#his family doesnt accept him for it
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i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing
and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him
he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)
meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh
just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap
soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”
imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”
#he a little confused but he got the spirit#its so good bc it can be super angsty of ghost really dreading whats been done to his sergeant and trying to make it right#or just go full crack treated seriously and have fun with it#i love just completely oblivious ghost#in any military context hes the smartest guy in the room#he always knows the play and has more experience than anyone#but stick him in the normal world? man is Lost#ghost just thinks hes had some kind of reconstruction surgery after being tortured and accepts thats what johnny looks like#bc hes never seen a pussy before#it takes years for soap to actually come out to him bc he just never thought to#hes seen him naked theyve literally slept together what else is there for him to say#then he shows him like a family album or something and ghosts just like ‘why arent you in any of these i only see girls’#and he just goes ‘hang on a second’#soap gets one of his sporadic periods one night and panics a little thinking it would weird ghost out or remind him that hes not cis#but ghost just thinks its a normal part of such a thorough reconstruction that hed bleed sometimes#and doesnt question it when soap grabs a pad out of his drawer bc ‘thats such a good way of handling the discharge my johnnys so smart’#just really supportive ghost for the wrong reasons#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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coming back home.
@barrenclan
#patfw#patfw fanart#patfw spoilers#rainhaze#THE NEW ISSUE. IT SURE WAS AN ISSUE HUH. I AM NORMAL. SO NORMAL IN FACT#THAT I REDREW A PANEL OF THE COMIC IN MS PAINT#i need someone to put this horrid beast down already. he needs to DIE i am not joking. euthanise him. please.#he is soooo fascinating.#i CANT get over his expression in this panel. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM#hes smiling .is it a genuine smile? is he smiling bc he knows how this is going to go and all he can do is laugh now?#why. why why why the smile. at first he looks shocked or surprised or terrified but THEN it turns into this playful soft grin. as if full o#nostalgia. or maybe grief. or maybe joy. he looks like he knows something we dont.#did he accept that his family is going to get wiped out (HIS FAULT HE KILLED HER HE RIPPED HER THROAT OUT) and is just happy he got to see#them one last time?#this is so weird. before killing asphodel he was so terrified of meeting them. of facing his past and acknowledging what he became.#is him smiling a symbol of him giving up? becoming part of defiance? hes not running away anymore. he doesnt have to.#jesus.#my art#wanted to make him look as fucked up as i could. i hope he looks like a corpse or perhaps a starved dog to you
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i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester
#currently thinking about season four and five. absolutely fuckibg mental#the world literally reshapes itself around him to prove him wrong#its all framed as God. Sam was so stupid and selfish and reckless for drinking demon blood. He just liked the power of it and he chose a#DEMON over DEAN.#but. that’s not the story they tell in s4.#like even aside from every single other complexity. Sam is literally right. he has ZERO WAY of knowing that killing lilith is the final seal#AND DEAN DOESNT KNOW TJAT EITHER. like sam is literally right he can kill lilith and he does kill lilith. dean wants lilith dead just as#much. sam’s cardinal sin is disobeying dean and then the world flips around on him and plot twist sam and dean were both wrong all along and#killing lilith is what will bring back lucifer :)#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD#dean you wanted to kill lilith too?????????#but. doesn’t matter dean despite being mostly motivated by jealous anger is retroactively proven to be Right#and sam is retroactively proven to be Wrong. he is bad#i just. jesus. sam’s not evil ever. he’s hardly even that fucking morally grey#and he still thinks there’s something wrong with him that he’s a freak that he’s inherently evil and needs to be purified#why?? cause of something fucked up that happened to him when he was a baby#and because he’s disobeyed his father and his brother and been angry at awful things that have happened to him#makes me feel fucking insane actually#no wonder narrative frames sam as evil no wonder he’s inherently marked as Bad by the forces in supernatural like even on a meta level#in supernatural gods just another shitty father. embodiment of the familial patriarch. and from sam’s very first moment on the show he’s in#opposition to that he’s ran away from john and he argues with dean. therefore he is evil#i don’t think my words r really making sense right now but. fucking hell#and sam is so swamped in guilt all of season five and he just fucking accepts that everything bad is his fault#and he gets tortured in the cage to save the fucking world and it’s STILL not enough. not to appease his own guilt and not to appease deans#anger at him. dean is still throwing his perceived violations back at him in like season nine!!#and whenever he tries to get out it’s treated as yet another Sin. narrative acts like sam thinking dean was dead and having a life outside#of hunting is The Worst Thing He Ever Did#worst sin sam ever commits in the eyes of the show is disobedience. Absolutely awful actually#spn#sam winchester
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have you ever thought about how out of all the gods/powerful people Odysseus has met throughout epic, Circe is the only one who respected his no
This genuinely just stopped me in my tracks and caused me to stop breathing for about 5 seconds. No, Fluffy, I have not thought of this. What the fuck. Circe is also the only powerful being he met that encouraged the good in Odysseus
#think about it!#athena wanted him to kill the cyclops. poseidon wanted him to embrace ruthlessness. hermes helped him ges but it was#all a game to him. calypso wanted him to forget his wife and be with her. several powerful beings wanted to kill him#zeus tormented him and made him choose to kill a helpless infant and men he cared about to save himself and his family#it was only circe that went 'ive been burned before but you seem good. you seem to care. you obviously love your wife. you know#what? i choose kindness. in the hopes you will too and it will spread. i respect you Odysseus of Ithica i hope this good deed of#mine has a ripple effect of good through all you meet' and then later learning that poseidon fucking ruined it all#god Odysseus doesnt wven know what athena whent through for him#flufffyyyyyy#liv answers#ask#a fluffy potato#epic the musical#fuuuuck#CIRCE ACCEPTED NO SHE ACCEPTED HIS BOUNDARUES SHE RESPECTED HIM NO ONE ELSE DID FUCK
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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i feel like i have very unpopular opinions on dennis within this fandom. i am scared of fandom spaces so. to the tags i go
#i fear that some of you see dennis reynolds in a fanon way that you have accepted as canon ...#he is not . GOOD! guys. i say this as someone who deeply relates to him#he is canonically unmedicated for bpd and i Am medicated so i feel extremely attached to the mindset he has that used to be my LIFE!#i dont believe dennis would ever willingly put himself in any sort of situation where he isnt in control or powerful. its why he creates#entire identities just to have power over women for a few weeks. he doesnt date because at some point they become powerful and he losespowe#i am certain that there are parts of his psyche that love his friends and family bc he DOES have feelings ! but i also believe its hard for#him to accept that or even think about it if he wanted to because he is so obsessed with his delusions of grandeur#i dont think love is ever something he could give to someone easily and if he did it would be a painful toxic wound#we already know this. he loves dee and they are horrible for each other. and hes worse for her whether some ppl want 2 admit it or not#dennis is my favorite character on this show and i wanna reiterate that because im scared ppl will be annoying I Dont Share my Opinions#about Media a lot even though i think Tons of them#iasip#dennis reynolds
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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My toxic trait is that i dont think steve is really in love with nancy, hes in love with nancy the "angel". I mean its a constant point in st that love is about sticking it through with that person even when times get hard and not projecting this unrealistic image onto them that they cant live up to. And like... what steve tells nancy about his "dream"... thats not what nancy wants and thats not who she is. I think steve is still hung up on the quiet demure passive nancy he was with in s1 when she was pretending to be not the person she really is. And its interesting considering how "angel" is a motif used to signify the unrealistic standards women are held up to, by men in particular but enforced by other women eg mothers, and how nancy is all up in that rosemary symbolism in s1. Anyways this isnt a steve hate post this is an aro steve post.
#i think abt how like. we learn 3 things about steves family and its that 1) steves mom would rather go off to make sure#steves dad doesnt cheat than to stay home with steve and keep her son company#2) steves dad is harsh on him and makes him do things he doesnt really want to do and his mother doesnt seem to stop that#okay 2 things idk#like yeah no wonder hes hung up on nancy the angel he thinks he can be fulfilled only of he gets into a relationship with someone wholl#be tied to him by 6 kids and will stick by him. which is a really good thing that he found an accepting relationship outside of romance#misc
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some more ghost rider sketches, version i guess i wanted to draw some bones,
including a partial prototype of whatever the hell the Rider has going on underneath his skin-suit (which might need more leather 'muscles' but. whatever), a theoretical endpoint of how dead Robbie could get in my verse, which. unlikely? extremely. but fun to draw, and a line-up of Robbie, Lisa, and Gabe
in theory, Lisa's sense of style was inspired by @wazzappp 's post of Claire's fashion Lisa, but, well, outfit design eludes me. so. brightly colored vague y2k vibes are. the best i got
#robbie reyes#gabe reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#revenant robbie au#i am fully just drawing whatever at this point but. its fun so idk#ANYWAY i read the avengers 2018 run and. ok it was bad#both generally and also. sob they hit robbie with the generic mcu-quippification and naive teenager beam 😔#absolutely no escape#but challenge of the ghost rider kind of hit tbh#if only bc it had robbie racing blaze for Gabe's sake and well.#ok objectively idk how his parents got pulled to hell like.#were they supposed to be there?#did johnny drag them from another afterlife?#idk at all#but *man* ok im not immune to family/loved ones finding out about a fave being a 'monster'#and accepting him anyway ok#so long story short idk if im gonna go with an exorcised-eli yet or not#but i gave robbie a rosary (not accurate. yes i know i didnt get the spacing on the top part right) on account that#religious iconography in marvel works based on a personal faith#re that one panel of kitty pryde burning dracula with a star of david#so i figure there's a high chance that robbie was raised roman catholic when his parents were around#even if that was a long time ago#and even if he doesnt believe/is religious in the strictest sense#he still has associations yk?#(<to be clear speaking as another mexican american and the impacts of religion in the culture as a kind of atheist)#anyway my point is#in a non-exorcism version hes found that wearing a rosary. even if it doesnt shut eli up entirely#makes him more? bearable? less loud/oppressive? easier to push down#while in an exorcism version ig it helps with keeping his identity as robbie centered and dealing with supernatural emotional regulation#zsketches
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On a serious note, I do feel mysterious case lotusbook has a lot of sincere themes about getting older, realities of responsibility and dreams realized, how it's difficult to succeed and not always the direct path one expects, how there's value in little aspects of life. Almost every li lianhua scene seems to be about that to some degree. The murder cases aren't particularly deep as far as super complicated to figure out or Able to be predicted super well (since they don't always give all the details in the initial setup), but the themes about who was killed and why do connect to li lianhuas situation.
#mysterious lotus casebook#lb#by all this i mean: a lot of the positive things li lianhua AND di feisheng say are fairly good advice tbh#like a fei? hes like you need to be fair in your decisions for your actions to be worthwhile and earned#li lianhua: sometimes being the one taking all responsibility was bad for you and the people you led who felt burdened#by You taking the burden. and stepping back can be a respectable choice.#cooking is more difficult than fighting. keeping yourself alive is Hard and its the hardest thing we do#and its admirable even when youll never be a hero never be able to achieve what those around you might#your peers are worthwhile if they choose diffetently than you (qian wanmian isnt lesser for not choosing to lead a sect and instrad#dissolving it. di feisheng doesnt think li lianhua is no longef worth his time even though hes weaker now. li lianhua is still someonr he#wants to see alive see brlieve in himself see passionate about things. the monks think its never too late to#reconnect to people again. that people who love you will want you and accept you even when you fail.#even fang duobing by knowing li lianhua gets the experience of someone who wants him alive#and fondly smiles and Is proud of him. evrn if hes learning and fails and moody#fond of him in a way his family wasnt that strangers lied about due to his status#in a way that he clung to li xianyi for ALSO seeing value in him when he felt he didnt live up to expectstions of the world#its the Kindness of little moments of acceptance. of being kind to yourself and kind to others (even down to#not wantjng to kill suspects but take them to trial. not wanting scapegoats blamed. which arent usually done in wuxia)#its the fact this show is quite about gentleness and healing (i see the Love and Redemption screen writing ismilarities)#rather than about power struggles. do you know what i mean?
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(cw non-sexual kink, cis male tiddy sucking)
nikolai takes one look at ghost - at the stiffness he holds himself with, arms held rigidly at his sides as he glares ahead, each breath carefully measured to make himself unnoticed - and knows it’s been too long since he’s checked on his boy
all it takes is a single look, catching his bruised and tired eyes, and ghost all but slumps. nikolai turns, heading towards the 141’s private rec room and he doesn’t need to hear the near-silent footsteps to know ghost’s following. he pulls him down onto the couch, bringing him into the circle of his arms even as he weakly tries to pull away
“don’t need it, nik; don’t have time…” ghost argues but it’s hollow at best
“hush, sweet one,” he soothes his halfhearted protests and thumbs his mask up above his lips. “always so nervous; so lost...”
he tugs his shirt up, showing off his belly and the heavy swell of his hairy pecs; nipples already pebbled. he cups the back of ghost’s head, his thumb brushing over his exposed jaw and ghost is helpless to follow as he gently leads him to latch onto his breast
“i have you,” he promises
no matter how big he is, in presence or in stature, nikolai is bigger; encompassing his whole body in warmth and safety, the familiar scent of cologne and motor oil filling his senses just as the heat of his tit fills his mouth
ghost’s eyes roll back and he nuzzles deeper into his chest, sinking into him and lets his mind empty as he suckles
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soap didn’t mean to. he didn’t mean to walk in on something not meant for his eyes. he just wanted to check on ghost; he’s been so distant lately, different from his usual bad days and he doesn’t know how to help him but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try
but he didn’t mean for this; for guilt and a heated, confused want to chase through him as he enters the rec room and realises nikolai got to ghost first
realises they’re not just necking on the couch; that ghost’s lips are pressed tight to nikolai’s furred breast and not moving away, a gentle hollow thinning his exposed cheeks as he sucks, his throat softly bobbing as he swallows
nikolai’s cupping the back of his head, fingers drifting through the blonde hair at the nape of his neck and he looks so fond; like there’s nowhere he’d rather be than on their broken in couch with ghost curled around his body, sucking what must be a deep ache into his tit.
then nikolai looks up at him, frozen in the doorway and soap-
soap runs
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nikolai gives soap a few days before he tries to talk about it; gives him a chance to come to terms with what he's seen. it's almost adorable; how deep soap’s flush grows when he sees him, how he stumbles over his words and can’t quite make eye contact
but it also tugs at him that he feels the need to shrink, to brace himself from whatever punishment he thinks is headed his way; shoulders hunching in, arms wrapped almost defensively around his body before finding whatever excuse he can to run from him
run from himself
he wishes he could wait for soap to come to him but he knows lost boys and their fear of coming in from the cold
nikolai keeps himself gentle as he uses his bulk to corner soap; stopping him from running but also using it to show how easily he could hide in him if he just let himself give in. if he let him take care of him the same way he takes care of ghost
"but... but it's wrong," soap whispers, fingers tangling with a gold cross at the hollow of his throat (a cross so similar to one he’d melted down all those years ago), but he speaks with such clear longing; eyes wide where he stares up at him, all but begging to be told otherwise and it almost breaks nikolai's heart
"no, lovely boy," he denies softly and soap shudders as he cups his face and backs him up against the corner; hugged by both walls and nikolai himself. "there is nothing more natural."
he caresses soap's cheek. he feels him shake under his touch, his eyes already growing dewy, and chances drifting his fingers over his bottom lip. soap's breath hitches and he looks up at him with so much fear - so much trust - and hesitantly opens his mouth to let them sink inside
nikolai doesn't press them too deep, doesn't threaten his throat, but they are thick and wide; filling his mouth and comfortably weighing down his tongue
with a small, involuntary moan, soap closes his lips around his fingers and nikolai catches him with his body as he goes limp. he coos as he starts sucking; wrapping his other arm around his head and brings him into his body, hidden and safe and small
"my good, lovely boy," he whispers and soap lets out a cracked whimper. "you are not wrong."
he isn't ready yet, much the same way ghost wasn't ready at first. but feeling soap tremble and suckle at his fingers, nikolai knows he'll soon have another boy tucked safe to his breast
#soap thinking it’s wrong not bc nikolai and ghost are men (though that’s part of it)#but bc he knows the church would see it as a bastardisation of the virgin mary#the mother feeding christ; the ultimate act of care and love#and it must be a perversion; it must be a twisted imitation of something pure#right?#it cant be something genuine; pure; bc if ghost can have it… does thst mean he can too?#soap desperate for such comfort and acceptance; things he thinks he’ll never receive#bc he knows he’ll never be worthy of such things#never devout enough; never loyal enough; never well behaved enough#shaming his family and his church along with it every time he opened his mouth#he constantly chases this elusive ‘good enough’; always forced himself to be better; stronger; /perfect/#bc then it will mean he’ll have earned it right? he’ll be given the love he’s always yearned for but always fell short of#and nikolai who was raised russian orthodox? all he can see is a burnt out reflection of himself#he recognises the same longing he used to feel before he realised he will never be enough for them#that they want him to be a man he will despise and even then he’ll still be denied the comfort he wanted#and he doesnt want that; for ghost or soap#he’ll give them everything they want and more until they understand everything they deserve#we’re a team. ghost team#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#nikolaighost#nikghost#nikolai x ghost#niksoap#nikolaisoap#nikolai x soap#cod nikolai#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod
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im actually lowkey mad about this, im goimg to read the fall of gondolin and cry
#TURGON'S NUMBER 1 WORST DAY IN LIFE WAS LEAVING ELENWË ON THE ICE#TURGON'S SECOND WORST DAY IN LIFE WAS BEING DRAGGED OFF THE NÍRNAETH AND LEAVING FINGON'S CORPSE TO BE DESECRATED#AND KNOWING HE'S LEAVING HIS TWO HUMAN SONS TO DIE HORRIBLY JUST SO HE CAN ESCAPE#THE THIRD IS AREDHEL DYING IN FRONT OF HIM#AND YOU DARE!!!!! YOU DARE SAY HE DOESNT LOVE HIS FAMILY. YOU DATE SAY HE LEFT THEM#FUCK RIGHT OFF#ok ok ok im normal again#say. u ever think turgon and maeglin ever crossed eyes while gondolin burned around them and he knew#he knew!!!!! this was another family member he had failed!!!!! another one he couldn't save from morgoth#the one ghost that finally came to collect his due#and he just accepted that!!!!!!#fuck#the fall of gondolin is such a good and intricate story#truly tolkien's best work
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I think it is genuinely really funny that of all the Lance's from my different aus, the most chill one out of all of them is the one who got violently murdered and came back as an unperceivable eldritch horror whose first act after coming back was vengence on the guy who killed him and then steal his house.
#Not to say he doesnt have issues. For one he isnt remembered by anyone and is so utterly alone#And two everyone who he interacts with him sees a distorted version of themselves rather than him#(Which would be fun considering both Shiro and Allura aka the only two who cld remember him keep rejecting parts of themselves)#But yeah compared to the others? schrodeinger reality!Lance is just less on fire garbage can#Ps8!Lance literally landed himself in a coma and communing with horrors because he rather try necromancy and isolation over therapy#c&ai!Lance depressed ass literally got bullied into found family by a spunky teenager and an aimless clone#And would literally rather chew glass than accept that#1) he is depressed and misses his family and friends 2) he was wrong for leaving like that and is sorry#There's another Lance who is trying to kill a god like being and fights voltron the robot who has gained sentience#(This au is still in workshop but yeah)#Compared to all of That Sr!Lance is doing marginally better emotional state wise#And honestly? Good for him!!!#schrodeinger reality au#schrodeinger reality posting#post s8 au#post s8 posting#cowboys and abandonment issues au#cowboys and abandonment issues posting#This post would make sense to my one beloved mutual only and really that is what truly matters#empty thoughts#lance serrano#lance mcclain
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My parents cancelled the official family gathering and I put my foot down and said I wasn't coming over on Christmas unless my brother called me himself and asked me to (because I cannot stomach being in the same space as him and my father rn) and frankly I'm glad this is a bare minimum makeshift holiday sure It be nice to have decorations up but we need to clean and get rid of shit more than we need decorations and I need a fuckin break from ppl who make me want to commit acts of violence. Gonna spend the holiday break in the woods.
#any progress i thought was made re my relationship with my father was superficial and fleeting. or just topical. no depth. no real work done#which isnt surprising but is leaving me sick to my stomach and tasting blood. he's falling over himself to help my brother rn#to help him through his crisis and im grateful for that truly because my brother needs the help and im glad hes accepting it#but its salt in the very old wounds im carrying from being outright abandoned by my family from the moment i turned 18#even when i moved home i was left to my own devices and left to figure it all out. he helped pay something that had his name on it.#but otherwise i took care of myself entirely and always have. no advice no guidance just two failed disownings#but im glad my brother gets the help i am i know it doesnt seem it im glad#it just must be nice being the favorite son
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I DONT HAVE THE IMAGES IRGHT NOW BUT YOU UNDETRNSAD?? YOU GET ?? YOLU GET? IM MADLY I NLOV WITH YOU TIWLIGHTRCADE MY GOOD FRIEND MY COMRADEMY RIDE ROD IE
#freak to freak communication you know ?#thank u . u r the best ever <3#i really enjoy ur rants and talkings always always.. i hope we r buried skeleton together all for meotauls#anyway matty and ahshe silluy in the way that thjey absooltuely fucking hate eahcother nad ahse has dienfitley b#locked many things out as his life froze after his family died therefore he hasnt had time to process the anger towards matty#maybe he has had anger nad bitterness towards other things but i dont feel like matty is high on his priority right now esp#since he doesnt know wher eh eis but hes still a deep rooted issue - and its not thast he hasnt accepted his familys#death exactly (thouhg i guess that is it but in other wording) its that he hasnt accepted it ending like this#he has to think about his family dead to think about summoning them back yet still i do think he does have#many delusions where they are alive and the thought of going back to them is the only thing keeping him going really#sometimes i think about how even wehn hes crossed the line and killed so#mebody hes still going on it feels like a dead corpse being raked across the floor to lose another piece of who he is once again#kid's heart#BUT THAT ISNT WHAT I WNATED TO TALK ABOUT AURGHH!!#i think that in the past maybe possuibnly you have to be another level of ill to get this far#but ashe geeneeuinly thought of matty as a good friend who was close to him etc etc but on mattys side its harder#because theres no clear intetion ill make up my own i say he did value ashe in a way but#in the end what did indeed win out was his hatred and infeoririuty towards ashe - i dont think he even wouldve goen that far#if he didnt know ashe o rmaybe he wouldve done it sooner - he would spend time with ashe normally with the thought#of how hes using him bnack in his head then go home nad the feelings would pile up pile up pile up esp since his parents#would lay the pressure on thick meanwhile whenever he went to ashes house it wa s ashining exmaple#of what he didnt hvae#and because matty is selfish. it drives him insane#i find it kinda funny how ashe got his trust broken by him leaving such a scar yet now hes#lying to people as matty was as well#i can say more but im scared.
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lmao this is just my stardew farmer and alex
#might as well describe their story bc I will never finish that fanfic#sooo oanh's grandparents split and so her family lived in zuzu while her grandpa stayed on the farm. she was raised by her grandma#her mother works that unfulfilling joja office job so oanh grows up basically only relying on herself all the time. her grandma is harsh#but she secretly is very grateful for oanh. everyone else in the family (mom/aunt/little cousin) are very peppy and optimistic all the time#“anything can be achieved through hard work ~⭐” oanh and her grandma are like heyyy can we be fr rn thats not how it works lol#her grandma was super supportive of her moving into the valley but bc of her demeanor oanh was like “ah she doesnt want me here :(”#she's scared of being a burden bc she knows she doesnt work as hard as everyone else in her family and she's not rlly passionate??#(she does have interests like sewing and rollerskating but they're all expensive and she thinks they're too frivolous for a practical girl)#she hates the farmwork and she's drawn to alex bc he's 1: super extroverted 2: has a big dream and works his ass off to achieve it#he tells her about leaving to play gridball or whatever and she's like “yea this place is pretty lame” and he takes that super personal#shows her around town makes her try new things and actually interact with ppl her age and stop acting like such an old lady#it backfires when he realizes he might not want to leave town as badly as he thought. also theres a little tension and resentment#why are all these townspeople so accepting of the new girl but he's lived there way longer and not been able to get along with them??#some introspection she expresses her gratitude and admiration towards him they both walk away with a bit more self worth <33#they're both kinda young insecure and uncertain about their futures and they compensate by pretending to be someone they're not#idk this is where the story ends they learn to open up and rely on others......and they both build each other up and thats the end ig#theres like a little side lore about oanh and her family it's nothing
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