#his life is terrible and there is nobody to medicate him but who cares when he looks like the cover boy for slashers-r-us

[multifandomfanatic02]

"My Little Partner in Crime."

pairing : father!Alastor x daughter!reader

synopsis : you spent nearly 80 years by your father's side without him knowing who you truly were. Don't you think it's about time you told him the truth? Would he despise you?

warnings : weep bitches.

word count : 3,106

          It had been 76 years since she had passed. Yet she remained in the body of a 15 year old girl. In hell, of course no one aged. Not many child sinners were often found in Hell but she was special. While she wasn't an overlord, she was a brilliant mind behind one.

           In life, [Y/N] felt she had been misplaced in the world. So many terrible things had happened at such a young age. She got by though. Through learned methods and maybe a little bit of her genes had helped too.

            She was orphaned at the age of 10 years old. Father died before she was born and mama fell severely ill when she was 10. It was an unfortunate circumstance for such a young child to be in, however it only got worse from there. After both parents had died, she ended up in a very poor fostering system. In which none of the children were treated right. It was so much worse for her.

             [Y/N] was the daughter of an infamous serial killer in Louisiana. Which did not look good to potential foster parents. If her father was a fucking psychopath, what would she be like? In a way, they weren't far off in their speculations. And they proved to be right later on.

            Her mother didn't find out about the love of her life's deeds until he was pronounced dead one eventful night. Gunshot to the head in the midst of burying his own victim. Regardless of what was said about the man, she still loved him all the years after before falling to her own demise. It wasn't like he was a crazed monster, in fact, he likely saved more people than he killed. He only went after the worst of the worst.

            It was obvious that the man loved his wife more than life itself. More than his job. It saddened her knowing that he would never get to meet his daughter. Children were never planned or even talked about between the two considering sex was kind of a sensitive topic for the both of them and for different reasons. So the one time they decided to 'experiment' she ended up conceiving. Funny enough, 6 weeks later was when he died. Neither parents had knowledge of [Y/N] presence yet.

          [Y/N] was scorned throughout the entirety of her foster community. Not for anything she did, no no. But for something her father did. No one wanted her. Regardless, she was happy that she was on her own in a way. Her 4 years in foster care were quite peaceful.

            It wasn't until she was 14 that she had been finally picked out of the system. An old man, maybe in his fifties, had come to get her. The fostering system, not wanting her to continue her stay any longer, kept their dealings with him under wraps so everything stayed out of legal documents.  [Y/N] wasn't adopted, no, she was to become his wife and to bear several of his children. Figures. What else would a man like him want in a child. Women were still known as the caretakers at the time. Nobody in this day and age was evolved like her father whom treated her mother like a queen when they were alive.

            Thankfully it never got too bad before she decided to take her fate into her own hands. She was an avid reader. Her favorite things to read were the medical books found in her room when she was in the system. So she eventually learned a thing or two. It started off with a crushed pill in his drink every morning to stave off his libido. So he was never in the mood to touch her. (Don't ask where she gets the medication, it's a secret.)

               Wearing him down slowly every day and night for the next year before his untimely death. An insulin overdose. It'd be like he died in his sleep. During an autopsy, no one would even know. She grinned ear to ear, feeling the man's pulse disappear from his neck. She took a breath before calling 911 in a faked panic tone. Convincing actually. "Hello? I n-need help. My husband isn't b-breathing, I think he may be dead. Please come save him! He can't die! I love him!" She managed to force tears from her eyes.

             Ultimately, he did indeed pass away and she was finally on her own. I guess it wasn't a totally bad set up since his property, belongings, and money went to [Y/N]. It was short lived, unfortunately. All that money that went to ballrooms and jazz music. It was paradise and worth every penny she thought. Only to die at the age of 15 from an infected fox bite. (Random, right? Just like dad's lol)

           [Y/N] had been in Hell for 76 years. She wasn't well known unlike her companion. Sticking to the man like glue after all this time. She worked well with the Radio Demon. Their minds complemented each other very well. Almost to a point of familiarity. When she first arrived in Hell, it was like she had made a big boom in the talk of the town. She was a mastermind and very talented at killing and pranks. It sparked a lot of the overlords' interest, especially since she wasn't interested in becoming an overlord herself. All she wanted was to enjoy her dark and very humorous afterlife. [Y/N] of course declined all their business proposals, even the famous Vox.

             There was one she couldn't turn away from. He was charming and the two immediately had an unbreakable connection. The connection itself was unreadable but it was there nonetheless. He made a deal with her, promising absolute protection from the exterminators and other overlords and in turn she would help with his dealings. It was a fair trade, the Radio Demon was a bit impulsive with his actions while [Y/N] methodically planned all her own dealings 30 steps ahead. And with her being 15, well, she was thought to be an easy target.

              It was actually strange, they look alike too. The same color scheme, same nose and eyes. Both shared that constant shit-eating grin and composure. The only difference between them being that he's an elk demon while she, a fox demon. It was literally just the tail, antlers, and hairstyle that set them apart.

               Overtime, the radio demon, opened up to her piece by piece. Alastor, that was his name. It didn't take to long for her to come to the realization that he was in fact her beloved father that her mom talked about oh so much. It was clear. It wasn't just their appearance but mannerisms that were so similar. Her name being the same as his mothers surely didn't help either. He thought nothing of it. Alastor didn't know, he was too oblivious to anything that wasn't himself. And up to now, it never felt like the right time to tell him, so it's been a secret.

            Turns out she wasn't the only one to have this realization. Carmilla Carmine along with many other overlords figured it out before even she. Carmilla being a mother herself felt empathy for her and talked to her whenever she needed it. Rosie found a deep love for [Y/N] herself, acting as a mother figure as well. The little darling was just like her bestie, Alastor, how could she not? Other overlords weren't as reasonable and often threatened to use the knowledge as a weapon against her. What would Alastor think? Did he ever want a child? Would he stray away from her if he found out? Often enough, the overlords who threatened her ended up without their lives by her hands by the end of the day.

         Seventy-six years, Alastor had kept [Y/N] by his side every step he took. It wasn't until his powerful fight with Vox that he decided to step away. He disappeared for 7 years without notice. It broke her heart into a million pieces but just like before in life, she marched on and kept her promise to him.

           It wasn't until news arrived in Pentagon city about this Hazbin Hotel that she'd heard Alastor's name after so long. He was working as the host of the hotel. It wasn't often [Y/N] showed emotion but this time she couldn't hold it in, tears streamed down her face. Her sturdy smile began to slowly break apart. It seemed her father was her weakness. While he didn't want to admit it, it was mutual. He left without saying a word to avoid seeing her disappointment in those little eyes of hers. He didn't want her see him so weak. In a way, he subconsciously felt he had some kind of responsibility over her.

            The walk to the hotel was nerve-wracking for [Y/N]. Seeing him after all this time felt bittersweet. She was excited of course but she was awfully upset about his random disappearance.

Knock, knock, knock

        The Princess of Hell had opened the door, to her surprise to see a red and black fox demon with a huge smile on her face. Charlie was suddenly having a flash of deja vu. Where else has she seen this before? In any case, it wasn't the most obvious thing to pop out at her. This girl was a child. There shouldn't be a child in Hell, whose cruel idea was it to send her down here Charlie thought.

          "Princess Charlotte, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is [Y/N]." She bent down pulling her dress between her fingers to greet her.

           "Just call me Charlie! It's nice to meet you too! Are you here to stay in the hotel? If so we would love to have you here with us. Especially someone as cute as you." Charlie reached out to pinch the young demon's cheeks before composing herself.

           "I actually am, among other things. I was hoping I could be of service to you." Charlie sat questioning her proposal for a second.

             "I'll gladly accept any help I can get but love, you are a child, don't you want to focus on going to heaven and get out of this place?" Charlie bent down to her level and took the girl's hands in her own.

              "Don't let her age fool you, my dear. She is a very capable demon. In fact, better than most overlords I know." The familiar radio static voice tickled [Y/N] ears as Alastor materialized behind Charlie. He smiled genuinely as he held out his arms, waiting for her embrace. Tears suddenly streamed down as she ran into his arms. The two holding onto each other as if one of them would disappear forever.

               "I apologize for my sudden departure, darling. I hope you know that I would never leave you willingly. It was the only way I could keep my side of the deal." He stroked her hair in attempt to calm her sobbing. She couldn't say anything, she had already forgiven him a while back. Alastor couldn't do anything to make her hate him.

               "Alastor aren't you going to introduce us? Who's this sweet thing?" Angel dust walked to the doors to join him and Charlie. The rest of the sinners in the lobby following suit.

              "I guess you could say she is my partner in crime. This little darling has been by my side for nearly 80 years. I owe a lot of my victories to her truth be told." Everyone stood around confused, expecting a different answer. There's absolutely no way she could JUST be his partner they look too much ali-

             "Al, is that.. is that all she is?" [Y/N] sent vaggie daggering eyes as a warning not to continue her statement. Getting the hint, Vaggie backed off and went to sit on the couch in the center of the room. "Nevermind, forget I said anything."   

              "Hey [Y/N], it's been a few months. How you holding up. Still getting into trouble I hear." Husk gives the fox demon some pats on the head.

               "It's nice to see you again Husker, I would like to thank you for looking out for me these past few years." Her grin grew looking up at the fluffy demon.

             "Just doing what the boss told me." Alastor often had souls he was contracted with look after her in his absence. There wasn't much he could do, but knowing she was safe and sound and thriving eased his cold heart. It wasn't often he found himself tied to someone. But there he was, worried for the safety of someone else. A child no less. It took a while to understand his feelings but he eventually did accept it. He cared about someone other than himself.

               Introductions to the residents went smoothly, all of them having such lively personalities she thought. What an amazing new family to have. Besides missing Mama, this was much better than what she had in life ironic as it is.

           The times were changing and everything felt still, peaceful. [Y/N] had an amazing new family and business. Angel Dust being like an amazing big brother and Charlie like an amazing older sister. However the biggest change was how close she got to Alastor. He insisted her bedroom be near his radio tower so he could watch over her. It was so out of character for the residents that have only known him since he joined the hotel staff.

              She was back to being glued to his hip. Her charm helping to gain more residents with her adorableness. It brought on a whole lot of business deals for the feared radio demon as well. Everything was perfect. Something still weighed on [Y/N]'s heart. Alastor needed to know the truth. Why the two of them have such a strong connection. And why they can't seem to ever let each other go. It's not something easily brought up in conversation. Thankfully, luck was on her side one day during one of their business outings.

           "So.. do we have a deal?" Alastor held his hand out to damaged overlord. The enemy's eyes flickered over to the fox demon, causing a distraction. Long enough for his partner to sneak a gun to the young girl's temple. Her composure stabled, a smile creeping on her face.

            "Before I agree to this deal, you are going to hear me out. Or my partner here will end the little girl's life. And you'll be pickingup brain matter off the ground." Alastor's eye twitched, returning his hands to the top of his cane. His expression eased back into his typical smile, seeing her unfazed by the imminent threat.

         "Fine. What do you want?" The man smiled seeing Alastor accept his conditions.

           "[Y/N]. I want the girl." The Radio Demon's breath hitched in his throat upon hearing the request. Never. Never in a million years, he thought. "You see that BITCH had me killed. Secretly drugging me for a year. Didn't think I would have noticed, huh? She never payed for it, she never had to answerfor her crime. Got her out of that shithole of a foster care and this is what I get?"

            He forcibly grabbed the collar of her prim and proper dress, picking her up to his face. Her ears folded to the back of her head, scowling at the man now. "You were going to make me a child bride."

         "You are a woman. You do what I say. If you don't accept my proposal, I'll tell daddy here your little secret. Won't he be surprised." Her eyes turned red at his words, both her and Alastor, in his demon form, shoving an arm through the man's chest in unison. All he felt in that moment was fear, dying for a second time.

            It took a second for the man's words to process in Alastor's head. Secret? What secret? He didn't want to pry but it was obviously tearing [Y/N] up inside. Her expression said it all. All he wanted was to know she was okay. It was time to let him know. And whatever decision he made, she was going to be okay with.

           "There's something I need to tell you."

           "Darling, you don't have to tell me anything if you are not comfortable. That fuck was just trying to get under your skin." And it worked.

             "No. You need to know." [Y/N]'s lip began to quiver in fear. Scared she was suddenly going to be a disappointment. How could she keep this a secret for so long. He had the right to know. Now. "My name is [first name] [Shared last name]. I..  I am your daughter."

                The gears in his head turned as he tried to process the new information. When something suddenly clicked in his head. The love of his life just before he died, was constantly sick and had been for a few weeks. Alastor had just thought she had a cold and constantly doted on her, trying to provide the best medicine he could.. hm.. find. She never took it thankfully. She was pregnant.

           He hadn't thought about it before now but it has come to his attention that the reason why he cared for this child so much was because she reminded him of his wife. She was careful with every decision, she was always calm in every situation she's been in, and they both had that beautiful fire in their eyes. The fire that let everyone know that they weren't going to submit to nobody. The dynamic between him and his wife wasn't much different from the dynamic between him and his daughter.

              Why hadn't Alastor seen it before. [Y/N] was obviously named after his mother. The girl was literally his mini me. He couldn't help but let a tear or two drop from his eyes before bending his knees to look at her at her level.

            "Tell me... what uh. What happened to your mother?" Alastor held the girl's cheek in his hand caressing it gently and wiping away her own tears, slightly smearing the blood on his hand.

             "Mama died of the influenza virus when I was 10. I'm sure she's in Heaven, having the time of her life." Alastor pulled his daughter into a tight embrace, never wanting to let go.

            "After all this time, I've had a precious piece of her with me. And I won't ever leave you alone again."

A/N: Yall let me know if you liked this concept, this was fun to do. I know it's kind of out of character for Alastor but I hope it healed something in y'all with daddy issues 🙏

[augment-techs]

*screams loud enough that astronauts can probably hear me*

okay, let's see about that bloody Skull prompt:

Facial expression + Blood splatter outline~

So I know it’s not very exact. But I just went fuck all with this because it felt ✨hot✨

You’re welcome :)

[scivors]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[icanseethefuture333]

Celestial alignment: Pick a pattern in the sky

Messages to realign you with your soul path

Pile 1:

Shufflemancy -

Replay by Lady Gaga

JMK by Sango ft. Xavier Omar

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Ten of Wands, Eight of Cups, The Magician, The World, & Three of Cups

There is a call for you to let go of thoughts that are holding you back. There is something about repetition here that is preventing you from progressing into the next chapter of your life. You could be taking on the burdens of other people as a way to help them. Your guides are urging you to please stop. You are constantly making sacrifices for others when they aren't doing this for you. Your lesson right now is to focus on making yourself the top priority. You are always putting yourself on the back burner. Some people here take care of their family members or work in the medical field. It's understandable to be worried and to care for your loved ones or other people, but who's be concerned about you? Who is making sure that you are alright or have what you need? If nobody is there for you, then you have to be there for yourself. Start making goals or a list of things you wish to accomplish. You need to realize you are worthy and deserving of what you desire, start dreaming again, pile 1. The universe is waiting and ready for your call and demand. Once you have faith in yourself, the universe will be ready to make your dreams come true. A journey of peace, abundance, and celebrations will be coming your way soon.

Summary:

Change your thoughts & way of thinking.

Practice mindfulness & work on releasing limiting beliefs.

Learn how to include self care in your daily routine

Set boundaries

Think about what your goals or dream are

Make a list or a vision board

Research information on manifestation or spirituality that aligns with your beliefs

Pile 2:

Shufflemancy -

Bruises by Kelela

Brain by Mariah the Scientist

Omega by SAAY

Seven of Wands, King of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Aeon (Judgement), & Nine of Pentacles

This pile gave me goosebumps when shuffling - You have a very intense aura and strong presence, pile 2! Something about having to "fight" or the "brain" being significant. I'm reminded of this wounded emoji: 🤕. You could suffer from past trauma or have a mental disorder. I had to rewrite for this pile because it didn't save and I felt so frustrated having to write for this pile again, but it made me realize that this is possibly how you feel in life. You are constantly having to work with difficult circumstances without seeing any progress of the outcome. There were a lot of struggles that you had overcome and I am reminded of movie The Truman Show. His entire life was just programmed for him and he was forced to live a life he didn't want for the entertainment of others just so they could have a TV Show to watch. So I feel like people found joy in your misfortune and suffering, which I am terribly sorry for. The thing is though that was in the past and you don't have to deal with these people anymore. You don't have to pretend to be this character that obviously doesn't resonate with you. You can create an entirely new life, new self concept, new everything for yourself. Think of who you want to be as an individual, not what other people have labeled you as or want you to be. You have to start realizing that you are free to do as you please. Life can be like a simulation and we could all be considered avatars, but we don't realize is that we are able to customize our reality in anyway we wish. You have the inner strength and passion but you are just stuck in this survival mode that is not serving you anymore. It is time for you to move on and your spirit guides are being stern with me right now but they're saying "take this shit seriously". If you have a dream or goal you know you wanna do, take action and stop complaining. Stop with the excuses, the self pity, and the martyr complex. Once you start asking the universe for help is when you can start to achieve your dreams. "It's like clockwork". I am seeing that you feel that you're running out of time in life to accomplish your goals but I am reminded of Maddy from Euphoria when she said "Don't worry, this is only just the beginning". Your "shift" or soul purpose has only just begun and time is ticking for real now. I am getting a vision of someone holding a bright lantern in a dark cave and they are like making a come hither motion with their hands. So I believe this is the universe and your guides saying if you need guidance and you are unsure what to do or where to go or how to even begin the project you wish to work on - Ask them. Once you start asking the universe for help shit is going to change in your life dramatically because your purpose is very significant and it is going to be for the better of society but you have to stop being in your ego and acting stubborn because it is not helping you or anyone else for that matter. I'm not saying you have to be some sort of holy messiah or the rebirth of Jesus Christ himself, but you are going to be someone who will make a difference in this world. As you embark on this journey, it is crucial that you pay attention to the signs the universe or spirit gives you. It is okay if you make mistakes but you have to be careful and aware of people or vices that will sabotage you in the end. So listen to your intuition and notice those gut feelings. I feel like people will be giving you your flowers in the future, that could mean you will be someone who has a certain level of status, or this means people will show appreciation or gratitude for your benevolence and charity. You have this gift or tool that the universe has blessed you with and you have to utilize it for the good will of others.

This is a powerful message I channeled from spirit: "Others who have begun early are merely the matches that were chosen out of indulgence, for candles & waxes, the faster they burn, the quicker their ashes will fall. The last one to be picked, is the match that is the resource for those in need of hope and warmth when faced with the darkness."

Summary:

Use your intuition

Release the version of yourself that is no longer serving you

Embrace change & endings

The end of a chapter means a new beginning

Rely on your inner strength & wisdom

Ask for guidance

Focus on what it is meant for you

"All that glitters isn't gold"

Pile 3:

Shufflemancy -

Lemon by N.E.R.D ft. Rihanna

Starface* by Jean Dawson

Screen Time by Epik High ft. HOSHI

The Tower, Four of Pentacles (reversed), Three of Wands, The Sun, & Four of Wands

The pile's energy instantly chirped me up and made so happy! Its interesting how the piles are always so unique in their own way. You could have been or are currently in denial with your circumstances. It reminds me of Hey Ya! by Outkast. Go take a look at that music video or listen to the song if you're unfamiliar with it. It's a fun happy song, but the meaning of the lyrics are actually quite depressing. You could have this mindset of: "Y'all don't wanna hear me you just wanna dance!". You could be someone who is pessimistic and a downer, always wanting to look at things from a more "realistic" perspective. Although, your spirit guides are asking you to actually change this way of thinking. I actually see that you have a really bright and energizing aura! You could be really funny, pile 3! Your purpose could align with having a good sense of humor or being a source of hope and optimism for others. You could be interested in working in the entertainment field. Once you get past this, you will realize how much fun life can actually be! Your past challenges could also be viewed from a more positive standpoint. For example, the situation might have been unfortunate, but did you learn anything valuable? Or was there any positive outcomes because of that said situation. Reflect on your life experiences and lessons to see where the universe actually might have helped you dodge a bullet or blessed you with protection or love. You could also attract new people into your life who will make you feel a sense of joy and gratitude. This pile just reminds me of a fun summer day, where people eat watermelon or have fun at the pool. Another song I'm channeling is Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff & Will Smith. You will be celebrating and having a good time with your loved ones in the future soon. I believe honestly your path for now is to focus on happiness and sharing love and light with others!

Summary:

Have fun!

Make jokes that uplift people's energy

Focus on the good vs dwelling in negativity

Try to make someone laugh or smile!

Make plans for the summer

Hang out with your friends or spend time with family

Your past struggles are why you're still here. You overcame a great deal and should be proud of yourself!

[glorious-sunset]

Reflections on Ep. 5 of LBFAD on rewatch

Arbiter Hall, Day 4: DongFang QingCang (DFQC), after a torturous morning collecting dew drop by drop for Xiao Lanhua (XLH), finds her and the plant spirits gleefully celebrating his departure!! He has many enemies who scheme behind his back and want to kill him, is aware of Shiyuntian’s unflattering propaganda around him, and never gave these insults a second thought. But when XLH says that “even the air becomes clearer” without him around, it is like a sharp stab to his gut. When even the thoughts of the mightiest kings don’t bother him, why should the words of an inconsequential little flower?

XLH’s relief at his disappearance soon turns to sadness and worry. She misses Da Qiang terribly, and wonders if he is back at Haotian Tower. She knows he had been imprisoned for tens of thousands of years – how much longer would he have to stay if he went back? He is a good man and doesn’t deserve it. The plant spirits go to sleep and she feels bereft – until DFQC presents her with her morning dew! He looks more breathtakingly handsome than ever in a new set of robes and smells intoxicating from his fragranced bath.

DFQC tries hard to be patient with her requests to make the dew more palatable. When he blows on it to cool it down, it reminds her of her master Siming blowing on her porridge when she is sick. Since Siming left, nobody ever lifted a finger to care for her until now. Da Qiang promises to collect dew for her every day from now on – but how can she accept his kindness? Her heart belongs to Changheng (CH) doesn’t it? She is torn.

DFQC overdoes everything that the Xilan scroll suggests in his attempts to heal XLH! The amount of dew he collects is several times the amount she would normally drink, his efforts to keep her warm take him to the volcanic magma of Cangyan Sea, and only the best place will do to see the sunrise – the home of his enemy! :D It would be easier if he took her back to Cangyan Sea, let his medics attend to her, and retrieved his Jade Ring to block her emotions. He could then coerce her to fix the destiny leaf without emotional fallout. But the scroll said that the roots of the Xilan holy plant should not be moved except on particular days.

Yunzhong Water Pavillion: Yunzhong admonishes CH for ignoring his arranged marriage to the Goddess and for keeping another woman’s handkerchief. CH is dutifully shamed, discarding the Immortal Pill that he had poured his spirit’s vitality into creating over the last three days for XLH. If only he knew that XLH was actually his fiancée! :D Too funny.

Arbiter Hall: DFQC has been away all day and XLH, worried for his safety, has stayed up long past her usual bedtime to wait for him. When he returns and approaches her in her bedroom late at night, she retreats nervously. His proximity feels dangerous and exciting. He offers her the spark of Eternal Flame from the magma of Cangyan Sea, and is pleased when she recognises it from her books. But how could he have entered such a dangerous and distant place just to keep her warm – what if he had lost his life?!

Fountain Palace: CH reminisces about the momentous day he spent with XLH 500 years ago, which he then wiped from her memory without her consent!! There are many striking parallels between his history with XLH and DFQC’s continuing story with her. XLH did not know the true identity of either CH nor DFQC, but showed kindness to them both simply because of her caring nature. To CH, aggrieved by the attentions of simpering fairies chasing him for his fortune and status, this was the purest form of kindness he ever knew. XLH cured both men with her Xilan magic – for CH, this involved healing his physical wounds. CH appeared to have been mortally wounded and it is possible that she saved his life. For DFQC, she healed the damage to his Tree of Emotions, and mended his relationships with his father and brother. XLH is also the first person to try to protect either of these men, who everyone else relied on to protect them but were never offered care and protection themselves. In ep. 8 she protectively wraps DFQC in her arms in her attempt to save him from CH and his troops. What a woman! CH and DFQC never stood a chance. Also, CH, you are an idiot :D

Arbiter Hall, Day 5: It’s still dark when DFQC enters XLH’s room to take her to see the sunrise. Of course she’s reluctant to get up, lazy creature that she is, but the first rays of the sun are vital to her recuperation. Let’s see, she can’t go dressed in her nightclothes. He creates a soft and feminine lavender gown for her in keeping with her preference for light-coloured clothes, and gorgeous pastel hair accessories to match. Amazing!! We’ve seen him magically change his own clothes in ep. 2 and he does the same for her now. The next thing she knows, they are flying up, up, up, faster than she has ever travelled before and it is scary but exhilarating! Her arms encircle DFQC tightly and she feels safe in his embrace.

The lavender gown that DFQC created is the most beautiful out of all of XLH’s Fairy Realm outfits. The sleeves fall in soft, translucent frills, the bodice is lavender and the skirt is a collage of multiple pastel hues. His impeccable taste in fashion isn’t limited to his own wardrobe! (you can be my fairy godmother any time DFQC! :D ) This dress becomes XLH’s favourite; she wears it for the fairies’ examination in ep. 6 for good luck, and is seen wearing it in two scenes in the LBFAD end credits :D

Yunzhong Water Pavillion: DFQC watches with wicked amusement as XLH, not realising they are concealed by his invisibility cloak, panics at the sight of the heavenly soldiers approaching. They are now physically very comfortable with each other, and she grabs his waist, his arm, his wrist, as she tries to hide behind him and persuade him to leave before even more powerful high celestials arrive and capture them!

DFQC has to admit that the home of his arch-enemy is beautiful. But this reminds him that the Shuiyuntian dictators greedily hoard the best locations for themselves; they determine the class of others based solely on the status they were born into, and not on their personal merits. In Cangyan Sea, anyone can rise in status if they work hard enough and show potential. Shuiyuntian oppresses any member of the Moon Tribe simply because they are labelled as Moon Tribe – no other crime is necessary. In the lead up to the Battle of Two Tribes, Shuiyuntian had been cruelly and unnecessarily using their spirit-vanishing arrow formation (mentioned by his father in ep. 16) against the Moon Tribe, which meant that those they destroyed could never reincarnate and their spirits would never be at peace. The Moon Tribe had had no counter to their genocidal attacks until DFQC learned to control Hellfire.

They teleport to a romantic private balcony bordered with flowers just in time to catch the first rays of the rising sun. It’s the first sunrise XLH has ever seen! She can’t believe how beautiful the view is from the highest point in Shiyuntian! Not even high gods are allowed up here without being summoned by Yunzhong. To her enormous excitement, Cloud Whale, whom she has regularly spoken to over the past thousand years but never seen in person, makes an appearance!! Da Qiang made this possible for her, and she can’t help but love him for it.

Her radiant smile and soft, tender gaze upon him captivates him. From this moment, he is unable to take his eyes off her, and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth! :D Even the flowers on the balcony bloom in response to XLH’s happiness. Unknowingly, the two of them are by now completely enchanted by each other.

Arbiter Hall: XLH takes the Universe Pill that Jieli gave her, and both she, and DFQC in response, experience excruciating stomach pains (shame on you Jieli! :P ). While DFQC dispels fire energy from her stomach, she tells him that despite being a grouch, he is not a bad person. “Within the three realms, nobody is worse than me!” he declares, followed soon after by “if you feel sad, I feel sad too” :D He roughly pulls a blanket over her on his way out – this small but very significant gesture is not born from the necessity to heal her, but from a new desire within him to care for her. He was trained to be ruthless, nobody taught him how to be kind, but from this point on he is slowly learning how. In ep. 8, he roughly brushes a tear from her cheek, and his small gestures of kindness only continue to become smoother and gentler.

Unfortunately, XLH continues to be sad while missing Siming and the hundred flower soup she used to make for her and DFQC can no longer stand it! His face keeps crying and it is distracting him from his reading!! How hard can it be to make soup? He is not familiar with the kitchen equipment but has some experience with cooking over a campfire. So, he uses his hellfire to create a campfire on the rooftop. Bad idea, as smoke goes everywhere and flowers burn in the cooking pot :D But, XLH is overjoyed at his thoughtful efforts to cheer her up, which are well outside his comfort zone! He reminds her more and more of her master Siming, who was the dearest and most important person to her. All of the flowers in the greenhouse now bloom in response to her joy and affection (only two flowers bloomed for CH, in ep. 1 :P )

Here is a link to my episode 6 review (contains spoilers). All of my LBFAD articles and episode reviews can be viewed with the tag #lbfad reflections (hyperlinked) and the table of contents to these is here.

[box4brains]

I’m sick af so what better time than to discuss headcanons about Trafalgar Law and his crew?!?

Warning ⚠️ will contain gruesome and disturbing things. Law canonically has a bit of a disturbing reputation an I like to keep it in mind for my HC… the OP world is an dystopian nightmare and it will be much more prominent because I will tone down the Saturday morning cartoons vibe that the story usually is told in.

Law has a very give-and-take stance on things in life. To him, for him to owe someone else something (like a favor or a debt of gratitude) is for him to owe them subservitude. And he will not stand for it. On the flip side, if someone owes him a debt or favor, he expects them to either pay it back in kind, or owe him servitude until such a time he feels like it’s been repaid.

Law has a extremely bland reaction to if people are dying, especially for a doctor. He generally doesn’t care if people around him dies or not (except if he cares about them) as he figures people will die, and if they don’t want to compensate him properly then who gives a shit. Despite this, if he was to stumble across someone or something terribly wounded, his first instinct is to save their life. In fact that’s how he ended up with the wast majority of his crew.

Law and the Heart pirates are one of very few pirate crews known for not making money through piracy, instead they make money by utilizing the black market to sell abortion-medicine and human organs and blood and other things. As Law has a policy to not use his medical services for money, most of the human stuff comes from payment from patients he’s helped. Most people don’t mind paying for their life (or the life of a loved one) with a kidney or a lung and Law’s all too happy to use a person’s desperation for his own gain.

Law cares little for his bounty, he does care extremely about his reputation though and will usually lean into his more terrifying rumors when dealing with people to intimidate them into submission.

In every port that the Heart pirates port in, Law will treat all the prostitutes free of charge. Not from the goodness of his heart, but because he knows his crew will likely visit them and rather than having to cure his crew repeatedly from sexual diseases, it’s easier for him to just go to the source. It also makes them like him and Law has gotten lots of useful information this way over the years. His crew also loves this because they usually get discounts and don’t have to worry about getting something nasty.

Law totally has a “safe sex” talk with his crew every time they get a new member. M/m, w/w, m/w, masturbation, you name it, he’s covered it (from a medical/safety pov). And yes, he had an entire section about “Why We Don’t Fuck Corpses”. It’s every bit as mortifying as it sounds and Law makes everyone listen to it, every time, not just the newest member/-s.

In fact, Law’s so rigorous in his monitoring of his crews health nobody has ever been sick. It’s a source of pride for Law, though he’d rather die than let anyone know that.

Law doesn’t hunt for food. He’ll fish and will kill animals if they stumble across him, but the act of hunting down something fleeing for its life turns his stomach and he refuses to do it.

Though never really said outright, Law loves clothes. He especially loves buying clothes and then using his powers to modify them to look exactly as he wants. After all, clothes bearing his jolly roger doesn’t exactly exist in stores.

Law got his first bounty because a world noble tracked him down and told Law he’d pay whatever he wanted as long as he cured him. Law - predictably- hates nobles and goes “sure, I can save you, but the price is your dick and balls” the nobleman obviously took great offense to that until Law reminds him he’s dealing with pirates and “should be down on all four licking his shoes in gratitude that’s all he’s asking for”. The nobleman died a couple of months later and Law’s first bounty was released shortly after.

Hakugan wears a mask at all times because his previous leader found him after he’d joined the Hearts and showed his face into a fire place and more or less burned his face off. Law gave him new eyes, lips and everything after he dealt with the minor crime lord. (Incidentally he told the man he was going to rip his spine out and beat him to death with it, which he did, though it was more like the blood loss actually killed him)

Law has a sadistic side, though it generally doesn’t rear its ugly head often. As Law generally doesn’t have a appetite for seeing suffering. He does like making people sweat and squirm though.

The darkest things Laws done to other people consists of;

killing Hakugans previous boss as mentioned above.

Killing the head of a criminal gang who specialized in organ harvesting because they killed a young teenage girl who reminded Law of Lamy, in retaliation Law strapped him to his own table and cut him open and started taking out organs and removing ribs and telling him different things about the human body as the bound and gagged man writhed in agony.

After learning that a man who he was working with planned to double-cross him, kidnapped the man and put one of the man’s own bombs in his stomach to make him do his bidding.

To get information about Punk Hazard Law cut up some of Doflamingos men, buried their bodies alive and came back the following day to see if they were willing to give him the information he wanted.

The above mentioned thing is why the Hearts are terrified of their captain. Don’t get me wrong, they absolutely love and adore him, but to the crew he’s kinda like the ultimate scary dog privilege.

Law has a love for all things cute and fluffy, but his sense of humor is more on the morbid side.

Law has reading glasses, he generally only wears them when studying thick medical journals, so only 5 people knows and has seen him wear them.

Law has an amazing memory, extremely high IQ, but has a really low “social IQ”, which makes him great at being cold and calculating but is incredibly socially awkward if he doesn’t have a plan to follow.

Law was never really into the whole “human contact” thing as a child, something his family respected, but it reached new highs after the destruction of White Town and Law escaping by hiding under a pile of bodies. Law feeling other bodies pressed against him will never not make his skin crawl, the only exception to this is Bepo.

There! I think that’s enough brain vomit lol

I think the fever has gone down a bit, but I apologize if… actually, I’ll just apologize, full stop. 😅

[sweettoothvn]

I ended up going on a tangent in a server about the yandere types so here are more detailed explanations.

Also for context: When i say 'they/them/their' im referring to MC/You/love interest, etc

Since this IS yandere i will give some TW// Mentions of Self-Harm, Severe Manipulation, Stalking, Stealing, Delusions, Jealousy, Possessiveness, Obsessiveness, Violence, Mental/Physical Abuse, Mentions of sexual content.

Kieran

a lot of his songs are about his love interest, people arent liking the new lovey dovey shit too much tho. Eventually he moves back to his regular music but keeps writing songs about them, realizing it's only appropriate for them to hear. He collects hair accessories from his love interest along with makeup products. Sometimes he likes to use the lipstick/chapstick/lip gloss that they use. In terms of possessiveness he is very clingy around them. He hates it when others look at them or even try to touch them. Considering his wealth he definitely spoils them a lot, mostly with food though. And lingerie. Lots of lingerie. As for sex he's very hesitant about it at first, quite anxious actually. Once alone with his love interest, when they finally get together too, he allows them to be out and about, showing off to the world who they belong to and who they will never leave. Not like they could if they wanted to of course, Kieran could absolutely destroy their life until they come crawling back to him. And nobody wants that right?

Eddie

he uses his knowledge in hunting to make his love interest feel like a caged animal. Sure they dont want to talk to him or even look at him considering what he's done but they'll learn to accept it. Won't they? He's not hesitant on harming them if need be, whatever it takes after all. When first meeting him he's pretty quiet, just watching innocently and barely talking to them. If they start talking with him- or rather at him- he's keen on listening intently, watching their lips as they speak. He definitely starts taking care of himself more to make himself look more appealing to them as well. Of course once his love interest is in his own hands, he takes it upon himself to make sure they are a permanent resident in a small cabin in the middle of no where. The beautiful woods now littered with traps galore, there's no hope for salvation if you're looking for it. Unless you're looking to find it in Eddie of course, considering he is the only person you're around and in his words, the only one you'll ever need.

Andre

he's definitely more sociable with his love interest than normal. 'Coincidentally' running into them in public every single fucking day. He's terribly clingy and touchy, wrapping an arm around their shoulders or grabbing their hand. The pet names are relentless. When they arent looking, he's silently threatening the people around them that seem interested in his love interest. They definitely dont want to fuck with him, he could ruin their food supplies so easily, only providing bad crops until they back off. Theyre so hungry they either eat the crops or back off. Hes pretty controlling once he gets his hands on his love interest. Keeping them home and trying to make it seem like the world is awful without him. His security systems are intense and difficult to bypass. For once Chrys could never fathom getting through them theyre so complex.

Zach

their medication has been acting odd lately. Is it Zach's fault. Definitely. Their mind is malleable now and theyre barely able to control their own body as they feel so loopy. Constantly high off of whatever Zach is lacing in their pills. This makes it easier for him to mold them into what he wants them to believe. Only then will he allow them to ween off the drugs he had plagued their system with. As for keepsakes its definitely hair-? He makes... dolls with them... Considering he's a Franix he's definitely feeding off of his love interest frequently. Not enough to kill them but enough to keep them weak. It doesnt matter what their blood type is, it will always be so sweet to him.

Casey

he appears to be as innocent as he usually is. Smiling, giggling, sociable as ever. He was everyone's favorite but when he saw his love interest he wanted nothing but them. He didn't care about anyone else. At that point when he spoke to other people it was to keep his reputation up. Pretend to be the giggly fun loving dork everyone knew. Slowly but surely he would make sure to isolate his love interest. He made sure people felt uncomfortable around them, spreading rumors and using his abilities to change people's moods everytime their name was brought up. Until they broke and reached out to him for comfort. Every time they would cry he would make them feel better, alleviate the pain, training them to rely on him like they were some sort of pet. His favorite item to collect would be t-shirt or jackets, playing them off as items he found when thrifting. He wanted his scent to be combined with theirs. He's not the kidnapping type but he will definitely make sure to cause scenes when his partner seems to pay attention to other people besides him. It'll start off as small panic attacks, to full on mental breakdowns until his partner realizes it's probably best to just stay by Casey's side. Don't even breathe near another person, it's not worth it.

Chrys

Charming as ever, she manages to coax her love interest like a fly trap does with- well- flies. Her smile being the nectar they thought they needed. She makes them feel safe and loved, a feeling they thought they'd never had in their life before… at least no to this degree. Around them is constant danger, people disappearing, cars crashing, sometimes when they're just minding their own business they nearly get crushed by falling debris from construction sights. However that all is washed away when they're near Chrys.. She was like their good luck charm, a safety bubble they couldn't be without. In reality, however, Chrys simply used her hacking knowledge to mess with traffic lights and construction equipment in the Intrepid. As for the missing people? Well you'd have to take a closer look at her greenhouse for that. Using aphrodisiacs and other pheromones and spores that her plants produce, she creates intense positive feelings in her love interest as she laces their food or drink with those chemicals. Her favorite item to collect is definitely articles of clothing. She knew she was small and hoped that they would be aroused to see their piece of clothing barely fitting on her small body. She would act innocently, confident that it would fit if they 'helped' her. Of course she's going to keep her love interest in a small cottage in a heavily forested area too. Sure there will be a town nearby, but she can just control the forest to make it morph into a maze, they can never leave after all. Why would they? When all they need is right here at home with her.

David

He's pretty much the same on the outside, at least. Typical tsundere and anger issues. However he's not so reliant on alcohol as normal David. Rather he finds his love interest to be his special drug. Their scent, the way they hold themselves, how they dress, their voice. God does he just love their voice. He could listen to it for hours. May it be them simply talking, singing, laughing, crying, yelling, screaming. He just wants to hear it. Some things he loves to collect, mainly sweaters, any drawings or books they've touched. He keeps a large list of books they enjoy, may that be comics, graphic novels, yaoi, whatever they consume that is considered literature really. Once he has his love interest in his grasps, he becomes very manipulative. A slow process of making them think they only need him and that he is their safety and he will protect them from anything and everything. He isn't violent towards them or anyone he is jealous of, that's not very civilized after all. He would prefer to slowly and meticulously destroy his opponents until they harm themselves.

[misslavenderlady]

Introducing the newest member of the @ghoulgeousimmaculate Lost Boys universe (PTPA and Enemies)

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Puppy 🐾

Real Name: Oliver Wolf 

Age: 22

DOB: June 10th 

Sire: Sis 

Traits:

Kind

Compassionate

Hardworking

Loyal 

Affectionate

Soft

Sensitive

Helpful 

Nervous 

Stressed

Protective

Emotional

Background: 

Puppy is the newest addition to the coven, and the first boy to join in decades. Though it was difficult for David to open up his heart to another man after getting it broken by Michael Emerson, he took a chance for the sake of his beloved bride. The new baby bat is as loyal as they come, and desperate to please his beloved queen. Safe to say he fits into the family perfectly.

Oliver’s human life involved living as a gentle soul in a cruel world. He was cared for by his father, Thomas, after his mother, Amy, died from breast cancer when he was a toddler. His parents were already struggling to make ends meet, but the medical bills and funeral arrangements financially crippled his father. It wasn’t easy for them. Thomas would work nearly every single day, balancing two jobs in construction and food delivery to make ends meet. He was in a constant state of exhaustion.

Every last penny had to be spent as carefully as possible. There had to be difficult choices, like whether they would go without heat or water for a while depending on which bill was paid. Having to double, even triple check every last item before checking out at the grocery store. Though his father was a brave man who stayed optimistic for his son, Oliver still could hear his father gently crying in his room, feeling all too somber over what he was going to do. 

School was a struggle as well. Not only were some kids viciously cruel towards Oliver due to his lack of money for lunches and stopping by donation lots for hand-me-downs, but he also happened to live in a particularly homophobic community. He had some feminine traits to his appearance, meaning bullies found him to be easy pickings. All in all, he was an average student who just kept his head down so others wouldn’t bother him. It was impossible to make lasting friendships, but he was a lot like his father in that way; stuck in survival mode. 

Oliver had absolutely no sights set on college. When he graduated high school, that was it. He had no money or talents worthy of scholarships, meaning that was the farthest he would ever get for his education. All he wanted to do was help out his father. So he followed the man in his footsteps, taking on hard labor fresh out of school. He got his job experience in retail, ringing up orders and getting screamed at by Karens for mere minimum wage. Still, it helped take the burden off of Thomas, and that’s all he wanted. 

Unfortunately, Thomas never got a happy, restful ending. He fell asleep at the wheel after working one of his many all-nighter shifts and crashed into a tree. The only peace Oliver got from such a terrible loss was knowing his father went quickly. 

There was no hope in the hometown Oliver grew up in, and nobody left to call family. He decided to just hike out to the west and see if the grass was greener on the other coast. It was an incredibly dangerous journey, but he felt it was worth it when he finally arrived in Santa Carla. He had heard great things about the city getting cleaned up over the past few decades, and he could certainly see that with all the bright lights, beautiful beach spots and amazing businesses on the boardwalk. It gave him a newfound sense of optimism. 

Of course, Oliver had to start from the ground up. He found work as a waiter at a popular Italian restaurant in order to pay for the shoe box of an apartment he was set up in. While daytime shifts were pleasant and easy, he found that there was a change in the atmosphere when nighttime came. Tourists always had a blast, but familiar faces to the area seemed on edge. They became cold and silent towards him. If they did speak to him, it was advice to keep his head down and mind his own business.

He found that the locals were quite secretive and paranoid. As if some terrible force had its control on them. As if it was a secret they all held. 

One day he learned why that was. On a beautiful, moonlit night, a couple came into the restaurant. Voices hushed to pure silence as a stunning woman and her platinum blond lover made their way to a private table in the back. Oliver would have been confused at such a reaction if he hadn’t been so captivated by the lady. Sis was her name, as he learned. He got tongue-tied and red in the face as he stumbled through taking her order. He was quite embarrassed, but she was amused by his behavior. 

Sis was so happy with his service that she had her husband, David, leave Oliver a huge wad of cash for a tip. Enough to cover the rest of his rent for the month. From that moment on, he became their go-to server whenever they came by. 

Oliver never understood why his co-workers never wanted to serve the couple. They were charming, generous, and always complimented him for his hard work. He even found that Sis was growing quite smitten with him, often flirting to a point of making him blush. Though Oliver worried it would bother her husband, he found out later that they were actually quite open in their relationship, as they’d often bring other dates. Sometimes they shared a partner, sometimes they had separate ones. It was inspiring with him, especially since he was coming to terms with his own identity. 

One night while Sis was dining with David, Oliver tripped and spilled a glass of wine all over her dress. His coworkers all scattered to the kitchen, scared of how the couple would react. But before David could reveal his nature and tear the boy to shred, Oliver immediately jumped into action. He gathered various material and offered to clean the dress himself. Even pay for the damage if he had to. The guy was down on his knees, tending to Sis with the utmost care. It was then that David realized there was a greater purpose for Oliver. Something he could use for the benefit of his wife. 

After the restaurant closed that night, Oliver’s boss warned him not to get involved with the couple. He even offered to put Oliver on the day shift since they never came in during that time. But it was too late. Oliver was starting to develop feelings for Sis. She was truly perfect in his eyes, and he would work hard for her just as his father had done for his mother. 

Little did he know just what that would entail.

On his walk home, Oliver was followed by three handsome men. He assumed they were just random locals until he heard sinister giggles from behind him. He looked behind for merely a second, but it was just enough for the three to get the jump on him. He blacked out after one of them injected him with something.

The next time he woke up, he found he had been kidnapped. Oliver was bound and chained in a strange room full of torture devices. He slipped into a state of panic before a familiar voice greeted him. It was David, now showing his true colors. He explained how fond Sis was of Oliver, and that he wanted to give him to her as a “gift”. It was then that David and the other Lost Boys revealed their darkest secret.

They were all vampires. Blood-sucking monsters that preyed on the fear of Santa Carla. It was why everyone was so fearful of them. They were tormented by creatures of the night. Oliver hadn’t known a terror quite like that. 

For a few months afterward, each of the boys took turns in “training” their newest member of the coven. They taught him how to take both pain and pleasure, follow every command, memorize every code of the pack, and most importantly, how to make the queen happy. David found that the best tool in corrupting the boy was using his crush on Sis against him. He promised the two could be happy together. That she adored him. That he could be with her forever and never lose her like he did his family. 

It reshaped his mind, slowly turning him into an obedient, desperate-to-please slave. By the time his training was complete, he was given a new name like all the other mates. 

Puppy. 

David presented him to Sis as an anniversary present. He was freshened up with the finest soaps and oils, had his gorgeous curls styled, and dressed in clothing with soft colors. Puppy even had his own collar. Something only Sis had the key for. David explained that this new mate was a gift to make up for what he did to her cat, Queen. Puppy was more than eager to take on his new role. He believed that his true purpose was to take care of her. To worship her. To make her happy. Sis was overjoyed, and she played with him quite a bit that first night~

He’s now a vampire like all the others, acting as a servant to the coven and a guard dog to the baby bats. He’s still got the sweet, adoring personality from his human life, but Sis’ blood has dialed that part of his personality up to an 11. 

Puppy struggles with terrible fits of anxiety from time to time. He’s seen what kind of punishments the others face when they disobey their Head Vampire. Not to mention the Toy Room left him mentally scarred. Whenever someone so much as threatens it, he falls to his knees and sobs out, begging for mercy. It’s gotten to a point where he needs medication for these moments. Whenever he doesn’t use a prescription, Paul will get him some special gummies to calm him down.

He’s also incredibly territorial when it comes to Sis. If they’re out together and he feels someone is disrespecting her, he goes on a rampage, screaming, cussing, fighting and even tearing apart anyone who would even think to speak to his queen in such a way. Sis has affectionately named him her guard dog. 

Fun Facts:

Insecure of smiling with teeth before he turned (never really got proper care for them)

Knows advanced first aid.

Wanted a pet growing up, but wasn’t able to bring one in.

Misses the hugs his dad used to give. His father was a warm-hearted man who gave great bear hugs. It’s why he’s so affectionate too.

Is nicknamed “Angel” by Marko. The two look somewhat similar, and Marko sees him as the angel to his little devil.

Identifies as Pansexual.

Hates smoking. He’s often teased by the Lost Boys for coughing over their cigarettes.

Is originally from Pennsylvania.

Was gifted a special necklace by Sis when he joined the coven. It’s a metal collar that can’t be removed by anyone but her. The tag is engraved with her initial.

Is the only one in the coven to be sired by Sis. Everyone else has been given blood from David and the boys, but since he is a gift for Sis, he was turned by her so they’d have a special connection. 

Loves playing basketball. He played it a lot during after school programs and at the park, so now he plays with the others whenever he’s in the mood for a game. He’s hoping to teach the children how to play when they’re older. 

Relationships:

Thomas and Amy - Parents. Both deceased. Loved them both dearly. 

David - Leader/King. He looks up to the brave, charismatic vampire. Shows him the utmost respect and appreciation. Fears him whenever he’s angry.

Sis - Mistress/Queen. Worships the very ground she walks on. Fell in love with her at first sight, and did not hesitate to become a vampire for her. Believes his new purpose in life is to be her loyal pet and do whatever she wishes. Sis thinks he’s precious, and has a lot of fun using him as her own personal toy. She also has a weakness for freckles, of which he has plenty.

The Lost Boys - Coven Brothers/Superiors. He’s the first male member of the pack to not hold authority. He’s the lowest in the chain of command, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t cared for. In fact, the others adore him, often treating him like a Sugar Baby. He works for them however they want, and they reward him with plenty of cash and goodies. It gives him a rush since he never had such luxuries before. 

The Brides - Coven Sisters/Superiors. The girls adore Puppy, both as a friend and as a piece of eye candy. They’re grateful to have someone to keep authority over. The boys robbed them of their independence, so Puppy acts as their own toy to bring back their power. Unlike the boys, they aren’t needlessly cruel. They’re very sweet to him and very generous with rewards. 

The Children - Honorary nieces/nephews. Puppy is an excellent caretaker whenever the coven needs help with the kids. Growing up in poverty, he had his fair share of experience seeing kids of all ages struggling, and they all did what they could to help one another. He’s not sure if he wants a child of his own, but he doesn’t mind hanging out with the little ones for now.

Tag List:

@britany1997 @vampirefilmlover @bezinful @american-idiot-jpg @bloodywickedvamp @dwaynesluscioushair @crustyboypix @gh0ulofficialbackup @bigcreatorwombatdreamer

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"Headcanons for epidemics at the La Squadra home base? Maybe it's the flu season, or maybe it is mass food poisoning, - assassins are getting sick left and right. thoughts, vibes, scenarios?"

I will go with general sickness!

My very first thought was that Prosciutto recovers the quickest - not because he's healthy or his immune system is strong, but because he has no qualms about blasting himself repeatedly with The Grateful Dead until the virus/bacteria/etc. is purged from his system. He also uses The Grateful Dead to fumigate his apartment and any other place he passes through, so he is an extremely effective killer of air-borne diseases. The only problem is, no member of La Squadra is willing to let him use The Grateful Dead on them directly except for Gelato from time to time, which means they must suffer through their illnesses as best they can and Prosciutto is stuck going to the pharmacy and procuring food for them while they do that.

(Just imagine Prosciutto in a white suit with a red shirt underneath going about the base checking in on everyone and doing what he has to and that's basically my vision of La Squadra when ill, lmaooo.)

Risotto is usually very stout, but when he gets sick he's prone to lamenting his existence and his choices. Whether he's sick or not, though, he always feels like a furnace so sicker members will definitely congregate to him for warmth. Very grateful for any attention.

Pesci, like Risotto, is very resilient and often helps Prosciutto run errands for the sick and offers positivity at this trying time. When he gets sick, it really is just that bad. Whenever illness gets to him, he caves into the weakness and dissolves into a whining mess, but nobody can stay angry or annoyed with him for long, so it's fine.

Formaggio is the type that gets sick, tries to take care of himself, fails repeatedly, and finally they're like "JUST GO BACK TO BED, ASSHOLE!" and nurse him properly. Very cuddly when ill, and makes terrible jokes about it, so some patience is required.

Illuso gets one whiff of illness going about and he immediately retreats to the mirror world, locking out all germs. He has a pair of unused rubber gloves on his person at all times for such emergencies, and will reach out of the mirror wearing those if he needs anything. Will not help anyone, he's too worried about contracting their diseases despite technically having the means of purging himself with his ability. Old habits of wanting to get away from the nastiness of other people's sickness die hard.

Melone is already sickly, so if he gets sicker it's pretty much an emergency. Thankfully the others keep tabs on him and Baby Face laptop searching for pills around the living area is a good indicator that Melone needs help ASAP. A very patient sufferer, however, so despite his conditions, he is one of the easiest to look after.

Ghiaccio on the other hand is the angry sufferer. He hates life a lot but BOY does he fucking hate life if he's sick on top of it. Grumbles endlessly until he's hoarse. No comfort to anyone whatsoever. He's sometimes cared for in isolation because he makes the rest even more miserable.

Sorbet is only a notch below Ghiaccio because he also hates suffering and the unpleasant physical biproducts of illness, particularly clamminess and migraines. You would normally think of him as placid and nonchalant, but the moment he's down, he sours like vinegar and has a low but acrid rant locked and loaded for anyone who talks to him unnecessarily while he's languishing.

Meanwhile, Gelato absolutely refuses to be ill. Like Formaggio, he will take to self-medicating, but unlike Formaggio, he is more successful because 1) he is willing to ask Prosciutto to blast the culprits out of his system, and 2) before he ever asks Prosciutto, he will crawl to his cabinet, get the navy rum out, and swallow enough in one go to knock himself unconscious. Whenever he wakes up, he's usually almost back to normal. Everyone hates this.

[circusgoth-dotcom]

Winter Blessings

Ship: Sweeney Todd x Bill Fang

Word Count: 799

Summary: After a decade+ of being in a hot climate against his will, Sweeney has almost forgotten what winter in London is like, along with what it can do to one's physical health. Luckily his boyfriend is willing to lend a hand, even with his stubbornness. CWs for sickness mentions, allusions to murder possibly, outdated medical advice- treatment lifted from here. A/N: I ironically developed a cough while writing this, I love winter. (sarcastic, light-hearted) 👍

Tag List: @canongf @dudefrommywesterns @futurewife

Winter had come and Sweeney still had yet to get his hands around the Judge’s throat. He had been in the parlour only once, back when Sweeney had first returned to London, but a mishap with Anthony had sullied his chances. Furthermore, it had further ruined the quality of life for Johanna, who had been sent away in the Judge’s “fear” of Anthony’s presumed lust for her.

Nobody knew where exactly he had locked her away, but Sweeney’s own ideas about the matter were enough to haunt him night after night. Only one good thing had come of returning home so far, and that was Bill Fang, the sweetest, most understanding man he had ever met. A promise that when all was said and done, someone would still love him. Blood-stained hands and all.

He had almost completely forgotten what winters in London were like after a decade and more of sweating away in prison. He thought he could recall a time when the white snow blanketing the rooftops was magical, but now the icy streets were merely bleak reflections of the pain he felt inside. Even the once pure snow was now a disgusting grey slurry. Considering he had been so far removed from winter as a concept for so long, it never occurred to him that the change in seasons would affect his health. It began as general drowsiness and a slight cough, and as the cold raged on, it developed into sneezing and shakes. He ignored the symptoms, or perhaps he didn’t recognize them due to distractions.

Either way, it didn’t halt him in his tracks, at least not until one evening when he had set out to purchase more firewood. As he was bringing the wood back to the shop, he felt entirely out of breath and as if his head was stuffed with cotton. Sniffling irritably, he pushed forward, the harsh wind slicing at his red cheeks, his skin numbing by the second. By the time he made it back, he was coughing so hard he could barely keep a handle on the split logs. Bill immediately hopped up from his chair beside the fireplace and rushed to close the door.

“Oh, Sweeney, you sound terrible…” He took the wood from him and placed it beside the fireplace before turning to get a good look at him. “My word, you didn’t tell me you were sick! I could’ve gone out to get the wood, you should’ve stayed in!”

Catching wheezing breaths, Sweeney waved his hand dismissively. “Not sick… ‘m fine, really, Bill.”

“Oh no you’re not.” They put their hands on his cheeks. “You’re freezing!” With that, he forced Sweeney toward the fire and began taking off his coat. “How long has this been going on?”

Reluctantly, Sweeney sat in Bill’s chair and let them take off the rest of his outdoor gear. He flexed his fingers in front of the flames and cleared his throat. “Since the first snowfall, I’d reckon.”

Bill made an exasperated sound as he began adding more wood to the fire. “And you’ve been working all this time?? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“It’s a very big deal when you sound like a dog is trying to escape your ribcage, Sweeney.” Bill sighed when he was satisfied with the glow in the room and turned to Sweeney again, cupping his flushed ears. “I want you to close up shop for the time being, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

“And Mrs. Lovett’s business?”

“To Hell with it for all I care! I can’t have you withering away on me now!” As they began to hyperventilate, Sweeney placed his hands on their hips.

“Hey, hey, I’m not going anywhere, pup…” He spoke soothingly, pausing to turn his head and cough again. “If you want me to rest, I’ll rest. I promise, I won’t leave you behind.”

They hugged him tightly for a long time, passing on their own body heat to warm their lover’s bones. When they pulled away, they quickly retrieved a blanket and wrapped it around him.

“I’m going to make you some pepper tea, and tomorrow I’m going to prepare a mustard plaster for your back, it should help with the cough. Other than that I want you to drink plenty of fluids and try not to do any strenuous activity until you start to feel better, understood?”

Sweeney’s eyes shown as he looked up at them. “You’re too good to me, you know that? What did I do to deserve this second chance?”

“You’ve suffered long enough, and someday, you will suffer no longer.” They kissed his forehead and set off for the kitchen, leaving him with his thoughts.

[piastrinorris]

what exactly is mosquitoes about?

there's a few storylines all mixed in tbh. it's set in the time and location of that Large Hadron Collider that they activated in 2008, that was supposed to produce the higgs-boson particle, which is what scientists believed to be the foundation of the big bang/creation of the universe. alice (luke's mum) works on the LHC.

i'll try and keep it as concise as i can, but there's a lot.

alice, jenny + amy: so alice lives with her son in geneva, but her sister, jenny, lives in luton (which is where i'm from lol) selling medical insurance. massive conspiracy theorist since it's taken her years to conceive via ivf, she won't even get an ultrasound bc she fears the radiation. obv causes a lot of friction between the sisters snce alice is a litetal scientist, as is their mother. jenny has the baby, amy, and alice is constantly travelling back and forth to be there for her sister. a week before amy's due to have the mmr vaccine, jenny reads an article about how it causes autism and refuses to let amy have it. 18 months later, amy contracts measles and dies. jenny goes to geneva with their mum, who she also cares for, but it's the same time the LHC is due to be activated, which makes jenny feel as though her sister has no time for her. feeling as though nobody supports her, jenny confides in henri, alice's boyfriend, before attempting to overdose. she goes to hospital and throws the pills back up.

alice, jenny + karen: alice and jenny's mum, karen, is a scientist, too. she's made a ton of discoveries, written books, but when she visits alice at work, nobody knows who she is unless she lists all of her accomplishments. she worries that there's no more point to life if she worked so hard but nobody cares, but she's also in the early stages of dementia. she refuses to be diagnosed as if she does, they'll deem her as not being capable of making the decision to get herself euthanised. as her dementia progresses, she also talks of miscarriages she never told her daughters about. she names one jenny, talking to actual jenny about it (not realising who she is bc dementia) and talks about the heartbreak of outliving your child, which is obv a very heart-wrenching moment for jenny.

luke + natalie (and others, so this bit is the longest): luke only has one friend at school - natalie, another transplant not from geneva, who helps him with his french. they bond over not liking what their parents do for work, and luke tells her that he can create a virus that'll affect everyone in her dad's email list. he and his mum argue over the fact that he thinks a) jenny's an idiot (note: he actually uses the r-word) for being so overly cautious about her baby's health, and b) that the LHC is a terrible thing. alice says she recorded some sounds from the LHC that she knows luke likes to sample and remix into music.

when jenny visits post-amy's death, he gets beaten up bc he's read about HPV and, worried about his friend natalie, he puts a leaflet in her locker, but this gets taken the wrong way and her friends attack him physically for it. jenny tells him that he was stupid for getting involved, but he argues he did it bc he cares. there are conversations that show luke really did care about amy, like how when they visited one time, he made a sock puppet to play with her, and that he cried when he found out amy died. but this emotion comes out the wrong way as he argues with jenny and he calls her a "murderer" (for not getting her the vaccine that would have saved her life). he then runs away.

after intermission natalie finds him in a park, where he says he ran away to germany, but came back bc he didn't want her to be in trouble. she says she already was, bc his mum blamed the people who hit him for driving her away bc of what happened with natalie and the locker. natalie then invites luke to stay with her. they get drunk and she asks him about sex. she tells him they can do a "form" of sex together, where they strip send each other photos of their private parts and delete them immediately. she takes a photo under her top, sends it to luke, she watches him delete it. luke takes a picture inside his underwear, sends it to her, she sends it to everyone in school, saying it was punishment for getting her friends into trouble.

luke returns home and tells alice he wants to start a new life in england, bc his is ruined in geneva. he also hates that jenny is still there. she tells him she has no desire to move because of her job. he freaks out, steals her laptop and sends the virus he made for natalie's dad and sends it to every one of alice's colleagues, obviously causing MAJOR scientific disruption. jenny finds him having a meltdown and he tells her everything, since she already knew about the natalie situation. he tells her he'd rather go to jail than face what else awaits him, but jenny convinces him it'll ruin his whole life and tells him to run. she takes the rap for him, which means alice assumes jenny was the person who shared the virus. they have another argument in the police station, jenny refuses to get luke involved, and so alice tells her to stay away from her and her son. her and luke don't talk once she's returned from there, but luke plays her a song featuring the sounds she's recorded, and she gets him to play it again for her.

a while later, jenny reaches out to alice and they meet up. alice goes, hoping jenny is reaching out to give her some closure as to why her sister ruined her work. jenny refuses to explain, but asks how luke is. alice tells her he's started a new school, is doing much better and even wanted to come down (he had previously said that he would never bc he hates flying), which jenny is happy to hear. she announces to alice that she's pregnant, and has been since amy died. she's quit drinking and smoking, and got a new job. alice worries about the new baby, with all the drinking and smoking jenny's already done, as well as the attempted overdose. jenny says that despite everything, and the ultrasound she's had, the baby appears well so far, and she's finally hopeful. alice still tells her she wants jenny out of her life, but they share a cute moment of an old shared superstition they had. the final shot is of them sitting back to back, holding hands and embracing each other as a way to symbolise that their sisterhood overcomes everything else they've been through.

[hcfiles]

These last four years in Henry Cavill's life were like watching a very stubborn nine-year-old, consistently and intentionally, hit his head on the wall, while hurting himself, for not accepting the world is not under his feet and that things don't always happen as he expects and according to his will. He took the bad publicity personally. But, by logic, according to the fact his public figure is a persona or an AVATAR, should he care? Isn't it like having one of his movie characters criticized? To care, means something about this new PR role reflects his personality or Character. He chose this persona for it reflects the man he doesn't see himself as, but the man he always wanted to be: A self-confident object of desire. And, staging that persona gave him that self-confidence as a shield.

But, as soon as it was unmasked and criticized, he had nothing left to hide the man he is, the man he doesn't accept and wants to hide: sensitive, shy, naive and a dude. That's the reason for his misery. He spent all his professional life presenting to be, staging this persona to the world, enhancing it year by year to see it, all of a sudden, destroyed in a day with a stunt (the first pap walk that led to this circus), apparently, because of a promiscuous his team chose as a PR for him.

The result was a negative publicity enhanced, not by his fandom, who only reacted to the show, but by Natalie's rep (who was promoted as a bitch to disguise the mistake) and by his team itself, who apparently, played as if there was someone against him so we would think the terrible PR job was Natalie's fault (in part, it could be). They screwed up big time! But, this wasn't initially because of Natalie, despite her terrible rep. She was only, a nobody chosen to be an escort (Hollywood's PR********on) of a celeb, who needed to promote his manhood.

It became about her as a damage control strategy, to disguise the mistake, minimize the effect her rep had and pretend they were OK with it. And, there is no other secret girlfriend, but it could surely be another real boyfriend or fiance. When this circus started, Natalie already had an engagement (?) ring, said to be a family jewel, which she, later, took off her finger to avoid showing it in other pics and at public appearances. - A not noticed mistake or this stupid PR team wants to play with your imagination? If just an innocent family jewel, why take it off?

And, that's why no marriage narrative was used (Yet!?) They skipped it, going from dating to pregnancy. For sure, the marriage narrative was avoided between the couple. But, why, if the goal was to prove they were together? What does he have against the idea of showing her off as his wife? Isn't he "proud of being her man"? Is his team playing with the benefit of the doubt and his dubious image again? Isn't it strange? Instead, she was thrown to the lions as promiscuous and exposed to public execration. How degrading! This woman has no self-respect.

Of course, I'm open to the possibility they were engaged to married, way before the date announcement and that this PR was a stupid plot to introduce his sl**ty wife to his fandom, despite all the indications in contrary to intimacy. Everything is possible in Hollywood and nothing is what it seems. But, he could also have decided to sacrifice his image and future public life to minimize the effect he caused in her life, because he feels accountable for exposing a woman to public execration for using her as an escort to promote his image - What an incoherence!

And, he, as that stubborn nine-year-old, got pissed because people didn't react as he wanted, tried to manipulate them by banging his head on the wall insistently, to get what he expected, without success. Well, apparently, the kid got so hurt with it, he decided to stop, because his condition demanded medical assistance and he had no more to add to the story. But, despite stopping to bang his head on the wall, he discretely, continues repeating: "It is true, it is true!" with rare posts suggesting the fake plot. He expects, one day, someone might believe it.

So, he follows a terrible and badly written fake life script someone wrote for him, which he initially, never wanted, but had to perform with resignation, for stubborness. Apparently, he is conscious he is responsible for what Natalie went through, because it only happened because she was chosen by his team (?) as an escort, to perform a fake plot by his side without the proper care. They should have noticed her public profile before the PR stunt, not after. If she wasn't promoted as his girlfriend, no one would care for her promiscuity, for no one would even know.

Meanwhile, to disguise all those mistakes and PR team failures - If this circus wasn't, INITIALLY, planned WITHOUT his team supervision - he goes on destroying his own integrity and accusing his fandom of something his team (?), Natalie and himself are responsible for. And the worst is, deep inside, he knows it. At least, he apparently, stopped banging his head on the wall, which only hurt him. But, he apparently, continues repeating the story, expecting, one day, he might believe it and convince people of his Truman show.

[prettybbychim]

why do all my pets fall terribly i’ll while i’m going through a major medical event myself? i lament. am i cursed?

let me count the ways:

1. drove 3 hours for top surgery consultation and spent the night in that city - ripley, my little sunshine baby, had to be put down the day after i returned. she was in a lot of pain prior and i became her full time caretaker. she could hardly do much by herself, declining quickly and nobody knew why, nothing was helping. my mom didn’t believe what i tried to tell her because she was working a lot and was never home to see the worst of it. thought my baby was playing it up for attention (dogs aren’t capable of manipulation like humans. they might play up a hurt paw for snuggles and a treat but they will not collapse climbing stairs or need assistance to get on the couch or be unable to turn around in her kennel because her tummy hurt so bad HMPH) i was so conflicted leaving. but i left her with my mom (i checked in a lot a lot bc i did not have much faith in my mother after refusing to listen to me). either my baby declined while i was gone or my mother finally realized how serious it was, they took her to the emergency vet where they found she had metastatic cancer in over her abdomen. i’m so sorry for all the pain you were in for so long and that i didn’t do more to advocate for you. i’m so sorry. rip little one 🌻

2. immediately post-op top surgery - princess had to leave us too. she was nearing 20 (97 in cat years) and a grandmama to 4 adopted generations of kitties. she had lived a long life and she was tired. rest well, sweet old lady 👑

3. a little ways into the post-op healing period - neko required emergency surgery to remove bladder stones. he’s no longer screaming his head off in the basement for hours (we just thought he was a vocal boy 🥹) and has made his way to the top of the charts of most cuddly cats i’ve ever owned. he’s such a sweetheart now that he’s not in pain and uncomfortable all the time, before i thought he was a stereotypical aloof cat 💔

4. nearing the end of the major healing period, where i’m allowed to lift heavy things again - little yo-yo had worms! thankfully was in the early stages and cleared right up with medication, but i was so so worried. he is the Devil when you try to pill him. sweetest little baby boy, so gentle when he plays w me, always careful of his teeth and claws. skittish little thing running a biscuit business. try to give him a pill tho and none of that matters anymore, he don’t care who you are, if you’re his absolute favorite person (me) - boy will utilize everything in his toolbox to get away. ended up crushing up the pill, wetting some dry food, mixing it up and hand feeding it to him. i guess he got enough in his system though because he hasn’t had any issues since.

5. gallbladder removal - mom had moved out by this point and adopted a new puppy, adding to the two she took with her when she moved out. we took in younger one of those dogs while new puppy was fixed and healing because they play too much together, too hard, and too often for it to be safe

6. and now! i’ve been battling an ear infection, a subsequent yeast infection, and lingering dizziness, nausea, fatigue, and lightheadedness from fluid buildup behind my eardrums. will probably end up with another infection by the time my appointment with the ENT rolls around and will most likely need them drained manually and ear tubes inserted. all that to say, chewie is sick! not sure with what but his body language spells something is wrong, his meow sounds off, and he’s not eating much (boy is a vacuum).

so yes i am never in a good position to provide fully for my babies when they are ill. i can at least get by doing the bare minimum for myself but they rely solely on me for everything.

in hindsight, it seems like all my issues coincide with theirs but really, i had many other sicknesses in between. ear infections, sinus infections, colds, covid, bronchitis. i’m always down with something but it seems more obvious when there are unexpected events at the same time.

[ivy72376]

NEW BEGINNINGS, MAY 1-31, 2023

A discerning ear... According to some bio-medical sources, the sense of hearing is the first of the five senses developed in a human being, starting even while as a fetus in the womb, and the last to go at the point of physical death... And for one primarily visual learner like me and many of us, it is one where the input is quite difficult to remember for a long time too... But I noticed that in the Word, this sense is far more talked about regarding our God than the sense of seeing... For we are taught more often that 'God hears', especially sincere and humble prayers of a contrite and repentant heart (not mouth, meaning our deepest desires, cares and sorrows, even unspoken)... And this seems to be key in how we obey His command to love our fellowman too, as in, when we 'play-by-ear' what other people are feeling, saying between the lines, their situations and conditions, before we even utter a word... Much like the sounds of joy and weeping could not be distinguished in our story today, so too often it is difficult for people to sense from our words whether what we say are spoken out of pride and arrogance in our perceived seniority and superiority when we give advice or admonition, or genuine care and concern... But humble hearts are wise and pour forth wisdom... May we then strive for humility and meekness, that as we gain discernment of people, hearing what they are not saying, or trying to say but they cannot, we can always communicate in ways that build up and encourage, that blesses and inspires, that gives the right answer, that brings life and hope and peace...

#HappyMay312023

Unless the Lord builds the house... of your life, all your professions and proclamations of faith are in vain... Because the one whose life is built upon His firm and sure foundation has no need to doubt and fear about what happens tomorrow, for He is already there; and what we must do today is to do good and give our best in everything--in our labors, in faith and worship, in our relations with others... That manifests that indeed we believe that we have a God who blesses and restores, who both guides and leads in wisdom, and who gives due reward of mercy and peace to those who wait on Him, in whatever way, whenever...

#HappyMay302023

Seeing beyond... Means to have hope that in spite of life's present troubles, a better future still awaits... With the pandemic-turned-endemic, wars and disruptions, life for many has turned uncertain and dim, hopeless even, if statistics and surveys on how many young people around the world see their future be considered... Yet, we can still believe that as long as there is life, our Creator and Savior gives us a chance to do better and achieve greater things; as long as we can still wake up, and tomorrow becomes today, we are still given something to put our efforts to, to dedicate our energies and talents on, on becoming better people, and on making this world a better place...

#HappyMay292023

Because our God is not a God of miscommunication... Two millennia ago, on that fateful Pentecost holiday, the Word recorded one of its rarest miracles; that actually can be expained biologically if we take the time to marry science into faith, because young infants can actually communicate with each other regardless of race and language if put side by side... By speaking in tongues here do not mean the gibberish that some fake uttering in order to impress that they have felt the presence; but actually real, conversational and structured languages and dialects of different tribes and nations around the Jewish one... And much like today, if we claim to abide by the faith named after our Savior, we cannot use language nobody in their logical mind understands; we cannot preach fables and anecdotes, fantasies and conjectures, nor gloom-and-doom hearsay and prophesy but real issues... Because everyday life is terrible and horrific enough for us to create monsters in the minds of others; but loving our fellowman is and should be as real, tangible and true as our love of God... Gibberish mumbling does not manifest a baptism of the Spirit, but rather exhibiting the fruits thereof to one and all--faith brethren or not, favorite kin or annoying neighbor not withstanding... And we wait for the Spirit, we wait on it, not scream and conjure it into existence, until we feel tingling sensations (when accompanied with hoarseness of voice might actually very well lead to colds or flu rather than the 'Holy Spirit's Presence')... And when we appropriate the Jewish holiday of Pentecost, likewise, when the tongues of fire were sent to manifest that salvation is made available to all mankind--regardless of race and gender; then we fulfill its purpose when we open our lives to be poured out along with our Savior's streams of living water; that love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation and eternal life be showered to all...

#HappyMay282023

Life is incremental and insidious... Because we do not find meaning in great breakthroughs and grand revivals, nor in sudden spurts of inspiration and bursts of courage and conviction; but the patience and persistence of living through and conquering our inadequacies and life's uncertainties everyday and each moment... Like what Zechariah reminded ancient Israel, may we not despise small, quiet efforts that build faith and resilience; because the lives we make are built on each little unrecognized task for the glory of our Maker, in the still, small voices of heartfelt and silent prayers, in the quiet help and support extended to those who need and are less capable, not in screams and shouts of vain and selfishly proud, yet empty adoration and fake praise...

#HappyMay272023

The wild card and the tactician... Was how one beloved drama nicknamed two of its fiercely competitive characters... In life too, we may often do our best to plan what we want, to strive to get what we believe is best, to carefully and judiciously curate what we present to society because we want them to believe we have perfect lives; but there is always a wild card... In Daniel's book and in the lives of His friends, it is the presence of God, His deliverance and care against the machinations of the enemy... If we worship and believe in the same God, we too can trust in this wild card; so that we can have the courage to break free from the chains of our pre-programmed and puppeteered existence into the wider, more unfamiliar, scarier and more challenging world outside... For in our weakness, He is our strength; and in our doubts, anxiety and uncertainty, He is our guarantee, our sure hope and confidence, our security and peace...

#HappyMay262023

The good neighbour... Seems to be the one commandment of our Savior most of us love to disobey... But truly, even when most of us consider wealth to be a measure of success, it is loving and being good to your neighbour, and living in peace with them--from your nearest housemate or kin, to those living around your abode--which is self-actualization for those of us who proclaim ourselves to belong to the faith named after our Savior... Instead of being rich and of high status in society, may we instead strive everyday to be good neighbors, and so do the will of the One who called us to eternal life, who told us to, "love our neighbour as we love ourselves"...

#HappyMay252023

March of the monitor... Another one of the things I truly miss living in the province is the regular sounding of the monitor lizard; which a former retired office mate said that every "tuk - ko!", means the pay has already been credited to the bank (lol)... Seriously though, because of urbanization and climate change, these creatures' habitat has steadily been degraded... On the spiritual side though, there is much to learn about the faithfulness of the monitor lizards in keeping time and seasons; unfortunately however, such is not the case when we monitor each other's personal or spiritual, mental and psychological performance and achievements... In the Word today we learn that each of us is accountable directly to God for our actions, whether that be to our lifestyle and preferences, how we treat others and make them feel... For a life full of anxiety and effort to prove our worth is vain; and unless you are a monitor lizard, don't monitor other people's life but your own... You can always pray for your concerns and fears, your doubts and inadequacies; and if you are concerned about others, it wouldn't impoverish you to lend a helping hand; and much

more, it enriches your soul to pray for others too...

#HappyMay242023

Different skreeks... One of the joys of living in the farm, which I miss so much living in the city, is the sound of critters at night... I've gotten so used to it that short of fully understanding what these guys are saying, and without looking at a watch, one would know what time of night it is approximately by the pattern of skreeks: few hours before midnight, they make, "skreek-skreek-skreek!" sounds repeatedly... After midnight, the pattern goes: "skrook-skreek, skrook-skreek, skrook-skreek!"... Those are just my interpretations though, as not being an entomologist, I still do not understand "bug language"... What's amazing though, is that our God and Creator has given us the bugs to coexist with, to remind us that if we keep pace with the earth through our daily endeavours, they too mark time and seasons, milestones and breakthroughs on their own terms and manner of communication... May we always learn to appreciate life and all creation, and do our part to preserve it and be the good stewards we were meant to be...

#HappyMay232023

Expecting rudeness... There are certain places and certain people from whom, because of involuntary observation, prior experience and knowledge, one can only expect rudeness, ignorance, tactlessness and entitlement... Which isn't surprising since the ancients, and even the Word, prophesy many people in these days to be so... But as a lifetime observer of people and seeing many time-honored and worthy values degenerate over time, one understands that there are still a few good people who exhibit acts of nobility, grace and kindness, but since they are treasures, are hard to come by and require much discernment... Thankfully, we have a God who triumphs over history and makes sure that our run in it will be filled with His presence and love, that we may manifest these to others too...

#HappyMay222023

Prayer is never intermittent... Probably because I am never a fan of diet and exercise, the word "intermittent", is not exactly one of my favorites (since I have already and will for a long time, associate it with a diet fad)... Just like being healthy starts with the ingrained habit of accepting your body shape and size, age, the effects of gravity, the accumulation of blessings and good things, diet should be preceded by the word "healthy"; and an everyday, every moment, unconscious habit... So I believe it is with prayer and communication with our God and the people He sends our way too... Because life goes on, and for as long as we breathe, as long as we still have the right and capacity to life, we also still have the obligation and ability to pray--not loudly for show or to influence and impress others, but silently, in still small voices that manifest the presence, the stillness, the peace and confidence of faith in a God who is everywhere, who is always willing to listen and respond in His own amazing ways...

#HappyMay202023

God's not deaf... That's worth repeating countless times to ourselves, until it becomes a default part of our system... As we diligently go through the rest of our lives living simply yet generously, in humility and respect, in freedom and fairness... That we have a God who hears our most silent prayers and wishes, and to whom we do not need to shout or scream for acknowledgment like spoiled brats, nor badger and nag repetitively for impact... When we give Him time to talk by being quiet and at peace, by slowing down and listening, He hears and answers, and gives us discernment to learn and understand about the good things He sends our way... May we keep that to heart, and be encouraged and strengthened for the rest of our journey...

#HappyMay192023

Grandparents' pet... Anyone who grew up close to or raised by grandparents can attest to how loving, soothing, and more understanding they are... Like a neighbour's kid this morning, who was crying and screaming because he doesn't want to go to school, but with a few soothing words from grandma, calmed down and reluctantly went ahead with his mom to prepare himself... Maybe that should be our great lesson in life too, as we are besieged by anxiety and worry, insecurity, OCD, PTSD, ADHD, and various other mental health conditions we deny and falsely attribute to us trying to make life perfect and whole... Because we can never have the perfect life with our own efforts; even how much we struggle to project our best; that can only come from the confidence and peace in knowing we have a God who appreciates us, who can relate to our struggles and tolerate our idiosyncrasies, but who always understands and is willing to give us a hand...

#HappyMay182023

Seen and valued... For many of us, it is a sad fact that we only value and recognize people from whom we believe we can reap benefits; but distance ourselves when those same people are in need themselves, not even bothering to give time to ask about their issues and concerns, their priorities and goals... And hurtful as it may seem, but that is normal human nature: to take advantage of people and situations, sometimes even inconveniencing them in inopportune moments, but discarding them when they have been bled dry... But thankfully we have a God of justice and provision; Who always looks out for the good of His people; who gives strength to the weary, deliverance to the abused, recompense to the disadvantaged, and hope and strength to the depleted... May we learn to value others as He values us; that in all situations we may be a blessing, not a burden; that we may be good influences, not burdensome hitchhikers...

#HappyMay172023

We know no one, not even ourselves... No, not our friends who only tell us what is good about their lives, who may share their struggles and hardships but only from their points of view, nor the influencers and online follows who only show their curated lives on socmed... But thankfully, we have a God and Creator who knows us inside out, who is fully aware of our potentials because He planned it, and who can equip us in every way even when we doubt our capacities... May we learn to tap into that eternal source of hope and strength, as we live the rest of our days manifesting His love and wisdom, His grace, generosity and mercy to all...

#HappyMay162023

You can't make a leaf, but you can be vertically aligned... It seems that the trouble for many of us is we think we can do anything we want if we put our mind to it... Quite the contrary though, for there are far too many things that other people do that we can't, nor can we even have control over our own bodily functions... Sometimes too we think we know everything, but are ignorant of even simple history, of people's personalities, and the workings of the cosmos... And so there is nothing left better for us to do than to humbly accept our shortcomings; and for the rest, to look up and trust that the One who designed and ordered the universe will also consistently put our lives in order... So that we do not subscribe nor compare our milestones and achievements with others; for to each of us is given grace each day, and a chance to do good and great with the lot given to us... That is, when we can't even create a living matter from non-existent ones, when we can't even understand how things and people came to be, what we can do is be vertically aligned to the One who gave us life, and to be horizontally in tuned with others, especially those whom He sent our way...

#HappyMay152023

The maternal instinct... Is what defines true motherhood... To care and nurture, to feed with food and wisdom, to teach and lead well, and to guide in humility and love... And not necessarily having your own physical kids... For there are those who have given birth, yet compete with their children for attention and affirmation, in acting childish, immature and clueless themselves... While there are those who haven't birthed with their bodies but with their hearts, in their wide and deep capacity to understand, to relate, to embrace diversities and quirks, in the love and acceptance they shower upon the difficult, the unlovable, the grumpy, the sarcastic, the bitter and depressed, the know-it-all... For we are all kids by heart, exploring ang journeying through life none the wiser... But for the rest of us who have learned to accept the good and bad while remaining joyful and hopeful, they are the mothers in us; and even with much or bereft of commercialism and trade, deserve to receive a worthy and heartfelt thanks and greeting: Happy Mother's Day...

#HappyMay142023

Non-dissimulated... Lately, as I got older, I have one other favorite Cebuano rendering of a rather deep word, one that I parroted from my late maternal grandparents, "dissimular"--to pretend to do something, but actually having different intentions or ulterior motives... And it seems our story and text today tell us that in order to live the proper life, we have to avoid that; although sadly, a lot of brethren seem to engage in that deplorable habit in a kind of hypocrisy, just to be called religious or holy, but underneath are full of envy and insecurity, fear and anxiety... It is good to heed the words of the apostle; for love indeed, cannot be manifested with fakery; and the false and pretense will always leak out and be discovered... May we be authentic people, in how we love and care for each other, in how we share our God's grace and goodness to one and all...

#HappyMay132023

Anger reveals who we are... This message really hits close to home, especially for the many of us who struggle with our tempers and patience... Because no matter how good we think we may be, how smart and accomplished, how wealthy, how strong in faith and convictions, how high in status, the moments that try our patience and tests our temper bring out the real us... And it is quite easy to feel superior and rant on others when we think they come up short, when we feel they block our way to getting what we want, when we think they commit a social or moral faus pax, than to see that the issue is us--or rather, our lack of understanding, patience, our carefully-masked up insecurity and fear, our photoshopped hypocrisy, that is tethering on the brink of a catastrophic reveal because someone 'got our goat'... May we understand that life is too short to waste energy on getting angry and forcefully demanding to be treated the way we think we deserve, but rather to be patient and appreciative at each little moment we are allowed to breathe, and to enjoy and do good with our short, vapor-like existence in the whole course of history and human interactions...

#HappyMay122023

How the birds and ants see... Is as different as night and day... Like seeing from the 91st story of a tall skyscraper, birds can see a lot, even the whole picture, but may miss the details... Much like people who often generalize things but fail to understand and be empathetic to the needs and issues of others... While those who see like ants can nitpick at the tiniest details, but can't even see what's beyond the corner, unless they have as keen a sense of smell as these our little creature friends... Thankfully we have a God who can see in both manners and beyond; so that even if the world neglects us, fail to see what we are really going through, uncognizant of our situations and the issues we face, He is always attentive to our needs, and desires that every day, in every way, we are at peace, and we enjoy all the love in His presence... May we have the humility to perceive, and the stillness and patience to wait on Him and His leading...

#HappyMay112023

We are only as good as our word... And we show whom and what we worship by how we deal with others through our words... Such is the case of our story today, of stolen amulets and figurines believed to bring good luck; of the sincerity, respect and consideration of our talk; and the manner in which we pray... For we do not serve a God that we can hold physically in hand, nor is He deaf and blind, nor His knowledge of languages limited, nor does He need us to touch amulets and figurines to invoke Him, nor for us to shout to the top of our lungs to call on Him or show the world that we worship Him... For He who created us is everywhere, and He did not manifest Himself to Moses from winds and the storms but through a gentle whisper... Likewise, we can only pray in secret, from the bottoms of our hearts; and we can only perceive Him as we obey His Word to do good to our fellowman regardless of who they may be, or whether they do good to us in return... Our God is Creator, He is in creation; He can never be held nor stolen nor adored and fellowshipped with exclusively, but in wisdom, in love, in peace and order amongst the chaos, in humility and grace amidst life's harassments and tragedies...

#HappyMay102023

Who knows us... A famous leadership expert says that in terms of promotion, it's not whom you know that's key, but who knows you... Funny, considering that in the workplace and in society, a lot more people would suck up to the powers-that-be, even putting others down just so they could rise up... Good thing to know that in the eyes of our Maker and Savior, it is His knowledge of us that ensures our endurance and deliverance... I never fail to get amazed at certain people whose prayers seem to always get good answers, and realize that indeed He is attentive to their cries, no matter when and where, and of whatever kind... Are our lives known by our God? Can He distinguish us inside out? Are our actions to Him and others distinguishable and marked with His presence, love and grace, and not for the likes and impressions we crave from people and faith brethren?... Even if we are incognito and irrelevant, unknown to the rest of the world, may we find confidence and peace, in the daily effort and connection, in the daily grace and privilege that we are known by Him...

#HappyMay092023

Vincit omnia Veritas... Is a famous quote made a motto of one of our local fraternities, as also plastered by them around the city's walls... And indeed, much as many unscrupulous and notorious people throughout history have tried to bury and cover it up, to falsify and smokescreen it, to change the narrative, it always comes out, delivering a hard comeuppance, determining and changing the course of history, discourse, civil, political and spiritual society... And when our Lord and Savior declared Himself to be the Truth, may we realize that a fake faith too does not pay; fake goodness and principles built on lies only lead to a sorry end, and a filtered, curated life is vain, joyless and devoid of peace and contentment... May we uphold the truth, be sincere and authentic, be discerning and profound, as we remain humble and understanding, generous, courteous and kind; for these are the ultimate manifestations of our love for our God, our love of our fellowman, and our love for life and creation...

#HappyMay082023

More than fellowship and human companionship, but His presence... That is what we need for right worship and relationship with our Creator, and that brings us salvation and inner healing... Like true friends who may be apart for decades but remain close at heart, so is our unseen God to those who truly love Him--unperceived by the physical senses, yet firmly convinced that His power and glory, His mercy and love surround and fill us each day... So that no matter the hardships in life, we do not need to manifest our own strength and power, we do not need to feel superior and rule over others, we need not accumulate much wealth and status; because if our faith is true, and our obedience in Him faithful and pure, He fills us with His presence, His strength, His wisdom, His humility and greatness in every situation... Indeed, a life truly reformed and transformed, a life destined for greatness even beyond the grave, starts here now in faith, in patience, in understanding, unassuming and humble, yet kind, courteous, tactful, magnanimous and real...

#HappyMay072023

Thankfulness is a lifestyle... And as such, it manifests God's Spirit in our lives... We can give thanks through words; but we can give thanks through deeds, especially when we pay forward, when we free ourselves from greed and pride, when we strip ourselves of vanity and envy, when we are generous and understanding, when we remain humble, helpful, resourceful and hopeful; knowing that because our God has dealt with us so graciously in the past, He is going to do more so now and in the future; and the thankful heart expresses and lives that attitude even now... Let's always give thanks to our God, and to the people He sends our way...

#HappyMay062023

Fruits borne by grace... We believe we have been saved from the death of our souls through the grace of our Maker and Savior... Pre-Jesus' time, Moses also experienced such when he repented of his murder, and self-exiled from civilization to live the nomadic life... And when such grace comes true in our lives, regardless of what we are and what we believe in, we become less selfish and judgmental, we become more giving and understanding, we stop imposing our own beliefs and convictions on others, we stop thinking we are better just because we attend church regularly, we have more degrees, we are more entitled because we have more connections, we have accumulated more friends and family, status and wealth... Grace bearing fruit in us is like that of Moses: transformed, reformed, stripped bare of the sandals of vanity; for in the Holy place of God's presence in our lives, there should be room only for listening to His will and plan for us, obedience to His leading, and doing greater things not by our intellect and strength, but by His power, and for His glory...

#HappyMay052023

The inner weapon... Is best, and manifests well in humble confidence... That in spite of our daily realities, a better life awaits, greater things lie ahead... And whatever may be our status in life, irrespective of wealth or language, a heartfelt prayer to our God and Maker is the most human and humane thing to do; acknowledging our mortality and dependence, and giving us courage to do good, to face life's challenges, to be a source of hope and inspiration, and to be a force for good to others... May we always be prayerful in any situation...

#HappyMay042023

Keep on walking... My late maternal grandpa reached 94 in relative good health due to a virtually stress-free disposition, exercising in his latter years through daily neighborhood hikes... And I just learned from a drama show that when drunk, taking a hike helps sober people up... One realizes that life indeed is challenging and burdensome; but a hike, a stroll, a regularly-cadenced stride helps to calm our nerves and alleviates anxiety, with the movement of which even modern-day doctors say is one of the most effective ways to prevent and cure inflammation, which they say is the leading cause of diseases... Yes, at whatever age, especially in our advancing years, as long as we keep to the safe paths, and watch out for falls and slips, steady, regular walking helps us achieve a good and healthy life... So it seems in the spiritual too: even with tiredness and disillusionment, diminished capacity and resources, discouragements and setbacks, as long as we keep on the right path on the journey and be careful not to give up, give in, slip up or fall down hard, we can hold on in hope and faith... Tiredness and sore bones are only temporary predicaments, not final judgments; we are tired and sore because we have done something, we have exerted our effort; but what should keep us on and help us endure is because we are doing, we are exerting, we keep on walking...

#HappyMay032023

Tuck Everlasting, and family... Was a fun read and an eye opener too... For many of us want to live and stay young longer; so much so that we do everything we can, and pay as much in procedures and for food and fad diets and exercise to do so... But taking it from a family who was always on the move because they wouldn't want to call too much attention on themselves when they never grew old and their neighbors did, would mean that such desires for immortality is alienating and insular... For our God has ordained that life and time take their course and toll on us, to develop and make us grow in wisdom and acceptance; and true beauty is manifested in us when we gracefully embrace our age, our status, our diminished capacities; because that would mean we are ever closer to Him in dependence, in spiritual and physical presence... Yes, the gray hairs and wrinkles, the wobbly knees and aching backs are bothersome, and friends and loved ones may leave, neglect or abandon us to move on to their next exciting life-phases; but if we can find confidence and hope that our Savior had prayed for us and loves us so much, and He intends in every way to provide and care for us, then the advancing and twilight years are more than welcome... The farther we go and the longer we spend in life means the closer we get to our ultimate victory in His kingdom...

#HappyMay022023

That one candle stand... In the church of the sectarian school I teach, there is a religious icon assemblage of a half-naked Christ, fronted by rows of 12 candlesticks, with 5 directly in front of the icon, 6 in the next row, and 1 alone in the third... I realize that it depicts the disciples after the Lord's death and resurrection; particularly after the treacherous one, Judas, committed suicide, and was replaced by Barnabas the Encourager... And so we learn that in our faith and life journey, we get into our breakthroughs, we persevere and endure not only of what we are, what we have and what we believe in; but because our God sends "Encouragers" - - friends and family whom we do not realize become our real life coaches, and who and with whom we share our faith and reason for hope... May we not let the spirit of fear, pride, discouragement and disillusionment make us lose sight of our life's purpose and goal; may we be sensitive to the needs of others and not just say in words but act to encourage and inspire; while we open ourselves up to the encouragement of those who truly care for us, to guard ourselves well, yet to not forget the lesson from those who seek to belittle, insult, oppress, abuse and take advantage of us... For no matter what we encounter in our journey, we are confident that our Savior who finished His work for our salvation, will also complete His work in us as we live that gift and grace throughout our lives...

#HappyMay012023

[withered--s0uls]

I do hope we find out more about Cyn tbh. I like the trope of children being so traumatized and pushed by their environment that they choose to do things that are at an extreme.

I mean, look at two of my comfort characters being Varian TTS and Dolores White IDV;

Varian begging the ppl he trusts for help only to have lies spread about him, have nobody help him until he feels like he's at the point of no return so he goes to extreme measures to get what he wants (kidnapping and threatening the queen, basically taking over the Kingdom).

Dolores losing her parents, and its implied that the reason shes an amputee also is someone else hurting her, then desperately trying everything in her power to protect her little brother. Including taking his medication on top of her own bc she *knows* that the WSSA staff are testing drugs on them & they don't need the meds. Then her little brother dries in an absolutely brutal way whilst trying to check on her bc the staff were Terrible and irresponsible -- causing her to spiral and attempt to kill the entire asylum and then herself bc she had nothing left to live for and wanted to put an end to the horrors of WSSA. She was stopped after causing multiple casualties and we don't know yet what happened to her after.

[ Edit: lol another example I could think of in retrospect is Strawberry Crepe Cookie from CRK ehehe they actually might be more closer compared to cyn so I'll just add them here.

Crepe was in a cryo-baking-pod, which in my personal interpretation means they were frozen alive until they got out. So this is kinda my interpretation but shhh.

Crepe possibly was left behind when the Vanilla Kingdom fell, being left behind in the cryobaking pot whilst their family and everyone else left/died (it's been ages since I played CRK I barely remember vanilla Kingdom lore I'm sorry). When they woke back up they were angry about that and eventually ran into dark enchantress cookie who basically approved of the mayhem they were causing with their robots. She took them in as a cookie of darkness and but didn't really care about them at all as seen in the in game stories about Crepe. Crepe proceeded to start a full blown war just bc they were angry, bored and the only adult in their life enabled them causing chaos]

Cyn was disposed of, incorrectly at that which is why she even woke back up, was found and taken in by Tessa but got mistreated in her new home. We don't know what her life before the manor was or how she met Tessa, but I imagine it wasn't pretty. Then Tessas parents threatened to dispose of N (possibly V and J too) - at that point she already had the Solver and seemingly started experimenting with it - but it comes to show that she has no reason to trust humans. They threaten to dispose of her and the Drones she considers family simply bc they are slightly annoyed by them and Tessa. Bc they're slight inconveniences to them.

So yeah I feel she has every reason to mayve have made bad decisions by herself as well.

…Is it weird that I kinda want Cyn herself to be at least somewhat actively responsible for causing the planet destruction stuff regardless of the fact that I know she and the Solver are separate entities? Like- yeah, I do like some of the interpretations of Cyn being a kid manipulated by the Solver n stuff but like- honestly I’d really rather have Cyn be the driving force behind this equation, she has a lot of reason to be angry to the point of blowing shit up, and honestly it’s just way more interesting to me than just “the solver wants to destroy stuff bc Evil Eldritch Thing and Cyn’s just a victim with no canon personality bc what we’ve seen was the Solver possessing her”-

.

[majimasleftasscheek]

tigerfish ramblings

I really enjoy thinking about them healing and coping with each other so I hope yall enjoy! this will prolly have some repeats from my last hc post but this is a lil more in depth

they could meet up in prison, Saejima noticing the new guy who’s just entered the regular population, apparently housed in a medical prison due to severe injuries. it was recommended Nishiki stay where he was but he insisted he didn’t want to be pitied for the current state of his body. anything that happens to him now is more than deserved—he’s convinced he should suffer for everything he’s done.

so Saejima sees this sad sack, struggling with something, and decides to help him. Nishiki doesn’t want it but something about the way Saejima insists is different. Saejima’s not here to feel sorry for him. he can tell Nishiki’s an independent sort of guy. Saejima’s just pragmatic: thinks if this guy’s got a mind to keep living despite his trauma then he might as well put in the effort to make living worth the time—get help when you need it; it’s a waste to spend it struggling. so he offers that help and Nishiki’s never really considered that—that he doesn’t have make every living moment hell for the sake of some self imposed punishment. he begrudgingly accepts. he’s still unsure if he should be allowed kindness but this gets them to talking.

they find out the two of them are Tojo fools, Nishiki being wildly impressed Saejima’s the 18 Count guy but the big guy’s not so proud of it. it hits Nishiki coldly, that someone so legendary is here with him now, rotting away in jail, nothing to his name other than murder. he relates that he was a patriarch himself and now he’s nobody, fundamentally dead to everyone who’s left alive to care. they both have a sad little laugh over the things they’ve done only to end up in the same place, perhaps already forgotten.

Saejima’s had all the time in the world to think though, to understand that what he did will always follow him so he looks to the future. what’s there to do than move on and face the hauntings that plague him? however, Nishiki’s still fresh in the realization that everything was for naught. that his life’s work afforded him nothing but irreversible damage and a legacy to be ashamed of. Nishiki wants to move on but can’t. it’s too soon and too real. Saejima’s hopeful, though.

he wants to see his sister, Majima, his boss, he wants to know what’s happened since he was put away. Nishiki doesn’t want to see anyone. doesn’t believe he’s deserving of seeing anyone. Nishiki wants to undo everything and wonders, would Saejima do the same? Saejima doesn’t see the point in asking. what would it change? would it make him feel better? to pretend he didn’t do such terrible things as if wishful thinking could minimize his actions? no, now is just acceptance and punishment. taking responsibility. Nishiki... he has trouble with that. he can’t wrap his mind around moving on—to a degree he doesn’t want to. he wants to stew in loathing and blame. it’s all he’s ever really known of course, being in Kiryu’s shadow. Nishiki regrets decisions while Saejima regrets things he hasn’t yet done. Saejima knows he can’t change the past so there’s no point trying to live in a time that no longer belongs to him. Nishiki wishes he could. that it was that easy.

Nishiki thinks Saejima would have been a great patriarch because he cares. he cares like Kiryu does. he’s kind to people that don’t deserve it like himself. Nishiki thinks it’s great that Saejima has people waiting for him since he can only wish that for himself. Saejima asks about this Kiryu guy and Nishiki’s quiet. doesn’t even know how Kiryu’s doing after the bomb. he hopes he’s okay, alive at least; it’s Kiryu, he has to be. Nishiki laughs, saying he should have been more like Kiryu, more caring and brave and steadfast. maybe things could have turned out different. maybe he could have been better. Saejima tells him that anyone can be better, but they don’t have to be like someone they’re not.

Nishiki’s shocked. his entire life was a comparison to Kiryu and this guy, this legendary guy who’s too good to him, doesn’t compare him to Kiryu. it’s not normal for Nishiki to feel valued. it’s not normal for him to think someone’s not lying to him. but Saejima must mean it right? to see value in someone like him who’s done nothing but self loathe and self punish. maybe he’s just being nice but Saejima’s so blunt and sure of himself that Nishiki can’t help but believe him. he was right about this guy, Saejima cares a lot. too much. Saejima has to get it through Nishiki’s thick skull that he cares just the right amount. 

so maybe Nishiki can feel vulnerable around Saejima. feel like himself again. someone that doesn’t have to put up fronts. someone that doesn’t have to worry about how he looks when he cries about better times when life was easy and simple. when he remembers his sister and how he feels like he failed her. Saejima gets that. he mentions Yasuko and hopes she’s okay. hopes that everything he’s done hasn’t destroyed her life but he knows it’s not the case. how cruel it was for him to leave her without a word, without a plan. Nishiki would say Saejima is someone Yasuko would be proud of, not for his actions but the person he’s become. remorseful and mournful. human. Nishiki forgot how to be that and for the first time in a long time, he’s been able to feel real again. 

but the guilt comes back. Nishiki fails to see how Saejima can think he deserves more than even basic human kindness, how he should have died in the explosion, how he’s a waste of space. Saejima grabs him and tells him to sack the fuck up and realize that living is their penance. to survive is to do better, be better. that’s how they’ll make up for the things they’ve done and if it takes the rest of their lives then that’s how it is. punishment is living through the consequences. judgement is the guilt and burdens they’ll have to bear. he says they deserve to live because they deserve to face their responsibilities. it’s about doing good with the time they have left and that means being more than just worm food. it’s why Saejima’s so compassionate, why he’s so helpful. he’s not going to take more from the world than he can give. he’s already taken so much just to end up with nothing. what a real waste it would be for them to rot away when they could do so much more to atone. 

it’s curious, how Saejima wants to be strong for others than himself. Nishiki wants to try but thinks he can’t. Kiryu was always the stronger one, in every sense. Nishiki is nothing without Kiryu. Saejima sits him down, tells him he doesn’t know who the fuck this Kiryu guy is at all so he doesn’t matter. Nishiki has to stand on his own here and it’s terrifying. he can feel himself being judged but it’s not Saejima doing it, it’s himself. he’s afraid. he’s seen what he can do, what he became. yet he’s equally ashamed of the weakling he was. Saejima commends him for still being here, despite the damage to his body, despite the hurt he caused, despite the fear he has. there’s no weakness in that. 

Nishiki takes a long time to feel comfortable as himself again. he wants to be his own person, to really try to be better. but what can they do really, while in jail? Saejima says it doesn’t have to be some grand gesture. it can be small things. simple things. even if it’s just offering a friendly hand to someone who didn’t think they deserved it at all.

forgiveness isn’t easy, nor should it be, but the act of trying to get it, to be better to deserve it, to wallow in the pains of coping and healing is both punishment and freedom. Saejima laughs, “shit’s gonna be difficult but it wouldn’t be fair to us or anyone else if it weren’t.”