#hi!! i'm so goddamn tired
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Foul Legacy greeting you after a very physically and mentally taxing day. just getting home extremely tired and being scooped up by a pair of sturdy arms, a single crystalline eye staring at you, overjoyed. when you lean against his fluff he knows you're exhausted, chittering quietly and carrying you to your room. it's finally quiet in there, the curtains drawn shut over the windows and the constant noise of the outdoors muffled- in fact, the only thing you can hear is Legacy's soft, constant purring as he sets you down.
you feel the blanket being tugged over your shoulders and wordlessly reach out to grab Foul Legacy's claw, smiling at the surprised chirp he lets out. silently you tug him closer, motioning for him to lay down next to you, and he complies with delight, rumbling contently when you sling an arm over his waist and snuggle closer. you hum, the stress draining from your body as you're finally comfortable- nothing is too hot, too cold, too loud, too bright- you're safe and happy here, with an Abyssal monster beside you.
you lean up to give Legacy a quick peck before settling down for a nap, and just before you drift off, you swear you feel a small lick on your cheek.
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#gi ajax#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#genshin x reader#childe x reader#hi!! i'm so goddamn tired#i walked forrrr *counts* like 6 hours#had some very stressful Situations#and then had a good tasting dinner in a very warm and VERY loud restaurant#restaurant: *has the most noises ever*#me just trying to eat my salad: i am trying so hard not to cry#tomorrow i just want to feed birds please just let me feed birds at a park or something#noises!!!! awful!!!! bad!!!!#except moth purring moth purring good#short scenario#wifi's brainrot#good evening :)
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the way people care more about jason fighting tim than like any other rogue fighting tim during his robin run is...!
"they're brothers! jason is so horrible to attack his little brother."
aside from the obvious twinkification of tim, stop pushing the family narrative on two people who did not see each other as siblings at that moment.
#and also stop seeing tim as a 5 year old#jason fought him to prove a point#sometimes i wish he really did some serious damage to tim just so you guys would have something reasonable to complain about#gosh a 16-17yr old crime fighter who fights people like bane for a living definitely has trauma from a guy two years older than him#fighting him#yes jason todd the kid who was murdered for being robin would definitely go out and kill the next kid who is robin#because yessss his whole point is that he's jealous of the next robin and therefore needs to harm him worse than the joker harmed jason#like please i'm so tired of this discourse#why the fuck would jason- the child murder victim who died as robin and bc of batman taking on a child soldier- want to kill the next robin#you'd think the narrative that jason tried to kill tim would only be in like some fics#but nope! it's in every goddamn batfam fic i've ever read to this day#not even exaggerating#anti tim drake#anti batfam#jason todd#red hood#batman#dc
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someone needs to send simon to me RIGHT NOW. i am so sick of carrying my heavy shit around i want him to treat me like a princess and just like... think for me. he can make the decisions bc i'm done i'm tired i need a break
need him to chauffeur me around pls i don't have my license yet..... i'll give him kisses (everywhere).
this is a psa for simon riley: come find me!!!
#I'm like actually#I'm so tired#I'm sleepy all the mf time#if he was here I'd be asleep in his arms rn#why is he not real#but seriously my bags are so goddamn heavy every fucking day and just... I'm done#send him to me NOW#need a big beefy man to take care of me#maybe I should start going to rugby games and look lost#that's a great idea#it's not even 10pm why am i nodding off#simon x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#cod x reader#vi.muses
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On the topic of Raphael and him "being bad in bed".
Okay I'm only ever going to talk about this at length once and then never again. I've been avoiding talking about it until now because bringing it up always just seems to keep this topic in circles and it becomes an endless pit of nothing.
First of all, I know most of the time (like maybe 70% of the time) it's for the lolz. I get it. Hell, Raphael fans will be the FIRST to quip about this.
BUT
For those taking it seriously one way or another... It becomes such old hat VERY fast.
Those who use it as a jab towards Raphael havers are... Kinda dumb. Because it's like... Okay, and? You act as if somehow negates the entirety of his character somehow just because "HAR HAR HANDSOME DEVIL MAN IS BAD AT SEX" and it's so... vapid and boring? Also it seems a lot of people keep thinking "bad at sex" = JUST that he finishes too fast and nothing else but they seem to forget that the player character came up with that insult on the spot (rather than seeing it as a commentary about his pure selfishness and where it stems from). Haarlep is also a bias source. There's a semblance of resentment from them AND they're a damn incubus. EVERYONE'S terrible in bed in comparison (have you seen Tav? Little shit just lays there like a sack of potatoes during the Haarlep scene). This isn't me saying "Oh it means Raphael is terrific in bed because Haarlep's word cannot be trusted". HELL, no. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm saying "okay... What can I glean from that set of information?"
I feel like this goes for Raphael havers too who have this conversation. I feel like many tend to fall into this trap of odd desparity when they realise that "oh no our magnificent hot man is bad at sex" and somehow treat it as if it's forever a caveat and somehow negates the ENTIRETY of Raphael as a complex character. My first reaction when I got this information during House of Hope was laughing and then going "mmm that's so interesting and adds such a great layer to this already amazing character. Where else can I take this to". In fact, House of Hope as a quest does SO much in adding all these tidbits that make Raphael not just another boring, all knowing, god like, ineffible character. It made me love and appreciate his character even MORE. instead of going in circles and lamenting in how this is somehow "the worst thing ever", I think it's way more fun to explore it and delve into where the root of his narcissism and self esteem issues come from. The dichotomy and complexes of his character. There's SO much to talk about there and yet we're still just stuck on "haha devil man is a bottom and bad in bed" (which is another ridiculous thing btw because people seem to misconstrue bottoms as JUST being submissive. Y'all need to be more open minded 😂).
Apologies if this came off as ranty/condescending maybe. But it's coming from someone who's just minding her own business but have to see a variation of that line CONSTANTLY in the notes/tags on my art/gif posts and as I said... It gets so old REALLY fast. Like please be more imaginative than this, I beg of you. 😭
#bg3 raphael#bg3#baldur's gate 3#I'm definitely missing on some thoughts here but I'm typing this while starving and tired#Aaaand I won't talk about it at length ever again because again#It's SO boring as a topic holy god#The dude is a goldmine of endless directions and topics and themes#We could talk about his childhood - his existential crisis of his upbringing and being half mortal and devil#We could talk about about his obsession with absolute control and freedom and power and want of that in the hells#We could talk about the myriads of ways he and Tav could continue their odd relationship if they went Team Raphael route#We could talk about his diaries#We could talk about his endless dichotomies and why it makes him such a well rounded character without giving away too much#We could talk about his obsession with the arts and literature and how much of a nerd he is for it#But no#All we talk about is his goddamn prowess in the bedroom... And that's a damn shame#Bg3 thoughts#There's the new goddamn Chains of Asmodeus out too... There's SO much we can talk a out concerning Raphael and all that new info#Come on now
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every time i see someone make the "trapper didn't leave a note" argument i lose 5 years off my life fr
#you people are willfully misinterpreting that scene to make your ship look better and it's so obvious#HAWKEYE IS THE ONE WHO WAS LATE#radar could not have been clearer that trapper waited until the last possible second#what the fuck was he supposed to do; not go home????#if he was waiting for hawkeye so he could say goodbye in person and hawk didn't show up i'm sorry but that is simply not on trapper#and you're doing both of their characters a huge disservice by taking it that way#and that's not even bringing up the kiss#that doesn't scream 'he never cared about hawkeye in the first place' which is how i see people talk about that scene constantly#do i think hawkeye has 0 right to be upset? no!#but trapper isn't evil for wanting to go home to his wife and children you dense motherfuckers that's what the whole show is about#tumblr users love to find a guy they already don't like and reverse engineer reasons that they're actually morally superior for it#sorry i don't usually get Confrontational on here but i'm so goddamn tired of this#mash#my posts
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some postgame doodles for pride month
#martzipan#komahina#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#domestic kmhn likers pspspsps cmere#i never draw just fluff/domestic things bc i get too in my feelings lmao. this one was no exception#i had to take a break midway through bc i got sappy. IT'S OK THO we got it done :3#neways these tie into some headcanons of mine so i'm gonna share 'em here#mainly i hc them having little ways where they just look out for each other#komaeda is usually the only one who can convince hinata to take a goddamn break without having to forcefully drag him away from his work#bc hinata does NOT take enough breaks. and he does not listen to reason#until there is a komaeda who is tired and can't go to sleep without his human teddy bear :((( can't let him go to bed aloneeee#n i think hinata just. casually feeds komaeda ALL the time#bc he won't eat enough on his own. and if you offer him food he'll be inclined to see it as a nicety and try to reject it#but if you just. Put Food In Front Of His Mouth. he'll eat it#it's kind of a reflex like komaeda doesn't realize he's being fed most of the time#they take care of each other bc they won't take care of themselves otherwise lmao. it's a little dysfunctional but they're trying#i think once they've recovered enough to be able to just enjoy each other's company they get REALLY really giggly#they have a lot of teenage/young adult love stuff to catch up on and since they didn't really have a puppy love phase. they laugh a lot#they'll try to do something tender or sweet but then one of them will start to laugh. and then it's not long before the other breaks#komaeda usually breaks first. bc he's always in awe of just how happy he is. bc he never thought he COULD be this happy#not without hell looming just over the horizon anyways#when hinata breaks first it's bc he's thinking of how much they've both been through and put each other through#and he's just sort of like 'how the fuck did we end up here'#(btw komaeda snorts when he's trying not to laugh. this is just fact trust me)#OH AND I HAVE MANY HEADCANONS ABT THEIR SLEEP STUFFS#as stated hinata runs hot and komaeda runs cold. but ALSO#hinata's a sprawler. komaeda gets Clingy. it works out for them tho#if komaeda doesn't have hinata to hold like a body pillow he'll curl into the tightest little ball. it gives him back pain lmao#oh and yes. they absolutely wake up with their legs incredibly tangled together
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Kaeya: Diluc gets rid of things he doesn’t need anymore…with how much he resents me, I must be no different-
Diluc:
Never banned Kaeya from the tavern, even with their History and how much Kaeya pesters him there nor makes any moves to
Kept every single letter Kaeya wrote to him while in Snezhnaya, which was also the vast majority correspondence penned by one person he kept in the Winery's stash (every Letter in Beautiful Handwriting/Hidden Strife Event)
Kept the fucken vase Kaeya used on a whim to give his Vision back in, even if it did NOT match the decor of the Winery (Genshin Manga/Venti SQ/Kaeya Hangout)
Was extremely patient with Kaeya accusing him of casting aside Crepus' legacy in response to him telling Kaeya to drink responsibly (Venti SQ)
In that same dialogue, was more in disbelief/offended that Kaeya seemed to believe he would ever think of callously throwing him out than by Kae's comment abt Crepus of all things (Venti SQ)
Stayed with Kaeya on the island the entire time, no matter how much they bickered, even though he could have gone after one of the others or even taken off on his own like they did instead (Midsummer Island Adventure)
Was genuinely surprised/touched when Kae revealed he thought fondly of their childhood days gathering seashells (Echoing Tales)
Let himself get arrested for Kaeya’s harebrained scheme to save a little girl Luc didn't even know about previously, and RIGHT after Kaeya outright accused HIM of being the murderer too (Genshin Manga)
Gave Kaeya a free drink without being asked when he came to visit him to deliver the aforementioned vase after the scheme was complete (Genshin Manga)
Never refuted Kaeya's claim that Dawn Winery was his home too, nor Kae's claims that people had every right to visit 'home' during festival seasons (Weinlesefest)
Let Kaeya score free booze for the Knights to distribute for the Weinlesefest to help better their image, that Lisa specifically sent Kaeya to ask of Diluc bc she KNEW Diluc wouldn’t say no to him (Weinlesefest)
Expressed he would have Elzer speak with Hertha bc Kaeya mentioned the Knights' financial situation as an afterthought, despite how much Diluc dislikes the Knights (Weinlesefest)
Got moody bc Kaeya didn’t want to stay for dinner and IMMEDIATELY jumped at the chance to make Kaeya stay when Addie intervened to insist (Weinlesefest)
Lets and NEVER stops the servants from referring to Kaeya as ‘master’ too (They do so freely in front of him in Weinlesefest & Kaeya Hangout in particular)
Was perfectly okay with Kaeya staying at the Winery when he left, even after their dispute (Letter with Clear Handwriting/Hidden Strife)
Always remembers every single one of Kaeya’s silly excuses to try and get free wine out of him, and teases him for forgetting which he’s already used & precisely how long ago he did (Kaeya Hangout)
Is said, by Elzer, to in fact be completely fine with Kaeya stealing drinks from the Winery, even if he outwardly complains abt it (Kaeya Hangout)
Solemnly asks about Kaeya when he thinks Kaeya already left, and unpromptedly talks him up to Traveler in regards to Kae's own ability to the Winery (Kaeya Hangout)
#//The fact that this list is so LONG speaks for itself jdngft#//Fruits of my research for a Thing I'm writing and I just#//cjkbrdg#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I think my favorite detail is Luc getting pissy Kae didn’t want to stay and dine during Weinlesefest; like bro#//What did you THINK he was gonna do when you greeted him so coldly compared to Traveler djfbfb#//Luc is SO doting and Kae’s just#//‘Hm he’s changed too much since we were kids…he’s gonna throw me out of his life as easy as he sold our childhood home-‘#//I still find it so funny that THAT was Kae’s tirade of a response to Luc telling him to drink responsibly#//Like#//mans fucken ESCALATED that so gottdam fast#//Kae feels uncertain in his own hangout abt going to the Winery when Luc is there; when the man was prolly happy to see him stop by#//Moody yes; but then you talk to Luc AFTERwards; and he’s asking if Kae left yet like he didn’t actually WANT him to#//The mixed fucken messages; I swear to fucken god#//My goddamn clowns#//Their fight made difficult for them both to communicate things at times; but it's ironically KAEYA who finds it the hardest#//KAEYA who can smoothtalk his way through practically anything and can seemingly handle people & tough situations with such ease#//Meanwhile Diluc is continuously showing his care the best way he knows how via these indirect/wordless gestures#//Also can we give props to how Luc didn't even WANT to admit he kept the vase in Venti SQ but outright TELLS Kae he kept it in his Hangout#//The GROWTH. That or Luc's getting real tired of Kae acting like he doesn't care/want him around mdfbfkgf#//He's so fucken doting; I C R Y#//Such good big bro#//Weinlesefest's things will forever my faves tho kjgf#//'Surely you wouldn't DREAM of DISAPPOINTING ADELINDE?' Oh I bet Addie wouldn't be the ONLY one so disappointed by Kae not staying ngvsfdg
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I'm replaying rdr2 rn and usually I leave every micah mission for the last possible moment just so that I can have as much time with him gone as possible. this time I didn't. doing that made me notice that Micah????? Tried??? To get more people to like him?? Arthur included?
Im not saying that in a "aw poor guy" kind of way. It's very obvious that it's slimy. The girls he wants to like him for obvious reasons. Anyone who's not white he Doesn't do this to and is actively antagonistic towards. But Micah tries to get Arthur to like him in the same way he gets Dutch to like him. He tries to talk to Arthur friendly MULTIPLE times, and every time arthur (rightfully) shuts him down. He showers him in compliments and thanks and good job opportunities. He even donates pretty decent money to the camp funds. Not as often as other people, but when he donates it's like 10 dollars as opposed to other peoples 1 dollar. (Funnily enough, I noticed this bc I always donate 10 dollars at a time no matter how much money I have, just so I'm not harassed for not donating in 4 days when the last time I donated 1000.) It's only after arthur shuts him down so often that Micah tries to get rid of him.
But here's the thing. Micah is shitty towards the people arthur loves, and that's a deal breaker for him no matter how much micah tries to butter him up. Charles and lenny are both people that Arthur shows massive respect and appreciation for. They work hard, don't escalate situations in a way that endangers the gang, and they don't consider some lives as fundamentally above others. and micah, who does none of those things, is just a racist asshole towards them. Arthur feels a responsibility towards the girls, and micah harasses them. EVERY time you talk to one of the girls after micah does, arthur asks them to let him know if they want him to do anything about it. (I actually have no idea what he's like towards Tilly, as I've never had an interaction between the two, but I highly doubt it would be good.) He's creepy towards jack, but I'm genuinely not sure if he's like that from the start or only after arthur had turned him down so much. AND: hosea doesn't like him. Hilariously I think that alone would be enough for arthur to hate him as well.
Funnily enough, all this combined makes me think of Dutch more than anyone else. For Arthur, fucking with the people he loves is a deal breaker. For Dutch, it's not. At least, it's not until it's too late for anyone to be saved, Dutch himself included.
#rdr#rdr2#micah bell#arthur morgan#sorry don't mind me I'm falling into madness again#for those curious (0 people) I released him early bc I picked out which horse I was gonna ride in the mission where Arthur is tortured#bc his horse saves him and I like picking out which horse does that narratively#I had freed a nakoda from the murfree brothers and she's scarred to hell and back#thought it'd be narratively fitting for them to save eachother dhgsgshdjfj#OK BUT I AM GENUINELY EMO ABOUT DUTCH#him in rdr1 is agonizing to see#he's so goddamn tired
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Trying to figure out if my roommates are actually being rude and cruel or if it's just the mental illness and I'm being paranoid
#plss stop whispering right next to me you know I'm awake I have already heard my name it just makes me feel bad goddamn#there's this weird feed back loop where they don't realy acknowledge that I'm here and they have conversations blatantly excluding me#which then makes me not want to but in and make it awkward but ig that makes them think that I don't want to be talking to them#wich makes them not interact with me which makes me feel like shit#so I close off and so on and so on and so on#I'm so tired please just say hi to me when you walk into my room it's starting to make me crazy#sstfu.txt#it is 12:30 am can you not stand in my doorway whispering without me ugh#it's been like 10 minutes I can't just say something no bc then they will know that I've been listening and not saying anything ughhh#I thought we were all good until like a few days ago and it just sucks it keeps happening#vent tw
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I would say I have no explanation for this, but uh. I really do. Behold: the first ideas for a Terror IndyCar AU that has possessed me for the last 36 straight hours. It would not leave me alone until I put some of it to paper.
Behold: Crozier as an established, relatively liked, if cynical, driver, upstart rookie James Fitzjames, and Hickey, who is, as always, totally normal and not causing problems.
The art is rushed, but I needed to purge the demons as fast as I could
#i have never drawn hickey before. its not good but I'm tired.#as always my sketches look better than the final. it's fine. im not annoyed. not at all.#anyway. today? an AU nobody hut me ever asked for and debatably nobody else wants. tomorrow? the same.#thought i was clever for making Hickey's sponsor be a vodka company after Crozier gets sober#could Not come up with a suitable sponsor for JFJ. too tired.#in my head silna is a very competent canadian driver on crozier and jfj's team#goodsir is on the pit crew for silna most of the time. stanley is the lead mechanic#runs their shop like it's the goddamn navy and nobody ever knows if he's happy with things.#blanky is either a manager or the guy to talks to drivers on team radio during races#anyway if i ever do anything like this i plan to have crozier ultimately win a 4th 500#but only after james has a horrible crash that ends his season and many press people think will end his career#just so he can kiss francis at victory circle#look. i have very little to say for myself aside from the fact that i have been going to the indy 500 since i was 7 years old.#almost 20 years ago#and the IMS and indycar is very important to me. one of the few sports i care about and want to follow more.#so. uh. yeah. watch this space bc it will probably keep bothering me bc I Need It.#(also very silly but i tried to make crozier and james's drivers suits have shoulder shapes like epaulettes. i thought that was fun)#again sorry for the quality but i drew all of this in like 4 hours today. i am a woman Possessed.#anyway im gonna crawl back into my cringe hole. see y'all#the terror
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I'm finally gonna be posting a fic again. I barely wrote any of it, my friend wrote like everything. But we wrote it to post. So yay, Valentine's day fanfic. It's not anything I've written before because it's yandere zhongchi x reader. Kind of poly so yeah.
#zhongli x reader#genshin impact#genshin#zhongli#childe x reader#childe#tartaglia x reader#tartaglia#ajax#ajax x reader#why tf does childe have so many goddamn names#childe tartagalia#genshin tartagalia#help-#I'm tired so fuck the rest of his tags#11:53 woo
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shaved my legs so I'm a different person now
#I was impressed that my dinky armpit-hair razor actually held up to the furred terrain it was dealing with#we've had water shortages 3 years in a row so the legs just weren't a priority. this might be the first time in a year or so#exciting stuff lol#also today I got crowded into a corner in the metro by a guy who was in the ladies carriage (?)#he was a good two heads taller than me. no mean feat. and stunningly well-proportioned#like a Greek statue tbh. just someone god took his sweet sweet time on y'know?#but like we're in *ran and he wasn't even supposed to be in the ladies carriage let alone literally squashing me into the wall#so I escaped under his arm#and got my first set of non-ooh-look-an-Asian-tourist looks from the other women in the carriage#the looks ranged from /poor helpless you what the hell was he doing/ to /goddamn girl you want to get away from THAT?/#yes ma'am I'm practising to be a monk you see. and also I'm not interested in getting arrested on my morning commute.#and t h e n (adding to the confusion we all had about him) he wedged himself into a newly vacated seat in between two chadori women#and got out a crochet hook and headphones#clarifying: no room to move either of his arms where he'd chosen to sit (also he's! not allowed to sit there!). barely room to BREATHE.#and this man really goes no no the commute needs Enrichment. sat there crocheting.#two things: he was diverting attention away from me which I always appreciate bc I'm tired of getting stared at everywhere#and: am I in love with no-social-cues Adonis who I'll never see again? Have I just been away from people my age too long? wth#thought
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I swear to God, these games want me fucking dead
#Yakuza 0 worked perfectly fine no issues at any point#(other than the controller issues but those are 100% on me having a weird controller)#Kiwami nearly made me rip my hair out and it later turned out to be a goddamn problem with Windows Defender shitting itself#Kiwami 2? I don't know. I genuinely don't fucking know at this point.#I'm so tired man. Give me a break. I just want to play a video game..................#(<- he will NOT take the break. He will be sitting on his ass and fiddling with it until he figures it out)#anyways I'm redownloading the whole game now and yes I /am/ greatly inconvenienced by it thank you for asking! :)
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Just listened back to a drunk voice note I sent Kofi on Saturday and holy shit you guys nobody told me how bad I lisp when I'm drunk
Literally most of the time the remnants of my childhood lisp are like. a slight softness/buzz on sibilant sounds. In this message it's a full on eth. "That thoundth nithe." there's even like. emphasis on the eth. I sound like a cartoon character. Don't get me wrong it's adorable. wild though. I literally didn't even notice when I was recording it that I was stumbling on the sibilances.
All I can thay is I'm thoooooo lucky that I'm the twin they gave a name containing an eth, not the twin they gave a name beginning with S. "Ruth" is a blessing to a child with a pronounced lisp. "Lisp", by the way, is not.
#red said#hi my name is ruth thedreadvampy and it took me over a decade to learn to speak while keeping my tongue off the back of my teeth#i remember finding it SO FRUSTRATING as a kid. i never had speech therapy cause it was never like. unintelligible. just noticeable.#but i hated it so much i was so embarrassed by it and mum and my siblings would be like JUST KEEP YOUR TONGUE CLEAR OF YOUR TEETH#and i was like I CAN'T THATTH IMPOTHIBLE!!!! WHERE IS IT MEANT TO GO WHERE IT ITHNT CONTACTING MY TEETH????#anyway i largely lost the list by secondary school but it still pops up if I'm drunk or tired or talking too fast#which implies it still requires An Amount of attention to get an S sound out I've just successfully sublimated it#but hahaha it's SO exaggerated in this voice clip i cannot BELIEVE I was fully unaware of it#also. I've just realised. i was this precocious little girl with big round glasses freckles pigtails and an adorable lisp#i was a fucking sitcom child. help. adorably toddling up to adults and telling them solemnly in a soft lisp about emotional health#recontextualising all my memories of interactions as a child around the fact that i was literally the goddamn#schmaltzy Hollywood sentimental image of idealised childhood. you know uhhhh what's her name? in Matilda? the blonde girl with pigtails?#'my mommy says they're cute'? THAT fuckin kinda voice and demeanour and also you are my teacher and I'm 4 and i keep correcting your maths#unbearable.
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I will shut up about IwaV soon but I can’t stop thinking about the twist and like, giggling at certain points.
Because you KNOW that was not Louis’ idea. Like my guy is passionate but that kind of melodrama is beneath him. But Armand? No. Not at all. That bitch has ALWAYS been the drama. It’s ok. It’s why I love him. Here’s how I imagine the conversation went.
Louis: a lot of time has passed and I’ve been really reflecting
Armand, shoving cherries, a raw steak, tomatoes, and chili peppers into a blender: uh huh
Louis: I think I’m going to give Daniel a call. A lot has changed for both of us and I’d like to retell my story.
Armand, stopping the roaring blender: Do I get to go undercover?!?!?!?!?!
Louis: No. No Armand please. Last time you got way too into it and it was very uncomfortable.
Armand: Ok so my name is Rashid. I’m a 20 year old Muslim man. My parent’s names are Farah and Naeem and I grew up in the countryside outside of Dubai in a small house with four sisters and an alcoholic grandmother. I spent my days bird watching and moving rocks, dreaming of a better life. Until one day you appeared to me like a vision in the clouds and I moved here to the city to be your personal man servant. I HAVE TO GO FIND MY CONTACTS!
Louis: No. No! Armand, this is EXACTLY what I was just talking about. That doesn’t even make any sense!
Armand, dramatically: It is my HONOR to serve a living god!!!!!
Louis: Ok yeah so you’re going to talk to Daniel as little as possible.
#OK HE DIDNT SAY HIS PARENTS NAMES OR WHERE HE CAME FROM#BUT I know he has a whole back story#and it is way too elaborate and sterotypical bc he's not good at humaning#and he never will be bless him#poor Louis has to be so tired sdfgsdfgsdhsd#every night Armand crawls in the coffin tryina rp as rashid#then tries to get louis to validate his performance#i just KNOW it#iwav#iwav spoilers#the vampire chronicles#i'm sorry this is so stupid#and it's probably only funny to me but goddamn i can't stop laughing#ooc#crack#i promise this is the last iwav joke#lestat is gonna drag him so hard for it later sdfgsdfgsdfgsd
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No need to apologize, a sudden essay was truly all I ever wanted 🥹 it does align quite perfectly doesn’t it? I mean sometimes it’s all about “reading between the lines” as Lestat once said, specially when it comes to characters who are not Lestat himself/the people closest to him at any given time or POV characters, and this is one of those instances where we’re given just enough to do that imo, it’s all there in the timelines like you said. “It just won't change the fact that he had a second chance to do it right this time with Daniel where he had failed before, to not be a blunt object seeking practical solutions and prove he can in fact take care of people without destroying them”, god this is so true, and I think it also ties back to him being a “failed experiment” in his maker’s eyes, and how he’d been conditioned in his mind (by fate, by circumstance) to repeat that pattern. Armand’s sense of identity in regards to who he is to Daniel is a huge thing too and I’ve always HC that at some point during their difficult years and then in their years apart, he probably rationalized it as him only being fit to be his lover but not his teacher in the blood (which of course represented yet another unforgivable failure).
“He's trying so hard in the modern age to make caregiver be a huge part of him and to be seen as someone who keeps his children safe and even if Daniel was safe at the time, I can't help but think it would bother him that his own firstborn had to be cared for by someone else and that maybe Lestat would be the only person he would really admit this to because he would be the one to understand it.” Yes! Reminds me of that great post by @monstersinthecosmos I think(!) that had me nodding along from start to finish where they mentioned (and I’m only paraphrasing lmao) how Trinity Gate, despite having being conceived as a safe place where people could all heal and come together as a family, also ends up being a place where Armand has to live up to a lot of expectations (the caretaker, the teacher, the protector), like he had to in the cult, and then the theater. And not only that but it would also serve as a constant reminder of how when it had mattered the most, with his own fledging, he was not able to do it. Lestat would totally understand Armand and never judge him for it, he’s “failed” in similar ways before and plays a similar role to Armand’s in the present (the only difference I think is the scale, Lestat has made more fledglings than one can count and Armand only has Daniel to dump all of his trauma on, bless) xoxo DA still sad asf but your meta is like chicken soup for the soul ❤️🩹
Absolutely all of this!! Lestat is not omnicient, even if sometimes it feels like he is and you have to remember you're a person removed from his stories.
Oooh yeah actually that is an excellent point, it makes it a little bit worse that it's Marius that takes care of Daniel and the whole idea of maybe Daniel would be considered a failed fledgling from Armand adds to the idea of him being a failed experiment himself. It's a generational trauma thing too, I think this is something Daniel is terrified of being seen as something Armand regrets and sees as a failure, but Armand trying to figure out who he is to people is such a big pattern in all of his identites and part of it definitely feels like it stems from feeling like he can't measure up to his previous self in the eyes of his own maker. Like he couldn't even get something that any back alley vampire made on a whim can do properly, that is a spiral waiting to happen even if it's not true.
Absolutely 100% agree that Armand could rationalise it that way, he does tend to seperate his identities and roles as a coping mechanism but I also think it's just another nail in the coffin of feeling like this is his failure. It would have been compounded by living with the day to day of Daniel when he was at his worst and probably wound have caused a knock on spiral which wouldn't have been fair to either of them, but it doesn't make it easier.
Trinity Gate, despite having being conceived as a safe place where people could all heal and come together as a family, also ends up being a place where Armand has to live up to a lot of expectations (the caretaker, the teacher, the protector), like he had to in the cult, and then the theater. And not only that but it would also serve as a constant reminder of how when it had mattered the most, with his own fledging, he was not able to do it.
This just punches me in the gut every time. I hadn't really thought about it in this context but you're right, the scale of it with Lestat and Armand being seen as community leaders in their own right really does echo each other and puts so much pressure on both of them to be more than themselves. They are roles and figureheads but that doesn't leave them with much space to explore their own traumas and identities in detail. Even in their own homes, it's not really about them.
Someone really needs to make a therapist for these folks, they really need to learn some ways to process what they're going through that isn't running away (Lestat) or trying to wear his reputation like armour to protect not only himself but his children (Armand). I think if you sat down and really interrogated why Armand feels the need to protect his own people so intensely, he's been losing them since he was a child and losing himself over and over at the same time and it's why I think it would bother him to have someone else do that for his child. It's become a part of how he sees himself so it shakes his very sense of identity and it wouldbe a fascinating thing to explore one day.
Thank you for soming in and letting me think about this stuff, I appreciate getting the chance to really look at it in detail!
#da anon#and now i'm sad again#i think it's part of the reason that once they're all at court i like to think of lestat running back to tg for weeks on end#it's a chance to just be him for a while and Prince Lestat and Armand's house is now quieter than it was#and Armand is slowly learning to let his guard down and be himself and access his emotions#I think it's why you see more of his outbursts in later books he's starting to really feel his feelings#and there's a lot of them#dealing with that and dealing with a child struggling to exist on their own would have been too much#at least at first#and i think armand knows that but can't help but get stuck in a cycle of failure spiral#he's still so young#but he feels so old and tired#bedpile to the rescue they're going to take a goddamn vacation and the world can fuck off for a bit#vc#answered
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