#hell fuckin yea
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well.. it only took about one year of dbt but my therapist is finally recommending mood stabilizers/SSRIs
#hell fuckin yea#there’s never been a better time to be single#and figure out my shit#yeehaw#into the ether#dbt#dbt therapy#therapy#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#medicated#anxiety meds#high anxiety#actually anxious
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Parvati Holcomb of the outer worlds video game s very cute and if this game had any romance options whatsoever I'd beeline for her. that being said given the absence of said romance options, I want all the best for her and Junlei Tennyson and I won't be accepting anything less
#(please dont let this age badly)#(also please no spoilers i am fully experiencing this game spoiler free so hell yea)#bUT I WANT THE BEST FOR PARVATI LIKE I LIKE HER A LOT SHE'S A GREAT GAL AND SHE'S A BUDDY#anyways if this ages badly i fuckin swear#the outer worlds#parvati holcomb
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You know I probably would have figured out something was up with me genderwise sooner if people assigned female at birth were not conditioned from a young age to absolutely loathe their bodies in order to sell beauty products and diets and unattainable standards
#spitblaze says things#very hard to recognize that the background radiation in ur life is dysphoria under the unrelenting pressure of societal misogyny!!!#like i understand where some people are coming from when they say that transmascs are only transitioning to escape misogyny#which like. fuckin hell i WISH that worked. this shit is inescapable#but also we arent transitioning because of misogyny. were transitioning in spite of it#the entire point of misogyny is to keep Those Who Are Not Men in line#im not 'escaping misogyny' any more than the lesbians who refuse to style themselves to heteronormative tastes#'yeah but passing trans men get male privilege' yea maybe socially. and its not like im fuckin asking for it. i dont want this shit#you think i asked for that shit?? you think stealth and passing transmascs dont push back against misogyny and patriarchy???#weve been on the other side. we know what its like#obvs theres gonna be shitty individuals but if ur letting like three or four dudes shape ur perception of a whole group thats another issue#got off track there but i suppose thats what the notes are for#anyway te/-rfs. die. womanhood is not defined by suffering and you’re all defeatest reactionary shitheads
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I never see anybody ever talk about this page, but Jesus is it viscerally upsetting to me. Like. They weren't fucking kidding about that demon/abuser allegory.
#cath.txt#dunmeshi#mithrun#drafting this because I don’t know if I wanna show my ass in public like this. but fuckin' hell do I wish those words weren't so familiar.#ok yea fine. I'll hack this up and skip into the distance.
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Ok so AO3 user Eggio's Sampard Divinity AU fic series has me going Bananas mhm mhm so i had to scribble or I'd combust (EDIT: AND THEY HAVE A TUMBLR @/SHOEZUKI OOOOHHHH IM GONNA DOUBLE COMBUST)
#sampo koski#gepard landau#hsr sampard#honkai star rail#honkai star rail art#hsr fanart#OMGOMOMGOGMOGOMGMGMG#god the way this person writes is such good prose#the description for Aha and Nous in one part of the fic is SO good#like these inhuman fellas are conceptual the way any god is! hell fuckin yea!!!!!!!
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the acolyte is arguably the coolest star wars show to be released since the mandalorian and y'all had to go fuck it up
#looking at you disney#disney#star wars#the acolyte#star wars the acolyte#osha#qimir#also looking at toxic asf fans who criticized the hell out of this show for no reason#YEA it had flaws but doesn't everything??#like y'all couldn't keep quiet for 3 seconds and let us enjoy darth plagueis#and qimir's fighting style?? i wanted to explore that#fuck you disney#i don't really want to start any new star wars shows now#no shade to any of the other shows but#qimir is such a cool fuckin sith#we haven't had the cool sith factor in a WHILE#star wars toxic fandom needs to be put in a timeout
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the fact there's a parallel universe out there where he actually named the channel "sneeb" instead of "chonny jash" terrifies me.
#like “man did you see sneebs upload today?” “aw yea it was good as hell i love sneebs voice”#“man sneebs song really hit me today it got me rlly emotional”#“damn sneeb rlly knows how to make a good melody”#“did you know sneebs album is a metaphor for depression?” like i do not want to live in that world that name is so unserious#like no one would EVER take you seriously#a joke name off of johnny cash is one thing but like....*sneeb*#i don't wanna be the me that talks about some guy named sneeb all day#i dont want on cover duty like your name was fuckin sneeb in my song man#i cant#also i almost typed sneeb snogs instead of sneeb songs#the evil chonny jash is sneeb#sneebs shitty sophisticated syllabus#its like 3am bro idk what im saying#chonny jash
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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no one will ever guess my favorite sans ever
not at all
#its 4 in the morning and this is the only thing on my mind send help fresh is my fuckin comfort character#'why dont you draw him more often then' bc hes 90s arcade floor hell shapes and colors that only a shrimp can perceive#so yea i dont draw him as much as i wanna#oc#original character#art#digital art#my art#utmv#utmv oc#undertale multiverse#parasite blue [oc]#fresh sans
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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.
#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over#lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm#screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day#set on fucking Easy mode#and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog#and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy#over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off#sooner#when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate#it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me#for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less#ill get over it ill try harder#i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it#but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born#im so fucking exhausted#anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize#i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes#i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and#i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones#while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here#anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life
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I do think Alex's relationship with Mr Fires would be a real severance for Clara, even if she felt more concern then betrayal. An irrevocable change to their hesitant friendship
But I think most of all she would be pissed that Alex had decided to try and avoid her, out of guilt, once things progressed, as if he had any right to make that choice.
#aughhhh#like fuckin hell what do u do if you find out your sort of friends half your age is in a relationship with a monster who horrendously hurt#you huh? abd i mean theres already the marriage with Edward but this is different#its complicatednbut. yea#alex and fires#alex and clara
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thinkin bout lord huron live at red rocks may 31st 2023....
la belle fleur sauvage was an INSANE concert opener tbh
#wimble womble talk time#lord huron#god that was such a magical night#yea it rained like hell on us for maybe two hours but it made it so much better somehow#nearly froze to death but it was so fuckin worth it#watching the stage lights catch on raindrops as they fell and listening to lord huron tunes i think is one of the most profound things i#think ive ever experienced#it was beautiful
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God bless screen musical productions that know how to utilise actors who Obviously Were Musical Theatre Kids In High School to the best of their ability and recognise that these kind of actors are basically their golden tickets to their show gaining Internet fame. Bonus points if said musical character is explicitly queer. Extra bonus points if said musical actor is also queer. And yes I'm talking about Ari Notartomoso and their role as Cynthia in Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies.
#THEIR VOICE#tHEIR VOICE IS ONE HELL OF A HOOK#AND THE SHOW KNOWS HOW TO USE IT#eSPECIALLY WITH CYNTHIA'S SOLO IN THE LAST EPISODE#THEY KNEW WHAT ARI COULD DO AND THEY DAMN WELL USED THEM TO THEIR ADVANTAGE#AND ITS SO GOOD#so yea the music in grease rise of the pink ladies rocks actually#like i really fuckin like it#aND THE PRODUCTION QUALITY LIKE#I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT IT#sO DAMN GOOD#ari notartomaso#grease: rise of the pink ladies#grease#rotpl
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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tomorrow………….. bee eff ay portfolio review……………………….
#turt talks#this isnt abt any of my blogs im just having those fuckin. 9pm+ thoughts#dying on yhe floor rn#im like confident in my work but also not does this make sense#like hell yea i have good shit here. but also The Horrors (self-doubt)#(i am aware of the self-doubt and understand that i must persevere despite it)#the worst part is that i cant really project this onto any of my characters bc none of them would realy be experiencing this :(#and tbh i think im too exhausted to even try projectng this shit rn#anywyas. ill be prolly pretty much dead from the internet tmrw <3 we’ll see how this weekend goes
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#absolutely do not want to argue because i get where the post is coming from with but im gonna give some thots#re: dennis autism!!!! ok!!!!!#ive talked about it before but there is WAY more to him being autistic than just the buzzer noises. when i first watched that i was like#is THIS really why people hc him as autistic. :/ and i get it! i do! i think he has misophonia inherited from glenn personally#its actually why i captioned the noise sensitive den gifsets as that rather than just. autism.#but personally i see his scripted social interactions and i go. yeah. me. me fuckin too.#and his outbursts. which are VERY personally relatable to me#i have uh. basically the same triggers? very similar triggers at least#i think dennis' neurodivergency presents itself differently because of his upbringing and thats why a lot of ppl go ???? when you say.#'yea i think den's autistic actually'#and like i said i was absolutely like. what the hell are people talking about. he's not autistic#but uh. on rewatches? hm.#dennis quite literally masks almost 24/7#charlie has no qualms about being perceived as like. weird. but dennis masks SO hard. SSSSSSOOOOO hard#i once saw a post like. charlie has boy autism and dennis has girl autism which honestly fucking hate that but its... kiiiind of true#ASD presents itself differently in adults depending on early social conditioning#mac fights gay marriage. group dates. new wheels. dee day. celebrity booze. all the big ones. all the hits.#look how he acts when he goes off script and is forced to speak off the cuff#the way glenn describes him as being very emotional but unable to adequately express his emotions too like. yeah. same.#theres so much more than the noise sensitivity#i could go on and on about how many fucking boxes he ticks but i honestly hate that shit. i know how autism works and that bitch is autisti#im going to refrain from commenting on the reasons why i feel charlie is more acceptably hced as autistic vs dennis because mmmmm but#dennis being 'hypersexual' (not about the sex. at all) and socially adept (has scripts/systems. charlie is more emotionally intelligent)#smells a lil stinky. smells a little bit like infantilization on charlie's part.#ada speaks#ok ill spare you guys. someday ill write a proper meta on this. ive talked about it before but.
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