#her diaries are still extremely interesting to read

[seoafin]

morgan!! you mentioned about recommending some books to me and i am coming in here to take you up on that offer!!!! pls do send me ur book recs!!

the last genre i tried to go into was more on self-help, biographies type (when breath becomes air is the last book i read i think.... in 2019 LOL) but am lowkey wanting to branch out and explore too!! so any genre will do 🫶🏻 thank u so much 🥺 i wish i had stuff i could recommend to you waaah

oooo if you like biographies/memoirs I really recommend the glass castle by jeannette walls it was one of the first memoirs I ever read when it was given to me when my high school english class did a book exchange!! I also 100% recommend Joan didion's the year of magical thinking. there's also blue nights which is didnt like as much. but if you do like didion I would recommend some of susan sontag and Eve babitz's works!!! which stray more into fiction/essays if you're into that. But if you want to keep it biographical the diaries of anais nin which has multiple parts but imo you don't need to read them in chronological order. I haven't read it myself but I've heard somewhat good things about good kids by patti smith. also I cant talk about memoirs without mentioning in the dream house by carmen maria machado like I LOVE this book. It's one of the best books I've read in a long time it made me cry it made sick it made me laugh. It's SO good and a must read for anyone I think.

[asidian]

One thing I've spent a lot of time thinking about is how quickly Charles opens up to Crystal, and why it was he showed her things that he's kept from Edwin for thirty years.

The first component is, I think, because she needs him to.

Charles is, at his core, an extremely supportive person. He tries so hard for everyone around him, unfailingly. He's there for Edwin and Crystal, emotionally and physically, throughout the series. He tries to put on a happy face to keep everyone's spirits up, because at his core, he needs to be needed. He desperately wants people to like him, and his always-cheerful act is at least in part meant as an offer of support to others.

Not only that, but he routinely puts his own needs and wants aside in favor of giving others what they need instead. (I go more into how that affects his relationship with Crystal here and with Edwin here.)

So it's interesting to note that the first time he opens up to Crystal, it isn't for his own sake. Crystal is saying that it's hard not to be able to go home.

And what does Charles do? He reaches out in the way he thinks she needs.

He shows her his parents.

It's his way of saying that he gets it. He understands where she's coming from. It is hard not to be able to go home. And won't she let them help?

But it's interesting that this is something that he hasn't shown Edwin.

Not only hasn't he shown Edwin, but he still doesn't want Edwin to know. He specifically asks Crystal not to tell him.

So, why?

Well... just like he thinks Crystal needs to hear it, Charles thinks that Edwin doesn't.

One of the very first things he learned about Edwin is that he escaped from hell. Charles says that Edwin has told him a lot about it. And from the very first episode, it's extremely clear that Edwin doesn't shy away from talking about his time there.

So we've got Charles, a consummate people-pleaser who's desperate for approval, faced with this boy who just did the kindest thing anyone has ever done for him. We've got Charles, who supports the people he cares for as naturally as breathing, faced with a boy he cares dearly for, and that boy is dealing with decades of trauma.

So what does Charles think that boy needs? He needs someone to help him. He needs someone to be kind, and optimistic, and cheerful, because Edwin's time in hell has taught him to always expect the worst.

So Charles stuffs his own issues down somewhere deep because Edwin needs him to put on a cheerful face.

That's the first part.

The second reason why Charles opens up to Crystal so quickly is, I think, circumstantial.

She happens to be there during the Devlin house fiasco, when he's being faced by very visceral, unavoidable reminders of his own abuse. She's literally in the room when he reads Hope's diary, and from what we see and hear about Charles' family life, everything in that diary mirrors what Charles went through.

Hope's father has very strict rules. She's walking on eggshells. She never knows what's going to set him off.

Charles relates deeply to all of those things, and seeing his own thoughts and feelings spelled so clearly out on the page is enough to bring him to tears.

He's looking at this girl who, like him, struggled constantly to be good enough and constantly fell short.

For the first time in three decades, Charles is confronted with a situation that mirrors his own home life, one to one, and Crystal is there for it in real time.

She's able to see him put the mask down because she's there when it cracks.

Which brings us around to the third component.

And this one is a little more speculative, but hear me out.

Picture one Charles Rowland, circa 1989.

His dad beats the shit out of him on the regular. He thinks it's because he can never quite manage to be good enough, even though he's trying as hard as he knows how. His mother never defends him or speaks up for him.

His so-called friends? They'll beat him to death later this same year.

He's bi, but the AIDS epidemic is in full swing, and even if it wasn't, he's busily pretending the part of him that likes boys doesn't exist, because he looked at a boy the wrong way once, or maybe even kissed one, and his father beat the shit out of him for it.

So with a dire home life and the world's worst friends, what's left? Where's this boy who's desperate for a little kindness going to look for it?

Well, the only option that's left.

Charles is starved for approval and affection both, and for most of his short life, he's got exactly one avenue available to get either of them.

Girls his own age are safe.

They don't hurt him. They don't stand by and let his father beat him. They don't turn on him and literally murder him, when they don't get their way.

After he dies, he's got Edwin, and Edwin is everything to him. But for thirty long years, Edwin's sexuality and romantic inclinations are so far under wraps that they may as well be in another galaxy.

Edwin is kind, but he's stilted and does poorly with people. Edwin values Charles dearly, but he's awkward at expressing physical affection. Edwin cares about Charles a great deal, but he shies away from strong emotions. (If you're interested, I talk more about Edwin vs emotions here.)

So of course Charles would miss kissing. That's the only chance he's ever had, as far as experience has taught him, to earn any kind of physical affection.

And Crystal, when she comes along, falls directly into that "safe" category in his brain.

[doumadono]

Hello Dear Author,

I would like to state that I am a new follower and I already love your style and representation of the characters.

I don't know if your requests are open, but If it's not please feel free to not reply!

Can you do a Scenario or headconans for this.... whatever you prefer.

With Izuku or Bakugo or Shoto , whichever you prefer also.

With a reader who sometimes gets suddenly dizzy in summer because of the heat. Like sometimes her heart beat is fast and other times it quite low and she's unable to stand or talk because of dizziness, specially when they're outside, and how will they deal with her.

It's summer and the weather is too hot, and as a person who feels hot even during winter and the coldest weather, I can't with heat and I feel dizzy most of the time or when I stand up, The only thing that can save me is the AC🥹😭

Sorry for the long text.

Thank you in advance dear Author ❤️

Have a good day/night🩷

A/N: I've chosen to fulfill this request because I love boys, and the topic seemed interesting but in the future, kindly check my pinned post before dropping a request. Please note that I'm currently only accepting emergency requests. Any requests not labeled as emergencies are being immediately erased

MASTERLIST

Bakugo

Initially annoyed and frustrated by your dizzy spells in the heat.

Finds it hard to express his concern directly due to his temperamental nature.

Reluctantly keeps an eye on you during hot days, secretly worried.

Would never admit it, but he starts carrying a small water bottle for you.

If he notices you feeling dizzy, he might roll his eyes but will still help you find shade.

"Tch, can't even handle the damn weather... Here, drink this and sit down."

Shows tough love, but his concern becomes evident through his actions.

Keeps a close watch on you during outdoor activities, ready to intervene.

Might grumble, "Quit being such a hassle. Chill for a bit."

Surprisingly good at fanning you with a piece of paper or his own hand.

Secretly plans outdoor activities during cooler parts of the day to avoid your dizzy spells.

"I ain't gonna babysit you, but I'm not letting you pass out either."

Shoto

Observant and empathetic, notices your condition quickly.

Gently offers his arm for you to lean on when you're feeling dizzy.

Suggests finding a shaded area and doesn't mind if you want to rest for a while.

Always carries a small handheld fan or a damp cloth in his bag for your comfort.

"Don't worry, take your time. I'm here with you."

Keeps track of weather forecasts and suggests indoor activities on extremely hot days.

Will use his ice Quirk to create a comfortable temperature around you if necessary.

Takes note of patterns in your dizziness to anticipate and manage it better.

Offers his own water bottle without even having to be asked.

Asks gentle questions to understand how you're feeling during dizzy spells.

Suggests activities like strolling through air-conditioned museums on hot days.

His calming presence helps ease your dizziness when it occurs.

"Don't worry, I've got you. Let's find somewhere comfortable to sit."

Izuku

Immediately worried and wants to find a solution to help you manage the symptoms.

Researches the possible causes of your dizzy spells and preventive measures.

Encourages you to stay hydrated and offers water bottles regularly.

Carries a mini first aid kit with pain relievers and electrolyte packets.

Suggests taking breaks in air-conditioned areas to cool down.

"I read that staying hydrated and keeping a wet cloth on your forehead can help."

Will always have a backup plan in case you start feeling dizzy unexpectedly.

Shows deep concern, researching medical articles and talking to professionals.

Suggests keeping a diary of your symptoms to identify triggers more accurately.

Carries a small notebook with tips to manage your condition, just in case.

Offers to hold your hand during dizzy spells, to help steady you.

Comes up with innovative ideas like a handheld portable fan with a mister.

"I've been reading about different ways to manage this, let's try a few together."

Enthusiastically tries out relaxation techniques to help you stay calm during spells.

[ethelschapel]

do you have any idea about the story of willoughby and ethel and logan and can you explain it?

We don't know much about either character, especially Logan as the only real source material we have about him is the song Western Nights. However, I'll start with Willoughby as he's been hailed Ethel's first love. House in Nebraska is about him, the song clearly stating Ethel's extremely strong feelings for him but also outlining his departure or death or whatever happened to him that caused his split from Ethel. There's speculation that he died, that Ethel did something that caused him to leave her. A lot of what we know about Willoughby is purely conjecture, however in one way or another, Ethel and him separated before she met Logan and long before Isaiah.

There's an excerpt from a page of "Diary of a Preacher's Daughter" which Hayden posted herself saying, "As for me personally, I lost Willoughby that night. The only thing I've ever truly loved in this wretched life and I left him curled between the couch and the coffee table when it all got too loud. "Be mean" is what he'd tell me, every time I'd start my shaking. What he didn't tell me is that you can be mean and still be a coward. Some things you have to learn on your own."

You can read the full thing here.

Again, we don't know the full story surrounding Willoughby and probably never will until the book is published but that excerpt could lead us to believe that he died in the tornado. There's also another piece of source material, a fictional magazine called "Thoughts and Prayers for Ethel Cain," available to read here where the question "What about Willoughby Tucker? I know you two seemed pretty close before he moved away, have you kept in contact at all?" is asked. There's another interpretation here that he moved away, that Ethel could've done something to drive him away etc. I have to reiterate though that it's not confirmed what happened to him.

You may have also heard about the "B-sides" which are said to be all about Willoughby. You can find some collected information about them in this Reddit post. Note that although some of these things have been "confirmed" the artistic process is unpredictable and a lot of what's been discussed in asks and lives may not make it to the final project. The B-sides are also probably not coming for a while but Hayden has not scrapped the project as when saying her next project will have nothing to do with Preacher's Daughter she said, "no this doesn't mean b-sides are scrapped."

There's a lot to be revealed about Willoughby Tucker however he is a very important and frequently mentioned character by Hayden and the fandom.

Now, Logan is a different kettle of fish. He is Ethel's second love interest but is abusive, supposedly using Ethel for sex if you were to interpret the lyrics of Western Nights.

There's little known about Logan and he's very rarely mentioned by Hayden so just like with Willoughby, most of his lore is speculation. He is however a criminal, outlined by the line "Breaking in to the ATMs," and Ethel is dragged into the lifestyle alongside him. If it helps you visualise him better, Hayden has said before that Logan is a "hunky daddy." So...do with that what you will!

Either way, the relationship between the two is short-lived as he dies in a police shootout after robbing a bank causing Ethel to go on the run, ruminating on her relationship with Logan and how the abuse is a mirror of her relationship with her family, shown through the song Family Tree.

The most recent piece of lore we have was posted by Hayden on tumblr where she summarises the plot of Preacher's Daughter. See that here.

As I've said, it's not likely that much will be revealed until the book is out. I'm not Hayden and I don't have access to her head so understanding every detail is hard to do. I've tried to give different interpretations, piggy-backing off asks and source material that Hayden has posted herself, because the particulars are unknown and there's lot of contradictory things spread around. Art is meant to be interpreted though so do with this information as you wish.

If you want to do some of your own reading/listening, here's some other sources that could be useful:

. The lore page on Reddit

. Preachers Daughter document

. Thoughts and Prayers Mag

. Alt Press Mag

. The Line Of Best Fit Mag

. Artist Decoded

There's also another document which gives the basic interpretations of the story rather than lyrical analysis.

I hope this was helpful! And I hope I've made it clear that literally most of this needs to be taken with a grain of salt lol.

[jariten]

Roundup-Catch up: August 2024!!

Let's catch up! Looking back at my list of August reads my head spins a bit. Most of this year I got way too eager picking up series from my shelf or the library and was juggling maybe 5 series at once. Which did a huge disservice to the reading experience for some of those series as I wasn't giving them my full attention. It wasn't until August I managed to wrap up most of them and enter the more focused way of following or reading through a series that I had previously. But in the frenzy I still had some great reads.

I had always heard whispers of No Longer Heroine by Momoko Koda but I'd never crossed paths with it. But when the english run of My Love Mix-up ended I had a huge contemporary High School Romance shaped hole in my heart and this is one of the titles that's filled it (I will get to the rest). I love mess, I love stories of teenagers learning to navigate the minefield that is human relationships so I can be the opposite of nostalgic for a time that, praise be, I will never have to relive. But I also read titles like this wondering how a constructive conversation around it could be had among young readers who from my experience can come off very frustrated and unsympathetic to the type of drama it depicts where the heroine and hero's feelings and decisions are extremely irrational and reckless. I really like the Yen Press, but as a license acquisition it feels kinda random? And in my honest opinion if you're 10 years late to a title you kinda have to make it an omnibus or collectors edition because waiting for individual volumes for, again, an over 10 year old series is pretty frustrating. But I will stick around to the end.

Yumiko Ōshima's Sava series was one of my favorites of 2022. The way she captures me with stories where honestly "nothing" really "happens" just floored me and made me optimistic for Goo Goo Datte Neko de Aru. A diary comic that begins with the passing of the cat Sava and her purchase of the cat Goo Goo (Short for Good Good). But Goo Goo isn't the only cat that enters her life. In rather rapid succession stray kittens begin entering her life. We follow for over a decade her journey rescuing, rehoming, and caretaking of countless stray cats (the latter to the dismay of her neighbours). Reading it today it highlights the challenges of clashing attitudes over stray cats and how these populations should be taken care of if at all. Famously it is also a chronicle of her cancer survival journey but its a rather short part of the whole but nonetheless maintains the Ōshima charm.

I want to make a gift recommendation for the upcoming holiday season: Your Letter by Hyeon A Cho. While I've had some really really good encounters with Korean Manhwa, Webtoons is still a world unknown to me. I think the Ize Press initiative bringing Webtoons to print in english is extremely cool, but the lineup just hasn't had any titles that caught my eye. Until Your Letter. A 10 chapter single volume story that I liked so much for its artistic presentation and the story it was telling about bullying and finding your place in a new environment that I immediately was overcome with the need to pass it along, which I did. Really think it would make a great gift for anyone 5th grade and up who are interested in comics. OR it can be read for free in its entirety on Webtoon!

Satou Gashi no Ie by Kyoko Fumizuki was a title picked up a bit at random. I'd gotten a taste of her work in the Suki Desu, Kono Shoujo Manga anthology and was one of the more memorable entries in an already extremely well curated collection. Satou Gashi no Ie is a 5 story one-shot collection with to meeee back to back hits. The titular story centres on a teenage boy named Richard who suddenly appears at his childhood's friend Elsie's school with a baby in his arms, that he claims to be his, and that he's a widower. But there are too many holes in his story. Who exactly is the baby's mother and how did he come to care for her at the end of her life? And how does this change Richard and Elsie's relationship? There's a warmth to Fumizuki's artistry in this era and the way that she hits all the story beats that really drew me in and augh I honestly have no words for it. This collection really stood out and among her peers I've yet to read anyone who could compose manga exactly like this. And you know what's cool? You can (In Japanese) read this and a handful of her other work from the same era for FREE on Manga Library Z!! (JP only) NOTE: crazy enough, on this very day (Nov 26) Manga Library Z suspended services but diligent users of nyaa have made sure that the works available there live on

[ellievickstar]

Final Choice

A/N: So, I saw your guys making up ideas for this part…I must say. Some were happy, some just wanted Azriel to suffer…which one did I go with? Well…read to find out :) Also the beginning of this fic is in Rhys’s POV since Azzy and our dearest Y/N are kind unconscious

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Self-hate. Mostly written in Rhys's POV I thought it would be funny to see his monologue of things. confessions. Heartache.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

This was…unexpected. Not that it wasn’t out of character for Azriel or Y/N to end up sabotaging themselves instead of talking through their issues like normal adult faeries or witches. I shook my head as Nesta helped to break the shield around Y/N. Thankfully, for that spell to work, the witch casting it had to be able to stay awake the whole time, if not, the safety measure — that had been weaved into the ritual by Y/N’s mother — would kick in and stop all magic completely.

Both were alive and I breathed out a sigh of exasperation. Couldn’t they have waited until the morning to do something so extreme? I was pretty sure I was still hungover from drinking with Cassian and Azriel to distract one from worrying over the fact his mate hadn’t come home. He could feel her alive and well across the bond, but I suspected she needed space, so we made sure we drank him into literal oblivion.

If only I had known this was what she was doing….

I shook my head. No, this wasn’t my fault. Feyre had already been telling me to stop blaming myself for everything that happened to our friends, but hell, if I had let Azriel go after her then maybe they’d work through their feelings, if I had ordered him away from Elain when I first suspected that he was starting to hurt Y/N, maybe things would be different.

I heard my mate come up behind me, she glanced at the pair, shaking her head disappointed. it reminded me of my mother when she caught me trying to sneak out for a flight around Moonstone palace. Wrapping a wing around Feyre, I pulled her closer to me, making sure to drape an arm around her waist.

“Nyx is asleep again, he had quite a fright from all the screaming, but he’s alright now,” She murmured. I hummed as I watched Madja — her eyes looked as if she was going to kill both witch and Illyrian once they awoke — with the help of Nesta and Cassian, drag both unconscious bodies to separate rooms.

“Azriel is…a dumbass,” Amren said from beside us, Varian nodding from beside her. I had no clue where the latter had come from, but it was anyone’s guess what the two had been up to when the events earlier transpired. Feyre agreed with Amren, but I had a small inkling that she was being biased towards the witch she considered a sister. Smiling to myself, I let go of Feyre if only to pick up the worn out leather book that had been beside the symbol-spell-ritual, whatever the witches called it.

Flipping through the pages, I noted that there was no name on the book, but I was sure that this was a diary. There were personal accounts of someone’s life, while a few pages here and there were sketches of spells or instructions on witch magic. That’s when I came across a familiar name. This entry said:

‘Y/N is only five now. But, I can sense the war is coming…soon. I don’t know if I will survive. My Magic is growing weaker, Y/N is feeding off of it, but who could blame her? Especially…when she’s more powerful then any other witch in history. I don’t quite remember what her father was…but his name. I will never forget his name. My love. I miss my lover.

So this was her mother’s diary. Interesting indeed. I hummed carefully as I closed the book, all the information I needed was inside. All I needed to do now was get a hold of that sand that was used in Y/N’s rituals. “Feyre darling, how would you like to speak to the dead?”

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N’s POV

“Why do you love him, Y/N?” You closed your eyes as the question rang through you. “In all of my lonely nights, when I was a ghost inside, he was there for me. Whenever I drank too much, whenever my eyes cried floods, he would be there for me, he’d listen. He made my demons go away, he would clear the darkness, he was there for me. He was there when I lost faith, he was there through every heartbreak. And I’d do the same for him,” You admitted.

Your ancestor smiled at you. “My dearest child, you can’t see it can you?” “See what? I love him. I love him I love him I love him. But I don’t understand if he loves me? When I look at him and her I can’t help but wonder ‘what about us’? what about all the times we spent together? What about all the times he said he would have the answer for me? What about all the moments we shared, what about all the disastrous pranks, plating footsie under the table, laughing together under the night sky during Starfall? What about love? What about trust, what about us?” Tears began to fill your eyes. You didn’t understand anymore. You were so sure that breaking the mating bond was the answer, but when you did you felt it, that love for you, but you also felt that love he had for her. Her.

You couldn’t put it into words. How you felt that roar of love for you, but there was that spark, there was something that kept him from loving your completely. And you didn’t understand. What happened to promises of forever, what happened to ‘whatever end’? What happened to the both of you. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him, wanted to let this pain, this confusion out. You couldn’t help but feel so alone. What happened to the times you stuck around with him even when everyone blamed him for something went wrong. What happened to the times you would listen to him for hours as he croie down because of nightmares? What happened to the times you’d soothe him, even if it was the latest hours?

Your heart was breaking and there was nothing you could do about it. You had no way of knowing whether he truly loved you. How could you believe anything he said? After all the times you had to watch as he fell over himself because of Morrigan. After all the times he practically ogled at the youngest Archeron. Would there ever be a day you would find piece within your relationship? Your heart was bleeding and no amount of stitches or bandaids could stop it. You bit the back of you closed fist as you sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore…please,”

“I will always be here for you, you may summon me whenever you wish, not just in your dreams, child. But even if there are times you can’t bring yourself to call me, just look to the moon. It will shine the same wherever you are, and I’ll be here as you search for the light,” She bent to your height as she gently took your hands. Her fingers lightly brushed against your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what he decides, in the end, you are still the most powerful queen of witches there has ever been,” You nodded, but something in you wanted to know more. But before you could ask anything, she had already disappeared, leaving you alone in the endless darkness of your own mind.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

Getting ahold of the sand as a fae, was hard. We visited six different merchants all selling witch’s tools before finally we met a merchant that could sell us the sand. Feyre had gasped when she hear the price, but to me it felt like I had barely scratched the surface of my account, Feyre called me entitled when I said that to her. (A/N: we love rich Rhys)

Okay…so the book says to pour the sand on the ground in this shape. Feyre held out a hand and I was confused at first before she rolled her eyes and said, “You’ll get it wrong, plus, I paint, so I have steadier hands then you,” I wanted to scoff but she was right. She was better suited doing this. Especially with those hands that were basically built for painting and good artwork.

After the...spell? Ritual? Magic Shape? - I'll have to ask Y/N - was complete, I opened the diary and chanted the words that was written. Light magic seemed to burst from the sand was it began to glow. Feyre squinted her eyes against te bright light while poor me had to keep on reading the book.

And as the light finally began to dull down I looked up, and smiled.

"Your majesty," I purred as I bowed to the hooded figure before me. Feyre looked confused at first, but as the woman lifted her head and smiled down at us, she froze and curtsied.

"No need for that High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, though, I did wonder when you would finally call. It seems my daughter has gotten into a bit of trouble, hasn't she?" I nodded, rising to face her. She was as elegant as I remember, clad in white as flowers were weaved through her thick curls. Unlike Y/N's near-straight brown hair, hers was dark and black as a crow's feathers. She held her head high with an air of grace as her crown signalled to all who she truly was, the hood she had previously cloaked herself with melting away.

The late Queen of Witches. Y/N's mother.

"Well to be quite clear, your daughter is an absolute joy and she will make a wonderful king. But unfortunately, we do have a few questions, concerning the spell that breaks the mating bond," She nodded, wanting me to continue. "I can sense it...I can still smell the connection between them and even as they shut me out of their minds their souls still seemed to be intertwined. So if that spell didn't break the bond, what exactly did it do?"

She hummed, considering my question carefully, thinking silently to herself before nodding as if agreeing to something. "I cannot tell you much, High Lord, but what I can tell you, is that what is that both of them are the key to what holds them back. Not one, but both," I wanted to ask her more. Beg her for answers if it meant saving my two friends, but without a word she had vanished, the spell had given out. I had no skill of my own to be able to maintain the line of communication between us and the afterlife, I couldn't redo the spell. I didn't know how to save my friends from themselves.

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N POV

Blinking away the darkness you were greeted to a warm sight, with shadows creeping across the ceiling, and a shadow singer sitting close to your bed, his arms crossed, fury was clear as day, stricken across his face.

"Why would you do that?" you sat up, trying to understand his question. All you remembered was the pain...the ritual...the mating bond! You reached out to that tether you used to feel and as I realised it was still there my heart sank. "I- I didn't think you truly wanted me as a mate," You blurted out as you silently arose from your bed.

"What must I do to make you understand? I want to be with you!" He tried to approach you, but you raised a hand and he stopped. "Why? Because of this- this cauldron forsaken mating bond? Because you feel some nobility some honour saying that you chose to be with your mate!? You didn't even want to be with me. Even before, you were going to leave me, now the only difference is that your soul is bound to me and even then everything you do is just-" He let go of an exasperated breath as he listened to you rattle on.

"What can I do? I told you I love you but it seems everything I do is some scheme or because I feel pity for you. Have I hurt you so much that you cannot bring yourself to believe that every single thing I do is insincere," He paused, breathing heavily as he stepped towards you. "I don't know what else to say, what to do. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish I could take everything back. But don't walk away from me. Hit me, tear me apart, give me new scares to carry the shame for the rest of my life. Break my heart, break it a thousand times over, it was only yours to break anyways. But stay with me. Please," You didn't know what to do, and as his hands finally reached you, red hot magic seemed to burn between you as you gasped and he hissed, pulling away.

What in the name of the mother? You blinked as the red print of magic from his had seemed to fade away slowly from my skin. That was...how. Looking back at Azriel you tried to recall what you had read about the ritual. When it failed it would create a shield between both mates so that the ritual would not be tried again. The only way to break this spell was...you shook your head and sobbed into the back of your fist as you made a terrible realisation.

"The book- 'This wall shall only be destroyed if both souls accept their own and each others truest emotions for each other. Only then will they come together.'" Tears streamed down your face, you had been so stupid. So, so stupid. And now it was hurting Azriel. You felt so stupid, and angry.

You tried to sit back down, but you completely missed the bed and tumbled to the floor, Azriel unable to do anything as he stared at his own hands, shock still written in his features.

This was bad.

"I see you both have finally awoken. And now we know what the little spell did," Rhysand spoke up. You whipped your head to the door and there he stood. Feyre smiling as she waved to you, happy that you hadn't killed yourself on accident yet. "The spell shouldn't exist. I have accepted that Azriel will never love me, and he has accepted that I will always love him, even if it tears me apart inside, even if it has nearly killed me...several times," You said. Azriel shook his head as he buried his face in his hands, and Rhys seemed to frown.

The High Lord and High Lady said nothing in response, only opting to pat Azriel on the back as they left. You didn't understand. You had to be right. There was no way that Azriel loved you, right?

No. These hopeful thoughts would only harm you. You mustn't think too much of what ifs. That's when Azriel finally spoke. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my time here making up for everything I did. I can't excuse how I've hurt you, but I will try to fix this. I will court you how I should have, love you until you can see, and I will wait for you, everyday," Gazing up into his brown eyes, ones that were usually piercing and intimidating now soft and sincere. You smiled as a small piece of you heart began to believe that maybe, this could be real, allowing you to make, this final choice.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I decided to stop torturing you guys. I love all of you <3333 my bestest babes. I will be doing bonuses if anyone has any requests, but this marks the end of the choice series. I know this is abit rushed but it's been dragged on for so long and I didn't want the series to be long either. Also because I think you guys kinda deserve a happy ending. I love you <33

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64 @goldenmagnolias @tobifeemo @readerworld22 @cyrygher @shisingh @txzii @antisentimentalus @t0uch-starved-h0e

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T if you want to be tagged please specify in the replies <3)

[ms-lirio]

"You hurted yourself. Again."

"I guess I should say: I am deeply sorry."

"Do not act so reckless, Alfred."

"—Promise. And you should take a rest, you look tired."

"I am fine. Do not worry about me."

I have MANY pending books to read, whether diaries, reports, story books, Brazilian Pracinhas and Nurses and much more.  But to save time, I decided to just read a few quick articles to prepare this post.

All pointed here is in a historical view.

Brazil was officially the only South American country to send troops to the conflict under its flag.

Historically, Brazil's actions prevailed in Italy.  It was where Brazil sent its troops, and its participation in the war was delayed as Brazil wanted to maintain its relations with both sides and remain neutral throughout the conflict.  After German and Italian attacks suffered by Brazilian ships, Brazil gave up its neutrality, siding with the Allies.

American military bases were built in the Northeast region of Brazil and Brazilian troops received American training.

"In 1939, with the beginning of the Second World War, Brazil remained neutral, in continuation of President Getúlio Vargas' policy of not defining itself by any of the great powers, only trying to take advantage of the advantages offered by them. Such "pragmatism " was interrupted at the beginning of 1942, when the United States and the Brazilian government agreed to transfer air bases on the island of Fernando de Noronha and along the north-northeast Brazilian coast to receive American military bases (if negotiations had not result, with Vargas and the military insisting on maintaining neutrality, the US had plans to invade the Brazilian northeast, codenamed Plan Rubber).”  (WIKIPEDIA)

"Natal, the capital of the state of Rio Grande do Norte, in northeastern Brazil, has a very important strategic global geographic position. This fact made the city host the two main American military bases during the Second World War: the Naval Base and Parnamirim Field – at the time it was the largest US Air Force base on foreign territory.”  (WIKIPEDIA)

// Getúlio Vargas flirted with the Fascist ideology even tho, he went to ALLIES' side. 💀

HCs: (don't take them too seriously)

⚠️ Remembering the following content: we are still talking about Hetalia, so my HCs and lore are not absolute truth, but my perception of my oc's participation during the conflict.  Even though it has a historical basis behind it.  And also, this is historical fiction (ofc, it's hetalia).  WWII is an extremely sensitive topic to many. I ask for caution, I will be careful with what I have to say.

— Alfred used his charm and charisma to make Mayara fight alongside him (Good Neighbor Policy). What worked and they formed an alliance based on a mutual exchange of interests.

— Mayara had developed a strange feeling that intensified for Alfred (something between admiration and wanting to be like him, a complex feeling, which perhaps was confused with platonic love and which sought certain privileges in that alliance), even if she was reluctant to give end her neutral stance towards the conflict (something similar to what happened in WWI).  She would later do this after torpedoing of vessels by German and Italian submarines, retaliation due to Brazil's accession to the Atlantic Charter;  thus, she broke ties with the AXIS and declared war on Italy and Germany.

— In my universe, Mayara also served as a nurse, and spent most of her time with Alfred, often tending to his wounds.  Sometimes just chitchatting together or learning about militarism and things like that. He trained her. He was the one who supported her.

— I changed my conception of another topic, which was May's direct participation on the battlefield.  I think that Mayara, in addition to serving as a nurse, also fought on the front line when necessary (due to the fact that she was the representative of Brazil) and needed to be on the front line.  In my former HC she didn't go to the front. (I disagree with the 2021 me xd).

—  I don't believe that Alfred reciprocated any kind of feelings for May. She was an important piece for him, and so he courted her, to secure a new ally.  It was a benefits relationship.

— Besides Alfred.  There were FEW times where dialogues with England took place, this was due to the participation of Anglo-Brazilians on the English side (if I'm not wrong, in the area of ​​aviation, but I need to delve deeper into the topic).  An almost tiny interaction compared to the prevalence of Alfred's actions, which was immensely greater and also generated impacts.

PS: I don't ship BrAme/AmeBra, they are just friends.  However, Mayara, as I said, had strange feelings for him at some moments in history (I was reading an article about diplomacy 🇧🇷-🇺🇸, I realized that Brazil had a greater interest in getting closer to the USA for economic and regional power, that is, an admiration that aimed for benefits/just as the US aimed for strategic support/Mayara would support Alfred in anything, as she thought she would get support in return).

I used the word "courtship" as it was stated in this old History book (which I no longer have).  Alfred... used his charm against May. Lol.

Evidence of a strange obsession with Alfred:

Meet the United States of Brazil:

(I showed this damn flag to my dad he got disgusted lmfao)

[bread-tab]

okay random 4am rant time, don't take it too seriously, but: people need to recognize there's a difference between "bad worldbuilding" and "worldbuilding styles you personally don't like."

bad worldbuilding is, for example: internally inconsistent, bigoted, or something else that messes up the plot or characterization of the story itself. sloppy. careless.

things that are *not* bad worldbuilding:

minimalism.

i've been thinking about this in the first place because i saw a post about the Murderbot Diaries a while back (don't know who made it, don't care; this ain't personal) saying the worldbuilding in those books is bad and lazy. to me, as an avid sci-fi reader and writer, that is clearly not true. but i understood why they thought this. the series uses extremely minimalist worldbuilding which intentionally withholds a lot of detail, in a way that is consistent with the (nonhuman, robot, depressed robot) first-person POV. this could also be a feature of the author's writing style in general—i haven't read her other works—but i wouldn't bet too much on it.

the signature of intentional minimalism is that there *are* details about the speculative setting—they're just doled out very thoughtfully and sparingly. the intent is to leave you a little hungry for more. it's to make you think very carefully about the details you do have. this is best suited to stories that already have elements of psychological and/or mystery plot types. the worldbuilding you do see should still be believable, internally consistent, and have interesting implications if you think about it a bit. but you are for sure going to have to think harder to get it.

if you're not in the mood, i will concede, a minimalist style definitely comes off as a bit dry. if you are in the mood, it's relaxing.

whimsy.

this is a big one for sci-fi fans in particular. see: the constant debate about whether any particular story is "hard" or "soft" sci-fi, and whether soft sci-fi is bad, etc etc. but worldbuilding doesn't have to be realistic to be good. you're allowed to have Jedi and humanoid aliens and time travel in your sci-fi. you're allowed to have historical anachronisms and astrology and po-ta-toes in your fantasy. whether or not they're silly isn't the deciding factor on how "good" these worldbuilding elements really are.

the key thing is tonal consistency. you've got a serious high-fantasy setting with its own strict, un-Earth-like theology and magic system, and you throw Santa Claus in there? yeah, that's not gonna land well. but C.S. Lewis can get away with that in Narnia just fine. why? because the Chronicles of Narnia are whimsical children's stories with a strong Christian/Western mythological influence already, and their central conceit is a crossover between the mundane world and the magical world. of course Santa can cross over too. it's whimsical, but it's not actually random. (and if you ventured into straight-up comedy, you could get away with random too. as long as it's funny.)

the unreliable narrator.

i don't have a good example for this off the top of my head (maybe Murderbot again? idk, i'm sleepy, fill in your own) but i'll tell you how to recognize when this is done well.

by definition, an unreliable narrator has some key misconceptions about their own world. so how do you tell what's going on as a reader? how do you know the writer isn't equally confused?

you connect the dots. solve the puzzle. in practice this is similar to reading a minimalist setting—but instead of just sparse clues, you also have a boatload of red herrings. you can catch some of these misleading details by comparing them to your real-world knowledge and saying "wait, this doesn't add up." other times, the false clues intentionally trick you by subverting those real world expectations.

the trick is in the consequences. regardless of what the narrator says, their actions should still have logical consequences. there should be things going on that the POV character doesn't know about. the character will be forced to learn and adapt their narrative because of these shifting circumstances. you can catch them in a lie. the inconsistencies themselves tell a story.

...

i'm gonna stop myself there because this post is long and i oughtta be sleeping. just. this is a distinction worth making. is it really bad worldbuilding, or is it simply not the genre you're craving today? learn the difference for your own sake. you'll have an easier time realizing if a story is something you'll find enjoyable to read, regardless of its actual quality.

[thewalrusespublicist]

see your last ask is literally why i have so much trouble pinpointing what john felt for paul. i mean it’s pretty obvious on paul’s side that he absolutely adored john and thought he was a genius, but in john’s case, there so much extreme contradiction that’s hard to fully read. yes, I don’t doubt that john loved paul in his own way, but he seemed to be so intensely mad at him too. plus the competitive spirit that turned into obsessive spite by the end of it, asking his psychic if paul/linda’s marriage on the rocks, writing nasty things about him in his diaries, saying he died creatively. i grew up with the understanding that john did not like paul’s music at all, just based on what was echoed to me at the time in magazines, friends, etc. and even in my own reading now many years later, in things like may’s book, john often seems annoyed with paul or indifferent, doesn’t want him there. meanwhile paul’s wanting to make music with him again.

Oh god anon, what a thorny question! I’ll try my best though!

Please note this is only my interpretation and could be completely wrong. I only know the man parasocially.

What John felt for Paul at the end of his life is an absolute maze of emotion and I don’t think John could articulate it on most days. But to try and make sense of it I think it comes down to three core issues. First is the abandonment wound which drives most things up to 76’. For reasons we don’t know but can speculate on, John felt abandoned by Paul after the break-up. Paul appears on the infamous abandoners ‘shit-list’ with the rest of John’s family during John’s primal therapy scream vent and his general attitude towards Paul is one of enraged hurt. Now if John was valid for feeling abandoned is … whatever, but the point is he did. For John, abandonment was his greatest fear/ weakness and in his mind, Paul should have known that. The fact that Paul did it anyway (again John’s POV) would have shaken John to the core and it did not help that he had hangers on and … certain individuals if May is to be believed, who were actively encouraging this narrative. Now imagine if your best friend hurt you in a way that cuts you to the bone. You would have an extremely hard time letting them in again. John is spiteful, bitter and fearful to trust Paul again and in most cases normally he would have no problem in cutting his losses and slamming the door. But John doesen’t. It’s John who sends a letter trying to get through to Paul in early 70s, John who makes tentative overtures to work with Paul again and calls him his estranged fiance on stage in front of a crowd, John who sends a picture of him and Paul together in 74’ to Jan Wenner in protest for Lennon Remembers, John who I personally believe made and then wore the ‘I love Paul’ badge. All of this shows intense love and interest. For what it’s worth May was also convinced John loved him. It’s also not true that John hates Paul’s music, he bought Paul's records p consistently and praised a lot of them (we have enough evidence to prove he’s lying when he says he doesen’t). There’s even stories of him weeping over the records, saying that the I love you’s in one of Paul’s songs are for him and showing Sean Paul’s work. John’s behaviour with Paul has always read to me a little bit like a boy pulling a girl's pigtails whilst holding flowers behind his back but now there’s an added fear of getting hurt again and the annoyance that he still wants to give her flowers. In my mind up to 76’ John hated Paul predominantly because of the perceived hurt but also on a core level because of how little control he had over his feelings for Paul. 

The other two factors that kind of go together are John’s mental health and what I’ve just coined as the ‘dual Paul problem.’ I’ve talked with @62 Bugs but essentially I think John with his black-and-white thinking always had two versions of Paul in his mind, one’s his ‘dear one’, his beloved bestie Paul, the other’s this phantom rival whose existence threatened everything John did. As his and Yoko’s paranoia grew, the press pitted them against each other  and the distance meant they couldnt touch base, this phantom spectre of Paul grew out of proportion in John’s mind. It didn't help that Paul, like some evil doppelganger, had managed to procure everything John dreamed of: the house in Scotland, the happy marriage, the load of kids, the commercial solo success. John had blown it all up but it was Paul who reaped the ‘benefits’. And where was John? Sitting isolated and depressed in a flat in an unhappy marriage only able to have the one child with Yoko and whom he struggled to parent. (Linda references this and John’s struggle with writing.)  Paul was no longer just his friend, he was the symbol of everything unattainable in John’s life. I’ve said it before but it’s no coincidence to me that John’s attitude towards Paul brightened when his own life was getting back on track. Also from what we know of Rosen and Green, even in his darkest obsessive pits, it wasn’t all doom and gloom. Rosen mentioned in an interview that the Paul references weren’t only negative, a lot of them were just ‘huh, wonder how Paul’s getting along? Heard Paul’s song in my head today, he must be in town etc.’ All of it was obsessive and unhealthy but it wasn’t inherently hatred and anger, just interest in the person who had been key to his being since like 17 years old. Green being Green also has a pretty fun account of John pretending not to care whilst falling apart at the idea of Paul being in trouble. Did this happen? Who knows, but Green used his book as a sort of character study and this was his impression of John’s feelings for Paul. 

So what did he feel for Paul? Everything. And how could he not? From the way they talk about it, their bond feels as primal and essential to them as that of closest kin. John’s rage and lashing out against this bond is almost proof as to how tight it was and how inescapable he found it. I think it was that intertwinedness and connected identity that drove them both crazy and made the feelings of hurt worse. In the same way he loved and resented his mother for leaving him, John loved and resented Paul for doing the same. In the same way he loved and hated himself, so he loved and hated Paul. So yeah, it was messy but no matter how bad it got, my gut tells me that if the roles had reversed in 1980, the pain and damage to John would have been an annihilation on a cellular level.

TLDR: They were crazy bananas. Hope that helps!

[ilikekidsshows]

Since you mentioned the name several times now I looked up who Nikki Maxwell is. From the basic description of her on her wiki page I can kinda see some similiarities to Marinette and now I wonder if you have some more in-depth comparisons between the two to share that would explain your remark on Marinette beeing a copy of her. I think the description of the character doesn't make her seem particularly unique and a character-type I'd expect to appear often in these kind of youth novels.

---

Sure thing! Here's some fun facts about the Dork Diaries series, one of the most best-selling kids’ books of the 2000s, that have been translated into 50+ languages, including French:

Nikki's iconic look is having her hair in pigtails.

She often babysits a small girl with pigtails.

She is a good artist.

She is, despite her poor self esteem, very talented in many areas.

She is extremely clumsy and prone to getting into embarrassing situations.

She gets overly embarrassed about the most inconsequential things.

She has a tendency for highly exaggerated panic spirals, where she comes up with imaginary scenarios that are full of fantastical events and are often illustrated in an anime/manga style.

She gets mad easily and it can take her a while to get over perceived slights.

She’s a bad liar but people believe her anyway.

She is a huge hypocrite, who often does things she claims to not do. (Unlike Marinette, her internal narration almost always points this out.)

She has a crush on a boy in her class, mostly based on the fact that he is nice, and her rival in school also likes him.

Brandon, said crush, is very popular but still a loner, and socially awkward.

MacKenzie, Nikki's rival, is a rich blonde bully who wears diamonds often (and very familiar-looking sunglasses at one point). Despite her vast resources, she always loses against Nikki in whatever they're competing in.

MacKenzie is a more classic “queen bee”, than Chloé, but does get called such canonically.

MacKenzie eventually transfers schools because she stopped having power and prestige over her classmates.

Nikki's biggest character flaw is a lack of communication, where she puts off telling people things she thinks they won't like hearing. (Unlike Marinette, she actually has to make it up to people when they find out she's been lying to them.)

A typical plotline in Dork Diaries is that, despite being well-liked, having devoted friends and caring parents, Nikki often hides her problems from them and struggles needlessly.

Nikki eventually gains a secondary love interest, André, who looks eerily similar to Luka in illustrations, in addition to having Astruc's favorite French guys' name.

Nikki's classmates include characters named Max, Chloe and Zoe, with Chloe and Zoe being closely associated with each other. (You know what I always say: two is a coincidence, three is a pattern, and we're now counting four same names.)

Many of these things are, to be fair, very basic school drama protagonist cliches. However, when it's this much similarity between two supposedly unrelated characters, especially with some of the highly specific similarities here, like the animesque imagine spots, it's a pattern and not a coincidence. Is the pattern that there's some template both Nikki and Marinette are based on (like how Vegeta and Hiei’s similarities are because they’re both based off the same older character), or did Astruc copy his protagonist from a mega hit of children’s, especially girls’, literature to try to copy that success? Who knows. It's not like we can expect Astruc to be honest about whether or not he copied Marinette's personality from literature.

I know Astruc hasn't actually read the stuff he claims to have read, so that's a point in favor of Astruc being a too lazy reader to copy someone else's work. However, he must have grown familiar with all these tropes somehow. You can’t hit this many hallmarks of a genre without being somewhat familiar with it, and this genre is the most prolific in literature, and there is research data showing that children often prefer either books or television, so he could reasonably expect the audience not to realize how copy-pasted Marinette is.

Miraculous and Dork Diaries share DNA. How directly they’re related I can’t tell, because I’m not that knowledgeable about the school drama genre.

[theprismyyy]

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt

Gwen Stacy x Fem!Reader

Tw: Mentions of self-harm, nothing really graphic but still don't read if you don't feel comfortable.

(English is not my first language)

Here's your request, I did my best to keep this interesting without being too extreme (I like lighter stuff), I hope you like it and enjoy @jas-the-shrimp

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Firstly and obviously, she would be super worried, so...like…basically panicking if she caught you in the middle of it, she would probably need a second to compose herself before she could actually help you; taking a few deep breaths and going to get the first aid kit, sitting cautiously next to you and very carefully starting to inspect your wounds.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who will pay attention to every little wound, whatever type they may be; she will clean and dress quickly and efficiently, trying to make things easier, even if just a little; she would kiss each of her bandages, she would put colored Band-aids on the little bruises and if they were too big for that, she would simply put the Band-aids and small stickers over the bandages.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who would let you cry if you needed to or dry your tears, hugging you close to her chest and giving you the sweetest affirmations of affection.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ I would think a lot before actually saying anything about the situation, she doesn't want to pressure you and would completely understand if you want stay silent for a while. But assuming you want to talk, she'll be all ears, just letting you open up and sometimes talking back to you gently.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who would do everything to create a welcoming environment for you, respecting your individuality, without ever invalidating or neglect your pains no matter what they are. She always makes a point of highlighting how important and valid two emotions and thoughts are, even if sometimes you may find them silly.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who would care to know the things that can set off triggers in you, so that she doesn't end up accidentally slipping up; The last thing this sweet girl wants is to be the reason for her tears or worse, her bruises. She knows she won't be able to protect you from external events in the world, but she will try to do everything possible to keep you away from stressful situations or situations that she knows can trigger you.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ God help the person who tells her that her pain is nonsense, she would definitely avoid making a big fuss or getting physical about it, unless the person does it first, but it would definitely give the idiot a piece of your mind.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who always makes a point of helping you find other healthy alternatives to resolve things.

Do you like painting, drawing or just doodling? This girl will make sure to always save a portion of her allowance to buy her things, never missing the most colorful and fun pencils of all, she bought white and colored sheets, sketchbooks, markers colors, paints, brushes and basically everything you need. She gave him a gift set with 12 colors of those colorful glitter pens and it was so adorable.

If you like writing a diary to express yourself I'm sure she would buy you a new one whenever the previous one was full.

Hot and relaxing baths??? It's a complete yes for this girl, she will reserve God's favorite bath products for you, she can come out and let you have fun or just sit on the toilet seat and talk to you quietly or just be silent (for you two, it's not something weird, it's just an intimate and affectionate way of showing how much she cares for you). Now if you ask her to take a shower with you, this girl will triple her efforts, washing your hair, rubbing and massaging your back, whispering words of affirmation in your ear and hugging you affectionately.

She is willing to accompany you and participate in any activity that helps you cope, she just wants you to be well, so: running, dancing, tearing something or screaming, all of this is a big yes for this girl, anything that can help you in a healthy way she would automatically accept.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ If you take medications for this, she would make sure to always remind your doctors to take them; Gwen knows how medications can affect you and also always tries to be as understanding and calm about it as possible.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ It would collapse if you ever ended up in the hospital because of it, she would never yell at you for it, but she would definitely hug you strong at the moment when I saw you and I simply cried holding onto you. Seeing you like this just breaks Gwen's heart and she can't even imagine losing you, it scares her so much😭

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who would definitely accompany you to the psychologist or psychiatrist's office whenever she could, waiting with you at the reception until your time and still patiently waiting until the end of your session, probably buys you an ice cream after each session. Even when she can't accompany you, Gwen makes a point of sending you a message to know if you arrived at the office safely.

Gwen with a girlfriend who gets hurt —------ Who would just be the sweetest and most understanding girlfriend of all, always willing to help and listen to you. She's so sweet and I just need one Gwen in my life😭😭.

© 2023 theprismyyy — please do not copy, translate or repost any of my work without my permission.

[felixisourayofsunshine]

Okay so I really wanted to talk about emonette's character plus Shadybug and Clawnoir's relationship......... Well this is gonna be a long one so sorry in advance

Okay let's go!!!

So as we saw in the special emonette said that she was constantly bullied by Chloe(guess she doesn't change in any universe 😔 that damn brat I hate her.... not more than Lila though) and considering how broken she sounded that was not the same bullying that Chloe of this universe did to Mari that shit must've been extreme. However, I donot think that the bullying alone there must've been more aspects which lead her to the path of evil.

Well, while we're at it let's talk about this scene.. God this was so heart wrenching....

When she said that-

"I'm sorry mommy dear, I fine I just- just dropped my sewing kit it's A BIT DAMAGED"

When she said the above line while glancing at her face which reflected on those broken pieces of mirror.... I swear I wanted to cry. Don't you see how poetic this was, while she seemed to be taking about the broken mirror we can clearly see that the one who is broken Is her some one once said

"But that's the irony, broken people, are not fragile....."

So while emonette is completely broken inside she never lets show on her face, no matter how sad, how broken, how miserable she is she keeps moving forward, you wonder why? Well, because it's MARINETTE for crying out loud.... no matter what universe it is our Mari puts on a brave face in front of other, she tends to hide her scars and crying silently not letting others know. Even in the original universe she would have broken much sooner if it was not for Alya finding out her identity. But as emonette said herself she doesn't have loving parents, a best friend and a supportive boyfriend, she was left all alone to suffer without anyone by her side

I still wonder what her wish really was though, knowing her it certainly not power. Could it be something else which she yearns for. Okay so hear me out do you remember what she said to Mari? She said:

"Do you think that it'd be any different from how it is now? Guess what, I don't have your nice little life. The world where I'm from there are no awesome girlfriends to inspire me everyday, no amazing bff, lovable, calm and gentle mom or a boyfriend who doesn't think I'm a total loser...."

These lines broke me though 😭...

So my theory is that in that universe Tom is dead and Sabine is abusive( I totally can't imagine that tho) that would explain why she behaved like that with Sabine and she works in her dad's bakery to keep his name.

Oh well I have a worse on........ Both Tom and Sabine are dead and she was adopted by someome who were very abusive(let's consider that after she graduated junior high she moved out of that school and is probably out of Chloe's grasp) they even intended to sell the bakery, the only belonging of her late parents she was left with. That was when she met supreme and he offered her that in exchange of killing her abusive guardian she will have to work with him. So maybe her wish could be returning to those happy times with her parents without Chloe or any suffering. Well I guess it was a bit far fetched but anywaaaays.... 😅

Okay let's analyse another scene..... The one where she was reading Mari's diary.

What's interesting about her in Mari's room was that she certainly recognised her room and we can see that she does live in the bakery after all. The reason why she acted that way was to save her identity getting exposed to Claw Noir(which I don't think she cares that much about) or she really wanted to find out if this version of her had a better and happier life than hers.while she pretended that she wanted to look for clues, she went through Mari's personal stuff life her computer, her diary and her other things not because she was looking for clues but because she wanted know what kind of life this MARINETTE had.

Look, she was crying while reading that diary. She wants this life.

Just look at her... Looking into the life of a version of herself she wishes she could be. A world where "THERE ARE AMAZING GIRLFRIENDS TO INSPIRE HER EVERYDAY, AN AMAZING BFF, LOVABLE AND CALM MOM AND A BOYFRIEND WHO DOESN'T THINK THAT SHE IS A TOTAL LOOSER".

You see.. behind that evil mask there is a broken girl who longs to be loved. she wants a shoulder to cry on, hands who would embrace her tight when she is crying. She may look like a total badass who doesn't need anyone but no! that's not the case at all.

Aaaand I think she does have someone like that in her life already, and that person is the one and only CLAW NOIR. ........Even if she refuses to acknowledge it.

So, while she was shutted down, abandoned, bullied and absused her whole life and had no one to helf her up, Claw Noir was there for her,even though he is a total dork who teases her all the time.

Well yeah he is hella rude and disrespects her A LOT, it may look like she may never fall for him normally, but lets consider emonette's circumstances...... As much as we know she doesn't have anyone to rely on, no friends and probably no family. She never had anyone to inspire her. In a life like this...... After she got her miraculous and met Claw Noir, she finally had a reason to live, a reason to fight and a person, she could work together with and trust just a little bit yeah not totally cuz well he does let her fall head on..

In Mari's room when she reads the diary and learns about Ladybug and Chat Noir's relationship, their friendship, their partnership. She does look like she wants that too. (Also this may not apply to everyone but sometimes two people who like each other tease each other a lot....... )

They may fight eachother and not consider each other as partners, but they do make an amazing team. They may not be partners but they've got eachother's back at time of need. Just how Shadybug needs Clawnoir's strength while fighting and how Clawnoir relies on Shadybug's plans.

Also this scene...... While you can say that he is acting this way because he now knows that she is Marinette, the girl he likes.., but we know he is Adrien afterall he may care about Shadybug deep down without realising it and with him now knowing who she really is has realised it.

Just look at him he looks sad when he sees her cry too. He may act like he doesn't care but he actually does. He is like "I am the only one who can hurt her, anyone else who dares to do that must pay....." .

And the scene where she opens up to Mari was just so emotional, I literally started crying. There was pain, sorrow and grief in her eyes. She was suffering and was jealous of Mari,'cuz she thought that she had everything for granted, she thought that she never knew what suffering was like. Her words were so sad. But after Mari made her feel that they really are alike and changed her for better I felt so happy......

And after that when she met (now improved) Claw Noir they felt like they were more to each other and I loved it..

All I want now is a ShadyClaw series.. we need to know what happened after that.... And before they landed in the multiverse.

Well aren't they the cutest.

I wish they become a couple in future.....

Oh well that was a long one.....

Well I had it in mind for quite a long time but couldn't write it because I have exams coming 😭. But wanted to finish it before I forgot it. So here I am. I hope y'all liked it though.

Okay let's end it with a quote:.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

I hope this becomes true for our beloved emoadrinette.

Bug out!🐞🐾

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E16 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - mysterious officer

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

Jinshi is deeply divided on whether he should have allowed Lakan access to Maomao. He's going to feel pretty guilty if things go badly.

Jinshi explains the details of the case of the metalworker's estate to Maomao. She's always interested in a mystery.

Jinshi: What's with all the sudden enthusiasm?

Dude is asking a question he knows the answer to.

Solving mysteries is where Maomao shines. Jinshi knows this better than anyone. It's one of the things that knocked him head-over-heels for this lady. But he's a little ticked at how easily Lakan was able to hook Maomao's interest. Lakan who hasn't even met Maomao yet, knew exactly how to lure her out. Perhaps Jinshi was hoping that Maomao would refuse, and release him from the deal he made with Lakan. Why did he agree to this? Jinshi is supremely uneasy with all of it.

As the conversation progresses Jinshi takes a more comfortable position on the couch, no longer bothering to behave as a proper palace official or even an employer in front of Maomao. Rather his pose is more like the casual sprawling one might do with family or friends. Jinshi is so persistent in how he stays open and inviting to Maomao, even in his body language. In this scene, Maomao is kneeling properly at the low table. Her body language is formal.

Lakan had provided an address to follow up with the mystery if it intrigued Maomao.

Maomao: How well prepared. It's like he anticipated this happening.

I do not like this at all. This Lakan is too good at maneuvering Maomao and Jinshi.

Maomao request a day off to look in to the case, and Jinshi is not happy. Not because she's missing work around the residence, but because she walked so willingly into Lakan's well laid plan for her. He's probably also pissed at himself for allowing this, but apparently Jinshi really wants to know the rest of Lakan's courtesan story. Jinshi can't see what Lakan has planned, and he's very worried about Maomao. Suiren is completely fine with Maomao leaving. Smiling and waving? Is she actually happy that Maomao is leaving, or is she looking forward to drowning her in work when she returns? I can't read her yet. I miss Lady Gyokuyou and the Jade Pavilion ladies who were so sweet.

Basan. Another mystery. Damn those golden eyes! Who else had eyes like that?! Maomao said he looks familiar, and he does, but like who? Gaaaaah!

Basan is suppose to escort Maomao on her investigation, and he's still acting like an ass, and I'm still wondering when I can see Jinshi fight him again. Maomao says she can tolerate his bad attitude, since she views him as harmless. That's good, because sometimes with trauma, especially from sexual trauma, aggression can be a trigger. I don't like that she has to just put up with this guy's pissy attitude.

Fuck me, Basan and Gaoshun?! Well a blood relationship between the two at least explains why Jinshi and Gaoshun feel comfortable letting this guy go all around the palace with Maomao. Is Basan a child of Gaoshun or like a nephew or something? Is this going to be enough for Maomao to at least question if Gaoshun is a eunuch or not? No. The answer is no, but she should!

Of course Maomao solves the mystery that was left by the metalworker for his sons. A majority of this episode is spent unraveling this mystery, but as far as I can tell the details aren't important to the larger story, so I'm not going to bother describing the twists and turn of it. Basically we get to see how a father would rather go to extreme lengths to create a puzzle for his sons to try to solve upon his death, then give them words of encouragement or advice while he was still alive. The youngest son tries to reconcile the family by passing on compliments he heard his father say in private and never directly to his children. Maomao wisely bows out of that bullshit, but suggests they seek medical treatment from Luomen if they develop symptoms like their father had.

On the return trip, Basan gives Maomao a considering look. Perhaps he's starting to see how brilliant and capable she is? Maybe he will try to rein in his bad attitude where it comes to Maomao? Or maybe... he will fall in love with her! I don't know why I'm looking for more drama from this show, it's already angsty enough. Even so, maybe a romantic rival would help push Jinshi and Maomao past the standstill they've come to.

Lakan is back. He thanks Jinshi for Maomao's work, which I understand within the context of this show, but it still pisses me off. It smacks of misogyny as it's a subtle way of affirming Jinshi's ownership of Maomao, and demonstrates Lakan's lack of respect for women and servants.

Lakan then goes on to explain what happened sounding far too pleased, like he's already gotten everything he wanted. Jinshi knows all of this is part of a stratagem from Lakan, but what his goal is, is yet unclear. Jinshi doesn't know what happened on Maomao's outing (in his head he refers to her as "the apothecary," here which I find odd). She never reported back about her findings. And maybe that is what has Lakan looking so smug. He's uncovered that truth that Maomao is Jinshi's courtesan in name only. And even though Jinshi may be trying to hide what he feels for Maomao from Lakan, I'm sure Lakan is aware. Maomao is a soft spot to attack or control Jinshi.

Jinshi notes that Lakan is very good at discovering people with talent. And now his attention has landed on Maomao. He talks about the three sons each finding their proper place, and I can't help but think that Lakan believes "finding one's proper place," also applies to Maomao and Jinshi. It's possible that Lakan is insinuating something to Jinshi about him not being in his proper place; perhaps he knows something about Jinshi's true identity. But more likely Lakan is thinking that Maomao is not in her proper place here in Jinshi's residence. Lakan gave her a test and he was delighted by her ability to pass it. Does he intend to remove Maomao from Jinshi's employ? This guy is definitely not done with Maomao.

Lakan: The late metalworker's creations were absolutely remarkable though. There was this simple looking metal piece, that when combined with a ritual utensil... it looked truly magnificent.

I don't know what that thing is, but Lakan's scuzzy look combined with Jinshi's disgust is enough to tell me it's something terrible. What kind of ritual are they talking about here? Jinshi straight up lets us know that this is beneath him. What kind of ritual would be something that someone in Jinshi's position would never use? Jinshi knows that Lakan knows that this is not relevant or appropriate. Lakan so very clearly said it to see how Jinshi would react. And Jinshi is doing his best to hide his thoughts and reactions, but I get the feeling that Lakan can see everything. I can only guess based on the way my stomach feels nauseous watching this exchange that this item is used for something heinous like slavery or rape. Props to the storytellers here for freaking me out. I hope I'm wrong and the horrid thing is a spoon rest.

Lakan: I simply can't abide good talent being kept buried. ... Those who possess genius should receive the appropriate praise and attention.

He's going to take Maomao! Stop him Jinshi!

And Jinshi is actually VERY interested in Lakan's method of decreasing a courtesan's value. Is it that Maomao still owes money at Verdigris House? Is this time now at Jinshi's residence just boughten time, and not the end of her contract? Is this why Jinshi wants to know how to bring her price down? Does Lakan know that Maomao may still have a debt to Verdigris House?! Does he plan to buy out the rest of her time?! Hell no! I won't accept that! What the hell is happening?!

Lakan doesn't want to admit to the fucked up thing he did to that courtesan, so he tells Jinshi to ask Maomao how to reduce her price. This guy is terrible. He told Jinshi his messed up story then left off the part that Jinshi most wanted to know, with a promise to tell him if he could have a chance to test Maomao. Which Jinshi agreed to. When Maomao fulfilled her part, Lakan goes back on his word and refuses to say. Utter trash. And Jinshi let himself be sucked into Lakan's game. I hate all of this.

Then Lakan leaves a beverage for Jinshi's "serving maids," i.e. Maomao. WTF. I am so creeped out by this guy.

Lakan: Farewell. Until tomorrow that is.

Yeah, we're not getting rid of this guy any time soon.

Jinshi collapses the instant Lakan leaves. Yes, Jinshi is going to have to continue to deal with this nightmare who keeps making Jinshi's life difficult, but what is really bothering Jinshi is that he knows he fucked up. Lakan came to see how interested Jinshi is in his concubine, and baited him with his own story about a courtesan. And Jinshi showed him, that he is actually very interested in Maomao. Jinshi also let Lakan take Maomao's measure, knowing this guy has a knack for determining and using such talents. Jinshi is definitely going to blame himself for putting Maomao in this guys sights.

Gaoshun makes a request of Jinshi, that we don't get to hear about, but in the very next scene Jinshi is changing his clothes and asking Maomao to help him with some makeup so is he planning to go out in disguise somewhere? Is he going to visit the annex (one of these episodes will show me what it is!)? What did Gaoshun say to Jinshi? I guess we will find out next time, since that's where the episode ends!

I'm so creeped out by Lakan, but it feels like we are about to get into some plot stuff now, so I'm excited for that.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 17

[enlitment]

top 5 frev women?

Thanks for the ask! Oh, this one's going to be tough as well. But let's see...

Lucile Desmoulins

Much more than a pair of fine eyes, Lucile was, like her husband, heavily invested in politics. She shared Camille's convictions and is even reported to have defended him in front of others. She did pay the price for her loyalty in the end, when she was only my age (though it should be noted that the whole Germinal/Indulgent business is much more complex to be accurately presented in this short overview of course).

I also really like her writing! Her 'advice' to Marie Antoinette is definitely quite something. Go read it if you haven't! Her diary is also at times quite relatable. ("I feel that I am born to live far from men. The more I examine them, the more I seek to understand them, the more I see that one should flee from them.”)

Bonus - my favourite quote of hers on women's place in society:

To hear [men] speak, we are celestial beings, nothing is equal to us. Ah! may they deify us less and leave us free!

2. Simone Évrard

I have to confess I was sleeping on Simone for the longest time, but she is such an interesting figure! She continued to be so supportive of Marat even when times were incredibly tough for him. I'm convinced he wouldn't be able to achieve half as much as he did if it weren't for her. She then went on to defend his legacy long after his death, despite the fact that it caused quite a few problems for her. I find her incredibly inspiring!

3. Charlotte Robespierre

Listen, I'm always going to appreciate a single lady who made it her life's mission to try and take charge of the narrative.

In all seriousness, I'm still not quite sure how her mind worked, but I find her incredibly interesting. Especially the way she seemed to be so protective or Maximilien (re: Éléonore?), both during his life and after his death. She also seemed to have been so strong-willed, much like her brother, perhaps even more so. The fact that she accompanied Augustin to suppress the revolt in Nice is still kind of mind-blowing to me. And the fact that she was supposedly going to marry Fouché at one point? One of my favourite historical what-ifs, honestly. Just imagine!

(That said, my knowledge of her is quite lacking. If anyone can recommend a good biography on Charlotte, I'd be really thankful!)

4. Olympe de Gouges

Okay, here's a controversial one!

Obligatory 'am not a Girondist!', but I feel that I still have to give her some credit for her feminist ideas. Yes, her feminism was centred on upper-class women, but I still see her contributions as an important first step. Déclaration des droits de la Femme et de la Citoyenne is one of the most crucial documents in the history of feminism in my opinion.

I also appreciate the fact that while classist, her feminism was much less 'white-only' than that of a lot of women that came after her (case in point a lot of the Seneca Falls suffragettes in 19th century America). Again, not all of her views on slavery probably stand up to the test of time, but I will always appreciate anyone in the 18th century who expresses abolitionists sentiments, which she did.

She is also the author of many of my favourite french revolution era quotes:

"A woman has the right to mount the scaffold. She must possess equally the right to mount the rostrum."

She has a point and honestly? Well said.

(Side note - also kind of obsessed with her address to Robespierre. "I suggest we should bathe together in the Seine but to entirely depurgate you of those blemishes with which you have smeared yourself since 10th June, we should attach sixteen or twenty-four pound cannon balls to our feet , and together race into the flood ….")

That said, the narrative that she was executed for her feminist views is both incorrect and extremely tiring.

5. Pauline Léon

How can I not mention the leader of female Sans-culottes herself? To counter de Gouges, let me mention another French revolutionary feminist that is - in a lot of ways - an antithesis to Olympe, since she was: a) a radical republican b) a member of the working class.

She seemed to have been incredibly courageous and always managed to find herself right in the centre of the action (Bastille, Champ de Mars...). There are unfortunately not that many resources on her as on some of the other female figures, but I think her story is incredibly important. More so for the fact that she was one of female revolutionary figures we know at least something about that wasfrom a working class - as opposed to upper class - background.

My favourite fact about her is that she wanted to establish all-female militia group to defend the country against counter-revolutionaries. Not going to lie, it was a wild proposal, but it would be kind of amazing to see it happen.

(It was not easy to find her portrait, but this should be her I hope?)

[chaos-and-sparkles]

I yearn to talk about my Dracula!Holmes au, and the universe has seen fit to give me free will and internet access, so talk i shall.

Listen. Hear me out just hear me out.

We literally have Johnathan motherfucking Harker whose written POV we read Dracula from for like a solid half of the book, right. Well, no more, he's John Watson now babeyyy, a retired army man now gainfully employed as a lawyer who's off overseas to act as estate agent to the strange and eccentric client who has expressed interest in moving to foggy London... Count Holmes! [insert jazz hands]

Instead of being Evil(tm) and plotting to take over London or whatever, my guy is just Autistic. Also riddled with ADHD and in desperate need of some enrichment in he goddamn enclosure. He will also in fact be trans, because. Of course. Vampirism as a metaphor for queerness and the social ostracization that follows as a punishment and having inherently queer narratives intertwined in them etc etc... anyhow! Count Sherlock Holmes, vampire detective!!!

(I do also want him to be aroace, or aroacespec at least, but I'm willing to negotiate for the Johnlock and the Johnlock alone.)

Mina Harker here is of course the one and only Mary Morstan, although it is clearly a lavender marriage, because we aren't cowards in this household and so Mary gets to be gay with her Lucy equivalent here, just as god intended. I haven't decided who her Lucy equivalent will be yet but this au is still young (technically I've been going insane about it in my mind for like a month or two but whatever) and there's no reason we can't make up an OC for her Lucy.

John Watson, resident gay doctor lawyer, of course, is smart enough to realize the enigmatic Count Holmes' vampiric secret within like one adventure, but he sure is going to have a slow burn of realizing just how gay he is for said enigmatic Count Holmes. We, of course, get to witness this tooth rotting bullshit firsthand as we read his diary entries and some later letters to Mary.

And instead of being one long gothic horror narrative, it's just adventure of the week with your friendly neighborhood crime solving vampire, the various other mythical creatures who do said crimes, and Just Some Guy.

Just, every Sherlock Holmes adventure adapted into this au with other supernatural elements. The guy from the Red Headed League is a local villager being bamboozled by a leprechaun, the Silver Blaze thing is about a kelpie. Everyone including Sherlock was operating on the assumption that Irene Adler was a siren, but actually she was just a regular human, and instead of unlearning misogyny (bc I don't see trans vampire Sherlock living so long through changing times and society and being sexist), Sherlock has to learn not to underestimate the intelligence of humans.

Also, he's just really excited to have this new human, John, living in his castle. So curious, too, about humans, he has sequestered himself from them for such a long time and John seems like a very interesting one. He's probably the first friend Sherlock has had in a long time, too.

Also. Instead of being warded off or harmed by garlic, to Sherlock, garlic is just the vampire version of cocaine. He just gets high as fuck off garlic. Could live on the stuff. And the reason people think he's warded off by garlic is just because he was seen getting high off his ass, turning into a bat, and flying away in loop de loops upon consuming garlic one (1) time. And everyone thought it's his weakness. And he never bothered correcting them bc Why Would He. He's basically getting free cocaine left and right from villagers who are scared/wary of the supernatural Count Holmes and only go to him when there's no other option, and it's no bother to leave people he's not investigating alone.

I genuinely do think cocaine!garlic addicted Sherlock has so much comedic potential, it really is so beloved to me. Just imagine, if you will, an extremely put-upon John Watson caring for Batlock who has gotten high off his ass and refuses to stop flying into his own antique chandelier.

I was also thinking that it would be funny to have Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Turner in place of Dracula's sexy vampire roommates or whatever those three were lmao (I couldn't think of a third character, sorry)

Also. Obviously. Van Helsing has got to be Moriarty, by virtue of opposition. I do think their whole deal has a lot of potential to be very funny and entertaining also. I am also considering it might be fun to have Lucy's other suitors be the Scotland Yarders, like Lestrade, Gregson and what have you, but that risks missing out on the very fun possible dynamic of "Sherlock being exasperated with the dumbass out of their depth Yarders he keeps helping" raised to like the hundredth degree so. I honestly would like people's thoughts on that.

Anyway so YES, Dracula au please and thank you. Maybe with endgame QPR Johnlock? Yes? Please? Queerplatonic husbands Johnlock is my shit.

In conclusion: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK <3

[offshore-brinicle]

Given Carmen's association with Chrisianity, I was searching for anything related to seven and thunder/lightning, and ended up finding something.

Within the Book of Revelations there is a mention of something quite familiar, namely 10:4 which states "And when the seven thunders had sounded, I was about to write, but I heard a voice from heaven saying 'Seal up what the seven thunders have said, and do not write it down.'"

'Voice from heaven' may refer to her dream, written within her diary, wherein she denies what she sees as the misery of heaven to embrace the joy of Wuthering Heights. This description [diary] also reminds me very much of how many interpret the process of gaining E.G.O and distorting, plus losing Heathcliff could also count as having part of her foundation/core beliefs shaken or broken, which also seems to be a requirement for a talk with Carmen.

I may be reading into this too much, but this may or may not imply that she had some sort of knowledge relating to Carmen or the Light - possibly as a result of whatever it is she'd done or is doing with the Golden Bough, whatever makes it hers specifically and not simply another item. Given how the last line in part 2 seems to be her's [I cannot recognise voices for the life of me] perhaps she is a bigger part of Heath's distortion than may have been thought before. Especially now Faust has basically said 'Yeah fate exists' as well.

Also, I believe there's been 3 lightning strikes so far - or four if you count the sound at the end of part 2. One for Sir Squirel [rip], one for the bird and one for the will reading.

Thank goodness for 2x speed and people posting event records on YouTube I was not gonna try and count the lightning otherwise.

OOOH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE ANON. EXTREMELY GOOD INFORMATION.

Honestly I am still not entirely sure about the "fate" thing, but then again there are lines like the attitude Demian and Rim have and their dialogue and Sang Yi's "the world always flows along the same current" which is. Interesting specially taking in count the Mirror Worlds and how things always work out for the Sinners, it makes me wonder how the concept of fate will play into the overall story.

Still, very helpful information, thanks for the input!