#hey it's nat

[casualavocados]

#he doesn't want to fight with you ai di, he wants to Kiss🙄💘🥺

Nat Chen as CHEN YI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

[tabithatwo]

[potatobugz]

Doubt

[natsmagi]

honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her

and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse

[lilalbatross]

SHORESY 2x06 | Accountability

[gardenwalrus]

Brian Epstein & Diz Gillespie's relationship

So I put together most of the quotes on Brian and John 'Diz' Gillespie's relationship from Peter Brown & Steven Gaines's book The Love You Make & Jim Irvin's MOJO article on Brian's death earlier to make it a bit easier for me to look at in full - I'll put it on here too if anyone wants to read.

(Some of the quotes from the MOJO article are in the BBC documentary The Brian Epstein Story. It's available on YouTube here but its also available on BBC iPlayer for the next three weeks in better quality)

//

In spring 1965, Brian meets and quickly falls for 'Diz' Gillespie, a young Californian actor living in London, who soon moves into his Whaddon House flat. 

'Dizz was an aspiring actor-singer in his early twenties, with dark hair, mischievous eyes and an impish, upturned nose. Brian was so taken with him he seized upon Dizz’s phantom acting career to play Svengali. … Using the excuse that Dizz was a NEMS artist, Brian paid many of his debts and began to dole out a small allowance from his own pocket. Naturally, all of Brian’s friends warned him against being used by this boy. “He may be manipulative,” Brian said, “but he’s different than most. There’s something special about him, something that I can’t name.”'  - Peter Brown, The Love You Make: An Insider’s Story of The Beatles (1983) p.172

Despite Brian's infatuation, the relationship is evidently volatile and unhappy - 

'But Diz was bisexual and upset Brian by bringing women back to the flat and causing scenes in public, once in front of Brian's parents. Their doomed relationship lasted too long and clearly made him miserable.' - Jim Irvin, “The Death of Brian Epstein”, MOJO (November 2002)

- and this instability was further intensified by the pair spending many nights at Brian’s flat ‘ingesting large amounts of uppers, Tuinals, and Cognac’, which would often turn violent:

‘…these drugged, drunken nights ended in some sort of unhappy confrontation. They ran from simple arguments to all-out fistfights, which included breaking vases and mirrors. One night, unhappy with Brian’s largesse, Dizz worked himself into a rage. When Brian ordered him out of the house, Dizz raced to the kitchen, grabbed the largest knife he could find, and held it to Brian’s jugular vein while extracting an additional sum of money from Brian’s wallet.’ [Brown, p.72] 

As a result of the incident, Brian ends the relationship, yet according to Brown ‘[Brian] only pined away for the boy, lovesick over him.’

Yet it isn’t long until Gillespie appears again in August 1965, contacting Brian, who was in New York two days ahead of the Beatles’ Shea Stadium concert. Brian appeals to his New York business partner, Nat Weiss, to keep Diz away. 

In a meeting with Weiss, Gillespie pushes for a car in exchange for staying away from Brian. When told this information, Brian insists that Nat Weiss gives Diz $3,000 to buy a car. Weiss therefore strikes a deal with Diz - that he was to ‘be kept locked in a hotel room at the Warwick Hotel on Sixth Avenue - with a private guard hired by Nat - until the Beatles and Brian left town.’ [Brown, p.185] 

After this event, Gillespie disappears again, only to appear a year later in LA on August 28 1966, the day of the Beatles’ penultimate live performance. Brian, overjoyed, believes it to be a true show of Diz’s love for him, and the pair spend the day together at a house in Beverly Hills - despite Nat Weiss’ scepticism: 

‘At first Nat was incredulous, then angry. “Brian, you must not have anything to do with that boy–”  “Now, now,” Brian interrupted, “he came all this way to find me. He said he came because he loves me.”  Nat sighed but said nothing. As preposterous as it was that Dizz Gillespie had any real affection for Brian, Nat could see by the smitten look in Brian’s eyes that he believed it. ... Brian had been so skittish lately that one wrong word could send him off on a three-day snit.' [Brown, p.205]

Weiss’s caution was not unfounded - the following day, Diz had disappeared and taken briefcases belonging to Brian and Weiss. Weiss’s case had contained important business documents, whereas the contents of Brian’s case would have been even more damaging if made public: 

First, there was his large and questionable supply of pills, obviously the property of a junkie. Then there were half a dozen or so billets-doux containing explicit references to his conquests, along with Polaroid photographs of his young friends. Lastly, there was $20,000 in brown paper bag money skimmed from concert funds to be distributed as a bonus [Brown p.206] 

Nat Weiss soon received a blackmail note from Gillespie, demanding an additional $10,000 for the return of Brian’s personal photographs and letters. The suitcase was eventually recovered, however $8,000, the pills and Brian’s photos and letters were all missing - as was Gillespie, who had not been found by the police. 

Alongside the fear that the content of the suitcase may still at some point be made public, as well as the realisations that:

‘...he'd been duped by someone he trusted – coinciding with the last performance by his boys – seemed to tip Brian into despair. "That accounts for his first major depression," says Weiss. "That was the beginning of Brian's loss of self-confidence." [Irvin, 'The Death of Brian Epstein']

--

Also of note - this livejournal account pointed out that a ‘vendor’ mentioned in the descriptions of two Christie’s auction items in 2006 was most likely Diz Gillespie. The items were a 1962 Beatles handbill and an autographed copy of John Lennon’s book In His Own Write, which was addressed ‘To Diz, You're a great turn, good God, from John Lennon’

The description of the 1962 handbill: 

‘According to the vendor, he was given this handbill by Brian Epstein in 1966. The two met at a party in Los Angeles in 1964 and maintained a friendship for many years.’

The description of the autographed book: 

The vendor first met John Lennon and Brian Epstein in 1964 and was given this book by John Lennon when he visited him at his home, Kenwood, in Weybridge, Surrey. Diz was the vendor's nickname.

[rotating-hyperfixations]

I wonder who was responsible for planning Nat’s funeral, because it looks like it’s likely in Catholic Church which is semi interesting to me. Like, adult Nat doesn’t strike me as an observant Catholic and likely hits people with the “I was raised Catholic” line at best. So, was there like a will/document that had her final plans laid out or did Tai and Shauna plan the funeral and remembered Nat was Italian and probably Catholic, so they were like fuck it and held it in a church even if she was no longer observant.

[ducktracy]

I feel like you would love Wander Over Yonder.

I WOULD AND I DO!!!!! I’VE SEEN WOEFULLY LITTLE OF IT and really, really, really want to commit to it. both times i’ve tried to watch it i’ve loved it immensely. i really need to commit myselffffff!! but in what very very little i’ve seen i’ve adored it. i love the energy i love the cartooning I LOVE WANDER!!!!!!!!!! i feel like since i’ve gotten into LT, where every character is some sort of absolute freak and has their own unique set of issues, i haven’t been Advertising my sheer adoration of obnoxiously happy little guys (to the chagrin of everyone around them). characters like SpongeBob, Lazlo, Chowder, Stimpy…. it’s definitely my favorite character archetype and Wander more than fits the criteria which is why i need to watch!!!! i’ve had multiple people say it’s an Eliza Show and i very much stand by that having only seen like 2 episodes

also, the prophecy is fortold because i drew this exact pose with Lazlo and Lumpus once upon a millenium. which i can’t look for right now because i’m on mobile. but mark my woids.

[wistfulwatcher]

nat + the torn fishnets

[albatris]

I worry my second quinn chapter's ending is a bit. much

[talknerdytome18]

Do you guys ever wonder if the AGGGTM TV show cast have Tumblr and have seen our posts...

[purple--queen]

Somewhere in the TVA is a TVA Coulson having a crises because he has to deal with a Clint who did shoot Nat and a Nat who killed Clint when he offered a way out.

[worstloki]

The comedy of brodinsons dragging random cultural biases with them from Asgard is so fun. They should be sexist to people's faces and roll their eyes when anyone says anything about it

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

[daisychains111]

I just finished as good as dead and I'm just trying not to think about those 694 days

the only person who knew was ravi, but I'm trying not to think about how both him and pip had to come up with lies about why they talk about their 'ex' like they never broke up

trying not to think about pips parents who's daughter who was so obviously pulling away and they had no idea why

trying not to think about Josh not understanding why his sister won't answer his calls

trying not to think about Cara who's best friend in the world is pushing her away

trying not to think about Naomi, Nat, Connor and Jamie who knew something was up but could never quite figure it out. all they knew is that pip didn't want to be in their lives anymore

trying not to think about all the bridges pip had to burn bc she wanted them all to be safe

but "hey sarge, remember me" so ya know...cry