#hey jon how about
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one moment changed everything.
#boku no hiro akademia#my little hero education#mostly canon au#there but for the grace of us#maybe in a few years#samon event#meatfist#if the creators had their way#mc creepercore#all quiet on the western front#hey jon how about#all for a stolen purse#albion underground flag waver#the importance of not being earnest#taint excuse#delivering what furries promised#save the algae#god dammit izzy#we gotta stop yagi#snap rats#but vaccine man was right#ah japanese mlp
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can I be cheeky and ask for riding jon’s face 🫣🫣🫣
yes… oh yes you absolutely can….. i fell asleep last night to the thought of jon snow canonically being a munch (funny enough) — we’re on the same wavelength anon ! (written w shy!reader in mind)
you’ve heard the talk, heard the different ladies from different statures talk about “the act”, and it’s always a different answer. some say it’s mediocre… others, that it’s their favorite way to feel good, and some, say it’s terrible. you’ve heard stories of men never caring about the woman’s pleasure, and how their only purpose was to give them children. the thought made you shudder.
you, yourself, have never had time. time to freely choose who you trust enough to share that sacred experience with (or even touch yourself). the men at castle black are sworn to celibacy, and even if they would abandon their oath for a night with you, you wouldn’t let them. most of the men at the wall are untrustworthy, and you want more than just a quick fuck. even if these thoughts plague you, you’re too busy with your duties to worry about it. a thing you’ve since long accepted.
until jon snow.
you had been there for jon since his arrival at castle black. never batting an eye at his surname, always trying to make his life a little bit easier. there was also the stolen glances, the soft touches you both passed off as “accidental”, the longing for each other. you both remained as merely “close friends”, until things boiled over and you found solace in each others lips. it didn’t go farther than that, the tentative kiss being soft & exploring, and that was okay with you. you didn’t expect more. until you got more.
sometimes, you hate jon for being so easy to talk to. your shy nature has slowly melted away in his presence, and you find yourself unable to be embarrassed about the questions you ask or answer. your late night talks are what keeps jon sane. he wants to know everything about you, and you both would talk till morning if you could (you have before). the topic often shifts, landing on anything and everything on the planet. even “the act”.
imagine jon’s surprise, when the most beautiful & endearing woman he’s ever met drops her gaze to the floor and bashfully tells him she’s never cum before.
jon short circuits. he asks if you want to. he asks if he can make you. and you say yes.
jon snow is a giver. tasting a woman is a pleasure in itself, and he’d tell you as much if you asked. his mind ran a million miles an hour, thinking about all the ways he could make you feel good. it doesn’t take long before the desire to taste you takes a hold of him, and so he does.
“You’re hovering.”
he’s not wrong. you are. you thought you had heard it all, but the act of sitting on someone’s face has clearly alluded your ears. you’re unsure. you don’t want to hurt him.. suffocating the first man you lay with would have you begging the gods to open the ground and swallow you whole. and it’s not just any man, it’s jon.
the soft glide of jon’s fingers across your thigh bring you out of your head. his hands are cold. they feel nice in contrast to your own skin, nerves lit on fire.
“I don’t want to hurt you…”
“You won’t.”
“Jon-”
“Do you trust me?”
he’s steadfast in his reassurance. his thumb has been rubbing circles in your hip while you both have been talking. does he do it all on purpose, or is he just this naturally desirable?
“You know I do, but-“
“Good. Sit.”
you still hesitate, and that’s when jon takes matters into his own hands. his hands stop their tracing, and instead grip your thighs, bringing you down himself.
whatever expectations you had are exceeded tenfold. jon eats you out like a man starved. your head spins with the way you can feel his tongue, exploring you and swiping over your clit. it has white hot pleasure shooting up your spine, and your thighs quiver ever so slightly, but jon’s firm grip keeps you in place. he’s confident in his movements, precise and sure in a way that makes you see stars.
jon thinks he’s found the place where he would be content to meet his demise. you taste so good, and the pretty sounds you’re making have blood rushing straight to his cock. jon has always loved the sound of his name on your lips — whether it be small acknowledgments in passing by, or just mentions in mere conversation. but he’s found he much prefers hearing you moan it.
you’re almost embarrassed how quickly he has warmth building up in your belly, pressure building as he gives you the most pleasure you’ve ever had. he’s giving and giving and giving, and you find yourself selfishly taking all of it. he doesn’t slow down, keeping a steady rhythm that makes the cord in your stomach wind impossibly tighter.
“Jon, I’m-!”
you don’t get to finish your sentence, interrupted by the snap of the cord in your stomach that was previously tightening. pleasure overtakes your nerves, flooding your veins and momentarily removing your ability to speak (or think). jon’s tongue doesn’t stop fully, only slowing down to help you ride out your peak.
you catch your breath, feeling jon kiss the inside of your thighs as small aftershocks have you clenching around nothing. you find yourself seeking his touch (as if he hasn’t been constantly on you), your hand running along the surface of your thigh to find his own. he reaches for you, trapping your own smaller hand beneath his own. it’s reassuring, grounding you back to the present after he brought you so far over the edge.
you move to get off, to let him get up & breathe — but he doesn’t release his grip, keeping you in place. you hear him speak.
“Only once?”
#game of thrones#jon snow#jon snow x reader#jon snow prompt#jon snow imagine#jon snow smut#jon snow x you#dippys asks#guys#sitting on his face would FIX ME#please jon snow let me save a horse#this is kind of embarrassing#but HEY#WE BALL#FUCK IT WE BALL#i fell asleep last night#thinking about how jon snow is canonically a munch#then i wake up to this badboy in my inbox#this anon and i are long lost twins i fear#KAY ANYWAYS#FEAST MY CHILDREN
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I'm so tired of people pretending Jon only likes warrior women. What about his interactions with Ygritte make them think he likes her romantically because she's a warrior and she's unladylike and all that? GRRM said he saw in Ygritte some of Arya's traits, and since he loves Arya, those traits aren't off putting to him. But they aren't attractive to him either. Period. 1) He didn't have much of a choice regarding Ygritte. Would he ever have laid eyes on her if she wasn't so insistent and if his life wasn't at risk? 2) He doesn't like her violence. He felt like a dog while being with her near the other wildlings. He constantly argued with her whenever her values were made clear. He tried to comfort her as a gallant boyfriend when she cried because the wall "tried to kill her" and she punched him too hard for it. He abandoned her because she was ruthless and killed an innocent old man. 3) He doesn't find her attractive at first, when he actually compares her a lot with Arya. He thinks it's silly that the wildlings consider her a great beauty because of her red hair. Like, it looks unbrushed! Things he actually likes about her: her singing, the way his hair shines with the firelight, the way she looks at him, when they're kissing and talking nonsense. That's it. They talk for more than 2 minutes and there's nothing left. They're too different and he doesn't agree with her views on the world. But people are so insistent in denying the mere possibility of jonsa that they look at this mess of a relationship and think "oh yes, Jon walked willingly into this and he would never look at another woman if she's not like Ygritte because she's his perfect type" 😑. And even if he did like her completely and felt attracted to all those things about her, do people really think that humans are only ever attracted to one type of person through their whole lifes? Be for real now.
Nothing but true facts, anon.
Jon's type = not actually violent sexual predators.
#anti jon x ygritte#anti ygritte#jon snow#protect him#jonsa#<- for filtering#because it was mentioned not because it's strictly relevant#you don't need to ship jonsa to see how oppressive that relationship dynamic was to jon#and what he actually liked about her and what he does not.#but hey this fandom has been notorious about missing the obvious when it comes to abuse
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this. this might just be paul and richie to me.
#literally my favorite headcanon#just uncle paul. none of the other jon matteson family tree#like theyre both pathetic and basically only have each other in the beginning????? yes plz????#like paul gets called by cps and theyre like “hey u have a nephew thats getting a sucky home life wanna take him lol”#and richie just. enters his life#plus imagine its how he met pete????#paul used to babysit alice#who says he couldnt have babysat pete too??#and like he wants richie to have friends so ted comes over with pete and bill and alice are there too#and they become buds#like alice dyes richies hair and pete is freaking out about them getting in trouble#GUYS SORRY IM RANTING#anyways. love them 💗#royall yapper#hatchetfield#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#richie lipschitz#paul matthews#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals
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Paul protec
Emma protec
Emma and paul protec
Paul no protec 😔
#idk why but that first image of him racing to charlotte makes me cackle#oh hey look i still have too much time on my hands#starkid#the guy who didn't like musicals#team starkid#tgwdlm#starkid productions#paul matthews#emma perkins#paulkins#jon matteson#lauren lopez#so we all know how paul refused to help bill with his daughter in the beginning but then goes with him to save her plays out#well you can kind of say he has similar arcs with charlotte and ted#because in the digital ticket you can see him overhearing charlottes conversation with her husband but doesn’t say anything#but when her husband is coming after her he gets in the middle of it#and ted wasnt invited to beanies essentially left behind but then paul goes back for him#im reading too much into it i know#im still sick i have nothing else to think about other than my misery haha
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Catelyn’s scared of society’s image of what a bastard is. This is why she treats Jon the way she does, because of her classist ass belief that Jon is inherently evil by nature of his birth. Shes not truly scared of anything hes done within those 14 years he’s lived in Winterfell. But Jon? The way he feels about her isn’t connected to some bullshit societal prejudice. That comes from her, and how shes reacted to him. (Which clearly still has an impact on him even after he no longer lives with the Starks) But yea somehow shes in the right for treating him like shit and hes in the wrong for? Existing within her general vicinity? Despite the fact that he had no choice. Would they have preferred Ned kicked him out? For an ADULTS comfort? Ah come to the asoiaf fandom where we think children should accommodate the adult because we are ass backwards.
Yall do realize just because someone lives in a time/place where the prejudices they hold are common does not mean they are absolved of the hurt they have caused, right?
#jon snow#ill even be kind and give this the ole#anti catelyn stark#‘she could’ve done worse!!!’ she also could’ve done better#no leway in this situation she should have done better as the adult in the situation#and dont even bring ned into this because his avoident ass is in the same hot seat#maybe if ned stark stans#if they exists idk#came into jons tag and said similar vile shit about jon id be posting about neds failures as the adult in the situation too#but they dont its cause and effect#yall cant shut the fuck up so now neither can i#hey i wrote this in april 2022 wild how the fandom NEVER changes
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@a-mag-a-day for todays episode I'll share something that's been bothering me since I first heard this one 😔...
im having trouble visualizing Jon cutting off his finger. not because of the horror or anything, I just can't work out the practicalities;
Like, he says it grows back almost as soon as he takes the knife out - presumably, he's using something with a taller blade than the width of his finger. right. I mean he's not using a paring knife to saw through skin and tendons, that'd be insane. So then, if it grows back when you take the knife away, that seems like an easy problem to solve: just use the knife itself to push your chopped off finger away, so it can't heal! clearly this has a simple solution
But that doesn't happen. So I'm left with 3 options:
Even when he pushes the finger bits away, they get zoomed back up to the wound like magnets and reattach
the chopped of part DOES stay off but a new one grows back immediately. Seems unlikely, Jon would definitely talk about trying to just use the extra loose finger as an anchor in that case
it just didn't occur to him, for some reason
Jon needed to be unable to cut off pieces of himself because for the narrative to work, he had to go to Jared, so he'd have a neat way to get his Flesh mark, and im putting way too much thought into the gory logistics
#tw body horror#tw gore#tw self harm#in a sense but better safe than sorry#a mag a day#jonathan#tma#tma s4#joos yaps#also we don't talk enough about how Jon just agreed to give away his RIB. for a STATEMENT#knowing he's already taken 2?3? live statements here... i dont think its the only reason but#he probably figured taking Jareds and losing a bit of himself in the process was a good way to get a statement without harming innocents 😢#i couldve made a post about that but clearly this is the much more important matter in this episode#but hey if I can't be gruesome for a horror podcast episode literally called 'Flesh'#all about a guy who's entire schtick is disassembling people and putting their bodies back together in new and awful ways#than gdi when can i be 😤
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Benjen gave Jon a careful, measuring look. “You don’t miss much, do you, Jon? We could use a man like you on the Wall.”
Jon swelled with pride. “Robb is a stronger lance than I am, but I’m the better sword, and Hullen says I sit a horse as well as anyone in the castle.”
“Notable achievements.”
“Take me with you when you go back to the Wall,” Jon said in a sudden rush. “Father will give me leave to go if you ask him, I know he will.”
Uncle Benjen studied his face carefully. “The Wall is a hard place for a boy, Jon.”
“I am almost a man grown,” Jon protested. “I will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children.”
“That’s true enough,” Benjen said with a downward twist of his mouth. He took Jon’s cup from the table, filled it fresh from a nearby pitcher, and drank down a long swallow.
“Daeron Targaryen was only fourteen when he conquered Dorne,” Jon said. The Young Dragon was one of his heroes.
“A conquest that lasted a summer,” his uncle pointed out. “Your Boy King lost ten thousand men taking the place, and another fifty trying to hold it. Someone should have told him that war isn’t a game.” He took another sip of wine. “Also,” he said, wiping his mouth, “Daeron Targaryen was only eighteen when he died. Or have you forgotten that part?”
“I forget nothing,” Jon boasted. The wine was making him bold. He tried to sit very straight, to make himself seem taller. “I want to serve in the Night’s Watch, Uncle.”
In fandom, we often talk about Jon’s antics in his first AGOT chapter - e.g., boasting about being the better swordsman than Robb, his admiration of Daeron I, his insistence that he is a man and not a boy - as evidence of his immaturity. And there’s nothing wrong with that interpretation at all - I for one think that it’s very valid - but I rarely ever see this exchange with Benjen put in its full context; more specificallyy, the full context of what’s happening this entire chapter (and honestly what’s being going on in Jon’s life up to that point).
Because there’s something so…depressing and tragic about a fourteen year old boy desperately trying to grow up faster than is necessary because once he is a man, then there must be a place for him in this world. Because this exchange with Benjen is not happening in a vacuum. It arises out of the situation where the delineation between Jon’s social status and that of his siblings has been made ever more clear: his siblings get to sit at the high table with the visiting royal family whereas Jon has to sit with the squires far away from familiar company. But more importantly, he is a Snow and his siblings are Starks. They have a place of belonging (afforded to them by their Stark name) whereas he does’t (because he’s a bastard).
So Jon has to nurse his wounds with the belief that despite his bastardy, there has to be something he can do to belong. And what can he do, except grow up and be a man? At…fourteen years old?
So even though Robb can sit among royalty, Jon can still hold a sword just as well (in fact better) and ride a horse. He can be great too, not because of his name but because of his ability; but I do have to quibble with Benson’s (seemingly) sarcastic response to Jon’s answers here. Are you even bothering to actually listen to what Jon is saying, Uncle Ben?
And I have to admit that it makes me quite angry that the notion of bastards growing up faster than trueborns is not at all challenged among the characters. Do bastards actually grow up faster, or are they forced to fend for themselves faster than trueborns naturally would, just like Jon is in this chapter? It certainly doesn’t help that Benjen agrees with he statement, despite literally contradicting it just some few minutes earlier (by saying that Jon is just a boy and thus too young to make any life decisions for himself - like joining the Watch).
And as I was pondering on this, I realized that Jon really has been getting contradictory “advice” all his life: he’s a bastard so he has to grow up faster and cut his childhood short so he can make use of himself, but he’s actually a boy so his abilities and desires to advance are only a boy’s delusions, but then he has to join the watch and be a man and do a man’s job (and make a man’s sacrifices as Luwin would put it 🙄), but then he’s still a boy at the end of it all.
Given all this emotional and mental whiplash, Jon is actually quite well adjusted. I couldn’t imagine having to be pulled into 1000 different directions because at the heart of it the question is: is he a man or is he a boy? And what can he do, boy or man that he is, because he’s still a bastard?
I think this chapter shows that no one really bothered to sit Jon down and tell him that it’s okay to be a child, and that he doesn’t have to age far beyond his years because there’ll be someone to look out for him.
Worse yet, this chapter shows a young boy desperate to find a place for himself in the world, because no one else bothered to do so.
#jon snow#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#Do we ever in fandom talk about how Jon is really just a boy?#Because we should#He gets so many contradictory statements about being a man and not a boy#He has to perform a man’s duty but he’s just a boy#He has to bear a man’s burdens and sacrifices But he is just a boy so his achievements and strengths are not that noteworthy#Because Jon knows that Daeron was only 18 yrs old#But how is he supposed to put that into account#When literally no one bothered to say - hey kid you don’t need to rush#ugh#This chapter reminded me of that Taylor Swift song that goes like#“You’re on your own kid”#No one bothered to hold Jon’s hand at his young age#So he had to grow up faster than what was necessary - all on his own#NED STARK WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!!#And Luwin you miserable f*** - hell is hot for you I say#Did I cry reading this chapter? Maybe I did
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I don't think you all understand how unwell i am. I understand and read the new 52 superboy series and it drives me INSANE how the dc wiki hasn't separated the pages for the current kon in comics and?? evil future Jon Kent's evil clone??? why are those pages merged?? They're two very different characters!
#hey guys how about we separate those pages for these two very different Kon-els????#wiki only readers spew all this shit to me and I'm like You're talking about evil Jon Kent's clone not the current Kon be quite#you're embarrassing yourselves
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in other news im thinking about my (very very vague) portal jonelias au again
#jon as glados elias as chell#jon trying oh so very hard to be human and telling himself its because elias' test scores improve when he does#elias splorin the rest of the facility during his downtime#jon getting robot separation anxiety over not being able to see his (most beloved) best test subject#jon pretends the facility is still functional and the scientists are just doing other things but elias knows the truth#elias is just trying to find his robot boy so they can talk#and so he can kiss jon ofc#i also have some vague thoughts about. okay so#in portal 2 its revealed that successful tests are coded to be enjoyable or euphoric to the bot in charge of the facility#except that it lessens with each successful test and theyll slowly start to go mad trying to figure out how to get it back#glados ofc manages to (mainly) keep her cool even w/o this and jon does too obviously#but i have some thoughts about elias like. altering jon's code#im not entirely sure how elias ended up in the facility in the first place but im probably going to give him engineering / programming#skills (probably both)#so that he can alter jons body or his code#(mainly so that i can circumvent all of the fucked up shit but also for sex purposes)#elias: hey can i take a look at your code i wanna get rid of some of your limitations#jon: i think i hauve covid#also thinking about the eroticism of the machine. jon being able to feel everything that happens in the facility#(in the parts of the facility he can reach anyway)#he can feel elias fixing faulty wiring he can feel elias moving through the halls#he can feel elias touching panels etc etc#i imagine jon would be very much like 'im physically incapable of feeling affection for test subjects i am not defective im not broken#its fine'#rlly strugglign to grapple w/ his purpose as an unfeeling inhuman machine and the human parts of him that want to be expressed
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people seem to like my pizza tower stim headcanon post so what if i. make a tma stim headcanon post. stim headcanons are so fun to write
#brain said ''avatars using their powers to stim'' and now i cant stop thinking about this#listen i dont know how good of an idea this is. to use use your powers as an avatar just to stim#but i would. i absolutely would#and i may be just projecting my autism onto everything i watch/play/read/listen to but hey. this is fun#i dont even know who do i hc as nd yet! but i do wanna write stim hcs for jon + all or most of the avatars + uhhh idk maybe more#tma#the magnus archives
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hc that the batkids' partners go to Steph for anything as she's a batfam member already so she has ideas on what the others like or dislike.
1.
Wally, hands Steph a Batburger: Here ya go.
Steph, narrows her eyes on the food: Extra cheese?
Wally nods.
Steph: Did you ask for extra ketchup?
Wally, shrieks: You don't have ketchup in your apartment???
Steph: Do you want to know whether Dick liked the flowers you gave him last week or not?
Wally, already zooming away: Give me a sec, Stephanie!
2.
Roy, hands her the coffee machine that he fixed: Just loose wiring.
Steph, nods at it: Great job, Harper. Thanks.
Steph, hands Roy the tools she borrowed from the cave for his next project: If these even get a little scratch, B will not be pleased.
Roy, rolls his eyes: Delicate fingers, Brown.
Roy, hands some flowers he got from Dinah's shop: I believe these are fresh, Cass will love these.
Steph, smells them: Beautiful.
Steph, hands the special recipe of Butternut Squash soup that Jason loves: And if you lose this.... Then Alfie will take both of us down in a heartbeat.
Roy: I would never want to be against Alfred.
3.
Steph, groans: What is it this time, Clone?
Kon, floats by Steph on the rooftop: How did you handle it when Rob was having nightmares?
Steph: Does he still sleepwalk?
Kon, shrieks: He sleepwalks???
Steph, shrugs: Maybe.
Kon: What am I supposed to do??
Steph, shrugs casually: Slap him awake and kiss him, I supposed.
4.
Izzy, calls Steph: So...
Steph: I figure you need some advise on something related to Duke?
Izzy: Hey, I was just going to ask if you want to go get your nails done.
Steph: You paying?
Izzy: You are the one living under that mansion, Steph.
Steph: Not exactly.
Izzy: Ohh.
the conversation dies down for a couple of seconds, before Steph speaks again.
Steph, sighs: Take him to the new movie that's out. He likes Sci-fi movies.
Izzy, squeals: You're the best, Steph!
5.
Steph: It's about time the little Kent showed up.
Jon, floats by Steph on the rooftop: So Kon has done this too?
Steph: All of them thinks I know everything.
Jon: Well, you have the advantage.
Steph just shrugs and then shows Jon the kitten she picked on the street yesterday.
Steph: Here. She's cleaned and I also fed her some of my food at home, but Dami has everything she needs so make sure you handle her with care, okay? Not the Kryptonian strength of yours.
Jon, nods eagerly and takes the kitten from her hands: Got it. Thank you, Stephanie.
Steph, ruffles his hair: Steph is alright, little dude.
#steph is the best friend anyone could ever have#love her for that#batfamily#batfamily shenanigans#batfamily prompt#batkids#stephanie brown#wally west#roy harper#kon el kent#izzy ortiz#jonathan kent#birdflash#jayroy#timkon#dukeizzy#jondami#dc comics#yel chronicles
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The batkids (and their partners/crushes/friends) with pride month hcs?
Tim: Lady. Gentleman. Bart. You are about to meet my boyfriend. Now remember, he doesn't know I'm Robin, so you need to act like human people. Can you do that?
Kon, Cassie, and Bart: Yes sir!
Bernard, entering: Hey, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm so glad we're going to Pride together.
Cassie: *lasso immediately falls out of her bag*
Kon: *lasers the ground at Bernard's feet*
Bart: Hi, I'm Impulse.
Tim: *facepalm*
Bart: What? We didn't give away YOUR identity.
———————
Steph, running a food truck: Pride snacks! Get your Pride snacks hot 'n ready! Get two-for-one on the bi-rria tacos!
Margie: I bet you don't have anything for straight pride. You know, the rest of us normal people.
Steph: Yo Cass, one cishet sizzler!
Cass: *throws coffee in Margie's face*
Steph: That'll be $19.99.
Steph: *turns the screen around for tips*
———————
Selina: *wears a shirt saying Free Mom Hugs*
Bruce: *wears a shirt saying Inclusive Dad Jokes*
Alfred: *wears a shirt saying Weird Grandpa Stories*
Kate: *wears a shirt saying I'm Just Gonna Tell You To Dump Them*
———————
Harper: Since this is your first Pride, we're gonna show you the ropes.
Duke: Thanks, I appreciate it.
Harper: Over there we have the Batgirls food truck. Over there is Cullen's evil mafia boyfriend selling Uno cards. And over there is the Justice League in Justice League themed drag.
Cullen: And over there is the porta potty.
Duke: Only one?
Cullen: We ran over budget. But it's gender-neutral.
———————
Renee: Kate's busy telling people to dump their partners. Mind if I hang out here?
Harley: Not a problem! Want a bi-rria taco?
Renee: Nah, but I'll take the les-beans if you don't want them.
Ivy: We were just about to start a game of Gay Uno.
Renee: Gay Uno?
Harley: It's like regular Uno except when you put down a +4 you have to kiss.
Renee: Deal me in.
———————
Jason: You take the Main Street entrance. I'll cover Atlantic up to Washington. Rendezvous here in an hour.
Roy: And then we make out?
Jason, sighing: Sure.
Roy: Sloppy style?
Jason: This is a PG-13 post, Roy.
———————
Dick: Of course I make people question their sexuality with a face like this.
Wally: Sure, your face...
Wally: *glances down*
Donna: You guys are exhausting. I'm joining Roy on patrol.
———————
Barbara: Welcome to the annual conference of Sapphics Who Used To Date Dick Grayson. Helena, what's the first item on our agenda?
Helena: Discussing forming a polycule over dinner.
Bette: I already made a reservation.
Kory: I call braiding everyone's hair.
———————
Luke: Thanks for giving me a hand with the fireworks.
Carrie: Of course. By the way, I have something to tell you. You're the first person I've told.
Luke: I accept you.
Carrie: Thanks, but I was actually gonna say that I scratched your car in the parking lot.
Luke: WHAT?!
Carrie: Also I go by she/they.
———————
Lois: How on Earth did you burn your cape at a Pride festival?
Jon: Well...
[earlier]
Damian and Jon: *watching the fireworks*
Damian: I like that flower one.
Jon: *shoots into the sky to grab it*
Damian: *facepalm*
Tim, sitting nearby: You and me both.
#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#cullen row#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#harper row#carrie kelley#kate kane#helena bertinelli#luke fox#bette kane#alfred pennyworth#selina kyle#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics
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sleepy | l.n.
synopsis: in which you always fall asleep everywhere
my masterlist
You had a very good relationship with your sleep schedule.
That was primarily due to the fact that with Lando’s schedule, having to fly all around the world almost every week, the constant time zone changes. You had to get some sleep any free chance you would get, no matter where.
Which is something Lando, his team and the fans around the world have grown to love. Every time the fans would see you in the paddock, they knew that pictures of you sleeping in a clearly uncomfortable position somewhere in the McLaren garage would surf the internet.
It was everyone’s favorite moment from the whole weekend.
“Y/N, it’s nice to see you again!” Zak greeted you once you had arrived in the garage with Lando for his home race.
“I couldn’t possibly miss this one” you said, hugging the older man and then stepping back to stand beside Lando again.
“We’re very glad to have you here. How’d you sleep last night?” he jokingly asked, making Lando chuckle from beside you.
It became a cute joke within the team, seeing as you managed to fall asleep every time, no matter how well rested you might be.
“Pretty good, but I can’t guarantee that you won’t find me passed out again” you laughed, knowing that it didn’t really bother anyone truly.
Lando talked for a little bit with Zak before leading you to his driver’s room.
When you opened the door, you noticed a new blanket and pillow that hadn’t been there before, which made you look back at Lando, raising your eyebrow.
“Where did those come from?” you asked as you picked up the blanket, immediately savoring the fluffy feeling against your fingers.
“Figured I would buy you a blanket for when you want to nap God knows where, just to make sure you’re comfy and won’t get cold” he explained, shrugging like it was not a big deal.
You pouted, the small gesture warming your heart.
“That’s so sweet, thank you baby” you put down the blanket and gave Lando a hug, pecking his lips before you let him get ready.
You walked around the garage silently, not wanting to get in anybody’s way. The race was about to begin and there was a lot going around, the place being as noisy as a garage could get before lights out.
And yet still, you find your eyes dropping down, sleep slowly threatening to blindside you and make you fall asleep.
But you had vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t fall asleep here, not at Silverstone.
It would prove to be harder than you had originally thought.
“Hey” Lando found you just moments before he had to get in the car, clutching his helmet in his hands.
“Be safe, okay? Come back to me in one piece and don’t forget to have fun” you said, helping fix the balaclava on his head.
He nodded, puckering his lips for his good luck kiss. Once you gave it to him, he put on his helmet and disappeared in the car, leaving you alone with his engineers.
“Hey Y/N” Jon said as he came to stand beside you, watching Lando now driving away from the garage.
“Hey Jon, how are you?” you tried to pay attention to everything he was telling you, but it was getting harder and harder to concentrate.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Jon chuckled once he saw how much you were struggling not to pass out.
You nodded. “I did, it’s just something about the atmosphere at the races that lulls me right back to sleep. But I promised myself I wouldn’t fall asleep at this one” you explained, stifling a yawn.
Jon nodded, making small talk for a little longer.
Once the race itself started, you were bundled up in your new blanket from Lando, a pair of McLaren earphones on your ears and sitting beside Cisca, Lando’s mother.
You were trying very hard to follow the race, but the tiredness was creeping in more and more, until you found yourself resting your head against the wall behind you, letting yourself drift to a deep sleep.
When Cisca noticed that you were more quiet than usual, she looked over and saw how peacefully you were sleeping, albeit with your head in a very uncomfortable position.
Smiling fondly to herself, she slowly took your head in her hands and moved you so you were laying with your head in her lap. She absentmindedly weaved her hands through your hair while intently watching the race on the screens.
It wasn’t until the last 3 laps that you woke up, silently kicking yourself for falling asleep.
You looked confusedly around you, noticing Cisca above you smiling.
“Good morning, sunshine. Just in time for the last laps of the race” she explained, helping you settle back into a sitting position.
“I was out for that long?” you moaned, cursing to yourself that you missed the entire race because you were sleeping.
“Don’t beat yourself up dear, the important thing is that you’re here with us” she comforted you, rubbing your arm while averting her attention back to the screen.
You watched the screen intently, cheering and screaming once Lando had crossed the checkered flag in P2.
Both Cisca and Adam gave you tight hugs, congratulating the entire team alongside you.
You walked out of the garage with the two of them, your blanket still wrapped tightly around you as you walked towards the podium, your hands linked with Lando’s mother.
Lando parked his car in front of the number 2 sign, jumping out of the car and running over to where you were waiting for him by the barriers.
“I’m so proud of you!” you squealed as soon as he was within arms length, hugging him close.
“Did you sleep through the race?” he asked as he pulled up his visor, his eyes twinkling.
You smiled sheepishly, making him laugh loudly inside of his helmet.
“My sleepy girl” he mumbled, giving you a squeeze before moving on to hug his parents.
The next day after the race, photos of you sleeping in Cisca’s lap circulated on the internet, making you and your boyfriend laugh.
Laugh because your habit had turned your relationship into a three-person relationship.
You, Lando and your sleep.
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hey guys did you know that um. did you know. first of all did you know i'm losing my mind, secondly, do y'all remember in tma how when someone reads a written statement, they don't really Stop unless they're interrupted? and they read the whole thing easy cheesy, no issues with reading whatever words are there? like. jon literally could read french for a whole statement and was Fine. granted, that's Jon, but like nobody else struggled with pronunciations and whatnot (that i can recall)
presumably, this is an eye thing. either as employees of the institute, or because everyone there is just also eye-aligned in some degree (melanie had the ghost hunting show, the eye is fond of martin, etc)
and then there's tim in season 3 ep 86
[Sigh] Statement of… uh, Benjamin Hatendi… Hateendi? Regarding a… [papers rustling] a blanket. Dead friend. Monster. Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end. How he tried to hide. He couldn’t. Statement is from… 1983, March 2nd. And I guess… [long sigh] I guess I’m doing this one. Tim Stoker. Archival assistant… Archival prisoner at the Magnus Institute.
correct me if im wrong but i don't recall anyone struggling with pronunciations before this bit. but that's not even the biggest thing here, that's just a lil Taste, a lil Flavor.
note the phrasing there. "Regarding his unavoidable and gruesome end." why would he say this when the written text on the statement says this:
Uh, right. Benjamin Hatendi’s account of… [rustling pages] oh for… a, a strange encounter. Er, statement date, March 2nd, 1983. Melanie King recording. Apparently.
"a strange encounter". that's it. nothing about an unavoidable death, just a "strange encounter". Tim Why Did You Say That.
why would our dear timothy bimothy, who is being pushed to the brink, who is becoming rapidly more depressed and losing hope, say this?
this isn't the only time he's said some weirdly grim shit tho (ep 104)
There was never really any hope for me, though, was there? This was how it was always going to go.
and then there's this bit from elias apparently having Looked into tim (also 104)
TIM All right, hit me with your X-ray eyes then, boss. What do you see? ELIAS Disruption. An unpredictable, angry man with nothing left but the desire to feel in some way revenged. TIM [Sarcastic] Ooh, terrifying! Surely only magic could have let you see so deep inside my very soul.
"nothing left" but the desire to feel revenged. and tim doesn't dispute this, because it's true.
when he first joined the institute he did so in order to look for answers about danny, but then he stopped seriously looking. and now that the circus is back, this is all the drive he has left. not looking for answers, just wanting revenge. closure. an end, if you will.
this is Literally It For Him. a couple lines later he suggests elias kill him, he's At The Breaking Point.
he is so tired, he's lost all hope, and he's saying all this grim shit about "unavoidable death" and "this is how it was always going to go" like hmmmm sounds familiar doesn't it. DOESN'T IT (<- is going insane)
(ep 11) [....] despite the rapid response of the paramedics and how much of his medical history I had immediately to hand, there was nothing I could do to save him. (ep 11) I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you. Based on my previous experience, such a thing is likely impossible anyway,[....] (ep 121) There. That was it. That was our fate; where we would always be.
hmmmm sounds a bit like oliver huh? everyone's favorite ex-accountant avatar of the end?? right??
but then there's this last bit i have from ep 86.
why did he stop reading the statement
Statement. “My parents never let me have a nightlight. I was always afraid, but they were ju–” Ugh, this is stupid.
why did he do that. again, correct me if im wrong but when else has someone just Stopped Reading like that without someone or something else interrupting them? why could tim just stop himself?
my theory is this: at this point, tim is completely gone from being aligned with the eye. he no longer seeks to know what happened to danny, he just wants closure. he doesn't wanna do any statement work, and he keeps mentioning these tidbits about hopelessness and the inevitability of terrible events, specifically death.
the eye isn't compelling him to read the statements like it does the others, because it doesn't have as strong a hold anymore. the grip is slipping from him. and by the time the unknowing rolls around, maybe it's lost him for good. maybe he finally fell into a different power he never meant to serve, and yet, he does.
and maybe. just maybe. because i'm so not in denial. but MAYBE. he did die in the unknowing. but maybe he got better.
basically end!tim truthers rise up, this is how end!tim kayaking with his bf oliver banks can still win, etc etc I'm Going Feral <3
#ramblings with major#the magnus archives#tma#tim stoker#oliver banks#timoliver#lil bit uwu#tim stoker tuesday#end!tim#cursing#tma angst#ig#i hope this is coherent and makes sense im losing my MIIIIND im losing my Mind
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request: i love your writing i was wondering if i could make a lando request where jon puts lando on a sex ban/no cum rule until the start of the season for training much to your annoyance and landos trying to follow it but you’re trying your best to get him to give up
ty for requesting x
"It's for my performance, baby." Lando explains, rubbing a hand up and down your leg in an attempt to soften the news he'd just delivered.
"It's just not fair, Lan." you pout. "Did Jon even consider my feelings at all?"
"No," Lando giggles. "He didn't."
Aside from occasionally replacing his set diet meal with a takeaway after a long day, Lando took pride in how dedicated he was to his fitness and training schedule. Unfortunately, Jon's newest training regimen might be the one thing he wouldn't ve able to do. You certainly weren't going to make it easy for him.
"Hey, are you busy?" you asked quietly, popping your head around Lando's gaming room door. He shook his head, pushing one side of his headphones off and gesturing for you to come in.
"Never too busy for you." Lando said with a cheesy grin. You rolled your eyes sitting down on his lap and wrapping your arms around his thick neck.
"This looks nice on you." He murmured, fingers toying with the edge of your (his) latest Quadrant hoodie. There was nothing that got Lando going more than the sight of you in his clothes, except maybe you in his branded clothes.
You kept quiet, opting instead to reply by pressing open-mouthed kisses to his neck and below his ear.
"Y/N," he warned softly, trying to focus back on his game.
"Hmm?" you feigned innocence, continuing without a care in the world.
"We can't, baby. Jon will know. "
"What a pervert, it's not really any of his business when you really think about it." you counter, slipping one hand into his hoodie and raking it over his toned stomach.
Lando whined softly, leaning into your touch briefly before gently tipping you off his lap and putting his headphones back on.
You slam the front door behind you, kicking off your trainers in the hallway. Lando sits on the sofa and looks up, frowning as you sigh and flop down next to him.
"What's up, muppet?" He says, rubbing your knee and you almost flinch away from him.
"I...need you, Lando." you pout. "I'm ovulating and I'm all crazy and you haven't had sex with me in ten days."
Lando sighs too, wrapping his arm around you. "I'm sorry, honey." He says sweetly. "I can help you out though, Jon never said anything about that."
"It's not worth it for you, making your life harder for no reason." you say, shaking your head. "In case you can't help it and then the last ten days will have been for nothing and I might have to fling myself off a cliff."
You hop up from the sofa and as you pad down the hall you say breezily, "I'll just take a shower and sort myself out. Won't be long."
Lando's eyes bug out of his head and as soon as he hears the click of the bathroom door he's up, throwing on his trainers to head out for a last-minute run around Monaco. This next week might just kill him.
#lando norris blurb#lando norris x you#lando norris fic#lando norris x reader#lando norris fluff#lando norris smut#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 x y/n#formula one x you#formula one x reader#formula 1 x you#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine
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