#hes like twilight if she was mentally insane

[demonir]

Medic pony! Adding onto my list of merc ponies lol

I think he'd try to surgically add pegasus wings onto himself to become an alicorn. for science!

[hauntingrabbits]

More Batman/My Little Pony au art because these are ridiculously fun to draw. Part 3 here! Part 1 here!

More info under the cut!

1. Sweet Talk/The Harlequin (Harleen Quinzel)

Originally contracted to work as a psychiatrist for the Tartarus villain redemption program, Sweet Talk had a unique relationship with the Joker. This relationship was proven to be even stranger than her coworkers had originally assumed when she broke him out and joined him in his life of crime.

Devoting herself entirely to her new life and relationship with the joker, she covers her original cutie mark at all times. Snce her horn was snapped she can no longer cast precise spells, leaving her magic mostly emotion-based and intensely volatile, (typically manifesting in the form of sparks, zaps, and explosions).

Other Notes:

-Using Tartarus as a substitute for Arkham Asylum for this au because why not.

-The villain redemption program did NOT go well. Sorry Twilight.

-Mostly based on BTAS Harley because I adore the original costume.

-Her horn was cracked by the Joker

2. Pudding Pie/The Joker (The Joker)

Batpony’s most notorious foe. Said to have been just a regular pony until he fell into a vat at an Ace Potions factory during a conflict with Batpony.

He doesn’t have a Cutie Mark, but it’s unclear whether this was always the case or instead a result of his accident. The effects of permanent Cutie Mark loss—the only known cases of which occurred via long-banned magic and/or traumatic injury—are largely unstudied, and it’s ramifications are unknown. Some ponies theorize this may be the reason for the Joker’s mental state and general disposition.  

Sundown has a different opinion on the matter.

Other notes:

-Based mostly on BTAS joker and the ‘89 Nicholson joker.

-His name is just based on Harley’s “pudding” nickname for in in a lot of versions, but I think it would also be hilarious if he was a distant relative of Pinkie Pie.

-I could leave it ambiguous but. Yeah the potion vat didn’t actually do anything beyond slightly altering his physical appearance. He’s just like that and he never got a cutie mark in the first place.

3. Gadiel/Scarecrow (Jonathan Crane)

Raised among ponies, Gadiel was relentlessly bullied for being gangly and birdish, earning him the nickname “Scarecrow” in his youth. Though he later successfully became a professor and psychologist in Gotham, Gadiel was eventually fired when he was found to be testing his fear-inducing potions on his students and purposefully putting them through terrifying and dangerous situations. Deciding to take his experiments to the masses, Gadiel donned the mantle of Scarecrow and weaponized fear to become a career criminal.

As the Scarecrow, he’s known for his skill in manipulation, psychological torture, and crafting dangerous potions and gas. The effects of fear on magical creatures are unique and intense, much to Gadiel’s delight and interest.

Other Notes:

-I wanted to make his front half a crane but I couldn’t get the long neck to work right with the mask, so he’s more crow-like instead.

-according to the wiki 1/3 of Griffin names start with a G so naturally I was extremely tempted to name him Gonathon and you should all be very grateful I did not. The name Gadiel has origins in the bible as the name of an archangel which I thought was fitting given the insane religious trauma some versions of the scarecrow went through. I thought about trying to do something similar for this version but given that the mlp universe uses Princess Celestia as a replacement for God in expressions like “Celestia knows where” and “Oh my Celestia” I wasn’t really sure how to go about it. There’s probably some kind of sun-worshipping thing in equestria idk.

-I spent a long time on the mlp wiki but from what I could find the only “fear” magic in the show is just used by one guy and its just called “dark magic”. I thought for sure there would’ve been some random plant or magical creature they dealt with at some point that maybe did something similar I could use for his blurb but unfortunately there was not.

4. Mandible/Falseface (Basil Karlo/Matt Hagen)

Hungry and deeply resentful of the changeling queen for forcing her underlings to share what little stolen love they had with her, Mandible went rogue early on and split off from the hive to pursue his own ventures. Finding success under the name Claypose as a pony actor in Gotham, he was sustained primarily by the one-sided love of his fans for years, despite the false identity having no real prior personal relationships to leech from. 

After a magical special effects accident on set revealed his true nature, he went into hiding and immediately started crafting a new persona, but soon found in his distress and rage over losing his identity as Claypose that he could no longer sustain any disguise long enough to keep up a long-term facade. Blaming the accident, he targeted the unicorn responsible by posing as his wife to leech his love, but ended up killing the pony in a panic when his disguise failed much faster than he’d anticipated it would. Unable to keep up a new identity or return to the hive, Mandible turned to a life of crime instead, doing dirty work for the bigger criminal names in Gotham and leeching love from his employer’s targets to survive.

Other notes:

-Clayface being a changeling was an obvious pick given his power set but I really wasn’t sure how to tackle the main issue of him being unable to keep a solid form for long. I went with his distress and frustration being the main thing keeping his disguise flimsy (so he gets put in kind of an ourobouros cycle where his disguise being bad makes him upset but him being upset makes it harder to fix his disguise), but the magic accident probably also contributed somehow.

-Why are all the changelings straight up just named after body parts in this show whats that about. The “Clay” in Claypose is obviously a reference to his title/schtick in the comics while the “pose” comes from both his job as an actor and the fact that he’s posing as a pony. Mandible is the name for the jaw part of an insect.

-there's actually an entirely different batman villain called falseface in the '66 series but I couldn't come up with anything better. Changeface just does not roll off the tongue.

3. Winglon/Killer Drake (Waylon Jones)

Originally intended to be used in an entrance exam, his egg was stolen from a Canterlot delivery cart on its way to Celestia’s school of magic and sold on the black market to a Pony Island circus. Raised to be part of the freak show, Winglon was pitted against circus performers and overconfident challengers in ring fights for money and entertainment. Enduring abuse and injury throughout his life from ponies that he was always fundamentally stronger than, it was only a matter of time until he snapped. Garnering the name Killer Drake for his actions, Winglon escaped into the Gotham sewer system.

Not knowing how to return to the dragonlands or whether he’d even fit into dragon society at all, he continues to lurk in the dark away from any life, deeply resenting ponies and all other manner of magical creatures that make friends with them.

Other notes:

-I like silly names ok. Winglon Jones. -I like the theory that the dragon egg used for Twilight’s entrance exam was actually fake/meant to be a no-win scenario, but I also don’t think it would be that hard for enterprising ponies to get their hands on dragon eggs. The practice probably stopped in the later seasons when they made friends with the dragonlands or whatever though.

-Given that dragons threaten to eat or kill ponies at multiple points in the show, the cannibalism is actually kind of understandable. And also not even cannibalism anymore. Still murder though.

[ghostplasmas]

“So… what happened?” Twilight asked, walking over to time. He was undeniably a ghost, that much was obvious. His form shimmered under the moonlight, a soft, pale blue. Twi sat down next to him, and Time looked back up at the moon.

“I died.” He said joyfully, and Twilight rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I got that much- but. How? And why are you in… a puppet body?” He clarified, and Times' cheeky grin dropped to a soft smile.

“I died to a black blooded monster. There was a camp near the Lost woods in my era, and… I didn't realize how strong they were until it was too late.” He spoke, his voice soft, like chimes blowing in the wind. Twilight wasn't entirely sure Time was even talking- his voice rattling around in his head.

Twilight looked down at the grass, chewing the inside of his lip. “What about your new body?” He asked. Time made a strange face, staring at the moon intensely. Twilight mentally smacked himself- Time never talked about his past, why would he want to talk about this?

“It was a compromise with Hylia.” Time said, and Twilight’s eyes blew wide, staring at him.

“What?”

“My journey wasn't over.” Time said. “I wasn't supposed to die- at least. That's what she told me. She needed to bring me back, but… I couldn't stand the thought of Malon losing me again- so. I asked for a body that made it so I couldn't. I asked for enough time to be with Malon for the rest of her life.” He said quietly, before barking out a laugh. “I didn't expect her to turn me into a Puppet.”

Twilight stared at Time, baffled. This made Time laugh loud and clear, finding his surprise immensely humorous. “You don't believe me?” He asked, and Twilight shook his head.

“No! It's just.” Twilight struggled to find the right word for how utterly insane it sounded.

“Crazy? Yeah. It does seem like that.” He smiled. And Twilight couldn't help the nagging feeling in his chest. Seeing him now- the armor, the markings, and the way his voice echoed in his mind-

“at the beginning of my journey…” Twilight started, before clenching his jaw. He already started. He needed to finish it. “There was a ghost I met…”

[bunnakit]

last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

[ssruis]

Lethal tenmas induced mental illness attack. At some point I need to write up a long post on their relationship but for now take these lines with minimal commentary. attempt to figure out the points and connections I’m making in my head if you’d like.

(Doll Festival at the Tenmas)

> Difference in how they describe Tsukasa bringing saki the dolls (saki focusing on him bringing them to her even though he got hurt, tsukasa focusing on how he failed and got the dolls dirty)

(Saki’s Live with Memories card story)

> “w/out you I wouldn’t have been able to deal w all the treatment” what if I died

> tsukasa trying to see from the brother’s side, saki does the opposite. I don’t think Tsukasa would do what the brother did in LwM but I think he can see where he’s coming from.

> there’s a point I could make about the brother pulling back to encourage the sister to bond w her dad’s new family (wrt saki & L/N and tsukasa) but it’s more of a “it could be looked at an extreme version of what could happen/could have happened” situation & I don’t trust tsukasa fans not to misread it and villainize saki. Bc the brother was in the wrong here but we all know how tsukasa fans treat the main story. Anyways.

(Toya’s Doll Festival card story)

> most evil moment in the entire game I hate the writers.

> Sense of responsibility for her wellbeing happiness vs saki seeing that and trying to hide any sadness to prevent him (& her parents) from worrying.

(Tsukasa’s Doll Festival card story)

> saki guilt complex

> “then it’ll be dark and I’ll be alone” said by tsukasa as a kid in a flashback (saki is well aware that he is also struggling) (hence the guilt complex) (evil!)

(Tsukasa’s Dazzling Lights card story)

> autotuned baby crying.

(Tsukasa’s Twilight Musical Parade card story)

> no one wants to talk about saki & the guilt she feels about people doing things for her esp wrt tsukasa like. Look. Tsukasa does it happily. He would saw off his arm if she asked.

> But saki doesn’t ask for that and that level of dedication to her happiness is something she feels she needs to repay (on some level). But he won’t let her because he doesn’t think it needs to be repayed. Stalemate.

> all that to say I think “was it all for me” is such an insane line that goes so under recognized because nobody wants to analyze saki. Can you imagine how scary it would be to worry that the path a loved one is taking is entirely for you. You can’t repay that. It’s too much. I’m tired but the point I’m making is I think Saki wanted to know that he wasn’t doing it all for her.

> Cut out tsukasa’s answer but I think “I was but that was only the beginning & now I am an insane freak about theatre it’s my life” was a perfect answer. Turns it from a weight saki would feel into a gift saki gave him. You know.

Saki: I always kept how I really felt a secret to make sure you wouldn’t worry about me.

Saki: I couldn’t say what I really meant. I just smiled and nodded. It’s no wonder that you didn’t understand how I really felt, Tsukasa.

(Doll Festival at the Tenmas)

> as I said.

Tsukasa: However, Saki doesn’t want anyone to worry about her. Not even her own family.

Tsukasa: So she tries to keep quiet about feeling unwell from anyone else…

(Rui’s Twlight Musical Parade card story) (**EDIT I’m a fraud it’s tsukasa’s not Rui’s)

> as I said (p2)

Saki: Tsukasa…

Saki: (He took a day off from his part time job to stay home with me.)

Saki: (That’s one more person I’ve inconvenienced.)

(First Star After the Rain)

> saki guilt complex again. Foundational quote wrt her relationship w tsukasa.

> “the complications of my illness are a burden on my loved ones that I can never pay back” would love for colopale to challenge this (grabbing the writers by the neck and shaking them like a dog with a chew toy)

(Valentine’s Day Alliance)

She’s talking abt not relying on her friends here but this is p clearly a mindset that carries over to her relationship with her family.

Toya: Also, you’d never turn away a sick animal. There’s no way you could ever do anything cruel to someone with an illness.

(On the Stage of Dazzling Lights)

> said while saki is like 2 ft away. What this was my final straw colopale.

(On the Stage of Dazzling Lights)

> haha he’s like a dog (mocking so I don’t feel sad)

> as I’ve talked abt before on other posts: her happiness is his happiness. His middle school sad era is because saki was suffering. People who make content abt this and make the angst way higher than it canonically is while literally ignoring saki is so insane to me. I feel like the joker.

Tsukasa: … You did well, Hiro. You’re officially the coolest big bro in the world right now.

Tsukasa: That’s why, even for just a little while, you should keep those tears on hold.

Tsukasa: Your friend and sister are watching.

Hiro: ….sniff…. Okay!

Tsukasa: Alright! Now go out there with your head held high!

Tsukasa: (“Weird face”, huh?)

Tsukasa: (Maybe Meg has never seen that kind of face before since she’s his little sister.)

(Tsukasa’s fragment sekai card story - TL Tsukasa’s #3 Fan)

> they could never make me hate this card peak tsukasa peak tsukasa peak tsukasa. It’s peak.

> “maybe she’s never seen it before because she’s his little sister” I’m going to kill him with my own two hands.

[jamethinks]

So random so niche but one thing that always irks me about sxf is the way that no one took in Yor and Yuri after their parents died. I’m nitpicking but really it’s such an insane detail to me because it logically doesn’t make any send and I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing but I just cannot mentally imagine two children being left alone after their parents died. That don’t sit right with my West Indian soul like nah.

I get Twilight’s situation, both of parents died in a bombing that destroyed the entire city obviously there was a lot of chaos so it’s understandable that he got lost in the midst of it. Granted I still am baffled by the idea that no one saw this 6 year old child and said hm maybe I should look after him but whatever fine. Sure times of collective distress increases the sense of community in people but fine take win but Yor???

It’s never fully confirmed how their parents died (at least not to my memory) but we do know they weren’t homeless and that Yor knew people she could ask for advice and stuff and so my question why did no one help her? They lived in the forest sure but there were other people around they should have had some neighbors even with a good amount of distance! Why would they all watch this 12/13 year old girl with her 5/6 year old brother and just say best of luck to yah. Like no wonder she got groomed into a murderer where was the community? You couldn’t even bring them breakfast and lunch? No soup kitchen? What happened to Red Cross? Salvation Army? They had a house, they went to school, they did shopping, Yor fought bears, they were active participants in the society so why were they alone in a post war society?

What happened to aunts and uncles and grandparents and great aunts and great uncles and cousins and in-laws and godparents and neighbors and social workers and i dunno the police man like how did this happen?

[cowchickenbeefpork]

How does the craving/yearning correlate to the NPD and BPD for Oswald and Edward? Mostly curious for your thoughts about it

tbh that tag was me going insane I don't fully agree with it now per se. I don't like the original post I made where I compared them to yearning and craving because I compared their relationship to that instead of who they are as people, which was my thought process. I'm not sure if I was right about yearning and borderline idealization, but i do think i was right about craving and narcissism (btw I only made that post because i was watching Contrapoints video about the fucking TWILIGHT books, and since i have the intelligence of a mere banana I connected her opinions on yearning and craving back to nygmobblepot and mental disorders because that is how I show my appreciation to anything I find cool. keep in mind the definition I am using here is stolen from her and she took notes from Shakespeare, Taylor Swift, twilight as previously mentioned, and SEINFELD FOR HER THOUGHTS. Still, she is a great YouTuber go watch her she is one of my favorites.)

what I'm considering craving as definition wise is a desire that can be satisfied but only for a moment, constantly needing to be refilled. its like craving drinking or eating, it will satisfy you but you will constantly need to do it over and over and over in your life, it can be fulfilled unlike yearning but never for long, you will always need to refill it since it will never stick. craving is also less personal than yearning since it doesn't acknowledge something is deeply missing, it provides a temporary solution for something that will which makes craving end up resembling more so something like lust instead of limerence

i view narcissistic supply similarly to this. narcissism as a disorder is just trying to keep your false self up, it can be satisfied for a while but it will always still need to be refilled because of the fact its not a genuine love for yourself. narcissism is like having an addiction to feeling special in a way, that's why the craving for admiration never stops, because since they don't naturally feel content about themselves, narcissism as a coping mechanism works as tricking both the self and others that false, idealized self is real. the craving itself is a cope to hide the yearning in a way, the craving here only exists because of a deeper deficit. edward is not aware that he yearns for love and admiration, he thinks that he can just get a bit of it and be content forever, but he wont. ( fun fact the false grandiose self is actually the main difference in bpd and npd, they do have alot of simliarties like projection and splitting and a want for admiration and love but borderlines dont have that false idealized grandiose self unless they also have npd on top of their bpd. this is probablyyyy why borderlines are more easier to maniuplate since narcissistic defendses are stronger and more durable than borderline ones, there is a reason borderlines often split on themselves while narcissists don't that much)

yearning is wanting your other half, it's wanting to inherently fill out that incomplete part of yourself. You could make a connection between BPD and yearning since things like idealization and chronic feelings of emptiness but I feel less confident in this one. the yearning will also never be fulfilled just like the craving is, Oswald thinks that he will feel fine when he finally gets it but his idea of love is idealized. That version of love he craves does not exist since love requires effort and work, and even if it did he would still fail at it because of his cannibalistic nature when it comes to love, nothing is enough for him, he will hold unto someone until their bones break. that cannibalistic desire ends up becoming similar to the craving in my head a little, because nothing will be enough. he also uses people to bring himself up ego but doesn't want to reflect on how his actions are selfish, pretty much downplaying or playing victim about it and acting like he is not as bad as the other criminals are ( both of them do this, to be honest, I would say it is different but not really besides which one plays up the other as a irrational fool more than a malicious monster out to get them and vise versa, they devalue and demonize each other in the same ways; both feel like the other just lied about ever caring for them)

basically what I am getting at here is ed thinks that he can just get his needs met if he does things that will only satisfy him temporally ( since he's a "cold logician MY ASS) and will not stop the constant, unaware yearning for genuine love while Oswald thinks he will be satisfied if he gets that, when he won't, he will want more and more until there is nothing left but bones. Oswald thinks his desire could be fulfilled perfectly if he just met the right person but no one will satisfy that hunger, he pretends he does not crave like Edward does but he still does. both of them have the same problems but both of them try to hide them differently and express them differently, edward is more ashamed looking like he is irrational and Oswald is more ashamed of being SEEN as a monster. ( neither of them like being viewed like that but both of them clearly have a preference for a different insult, edward just convinces himself that they are basically just ants who don't know better and oswald goes by a more the ends justify the means approach, edward does want to be loved and admired but he thinks that is not possible in the more traditional oswald way, so he does a bunch of crime shit instead to prove how smart he is and to get that love and admiration)

edward has the same yearning as Oswald but he pretends he doesn't, Oswald has the same craves as edward does but pretends he doesn't

[sunwarmed-ash]

WIP Wednesday

More of the pre rut chapter from my poly twilight fic Love Bites but so do I. You can read part 1 I posted a few days ago!

Fandom: Twilight Saga, Twilight Eclipse Ship: Jake x Bella x Edward

“Jake, you're burning up.”

“Yeah,” he swallows, face twisted up in obvious pain, “it's gonna start soon.”

“Is that why you're here?” She asks, referring to the half star motel they found him in. Bella grabs ice out of the bucket and fills a washcloth. She places it on Jake’s forehead. It’s not much, but hopefully it’s something. 

“This place is already a shithole. If I damage anything, no one’s gonna care.”

“You shouldn't be here,” Bella sighs. 

“Not alot of other options at my disposal,” Jacob bites.  

“There is another option,” Edward mentions, “you’ve just never asked.”

Edward drives. It takes them close to two hours to arrive at their destination, but when they arrive at a mansion in the middle of the forest, 40 miles from the nearest town Jacob and Bella’s eyebrows go up.

“Carlisle’s been alive a long time. He’s acquired quite a few properties now.”

“Jesus, this place is even bigger than your house,” Jacob mutters.

“Yes. But we won't be bothered here.” 

“Thank you.” Jacob says, and Edward smiles. 

“Of course love.”

-

“I need you to distract me.”

Bella’s hands move forward to touch him, but he pulls away. 

“No, not like that. Don’t do that until you absolutely need to. Because once it starts, I don’t know if I'll be able to stop.”

“Okay, well then what do you want us to do,” Bella asks. 

Jake looks at Edward. 

Tell me about the orgy in the 80s.

Edward glares back, because there's a reason why he can’t just tell that story. 

Please?

Edward sighs deeply before looking at Bella.

“I have a confession to make.”

“What? Bella chuckles, confused as to what they could have said in the short time.

“Yes. I should have told you sooner, I’m not- I’m not a virgin.” 

She looks like she's trying to hold back her laughter. 

“Well yeah babe, obviously, or did you forget about our weekend orgy?”

Edward laughs, because she always knows what to say to ease the tension. Even if it is unbelievably crass. 

“No,” Edward smiles, “I don't think I could ever forget that. I meant, before that.”

It takes her a moment but then he sees the way her face changes as it sinks in. Which is, surprisingly not a lot.  

“Oh, alright,” she says, without even batting an eye. “So like other girls then?” 

Edward doesn't look at Jacob, but his thoughts are so loud it feels like he’s talking out loud anyway. 

“Uh, men, mostly,” he admits, clearing his throat. Here went everything.

Now her face changes. Much like it did when he confessed Jake’s not so subtle attraction to Edward. 

“What?” she giggles, scooting forward. “Okay yeah you should definitely say more right now.”

“You're not mad?”

“What? No, that’s dumb. It’s your business. But I am insanely curious about it though.”

Edward laughs, his relief obvious as he pulls her close and kisses her. 

“Told you she’d be cool,” Jake finally chimes in. 

“Wait, how did you know?” she asks before snorting as she remembered, “The night in the tent.”

“Yes,” Edward agrees, “Jacob was particularly ruthless with his mental warfare that night.”

“Whatever, got us here didn't it?” Jake smiles, before a painful wave rips his smile off his face. “Jesus fuck.”

“Jake,” Bella moves to help but his hand is waving her back down. 

“I’m okay. It’s alright. Just, keep talking. The pains the most manageable when I’m distracted.”

“As I was telling Jacob,” Edward continues, “I took part in several orgies in the 80’s and 90’s. Before I met you, they were my favorite decades to live through.”

“How do you even get invited to something like that?” Bella asks, curiosity unwavering. 

“I suppose how they always happen,” Edward shrugs, “You know someone who knows someone else. And once the drugs came out, nothing mattered more than chasing the good feeling.”

[embersofthewoods]

The Way I Loved You ~ A Soukou fanfic

It was twilight, and Chuuya was sat on the roof of the mafia building, overlooking the city, smoking a cigarette, and completely lost in thought.

“You should smoke so much you know. You’ll damage your lungs – like my brother.”

Chuuya almost leapt out of his skin. “Jesus, Gin, I didn’t hear you coming.”

She only shrugged before adding, “I am an assassin. And quiet is kind of my thing.”

She sat down beside him, and swing her legs over the edge of the building. They sat in peaceful silence for a few moments, before Chuuya finally asked, “Why are you up here anyways?”

Gin gave him a look. “You’ve been up here, alone, for almost an hour.”

“So?”

“You miss him.”

Chuuya felt his face flush bright red. “What!? No, I- I mean… who are you- I don’t even know what you mean.” he declared.

“It’s alright,” said Gin, “I miss him too.”

“You- you do?” Chuuya couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Yes. Despite being excessively cruel to my brother sometimes, Dazai-san has taught him much. He was also the first person to ever give us a home. So yes, I miss him.”

“I suppose so. Why would I miss him though!?” asked Chuuya. His attempt to bluff his way out of the situation failed, as Gin gave him another look that quite clearly said ‘Don’t give me that crap.’

Chuuya sighed resignedly. “Okay. Fine. We were secretly…friends.”

“…”

“OKAY. More than friends. We- I- … Much as I hated him, - and I did hate him, - I… I think I loved him. And now… now that I’ve realised and accepted that… I miss him. So much.”

Gin looked at him silently, her soft eyes clearly indicating she understood and was listening.

“What was it like, to love him?” she asked softly.

“Wow.” Chuuya leaned back on his hands and gazed up at the stars.

“That’s a big question.

“Well, we would constantly be screaming at each other, especially in public obviously, and fighting to prove our strength.

“But then he would randomly come and drag me out of my apartment and we would kiss in the rain…” Chuuya sighed and smiled at the memory.

“And I was constantly up at like 2am, thinking of him. I would curse his name because I just couldn’t get him out of my head!! I was… I was that madly in love it made me act insane!” Chuuya punched his palm aggressively and covered his face with his hands. He peeped through his fingers and Gin, who was still listening in her quietly comprehensive way, before continuing.

“I had so many mental breakdowns, like panic attacks, and times when I would just… I had to cry in a corner.” He stopped again and glared at Gin suddenly. “You won’t tell anyone about this. Will you.” he said gruffly.

Gins eyes, filled with kindness, stared back. “Not if you don’t want me to.” she promised.

Chuuya relaxed slightly. “Good. Yeah. Well, when… that happened, it was always okay, because he was there to comfort me, and tell me ‘its okay, I’m here’. And I would always be there for him. And now…” Chuuya broke off, his voice filled with emotion. He composed himself quickly and resumed, in still a slightly shaky voice.

“Also… he was the one who encourage me to come out to you guys… do you remember?”

Gin nodded, “I do. That was so brave of you.”

Chuuya sighed sadly, “well, Dazai was the reason I has the courage to do it.

“It… I mean… the whole experience gave me a rush, like I was on a rollercoaster, ya know? It made me giddy with love and happiness, but now, its over, so suddenly. And all I feel is kind of… sick.

“But mostly… I just never knew I could feel that much. Like… I’m… I don’t… I’m hardly human. Yet all these emotions that I couldn’t explain, let alone understand just filled me, and… it was all because of him.

“So yeah. That’s the way I loved him. And God, did I love him. I see that now.”

Chuuya sniffed, and breathed deeply.

“It’s alright,” said Gin.

“I know! I’m fine!” insisted Chuuya.

“Yes. But… that’s a lot. I think you should tell him how you feel. Then maybe… he will come back. For all of us.”

Chuuya looked at her sceptically. “I could never say all that to him.”

“Well maybe, you don’t have to.”

The confusion was evident on Chuuya’s face, so Gin continued,

“You’re a musician, right?”

“How on earth do you-“ Chuuya interjected.

“Never mind how I know. But you could write him a song. Saying everything you’ve just told me.” she suggested softly.

Chuuya stared vacantly at the city.

“I… well, … maybe I could.”

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain,

And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name,

So in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you.

Breaking down and coming on out,

It's a roller coaster kind of rush,

And I never knew I could feel that much,

But that's the way I loved you

HELLO MY FRIENDS I have returned from the abyss. This fic took /ages/ as I just kept procrastinating it but it is now finally here.

Obviously I based it on the lyrics to the Taylor Swift song "The Way I Loved You". I just thought the lyrics fit Soukou so damn well. I like taking inspiration from random stuff like this :) I have more lyrics fanfics in the works so lemme know if you'd want to see that and if there's any songs or ships you'd particularly like to see :)!

AS USUAL any feedback is gratefully received. I want to know what you guys think!! I had loads of fun writing this so I hope you like it too!!

K bye I will return. Soonish. :)

Edit: oh yeah tags are a thing

[the-owl-tree]

I wish starlight had a better redemption arc. lowkey that’s the only reason I hate her outside of her dumbass backstory (I could fix it) and the lack of explanation for her being almost alicorn level gifted. like lemme tweak her backstory a bit:

she was considered exceptionally talented and everyone had high hopes for her to go far in life or could even get into celestia’s school (kinda like twilight) but she was suuuuper attached to sunburst in an unhealthy way (bpd gang rise up) leading to her revolving her entire world and life around him and when he left she completely spiraled and used her powers to keep others around her from leaving. her specialty are memory and mind altering spells since she canonically even after her “redemption” can’t seem to stop revoking other pony’s rights to free will.

she operates on pure natural talent and raw might due to lack of proper training so it was actually really easy to defeat her and send her packing out of her village. her second appearance she came back with the alicorn amulet (the one trixie had in that episode, but it was gone so fast I am ignoring it. that’s such a cool item wasted on one episode?? no) which is how she fucked with alternate the realities.

in a world where friendships and bonds are pretty much building blocks for their society I can see it being probable that pony’s without friends could suffer health wise too. not just mentally but physically. maybe she never got her cutie mark and blames friendship in general for stunting her. she doesn’t hate just twilight, she hates ALL of equestria. every other pony has someone and she has nothing and no one. no friends, no cutie mark, no purpose. just rage.

when she is defeated again, she should have faced actual consequences. send that horse to prison. idk. why did cozy glow get sent to hell. this isn’t about her.

I think a probation period or similar where she has to earn back the right to use her magic while attending the friendship school and amending her crimes would have been good to see. she her earning forgiveness. show her earning her cutie mark! show her apologizing to every pony she hurt and then accepting they won’t like her anyway! I know it’s a kids show and really they can’t do too many heavy topics, but also I hate this horse

Starlight's insane magical power without any amulets or anything bothered me, I like the idea of her getting her hands on it instead of her just being super mega OP. I get it's for the sake of the plot but it's also sort of like...does magic need to be trained? What's the point of magic schools if the average unicorn can learn a teleportation spell rather easily? do you guys ever think about how OP magic gets in the later seasons, regardless-

It felt weird that the way they chose to write her being won over by Twilight is literally forcing her between a rock and a hard place. Either start being nicies or apocalypse time forever, isn't that fun! It makes it even more disingenuous with how little time they spend redeeming her or even having her recognize the impact she's had on those around her (it bothers me the show seems more invested in how Starlight has been hurt by the Our Town debacle than the Our Town ponies). It also doesn't help her backstory is embarrassing...like girl write a letter you can levitate quills some kids have to use their damn mouths!

I disagree with her being locked up, mainly because I think MLP's weird tonal dissonance around incarceration is uh really weird for the neon pony story (seriously. why did they lock the child in tartarus, why did they turn the child to STONE). Rehabilitative justice is a GREAT thing for kids to learn, showing that anyone can change with work, kindness, and friendship (in the show at least lol)! But by not centering who Starlight hurt and just rushing through her actually working to be better, it makes her story lacklustre and half-hearted. At least in my opinion!

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

writing for bg3 again has unlocked the brain worms

i wanna write a LOZ/BG3 crossover now bc of my Link build.

Just... Link accidentally stumbling into the bg3 universe like 'oh yeah im just some guy' with the MOST mcguffin ass traingle scar and munchkin background imaginable and he's a goddamn disaster because he is HYPER-COMPETENT but the BG3 world works on different rules to Hyrule so he's relearning everything.

Also if I *did* write this it'd mostly be BOTW Link bc he looks young -which would be really funny because for a full elf he's barely an adult and is also really technically 17 because he didn't mentally or physically age in stasis so he's *baby* baby - but also because imagine the amnesiac with a super weird accent and incredibly squewed understanding of the magic system who INSISTS that the goddess of magic is in fact NOT the established one and in fact a princess that he knows and then proceeds to you know pray to her and invoke spells and magic unfathomable to you and he's like 'oh yeah no that's like totally normal' (its *not*) and it's like was the mindflayers taking this boy from whatever cult he was in a good thing????? MAYBE????

Also Zelda would SO project her voice across the universe to Link like bestie WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU GONE and bc of the tadpole everyone hears it and its like 'oh this is the princess goddess huh!? SHE'S REAL!?

And also also just Link not really talking all that much, but forcing it out when he's at the head of the party like "sigh, this is just like when i woke up all over again." "Link do you want to elaborate on that?" "Not really." "That was less of a question and more of a suggestion with immediate effect actually-"

-- BUT ALSO ALSO LIKE LINK WOULD BE SUCH AN INTERESTING COMPANION. HE'S A FIGHTER, HE WAS A KNIGHT, HE'S TECHNICALLY A RANGER? OR A DRUID/SORCEROR BC HE CAN ACCESS THE MAGIC OF THE TRIFORCE ??? ITS JUST SO MUCH FUCKERY AND LIKE IMAGINE *WOLFIE* FOLLOWING HIM ACROSS DIMENSIONS TOO!? Local amnesiac elf knight-ranger whos also a child even by HUMAN STANDARDS (Wtf!? All the party members are in a huddle asking wtf is wrong with this kid when link lets slip he's 17 as in double digits) just wakes up one day and there's a wolf with HIS eyes who when they use speak with animals on because duh they need to know who tf this wild-shaped person is and wtf they're doing here, ESPECIALLY with the CHILD THEY'VE FOUND OUT HAS BEEN LEADING THEM ABOUT and he talks with THE thickest country (Yorkshire bc its british accents in BG3 and I need Yorkshire accent Twilight) accent you can imagine and casually drops like 'oh im him from a past life here to make sure he doesn't die : ) he doesn't know that : )' absolute insanity.

Im gonna be thinking about this for weeks.

[localminecraftcryptid]

Rereading the twilight series after finishing midnight sun (after putting that off lmao) just makes me wish Stephanie Meyer would do more of Edward's perspective; specifically for New Moon and Breaking Dawn.

Like I think New Moon from Edward's perspective would be amazing not only because we'd get to see what he's doing but also because he's so dramatic that it'd still have the depressive feeling that is a staple of New Moon.

Breaking Dawn I mainly want from his perspective for the drama. This man finally got to marry his first love and after like a month finds out he might lose her forever cause he got her pregnant and she wants to keep the baby; and considering he didn't understand that she wanted the baby because it's his baby and not she just wanted a kid it'd be interesting to see his thought process. Like I know he was going insane, and I want to just see the journey in his mind of going from "I'm gonna lose my wife after a month of marriage and left with a baby that's a medical mystery to my entire family" to "I can hear the baby's thoughts but might still lose my wife" to "I know I've been trying to push back/prevent this vampire transformation, but my wife is the greatest vampire of all time and I'm so in love" to "the government is threatening my family's life over a misunderstanding".

Just- he's so mentally ill and knowing his thought process in twilight wasn't enough

[mosraev]

Lyrics through the decade 3/10

I've decided to collect all the songs I've made through the last decade and share my favourite snippets with you guys. The pictures for the backgrounds will (as much as possible) be pictures I've taken the same year as the lyrics were written. The full lyrics may or may not be made official someday.

Part 3; 2015

Being the first full year I had been writing songs and the year I took one semester on what I now call my summer camp, this was a very productive year for songs. Well, it was a productive year for lyrics, I actually did only finish half of the songs I started. My lyrics became a little less angry overall and focused more on storytelling.

More info under the line

Stay creative, my fellow foxes 🦊💚

Song 1 (pic1); Pyriphlegeton.

A song named after the greek myth of the flood of fire in the underworld keeping the tormented standing so they can endure more pain, this is a song where I've taken the perspective of a woman with an undefined mental illness. Some lines however can be read through a trans lens. Fun fact: I rapped the verses on this. No I am not kidding (also I am not a rapper)

Featured lyrics:

Heartache! Her ribcage's a cage of a prison.

She's searching so hard for the brick life's missing.

Honorable mention;

She blames herself for going insane.

When all that she need is a shoulder to cry on,

Instead she chokes on water from Pyriphlegethon.

Song 2 (pic2); Icebirds

This is a fun one in that I made it as a sort of theme song for a novel length story I was writing about a boy that lived in a world where people got their mind wiped in they stepped out of line (or what he later learn is actually a brainfog repressing your memories and identity). So while the lyrics could be taken as a queer metaphor in context it is more litteral. I didn't finish either the story or the song however.

Featured lyric:

Out of the fog, clear reality to face.

How much of myself have ignorance erased?

Song 3 (pic3); Tidal Wave/Party Wave

One of the few times that I tried to write a party song. This was strange since I wrote as a typical Dane that drinks and loves parties (which I don't) but I do love this line a lot

Featured lyric:

The floor's alive with every beat.

We're the beating heart's arteries.

Song 4 (pic4); the Rabbit and the Turtle

One of the few songs with no real perspective character, instead it is about the passing of time and the ambivalent feeling I have about time in general.

Featured lyric:

today's struggles are in tomorrow's past.

Song 5 (pic5); Shout Out

A song I wrote as a tribute to the friends I've gotten in the three years of highschool (although some of the experiences mentioned go back to middleschool). One of the earlier examples of me using my own experiences in a song.

Featured lyric:

Where everyday it's a chapter, at dawn begins a new [chapter].

Song 6 (pic6); Fair Little Muse

In this song I take the perspective of a lover feeling something is wrong with their partner but not knowing what or how to communicate their worry. It is very flowery/artsy which is fitting since the muse part is inspired by the muses of greek mythology.

Featured lyric:

((Extended)) Your thoughts are roses, wild in bloom.

Are they midnight black or are they twilight blue?

While roses they wither, evergreen remains.

And snowdrops bear promises of better days.

Song 7 (pic7); Mirror on the Wall v. 2

This is a special case since it is a song that actually have two versions; one was very personal and read like a diary (version 1) and then there's one taking the perspective of a girl and a boy both having body image issues thereby depersonalising the story (version 2). And yet this line is so raw and trans coded that I cannot help but love it. I never finished this song.

Featured lyric:

Mirror on the wall, hear it smash against the floor.

I feel so wasted [and] lost in my own skin.

((Extended)) [in] this body I'm living in.

Song 8 (pic8); Mixtape

I had an idea of writing a song about two people sharing memories through their dedication to music (possibly because I was at a music camp around this time). I never finished the song but I like this first part.

Featured lyric:

I’ve made you a mixtape to soundtrack your wasted youth.

All your favorite songs are on it 'cause they’re mine too.

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 10 thoughts, feelings, etc

back at it again at the krispy kreme friends. i cried this episode for so, so many different reasons. i'll also show you guys my raw reactions at the end of this, the insanity you guys don't see because i want you to respect me a little.

i didn't make one of these last week because i felt like that episode didn't need any words. some things you just need to feel and to talk about them cheapens what it truly is. that's not to say i didn't absolutely love everyone's posts and meta, i just thought anything i had to say could be felt in the episode itself and i didn't need to fumble my way through it.

Day is so at peace with what is going on and it's so beautiful to see, but the fact that he has to comfort his mother, that she's held onto this delusion that magically everything is going to be okay, is pretty irksome. she's had bare minimum a year, i think nearly two at this point, to accept the truth and she just hasn't and now it's biting her in the ass. but once again, this is something so realistic. i literally JUST dealt with this myself with my mother-in-law in October. once again P'Aof captures the truth of people and our natures.

and it's no wonder things have been so strained between Day and Night. she constantly forces Night to be Day's jailer, to escort him to his cell because the warden said so. it's a horrible position for her to put Night in and it's no wonder he feels so alone and abandoned by his family. it's no wonder Day resents him. Night is trying so hard to make them both love him again and he's been trapped in the middle of a war of attrition and paying penance for something that is in no way shape or form his fault. and then to later learn she HAS blamed Night? it's a horrible situation for him to be in, something he never deserved.

this was so sexy of Mhok, as most things are. you should have been there. it should have been you doing that for your SON. you should have taken the time to be there for him, to see that sight with him, to give him what he wants. but you weren't. you never are.

Day's mom stresses about Day's safety but safety is about so much more than a physical state of being. Mhok has done so much to ensure Day's mental safety and well being, he's done so much to improve Day's every day life. but that doesn't matter to her because she always refused to acknowledge things had gotten that bad. in another life Day never met Mhok and i wonder if things took a dark turn. i don't think Day was on a good trajectory.

here we reach bunn cries phase 1. i was so worried here that Mhok meant their entire relationship but i'm glad to see he just meant this chapter. they've started a new book together; no longer one about a caretaker and his charge but a man and his lover. what a gorgeous way to convey that journey. P'Aof i love you, do you know?

Night, i know i wasn't sure about you for a long time but you've really become one of my favorite people this episode. even Night can see his mom taking away Day's agency, can see her taking away everything Day has become this last year. he doesn't want his brother to disappear again, he just got him back.

god Day's bravery here. he's become so confident, so self assured, because Mhok taught him that he could be, that his blindness didn't make him weak. i know i say it every week lately but i'm so PROUD.

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT. the way she took his phone away INFURIATED ME. you're taking away an important tool of freedom and agency from your FULL GROWN ADULT SON. where the fuck do you get off? and talking about doing things her way under her roof. if it was me i would be out of that house so fucking fast, staying with literally anyone else. the tragic thing is Day doesn't have that option. his disability has left him a victim of his mom's bullshit, given her a huge way to control him. it's disgusting, i'm sorry. i've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for so long but she went way, way too far this episode.

even Night is sick of her shit and knows this is fucked up. Night once again i'm so sorry i doubted you. he knows how good Mhok is for Day and how good they are for each other. Mhok has only ever been kind to Night and i think that has gone a long way in Night's defense of him as well - not that i think he wouldn't have done it without that but i certainly think it has helped.

and what a fucking breakthrough this was. Day once again telling someone 'i see you.' Day is so good at seeing people once he lets go of his preconceived notions an biases. i can't imagine what a relief this was to Night to know it wasn't just his perception of the situation but something other people see and acknowledge. and he brushes it off, says it's because Day's a crying baby, but they both know that's not all of it.

bunn cries phase 2 is here. i BURST into ugly tears at this moment. it wouldn't be bunn meta if i didn't share a personal anecdote so here we go.

ANECDOTE START ->

i mentioned in my last post, prior to episode 9, that my dad was shit. i'm talking had me, an infant, in the middle of a meth den, in the middle of a raid level of bad. one of my earliest memories is a police officer kneeling down and talking to me while i colored in a coloring book and they searched the apartment. (my mom had no idea until a few years ago when a family friend shared this story. he protected me, thank fucking god.) my real dad went on to get clean (as far as i know) but was emotionally abusive among a whole slew of other issues.

when i was two years old my stepdad came into my life. he would've been just 27 at the time. he fell in love with my mom but wasn't sure if he wanted the responsibility of a kid. my mom said okay and broke up with him. they spent months miserable without each other (they've both told me their sides of this story) until my dad said okay, i can do this, and came back. and you know what? he was amazing. he didn't always get it right but he tried. he stayed up and read me The Hobbit and did silly voices for the dwarves and sang the songs and tucked me into bed and he loved me. (we have matching tattoos from that exact copy of The Hobbit, which i still have tucked away safe.)

we butt heads SO MUCH my teenage years. he had a temper and i was depressed and angry and dealing with so much teenage bullshit. but he still took me to breakfast every sunday, just the two of us, and we'd go see movies together. sundays were our day. he always called me his kid and people joked that somehow magically my mom had his kid before even meeting him. we even look alike. we have all the same tastes.

now as an adult we get along really well. (we still butt heads but it's bc we're exactly alike.) he and my mom have been together almost 30 years. he recently came into my office, a little tipsy, and hugged me and spent almost an entire hour telling me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how grateful he is that he had me as his kid, how having me is better than any blood child they could've had. (they tried for years but my parents were never able to have any kids.)

<- ANECDOTE END

some of the best family in the world is those that choose to be your family. i was never his responsibility, not really, but he put everything into being my dad. from just this little statement from Night i see so much of my dad in this moment and i couldn't fucking take it.

Night, i love you. i love you so much. he says it so effortlessly, so confidently. what a man.

so i acknowledge here that their mother is finally starting to get it. she's starting to get things right. she even makes Night's favorite food and makes sure he knows he's loved. she takes the time to try and understand Day, to blindfold herself like Mhok did, etc. and i acknowledge it takes people their own time to come to terms with things, to accept things, and maybe her journey of acceptance was a little longer than others.

however.

this scene shows that she always had the option to cancel. she could have always done this for Day. she could have been there. she could have taken him to the mountain and seen the sunset with him. i have to wonder if Mhok's comment really got to her, i have to believe it did. i think she finally realized that she can no longer be the one that's blind. she has to see reality. it's a big step for her and i'm happy but i'm still so annoyed it took this long for it to happen. but hey - parents fuck up. they do. they fuck us up, even if they don't mean to. once again it's something very, very real from P'Aof, even if i don't like it.

my first knee jerk reaction to this moment was wow, she's infantilizing Day again, but then i sat and really thought about it. in the context of this moment, i think this is okay. sometimes it's just nice to be cared for and Day seems completely receptive to it. fuck, i'm 31 and sometimes i just go curl up with my mom and let her pet my hair, sometimes she makes me my favorite food because she knows i had a bad day, sometimes she babies me a little because she knows i'm having a bad day with my disability.

not everything is infantilization. sometimes it's love and care, the only way they know how. sometimes all you want is a parent's familiar love from years ago. so in the context of everything, i think this was a really nice moment to see, Day taking comfort in his mom's love again.

and despite everything Day still managed to see Mhok, to show him he cares, he thought of him, and wouldn't leave him alone. and then he gives him an oven mitt he made himself, he painted himself, because Mhok took him to learn to paint without his sight. they're so fucking beautiful, so kind and gentle and loving to each other. they're so fucking considerate. Day says you're my sun, i believe in you, i'm proud of you, i support you all in one seemingly simple gift.

i'm reserving my thoughts from the preview for next week but i highly doubt things are going to turn out the way they seem to be teasing. i'll wait to see what happens.

as always thank you so much for reading my rambling bullshit. smooches, take care of yourselves, drink water, take your meds, eat something.

tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

oh yeah here are my raw reactions before i take the time to really think about everything i've watched.

[neoruby-loves-ut-aus]

Facts about Moon Frisk

Before she was born in 1501, since her parents Solar and Anora were kind, they were blessed by the Supreme God without them knowing that they had actually went through a test.

So Moon has ice and water powers because in her past life she was a female polar bear who lived in Antarctica and drowned in the water because she didn't know how to swim.

Just like Sun, she can survive lava and can breathe and talk underwater like a fish.

She has powers of a mermaid (she does not have a tail but in Mermaidverse, she can transform into a mermaid), so when you see her near a water body and standing on a rock or near a port or sitting with an angry face and she is singing, you are doomed because she will attract you and will lure you underwater where her carnivorous minions are living (they can live anywhere as they are summoned once she sings) and they will tear you to pieces. This only happens when she's angry. She can communicate with all sorts of animals and birds.

The bad Sanses and Frisks see her as a mother figure.

So, her powers genetically passed to Alexander, Twilight and Midnight.

When she was 15, she had a group of friends but when she asked them for some money to pay for Sun's coma treatment and her younger cousin brother's gun shot wound treatment, they thought she was using them for buying expensive items so they gave her fake money and fooled her. When she came to the hospital, she gave the money but was told that it was fake money. So, she rushed angrily towards her 'friends' and screamed angrily and said that both would be in danger. Then one of her ministers told her that her brother was dead. So Moon broke down in tears and ran towards Nightmare who was corrupted at that time, he comforted her and made her stay there. Her friends were feeling guilty for this and Moon never forgave them even if she was the kindest Princess. So, Nightmare instilled their minds with fear and tortured them physically and mentally.

When she ate 128 apples as she wanted to be like Nightmare but less evil, she fell into a coma until she was 499 yrs old, leaving Nightmare in a terrible despair as she and Sun and Dream were the only ones who cared about him and Moon loved him blindly.

She was in heaven when she was in a coma and her father, who became the Guardian of Heaven, had sent a letter to Nightmare telling him about her coma and he also gave a pendant on Moon's body which was placed in an uncovered golden glass coffin and an alarm was set on the coffin so that if anyone tried to take her coffin or her body, that person would be killed. The pendant contained Moonstone dust which was found by Solar himself and it was a holy dust and the faithful servant would wear it as it contains unlimited amount of water and Moon's blessings until she woke up. This was later given to Killer.

Moon was married later to Nightmare few years after the coma.

She and Sun gained immortality after their coma and after Sun died once.

She has a high pitch scream which can burst your ears.

She is kind and caring unlike the Nightmare Frisk you expect. She can go evil when insane.

Killer belongs to @rahafwabas

Mermaidverse belongs to @redloves

Nightmare and Dream belongs to @jokublog

Moon and others belong to me

[kwop-kilawtley]

Hi!! <3 I barely use tumblr but I stumbled upon your blog while going thru the JxB tag and I just had to say this… Rereading Twilight as an adult is so… infuriating ? I first read the books when I was 14 and even tho I was team Edward back then I still loved Jake and I felt so weird about Bella becoming a vampire? Like, story-wise, it felt so empty and unfulfilling, even to my naive 14 yr old self. Now I’m 26 and I recently reread the books and I just can’t!!! believe!!! this!!! It reminds me so much of the way I romanticised my toxic relationships/friendships as a teen because they felt intense and crazy and they hurt so bad that it was almost good? Like that’s exactly what Bella was doing throughout the entire series and it breaks my heart that this girl never healed, never learned to love herself, and is forever mentally stuck at age 18 in her perfect little world where she got everything without any consequences. Growing older and healing from my trauma made me realise that life is the greatest gift and that I want nothing more than a happy, peaceful, sunshine type of love, the love Bella could’ve had with Jake. Rereading the JxB chapters in NM and Eclipse literally hurt because this kind of ease and warmth is all I’ve ever wanted but my trauma made me think I deserve drama and intensity and pain. It’s just so messed up I can’t believe how angry I am with this stupid teen story like!!! It had so much potential but oh well… Sorry for the rant but I feel like you’d understand what I mean. Hope you have a great day :>

EVERYTHING YOU SAID EXACTLYYYYYYY. Like I actually go INSANE because of the potential and how people don’t see it this way. I’ve been team Jacob since I’m 10 but would like go back and forth to team Switzerland. But now I’m fully team Jacob like I p much only was Switzerland bc of the nostalgia of the first book. I’ve been in abusive toxic relationships and it’s legit exactly like bxe. It may seem subtle and just bc he didn’t physically hurt her and was obsessed with her doesn’t mean it’s GOOD. It’s very very empty and sends out a horrible message to people I think. Like bella just chose the need for perfection. She didn’t fix anything it was a bandaid. JACOB WAS RIGHT THEREEEEE. And they have ACTUAL chemistry. Exb are trauma bonded. I talk about this all the time on here and it will always make me so angry but we are content in our team Jacob hive mind tbh <3 canon cannot hurt us