on your face, because your dear boyfriend forgot you don’t like this type of food.  

“You look pretty tonight, babe,” he says once you’re inside, waiting for your orders. You smile at him briefly. “It’s really been a while since we went out together, hasn’t it?”  

At that, you nod curtly. It’s true, you haven’t seen each other last week at all. Minho ditched your usual Wednesday date in favor of staying at work for something important. It happened second or third time this month. You feel like you don’t have right to be mad at him. If anything, that’s what you deserve for lying to him behind his back.

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Your food arrives, you act like you don’t feel nauseous chewing on your pad thai and trying to break out the taste with red wine. Minho babbles about the new Netflix series he’s started watching and you’re pretending to be intrested. Wednesday date at its finest.

Then, when you’re about to pour yourself another glass of wine, Minho stops you with his hand on yours. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something,”  You fight an urge to roll your eyes. He wants to discuss serious matters? What a change. “We’ve been together for eight months. My parents keep asking about you.”  

“Oh,” you blurt out. To hide your anxiety, you force out a breathy laugh. “So, what about them?” you ask, however you already know what the answer is going to be.  

“I thought we could visit them soon in Daegu over some weekend when you don’t have work,” he proposes, squeezing your hand as if to calm your nerves. It’s not doing much to put you at ease. “My mom has already started making plans what food she should make. They’re really excited to meet you.”  

You feign a smile. It should be a natural progression for couples to take things at a time, step by step but you can’t help but feel uneasy. Minho wants his parents to meet you, the girl who lets a certain raven-haired boy play with her heart and mess with her head. In a sick game where both parties are out of reach, you’re terribly losing.

“I’d love to meet your parents.” you say finally, almost breathless.  

“You don’t look very excited.” Minho comments with a smirk and you know he’s joking but the lump in your throat only grows.  

You smile meekly. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. What if they won’t like me?”  

“I’m sure they’re gonna love you. You don’t have anything to worry about.” he dismisses your concerns, reaching for the wine bottle to pour himself a glass. “I’ve got one more thing to tell you. I know it’s a lot for one evening but I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for weeks now so since we have this opportunity now, I’m gonna use it.”  

Color drains from your face. What else is there to converse about all of a sudden? Biting the inside of your cheek, you give him a sign to continue.

“I’ll go straight to the point. I want you to move in with me,” The bomb explodes and you nearly drop your wine glass to the floor. “I know it might be a lot for your but I really, really want to see you every day in my bed. My apartment is big enough for both of us but once I get the promotion my boss talked to me about last week, we can look for something fancier.”  

You stare at him blankly. First his parents, now this? Minho from the beginning of your relationship was the one who liked to take things slowly. He didn’t kiss you until your third date, he waited unnecessary amount of time to have sex even though you told him over and over again you were more than ready to do it with him.

The sudden rush feels weird. As if sensing your discomfort, Minho clears his throat and asks, “Don’t you want to move in with me?”  

You notice the subtle change in his voice, the way he’s not as enthusiastic as he was a minute ago but you shove it to the back of your head. “I’m surprised,” you respond neutraly. “And of course I don’t mind living with you. I just thought you wanted to take things slow.”  

Minho clicks his tongue. “This has nothing to do with that. I’m not asking you to marry me, Y/N,” he chuckles but you don’t mirror the sentiment. “I think it would be more comfortable for you to live with me than your current cubby-hole.”  

He’s already irritated by your reaction and you know it’s better not to poke the bear but those three glasses of wine down your throat give you enough courage to disagree. “Your place is further from my university and work. Not to mention I have a five minutes long walk to the underground now and it would take longer for me to get there in your area.” you point out.

“You can get a driving license then finally.”  

You frown. “What do you mean ‘finally’? You know damn well I can’t afford it now with the job I have and student loan. We talked about it before.”  

Minho is aware that with your current financial situation you’re barely making ends meet and you can’t let yourself have another, bigger expenses. But you’re fine on your own, you don’t mind living where you do because that’s the result of your independence. You showed your parents you are able to study and work without their extra help. You’re proud of yourself for that.

“Now you’re literally making excuses. Just say you don’t want to move in.”  

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you try to reason. “I’m not ready for such a big step yet. I need more time to think about it.”  

Minho snorts, rolling his eyes. “What else is there to think about? Either you say yes or no!” His raised tone catches attention from the family sitting nearby and they send curious glances in your direction.

“Stop being so loud, please. We are in a restaurant for God’s sake.” you whisper-shout.  

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” he snorts, obnoxious and annoyingly snarky.

You stay quiet for a moment, debating whether you should give up entirely and hang a white flag or wait for the atmosphere to clear on its own. But you’re so, so tired. Tired of being lied to. Tired of always having to choose your words carefully and bending to his will.  

“You know, I met Kihyun the other day at grocery store,” Minho doesn’t seem much interested in your inquiry, still deeply frustrated with your tantrum. He simply hums, unfazed. “I congratulated him on his promotion. He for sure needs to visist shooting range more now, doesn’t he?”  

Minho arches his brow. “Yeah, I told you he goes there with me and that new recruit.”  

It’s ironic, how easily he can lie to you straight in the eye. But you’re strong enough now to fight back.  “That’s interesting actually, because Kihyun said something totally different.” you say languidly, watching your boyfriend narrowing his eyes.

“And what is that?”  

“He said you’re going there only with your new recruit, Soyeon. The one sending you messages on your private phone.”  

Minho gapes at you for a few short seconds and then, bursts into laughter. “What are you trying to insinuate here, honey?” he asks.  

The petname sounds mocking this time. Ignoring his lighthearted approach to the situation, you dodge a bullet. “I’m not insinuating anything yet. I just pointed out that you lied to me.”  

“Lied? That’s bullishit. I would never lie to you.”  

“But you did, Minho. The day I asked you who Soyeon was after reading the message on your phone. You said you’re visiting shooting range with her and Kihyun after work sometimes. Turns out it’s just you and her after all. Isn’t that a lie?” you press.  

Minho doesn’t like being backed into the corner. When you confronted him first, he thought he had everything under control. Now, he’s losing it and he isn’t used to being that helpless.

“So what? Maybe I told you that so you wouldn’t freak out and think I’m cheating on you. Because that’s all it is about, right? You think I’m fucking someone behind your back.” he snaps, making you wince.  

“I didn’t say that.” you counter but there’s no use for that. You stepped into the lion’s den.  

He aprubtly stands up from his chair and the cutlery on your table clutters. “You know what? I’m done. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit anymore.” He withdraws his wallet from the pocket of his jacket and throws a few bills onto the table.  

A bitter chuckle escapes your lips. “Your’e leaving? Just like that?”  

“Yeah. Are you going with me or not?”  

You shrug your shoulders. “I guess someone has to finish this bottle. It would be a shame to waste such expensive wine.” you say, mustering a sarcastic smile.

Minho doesn’t utter anything more to you. He nods and exits the restaurant, leaving you sitting by the table alone. Despite the stares, hushed whispers and an urge to run away and hide from the audience, you stay a little longer and drink up that damned bottle of wine until there’s no droplets left inside.  

Once you’re outside, you inhale greedily the fresh air. Your head spins a little and you’re debating whether to take an Uber home or just walk thirty minutes on your own to sober up a little. You choose the latter.  

You don’t know what makes you dial his number. You’ve never done that before. He was the one calling you in the middle of the name and begging without words to tend his wounds. Tables have turned, and here you are.  

You call once, twice. After the fifth attempt you give up, showing your phone into the pocket of your coat. As the first tear rolls down your cheek, you realise he would never be there to pick up your pieces.

Three missed calls from: Jungkook

[11:11pm] jungkook:

I’m so sorry y/n. I couldn’t pick up the phone cause we had late practice  

Please call me back. I’m worried

Two missed calls from: Jungkook

[11:36pm] jungkook:  

At least text me if you’re okay

Please  

[11:39pm] me:

I’m fine

[11:39pm] jungkook:  

Thank God

You sure you don’t wanna talk?

[11:41pm] me:

Maybe next time

[11:41pm] jungkook:

Okay  

Night, miss grumpy  

You’re sitting in your favourite cafeteria, typing furiously on your laptop the last paragraph in your assignment. Your philosophy proffesor has been a bitch lately, telling you to write essays about the most uninteresting stuff she could possibly think of. And here you are, writing about Hegel’s triads, reminding yourself the semester soon will be over and so will be your mandatory philosophy classes.

Taking a moment to sip on a caramel macchiato you ordered, you notice a message popping up on your lockscreen.  

[10:45am] jungkook:  

Do you have time now?  

I need to tell you sth  

It’s been two days since your date with Minho. You’re still mentally flogging yourself for calling Jungkook that night repulsively because of your tipsiness. In that exact moment, he was the only person on your mind you could talk to. Once the fresh air cooled down your emotions, you realised how stupid your idea was. 

With slight resistance (and raced heartbeat), you type a response. 

[10:46am] me:  

I guess  

[10:46am] jungkook:  

Great. I’m gonna call you now

Eyes widening, you stare at your phone. What is so important that he cannot just text you instead? Not even a minute later, you hear buzzing. Exhaling shakily, you answer it.  

“Hi, Miss Grumpy,” Jungkook says and you could tell by the tone of his voice he’s in a good mood. He sounds like the old Jungkook you know well. It’s a pleasant surprise. “What’s up?”  

“You called me to ask how am I doing?”  

Jungkook chuckles and something inside you flutters hearing that. “And what if I did?”  

Rolling your eyes, you respond, “Let’s just say it’s unusual of you. Shouldn’t you be at some dance practice right now?” you ask.

“We just ended a company meeting. And this is exactly the reason why I’m calling you.”  

“Should I be scared?”  

”Not at all. I’m gonna move straight to the point,” he says and your pulse involuntarily quickens. “Are you free next weekend?”  

You bite your lip. There’s a part of you that wants so bad to counter with “What? Do you need a booty call?” but you don’t let your facade break that easily. Instead, you tell the truth. “Yeah, I am.”  

“Would you like to go with me to Busan then?”  

You nearly spill the coffee onto your laptop. “Oh.” You can’t quite hide the surprise in your voice. You would never expect him to propose you such thing, yet here you are.

It’s been a while since you were home. Not like you don’t want to see your parents, it’s actually the opposite. The reason you haven’t been in Busan for months is simple: you don’t have extra cash on the side to afford a two-way train ticket.  

Sensing your bewilderment, Jungkook takes your silence as a sign to explain further his sudden proposition. “Our company gave us few days off to relax before final comeback preparations so I decided I could go home,” It’s what he says and unsure of what to answer with, you only hum in response. “You told me some time ago you haven’t seen your parents since Christmas so I thought you might accompany me.”  

Something squeezes in your chest hearing that. You fail to hide the smile creeping on your features and despite the many obstacles that should be a warning sign for you to say no, you find yourself reminiscing in the idea of spending a weekend at home with Jungkook. Just like old times.  

“Okay. I agree.”  

Upon hearing your response, Jungkook breathes out a sigh of relief to the phone. “I thought you would ditch me.”  

“Excuse me? Who do you think I am? I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to eat my mum’s bulgogi.”  

You can’t ignore how you’re feeling, cheeks flushed and a silly smile stretching on your lips. But there’s still that bugging thought present at the back of your head, reminding you of your illicit affair and every mistake you’ve made so far. Maybe agreeing to a small trip down childhood memory lane is one of them.  

Right now, sitting in a cafeteria and talking on the phone with Jungkook about the details and your mum’s cooking skills, you pretend like you’ve turned back the time and everything else is a mere drawback to deal with later.

“I can’t believe I agreed to do that.”  

That, is a blatant lie. You know damn well why you’re standing on the pavement in front of the building you live in as Jungkook pulls up with his high-priced, straight-from-the-salon black Mercedes. Something ignites in your lower stomach at the mere memory of what you’ve done there inside last time.

When he exits the car, you disregard as best as you can the aloof feeling in your chest, seeing him adjusting his bucket hat further down. This is the life he’s living, you remind yourself. If he wants to minimize the risk of people with preying eyes recognizing him.

Dressed in all black, he comes up to you and lifts his head up. That’s when you see him fully for the first time since he stumbled through your drunk and barely conscious. He smiles widely approaching you, not an ounce of uncertainty in his movements when he wraps his arms around you in a bear hug.  

“What’s that for?” you mumble.

“Just missed you.”  

He smells like the flowery fabric softener you know he likes. It almost lulls you into paying no mind to the thumping of your heart against your ribcage and redness blossoming on your cheeks.  

It almost makes you forget he’s not yours, and you will never be his.  

You’re the first one to withdraw, stepping away. “You’re such a sap.” It’s the first thing that comes to your mind to say after such intimate moment  – twist it into something without depth and meaning you’re so afraid of facing.

He shrugs, still smiling. “I’m just happy we’re going to spend some time together with our families.”  

You know he is. Jungkook has always been a family person. Moving out at a ripe age of fourteen paradoxically strengthened the bond he has with his parents and brother.  

He picks up your bag from the ground and throws it into the trunk next to his. Getting into the car, you mutter, “You know, I tweet ‘eat the rich’ every two days but you are safe from my hatred for high class as long as you drive my ass with this expensive car to Busan.”

Jungkook chuckles, starting the engine. “Thanks for your kindness, love. Good to know I’m pardoned.”  

“Jokes aside, I mean it though. I might want Jeff Bezos to rot in hell but at the same time I think you deserve that money because I know you worked hard to achieve it.” you say, buckling your seatbelt.  

He spares you a quick glance and arches his eyebrow. “I didn’t know you are actually a fellow comrade Y/N, Miss Grumpy.”  

“Oh, boy. Follow me on my private account. You’ll see then how radical I can get.”  

You earn another laugh from him and you find yourself getting more and more comfortable in the situation, sitting in his car and venturing onto a weekend trip to your hometown. The perspective of spending a couple of hours with Jungkook in the same car doesn’t seem to bother you as much as it did the whole week before.

Tapping the unknown rhythm on your thighs, you reach to press what you think might be the radio button. Your aren’t good with modern technology, so you smile triumphantly to yourself, hearing the first tunes blasting from the speakers. 

The slow pop-ballad ends and radio host announces next song as ‘fan favorite’. You look out of the window for a short while just to be brought back to the reality by the sound playing in the background. You know this song more than well.

“No. We are not listening to this.” Jungkook reaches to change the radio station with a speed of light, but you swat his hand away.  

“Jesus christ, stop being so dramatic. I love Blood Sweat and Tears! It’s a masterpiece.” you protest.

“I thought you don’t listen to our songs.”

You gasp, placing a hand on your chest. “Excuse me? I’ve been to your concert twice, dumbass. And I’m saving up money for another.”  

That, is true. You like listening to BTS not because of Jungkook (though he might one of the reasons you fancy them) but it’s their music and message in general. Now, since they’re over their badboy phases and objectifying women in every ‘love song’, you’re fond of them even more.

You start humming Namjoon’s part when Jungkook cuts in. “Okay, then. Who’s your bias?” he asks.  

You don’t miss the way he seems to grip the steering wheel tighter. Of course he would be that petty to ask you this. To entertain yourself a little, you quip, “Take a wild guess.”  

“It has to be Jimin-hyung.” he says right away.

You shake your head. “Boo. Try again.”  

“Namjoon-hyung. You bit your lip when he started rapping his part.”  

“That’s bullshit. Namjoon’s hot but not my type. And you should keep your eyes on the road, buddy.” Placing your fingers on his chin, you turn his head away.

Jungkook sighs. “Who is it then?”  

“Taehyung.”  

Hearing your response, he snorts. “I should’ve known that.”

“And why is that?” you ask, trying to hide your amusement.

“Because he’s the most good looking from us all. He dresses stylishly,” You could tell by the tongue in his cheek you’re irking him right now. Adding to the irony, Taehyung’s part in the song comes blasting from the speakers. “He has a nice, deep voice.” Jungkook adds and before he can name another positive trait of his friend, you chime in.  

“Is somebody jealous?”  

Though you’re clearly making fun of him, he decides to chuckle like he doesn’t give a fuck anyway. “Jealous? Of Tae? Please. I have no reason to be.”  

Smirking to yourself, you find his demeanor too entertaining. “That’s good then. Because I think you’re handsome too. And I love your voice when you sing.” you say, turning your head to the side to observe his reaction.  

No matter how much he tries to hide it, clenching his jaw and giving you an eye roll, there’s no use for that. The blush covering his cheeks gives him anyway. His agony ends with one last beat of the song.  

Hiding a yawn behind your palm, you lean back onto your seat. Last night you didn’t get as much as you’d like to and your four hours long drive to Busan seems like a great opportunity for a compensatory nap.  

Drifting off to sleep, the last thing you remember is Jungkook’s hands on the steering wheel and his soft voice humming the song playing in the radio.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up. We’re almost there.”  

Slowly opening your eyes, you’re met with familiar-looking streets of your hometown, Busan. You jerk abruptly, straightening your posture. “Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” you ask, looking to your left at Jungkook.  

He shrugs in response. “You looked like you didn’t want to be waken. And trust me, I know what it feels like to be brought back to reality from a good nap too early.”  

You don’t dwell on that more. Instead, you look out of the window, greedily drinking in the city. You’re now driving through downtown, passing by shining skyscrapers. Both yours and Jungkook’s houses are situated in a more peaceful area of Busan, closer to the sea. That’s why you spent most of your childhood and teenage days there as long as the weather was merciful.  

Spring has always been your favourite time of the year but spring in Busan hits different. You don’t have an occasion to sit by the sea and watch the sky burning in orange and red in Seoul. Here, where you used to grow up, spring is the cherry tree blossoming, your mum planting vegetable seeds in her small garden behind your house, you and Jungkook smoking cigarettes underneath the pier while the sun hides  behind the horizon.

“Did you tell your parents you’re coming?” Jungkook’s voice pulls you from your thoughts.  

“No, I didn’t. I want it to be a surprise for them.”  

“Oh, that’s cute.” he comments curtly and turns right. You’re approximately thirty minutes until you reach your destination. “I need to talk with you about one more thing before we get there.”  

You focus your sight on him, however he seems to avoid your eyes. You give him a sign to continue. “Go on.”

Jungkook rubs his forehead with his hand and then sighs. It’s a nervous habit of his, you recognize. “I just want to apologize for causing you so much trouble. Not only last time but in general,” He stops at the red light and cocks his head to the side to look at you. “I acted like a complete dick and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m sorry for everything. I thought this small trip here would be some sort of redemption for me, I don’t know.” The lights turns to orange, then to green and he focuses his eyes on the road again.

Reaching over the gearshift, you place a hand on his thigh to get his attention. When he peeks at you with the same, round, sparkly eyes you’ve grown to adore, all you can do is smile softly. “I’m okay, Kook. If that’s what you need, I don’t mind helping you. If only it means you’ll be okay too.”  

Perhaps he notices the sadness in your eyes when you say it. Perhaps he can tell your smile is not the happiest he’s ever seen. If he does, he chooses to stay silent. Instead, he nods. Taking his action as a sight to withdraw, you straighten on your seat.  

“There’s one more anything, actually,” Jungkook adds after a while.  

“What is it?”  

“You’re invited to a party.”  

“What party?” you ask, brows furrowed.

‘’We are celebrating Junghyun’s engagement.” he says casually.

Eyes widening, you let out a shocked gasp. “What?! Your brother got engaged?” 

Jungkook sends you a look. “Jealous, buttercup?”  

You roll your eyes. “I told you I had a crush on your brother when I was ten. It’s been twelve years since then. Twelve!” you exclaim, but he only smirks in response.  

The reason you liked Junghyun as a kid was simple: he was your best friend’s older brother. He was just there yet unreachable at the same time.  

(And he didn’t have as many pimples as Jungkook.)

But Junghyun getting married? That is a news to you. You clearly remember him telling you one day he would never form a serious relationship before he reaches thirty. Looks like he made up his mind.

“I’m just pleasantly surprised he decided to settle down. Junghyun has always been more of a free soul when it comes to dating. I even remember your mum throwing him a tantrum during barbecue because of this.” you say.

“Honestly, I’m not that shocked. You should’ve seen him looking at Hyerin during our Christmas dinner. This boy is whipped.” Jungkook chuckles.  

“Your parents must be happy.” you comment absentmindedly.

He nods, the corners of his mouth stretching in a small smile. “Yeah, they are. They really like Hyerin. And considering they won’t be getting grandchildren anytime soon thanks to my line of work–” he trails off, “–they are even happier that hyung is settling down.”  

The air seems heavy now inside Jungkook’s car. He said an obvious thing you were aware of but something aches in your chest at the thought.

You will never understand why there’s so much stigmatization surrounding idols dating other people. Wanting to be loved by someone is a natural, human need. Prohibition won’t magically stop them from catching feelings.  

But there’s also another side of the story – the one Jungkook referred to. In his line of work even if there are no obstacles, it’s hard to maintain a long-lasting relationship. And he knows that.  

You still remember vividly his first girlfriend. Her name was Eunbi and she was one of their manager’s daughter. Her dad used to take her to the MV sets, introduced her to the boys because she was a fan of them. And that’s how she met Jungkook.  

Jungkook, age seventeen, was too shy to hold a proper conversation and keep eye contact with a girl at the same time but somehow, him and Eunbi got along pretty quickly. They shared a sympathy for the same video games and for Jungkook back then it was enough to fall head over heels for her. She was his first kiss as he told you (”First real one, because I don’t count that peck Jisoo gave me in fifth grade as a kiss.”)  

After that moment you decided you’d never like Eunbi. Not because you were furiously in love with him, no.

You just didn’t want to see him form such a close bond with anyone else but you.

Their fairytale love story ended when Eunbi’s father found out about their secret randez-vous. Jungkook sulked for a week and then eventually got over Eunbi.  

(And he was again texting you about that video game you had no interest in but you pretended to be a good substitute for Eunbi and her nerdiness you lacked.)

“What are you thinking about?”  

You’re standing on the red light again. Glancing at Jungkook, you find him staring right back at you. “I’m wondering whether I’m invited to the wedding.” you lie.

“Of course you are. I’m sure hyung is going to do it officially tomorrow,” he answers with a grin. “I think Taehyung is coming too. He loves weddings.”  

Narrowing your eyes, you reply with a saccharine sweet voice, “It’s about time you introduce me to your bandmates. Especially Taehyung-oppa.”

“Oppa?”

You bite your lip. There’s no doubt you did that on purpose. You find it rather amusing to see Jungkook so worked up over such a silly thing. You wonder how far you can go before he finally snaps.  

Smirking to yourself, shrug your shoulders. “The light’s green. Watch the road, Kookie.”  

Jungkook huffs, shaking his head. It’s approximately fifteen minutes until you reach your destination. “I’m sure you will be delighted to meet him.” he says with enough amount of sarcasm for you to know he’s irritated.

“Oh, I will be over the moon.”  

“Good.”  

“Amazing, even.”

You hope he doesn’t notice you failing to maintain a serious expression.

You moved with your parents to your new house in Busan at the age of eight, two ponytails, overalls and sparkly sneakers every kid wanted to have adoring your small frame, a look of pure concern worrying your childish, chubby features. 

It was a quiet neighborhood, on the suburbs of the town, a row of similarly looking terraced buildings and small gardens in front of them, every single one akin to the other. There was nothing distinctive about the area, it screamed dullness and tedium but for years you have grown to call this place home.

You know every corner here inside out. A local grocery store owned by a lovable, elder woman known as Miss Kim, who always has spare candies underneath the counter for children who come to buy something for their parents. Next to the store, there is a florist’s. Your first, high school part-time job. The intense smell of roses makes you nauseous to these days.

There is also your primary school, huge backyard behind it with a run-down playground. You never minded it though, spending there probably too much time for your parents liking. Many memories were made there. First, innocent childish peck placed on your cheek from a 6th grader named Jinyoung. Twisted ankle, tears, pain and regret because you decided to jump off the highest step of the climbing frame one Friday afternoon after classes. A punch to the face of school’s bully Dongin, who called your new pair of Converse trainers ugly.

It was exactly fourteen days before the end of August when you met Jungkook.

You had been living in the new house for almost a month but still felt too insecure to explore the neighborhood. Most of your time you were spending inside, missing your old friends and reading books to distract your attention from the approaching start of the second semester in school.  

It was probably one of the last scorching-hot days of the year and you were sitting in your garden alone, family’s cat named Leo purring on your lap, when all of a sudden a ball bounced on the grass right in front of you, landing perfectly at your feet and almost scarring Leo to death.  

And then, you looked up and saw him.

A pair of big, black doe-like eyes hidden behind a fringe of onyx hair staring at you through the fence curiously. The boy was not much older than you, probably around your age. He was wearing a striped football t-shirt with some popular team name.  

You fidgeted slightly on the pavement where you were sitting, glancing at the boy shyly like you didn’t know why he was looking at you so intensely. You noticed a small scar on his left cheek, his knees were bruised, splashed with dirt just like his sneakers.  

“Can you give me my ball?” he asked suddenly, startling you.  

Your eyes widened. Of course he would talk to you, you scolded yourself, he wants his ball back.

When you didn’t answer immediately, he continued, “I kicked my ball here by an accident. Can you give it to me?” He pointed at the object lying at your feet.  

You nodded and picked up the ball from the ground. You threw it over the fence, so it landed directly on the other side.

“Thanks.” the black-haired boy said. “I’m Jungkook, by the way. What’s your name?”  

“___.” you responded and the boy, Jungkook, grinned at you friendly, showing his bunny-like smile. He looked cute.  

“Bye, ___! See you tomorrow!” he beamed and headed back to his house.

Tomorrow. He wanted to meet up with you and what? Play football? You were petrified, as the eight-years-old girl should be after hearing such thing from a boy.

And just like he promised, Jungkook visited you the next day. He took you to that playground behind your new primary school. You came home with bruised legs and splotches of dirt on your skirt, to your mother’s dismay.

You also came home with a content grin plastered on your face and a new friend.

Unexpectedly, Jungkook appeared to be a pleasant company and you found yourself enjoying his boyish bickering while fulfilling the rest of the summer break doing things your old friends would consider inappropriate for a girl.

You never thought you could be friends with someone like Jungkook. He was a boy, for God’s sake, and your eight-years-old-barbie-phase-self absolutely despised boys. But months passed quickly and you both found yourselves stuck to each other sides. Something in your relationship simply clicked.

The neighborhood you grew up in isn’t a suburban area but it definitely seems more peaceful than busy streets of downtown. You pass by local church, miss Kim’s store and the big, luxurious house owned my Gwon family you dreamt of living in when you were a kid.  

And then, approximately two hundred meters further, there is your house.  

“Here we are.” Jungkook says, pulling up at his parent’s driveway. They left the gate open, anticipating their son’s arrival.  

Jungkook hands you your belongings, offering you sheepish smile. “I thought that once you unpack and eat dinner, we could go to the beach together,” he says, scratching the back of his head. “Of course, only if you want to.”  

You don’t give his proposition a second thought. “I’d love to.”  

He grins in response and you take it as a sign to leave and finally meet your parents. From the distance you see your mother in the garden, dressed in her usual clothing – black and red checked shirt and cropped denim pants she wears while gardening.

She doesn’t notice you yet, too busy pulling weeds from her precious tulips. You know her better not to creep behind her like that, so you take a deep breath and shout, “Eomma! It’s me!”  

She stands up and twirls around to face you. Her eyes visibly widen, like she actually thought her mind is playing tricks on her and she might have misheard you.  

“Good Lord, Y/N, sweetie, is that really you?” She throws away her gloves and jogs up to you, enveloping you immadietly in a bear hug. “I missed you so much. Why didn’t you say anything you’re coming?”  

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” you mumble. “Jungkook took me with him.”  

At that, your mother pulls away. She arches her brows. “Jungkookie is home as well?” she asks, earning a nod from you in response. “You’re talking with him again?” Her voice is laced with apparent bewilderment but that’s exactly what you expected her reaction to be like.  

Your mother is aware you and Jungkook haven’t been keeping in touch for three long years. She was basically your only source of information about him (besides Twitter) thanks to her close friendship with his parents.  

“That’s quite a long story. I will tell you everything later.” you say. Well, maybe not entirely everything. You’re for sure going to miss out the parts you’re not proud of.  

Your mother doesn’t press you more about it. Instead, she puts her arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her side. “It’s your lucky day sweetie, because we have your favorite bulgogi for dinner. Honey, come here quick!” she shouts and you chuckle, hearing your father responding with: “What is it again?”.

The door to your house creak open, revealing your flustered dad. His expression morphs into a genuine smile when he spots you. “Is it really my daughter or are my eyes deceiving me?” he asks.  

‘’Your eyesight is fine, appa. It’s really me.” You come up and give him a small hug. He was never the affectionate type of parent but once you moved out, he let his facade break a little.  

From where you’re standing now, you have a clear view of Jeons’ house. Here, fourteen years ago, sitting on your porch, you met Jungkook for the first time. You see his window upstairs, alligned perfectly with yours. You wonder if he’s already there, inside, unpacking in his blue-painted childhood room.  

(What if it isn’t painted blue anymore?)

“Come on, let’s go. You’re probably starving.” your mother says, pulling your mind back to the present.  

Walking into your house, all you can think about are his tears-filled eyes when you were bidding him goodbye almost ten years ago in his blue bedroom.

It takes you more or less thirty minutes to reach the bay.  

When you were younger, you used to ride there by bikes practically every single day during summer. You loved sitting on the beach and observing people enjoying their time; swimming in the sea, kids building sand castles and their mums trying to relax among childlike chatter and the smell coming from nearby fishmonger’s store.

It was Jungkook who discovered the spot underneath pier. His curiosity only a twelve-year-old can posses led him there one day after school. At first, you were rather reluctant to go and didn’t mirror his excitement but once he actually showed you it, you changed your mind completely.  

It was a perfect place to hide from the world. You called it a ‘temple’ because it really felt like no one beside you knew about its existence, and that’s what made it sacred to you. When Jungkook moved away you were left to go there by yourself. Without him, it always felt like it was something missing.  

Right now, sitting here feels like you’ve you’ve turned back the time.  

It’s like you’re eighteen again, running away from the whole world, starting your own rebellion with a cigarette caught between your lips and sun disappearing behind the horizon. Listening to the songs Jungkooks had saved on his old iPod and catching up with everything that happened during the last few months when he was absent in your life. 

When you were eighteen you didn’t even know how to smoke properly, blowing out the fume too quickly and stiffing a cough so Jungkook wouldn’t laugh at you. Now it’s a different story.

Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you notice how much he’s changed physically over these five years that have passed. Gone is the baby fat on his cheeks, replaced with sculpted jawline and prominent nose. His hair is longer, falling on his forehead. There’s more piercings on his ears, an expensive watch wrapped around his wrist.  

He looks breathtaking. It never occurred to you before just how beautiful Jungkook really is up close, when there’s no flashing cameras around and make-up covering every imperfection on his face with concealer.

This is your Jungkook. The same one whose competitive nature never let you win any of his computer games, who called you after their debut showcase with quivering voice, who always treated you as his equal even when other boys were making fun of him for being friends with a girl. Your Jungkook, who’s too good for this world to be treated so unfairly.  

“I think Minho is cheating on me.” you blurt out.  

It’s been sitting on your tongue for weeks and now you finally let the words slip. You don’t see his reaction but from the sharp intake of breath you assume it’s not something he’s expected to hear from you.

“Few weeks ago I read a message on his phone from some girl asking when he will be free next time,” you continue before you could stop yourself. “He’s been meeting with her alone behind my back this whole time and I didn’t notice anything until now.” A pair of arms wrap around your frame. Jungkook presses a fleeting kiss to the crown of your head. “I don’t even know if that’s true or I’m overreacting but I just can’t understand how he can lie to me one day and the next propose to move in with him.”  

You don’t realise you’re crying until you feel Jungkook hugging you closer to him. You burry you face into his chest as sob after sob shakes your body. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispers, stroking your hair. “I’m here.”  

Few minutes pass until you calm down, wiping your tear-stained cheeks with your hand. Jungkook offers you a tissue and you thank him with a small smile. You can only imagine how ridiculous you look right now, with smudges of mascara underneath your eyes and red nose. Not a sight for sore eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to get it off my chest.” you say after a moment.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Y/N. If you need to talk about it, I’m here for you. I’m still your friend, right?” Jungkook asks, meeting your eyes.

You nod, although he’s anything but friend for you. “Right.”  

Because friends don’t console each other with burning touches on bare skin. They don’t give into carnality and submit to pleasure, putting it before everything else.  

From the corner of your eye, you see Jungkook’s jaw clenching. “I’m gonna kick his ass when I meet him.”  

Before you could stop yourself, you mumble, “He should probably kick yours, too.”   

Jungkook visibly stiffens, hearing your words. He avoids your eyes, staring down at his lap instead. You wonder what he’s thinking about now. Does he regret his actions? Do you regret letting it happen? No matter how much you know you did wrong, there’s a part of you longing for more. Because with Jungkook, you felt alive. Minho could never compare.

Reuniting with Jungkook after three years made you realize just how much you needed him back in your life. You actually stopped being mad at him the moment he stood in your room for the first time that night, disheveled and sleepy.  

You could love him. Perhaps you’ve always did. But he cannot give you more. Nothing besides bitter-sweet pleasure between the sheets.  

It’s Jungkook who speaks first.

“I might not be the best man in the world but I would never, ever hurt you like Minho does,” he says and you know he means it. He stares at you intensely. “You do believe me, right?”  

“I do.” you whisper truthfully.

He then leans closer and when you think he might actually kiss you, he places a small peck on your forehead. ‘’Good,” he murmurs, still inches from your lips. “Come on, let’s go. It’s getting late and I can practically hear my mum already complaining she doesn’t have enough time to spend with her son.”  

You nod aabsentmindedly at his words.

There’s a tough conversation for you to have once you’ll be back in Seoul again. Finding out about Minho’s lies was a point of no return for you. It made you realise you’ve been on this path with your relationship for a while now, missing signs or not paying enough attention to the details.  

But what is even more disturbing to you, is that you didn’t let Jungkook warm your bed out of simple frustration or heartache. You did it because you wanted him. And that thought scares you the most.

The first thing Jungkook hears in the morning when he wakes up is the high-pitched chatter and the clutter of pots coming from the kitchen.  

He sighs to himself, staring at his blue ceiling. The clock on his bedside table reads 10am and at this rate, it looks like he won’t be getting any more sleep, not when his mum and soon-to-be sister-in-law are making a fuss downstairs preparing for the party.  

The strong smell of homemade food invades his senses as soon as he enters the kitchen. He spots his mum putting something in the oven, her usual red and white polka-dot apron adoring her form. Hyerin is right next to her, busy cutting some vegetables and listening tentatively to her mother-in-law’s babbling.  

“Good morning.” Jungkook says in a groggy voice followed by a yawn.  

“Morning.” Hyerin quips, flashing him a smile.

Jungkook’s mother barely acknowledges his presence, too busy moving around the kitchen and making sure nothing is burning or overcooking. Feeling the first rumble of his stomach, Jungkook opens the fridge and stares blankly at its contents.  

Miss Jeon runs her house by the rule the more, the better when it comes to preparing food for special family occasions. Hence why there’s so many different type of products lined up in front of him, just begging to become a remedy for his empty stomach.  

“Nu-uh, don’t even think about it!” she chimes in, closing the fridge in front of Jungkook’s face and crushing his dreams about having egg toasts for breakfast. He stares at her with confused expression. “Order yourself something for breakfast, please. We need kitchen to ourselves right now.”  

Knowing better not to argue with his mother, Jungkook sighs in defeat and opens the food delivery app on his phone. He chooses the first option that comes to his mind that won’t take too long to make and slumps down onto the couch.  

“Eomma, where’s dad and hyung?” he asks, debating whether to turn on the TV or not. He decides on leaving it silent.  

“I sent them to the grocery store. They should be back in two hours,” she responds. “Hyerin-ssi, please make sure to keep an eye on the soup. I’ll be right back!” The door to bathroom slams behind her and Jungkook chuckles under his breath.  

“Is she giving you hard time?” he asks Hyerin once he knows his mother cannot hear them.

Hyerin looks up to peek a glance in his direction. “Your mum is a lovely person, really, but she can be… a lot sometimes. Especially when she’s stressed.” she says, smiling coyly.

“Tell me about it.”  

She lets out a laugh that quickly dies down when aforementioned woman emerges from the bathroom. Instead of heading straight to the kitchen, she makes her way to Jungkook. “What are you planning to do after breakfast, Jungkookie?”  

Jungkook shrugs because honestly, he hasn’t given a thought it yet. “I don’t know. Maybe I can help you with something here.” he proposes, although cutting onions and cabbage is the last thing he would like to do.

Fortunately, the grimace on his mother’s face tells her she’s not quite fond of his proposition. “Oh, no, no, no. We’re perfectly fine on our own with Hyerin-ssi. We don’t need extra pair of hands. Why do you think I told Junghyun to go with dad?” she asks rhetorically with raised eyebrows.  

Of course Jungkook knows why. Kitchen is his mother’s kingdom. No one steps a foot there while she prepares food unless she permits it herself. Today she’s even more uncompromising about it because it’s the first time Hyerin parents are meeting Junghyun’s. It’s the matter of making a good impression as the host.  

“Maybe you could call Y/N and ask her what her plans are? I’m sure she won’t be very busy.” Jungkook’s mother prompts and he feels like he’s ten again, bored on Saturday and wondering what to do with himself. Then, an idea pops in his mind.

“Yeah. You’re right,” he agrees. “I’ll call her.”  

Maybe a literal trip down memory lane is everything he needs to feel like himself again.  

As predicted, at first you welcomed his idea with a little bit of qualm, yet you said yes nonetheless.  

And now here you are, hanging out together at the playground behind your old primary school. Getting there wasn’t an easy task, it required some parkour abilities and jumping over the fence because the place is apparently being locked on weekends now. Ten years ago it used to be your life estate on Saturdays.

You’re currently sat on a swing, watching Jungkook doing pull ups. You have a nagging suspicion that he chose to go on with his daily workout routine right now on purpose but you’re not better yourself, doing rather poor job at ignoring the way his hoodie rides upwards with every move he makes, revealing his toned abdomen.

“Okay, I’m done.” he grunts, letting go of the bar. He plops down on the other swing next you with a heavy exhale. “How many was it?” he then asks, referring to the number of pull ups you were supposed to keep a track off.

For a moment you forget you’re supposed to answer, eyes focused on Jungkook’s throat as he chugs down the whole water bottle.

“Hmm?” he repeats and you quickly snap out of your trance.

“I lost count.” Truthfully, you didn’t even make an attempt to do so. You were too distracted by the act itself to pay attention to anything else, let alone do basic math. Now you do understand all these girls going crazy when they get a glimpse of his sculpted body.

Jungkook rolls his eyes in response and starts swinging himself back and forth. It you recall correctly, he lost one of his front baby teeth here, jumping off the swing.

“I thought a lot of would change here after so many years. But it looks exactly like I remembered it.” he says, slowing down to a halt.

You nod at his words. Apart from a little painting and renovations done here and there, it’s like it all got stuck in time. You’re about to add that your mother told you the infamous principal Choi is still consistently running the school, but Jungkook doesn’t let you vocalize it.

“Wait,” He stands up suddenly and walks to the seesaw swing. You furrow your brows as he crouches on the ground and attentively observes the object, presumably searching for something. “A-ha! Here it is! I knew it still would be there.” he exclaims excitedly after a few seconds.

Confused, you come up to him. “What are you doing?”  

“Look,” he says, pointing at the wooden base of the seesaw. At first glance you don’t notice anything but as you get closer, you see what he meant.  

Jinyoung + Y/N = ♡ engraved on the swing.

“Oh my god.” you groan, covering your face in embarrassment.  

Jungkook ignores your whining and actually snaps a picture of his finding. “You know what’s actually funny? It was me who did this because you didn’t have enough strength.” He giggles, making your cheeks heat up in bright shade of red. “I stole my dad’s pocket knife for it. Such a shame your love story lasted only a week.”  

“I’m not listening to you!” you announce and quickly come back to your previous spot on the swing.

Jungkook doesn’t give up easily though, enjoying tormenting you with your pre-teen love life. He follows you, asking, “Wasn’t he your first kiss as well?” You keep your mouth shut, avoiding his eyes. He then clasps his hands. “Yeah, I remember now. Sixth grade. He kissed you here, am I right?”  

You wish you could wipe off that smirk from his face.  

“I never liked Jinyoung,” he continues, sitting down next to you on the second swing. “But I always wanted to have that black range rover his dad drove.”  

Your face heats up even more at the mere mention of Jinyoung and his dad’s car in one sentence. Jungkook can make fun of your silly crush as much he wants, but he doesn’t know one thing.  

That your little infatuation had a sequel.  

Taking a deep breath, you lean closer to him and ask, “Wanna know a secret?” He sends you a curious look and nods. You brace yourself for what is about to come. “I lost my virginity at the back of that range rover.”

Jungkook chokes on air. His eyes widen in pure shock and you have to fight an urge to laugh at how ridiculous he looks right now, gaping at you with mouth wide open. “What the fuck, Y/N?! Tell me you’re joking, please.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “I wish but unfortunately, that’s true. We went to the same high school and somehow… our paths crossed together again.” you explain.

“And you decided to fuck him in his dad’s car?”  

“No, dumbass. We were dating. For whole six months.”  

Jungkook sends you a look. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“It’s not like we were talking back then,” you reply sheepishly, toying with the edge of your sweater. Suddenly it’s hard for you to meet his scrutinizing  stare. “You stopped responding to my messages a little before I started dating him.”  

The atmosphere between you tenses. Jungkook’s expression morphs from astonishment into guilt and you curse yourself for ruining the mood.  

Jinyoung is just a mere memory, one of many mistakes you made during your teen years. He wasn’t anyone special to you anymore, he never had been. Not even when he deflowered you on the backseat of his dad’s car one night after some party. You were too drunk to care and too inexperienced to do more than just lie there and take it. With your skirt hiked up and blouse mid-open, wondering if Jinyoung was just as clueless as you when it came to sex or he simply didn’t know how to pleasure women.

What Jungkook doesn’t have to know, is that you jumped into the relationship with Jinyoung to fill the void your best friend created three years ago with unanswered messages and never returned calls.  You were lonely in high school, you couldn’t manage to form a close bond with anyone after Jungkook. You hoped Jinyoung was good enough for a replacement.

“What about you then?” you ask to clear the atmosphere. “I told you my secret, now you reveal me yours.”  

To loosen up the tension a bit, you decide to play the quid pro quo card. Partially out of curiosity, but mostly because you feel like you’ve exposed yourself too much in a short period of time. It will only be fair if he gives you the same in return.  

Jungkook smiles bashfully. For the person who had done many dirty things to you before, he sure looks shy now. “I was nineteen as well. She was a friend of a friend, four years older than me. We met a party, flirted a little and one thing led to another,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve never seen here after that. She tried to contact me but I just… I didn’t want to commit to something more.”

Is he ready for more now? you wonder silently. The question stays at the tip of your tongue though. You can’t wish for more when everything he’s able to provide is a few, quick moments of blissful relief between the sheets when sun goes down.  

But what if you want more? What if you’ve always, subconsciously, felt like you belonged together but universe decided to split you apart? What if you’ve always been in love with your best friend?  

The realization hits you like a tsunami. All these years, you spent denying your feelings for him. And when there’s a chance for you act on them, you back away. 

Because even if he’s now inches from you, he seems out of your reach.

By the time you gulp down your third glass of champagne, Jungkook’s brother’s engagement party is in full swing.  

Junghyun and Hyerin didn’t invite many people to celebrate. It’s a small, family gathering. Your parents were invited thanks to the almost twenty-years-long friendship with Jeons, which started when you moved into the new house next to theirs.  

Jungkook looks painfully handsome dressed in black suit pants and emerald green button-up shirt. His raven hair is styled the way you like the most, parted in the middle and revealing his forhead. You, on the other hand, are wearing a simple, long-sleeved navy blue dress you’ve had on multiple occasions before but it’s still your top go-to garment when you have nothing else to put on.

“Have I told you look great tonight, buttercup?”  

Turning around, you’re met with Junghyun’s smiling face. Of course he would approach you with his childhood nickname for you that used to make your heart flutter.

Besides his hair color, there’s little resemblance between him and Jungkook when it comes to appearance. While Jungkook took a lot after their father, Junghyun is almost a cardboard copy of their mum. Even their characters are two polar opposites. Junghyun is the more outgoing, boisterous type but Jungkook still tends to act introverted towards strangers.  

And paradoxically, it’s the younger brother who’s making a career in entertainment industry.

“Shouldn’t you be complementing your fiancée instead?” you ask, accepting another glass of Martini Junghyun hands you.  

“As you can see, she’s busy being interrogated by my mother.”  

From the corner of your eye, you see Hyerin nodding along to whatever miss Jeon is telling her right now, expressively gesturing. It’s her brand to do so. Your father says that she talks with her mouth and hands simultaneously.

“I’m sure Hyerin-ssi went through it already when they were preparing food together earlier today.” you joke.

Junghyun chuckles, having a seat next to you. He sends quick, supportive thumbs-up to to his girlfriend when she glances at him from the spot she occupies on the couch. You can’t help but coo at the sight.

“So,” you quip, “when’s the wedding?”  

“Next year in August,” Junghyun answers. “You’re obviously invited as well.”  

You smirk around the champagne glass. “I wouldn’t miss seeing my childhood crush getting married.”  

Junghyun laughs at that, throwing his head back. After a moment he adds, “It’s funny though, how you were gushing over me when the boy who had heart eyes for you was right under your nose.”  

You arch a brow. “You mean Jungkook? He had a crush on me?”  

“If course he did. You were the only girl who talked to him and moreover, you always helped him with his homework and you know how bad he was at algebra,” Junghyun says, sending you a knowing look. That much is true. Jungkook did suck at Math and could not, for crying out loud, interact with girls. “If he could, he would’ve taken you with him to Seoul all those years ago.”  

Your eyes involuntarily drift to aforementioned boy, standing with his father in the kitchen. They are looking at something your dad is showing them on his phone, probably pictures of the car he recently renovated.  

(A classic Chevrolet Camaro 1969. For all you know it looked like Damon’s car in Vampire Diaries.)

You can see Jungkook’s eyes growing big as he stares down at the screen. Obviously, he’s genuinely amazed with what he sees. You can only hope your dad won’t try persuading him to sell his luxurious Mercedes and buy something vintage instead.

“Why didn’t ever tell me that?” you ask, your voice quivery. You take another gulp of your drink to soothe the emotions bubbling in your chest and you barely succeed.

Junghyun shrugs his shoulders in response. “Would it change anything? You were thirteen-year-old kids back then and he was moving out to another city to make his big dream come true.”  

Pursing your lips, you nod. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  

You don’t know exactly what Jungkook feels for you right now. Back when you were teenagers, it was just a fleeting attraction. Perhaps he thought about you this way because you were a girl who liked spending time with him.  

“I know him giving up your friendship was a dick move but you have to believe me that this boy has been really lost these past three years. Now he’s trying to find himself again, to become a better version of himself,” Junghyun remarks. “He needs his best friend to help him do so.”  

Turning once again to look at Jungkook, you catch him staring right back at you. He flashes a cheeky grin and completely fails winking at you. You’re lips automatically stretch into a smile seeing his goofiness. You like that side of him. It suits him.

“I think I need to go save my fiancee from my mother.” Junghyun whispers, catching you off guard. He follows your line of sight and smirks to himself. “Go talk to him. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind snatching Jungkook for a bit.” Unlike his younger brother, he lands a perfect wink.

Like beckoned, Jungkook approaches you when Junghyun leaves the table. “Aren’t you a little sad he’s getting married, buttercup?” It’s the first thing that night he says to you.  

Fighting an urge to snort, you ask, “Aren’t you tired of being jealous I chose Junghyun-oppa as the object of my affection and not you when we were kids?”

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek, manifesting his irritation. You relish in it even more now, having the knowledge he used to pin after you. He ignores your witty retort though completely.

“Want to get out of here for a while?”  

Your heart skips a beat. “Where?” you blurt out, looking around the room for any place comfortable for you to stay in for a while.

“Isn’t it obvious?” When you raise your brows in question he adds, “To your house, of course.”  

“But–”

He shooshes you with a finger on his lips. “No buts, Miss Grumpy. It’s been ages since I’ve been in your room. Do you still have that Edward Cullen’s poster above your bed?” he asks and this time, you actually land a punch to his arm.

Downing the rest of your champagne, you get up from the chair. “Shall we?”  

“Ladies first.”  

“I still can’t understand why did you really hang a poster of some pale dude above your bed.”  

You’re climbing up the stairs to your room, and Jungkook is in the middle of his rant about Why Twilight Has Ever Been A Thing. You’re ten seconds from pointing out his teenage female crushes one by one, starting with IU just to rile him up.

“It’s just weird for me,” he huffs upon taking one last step to the top.

You whip your head to send him a glare. “Do you really want me to say the same thing about your fans worshipping your posters?” you ask, eyes narrowed. “You’re out of their reach just like Edward Cullen was out of mine when I was fourteen.”

He points his finger at you. “But he’s a fictional vampire and I’m real.”  

“Exactly!”  

You leave him with that, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and open the door to your room.

“So you did get rid of him after all.”  

Nothing really much changed in your childhood room since you moved out four years ago. Your walls are still painted in lavender but the posters are long gone, much to Jungkook’s dismay. There is a bookshelf with all your favorite positions (Twilight included) standing directly next to the desk which is now pearl white, just like the rest of your furniture.  

Before you can say anything, Jungkook plops down onto your bed. “You still got them though,” he murmurs and you glance in his direction, waiting for him to elaborate on what he means. He raises his finger to the ceiling. “Those yellow stars that shine when it’s dark. You have the same in your apartment in Seoul.”  

“Oh, yeah,” you awkwardly reply, looking up. “I put them there so I can have something reminding me of home.”  

Truth to be told, you are a sentimental person. The very best evidence of your heart’s weakness is the corkboard with old photos in your apartment. As cheesy as it might sound, it gives you a sense of comfort.

Jungkook hums at that and pats the spot next to him with his hand. “Come lay with me.” he proposes.

“Why?” you ask, although you sit down on the bed anyway.  

“Because I want you to,” he grumbles and places his palm on your stomach, pushing you to lay flat. “There you go.”  

It reminds you of old days, how you used to lay down with him like that on your bed and just do nothing, simply staring at the constellations on your ceiling in silence or speaking about trivial things.  

Life was much easier back then, when there was no cameras flashing around and capturing every move your best friend makes. When you were just two kids with head full of dreams and dragging on forever doing your Chemistry homework. When you were each other’s beginning and end, yin and yang, sun and moon and the starry sky above you.  

It slips off your tongue eventually, what have you been meaning to ask him since the beginning of your illicit affair. And now it seems like you’ve finally reached the point of no return. “What are we, Jungkook?”  

You turn your head to the side, staring at his right profile. His chiseled jawline, black lashes ghosting the skin of your cheeks. He opens his eyes slowly, focusing his sight on you but you quickly look away.

“You know damn well that we aren’t just friends anymore. Maybe we’ve never been,” You sit up straight from your position, finally gaining enough courage to face the matter. “You can’t play with my emotions like that and expect me not to catch any feelings for you. You’re confusing me so much, Jungkook. I don’t think I can go on like that any more.”  

You feel his palm on the small of your back, comforting and bringing you a brief wave of solace. He follows suit, getting up from his position as well. “Look at me,” he murmurs and you jerk your head to the side. You don’t want him to see you like this again - vulnerable and exposed. “Please, ___.”  

It’s his pleading voice that makes you succumb to his request. Hesitantly, you accept his touch on your cheek and meet his doe eyes, two black charcoals shining in the dim lighting of your childhood room. He has the same look in them as you saw the first time he kissed you. If the teeth worrying his bottom lip are anything to go by, you could mistake it for nervousness.  

“I shouldn’t feel that way about you,” Jungkook finally says. “I shouldn’t wake up with an urge to text you because if I didn’t, my day would be incomplete. I shouldn’t picture us doing mundane things like cooking ramen in your apartment or picking you up from work,” he recites, voice laced with an emotion you can’t quite put the name on. Or maybe you do.

It’s longing.  

“I shouldn’t imagine us being together because I can’t give you all of these things, ___.” Lone tear slides down your cheek and he catches it with his thumb. “I’m so, so sorry.”  

You’re shaking your head, because no, he shouldn’t apologize for the world’s unfairness, for wanting to have more of you, of freedom. “Jungkook–” you start but he’s quick to interrupt you.  

“I told you this before and I’m repeating it now: you deserve so much better than what I can give you, ___.”  

He tries to distance himself, to back away and leave because that’s what he’s a master of but you beat him to it, extending your index finger and poking him right in the middle of his chest. “Now you listen to me, Jeon Jungkook,” you urge, not caring about your tear-strained cheeks and shaky voice. “I’m a very stubborn person, and you know that. If I wanted to leave you, I would’ve kicked you out of my apartment the day your drunk ass stormed back into my life.”  

He smiles sheepishly, putting a strand of hair behind your ear. “And why didn’t you do that?” he asks, his palm not leaving your cheek.  

“Because more than anything, I’ve never stopped caring about you,” It’s almost a whisper. “No matter how hurt I was, I couldn’t let you slip away from my reach again.”  

And then he’s leaning even closer, lips almost touching yours yet it feels like it’s not enough. It’ll never be. “___,” he murmurs your name softly, breath smelling of champagne hot on your skin. You feel dizzy, drunk on him. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”  

You both know it’s a white lie, that as soon as you’re back in Seoul the reality will brutally kick you in but you let yourself for a moment indulge in this fantasy – that you’re his and he’s yours. You’re on the opposite sides of the spectrum, yet you cannot be separated.  

And you need to hear him say it.

“Promise?”  

Jungkook seals it with a kiss, the one that leaves you breathless and pliant in his arms, blindly reaching for him and pulling him closer with your hands on his neck. “Promise.” he whispers, eyes trained on yours.

For now, it has to be enough.

Then, as if he can’t hold himself back any longer, he dives in for more, hands finding purchase on your hips. He’s tugging you closer until you’re perched on top of his thighs, feeling the hard flesh flexing underneath your weight. It feels familiar; that funny, pulsing sensation building up in your core when he swipes his tongue over your bottom lip to meet yours. It makes you tangle your fingers in his black locks and pull, just to hear him groan into your mouth.

But there’s another pressing matter on your mind and before you can go any further, you’re pulling away from his lips with a light smack. Jungkook doesn’t take the hint though, anchoring your hips over his crotch.

“Wait,” you mumble in between kisses, biting down the moan that almost tears from your throat when he uses the grip on your body to grind down on him. “What about the party? What if parents will come home and–”

“Shhh,” He silents you with a peck on your quivery lips. “They won’t. The party has barely started. And even if they do come home, you’ll just have to be quiet, right?” Something about his tone makes you nibble on your bottom lip to suppress a whimper. He sees it, and leans down to kiss your throat. “Can you do that for me, baby?”  

“Mhm,” you mewl, angling your neck to give him more access. He sucks a mark right above your sternum and it almost distracts you from asking him one more thing. “Jungkook,”  

He licks a stripe up the column of your throat and looks at you, lips shining with saliva. “What is this?”  

Despite the urge to kiss him stupid right here and there, you cup his cheeks and repeat the same question that led you to this very moment. “What are we?”  

Jungkook looks like a living sin with his blown out pupils and disheveled hair yet his gaze is nothing less than affectionate. He brings one of your hands to his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles. “Whatever you want us to be,” he responds, sincere. “You know I never give up without trying.”

You nod, a small smile dancing on your features. “I know.”  

He captures your mouth in another kiss, like he’s trying to prove his statement with actions; sucking, biting, kneading your supple flesh just right. Suddenly there’s too many clothes separating you and your fingers grip his silk shirt in faint attempt to satisfy your yearning to feel him fully.

As if reading your mind, Jungkook stops mid-decorating your neck with yet another red mark. “Get up and take off your dress for me, baby.” he says, all soft but still demanding enough to make your knees wobble. As much as you love the dominant side of him, you’re enjoying this new-found softness of his.  

You comply to his request in an instant, raising from his lap to a standing position. Your fingers travel to your backside and pull the zipper down. Your dress falls on the floor with light thud, leaving you in your underwear. It’s matching but not your best pick nonetheless; simple black lace bra and cotton panties. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind though, two antsy hands gently pulling you closer to him until you’re in between his thighs.  

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, leaning down to press a feathery kiss on your belly. You let out a shaky sigh, trying to avert your gaze away from his burning stare but he destroys your attempt. “Don’t shy away from me now.” A squeeze to your hip is a warning. You give in, looking down just to see him smirking right back at you.  

“I won’t if you take off your clothes as well.” you challenge despite your trembling voice.

He gets up, towering over your figure. “Undress me then.” Your shaky fingers reach for the buttons, opening one by one. He watches your movements attentively, lets you run your palms over his broad chest. His silky shirt joins your dress on the floor as you fumble with his belt buckle.  

There’s something intimate about this moment. It’s not the first time you’re seeing each other naked yet everything feels new, unchartered. You’re exploring each other again, mapping your bodies with subtle touches and observant eyes. 

Jungkook strips off his slacks, steps off his shoes along with socks. He sends you a cheeky grin. “Now we’re even.” He swallows your giggle with his mouth, not wasting any more time and pressing you against his body.  

You moan when you feel his erection touching your hip. He uses it as an opportunity to slither his tongue inside, each experienced lick making it hard for you to follow his tempo. You go lax in his hold, letting him snap your bra open. He maneuvers your body until you’re laying on your back and he’s straddling your waist.  

“So pretty,” he marvels, palms caressing your breasts. Your nipples harden under his ministrations, breathy moan escaping your lips when he pinches them. “Such a pretty baby.” he repeats, lost in touching every part of you he can reach.

Jungkook peppers kisses on your belly, hands travelling to your thighs. He leans to kiss you on your panty-clad mound. You mewl at the sensation, unconsciously sliding your legs wide open and giving him more access to your center. “Can I eat you out?” he asks, continuing mouthing over your pussy. When you don’t answer him in time, he slaps your thigh in reprimand. ‘’Hmm?”  

“Please,” you whimper, mind send into overdrive. Minho rarely went down on you and you almost forgot how good it feels to have someone’s mouth on you.

Jungkook grasps your underwear and pulls it down your legs, revealing your dripping pussy to his hungry eyes. His breath tickles your folds, sheets grasped tightly between your fingers. Jungkook kitten-licks your pulsing clit, eyes trained on your face to see every small reaction he emits from you.

“Jungkook,” you keen, hips rising to chase after his mouth.  

He nibbles on your thigh playfully, flashing you a sly smile. “What do you want, doll?”  

It’s the ‘doll’ that makes you whine pitifully at him. He relishes in it, sucking your clit into his mouth as an apology for his teasing.  You whimper, “Please, I want more. Give me more.”  

‘’Demanding, are we?” he snorts but complies anyway. No matter how much he loves hearing you beg, he enjoys eating you out more. He covers you your pussy with his mouth, tongue swiping over your sensitive numb. He licks up clean your soaking slit, not missing a single drop of your pearly arousal.

He groans at the taste and throws your legs over his shoulders. He pulls you even closer to him until his face is burried between thighs. Your fingers wander to his hair on their own accord, threading into his silky strands. After a harsh suck he abuses your clit with, you pull. It spurs him on even more, a groan mouthed against your pussy causing even more slick to drip down your opening. 

“Tell me how good it feels.” he mumbles, glancing up at your face. You focus your sight on him, his chin is shining with translucent substance, hair tangled and sweaty against his forehead.  

“So good,” you mewl.  

“Yeah? That good?” Jungkook asks, tone almost mocking. You’re now only nodding in response, your cunt pulsing with a need to release. “Can you cum for me like this, baby?” he mouths along your folds.  

“Please, please,” You’re nearly crying, tears pricking in the corners because the pleasure is too much to bear. Your clit throbs, eyes rolling to the back of your head. “Oh my god–Kook!”  

“Good girl,” He rewards you with two slender fingers pushing inside your pussy, searching for that one stop that makes your insides flutter. “My pretty baby, tastes so sweet for me.” he rasps before licking a stripe up your cunt.

His digits slide even deeper into you. It sounds sinfully wet but you don’t care, accepting whatever he gives you. And give does he, plunging his fingers repeatedly inside and flicking his tongue against your bud – a perfect symphony to finally send you over the edge.

“There you go,” he murmurs, feeling your walls tightening around his fingers. More juices leak out of your hole and he drinks them up eagerly. “My pretty girl doing so good for me.”  

He prolongs your orgasm until you stop him with a breathy whimper of, “’m sensitive.”  

Jungkook gets up to hover over your shaking body. He opens your mouth with a deep, wet kiss. You taste your arousal on his tongue, feeling no longer foreign and eliciting a moan out of you. His length presses against your hip, hard and straining his briefs. With a surge of boldness you reach down, rolling his underwear off his body. His cock slaps against his abdomen, curved tip leaking precum.

Nibbling on your bottom lip you watch as his hand encloses around his member, giving it a few pumps. He groans, head thrown back. Your eyes focus on the sweat dripping down his sculpted body all the way from his neck down his chest. Jungkook is a sight for sore eyes– slim waist, toned thighs. Everything about him is mesmerizing.  

He settles between your legs, cock prodding at your folds. “You sure?” he asks, searching for your eyes.  

You don’t answer him verbally this time and he doesn’t press about it. Instead you open your legs even wider, a small smile dancing on your features as you nod. You’re welcoming the stretch with a drawn out moan. He pushes himself inside slowly, until he’s flushed against your pelvis, his neatly trimmed pubic hair tickling your skin.  

“Fuck,” he curses, hands coming up to grip your sides so tightly you’re sure they’ll leave fingertip bruises. “You’re so perfect, baby. Made for me.” He leans to press a kiss on your mouth, tongue lazily lacing with yours. It’s messy, saliva trickling down your chin but you don’t care, reciprocating with vigor.  

Jungkook pulls away and places one last peck on your cheek. “Ready?” he murmurs.  

You couldn’t be more than. “Ready.”  

He picks up the pace, blindly reaching for your legs to make you encircle his waist. You’ve never fucked in this position before, with him so close to your face you could practically taste the sweat dripping off his body on your lips. He relishes in having you like this, palms caressing every square inch of your flesh. 

‘’God, I missed having you like this, doll,” he grunts. He props his hand next to your head and it gives him leverage to hammer himself faster into your cunt. “Do you like how I’m fucking you?” he asks and you keen in response. He doesn’t seem to be satisfy with your reaction. “Too fucked out to speak?” You hear him chuckling evily into your ear.

“Shit, Jungkook,” you whimper, throwing your hands over his neck. His skin his hot and slippery under your touch. He rams himself even harder into you, hips never losing the rhythm. You feel the pressure building up in your abdomen already, reducing you to mewling mess underneath him. “I-I love it. So, so much.” you stammer out.

“Yeah?” he prompts, fingers slipping down your belly to toy with your clit. “Love how my cock is fucking you?”

“Yes, yes–fuck,” you chant. “So good.”  

He loses himself in you, in the way how tight you feel around his cock. He tells you this, spits filthy obscenities into your ear and punctuates it with deep strokes inside you. He wants to have you like this forever, keep you to himself and hide from the whole world.  

It’s selfish of him to think that way but he can’t help it, not when you��re moaning so pretty when he tightens his grip on your waist and rails you harder into the mattress. Not when you’re there when he needs you, when you’re his lifeboat bringing him back to the land (sanity).  

He wants to see you smile for him, because of him. Wants to call you his. And that’s what he asks you to, begs in stranded voice. “Say you’re mine,”  You’re shaking your head, tears threatening to spill from your eyes but he needs to hear you say it even if it’ll be just this once. “Please, tell me you’re mine, ___.”

Your whole body shudders from pleasure. You open your quivery lips but nothing comes out of it except for a broken whimper of his name. “J-jungkook–”

“Please,” he pleads once again, entangling your hands from around his neck and pinning them over your head instead. “Say nobody will ever make you feel this way. Fuck you until you cry,” he continues, fingers circling your nub with ferocity. “Fucking say it!”  

You sob, pleasure rippling through your body and throwing you off the edge. “I’m yours,” you whisper hoarsly, staring into his dark orbs. “Yours, yours, yours!” you repeat, creaming his cock with your release.  

“Fuck,” Jungkook groans and you don’t know it’s because of your confession or your walls constracting around his member. Maybe it’s the mixture of both. “You’re mine just like I’m yours.” he spits as the orgasm approaches him, shuddering through his whole body. He comes with a call of your name, spilling himself inside.  

You whimper at the sensation, your arousal mixing with his and dripping from your hole. Jungkook lets go of your wrists, pressing a peck on each of them. His palm cups your cheek and he leans down to kiss you. It’s lazy, your mouths barely moving but it feels good anyway.  

He’s in the middle of pulling his softening cock out of your core when you hear your mum’s voice.  

“___, honey, are you here?” She’s downstairs, approximately forty-five seconds from reaching your room.

Jungkook sends you a panicked look. “Go lock my door!” you hiss. 

He obliges quickly, naked butt jogging across the room to twist the key. You can’t help but giggle as he tiptoes to the bed again. He puts a hand over your mouth and murmurs, “Shhh, be quiet.”  

Your mum’s heels clink on the stairs. Few seconds later she’s knocking on your door. “___, are you there?” she asks. You’re praying she won’t twist the handle because in that case you’ll have a lot of awkward explaining to do. Fortunately, she gives up. “I guess they went for a walk.”  

By ‘they’ she means you and Jungkook who’s currently stifling a laugh against your shoulder. “Well, maybe not for a walk but something equally energy-draining.” he whispers. You elbow him in the stomach, making him chuckle even harder.

When you hear the door to your house closing, you let out a breath of relief. “I knew fucking in my childhood bedroom wasn’t a good idea.”

Jungkook smirks. “You sure about that?” he teases, squeezing your hip. It makes you roll your eyes but you don’t hide the smile on your face afterwards anyway.

Jungkook reaches for your panties and rolls you onto your back, carefully cleaning you up and then himself. He tucks you beneath the covers, encircling your body with his arm. You relish in the heat radiating of him, pressing your cheek right where his heart beats.

“You’ve never told me what would be my biography’s title.” Jungkook says after a moment.  

You smile to yourself, fingertips drawing patterns on his skin absentmindedly. “I’d call it ‘Lost Star’.” you answer.  

“Because I’m a troublesome celebrity?” he chuckles and you shake your head.  

“Well, of course you can interpret it like that but for me it has more of a metaphorical sense,” you explain. “You’re a star, like those on the sky, which got lost and came to Earth instead. That’s why you’re so special. Because you’re out of this world.”  

“I’m no special,” Jungkook grumbles, pouting.  

You sit up from your position to look him in the eyes. “You’re wrong, Jeon Jungkook. And I think I’m not the only person who thinks the same,” you urge. He meets your gaze and you realise how young he looks right now. Young and boyish. “You make thousands of people smile because of your music. That’s a special ability to me.”  

He flashes you a small smile. “I’ve never thanked you for believing in me from the very beginning.” he says, cupping your cheek in his palm.  

“Always.”  

You drift off to sleep with his voice humming softly in your ears.

[4 months later]

“Bangtan Sonyeondan are currently at the Incheon International Airport, leaving for their upcoming world tour. Their first show will be held this Saturday in Los Angeles and–”

You walk into the living room and sit on the sofa, staring at the pictures Korean press took of Jungkook and his bandmates while they were departing to US. They are dressed in their casual clothing and you know the fans are going to freak out seeing Jungkook’s hair has gotten long enough to tie it in a man bun. You’re almost sure the news have already spread on Twitter.

The TV is too big for your liking but Jungkook insisted on buying it anyway. You can almost see the pimple on his cheek he woke up with this morning. It makes you smile involuntarily.

Rest of the design in his–now yours as well– apartment was mainly your idea. He bought it without telling you because he knew you would freak out. And you did, obviously, call him crazy. But he didn’t mind. Told you he needed a space for himself for a very long time and now he has someone to share it with.  

The house feels empty without him. It’s too spacious for one person and when he’s not around, you feel like intruder. But you’ve put on your big girl shoes this morning after a passionate round of love making and teary-eyed goodbyes. You won’t slip them off until he will come home to you in two months.  

He promised he would show you Paris and London. You know he will keep that promise, although you aren’t sure you’ll be able to make it with your new job. After breaking up with Minho, Jungkook encouraged you to try sending your drafts to different publishing companies. And one of them responded positively.

You check your phone–your smiling face meeting you on the lockscreen. Jungkook’s smooching your cheek, but prying eyes wouldn’t be able to tell it’s him from that angle. His last text message is from fifteen minutes ago.  

[5:55pm] jungkook:  

We’re departing in 20 minutes  

I’m missing you already so much:(

You reply, although he’s probably fast asleep like he always does during flying.  

[6:01pm] me:  

Miss u too!!

And you mean it. You’re missing him when he’s at his dance practice, when he’s in the studio. But it has to be enough for now.  

The dates he takes you for have to be in the confines of your apartment. You can’t go for a walk and hold his hand or kiss him in public. He said you needed to wait for the tour to end to discuss publicly announcing your relationship. You’re wondering what’s better: forever hiding or being judged for every step you take.

You’re a strong girl, he once told you. And you’ll continue being one. For the two teenagres on the beach smiling to the camera in the framed photo next to your TV.  

However long it takes.  

[beelsnack]

Bad Influence - Beelsnack's 666 Follower Special!!

(Technically I'm over 666 - shoutout to the porn bots)

But seriously, holy shit, there's a lot of you. Thank you all so much for liking my stuff, and for interacting with me and sending me good vibes and all of that. I hope I can keep giving you guys quality work!!

And yes, I am a nerd and I consider 666 a milestone for a blog for a bunch of demons. No, I'm not sorry.

-----

Lucifer: He couldn’t help but wonder when the change had set in.

When the human first arrived in the Devildom, they had been humble and meek. If anyone complimented them, they deflected it with the mastery and resignation of someone who had been doing it for far longer than they should have. And if someone thanked them? You would think their entire world was dissolving around them.

But now?

He extended a gloved hand towards them as they descended the stairs. Tonight was one of the rare nights where they had the opportunity to be alone without one of his brothers tagging along, and they had been planning this date for nearly a week now. They slipped their hand in his without any of the hesitation they would have shown at first. They knew they deserved his reverence.

“You look radiant as always, my dear,” he curled his fingers around theirs as they reached the bottom step, bringing the backs of their knuckles to his lips. “Surely there is no star in the sky that could outshine you.”

They laughed - his theatrics always did amuse them. “You do have amazing taste, after all.”

He chuckled as well, guiding the two of them to the front door. “Of course. Do you think the Avatar of Pride would associate with anyone less than the best?”

“Definitely not,” the wind that came through the door when they opened it blew their hair away from their face, and Lucifer couldn’t help but preen at the fact that he had helped that quivering little animal grow into the proud swan that stood before him.

“Speaking of the best, where are we going for dinner?”

“Don’t worry, my dear,” he laughed as they made their way out into the night. “You deserve the world, and the world you shall get.”

“Unless ‘the world’ means a steak dinner, I’m not interested.”

Mammon: “Come on, don’t leave me hangin’ out here!”

The curtain covering the entrance to the changing room rustled, and Mammon heard a faint “Fine, fine, just give me a sec!” before it finally opened and out stepped the human.

Mammon always thought they looked good no matter what they were wearing, even if it was one of his old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. Actually, especially if it was one of his old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. But seeing them decked out in his fashion brand - one he had both designed and modeled - was definitely making him feel some type of way.

He let out a low whistle when they stopped in front of the chair he had seated himself in. The results of his own shopping spree were tucked haphazardly into a colorful assortment of bags at his feet, but the human had taken a bit longer than he did picking out their stuff. And damn, was he glad they did, because otherwise he wouldn’t get the chance to see them modeling his clothes.

It was a private fashion show, just for him.

The outfit itself was pretty simple. A black fitted tee beneath a cropped leather jacket, a pair of faded dark-blue skinny jeans, and a pair of black sneaks with a gold stripe going up the side. But the thing that brought the whole outfit together was the long necklace with a topaz pendent resting against their breastbone.

“Well?” they asked, giving him a spin before striking a pose before him. “What do you think?”

For a moment, he couldn’t speak. The human wearing his clothes...it was the next best thing to them walking around with “I Belong To Mammon” tattooed on their forehead.

“I, uh...I guess you...um,” he swallowed thickly. “Ya look alright, I guess.”

“That’s tsundere for ‘you look hot,’ right?” they grinned before spinning around to look in the mirror. “Man, this is a whole look! I have to have it!”

If this had been a few months ago, the human would have waffled back and forth about whether or not to buy anything. It didn’t matter how much they wanted something, it was almost like they just couldn’t do anything nice for themselves. There was being frugal, and then there was deprivation. Now, though, was completely different.

“I wonder if I should get some shades to go with?” they mumbled, looking themselves over in the mirror. “I think that would really pull it together, don’t you?”

“Just don’t go for the Ray Bans, it’s a fucking scam.”

Leviathan: "Come on, come on, come on…"

Very rarely was Levi the one watching someone else play games, unless it was a stream. And as mind-blowingly awesome it would be to watch the human stream one of his current faves, he definitely didn't want other people seeing how adorable they looked when they were focused.

They had come to him with absolute determination in their eyes, begging him to help them out. There were a limited amount of UR armor sets in the event, and they needed to get their hands on one. And, well, what kind of friend would he be if he didn't help them out?

(The fact that he already scored the armor is irrelevant.)

So, here they were, camped out in the pillow nest that they often made for themselves when gaming in his room, laser focused on the screen with Levi giving them guidance. The event level was brutal, but they were in the final hours, so it was crunch time.

"Okay, this boss is easy once you know the attack pattern. Four regular slashes, a jab, then you've got about five seconds to get behind a pillar before it uses the AOE."

"Gotcha."

Even then, it was a long battle, and they had used up most of their healing potions by the time the monster let out an anguished roar and disintegrated into a pile of bones. The human held their breath as they moved towards it to gather their loot.

"Yes!!"

They practically leaped out of the pillow nest in triumph. There, right on the top of the loot list in shimmering gold font, and the UR armor that they had been coveting.

"I got it! I got it!" they cheered. "Levi, I finally got it!"

"Hell yeah you did!" the two of them shared a crisp high five as the results of the campaign loaded on the screen. It was updating in real time, so they could watch as the final moments of the event ticked away.

Levi knew what they were looking for. Early on in the dungeon, another player had done them real dirty, sniping them from a few levels above and then taunting them over VC about how they would never get the armor now. So of course that only inspired the human to work harder, and here they were.

3...2...1

Event over. Quickly, the human scrolled up to the beginning of the list, checking the names of all the players who scored the armor.

Levi sat next to them, chewing his lip. What was that person's tag again? He didn't remember.

Suddenly, the human let out a snort that turned into a full-on giggle fit.

"They didn't get it!" they cackled like a hyena. "Serves them right, the jackass!"

Levi was pretty sure it wasn't a good idea to laugh at the misfortune of others. But, he knew better than anyone that spite was a hell of a motivator. When they had first gotten themselves isekai’d into the Devildom, they had let demons walk all over them, Levi had personally witnessed a lower-level demon shove them out of the way to get a sandwich they had been reaching for, and the human just stood there and let them take it. But they had grown to be a little more selfish, and if they wanted something, they were taking it.

And maybe, just maybe, seeing them like that turned him on just a little bit.

Satan: "You want to come and say that to my face?"

Satan stood there in stunned silence as the human spun on their heel to look the demons right in the eyes. They had their back to him, so Satan couldn't see the look on their face, but whatever it was made the two lesser demons flinch.

"Hey, come on, Human, we were just joking."

"Yeah, no need to get all worked up."

They scoffed, and Satan knew them well enough to know that they were rolling their eyes. "Is that right? So you don't think I'm a...what was it? A fleshy meat sack who thinks they can get what they want by sleeping with the strongest demons in the Devildom?"

Another flinch. Satan chuckled to himself.. Did those morons really think they wouldn't hear them? Humans might not have super-heightened senses but they weren't deaf.

A small crowd had begun gathering around them, waiting to see what would happen. It wasn't every day one of the human exchange students squared up to a demon.

"You've got some nerve," the human drew themself up to their full height - which, admittedly, was laughable compared to most demons - and crossed their arms. "What do you think Lord Diavolo would do to demons who messed with his exchange students?"

"I believe there's a special spot in the Royal Torture Chambers for such demons," Satan came to stand next to them, and the other demons downright cowered. "If I recall correctly, there's an Iron Maiden down there."

"Ooh, cool!"

"Alright, we get it!" One of the demons cried, throwing their hands up defensively. "We're sorry!"

Satan opened his mouth to spit a curse at them, but the human beat him to it. "I've got Lord Diavolo on speed dial, so start running."

The two demons turned tail and booked it down the hallway, nearly crashing into Beelzebub as he turned the corner with a sandwich hanging out of his mouth. He stood frozen for a moment before he swallowed and turned to Satan and the human.

"Were those two bothering you guys?"

Satan cast a sideways look at the human before a wicked grin spread across his face.

"They took care of it."

Asmodeus: "Well, someone's feeling bold tonight."

The door had barely shut behind the two of them before the human was pressing Asmo against it, mouthing at his neck as their hands traveled down the front of his silk blouse. He shuddered gleefully as their breath ghosted against his ear lobe.

"I can't help it," they murmured, fingers skirting just beneath the hem of his shirt. "You looked so good out there."

"I look good all the time, darling," he hummed, reaching up to grab a fistful of hair to gently pry them away from his neck.

"You looked especially good," they huffed as he let go of their hair. "Dancing like that, I could barely wait until we got home."

"Aw, sweetheart, you should have come to join me." Asmo rolled his hips in an echo of the dancing he had been doing at the club, delighting when he felt them shiver against him. "We could have put on a show that would have captivated the whole Devildom."

"I don't think the staff would appreciate it."

"They would be too busy watching to care," Asmo giggled, diving down to capture their lips in a quick and dirty kiss. "Although I can't say I'm not thrilled to be getting a private show."

Beelzebub: “Man, this place has the best barbecue!”

Dinner dates were a pretty common thing for the two of them. Over the course of the human’s stay in the Devildom, the two of them had figured out which restaurants would put up with Beel’s appetite and which would visibly freeze when the Avatar of Gluttony entered the establishment. The Hellfire Barbecue was one of the good places, probably because Beel made sure to tip really well, and one time personally went into the kitchen to tip the chef. Or, well, he tried, anyway. He ended up giving the money to the human and told them to give it to the chef because he knew if he went in there he would devour everything. But the sentiment was still there.

Beel smiled down at the human as they wiped the barbecue sauce off of their face. “You finished all of it this time.”

“Huh?” they glanced at their plate. “Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You usually don’t.”

“I was really hungry, I guess.” they grinned sheepishly.

Beel distinctly remembered the human telling him that they always tried to save some food for later. Whether it was being resourceful or because they had a weird sense of shame around eating too much, Beel didn’t know, but he had never pressed in case it was a sensitive issue. But, seeing them indulge themselves and looking genuinely full and satisfied made him happy. And was probably his main motivation for taking them out to dinner so often.

Well, that and getting his own food.

“I like watching you eat.” Beel said, waving to the owner as he passed by.

“You...like watching me eat.” the human repeated, looking somewhat confused.

“You look so happy when you eat good food,” Beel smiled. “I like seeing you happy.”

Belphegor: Oh, how the tables have tabled.

“Come on, I don’t feel like dealing with Lucifer’s lectures today.” Belphie grumbled, tugging half-heartedly on the human’s arm that was flung around his waist. “We should get up soon.”

For all of his complaining, Belphie didn’t move. If anything, he snuggled down deeper into the bed. He loved when the human agreed to have a sleepover in the attic with him. They got uninterrupted cuddle and nap time, since nobody dared to come up to the attic except Beel. And Beel was almost always welcome to join the cuddle puddle.

“Five more minutes…” the human mumbled sleepily, burying their face into Belphie’s neck. The soft, contented sigh they let out tickled, and he squirmed a little.

“Aren’t you usually the one waking me up?” Belphie nuzzled his nose against their hair.

“But it’s comfy here,” they whined. “I don’t want to get up.”

“You just don’t want to do the presentation in class today.”

“Your point?”

Belphie laughed. “Can’t say I disagree.”

“I did all the hard work anyway,” they shrugged. “We’ll make Mammon give the report.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

The two of them settled back down into the nest of pillows. The human had almost drifted back to sleep when Belphie brought his nose down to theirs to nuzzle them together.

“You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

“You’re cute when you shut up and let me sleep.”

[jimmygibbsjrrr]

What are your favorite voice lines for each survivor and why? (for example, I die when Nick says "you are the first three people in the world I have ever trusted")

I think I have one for everyone (or at least, one picked outta a few favourites) but I really struggled for a coupla them lol

I know and love a lot of these lines because I play on a lovely modded server where a lot of people use voice mods, and I've heard a lot of these lines from the players there, so if they seem random or you've never heard them before that's why! a lot of em are one-off saferoom lines, or dialogue dependent on doing something specific with a certain character. that's also why I seem to gravitate towards the funny one-liners, but there's some more serious/story-related ones here too

also this post ended up being so fucking long! sorry about that! I put a cut in the middle so it's easier to scroll past

Louis:

Louis: "But you know, as long as I have a Molotov I can make a firewall! Get it Francis? A firewall?"

Louis is my favourite and he's got so many banging lines so you'd think this one would be hard for me to choose, but I had to go with this one! the line's originally from The Sacrifice but it's a favourite for Louis players with voice mods. thanks to that, I've got a lotta good memories associated with it from that modded server I talked about. first time I heard it I genuinely laughed because the punchline being that funny caught me off guard. the joke is adorable, very fitting for his character, and the reactions are priceless:

Zoey: "Oh, boooo." Francis: "You're such a nerd."

honourable mention to any conversation about Bill being old because that shit's funny every time

Francis:

Francis: "Groovy." Louis/Zoey: [Short laugh] Francis: "What's so funny? It is groovy."

alternatively:

Francis: "Groovy." Zoey: "[Imitating] Groovy." Francis: "A-FRICKIN'-men."

honestly could have picked any line for Francis because he's so funny but this one is the one that makes me laugh most consistently. that's. that's it really. I just think it's funny. he says this when he picks up an auto shotgun

honourable mention to when he thinks Riverside is in Canada, and any line where he calls Louis 'Louie' because I'm a Frouis shipper and I read into that as a cute endearing nickname :)

Zoey:

Zoey: "Sorry. I can't lower the bridge." Nick: "That's terrific, cupcake. Look, is there a man up there we can talk to?" Zoey: "Oh, boo-hoo, I don't know what to do. Go to hell, Colonel Sanders!"

most of Zoey's funny lines are parts of other running jokes, references that I don't get or very tied to the context of the campaign, so it was actually kinda hard to pick one. I love all of her lines as well which didn't make it easier. but this one has stuck out to me since I first played The Passing because it's brilliant. Nick deserves every scathing insult he gets in that campaign <3

honourable mention to basically all her other lines. especially the ones in The Sacrifice because they cut DEEP her voice actress really went for it christ it hurts

DIShonourable mention to her death scream it's so goddamn LONG and the many hours I've sunk into Tank Challenge have left me hating it with a passion, stop screaming at me I'm doing my best

Bill:

Zoey: "You think one day it's all just gonna go back to normal?" Bill: "I'll see peace back on earth if I gotta murder every one of these bastards with my bare goddamn hands."

I think this line is just a great example of Bill's character really, and actually prompts an interesting train of thought as to how his hopes for the future shifted from No Mercy to The Sacrifice; originally, they seemed much more aligned with Zoey's, possibly part of the reason she felt so betrayed later. also it just sounds cool. it's from the hospital elevator in No Mercy.

honourable mention to this cut line of Bill pickin up an incapped survivor because I think it's really sweet:

Bill: "Bein' brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you're scared as hell, and then you pick up the shotgun anyway."

Left 4 Dead 2 survivors under the cut:

Ellis:

Ellis: "If the laws of nature would allow it, I would bear that man's children."

it really couldn't be anything else. I mean, it could, because everything that comes outta this guy's mouth is funny, but I cannot believe this line is real. I love it. as y'all probably know this one's from Dead Center.

honourable mention to every Keith story, and all of his 'Taunt' and 'Argh' lines from the voicewheel. seriously my favourite part of this character is his lines we could be here all day.

Nick:

Nick: "I am breathing shit air into my lungs. It is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit."

does this make me immature? perhaps. again, I really struggled to pick for Nick, but like many others on the list my reasoning is just that I find this one funny. he sounds so disgusted.

honourable mention to all of his whining about his suit, mostly because the others' responses are golden. and obviously his swearing. because again, I'm immature.

Rochelle:

Rochelle: "Axe me a question, I dare you."

I have such a weakness for bad jokes. first Louis's firewall joke, now this. it's just the way she says it I think. wow my sense of humour is fucked. this one's a possible voice line for when Rochelle picks up a fire axe

honourable mention to all of the funny things she says when she's on low HP, and "Dibbs on Gibbs!" when she sees an infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr.

Coach:

Coach: "I find a Burger Tank in this place? I'm-a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse." Ellis: "Well, Coach? I aim to let you."

I hear this line every time I play Dark Carnival - which, considering how much the playerbase loves Dark Carnival, is a lot - and it just makes me smile, especially since they re-added the previously cut line from Ellis in The Last Stand update. also, it reminds me of my first introduction to the L4D2 characters, "Steamed Hams but it's Coach and Nick", which is a masterpiece of video.

honourable mention to his opening line from the trailer, which sets the tone and introduces the character brilliantly, and would have been a great first introduction if my real first introduction hadn't been a Steamed Hams meme.

this post took a surprising amount of time and effort. holy shit. you're welcome ig lmao

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Of Debts and Stress

Mary Saotome x She/Her Reader

A/N: Mary is such a great character like wth. I hope I did her some justice. There is a mention of characters from Kakegurui Twin, but the story takes place when Yumeko shows up in the main series. Thanks for reading! Word Count: ~8,929 (Me seeing this number for the first time: HOLY SHIT what have I done?! No wonder this took so long lol)

“Did you see the look on that loser’s face when I laid down that royal flush?” Mary laughed, her lips curled in a triumphant smirk as she descended the stairs with (Y/n) following close behind. “To see the light just drain out of his eyes after he realized that his full house was trash was just priceless,” she paused a moment at the bottom of the stairs, causing (Y/n) to bump into her before the blonde turned to face her. “Well, maybe not priceless, I guess you could say it was worth 5,000,000 yen!”

“Mary,” (Y/n) began, rubbing the back of her neck and shifting her eyes to watch other students climb the stairs, “It’s not like I’m not impressed or anything, but don’t you think you went a little too hard on the guy? I mean, he’s a house pet now.”

Mary’s smirk sunk into a frown as she crossed her arms and leaned her hip against the banister with a huff, looking up at the girl who still stood on the last step of the stairs, with a roll of her eyes, she replied, “He wanted to gamble, it’s not my fault if he didn’t weigh the rewards with the risk. Don’t be such a downer (Y/n), you’re really killing my mood here.”

“Sorry, I guess I just feel bad for him.”

“(Y/n), it’s all a part of how this fucked up school works. If you don’t like it, then why the hell did you even apply?” Mary threw her arms up in aggravation.

“Hey, do you think you two could move? You’re blocking half the staircase.” a student called impatiently from behind (Y/n).

“Can’t you see we’re talking here?” Mary glared at a spot above (Y/n)’s head, “Just go around us, idiot!”

The student grumbled, but clumsily made his way through the students that were walking up the stairwell.

“Maybe we should keep walking,” (Y/n) smiled sheepishly, crooking one of her arms with Mary’s and pulling her away from the stairs and towards the school entrance.

“Hey, let go!” Mary pushed out of the hold, blushing furiously, before clearing her throat and giving (Y/n) a side glance as the other girl laughed good-naturedly. “You haven’t gambled yet today, shouldn’t you have at least one match to make sure you don’t fall behind in the rankings?”

“I don’t feel like gambling today,” (Y/n) shrugged, “Maybe tomorrow.”

“You better get your act together or you’ll end up a mittens,” Mary warned.

“Sorry I’m not into high stakes gambles. I’d rather win a little at a time than blow it all away on one game,” (Y/n) explained.

“Ha, that new poochie should have taken a page out of your book,” Mary grinned, but sobered quickly, “But seriously, don’t fall too far behind or I’ll have to leave you to the dogs, got it?” She punctuated her words with a sharp poke to (Y/n)’s chest.

“Ow! Okay, okay, I get it!” (Y/n) sighed, and rubbed the sore spot.

“And if you need any, you know, help, with your gambles tomorrow I wouldn’t be adverse to it,” Mary added, pretending to look disinterested and aloof.

“Aww Mary, are you saying you’d cheat for me? I’m touched,” (Y/n) smiled.

“I’ve changed my mind. You are on your own,” Mary glared and snarled beneath the blush that dusted her cheeks.

“Damn it.”

“Serves you right.”

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” (Y/n) asked as they neared the dorms.

“I suppose,” Mary replied while inspecting her nails. “Meet me in front of my dorm at 7:45 or I’m leaving without you.”

“I’ll be there, have a goodnight Mary!” (Y/n) waved before disappearing into the Tsubaki class dorms.

“‘Night,” Mary called over her shoulder as she made her way to the Hana dorm building.

The girls got ready for the night in there respective dorms and went to sleep, unaware of the major upset that would greet the student body of Hyakkaou Private Academy tomorrow.

***

“Heard you have a new transfer student in your class. Do they seem nice?” (Y/n) asked Mary as they ate their lunches.

“She’s whatever,” Mary shrugged. “Looks like easy money though, I’m gonna ask her to gamble after classes let out. Just wait until you see me wipe the floor with that airhead.”

“Aw, I actually have a few gambles of my own lined up unfortunately.”

“Tsk, whatever, I didn’t want you there anyway,” Mary sulked, picking at her leftovers.

“Hey, you’re the one who told me I needed to watch my ranking. Don’t blame me for simply following through on your advice. If I finish in the gambling den before you finish your game, I’ll be there to cheer you on!”

“You better not, it’s a gamble. You don’t need to act like a mom at a goddamn soccer game,” Mary huffed. “That being said, you better show up if you finish before me.”

“Yes ma’am,” (Y/n) mock saluted then winced and leaned into the table when Mary’s foot knocked painfully into her shin.

“I’ll see you after class, dummy,” Mary smiled smugly, raising from her chair. “Depending on how much money this girl bleeds, we can go do something this weekend, my treat,”

“Sounds like a date!” (Y/n) cheered, narrowly missing Mary’s attempt at a full body tackle. “See you later!” (Y/n) giggled and ran down the hall towards her class while Mary yelled obscenities behind her.

***

(Y/n) was pretty happy with herself, having won six out of seven games of blackjack and earning a modest 50,000 yen. Of course counting the cards had helped her odds, not that her opponents needed to know that. Honestly though, they were probably doing the same thing. It always came back to luck in the end.

(Y/n) hummed to herself as she made her way up the stairs to Mary’s classroom. She looked up when she heard echoing footsteps descending the stairs and was met with the boy Mary had turned into a house pet and a beautiful girl with flowing black hair she had never seen before.

“Oh, hello there!” The girl greeted. Ryota seemed to recognize (Y/n) as a friend of Mary’s though, and grew more nervous, (Y/n) gave him a sheepish wave she hoped conveyed her sympathy or could at least put the poor boy more at ease.

“Hi, you must be the new transfer student,” (Y/n) addressed Yumeko, “I hope no one has been giving you too hard a time,” (Y/n) could think of one prominent figure in her mind that would do such a thing and was ready to do damage control if need be.

“Oh, not at all! I’ve never felt more welcomed!” Yumeko smiled and grasped (Y/n)’s hand in hers. “Jabami, Yumeko,” she introduced herself, the ring on her thumb lightly digging into the skin of (Y/n)’s hand.

“(L/n), (Y/n),” she answered in return, giving Yumeko’s hand a friendly squeeze before withdrawing. “You don’t seem any worse for wear. I guess you survived Mary’s gambling challenge then?”

“Ah, you know Saotome? Yes, I’m looking forward to her paying me back, I hope we can gamble again sometime, she was so feisty!” Yumeko grinned, “You should join us next time as well!”

“Perhaps...” (Y/n) answered distractedly. Why would she need to wait for Mary to pay her back? “So is Mary still up there?”

“I believe so, it was nice meeting you, (Y/n)-san!”

“Yes, nice meeting you too. Uh, see you around Jabami, Suzui,” (Y/n) bowed her head and made her way up the rest of the stairs to the Hana classroom.

The room looked like a mess. Lingering students whispered their gossip but (Y/n) paid them no mind as she scanned the classroom for a familiar head of blonde hair.

“If you’re looking for Saotome you won’t find her here. She ran off, probably went to hide her shame,” one of the lingering students voiced once (Y/n) looked over the whole room.

(Y/n) leveled a soft glare at the student before turning to leave. Okay so she lost, so what? No one’s perfect, get off your high horse. (Y/n) thought as she continued down the hall and peeked into every empty classroom she passed. She was about to text Mary when she heard a huge crash come from the last classroom at the end of the hall.

She yanked the door open and saw a few toppled desks and Mary slouched against the wall with her face hiding in her arms, propped up by her knees that were pulled tightly against her chest.

“Mary, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What happened?” (Y/n) rushed to Mary’s side and knelt before her, careful to give the girl her space. Mary didn’t care for being coddled.

“Fuck off.” Mary’s voice croaked, muffled by her arms.

“Come on Mary, talk to me. I assume you lost, how bad was it really? 300,000? 400,000?”

“8.8 million,” came the subdued reply.

“Wh... what?” (Y/n) swears she must have heard wrong.

“Don’t make me fucking say it again.”

“Mary! What the hell were you thinking?!” (Y/n) gasped, worry gripping her heart. “8.8 million yen?!”

“Shut up!” Mary cried, “You think I don’t know how fucked I am?!”

“What are we going to do, Mary?”

“We aren’t doing anything. This is my problem,” Mary roared, shoving the closest toppled desk away with her foot.

“You can’t possibly come up with all that yen on your own before the rankings are updated. I can get you like, 1,000,000. It’s not much but it’s a start, and of course I’ll stay after school and-“

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want your pity!” Mary yelled, shooting up from the floor.

“Mary, you’re my friend, you are important to me, let me help you!” (Y/n) flung her hand out to catch Mary’s.

“I’ll get the money somehow. Just stay out of my way,” came Mary’s cold reply and she tugged her arm out of (Y/n)’s grasp.

“Mary, don’t do anything rash! Take a moment to just think about this. Your debt is bad, but if you don’t keep a level head, you’re bound to end up with something even more unmanageable!” (Y/n) warned.

“Just shut up already! You weren’t there so you don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do now,” Mary moved stiffly towards the door.

“Mary, stop!” (Y/n) called after the hot headed girl. Unfortunately Mary continued her fast pace down the hall and quickly disappeared around the corner. (Y/n) sighed to herself and rubbed at her irritated eyes. Her heart ached for Mary and the position she found herself in, but she was frustrated as well. Why couldn’t Mary just swallow her pride and accept her help?

(Y/n) rearranged the toppled desks and left the classroom with a heavy feeling in her chest. Hopefully she could sort things out with Mary tomorrow.

***

The next day (Y/n) waited outside of the Hana dorms for Mary like she did everyday, but the girl was not in her usual spot. (Y/n) waited, thinking she was simply running late, but as more time passed it was becoming more evident that Mary was either not coming out, or she was already gone.

(Y/n) couldn’t find her in the school, and Mary wasn’t answering any of her texts either. Meanwhile Jabami was busy making a first year cry. Sure that student council girl was practically begging for it with how obvious her cheating was, but even (Y/n) knew a line had been crossed.

The next morning (Y/n)’s wait for Mary was no better and yielded the same result. (Y/n) fired off another text. She’s at least looking at them.

“Oh! (Y/n)-san, good morning!” An airy voice giggled happily.

(Y/n) shifted her gaze and suppressed a scowl as Yumeko exited the dorm waving excitedly in her direction.

“Waiting for someone?” Yumeko asked, once she was standing within a foot of (Y/n), closer than (Y/n) cared for.

“I was, but I think she already left,” (Y/n) replied, trying very hard to be polite and not snap at the other girl.

“Oh, then we should walk together!” Yumeko clapped her hands together. “If you don’t mind waiting a little longer Ryota will be coming shortly... In fact I see him exiting the boy’s side now! Good morning, Ryota!”

Ryota jolted and swiveled his head up before waving shyly at Yumeko.

“Ryota is going to show me around more this morning, I’d love it if you could join us. It would be nice to have the perspective of someone from a different class as well,” Yumeko spoke excitedly to (Y/n).

“I can’t unfortunately, my first class starts in ten minutes,” (Y/n) informed, surprised at the sudden added weight as Yumeko clamped onto her side and whined loudly in her ear.

“But I really want you to come, (Y/n)-san! Since you aren’t in Hana class we won’t get to see each other often. Can’t you skip your class just this once?”

(Y/n) could easily skip class, but she was not willing to do it for the girl who ruined her best-friend-kinda-maybe-girlfriend’s life. She was about to insist she had to attend class when Ryota swooped in.

“It’s not uncommon for students to skip out on classes here. The teachers don’t really care as long as they’re getting paid. So I’m sure (L/n)-san could join us, right?” He smiled, nervously shifting his eyes from side to side.

Damn you, Suzui, Ryota.

“Well, I suppose just this once I could humor you,” (Y/n) gave a half hearted smile before her eyes went wide and her hands grasped at the arms wound tightly around her neck, shaking her excitedly.

“Yes! Thank you, (Y/n)-san, I’m sure we’ll have a marvelous time!” Yumeko cheered, rocking (Y/n) and throwing her off balance once she finally let go. “Where are we going today, Ryota?”

“I was thinking the path to the Traditional Culture Club would be a good place to visit today. It’s got beautiful scenery, don’t you think, (L/n)-san?” Ryota asked, offering (Y/n) a meek smile.

“I agree, the surrounding vegetation is lovely this time of year. It’s one of my favorite spots on campus actually,” (Y/n) supplied, noticing how Ryota seemed to straighten a bit, looking a tad more confident.

“Sounds wonderful, we’d best be on our way. Maybe I’ll find a gamble to partake in as well!” Yumeko thought dreamily, cupping her blushing cheek with her hand.

Ryota allowed himself an awkward chuckle while (Y/n) subtly pursed her lips, bringing her thoughts back to Mary’s absence as the trio made their way through campus.

“Wow, it certainly is lovely here. I can see why one would like such exquisite scenery,” Yumeko commented once they made it near the end of the path. “Oh, and this must be the club you were referring to?” She asked, pointing to the pleasant building resting below the trees.

“Yes, the Traditional Culture Club,” (Y/n) perked up a bit as a half baked plan formed in her mind. “You know Yumeko, you might actually get the chance to gamble in there.”

“Don’t tell her that!” Ryota blanched before directing his attention back to Yumeko, “I mean, the president of this club is also a part of the student council! You don’t want to make any more enemies than you already have, right Yumeko?”

“Gambling! You promise, (Y/n)?” Yumeko asked, a predatory gleam formed in her eyes that forced a shiver to run up and down (Y/n)’s spine.

“It’s a very real possibility as long as  Nishinotouin-senpai is around. You could always drop by later if she’s not here,” (Y/n) answered candidly. Perhaps she shouldn’t be pushing Yumeko into the arms of danger, but she thought of it as payback for beating Mary so badly without even batting an eye or losing sleep over it.

“Ooo! I just have to go in, can we go in?” Yumeko clutched her hands together and bounced on the soles of her feet, a sight Ryota couldn’t seem to say no to. Not that (Y/n) could blame him as she also found the behavior rather adorable herself.

“Welcome to the Traditional Culture Club!” A member greeted the trio as they approached the door, “We have a match in progress already, but it should end shorty, if you don’t mind you can wait inside.”

“Certainly, we don’t mind at all!” Yumeko spoke.

The club member ushered them inside and (Y/n)’s mouth fell open in shock once she perceived the poor soul sitting across from Nishinotouin, Yuriko was none other than her dear friend Saotome, Mary.

“No, Mary,” (Y/n) couldn’t help but whisper to herself, “What are you doing?”

“She appears to be gambling, (Y/n)! She looks quite tense, wouldn’t you say?” Yumeko stage whispered back.

(Y/n)’s hands curled into fists as she stood by helplessly, watching Mary bet the remaining thirty-two chips she owned. Why would Mary do this after she told her not to do anything rash? (Y/n) waited, her breath stuck in her lungs as the dealer counted down until the reveal of the swords under the cup. When the obtrusion was lifted, (Y/n)’s eyes quickly scanned the board. There! A sword was stuck in slot twenty-two and Mary had bet six chips on it!

“But wait, that’s—!” (Y/n)’s hands flew to her mouth, unable to speak further.

“Twenty-two was a hit. Congratulations, Saotome,” Yuriko praised before her lips quirked further upward, “However, unfortunately for you, the judgement is death.”

Mary hunched over, looking desperately at the board while the dealer explained the penalty.

“Saotome bet six chips on twenty-two with a judgement of death. This requires the punishment of a loss thirty times greater then the chips placed, turning six chips to one hundred eighty chips. When factoring the wins on Yuriko-sama’s slots, the grand total for Saotome is a loss of 49.6 million yen!” The dealer calculated.

(Y/n)’s knees nearly gave out when she heard the final calculation and her heart hammered painfully against her chest.

“See her out, I’m done with her,” Yuriko smiled sinisterly, earning a pained roar from Mary as she was pulled back by standby club members.

“Perhaps you should go after her,” (Y/n) jumped when Yumeko came in close and whispered in her ear. “Ryota and I can catch up with you later, go take care of your friend,” Yumeko smiled and gave (Y/n)’s shoulder a squeeze.

(Y/n) barely spared Yumeko a second glance before running out after the club members escorting Mary off of the premises.

“Let her go, I’ve got her,” (Y/n) commanded sternly, pulling Mary away from the Culture Club members. She shot them one last glare before she turned on her heel and began dragging Mary away from the building. She only stopped once they were off the trail in one of the more secluded areas near the edge of the school forest.

(Y/n) tentatively let go of Mary and leaned back against the nearest tree, her chest heaving with shuddering breaths. What the hell now?

“Why?” She finally choked out, Mary’s fists curled at the single word and she had the audacity to scoff before trying to leave the forest. (Y/n) wasn’t having it however, and took hold of Mary’s bicep.

“Let go!”

“Why? So you can disappear on me again and rack up a 100 million yen debt?” (Y/n) spat, her grip tightening. “I told you not to act recklessly and you thought it was a good idea to go up against Nishinotouin?!”

“There was nothing else to do!” Mary yelled back, turning back to fully face (Y/n) and fisting her hand in the front of (Y/n)’s uniform blazer and pulling her closer to her angry golden eyes. “This was my only chance to get out of being a house pet, it was a risk I had to take!”

“I wish you would have talked to me! You know I only want to help you!” (Y/n) fought the stinging sensation building in her eyes and stood her ground.

“Oh really, how do you expect me to believe that? Don’t think I didn’t see you being all chummy with Jabami and the dog in there. You know it’s because of her that I even had to instigate this match!”

“They roped me into coming along, it’s not like I had anything better to do since my best friend seemingly went missing yesterday, but it’s a good thing I came with them because it lead me straight to you.”

“Now what are you going to do, huh?” Mary’s grip tightened on the blazer, “Mock me like everyone else? Make me your own personal mittens and laugh with everyone while you tell me to do degrading things?”

“I’d never do that! You know I’ve never condoned that behavior, how could you think so lowly of me?” (Y/n) cursed herself as she felt a rebel tear escape and streak down her cheek. She moved her free hand to wipe it away, but Mary released her death grip on (Y/n)’s now thoroughly wrinkled blazer and beat her to it, wiping away the tear with the edge of her sleeve with a tenderness that (Y/n) almost never witnessed from the girl.

Mary’s touch lingered for a few moments, her golden eyes searched (Y/n)’s own, still glossy with unshed tears that threatened to join their fallen comrade.

“Fuck, stop that,” Mary admonished quietly, turning her gaze away.

“Stop what?” (Y/n) asked breathlessly, feeling exasperated and unbelievably exhausted.

“Stop looking like you’re going to cry, damnit!” Mary exhaled sharply and pushed her bangs back, “I’m the one with the 50 million yen debt for fuck’s sake!”

“Yes, but you’re my closest friend Mary! You mean more to me then you’ll probably ever know and I’m so scared for you!” (Y/n) couldn’t hold the floodgates any longer, finally she allowed the the tears of stress fall in earnest. She released her hold on Mary’s bicep and rubbed her face roughly with her sleeve while trying to force the tears to stop.

“Quit that,” Mary ordered awkwardly, pulling (Y/n)’s arm away from her face, “You’ll just further irritate your skin.”

“So what, I’m just supposed to look like a hot mess?” (Y/n) sniffed.

“Just come here you idiot,” Mary groaned, her tone lacking any of its usual bite as she pulled (Y/n) to the ground and held her with her back against the trunk of the nearest tree and (Y/n) somewhat nestled between Mary’s legs and sitting at a side angle.

Mary released an annoyed sigh and (Y/n) squeaked as Mary roughly pushed the other girl’s head into her chest and persisted with her hold, an awkward hug which (Y/n) eagerly reciprocated seeing as Mary rarely was the first to engage any physical contact. “If you get any snot on my uniform, I’ll kill you,” she mumbled, nevertheless tightening her hold.

They stayed like that even after (Y/n) had managed to calm down. They sat quietly together under the glowing leaves of the tree. The only other sounds being the rustle of the wind and the occasional bird song mixed with the mingled breaths of the two Hyakkaou students.

“What time is it?”

(Y/n) had almost dozed off when Mary finally spoke. She reached into her blazer’s pocket and fumbled with her phone, wincing at the late afternoon hour.

“School let out twenty minutes ago. Hope you didn’t have anything important due today,” (Y/n) sighed, showing Mary the time displayed on her lock screen.

“Please, that’s the least of my worries right now,” Mary rolled her eyes.

“Right...”

“Hey, don’t you start that again. It was bad enough the first time,” Mary scolded.

“Sorry,” (Y/n) sniffed and collected herself again, shifting away from Mary a bit so they were face to face. “How about I make it up to you with late lunch/ early dinner, my treat?”

“No way,” Mary tisked, “I can pay for myself.”

“I know for a fact you can’t, you broke ass bitch,” (Y/n) attempted humor, her lips forming the faintest of smiles.

“Way to kick a girl while she’s down,” Mary turned her head away in an attempt to hide the self deprecating smirk that had manifested over her lips.

“I’ll let you pick what we eat and we’ll call it even,” (Y/n) replied as she got up on wobbly legs. She immediately missed the warmth that had accumulated between her and Mary over the last several hours. She offered Mary her hand and her heart leapt when Mary accepted the help without a second thought.

“Fine, whatever I pick, it’s going to be delivery.” Mary said, patting the dirt off of her skirt. “We look like we’ve been lost in the wilderness for five days.” She added, approaching (Y/n) to remove a leaf that had settled in her hair.

Like before, Mary’s hand lingered, slowly dropping lower until it cupped (Y/n)’s cheek. Mary didn’t even seem to register that she had done that, given the far away look in her eye.

(Y/n) could feel her skin catch fire under the brush of Mary’s thumb and cleared her throat, causing Mary to jolt her hand away embarrassed and internally fuming at herself.

“S-so let’s head back to my room, yeah? We can get cleaned up and watch some movies, just forget everything and everyone else for tonight. We can continue worrying tomorrow.” (Y/n) proposed.

“Yeah, sounds good. I know I don’t want to go back to the Hana dorms right now if I can help it,” Mary shrugged, her attempt at appearing disinterested thwarted by her reddened cheeks.

On their way back to the Tsubaki class dorms, Mary grumbled something about not getting there fast enough and grabbed (Y/n)’s hand, lacing their fingers together as they walked. Mary picked up the speed a bit, but really made no difference that would cut down the time it would take to get back. (Y/n) didn’t comment on it though, instead opting to hum and gently swing their connected hands as they went.

When they got within view of the dorms, and all of the students milling about, Mary tugged her hand away and crossed her arms tightly over her chest, but continued to move alongside (Y/n) with a cute pout over her lips.

(Y/n) held her student ID against the panel near the door of the lobby and opened the door, ushering  Mary inside. They took the elevator to the second floor, which housed the second year students of the Tsubaki class, and from there they headed to the girl’s wing.

When (Y/n) unlocked the door to her room, Mary pushed past her and flopped onto (Y/n) bed with a groan.

“Hey, You’re going to get dirt all over my comforter!” (Y/n) scolded half heartedly.

“Don’t care, I’m tired.” Mary smirked and took out her phone to scroll over dinner options. When she settled on one she tossed the phone at (Y/n) who fumbled with it before gaining a secure grasp over it. “You know what I like. You order while I take a shower.” Mary demanded as she walked away.  “This stupidly rich school did one thing right when it fitted each room with its own bathroom.”

“Yeah, feel free to use whatever you need in there,” (Y/n) said distractedly as she scanned the menu. “Oh, and you can borrow some clothes to change into. The comfy stuff is in the two middle drawers.”

“Thanks.” Mary redirected her path to stop at the dresser and took a crewneck sweatshirt and a pair of shorts before disappearing behind the bathroom door.

(Y/n) placed an order for the food. When she was sure everything was in order, she closed the app and her breath caught in her throat.

Mary’s home screen was a picture that they took last year that included Mary, herself, Tsuzura, and Yukimi-senpai in their maid outfits. She smiled fondly at the memory, a bittersweet feeling forming in her heart as she made a mental note to talk to Tsuzura again soon. Though she missed her friend dearly, she knew she was much happier at her new school. It certainly was a less stressful environment to say the least.

(Y/n) locked the phone and placed it on her desk before plopping down into the desk chair and reaching for the tv remote to open her streaming service of choice.

“Showers’ free.” Mary sighed when she emerged from the bathroom, a wave of steam in her wake.

“Wow, just how hot was the water you were using?” (Y/n) asked with a chuckle.

“I’m sure there is still plenty of hot water left if that’s what you’re implying,” Mary said with a roll of her eyes. “Anyway, go get cleaned up, you’re a mess.”

“Ouch, okay,” (Y/n)’s hand flew to her chest in mock hurt briefly, “Expect a text in the next ten minutes or so for when the food gets here.”

“Got it,” Mary waved her hand dismissively and (Y/n) walked into the bathroom with an armful of fresh clothes.

By the time she was finished, Mary had the food set up in front of the tv and was lying along the full length of the couch scrolling through movie titles.

“Find anything you want to watch?”

“Meh, this one seems alright,” Mary scrolled back up and highlighted one.

“The Gamble Hole?” (Y/n) quirked a brow.

“What, you got a problem with it?” Mary grumped.

“No!” (Y/n) objected, holding her hands up defensively, “A fine choice, I just thought with- never mind. Just move your legs so I don’t break them when I sit on the couch.”

Mary scoffed and raised her legs, allowing (Y/n) just enough time to sit on the cushion before flopping her feet into (Y/n)’s lap. Mary then handed (Y/n) her food and started the movie.

They sat in comfortable silence, only broken occasionally by Mary dunking on the movie. Somewhere in the middle of the film, Mary got up to toss away their garbage and when she came back she had traded her feet’s previous positioning on (Y/n)’s lap with her head’s previous position on the arm of the couch.

Mary’s eyes dared (Y/n) to comment on the change in position, but (Y/n) let Mary have her peace and simply carded her fingers through Mary’s loose hair while turning her attention back to the movie.

One movie became two, two became three, and somewhere in the middle of that they had curled up on the couch and fell asleep tangled in each other’s arms.

Mary was the first to wake early the next morning. She had heard the faint tone of her phone’s alarm from (Y/n)’s bedroom where she had left it to charge and she groaned quietly to herself before untangling from (Y/n) to go turn it off.

“Hey, (Y/n), it’s time to get up.” Mary spoke gruffly, coming back into the main room to shake the other girl awake.

“Noooo,” (Y/n) groaned, curling into herself.

“C’mon, get ready or I’m leaving without you.” Mary warned. (Y/n) appeared to have dozed off again and Mary crossed her arms tightly over her chest and scoffed. “Fine, don’t get up. I’ll just go to school by myself and try another official match. I wonder if Yumemite is back from her tour yet.”

(Y/n) shot up from the couch and grabbed the hem of the crewneck Mary had borrowed. “Please don’t do that for the love of god!”

“Then get up and get ready to go, dumb ass. I still have to go back to my dorm for a clean uniform so I’ll meet you outside of the Hana building, got it?”

“You promise?” (Y/n) asked shyly, thinking back to the last two days when Mary hadn’t waited for her, avoided her.

Mary rolled her eyes and ruffled (Y/n)’s hair, “I promise, dummy.” Mary gathered her belongings and made her way to the door, “If you take too long I can’t say I’ll be able to keep that promise though.”

“I’ll be there!” (Y/n) called out just before Mary closed the door behind her. (Y/n) stood up from the couch and quickly began her morning routine and got dressed in a clean uniform. She grabbed her school bag and made sure she had her phone and ID before heading out.

(Y/n) hummed happily, swaying on her heels as she waited for Mary to come outside.

“You look very happy this morning, (Y/n)! It’s very sweet!”

(Y/n) was knocked out of her own little world when Yumeko seemingly appeared out of nowhere and linked arms with her.

“Ah Yumeko! You scared me.” (Y/n) exhaled, a hand over her heart.

“I apologize, (Y/n). Did you have a good night with Saotome?” Yumeko asked.

“How do you know about that?”

“I saw her walking back earlier. When I asked her if she was with you, she told me to keep my mouth shut and mind my own damn business. She’s so expressive!” Yumeko giggled.

“Uh huh,” (Y/n) smiled sheepishly. “So, um, how did your gamble with Nishinotouin-senpai go?”

“Oh, I lost unfortunately!”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” (Y/n) felt a bit of guilt grip her heart. “I hope it wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“I’m 310 million yen in the hole!” Yumeko replied seemingly unbothered. In fact, she looked... happy?

“Three... three...” (Y/n) couldn’t even get the number out of her mouth, instead she kept opening and closing her mouth like a fish, occasionally mumbling a three while Yumeko smiled at her.

“Why the hell are you still standing out here?” Mary asked, irritation evident as she tugged (Y/n) out of Yumeko’s grasp.

“I was waiting for (Y/n) and Ryota! You as well Saotome, I’d love for us to be friends!” Yumeko answered.

“I’d rather die.” Mary sneered and made to tug (Y/n) towards the school but the girl was still dumbstruck and mumbling to herself. Mary snapped her fingers and waved in her face before turning back to Yumeko. “What the hell did you do to her?” She glared.

“Hmm? I don’t think I did anything.” Yumeko held a finger to her chin as she thought back.

“Whatever, just stay away from us! Got it?” Mary pushed passed Yumeko, pulling (Y/n) along and causing her to stumble behind her.

“See you later!” Yumeko waved.

***

Mary dragged (Y/n) into her classroom so she could get her stuff ready for class before going to get breakfast in the cafeteria. Her desk was still covered in marker but it hadn’t gotten worse since yesterday at least.

“I can help you clean it if you want.” (Y/n) asked, apparently she had finally sobered after the shock Yumeko had given her.

“Don’t bother, it would just encourage them to do it again and would make the effort a waste.” Mary shook her head and opened her desk, surprised to see an unfamiliar, thin journal sat neatly in the middle of her books and papers. “What the hell is this?” She muttered, turning it in her hands. The words ‘life plan’ shimmered in the light along with Mary’s name stenciled neatly below.

“Isn’t that the student council seal?” (Y/n) wondered, pointing to the golden insignia on the back.

Mary opened the thin journal and scanned the pages, becoming more agitated as she read. What’s this about an arranged marriage? Children? What kind of sick joke-

Mary slammed her fist on her desk, making (Y/n) jump. “This is bullshit! They can’t do this!”

“Mary-“ (Y/n) reached a hand out as the blonde strode away from her desk, the life plan held tightly in her hand. (Y/n)’s hand just missed Mary’s sleeve and Mary turned once she stood at the classroom door.

“I need to pay the student council a visit. I’ll see you after class.” Mary spoke before turning back and began walking briskly down the hallway.

“Be careful!” (Y/n) called back to her, rushing to the door to watch Mary stalk away.

With Mary gone, (Y/n) had no other choice but to move on to the cafeteria herself. She grabbed something she could eat quickly before heading to her classroom.

(Y/n) groaned inwardly once she reached the door, Kiwatari was already there raising hell as always.

“Kiwatari, isn’t it a little early to be an asshole?” (Y/n) asked, placing her bag on her desk hook.

“What’s it to you, (L/n)? ‘m just playing with my pets.”

“Class is about to start and as class rep, I must ask that you refrain from harassing people getting ready for class. House pets included.” (Y/n) spoke resolutely, using what she called her, ‘Igarashi, Sayaka voice’ and gave a sympathetic once over to Tsubomi who stood with her head held low.

“Tsk, uptight bitch” Kiwatari muttered, giving Tsubomi one last shove as he made his way to his seat.

(Y/n) frowned deeply but did not intervene again. She would rather not be stuck on that pig’s radar by getting overly involved in his business. So, she held her tongue and waited for the teacher to enter in the next few minutes. However, just before roll call, the intercom system crackled to life and the voice of the student council secretary greeted the student body.

Igarashi had made an announcement explaining that an opportunity had arose for those who had debts to pay and those interested were to come to the assembly room for more information.

(Y/n) had no debts to participate in such an event, but she left with the small group in her class because she was almost certain Mary would attend the meeting, and right she was.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mary muttered quietly when (Y/n) came up to her.

“Well, I figured you’d be here when I heard the announcement. How did your talk with the student council go?”

“Shitty. Now be quiet so I can focus on what she’s saying.” Mary gestured towards the front of the room where Igarashi had just stepped up to the podium.

“Welcome students,” Igarashi smiled politely, “Our president has brought to fruition an opportunity that could very well change your lives as you know them. A gamble that could free you from your chains of servitude, or send you plummeting further into despair. Should you choose to compete, the game of choice will be ten rounds of Indian Poker. You will be divided into groups of four. Each person’s chip’s worth will depend on their accumulated debt. You may place whatever amount of debt you wish to wager with on your provided card. We look forward to your participation in the Great Debt Swapping Game.”

“Ooo, this should be a lot of fun!”

Mary and (Y/n) jumped as a head popped between them and an arm wrapped around each of their shoulders.

“Get the hell off me!” Mary growled, pushing Yumeko off. “What are you even doing here anyway?”

“Oh, did (Y/n) not tell you? I’m over 300 million yen in debt!” Yumeko cheered.

“As if I care, you know-“ Mary paused and did a double take at Yumeko, “Did you just say— Fuck you!” Mary turned back towards to front absolutely seething.

“Awww why is Saotome mad at me, (Y/n)?” Yumeko pouted and hung off the other girl while (Y/n) struggled to escape her grasp.

“My best guess would be she’s pissed that you beat her and put her in debt and then not even three days later you lost, and lost badly at that. Mary is probably taking that as a severe insult to not only her gambling skill, but also her pride.” (Y/n) said thoughtfully.

“I could do without the analysis, (Y/n)!”

“I found that quite helpful and I feel closer to Saotome for it, thank you (Y/n)!” Yumeko smiled sweetly at (Y/n) before directing her attention back to Mary. “Don’t feel bad Saotome, had an outside party not gotten involved in my gamble, Nishinotouin-senpai would have found herself in my position I’m sure!”

“Do you not know what personal space is?” Mary griped, stepping away from Yumeko once again.

“The groups have been randomly set,” Igarashi’s voice rolled over the assembly hall once more and she began listing off the groups, “...Next we have Saotome Mary, Jabami Yumeko, Kiwatari Jun, and Tsubomi Nanami. The following group consists of...”

“Did you hear that Saotome? We’re in the same group! How lucky!” Yumeko invaded Mary’s space once more, smiling even more brilliantly.

“Of course we are. Why am I not surprised.” Mary moved to the other side of (Y/n) to put some distance between herself and Yumeko. By doing so she noticed the thoughtful, far away look (Y/n) currently held. “Hey, what’s up?” her voice was a little gruff but held an undertone of affection.

“The other people in your group are in my class. I can understand why Tsubomi would be here, as she’s a house pet, but Kiwatari has no outstanding reason to compete that I’m aware of.” (Y/n) shifted her weight and looked at the two Hana class students, her expression serious. “I may not know his plan, but I can almost guarantee you that he will be using Tsubomi as an accomplice of sorts to achieve his goal.”

“Oh my, are you sure about this (Y/n)?” Yumeko tilted her head.

“Kiwatari has been making Tsubomi’s life hell for a long time now. Her will has been severely damaged if not completely destroyed by him. She’ll probably do what he says because she finds it easier then fighting back. Which is why I think...” (Y/n) drifted off, her eyes moving to look exclusively at Mary who immediately let out a strangled, agitated noise.

“Alright, I see where this is going and I don’t like it but...” Mary sighed “You aren’t going to let me continue on unless I do this, aren’t you?”

“That would be correct.” (Y/n) nodded.

Yumeko kept looking between the two, her expression one of mild confusion.

“Jabami,” Mary finally spat.

“Yes?”

“Will you work with me for this gamble.” Mary gritted out.

“Oh Saotome! I’d be honored to be your partner!” Yumeko clapped, “Was this your plan (Y/n)? Thank you for making this gamble so much more interesting!”

“Uh, you’re welcome?” Students began filling out the assembly hall to fill out their debt cards and (Y/n) looked over the two girls nervously. “They aren’t going to let outside parties watch these matches and I should really get back to class. You two should hurry so you can get your cards and come up with a strategy.”

“What do you look so worried for?” Mary scoffed, messing up (Y/n)’s hair, “You already gave me an edge over the competition, if you think I’m still going to lose after that you’re really pissing me off.”

“Don’t worry (Y/n), I’ll take good care of Mary-san!” Yumeko butted in.

“Shut up, Jabami.”

“I hate that you’re taking this risk, but I believe you can win. So I’ll try not to stress over it too much. You’ll come find me when it’s over, right?” (Y/n) asked.

“Where else would I go, dummy?” Mary rolled her eyes and turned away, Yumeko hot on her heels. “I’ll see you later.” She added, her words sounding much less harsh. Yumeko waved excitedly then turned to catch up with Mary’s strides.

***

(Y/n) was surprised when at her break, Ryota had come to her class looking for her with another student.

“You (L/n), (Y/n)?” The other student asked.

“Yes, and what may I ask is this about?”

“I’ve got a check for Suzui here. However it was also requested that you be present as a witness to the transaction. Since you’re here,” he pulled an envelope from his blazer and handed it to Ryota, “I can give Suzui the check. Have a good day.” The student nodded before exiting the classroom.

“What’s this about, Suzui?” (Y/n) asked.

“I wish I knew.” Ryota scratched his head. “I’m just as confused as you are.”

“Well, I guess you should open it.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ryota tore open the seal and pulled the check out. It took a moment but once the amount registered in their minds, Ryota and (Y/n) both screamed.

“How the hell did you get all that money, Suzui!? Did you kill someone? Several someones!?” (Y/n) asked nonplussed.

“I- I didn’t do anything! ...I think!? This must be a joke, right? Is this a prank, (Y/n)? Did Saotome-san put you up to this?”

“No, of course not!”

“This can’t be real. I should really just throw it out.” Ryota sighed tiredly.

“Wait,” (Y/n) stopped him from crinkling up the paper, “Don’t do anything just yet. Keep it until the end of the day at least. Meet me back here and then we can decide what to do with it if no new info comes up. Just keep it safe until then.”

“Alright, I can do that.” Ryota appeared to be sweating. “Nothing stressful about carrying an obscene amount of mysterious money that may or may not be real.”

“If it really bothers you that much I can hold onto it until then.” (Y/n) offered.

“Please!” Ryota quickly shoved the paper into (Y/n)’s hand without a second thought.

“Alright, I’ll see you here after school, okay?” (Y/n) asked as she tucked the paper into the front of her blazer.

“Right!” Ryota answered, his shoulders slumped as the tension holding the check had brought left.

***

The rest of (Y/n)’s classes slugged by, the weight of the check against her chest becoming heavier with each hour dragging by and thoughts of Mary plagued her mind. Was she doing okay?

Finally the last class had wrapped up for the day and (Y/n) rubbed her palms roughly over her eyes. She felt exhausted.

A few minutes later, Ryota arrived and sat in the desk next to hers looking just as tired.

“So, what now?” He asked.

(Y/n) released a joyless hum as she removed the check from her blazer and looked over it again. “I don’t know. I did some research about counterfeit checks and it appears to be legitimate. I’m just worried about what this money could mean. You don’t just have this kind of cash fall into your lap for free.”

“Aha! They’re in here Mary-san!” Yumeko suddenly appeared in the doorway, a little out of breath.

“Yumeko!” Ryota greeted her happily.

“Yumeko! How did the gamble go? Where’s Mary?” (Y/n) asked.

“I’m right here, dummy.” Mary appeared in the doorway looking a little out of breath herself, “If you two didn’t make us need to run around the school, we could have met up sooner.”

Mary stalked over to Ryota and (Y/n) and she practically dropped to the floor in relief. “Thank god you have it!” Mary took the check from (Y/n)’s hand and kissed (Y/n)’s cheek without even having it register in her mind as she looked over the check before pressing it to her chest like a precious artefact. “I told Yumeko to just have it sent to you, but she insisted Suzui hold onto it for god only knows why.”

(Y/n) just stared at Mary absolutely dumbfounded, her hand that once held the check now pressed to her warm and tingling cheek.

“What? What’s with the face?” Mary asked with a quirk of her brow.

“I I I- You, um,” (Y/n) stuttered, unable to find her words.

“Oh, you saw the money did you?” Mary smirked, “Impressive, isn’t it?”

“You mean the money is yours?” Ryota asked, “That makes more sense now I guess, but how’d you get all that?”

“The Debt Swapping Game, of course!” Mary scoffed, “Honestly Jabami, did you tell him anything about what we were doing?”

“I saw no need to. It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” Yumeko smiled brightly.

“Wait wait, you won?” (Y/n) stared up at Mary with cautious awe. “That check is what you won in the gamble?”

Mary stared back, smug and looking oh so happy with herself. “Yeah, it’s the last time you’ll see me wearing one of these eye sores.” Mary tugged the house pet tag off of her neck and tossed it into the garbage.

“You won! You won!” (Y/n) cheered and shot up out of her desk. She wrapped her arms around Mary and bounced her around while laughing joyously.

“Hey! Calm down!” Mary blushed, and pushed (Y/n) by the shoulders to try to stop her jostling movements.

“This is fun!” Yumeko joined in from behind Mary, wrapping her arms around her neck and bouncing in time with (Y/n) who was still vigorously celebrating.

“Alright that’s enough, get off!” Mary elbowed Yumeko in the stomach and pushed (Y/n) half an arm’s length away. “A little space would be-“

(Y/n) cupped half of Mary’s face with her hand and landed a quick kiss on Mary’s cheek before pulling away completely. She continued to dance around the classroom, feeling heat run through her face and a rush of giddiness. Her smiling lips still tingling from the brief contact. Yumeko skipped with (Y/n) around the classroom, still happy to revel in the celebration that was dangerously close to becoming excessive.

“Hu... Hey!” Mary finally regained her bearings, her shoulders stiff and face red, watching (Y/n) and Yumeko make their way across the front of the room.

Mary’s voice forced (Y/n) to a sudden halt, causing Yumeko to bump into her, but she too stopped to look curiously at Mary.

“What the hell was that?” Mary glared at (Y/n), her arms crossed tightly over her blazer.

(Y/n) didn’t even try to act dumb, it would have been unwise based on how intently Mary was staring at her. “I, um, I was just returning the favor.”

“What favor?” Mary stared incredulously.

“Mary-san, don’t say you forgot already! That would just be cruel.” Yumeko pouted and pulled (Y/n) into her arms and pat her head affectionately. “If I were to kiss (Y/n), I certainly wouldn’t forget.” Her words causing (Y/n) to duck out of her reach to try to cover her bashfulness.

“I think I’m gonna go home?” Ryota looked over the three girls, his face plainly showed how weird he found the whole scene to be. “Uh, yeah, see you guys tomorrow.” He waved awkwardly before darting out the door.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Mary continued, not even acknowledging Ryota’s exit.

“Mary, you kissed me when you took the check from me...” (Y/n) shyly pointed to her cheek, her eyes focusing in the opposite corner of the room from Mary. Yumeko hummed and nodded affirmingly.

“I did not I-“ Mary’s skin gained a few darker shades of red and she stood statue still and just as stiff, her eyes lit up as if recalling a distant memory. (Y/n) and Yumeko watched from the front of the classroom, waiting to see what would become of the blonde who seemed to be trapped in her own mind.

“I wonder if we broke her.” Yumeko mused, a finger tapping lightly over her lips.

After a few more moments, Mary’s head shot up, her eyes immediately connecting with (Y/n)’s startled ones. “Get over here.” Mary commanded, her voice tight and low.

(Y/n) gulped and quickly made her way to stand in front of her friend, not wanting to risk an impatient reprimand for stalling. “Y...Yes, Mary?” she asked, meekly.

“Closer.”

(Y/n) took another tentative step forward. Mary sighed and pulled (Y/n) in by the blazer until their noses grazed, eliciting a surprised squeak from the other girl. Mary tilted her head and kissed (Y/n)’s cheek again, lingering a bit longer than she had with the first one.

“Can I have one, Mary-san?” Yumeko called from her spot against the front wall.

“No! Why are you even still here, read the room and go home already!” Mary blushed, nevertheless keeping her hold on (Y/n)’s blazer.

“Oh my, are you planning to be more intimate right now? I suppose it is a little early in our relationship for me to bare witness to such displays. I’ll see you two tomorrow!” Yumeko hummed happily as she exited the classroom, pulling the door close behind her.

“Why did you have to word it like that, you fucking weirdo!” Mary yelled after Yumeko, but she was already gone.

Mary turned back to (Y/n) and released another sigh. “Do that thing again.”

(Y/n) stared at Mary inquisitively for a moment before realization dawned over her. She smiled and gently pressed another kiss over Mary’s cheek.

Mary took a moment to clear her throat after (Y/n) pulled away before speaking, “Thanks. Thanks for that and uh, not leaving me behind as a house pet.” She mumbled.

“Anytime.” (Y/n)’s features grew soft. “Thanks for letting me back in.”

“So listen,” Mary began, her tone made room for no nonsense, “First thing tomorrow I’m paying back the student council and then I’ve got to give Jabami some fair compensation for teaming up in the debt game, but after classes do you want to go somewhere, just us? Like we were supposed to do before Jabami ruined everything.”

“Isn’t it usually just us when we go do stuff?” (Y/n) chuckled and smiled innocently at Mary’s warning look.

“Hey, with Jabami and the dog- ugh, Suzui, always popping up these days, they’d probably invite themselves along. I’m just trying to cover all my bases.”

“So, it’s a date then?” (Y/n) asked, trying to keep her emotions under the surface as to not get her hopes too high, to not show her disappointment should Mary deny it.

“Are you really going to make me say it?”

(Y/n) nodded.

“Yeah, it’s a date. Officially I guess.” Mary shrugged.

(Y/n) hugged Mary so hard, she nearly suffocated her, but Mary didn’t complain. Instead, she hugged back just as hard and hid her smile in (Y/n)’s hair.

[avengers-age-of-fanfics]

just for you, honeybee (2/?)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers x reader (platonic)

word count: 2,107

authors note: second part of this ongoing series! i still don't know how many parts this is going to be but i seriously want to finish this lmao. hopefully this will be a series i actually complete! please leave feedback - i truly appreciate it!

warnings: mention of bucky's death, uncontrollable sobbing, character death, a few curse words

summary: dating back to 1943, you, james barnes, and steve rogers were best friends, including bucky being your boyfriend. when you get a notice that bucky died in the war, you make it your mission to find closure for yourself and protect steve as he is the only remaining piece of bucky you have left. once you are offered the super soldier serum, you and steve must make your way through world war 2 - and the unknown future hardships to come.

recap: Steve seemed shocked that you were able to read him like that, but was defeated. With a sigh, he turned and reached into his handbag, pulling out a file, “there was this Doctor there, Doctor Erskine, who uh – he approved me for the army, y/n. But it’s for an experiment, something they call a super-soldier experiment, I’m not sure. I’m going – I leave in a couple days.”

How is your world falling apart this quickly?

Sending Steve off was honestly just as painful as it was when Bucky was shipped off. You didn’t want to guilt-trip Steve into staying – you knew how important it was to him to join the army and do something. However, now you were completely alone. You knew you had Becca and you could always write to Bucky and Steve, but it just wasn’t the same.

Both of your boys were gone.

Once Steve had told you about this super-soldier serum experiment, you chewed his ear off for a good 10 minutes. It was brutal, to say the least, and while pacing in your small living room, Steve sat in his seat, hands folded as he waited for you to finish.

This was his final chance to get into the army and while he hated the idea of leaving you, he needed to do something, not only with his life, but with the army. He needed to prove himself. He knew you could take care of yourself – you were independent and a firecracker – there was nothing you couldn’t do. However, while slowly trying to convince himself that you would be okay, Steve was also having a midlife crisis of his own friendship with Bucky. If he found out he left you alone while the both of them were at war, Steve knew Bucky’s reaction wasn’t going to be great.

Once you were done tearing Steve a new one, telling him that you supported him all the way, but you honestly wished he would stay – and possibly called him a dipshit in between all of that – you calmed down. With a quiet voice, you looked to Steve, “can I at least send you off?”

Steve felt his cheeks grow warm and let a smile slip onto his lips, “I would be honored if my biggest fan were there.”

You shoved his shoulder lightly, “shut it, you fat-head. C’mon, we gotta get you all dolled up.”

While it was just as painful to see Steve go, you knew he’d be in good hands and wouldn’t do anything too stupid. You had told him sternly, “I want the name of your commanding officer, his commanding officer, and any fat-headed buffoons that are in charge at your camp, okay?”

Steve had shaken his head, “yes mom, whatever you say.” His eyes rolled but he had a smile on his face, “just so you can keep an eye on me?”

You hummed, “that, and to know whose ass I hav’ta kick if anything happens to you, Stevie. And if you see Bucky, you tell him I love him, you hear?”

Steve saluted before he headed towards the platform, “love ya, y/n!”

You had a small smile on your life, “love you too, Rogers. Kill some Nazis for me.”

That interaction was nearly 6 months ago, and every day felt like a new hill you had to climb over. You sent postcards to both Steve and Bucky in hopes that they would respond every time you sent one, but that wasn’t the case. You weren’t mad, nor upset, just lonely. Steve had let you know that the serum worked and he had been reunited with Bucky after taking over a HYDRA base where you learned Buck was captured. God, that letter caused you so much turmoil and anxiety, but Steve had calmed your fears, letting you know that Bucky was okay. You had also recognized his handwriting at the end, “can’t get rid of me that easily, honeybee. I love you.”

You hadn’t heard from them in a couple weeks, and your anxiety was beginning to show. Nothing new had happened, so you truly had no reason to write to them, but you did anyway, just updating them both on your life and how much you missed them. You had seen Captain America’s tours and his posters all over Brooklyn, and you were so proud of your Steve.

But it was weird seeing him so tall and…built.

Tearing your eyes away from another Captain America poster with his boys behind him, you continued your journey to some local shops, stocking up on groceries and possibly a new pair of shoes. Brooklyn was quiet today, which was certainly odd; there was nothing ominous about it, but it was not something anyone there was used to.

Hands skimming through some plums, you picked one that you knew Bucky would love. With a soft smile, you put the fruit in your basket, continuing through the store until you heard quiet whispers:

“Are you sure he’s here? The Captain America?”

“Mary, I told you, I saw him clear as day; no clue where the man was headin’, but he’s here.”

“Is there a tour or somethin’ here in Brooklyn?”

“Mary…I ain’t no mind reader, he could be stoppin’ by before he goes back off to war.”

Your heart nearly exploded out of your chest. Steve was here, back in Brooklyn? Wait – if Steve was here, then Bucky could be, too!

Quickly dropping the items you had in your hands, you ran out of the grocery store as fast as your heels would let you, passing by Grover in such a rush, he couldn’t even say hello. Crossing the street in a hurry, you grabbed your purse tightly and ran up your apartment fire escape stairs. Once you reached your floor, you grabbed your key and opened the door, being met with your Steve Grant Rogers and a very beautiful woman dressed in an army’s uniform.

“I – holy shit, Steve – oh my god,” you stumbled, out of breath as Steve stood up, towering over you, “I thought you were smaller.”

Steve stepped forward, hands out in case you fell or needed a hug, “side effect of that serum I told you about, remember?” The woman behind him gave Steve a look at the mention.

You caught your breath, “give me a hug, you doofus! Oh my gosh, those letters do you no good – nor do the posters!”

The two of you embraced as Steve held you in his arms, careful of his trembling hands, “’used my spare key, hope you don’t mind.”

You ran your hands over his back and his hair, “I get to see my best friend again, I don’t care how you got in here. Now, where’s Jamie, I – I need’ta see him.”

Steve pulled away and laid his hands on your shoulders, “actually, I wanted you to meet someone before… this is uh, Peggy Carter, she’s an agent of that Strategic Scientific Reserve for the serum and one of the best. Peg, this is y/n, the one who wrote to me and…Bucky, all the time.”

Peggy stood up, hand outstretched towards you as you shook hers, “nice to finally meet you, y/n. Steve here talked lots about you.”

You didn’t fail to notice her solemn look and the file of papers tucked underneath her other arm, “it’s, um, nice to meet you too, Agent Carter.”

The three of you stood in silence as Steve guided you to the remaining chair in the living room. With a bite to your lip, you turned towards Peggy, “I hate to be so forward, Agent, but I’ve seen those files before. I know what – what they mean.”

“Y/N,“ Steve began, “please let her –“

You cut Steve off, “Stevie…where is James?” Your eyes immediately started to fill with tears but you held them back for the sake of your own.

Peggy cleared her throat, “Miss L/N, there was a mission that included James Buchanan Barnes and during that mission, a part of the train that the soldiers were riding on exploded. Amongst the fight, we believe Barnes –“

Steve stopped her, “Peg, she – she doesn’t need to know how…”

Tears escaped your eyes as you looked at your best friend, “Stevie… Is he..?”

Steve ran his hands over his face, “he – he was hangin’ onto the side of the train, y/n, and I let him fall. I couldn’t reach him and…”

The rest of Steve’s story fell upon deaf ears. No, not deaf ears, but ones that were ringing. Bucky was dead. He was dead. He fell off a train and was dead. He wasn’t coming home.

Bucky wasn’t coming home to you.

At that revelation, your body began to shake uncontrollably as the tears fell from your eyes, unable to be stopped. You tried to breathe but the pressure on your chest was unbearable. You tried to look at Steve, but your eyes were so blurry, “St-“

No words left your mouth, only the sounds of your sobbing. Steve leaped forward, wrapping his arms around you as you cried, screamed for Bucky, for your Jamie.

"No, no, not James! Steve, please!" you cried, falling onto the floor with Steve as he held you.

Peggy let her own tear slip, overwhelmed with your reaction. Leaving his dog tags, his files, and a medal on your table, she stepped out of your apartment.

Mrs. Betty Davis stepped out of her apartment just as Peggy shut the door, hoping nobody heard your cries and screams for James. Mrs. Davis looked to Peggy, “that boy, Barnes… he never came home?”

Peggy wiped her stray tear and cleared her throat, “I’m afraid not, ma’am. He died an honorable death, taking down a,” she paused, “a Nazi base.”

Mrs. Davis shifted her gaze to the door where she could clearly hear you crying and yelling for Bucky, that he wasn’t dead. She looked down to her welcome mat, “he was a good man, always takin’ care of that girl. His heart beat for her, he turned her world. Wouldn’t surprise anyone if he had a ring lyin’ around. She was just as in love with him as he was her.”

Peggy’s eyes filled up with tears as your neighbor explained you and Bucky’s love for one another, “I had only met him once but he… he seemed genuinely good.”

Mrs. Davis gave a sad smile, “he was. Thank you…for letting me know.” Peggy nodded at her.

Back inside, your tears had stained Steve’s shirt as he held you close, “I know y/n, I – I know. I got you.”

You had stopped screaming for Bucky, but your hands shook as they held onto Steve, fresh tears still running down your cheeks. With a shaky breath, you grasped onto Steve’s shirt, “do – do you think he was in pain?”

Steve let his own tears slip but held his own, “I don’t know y/n, but I’d like to think he wasn’t. He – uh – he told me, before he fell… he told me to tell his honeybee that he loves you so, so much and he – he wanted you to have his tags.”

You pulled away from Steve’s chest, looking at him in slight confusion, “his…tags?” It had then dawned on you:

Bucky wanted you to have his dog tags from the army.

Feeling a new thread of tears about to be shed, your lip quivered but you covered it up, glancing over the room until you saw the file Peggy had sat on the table. With shaky hands, you leaned towards your coffee table – the one that Bucky would rest his feet upon all the time until you smacked them off – and grabbed the file. Opening it up, you immediately saw his army identification photo and his dog tags hanging in the middle of the file.

You shut the flimsy piece of paper before you could cry anymore. Turning to Steve, you noticed his eyes were also red from crying, “what now?”

Steve and you now sat on the floor, backs resting on one of your chairs, “I hav’ta finish what I started, with Johann Schmidt and Zola. Can I be honest with you?”

You nodded your head, wiping your remaining tears on your shirt, “of – of course Steve.”

He let out a shaky breath, “I wish I could take away your pain, but I can’t. Before Buck was shipped off, I promised him I would take care of you, and right now, I need to be here for you. So, if you want to, I can ask Peg if you can come along with us, with me, and once I’m done, we can… we can do whatever you want to do.”

You picked at your nails, anxiety swallowing you whole, “and what if you don’t make it back, either?”

“I will.”

-

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