#hi I identify as weird and hypocritical

[avese23]

Gremlin hours and the creature inside wants to gaslight white people on the internet

[yukishirostar]

So people are talking about a post in the Zolu tag by a certain tumblr user in regards to their issues with Zolu as a ship. They shall be unnamed because i dont wish to bring attention to them and instead just want to focus on their arguments because they're not the first people to make some of these points and so this is also an opportunity for me to talk about these things (a tweet is going around on Twitter containing these screenshots with the username so you can find it there if you need to anyway).

The way this person dismisses the relationship between Zoro and Luffy as a result of needing to pair gay Zoro with someone is too laughable, they must be very fit in order to be able to do these mental gymnastics. I believe that many people who are going on about the Zolu scenes in the OPLA were already Zolu shippers who were familiar with the original story and are enjoying the moments because they were well, really good Zolu moments? And there is actually, shockingly, many good Zolu moments in the original story too which is why many people ship them. Wild, I know.

Then there's 'straight-washed Sanji'. Equally if not more of a bizarre thing to believe. I might make some people mad especially the Sanji stans out there who constantly insist on the 'repressed queer' narrative with his character, but Sanji is written pretty explicitly to be seen as a cisgender and heterosexual character. The way you say with your whole chest that Luffy is 'canonically' aroace but don't acknowledge that Sanji is 'canonically' cishet is beyond hypocritical. If you believe Sanji looking like a 'misogynistic straight man' is different from the way he is written in canon then maybe you should go back and reread/rewatch series with your eyes open this time. If you wish to headcanon him with the frankly offensive repressed bisexual/transgender cliché then go ahead, but that is clearly not the intention Oda has with his character.

There's also the fact that aroace people can uh. Be in relationships. Get married. Have children. Did it occur to you that many people who ship Zolu ship them as an ace couple or-

First thing I want to say here, as a trans man who is 'mlm', can other dudes stop with this idea that women or fem-aligned individuals enjoying homosexual relationships between two men is inherently fetishising or that as a masc-aligned individual your enjoyment of a ship is morally superior in some way. Stop pulling out your 'mlm/ transmasc / cis gay' card in order to justify why your ship is superior. Its cringe af.

But if we are to insist that 'cishet female gaze fetishising mlm' is going on then ironically Zosan fits that the better than any ship in the fandom. It being by far the most popular mlm ship means there is likely a higher proportion of people who identify as cishet women who ship it. Its also the classic 'two men who dislike/hate eachother and have a toxic relationship but hot sexual tension' slash/yaoi stereotype. Majority of Zosan I've come across is depicting Zoro as the masculine male man in the relationship while Sanji the effeminate twink that Sanji stans project themselves onto and they go crazy for the bickering that is apparently reminiscent to them of a toxic heterosexual marriage. Meanwhile every Zolu/Luzo shipper I've interacted with has been some flavour of queer and Zolu is closest to the 'falling in love with your same sex bestie' narrative that the majority if not every non-heterosexual person has experienced at least once in their lifetime. This is just my personal view of course, but I think noting a difference in perspective on this topic is interesting and reveals that at the end of the day this is totally subjective and based purely on anecdotes.

Also it's just a very weird point here that apparently OP has 'plenty of varied queer rep' (it actually doesn't have that many canonical queer characters in relation to its cast size but anyway) and other media doesn't so shipping aroace characters in gay relationships is valid in those but not in One Piece … HUH???? So you're saying if One Piece had 'less' queer rep, then Zolu would be fine to ship? Idek my brain hurts.

"I have black friends so I'll speak for the black community and get offended for them" (btw this person then proceeded to block aroace people who had issues with their depiction of aroace people).

Also if we're talking canonical depictions, the only thing Zoro has been canonically depicted as is also aroace, equally if not moreso than Luffy. So by your own rules, you can't ship a cishet (sanji) with an aroace (zoro), therefore Zosan is now invalid. Stop erasing Zoro's aroace identity bigot.

'Categorically wrong' makes me laugh. I don't ship Zoro and Nami but like, people can ship what they want to??

'The general public is aware enough of gay people and how to spot them these days' uh... firstly this sounds very homophobic. Secondly the general public (cishet ppl) are famously bad at recognising queerness even when its in flashing lights before them. Thirdly you make it sound like Zoro was going around on roller skates and booty shorts listening to YMCA and Madonna in the show. I do agree he was gay-coded but it was mostly because he had sexual tension with every man he interacted with, not for the strange reasons you pointed out...

Its kinda the elephant in the room too but like. These are just headcanons. You can have multiple headcanons and interpretations of a character's sexuality. I can see Zoro as aroace virgin one day and a gay h*e the next. I'm actually allowed, legally, to do that.

The way they think shipping Zolu is harmful to aroace representation when BOTH characters are closest to being canonically aroace than anything yet ship Zosan, label being anti-Zolu as some kind of pro-ace activism, and then proceeded to block aroace people for criticising their incorrect depiction of what being aroace is...

This was a lot of words to say that you don't like a ship. Just say you don't like it, and it gets in the way of the ship you like, instead of writing a virtue signalling essay to justify your reasoning. Please.

They had some more to say on future posts I'll just pick my favourite bits

They really have this narrative that Zolu is only popular because of OPLA and can't fathom that its just a popular ship in general and always has been huh. And they couldn't make it more obvious that they're totally salty about it ranking in the top 100 most popular tumblr ships, lmao.

Your classic case of 'self-identifying ally who speaks over the people they are supposed allies of'. Its a general rule that you feel the need to declare yourself an ally you're probably not an ally, actual allies know they need to just shut up and do the work. Saying 'this character's aroace' and 'I have aroace friends' actually isn't what allyship is, thats just accepting that ace people exist which is like... the baseline.

Calling a wholesome loving ship like Zolu an icky ship is a severe consequence of online brain (this person is 26 years old btw)

[redwinedulac]

this! and some of you don’t realize how homophobic you sound when “defending” sam’s supposed straight fragility. he has never confirmed or denied his sexuality and who tf cares what he identifies as??? what sam cares about is how people view his performance and a lot of you were being psychopathic in 2022 calling him an abuser and racist and that’s what bothered him.

i find it very weird that you lot get so mad at queer people making jokes (most queers of color btw) that you as a white person have to subject everyone to listening to your whiny voice note where you’re inches from calling the cops. it’s giving racism and giving karen cos why are you having such a visceral reaction that people DARE say the white man you’re attracted to might be attracted to his beautiful black co-star???

i promise sam does not give a fuck if people think he’s bi or not. he doesn’t have an ego like most of you and pal don’t think for one second that you’re respecting him or his privacy by being a hypocrite and projecting all YOUR THOUGHTS onto him. just shut the hell up.

[littlestkoi-n]

a much too whiny rant about fic icks

I die a little every time pup, cub or Prongslet comes up in a wolfstar raising Harry (together or separately) fic. especially cub - it makes literally no sense????? are you sure it's Remus John Lupin I'm reading about??? it's his evil doppelganger, I'm telling you. I'm not even sure I could stomach that word ironically.

Prongslet is fine in moderation, I guess, but only as an inside joke, only coming from Sirius and only when Harry's a smol bean. but when it's Prisoner of Azkaban compliant I wanna claw my eyes out.

it's even worse when those terms are used not just in dialogue but in Remus or Sirius' internal monologue as if pup and cub are Harry's freaking pronouns or something. my cub, my pup, cub did this, pup did that... just call him boy or kid or his name for god's sake. I once saw sprog pop up and was delighted cuz at least it's actually british slang.

and don't get me started on Hadrian(us) James Orion Potter-Black (which is just... why the fuck would James give his son the name of his best mate's horrible father AND the last name of his horrible family?? and why would Lily agree to that?) who's simultaneously Lord Potter, Black, Peverell and Slytherin (and, sure, I have a visceral reaction to aristocracy wank in general but even ignoring that - the last 3 literally make no sense since "Lord Black" is Sirius until his death; and both Peverell and Slytherin lines bled into other families ages ago. so being a Potter automatically means you're descended from Peverells as well as being a Gaunt - from Slytherin. and the last of those is Tom Riddle Jr. but that wouldn't make any Potters "Lord Peverell"s or any Gaunts/Riddle "Lord Slytherin"s. those last names are dead. smh).

but, uh, this tangent technically has nothing to do with my initial complaints, it's just that at some point I started thinking of this naming stuff in tandem with nonsensical nicknames as they began appearing in fics together. which is a double homicide, truly.

and look, I definitely understand the desire to make Harry's original name something else cuz it fits nicely with POC Potters headcanon and Dursleys being racist dicks about it, but... Hadrian? I mean, it's not really a big deal when the fic mentions it being his full name but both narration and characters still refer to him as Harry for short - that makes total sense. however when after the name reveal Hadrian replaces Harry completely, it feels super weird and uncanny, making it hard to identify Harry's character in the story altogether.

although I guess you should all knock me off my high horse for being the biggest hypocrite ever, cuz I myself have a headcanon for Harry's name, even if it's less elaborate than Hadrian. also less Roman? that's another thing I don't get - if you want to create a better connection between Harry and his roots, why choose a name of a Roman emperor for a desi kid? since he's usually explicitly desi in all the Hadrian fics. so it's not that I have a problem with renaming him, per se, I just don't understand the choice of Hadrian.

for example, I recently read a fic where he was Pakistani and his name was originally Hami, which is a nice idea, actually, and makes sense for such headcanon. mine is Hari btw (हरि in Sanskrit), since I headcanon Potters as Indian, but I didn't come up with that name myself - just saw it somewhere a couple years ago and liked it. I think it's actually a pretty popular hc now? anyway, it's closer to Harry than any other name I've seen and has many beautiful meanings that resonate with what I think James and Lily felt towards their son. now, even though I still prefer his name being Harry regardless of ethnicity, I do entertain this silly headcanon from time to time - so yeah, I'm one to talk, boo me.

now, I probably should shut up since this rant has been entirely too negative already, but while I'm on the topic of icky names/nicknames I should circle back to wolfstar cuz gods know I'll never be brave enough to talk about this particular pet peeve in its own post.

Siri, Remu and Remy make my blood boil. Siri could be kinda cute when it's a silly childhood nickname from Regulus, but if any marauder or Lily calls Sirius that - immediate death. Si and Re are a teensy bit better in moderation and if used ironically, but still stab me in the chest. a couple times for good measure. the only somewhat acceptable short form of any of their two names for me is Rem, albeit with a stretch and only because it's an actual version of the name Remus in Catalan and Russian. I know I'm being way too dramatic about this (just like with all of my previous points) but I just don't understand the need to shorten their names. at all. they're only 3 and 2 syllables long and so mystical on their own that any shortening just makes them simultaneously more nonsensical and less remarkable.

both characters literally have established quirky nicknames in canon that you can play with and even shorten to Pads and Moons if you want. Sirius is not a digital assistant and Remus is not the main character from Ratatouille. stop this madness.

plus James is right there. his name has a ridiculous amount of diminutives - Jamie, Jimmy, Jim, Jam, Jem, Jay and even Jimbo if you're into that. why strip Remus and Sirius' magical names of their charm if you can have fun with common names? but I digress.

at the end of the day, my pet peeves are mine only and I should live with them in fragile peace. this post is a personal rant first and foremost and if you disagree, I'm genuinely happy that you enjoy the things I can't. fandom is a playground and we can all find some fun in different corners. I'd also like to point out that I'm not trying to take a jab at fic writers who use any of the aforementioned terms, names or diminutives. I'm only one person, so if I stop reading your work because of my petty biases, it's only my loss and not your problem. hundreds of other fans will enjoy it instead. so keep doing what you love and writing those characters however you want, it's your right!

so yeah, writers and readers - don't take it personally and have your fun! don't listen to me being mean! I'm just making my fandom experience way too convoluted for my own good.

[zaebeecee]

To Sever a Loveless Bond

••RadioDust Soulmate AU••

Part 10/?

First chapter | Previous chapter | Next chapter

Read on AO3

•••

Some of that promised fluff coming right at you. Also, sorry, I’m inflicting my other ships on y’all starting now, but they’ll be mostly background and you can ignore them.

Also, because I feel it needs to be stated: nothing in this chapter is meant to make you feel bad for, or sympathize with, Valentino. He is still a sinner, and so he is in a complicated situation, but most sinners are, and a complicated situation is not an excuse for evil behavior. It simply exists to further the story, as well as to highlight the fact that Val is a hypocrite.

•••

“What the actual fuck is going on in this hotel?”

Vaggie’s firm statement—which would have been basically a scream from anyone else—was out of her mouth the moment Alastor vanished from the room. Charlie watched as her girlfriend looked at the little group still gathered, the angel’s expression one of deep frustration. Nobody answered her immediately, because nobody else seemed to have any idea, either.

Dinner had been very, very weird. It had been good! It had been quite good, since both Angel and Alastor were fantastic at cooking and, since it was Angel’s recipe, there wasn’t any concern about what the… ingredients… might have been. But the mood had been weird, mostly because of the way the two sinners had been talking to each other over the course of the meal.

As soon as she had that thought, Charlie felt kind of terrible. After all, they were getting along, which was good. They were both in friendly moods. Alastor seemed like he was opening up to the idea of making friends, and that was amazing! But there was something else, something different, that she couldn’t quite identify. And now, it looked like she wasn’t the only one thinking it.

Charlie was sitting in the lounge with Vaggie, Husk, and Niffty; Alastor had been present for a few minutes, as well, but had bade them goodnight and vanished. Angel, by contrast, had gone straight to bed as soon as he was done cleaning up, which was also weird. Even if he didn’t want to hang out with any of them, he usually went out in the evening, if he could get away with it. And now, Vaggie was pacing, and that… wasn’t helping the energy.

Niffty was the first one who actually spoke in the weird silence that followed Vaggie’s questions. “Alastor and Angel are friends,” she said.

“Alastor doesn’t have friends,” Husk countered, leaning on the arm of the couch and pressing a half-full glass of ice water against his temple.

Niffty turned her head to look at him. “Alastor has Rosie.”

“Rosie doesn’t count.” Husk turned his own head just enough to return her frown. “Rosie is the exception that proves the rule.”

“Isn’t this a good thing?” Charlie asked, looking between the three of them. “I mean, yes, it… it’s a little strange, sure, but there isn’t anything wrong with it, is there?”

“You should always be worried about Alastor spending a lot of time alone with someone,” Husk said, turning his head away again.

“That isn’t even my point,” Vaggie said. “The two of them have been strange. I said as much to Angel Dust, and I know he knew what I was talking about. And I think the two of you do, too.”

Niffty tilted her head, but her expression was oddly neutral for the usually manic little sinner. “I won’t talk about it.”

“So you do know something.”

“Yes,” Niffty said, her tone not changing. “And I won’t talk about it.”

Vaggie made a noise of frustration. “Why not?”

“Because it’s not my business. It’s Alastor’s,” Niffty said with a shrug. “If he wanted you to know, he would have talked to you about it. But he didn’t. He talked to me.”

With a quiet noise of frustration, Vaggie put her face in her hands and walked a few steps away, muttering under her breath in Spanish. Charlie watched her with sympathy, but turned her attention to Niffty and Husk almost immediately. “We just want to help.”

“He doesn’t need help!” Niffty said, her expression morphing into a frown. “He knows what he’s doing!”

“No,” Husk said. “He doesn’t. Neither of them do.”

Niffty shushed him, but Charlie focused on the bartender exclusively. “Husk… what happened?”

“Don’t,” Niffty said, her voice lightly pleading.

Husk sighed. He looked at Niffty, and his expression looked sad. Complicated. “Alastor didn’t tell me shit,” he told her. “Angel did.”

Niffty didn’t look happy, but she looked away, holding her hands up like she was giving up on the situation. Husk watched her, and Charlie thought he might change his mind, but after a few moments he looked up at Charlie. “You can’t lose your shit over this. Either of you.”

“We won’t,” Charlie said, before Vaggie could get aggressive again. She reached out to her girlfriend, and when she reluctantly accepted her hand, Charlie pulled her back down to sit beside her on the couch. “We’re just worried and we want to know that nothing bad is happening.”

Husk closed his eyes and leaned his temple into the cold glass again. He looked like he had a headache. “…the kid talked to me one night about… I dunno. Two weeks ago, I guess. A little less, maybe. Didn’t want to, he made that pretty clear. It was when he locked himself up in his room that whole day. When I finally got him to get to the point, he asked me about… about soul marks.”

Charlie frowned. “He asked… …why?”

“Because Alastor, apparently, woke his up.”

Gasping softly, Charlie covered her mouth with her hand. “He what…??”

Vaggie, on the other hand, didn’t react at all. “Woke his what up?” she asked. “What are you talking about?”

“His— oh, right, you wouldn’t…” Charlie trailed off before she provided everyone with yet another reminder that Vaggie wasn’t actually a sinner. “It’s something that all sinners and Hellborn have. …well. Almost all,” she amended. “Nobody knows why they exist, but the best theory is that they’re another punishment that Hell created. They’re a mark that’s supposed to tell you who your soulmate is. When you meet and first touch, then your soul marks… become active, or wake up, and you know you’re meant to be together.”

“A perversion of the promise of happiness,” Husk said darkly. “Never seen it cause anything except unhappiness, myself.”

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed softly. “Me too.”

Vaggie frowned. “That… that doesn’t sound very happy,” she said. “Who would want Hell telling them who they’re supposed to love?”

Charlie shrugged. “Some people think they come from Asmodeus, but Uncle Ozzie assured me it’s not one of his spells. He doesn’t know, either.”

“I see.” Vaggie paused, and Charlie could hear her thinking. “…you said almost everyone,” she added, a little hesitantly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t have one,” Charlie said with a shrug. “But I didn’t think it was that weird. My parents didn’t, either. You know, fallen angel, human cast into Hell alive, it… it made sense.” She twisted her hands together in her lap, her mind conjuring up the sounds of her parents yelling at each other in another room, and did her best to banish it. “Husk, do you know… does Alastor…?”

“Angel said so,” Husk said, watching her with a critical, suspicious eye. She immediately stilled her hands. “But I don’t know myself, no. Alastor and I don’t exactly chat about that kind of thing.”

“So what are they doing?” Vaggie asked. “I don’t believe that, out of nowhere, Angel Dust and the Radio Demon have just… decided to give in to some kind of romantically cursed fate.”

“I don’t know.” Husk looked away. “And neither do they. That’s pretty obvious. But if they’re… plotting together, or something, you’re going to have to ask them.”

Charlie nodded. The silence was thoughtful, but heavy, and the princess watched the shadows on the wall flickering in the firelight. Eventually, Niffty spoke again. “I wish Cherri hadn’t moved out.”

Husk twitched, the ice in his glass rattling, but he didn’t look at her. Charlie looked between the two of them. Cherri Bomb had moved into the hotel after the extermination and Sir Pentious’ death, but only for a short period of time. It was less than a month before she was gone again, the stated excuse being that redemption was “boring and not her thing”, but it was so abrupt that Charlie knew something had happened. Vaggie squeezed Charlie’s hand, but spoke to Niffty. “Why?”

“Because if anybody knows what Angel’s thinking, it’s her. And she would be easier to talk to than Rosie.” Niffty glanced at Husk.

The maid didn’t even open her mouth before the bartender said, “No.”

“Husk,��� Niffty said, clearly frustrated.

“No, Niff,” Husk repeated more firmly, looking down at her again. “She made it pretty fucking clear she doesn’t want to talk to me, and I’m not gonna get my head blown off for trying to get her to talk about her best friend behind his back.”

Charlie frowned. “…you know her better than the rest of us do, Husk,” she said. “At least, from what I hear.”

“She did used to hang out at the bar a lot when she was here,” Vaggie added suspiciously.

“Because she drinks like alcohol is her replacement for oxygen,” Husk grumbled.

Niffty made a noise of frustration and stood up on the couch (probably only because she wasn’t wearing shoes), leaning in to Husk’s face and pointing at the door. He immediately leaned away from her, stopped by the arm of the couch from escaping, his eyes wide and his ears flicked back. “Look,” Niffty said firmly. “I don’t care if you have weird hangups, and I don’t care if you’re not a real bad boy! You’re gonna man up and you’re gonna talk to her and you’re gonna figure out how we can help Alastor and Angel!”

Husk held one hand up. “Shit, Niff, okay, fine, chill the fuck out. I’ll try to talk to her tomorrow, okay?”

Immediately, Niffty brightened. “Good!” she chirped, reaching up to pat the top of his hat before she hopped down to sit on the couch again.

“Um… thank you, Niffty, Husk,” Charlie said, smiling at them. “I guess that’s all we can do for now. We’ll keep an eye on them until we find out more.” Both Alastor and Angel were so volatile, there was no telling how they would respond to any level of probing.

It wasn’t long before they disbanded and headed off to their separate rooms. Charlie hesitated outside Angel’s door, debating knocking to see if he was okay, but she didn’t hear any sounds inside. Was he asleep? After a few seconds, she thought better of it, following after Vaggie and closing the door to their bedroom behind her.

It wasn’t until they had both dressed for bed and Charlie sat on the edge of the mattress, yawning, that Vaggie caught her hand and drew her attention. “Charlie… are you okay?”

Charlie looked at her. “I’m fine!” she said, far too brightly. It was hard not to cringe at her own tone, especially since Vaggie’s face told her that the angel could tell, too. “…why do you ask?”

“It’s… kind of obvious, babe,” Vaggie said carefully. “I know I don’t really get the whole soul mark thing, but I could tell it was getting you down. Is it because you don’t have one?”

“Oh, no, it isn’t that,” Charlie said with a quiet sigh. “It was just… it was my parents,” she said, looking away.

Vaggie waited for her to expand on that, but when she didn’t, she asked, “Because they don’t have them?”

“No, it…” Charlie exhaled in a huff that ruffled her hair briefly. “They didn’t have them, no, not for a long time. …my dad doesn’t know that I know this, but… when I was little, after I had been put to bed, I heard them arguing. They didn’t really do that, ever, so I got worried, and I…”

“…you went to see what was wrong.” Vaggie smiled a little. “You haven’t changed much.”

Charlie almost giggled. “I guess not,” she said, returning the tiny smile before looking down at her lap again. “I went to their bedroom door and listened. I just wanted to make sure they were okay. And I found out my dad…” She twisted her hands in the soft silk of her pants. “…my dad manifested a soul mate mark. And my mom didn’t. And… and his wasn’t for her.” She gestured loosely and meaninglessly. “He said that it didn’t matter, that he didn’t care about a mark, but for some reason she really, really did. It… I don’t think it ruined their marriage, but it sped it up, or made it worse, or… well, it didn’t help, at least. All it did was hurt them. I just don’t want to see that happen to Alastor and Angel, too. I don’t want this to hurt them.”

“Hey.” Vaggie took both of her hands in her own and made Charlie look at her, squeezing gently. “It won’t,” she said. “We won’t let anything happen to them, okay? We’ll find out what’s happening and we’ll figure it out.”

It was more complicated than that. Charlie knew that. But she knew Vaggie knew it, too, and arguing wouldn’t help. She had to believe everything was going to be okay. She had to. “Yeah,” Charlie said, giving Vaggie a smile that she didn’t feel, but she would soon. “We will.”

•••

Rage was exhausting.

It was even worse when rage was all you had to fuel yourself.

Valentino made another circuit of his room, his mind a cyclone of rage and half-formed plots with no middle part and a sickening feeling of Want that he had always associated with Angel Dust and had only grown darker, heavier… nauseating. The fact that his amorcito didn’t wear his mark was insulting enough.

But to know, beyond doubt, that he wore Alastor’s? That his beloved pet’s flesh was marred with an image bestowed by the soul of the Radio Demon?

How much am I going to have to lose to that fucking broken, psychotic little cervid? First Vox, and now…

Valentino seized a statue and threw it to the ground, where it shattered tile and burst in a cloud of stone dust. He didn’t even hear the door open, but he did hear it close.

“Val.”

Valentino tensed, his wings twitching on his back, before he looked over his shoulder. Vox was wearing his annoyed but resigned expression, his tie and hat gone, his jacket open, and everything about his demeanor suggestive of a very long day. The other overlord was watching him, and Valentino got the distinct impression that he was the current primary cause of that exhaustion.

“What the fuck do you want?” Valentino asked.

Vox’s eyebrow lowered further. “Look. I get it. You’re pissed,” he said, coming further into the room and waving away a small, lingering cloud of Val’s smoke. “But you have got to chill the fuck out about this.”

“How do you expect me to do that?!” Valentino snarled, rounding on Vox, his wings spreading outwards slightly on instinct. “How am I supposed to ignore this, Vox?!”

“Because… Angel Dust and Alastor are spending time together,” Vox said; it was phrased as a statement, but Valentino knew a question when he heard one.

Valentino forced his wings to lower, focusing on the light of Vox’s face. “…how have you not put this together yet?”

“Put what together?”

“They are soulmates, Vox!”

Valentino’s voice echoed in the sudden silence of the room. Vox’s eyes were wide as he blinked once, twice… and then his expression collapsed and he started laughing. To anyone else, it was a terrifying declaration of his mirth, but to Valentino… to Valentino, it was Vox’s disbelieving rage bursting forth in the only form it could without erupting from him as a scream. “You’re not fucking serious!” Vox cackled, his eyes flying wide as he stared at Valentino. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that Alastor has a soulmate? And that it’s your little arachnid whore?!”

Valentino narrowed his eyes, waiting for the sound of Vox’s laughter to die enough to speak over it. “I’ve seen Angel Dust’s mark many, many times. It’s a deer skull, complete with antlers. So you tell me, Vox. Angel Dust’s deer skull soul mark comes alive. He tells us that he has no relationship to break with his soul mate. And now, Angel Dust is seen alone, at a night club, dancing with the Radio Demon, who happens to be a deer. Is that the action your precious rival would take if Angel’s mark was unreciprocated? That would be very kind of him.”

Vox’s eyes were still wide, but his laughter had died down. His lip was curled just slightly, and it kept twitching, like he was fighting the urge to bare his teeth. “Val…”

Valentino knew he was pushing Vox, but he couldn’t make himself stop. “Sounds more like Alastor must have a little spider somewhere on his untouchable skin. Wonder how that interaction must have gone down, don’t you, mi amore? And if Alastor has Angel Dust’s soul mark, it makes you wonder what they might be doing right now—!!”

Valentino’s voice left him as his airflow was choked off by something cold, hard, and oddly flexible. He reached up and felt what had wrapped around his throat—a cable, one of the thousands that Vox had threaded through the building and could control with what was functionally Wi-Fi but might as well have just been his mind—as it tightened and yanked him backwards until he lost his footing and hit the ground. His glasses skidded across the tile floor with a soft clatter, and Vox’s sharp heeled boots clicked ominously as he moved to stand over the supine moth.

“I told you,” Vox said, in a voice full of a strange and deadly stillness, “to calm down. You will cooperate, or I will beat you into submission.”

Valentino gritted his teeth, stilling in his struggles against the cable around his throat… but it was a different feeling, the memory of something else latched around his neck, that truly made him stop. That cold, heavy, sharp, always present, blinding electric blue…

why did I let myself give it to you

Valentino nodded, just once. Vox’s eye twitched, and the cable released him, allowing him to gasp air back into his lungs. He rolled over onto his side, pushing two of his hands against the floor to keep himself up.

He could feel Vox staring at him, but soon, the other overlord turned on his heel and began slowly pacing a short distance back and forth. “Let’s say you’re right,” Vox said. “Angel Dust is well aware of his deadline, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Valentino rasped. He didn’t push himself to his feet. There were times that he could test Vox. There were times that he was even Vox’s equal. This, very clearly, was not one of those times.

“…well,” Vox said, thoughtful. “More than likely, Alastor will take care of breaking the bond for us. Not by killing him,” he said, when Valentino moved to protest, “simply by being himself. I know Alastor. He destroys everything he touches. He can’t help himself.”

Valentino swallowed past the rage in his throat. “…and if he doesn’t?”

“If he doesn’t, and if Angel Dust fails, then you will simply keep him here.”

Vox cast him a look, and Valentino knew he could stand up, getting to his feet. “Keep him here?”

“If Angel Dust fails to break the bond by his deadline…” Vox placed Valentino’s glasses in the moth’s hand, slowly folding Valentino’s fingers over them. “We will retrieve him. We have assassins on retainer, I’m sure they will be able to handle him if they catch him off guard. And then, you simply won’t let him leave.”

Valentino didn’t know what Vox was planning. It was something—Vox never proposed a plan if he didn’t have seven other unspoken reasons that he wanted it done—and it probably had to do with Alastor, because when it came to Vox… it almost always had to do with Alastor.

Valentino thought about the arch of his own foot, where he bore those strange lines that he hadn’t understood until he’d seen them on one of Vox’s electrical blueprints. When he’d asked, Vox had been in a patient mood, and had described them as the electrical symbols that represented a battery of three cells and variable resistance.

He didn’t tell Vox why he asked, but he still wondered if Vox had an antlered deer somewhere on his skin, too. He wondered, but he didn’t ask, because he didn’t want to know.

Vox was pacing again, and Valentino delicately cleaned his glasses, replacing them. “He won’t be happy,” he said. “Mi amorcito is very vocal about his freedoms, and the princessa seems to think she can exert her authority over us. Are you prepared to deal with that?”

“We will be,” Vox said. He walked up to Valentino and placed his hands on the taller sinner’s shoulders, smiling up at him as he squeezed. “Whether they break the bond or not, it won’t matter. We will take care of it is they don’t, and either way, we will make sure Angel Dust never leaves your side again, if that’s what you want.”

Valentino nodded once, resisting the temptation to bare his teeth again. “I still want to kill Alastor.”

Vox tightened his grip for just a second. “You let me handle Alastor. Don’t worry,” he added, slipping back into that voice that Velvette called his ‘placating Val’ voice. “I promise you, you’ll get all the violent revenge on Alastor you could possibly want.”

Valentino smirked. “You’re so good at talking dirty to me, baby.”

Vox laughed softly, his voice crackling with electricity. “I’ll make your wait worth it, my little white witch. I promise. And I always keep my promises, don’t I?”

“…yes, Voxxy. Always.”

•••

The next couple of days were some of the most surreal in Angel Dust’s life. He was technically still in a recovery period after his last filming session, which meant some time to himself that he was supposed to use for recuperation. It was the only thing he’d ever been grateful to Vox for… well, that, and everything else that he was granted in the name of ‘the image’. It didn’t matter why Angel had the days off, of course, because it meant no VoxTek, no shoots, and (most importantly) no Valentino.

Usually, Angel spent these days doing anything except resting, usually getting out, going to clubs, getting his hands on drugs he wasn’t supposed to have, and staying out all night. Usually. But the night after Alastor showed Angel his radio tower, the spider woke up at a reasonable time, and even though it wasn’t quite noon yet… he felt good.

Angel touched his lips, remembering the warmth of Alastor pressed against him what felt like only minutes ago. The weight of his brow against Angel’s own, the sharp touch of his claws that could have gutted him but only gently grazed his skin, the anxious flutter of his breath as he tried to keep his murderous impulses under control…

…yeah. The fact that Angel thought Alastor controlling his murderous impulses was sweet… that was concerning. So was the fact that Alastor still smelled like death and blood, and it had been almost overpowering so close, but Angel hadn’t cared. Maybe he hadn’t even minded.

“Nuggs, I think I’m nuts.”

Angel rolled out of bed, dressed, and had just stepped into the hallway with a mind towards finding some breakfast or something when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Angel turned on his heel and saw a shadow disappear around a corner, and he couldn’t control the smile that practically burst onto his face at just that little glimpse.

“I saw you,” he said in a teasing voice, clasping his hands behind his back and taking a few steps towards the corner. “Why’re you hiding from me, big boy?”

Alastor’s shadow peeked around the corner, a funny image since it was plastered to the wall, and gave Angel a grin that almost looked shy. When Angel didn’t balk, the shadow came out of hiding entirely, swooping around Angel’s own shadow and sending a terrifying chill down his spine that made him giggle. It felt, somehow, like something had actually swirled around him for a moment. As though the shadow had realized that Angel was happy to see it, the form raised its hand and beckoned for Angel to follow before its smile widened and it seemed to fly down the corridor.

“Ah— wait!” Angel said, hurrying after it, but he only got halfway down the hall before a hand reached out from a small alcove and grabbed him by the wrist. He was pulled into the alcove with a sharp squeak, the force sending him into a dizzying little spin before he was suddenly pinned with his back against the wall.

“Hello, sha.”

Angel laughed breathlessly, blinking his dizziness away only to find himself looking into Alastor’s gently glowing eyes. “Holy shit, Smiles, you scared the fuck outta me. You coulda just knocked or somethin’, you know.”

“Oh, I know. This was more fun,” Alastor said with a sinister grin, tilting his head to the side. He the reset to his neutral smile as Angel laughed again. “I didn’t know if you’d be awake.”

“Did you send your shadow to spy or something?”

“Not… precisely.” He paused, and Angel felt one of Alastor’s claws stroke along the inside of his wrist. “…admittedly, I wasn’t sure you would want to see me right now.”

Angel snorted quietly and, clearly telegraphing his movements, he raised his higher set of arms to wrap loosely around Alastor’s shoulders. “Why wouldja think a silly thing like that?”

“Thought you might have come to your senses about last night.”

“I don’t got senses.” Angel regarded him thoughtfully. “Thought you hated being touched.”

“Oh, I do,” Alastor said brightly. “And I wouldn’t recommend initiating anything like this yourself. I’ve been told I’m a little volatile!” The sheer, absurd cheer in his voice made Angel laugh again. Alastor’s expression grew a little more subdued, but his smile was no less genuine. “…there is something… different about you, Angel. I don’t mean to be trite, but your touch… The touch of others can feel like shards of glass even through my coat, but you are… soft,” he said finally, like the word wasn’t adequate but he couldn’t come up with another one.

Angel tilted back against the wall. “This part of what you want to figure out?”

“If you’ll permit it.”

“And then what?”

Alastor tilted his head, a brief buzz of confused static filling the alcove.

Angel grinned. “I mean… what happens when you figure it out?”

“No idea!” Alastor said. “That’s the fun of it, my dear, don’t you think? I never know how I might respond from one moment to the next!”

“Hoo boy,” Angel said, rolling his eyes. He couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. “Okay, fine. But I got a couplea conditions here.”

Alastor’s eyebrow went up. “I’m listening.”

“First, you gotta tell me how you’re doin’. And I mean, whenever you think it’s important, no matter how much it changes up.”

“Fair enough. And?”

“And, if your mood changes while we’re doin’ somethin’ like this, you ain’t allowed to freak out on me. I ain’t losin’ a hand or worse just cause you suddenly decided you don’t wanna be touched anymore. Just… tell me, and I’ll back off, I promise. Kay?”

“Communication. Lovely!” Alastor chirped. “This must be that elusive consent that’s so difficult to come by down here.”

“Exactly. Easy, and then I don’t lose an arm. Or a kidney.”

“Unless you consent to that.”

“Don’t you dare threaten me with a good time.”

Alastor smiled at that, hesitated, and then kissed Angel again.

It was very much the same as the night before, though more confident and certain. Afterwards, he released the spider and headed off through his shadows to do his work, and Angel was left to hum to himself as he practically danced down the hallway and the stairs to the kitchen.

That was all Angel needed to make up his mind about whether or not he was spending the day in the hotel. He suddenly became the most suspiciously helpful being in the hotel, giving Charlie a hand with her filing and aiding Niffty in some cleaning and organizing. He caught up on some of his knitting and a bit of reading, he did some prep work in the kitchen, and he took Nuggets out for a walk in the hotel’s small garden. All throughout the day, to the bewilderment of everyone else, he would randomly disappear as a hand snatched him into a shadowy corner to whisper to him, to kiss him, to make him laugh into his own hands to stay quiet. Then, Angel would emerge, and no one would see him reappear, just as they hadn’t seen him vanish… but they all knew he was gone.

It was exhilarating, in a way; thrilling, even though it seemed so low-stakes in the safety of the hotel, to be sneaking around under everyone else’s noses. Alastor seemed to be enjoying it, too, his smile brighter than usual as he tended to hotel business with Charlie or harassed Husk (though Angel thought he seemed more good-natured than usual even in that).

The next day was much the same, until two o’clock rolled around. Angel was curled up in a chair, counting in his head as he worked on his knitting, when Alastor’s voice just behind him made him jump.

“Hello, Angel.”

“Oh my fuck hi Alastor,” Angel said, frowning almost immediately. “Aww, you made me drop a stitch.”

“Terribly sorry, my dear,” Alastor said with a smile that didn’t look sorry at all. “I was heading out on an errand and I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been shut away for nearly two days now. I thought you might like to come with me.”

“Really?” Angel asked, perking up slightly and setting his knitting down. He could fix it later. “Sure, Al, sounds good.”

Unlike the last time they left the hotel together, nobody stopped them, but Angel could feel eyes following them as they headed out again. Alastor didn’t seem bothered by it, going so far as to comment as soon as they were out of earshot, “Don’t worry about them, my dear. If they have concerns, I have little doubt that they will be addressing them to me before you, and I will do my level best to redirect their attention before you fall victim to yet another interrogation.”

“I appreciate that, Smiles,” Angel said as his phone vibrated. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw Cherri had texted him, opening it up. “Where we goin’?”

< “hey bitch do u no y husk called me” >

Angel raised an eyebrow at his phone as Alastor said, “Simply dropping off Charlie’s restocking order for her, nothing taxing. I thought we might take a walk after, if you were interested.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Angel said, firing off a text response.

< “Sorry, bb, aint got no idea, did he leave a message?” >

“Everything alright?” Alastor asked. He actually sounded interested.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I think so,” Angel said. “Cherri said Husk called her.”

“Really…” Alastor sounded keenly interested now. “Old Husker, calling Miss Cherri Bomb. Oh, that is a very interesting tidbit of information.”

Angel looked at him. “You’d better not harass him over this—!” He jumped a little when his phone vibrated again.

< “lol fuck no he didnt, called yesterday n today, thot u mite no if smth was wrong” >

“Are those words?” Alastor asked, the sneer audible in his voice.

Angel jumped and pressed his phone into his chest fluff. “Don’t read my phone!”

“I didn’t,” Alastor said with an airy shrug and an unconvincingly innocent smile. “There was nothing to read, simply gibberish.”

Angel laughed quietly, texting back. “We come from the same era, old man, get with the times.”

“I refuse.”

< “Sorry hon, guess you gotta call him back” >

Angel pocketed his phone again and didn’t bother looking when it vibrated again, since it was probably just Cherri cursing at him. “Whaddya got against technology, anyway?”

“I find it an unnecessary distraction.”

Angel snorted. “You wouldn’t be able to figure out a smart phone to save your life.”

Alastor glanced at him, his eyes narrowed and his smile sharp. “Of course I could. Trivial. I simply feel no need to.”

“Sure, sure.”

“I know when I am being baited, Angel Dust. I will not permit you to do it.”

“Okay, sure, be that way, big bad Radio Demon.”

Alastor made a noise that sounded like an annoyed radio, and Angel couldn’t help laughing… but that was mostly because Alastor’s smile was still one of the most genuine Angel had ever seen.

•••

If th’ boys don’t get here soon, I ain’t gonna be responsible for them missin’ shit.

Just Millie’s luck, she supposed, that she would be the one on truck duty when the alarm went off and the surveillance camera informed her, mostly because of its scrambled image, that the Radio Demon had just left the hotel. She immediately fired off messages to Moxxie, Blitzø, and Loona (if Blitzø wanted her out then he would have to nut up and talk to her himself, she wasn’t gonna exclude the girl to make his job easier) before grabbing the equipment VoxTek had provided and hurrying out of the van.

The Radio Demon was very easy to spot, as was his companion, Angel Dust. As she followed them, Millie found herself either thinking about how cool this job was or how much better Angel Dust’s legs looked in person, both of which were not the mission. But it was the Radio Demon!

Just her luck that the one time she got an opportunity to meet him, it was through stalking him and she wasn’t actually allowed to talk to him. What a load of horseshit.

Millie kept an eye on her coworkers’ locations, but she knew she would be doing most of this herself, so she just stuck to the program as she followed the two to some kind of emporium where Alastor talked to someone behind a counter for a brief moment, and then the two left again and just started… walking around.

It wasn’t long before Millie figured out what they were doing. Casually strolling, chatting, occasionally pausing to point at something in a store… they were window shopping and going for a walk. Millie frowned to herself, wondering just what the hell made the Vees so interested in this; it looked very casual, nothing secretive or threatening, no plots being made… Why did they care so much?

From across the street and positioned behind a dumpster, Millie raised the camera that would automatically take a long series of rapid-fire pictures (necessary for Alastor, according to Vox), and she watched the two of them through the lens. They were both looking at something through a window, Angel Dust pointing, before they turned at the same time to look at each other. Millie pressed the button, and the camera began taking its pictures, just as Alastor raised his hand and brushed a stray shred of burned fabric from the pyre on the next street from Angel Dust’s hair.

Millie’s eyes widened a little and she lowered the camera, then she crouched fully behind the dumpster and looked at the screen on the back. She pulled up the previews of the images she had just took, then flipped through them to roughly the middle of the set.

They were both smiling, which seemed normal for the Radio Demon, but Millie was pretty sure this was different. Angel Dust was giggling, his cheeks pink, and Alastor’s expression… she had seen a look like that before.

She had seen it on Moxxie, the evening of their first real date, when he came to pick her up and saw her in the dress she had bought special, just for the occasion.

“You look… beautiful, Millie.”

Millie lowered the camera and stared at the ground. Suddenly, she had a very, very sick feeling about this job.

•••

Val: Makes you wonder what they’re doing RIGHT NOW

Well going by the timing they were probably making out in Alastor’s radio tower, Val

[tgmsunmontue]

Life is too short to waste time matching socks... (1/5) WIP I

Hangster and Bob/Javy/Nat - set post mission with the Dagger Squad having been made a permanent squad.

                Bradley opens his locker and startles a little as something falls onto his head from where it was obviously balanced just on the door of his locker. Two pairs of socks, still in the cardboard sleeve, one with peach emojis and the other with eggplants. His first reaction is to roll his eyes, because it’s a little juvenile, butt and dick emoji socks. He knows none of the Dagger Squadron have a problem with him being gay. It would be a little hypocritical for some of them, considering at least half of them identify somewhere in the rainbow community, and they’ve had drunken rambling talks about it, about always having to strive to prove themselves and maybe that’s why they’ve all succeeded to become as good as they are.

                “Uh… are these a joke?”

                No-one says anything and he shrugs, puts the socks into his bag for home.

…            …            …

                “You’re not subtle. Well, actually, maybe you are, because he’s not figured it out yet.”

                “Maybe he’s figured it out and is just not interested in me like that so is just… pretending to not know so he doesn’t hurt my feelings.”

                Javy and Nat both snort.

                “What?”

                “Okay, for a start, when has he ever tried to spare your feelings?”

                “We’re friends now. Sort of.”

                “Yeah. Sort of. Because he wants to dick you down.”

                “Classy Trace, real classy.”

                “I’m sorry, since when have you ever cared about class? You’ve got a hardon for a guy that wears Hawaiian shirts by choice.”

…            …            …

                “Someone gave you socks and you think they’re… playing a prank? Normally the socks are covered in itching powder, or shoes with shaving foam, buckets of water above the door, laces tied together…”

                “It’s what’s on the socks. Here. Look.”

                Mav stares at them. Looks up to Bradley.

                “Farm produce?”

                Bradley winces, he really doesn’t want to have to explain the double meaning of the emojis to a man nearing sixty.

                “God your face. I’m old, I’m not dead. I know what those mean.”

                “So, do you think someone’s making fun of me?”

                “For what?”

                “Uh. Being gay? Having a, um, actually, never mind…”

                “You a bit of a shower huh?”

                “Jesus Mav…” Bradley mutters as Mav just laughs.

                “Clearly nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe someone’s paying you a compliment. Or they have a weird way of flirting? I don’t know what you kids do these days.”

                “I think we’re too old to be classified as the kids of today, considering some of my friends have kids who they’re already struggling to understand.”

                “Everyone’s a kid to me.”

                “Yeah well, you are ancient.”

                “Hey! You’re meant to respect your elders!”

                It’s Bradley’s turn to laugh and it’s good, their relationship slowly healing. Of course, Penny sitting them both down and acting as mediator; forcing Mav to tell him that it had been his mom’s wish… He no longer has moments of fleeting anger and resentment, realizing that life is too short to hold this grudge when he’d worked around it anyway, that it hadn’t actually seriously impacted his career progression, that it had simply been the lying and lack of support which had felt like the deepest of betrayals.

                When he gets back to his accommodation he picks up the socks holds them in his hands, they’re good quality, brand new and unused and while it was clearly three pairs he’s only been given the two and he wonders if the other person has kept a pair for themselves. He’s desperate to know, a building mystery. He knows it has to be a fellow aviator, because they were delivered to his locker. So definitely an aviator. Or someone close enough to ask one of them to do it for them.

                He can figure this out.

…            …            …

                “Is this getting even more painful or is it just me?”

                “If I didn’t know better I’d think they were secretly together and winding us up, but Jake can’t act to save himself, so… he’s actually gone on him.”

                “They have a very weird way of showing each other that they like each other…”

                “Well… Rooster grew up with Mav as his role model. Were we expecting him to be normal?”

                “You raise a valid point.”

                “And Jake… well. His parents are so much older than him, his older brother pretty much raised him and he isn’t exactly the most, uh, demonstrative of guys?”

                “Is that a diplomatic way of saying he’s a bag of dicks?”

                “Don’t you like dicks?”

                “I like dicks when they’re attached to guys I like, I would make a hard pass on a bag of lose dicks just jiggling around like that…”

                Javy and Bob exchange slightly horrified looks.

                “Hey, what are you guys talking about?”

                “Bags of detached dicks…” Bob says, pushing his glasses up his nose and somehow maintaining a completely straight face.

                “I’m... I’m sorry I asked. I’ll leave you to it,” Rueben says, doing a sharp one-eighty and heading back out the way he came in.

                The three of them burst into laughter and it’s a nice break from their moan and groan session discussing the problem of Hangman and Rooster and their combined obliviousness. How they’re both so intelligent but so equally clueless makes the three of them despair.

                “Okay. I’m going to invite them both to dinner and then stand them up, so they have to have dinner together.”

                “Yeah, they could just get up and leave…”

                “No, they won’t, I’ll make sure of it,” Natasha states and the other two decide not to argue any further.

                “I’m going to suggest we do an escape room, and then need to take an emergency call… one of you are going to need to be my emergency call,” Bob says, looking between them, flushing a little as Javy simply looks at him and smiles.

                “I’m going for tried and true. I’m going to lock them in a room and then text them both and then let them sort it out.”

                “Looking them in a cupboard, real mature.”

                “As mature as them. The solution needs to match the problem. He gave him socks with butt and dick emojis.”

                “Yeah okay, you raise a fair point…”

                “Anyway, if the dinner and escape room ideas don’t work then I think we'll all be ready to lock them up. Or bang their heads together.”

…            …            …

PART TWO

[jinxed-sinner]

Tbh I think Lucifer’s identity is probably super chaotic. Like I think he's really chaotically genderfluid and I think it was affected by whatever time he spent in Eden (and I also think the other angels' identities were affected by the existence of Adam, Lilith, and Eve, but other angels stick more to traditional masculinity/femininity, whereas Lucifer’s identity depends almost entirely on his feelings and circumstances. He's identified as agender, a demiboy, just masculine, and experimented with tons of other labels he doesn’t know the term for. I also think he doesn’t give a shit what pronouns you use for him as long as you don't use she/her on him). He's able to shapeshift and he's been able to since he was in Heaven and I think after he met Adam and Lilith he did a lot of experimenting.

I 100% think he'll change whether he presents as biologically male or biologically female (or both or neither) depending on what feels most comfortable to him, and he's been doing it since he met Adam and Lilith (and I do think the other angels probably gave him weird looks for it). If someone asks him about it he just says "It's weird and it's complicated" because as comfortable as it makes him, it's weird and complicated to him. He was the only angel who did that when he was in Heaven.

I think eventually he meets a genderfluid demon who explains to him that Heaven just has (ironically and hypocritically) really weird views on gender expression and gender identity. It takes him a while but eventually he realizes that yeah, Heaven just has dumb views on genderfluidity and it was never weird or complicated in the first place, his trauma from Heaven just made it hard to explain his experience.

(I think I should clarify that when I say Lucifer’s chaotically genderfluid, I mean his identity seems to change without any real rhyme or reason. Something that seems to trigger a change in his identity might not trigger a change when it happens again for example. He essentially has no way of telling how he'll be most comfortable at any given moment because it's prone to changing so quickly)

[puffpuffmenace]

Hi hi!!

I skated to ask for damon or rasmus x gn reader who always has a camera like a hello kitty ones and will always have blackmail material on deck but won't use it >-<

Like imagine damon getting in the apartment and is asked abt it with a video of him the next day but reader doesn't really care and just says "take off your shoes next time" bs😭

I'm so sorry if this is weird or confusing:((

Anyway good night/evening/morning I hope you eat and drink well!!

I’m screaming I wrote this before but I lost it when I went to settings and came back?? I’m back now onto Tumblr! And I think that’s such a cute request, dw abt it! <3

Damon

Damon was used to playing into the Stalker Schmuck quite easily, feeling no harm when taking all those fotos from you when he had the chance. So imagine his surprise as he had stepped late at night into your home, he had thought you went asleep at this hour but it seemed like you fortunately unfortunately didn’t go to sleep! He didn’t realise his shoes where something you where bothered by, let alone have you whip out something so cute yet so awfully dangerous against him. It almost felt like a mockery and slight endearment to his professional camera when he looked down at the adorable hello kitty camera in your grasp, he didn’t exactly feel that threatened. Boy was he wrong.

He didn’t expect that from you, you—of all people—you had guts to go and take those pictures. Maybe he’s a hypocrite right now but he was right now too shocked to identify what’s which. And never in a million light years did Damon think he’d get such a threat just for being out of line in your eyes. He found it slightly attractive. Damon was hunched over your night stand next to your bed, you sleep soundlessly in the comforts of your blankets. He thought he could confiscate at that moment the hello kitty camera from your night stand, boy did he almost shriek when he felt your hand shooting out of your weighted blanket as it slammed into his, preventing him from pulling his hand and the camera from the night stand.

“Damon. One wrong move and I’m retracting the small brisket treats I leave for you when you come visit.” He froze at that. And sulked, retracting his hand. He caught you however looking through the files, the videos and pictures. You had a few pictures of him eating quite….unsavory. Saliva dripping and grasping the meat in his hand as he chomped down onto it.

His face went slightly red. That picture was taken when he came to visit a few weeks ago, he had forgotten to eat and saw you had laid out a plate of smoked brisket cooked to medium rare. And that’s where he lunged himself at. How silly, how cute. How embarrassing!

Damon’s face turned red, before feeling himself get pulled into the bed by force—he was now extremely extremely close to you! oh god this is perfect! So close to his Rosebud!— wait why are you pulling out the camera again?… OH NO! You wrapped yourself around him, keeping him in place and force him to watch the embarrassing fotos of him or videos of him you took, him even accidentally tripping in your home!-

“Rosebud please!-“

His pleas where ignored <3

The next day DG looked at him incredulously as he only looked tired, and sulky, like a wet puppy.

Rasmus

“God fuckin’ Damit Y/N!” He breathed out heavily as he tried to pull and tug and snatch the mockingly cute hello kitty camera out of your hands, he had previously teased and even slightly ignored you. So you threatened him with the most ungodly of embarrassing pictures and videos of him, that kind of dirt you had on him was a crap load! Him barfing into a fast food paper bag, high off on the crack that got sprinkled into his drink, him taking multiple shots and if he didn’t play by your rules you’d involve his dad and stepmom!

“Y/N!” He breathed pout heavily, you were so goddamn slippery that he just couldn’t grab you in place and take it from you. If he did you’d joust likely hang off on the other side of the camera like a keychain.

His face grew redder and redder in embarrassment and he breathed in heavily, grumbling has he stomped away into the staff room, that’s right, you’ve been fighting AT WORK about this! He can’t even go to a party anymore because you actually want him here for closing time!

From the corner of his eye he could see you looking through those pictures, he only grumbled more in embarrassment. He would make sure he’ll crush that darn camera if it was the last thing he’d do!

END

I hope you liked it :3 take care friend and make sure you go stay healthy ok? And if you request again, feel free to wishing for a nicknames, mx Anonymus!

[lokisasylum]

And the award for the most TOXIC and hypocritical fandom goes to...

ARMY 8D

Because the problem was never about the members having their own SOLO fandom & fanbases.

The problem is always JIMIN HAVING PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY SUPPORT HIM.

ITS OKAY... for Jimin to get dragged.

ITS OKAY... for Jimin to get hate.

ITS OKAY... for Jimin and his family to get d*ath threats.

ITS OKAY... for Jimin to get misgendered, "he's prolly gay/bi anyway" (yeah I've read some of you assholes here on tumblr say this).

ITS OKAY... for Army to continuously take STEAL credits for what Jimin stans & his solo fanbases bust their asses off day and night doing in order to keep "Like Crazy" and his other song stable.

Because "He'll only thank Armys anyway"

(Translation: Army are now openly admitting that they think Jimin is too stupid to notice that Army don't give a shit about him and will continue to thank them for the non-existent support. )

But what they forget is that Jimin is very aware of his fans OUTSIDE of the group fandom. Its why---just like the other members--he says "My fans" once in awhile; in fact he's been saying it since VIBE era, because he knows he is loved by MANY even if they don't identify as Army. Even his father knows about his solo fans. The only ones trying to gatekeep Jimin from having new/solo fans is Army, while failing to realize that their attitude towards him is actually creating MORE solos. And the SAME thing is happening with other members' solos.

Hell, I remember reading back when Jack In The Box came out TONS of "ot7" stating on X and IG that they would boycott every solo project, would ONLY hype, support and vote for GROUP related things (as well as harass anyone who refused to join ARMY). Because according to them and I quote:

"We have to force them (the members) to see that they can only strive and Army will only support them if they remain as BTS."

It's why you only see them making all these weird random Streaming Parties for OLD BTS songs, instead of helping to stream new or current releases.

Army don't care about BTS, they just care about their ego.

OT7 is DEAD, now its just 7 sub-fandoms at war with one another 24/7.

[running-with-toast]

In a perverse sort of way, even after the performance he had last night Trump probably still came off looking strong to his base. Strength for reactionaries has nothing to do with personal ability and everything to do with shunning of what they perceive as weakness (empathy, diversity, collaboration, femininity, etc.), and in their minds Trump almost certainly delivered on that front.

Reactionaries have a seemingly endless list of grievances, but I think the most fundamental issue for them is corruption. Not governmental corruption, they're more than okay with that, but moral corruption. Ideological corruption. The thing they care most about is purity.

It's why sexism, patriarchy, and misogyny are such a core part of the reactionary platform. Masculinity and femininity are polar opposites, and are only "pure" when their domains don't intersect. If a man shows any "feminine" traits, like empathy or sadness or curiosity, that's a corruption of the purity of masculinity. Deviance. If a woman shows any "masculine" traits, like confidence, aggression, avarice, a desire for leadership, that's also a corruption of the purity of masculinity.

It's what motivates their nationalism, isolationism, racism, and bigotry against migrants and queer folks. There's a desire within reactionaries to be part of The Majority. They feel that their beliefs are Normal and everyone believes the same things as them. They are pure, their community is pure, and anyone trying to change things is trying to corrupt that purity. It's why accusations of racist/rapist/felon/etc bounce off them, but being called weird drives them up the wall. Being called weird implies that they aren't the majority. It says that they are the outsiders, which they can't abide. It's why they go after immigrants and black people. Whiteness is Purity, and brown people moving in next door is a Corruption of that purity. It's why they hate queer people so much. Blurring the lines of gender and sexuality is a Corruption of the Purity of Masculinity and Femininity. It's why they hate higher education. Those teachers are Corrupting Your Kids with their Deviant Ideology.

It's why Donald Trump is their godking, and Kamala Harris is their worst nightmare. Trump is a rapist, a bigot, a greedy cruel vain bloviating jackass. He's everything a Strong White Man should be. Kamala Harris is a black woman, and I could honestly stop there, but she's also confident and forceful and a strong leader, everything a woman shouldn't be. Kamala Harris is everything reactionaries hate.

It's why they don't care about the truth. Liberals will call Trump a hypocrite and a liar and a pathetic babbling old man and they'll be right and it won't shift the needle a single inch, because neither he nor his supporters care about the actual words he's saying. The message is what matters, and as long as the message is Pure, anything he says in support of that message might as well be true. Immigrants eat cats? They obviously don't, and neither Trump nor is supporters believe it. The message is that immigrants are Outsiders, so it might as well be true. Schools are providing litter boxes for kids who self-identify as cats? Obviously not true, but the message is that Schools are Corrupting Your Kids with Deviant Ideology, so it might as well be true. The Jews Deep State is kidnapping kids to harvest blood adrenochrome? Outsiders, might as well be true. The Muslims are coming to bomb your house? Might as well be true. The Communists are coming for your money? The Queers are coming for your kids? The Blacks are coming for your women?

Might as well be true.

[din-skywalker]

Reading through your Miguel tag… it’s such a nice refresher from what I’ve been seeing in other online spaces as of late. I have a big gripe with how people are handling his behavior and refusing to take in the deep psychological gash that is watching an entire world dissipate before your very eyes because of a decision *you* made. I hate the jokes about him overreacting or being “crazy”. I don’t know if it’s because I’m autistic (haha) or something, but I never once found him to be as irrational or rude as people say he is. Not to say that, in general, he isn’t.

A lot of people are making Miguel out to be an elitist, egotistical, unreasonable mastermind. Why are we forgetting that an antagonist does not need some sort of jarring malignancy to be an antagonist? The missing pieces of the puzzle that is SV Miguel are meant to elicit a sense of mystery. The problem is it’s very easy to take that lack of information and replace it with inaccurate assumptions. All of a sudden, Miguel isn’t capable of flawed thinking, he must be incorrigibly wrong. It just sucks to see such a multifaceted character get misunderstood so deeply. :/ It’s nothing new in fandom, but it never stops being frustrating. There are several lines in the movie that pretty much sum up his motivations perfectly, and they are uttered in very important scenes too. Either people don’t sympathize with him, or they project what they find attractive onto him and still misconstrue in the process. What a sight.

On another note, however, I’m really fascinated with his place as Miles’ persecutor. He’s so caught up in his own grief (as anyone in that position would be) that he unknowingly allows for it to bleed into the very framework of his life. It’s part projecting onto Miles, part trying to salvage himself from the unbearable guilt of his mistakes, part feeling a genuine duty to protect. It’s funny how in a way, Miguel is presenting a philosophy that contradicts what the movie is building up as what being Spider-Man means. It’s about a spider-person’s response to tragedy, not the tragedy itself. It’s kind of telling on what Miguel thinks of his own life that he begins to identify with these pains so deeply. But despite that, in a weird way, he’s also simultaneously being a “true” Spider-Man by rising up against that regardless. Though, I guess you could say that saying that is hypocritical. That’s what I think anyways, could be wrong. Even someone like Miguel falls for basic emotional needs like community and safety, cause he’s (part) human too. Imagine seeing thousands upon thousands of people just like you. Beneath your frustrations, it’s still solidarity. I don’t know.

Beyond that emotional stuff Miguel is flexible, he is capable and responsible in the ways he can be and that is what we see in SV2. Is it puritan, or even good? Nope. But. He’s just a silly guy. Not saying that I like seeing some kid get bashed against a train ofc lmao.

Anyways I’m terribly sorry for rambling so much in your asks, hope you don’t mind. Have a good day.

i agree with everything you just said and don't even feel like i need to add anything. thank you 😌

[josephinevalor]

Jane Eyre

By: Charlotte Bronte 

Pages: 691 

Jane Eyre (Character):

I absolutely loved her. She is assertive, stands up for herself but in a way that’s appropriate for the time period, independent, grateful, and hard working. She also struggles and succeeds in having a degree of autonomy, independence, and self-determination in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. To an extent, I identify with her.  And her struggles show how far women's rights have come but also how far they still have left to go.

Writing Style:

Surprisingly, it flows nicely and I didn't had any trouble understanding it. I also loved how poetic it was. After a good amount of YA, it was a welcomed break. There are a good amount of moments in the book that felt profound and quotable.

Characterization:

I love how full and complex the characters are. They feel like “real people” to such a high degree. Especially Jane Eyre. Reading it I almost felt like it was Charlotte’s diary NOT a character, which makes sense, since Jane Eyre’s life is pretty similar to Charlotte’s.

After this point, there will be spoilers!!

Mr. Rochester:

I did not like him (as Jane Eyre's love interest). He is too physical in parts of the book. Like he comes on Jane Eyre way too strong. At times, he comes across as overly controlling. And overly demanding. Which would have been fine if the book didn’t try to portray it as a romance. Like him lying about his first wife, while a serious offense, was not even the biggest reason why I didn’t like him. I understand this book is supposed to be a “romance” but I didn’t find it “romantic.” Mostly because I didn’t find Rochester to be romantic.

The Plot:

At first is a coming of age story. Then a romance with elements of mystery. And arguably a weird love triangle between Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester and St. John. I’m saying a weird love triangle because St. John doesn’t want to marry Jane Eyre out of love but he did propose to get married. And this weird love triangle made me wish Jane Eyre remained single. Like I wasn’t team John or team Rochester. I was team “none”. 

The Ending:

I did not like the ending. I did not like that she married Mr. Rochester. I understand why it had to be done. A story with a female protagonist ending up a spinster at that time would have been unthinkable. And the line of “I married him” was considered controversial enough, since it signified that it was Jane Eyre making the decision rather than Mr. Rochester. Thus, it signified a shift in agency that usually was not given to women at the time. But still.... Jane Eyre deserves so much better.

Themes:

Gender Roles: The book, in a lot of ways, is feminist. Jane Eyre earns for independence and stands up for it (which is what makes her such a great character).

Social Class: Through out the novel, the strict social hierarchy of Victorian England is emphasized. Jane Eyre is at an interesting position as a governess. She is, on one hand, close to the upper class because she knows and has to follow their customs. But on the other, she is their employee and her small earnings lead to her vulnerable position. This is evident with how she is treated by Mr. Rochester, how she runs away penniless and almost dies, and how she is warned about the marriage by Mrs. Fairfax.

Religion: Through out the novel, Jane encounters different versions of religion. Mr. Brocklehurst's hypocritical and punitive in her childhood, Helen Burns's passive, meek, and subservient, and St. John's ambitious within the context of serving God. Through out the novel, Jane continues to have a belief in God and while that belief is influenced by those characters, she forms her own principles surrounding faith and religion. Those principles are based in interacting with the world rather than trying to hide from it, being grateful and loving instead of hateful, and finding a balance between earthly pleasures and religious duty.

Overall Rating: 4/5 Stars

[henshin-9]

Look, I yell that I hate the BT and DZ fandom (and honestly the Jrock fandom in general) a lot. Not everyone tho, my friends are BT and DZ fans, they are the evidence to me that not everyone is trash. And I have spoken to some people online that... well the chats die or we don't really get along too well but they weren't bad people at all, not getting along isn't enough for me to scream they suck cause sometimes stuff just doesn't work and that's fine.

I wanna explain what I mean when I yell about the trash of the fandom. I won't be giving names (except one), but I will be giving reasons.

We have:

Clowns who go "minors DNI" but will send and request nudes when in contact with 17 year olds AND UNDER or write insanely sexual stuff around them. (17 is still a minor, pedos, and everything under that age is even fucking worse)

People who claim Atsushi was abusive towards his cats cause the cat pics are "clearly" just for attention... like bruh, there are quite some cat pics, sure, especially of Tsubaki... but do you even realize for how many years this man had cats? Compared to those years, there aren't many pics at all... that is like just a few pics per year, probably not even once a month. If he wanted to "exploit his cats for attention" he would have made a social media where he would show content of his cats daily doing the weirdest shit with them. Did he? No. He wasn't abusive.

Fuckers that claim Atsushi was a predator, especially towards young girls... uhhuh, look idk if you've seen this man before but if he would go after anyone it'd be your grandparents.

We have some hypocrite clowns who will indirectly call your work or art trash or will otherwise offend you and then yeet a "lol" behind it.

Clowns without a personality who just copy whoever the fuck they last spoke to, different person every week the fucking mysteryboxes of the fandom and sadly they often copy someone from the rest of this list.

People who want to share content but if the content is already online, will bully the other uploader to take it down (have heard too many stories about this, too many people had it happen to them but haven't seen it myself. Yet, Ive heard it more than once so I believe it)

Ableists... yeah people, autism and ADHD really do exist, other mental illnesses can also make people be a bit weird sometimes, some of us are really struggling with it... it's not fake news -_-

Stalkers.

Art thiefs.

Hypocrites (will complain about what someone else did and then do the exact same like it isn't an issue anymore suddenly)

And as much as I want to avoid names... if I have to explain this one we'll be here for a month so uh... if I say "Gekka Reijin" most people will understand what I mean cause holy FUCK get professional help...

Like I am also not a fan of gatekeepers, people who are insanely quickly offended even if you didnt mean to offend them and they won't forgive it no matter what (like bruh I say sorry and didn't even mean it the way you all see it but whatever I guess. Why did this happen several times I am literally trying to be careful about what I say and how I say it. Idk what to do anymore about this), people who will fight you over having a different opinion and people that just suddenly ignore you while you don't even know wtf happened (like wtf just tell me what your problem is cause idk what I did)... but they aren't necessarily bad people, I just don't work with them but they are NOT what I mean when I'm bitching about the fandom... even tho I don't like em. It's the disgusting fuckers that I yell about.

Anyway my DMs are open ONLY to people who do NOT identify with this goddamn list. If you are like any part of the list, please do not speak to me.

Minors can talk to me but not about NSFW topics.

P.S. I'm also not a fan of the VK war fighters. BT is VK or BT isn't VK. Toll said they aren't VK but if someone wants to believe BT is VK then whatever... no need to start a whole war about it. Also other Jrock related social wars like just let people be... like you can yell about it, sure, but omg don't scream at people specifically and call them names just cause you don't agree with em.

[deviantartdramahub]

I am just going to say this about the group of people who 'attacked' me so to speak, yeah regarding That Fat Fetishist my story and how I tell it is different than his...and yeah I think he's a fucking hypocrite for being all 'oh Jabba from the book Digital Fortress is a stereotype fat guy and his name comes from a star wars character, the author hates fat people'  while also being all 'oh boy, Doctor Robotnik from the 90s Sonic cartoon is sexy as fuck'.   I don';t even remember stalking him on storygraph or even have a storygraph account up until now.

I only knew that he posted about hating fat characters being stereotyped in his review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and his review of Digital Fortress, oh and he also said he thought at first Fat by Weird Al was fat-phobic when it was a parody song.

His main account is political garbage and gamer stuff on twitter while his After Dark stuff is smut, yeah...naked fat men stuffing themselves and trying to be sexy, rule34 of animal characters, horny thoughts/hot takes that should have been burned away in the oven, questionable choices in general.  The fact that gross obviously mature content is allowed on Twitter/X anyway disgusts me but if I have to keep blocking every single fat fetish account I see only to get 'we have found this user hasn't broken the senstive content rules' everytime, i'm sorry but maybe that stuff BELONGS on rule34 sites or tinder or whatever desperate men like him using to get dates.

For the main part...I did not say that either him or his friends could have been Anonymousdevi but I still have the web archive link to prove it was something that indeed happened.  I was put into the 'transphobic' accusations because of this, and then later put into the 'groomer' category,  look I only referred to transformation as a fetish once, I don't treat it like it is one.  But the fact the person who admitted they were the ones behind the devi account was speaking in first person does not narrow it down since it could have been anyone, yet i'm still  miffed Devi did not get reported or found out.

And the grooming accusations were based on roleplays I did ages ago and yeah in the document it was indeed stated that the person I did with them who I shall always call 'Ex Bestie' said they did not want to tell me how old they were because they felt they'd be uncomfortable, well...how do you think I feel everytime they do that to me?  'how old are you?'  i'm 18+ my man, woman, whatever these people identify as.  That is all you need to know.

Also Fat Fetishist believes people shouldn't use the term 'Bear' to describe a hairy straight man when i've heard that term be used several times, having a boyfriend and being gay yourself does not mean you should be allowed to speak for all people of that orientation.  That's what all anti-straight gays sound like.

Also note that the document said they don't encourage harrassing me while also saying they think it would be ideal if I got banned, okay, why do they act like I am not aware of my bad past actions?  I am aware of them, I just don't sympathize with people who act like i'm being rude or stalking them for no reason because I think they are paranoid nutjobs. I have other people I obsess over besides them, you know.

[sapphire-weapon]

what are your thoughts on the horniness and thirst around leon since the remake came out? and all of the content that comes with it (reader inserts, actual animated p0rn etc)? i saw some teens complaining that it was weird and 'ruining the fandom' - but i didn't really think anything of it since, yk, fandoms are gonna fandom, it is what it is (and it's leon so, it's not surprising).

i remember you mentioning that back in 2005, it was very hard for RE fans to talk abt leon outside of his relationship to ada, so i was also wondering how the fandom dealt with general leon-induced horniness back in the day

oh, this might be my favorite ask I've gotten in a while.

/gleefully rubs hands together

First off, teenagers need to shut the fuck up about the fandom. There used to be a time when you'd go into the Resident Evil tag here on Tumblr and you'd get a bunch of weird model viewer porn of Chris banging Dante or someshit. Early RE fandom was filled with a bunch of zombie-on-Jill (and later, Claire) porn. Sometimes it was even zombie dog porn. I don't wanna hear shit about anything porn-related from some fuckin kids who don't know just how depraved this fandom has been. This fandom was built on fucked up porn.

So, in a similar vein, that Leon thirst has always been there. Always, always, always. Do you think that Leon almost overthrew Chris as the face of Resident Evil because fans just... "liked his character"? NO. IT'S BECAUSE WE WANTED TO FUCK HIM. We wanted him in every hole, in every position, and we didn't care what we had to do to get Capcom to give him to us. The only reason why Chris was never dethroned was because the gays circled the wagons around him with RE5's release.

However.

Reader fics and self-inserts are a very new and recent phenomenon in fandom spaces. Even as recently as the mid-2010s, this was something unheard of. Fandom OCs were not okay. If you had a fandom OC, or if the fandom even suspected that you were self-inserting in any way, you got publicly shamed and sometimes even exiled from fandom spaces.

But there was one big, hypocritical problem with that mindset.

If you can't already see where this is going, let me help.

This is the reason why Aeon vs Cleon got as toxic and volatile as it was, back in the day.

Oh, yes. Fans would pick which of the two women they identified with more, and that ship became their vehicle for Leon smut. So, now, it wasn't just a ship. Now, it was personal -- because fans were using Ada or Claire to self-insert in a socially acceptable way. So, if someone rejected Cleon, and you were Team Cleon, chances are, you took that as someone saying "You're not good enough for Leon. You don't deserve him." -- even if you didn't consciously realize that that's what you were doing or how you were perceiving things.

Back in the days of LiveJournal, you found so many fics of just blatant OOC shit, because it wasn't really about Claire or Ada as characters. It never really was. Ada and Claire were just a means to the end goal that was Leon's cock.

So, if nothing else, modern-day fandom is a lot more honest.

Personally? I'll never be interested in reader fics because of how taboo it was for literally my entire life -- I will always see it as cringe, and I will always question that person's grasp on the line between fiction and reality, even though I know consciously that that's not fair for me to do, and that author isn't doing anything that I wasn't thinking about at their age. But prejudices gonna prejudice.

But I'm fucking stoked that I can talk openly about Leon's cock these days, and I don't have to filter it through some fucking ship that I don't care about. I can just sit here and say to you guys -- hey. I think Leon's into edging, and he secretly wants someone to make him beg, but he's too much of a control freak to allow it, so he just makes his partner beg instead. And no one fucking gives a shit!

It's so freeing. I'm so happy.

[showfallmediamaintenance]

[Video transcript begin.] 

[The recording starts out facing down on a soft surface, the TV making unintelligible noises in the background. This scene continues for 1 minute and 28 seconds. It is interrupted by a sharp knock on a door. The phone is picked up and placed in the front pocket of a dress shirt, just barely catching two blurry shapes darting off to the left. A door shuts in the same direction, and the individual who picked the phone up moves to the front door, clearing their throat before opening it.] 

[On the other side stands a woman who appears to be roughly in her mid twenties, with short reddish dirty blonde hair and gray-blue eyes behind a pair of round silver glasses. In her hands is a small Tupperware container, and she looks up with a nervous expression.]

?: Hello?

[Voice identified: Edgar.]

??: Sorry- Hi. Are you Edgar?

Edgar: Uh, yes? Why?

??: Just- Uh. My name's Riley. Woodsong. I'm your neighbor, a few floors down.

E: Hm, well. Nice to meet you, Riley. 

[She gives an uncertain smile.]

R: I'm sorry this is gonna sound really weird, but uh, I was told about you, and uh. I was worried, so-

[She holds up the Tupperware container.]

R: I didn't know what else to do, so- Would you mind cookies?

[Edgar pauses, trying to think of a response. He shuffles awkwardly for a few seconds.]

E: I mean, sure. Why not? 

[Riley shuffles her feet for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to do.]

E: Oh! Um, do you want to come in? 

R: Sure, okay, if you don't mind-

[Edgar turns from the door towards the couch, and moves into the apartment, allowing Riley to also enter. He sits down on the couch. She follows in after him, and sets the container on the side of the couch, clicking off the lid.]

R: I didn't know what would be a good option, so there's a bit of a selection.

E: I’m really fine with anything, it was really thoughtful of you to bring those. Thank you.

[Riley shrugs a bit and tips the container towards him.]

R: I uh- Didn't exactly have anything better to do tonight, and there are way too many cookies in my fridge for just me, so.

E: Yeah, I– Hey!

[Edgar cuts himself off as he notices Acorn reaching for a cookie. He tries to grab for the squirrel, but misses, and Acorn scurries just out of reach, and begins eating his stolen cookie. Riley pulls her hand back with a noise of surprise. ]

R: Is that a squirrel? Is that even legal?

[He freezes, attempting to put together a logical explanation for why he has a squirrel in his apartment.]

E: Haha… Um. No, it’s not legal. He just found his way in here one day and… yeah.

R: I mean.. sure? I mean, I think I'd be a hypocrite if I got upset about an exotic pet.

E: Not exactly exotic if you can find one in the park, though.

R: Well it's not exactly a cat or dog, is it?

E: You’ve got me there, I think he could pass for a rat, though. If I ever needed to make up a cover story for him, I’d go with that.

R: I'm gonna be honest, I don't think anyone and not realize it's a squirrel. Have you ever seen a rat? They don't look like that.

[After a moment of hesitation, she sits down on the couch a distance away from him.]

E: Uh, you said you’d been told about me? What… sort of things were you told? 

R: Oh- Well. Hm. Very.. concerning things, mostly. Those people seemed very.. eager to spill your private life.

E: Ah, based on the people you’ve just described… I can assume it’s all the bad stuff. 

R: Well not bad just- Worrying.

E: The line between those two has gotten pretty blurred lately, so kind of the same thing, there.

[Riley wrings her hands together, a bit of uncertainty in her expression. She reaches into the Tupperware and grabs a cookie for herself, revealed to be oatmeal raisin, and offers a chocolate chip one to Edgar.]

R: I'm.. not gonna pry too much what that means. I just know that.. You seem like a good person, I mean I just met you so I wouldn't know for sure but-, you just.. Don't seem to be in a good place. Is what I've gathered.

[Edgar begins bouncing his leg, and clears his throat again. Seemingly very tense.]

E: How much did they tell you?

R: ..Too much, I think. I.. They told me what you did today, if that gives you any idea.

[His hands move to the side of his torso the stick had been stuck through just one month ago, subconsciously.]

E: Great. They were in a sharing mood today.

R: Apparently… I don't know what sort of shitty people follow you that would be so comfortable saying the shit that they told me. It's horrifying, honestly.

E: Yeah. I’ve gotten used to it, though. So…

R: I don't think I can quite verbalize how concerning that is. You know you don't have to look at those, right?

E: Well… They’re really the only way I can be informed of things that happen with people I know. So I just have to deal with whatever they throw at me, just in case it’s good news.

[She shifts to face him, a very concerned look on her face.]

R: People on tumblr should not be your only source of information. Do you not have their numbers or something? Surely there's a better way to do that.

E: It’s, uh… complicated. Very, very complicated. 

R: How so? Putting up with horrible people should not be the only way for that.

E: Well… Uh, I don’t exactly know how to put this… The people I know aren’t exactly able to call certain numbers? 

R: Are they in a cult or something? That sounds deeply concerning.

E: No! No, nothing like that! They have… company phones. And the company doesn’t want the phones to be used for personal calls…?

[Riley just looks confused. She takes a bite out of the cookie before responding.]

R: I.. suppose that makes sense? Also, are you going to eat that or not? You shouldn't let the squirrel get to it, they probably can't have chocolate.

E: Oh! Yeah! Sorry!

[Edgar grabs and takes a bite out of the cookie before Acorn can reach it.]

R: I hope that me and uh, Kalee, aren't the only ones who like my baking. 

E: The cookies are great, Riley, I haven’t had a cookie this good since I was around… 11?

R: Well that's just a tragedy! Homemade cookies are one of the greatest joys of life, you have been robbed.

E: Yeah, I don’t even remember why we stopped baking things. I was missing out.

R: Oh definitely. You should learn how to bake, it's a lot of fun.

[He chuckles, embarrassed.]

E: I’m… not really a baking person. Or a cooking person. And there is definitely no context behind either statement.

R: That sounds like there is definitely context. What was your great disaster? Everybody has one. I somehow set spaghetti on fire once.

E: I have never had a disaster happen in the kitchen in my life.

[A door creaks open to their left, the camera turns to face it, and someone pokes their head out, grinning.]

?: He lit a pot of water on fire!

E: Oh, shut up, Leon! 

[Leon laughs, and retreats back into the room he was in before, leaving Edgar to try to explain his cooking blunder. Riley looks at him very perplexed and amused, before she starts laughing.] 

R: You set water on fire?! How did you manage that?!

E: I don’t know! There were like, four people watching me cook at the time, and none of them know, either! 

R: It takes skill to mess up that bad, dude!

E: I didn’t even put anything in it! I had started less than five minutes before it happened.

R: I don't even know how you managed to screw up so bad you somehow broke physics.

E: It was the most ridiculous ten minutes of my life, I’m never going to live it down.

[Riley laughs.]

R: I don't see how anyone could let you! That is a big thing for a big disaster! 

[The door creaks open again, and Leon once again appears.]

Le: Don’t forget what happened after! You slipped into the middle splits!

[Edgar slumps over as Leon retreats again, laughing loudly.]

R: Now that's just impressive! Did you do gymnastics or something?

E: Close, ballet.

R: Now that's impressive. Honestly, ballerinas have my utmost respect, for being able to even do that.

E: Yeah, it’s some really intense stuff, not for anyone who just wants to do it for fun.

R: It's some really physically intense shit, I've seen it firsthand from the times we've worked with them at the theater. I have a lot of respect for dancers, it's very interesting to me, though I can't do it myself, 'cause, y'know.

[She gestures vaguely at herself.]

E: Hey, there’s no set look for a dancer! If that’s what you mean.

[She gives a bit of a smile and shakes her head.]

R: No, trust me I know that, it's just, well, can't do what I used to, so I switched to behind the scenes roles instead.

E: Ah, yeah. That makes sense. As a kid I always loved the idea of being on the stage, but–

[He pauses, carefully considering his next words.]

E: –I guess I just lost the motivation.

[She tips her head to the side, and looks at him for a moment.]

R: Well that's a shame. But, maybe it doesn't have to stay that way. You could always come down to the theater and help out, we're always looking for new volunteers. 

[Edgar grabs the fabric of his pants and clenches his fist, trying to hide any negative emotion in his voice.]

E: No, I’m alright, thank you for the offer, though! Really appreciate it!

[Riley pauses and looks at him for a moment, something flashing behind her eyes, but she apparently decides on not mentioning it.]

R: Alright, that's okay. If you don't want that talked about it's fine, we can move to something else, but the offer is always open, the club is a friendly bunch.

[He visibly relaxes, his hand letting go of the fabric he was clutching moments before.]

E: I… Thanks. 

R: ..It's alright. Uhm. Kalee, my friend, is the stage director, and uh, she helped me bake these. I guess I have the best teacher in the world, heh, with how much I've improved.

E: ‘Best teacher in the world?’ Hm, I’ll take your word for it.

[She gives him an almost incredulous look.]

R: Listen, I may be biased 'cause she's my best friend but she may as well be a miracle worker! Trust me you would not be willingly eating those cookies if they were how I used to bake four years ago. You could use those things as charcoal.

E: Huh, yeah. Fair enough.

R: Everyone has to start somewhere, and I started by burning the flour so much I got the fire department called once.

E: Ha! That reminds me of something that happened to me, back in 1986– I mean, uh! When I was younger! My mom asked me to help her with baking, and I accidentally set the oven to the highest heat. My neighbor thought someone died before they could turn the oven off.

[Riley laughs, falling back against the couch a bit.]

R: I mean, you gotta test the smoke alarms somehow, right?

E: Yeah, that’s actually how we found out one of them wasn’t working.

R: Hah! So it worked out in the end anyway. 

E: Mhm, if I’d done it right, we probably would’ve found out the hard way.

R: Yeah, your mom should've been grateful, you practically saved her life!

[Edgars shoulders sag, sinking further into the couch.]

R: ..You okay there?

E: Heh, uh. Yep, all good! Don’t worry about it!

R: Mmmm I've heard that too much from- ..from my partner, to know that's probably a lie.

E: Fine, you got me… I… My mom died a couple years back, just a little sad about that. 

[Something shifts in her expression, and her voice lowers slightly ]

R: Oh, I uhm. Sorry about that. I get touchy subjects, I'll watch it.

E: Hey, you didn’t know, it’s fine. 

R: Still, I feel a bit- bad, about it. I.. never really knew my mother, so I don't quite get it, but. Y'know.

E: Again, don’t worry about it. Maybe we should change the topic, though… 

R: Yeah, sure, uhm… Pulling out the social interaction scripts, uh- What do you do for a living?

E: IT in one of the office buildings downtown.

R: Oh, that's neat. Bit of an odd career choice for a supposed theater kid and former ballerina, but y'know you do you.

E: Yeah, I double majored in theater and computer science. 

R: Oh that's fun. Where'd you go to college?

E: CWC, how about you?

R: Oh hey same, that's crazy! 

E: Huh, small world, eh?

R: Apparently! I didn't double-major, I was majoring in musical arts and minoring in technical theater. ..The minor may have just been so me and my partner could share classes, haha.

E: Hm, if my then-girlfriend and I had thought of that, we would’ve done that.

R: Yeah, it was uh, it was their idea. They were uh.. really smart.

E: ‘Were?’ 

[Riley goes silent for a minute and fiddles with her hands, looking off to the side.]

R: ..Yeah, uh..  They uhm. They disappeared, four years ago.

E: Disappeared… Hm. I’m really sorry to hear that, Riley. That must be awful.

R: Heh.. That's uh, one way to put it. Understatement of the century, maybe.

E: … Someone I know had something similar happen. It was terrible, I hope you’ve been getting a little better over the years?

[She keeps her eyes planted on the floor in front of her.]

R: Heh. It uh.. never really gets better, when you lose someone. I gotta keep living my life, but.. y'know, that space in my life will never really.. be filled, or go away, until they come back.

E: I’ll never know what it’s like to be in your shoes, Riley. I hope that things get better for you soon, you’re a good person, you deserve to be happy.

[She cracks a bit of a smile and shrugs.]

R: I mean, that's why I'm going to therapy, so. ..Maybe uh, take some of your own advice. I have help, I'm in a good place, support wise anyway, I'm not really who should be worried about.

[Edgar chuckles.]

E: I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be alright.

[Riley just looks at him for a moment.]

R: I've heard that before. Word for word. From.. from Lylah, all those years ago. I didn't know that it was a lie then, but I know better now.

E: I– No, I’ll be alright. I’m not lying. I swear. 

R: I know you're trying to make me not worry, but you seem to forget why I went up seven floors to give cookies to a guy I'd never met before.

[Edgar hesitates before speaking again. Considering his options.]

E: I… Uh…

R: I just. Don't.. try and play dumb with me. As much as I wish they hadn't for the sake of your privacy, those people told me where your mind is right now. ..I've lost people to that. I have good reason to worry.

E: Damn… You really know how to bring someone's walls down, Riley. 

R: Sorry, I just. Uh. I have practice, I guess. When you date someone as stubborn as Lylah for.. gods, what was it, eight years? You pick up things.

E: It’s a good skill.

R: Yeah, but uh- Don't try and use that to dodge the topic. Please.

E: Shit– I– Acorn, the hell are you…?

[A brown blur envelops the camera as the squirrel enters Edgar’s shirt pocket. A quiet gasp is heard as Edgar notices the transcript light on. He discreetly pulls the phone out and manually ends the transcript.]

[Transcript end.]