#help i think fanfics made me trans

[avo-kat]

i was checking my drafts (for the irrational fear that there will be a bug that suddenly releases all your posts in draft; this has no basis on reality, so dont worry), and found this post from march 1st 2023.

its me working out that im definitely not trans:

dont mind me, im just sitting here and thinking out loud

me: oh im just a regular woman. not straight. but otherwise normal. thats all. :) [pre 2020]

me: hm actually. you know what? hmhm. something is up

me: no its fine. its time. i came out as lesbian to my friends! this is great. i love this. time to buy... lgbt merch. [around 2020]

me: what kind tho... hm.... somehow.... u know? normal rainbow stuff is fine, right?

me: hmmmm im not feeling so good actually??? [around 2021]

me: is that... u know what.... i think i may be.... non-binary? i thought this was only smth for kids but looking into it, huh, i guess so!

me: now i can wear more boy clothes. and walk a bit more masc. thats kinda fun. mens tank top. mens shorts. baseball cap. i feel awesome. hairy legs. hairy armpits. hell yeah!

me: but im just nb im not trans thats not being trans

me: i dont wanna intrude or take away or smth im just nb

me: im fine being the way i am no need to do hrt or anything really

me: and honestly, i dont wanna lose my identity as a queer woman!!! i love being a queer woman! well ok not a woman anymore but im still like, sapphic! that kinda thing!!! im deathly afraid of losing this part of my identity!

me: im super fine w my body and im fine staying this way and also being my agab at my job

me: besides im so cute now and id deffo look ugly as a guy

me: i dont even like guys that much so like come on

me: that one guy is giving me such gender envy. thats just 1 exception tho [around 2022]

me: i prefer he/they but im fine with all pronouns :)

me: i like it when ppl use male words for me. just makes me feel good. nothing else :)

me: (i have no dysphoria cuz im nb im not trans)

me: its cool im fine

me: hmmmmmmmmm

me: mhmhm eeeh

me: im not feeling so great again thats so weird....??? [late 2022/early 2023]

me: mhmhmhmhmh

me: oh look im growing facial hair

me: guess ill shave. thats annoying. kinda cool but annoying

me: oh wow i gotta shave more often huh thats so annoying

me: hm hair is growing more... actually... feels nice touching my hairy face kinda

me: oh well i gotta shave for work, so

me: ach. why does that feel unpleasant?

me: oh well. heh, if i were a man (im not tho), some things would be kinda fun!

me: if i were a guy. that would be fun. like. purely hypothetical, yknow?

me: like if i suddenly got the superpower to change my appearance. that would be sooo cool. just cuz.

me: wouldnt that be fun. it would. it would be so fun.

me: not trans tho

me: def not trans. i feel shaky and queasy just thinking of it. im not

me: just nb. im fine. im fine staying like this. like. im. im fine.

me: like sure im not like super comf

me: thats on me deciding not to be more gnc in public. yeah. it would be such a hassle

me: yeah. what if tho lol. can u imagine. god, telling my boss? no way man that wouldnt fly

me: and id be so ugly. im cute right now. and im not strong. or build. and im too fat. if i were to be a man id wanna be, like, hot, yknow? strong and sharp jawline. if i were to be guy. im not. i wouldnt. im not trans lol

me: lemme write this fanfic real quick. just smth self-indulgent. what if i woke up in the body of the main character of this shounen anime lol. id be a boy lol. like. id be a man. mans body lol. that be fun lol. and what if i managed to fall in love with that male character. wed be so gay together. haha. two guys. such a funny idea

me: .....................

me: like what if i got top surgery.

me: like, sure. a year ago i was scared of losing my boobs. like if i had breast cancer and had to remove them. id look so off. my body would look wrong. boobs are an important visual element.

me: but what if i got top surgery. like. i hate bras. i dont like them being touched much either honestly so i wouldnt really lose anything? it would be more comfy for me day to day. and while sleeping. so, honestly, only upsides?

me: ...what would i need, theoretically. hm. half a year of therapy? oh. yeah. no. im not trans. so. yeah.

me: ....................

me: like, what name would i even pick. idk. well doesnt matter. im not trans.

[new addition, july 2023] me: im trans :D

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also let's hear it for our [cam stone exists] entry being the only one (so far) of the 2 trans 2 furious zine to have an editor's note, hell yeah

[luna-is-out-there]

As far as I know, the trans lady currently in charge of my local trans support group is a person of color. (She's awesome and beautiful and I'm so proud of her and glad that the old folks there chose her to take over🙏)

There are so many more people in our community than the two or three in the now very fucking old Stonewall fables.

saying this for my non black queer followers but: black queer folk have always existed, we've always been around, especially when it came to defending and fighting for our communities rights.

it sucks to see us never included in queer centered art or post, but we exist.

[greenteadumplings]

You can't talk about queer and trans rights and Harry Potter marauders on the same day. If u like harry potter you are actively a terf. Read some other books for god's sake

I was genuinely not gonna respond to this but the thought that this might be one of my mutuals made me think I need to give an explanation.

First of all, everything I have been reblogging or posting related to marauders is fanon and fanfiction. Numerous fanfictions scattered around AO3 where the characters are painfully gay. And in numerous fics Regulus is often portrayed as Trans and if it's not one of the biggest fuck you to JK Rowling's disgusting trans and ace views I don't know what is. And if I really am a terf as you are claiming me to be, I don't think a terf will be reading about trans joy.

Secondly, I didn't buy new books or merch from which the author will be benefited from. All I have been doing is engaging in fan culture is mostly through fanfics and fan art. I never stop anyone from reading the og harry potter books too, because I don't think literature of any kind should be restricted to anyone curious. What I do is encourage them to thrift or download from non profitable websites so jk Rowling won't get her royalties. And marauders is something which explores identity and community property and I love how the fandom provides a safe space for it. Marauders is something you tried to take a dig on is truly hilarious.

Finally, I am someone who grew up with harry potter. Harry potter series is the reason I'm alive today. I respect and love those books. I can still like the work, engage in fan culture and hate the author while making sure she won't be getting all those benefits from me. Her opinions disgust me but harry potter is not just nostalgia for me but I still genuinely like it, flaws and all. I'm aware it's not perfect and it has its moments but I still love it. And I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not letting her ruin the joy harry potter brings me. As cringe as it sounds I'm someone who still thinks Hogwarts is my home and I'm not gonna let her ruin it for me. Marauders is something which helps me rediscover it. If it's not something u would enjoy i understand it but it's really unfair of you to draw those conclusions on someone.

I'm someone who actively fights for lgbtqia rights and T is not silent in that.

[not-poignant]

Hi,

I'm not sure how to approach this without sounding like an ignorant asshole, but I'll give it a go.

I'm from a country where the Trans movement isn’t very visible, and most of what I know about it comes from the internet. I’ve never truly understood gender dysphoria. I’ve tried to listen and put myself in others' shoes, but I struggled to be genuinely empathetic. Instead, I just tried to be supportive because it was expected of me, without really getting it.

It might sound silly, but reading Underline the Black made me stop and think… Wait, is this what I think it is? Reading Efnisien’s internal monologues and introspection made me feel something—maybe not from the same circumstances, but in a way that something inside my brain clicked, and I finally saw where the pain was coming from.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me begin to understand and for broadening my perspective. It might sound small, but it’s something I deeply appreciate. I’ve been trying for a long time.

I do feel a bit foolish realizing that it took an ABO fanfic for me to get it… but at the same time, I was also reading about your real-life experiences. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

You have an incredible talent for expression.

Anon, until you know otherwise, everyone has to start somewhere. This applies to unlearning our biases and prejudices, which we all have for something, or many things, until we unlearn them. The fact that you've even tried to be supportive of something you don't really understand is still important, and still matters. It's a step into understanding, even if you don't have it yet.

I don't think it's foolish that it took you a story to realise what you've realised! This is actually exactly why representation of diversity (in gender, sexuality, culture, race, etc.) is so important in fiction. Because it's in fiction we can be free to explore concepts that are different to our own, or that challenge us, or make us see the world differently. This is why it's so important to know it's possible to identify with a trans character, or a POC character, or a character from a different culture to ours etc. Because that's when we humanise what we previously saw as like, different, Other, hard to understand. We go 'oh that's...really relatable actually, I think I'd feel the same way if that was my experience of life' or 'I don't know if I'd feel the same way but I really understand where that person is coming from.'

Gender dysphoria is complex, and different for different people. Being able to write it metaphorically through Efnisien's journey has been really interesting for me personally, because I've been able to depict both the inner conflict of knowing that your being is not...automatically going to be accepted as normal no matter what, unless you stifle or suffocate yourself, alongside the true euphoria and joy that can come with living as your best life, or your very self.

I have once seen a good analogy which is simply: Imagine from tomorrow onwards, everyone uses the pronouns you don't associate with yourself. You are bullied and mocked unless you wear clothing that is opposite to how you want to appear to others. You are put down and treated as psychologically abnormal for finding joy in true expression, even when that expression doesn't actually hurt anyone else at all. And now tell yourself that even your loved ones, when you desperately try to explain how wrong it all feels to be treated as so different to your true self, they explain that it's just mental illness, or that you're just confused, or that you don't understand yourself, and condescend to you, and treat you like they somehow have always known you better than you know yourself. And that's when you realise you might have to choose between your true self, and your family and loved ones who don't understand, or worse, hate you.

And then imagine that's the rest of your life, but it could change in an instant, if all of society just accepted that you are who you say you are! That all of your depression, and oppression, and suffocation could literally just vanish, if everyone was like 'oh sure actually, you want those pronouns? Cool! You want to wear this clothing? I like it!!'

And that journey is very tough in the real world, even in more accepting places (the US is clear evidence of this). In Underline the Black, I get to put Efnisien in a very specific space, and show the journey in a kind of specific way that isolates it and speaks through metaphor.

My experiences are different to Efnisien's, though I am trans, I never actually started out wanting to write a 1:1 trans narrative. Like, in this universe, "conventionally" trans people exist too. Efnisien's experience is a new thing, and a separate thing, but still - as we can see - a very good metaphor as well. I like telling parts of my story, but only small parts. I am more interested in...telling healing stories where I can watch a character heal and go 'oh I would like more of that for myself, as well.'

(Also, it's better to just say omegaverse, or AOB, etc. because a/b/o without the dashes is a slur in Australia, and while I know most people don't live here! We try to avoid slurs from other countries when we can. And we can only know to do that once someone tells us!)

But yeah, no, you don't sound like an ignorant asshole at all. You sound like someone who has learned something, and has gained more understanding, and was open to doing that, and honestly anon if more people came to something they didn't understand from your perspective, acceptance and love would be a lot easier to teach people.

It's so important to read stories about characters who aren't quite like us, or aren't like us at all, because that's when we realise just how much we actually do share so many similarities, and why our differences matter too.

Anyway thank you for sharing your message with me! I really appreciated it.

[plaidos]

i really love homestuck but i dont wanna read the epilogues since roxy is my favourite character and i hear they made her transmasc? when she was always a very trans woman character to me...

the epilogues are about the relationship between author & audience, fanon & canon, fanfic and “official”. it’s very much about reinventing the characters we know from Homestuck from the perspective of the kids having been assigned the genders theyre presenting as. i liked transfem Roxy too and to some degree i think it was coded that way intentionally, but i really do think there is a value in taking a bunch of characters and transing them FROM the gender we already knew them as. because Homestuck is fundamentally a queer coming of age narrative, i think it makes a lot of sense to start the Epilogues from the position that until now the kids had all conceptualised themselves as cis. like transfem Roxy is pretty cool and will always be a headcanon i like, but the parentless alpha kids still getting a sense of cisgender identity instilled in them from the final glimpses of humanity’s remains that they accepted until adulthood really rings as meaningful to me from a sequel that is examining “what if the homestuck kids were trans not just gay?”

i get feeling this way about favourite characters but like, they’re not people, they’re narrative tools that should serve the piece & i think they inject enough transfemininity into other characters (half the cast of HSBC is distinctly trans coded) that i’m okay with this loss if it helps to tell an interesting story about adults discovering their gender identities. i think a lot of people quite misguidedly only like trans characters when the implication is they transitioned very young, and that’s… depressing, and not relatable to many people including myself as somebody who even did start transitioning as a teenager.

[queenwendy]

My favorite thing with Relativity Falls is trying to wrangle Dipper and Mabel’s gender with the identity theft. Are one of them trans? If so, which one? If they don’t have any siblings, that means one of them is Stan and Ford’s grandparent. Is the remaining twin pretending to be the other or are they honest about being a different one? There’s a lot of fun combinations:

I flip flop on which twin works better as the author, but I really love Grauntie Mabel so if I ever made Relatively Falls fanfic I’d probably have Dipper be the Author with Mabel running the shack. I also really like the secret identity angle so I fully support Mabel impersonating her brother. To solve the gender issue you can either go the trans route or the crossdressing for 30 years route. The most “natural” feeling one, at least fanon wise imo, is that Dipper is transmac but fell into the portal before transitioning. But the dipper as transmac headcanon bugs me for reasons not relevant here, and I like Grauntie Mabel too much to make her crossdress as a man for 30 years; so I actually prefer transfemme dipper who fell into the portal after transitioning (I am also definitely not impartial, I am a trans woman lol). That also ties into Dipper feeling like a weird outcast who would study cryptids a la Ford, as opposed to him just being a mystery loving nerd with a constellation birthmark (of course, that’s if you make Dipper study the same things as Ford, which lots of people don’t).

Of course, that line of reasoning leads to all sorts of interesting questions as a result: who is the McGucket analogue? I usually see Candy or Pacifica, but if you wanted to mirror the show (and lean into the queer angle/a relatively falls fiddauthor), Wendy works pretty well. That also helps put Fiddleford in the shack so he can go on adventures with Stan and Ford. And Shermie? Oh god, Shermie.

Shermie is his own can of worms. If he’s Stan and Ford’s brother, is he older or younger? Is he there with them over the summer or is he back with Filbrick and Caryn? Maybe he’s still the unseen grandpa, making him Dipper and Mabel’s brother and sidestepping which one of them is the grandparent. Imo, Shermie works best as Stan and Ford’s older brother adventuring with them. Maybe even as a Soos analogue.

As for who the grandparent is, I dunno! Maybe Soos is, making him Dipper and Mabel’s brother. Maybe Mabel was, making the fact she faked her death and impersonated Dipper all the more tragic and gut punch-y (and very different from Stan, who Alex Hirsch thought never would do that). Maybe Dipper was, and so Mabel is pretending to be a grandparent. If it was Mabel or Dipper, who’s the spouse?

I like swapping Soos and Aubelita too much to make Soos Stan and Ford’s grandpa (though it’s a fun idea I don’t see anyone do). So then one of the mystery twins has to be the grandparent. I don’t think Mabel would abandon her family, so Dipper as the real grandparent has to happen via process of elimination (meaning until Not What (S)he Seems, Mabel goes by “grandma mabel”). Who the other parent is up in the air; Wendy or Pacifica are already popular ships with Dipper, and also potential McGucket analogues. If you wanna get really weird with it, Bill is, imo, a valid choice given the implied romance between him and Ford.

And that snowballs into dealing with Bill. Does he get swapped? If so, with who? Gideon kinda makes sense, especially if you want to keep the Hand that Rocks the Mabel(Ford? Stan?) plotline (as opposed to Stan x Bud which… okay that’s actually funnier). But Dream Demon Gideon sounds kinda stupid to me, even if it fits oddly well (I actually think that works better if Mabel is the author). Do you swap Bill with Euclid and Scalene? Then there’s two dream demons and baby bill running around, but Bill’s parents are kinda nothing burgers of characters. Why do they want a portal? You can also just keep Bill as Bill. I mean, the Book of Bill indicated that there’s a Bill for every universe. I dunno where I stand there, but I lean towards keeping Bill as himself. But swapping any obsessive ex tendencies of his from Ford to Dipper for obvious reasons.

I dunno if I’ll ever write anything, and that’s obviously not all the questions this AU raises (if Pacifica is swapped with Preston, how does Double Dipper play out? Does Boyish Dan work at the shack or is he the estranged son? Who do Candy and Grenda swap with? Are they the Rico and Jorge of Mabel’s backstory? How different is Mabel and Dipper’s backstory to a Tale of Two Stans?) but this AU is probably my favorite and every time I reblog art or an idea about it I get more and more drawn in. It’s really thought provoking.

[olderthannetfic]

Never going to forget the time I made a fanfic that was omegaverse based & I was called transphobic since omegaverse is very transphobic according to them. (Omegaverse has helped me with my dysphoria so much especially on days I struggle with my body since I can't get surgery)

I'm a trans man, the person complaining is not trans. It's just very funny to see them throw a fit over me being transphobic while they send me basic death threats, In fairness they just think I'm some cis dude since I never call myself trans online but still, no one should be forced to out themselves publicly just to write fanfics without harassment lol

--

[butchbarneygumble]

Imagine how I must feel as one of the only fans of Mighty Magiswords. You know. A headcanons-and-fanfic kind of fan. I even cosplayed Prohyas once.

Of course, it's nothing compared to what the actual victims went through... I'm fine. But it still felt like a part of my identity has been permanently soured. I don't want to seem like I somehow have it worse, that's not my intention. Nothing bad happened to me personally. I'm only posting my own side of how I deal with the situation, to get some closure myself and show solidarity with the victims.

I don't admire him anymore, and that's putting it lightly.

Full story under cut. Content warning for non-graphic discussion of csa.

The news came to me from my ex-but-still-friend. He told me privately, out of nowhere, just dropped it on me. Like, "Hey, sorry to tell you, but the guy you like got arrested for csa". However, I am glad he told me rather than me having to find out on my own.

The news hit me, and I felt nothing in my body. I usually would get this painful fight-or-flight all through my body whenever I read something that upset me, something I've been training myself to get better with. But right now? I just felt like... "huh. That happened." It helped a lot that Magiswords wasn't my fixation of the moment. And like... it's been like I've been slipping away from it. Like I didn't need it anymore.

More and more people were talking about him, and it wasn't positive. Who? Kyle.

I talked to him. Personally, like many people did. He never acted weird to me. I admired him. I loved his art, sent him physical fanart, all that stuff. I knew more than one person said he was not trustworthy but hey, he made a show that saved my life, so it was a constant struggle between feeling like I had to pick sides. I was going through hell by virtue of my dad being terminally sick and needing constant care, so I was gonna ignore the red flags and enjoy my silly sword show that brought me such joy.

Even if as time went on it started get harder and harder.

But you know what a certain depressed horse show said? When you're wearing rose coloured glasses, red flags just look like flags.

I now think dodged a bullet.

What emotions do I feel? Betrayal. Anger. Disgust. Disappointment.

The irony about it all. The sheer painful irony of blacklisting somebody for *drawings*, and then going behind everybody's back to actually hoard *actual* csa, and revenge porn, and all sorts of nasty stuff. For the record: there is nothing wrong with being put off or disgusted by specific sorts of drawings. But the irony here is what's most painful to me. I do not like people using this as a "gotcha" for either side of this tired argument. It's disrespectful to the actual victims.

People say I can easily seperate art from the artist if I want to but... right now I don't think I want to. He's in every pore of its identity. I do not want to talk or think about Magiswords right now, and I don't know if I ever will again.

It meant so much to me. Prohyas felt like Me. Being a goofy capable adult who doesn't stop collecting things he likes just cuz he's an adult. I thought I was trans for a while and the euphoria of relating to Prohyas helped that. Then he got lowkey confirmed nonbinary and I was over the moon.

It was good. Emphasis on "was".

And to the man himself I have one thing to say: you're another one in a long history of cartoon artists who end up being unsavoury, slimy people, taking advantage of young people, especially girls, in the animation industry. Not something to be proud of. I know we talked and you seemed perfectly okay to me, personally. All I can think is thank god it never went beyond casual chats.

I guess I can finally say I never liked the joke about Vambre not liking pants. Sure, sensory issues exist, but I doubt that was the intention of the design. I have deleted my sideblog where I chronicled ooc screencaps of the show and deleted my little spotify playlist of songs that reminded me of the show. I don't want to finish my longfic where Prohyas and Flonk fell in love anymore. I can't even change it into ocs because it's just so ingrained in the show's lore. So yeah, there's that.

I'll be fine. When the news hit I took it surprisingly well. I was going to an Alestorm concert and it was the most fun I had in ages. So yeah, I've got Christopher Bowes and His Plate of Beans to fill the void of comedy music. Was fixating on Simpsons already so there's that in terms of cartoons. I'm fine.

All I can say is my heart goes out to all the victims, and I'm deeply sorry I didn't see you sooner. I hope you can heal and have some semblance of closure now that he's gotten arrested. My heart goes out to all of you and again, I am so so sorry. I wish you all the love and healing.

[saintjosie]

hi! no idea if you take asks like this but thought i'd try. i'm writing a transfem character in a fanfic (in canon they are a cis guy, i just headcanon her as trans), specifically about effects of estrogen. i'm doing a lot of research but i was wondering if there's anything specific you think would be important to know? ty in advance if you do answer! <3

oooh what a fun ask!

having recently taken a stab at writing some fanfic myself, i think the things that would be the most helpful are the things that are more anecdotal because i’d imagine those would be the things that would help get inside her head.

first, there’s a lot of stuff about some of the physical changes out there like softer skin, thinner body hair (but not necessarily less) boob growth, fat redistribution, changes to color perception, eyes and lips appearing bigger because of skin changes and fat redistribution etc. but also really important to writing a trans character is the pacing of the those changes.

the changes are slow. much much slower than most people want. there’s a specific frustration in the slowness because while some changes happen quickly, other take years. and also frustration in comparison. some people see changes within weeks or even days. some people don’t see anything for months or years.

in my own personal experience, everything happened FAST. within a few DAYS i had the beginnings of breast buds. within a few weeks skin had visibly softened and changed texture, especially on my face. but other things took more time. i didn’t really have real boobs until 2.5-3 years in, even though i saw other people with the same timeframe or shorter have much more breast development. the patience required can be excruciating but also the joy is overwhelming and it’s a constant cycle.

and another thing i don’t see talked about too much bc it’s hard to qualify and sometimes hard for some people to notice are the way i process emotions and the way i think about things. now HUGE caveat, some people will use this as a way to justify bio-essentialism and transmedicalism and so it’s very important to note that this is MY experience and uniquely interacts with my own journey.

when i started hrt, within a few hours of taking the first dose, i felt different. not physically, but almost as if there was a peace in my soul because my mind became less cloudy and i could differentiate my emotions more clearly. and i used to think this is because t-blockers means no t and no t means less angry but trans mascs would tell me that their experience with t is the same and not the opposite. i’ve now realized that kind of thinking was actually invalidating to trans mascs on t. and ive realized that its actually because testosterone didn’t feel right in my body and removing it from the equation helped me understand myself better. i had always experienced emotions in this way and my discomfort with my body had stopped me from understanding the complexity and nuance with how i was feeling.

and it took me YEARS to understand what had happened. and it happened alongside of being in therapy and a lot of personal growth. hrt was the catalyst but it was the effort i put into growth that made the difference.

if you have any more questions, i’d love to share more cause i think it would be fantastic if more people who were not trans fem would be able to write trans fem characters with substance, nuance, and complexity! it’s difficult but important and thank you for attempting to do so and approaching this with respect!

[cuntyglam]

Running From Your Bullets

Connie Springer x Samuel Linke-Jackson

Connie thinks reminisces about Samuel and wonders how it all went wrong

Word Count: 900+

Warnings: Season 4 Spoilers, Canon Character Death, Mentions of Murder

Tags: Trans!Samuel, Samuel x Connie, Angst, Fluff, Unsafe Binding, Hidden Relationship (?), Slight Conmin

A/N: hello! this is my first ever fanfic i’ve ever completely finished and it’s the first i’m posting one anywhere! i may eventually cross post this to ao3 but it’s not up as of the time of posting this. anyways samnie has been so dear to my heart recently after i rewatched season 4 so here you go! oh btw the title is a ref to “sign of the times”

Special Thank You: @levihandynasty and @sneak-pieck ! @levihandynasty helped me figure out a ship name for these two and inspired me to write samuel as trans, and they both encouraged me to post it! also thank you to everyone in the aot discord server for encouraging me to write !!

Connie’s ears ring with the shot that ended Samuel’s life. He was on the flying boat now, miles and miles away from Paradis. He’d dreamed of this before, of going back to Marley for another diplomatic mission. Of showing Samuel things he could never imagine.

“So it’s like frozen milk?” Samuel laughs, scrunching up his nose in disgust. “Sounds awful!” he smiles. It’s the first time Connie has seen him genuinely smile since he got back from Marley.

“No not really,” Connie replies, chuckling. “It’s more like cream but thicker,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I guess it’s hard to explain…” Connie looks nervously over at the horses as if they could help him. Connie and Samuel have made it a habit to hang around the stables. There were some picnic tables and benches that made for a good place to relax. Besides feeding times and the occasional scout mission, the stables were pretty empty of humans. It was a place where they could enjoy each other’s company in private. Despite Connie and Samuel never labeling their little meet ups as dates, both of them knew that their relationship hasn’t been platonic in a long time.

Samuel turns his head to look at Connie sitting next to him on the bench. “It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re home…” Sam whispers, barely audible.

“I told you I would be Sammie, it was just a diplomatic mission,” Connie says, reaching for Samuel’s hand before deciding against it.

Samuel grabs Connie’s hand, “Don’t get shy on me now Connie. Not after we’ve planned out our entire lives together.” Connie blushes, remembering the many times they’ve talked about getting a cottage and raising livestock together. Both Samuel and Sasha adored meat, and after Marley was defeated they’d have the time to settle down on their own farm. No more rations, just fresh meat and vegetables. Connie tries to tell himself his dreams of living on a farm with his friends and Sam are unrealistic, but without it he doesn’t know if he’d have the strength to keep fighting.

“You’re right Sam, we both know I’ve got nothing to hide from you,” he squeezes Samuel’s hand. Connie leans over and lays his head on Samuel’s shoulder. They fall into a happy silence, the only sound before my their faint breathing.

“Oh!” Connie shouts, shooting straight up like a rod and startling Samuel. “I just remembered!” I met a man in Marley!”

The side eye from Sam is cutting. “You scared the hell out of me and all the horses because you met some man?” Samuel rolls his eyes. The horses seem unbothered by Connie’s outburst.

“No he wasn’t just some man, he was, well he was like you. I mean- no one’s like you…” he blushes harder, the hand holding Samuel’s feeling sweatier. “But he was born like you, ya know,” Connie shrugs.

“What the hell does that mea- oh. Oh!” Samuel cuts himself off as his eyes widen in understanding.

“Yeah,” Connie continues, “he said that there are doctors in Marley, and in the rest of the world, that can make your chest flat with surgery.” Connie looks at Samuel nervously. He knows that Sam has trouble trusting anyone who’s even been to Marley.

“Wow,” Samuel breathes, stunned.

“Yeah,” Connie finally meets Samuel’s eyes, “I mean it’s really expensive, but we’ll figure it out.”

Sam nods, “I really don’t like the idea of some Marleyan taking a blade to my chest though…”

Connie squeezes his hand again, “I know, but there are doctors that aren’t Marleyan! I think we should try Sammie. The guy I met also said that the way you’re bandaging your chest now can actually break your ribs…” Connie studies Samuel’s face. He feels like he can never tell what the other man is thinking. Samuel let’s go of Connie’s hand to touch his side, no doubt thinking about the bruises that already litter his chest. “As soon as our borders are open for more international travel we can start looking for a doctor,” Connie places a comforting hand on Samuel’s knee.

“You’ll be there? For the surgery?” he asks, meeting Connie’s eyes once again. Connie can see a mixture of fear and hope in his eyes and can’t help but pull him into a hug.

“Of course I will be Sammie,” he sighs into Sam’s shoulder, being careful not to put pressure on his chest. “I know we don’t really say it a lot but, y’know…”

Sam pulls back from the hug and looks the other man in his eyes, “I love you too Connie.”

Connie can still remember the warm smile Samuel gave him that day, but now he can’t scrub the image of his skull blasted open from his mind.

“He told me to wait…” Connie mutters, his words more a stream of consciousness than a sentence. “He could have- we could have-“ he begins to sob again. “We could have figured something out, he could have come with us…” Connie can barely breathe when he feels Armin’s hand on his shoulder.

“You did what you had to,” he says, his words barely audible over the roar of the flying boat. Connie can see the tears in Armin’s eyes. He doesn’t know if Armin knows how much Samuel truly meant to him. He doesn’t know if he wants him to know after what he’s done. “I- I’m glad you’re okay Armin,” his voice breaks as Armin pulls him into a hug. He closes his eyes and tries to forget the image of his lover’s blood staining the pavement.

[kupete]

Idea dump? not really?...or yeah?

(below there is context)

Sooo i have ideas of Dream and Nightmare being living in the early 1500s Spain, where instead of just being town's people the aggressor, what if it was the spanish inquisition?

Now, HEAR ME OUT, the whole tree thing, can be considered temptation, people would want the golden apples, and the whole thing... i think the inquisition would consider it heresy, later wanting to burn it (and dream) nightmare does munch munch yara yara.

But this time, Dream actually dies, years later gets canonized as another saint that got persecuted and killed by the inquisition, living again, working like the Rise of the Guardians? common idea where divine figures depend of beliefs.

Meets Ink, chill (after processing the whole thing), how Ink wants to protect the AUs from Error, thinking he is good, helping him to fight Error.

Realizes the state of the aus, Ink does not intervenes (obviously) and gets more context: In the last 500 years, there has been desperation, and pain, etc, Nightmare had being vibing, with so many people believing and trying to get safety, Dream meets with Nightmare, neither of them is happy, misgendering of Nightmare, fight bam bam, rivalry that could be solved with some talking and therapy.

I used the art for the story by Joku as a pose reference, to compare, is funny seeing a 1500s person doing the peace sign.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

★ I remember years ago when people made gijinka of dream and Nightmare, it was common making Dream a woman? i don't know if someone else saw that? well, still making Nightmare a guy and they were twins, with my vision of trans coded Nightmare.

★Why in Spain? I had understood that Joku was from Spain? or atleast living there (if thats not the case pls tell me)

★And of course, i just made the numbers, with Dream being 500 (old) so 1500, and what was the IT thing? The Spanish Inquisition.

★I would probably nerf the tree, i don't know why something so important is just...there? at human reach, so is just a collection of emotions, like condensation, instead of the origin of emotions.

★They take watch of the tree for generations, instead of just them.

★I wanted to write more about Nightmare, and how it was being trans in the 1500s without even knowing what's that, like being closeted, but my wrist is killing me, it would be the focus how that affects the relationship with Dream.

★I used the Rise of the Guardians thingy, because i personal issue i had with the original story is, why Dream became stone? it was a defense mechanism? can he do it now? i just made Dream die and live again years later.

If someone wants to make a fanfic... it wouldn't bother me you know...PLS do! i really wish there were fanfics about trans nightmare, of course giving credits if using the artwork or heavily based story.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 6

m/m anon (new), poem anon (new), outlet anon, catholic guilt anon, therapist anon

m/m anon (new)

hi cas :)

i’ve seen your advice posts and you honestly seem really nice and idrk who else to talk to about this thing that happened the other day, because it’s sort of been tearing me up a little bit.

so on thursday, I was in my physics lesson next to my friend T, and we were sort of chatting like usual. T likes to consume a lot of m/m romance, fanfic, anime etc and asks me for recs but she’s straight and a christian. I didn’t really have a problem with this, bc I find the whole ‘straight women reading gay stuff is morally wrong!’ kinda weird and tbh I don’t get it so idk I was happy to chat to her about this stuff.

now i’m pretty openly queer & transmasc, and i’ve never had any issues about it from her. i’ve never actually heard her use my preferred pronouns and she’s only used my chosen name a few times, even tho I did explicitly come out to her, but I was sorta giving her the benefit of the doubt yk since I takes some getting used to.

so anyway at some point in the conversation i made like a silly joke smth like ‘oh imagine being straight couldn’t be me!’ and we kinda giggled and she said kinda jokingly ‘you can’t say that it’s against my religion’ and then I sort of. like froze up a bit? and I asked her to expand on that, which made her look kinda uncomfy. she was like, ‘well yoy can’t be gay and christian, being gay is a sin! god said to go forth and be fruitful, and gay people can’t have kids.’ (gay people can have kids wtf?) so I asked her well what about straight people who can’t/choose not to have kids. what about people who adopt, right! and then she sort of looked really agitated and i felt bad for pushing her and she said ‘well idrk it’s just what my mum tells me’ so I just dropped it. because I didn’t want to upset her.

but then I was sort of upset and kinda only half responding to her for the rest of the lesson. we haven’t really spoken since, and I feel really guilty, but also a really upset woth her. when I got home, I literally started typing out a very long message about christianity and homophobia and started like citing sources etc but I never sent it bc I was too scared. it’s still in my notes app and i’m actually considering just sending it to her.

and also, teh fact that she thinks gay people are sinning but reads m/m stuff really icks me out. and also the fact that she didn’t really have much justification other than ‘my mum told me’ bothers me because if you’re having homophobic opinions, at least be able to justify them yourself.

the thing is I know I can’t really change peoples beliefs if they don’t want to, and T is honestly so nice, and an amazing person. my general attitude towards religious queer phones has always been, ‘well i think it sucks that you think this, but u can’t change that, so i’m just not going to talk to you more than u have to’ but I really don’t want to stop being friends with her.

like really, this is the first time she’s ever brought this up, but i’m so uncomfortable around her now and it’s just. not great, like how am I meant to just ignore that she thinks my existent is sinning you know? idek what she thinks on trans people, but now i’m too scared to ask her. because I don’t think she understands that you can’t separate my from my gender and sexuality. it’s just a part of me that I didn’t choose.

and I just really want to at least try to change her mind, because I don’t know what i’m going to do if I can’t. anyway, I just really really needed to vent, and didn’t want to upset anyone else ik irl who also is friends with her, so I would really appreciate some aduce from you as well :)

Hi!

I can totally see why you're frustrated. Honestly, in my experience with people similar to this, arguing with them/trying to prove them wrong isn't helpful though. It just kind of makes them more determined to believe what they believe. But I think you're well within your rights to ask questions- why is she still friends with you? does she see you as who you are, or your agab? why does she read m/m fanfic? Don't ask in a rude way, just like...a curious way.

And if she's mean about who you are, even if she's nice in other instances...idk, it depends on how you feel, but I'm not sure I could look past that, personally.

Keep me updated!

____

poem anon

omg im literally so gay for my best friend (ill call her L) its sort of embarrassing. like, earlier today when i was texting her (we were sending each other reels on insta (i downloaded insta to talk to her)) she was like "IF YOU WROTE ME A POEM I WOULD BE SO HAPPY" and then i... wrote her a poem. i was lowk scared that it wasnt good, but she loved it. i think she likes me too, but im also kind of in love with one of my other friends(ill call him B), and i think he likes me too. L is poly, and hopefully might be fine with me dating both of them, but im not sure about B. Idk man, im not sure, ive never been in love like this. im way too scared to confess to either of them, but i have been sort of hinting at it, like they are to me (i think), and i really love them both. any ways, i just needed to get that off my chest. ill send you the poem in another ask. thanks for reading, Cas.

Hi!!

Okay so based on the poem you sent, I feel like she has to know how you feel and also probably feels the same way bc like...it was an amazing poem and also very romantic. and she liked it so...it seems like she must like you too? I'm not sure how much that helps when thinking about B, but I feel like it's a good thing overall, right?

___

outlet anon

hi hon!

I'm NOT disappointed <3 this is a HARD thing to deal with and many people struggle with it for years and years. I promise, I've been in a similar position before, and I am NOT judging you. I believe in you, though, and I know you can keep working to find healthy coping strategies.

And as far as your more recent ask-- what about like online chats or something? If I'm pushing too much, let me know, I just want you to have something when I'm not able to check my inboxes, you know?

___

catholic guilt anon

Hey, Cas!

Catholic guilt anon here,

I have been trying to see my faith and religion as my own relationship instead of what others think of my relationship, and I think it’s been going pretty well! Honestly? Really well, I’d say. I feel my Higher Power’s presence more often, I pray earnestly more often, I feel Him more often, and it’s pretty cool. And the thing about the “self exploration” has gotten easier. It’s not as guilt-focused and more “why” focused. Like “maybe this isn’t inherently bad, but what it can lead to is bad. How can I prevent myself from doing bad things, when doing this morally neutral thing?” And I think I’ve gotten better at it,

So, thank you for being a listening ear :)

Have a blessed day <3

Hi! I'm so glad you're feeling good about your faith!!! That makes me really happy <3 I hope you have a great day as well!

___

therapist anon

Hi cas! Therapist anon here ans I just wanted to tell you that I got my shoes! They're the green campuses ans I love them so much theyre so perfect and have that fresh shoe smell!

Only problem is now I have to wear them :/

Yay, I'm glad you got your shoes! And wait, is that a problem because you don't want to ruin them?

[artoatsblog]

What your favorite Nick toon says about you but it's EVERY Nick toon

Doug- When you were asked what you wanted for Christmas, you said "plan white bread."

Rugrats- You're a "90's kid" who wants the modern cartoon enjoyers to get off your lawn.

Hey Arnold-Same as Rugrats, but 5 time worse.

Rugrats (2021)- You only said this one to piss off the above two.

Ren & Stimpy- You're a gay man and all you OCs are ugly men who you need to kiss each other or else you'll die (This isn't an insult, you're the strongest member of our society.)

Rocko's modern life- You relate to at least one character way more than you would like to admit to others.

CatDog- Weird furry.

The angry beavers- Weird furry with taste.

Aaahh!!! Real monsters- You like the idea of Tim Burton's movies but your too cool to actually enjoy them, also your probably non-binary.

Kablam- As a kid you wanted to make something with this exact energy and now, you're a youtuber.

Oh Yeah! Cartoons- same as Kablam but you really miss Cosmo's old voice.

The wild Thornberry's- You worship the ground Tim Curry's walks on SO BAD.

Rocket power- Honest 90's kid.

SpongeBob SquarePants seasons 1-4- You're annoying about seasons 5+.

SpongeBob SquarePants seasons 5+- You know better than me about those people being annoying about seasons 5+.

As told by ginger- You were going to say Hey Arnold, but you didn't want to be lumped in with certain other people.

Action league now- You made at least five short films that look exactly like this.

Chalkzone- Your playlist for working out has the theme song for this show looped for five hours and nothing else.

The fairly oddparents- Your trans, and you hate no other person more than Elmer Hartman.

Invader Zim- You were a vary emo kid/teenager in the late 2000's (same, no shade)

Jimmy Neutron- you're really glad that that you picked the show in "Jimmy Timmy power hour" that wasn't made by an asshole.

All grown up- Come on guys "As told by ginger" is right there.

Avatar: the last airbender- I don't want to hear the lore of the fantasy book you wrote.

Avatar: the legend of Korra- Same as atla but You also made a LOT of shipping fanfics.

My life as a teenage robot- Transfem.

The X's- You don't exist, if you're going to go into the comments and say this is your favorite Nicktoon, you're lying.

El Tigre- This is just the good version of Danny Phantom.

Danny Phantom- That was a Joke don't yell at me.

Mr. meaty- You want this odd but cool type of puppetry to come back (if you thought I was going to make fun of this one your wrong.)

Tak and the power of Juju- Your enjoyment of this show is based entirely on the fact that you liked the games.

Back at the barnyard- Shitposter.

Fanboy and Chum Chum- Shitposter but awesome.

Catscratch- Yeah, I think Wayne Knight's voice is hot too.

The mighty B- Gay.

The penguins of Madagascar- I don't have a joke for this one I just think you have impactable taste.

Planet Sheen- You always wanted Jimmy Neutron to have more "Rawr XD" swag.

T.U.F.F puppy- You ether are Jerry Trainor, or you have a Jerry Trainor stan account.

Kung fu panda: legends of awesomeness- You have a three-hour lore video on this franchise, and I hope it does well.

Winx club- You wanted to help them get free from Netflix.

Robot and Monster- It may just be me, but I think you might enjoy Dan vs.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles (2012)- You don't like rise of the tmnt.

Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles- You don't like tmnt (2012).

Sanjay and Craig- You used to freak other kids out with your scabs.

Monsters vs aliens- me (sorry).

Breadwinners- Your about to go into every cartoon reviewers house with a shit ton of water balloons.

Harvey Beaks- In the middle/late 2000's you were more of a cartoon network kid, you loved Cowder.

Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket- Same as Harvey Beaks but with Flapjack instead of Cowder.

Bunsen is a beast- Your Elmer Hartman.

Welcome to the Wayne- You wrote at least one fanfic for the ending of this show.

The adventures of kid danger- We don't talk about this one.

Middle school Moguls- it's ok monster high is about to come to Nick for real.

The loud house- Your ether a sapphic girl or a straight guy with a DeviantArt account who needs to be punished.

The Casagrandes- Same as the loud house but with the added advantages, because if you have a DeviantArt account in this one you're more likely to have a normal relationship with your family.

It's pony- You don't hate the British as much as the rest of us.

Middlemost post- John trabbic III is such a bad ass name though, wait this show has Del the funky homosapien and Tony Hawk as guest stars, I might need to which this.

Star trek: prodigy- You really like Netflix original animated shows don't you.

Big Nate- You haven't read the books.

Monster high- You the perfect in-between of goth and prep.

Transformers: earthspark- Why does this show have better non-binary rep than most other shows...I mean they are called Transformers for a reason.

[coiled-dragon]

ngl I do find it sort of... ironic? seeing people say that participating in the wizard school fandom online on tumblr and social media and shit is still dangerous and bad because it shows people its still relevant and blah blah blah media deals because of popularity, and yet. The only time I see the name of that wizard school fandom top relevancy and trending on these websites

Is when EVERYONE is talking about how bad it is and how people need to stop consuming or god forbid thinking about it.

And im not here to defend the franchise or the violent TERF who profits off it, I just think if youre going to argue about engagement driving up her getting monetary deals, you should be aware that Hate drives engagement far more than the like handful of people who still play dolls with the world that she made. People who are not buying products secondhand or otherwise, people who just make art of post fanfic, or discuss it in their own circles are not doing nearly as much to garner her or the franchises attention as the spikes of hatred against her.

Anyway, I understand the desire to make sure eeeeveryone knows you are a Good Person and that everyone else needs to forget about one of the largest franchises in existence currently, but I think it is far more beneficial to start loving Trans people more than you hate the franchise and who created it. And I know this comes across as me being inflammatory and I will acknowledge that, but it just really pisses me off because there are more and more posts that get closer and closer to demonizing thought about the franchise and it all feels like the all too common morality boner measuring contest like yes we get it im SO proud of you for managing to drop your special interest you get a big golden star for being angry the loudest but saying the same thing every time she does something awful is actually not helpful, guys.

[rainboq]

Meowdy!

I just wanted to start by saying that I adore Statistics and Purity Through a Prism.

Do you have any general advice you can give to less experienced writers? I’m also hella into making LiS fics, but I’m still trying to find my footing. Plus most of my projects fizzle out around chapter 5, and I’m not sure how to get momentum back after taking a break 😂🥰 how do you write stories that go for so long?

Thanks!

First of all thank you very much for enjoying my fanfics! I'm sorry that I haven't updated anything in a while, life and original fiction projects have pretty much taken over (I'll be self publishing a novel in the next few months).

For general advice, consider the following.

Keep an idea diary. Write down your ideas, just because you have nothing to go with it doesn't mean you won't later and don't be afraid to mash things together.

Learn about story telling as a craft. Study any and every medium and think about how to apply their lessons to word smithing. I highly recommend Every Frame a Painting, Thomas Flight, Hello Future Me, and Ellen Brock.

Read everything twice. Once for pleasure, once to tear it apart to figure out how the sausage is made. Dissect word choice, structure, pacing, foreshadowing, all of it. If you want to get better as an author, get better at media analysis.

Ask yourself why a project fizzles out. Did you lose sight of your original goal? Is it not turning out the way you hoped? Can you not remember where you wanted it to go? I tend to write with a few very specific scenes fixed in my head and I need to massage the characters to make those scenes happen and make sense. For Prism that was Kate and Chloe's clifftop kiss. Everything after that was kinda ad-libbed.

Embrace failure. Enjoy failure. Fail faster. As the Frizz would say: take chances, make mistakes, and get messy! You will learn more from your mistakes than from your successes. It's okay to be disappointed and upset when things don't go your way, but then dust yourself off and figure out what went wrong where and learn your lessons. (Just because you can write a novel in 3 months doesn't mean you should)

Your ideas are crap. It's okay, mine are too. Ideas always suck, they become good when you actually write the stories and find your blind spots. Make it work in the edit. You can change things right up until you publish, so play around and have fun.

It's okay to not finish projects. Use them as learning experiences. Practice writing better and better hooks. Find character's voices. Toy around with premises.

Practice with a purpose. With everything you write, pick something you want to focus on. Dialogue, pacing, structure, action, word play, imagery, etc. Pick something, study, execute.

Keep it simple. Elevator pitches are 30 words or less. If you can't summarize the crux of your story simply and succinctly, consider revising your idea to make it less complicated. Prism's premise is literally "What if Max never went to Blackwell". Statistic's premise is "What if Chloe was a homeless trans girl dealing for Frank". Complicated premises aren't bad, but they make executing much harder, and you don't need them to tell a good story.

Don't stop. Always be reading, writing, and thinking. Your creativity is a muscle, work it out. Hit the brain gym regularly with focus and intent and you'll see the growth.

I hope these help and good luck!