smoochkooks

[smoochkooks]

"how are y-" oh you know i'm fine just another day living in an eastern european country fearing what the next day might bring because at the other side of the world people decided to elect a madman as the president

[smoochkooks]

hey guys, so i need your help. soon i'm starting writing my thesis and i'm gonna need tons of references, they probably will be mostly in english, and i was wondering what sites do you use to access (for free) academic articles or books in pdfs? i know a couple but i'm curious to know yours.

[smoochkooks]

every year since i turned 20 when christmas arrives i reflect on the whole year and get progressively more depressed when i realize that yet again i haven't achieved anything groundbreaking or life changing (for me). only things i'm somehow proud of this year are:

1. i became more efficient at work

2. i learnt how to put my hair in rollers to do sabrina carpenter's hairstyle

3. i went on 2 dates and the second one still keeps me awake at night because i haven't gotten over anything in my life, like ever.

my life's really boring. i don't travel, i rarely go out and when i do it's always the same places, i don't meet in people. and even if i wanted to do all those things i can't because my friends act like they're 40 something and would rather spent their early 20s cooking new pasta recipe or binge watching a medical drama series. not to mention alllllll the talks about having babies (gag me, honestly). its true that i nearly lost 2 years of my life huddled up in my house during pandemic because i was afraid of contracting it and endangering my parents. in my head i'm not turning 24 next year, i'm barely 22. i know i'm missing out so much and it makes me just so sad. how could i ever find myself a boyfriend if i am such an uninteresting person myself? id grow bored with me too. why would i even bother "putting myself out there" if i know its not going to lead anywhere. recently i watched "stay the night" and i cried the whole movie because i've never related more to a female character and her struggles. sometimes i feel like if i didn't have uni and work my depression would've been waaaay worse, but at least i have something to do in between bed rotting and occasional night outing when my friends miraculously remember what it's like to have actual fun.

[smoochkooks]

I know you don’t have to but I’m only asking because I like what you write… will you finish OTABH?

I'm gonna be completely honest with you guys here: it's hard. ever since I basically left the fandom and become more of a casual listener who isn't up to date with everything they do, it's harder and harder for me to find motivation to write. this story feels like my opus magnum, i've never taken on such lengthy project and i know i promised you i'll finish it but i don't know anymore what future will bring. you have the right to feel disappointed, i don't blame you. i really really want to finish and maybe i will but i can no longer tell you with 100% certainty that it'll happen.

[smoochkooks]

rake x girl next door with "she fell first he fell harder" will never not be entertaining. rupert campbell-black and taggie o'hara even made me turn a blind eye on the age gap lol you better watch 'rivals' right now!! it's sooo good

[smoochkooks]

im staying at my parents' whole summer so no dating apps for me cause i might accidentally stumble upon either one of my cousins or someone i used to go to middle school with

[smoochkooks]

Would you tell us how many chapters you are planning to ad to ode to a broken heart, I'm excited to start it!!

no idea anymore🤷🏻‍♀️ realistically speaking i might wrap up this story in 30 chapters total

[smoochkooks]

girl lemme get the fuck outta ur anon I JUST WANTED TO LET U KNOW I APPRECIATE UR BLOGGG + relate to u sm! byeeee

love you!!! 🩵

[smoochkooks]

i'm 20 but i haven't done anything it's like rlly fucking embarrassing. I want to experience the sex that have people acting crazy lmaoooooo I feel so left out!!! like why are all these shows, movies, books, and songs about this act!! i want in

im 23 and i had my first sexual experience, hope that will make you feel better<3 no one really talks about how having 0 romantic attention during your teens can affect your dating life in your 20s. like no one really paid any attention to me in high school beside teachers who liked me because i was smart and my small circle of friends.. i wasn't cool, i wasn't popular, boys never looked at me lmao and now when i actually do get some attention my brain short circuits cause it's so fucking hard for me to comprehend that someone might find me attractive. and then i hold onto those scraps of attention like a lifeline until i get a little insane🤪 but yeah. if i were a guy and a girl told me she's never done this before but she trusts ME to do it with i'd be turned on as fuck.

[smoochkooks]

also....like....don't let a pretty HANDSOME man with nice hands give me attention I WILL LOSE ALL RESPECT 4 MYSELF dkfdnvfdwjkv idk if that's enough to make me feel ready but!!!!!

girl when i tell you that man looked like my seventeen years old self's wet dream. like literally straight out of a wattpad novel. my self respect was out of the window as soon as i approached him and he stood up to greet me and i found out he TOWERS over me so fucking much. 6'3 for reference!! and when he took off his nerdy glasses mid making out? you know like that one scene in business proposal??? i realized there was really no self respect to begin with

[smoochkooks]

ur my fav internet person lol i come into ur anon and chat and u always talk back AIFJDVDFVNF ur so sweet lol I hope stress isn't taking over and ur enjoying life!!!

OMG?? that's the best thing someone told me like EVERRRR. love u 🩷

[smoochkooks]

i relate smmm to you....thank u for answering w ur experience! I'm so sorry he ghosted u + replied 5 days later? he's weird as hell :(( u deserve the besttttt

also i was always terrified i would never get wet enough LOL it made me question my sexuality (you know how it goes) but I def think it shouldn't only be on us. i hope you meet someone who respects u!! not to be cringe but like we're true lover girls we deserve someone who matches our speed

don't worry girlies this time i left him on read!!!! but ngl life feels so fucking boring lately i had to psychically stop myself from breaking the silent treatment lmao but i'm staying strong for all the other lover girls who got played 🫶🏻

[smoochkooks]

do you think uncircumcised is gross?

tbh i find penises not flattering at all in general, so maybe not really gross but i guess i just prefer the look of circumcised ones.

[smoochkooks]

my favorite animal is me watching my country advance to the olympic volleyball finals for the first time since 1976 despite being world champions multiple times throughout the years

[smoochkooks]

men are the worst! all the baddies in my life have gotten ghosted at one point (myself included). it’s a canon event apparently 😭

if i were him i wouldn't reply after such a fucking long time and instead just ghosted me for good but well i guess they really do not give a fuck do they 🤪

[smoochkooks]

It’s okay! You will find someone better ❤️ he is a dick for ghosting you, he can go eat shit then💩

he replied after 5 fucking days i can't make this shit up you guys 😭😭😭

[smoochkooks]

omggg.gjkmera9digovja i'm 2 scared 2 do it for the first time :( is it fun?

i wouldn't say my first ever sexual experience was fun. i mean, it wasn't bad nor it was good. needless to say he didn't make me come but i guess it wasn't his fault per se, he did try to make me feel good and told me to tell him what i liked, but it just wasn't enough for me. i don't know what i like. i liked when we made out, i know i did because i kept dry humping his thigh for solid 5 minutes before his hand even made his way into my underwear.

i had a small mental breakdown a day after it happened because what if i'm broken? why can't i get more wet? why didn't i feel all those things people usually experience during intercourse? when we laid in bed after everything was done and said, i felt so miserable i literally told him i was sorry that i was so bad but i had never done that before, like ever. and obviously he said it was okay, that sex is something people can learn. but still, it didn't make me feel that much better.

fortunately i had a talk with my girlfriends about all of it and they made me realize that's completely normal, that nothing's wrong with my body and that sex, or rather good sex is something two consenting people should just both work on together. i didn't go all the way with him (he asked about it tho and i immediately said no cause well, my lady bits weren't necessarily wet enough for that and i doubt he had lube just casually hidden in his pants' pocket). so yeah. also, i suck at sucking! but that's not something surprising for me, i have the worst gag reflex ever, which is really helpful when you want to throw up all these alcoholic fluids after a night out so you wouldn't wake up hangover in the morning and at the same time enables me to pleasure a man orally🤪

so yeah, practice makes perfect. that's what i used to say to myself when i started doing eyeliner, wearing contact lenses or putting velcro rollers in my hair. maybe one day i'll find a man who will tell me i'm a good girl and show me how it's supposed to be done. overall, could've been worse but it was fine. like 5/10. maybe 6/10 up to the point he shoved his pants down and i saw a penis (uncircumcised, which again, wasn't surprising to me at all, but still eeew) up close and wanted to run and hide away somewhere where nobody expects me to put it in my mouth. also that guy kind of ghosted me in the worst way possible. i texted him on thursday and he still hasn't replied but he viewed my concert stories from saturday nevertheless!! why are men like this. i knew this could never work cause we live in two different countries but i still at least tried cause he was so fucking handsome (also this is the reason why i endured waiting hours and hours for him to reply me - if he wasn't pretty enough i'd just block him and forget about it). sorry for this rant but i just needed to get it off my chest. the smallest man who ever lived, truly. his dick wasn't even big so fuck it