#squadrah headcanons

[squadrah]

Been thinking about this, but which members of La Squadra would be childfree(have almost or completely no interest in having children) and which would like to have a family(if given the chance)? And how big of a family?

Not my forte, but I'll do my best!

Risotto: He strikes me as the type that, given the chance, would have settled down to continue his family's business and had at least one child. I headcanon that he was an only child because being a large baby, the pregnancy and birth was quite difficult and his parents decided not to risk another one. If he faced the same risk with his first child, he would stop at one to spare his partner, but if size was not an issue, he would be content to have several children.

Formaggio: On paper, he is definitely childfree, and had probably bailed on relationships with partners who either started entertaining the idea of having children together, or were too relaxed about contraceptives. He's too independent and carefree to actually want children of his own, and yet if he had to babysit, he would find that he's actually quite good with children, and from there it might not be out of the question with the right partner to have some.

Prosciutto: He is fully capable of being a provider and mentor to children, but having any of his own is not a priority to him in the slightest, and he would not be enticed to make any in order to start a family. Children would have to happen to him in the form of say, becoming acquainted with a worthy child who is up for adoption, or an unexpected pregnancy popping up with a partner that he is firmly committed to. Would definitely draw the line at two.

Pesci: He thinks children are fine and it must be nice to have a family, but he is too self-conscious about passing down his genes and doubts his own ability to take on such a huge responsibility and be a good parent whether his child turns out typical or not, so he tends to play it safe and never really think about it. It would take a very capable and confident partner for him to risk it, and even just one child would be quite nerve wrecking for him to handle.

Ghiaccio: He is in a similar boat to Pesci, but he is much more firmly childfree on account of having his hands full just trying to manage his own temper and energy in a constructive manner. He's also in the camp of "why bring more children onto this bitch of an earth" so he would equally scoff at any of the others expressing interest. I tend to headcanon him as asexual on top of everything else, so the idea of having sex to have children would be quite repulsive to him.

Melone: He is more chill about the idea than the others in the sense that with his disabilities, children are mostly out of the question, but if he managed to have one, he would probably be excited... at least until said child entered their defiant phase, at which point he would start wondering why he ever thought this would be a good idea. He's basically the reverse of Formaggio: on paper children sound good, and then they say no to him once and he's done forever.

Illuso: His opinions are mixed. As a middle child from a numerous family, he knows first hand how messy children can be, and he's not exactly in the right place mentally or emotionally to start a family. On the other hand, he loves drama and would probably get a kick out of observing his own children have blowouts, as long as he didn't have to deal with any of it. Three would be plenty, and he fantasizes about them tearing each other apart over the inheritance.

Sorbet: Absolutely agrees with Ghiaccio about it being cruel to bring more children into life's great shit show, and his frugal nature also rejects the idea on financial grounds. He is probably the most normal about being childfree - you will not find him having arguments either for or against, and if pressed, he will dismiss any attempts with it being a personal preference and his choice. The most he could tolerate is being an uncle, as long as the child liked plants and opera.

Gelato: He, on the other hand, loves children, and not just the idea of them one way or another. To him they are as precious as kittens and puppies are to most people, and he really enjoys their company because kids are very honest and also little freaks with unique ideas and views. If he could, he would have a gaggle about him at all times, but he is also one of the worst enablers ever, so it's probably a good thing that he can't go out and start a family of his own.

[squadrah]

So you had two asks about La Squadra being toddlers, but what about them being old/older men? Maybe in their 40-50's or as senile old people. And my mind ain't exactly wondering there, but what do you think they'd be like as dilfs?

I managed to find an old post where I was asked what they would be like as old man: here it is! You also reminded me that I had once written about them as parents in general, and I could have sworn I published it, but I ended up finding it at last in my drafts, so I'll make sure to queue it after publishing this ask!

That just leaves the question at the end, ehe... I will try to do these from the perspective of a young adult, probably a friend of their child(ren), while they themselves are in their forties and fifties.

Risotto: His sheer size and deep voice are already enough to set the butterflies aflutter, so the way he wears sleeveless shirts and dirty overalls at home is almost too much. He is best observed in the garage where he enjoys quietly working with power tools, and nobody can look at his work table without imagining him sweeping off the clutter to make room for them instead...

Formaggio: He ages so gracefully he looks like he could still be in his thirties, but the way he cracks open a cold one while giving clever responses and showing at least basic knowledge of just about any topic introduced hints at decades of experience in a variety of areas. Whenever he playfully manhandles his spouse in the kitchen, guests cannot help but chug their own cold beverages in vain.

Prosciutto: Never seen without his signature dress shirts and crisp trousers, and when he's around, the temperature always drops enough that all unnecessarily noise and frolic dies down. Most agree they would not want to live with him as their father, the bar is just too high in that respect, but nobody would mind him in a hotel chair with a bourbon in his hand and ordering them to get to work...

Pesci: At first he seems nothing special, especially because he's not much respected by his children, but as soon as he easily lifts something that he ought to struggle with at his size, and tells you how much he think it weighs by touch, the magic begins, and those who have gone on fishing trips with him on the weekend and watched him reel in that big bass are now smitten for life.

Ghiaccio: Whenever you meet him, he's either preparing to go for a run or has just returned from it all sweaty and glistening, and no real decrease of stamina to show for it. Going to the gym with him is a rite of passage; he will explain every machine and challenge you to various feats of endurance. Spotting is obligatory, and many hit the showers afterwards in greater frustration than they began.

Melone: That one anon ask of "your dad looks gnc af" sums him up perfectly, he is so impeccably and unabashedly A Look and An Icon that all his various issues are easily buried in a tidal wave of gender envy and lust. His children are so confident and well-educated when it comes to sex that their friends can only imagine what a wealth of experience could be gained from the fountain head.

Illuso: He always lets his luscious long hair down at home, physically and metaphorically, and exudes such minor soap opera antagonist vibes that his heckling his children and spouse come off as almost entertaining, a good example of how much people forgive to a pretty face and a nice tall figure. He's not above teasing his guests either, and you will either hate him for it or want to kiss him.

Sorbet: He's not conventionally attractive and seems to love his plants more than his children, but he has a certain Addams Family aesthetic about him that carries his dry wit and odd ways perfectly, especially when he's trimming his bonsai or is outside gardening in the shade in special gloves and up to his neck in dirt. You are welcome to indulge his obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: That one extremely friendly dad that claps you on the shoulder and shoves a drink into your hand as soon as (and even before) you hit drinking age, and is always two seconds away from hugging you and kissing you on both cheeks in a fit of camaraderie and general mirth. Watching him grill sausages and cook in a big outdoor cauldron permanently changes your brain chemistry.

[squadrah]

Everyone’s favorite store at the mall? 👀🛍️

Risotto: Large scale sports stores because nobody will bat an eyelid at his size (and only the more courageous clerks will try to assist him) and if he wants anything, he is sure to find something to fit him.

Formaggio: Toy stores for the fun factor like looking at novelty decks, juggling small items to amuse kids, or heckling parents who are too uptight to get dolls for their sons or robots for their daughters.

Prosciutto: Book stores, and he will spend all of his time skimming through whatever has caught his interest. He often gets through dozens of books before purchasing a single one to throw a bone.

Pesci: Newspaper kiosks so he can check whatever comics are available while also excitedly browsing newspapers and magazines for headlines that could be used as conversation starters later.

Ghiaccio: Shoe stores, and he usually sticks to the sports section there to inspect sneakers and trainers, stimming on the materials as he goes. Tends to line up and meticulously rank his best finds.

Melone: Stationery stores because he cannot resist novelty pens and crisp, clean notebooks. Always ends up buying something when he already has more than he will ever use (they make good gifts, so).

Illuso: Large scale clothing stores where there are plenty of mirrors to move about because it gives him space to disappear and he can put on a fashion show inside without having to wait for fitting rooms.

Sorbet: The home improvement store where he can fantasize about how his ideal home would look if he could afford it, and if he has company, he will do snarky reviews of random items for fun.

Gelato: The lottery booth, not just because he enjoys buying tickets but also because he loves to chat it up with folks trying their luck there and have a consolation drink after if they're down for it.

[squadrah]

What would be each of La Squadra's biggest regrets?

Risotto: It's a tie between necessarily cutting ties with his family after he avenged his cousin and not realizing sooner that Sorbet and Gelato were flying too close to the sun with their snooping.

Formaggio: When he thinks about his mother and all her hopes for him turning into someone respectable and admirable, he gets a really sour taste in his mouth despite not minding how his life panned out.

Prosciutto: He sometimes wonders if he could have destroyed or killed his abusers sooner than he did, and regrets that he had complied for so long with the people who made his life hell.

Pesci: His biggest regret always revolves around having disappointed someone, from his family to the various small time gangs he chased after and now his team for life. Always mourning his failures there.

Ghiaccio: He could have received a full education but couldn't complete his studies because he got expelled and then joined the mafia, and he still feels shame over this making him look stupid.

Melone: His state of health preventing him from pursuing all of his different interests. He's neutral on his own issues, but every time they get in the way he feels regret that he's not strong enough.

Illuso: He used to dream of becoming a famous celebrity, with all the glory and riches that entails, and he sometimes regrets not taking bigger and bolder risks that could have landed him that life.

Sorbet: He regrets his entire lineage all the way back to the first poor schmuck to land with the debt that would plague the family for generations, and wishes he had been born elsewhere.

Gelato: Like Melone, he wishes he could have done more. By the devil he had done all he could and his health was no obstacle, but his (never written down) bucket list was too long for his short life.

[squadrah]

one unexpected/out of character thing they did once, then never again.

Risotto: Spent several minutes trying to squeeze himself between heavy furniture because he dropped a pen knife in there and forgot in his frustration that he could have just magnetized it.

Formaggio: Instead of shrugging off Illuso's jabs at him as nonchalantly as possible, he went on an angry philosophical diatribe that lasted almost ten minutes and left everyone confused.

Prosciutto: Opened the fridge, grabbed the milk carton, chugged it, must have swallowed at least four times before he spat out the rest, and then he put the carton back in the fridge.

Pesci: One fine day he had a sudden burst of confidence and subtly challenged Ghiaccio to something minor and dared give him a condescending look when he was winning. (He won.)

Ghiaccio: He actually gritted his teeth in frustration when Pesci gave him that condescending look and ended up losing to him. He only walked up to Pesci and smacked him two hours after the fact.

Melone: Was idly listening while the others were having a pseudo-scientific debate, and when one of them asked for his opinion, he said, "I don't find it very interesting, sorry."

Illuso: One time Formaggio was feeling down, and he walked up to him, gave him a beer from the fridge, patted him on the back and said some genuinely kind words, then disappeared for two days.

Sorbet: Came down one day in mismatched socks, and throughout the day he clearly changed them up several times between apperances, but they were always mismatched.

Gelato: Turned down an invitation to his favorite bar without any explanation given. They later spotted him in the bar nearest to his favorite bar, drinking alone at a corner table.

[squadrah]

got inspired by the awesome dilf post, so please: la squadra as milfs???

I'M SOBBING, here we go I guess!! I'm dialing this one to eleven!!

Risotto: She's giant in every way so everyone else appears quite small next to her. She's usually in the kitchen or her kitchen garden, picking fruit from her trees without needing so much as a stool to reach most of them. Rumor has it she once slapped a wild bear in the face with her chancla to defend her family, and if asked about it, she will modestly look away and murmur, "Anyone else would have done the same." (The bear never came back, by the way.)

Formaggio: You can tell she used to be a hardcore punk: she still sports a buzz cut, with red lipstick and golden hoop earrings to add some bright colors. She's top heavy and proud of it, so she makes sure to show ample cleavage and likes to wear leather jackets. She loves to go out and constantly organizes outings for her friends and family; has never missed an event, and has never left an event without drinking something. A dangerous flirt.

Prosciutto: She's extremely overcommitted, and how she hasn't gone insane yet from micromanaging everything from work to her entire family's smallest concerns is a mystery. Her children are still affected by her leaning in and papping their cheeks, and the impression is even stronger on covetous strangers. Only ever lets her curly hair down for evening parties, at which point she basically transforms into into a femme fatale. Pegs like a battering ram.

Pesci: Always overcome by severe gender dysphoria whenever she compares herself to her more feminine peers, but she makes do with cute and novel ways of styling her scant hair, nice patterned tops and trouser skirts. She's often shy, but sometimes has her bold moments that suggest she could be a real firecracker if properly encouraged. Does a lot of heavy lifting that reveals ridiculous core strength and flexibility. Loves dancing and rhythm games.

Ghiaccio: The only one in yoga class who wishes you were allowed to scream out loud, and the only parent who, if their child takes up a sport, will take up that sport herself both as a form of support and as a means of bonding with her child and people her age. Is a health freak and makes kale smoothies, but since her legs look great in tight pants and her tits are rock hard, she's clearly winning. Has probably never had an orgasm, so there's a good challenge.

Melone: How is she still alive, and why does she still look like a barely aged scene girl? Nobody knows, not even her, but she's happy to lounge on her designated bean bag chair in cute pajamas and her laptop always on. Be careful around her: her brain is oversaturated with niche Wikipedia articles and she'll tell you all about them as soon as you're near enough to hear, and you might in ten minutes find yourself painting her toenails while she's reading your horoscope.

Illuso: Oh, she is the ultimate Karen. Luscious hair styles, immaculate manicures, the latest mom fashions, and a holier-than-thou smirk that instantly makes the manager homicidal. Knows her coupons and discounts more than the Bible but she's dressed to the nines every Sunday flashing that mass stipend to let everyone know she's more generous of heart than they could ever be, then whines at the barista about her order. Teases her children mercilessly.

Sorbet: That one esoteric plant witch who loves her orchids more than her own children, and would become a certified hermit if she could. Since she's stuck with her family, however, she stalks around her home like she's embodying Morticia Addams, and talks to everyone in a dry and ominous tone. Watches too many murder mysteries and cooks mushroom stew right after. You are welcome to indulge her obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: The whimsical happy-go lucky mom that every fanciful child dreams of, the type who builds blanket forts in the living room, thinks that everyone deserves a little treat always, and actively assists whenever anyone around her wants to try something new and possibly dangerous. Has nearly burned down her house a dozen times but she keeps toasting marshmallows in bed with a blowtorch. Hope you have insurance if you decide to engage.

[squadrah]

So I don't know if you've already answered something like this but this is something that keeps slipping my mind. La Squadra are described as men who "aren't trusted by anyone" due to theor professions. But...I can see Formaggio, Prosciutto, MAYBE Gelato being among the few ones who have a proper social life (outside La Squadra). How would that work though? Do they hang out with normies/civvies but aren't totally close with them? Do they lie about their jobs to them or don't answer if they're never asked?

Hmm, I'm actually not sure if I have ever tackled this! They are definitely not trusted by anyone at Passione (and seeing as how they are basically the garbage disposal to the "garbage" in and of the mafia, that is understandable), and they probably have no daytime jobs because then their movements would be extremely limited - imagine excusing yourself from the office and hours later a murder occurs, etc. In this manner they are also isolated from work, and it would make sense for them to have left their families behind long ago, if they had any to begin with.

But I like the idea of a semblance of a social life, so I'll go with the three characters mentioned!

Formaggio: He seems young and hot-blooded enough that he would never be out of place at a club or bar, but I think his primary source of social life would come from the streets. I can see a stray cat of his caliber having a wide territory, and being an outgoing person in every sense, he would end up casually chatting with fellow loiterers, street food vendors, kids and adolescents - whoever is around. Think Mista asking the two girls if they wanted to play; that is exactly how I imagine Formaggio going about it. It's not a deep thing, of course, because most of these acquaintances were made slightly, so it's always the most superficial chitchat you can imagine, but even just exchanging a "yo!" or "how's it hanging?" with his own ilk would be enough for Formaggio to feel like the talk of the town.

Gelato: He likes to go to town as much as the next guy, but unlike Formaggio, he doesn't roam about because he has a handful of favorite haunts where he can sit down and crack open a cold one at the bar, and chat up whoever is sitting next to him. Nobody really gets familiar in the seedy places he enjoys the most, so he can usually get away with "If I told you what I did, I would have to kill you!" followed by a hearty laugh and a call for more drinks, and nobody will think anything of it - and since he has approximate knowledge of many things, he will always find some topic he can discuss, or coax some interesting subject or drama out of a down-on-their-luck patron and chew it over with them over a packet of cigarettes. At any rate, Sorbet and the gang are more than enough for him to never feel lonely.

Prosciutto: I left him for last because his case is the trickiest for me personally. On the one hand, he strikes me as someone who isn't a great deal in need of society because he has at least one person if not eight people to micromanage, but on the other hand, that would be the perfect reason to get away from time to time, right? He, like the rest, would probably spend a good time at the gay bar down the street and drink or play cards, but I could also see a more unconventional avenue for him if he used The Grateful Dead to age himself. Imagine him doing that and joining an elderly book club where he can talk about stuff he's read and all he has to do is lie about his life and maybe have Ghiaccio pick him up sometimes parading as his grandson. The gossip there is amazing, by the way.

[squadrah]

do any of the members(la squadra) struggle with body/weight issues or self esteem problems?! *also i totally understand if you didn’t answer this ask bc it’s a sensitive topic:3

Thank you for your patience, Anon! I don't mind answering this at all, but good call, so everyone who's sensitive to body issues and self-esteem problems, here's your warning to skip this one!

Risotto: While he understands that his enormous body has certain advantages (strength, intimidation, etc.) he has always been conscious of how strangers are afraid of him as a giant by default, and it made his childhood tougher than it needed to be. Beyond this, he doesn't have any real self-esteem issues because his position, experience and abilities give him enough confidence to deal.

Formaggio: He sometimes wishes he was either leaner or beefier (he's the type who has a smooth tummy and you have to feel for the muscles underneath), but as he won't give himself the trouble to lead a healthier lifestyle, he always shrugs it off with time. Has a bit of an inferiority complex that he's both reconciled to and occasionally meditating on, but not with any tangible success.

Prosciutto: He is perfectly indifferent to his current weight, but he does feel self-conscious about his impaired sense of taste and smell, and he has had to struggle through a lot of dysphoria before he reached peak gender. His self-esteem is in fairly good order, with only some regrets that he can now do nothing about, so he does his best to focus on his present goals and improvement.

Pesci: His webbed neck, short stature and body shape have been a constant source of discomfort and shame to him in his earlier life, where "normal" people were constantly staring or bullying him about it. Only when he joined the team did he start to grow more comfortable with his features, but his nervousness, shyness and lack of self-confidence continue to pose obstacles to his development.

Ghiaccio: He hates being short, and though he's proud of his body in terms of performance and muscle mass, he would gladly start training all over again from scratch in exchange for just two inches of added height. While he can train in next to nothing without a care, revealing clothing in any other circumstance just gives him crippling shame and anxiety to be seen. Professional pride keeps him afloat.

Melone: His poor health is a constant source of regret to him whenever his ambitions outstrip his ability to pursue them, and he's one of the few who would be glad of gaining weight because it would be a sign of becoming healthier and stronger than he is now. His self-esteem thankfully depends more on his intellect and his curiosity than on his circumstances, so he's doing well enough.

Illuso: The only one who has thought seriously about body issues and came up with absolutely nothing to wish for: he considers himself just the right height (tall), figure (lean but imposing) and beauty (his hair is the envy of them all). His self-esteem is rather poor in comparison from his personal history and brand of personality, and he's too defensive about it to stand a good chance of amendment.

Sorbet: A bit resentful of his widow's peak, and only the idea that it gives him an expressive Bride of Frankenstein-esque profile keeps him from despair on the subject. Wishes he was more androgynous in general, perhaps a little taller, too, but has resigned himself to an uncooperative body. His self-esteem is lacking, but he has a hardened air that helps to conceal that.

Gelato: Has never seriously considered his body and if he might wish anything otherwise, which has led to him being perfectly happy with how he is; whatever he lacks he more than makes up for with his activity, his energy, and his general shenanigans. Consequently his self-esteem is in very good order: nothing can embarrass him, so what can he possibly have to worry about?

[squadrah]

How much of each other's childhoods/backgrounds do the la squadra members know? Do they know about Risotto cousin? Pesci dad? I'm sure the majority are very private

Going by what little we have in canon, and in canon we get one (1) member explained, I feel like Risotto would not have voluntarily talked about his childhood or background - not so much keeping it secret as ignoring the facts for the sake of his team and leadership. At the same time, I could see some facts surfacing if they others decided to do a little digging, especially around how and why Risotto ended up in Passione, which makes his order to forget about Sorbet and Gelato hypocritical and personally painful at the same time if they know that he would want to avenge them more than anyone.

As for the others:

Melone feels like the type who just unabashedly talks about it, all you have to do is ask or for something to feel relevant enough to warrant a remark, and it's mostly a very neutral disclosure;

Gelato is also honest about his history, but he takes far more pride in all the tomfoolery and jackassery he's done, and the more he drinks, the more of it will come out;

I could see Formaggio offering colorful little stories here and there, in that some details are exaggerated or made up for a playful fare as well as to mask some unpleasant truths;

Pesci kind of wants to talk about his past, but at the same time is convinced that his past is boring and nobody really wants to hear it, and feels he doesn't have the talent required to make it sound interesting, so he would have to really be made comfortable and coaxed patiently for a long time to talk;

Meanwhile Ghiaccio would prefer to never talk about his childhood or background ever, except when he gets carried away and goes on tangents, you can see that there are some past grievances coming to the surface, resulting in a bunch of angry fragments;

Sorbet has a somewhat sordid relationship with his past, there are things he regrets and things that he feels are embarrassing, so he mostly keeps quiet, but like with Gelato, alcohol helps loosen his tongue and so a vague history becomes obtainable;

and Illuso and Prosciutto are probably the most secretive about their backgrounds, Illuso in a "nobody must ever know me" way and Prosciutto in a "none of your business" way, though Illuso sometimes gives away very small details that are a matter of pride to him, and Prosciutto just never talks if he can help it, period.

Bonus: I love the idea of Formaggio and Risotto as childhood friends, and if they were, they would know each other's histories, with Formaggio weaponizing Risotto's for fun anecdotes and Risotto sometimes talking about Formaggio's past as a means of helping others understand him better.

[squadrah]

la squadra + vulnerable moments? How do they deal with these, do they even embrace these moments?

Risotto: Given the position he's in as leader of an isolated and maligned group, he is doing his best to ignore his vulnerabilities, which sometimes means that he is genuinely caught unawares. The instinct to quash his emotions before they get out of hand is strong, so he usually retreats as soon as possible; it would take immense trust on his part to admit to these moments to anyone, let alone elaborate (and even then he would be very curt about it.)

Formaggio: He toes the fine line between cheerfully shrugging off vulnerable moments and indulging them in a self-deprecating and somewhat dramatic manner. The type who, if he was hurt at just the right moment by just the right type of asshole, might rattle off and make it uncomfortable for everyone involved, as a means of warding others off of trying again. Only in his most elevated moments would he, without any effort, be able to sound sincere about any of it.

Prosciutto: He learned very early that being vulnerable in any capacity is dangerous, so he has thoroughly suppressed any signs of weakness in himself. He also learned how to walk others through their vulnerabilities, but when it comes to his own, he doesn't know how to deal with any of it. He will start to harden as soon as anything comes up and get violent if not left alone so he can figure out what activities to do until the feeling passes and he's calm again.

Pesci: It's the other way around: vulnerable moments deal with him. When they come, that sense of being small or weak feels so natural and reasonable to his self-conscious mind that he just bows to the idea and gives in to the anxious urge to babble about it. It is also his gateway to getting attention and encouragement from others (Prosciutto), so he is honestly a little addicted to laying his vulnerabilities bare as they arise and receiving sweet validation.

Ghiaccio: He grew up feeling that being vulnerable was possibly the most humiliating thing you could experience, which actually exacerbated the problem because now the shame of feeling vulnerable is added on top, which makes him prone to loud and even violent outbursts. His best means of dealing with it is pummeling his punching bag and screaming the whole way, but when that's not possible, the meltdowns can get very ugly very fast.

Melone: The best way to sum it up is "observation without judgment" because one of his coping mechanisms is to adopt the scientific approach and basically study himself, analyzing the minutiae like he's writing a paper on how something someone said has created a burning sensation behind his eyes and the exact percentages of the different emotions he can feel rising. He often talks himself through these stages, whether he is alone or around someone safe.

Illuso: His vulnerabilities are like an elephant in the room, everyone including him can tell that they are on display, but his desire to ignore this and appear in control compels him to be dismissive to the point of lying in everyone's faces and forcing a facade of smugness. If pressed, he will go on the offensive similarly to Formaggio, but with the aim of shifting the focus to someone else's problems instead so he can fade into the background and cry it out in the mirror.

Sorbet: He is caught in the crossfire between resenting his vulnerable side and wanting to have a heart of stone, and finding a sort of raw power in being able to honestly confess to them. This leads him to utilizing girl power by staying in bed all day nursing liquor with a boa around his neck and blasting opera for hours on end until his insides congeal into something more bearable, at which point he will rise again and pretend that it's all fine, actually.

Gelato: Now here is a man who is mostly normal about his vulnerabilities, if only because he is in a position where he doesn't have to worry about being taken advantage of: he's just an ordinary human after all, and if his feelings are loud tonight, then that is all the more reason to share them, have a little drink and a laugh and maybe a brawl, and see if stargazing on the roof with a shiner and a torn sleeve brings a change of perspective (it usually does).

[squadrah]

random meloghia headcanon?

Melone would try to involve himself with Ghiaccio's workouts by interesting him in a sports drink survey to see if he's getting optimal nutrients, and it would end in them buying several different kinds and Melone running tests on Baby Face laptop to see which sports drink has the best composition, and then Ghiaccio donates a blood sample to see how the sports drink nutrients will interact with him and enhance his performance the most. Despite the almost purely scientific nature of the exchange, there is something intimate about it that nobody is ready to discuss.

Ghiaccio now buys only the winning sports drink.

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"Headcanons for epidemics at the La Squadra home base? Maybe it's the flu season, or maybe it is mass food poisoning, - assassins are getting sick left and right. thoughts, vibes, scenarios?"

I will go with general sickness!

My very first thought was that Prosciutto recovers the quickest - not because he's healthy or his immune system is strong, but because he has no qualms about blasting himself repeatedly with The Grateful Dead until the virus/bacteria/etc. is purged from his system. He also uses The Grateful Dead to fumigate his apartment and any other place he passes through, so he is an extremely effective killer of air-borne diseases. The only problem is, no member of La Squadra is willing to let him use The Grateful Dead on them directly except for Gelato from time to time, which means they must suffer through their illnesses as best they can and Prosciutto is stuck going to the pharmacy and procuring food for them while they do that.

(Just imagine Prosciutto in a white suit with a red shirt underneath going about the base checking in on everyone and doing what he has to and that's basically my vision of La Squadra when ill, lmaooo.)

Risotto is usually very stout, but when he gets sick he's prone to lamenting his existence and his choices. Whether he's sick or not, though, he always feels like a furnace so sicker members will definitely congregate to him for warmth. Very grateful for any attention.

Pesci, like Risotto, is very resilient and often helps Prosciutto run errands for the sick and offers positivity at this trying time. When he gets sick, it really is just that bad. Whenever illness gets to him, he caves into the weakness and dissolves into a whining mess, but nobody can stay angry or annoyed with him for long, so it's fine.

Formaggio is the type that gets sick, tries to take care of himself, fails repeatedly, and finally they're like "JUST GO BACK TO BED, ASSHOLE!" and nurse him properly. Very cuddly when ill, and makes terrible jokes about it, so some patience is required.

Illuso gets one whiff of illness going about and he immediately retreats to the mirror world, locking out all germs. He has a pair of unused rubber gloves on his person at all times for such emergencies, and will reach out of the mirror wearing those if he needs anything. Will not help anyone, he's too worried about contracting their diseases despite technically having the means of purging himself with his ability. Old habits of wanting to get away from the nastiness of other people's sickness die hard.

Melone is already sickly, so if he gets sicker it's pretty much an emergency. Thankfully the others keep tabs on him and Baby Face laptop searching for pills around the living area is a good indicator that Melone needs help ASAP. A very patient sufferer, however, so despite his conditions, he is one of the easiest to look after.

Ghiaccio on the other hand is the angry sufferer. He hates life a lot but BOY does he fucking hate life if he's sick on top of it. Grumbles endlessly until he's hoarse. No comfort to anyone whatsoever. He's sometimes cared for in isolation because he makes the rest even more miserable.

Sorbet is only a notch below Ghiaccio because he also hates suffering and the unpleasant physical biproducts of illness, particularly clamminess and migraines. You would normally think of him as placid and nonchalant, but the moment he's down, he sours like vinegar and has a low but acrid rant locked and loaded for anyone who talks to him unnecessarily while he's languishing.

Meanwhile, Gelato absolutely refuses to be ill. Like Formaggio, he will take to self-medicating, but unlike Formaggio, he is more successful because 1) he is willing to ask Prosciutto to blast the culprits out of his system, and 2) before he ever asks Prosciutto, he will crawl to his cabinet, get the navy rum out, and swallow enough in one go to knock himself unconscious. Whenever he wakes up, he's usually almost back to normal. Everyone hates this.

[squadrah]

Hello, if you don't mind me asking for your thoughts on all members of La Squadra being bridal carried by their lil (secretly buffy but not really) SO. Sorry my english might be mixed up and I really like your ways of characterized the team <3

Never apologize for your English! I'm not a native speaker and even if I were, I would never judge. Thank you for the kind words, too! SO stuff isn't my strong suit but I'll give it a shot!

Risotto: I think the best time was actually the first time, when he was exceedingly shocked and incredulous, and then just said, "Ah, I see. You are strong," and allowed himself to be carried until the SO got weak in the knees. He would allow the bridal carry as long as the SO was in perfect health and if he wanted to make a point of demonstrating their strength to someone.

Formaggio: He would find it pretty funny and allow it as long as he was in a good mood, but he would want to return the favor, so when the SO put him down, they could expect to be picked up. A shrunken-to-practical-size Formaggio would definitely be carried about like that whenever he got drunk off his ass, and he would appreciate the lift even more in that state, so everybody wins here.

Prosciutto: He would be extremely angry if he was picked up without his consent, so it's best to preserve the moment for times when he is out of commission or deep asleep and has to be moved. He doesn't care to bridal carry anyone and won't be wooed by such a gesture even in a good mood - he is a bit of a killjoy that way. He won't say a word though if he is genuinely in need of being carried.

Pesci: This one is more of a hopeless romantic, mostly on account of believing that genuinely romantic moments are out of his reach due to his appearance and his anxious fumbling, so if he were to be picked up, he would first be surprised and then very flustered about it. His heart would swell with ardor to be strong too so he could be there for the SO who could lift him and carry him so tenderly.

Ghiaccio: Another one who would detest being carried, as he resents being held in a way that doesn't allow him to easily move away. He would have to be coaxed into it as either a trust exercise or actual physical exercise, so there would be equal amounts of bridal carry on both ends, and he would still insist that over the shoulder is a way better method of transporting a body, so... there you go.

Melone: His surprise would be much more animated and positive than the others' - he would find such a display of strength interesting and intriguing, and he would happily let the SO carry him until they gave out and had to put him down. He would thoughtfully count the steps taken and chat to the SO about how reassuring it is to have someone so capable around, which is pretty rewarding.

Illuso: He likes the concept of the bridal carry, but he is too much of a drama queen to allow it under ordinary circumstances; it would have to be done at the right moment and with the right amount of flair, and the flex would feel quite different from what Risotto might aim for. Also he is somewhat stingy and would have to be begged to return the favor. His smugness about it is somewhat endearing.

Sorbet: He is lukewarm on the concept because he's not a traditional romantic, but he would find it an acceptable way of being carried into bed, and would probably opt for the bridal carry as his position of choice if he also felt the drama rumble in his blood, or if he was incapacitated and had to be carried. Allow him to hang limp and lifeless from the SO's arms for the best effect.

Gelato: He doesn't seem to think the bridal carry very special, though he understands that it is something couples might do, and therefore would consider it as proof of love if he were carried. He's a very good sport about it, but he wouldn't make it easy: he knows how to squeeze back and wiggle if he wants to be an ass for fun, so let's hope the SO is both buff enough and not very ticklish.

[squadrah]

i have a brainworm and would like to share with the class & get some input and such ,,

ghiaccio but he’s actually calm/happy/acts like a regular fucking person around people he trusts deeply. Like. Would unironically die for them. this is a hard status to obtain, and i’m wondering who on the team you think would acquire the Trust™️ of the blue creature?

not a question, just an add on thought,,, personally, i think ghiaccio likes the idea of being affectionate with those he trusts, but he’s just been dealt a bad hand too many times for there to really be many people he trusts around him ,,, does this make sense maybe i’m just rambling about the weird blue guy now lol

Thank you for sharing with the class, Anon! :D

I always like the idea of characters in relatively bad situations having some conditions under which they can feel normal or comfortable, and this tickled me because I love Ghiaccio both as a screaming gremlin and as someone who deserves to be less of it, hehe.

Right off the bat, my thought was that a person who might be granted the Trust™️ of the blue creature should be at least two things: 1) someone Ghiaccio can respect in some way, and 2) straightforward. I mean respect as in they either have some qualities that Ghiaccio admires or they have earned his respect, and straightforward as in somebody who will square with him and communicate what they mean and want so that there's no confusion. I headcanon Ghiaccio as autistic and feel he would appreciate someone who doesn't send mixed signals. Here the best contenders are Prosciutto, Melone, and probably Risotto, though his position as leader might hinder the development.

But I would like to allow for some leeway as well, so another type of person who could earn the Trust™️ is someone who is very clearly actively striving for it. I would put Formaggio and maybe Pesci here because they would have to make more effort to truly earn respect, but they also have more amicable vibes, which would make affection easier. My vision of Gelato and Sorbet are also contenders here, though affection would be far easier with Gelato than with Sorbet, and the latter's vibes are not exactly light.

This leaves Illuso as the one who might have the hardest time getting close (simply because he's such a mean girl of a man), though it would not be impossible for him from the right angle - someone shoot me an ideal relationship dynamics ask on Illuso/Ghiaccio and I'll tell you more, ehe.

Now onto the affection part of it, because you did not mention forms of affection beyond being calm/happy/normal, so I wanted to add to all this that I feel like Ghiaccio's means of affection would be mirroring. If he trusts and feels comfortable around someone, he might show it by mirroring them somewhat. Melone gives me the impression of someone whose tone outside of missions is always calm and languid, and I can see Ghiaccio relaxing into adopting a calm and quiet tone when they talk. Prosciutto is very physical, especially with his hands, so I could see Ghiaccio touching him on his arms or back as he started getting comfortable. With Formaggio or Gelato, he would start laughing when they laughed and go with their flow, at least until he gets overstimulated. And I could also see getting close in the physical sense of him just, scooting close to those he trusts. You know you're on his shit list when you need to give him a wide berth, and you know you've got something special going on if he is very obviously closing the distance, even if he's not always aware that he's right in your face. He probably has his cooldown periods where he disengages, but he will come back and start hovering all over again and it's quite magical.

[squadrah]

Ooh, how easy is it to make each member cry, and what’s something they would cry about?

I'm honing in on the "make" as in, someone deliberately going for it, and because I remembered it, here's a post I made earlier on about crying headcanons!

Risotto: Make attempts at your own risk, because as soon as he realizes that you are trying to gouge into him, he's going to start rebuffing you just long enough to determine if he should silence you for good or not. I think the most effective push would be to tell him that the lives (deaths) he sacrificed so much for were worthless and/or his efforts meaningless, because few ideas are worse than the futility of his struggling against misery and injustice.

Formaggio: His inferiority complex is not as bad as it used to be, and he masks it pretty well regardless, but he would not be able to long resist the sting of the idea that the people he spends most of his time with and depends on for camaraderie secretly think he's worthless one way or another. At the same time, you'd have to be familiar with him to stab that deep: he has very little regard for what a hostile stranger might have to say, so this might not work.

Prosciutto: The only thing he would readily cry about is a great personal loss to himself, such as all the terrible child abuse he had suffered, or Sorbet and Gelato's death. Because of how heavily confidential or taboo these topics are, it would be very risky to make a push, because not only can he dry his own tear ducts with The Grateful Dead, but he would have no qualms doing even worse than that to anyone who was obviously prying.

Pesci: Now this is something I'd call easy, partly because he's not so hardened as the rest, and partly because he is insecure and scared enough to produce at least panicked tears. Anything from his not doing a good enough job to live up to Prosciutto's (or the team's) expectations to his only dragging the team down by being useless baggage or having no prospects of ever being better than that is bound to hurt him enough to cry about it.

Ghiaccio: This one is an angry crier, so if you can safely push his buttons in that direction, sooner or later his tears are going to show. He has self-esteem and pride issues, and where these cannot be resolved (such as the team being undervalued in every way despite being some of the best professionals in the mafia, or some personal failing of his that had lasting consequences), the rage this helplessness produces will often make him burst.

Melone: He is highly circumstantial, because as far as the others are concerned, he rarely cries and they are almost always caught off guard by it, meaning they have no idea what it is that actually makes him cry, and it seems that neither does Melone. The culprit is probably some well-buried memories that harken back to dark and vulnerable times in his childhood, but the trigger tends to be something specific and trivial, so it's hard to pin down.

Illuso: Almost as easy as Pesci, but because he's usually less honest about his feelings and thoughts, he can take a little longer to crack. He has plenty of issues, and preying on his insecurities is the most efficient way of producing tears, but because he's quick to catch on to attempts at provoking him, he will open fire too and hold back nothing. If you are anything like him and have tender spots, you might end up making each other cry mutually and bitterly.

Sorbet: Since money problems have plagued him from many generations back, and there are few things he hates more than waste, all you need to do is catch him in a moment when he's in a tight spot and bring up some billionaire who is throwing money into all the wrong places and making all the little people involved miserable. He is almost certain to tear up in anger and resentment, but unlike Ghiaccio, crying might relieve him.

Gelato: This one is more of a happy crier, someone who needs to be touched on a molecular level in order to be overwhelmed by the existential wonders of the universe. By the same token, he would also have to be intoxicated on a molecular lever to truly be moved to tears by the misfortunes of others. Get him drunk and start philosophizing about something profoundly true and beautiful, and his grinning face will be glistening with tears in no time.

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"What do you think La Squadra are like as parents?"

Risotto: On the one hand, he's a gentle giant and family is extremely important to him, so he would handle his children with great care and protect them at all costs. On the other hand, he is very reserved, to the point where he comes across as emotionally inaccessible.

Formaggio: Very physical and affectionate in his own playful, rough-and-tumble way. He's not above teaching his children funny swear words and phrases or how to fart with their arm pits, and can be too lax about things like messy rooms and bad grades.

Prosciutto: Pushes his children to be efficient, places too much emphasis on doing things properly, and can be very intimidating. Thankfully, he's also extremely supportive and motivational, and not unreasonable. Involves his children in hunting bullies for sport.

Pesci: There's a lot of trial and error as he keeps tone switching in the hopes of hitting the right one and sends mixed signals too often. In return, he is his children's biggest fan, and does his best to involve himself in their interests, even when he feels out of his element.

Ghiaccio: Often impatient and loud, can't read his children's tones well and sometimes misinterprets, and gets too worked up about the smallest things. However, he knows how to apologize, takes great pride in what his children do, and teaches them self-defense.

Melone: He can't involve himself too much with his children due to illness so he tends to hover on the phone, and his advice can be hit or miss, but he encourages self-expression, is lax about curfews, and his children can safely approach him with any kind of question.

Illuso: Torn between wanting to give his children the space and privacy he never had and being a nosy snoop who can't resist a locked diary, even if he'll go mad being unable to talk about it. Very understanding about quirks and personal possessions in general.

Sorbet: Somewhat distant, more out of respect for personal space and privacy than anything, and cannot feign interest and enthusiasm to save his life. Balances this by working hard so that his children have the means to do what they want, even if he doesn't get it.

Gelato: Entirely too doting and lenient, thinks bratty or naughty children are hilarious, and doesn't give a damn about privacy or personal space. Still, he can switch gears in the blink of an eye and swoop in to save, protect, lecture, or have a serious talk as needed.