#hell maybe he's not just trying to scam people

[truly-morgan]

Mob Psycho 100 x Willy Wonka Experience AU

featuring

Mob - Wonkidoodle

Ekubo - Willy McDuff

Serizawa - The Unknown

Reigen going into a shady business venture, trying to make some money out of the new movie everyone is talking about featuring the candy maker.

please also enjoy some bonus:

Mob: Shisho, why do I get a dress? Don't the… oompa loompa? Have male outfits?

Reigen: Well, Tome decided she couldn't help anymore and I couldn't find any male version in your size. You two are similarly sized! So it's perfect!

Mob: 😐💢

=============

Ekubo: what the fuck even is this script? We could have you disappear with powers, but it still makes no sense?!?

Serizawa: please don't make me disappear inside a vacuum

Eekubo: go back behind the mirror

=============

Ekubo: Shigeo, I think the idiot said only one jelly bean per child, we kind of really don't have many of them

Mob: Shisho will just need to buy more 😐

=============

The one who calls the cops on the whole event is Ritsu, who volunteered (aka took pity on nii-san and accepted to work at the sad candy table). He decided he had enough of seeing the three other espers working their ass off to make it as fun as possible despite how disappointed the children are or angry the parents are.

The second employee (volunteer! There's no pay for volunteer!) is Sho, who received live updates from Ritsu's POV and decided this was hilarious and he needed to be there.

I think Reigen would somehow manage to worm his way out of the mess he created for himself. It causes problems for his S&S office because people associate it with the failed event, but his face is never shown so he lies about it all.

He swears to never try something like this again though.

=============

Just thought about some more actually:

Mob's green hair is him being forced to use some green spray dye for them. He will definitely get in trouble with teachers because Reigen got the wrong kind of spray and this one doesn't wash off easily.

[ozzgin]

Thank you Ozzy for your quick response, your idea just sparked my passion! I got another one, maybe you'll like this one too: By luck, one of the monsters gained access to the human Internet. He can't believe his luck, especially when he finds out that among people there are those who prefer monsters! Or at least interested in trying it! He understands that this is a one in a million chance and, since he has zero social skills and his brain is intoxicated with happiness, he begins to write to people in an attempt to get to know each other. Of course, not everything goes well, but he is determined to find someone who will believe him!.. And who will agree to meet in a dark alley on the border of the worlds, where a person could theoretically end up in the dimension of monsters. Go straight to visit him!

I feel like this could be its own story, independent from the monster author! Here, put on the dealer's trench coat. Go join the kimono anon.

And...connect.

He gawks in disbelief. Did he really just access the human Internet? It could very well be a scam. He clicks on a link, then another, then another. Thousands and thousands of pages, profiles, images, news. No monster could orchestrate such a complex prank. This has to be the real deal.

He rapidly scans the lines of text, overwhelmed. He didn't expect such a colossal influx of information. He wanted to know more about humans, of course, but this...where to start? Where to look? At last, his reptile eyes rest on a particular post:

Am I the only one who finds the monster character hot?

The comments are filled with people agreeing and offering other examples. The term 'monster fucker' is frequent. He hums to himself, a shiver of excitement running down his spine. His thick tail sways from side to side, restless.

Not only has he found an opening to the human world, but there are humans who would consider mating with him? He's almost tempted to ask his fellow beastly friend if he's dreaming or hallucinating, but he won't: this is his secret, a chance too fantastic to be shared with anyone else.

The one problem - to his despair - is that no one will believe him when he introduces himself as a monster. At best, he's accused of having a strange humor. At worst, he's called a creep.

Only one person has agreed to meet him. You. Why not, you asked yourself with ridiculous indifference and calm. If he's lying, you can just go home. If he isn't, you get laid by a nightmarish creature like you always dreamed of.

He paces back and forth, occasionally glancing ahead. You should be here soon. Lord Cthulhu, he can barely contain himself. What if you reject him? You wouldn't. You can't do this to him.

At last, he sees you approaching from a distance. Stunning. Adorable. Breedable. There's no way in the great Hells that he's letting you go now.

[More Monsters]

[peachycocaine]

Sugar coated

Pairings: cuck!lee myungi + thanos x fem!reader

I put the reqs aside for this one im sorryy :< ngl this popped up in my head then i saw a similiar fic so it gave me motivation to write this!! I'll be working on the reqs shortly though so stay tuned :3

Tw: threesome, oral (m receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, language, nsfw. 18+ mdni (also reader got an abortion in this fic) not proof read don't come for me

You had walked into this hell hole due to some heavy debts you couldn't afford to pay, if your life wasn't shit before it's shit now. It kept getting worse, first you woke up in some fuckass green tracksuit with a number on it, in some random place with hundreds of other people, then you had to play kids games where they actually shot people dead and then, the cherry on top, your ex, the reason you were in here, was here too. He made you buy some shady ass coin, got you pregnant and in debt then left you to fend for yourself. You despised him, he was dead to you. Seeing his face made your blood boil, but at the same time you couldn't help but pray he'd make it out safe after every game. He didn't notice you at first but when he did, he started acting all concerned for you as if he didn't do this to you in the first place. You always gave him the cold shoulder every time he approached you. Things weren't good for him here either, he ran into some of his viewers and they claimed he got them in debt by promoting that coin. Well it was partially their fault too, for being gullible idiots and taking the huge gamble. They'd get into a quarrel every now and then, you'd just watch from a distance. After the game mingle, myung gi approached you saying he wanted to start over once you both got out of this place. At first you thought he'd finally got his shit together and was thinking logically until he brought up some other crypto scam. You should've known he didn't care about you, he only cared for the money. You pushed past him and stomped away and he just followed you, trying to reason with you. To your dismay, some people were observing the two of you closely. The purple haired man had his arm draped around min su's shoulder, blabbering out some bullshit before his lap dog interrupted.

"Dude, check that out." Nam gyu said with a grin on his face. "What're they on about?" Thanos watched closely. "They're definitely a thing, he got time to snag up some gig in this place while we're in debt because of him" nam gyu chuckled while elbowing thanos' shoulder. Thanos watched you walk away from myung gi, a plan brewing in his head. Later that day, when it was meal time, myun gi went to take a leak and thanos followed behind shortly. He walked up to myun gi with his arms crossed and a shit eating grin. "So. A little birdie told me that you copped yourself a bitch in here, a pretty one at that" his grin grew wider. Myung gi's expression faltered for a short second, "i dont know what youre talking about" he avoided his gaze and shoved past him. Thanos didn't let him get off the hook that easily and grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. "If she ain't your bitch then you wouldn't mind me making her mine would you?" Myung gi scoffed "leave her out of this, she doesn't have anything to do with this" myung gi responded defensively, narrowing his eyes. Thanos chuckled "nah man, whats yours is mine, especially after that stupid stunt you pulled on me. Until you pay me back my shit, you my slave" he tapped myung gi's head with two of his fingers. Myung gi's jaw tensed "and what the fuck does she have to do with this? Are you implying something?" He said through gritted teeth, thanos pushed his lower lip forward, thinking for a moment. "Maybe i am, how about this. You let me have a round with your girl and i'll leave you alone" a smug smile tugged at his lips. Myung gi clenched his fist and sighed, he was contemplating. After thinking it through he nodded. "We got a deal, come over to my bunk when it's lights out." He mumbled in defeat, thanos smirked "right decision man" he bumped myung gi's arm with his fist playfully before walking away.

You went over to myung gi's bunk after the lights went off, wondering why he had told you to meet him after lights off. You stood beside his bunk, gently tapping his shoulder. He got a bit startled before sitting up to face you. "Oh hey.." he mumbled. You raised your eyebrow at his strange behaviour "what is it? Why'd you call me over?" you were getting suspicious now, he was fiddling with his fingers and avoiding your gaze. He cleared his throat, finally speaking. "So.. i need you to listen to me, i know i should've asked you beforehand but.. i've made a deal with someone that involves you.." his voice trailed off as he pressed his lips together, trying to form his next sentence. "And..?" You looked at him expectantly. "And like, i need you to fuck a guy okay?!" He snapped before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. Your eyes widened, his words hit you in the face like a slap. "What?! Have you gone crazy? Do you think im some object you could sell and fucking buy like those stupid crypto coins?" You said in disbelief. You knew your ex was an asshole but you never expected him to go this far. "Look, please, i need you to do this. Think about me for a moment, he said he'd stop bothering me about the money if i let him have his way with you" myung gi pleaded and you just glared at him. "Well hell, think about yourself! I'm not trading my body for you!" you snapped before turning on your heel to leave, just as you turned around you were met with thanos' chest. You instantly looked up to see thanos grinning at you, the red light making his expression visible. "Woah woah woah senõrita, what's all this fuss about?" He chuckled as he took a step closer to you and you took a step back. "W-who are you..?" Your voice came out timid and small. Myung gi slapped a hand over his forehead "he's the guy i made the deal with." He muttered under his breath. Thanos tilted his head, his cocky grin grew wider. "That's right, so do your best, girl." You looked back at myung gi then him. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't jaw droppingly good looking. You swallowed the lump in your throat. "I don't even know who you are! Why would i sleep with y-" you were cut off as thanos covered your mouth with his hand. "Quiet, slut. Don'tcha see people are sleeping?" His face inched closer to yours. Myung gi watched all this unfold before him, his stomach churned as he watched thanos treat you so poorly. Thanos peeled his hand off your mouth, now muffling your protests with his own mouth. His lips came crashing onto yours, taking you in a deep, rough kiss. You wanted to push him off but something in you made you kiss him back.

Thanos dipped his tongue into your mouth, exploring it as his teeth clashed into yours. Myung gi held his head in his hands, looking down at the fabric of his blanket as muffled noises and kissing sounds resonated in his ears. Thanos pulled away, a string of saliva connecting your tongues. You panted and he smirked. "On the bed." He demanded and you did as you were told. You crawled onto myung gi's bed and myung gi instantly looked up at you and thanos. "What the fuck? Don't tell me you're gonna fuck on my bed!" He shot thanos a glare. Thanos simply chuckled "yes we are, and you're going to watch us." He smirked viciously as myung gi's eyes widened. Myung gi was sitting against his pillow and you sat on the other end of the bed, facing him. Thanos sat behind you, his hands exploring your body. You leaned into his touch, pressing your back against his chest as he groped your tits through the fabric of your tracksuit. Your breath became ragged as he gave your breast a particularly harsh squeeze. "How's it feel watching your girl getting felt up by 'nother man huh?" Thanos snickered at the way myung gi stared daggers at him.

Myung gi watched shamefully as thanos continued touching and groping you. The lewd noises and expressions you made had myung gi clenching his jaw, a glint of envy flashing through his eyes. Thanos kept direct eye contact with myung gi as he slipped his hand inside your pants, giving your clit deep strokes. Your body tensed and your back arched, you let out soft moans as thanos rubbed your pussy lazily. "I'm feelin' a bit nice today, how bout we share her, hm?" Thanos said as he slapped your pussy making you yelp. Myung gi muttered something under his breath before grabbing you by the throat and pressing his lips onto yours. Thanos cooed from behind continuing his movements on your clit. If someone beside you were to wake up, they'd see the sinful sight of you sandwiched between two guys. You moaned into myung gi's mouth as thanos fastened his pace on your sensitive bud. You could feel the tent in his pant grinding against your ass. Myung gi sucked on your tongue as he grabbed your hand and guided it towards his bulge. He rubbed his clothed erection against your soft palm as thanos grinded his against your ass. You felt so dirty for getting so fucking wet.

Myung gi pulled away, panting as he eagerly pulled his pants down. Thanos saw this and smirked, removing his hand from your pussy making you whine. Thanos followed after myung gi, pulling down his track pants just enough to let his cock free. "What you waiting for, girl? Strip for us" you obliged, taking off your shirt and pants. Thanos positioned you on all fours, already dragging his heavy head up and down your soaked slit. Myung gi tapped the tip of his cock on your lips, signaling you to open your mouth. You circled his tip with your tongue before licking a stripe through his slit, gaining a groan from him. "Bet her mouth feels good" thanos mumbled as he began pushing in slowly. His fat cock stretched out your walls making your toes curl. Before you could make a noise, myung gi shoved his dick into your mouth, the sudden intrusion making you gag around his cock. Thanos bottomed out in one swift thrust, if myung gi's cock wasn't shoved down your throat right now, you would've been screaming. Thanos didn't bother giving you time to adjust as his hips started moving. He grabbed your plushy hips to hold you in place and started ramming his dick into you without mercy. You choked and moaned around myung gi's cock as he fucked your face. His hands tangled in your hair as he thrusted into your mouth, his balls slapping against your chin. Getting used by two guys like this was something you should've been ashamed of but god did it turn you on. Feeling thanos' tip nudge your cervix repeatedly while your mouth was full of cock was an undeniably good experience. You grabbed myung gi's thighs to keep balance as he kept fucking your mouth. Grunts, groans, moans and squelching noises filled the air, you were concerned that someone would wake up to see you getting used like a cheap whore. "Fuck.. your mouth feels so fucking good, you're being so good for us" thanos groaned behind you as he felt your pussy clench around his cock due to myung gi's words. "You like getting used like a cum sock don't you, slut? You love getting stuffed with 2 cocks, shit, you're such a filthy girl" thanos kept snapping his hips against yours and myung gi kept using your warm mouth. Myung gi's thrusts stuttered as he was nearing his release, after a few sloppy thrusts his hot seed came pouring down your throat. He looked down at you, admiring how pretty you looked with your nose burried in his pubes, teary eyes, drool dripping down your chin and plump lips wrapped around his cock. "Swallow, baby." His expression softened slightly as he pulled out. You swallowed his cum before he swiped his thumb over your lips.

You yelped as thanos pulled you flush against his body by your hair, his pace getting more ruthless. He held up your limp body as he kept rutting into you, watching you whine and moan. "Dude shut her up, she'll wake people up with her dirty moans" he sounded out of breath, he felt just as good as you did. Myung gi kissed you in order to supress your moans, his hand crept up to your boob, squeezing it gently. He pulled away and planted a soft kiss to your forehead. "Keep quiet baby, you don't want people to know you're getting used like this do you?" He smiled at you ever so sweetly when you nodded and tried your best to keep quiet. Thanos' hips suddenly stuttered as he was nearing his release. His breathing got heavier as his thrusts got sloppier. "I'm gonna fill her slutty pussy up with my cum and you're gonna watch me do it, mg coin." Thanos smirked behind you before burying his cock deep inside you and releasing his warm thick seed. Your eyes widened and so did myung gi's, you couldn't afford to get pregnant and go through abortion, again. Thanos let go of you and you fell forward but myungi caught you. "The fuck? Did you just nut in her?" Myung gi scowled. "Yes, yes i did" thanos chuckled as he pulled his pants up. "You had a hefty amount to pay anyway"

[tremendouscreationperson]

A few of you wanted a part three so here goes

Reader gets called Doll and Toots but other than that I think it's pretty GN

Part 1 Part 2

Ford - no Stan - had spun his tale. You weren't sure any of it could be possible. How was you supposed to believe that Ford was alive but not in this universe/realm/reality?

You sat in the lab he had brought you to - it was cold and dank, stark lights illuminated metal plates and cascaded up the walls to show off a large triangular 'portal'.

"Why'd you have to die?" You asked, eyes glued to the journal upon your knees.

For-Stan had been waiting for any questions, willing to provide you answers. "Seemed easier."

"And lying to me?" You flicked through the stained pages. "That was easy?"

"It wasn't." He told you honestly, just hearing his voice was crazy. You had believed he was dead for two years and he wasn't! He was here the whole time. "Gotta admit, I had you fooled."

The attempt at a joke was not humourous in the slightest. "This isn't normal behaviour."

Stanley didn't know what else to do. He hadn't thought you would ever realise, perhaps that was stupid on his part but he really thought he was able to coexist with you as Ford.

"So..." You took a deep breath. "Recap: this is Ford's journal and he wanted you to take it away and you both argued and he got sucked into that thing and now you're him and Stan is dead and you're trying to get him back?"

Stan nodded, twiddling his thumbs. "Yeah. It's been hard, I had to relearn math."

"Who else wrote in here?"

"Huh?"

You pointed at the page. "That's not Ford's handwriting. Although look, 'ford' signed it." A humourless chuckle escaped. "Who else is pretending to be your brother?"

Stan was at your side in an instant, looking over your shoulder. Being so close to him was maddening.

He was alive.

Your Stan was alive.

Yeah, maybe he was a fraud and there was weird space mumbo jumbo that you still don't entirely believe but he was alive.

Your face was turned towards him as he studied the page, his fingers grazing yours underneath the words. How did he look like him now?

You didn't see Ford in him at all.

The way he stood, his neutral expression, even his hair was different. Was Stanley.

"I didn't notice that." He spoke lowly due to the proximity.

"Is there anyone else in the town called Ford?"

Stan's gaze landed on you, his nose inches from yours and he opened his mouth to speak before closing it and just observing you. He really took you in.

Despite the lies you were still here. Still entertaining this. He really wished he had more to offer you but he didn't.

He was just him. He wasn't his brilliant brother or full of mysteries or answers. He was just Stan, a con artist who scammed people daily.

"I don't know." The words finally left his mouth and he quickly stood upright.

~~

Rather than leaving tonight, you had stayed longer because of the news, calling in sick at work, how often could you say someone had come back from the dead?

The two of you ate half the pasta you made, sitting awkwardly opposite each other at the table.

He had been open and honest, answering all of your questions keenly and encouraging you to ask more. And you had to admit that was nice but the news still sat heavily on your shoulders.

Mostly because: FUCKING HELL THIS WAS CRAZY and a slither of: you had told FORD THAT YOU LOVED STANLEY AND BROUGHT HIM UP IN MANY CONVERSATIONS AND HE WAS THE ONE YOU WERE TALKING TO AND YOY WERE EMBARRASSED AS FUCK BUT YOU NEEDED TO HELP AND HDJAKSIEIES

"You, er.. you okay?" Stan toyed with a meatball.

"It's just a lot to process." That wasn't a lie. "I'll probably be like this for a few days."

He gave you a sincere smile, "take your time, do-"

Your eyes snapped up to his pink face. "Were you going to call me doll?" He nodded in affirmative, his ears reddening as well. You weren't sure why but you spared him with: "Hmm, better than toots."

"That was one time!" He insisted.

"That's all it took."

"I only said it to piss you off." He smirked cheekily, his face returning to its usual hue.

"It worked." Rolling your eyes as you giggled. You didn't hold any real malice, he was being cocky demonstrating his pick up moves and they did not work... Well they did but it was easier to pass off your hot face and wide eyes as anger rather than awe.

Stan laughed along with you, enjoying the sound. Loving how easy it was to just be himself. He didn't have to wear the gloves which made everything impossible, he didn't have to act stiff and drop big words into his 'lexicon', and he didn't have to lie. He could be himself.

He knows he doesn't deserve this, by God he knows that, but he would take all you'd willingly give; if that was just dinner before you drove away forever then he would take it and be thankful for the time.

"Want a beer?" He found himself asking.

You didn't reply straight away, ideas tumbling around your head. He loved watching your mind work. "Got anything stronger?"

Stan winked and disappeared to get the whiskey he'd stashed away.

And so the two of you found yourselves sitting on his 'balcony' (a little ledge, that you had to climb through a window to access, underneath the 'mystery shack' sign) forgoing glasses and passing the bottle between you.

"Must feel good to tell someone." Your words slurred as you laid on your spine, staring at the stars beyond the trees.

"It does." He took a sip. "Feel bad that it was you though."

You swivelled your neck to give him a confused face. He bellowed out a laugh. "Oit, don't laugh at me." Your socked toe jabbed his thigh.

Stan placed a hand over your foot, just holding it, forcing your hips to manoeuvre into a more comfortable position. You faced him as he watched the treeline. "Sorry to drag you into this."

"Sorry I didn't notice sooner." How didn't you? He was clearly Stan. There was nothing here that said Ford. "You're so obviously my Stan." You rolled your eyes and folded your arms in annoyance at yourself.

Stan's brows shot up and he turned to catch you grumbling at yourself. "Your Stan?"

Your eyebrows met and you scrunched your face in confusion again. "What?"

"You said 'my Stan'." His lips began to lift into the smuggest smirk as he leaned forward, entering your bubble. "I didn't realise I was your Stan."

"Shut up." You playfully pushed him away. "We're drunk, you don't know what you heard."

Stan didn't let up, instead he found your hand and intertwined your fingers. "I kinda like being someone's Stan." He spoke with a half shrug.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Was this a dream fueled by your longing and whiskey? "Well, you know how I feel because you were spying on me! Pretending to be Ford to hear what I had to say about you!"

"Hey, I told you Stan liked you too!" He defended.

"Do-" You paused. When did the two of you get so close? You were nose to nose. "Does Stan still feel that w-"

You weren't given a chance to finish the question because his lips were on yours. He kissed you slowly, one palm on your cheek as the other wound around your spine, pulling you in close. Your hands were pinned against his chest as you kissed him back enthusiastically.

Stan's slow kisses morphed into an intense make out session as he ran his tongue across your bottom lip and you gave him access. His hands exploring all over your body, squeezing and caressing your sides and chest causing your spine to curve.

The two of you were buzzing and the kiss was a little sloppy but it was perfect. You wouldn't want it any other way.

He finally allowed the two of you a breather, kissing his way down your neck, nipping and sucking the sensitive flesh. You squirmed again, back arching as a whispered moan tumbled from you.

That sobered him up, Stan raised his head from your neck, looking down at you and saw the needy look in your eyes. "Maybe we should wait 'til we're not blitzed."

The automatic frown you wore had him chuckling as you pulled his face back to yours, kissing him with as much vigour as you could muster.

Stan bit your bottom lip and his fingers settled on your thighs, how he managed to find himself in between them he didn't know but you pulled him closer with your legs and he had to pinch himself.

This was real.

All the shit he had done.

Every scam, every fraud, every crime, everything.

And you still looked at him with those eyes.

Fuck.

Maybe he loved you.

.

.

.

@aratheegreat @ngs991-2 @seahorrorz @misty-eyed-memory @50shadesofwinchesters @ryoiii @viceroywrites @atseoks @countlessimagines @aweleyirene @hesthermay @darlingdia1007 @piningforstan @emmygirl33 @imafangirlofeverything @daniel-meyer-03

.

.

I work in a DIY shop and this is what I had to look at for the majority of my shift 😂😭 he haunts me

[nat-without-a-g]

You know who he CAN try to kill to get out his anger while doing the only thing he knows how to do?

SCAM ACTUALLY FOR THAT PROPHECY SCAM

so how do we think Lark is doing after getting back from Heaven? like of course he's happy that everyone is safe, but...

the prophecy was a lie. Hero and Normal never needed to be trained. they never needed to be in DADDIES HQ. code purple could have been avoided.

more than that though, Lark was hoping so bad that he could redeem himself for unleashing the Doodler by killing it. but he didn't manage to do that, and a group of kids saved the day instead. the thing he dedicated his entire life to is over. there's one thing he's good at, killing monsters, and there aren't monsters to hunt anymore. I just can't imagine he's handling any of it particularly well.

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Happy New Year! (Yandere!Fortune Teller x GN!Reader)

A delighted squeal sharply cut through the quiet chatter of the line for the fortune teller. It was a small little illegal shop that popped up overnight and was all over (Reader's) feed. Their best friend, and the reason why they were outside in the cold so early, tugged on their coat sleeve.

"They must have gotten a good one." She smiled playfully, and still a little drunk.

The fortune teller was apparently incredibly accurate. Even skeptics had been posting all morning about how this guy was able to tell them full names of people in their lives and dates of events that already happened he shouldn't have been able to guess on the first try.

"Missy, it's cold as hell.." (Reader) whined, their head also hurting a tad bit from the amount their friend had them drink a few hours earlier to welcome the new year. ".. and I just want a burrito."

Missy clicked her long acrylics in front of (Reader's) face. "And I want a girlfriend. C'mon, just a few more minutes! Please! You don't even have to get your fortune done, just stay with me, emotional support!" She huffed and stamped her boots while dramatically letting her arms fall to her sides heavy enough to make a loud whump against her coat.

They knew their friend wasn't actually a brat, but it was a fun little "act" ; she enjoyed putting on, especially when she was all dolled up (as she called it). So, as what usually happens, (Reader) rolled their eyes theatrically in a show of pretending to give in. The woman with the pink and blonde fashion wig smiled wide and squeezed (Reader's) arm lovingly.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, (Reader) thought that the man was a mannequin. A beautiful body propped up at a table, with a veil over the top of his head and silk clothes, but other than the fact that he was beautiful, there was something too basic about his features and too perfect about his skin to be human. Like a mall mannequin: with a dusty pale skin tone with zero blemishes or imperfections, his eyebrows looked so fine that they were maybe painted on, and the blonde hair under the veil was so light in color, (Reader) thought he was bald and that the lightly golden coloring was more silk.

Yes, he was beautiful, but looking at him was uncomfortable, like people describing the uncanny valley of robots.

He opened his eyes, revealing dull grey irises, that helped humanized him (at least, in (Reader's) opinion).

"Welcome, Miranda and (Reader)." His voice was also weirdly perfect, making (Reader's) skin crawl, but looking over at Missy they saw she didn't feel anything other than awe.

"Ohmygawd, how did you know our names?!"

He smiled very softly. "It's my job." A thin hand with long, delicate fingers motioned for the two friends to sit before him.

As the cards were laid out (Reader) allowed their mind to wander. Not only did the guy in front of them weird them out, but they believed that fortune tellers were scam artists. They knew it could be fun to just see what your future might look like, and wanted to be respectful for people who actually believed in tarot and stuff like that, but people setting up businesses promising to read your future and then just reading some generic script then charging you a hundred bucks is how you get vulnerable people to fork over their life savings. (Reader) only agreed to go because to make sure the "fortune teller" didn't try and change the price on Missy or sell her a bunch of unnecessary shit.

The man clapped loudly, startling (Reader) back into focus. "You will meet a woman this year.

You will meet her in two months, at the book store across from your job. The two of you will be searching for the same book, and it will feel like fate. Don't be afraid to ask her out for coffee, because she'd love to discuss the series with you."

Long nails scratch the back of (Reader's) hand as Missy impulsively grabs it. "Are you.. sure she's.. y'know..." she raised her eyebrows.

The man looked puzzled for a second before responding with, "The ending you always wanted for NaNa."

Missy nearly cracked her neck turning to (Reader) as quickly as she did, whining happily "Oh my god...." before burying her face in their chest. Then (Reader) felt the tears, and realized Missy was more drunk and exhausted than they realized.

"Uh, thanks, did she already pay, or?"

"Would you like your fortune read now?"

He seemed unfazed by Missy's minor meltdown.

"Ah, no thanks."

"I'll give it to you free. Call it a two for one deal."

Alarm bells were ringing in their head. "Why?"

He was silent for a second, like he was listening to something, just as he was when he told Missy she was going to be living out her headcannon fantasy. "Something's just telling me I should give you a fortune reading."

Missy wiped snot across (Reader's) chest before raising her head. "Oh, are you getting read too?"

"What? N-"

"Can we get burritos after this?"

They looked down at their best friend in the entire world, and sighed. "Yeah, if it's completely free."

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even compelling completely scrunched up in concentration, there was a concerning lack of wrinkles, leading (Reader) to the conclusion that if this man was in fact human, he most certainly had botox.

Suddenly, his eyes shot open wide. He looked up at (Reader), staring deep into them without blinking.

"What?"

He didn't answer. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. But his face began to change into an odd shade of pink.

The wig wearing woman loudly gasped "IS THEY DYING?!" while clutching (Reader's) arm in mock horror.

"I'm not dying!" (Reader) shoved their friend off, feeling overwhelmed by their current situation.

The fortune teller reached across the table, and without asking, grabbed one of (Reader's) hands, observing their palm intensely. But he could only do so for a second before they yanked their arm back and stood up.

"Missy, let's go, I told you this guy was a fucking scammer."

Like a switch had been flipped, Missy held up her middle finger and called the man a creep, apologetic for not trusting her best friend. "Why did he grab you like that? So gross!"

The two left. They would later get burritos and watch half a movie before passing out. This moment was creepy, but ultimately, nothing to them.

He had always been gifted.

But when they left the gifted medium on the floor, images of what he had just been shown were still fresh in his mind.

The tarot cards were a gimmick, just there because that's something people associate with being able to see the past, present, and future. Was he a scam artist? Maybe, to some. He never gave people the fortunes they didn't want to hear, and only reminded them of memories they liked. You don't get tipped if you tell someone their child is going to die. And we all need money.

Then (Reader) came into his pop up shop, another skeptic, and he figured if gave them a reading for free and made it really good they would be the type of person to tip him out of guilt. But for their future all he saw was... him.

Him?

He had never thought about himself. He was creepy and disgusting. His presence made people uncomfortable. If he focuses hard enough he can speak to the dead. No one wants to be friends with that. No one wants to love that.

No future is set in stone. There are hundreds of thousands of possibilities, and he can see them all. And while (Reader) sat in front of him, staring at him with their beautifully tired eyes, he searched through every single one.

It was.. exciting, he had to admit, seeing himself with someone. He didn't know this person at all, but it wasn't hard to feel some kind of affection for them seeing a future where they felt affection for Him.

He couldn't even remember the last time someone willing held his hand. Maybe when he had to cross the street with his mother? No, she required him to wear gloves.

While staring at his client, he couldn't help but watch their entire life. He was supposed to look through their memories briefly to get a sense of the "past", but like time didn't exist, he watched their entire life play out. They made him feel things.

Even when (Reader) called him a scammer, he still loved them. After all, he did kind of lie by omission to their best friend: Missy's new relationship would only last five months.

But it was okay if they thought he was creepy or a scam artist. Because he already saw the future.

And he knew every single correct step to take to make sure they were smiling at him like they were in that vision.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!

Let's hope that this upcoming year is better than the last!

I'm a really pessimistic person, so I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm also trying to find ways to reduce stress since I can't afford to take care of my mental health (haha). I'm getting white hairs. White. Ain't that crazy? It's stressful trying to not stress out lol

Does anyone else play future telling games on New Year? As a kid my family would all play MASH to see what our future is going to be like hahaha and a lot of my younger coworkers this year were talking about eating grapes under tables? Very cute <3

I hope you all had a great new year, and didn't get too drunk, stay hydrated, and if you have and future telling game memories for me years tell me about it!

Let's make 2025 better than 2024!

[signedkoko]

HII I have been reading your writing for a while now and I lOVE IT! I've been waiting to put in a req when they got open sooo! (Your writing always makes me hAPPYY when they come out) <33 Any chance of an Overlord!GN reader with Mammon / Striker? Just general romantic Headcannons- Like how it is to date them/everyday stuff with them (The reader is always serious (and tall 👀) and owns a big casino in pride (Maybe Mammon taking interest in it? idk))

Mammon | Striker [Romantic]

In which you are their overlord s/o that owns the largest casino in the pride ring. Reader is genderneutral.

The guy looks like a total clown next to you

And he is, but he loses any sense of danger when he's standing next to you, who happens to be just a few inches taller than him

Your cold sneer next to that goofy grin, like he knows he's totally lucked out having such a hottie for an s/o

To many in the greed ring, he was the greediest of all, but when they came up top to the sinners realm and met some of the overlords that roamed the lands, they started to realize that yeah, maybe Mammon wasn't so bad

While Mammon used to attract many fans, ever since you two became an item, they've stayed far, far away

At first, he hated it because it meant he couldn't scam some pathetic sinners

But you had the idea that he could come by your casino for official meet and greets; that way, people would pay the entrance fee for you and him for just fucking around in a casino all day

Mammon is actually kind of an airhead at times

He isn't stupid, but he isn't all there, especially when with you; he just turns his brain off and lets you do the thinking

You're better at it anyways

During extermination, you can't go down and be safe with him; he will often come up just to ensure your safety

Sure, you seem scarier, but that's only because he is in his smaller form

You two are a literal power couple; you could take over all of hell if you tried hard enough

Striker always preferred to stay away from the pride ring

Sinners were such a hassle, especially keeping up with the overlords and what they considered 'theirs'

In fact, he'd stay in wrath all the time if he could, but business always called for his presence in the upper ring

He isn't stupid enough to fall into the grip of an overlord-run casino, but more than one of his targets did

Your security caught him more than once sneaking angelic weapons into your casino

The third time it happened was enough, and you came forward yourself to speak to the man

He was charming and convincing, but you weren't one to let things slide so easily

You promised he could do whatever he liked with your occupants, given that he gets their casino dues in

And well, for how much he was paid, that wasn't too terrible a deal

The two of you ended up a bit more than intertwined, though, and the assassin managed to worm his way into your heart

And god, was it ever a sight

One of the oldest overlords that towered over anyone that came before them, with a face like a funeral, next to an imp

An imp no one really knew, either

At the end of the day, the only people who dared question you were other overlords, but they tended to leave their noses out of others business, respectfully or not

While you could defend yourself rather well, Striker is more than happy to handle anyone who dares try to touch you

Interrogations are useful, you know; that way, he can kill off the whole chain of command

He's very romantic and gentlemanly with you, even if you don't ask for such from him

Don't think your position of power will ever make him feel like he is the lesser; he will take good care of you no matter who you are

Author's Note - Thank you so much for requesting, I'm glad you got a chance! It was a nice break going back to some Helluva Boss characters (not that I hate writing hazbin, but it was a lot of requests).

[hoe4hotchner]

Forever is all we need | [A.H]

Pairing: Old person!AU - Aaron Hotchner x fem!Reader | WC: 1.4k  | CW: it's pure fluff unless you're scared of old people and reminiscing | Summary: After a whole life spent together you reminisce about your time together |

The sound of the clock ticking echoed gently in the small, sunlit room. You sat side by side with Aaron, both of you comfortable in the well-worn armchairs, worn as much by time as by the weight of all you’d shared over the years. There was a quietness to the day — one that only came when you’d lived long enough to savor every moment, knowing you wouldn’t trade even the hardest ones for anything.

Aaron’s hand was a little rougher now, the scars and calluses painting a map of the years gone by, but it still felt so familiar and so right, resting comfortably intertwined with yours. A breeze stirred the curtains, and you smiled as it brushed lightly against your cheek, bringing with it the scent of freshly cut grass from your garden outside. Jack usually came around in the summer when it was time to trim the hedge, the clippers a little too heavy for either of you to carry in your old age.

Aaron turned to you with that warm, soft look that, even after all these years, still made your heart flutter. “Remember that time in Paris?” he murmured, his voice softened but still carrying the authority it always had and maybe always would. “We took that impromptu trip after the case wrapped. You were so set on finding that bakery you’d read about.” His lips turned up in a faint smile, recalling the stubborn determination you’d shown on the streets of Montmartre, marching ahead of him with only a half-working GPS to guide you and constantly being stopped by various vendors trying to scam you into buying their bracelets and knickknacks — but one famous Hotchner stare behind you kept them at bay.

“Oh, I remember,” you chuckled, squeezing his hand. “And I remember someone who got all flustered when they found out they’d put a little too much rum in that éclair.”

He laughed softly, a rumble that seemed to shake loose the memories stored in both of you. “I just wasn’t expecting it — that’s all,” he teased. But there was a glint in his eye, a mischievous glint that sometimes still surfaced when he remembered those stolen moments, the ones tucked away between cases, when it was just the two of you against the world.

You glanced over at the photos decorating the wall across from you. There was one of you both on your wedding day, younger and dressed in a suit and gown. Next to it, a framed photo of Jack grinning ear to ear, standing proudly beside Aaron in his BAU vest — a reminder of a time when you were both juggling parenthood and the work that kept calling you away — you had always been thankful for Jessica’s continuous involvement with Jack, especially at that point in your life.

“Jack Facetimed earlier, you know,” you smiled, nudging him gently. “He told me about his new case and his little ones. You should have seen the look on his face — he’s so proud of those kids.”

Aaron’s eyes softened further, his face creasing. “I hope he knows just how proud I am of him,” he murmured. “And of us. We had one hell of a run, didn’t we?”

You nodded, resting your head against his shoulder as silence fell between you. You thought about the cases you worked, the late nights, and the early mornings. You remembered the hospital rooms, the goodbyes that felt impossible to bear, and the homecomings that made it all worth it. But most of all, you remembered moments like this — quiet, tender, and forever etched into the spaces between your heartbeats.

“Every moment,” you whispered, and Aaron shifted just enough to press a kiss to the top of your head.

As you leaned into Aaron, memories began to resurface of a night years ago — one that marked the end of an era and the beginning of another. Aaron’s thumb drew slow circles over your hand, and you smiled, thinking of that night, feeling it as fresh as if it had happened only yesterday.

“You remember our retirement party?” you asked softly, not wanting to break the peace around you.

Aaron’s lips turned in a fond smile, his eyes drifting to the ceiling as if he could see the memories play out right above your heads. “How could I forget?” he chuckled, his voice warm with nostalgia. “They had that huge banner with our names printed in the largest font they could find, as if we needed more attention.”

You both laughed, remembering Garcia’s handiwork — the bright colors and over-the-top decorations that covered every corner of the bullpen. The “Happy Retirement” banner had been a vibrant and glittery display that Strauss would have considered too much and a waste of company time — if she had been alive to see it. But it had suited the occasion: two legendary agents, walking away from a lifetime of service with a legacy that would live on in stories passed down through the next generations of the BAU.

“And Rossi,” you added with a grin, “insisting on the finest champagne, saying ‘It’s not every day we send off two of the best agents this place has ever had.’” You could still picture Rossi’s delighted expression as he raised his glass, giving a toast so full of warmth and admiration that you hadn’t been able to keep the tears from welling up — you were happy that he had made it to the party, having retired years before you and Aaron.

Aaron chuckled, shaking his head. “And then Derek made that speech. Remember? He kept teasing me about how you were the real brains behind the BAU, and I was just the one who looked good in a suit.”

“Oh, I remember,” you laughed, reaching up to brush a stray lock of gray from his forehead. “And you blushed for the first time in… well, I think it was ever.”

“Only because you kept smiling at me like that,” he countered, the smile on his face turning tender, those dark eyes still holding that spark as the day you first met.

You looked back at the photos on the wall, seeing Jack’s young face grinning at you, frozen in time. It had been his news that had finally made the decision for both of you: the day he’d called you, the excitement in his voice uncontainable as he told you and Aaron that you were going to be grandparents. After years of weighing the question, the answer had finally felt clear. The job that had demanded so much had finally been put aside for something that called to both of you even more greatly.

“Jack didn’t know what to make of all the fuss,” you mused. “Poor thing — he’d come down from the nursery just to find a whole crowd of agents toasting us and talking about cases he probably didn’t even want to remember.”

Aaron chuckled, nodding. “But he was there, right by our side, even when the stories started getting more dramatic.” He sighed contentedly, thinking back on that night. “He was so proud, wasn’t he?”

The image of Jack, standing tall with that smile that mirrored Aaron’s in so many ways, made your heart ache. “He was,” you said softly. “And seeing him holding his baby girl… well, that was worth every minute of this life, wasn’t it?”

Aaron nodded, his gaze distant but warm. “It was. And then he went on about how he hoped to be as good a parent as I was.” His voice grew quieter. “I don’t think he knows how much that meant to me.”

You took his hand, bringing it to your lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, feeling the warmth of all the years that hand had held you through. “He knew,” you murmured. “And so did I.”

You both fell back into that memory, savoring the details — the laughter, the faces, the hugs, and the countless toasts that night as the BAU celebrated you.

And as you looked into Aaron’s eyes, you knew that this life you’d built together had been so much more than just a career, or even a family — it had been a love story, woven through every moment, every laugh, every case, and every goodbye.

“Forever doesn’t seem long enough,” he whispered, his thumb tracing gentle circles over the back of your hand.

"Lucky for us, forever’s all we need.”

[midnightdahlias]

First Impressions

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summery - (based on pilot episode) you meet the boys for the first time, and it doesnt exaclty go smoothly word count - 1.1K cws - fem!reader, mentions of a gun, very very slight threat , mentions of john winchester (horrorfying ik), lmk if i missed anything a/n - Hi so this is my first time writing, hope you like it. I apologise if it's not the best, english isn't my first language. BUT I hope you like it either way and any feedback is appreciated !

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“Dean. Something is starting to happen. I think it’s serious. I need to try and figure out what’s going on… [muffled voices]… If you don’t hear from me, call the number I left you. Be very careful, Dean. We’re all in danger.”

After running it through EVP software, neither of them was any closer to figuring out what the hell John Winchester had gotten himself into.

“What about the number he mentioned? Have you called it?” Sam asked, his brow furrowed as he replayed the message in his head.

“Tried it twice. Straight to an automated voicemail both times. Whoever it belongs to doesn’t seem keen on answering,” Dean sighed, frustration creeping into his tone. He had assumed it was a contact of their father’s, someone John trusted, but the silence from the other end only deepened his suspicions. Maybe something had happened to that person, too.

····································

Working odd jobs was your way of staying afloat between hunts. Running scams and hustling drunks at bars could only get you so far. As much as you hated working in crappy diners, the little bit of honest money made you feel better about yourself—well, slightly better. Hunting wasn’t exactly a glamorous life, but knowing you were helping people survive the creatures that go bump in the night gave you purpose.

You were just wrapping up your final shift at a shitty diner, ready to head out of town, when your phone rang again. Unknown number.

This was the third time today, and you were getting sick of it. The first call, you’d been asleep and missed it. The second time, you couldn’t pick up because you had a customer at the counter. But this time, you were free to finally figure out who was bugging you. You weren’t used to calls like this—you could count on one hand the amount of people that had your number, so to call this weird was a bit of an understatement.

But before you could even answer, the call cut off after just a few seconds. Weird. You almost didn’t bother calling back, but as you started to switch your phone off, it buzzed again.

You didn’t hesitate this time—just hit ‘answer’ and pressed it to your ear.

“Who is this?”

All you heard was some muffled noise on the other end before the call dropped.

It wasn’t exactly paranoia that made you hesitate to call back. More like years of experience dealing with sketchy things that were best left alone. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, so you stuffed the phone in your pocket and started walking back to your motel. The day had already been stressful enough, but as you made your way down the empty street, a prickling sensation crawled up your spine. You were being followed.

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“Where’d she go?” Dean frowned, looking around. She had been just a few feet ahead of them, and now she was gone.

Sam didn’t even get a chance to reply before Dean’s body slammed into his, knocking him to the ground in a tangled mess of limbs.

“Who are you, and why are you following me?”

The voice above them was calm but carried a dangerous edge. Looking up, the brothers found themselves staring down the barrel of a gun.

“You’ve got about ten seconds to answer,” you warned, your grip steady as you studied the two strangers.

Dean raised his hands in mock surrender, trying to defuse the situation. “Hey, hey, how about we put the gun down and have a nice, calm conversation?”

“You didn’t answer my questions,” you countered, cocking the gun for emphasis. “Who are you, and why are you following me?”

“Okay, okay,” Sam said quickly, his voice trying to calm the situation after his brothers failed attempt. “My name’s Sam, and this is my brother Dean. We’re the ones who called you.”

You narrowed your eyes. That answered part of your question, but it only left you more confused.

“What?” you asked, confused, but not about to lower the gun just yet.

Dean blurted out, “Look, we’re looking for our dad. He told us to call you if we couldn’t reach him. We saw you pick up at the diner, and we got curious.”

“So you followed me like a couple of creeps instead of just talking to me?” you shot back, irritation creeping into your voice.

The brothers exchanged an awkward glance, clearly realizing how bad it sounded, trying to come up with a defense that made them sound less like creepy stalkers.

“Wait, who’s your dad?” you asked, cutting off whatever pathetic excuses that were about to escape their mouths.

“John Winchester,” Dean offered plainly. Glad of the change in question.

The name hit you like a truck. You’d crossed paths with John only a few days ago, working separate cases in the same area. You hadn’t thought much of it when he disappeared; you’d assumed he’d wrapped up his hunt and moved on. Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

“You’re John’s sons?” you asked, though it was more of a rhetorical question. “Well, that makes sense.” You sighed to yourself, eyeing the two.

You lowered your gun and holstered it, extending a hand to each of the boys, helping them to their feet while silently offering an unspoken truce.

Dean accepted your hand, brushing himself off. “You know him?”

“Yeah, I know him,” you replied, the faintest hint of distaste creeping into your tone. Sam caught it, his lips twitching in amusement, though Dean didn’t seem to notice.

“He’s missing,” Dean said, his voice steady but tinged with concern.

John Winchester missing? That didn’t sit right with you. Although a right ass, the guy was tough as nails, one of the best hunters you’d ever met.

“He was hunting something out here and just vanished. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

You thought for a moment before answering. “I saw him a couple of days ago. Last thing he said was that he was heading to Sylvania Bridge to check something out.”

Sam stepped in, his voice hopeful. “Would you help us find him? If he told us to call you, he must’ve thought you could help.”

You hesitated. You weren’t the type to work with others, especially hunters. They were usually more trouble than they were worth. But there was something about these two that made you pause, something that felt like you were meant to help them. Not that you believed in fate or anything…

“Fine,” you said with a sigh. “I’ll help. But don’t make me regret this.”

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masterlist

[thatnonameuser]

Ooh hearing about the events in your Yandere au, I can only imagine how fed up MC is by the time of Playful Land that, when they’re all locked in, I can just imagine her immediately joining Jade and Lilia in trying to destroy the locks. If only to have something to vent all her anger and frustrations on which promptly bites her in the butt via puppetification.

Especially after a day of running from one group to another and having forced, sort of date moments with the various boys. Vil and Floyd instantly locking in on the “order the losers around” during the pool game that MC’s like “I’m in danger we HAVE to win”. There will nearly be a brawl on who gets to sit next to MC and multiple folks glaring at Grim for smugly sitting in her lap. At least Rave Up is far less annoying song than Neige’s when she’s forced up on stage with the gang.

Wonder if Fellow would be more of a platonic yandere towards MC, and possibly one to Gidel too, taking extreme lengths to make sure Gidel’s cared for and protected.

I imagine she saw straight through Fellow’s free ticket scam  and didn’t want to go like the other rational people, but Grim wanted to and she got dragged into it. 

And the ‘date’ moments. At this point the MC is fed up with all the drama and chaos of being the darling to so, SO many yanderes, so she’s just completely numb to their shenanigans.

So she goes on the ‘dates’ begrudgingly. 

The rollercoaster, there’s fighting on who gets to sit next to her. She argues that if they don’t calm down and figure out where everyone sits like rational people, she won’t ride at all. So they play rock-paper-scissors for it. And yes, Grim sits on her lap. (She regrets that, because Grim had a bright idea to try and eat the tuna, but Grim is better than any of the others.)

The game area, she gets roped into that bet and while she’s terrified of losing, she can’t deny the wonderful possibility of ordering the losers to leave her the hell alone. So obviously she’s on Ortho’s team, after seeing him play so perfectly. Victory is sweet when it saves her mental health.

The most fun she’ll probably have is with the last group in the Seabed Stroll, mostly because it’s with two of the more chill yanderes (and Leona’s there too) and the attraction was cool. Also she’ll laugh her butt off watching Jack and Leona riding the merry-go-round. 

While the MC avoids being on stage like the plague after the VDC, she does have a little fun with that, Maybe that’s what relaxes her fears about Playful Land.

(But first imagine if Playful Land had a Tunnel of Love, the fight that would have broken out definitely would have destroyed the park)

Only to be proved completely right after they get locked in. And then after they get locked in, she immediately tries to break the locks to escape, and only to realize she can’t move and becoming very, very panicked at the realization that she’s at the mercy of either the kidnappers or her very, very obsessed yanderes. (she picks the kidnappers BTW, it's the lesser of two evils).

Obviously, she gets her own cage as a puppet. After all, you’re the best out of all of them in the eyes of the Fellow and Gidel, and you would fetch a high price if the boss sold you.

But to amend the yandere types, I orginally wrote a romantic yandere for Fellow/Ernesto, (check the masterlist) but platonic also works too. Maybe he lets her out because ‘she’s not one of the other NRC students so his boss doesn’t want her’ but actually because he’s more interested with keeping her out of being a puppet slave for the rest of her life, and that the boys deserve it for what they put her through. But since she tried to run for it, she gets to be a puppet for now until the trade off is over with.

Think that’s all I’m gonna say for now till I get around to doing that event. Thanks for asking, anyways!

[mushimatsu]

jeweler headcanons

now that i've posted my jeweler translations i wanna post my headcanonssss

The stories don't really have a lot of substance to them. Basically they travel through portals called GATEs and it seems like it's for the purpose of traveling to alternate universes where the objective is just to give each Totoko of each universe a pretty gem. They run a shop together in a back alley of Akatsuka ward.

However the Hesokuri canon is kind of nothing and gems and minerals have been a huge interest of mine for months soooo I wanted to expand on that

Osomatsu

He’s got a loupe in his attack art which i think is soooo cute but there’s like a 7/10 chance he would scam you I think. Now there’s a chance he’s just looking through the loupe to make it seem like he knows what he’s doing and he’s bullshitting you but I prefer to think he actually does know his shit and knows what he’s talking about and how to spot a real gem bc ummmm it’s hotter that way.

In my heart I want him to be an honest, trustworthy man. I want to tell you you're safe buying things from him but it's osomatsu......

HOWEVER I think if he does sell fakes, he does have quite a few of them. A lot of glass filled rubies that he sells at the full price of a genuine Burma ruby, imitations and synthetics that are not disclosed as such, and he also doesn’t usually disclose any treatments. Although I don’t think his standards are Quite so low that he’d sell straight glass. But if you give him a good gem to appraise he’ll try to buy it at a lower price and sell it at a hell of a markup. Perhaps the real, high quality gems are only saved for Totoko?

He’s got the charisma to trick a lot of people into buying something that is not worth nearly as much money as he’s asking for, and is probably smart enough to be able to tell when a buyer knows their shit and when he can and can’t get away with bullshitting them. Probably makes conversation first to get a feel of how much you know.

Obviously he still takes on that "leader" role among the brothers. Like they all own the shop but maybe if you ask for the manager, he's the one that'll show up?

Mostly sells faceted gems that are not yet set in jewelry. Doesn't have any rough stones or mineral specimens, and might carry jewelry sometimes, but not much.

Will sell to anyone, but I think his clientele is usually like, the casual jewelry/gem consumer. Doesn't appeal to mineral collectors very much, and will sometimes sell to very very rich people but not often.

It's also shown in the story and his art that he will just shove the gems in his bag carelessly. No wrapping or special packaging, I guess he just throws them in there (which can cause scratches, fractures, and breakages among gems, especially of varying hardnesses)

The gems mentioned in the story are emotites, originally from Pazzmatsu, but I think he also deals mostly in red gems, particularly rubies, but of course he's got stuff like spinels, fancy sapphires, tourmalines, etc

Karamatsu

His attack shows that he only has jewelry, but it's jewelry made of all different types of gems so he may not focus on one particular type like Osomatsu. It also seems to be very big, extravagant statement pieces. In the story he's also shown at what looks like very expensive rich people parties, so while Osomatsu is more geared towards selling to the general public, Karamatsu may specialize in very very rich customers. Also explains why he's dressed so well lol my mans so put together.......

His personal favorite is probably sapphires, or some other blue stone. PERSONALLY. I think his favorites are specifically star sapphires. look at these

I think he’s honest enough that he’s the most reputable of the six to buy from. I think he’s about as skilled as Osomatsu, if not more, when it comes to identifying and appraising gems, but he’s not Perfect so he’s bound to make mistakes and maybe there’s some misidentified things in the mix. But I think he’s like 2/10 most likely to scam you. If you get something you didn’t expect he probably just genuinely didn’t know lmao he somehow doesn’t look as shady as the rest of them so I think he’s probably involved in reputable circles, sells to people that know their shit and doesn’t try to prey on those that don’t know anything.

He also properly packages and cares for his gems, he's not careless like Osomatsu. Also probably something required of him if he's going to be selling to a very wealthy clientele

Choromatsu

This guy will fucking scam you he is going to tell you shit that just straight up isn’t true. 9/10 chance you are not getting what you asked for. I went to a gem show in may with my friend and I saw a ‘gem’ that looked like fordite - which is tumbled paint scraped off the bottom of ford car factories. Very pretty but absolutely not a real gem, it's paint. I held it up and asked what it was - expecting the answer to be fordite - and he said some other name that I forgot but upon googling it its basically the same thing as fordite and this mfer said “and that’s naturally occurring!” do you think I am fucking stupid. anyway that’s the shit jeweler choromatsu tells you.

In the story and his art he's shown selling amulets of some sort, and he tries to sell one to Dekapan that's meant to increase libido and claims it's got something to do with cavemen. Despite him only being shown selling amulets, I do think he has small specimens and loose stones. just for me

look hes such a FREAKKKKKKK i need him bad

He does Have real gems in his collection, but you can’t trust anything he says about them. He’ll try to pass off any fucking green thing as emerald yes he will sell straight glass. It’s a grab bag of anything. He tells some kind of made up story about the history of it, usually full of some kind of mysticism and what it could bring you. He knows a bit about how to identify a real gem but isn't as skilled as his older brothers.

He also seems at least a little disorganized, what with the amulets hanging on the inside of his jacket and all. It's a system that's organized enough at least that someone unfamiliar could figure it out, but it's also a little bit of like "I know where everything is" kind of a deal

Ichimatsu

His art makes it look like he digs up his gems himself, just cause the gloves and backpack and hat and map makes me think he's out in the field and stuff

The umbrella and blanket sale in his attack art also makes me feel like he’s not As shady as choro but is probably trying to sell them as like “this stone will cure your anxiety” type stuff.

His items are most likely genuine but overpriced. I get the vibe that maybe he digs a portion of his stuff out of the ground himself and is more of a traveling salesman kind of a thing. So part of the stuff he sells is stuff he dug up and cleaned himself and some is stock that he bought from others. But because of this, he's decently good at identifying more common minerals, like the kind you'd find at these spiritual shops. Maybe not that great with rarer minerals, though.

Most of his stuff is likely rough pieces, although I'm sure he has polished points, worry stones, those things carved like hearts.

6/10 likely to scam you just based on the fact that a 2 inch chunk of low quality amethyst is not worth $30 fuck off. he’s essentially the same as any overpriced metaphysical spiritual shop that sells crystals in the shape of penises for $20

I think he does know his shit in terms of scientific information, but he's selling them on the basis of like crystal healing and shit. He also doesn't know that much about crystal healing though he makes up the meanings whenever you ask

Jyushimatsu

the big bag and devious hat and cloak makes me think he stole that shit lmao

He looks like he has a citrine geode in his attack (natural citrine is actually quite rare, a lot of citrine on the market is heat treated amethyst) also it's fucking HUGE so it would be pretty expensive.

I get the vibe that maybe he steals expensive shit like big statement pieces? I don't know. I dont know ......

In the story it seems like he can appreciate both rough and polished stones. He might lean a little more towards rough specimens, but it sounds like he's quite happy with either one

As a salesman I think he's a bit more trustworthy as well? He was trying to sell something to Hatabou in the story but in his own Jyushimatsu way I have trouble truly understanding him.....

Todomatsu

His art and costume makes him look very well traveled, I like to think that he mainly collects rough mineral specimens, usually very rare and expensive collector's minerals. He's got the super niche expensive stuff that the average person doesn't know but that collectors would pay thousands of dollars for. In the story he also mentions picking something up from a mining location, which tells me he's taking shit that's coming straight out of the ground rather than stuff that's already been processed in some way.

Very very knowledgable about his stuff. His clientele is also very niche, like Karamatsu's, because the main people interested in his stuff would be people that are already into mineral collecting.

He's less likely to scam you solely because the people he sells to are usually skilled enough to be able to tell the difference between something real or fake, or an imitation. He has a reputation to uphold, so he can't risk ruining that.

[feroluce]

SO LIKE. As much as I roll with the Emanator of Elation Sampo theory, I do have. Some doubts about this specific instance of it. Not that I think Boothill is lying, or that I think Sampo isn't an Emanator, but I wonder if the person Boothill actually met was Sampo.

Just! Sampo is so careful. The only reason we even knew he wasn't of Belobog was due to a dialogue-dependent fourth wall-breaking dream sequence that no other character could have seen. It took a missable dream bubble in an out-of-the-way spot that was seemingly left only for the trailblazer at the very end of a side mission just to confirm him as a Masked Fool. Like it's not just the fact that Boothill mentions this person being an Emanator. It's that he knows they're also a Masked Fool, which is also something Sampo is incredibly dodgy about. Sparkle even seems to call him out on this in her party join line fjkdjaskldj

((But also, Boothill, baby. WHY were you trying to get them drunk????))

And regardless of if you believe him when he calls himself an old timer, he obviously has a lot of experience in doing what he does. He knows what he's doing, he's good at it, and he is viciously capable and competent, unfortunately for his victims smhznskdn

So it just. Feels very unlike him, for him to let his guard down enough to not only let himself get drunk in front of Boothill-

a total stranger btw whom Sampo has absolutely no reason to trust, and a dangerous Galaxy Ranger to boot who has plenty of blood on his hands and a significant bounty on his head

-but to get SO drunk that he lets loose the secret that he's an Emanator.

When Boothill brings this up, he mentions that if Emanators were obvious and known at a glance, it would lead to atrocities. And for as much as Sampo is disliked by his victims (there's an entire anti-Sampo organization in Belobog JFDKLASJFDL), it's all for fraud. He's wanted by the IPC as an intergalactic thief. He scams people out of their money, and only rich people at that. That's mostly all that he's known for. Nothing he does is violent, even though Sampo surely has the capacity to inflict a lot of harm.

And I don't mean that he's exactly a pacifist or anything; Firefly comments that Sampo seems like a highly skilled covert fighter. His voicelines make it sound like he enjoys combat- hell, his ult line makes him sound like a hitman. I like to hc him as being a pretty high ranker in the fighting rings at the World's End Tavern, like we see in the Simulated Universe occurrences.

But I don't think he would enjoy being the cause of uncontrollable violence and bloodshed.

Like yeah he's a dick who scams people on the regs for funsies, but he has lines he refuses to cross, which we see a lot of in how he interacts with Sparkle. More than just not enjoying it, I think he would hate it if he were found out and it caused an incident, especially since he seems so endeared to Belobog and her people now and it looks like he plans to return there. He wouldn't want to bring any of that back to them.

So I just can't imagine him carelessly fucking up bad enough to out himself to a random stranger that could easily put a bullet right through his head.

Sparkle maybe could, though.

Because as we find out later the dreamscape had expanded FAR beyond what it seemed, far enough that the trailblazer had been dreaming since the warp jump in. Most people enter it unknowingly, and don't realize they're already dreaming when they think they're still awake. Boothill and Dan Heng should have already been dreaming during their exchange on the Express that started all this.

And as long as someone knows they're dreaming, completely changing their appearance is easy, even for the common layman. We see this with a couple of NPCs and also Sparkle herself, with her (in)famous impression of Sampo.

Thank youuuuu Sparkle

And yeah, the trailblazer and almost all of the other characters wouldn't know about the expansion until near the very end. None of them realized they were dreaming even outside of their dream pools, and surely none of them would think to be suspicious of another person's appearance outside of the dreamscape like that.

But Sparkle has a script from Silver Wolf.

She knew all the secrets of the dreamscape, and she knew them from the very beginning. There would have been nothing stopping her from appearing as Sampo in front of Boothill and spilling all his secrets.

And she apparently has a long-standing history with Sampo, including trying to get him in on her own much more fiery and aggressive version of Elation.

Maybe all Sampo needs is to be outed as an Emanator, and then when all the violence and bloodshed catches up to him, then he'll finally understand! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

S/O has won the lottery! After the dreaded taxes, S/O ends up with almost a billion dollars. However instead of feeling happy, S/O is super duper stressed out because A LOT of people learned about it and is asking them for to spare some (a lot) of cash. To the point of harassment.. S/O asks their bonefriend for some help and maybe figure out what to do with this amount of money.

I took it like they're already a couple and living together so it's simple.

Undertale Sans - He's a bit overwhelmed as well. Sans was homeless at one point in his life and suddenly seeing so much money is crazy. Sans is very pragmatic though. You could buy a new house and then use the rest in your everyday life with a few extras occasionally. He doesn't know what to do with all that money either, but knowing you won't starve if there's a problem in the future is kind of comforting. As for all the people harassing you, Sans tries to keep them away when he can. He stays nice, but seeing people in the house all the time is also tiring him so he helps to push them out to have peace.

Undertale Papyrus - He quite literally never saw that much money in his life. He has no idea what to do with everything, but he has an idea of how to get away from your harassers! You two leave on a trip around the world without any preparation and without telling anyone (except your families so they don't worry too much about your disappearance). This way you two can plan the future without the social pressure.

Underswap Sans - Blue is not exactly a good example when it comes to money and he will encourage you to buy things you actually don't need. You even try some caviar for the first time in your life and both actually hates it. He's at least good at keeping the annoying people away, as living with a police officer does this thing to people. When they're getting a little too close, Blue reminds them he's the law by showing up his police suit. It's usually enough to make them think twice before scamming you.

Underswap Papyrus - Honey, being a natural emotions sponge, is as stressed as you are lol. He thinks having so much money is actually more of a problem than a gift. So, you two can buy a house, a car and keep some money for the groceries and give away the rest? He doesn't feel comfortable keeping that much money at home, and some random guy tried twice to intrude on your house already to rob you, so he doesn't feel safe anymore. Honey also doesn't know how to say no to people which doesn't help. You're both completely lost about what to do.

Underfell Sans - Red gets a little protective. He doesn't like that there's a lot of people pressuring you constantly and he's going to show these guys what he thinks of all of this. He gets defensive really fast when there's someone home and he can even get aggressive if he realizes they're trying to get money from you. Red is stressed as hell, and he knows that a lot of money makes you a target. For his own good and yours, you decide to go on small vacations so you can both relax a little and discuss your options. Red is scared something bad might happen to you.

Underfell Papyrus - Well, you're lucky, Edge is a lawyer so he knows what's legal and what's not. He tries to stay neutral about this to judge the situation better, but he still gets slightly defensive when people are insisting too much. That's your money, you do what you want with it and you don't owe anything to anyone. Edge advises you to not give away your money to the first people showing off, and to not sign anything that would lead you to be in debt for someone. If someone tries to trick you, just call him and we'll see who is the most clever out of the two.

Horrortale Sans - He shows you one of his hiding places for food, so you can hide your money, literally at the doors of the Underground. No one comes here anymore and he's really good at hiding things so no one will ever suspect something is buried there. And if you ever worry about him, he reminds you he'll probably forget everything in an hour anyway so you're safe. It's a lot less stressful now that the money is safe and hard to access. You feel less tempted to give it away to anyone, except to modernize the farm a little, which is more than welcome.

Horrortale Papyrus - He tells you to keep everything and save it for when you need it. Health is expensive in this country, he knows something about it, and he knows humans tend to develop big problems as they age. So keep everything for yourself and don't regret anything. The curious will get bored eventually and leave you alone, you just have to hold on for now.

Swapfell Sans - Well, he already deals with a lot of money himself and he learned to avoid all the traps that inevitably follow, so he's your best man in this situation. Nox teaches you what you have to be careful of and how to push away the vultures that will try to suck you like vampires. You decide what you want to do with that money and don't care too much about what people will say. He tells you that the first thing you need though is some vacations to recover from the shock, relax a little and get away from all the people asking things from you.

Swapfell Papyrus - Well, he's not the one you should talk about with. If you listen to Rus, you would open a private fast food for him that serves only nuggets so he could be fed all day. So he redirects you towards his brother, who is clearly more educated on these subjects and can help you with that.

Fellswap Gold Sans - I mean, if you don't know what to do of the money, you could give it to him so he can have more funds to take control of the country or something. What? What do you mean that seems like a terrible idea? He's 100% reliable, he doesn't understand why you're hesitating so much. Wine is a full part of your problem lol, maybe don't ask him for help.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Well, since one of your biggest problem is Wine, Coffee is a bit lost about what to do. He would love to help you, but he doesn't want to disappoint his brother either so he has his butt stuck between two chairs. He's not sure what to do and it's stressing him as much as you. It was better when you didn't have all that money.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Preserve Us

You know how in conservation biology you sometimes try to introduce a pair to be mated and one will just... just fuckin' merc' the other? Just absolutely obliterate them in a hissing, growling, nightmare ball of fury? Before anyone can stop them? Territorial and (to put it lightly) "uninterested", dispite your desperate desire to save their species from extinction, and need for them to get frisky?

I know.

Holy SHIT do I know.

There's a lot of reasons. Ways you can (hopefully) get around it. But first? Is finding out WHY it happened. Was it just the one? The environment? Were they sick? Or... as is the case sometimes, did they decide their Handler was their mate? Some species only mate once. Are loyal for life. You gotta work around that.

Which is all well and fine and good.

When we're talking about ANIMALS.

Non-sentient, non-sapient animals! Not ALIEN SPECIES! What the ABSOLUTE FRESH HELL did they expect from me!? Compliance?! This was UNETHICAL! Monstrous! I had been trying to slip my gaurds long enough to radio for help SINCE I GOT HERE.

I hope the fuckers ROTTED in whatever their Gods considered a Hell.

"Conservation facility" my ENTIRE ASS. You can't run CONSERVATION EFFORTS like this on SENTIENTS. Eugenics loving, atrocity fetishizing, immoral BASTARDS!!! And they KNEW it too. They HAD too! Or they wouldn't be HIDING it! Fucking KIDNAPPING scientists! Biologists! Doctors!

I was on my ways to study Lekku monkeys!

God...

I'm? I'm so tired of being pissed.

Furious and outraged and SCARED. Horrified and sick. There are PEOPLE here. Kids! And I don't... oh god, I don't... H-How LONG has this been going ON? Why did no one NOTICE?

Every day I feel my heart break. The desire to scream and scream and never STOP, grow inside me. I have to get out. I have to get us ALL out. Get these people FREE. Do SOMETHING. But I am forced to "conserve" the species assigned to me. The group assigned to me.

It's killing my love for the field. Making a mockery of everything I worked for.

I don't... I don't think my hands will ever be clean again.

But I have to help. Do everything I can. Make hell a little kinder, if nothing else. At least while I figure out a way OUT. My group deserves better. The groups I do not work with, deserve better.

I disguise games as "testing". Pages and pages of meaningless numbers ans scores. INSIST that enrichment is the key to success. Diet is EVERYTHING. Oh, and habitat? Well unless we can mimic their habitat there's no WAY they'll "breed".

No, no, using machines would stress them out too much.

It's like you DONT want babies!

Who's the expert here? That's RIGHT! Dr. Cho, but FAILING her and like five other people? Me. And I know for a FACT they are pulling the same scam. We ALL fucking hate you. Dr. Cho has KIDS, you FUCKS. Hasn't seen her son in YEARS thanks to you bastards. He was engaged. She's probably missed his WEDDING thanks to you!

Getting distracted, spiraling again, gotta stop DOING that.

It wont help anyone.

But God, if my brain doesn't slowly feel like it's shorting out the longer I'm here. Stress is called the silent killer for a reason. Or what that something else? Fuck. I can't even look it up! Bastards cut us off from the galactic web. Full information blackout. Because of COURSE they did... can't risk us rightfully calling for help.

Getting the Feds involved to shut this hell pit of a black site DOWN. Or a "whatever it truely is" site. Because it sure as SHIT has nothing to do with conservational biology. Except maybe the abuse of it.

But that doesn't help me right now.

Focus, damn it!

The Yanderens. Old, absurdly rare, nearly extinct, with a home planet they'd reduced to uninhabitable wastelands millennia ago due too... something. No one knew what. There had definitely been fighting. It WAS documented they were excellent fighters. Ruthless ones at that. But it was ALSO documented they strongly pack bonded.

There had been a lot of strongly worded warnings on what few documation my captures were able to find, translate, then shove at me. But honestly? They said the same thing about humans. Ooooh big scary persistent hunters~ oh nooooo! Watch out for the omnivores with a history of war! Sins of the father and we are defined by our diets! Class systems! Let's all JUDGE each ooooootheeeeer~!

Yeah, no. Not buying it.

Especially when the "warnings" were so damn vague and poorly documented. All "the HORRORS!" and "we barely SURVIVED!". Cause honestly? The Yanderens I was watching over? Easily the most mild and temperate individuals I had ever met. No tantrums from the kids, no big emotional meltdowns, just curiosity and at WORST? Mild frustration.

It made everything ten thousand times worse for me, that these poor people were in this hellish place. They were calm. Curious. Meant for greater, BETTER things! They should be out, playing and learning. Exploring and enjoying peaceful strolls in some art gallery or zen garden somewhere! Not... not this sterile fucking LAB.

But then M-17 loses his SHIT.

And now I'm kinda panicking. Because F-6 is not just dead, God rest her soul (she didn't deserve this. Oh god. She was so SWEET.), but M-17 might just be too, soon. If I can't find out what HAPPENED. Because if he's "feral" or "diseased" or whatever other horrifying terminology they end up using? They DO something about it.

And I can't actually stop them.

I... I don't know if it was a trauma response. Or I did something wrong. I could PROBABLY pass it off as my needing more studies into their observed "mating habits"? That... that I somehow... turned it... uuuuh... dominance battle? Shit. Where are my notes?!

F-6 is DEAD and its all my fault.

She was such a cuddle fiend too. Always excited to hear about my studies, from before. My life. Wanted to join me after we got out of here. I never should have let her volunteer. Granted, she wouldn't have taken no for an answer. Wanted to spend the pregnancy plotting our escape. Asked me to help raise the kid once we got out. Had a whole grand plan. But I...And I...

God...

I should have said NO. Insisted. It was just so hard, when F-6 had made it all sound like it would be okay. Like she had a plan and all I need to do was trust her. Believe in her. Then we could be free.

I had hoped M-17 would work best. He was always the most agreeable and quick on the uptake. I figured... well... ha ha. God, I'm such an IDIOT. I should have CHECKED. Who KNOWS what happened before I arrived? What triggered I just accidentally rammed my foot into? FUCK! I sweep everything from me desk onto the ground. Don't give I shit that I'll have to clean it up later,

I had figured M-17 would be COOL with it.

This place is getting to me, isn't it?

Why the FUCK would anyone be COOL with getting jumped? Bred like an animal? Shoved in some random ass room, with a vaguely familiar stranger, and told "now fuck. We want a literal litter from you two"? All while some biologist watchs and makes god damned NOTES!?

Of course he fought back. OF COURSE he didn't stop!

The only one there he could trust was himself.

I...I'm becoming a monster... aren't I?

Oh god.

At least we're in the satellite facility. The gaurds are definitely going to rat me out, but the news will take time to filter back. And... and the Yanderens being so "dangerous" might work in my favor. I... I can spin this. I HAVE to spin this. I can't let TWO people die for my fuck up.

I promised myself I would get as many people out as I could. I refuse to back out now. Even if that means crying, puking, then going out there to lie my ASS off. This was TOTALLY NORMAL. In fact, expected! Yep! It means that's we've determined that M-17 is the alpha Yanderen! A thing that is both REAL and possible to BE!

I rinse my mouth, stomach empty. Crying has exhausted me. But I can't give up. Too many lives count on me now. I... I wish so badly I was just a nobody again. Just some random biology student, trying to make a name for herself. Being "important" is a CURSE.

I try not to chug my water as I half stumble out of the glorified shoebox that is my bathroom into the much larger and Fancier CLOSET that is my room. Truely, no expense spared, for the captives they ripped away from their lives. So glad I am here willingly and of my own volition.

I gather myself. Finally ready to go and try to untangle the mess I have made of everything. When a deep booming alarm rattles my bones. The lights flickering to red. Blast doors slide down, SLAM shut over the transparent recessed bit of wall that counts as my window, the door to the rest of the facility.

Trapping me inside my small room.

Almost immediately after, an EXPLOSION rocks the world hard enough to knock me from my feet. Only the bed's limited padding keeping me from a nasty concussion. The edge of it still ramming painfully into my shoulder. Another explosion. Then another. I sit for a long, terrible, second stunned.

The moment passes.

I scramble on my hands and knees for the in facility communication device that I had knocked from my desk in anger, grief. Not daring to stand lest I be thrown down again. I manage to find it as the world shakes again for the fifth time. Followed by what sounds like gun fire out in the halls.

I fling myself back towards my shitty little bunk. Drag every bit of padding and protection I can, down and under it with me. If the roof goes? I want shock absorption. If shots get through the door? I want something to slow those blasts down. Anything. ANYTHING! To increase my fucked chances of surviving.

I burrito up and wriggle back as deep as I can. The world muffled but ending just outside my crawlspace. Then I desperately try to get one of the others on the line. I got nothing but chaos. Running. Running. Hiding. And Dead.

Dead. Dying.

Remember me.

And GONE.

Some of them fighting with their groups too freedom. Some being targeted right along side their captors. Others savaged by the ACTUAL animals they had been working with, the one's Galacticly deemed too dangerous for effort like this. Someone or something had set EVERYONE free. A simultaneous attack on all fronts that our captors could not put down or escape.

The Yanderens were out there.

Oh god. Please let them be okay. They wer-

My thoughts ground to a halt as M-32 LAUNCHED his tiny body onto the screen of one of the security feeds I was desperately looking through. F-6 had figured out how to get us a backdoor to them a long time ago. M-32 was just a kid. A small, soft, cuddly little thing that loved to lean against me and crawl into my lap. All cherubic cheeks and cute little curls. Shy!

Yet I watched... in mounting horror... as like a lion on some unfortunate animal, he landed on a gaurds back. Small arms going around his body in a mockery of a hug. Head tilting so he could BITE at the back of the man's neck, small hands clawing and ripping at weak points in his armor, as he screamed. Thrashed. Tried desperately to get M-32 OFF of him.

There was so much blood.

My hands were shaking. So much, I accidentally hit the next screen button. Jerked my thumb back. But... but oh god. There was F-26. Using the butt of a rifle to slam down against the head of a scientist. Again and again and again. Long after the begging and thrashing stopped. I flipped again. M-4? No... please not M-4. Not the soft spoken and wise...

I watched as he grinned, a cold thing, and shot out another joint. His foot on the chest of the head scientist who had moved him to a different group. In the background, his supervisor lay dead. They had not died quickly. The head scientist was begging. A mess of tears and pain. M-4 shot another joint, pressing his foot down harder.

I wanted to be sick.

I flipped again. And again. And AGAIN.

H...Had I known them at ALL? Like demons wearing the faces of those I'd known. People I'd trusted. Not a SINGLE ONE was... oh... oh god. F-6. Had she been too? Would I have ever known? Was THIS what all those warnings meant? I couldn't think. Couldn't breath. Had... Had never had a panic attack but... BUT-!

I wheezed.

Shook.

"Oh, Clever giiiirl~" A familiar voice sang, before a blood splattered face flickered into being on the screen in my hands. "Where aaaare yoooou~?"

M-17. He'd somehow managed to take over the security cameras. That or the communication feed. His eyes were bright. A grin on his face like I'd never seen from him. ALIVE in a way I'd never seen him. The excitement transformed his face. No longer softly doll like, but something DANGEROUS. Unhinged. His eyes dilated and deadly teeth on display.

"Come out, come out wherever you aaaare~. I have so much to TELL you! We have so much to DO! I'm going to make you MINE sweetheart! No one else can have you. So come out. I won't hurt you much, I promise! Just gotta make you mine then we can leave okay~?"

Furious snarls echoed through the halls. Male and female alike. Old and young. I... I recognized each of those voices. What was HAPPENING?

"Aaaah? Did you TRASH really think you DESERVED her? Ha! Please." M-17 grin was cruel. Mocking. "You don't have a chance in hell of taking what's MINE."

His eyes seems to shift away from unseen enemies and back, somehow, to me. Warming to something euphoric. Resting his head on his hand as if to consider me. His fingers spread, stroking his own face, as if the desire to TOUCH was simply too great. As if what he was imagining was bleeding over into the real world.

"Oh clever girl~ my clever, clever girl~♡ I can't wait til it's just you and ME. Start think of where you want to go first, okay? We're going to get married. Have that child you wanted me for. All the things you ever dreamed~♡ I'm going to have you all to myself. No more annoying others. Ah~ can't wait to find you soon!"

"But first?"

"May the best of us Win."

[wormshirt]

As someone who uses a mobility aid and has muscular tension that cause me general body and joint pain and stiffness from the hips down on both sides what would kill me with doctor who wouldn't be the running it'd be the fucking stairs. They don't always have stairs in doctor who but oh boy when they do. I can run super fast and then inevitably injure my hips and suffer through it and keep limping along through the pain but if it's a flight of stairs between me and safety I'm so dead. If I don't take those stairs 1 step at a time my knees WILL lock or my muscles will throw such a massive hissy fit that it'll take me TWICE the time it takes your average person to go up those stairs and I will be killed or kinapped or put through some strange and unusual scifi horror by step 3. The doctor and I (limping) run down 50000000 hallways and we reach the end of a hall with only a reasonably sized staircase on the other end of it and the doctor immediately starts vaulting up the steps 3 at a time until he turns around and notices that I have stopped completely at the bottom of the steps to stare at him blithely. He starts trying to get me to go up the stairs or ask what the hell I think I'm doing and I slowly lower myself back down to the ground and cross my arms over my chest and begin reciting funeral prayers with a serene smile. The big evil monster comes after me and I am eaten. Badly. The doctor yells NOOOOO really loud and cries a little maybe idk and then is emo about it for like half a season until they end up back by the staircase in a season finale or something and it's revealed that the stairs are magic stairs that preserve the conciousness of any ugly ass bitch who hates staircases enough and the doctor is implied to have know this all along. and the doctor gives me some heartbroken major depressive disorder poster child look and a little speech about how they "couldn't have come back here for blah blah excuses reasons" and I smile sweetly and say "why the fuck didn't you have an emergency exit strategy or some shit incase the guy who uses a fucking cane couldn't do some shit like go up stairs super fast because he uses a fucking cane. Hello. Not even mad. Are you stupid. You are a timelord. Your people let your gay ass fuck off to who knows where because you're the dumbest timelord ever and they couldn't stand your stupid ass. I can't believe I'm stuck on this gay ass space station with this lame ass death for all of eternity because you didn't think that the guy who struggles to go up stairs would struggle to go up stairs. You wanna know what the alien said to me before he ate me. He said hey that dude you're here with sucks so bad and is stupid and gay and lame as hell. And I would have said 'yeah lol' but then he ate me. He ate me because of stairs doctor. Stairs." And then I'd stay forever trapped with my soul in that staircase just so I could spend the rest of enternity sending spam calls and telemarketers to the tardis phone. The doctor's investigating something outside an alien bar somewhere and sees ads like XXX Brittany Wants To Spend a NIGHT With YOU Sexy! Hot Singles in your area! Call here for a night of FUN! HOT SINGLE Xxeksifloryean Milfs Looking For a MATE in GALAXIES NEAR YOU!!!!❤️❤️❤️ and softly puts a hand on the posters and goes "I'm sorry I couldn't save you....." five seconds later jerry from *TOTALLY REAL* intergalactic statefarm NOT A FAKE NOT A SCAM calls up the doctor on the TARDIS phone to ask about the doctor's insurance info. Somewhere I kick an ugly ass step on a stupid fucking staircase and break my ghost toe. I hop around and start swearing.

[astrronomemes]

HOME ALONE (1990): STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1990 film, Home Alone. change & alter as needed.

"Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so."

"What am I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, congratulations, you're an idiot?"

"You're what the French call le incompetent."

"This house is so full of people. It makes me sick."

"I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass."

"Maybe he's just trying to be nice."

"There are fifteen people in this house, and you're the only one who has to make trouble."

"Maybe you should ask Santa for a new family."

"I wish they would all just disappear."

"How fast does this thing go? Does it have automatic transmission?"

"You be positive. I'll be realistic."

"I made my family disappear."

"[Name], I'm going to feed you to my tarantula."

"If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses."

"What's wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do that."

"You're sick, you know? You're really sick."

"You're not at all worried about [name]?"

"Look, I've been awake for almost sixty hours straight. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I've been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to... where the hell am I?"

"Now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless?"

"I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner."

"You're afraid of the dark, too, [name]. You know you are."

"What's next? Rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?"

"Instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys."

"There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it is true."

"Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself."

"I really like my family, even though sometimes I say I don't. Sometimes, I even think I don't. Do you get that?"

"Deep down, you'll always love them. But you can forget that you love them. You can hurt them, and they can hurt you."

"You can be a little old for a lot of things. You're never too old to be afraid."

"Bless this highly nutritious, microwavable, macaroni and cheese dinner, and the people who sold it on sale. Amen."

"Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?!"

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."

"It's pretty cool that you didn't burn the place down."