#hitting it hard with the angst

[demigods-posts]

need a scene change in season five where percy asks for kiss because it's kind of a tradition. but instead of annabeth not looking at him. she stops what she's doing and walks up to him. they're nose-to-nose. staring at each other. and annabeth almost looks aggravated. until she tells him to come back alive and he'll see. and percy stares deep into her eyes just nods. and then they part ways. and immediately start kicking ass on opposite ends of the battlefield. and the remaining campers are stunned. but quickly gather themselves to exchange drachma before fighting because they placed a bet on whether or not these two have kissed yet. and apparently.

[timethehobo]

A missed apology.

[chrissv4mp]

𐙚 your camera roll if you were billie's girlfriend... 2!

𐙚 amiyaps : am i improving... 😼 (thank u, @tan1shere for some of the picturess, ilyyy!!!!)

𐙚 tags : @mseilishmwah @sophloveswomen @mxqdii @livialifesblog @devynscomet @her-favorite @cannibalsclass @wiidfi0wer33 @loving1dsworld @tan1shere @fallingforfalll2 @cierraonline @dandelions4us @scarlittt @ifwdominicfike @slxtarchive @hrtsdollie @zayluvss @meliciousmel13 @stonerfromlesbos

[siriusly-parker]

—hit me hard and soft.

billie eilish-inspired song fics!

“skinny.” — yuuji itadori x ex!chubby!reader

“i could eat that girl for lunch!” — jjk boys smau

“man, am i the greatest.” — satoru gojo, angst, hurt/comfort

“birds of a feather.” — megumi fushiguro, mutual pining, best friends to lovers

“wildflower.” — yuuta okkotsu, angst

“l’amour de ma vie.” + “blue.” — suguru geto, his pov, angst, post-defection consequences and reminiscing on the sweet sweet past

[dollarbils]

ruin it | b.e.

billie eilish x fem!reader

context. billie doesn’t want to ruin your friendship so she keeps her feelings to herself

warnings. angst, kissing, not proof read

masterlist

“I had a great time.” she concluded as she walked you up the stairs to your apartment, having driven you home due to the late hour of the night.

“me too, thanks for driving me home.” you replied when she smiled and leaned in for a hug.

“it was my pleasure.” as you waved her off you gave yourself a second to find your keys and prepare yourself from entering the apartment. you’d decided to give the girl a second chance, after the disaster that was the first date, against your roommate’s wishes. you were desperately hoping she was asleep. the keys turned in the lock and you pushed the door open quietly and headed straight for your room, having heard the tv on in the living room.

“not so fast.” her voice boomed as you heard her footsteps approach the hallway near your bedroom. you cursed yourself silently.

“i thought you’d be asleep?” she crossed her arms once she placed herself in front of you.

“why were you out so late?” her tone was somewhat angry, as if you’d done something wrong. and despite disagreeing with this statement, you grew exceedingly nervous.

“that’s none of your business billie.” your response came off harsher than intended.

“since when is anything none of my business?” she seemed annoyed by your reply.

“billie, c’mon. it’s not a big deal.” you turned away from her in attempt to escape the conversation but she piped up again.

“were you with her?” she asked and you turned to face her. it gave her the answer she needed. “seriously?” she seemed disappointed.

“was she late again? did she show up sober this time?” she referred to what a dick the girl had been last time you’d gone out with her.

“yes actually, she was perfectly nice.” billie almost laughed.

“yeah okay, does she still think your name is bella?” she scolded you. on the first date she’d gotten your name wrong consistently, and billie never missed an opportunity to bring it up.

“no..” you replied sheepishly.

“well that certainly makes up for it. why did you go out with her again? you know you deserve better.” there was hints of sadness in her words as she spoke.

“not everyone gets as many hoes as you billie. i don’t necessarily get to be picky.” she furrowed her brows as you said this.

“why not? even if it means waiting you shouldn’t lower your standards.” it was frustrating dealing with her, she never approved of your romantic choices. it didn’t matter who it was she’d always point out a flaw.

“why do you even care so much? just let me make bad decisions.” you sighed, tired of this conversation. this argument you’d have every-time you came back from a date.

“i care about you. you deserve better, so much better than that fucking loser.” she seemed disgusted by the thought of her.

“why do you always have to ruin my chance at a happy relationship?” you raised your voice, annoyed at her persistence.

“because i know you wouldn’t be happy!” she seethed, trying desperately to get her point across.

“so i can’t be happy with anyone? what am i supposed to do then?” she opened her mouth to speak but stayed silent, not wanting to say something she’d regret.

“of course, no excuse. as per fucking usual. i mean what is it? are you jealous? do you ruin my relationships because you think we won’t be as close?” she stayed silent, contemplating her words. her silence however, gave you an answer in itself.

“oh my god… you’re jealous!” you couldn’t believe it, but her eyes widened at the conclusion you’d come to and she dismissed it.

“i’m not jealous.” she said defensively.

“then what is it?” you searched her eyes for an answer but she didn’t seem to have one herself.

“they don’t deserve you, none of them. you’re too good for any of them.” she repeated herself.

“what the fuck does that even mean at this point? you keep saying it, but it seems like you think there’s nobody that deserves me. stop fucking with me billie i don’t want to hear it anymore.” her expression softened.

“that’s not what i meant.” she was having trouble expressing herself.

“i don’t understand bils, help me understand because it’s driving a wedge between us when there’s no reason for it to.” you were pleading her to explain. explain the truth, tell you what she was holding back.

“you don’t get it.” she said simply, throwing her head back in frustration.

“billie, if you’re just gonna deflect, i’m going to sleep. i can’t deal with your shit tonight.” she lowered her head, scouring her brain for what to say next. what to say to convince you.

“wait!” she grabbed your arm, holding you back.

“no, billie. if you’re gonna be all cryptic and confusing i don’t wanna hear it.” her grip was insisting, pulling you back to her.

“i just don’t want to ruin it.” her words as cryptic as ever, proving your previous point. your curiosity took control though.

“ruin what?” it was a question with a lot of weight.

“this. our friendship.” her words bled with hurt and fear, a combination that broke your heart every-time you’d hear it.

“they don’t deserve you because, i do.” it hit you in several ways, not fully understanding the extent of the meaning behind it.

“what?” you asked for clarification, hesitantly she complied.

“i’d treat you right, give you what you deserve.” she admitted finally, and your thoughts were spoken aloud.

“billie..”

“no. listen to me. you mean more to me than anyone ever has, and i can’t stand to see these idiots mistreat you. and what i really can’t stand, is the fact that you let them.” she waited silently for a response, already accepting that you might not be able to give her one.

“billie.” it was weak, no motion to it, nothing it was destined to be.

“yeah?” her hope was slowly diminishing.

“just..” she tilted her head, confused at your lip taking residence between your teeth.

“hm?” she bit her cheek, nausea forming in the pit of her stomach. the fear of having ruined years of friendship consuming her mind.

“just kiss me then.”

“what?” she was still trying to process your words and you gave her time to do so.

“kiss me how i deserve to be kissed. make me happy.”

“no, don’t do this to me. you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” she shook her head, stepping away from you.

“billie.” she lifted her head to look at you. “i’m dead serious.” she raised an eyebrow and let you approach her.

“but won’t it ruin it? ruin us?” she was hesitant when she stepped closer to you.

“not if we don’t let it.” you countered, easing your way into her embrace. “besides, you can’t say that shit without acting on it. at that point you may as-well call me bella, it’d hurt less.” she laughed, the sound vibrating in your ears.

“okay.” she held your face tenderly as her lips reached yours. she backed you against your bedroom door as she continued to kiss you, your hands lost in her hair and her groans lost in your throat. her hips attached to yours, moving in a rhythm of passion.

“see, you didn’t ruin it.” you were breathless, smiling like an idiot. she smirked before speaking.

“not yet.” she gripped your ass, biting her lip at your little jump. you wouldn’t have expected this from her, you’d never imagined yourself in this position. but by no means was it a complaint.

“you couldn’t ruin me, not even if you tried.” she saw it as a challenge, and then her lips feathered yours as she formed her words.

“watch me.”

note: oops, i disappeared for a while 🫣 i promise it was with good reason and i’ll start getting back to my requests now. love youuuu

[nayrring]

Kagaya said if i'm going down, i will be going down looking cunty as shit

[tubbytarchia]

gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)

[stonerfromlesbos]

Honeymoon. | b.e

summary: whats so wrong in giving an world famous popstar an chance, right? you just wasn’t aware of how far she would go for you.

warnings:, kissing, teasing, you have an annoying bsf, no use of y/n, !fem reader, !switch reader, !soft dom billie, extra caring billie, so much personal attention, men.

part 2

— 9pm, in a small venue, LA.

You held in your friend’s hand, as julie dragged you in the middle of the small crowd. The both of you ended up sitting on an table, just an few inches from the stage. You felt weird, you wouldn’t even be here right now if julie’s friend, drew, wasn’t “sick”, it was weird, she just vanished away. The only thing you knew for sure, is that drew is an close friend of billie. fucking. eilish.

Everyone in LA was connected somehow, and now, you ended up in a exclusive small but luxurious venue were billie was going to perform a few songs. You took a little too serious the ‘luxurious’ part… you wore an low cut velvet dress, it was dark red, it looked almost like blood. You felt the looks all over you as you sat on your table, but quickly everyone just got back to mind their business.

“you look so hot tonight girl” julie spoke as she eyed you up and down.

“look at yourself babe..” you said as you playfully smirked at her, flirting was an common thing between you two.

“i have something to tell you… please don’t get mad at me.” she said with puppy eyes as you took a deep breath just waiting to know what she was going to say.

“i’ve been invited to an after party of this, but they only would let me be there, if i brought you with me.” she said, not realizing how weird that request was.

“wait, what? what do you mean? who wanted you to take me here? and why me?” you were just confused, so fucking confused, julie was that girl who would do anything to have an second of the spotlight, or at least, feel like she is exclusive. An average LA girl, desperate for attention.

“they didn’t told me who wanted you there, but come onn, i promise it will be fun… i heard that it is going to be in billie’s apartment” she tried to convince you, smirking at the last sentence cause she knew that you liked billie a little too much.

“if you get in trouble, i won’t clean up your mess julie.” you said with an serious tone, quickly she smirked, you knew she was using you to get what she wanted, but you couldn’t care less.

A few minutes passed until billie was on stage, she was wearing a big black tee, with some baggy jeans. Nothing special, but you still were with your eyes glued on her.

She noticed you, but quickly changed her focus to some other table close to the stage… giving you a sort of special attention, just enough to make you want more of it.

— 1am, in billie’s after party, LA.

Never crossed your mind an single thought that you would be in an place like this, loud music, a bunch of famous people, paparazzis trying to sneak in… it was just too much. And of course, you ended up alone on a corner, sitting alone on a chair as you tried to distract yourself.. but you still felt weird, like someone was watching you.

Suddenly you felt an hand brushing your shoulder, you looked up to see an much older men.. not that old.. he was what? maybe 38? 40? still too old for you. But that type of guys search for an barely legal girl, and now she was looking at you like you would make his fantasy of fucking an desperate 21 yr old… That wasn’t your case.

“im not interested.” you said in a serious tone, loud enough for him to hear you.

“come on, do you know who i am, darling? i could make all your wishes come true.” he said trying to touch you even more, as you got up and was ready to walk towards the room and away from him, from all that mess.

“not me.” i replied as he tried to grab your arm, in the exact moment that he grabbed you… you saw an girl with bangs and red roots stepping towards the both of you, that men was tamed only with her presence, without saying a word, he walked away from you as the girl stared deadly at his soul.

It was billie, billie. fucking. eilish. was saving you from an weirdo. She looked at you, with her crystal clear eyes, it just made your body shiver.

“are you okay?” she said with an soft voice, she was worried? with you? you just couldn’t believe this.

“yes… nothing surprising.” you said giggling was you felt yourself getting even more nervous.

“are you sure? let me give you some water okay?”you went quiet, nodding your head and saying you don’t need anything.. as she proceeds.

“i just feel guilty when things like that end up happening in my parties… please, can i at least make it up for you?” she said with an worried voice, making you give in to her.

“o-okay then.” you said as she took your hand carefully, taking you to the second part of her apartment, an quiet place were you could relax and forget a bit that men exist..

— 2am, on billie’s living room, LA.

You were now sitting on her couch, as she handed you an glass of water, sitting by your side, but not close enough to make you panic.

“im so sorry for that..” she said not looking at you, clearly embarassed about what happened.

“it was not your fault.” you said as she finally looked up to see you, she stared at you like she was searching something in you… she looked at you like she knew everything about you.

“you are all by yourself?” she questioned in a soft tone.

“actually i was with an friend… but she just vanished.. im not worried because she do this everytime we hang out… so yeah, im all by myself.” you replied with disappointment towards julie.

“not anymore, can i be your friend for a night?” she asked with an playfully smile, that fucking smile.

“only if you are capable of standing me.” i reply in the same playfully tone, but she was looking at me now in an even more suggestive way.

“im sure i can.” she replied, with the same tone, but now, her voice was lower.

At this point, you were unable to control yourself, to pretend ur not into her… your body betrays your mind, you smirk at her, giving her the confirmation that she wanted you to give.

“this dress looks pretty on you.” she says looking at you up and down, taking an little extra time to stare at your dress slit, she was admiring your exposed thigh as it like an work of art… and looking back at you as she was starving.

“stop that.” you said with your voice even lower, not knowing if you should look at her eyes or her mouth. You just knew she was devouring you with her sharp stare.

“stop what? im not doing nothing… you want me to do something, huh?” she spoke playing dumb as she bit her lip.

“shut up.” you said as you two got closer to each other. Now your hand was on the back of her neck, while she holded your waist carefully. She holded you like you were a porcelain doll, like she was afraid to break you.

“you want this? i will do anything… but just if you want to.” she says softly with her eyes half lided, looking at you, searching for an answer.

“please, i want you all.” you broke the eye contact while you said that, you were just too embarassed.. but that was the only thing she wanted to hear, she didn’t wait not even an second, she just kissed you. It was soft, but at the same time, it was hungry… she was exploring you, slowly, making every touch almost cinematographic.

You aren’t used to that softness, you quickly got on her lap, straddling her as she touched you softly. Exploring your body like it was something she was craving for, taking her time to feel all of you.

But in every dream, you wake up in the end. You felt like this when you heard your phone ring, julie’s name was across the screen… you quickly got up to answer her call.

“where are you? meet me up outside… quick please.” her tone was demanding, like you were the one who let her all alone. she quickly hang up not letting you being able even to reply to her and put her on her place.

“i need to go.. im so sorry.” you took your purse as billie got up too.

“no problem…” she said, clearly not knowing what to say… you were going to reply as you dropped your phone on her living room, it just ended up below her coffee table. You was slowly lowering yourself to catch it, but suddenly you felt her hand harshly pushing you back up.

“i get it for you.” she says in an kinda of nervous tone? you were just confused, but didn’t ask any questions. She got your phone as she smiled, clearly trying to make the situation less akward.

“thanks..” you smile back at her, as her arms start hugging your waist.

“do you really have to go..?” she said in an needy tone, almost looking up at you. One fun fact, you’ve only realized how short billie was in that moment.

“yeah.. i wanted to stay, i swear” you say as she let go off your waist.

“let me show you an another way out then, the front door is full of paparazzis, would you like me to escort you out, princess?” she spoke as she smirked, and you let her hold your hand and drag you to her back door.

There was some stairs, but you really didn’t care. You were almost glad to spend more time with her, even if it was a few seconds. It was magical, its like she knew everything that you liked, everything you wanted her to say, it was crazy. She was able to make you laugh, tease you, flirt with you, calm you down. It felt almost like she knew you, all about you.

As you two were about to walk out the door, she quickly pressed you against the wall and kissed you. It wasn’t long at all, but it seem so much more than just a kiss. That couldn’t be just a kiss, it was an desire, an craving, an urge to make you hers.

“ready?” she whispered before getting a little far away from you.. almost opening the door. As she opened, we could feel the flashes, all the paparazzi. We walked a little bit more, now being protected by billie’s security guard. Julie was sitting below an tree, she just saw the flashes and runned to jump on billie’s arms.. but she failed. Billie’s security just blocks her way to do so, and she almost fell down.

“sorry for that, bye billie.” i say as i help julie to get up and walk, she was so fucking drunk.

“see you soon.” she say as i walk away… what did she meant by that? you’ve really thought it was over by now, that she just would look for another girl to play with.

As you got on an táxi, your phone vibrated…

“unknown number, 2 new messages.”

— HIII, thank you sm for reading!! english its not my mother language so im really sorry if theres some grammar or spelling mistakes, hope you guys enjoy it!! pt 2 coming soon!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS x ISAT part 1: In Stars and Necromancy.

(Part 2)

[sol-insidious]

"The strongest stars have hearts of kyber"

[aspiring-wildfire]

okay obviously i love all the dbd fics that are like "edwin and charles's worst fear is the other one leaving/being taken away" and everything but where are the fics where edwin's worst fear is charles leaving him but charles's worst fear is hurting edwin and edwin staying anyway

[r3dcherri3s]

Annoying ?

pairing: natasha romanoff x fem! reader

warnings: angst, uhhh arguing and uh that’s it? I think idk

word count: 1.7K

The briefing room buzzed with the usual hum of pre-mission activity. Natasha Romanoff, poised and stoic, stood apart from the chaos, reviewing the details of their latest assignment. Her piercing green eyes scanned the screen, not missing a single detail.

Just then, you walked in, your heart skipping a beat as you spotted Natasha. Despite her cold demeanor, you couldn’t help but feel drawn to her.

You couldn't help but admire Natasha from a distance. The Avenger was everything you weren’t—strong, confident, and breathtakingly beautiful. Every time you were in the same room, your heart would race, and you’d find herself gravitating towards Natasha like a moth to a flame.

But the widow was always cold and dismissive. No matter how many times you tried to strike up a conversation or offer a kind gesture, Natasha’s responses were curt, her demeanor frosty. Yet, you just couldn't stay away. You kept hoping, kept trying, believing that maybe, just maybe, Natasha would warm up to you.

“Hey, Nat,” You said cheerfully, sidling up next to the spy. “Need any help?”

Natasha barely glanced at you. “I’ve got it covered, Y/N. Go make yourself useful somewhere else.”

Your smile faltered, but you refused to give up. “I can be useful right here,” you insisted, your tone light and hopeful.

Natasha’s jaw tightened. “Just stay out of my way,” she said icily, turning her back to you.

Undeterred, you continued to hover, your presence a persistent, gentle reminder of your affection for the redhead. Natasha sighed inwardly, irritated by the distraction. She had a job to do, and your constant attempts at getting close to her were becoming more than a nuisance.

The tension in the room was palpable as Natasha’s icy demeanor clashed with your unwavering cheerfulness. Before things could escalate further Steve entered the room, his presence immediately commanding attention. He glanced between you and Natasha, sensing the tension but choosing not to comment on it.

“Natasha, Y/N,” Steve called, gesturing for the two of you to follow him. “We’ve got a mission. Briefing starts in five.”

You exchanged a quick glance with Natasha, her expression unreadable, before following Steve to the briefing room. Once there, the rest of the team was already assembled, eyes focused on the mission details displayed on the screen.

Steve began outlining the mission, his voice steady and authoritative. “We’ve got intel on a HYDRA base operating out of Eastern Europe. We need to infiltrate, gather information, and neutralize any threats. Natasha, you’ll be leading this one.”

Natasha nodded, her usual confidence evident. “Who’s my partner?” she asked, her tone neutral.

Steve’s gaze shifted to you. “Y/N will be your partner for this mission.”

You saw Natasha’s jaw tighten, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Are you serious, Steve?” she asked, a note of frustration creeping into her voice. “I can’t do my job if I’m babysitting.”

Ouch.

Your heart sank, but you kept your expression neutral, not wanting to show how much her words stung.

“Natasha, Y/N is a capable agent,” Steve said firmly. “And this mission requires both of your skills.”

Natasha looked like she was about to argue, but she bit her tongue, her eyes flickering to you and then back to Steve. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “But if this goes south, it’s on you.”

Before Steve could respond, Natasha turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, leaving you standing there awkwardly. The rest of the team exchanged uneasy glances, and Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t take it personally, Y/N,” he said softly. “Natasha’s just… complicated. She’ll come around.”

You nodded, though you weren’t entirely convinced. “I’ll do my best, Steve.”

“I know you will,” he replied, giving you an encouraging smile. “Just be patient with her. She’s not used to letting people in.”

With a final nod, you left the briefing room, feeling a mix of determination and fear. You knew earning Natasha’s trust wouldn’t be easy, but you were committed to proving yourself.

As you made your way to the gear room, you found Natasha already there, checking her weapons with exact precision. She didn’t acknowledge your presence, her focus entirely on her task.

You cleared your throat, trying to break the ice. “Nat, I—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted sharply, her eyes flashing with annoyance. “Just get ready for the mission.”

Swallowing your retort, you set about preparing your gear in silence, the tension between you almost tangible. Once you were ready, you glanced at Natasha, who was already waiting by the door, her expression cold.

“Let’s go,” she said curtly, not waiting for you to respond before heading out.

As you followed her to the jet, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever be able to break through the walls she’d built around herself. But despite the challenges, you were determined to try. For both your sake and hers.

Once aboard the jet, you took your seat, the hum of the engines filling the silence between you. Natasha was focused on the mission briefing displayed on her tablet, her face a mask of concentration.

This would be the mission that would change everything.

Inside the dimly lit warehouse, your nerves got the best of you. You stayed close to Natasha, perhaps too close, clinging to her for reassurance. The air was thick with tension, the sound of distant footsteps echoing through the vast space. Your heart raced, your breath shallow as you tried to focus.

At one point, your distraction caused a near-fatal mistake. You stumbled over a loose cable, sending a clattering noise through the warehouse. Natasha’s eyes widened, her reflexes kicking in as she grabbed you and pulled you behind a stack of crates.

“Stay quiet,” Natasha whispered, her voice a mix of urgency and concern. She peeked around the corner, spotting a guard approaching the source of the noise.

Your hands trembled, your grip tightening on Natasha’s arm. You felt a wave of guilt and fear, knowing you had almost jeopardized everything.

Natasha’s gaze hardened for a moment, silently she swiftly moved into action. In a blur, she disarmed the approaching guard, her movements precise and lethal. With a final, quiet thud, the guard was incapacitated, and Natasha dragged him into the shadows.

“We can’t afford any more mistakes,” Natasha murmured, turning back to you. “Stay focused, and follow my lead.”

You nodded, swallowing hard as you forced yourself to calm down. You know you messed up big time, it was only a matter of time before Natasha starts screaming. You couldn’t let your nerves get the best of you again—not when everything depended on both of you succeeding.

——————

When you both finally made it back to the safe house, Natasha snapped.

“For god's sake, Y/N, can you just stop being so damn clingy? You're a liability! Do you even realize how close we came to dying because of you?”

Y/N stood frozen, Natasha's words cutting deeper than any knife. You had never seen Natasha this angry, this harsh. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you forced them back, nodding silently.

“I’m sorry, Natasha. I’ll… I'll leave you alone.”

——————

For the first time, you actually meant it. You resolved to give Natasha the space she clearly wanted.

The days that followed were torturous. You avoided Natasha at every turn, no longer seeking her out, no longer lingering in her presence. Whenever you both crossed paths, your eyes would drop, and quickly make yourself scarce. The once vibrant and dynamic energy you brought to the base faded, leaving a void.

Natasha noticed the change immediately. At first, she relished the silence, the absence of your constant chatter. She had thought that without your questions and observations, she would finally find some peace. But soon, the quiet became unbearable. She found herself missing the way your eyes lit up when you talked about something you loved, the way your laughter echoed through the halls. The base felt colder, emptier without your presence. The missions were devoid of their usual spark, and Natasha’s own resolve began to waver under the weight of your absence.

Natasha’s frustration grew each day, her thoughts consumed by your absence. Her attempts to focus on her work, to drown out the gnawing void, were futile. Every corner of the base held memories of you, memories she could no longer escape. After a week of this torture, she couldn't take it anymore. Storming through the corridors, she finally reached your room and burst inside without knocking, her heart pounding with a mix of anger and desperation.

“Why the hell are you avoiding me?” Natasha demanded, her voice edged with a desperation she could no longer hide.

You looked up from your bed, startled and confused. “What? You told me to leave you alone, Natasha. I’m just… I’m doing what you wanted.”

Natasha’s eyes softened for a moment before the frustration returned. “I didn't mean forever! You’ve been acting like I don’t exist.”

Your anger flared, a rare sight. You stood up, facing Natasha head-on, your voice trembling with the force of emotions. “You said I was a liability, Natasha! You made it clear you don't want me around. So why are you here now, yelling at me for doing exactly what you wanted?”

The room fell silent, the weight of your words hanging heavy in the air. Natasha’s face crumpled with guilt. “Y/N, I—”

“No, Natasha. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to treat me like crap and then get mad when I try to give you what you want. Just… just leave me alone.” Your voice cracked with the effort to hold back tears, your pain and frustration spilling over.

You turned away, shoulders trembling with suppressed emotion. Natasha felt a pang of regret so deep it nearly knocked the wind out of her. She had never meant to hurt you like this, never meant to push you away so completely. Her own fears and insecurities had driven a wedge between them, and she now stood on the precipice of losing one of the most important people in her life.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha whispered, her voice breaking. “I didn’t mean it. Any of it.”

But you didn't respond, your silence more telling than any words could be. Natasha left the room, her heart heavy with remorse. She was determined to make it up to you, to show you that you weren’t just an annoyance, but someone who meant more to her than she had ever realized.

part 2 ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

[laurrelise]

something that i’d like to talk about is the scene where old five first sees himself, except in his thirteen-year old body.

this is a man who’s spent decades alone because of the mistake he made at the age of thirteen.

this is a man who found and presumably buried his dead siblings, the only people in the world he lived for, because of the mistake he made at the age of thirteen.

this is a man who was forced to kill other innocent men, women, and children in order to save the lives of everyone on the planet, because of the mistake he made at the age of thirteen.

he acts like he hates himself more than anything, and he makes it very clear that that’s exactly how he feels.

could you imagine making the worst decision of your life, a decision that could cause the end of all life and humanity, and then after decades of having to live with the regret, to see your young self again. the villain of your life and the creator of your misery.

but you were so young. you were so young and so stupid and you didn’t understand yourself enough to realize that you’d made a mistake until it was too late to turn back. and you really don’t want to hate yourself.

but you do.

can you imagine the pure rage? the hint of repressed depression? the unbridled wrath and the overwhelming sense of grief that old five must have felt in the moment he saw himself again?

[natgf123]

Twin... where have you been?

[the-ace-with-spades]

(another unfinished post i found on the way to glasgow - that was the longest train ride in my life - I'm sorry in advance)

When Ice finally passes away, at the age of 73, in his sleep, Bradley moves Mav into their house the same day.

He gets the call in the morning, while trying to simultaneously cook Jake's breakfast and try to make their daughter put on a rain jacket. It's not Mav, but someone from the hospital. Jake doesn't know this — Bradley's face twitches only for a second and then he's back to the nagging, relaxing tone and telling their daughter it's raining and it won't stop. Jake only finds out when he comes back home from the school drop-off and Mav is already there on their couch. Jake doesn't even get the full explanation until that night, just a quick, "Ice passed away overnight."

There's only their three youngest living with them at the time — their 18-year-old daughter who attends UC San Diego, and their 15-year-old son who is still in high school, and their 7-year-old daughter — so Mav takes one of the vacant bedrooms.

The first few nights, Bradley sleeps in the same bed with him. Neither of them looks like they get much sleep. They don't really eat, either, just drink coffee and nibble on the crackers.

The kids start coming back home, and their oldest helps Jake arrange most of the things for the funeral, at least for the first few days. Mav is... numb, not really there, and Jake understands — he would, too, if he woke up one day and his husband died in his sleep next to him. Bradley is silent, mostly, the way he usually rambles to fill out the silence, the way he hums, the way he sings at any given time when there are no words spoken, it's all gone and Jake doesn't know how to fill out the silence either, how to ask, how to make it better without asking.

Bradley doesn't cry, or at least not the way he knows Mav does — he can see Mav's red eyes every morning — but there's something empty in his gaze, in the way his eyes follow Mav and in the way he melts whenever Mav is around, always close, always brushing against him. Mav spaces out a lot, doesn't talk much, doesn't—well, doesn't do much. Every time he tries to help with something, paperwork, the funeral arrangements, the hospital bills, even just sorting out the kids' school leave or Jake's own work leave, he fumbles a bit, not really able to focus on anything for long, and it's like his mind is completely scrambled. Jake doesn't know how to help him — doesn't know if they even can.

The kids, well, did not take it well, as expected. The oldest two try to be brave and help Jake with everything, keep the house going, but their youngest daughter doesn't really understand why her pops isn't back, the middle kids don't understand why now — Ice was in remission, in good health, would go hiking with them once a month, play with them in the backyard, talking about plans for the future with them, nothing that would tell them to expect their pops passing away. Mav and Ice had taken care of all of them for years, while Jake and Bradley were still deployable, and helping out as much as they could. Ice was a huge part of their lives, since the very beginning.

Bradley is certainly not doing any better but one couldn't be able to tell if they didn't know him well enough. He's always been more for packing his feelings into a tight neat box, compartmentalizing until there is too much and it all overflows in some explosive way. His focus is mostly on Mav and the kids, trusting Jake to take care of anything he can't.

Jake can't even ask him how he's doing until the night before the funeral.

Mav tells Bradley he wants to be alone that night and Bradley lands in their bedroom.

He acts normal — checks the kids are in bed, checks on Mav, prepares stuff for breakfast in the morning, has a shower. Only when he sits down in their bed, their dress blues, cleaned and pressed sitting on the hangers hooked up on their wardrobe, right in front of him—only then he freezes, a blank stare still on the uniforms.

Jake sits down next to him on the bed. "Talk to me, Bradley."

"I knew it was going to happen at some point, I just," "I just thought we would have a few more years."

Bradley sleeps curled up on his chest — he sleeps the whole night, soundlessly, and Jake is almost settled.

Almost. Mav is a couple doors down, alone.

Ice's been—had been retired many years now, but he had been high enough in the ranks that the Navy still insists on making a military funeral. Jake tried to take away as much of the flashy bullshit as possible, but there are still things leftover — the sailors with the flag, the flyover. But there's no one who wasn't close with the family at the ceremony, there's no speeches, and no one tries to hand either Mav or Bradley a flag.

The wake has an even smaller amount of people, all packed in their house — Mav hasn't been at his own house since — and thanks to Slider, mostly, and his 'the bastard wouldn't want us to mope around', it's less sad and quiet.

Mav eats two slices of cake, which is the most Jake's seen him eat since, and even laughs at some stories about Ice people are exchanging.

Ice had a good life. A big family. A big happy family that loved him.

But life goes on without him. Jake goes back to work first, then the kids have to go back to school, then Bradley has to back to work. After a couple of days alone at their house, Mav starts bringing up moving back to his own house.

He's not really doing great. He's still quiet, still spaces out more often than not, still forgets himself sometimes, still freezes whenever he tries to say something and the we he uses is one person short. He's—lifeless, for a lack of better word, and seems like he's noticing it now that Bradley isn't with him most of the waking hours.

"That is our home," Mav tells them. "I can't abandon it forever, I'd be abandoning him, too, if I—"

Jake—Jake gets it. He doesn't like it, but he gets it.

Bradley's been fielding off any suggestions of Mav moving out but he's pretty sure that soon Mav is going to pack his stuff and up and leave without asking for permission.

"If he wants to move back home, we can't exactly hold him here. against his will."

"Jake," Bradley says. "I feel like—if we let Mav go back there alone, he's going to die of a broken heart and I won't have either of them anymore."

"Sweetheart—"

"I know it's selfish," he interrupts, "but I can't lose him, too. Not now."

Jake can't make Mav stay with them — so he finds the best solution he can and instead, they all move in with Mav. Hell with it, he's going to try to get everyone to live their lives to the end. They'd done it before, Mav, Ice, Bradley, Jake and their two kids under one roof, when their oldest two were their only two kids.

The two of them and two of their youngest; two of their kids move into their house so they don't have to sell it.

Mav lives on. They try to occupy his mind by throwing their youngest at him — ask him to take her to school, pick her up from school, take her to her gymnastics class, do her homework with her, teach her how to play piano. The other kids pick up on it, too, and their high schoolers would wrap Mav into doing math workbooks with them, or ask him to drive them to their friends' house, and the kids that have moved out ask Mav to go to lunch together or call him to ask him things about car and house repairs that don't exist.

Mav gets brighter every day. Never as bright as before, but no longer so numb.

Their daughter ends up never moving out and so do they.

They all get older but Mav holds up pretty well. He does break his hip when trying to wash the windows, had a limp and terrible back ache ever since, had to stop driving because he can't see shit, had to stop piloting even sooner, and his memory is also shit, but Jake is pretty sure his cholesterol is lower than his own and he has better blood pressure than Bradley. Bradley and Mav are the ones cooking after all, Jake is the one eating all the tasty but not healthiest food, and Mav's life revolves around spoiling his cute great-grandkids and Bradley's is filled with the constant stress of managing Navy's top flying school.

For his ninetieth birthday, Mav flies a fighter jet as a passenger, the oldest person to ever do that — his youngest granddaughter is the one to take him up in the air, a junior grade lieutenant herself. They have a birthday party held at their house, Mav falls asleep in the armchair, Bradley makes fun of him and promptly falls asleep on the couch, too. Jake loves them both so much and still kind of can't believe he has this — house full of grown-up kids and grandkids of his own, his graying husband of over thirty years, his father-in-law coming to an age he wanted to see his mother at.

They're cleaning up, their two daughters who still don't have kids and didn't need to go home helping, and Mav tells them he's going to get some fresh air on their veranda. "I've got a terrible headache," is all he says.

Half an hour passes, they've packed all the clean and dirty dishes, and Bradley huffs to himself. "He fell asleep on the bench again, didn't he," and goes outside.

Bradley shouts for him in less than a minute. The ambulance is there in eight. Within the half-hour and a CT scan in the hospital, the neurologist tells them Mav is too far gone to survive the day. Within six hours, every single person from their family has come to say goodbye. When they pass the seven hours mark, Jake stands up from the plastic chair behind Bradley — he's not about to tell Bradley he should rest, but he's been holding Mav's hand since the minute they admitted Mav to the ward and hasn't eaten or drunk anything all day. He tells him he'll go grab them a coffee and bagels and gets a little nod and a smile.

Jake comes back twenty minutes later and Bradley doesn't even look up from where he's gripping Mav's hand.

"Can you get the nurse for me?"

[kat1nkulta]

I can’t stop thinking about Loop. Imagine doing everything, anything, to get out of a traumatic situation but the price is you. Your body is gone, your name is gone, your family doesn’t recognize you, you feel like most of your memories of them are gone too anyway. Suddenly you’re denied your identity. It’s like YOU never existed… and someone else took your place. You, whose biggest fears are forgetting and being forgotten in turn. You, who’s hesitant to change and now you’re forced to. You can’t even really blame anyone else because you did get your wish, right?

It’s explained clearly in the game, but the implications of it just hit me extra hard sometimes. Siffrin is as much of a study of Loop as Loop is of Siffrin. They share(d) their fears too so mal du pays words essentially becoming the truth to Loop is just… 🪨🪨🪨🙁🙁🙁💥💥💥💥

What do you do when all you have is ripped from you, all your worst fears come true, and youre forced to just… come to terms with it?