#help theyre plaguing my mind

[pinkseas]

on my hands and knees begging u to say your words about xiaolumi… i want to hear them… i’ll pay you back in art i prommy—

WHY WOULD YOU ENABLE ME LIKE THIS no need for art i literally owe you my fucking Life just for that one piece like oh my god. ohhhh my god. the amount of times i have linked that to my friends and waxed poetic and maybe cried a little. ANYWAYS. i am about to be So Silly And So Disorganized

so here's the thing right?? it depends SO heavily on how you interpret lumine. the traveler definitely has their own personality and agenda ingame but there's still SO much wiggle room in terms of what you do with that. if i really wanted to i could probably make it a Lot More Accurate by focusing on the traveler in canon and going from there however i will in fact be completely ignoring that and focusing on my interpretation of lumi specifically light and love <3 <- thats my little disclaimer ANYWAYS

they are So Similar in a lot of ways. young adults who are also centuries old. stubborn bastards who would give their lives protecting those around them even if they got absolutely nothing in return. so quick to throw themselves into the line of fire for the sake of friends and strangers alike. such a strong instinct to protect. not mortal, not by a long shot, but not quite gods either, something uniquely inhuman and in between. a centuries worth of weight on their shoulders. reaching their breaking points and pushing further still, refusing to let themselves crumble. and, even with very close companions, i think they're very lonely. there's no one quite like xiao in teyvat, no one quite like lumine without aether there by her side- maybe no one quite like lumine at all, anymore.

i think its about sharing. i think they'd find it easy to talk with and be around one another, even though they're typically so slow and so careful with trust. i think fighting together comes as easily as breathing, that their urge to protect lines up perfectly with the others and leads to them doing so much for those around them as well as each other. they will not let the other fall. they share the weight on their shoulders, share the centuries of bloodshed and horrors seen and caused alike, share in the unique brand of loneliness that comes with knowing that where someone was once by your side there's no one like you left.

vulnerability does not come easily to any of them. they can always push themselves further, always be a little stronger, always run a little faster. but its exactly that, i think, the recognition of someone so like themselves that makes it easier for them to trust in one another. lumine can call xiao's name when she needs him, xiao can find lumine if he needs her. i think that for all they would shoulder the world on their own and know the other would do the same in a heartbeat, they trust one another to come to them when they need help. it would be so, so easy to ignore it, to press forward, to remain alone. but they made a promise, and they intend to keep it.

i like to imagine that lumine's presence has a purifying effect on xiao. something she could control and channel should she realize, but for now something small, just enough to ease that weight. just enough to make sure he won't succumb.

i think a big part of it is about learning how to live again. they both carry that weight, that stubborn mindset, but wanting to see the other happy helps. knowing the other understands helps. when it hurts they can breathe together, and the type of pain they feel may never truly go away but they dont have to experience it alone.

every snowflake, every sunrise, every flower is just a little bit different from the rest. xiao's favorite quiet places are nicer with her there. they live so very differently but lumine's teapot is always there and xiao is no longer bound by his contract, learning ever so slowly how to let himself go. they have spent so, so long surviving. now, though, they remember to taste the fresh air, learn to indulge in the smallest things. lumine experiments with recipes until her almond tofu is catered to xiao's tastes exactly, the perfect texture. at night in liyue xiao tells her stories of the constellations and she remembers every word, at night in the teapot lumine will lift a hand and the sky will match her memories, her turn to tell stories about stars he's never seen.

they are both so, so tired. and i think that they would trust the other enough to let themselves rest. you can put your strength down. im sitting here with you at the kitchen table. you dont need to say anything. <- that quote is so them for real its shared silences mutual understanding and comfort always having each other's backs its twin moons twin stars two beings caught in each other's orbit and choosing every day to stay. sitting side by side on the mountaintop, hands entwined, lumine's head on his shoulder. breathing. loving. living.

[ethanharli]

Where is this sudden motivation to write smut coming from wtf

[blinkus-blonkus]

GAY COWBOYS‼️‼️

more leon n teddy for thou

[doughliciousfrosting]

Your tmnt au meeting Monkey kid and the gang?

I think you're talking about my 2012 TMNT designs? Which I understand, theyre really far from canon HELPP but they're not really an au 😭 or they were never really meant to be. Anyways I have a lot of thoughts and I could explain why I picked each character and paired them up with each other and if I can I'll definitely draw the rest of them!!

I'll explain right now why I paired Mei with Donnie and Tang with April

First and foremost though,

⚠️ NONE OF THESE ARE SHIPS ⚠️

With that out of the way I'll start with why I paired Mei and Donnie. I like to think that Mei is a super good builder and tbh, this is actually pretty canon. We see her rebuild her bike in S1 Ep 3 and in S1 Ep1 she's also the one who builds their secret fortress which is INCREDIBLY made. With this information in mind it can be quick to assume Mei is a pretty good mechanic! In S3 of 2012 TMNT we know that Casey and Donnie spend a lot of time in the small barn out back working on stuff both seperately and at times together! While I do think Casey can understand some of the tech jargon Donnie talks about (as long as it relates to car parts) I don't think Casey can really understand the technical stuff. I think Casey's knowledge probably comes from self taught experience, as a result he can identify each part and what they do but not the technical terms for them and professional blueprints for things and stuff. Which is why I think Donnie would be absolutely ecstatic to have someone able to read his work!! And like I said earlier Mei is really good with tech as we see a lot in the earlier seasons before they delved hard into mystic magic and stuff. I would have paired Mei with Casey but I have other ideas grrr!!! If people are interested I'll explain more.

Moving on to why I paired Tang with April! I kinda rewrote April a lot HELP I think her writing had a lot of problems so I just changed stuff lol. I like to think that the reason April tried so hard to prove herself and stuff was because she doesn't want to be useless. I feel like she gets sorta babies a lot (mainly by her father) and it makes her want to overachieve to prove a point, prove that she's grown and that she's perfectly capable of handling herself. The problem though is the years of fighting experience she lacks. In a normal situation April can 100% take care of herself but in ones where she faces opponents with a lifetime's experience in combat versus her measily 1 and a half years the difference is huge. And on top of this April has to figure out her psychic powers, which in S4 literally blew up in her face. I just think she struggles with feeling inadequate, when she does something she wants to be the best and it's hard for her to feel like she has a place in the team when everyone else seems not to struggle the way she does in battle. She just tends to forget the difference in fighting experience even though they're all the same age. Anyways, being unsure of ur worth on the team and struggling with your powers seems like it would be right up Tang's alley!! Tang in S3 Ep8 has a huge tipping point where we see he struggles with self doubt and feeling like he isn't needed. Then later when he discovers he has powers he struggles to control them and get them to do what he wants. I think Tang reassuring April is just a really nice gesture!! Especially since Tang and April are like the most human out of the rest of the group (excluding Casey but he struggles in a different way). I think in a group full of spectacular talents, it's easy to feel ordinary which is a thought I think plagues Tang and April's minds while their characters develop. I tried to keep this short so I hope it makes sense ahhh if you're still reading you're totally awesome and cool!!!

[mirensiart]

just looked through a ton of your stuff w key & chain n. your honor. im love them. i love it sm esp when the distance and loneliness of zeldas position as princess is looked into bc like. yeah she probably wouldn't know how to talk casually that well! she probably would hate being vulnerable! she probably wouldnt know how to approach ppl in a way that potentially puts them on guard! i should focus more on zeldas frfr.

n it reminds me of my links & zeldas, as i made quite a few fanloz pairs, n esp bc ive been sorta integrating loz into my oc world. i noticed you mention as well that you like hearing about ppls loz ocs so if you dont mind- current fanloz on the mind are my favorites, which i originally placed right after raurus arrival as a thought of if the zonai died out by a plague, then what if it spreads through hyrule as well, but im tempted to place them after ganons sealing as well, being in the time where the beasts were created, and maybe right after the deaths of most of the sages. perhaps due to an expelling of gloom from rauru sealing him? maybe clining to remaining bacteria from a zonai plague and mutating? i figured link wouldve been a doctor of some sort & zelda couldve been one of the sages helping cure the plague but. thinking on it now, zelda as a plague doctor of sorts & link as an engineer for the guardians & beasts kinda goes. i remember as well i decided to give them a totk styled gibdo merchant npc who could regen limbs n stuff for carti (cartilage) to use in operations

i hope you dont mind me rambling about them, i just think theyre neat

So sorry for replying so late!!!! I finally got some free time now!

Yes yes yes!!! I love the Link Angst/Whump, but the Zelda Angst/Whump is 10000000/10 and I love it sm

Ok but, first thing first, Plague Doctor Zelda is making me INSANE ohmygod I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I love the concept of a plague explaining the zonai dying out! Would your Zelda be a Rauru/Sonia descendant? Like would she have some zonai blood? That would go so hard too 👀

Link as an engineer is good, working with the beasts, etc. But wouldn't he be sheikah? Like I remember the sheikah being in charge of all that in botw 🤔 sheikah link is peak though, so if you go with that it could be super cool!

A GIBDO MERCHANT IS SUCH A GREAT CONCEPT! I imagine him kinda like the merchant from resident evil 4 lol

Anyway, again, sorry for replying so late! I do love it when people ramble about their zelink ocs, but I might take a while to reply cause I like sitting down and taking my time reading all of the lore, etc!

[lunarmoves]

K'esyo seems a bit confused, or maybe conflicted(?), by what's going on.

yeah! confused mostly, i think. my vague ideas for that au revolved around sun & moon getting cursed so they turned into eclipse. kind of like a steven universe-type fusion or something LOL. here's what i was thinking:

so we have the gods, right? sun and moon and also the rest of the glamrocks & puppet. maybe even baby, not sure, i havent thought about it too deeply. but anyways theyre the gods that rule over the earth, but a loong long time ago there was another god (afton). he was like, the Big Bad and was killing a bunch of humans bc he's a god of chaos or whatever. so the other gods used their powers to force him into a prison of sorts where he was sedated

except, as the years (and we're talking HUNDREDS of years here) go on, he slowly starts to regain consciousness. not strongly by any means, but strong enough. enough that he could use his powers to influence any humans that go close enough to his prison (which is literally just a mountain/volcano).

and who gets close to his prison one day? vanessa. she was just trying to pick some magic flowers that grew specifically on afton's mountain. and so he kind of corrupts her mind and sends her on a task of cursing the gods with some of his own power. cuz what does afton thrive on as a god of chaos? you guessed it, chaos.

and maybe vanessa goes after a few of the glamrocks first (maybe monty and chica or smth). which causes trouble and catches the attention of the other gods (puppet, freddy, roxy). so theyre out here trying to deal with corrupted monty & chica while ALSO trying to keep humans safe PLUS controlling monty and chica's godly domains (the ocean and food/harvest, respectively). and baby in the meantime is like, secretly ("secretly") on afton's side and takes this chance to also wreak havoc idk. point is, a lot is happening and the gods are stretched thin

sun & moon hear about everything, but theyre busy with the cycle of day/night so they cant really do anything to help too much. maybe they get delegated the tasks of helping with other godly domains while the rest of the glamrocks try to get rid of the corruption plaguing monty & chica. and then theyre also dealing with baby so. LOTS of tasks get shuffled around in an attempt to keep humans away from the knowledge that something is wrong (because that would only bring about more chaos)

buuuut womp womp sun & moon were so focused on both the day/night cycle and handling monty & chica's domains (they are tired, their powers have never been used so much before) that they get cursed by vanessa sneaking up on them. she basically fuses them into eclipse bc they are more powerful when their powers are combined like that (making them one of the strongest gods--perfect for doing a little mass murdering).

and moon--realizing what was about to happen as the curse settles into their mind--puts him and sun in a deep slumber in an attempt to circumvent the chaos that would ensue. and weeeellll sure it works, but it means day/night no longer occurs. which is chaotic in itself

so eclipse is the fusion of sun and moon that happened moments before moon took over and put them to sleep. and see, eclipses are rare in this universe. like, once every thousands of years, rare. so it makes sense that he would be a forgotten god, especially since he's technically just sun & moon combined.

and maybe sun and moon arent on the best of terms when they get cursed too. which is why eclipse is such a sporadic being upon being woken up by yn. it's sun and moon fighting for control in their body & they cannot separate bc of the curse either. and then they got afton whispering into their ear to kill people, which is an L.

and our poor, poor yn is caught up in more than they can handle, dealing not only with eclipse and trying to break the curse on him but also all the other gods and vanessa and baby and welp. not a fun time incoming for sure.

[sinclarify]

yap session 1: minori kamiya the ult poet

the spinny wheel of fate told me to talk about minori so here we are!!!

minori kamiya is my darling ultimate poet and actuallly i love them so freaking soooo freaking much. let me get up their official description lalalala. tw for talk about suicide:

As the Ultimate Poet, Minori is nothing but a total hopeless romantic. They’re famous for their love poems, with every word going straight from their heart to the page. Of course, every artist needs a muse, and Minori’s is none other than their lover! Ah, young love – Minori's feelings for their beloved are the scaffold for every poem, and they’re so poignant and powerful that it’s earned Minori both national and international commendation, evident from just how many literary awards and accolades they’ve won. For Minori, however, the fame that follows their craft is utterly insignificant when placed up against the emotions that they evoke in a reader. Their poems are a beacon of hope and inspiration, a beam of light in a world so often obfuscated by darkness, and Minori is so happy that they’re able to provide that sort of comfort to readers all around the world. 

These feelings aren’t just limited to the page, either - Minori’s just as romantic and gentle in person as their words make them out to be, an air of kindness and warmth around them that’s impossible to not be drawn in by. They have nothing but compassion in their heart for their peers, and is always willing to extend a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, or to just talk to whoever needs it. Truly, Minori is one of those rare, pure souls – something that’s desperately needed in a situation where tensions run wild. 

Of course, that’s not to say that everything in their life is as perfect as it seems. Underneath those swathes of positivity and tenderness is a whole host of anxieties that plague their mind - but through their poetry and the thought of their lover, they manage to maintain their optimism in hopes of a brighter future. A future where they and the one they love so much can be happy and safe…together. It’s always going to be them, together. And Minori would do absolutely anything to cling onto that future. 

OKAYY THERE WE GO :3 i forgot how much i put in those descriptions ummmm lalalala anyway ya. minori's just a little silly. a silly with a whole lotta problems! before we get into those i think i should proooobably talk about their life outside of the killing game so that we shall do. next topic: their lover!

right so their lover doesn't exactly… have a name? or a face? oooh so mysterious. i had a reason for that but i cant remember what it is so just think of something cool and interesting. ANYWAY YEAH!!!! their lover.

it's important to note that my dgr fanclass IS aged up from actual canon dgr characters, i know there's like… vagueness surrounding their ages but it's like widely considered the canon dgrs are minors but mine are NOT they are all over 18+ !! minori is 21. and i'm saying that because it puts it into perspective when i say that they've been together with their lover for around 4 years up until the beginning of my canon!! so a long time. a real long time. and in that time, the two of them have built up a devotion and trust between them that's completely unshakeable. they've held each other through their highs and lows, hidden absolutely nothing, and they justf… theyre in LOVE okay!!!! for minori, their lover is the most important person in their life… and they want to stay together forever.

the only issue is, they don't have forever. minori's lover was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that doesn't seem to have a cure in sight. minori had always looked forward to spending the rest of time by their side, but now time is gradually slipping through fingers, and there's nothing they can do to stop it. that's why every single poem that minori crafts is dedicated to them; that's why they spend so much time prescribing their every feature and every nuance onto paper, to preserve their life and keep their spirit immortal long after they inevitably pass. it's painful, having to look at the one you love every single day, knowing that soon, they won't be by your side anymore, but minori pushes down any hurt, using it to fuel their art, to capture their muse indefinitely. they're scared, of course they are. who wouldn't be scared? but they'll be fine, as long as they have each other…

…which is why being put in the killing game isn't really the best case scenario for minori! flung into an unfamiliar environment with total strangers, then being told they had to kill to escape, it's totally insane!! like, they could die here! though, minori's not thinking about their own survival. the whole time, all they can think about is their lover back home. their lover, alone, scared, and wondering why minori left. the thought of their lover being in such a vulnerable position is much more devastating to minori than the thought of losing their own life, and god, they're completely TERRIFIED.

but they've gotten used to pushing their fears down, so they swallow the lump in their throat and wipe their hands on their yellow cardigan and put on a soft, gentle smile, hoping that, while their own anxieties may not be soothed any time soon, they can at least put the others at ease. they maintain an aura of complete composure, not allowing themself to outwardly give into the heavy fear that threatens to suffocate them, because they've got to carry everyone else's fears instead! they provide comfort. they provide hugs to the ones that need it. they provide a shoulder to cry on. even the ones that brush them off at least recognise that they're there to help… and it's all completely genuine. with minori around, things don't seem too bad.. it's almost like they have nothing to worry about at all.

then the first killing happens, and everyone realises that comfort and smiles and hugs mean absolutely nothing. this is real. the killing game is real. and while kaori izumi's death may have been a suicide, that doesn't rule out the possibility of there being real killers later down the line… because the seed has already been planted. desperation hangs in the air, heavy, like a toxic gas waiting to be inhaled, waiting to corrode from the inside out… and everyone can feel it, everyone can smell the blood, everyone's on edge.

especially minori.

kaori was so, so desperate… that poor girl. so desperate to leave this rotten place, so paralysed by fear that she took her own life. minori could never forget the look on her cold face, that harrowing contortion of pain and sorrow and last-minute regret permanently inscribed on her features forever. and they wonder… could that be me? is that me?

they could never imagine killing themself. they can't. they can't die and leave their lover alone. no, no, that's completely unfathomable! that's crazy! hah, dying? in a place like this? no way. no fucking way. besides, a poet's suicide would be so cliche! so no, that's not them. it'll never be them. never, never, never, never. never never never never neverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverne-

and then the next motive is revealed.

minori wakes up with a video tape and a cassette player next to their bed and a piece of paper with the words 'WATCH ME' crudely scribbled onto it in red crayon. they know they shouldn't. they've seen the movies. alice eats and alice drinks because she got told to and alice is big and alice is small and alice nearly gets her head chopped off by a queen with a head far too big for her body and wonderland really isn't that wonderful and one really shouldn't go chasing rabbits but what if she was meant to? minori, you're alice. watch the tape. watch the tape and you won't almost get your head chopped off. go on, minori. go on. go on, minori.

so they do.

the video starts off fuzzy and unfocused. minori can make out nothing but the faint glow of a yellow light that flickers sporadically, and then, out of the light, comes a voice.

mino…ri? minori, where… i'm.. cold, minori. it's really cold here.

the faint glow covers the whole screen, almost blindingly, before it fades out. and into focus comes a hospital bed. minori recognises that bed. they recognise that voice.

cough i don't know where you are, minori, but, i- cough it's bad again. real bad. doctor yoshida's trying his best.. and so are the nurses, but… i don't know. it's.. i'm hurting. everything hurts. physically, but… being without you hurts. where are you, mino? i sleep and dream of you, and i find that when i wake, i end up dreaming of you still… it's- i don't like this, minori. cough. please, i… i don't know how long i can- cough without you, i… cough. minori. cough. mino.. cough. sniff. sob. please… come back to me. please. i miss you. don't leave me here. don't leave me here to die. cough. i can feel it settle in, minori. it's… coming. please come before it does. cough i… lo-

and then it cuts to black.

minori's not sure when it started, but a strange chill has overtaken their whole body, their hands shaking and their heart beating so hard against their ribcage it's sure to puncture or burst out, their head light, their mouth dry and their eyes glazed, and god, god, god, help, god save them, god save them, god do something do something god? God? God's not listening. God can't do anything.

but minori… can. minori can.

[dorylinae-supremacy]

Toying with yet another AU besties because I'm plagued by visions.

Autism just enters hyperdrive sometimes and demands I put my blorbos in even more situations. Rn I'm playing with a vampire hunter AU, something dark and with a bit of angst as per usual.

Emduo being hunters and then one of them (maybe Techno) getting bit and turned. Obviously Phil is absolutely devastated. He's a pretty mean hunter and takes a bit too much joy in killing already but he cant imagine having to put his friend down.

But thats exactly what he needs to do and Techno's asking him to do it. This is where meanza gets shaken up into a more skrunkly form.

Maybe he decides to keep Techno at his house for a few days, just giving him some comfort before eventually having to put him down, Tech kinda settles for it because who wouldnt want things to be normal again so that you can be comfortable before your bestie / father figure kills you because you got bit.

Toss in him getting bit because he was protecting Phil and its even more fun.

Anyway Phil is trying to hype himself up for it but Techno's so easy to just delay and put off that he kinda falls into the groove of things. He gets it in his head that maybe he doesnt have to kill his friend, maybe he can just keep him locked and hidden away.

He brings this up and Techno is obviously not really down for this but they're both desperate and neither really want him to die so they totally start actually thinking about it.

They 'hypothetically' talk it out a few times before Tech stats going downhill a bit. He's not being fed and he has no sire around so stuff isnt fun. Phil panics and goes off to get a vampire. He drags them back and lets Techno feed off of them and its a bit better.

The venom in the blood is just enough to sustain him. This form of vampirism would be less complex than AFN's since otherwise Techno would probably just die because theyre both clueless. So instead its a very watered down version.

Anyway things progress like that for a while and Phil has to bring in actual human bodies for Techno to feed on. He gets over it very quickly but Techno doesnt and usually has to be convinced to actually feed.

Obviously after some time Techno latches onto Phil as his sire despite him not even being a vampire and his morals slip a bit too.

In the end we get dark emduo and its very fun.

I had another one in mind where Phil gets bit instead but because he has spent so long on the field he knows how to take care of himself, Techno is very skrunkly and along for the ride in that one too.

Just clings to his bestie and helps cover stuff up while Phil (a bit too eagerly) starts doing his vampire bullshit. It totally ends in Phil biting him and turning him as well.

[mha-quotes-and-such]

Whats your thoughts on hero/villain costumes? Do you have any favorites or least favorites?

As a general opinion, I feel a good chunk of costumes fit into one of three categories: "Garish and impractical" (Mineta, Best Jeanist, etc) "Literally just normal clothes" (Jirou, Shigaraki, etc) and "You just wanted her tits out" (Momo, Hagakure, etc). Out of the three regular clothes would probably be my favorite; its not really great but I also dont mind looking at it. The other two range from an eyesore to genuinely uncomfortable to watch at times

Least favorites is honestly super easy. I hate Mineta's costume with a burning passion because its just so ugly. I hate Best Jeanist's too, I dont care if has a purpose, wear a cape if you need more thread. I love Koda dearly but his costume design is just. Not where its at. The mask is cool, but the rest of it is just Not Great. Very reminiscent of a childs swimsuit. Momo and Hagakure; need I say more?

Snipe is definitely one of my favorites. I love the whole cowboy look, and I think its complicated enough to be interesting without feeling super tacked on or uninspired. I really like Bakugou's too. The grenade launchers are a tad goofy but I think theyre creative. He loses it a bit at the neck up, but otherwise I really like it. Uraraka's costume is really cute too, I think it manages to be both relevant to her quirk and practical while also being really "her". While I think Toga's outfit is a tad basic, seeing as the base is just a school uniform, I think the mask is really cool, and the combination of the heavy gear with the school uniform really help to push her personality

Honrable mentions for favorites go to Overhaul, Shin Nemoto, and Mr Compress. Overhaul and Shin are kind of basic, but I really like the plague doctor look, especially how they specifically style it. As for Compress he wouldve been a favorite if not for that ugly ass coat. I know he takes it off but I can never not associate him with it

[sophieinwonderland]

im confused about personal plurality, feel free to ignore. for a while now ive wanted imaginary friends (although they are all characters in media) out of- i guess- lonliness? not the best reason, i know, but its lead me down a rabbit hole of researching plurality and whatnot. i know i dont have alters or switches or anything, if i try to call out unprompted i get no response. for some reason im so fixated and almost really wishing i had alters to talk to and experience things with, but i dont. the closest i can get to that is imaginary friends, but they feel puppeted, for lack of better words, and arent autonomous. i really want to make myself belief they are, and in a way i think they want to as well, but i have a feeling thats my brain telling me that, aka not an indication of anything.

if talking about my experiences help at all, for a while i went through a process of mimicking systems, aka having the imaginary friends speak to me in thoughts, but it was all voluntary and scripted. a while later i tried a different method of mentally visualizing these imaginary friends in the same room as me, and sometimes theyd "share" my body, and id pretty much only be the one in control, and theyd just talk to me. again, its not switching or anything, i dont have sudden memory gaps, although my memory of stuff is consistently foggy, ranging from earlier that day to multiple years ago- kinda maybe about a 35% chance ill forget something every time, and the number climbs the longer its been.

with the imaginary friends themselves, its a rough explaination. again, they come from any fictional media i fixate on, but my fixations change nearly weekly, so its never consistent with who it is. i am a copinglinker who links witb these fixations as well, so its a 50/50 of if i want to personally identify as the character, or if they are an imaginary friend. again, conversation is prompted and feels very short, because i think in the back of my mind i know im directing the entire conversation, instead of talking to a seperate person. i want to believe so bad the conversations and opinions are real, but i dont think they are. whenever i ask them if they think theyre autonomous, its either "i dont know" to "yeah, why?" but i feel those answers are fabricated to. i dont know, maybe i just sort through thoughts through characters.

sorry, im rambling. i dont know if this is the right place to go, ans im genuinely hoping none of this is offensive. again, im 99.9% sure im not plural, but i feel /something/ in the back of my mind if i focus hard enough, but then again, it might be confirmation bias or something, i donr know.

if you have any thoughts or advice, please share. this has been plaguing me for nearly a year now and im not sure what to do with the information or how to interpret it. thank you.

Are your imaginary friends actually puppeted, or do they just feel puppeted? Because these aren't the same things.

In tulpamancy, there exists what's known as parroting, where you consciously talk for your tulpa and control their speech. Conversely, there's parrotnoia. This is the fear that you're controlling your headmate even when you aren't.

But if you aren't consciously doing it, it's not parroting.

If you haven't yet, you should check out my article on how to know if your imaginary friend is sentient:

I'll also add that switches feel differently for different systems. For us, it's often like something external is entering the body. But to some systems, it can feel like you're becoming somebody else.

Switching also doesn't usually have amnesia unless you have DID. (Although, if you do have DID, it can be hard to recognize if you have amnesia because... you know... you forget. But don't worry about that right now.)

But it's also normal for some systems to only partially switch, co-front, or just be co-conscious.

If you want them to be more real and developed though, I'd recommend sticking with a few over time. Cycling between proto-headmates every couple weeks means none will get the full development they deserve.

[stevie-petey]

I need something cute, like Steve getting a glimpse into the future and just seeing everything he's ever wanted. A big house full of kids, it's loud and busy, Toys scattered around. Then he just sees bug in all her glory. She's not dressed up or anything. Wearing pj's and sitting on the couch surrounded by a gaggle of little Harringtons. Some look like her, some look like him, maybe one who's too little to tell. Older ones sitting across the floor. Everyone's doing their own thing but all together in the same room. Everything feels warm and cozy. No more fighting for their lives, or worrying about what's gonna happen next. They're safe, surrounded by love that they created.

I imagine it like when Nancy comes back around Steve feels confused about his feelings ( Steve and Nancy never really had a friend phase like Steve and bug did, so I feel like they have trouble acting like friends around each other. It always lands into flirting territory and this might be confusing for the both of them.) And then he just gets hit with this vision and it makes him wanna cry. All he's ever wanted right in front of him but out of reach. When he'd get out of the upside he'd basically throw himself at bug. Any confusion is out the window and he knows what he wants.

ALSO, I feel like the jug reunion will be so good. I know season four took a lot away from Jon's character but I feel like it was needed. He saw his younger brother dead, his mom go crazy, planned a funeral BY HIMSELF ( and bug), he's almost died a million times. He deserved a break. He deserves to be a teenager and smoke weed, to forget about college for a minute. I feel like it helped him kinda go back to his old self, or maybe become someone new entirely that's a mixture of his two selves. Bugs tired when he comes back from California. She's been through hell and back and now she gets to see her old friend again. She gets to pretend like nothing has happened. Like she didn't almost die, like she hasn't been cursed or plagued with nightmares. She gets to relax and distract herself from everything that's happening around her. Don't get me wrong she's Happy, she loves Steve and she wouldn't give those memories up for the world, but she missed Jonathan. Everythings fucked but when bug and bee are together it's okay, they feel like everything will be okay. I feel like after everything that happened with vecna she'd feel homesick if that makes sense? She's way too stressed out and just wants to go home, but homes changed. Having Jonathan there would definitely help.

honestly what i adore about bug and jon is their childish innocence they still have together. the world is ending and theyve had the worst fucking three years of their lives but the second theyre together its bearable again.

i like to think of them as that feeling we all had as children, where we played superhero or tag or hide and seek, and the thrill and invincibility that followed after an exhilarating game with your best friend. your knees may be scrapped from falling, or maybe the dark closet you were hiding in began to scare you, but the moment youre back with your best friend all the fear and worries disappear because how couldnt they ? youre seven and your best friend is your favorite person in the entire world.

also you make such an interesting point about nancy and steve never JUST being friends. i never even considered that and now may have to rethink my pure hatred for that season 4 plotpoint (thats assuming the duffer bros even had that tidbit in mind). i think it adds such a nice layer to everything, so we shall see !!

[solluxfanclub]

I like problematic ancestor dynamics a lot(i think bc im projecting)

Like

Psii in my mind is... Heavily damaged, extremely traumatized, and rather unpredictable. Not evil by any means, but he acts as a wounded prey animal most of the time.

Severe separation anxiety, if signy is gone he will have a panic attack(even if the girls are there). He also sees signy as a surrogate master, and has(quietly) sworn himself to service.

Cries a lot, sometimes for no reason. Usually the reason is that he is catastrophising in his mind. But also... He is plagued with voices and visions. So like i get it dude.

Signy is a big big enabler, like, he unintentionally reinforces psiis anxiety and unintentionally conditions psii into needing him, rather than teaching/allowing psii to cope on his own(or even with help from dis or rosa). Signy will comfort psii in any situation, and almost always takes his side(seeing psii as someonewho needs to be saved and coddled), and this really irritates dis(bc she is, surprisingly, a lot more mature than signy), and sometimes she feels like signy plays favorites(its ambiguous as to whether or not he does)

Idk i just. The ancestors arent perfect paragons of like, what trolls should be. Theyre like. Damaged people.

[milkstoner]

Since like, this summer, I’ve had this vague concept of a mallesil modern au, and it never really inspired me. I realized last night, while my mind was plagued by insomnia, that it didn’t give anything because i didn’t really flesh out silver as much as malleus. So here’s the concept.

Malleus —> like, 24 yrs old, just starting a masters in architecture. He’s the guitar in pop music club’s band. Also plays just about any instrument. Tattoo artist on the side. Rich boy, dead parents, grandma lives in a huge mansion, idk what his family does and why theyre so wealthy honestly like. Granny is strict and she disapproves of mal being in a band and living on his own, but he dgaf. He knows hes going to have to inherit whatever role granny occupies and tbh he’s comfortable knowing hes going to have like, some sort of authority. But for now he enjoys being sort of rebellious.

Silver —> like 18 (we need to do our best to parallel the human slash fae age gap, sorry). In the process of making a career out of being a ballet dancer!!! (Also does fencing and rides horses). Also a rich boy! Im paralleling the theory that silver is a stolen prince by giving him rich parents. Overprotected, strict parents. Idk what his parents do, but they work in the same domain as mals grandmother. (Perhaps theyre politicians…? That could add a layer of mystery around mals parents oh ooh… assassination? Im not fully decided yet but imagine.)

Pop music club (a band in this au);

Cater —> lead vocals. Not wealthy, really. Middle class. The band is his main income and he works as a ride operator in the summers. 22 years old. Dreams of fame and wealth. Art history student, met mal in a class they had in common.

Kalim —> drums. Rich boy. Mal’s childhood friend. Might be the son of politicians similarly to my idea for mal’s and silver’s families, and that’s how they know each other. The band is his hobby. He calls the shots. Spends his share of the money he earns spoiling his friends. Sweet angel. 21 years old.

Lilia —> bass (whore). Mal’s uni friend. He has spent so many years in university. He’s 28, like dude please graduate soon. Very mysterious. We dont know anything about his upbringing. Just a little freaky dude. Nomad. Malleus has no idea where that man lives. He crashes his apartment sometimes. Goes on road trips unprovoked. When he doesn’t show up to practice, the other three wonder if he really was just a collective hallucination. Then he shows up the next week like, oh hey guys i was (insert crazy adventure). The boys are used to it by now.

And of course, sebek —> 17. Silver’s childhood friend. Son of a dentist so hes relatively rich, not as much as silver/malleus/kalim, but still upper class. They’ve been rivals (according to sebek) since they were very small. They met during their first ballet class. He’s a fan of pmc+malleus’ band, and is especially a huge mal fanboy.

Mallesil have met a few times before. Think like, formal parties and such. They’re the 1%. It’s rare granny draconia and her grandson are invited, but when they do attend a party, everything gets real quiet. So mallesil have… noticed each other as children, think like, silver was 6 when he first acknowledged malleus’ (12) existence. Obviously the age gap is kind of significant at that stage so its not a problem that their guardians forbid them from interacting. (Though there was one time, when silver was 8 and malleus was 14, where silver got lost somehow, and malle was the only one he recognized in this huge mass of adults. He’s actually very straightforward, like « im lost », and mal guides him back to his parents without a word lol)

It gets a bit more problematic as silver grows up. Stolen glances, damn hes hot… silver is 17. He’d always been sort of fascinated by malle’s stature, his long, black hair, and his pale skin. Its like hes wrapped in mystery. Obviously, since silver is older now, he can finally recognize hes feeling attraction. Malleus… he cant help still seeing a child in silver since. Yk. Their very rare and brief interactions took place when silver was a literal child. But hey he can admit silver is cute… he sees him drinking like, non alcoholic cider in a corner and he comes up to him kinda nervous like… hey… u come here often. Its another brief interaction, but they find a secluded spot and malleus offers him a sip of his wine (im obsessed with the concept of mal making silver drink SORRY), silver is a bit shy and flustered… (hes a sensitive little gay boy). They have one thing in common, and its that they think these 1% parties are boring. There’s something scandalous about them interacting when their families strictly forbids them to like, even look at each other. (If were going the route that theyre politicians, granny has probably put into mal’s head that his parents were assassinated by silver’s family. He… believes her, but he cant blame silver for it, can he?)

They dont see each other again until like. A year later, when sebek drags silver to pmc+malleus’ show. Its late and silver shouldn’t even be there—he snuck out. He had no idea what he was going to see until he saw fucking MALLEUS on the stage. He’s in awe… the dexterity of his fingers, his large arms, the bright lights making him fucking shine, like wowww if he didn’t have a crush before, this is definitely what sells malleus. Now, imagine mal’s shock seeing silver in the fucking crowd—they make EYE CONTACT honey. His fingers fumble; his bandmates look back at him like ? For a single second before acting like absolutely nothing happened.

After the show, malleus calls to silver and they talk a bit in the alley leading to backstage of the venue (idk how any of this works)… like… what are you doing here i didn’t know u were into rock?… oh yeah I’ve seen sebek a few times hes kind of annoying. Need a ride home?

Next thing u know, romantic little motorcycle scene oooohhhhhh. Finally they exchange numbers… malleus has no social media presence lol the only way to contact him is to call or text him. As they are both children of important people, they cant exactly meet in public, but mal knows a bunch of secluded spots and he takes silver to quiet places on his motorcycle yasssss. They talk about anything, its secret, its scandalous, its exciting. Silver’s rebellious era.

One day silver takes mal to like, the dancing studio, & he practices in front of him, aww… mal plays the piano, idk some melody he had in his mind, & silver goes off track and lets his song guide his body, its all very sweet and cute… Harold theyre gay

Their relationship evolves real quick… it’s silvers first crush. It’s cute and exciting . His desires give him butterflies in his stomach. Malleus is filled with dread however lol, he’s super dramatic and he WILL write countless songs for silver AND SING THEM to him, while playing the guitar or the piano… he can’t breathe w/o silver ok

The sex… ofc mal is older and he’s the top so he takes care of silver. He’s gentle at first but after a while he can’t help roughing him up bc he just loves him that much. Cute aggression. Silver is a total slut for malleus… he’s a secret pervert, so he’s in touch w his desires. He knows what parts of mal’s body he wants, what parts of himself he wants pleasured… malleus got his perversions from old, female-written erotica 😭 (stolen from granny draconia). Silver had the talk but he unfortunately slept through his sex ed class in high school. He doesn’t dare watch porn in case his parents find out. So his desires are very… basic, i would say, no dirty kinks, but still, it’s this very strong, pure feeling of wanting flesh and skin to meet, intertwined w love, so it’s very sweet and intimate and erotic. Mal’s desires are similar but he plays around with like, mild dirty talk (it’s just praise and dramatic love confessions while he’s balls deep inside silver😭), mild teasing (going slow when silver is justtttt on the edge), etc… they worship each others bodies oh my goodness

Their dates are mostly @ mal’s apartment. Takeout, Netflix, they talk for hours, one thing leads to another and WHEWW they spend the night together even tho silver was supposed to be home at 10. Obviously this raises a lot of questions. On the draconia side, granny is very happy to meet silver. She thinks he’s such a respectable, cute, sweet boy. She welcomes him💜

Silvers parents on the other hand… he knows they’ve said terrible TERRIBLE things about the draconias so obviously he doesn’t want to put mal through that. There’s also the fear of being disowned… silvers parents ask him if, yk, he’s in love, bc he’s changed and he doesn’t come home on time… eventually they find out of his relationship and it doesn’t go well :( they threaten to disown him if he doesn’t block mal… obv he’s very afraid, so he does… mal is heartbroken :,( he actually drives all the way to silver’s family’s mansion and he… throws rocks at his window CTFUUUU silver starts crying on the spot when he sees mal from his window… he sneaks out in his pajamas and mal puts his jacket on silvers shoulders and they go to one of mals spots.

So silver explains he could be disowned… malleus had a feeling :( silver is young… he’s torn between his family and the security that comes with it, or his exciting lover… they have sex outside in that secret spot teehee💜 most intense session ever, the thrill of being outside, risking being seen… it’s hot

Silver still sees mal in secret at night. Yea ok they can’t contact each other, but mal still meets him every night. Until they’re found out one night lol and that’s the last straw, silver gets kicked out. Honestly, he’s lucky mal has money, so he moves into mals apartment, and yes it’s rly traumatic, it takes time to get used to, but their passion is stronger than anything (amor vincit omnia)… silver does get a bit depressed but he still attends ballet classes. He gets a little part time job as a barista and malleus visits him sometimes… he steals a kiss over the counter hehehe. Silver goes to mal’s shows & helps the band however he can… very sweet, sweet boy

I think it takes a whole year for silver and his parents to talk again. Like, ok you can’t just throw away your only son like that, be for real. They’ve been super overprotective for years, so of course they’ll worry about silver a year later, only to find out he’s doing okay, all things considered, and he’s been paying for his ballet/fencing classes on his own, and malleus helps out bc he cares about silver. It’s not enough for them to accept him, that takes a lot more time, because they truly feel like silver betrayed them.

Silver is very sad, but malleus comforts him and gives him so much love. His love language is… all of them. Words, physical touch, gifts, everything. He spoils silver lol. There’s this urge inside him that makes him want to protect silver since he’s younger. And silver doesn’t mind bc he is a Disney princess and disney princesses are spoiled + they’re the main characters even tho they don’t realize.

Am i insane.

[beifong-brainrot]

Makopal propaganda because I can't stop thinking about them

Now this is a new ship for me but it's been plaguing my mind for a while so I'm just gonna throw some ideas at the wall and see what sticks.

Of course, they get together after Bolin and Opal break up and it probably takes a lot of time for them to even consider dating. Like especially for Mako I imagine he'd be SUPER hesitant to get with his little brother's ex. And just hesitant to start dating again in general after Korra and Asami.

I especially love this ship paired with Weilin. I can very much imagine Mako and Opal awkwardly tagging along on their little brothers' dates. Like you know how when you're walking your dog and it makes friends with another dog and then they're both playing and doing dog stuff and you're just standing there with the other dog's owner making awkward small talk? That's the vibe for them i imagine.

Wei and Bolin notice and of course they're like 'we gotta set them up'

So much awkward dancing around each other.

Attraction born out of mutual respect for each other. Like theyre both sorta public servants. With Mako being a cop (we don't talk about the big moral quandry of cops rn this is meant to be escapism) and Opal doing her airbending stuff.

AUTUMN AESTHETIC

I imagine they're both avid readers and bond over books. Probably one of the only couples in the world that can actually read one book together at the same time and not get frustrated

Sorta forming a little support group between each other of having mostly earthbender family members while not being an earthbender themselves. I can see Opal teaching Mako more about Earth Kingdom culture and showing him that he can fit in with that aspect of his heritage and thus helping him to bond with his father's family.

When they actually start dating Mako is so incredibly sappy. Mans has had pent up hopless romantic urges for so long and when he actually gets a partner that dam bursts

We all know Mako's a dork and I think he'd be a bit hesitant to show that side of himself but Opal would absolutely love that about him.

They'd probably read toghether. lmao nerds

Double dates with Weilin!

[coruscqte]

“I am Waale’jah of the Ener’jaka, and I will never back down!”

-

new league oc because i was like ‘mannnn amani’s just an arcane oc, what if we make a fun little overpowered top laner’ and then waale’jah was born during my walk back from class the other day lol.

this is is obviously just concept art, looking at it less than 10 hours later i’m not incredibly pleased by it now but it’s the first digital work i’ve done in a minute, so i’m ok with it.

other fun stuff below the cut but otherwise like + reblog if you like it <3

- waale’jah is possibly an aspect host? but it’s more likely she was chosen by her people’s light goddess — najeleh, and given celestial powers that way. no one knows if najeleh (pronounced nah’jay’lay’) is an aspect of light, while her opponent sha’jaka is an aspect of darkness.

- najeleh has not chosen a champion in some time though, since being defeated after her reign over the ener’jaka many centuries ago. tl;dr the ener’jaka empire needs both light and darkness, not only one. but najeleh and sha’jaka have been in constant turmoil, and when najeleh won, the ener’jaka were blessed with immortality and wanted for nothing — but they could never die, never reproduce, and never leave their land. when sha’jaka defeated her in a moment of weakness, he plunged their lands into darkness, a plague spreading among their people that reduced their immortality down to quick healing, but often killed off their young and left many to die when they left ener’jaka lands.

- waale’jah however was selected by najeleh at birth, like many of her chosen in the centuries since she was defeated. she can still influence life on runeterra, and her chosen are marked by golden irises and strong minds and bodies. this doesnt mean they stay her chosen however, because at 20 years of age they are tested in ritual for their spirits, minds and bodies. not everyone comes out alive, and waale’jah is the first in over a 100 years to both be chosen and pass her trial.

- she is imbued with najeleh’s latent abilities, making her stronger, faster and close to immortal in terms of healing. she is to represent her goddess in the fight against sha’jaka, and is sent out into runeterra to find allies against him in their celestial war. more chosen by their aspects to put the ener’jaka back into balance.

- and thats why she joins the rift. currently she’s looking for leona (the closest to najeleh’s power as an aspect of daylight/sun), and afterwards diana (closest to sha’jaka’s power as an aspect of the moon). likely this follows as she tries to find aurelion sol, anyone who’s willing to follow her into the spirit plane to push sha’jaka back into his rightful role.

- other notable ments:

- meets sett in navori during her travels, goes toe to toe with him. loses, but they become friends.

- meets taliyah, k’sante and nasus at one point. while the ener’jaka have long been hidden, they were never far from shurima.

- considering their spiritual connection, goes to ionia for help in her celestial war, finds theyre at war with noxus currently. meets karma though, and karma shares her wisdom with her.

- met pantheon during her travels. curious about his aspect connection.

- is a top/tank support champ. can build mostly ap in the latter, but preferably ad in the former. her abilities allow her to dive and keep people on her rather easily, chipping away health through leaps or throw her auto attacks that are imbued with the strength of najeleh.

- (the ap version of malphite because the more mr she stacks the more damage she does)

[meet-at-tycho]

ahem.

no i fucking adore them both like WOW.. their laughter, i remember? one time i joined call with them and they were laughing when i joined from a joke and. it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world like i nearly dropped dead on the spot. it feels embarrassing to love them so much? but i do i really do!!!! like SORRY.. i cant help it, ive never been happier alright the least i could do is express it. its.

IT IS EMBARRASSING THOUGH, whenever im lonely i just pretend theyre with me. when im downstairs i talk quietly, to myself but in my head im telling them what im thinking about and my opinion on which fnaf game is truly the best okay like. when i sleep at night i pretend we have a sleep over because i think thats so sweet!!! infected my mind like a fucking PLAGUE actual vermin alright. SICKENING

i KNOW its. i know its weird and probably unsettling honestly but. ITS JUST HOW I COPE OKAY theyre so far away from me, i dont know if ill ever get to see them, yknow? NO NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH MY BESTIES..... BREAK MY HEART its the worst. this is how i cope with that 😞 IDK like

MAN i could go on and on and ON about it, the way im constantly having fun? and even when nothings happening at all, im just happy to be there. happy to share the silence with them, happy to listen to what they have to say, hear about their days, their feelings ETC like

theyre the kind of people you feel like youve known yr whole life yknow? people who have just cemented themselves in yr life so certainly, people who are imbedded in my soul right. I KNOW IM BEING SAPPY but im allowed okay im SAD.. i see them in all the things i do, i mutter their words to myself, im literally constantly saying i miss them in the middle of conversations with my sibling, they get annoyed BUT I DO...

yknow whats funny? anytime i go downstairs with my other friends on call i completely forget which ITS JUST IN MY NATURE alright once i focus on something else im GONE okay im coming back 45 minutes later one of thems gone the other one is asleep like. OOPS.. i was analyzing fnaf to my sibling thats my bad. but with them? its at the top of my mind. cant stay and talk longer, need to go back upstairs they are waiting for me!!!

i think its cuz.. to me, every single moment is precious. admittedly i am still scared to lose them, its just.. instinct at this point. i want to remember every day i spend with them, every conversation and. GRRRRR. i love them so much 🥳🥳 THEY CALL ME CIRCUMBINARY THE WAY I BE ORBITING TWO PERFECT STARS like wow. OKAY...

arent i the luckiest guy in the world? to have not one, but TWO people who understand me so deeply, who go out of their way to know me, to spend time with me ? it makes me tear up when i think about it IM FUCKEDDD man its so over for me. ive always been an outcast, feel like i never fit anywhere but. i fit HERE, this is where i belong!!! thats how they make me feel every single day :]

knowing them has me seeing sunshine and rainbows for the first time in my entire life like. i worked fucking hard, i got myself out of hell but after that i was alone again... not anymore!!! happy.. im happy. all theyve had to do was be here and im more than content, all they had to do was EXIST!!!

stars align in the weirdest ways, but im glad they did 🥳🥳🥳 peace and love on the planet earf