#heartbreaker exam
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marbas sensei scares me like man's so chill and happy but he was straight up prepared to centipede jazz if team iruma hadn't interfered
idc if the centipede was nerfed or whatever, he told orias that he wanted to use the actual thing 💀
#marbas sensei#marbas march#m!ik#mairimashita! iruma kun#mairuma#welcome to demon school iruma kun#heartbreaker arc#heartbreaker exam#andro m. jazz#suzuki iruma
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moonlighting 🌚✨
i’m so rusty from not drawing for a whole semester (sobs) but its ok now because kaito's here
(no reposts; reblogs appreciated!)
#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#kaitou kid#magic kaito#kaito kuroba#dcmk#u may be thinking: star didn't u draw this but slightly to the left like a few months ago#yes BUT its not my fault he looks so good in blue#and u know he's always plotting something#lol i had this sitting in my wips folder for months and final exams is what motivated me to finally finish it#took my last one this morning so now im freeee#for four weeks#enough time to finish some zine stuff and draw arcane!#timebomb has me in a chokehold. wdym theyre best enemies.#WDYM NOW I NEED TO LEARN FRENCH#also guys...i literally had a dream where i was working on this painting#and then i woke up to another week of academic hell with 0 (zero) time for drawing#withdrawal symptoms...#thinking abt all the drawings i could've made but didn't have time for is actually heartbreaking
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"お前は失ってばかりじゃねえ"
"you haven't only received loss"
#who wouldve guessed more 07 ghost art....#almost done with the anime now but ep 20 ish took me OUT my heart is bursting#copying the text i wrote for ig here:#i was initially going to just use the english as a caption but it really doesnt get the emotion across properly.#spent a good fifteen minutes rephrasing thr words as accurately to the original quote as possible while maintaining the intention.#affirming that he's gained so much (cherished people and experiences) along his path despite all his heartbreaking losses.#done#YEAH I KNOW frau didnt actually do this this is just my own self indulging... makes me giddy when he gets all serious and intimate#like that expression he does. im down bad for this piece of hot garbage#going off on a tangent here but hes so fucking childish sometimes when he goes to pick teito up from his exam#this idiot took the time to arrange himself leaning leisurely against the wall and having a smoke just so he could be like oh hey#i wasnt waiting or anything im just free and rebellious and i smoke bc im cool....get real idiot#i dont have any more 07ghost art atm so lets see if the remaining eps inspire me#or the manga at the rate the anime seems to be ending :')#07 ghost#my art
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i was clearing out my notes app (because finally getting a new phone yay!) and this entry from 2022 is so heartbreaking
#2 years and 1 even worse situationship later im still too much i still want too much need too much have there are claw marks#jn everything that ive been forced to let go of lol#saving this for later so hopefully idk 2 more years later someday ill be just enough for somebody#there's a whole list of reasons titled ' why we shouldn't get back together' my heart breaks for younger me#i mean i know i was still quite old at 19 but it was first ever heartbreak for me and i was so dilgent in getting over it#i kinda think that was the healthiest grieving ive done for a person not like perfect because i still fuckef up#and failed my exams and fell 6 months behind but still i let myself FEEL#all these recent ones are just one layered on top of another i see something that reminds me of someone and i break down lol#i begged and begged for a new phone but wow this phone has soo many memories it's been with me#from july 2020. lmao lasted longer than pretty much all my relationships#baby me made such a compelling argument logical fact based about why we shouldn't get back together#i used to be so earnest and obsessed with making myself better maybe it was self centered but it was better than#the self loathing dirtbag ive become. what happened to u girl#save
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binging the pirates of the caribbean movies right before your exams is so funny cause you develop the Jack Sparrow mindset like is the one doing the bullshitting truly bullshitting if the one doing the bullshitting is being bullshitted by the fucked up education system? me failing this exam is not a reflection of my academic skills if the failing of the exam is the result of the inadequate academic provision. take that teacher
#this sounded funnier in my head#im so done#this is basically how my exams went today:')#anyway#ramble gamble#listening to this is what a heartbreak feels like while omw home after this is also so funny#everything is funny because if it wasnt i would cry
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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Summer camps and similar very intense for 2 weeks and then suddenly finished activities are so tragic because you'll form one of the deepest connections of your life and then you never see those people again
#like sometimes you get lucky and manage to keep in touch with a few of those people#sometimes you get VERY lucky especially when its something you do every year and you manage to keep most of the group#but generally its just you spend a week or two 100% of the time with the same people#you feel like its impossible you just met them a week ago#you promise you will keep in touch!! we have to keep meeting#and you do a couple times you manage to get 4-5 people together#but it will never be the same theres so many people missing#then slowly this stops#the groupchat hasnt been active for a while so i ended up not doing anything for my birthday.#well now its exam season so we will do something after that! sure!! ........silence#seeing groupchats where the last thing we talked about was this theoretical meeting is heartbreaking#and slowly the groupchat goes lower and lower on the list and you dont want to be weird and say smth#and slowly when you no longer see it because its so far down you stop thinking about it so often#and then those friends who meant the world to you for a couple weeks are just a distant memory#you dont think about them that much sometimes someone will go on one and you'll be like oh i used to love those!!#and you'll think about your friends who you don't even know if youll recognise if you met them in the street#and think we should really meet again and dont even pretend like you're going to text them#because no one has said anything in that groupchat for years and you dont even know if some of them have forgotten you#sorry im just getting emotional lol#anyways candela see u tomorrooow this wont happen to at least uus💛💛💛💛💛💛#mine
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BAKUGOU SMAUS RAGHHH 🔥🔥
#i’m home but there’s like 7 more topics for me to study uhm#yes after prelims what do we (pre-med students) deserve? 4 absolutely heartbreaking quizzes and practical exams#BUT UPDATE SOON 😈
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seeing new appreciation for Dark Era because of the anime rewatch makes me so happy..... could we have a light novel reread series next so that everyone can read Dark Era? 🥹
#bungou stray dogs#out here shilling the DE novel whenever I can to get as many people as possible to read it 🥲 pls read it guys it's so worth it#it will rui- change your life#the anime adaptation is beautiful and the best work Bones has ever done for bsd#but it still can't hold a candle to the novel#so much of Oda's character and the true heartbreak and poignancy of his and Dazai's relationship is only found by reading it#not to mention a better understanding of Ango; Dazai and Aku's relationship; etc#everyone knows Stormbringer and Beast but i feel like Dark Era is one of the most unread light novels#(along with Entrance Exam... *sigh* and 55 Minutes)#I made a visual novel out of Dark Era using anime screenshots and the ost.... would people find it more appealing to read in that format??#I keep waffling about making it public cause idk who would even care lol#but maybe i should just post it one day and see what happens...... i'm proud of it but no one has played it but the friend i made it for#i'd be happy if sharing it got more people to read Dark Era#anyone who's even reading these tags lmao: would you play a visual novel of Dark Era???
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17/05/23
kinda missed evenings like this❤️
#exam season#evening#evenings#calm evening#netflix#heartbreak high#salad caprese#(kind of)#tea#wellness#diaryblr
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my brother is currently in the middle of his first a level exam and ive never felt this intense a worry for him, to the point of nausea
#i was trying to help him revise last night and he did okay#but i feel his school just hasnt given him the right tools to handle an exam#and im no mathematician so the help i can offer is extremely limited#but im worried most of all because he wants to go to uni#and i think he thinks he won't get in#and i dont want him to feel that disappointment and heartbreak on results day#i havent mentioned my uni updates to my family for a reason#i answered the phone to a lady today and i had to literally drop the call onto my colleague because it was sounding like a sour interaction#and i think i would have burst into tears#:')#helia's stuff
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Me: *stares at a google document with at least 4 pages of just angst and pure pain of zimorangi, a whole ass backstory and plot lines Also me: *looks over the time and my exam materials "I shouldnt be doing this-" length vent in tags
#im in pain#so much pain#its like the discovery of this ship just opens the floodgates of angst stored in me#like i genuinely rarely read angst fit and all but holy shit#maybe im just projecting#im always am anyways#heartbreak and shit just never moved on#and now im about to inflict the same pain on to any poor souls that comes across my blog#might just post it more on twitter though because its more popular there#then again im scared of twitter so who knows#i have a 3 week exams coming up and im here#writing fics when english isnt even my main language lmfao#the worst part is my chinese isnt even that good either despite being one!#oh well#it is what it is
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coming back here after so long howdyyyy
#feeling very full but...idk. in a fun way?#which is weird as im listening to sadsongs?#before that i was listening to classical pieces?#before that i was listening to social media artists and reality show singers & random orchestra ppl finding e/o on airport “coincidentally”#and playing like fucking gods. its what inspired a whole plethora of feelings#and the thought (belief) that art is the ultimate divine power#full of feelings#listening to a playlist i made for a hopeful sequel to the most angsty hopeless fic ive ever written#when im supposed to write another angsty fic but not really feeling the heartbreak for it yet?#weird things happening listenting explicitly to sad shit and feeling energetic instead like what going on lol im actually having fun?#enjoying this in fact#must be smth to do w the period plus exams being over plus the sense of freedom and little hopefullness idek#this post is targetted to the app as an entity and ofc you echoes if you see this bc youre legit the only person i interact w on here#(also the only person who interacts w me lmaoz)#idek its like coming back to a journal but i dont have very strong feelings its pretty 'eh might as well'#plus nowhere else to pour out passionate monologues#so yep hii might disappear again woops
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I can never share how I feel bc if I do, I'm "trying to start a fight," or I'm "controlling," or, I'm "Just looking for a reason to be mad". When you like pics of half-naked girls, it HURTS ME. Why can't you understand that.
#bipolar #bpd #anxiety #ocd relationships #why #hurt
#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#heartbreak#tw depressing thoughts#exams#tw depressing stuff#actually bipolar#bpd#relationships#bpd relationships#bipolardepression
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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I am writing😌 (I've opened the document but I've been scrolling through tumblr for the past hour)
#boy imagine how much writing I'll get done if i actually wrote when i am thinking about writing#exams are over im back to 'writing' again i have a scrumptious fic that i wanna finish before Christmas#with scrumptious i mean absolutely heartbreaking of course#writing#good omens fic
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