#hi guess whos been dead at work!!!!!!!
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looks around scared. was there a promo hour.
#hi guess whos been dead at work!!!!!!!#on the plus side i set up my new ethernet cable.#so ill be less scared of lagging tf out in xiv <3#apparently my ping is good ^_^#but yeah im too drained today to do shit. abd i open first thing tomorrow.
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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Honestly, sucks that vi never gets a break.
#like seriously.#and honestly they wrote it as being her fault#she didnt get through to powder and honestly she didnt try hard enough#now jinx is a monster and caitlyn lost her mother#and whats vi gonna do#and caitlyn whats she gonna do be the fucking cop? when is vi gonna stand up and be vander's heir?#though honestly i guess i kinda get jinxs thinking - she always destroys and kills she just killed her adopted dad who killed her adoptedda#one leader dead lets kill the rest of the leaders dead#is anybody thinking about fair wages ??? anyone????#what was the stupid fucking independence plan of silko's supposed to accomplish??? theyre literally the labour to the middle class right???#or are you trying to say theyr just crime city#well anyway#arcane#vanders actual heir hes a little more interesting tbh#vi has actually kinds been booted from her own narrative every time by that guy#whats his name#ekko#ekko and jinxs fight was supposed to be hers#well anyway idk its all just revenge and pain and explanation on how the lanes even work like WHO IS WORKING IN THE HAMMER FACTORY
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the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up
#bert's dead dad tag#found out today the way my dad told mom he wanted a divorce?#he wrote her a letter and left it on the dining room table for her to find on the morning of her fortieth birthday#who the fuck does that dead father#like that is the sort of thing i would entirely make up if i needed everyone at the table to fuckin hate an npc#and at least one person would go 'you're laying it on a little bit heavy'#i know he did work to become a better person as he got older#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s#and we are having Complicated feelings about it tonight and also for the last nine months#something something when i was writing his eulogy i came across an old article discussing something he did in the 90s#YDIP (your dad is problematic)#like yeah this is the sort of thing that would have been vaguely acceptable in the cultural context#but like. still objectively bad. potentially ruining several lives sort of bad.#learned this and then wrote the rest of his eulogy about how he was a great guy and how i'm lucky to have been his son#(which was rough enough on its own because i've never said 'i'm [dad's name]'s son' as many times as i did that trip home)#but like what else do you do? i sent off a message looking for more information#and that information if it comes is just gonna sit with me i guess#sure as hell not telling my sister and this whole thing i've been getting through without really having anyone here for me to talk to#(hence the big fuckoff tag rant. your problem now losers who like clicking the read more button)#so even if i get all the answers i want about this one thing it's not gonna do any good except putting an end to one question#but part of having a dead dad who's been out of the business of forming new memories since you came out is having more questions#answering this one's just gonna add even more questions to the pile#but. got fuckall else to do
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#hi im not dead !! tee hee#anyways its incredible how like 99% of the absolute most bonkers scourge takes#come from people who entirely erase her existence from his life! funny how that works huh#like you dont have to ship them i dont care. frankly ride-or-die evil besties fiona & scourge is something that i would 1000% be down for#being the aroace sonic truther i am.#however. if you rip her completely out and throw her to the wayside#despite the fact that she has been a major part of like all of his appearances after he becomes scourge#then there is a 99.9999999999999999999% chance your takes suck horrifically#and also you do not understand scourge as a character. or sonic for that matter since a lot of the time the terrible takes overlap#i was about to say ''i cant believe i came out of an entirely unannounced 3 week hiatus just to complain#about the fandom's take on something to do with archie sonic''#but actually this is incredibly on brand#anyways fiona justice. its so sad its so sad#like whenever i post something with fiona in it and somebody tags her i immediately go check their tag#just to find that my 3 art pieces are the only things in there#come on guys lets do better#well. actually given the way half the fandom treats scourge im not sure if i want them touching fiona#well . then i guess *ill* have to do better#make it four art pieces instead of three
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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if i see one more post that tells me i have to vote biden i am going to lose my mind
#THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS IS STILL FUCKING EVIL#instead of bullying people with legitimate concerns and distrust for biden maybe work on getting him to change his fucked up policies that#have done more harm than good and will continue into a second term#the way i see it democracy has long been dead in this country so at the very least im just going to focus on my local reps and third partie#because until there's a complete dismantling of this two party system than its never going to be a deomcracy#and yeah its gonna fucking suck but guess what it already fucking sucks#at least i wont have the thought that i settled for someone who supports genocide and doesnt actually give a shit#you want the democratic party to change? then you start forcing them to#not just going with this old white warmongering guy instead of that old white warmongering guy#which only contributes to making this system worse and even more broken
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tw child death tw harm to pregnant people
#so after 5 years of searching i found someone who was working on the car crash i was witness and did first aid at when i was pregnant#a lady who was also pregnant and about as far along as me probably further was crushed by falling debris#she was a pedestrian and a driver fainted in his car accelerated and crashed through several pedestrian spaces and then metal beams fell#i knew she lived as far as ICU but i don't know what came after that#and i kept searching for someone who could tell me whether her child pulled through#well i found someone yesterday and it's not the happy ending i kept wishing for#the baby was emergency delivered right at the ER trauma room back then like 5 minutes from the ambulance arriving and loading her#but had to be declared dead right there#and i always kind of knew this was the outcome because i remember asking at the hospital even tho obviously they weren't allowed to tell me#but when they said the good things they were allowed to they all got a thousand yard stare#so since that day i knew that her baby died and mine lived#but having confirmation from someone who was there is still. sigh.#it's good to have no hypotheticals anymore tho i think it will help me get closure#i wish her child could have lived too#she'd done nothing wrong but be at the 'wrong' spot in a pedestrian space at that time. there's no reason and no meaning.#there's no meaning to human suffering. suffering is just suffering. it's always a bad thing period.#ah man sorry to throw trauma at y'all#it's unlikely anyone here remembers. i did blog about it back then. and it was what made me change career to EMT#i guess it's good to know in a way that even if i *had* been an EMT back then there was nothing in human hands to save her baby#nobody could do it#there is patients you cannot save no matter what and it's not a failure on your part#we are all humans with the good and the bad and the strengths and the limitations#so that's my musings#it's good to finally know for sure after all this time searching but it's also hard#ah what a downer story in the morning#the man who was next to her was fine#it's so unfair and meaningless#gotta work harder on easing this unfair and meaningless suffering#child death cw#harm to pregnant people cw
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Im saying, mind you they have been amazing to me in person at cons and sweet to me online.
"We need more unapologetically weird folks!" you guys can't even handle furries
#mind you I've always been insecure with Mfers online#so many folks online think niggas from the hood dont have online hobbies#ion gotta code switch no furry I can be my unapologetic self and they be like AND YOU HAVE A SONA TOO SO COOL HI#ntm this gonna some fucking wild but had it not been for furries or the furry fandom would of 100% ended up dead like many of my friends#sounds dramatic dont it? not really while I did run on the street andparty it up...there were times I stayed my ass home Iming friends or#talking to a client back and forth sending wips... lets not forget that one time I stayed home to work one on one with a client online#sending wips instead of going to this house party I told my friends I was going to low an behold the party got shot up.... and folks got#hurt and guess who dodged a literal bullet!! I DID I will never forget that shit#Love me my furries thanks for keeping my ass busy and out of harms way yuh know and pushing me to do better in my work
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Here's a legal PSA:
If you've committed a crime and a detective gathers everyone involved in the room, especially if he's not actually a detective and is instead a novelist, puzzle-setter, psychic, fake psychic, dog, chess grandmaster, etc. ...
YOU SHOULD NOT CONFESS.
Every year, hundreds of people are put away by non-traditional "detectives" who have either inserted themselves into the case or are working with the police in a dubiously legal capacity as advisor. In 99% of these cases, the murderer gives a full confession even though the evidence against them is circumstantial at best and often requires a long just-so story which can only guess at motive.
If this happens to you, stay quiet, do not attempt to defend yourself or talk your way out of it, only say "I want a lawyer".
Now if you find yourself being investigated by a boy genius, magician's assistant, anthropologist, classics scholar, or philosopher, it's likely that refusing to talk to the police (or investigator with no legal authority) is merely the end of the second act, and by the end of the third act they will have you dead to rights.
YOU SHOULD STILL NOT CONFESS.
Make them take it to court. Force the eccentric detective and his straight-laced police partner to take the stand and explain their methods to a jury of your peers. Have your lawyer look at the chain of custody on the evidence, especially if you believe it to have been handled by someone who has only bumbled into detective work through their natural charm and/or unique set of skills and outsider perspective that come in handy more often than they should.
Know your rights. Don't let eccentric detectives put you away.
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hanami + Jogo vs Gojo is a lot better in the sub Gojo is genuinely so fucking menacing. But also I'm realizing the exact choice kenjaku made to make sure Satoru HAD to sacrifice some people lives + safety. And then go "hey you know who else killed a bunch of people? Me. Your friend. Hi"
#Like hmm... Gojo in general like. Ofc he avoids casualties and all but the way he talks#He's not... Broken up over the civilian casualties. Which isn't terrible as a sorcerer- it's more important to focus on the danger first#Then work on the Everything Else. But like FORCING him into that mindset then going. Hey guess what#Like beyond ''hey here's your dead friend'' it's ''hey guess who ELSE had this kind of crisis haha''#Also realizing. Probably a part of Geto's downfall was hatred of nonsorcerers NOT just bc they Make Curses#But because they by being ''weak'' cause him grief. Like they don't have to do anything to him#But if they get hurt or killed and he's held responsible by others or even his own morality? That starts breaking ur brain#And you have to work REALLY HARD to make sure you don't let yourself sink into the kind of self indulgent anger#That lets u disassociate from the feelings of grief. So basically Suguru was like. Hmm I hate everyone who isn't a sorcerer#Even though most of them havent actually done anything worth hating them for. And then Yuki went ''fun fact''#And Geto got his Extra Justification. This isn't to say Yuki is responsible for his choices- he would've been a shit person no matter what#I think. But I do believe she handled the situation Badly. Not bc of how she Talked To Suguru#But rather the way she sorta... Devalued and othered nonsorcerers. Anywyayyy
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,
#tag talk#said out loud “I've felt drunk for the past week” and suddenly realized no you idiot that's dissociation#anyway. I've been floating on clouds for a while and I'm absolutely not complaining it feels nice#restarting my meds is maybe what's doing it.#going off and then back on my meds has just been a wild ride all around#oh well. I gotta stay quirky and weird somehow right?#I've been thinking a lot about my breakup and how it wasn't even because of anything except that I got bored of him#and even playing aoe with him is getting boring cause his skill level is way behind me#the only person who moves the same speed as me is my brother. so I'm gonna go with him wherever he goes#I do like him a lot. but also there's the knowledge that if I don't stick with him I'll be way more lonely#moving out with someone else would guarantee that I'm leaving the only person in life who actually gets me#and I would be depriving him of the only other person who even kind of gets him (I won't say I get him fully cause that's a lil arrogant)#idk. I don't dislike it. but I'm trapped nonetheless. my course in life is laid out for me because I have no one else.#I love him but I wish I had more than one person who I could stand being around longer than a few months#idk. I do feel more conscious right now. more aware. I'm glad I have him.#I just wish I wasn't so fundamentally incompatible with every other person except him.#we're damaged in very similar ways and so we match. even the rest of my siblings don't click with me the same way#I guess I'm lucky to have him. if I didn't I would be 100% dead right now#which... certainly would be the easier simpler option#but oh well. I'm cursed to live on this earth until he eventually offs himself#we have a pact that we're gonna talk about the suicide beforehand to turn it into a murder mystery or something#he said he wants my skull if I go first. which honestly would be cool as hell. I'd be happy with my skull sitting on his bookshelf#he wants to travel and he's lined up to have a good job to let him do that. so I think I'll end up coming along#idk. we're together for life because both of us are so incapable of making other meaningful friendships#even his closest friends bother him constantly and he struggles to connect with them#so we vibe in that regard.#sorry if this is depressing as hell. it's just.. idk. we both are likely and certain that we won't die of natural causes#but life keeps getting better. I've got plans to go back to nursing next year and I'm medicated so I should be able to make it through#I've had my current job for over a year which is a personal record for me so I'm kinda stoked about that#I'm getting bored of it but so it won't last forever but nursing should get me something new to work on
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DPXDC prompt. Field trip.
Some people would call gothamites petty, but given that most of the USA population treated them as scum, they believed that their behavior was justified.
They didn't like tourists, to put it mildly. Therefore, after learning that in their city were people on a field trip from Amity Park who could not leave Gotham for several days due to weekly escape from Arkham, the news channel immediately decided that a short interview from the guests would definitely amuse the locals. The reaction of outsiders never ceases to be ridiculous.
Reporter: ~Good afternoon~ Gotham News! May I ask you to share what you liked most about our wonderful city?
Mr. Lancer*still in a cold sweat and looks at every passerby as a potential villain*: Uh, no, me..It's so unexpected. Well, first of all, people here are very…
Danny *is high after the tasting samples Dr. Crane gave him for free and is extremely eager to share his happiness with others*,* picks a microphone*.
Danny: Gotham is the best city in the world! Like seriously, damn, I'd like to die here. Although there are constant shootings somewhere, half the time people don't even shoot at me! I haven't been this relaxed since middle school! And in the evenings, there is often such a pleasant scent of fear and despair on the streets. This fear toxin of yours is a real miracle! It's sooo good!
Sam *decides to take the initiative in her own hands before Fenton says too much*: Personally, I am very pleased with the number of green spaces you have in your city. It's nice to see that here eco-activists are really being listened to. Also, the fact that most restaurants have a thoughtful menu for vegetarians left a very pleasant impression.
Dash in his favorite T-shirt "it's not gay if he's dead": Four words. Hips of Red Hood. The fact that it is not marked in the guidebook as the main attraction of the Crime Alley is a real crime. This dude clearly never skips leg days. My respect.
Tucker: What can I say? The speed of internet here, even during villains attacks, is absolutely unbelievable. I don't want to leave this place.
Jazz: I love Gotham! Finally, I was able to buy all the works published by Dr. Harleen Quinzel. *girl picks up an impressive stack of books* For some reason, they are not available online.
The camera points at a red-haired guy with a twitching eye.
Wes: I'm 85% sure Bruce Wayne is Batman. I have a proof and I am ready to provide it.
A girl with a "Good Guess" pin from Riddler enters and takes camera away from conspiracy theorist.
Star: Sorry, he slipped out at night and went to look for problems. Again. Don't pay any attention to him. He's always like this when he drinks more than two energy drinks in a row.
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I should not have been taught so badly for 3 years that i genuinely have to google how to find job postings in my field. "Get a degree!! Get a degree!!" for why. To be laughed at by out of touch tutors and not taught anything? It's certainly not going to help me get a job because i CANT FIND THEM. "People will see you went here and that will give you credibility." Will it roderick. Because I now know not to trust a motherfucker who went here 💀
#rangnar rambles#taught by people who have not ever had to get into the industry in this state. dont know how to use computers. and (i cannot stress this#enough) DID NOT TEACH ME ANYTHING#I GET MY 27K PIECE OF PAPER IN 2 WEEKS AND YOU CANT TAKE IT FROM ME. SO CAN I GET SOME CONTACTS OR SM#but no yeah im so normal and glad i spent my time like this#WHAT DID I SPEND THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE DOING#if youre going to study illustration in the uk just go to falmouth. i dont go there but anywheres better than here#if [REDACTED] has no haters i am dead and have been ejected from the universe#if i could go back in time id do maths at a level and become a fucking accountant jesus christ#i had a tutor last year who used to do coke and got paid 15k to sit in front of a camera doing nothing by a mate in LA#the same guy our year got fired for being incompetent and aggressive when you asked for help (like. his fucking job)#AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. who was also a tutor and MORE INCOMPETENT#i had one tutor the whole course who had my back i love you jeremy i hope you finally get to retire and stop having to run FOUR COURSES#only man who actually had us do drawing exercises and taught us (in SECOND YEAR) how to draw perspective#so many people got to final semester and suddenly got failed bc tutors were lying to our faces about the quality of our work and not giving#accurate crit. how humiliating is that for everyone involved??#you dont want to tell us our work is shit until the grades are coming out?? and ur shocked when you havent taught anyone anything?? be so fr#it was like they were always shocked that we wanted direction and advice and our feedback was always met with 'well in the 80s there was a#big push for thia kind of open loosey goosey art course' its not the 80s anymore and students have been complainging for a decade#management would 'take on board' criticism and then bank on us all being gone in 3 years so they wouldnt have to actually do anything#all while taking our money and shutting down the entire humanities section of the uni#*actively wating wires* anyway no yeah im soo glad i spent my time like this at least i got a girlfriend i GUESS
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#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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