#hear me out… demo/spy/medic

[thekitchenspider]

I think it’s fun to make scout suffer, but out of love. I see that silly man and just wanna hold him but at the same time I want to electrocute him.

no i will NOT shut up about Medic being a father figure to Scout!!!!! This is literally Father and Son Activities 101

[jevilowo]

MY OPINIONS ON VARIOUS TF2 SHIPS

For funsies

SCIENCE PARTY:

fun ship, but they're GodComplex4GodComplex and I fear that would only end in disaster

TOASTED SANDVICH:

if there is one heavypyro fan on this stupid baka planet it is me. shout out to menacing quiet individuals who like violence but have a soft side fr.

BLOODY SUIT:

literally The Original toxic yaoi rivals to lovers red blue combo ship. speeding bullet and napoleon complex fans WISH they had our shared update and corresponding voice lines

BATTING HELMET: (scout n solly)

i just think it's really funny trust me on this one guys. have you seen them in the fourth comic it's a constant "yes, and" bit between the two of them. soldier's love language is choking people out.

HIT AND A MISS: (scout n pauling)

like most ms pauling ships, i'm only into it if scout's a cool lesbian. which he is not most of the time.

RED OKTOBERFEST:

AAAAAAAAAAAAA literally the ship of all time save me heavymedic save me. if they don't smooch in the next comic i will become jay pinkerton's personal sleep paralysis demon.

SPEEDING BULLET:

my feelings on it are Complicated. twas my first love (otp) in this fandom, but the overabundance of twinky uwu scout and daddy dom snoipah has built up some resentment on my part. call me back when people stop making up imaginary life problems for sniper to comfort scout over.

NAPOLEON COMPLEX: (Spy n Engie)

literally just rarjack if they were boys and not horses to me and i'm not even an mlp fan. it's alright, just doesn't really stick out to me.

SPYMA:

LITERALLY THE POWERCOUPLE EVER TRULY A LOVE STORY FOR THE AGES or at least the version that exists in my head is. i have so much made up spyma lore it's crazyyy. bonus points if they're polying up they cule with sniper it's quickly becoming my favourite genre of fanart (i have seen at maximum three)

SUPPORT SANDWICH: (spy n sniper n medic)

in my opinion, it is healthy for everyone to have at least one ship they just like bc they think it's hot. for me, that is support sandwich. not much else to say on that the fics are all banging go look them up.

SNIDOS: (sniper n GLaDOS)

hell yeah.

ADMINPAULING:

i used to like it a lot, but timelining implies ms pauling's been working for helen since her mid teens at the latest so i no longer like it. 4chan leaks my beloathed pleaseee don't make them kiss i think it would kill me in a bad way

URINE SAMPLE: (medic n sniper)

there's a lot of werewolf and vampire stuff for these two on ao3 which is pretty fun. and i'm way more likely to find sniper angst under the medicsniper tag than sb and bs which is always a plus.

FRENCH TOAST: (spyro)

have you seen that one animation where pyro gives birth to spy's child and gordon freeman is there at one point. yeahhhh. the ship's pretty cute tho spy would be sooo soft for pyro they'd light his cigarettes for him.

BOOTS AND BOMBS:

THE FORBIDDEN RED/BLU ROMANCE GOES CRAZY I ADORE IT. same team bnb is pretty banging too. bonus points if they're polying up they cule with zhanna.

SPYPAULING:

HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE. imagine. spy x pauling. yuri. that will be all.

SWORDVAN:

SWORDVAN MY LOVE!!! idk what it is about demo and sniper together but HELL YEAH TOP 5 SHIPS FR FR. shout out to the guy still writing monsterous intent, they're like single handedly carrying the swordvandom.

TEXAS TOAST:

I used to think "this is cute" but then my friend got really really into it and that hyped me up into "THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SHIPS OF ALL TIME" territory. bonus points if they're yuri! shout out to Technicolor California, my current favourite fanfic of all time (it overtook running blind in the interal rankings). oh yeah insert mandatory "no hate to engie and pyro father son dynamic preferers" message here lol.

Ok that's enough I will cover more at some point maybe.

[captain-pheonix]

Hello. I will call you Phoenix because that sounds very cool and you are cool and I platonically like you and enjoy your works.

Anyways I have come to request an all mercs + Pauling if you’re comfortable and want to write that. (If not maybe just Medic +whoever else you want to write for.) with a reader who has Schizophrenia? I’ve been going through some moments with it and the TF2 mercs are my comfort characters and your blog just feels nice.

If you aren’t comfortable with this feel free to block me or just ignore this ask entirely! Thank you very much!

A/n: GAHHH ILY PLATONICALLY TOO 🫶 ty for sending in a request, I’m so glad you enjoy my works! I try my best! I made sure I did some more extensive reasearch about schizophrenia/the real experience with it before I wrote this, please let me know if I should make some edits! (And other ppl reading this, also don’t be afraid to send an ask about making edits!)

Mercs + Pauling w/ reader w/ Schizophrenia (headcannons)

(Platonic or romantic!)

Pauling:

- will have some guilt about how she works all the time and can’t be there for you

- might send some gifts and call you in between jobs/travel, asking how you’ve been, asking if now was a good time or if you needed a distraction

- as soon as she gets the chance to come see you, she takes it

- asks over and over if you’re okay, because it’s been keeping her anxious on her jobs

- she’ll comfort you with sweet words over the phone if you call her for help

- reminds you to take your meds

Scout:

- absolutely clueless

- buys into stereotypes

- “the voices” type shit

- this guy is gonna need a thorough explanation as to how you feel all the time

- probably asks you how you’re feeling all the time too

- might be a little too quick to do his sneak-attack hugs

- likes hugging you a lot, so that could offer some grounding if you’re having delusions/hallucinations

- words of affirmation 10/10

- expect a lot of words…

- speaking of a lot of words, need an auditory distraction? The scout-o-matic is here! (Only $69.99)

Soldier:

- clueless prick

- thinks you’re some spy or something

- it might take the entirety of the team to convince him otherwise and try to explain it to him with your help

- might also buy into the stereotypes

- if you say you hear or see something that man is going to run around screaming with his shovel trying to chase them off for you (believes they’re real, but only you have magic powers to see them or something)

Medic:

- #1 meds administer

- does not buy into stereotypes, since he may know something about it

- (fw researching you heavy)

- dude is taking notes as you’re straight up not having it

- jk he goes to comfort you if he can after a bit

- you WILL be staying in the infirmary with him (sorry I don’t make the rules)

- will look into techniques to help you

Demo:

- you already know he’s offering alcohol to take the edge off/distract

- you have tried many times to tell him that that will not work

- if you had alcohol with your meds things would not end well

- offers himself as a napping space for being really exhausted (I’d take him up on that)

- he might already be passed out when you go to ask if you two can nap

- might wanna just scootch in there

Heavy:

- will protect you from the bad things (or at least try)

- if someone hurt pookie that’s no good it will not do

- offers protective bear hugs if you need something/somewhere/someone to cuddle up to and be distracted/grounded

Pyro:

- if you’re describing what you see to them, or have in the past, they might try to draw them with good old fashioned crayons and printer paper

- also schizophrenic 😭

- huge empathy from them

- but uhm they might also just straight up not know they’re schizophrenic, so bro could just be like “same”

- alright enough Gen z talk from me (there can never be enough)

- even if just hanging out with them makes you feel more comfortable

Sniper:

- probably feels bad for you

- opts to hang out indoors if hallucinations/delusions are not fun outside

- comforts you when you think you see or hear something

Spy:

- if he’s attempting to be subtle you might expect some noise cancelling headphones and other helpful tools show up at your door

- if you need a break from certain rooms he’s definitely gonna offer his smoking room

- gets you pill organizers for your meds if that’s something you struggle with

- offers lots of gentle comfort

- let’s be honest, this guy was clueless before you started talking to him about it and what it was

- now he just wants to offer help

Engie:

- probably pities you a bit

- gives you that Texan hospitality but may take a bit to understand you better

- will 10/10 make you something if there’s something he can make to help and if it’s possible

- gonna try everything in his power to make your life easier

————————

Hopefully I did okay 😭 ty for sending in your request!!

[miintsprigz]

Hi again!! Was wonderin if ya could do some hcs of Scout, Pyro, Sniper, Engi, and Medic with a reader who loves to give and show them drawings they made, but gets pretty nervous when they watch them draw? If this isn't exactly yer cuppa tea or you just genuinely do not know how to write this, feel free to just ignore this request:]

Hope you have an excellent day/night/evening/afternoon/noon!!>:DD

Ah, I think I recognize you there! Good to hear from you again. I’ll give it a shot!

GN! Shy Artist Reader x Mercs

Characters: Scout, Pyro, Sniper, Engineer, Medic (TF2)

Warnings: None

Scout ⚾️

• The two of you tend to draw while you hang out, just chatting in the meantime.

• He absolutely adored your work, and loved watching you make it.

• But when you pulled your sketchbook to your chest quick, he seemed confused.

• “Hey! You good?” “Yeah, I uh…I just feel weird when you’re watching me draw.” “Huh? You don’t gotta feel embarrassed, doll!”

• “…You know when you tried to pull off a jump while Spy and Demo were watching the other day…” At this reminder, Scout gave you a teasing scowl—not genuinely mad, just embarrassed remembering that.

• “Ah geez—yeah, if they hadn’t spooked me by starin’ at me like a buncha creeps—oh.” “You get it now?”

• He got…a little confused. “Am I makin’ it worse? Aw man, I’m sorry—” “No, no! I just—that awkwardness? Yeah.” “Ohhh, I think I gotcha…”

•Scout, uh, scooted over on the bed a little and eventually sat back down with his back against yours. “There. This’ll fix it!” Both of you erupted into laughter.

•In all seriousness though, he respected your wishes. He keeps everything you make for him in his room, aside from a small doodle or two that he carries on him to work at all times…awww.

Pyro 🔥

•You and Pyro lay sprawled on the floor, with a can of colored pencils and a box of crayons respectively.

•They’re actually quite good when it comes to color, pairing different hues together. It’s hard to tell exactly what they’re drawing, but sometimes you can faintly make it out.

•You suddenly felt eyes very intently locked onto you and jerked your head up.

• “Hm??”, came through the mask, muffled. “Uh…could you um…”

•They did that curious little head tilt, tenderly reaching for your hand. If you needed to tell them something, they wanted to make sure they heard it!

• “I feel nervous when you watch me draw. I know it’s silly, but—” “Ah!” Genuine surprise from the masked figure. They’d had no idea.

•Immediately, there were muffled apologies from under the mask, quickly hugging you. “Hey hey, it’s okay! I’m not mad. I just figured I should tell you. You’re okay, Py.”

• “Mmph?” “Yes, dear. I promise.” Giggling a little now, they pulled their free hand over the eyeholes of the mask like a visor, blocking you from view. You chuckled along with them.

•Later on, as the two of you shared drawings, you made out a familiar visage—that of you, with a couple bright red hearts drawn nearby. “Hehe, I love you too.”

Sniper 🏹

• Mick didn’t often watch you draw, honestly. The two of you tended to do your own thing in the same space, talking occasionally. Even that was enough.

• Once you caught him watching on what was kind of an off day though. You kind of just stared back up at him.

• Sniper cocked an eyebrow. “Why’d ya stop?” Biting the inside of your cheek, you looked off to the side.

• You felt the bed next to you sink down a little as he moved closer. “Hey. Ya got somethin’ ya wanna say?” His voice was softer, more cautious. “…cuz ya know, I’d like to hear that.”

• Shuffling a bit to get more comfortable next to him, you sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it, but…I feel weird when people watch me draw.” “Yeah?”

• You nodded. “Kinda see what ya mean, I guess. Ya think they’ll judge the work-in-progress?” You silently agreed.

• A slight smile brightened his features. “Well, dunno if it helps, but I know a lil better, love.” His shoulder brushed against yours as you moved a bit closer.

• “I love everythin’ you make. And I know that you know what yer doin. But…if you’re more comfortable with me not lookin’, I get that too. That’s fine.”

• He went to move away, but you quickly clasped his shoulder softly, indicating that he could stay. “Maybe, I could try to keep going?” A laugh broke through as you admitted, “Besides, I like sitting next to you.”

• Humming contently, the Aussie planted the briefest of kisses on the top of your head. “Arright, darlin. You just lemme know.”

• As you kept working on that page, you did notice when he was watching, and it wasn’t easy, but after that he would have periods of staring off into space instead.

• There was a conciseness to it. He’d taken what you’d said to heart. Still, though, he seemed happy…and you were, too.

Engineer 🔧

• Dell had gathered quite a collection of your art by now, kept it on the wall of his workshop. He showed it off proudly to anyone who happened to enter, even if visitors tended to be few and far between.

• One night, you kept him company as he worked overtime on a new design for a model. While he worked, you did too.

• After a while though, you could tell someone was looking at you. As your gaze lifted, you caught him sneaking a peek from his desk, right next to the table where you sat.

• “Aw, did I break yer focus there? Sorry, honey.” “No no, it’s okay, Engie…I could put it away for now anyway, if you want something—”

• “No problem, (Y/N)! You can keep right on with that if ya like.” A somewhat sheepish smile came to your face.

“Hey, Engie…can you keep a secret?”

• “Mmm?” “…I get sorta nervous when people watch me draw.” A knowing sort of smile slowly crossed the Texan’s face, sliding his goggles up to rest on his forehead for a moment.

• “You wanna know a secret?”

“Hmm?”

A nostalgic sort of thoughtfulness crept into his voice. “I used ta be the same way.”

• “Really?” You never pictured the mellow, easygoing Engineer to ever be self-conscious in that way.

“Yup.”

• “People would ask me all sorts a’ questions while they watched me build. ‘How ya gonna make that work?’ ‘What’s that do?’ ‘Why’d ya put that there?’ Drove me crazy. Part of the reason I got a shop, I s’pose.”

• He held a spare nut and bolt, twisting them together and apart as he talked, somewhat absentmindedly. Eyes wandering a bit, but always making their way back to you.

• “But here’s somethin’ I think you oughta hear, although I’d never try ta make ya change. Your work is yours, darlin’. Yours and yours alone. Ya make such beautiful things. I’m not askin’ myself what you’re doin’ when I watch, cuz I already know.”

• He put the fidget aside and reached for your hand with a sweet smile. “Why do you like to watch me work?”

• You could feel your face redden just a bit, and grinned at the floor for a moment. He chuckled at this, in a lighthearted way though. “Cuz it’s really cool how you make everything work, and how smart you are with your designs.”

• “Yep. That’s why I like watchin’ you work. Own the process, (Y/N). It’s all yours. You know exactly what you’re doin.”

• “Thanks, Dell.” “Of course, honey. Of course.” From that moment onward, it seemed like he tried not to watch for too long, but when he did, you remembered his words. And it didn’t feel quite as nerve-wracking then.

Medic 💉

• Medic absolutely loved to watch you draw. It was fascinating to him. Seeing how giddy he got, it took you a while to work up the guts to tell him.

• “Is something wrong, Liebe? You’ve been stopped for a while now.”

“Yeah, uh…Medic, I wanna tell you something, but it’s weird.”

“Oh?”

• “I uh…I feel kinda…nervous, I guess? When people watch me draw.”

“…might I ask why?” He seems genuinely perplexed by this. “I think it’s fascinating.”

• Yeah, yeah he would. You weren’t sure how to explain this to him—you knew for sure that he didn’t mind when people watched him at work, he operated on fully conscious people!

• You sighed softly, unsure of how to make this make sense to him. A hand rested on your shoulder for a moment. “(Y/N), I can see this means a lot to you. And as much as I love watching you at work…I love you even more. So I’ll stop doing that.”

A smile crept up on you, glancing back up at him.

“I appreciate it a lot, love. Sorry I can’t put it into words.”

“No need to be sorry! But…I do have one request.”

“Yeah?”

• A sheepish sort of smile came to the doctor’s face. “I can…still see the finished product, right? And maybe, instead of me watching, you could tell me how you put everything together?”

“Of course! No problem.”

“Ah, wunderbar!”

I’ve been very tired lately so I’m sorry this took me so long, and that it’s sorta short/repetitive. I appreciate your patience!

[justgrey]

Hello! I’d like to request the mercenaries with a fem mercenary reader who is a shapeshifter and has a pretty chaotic personality? Basically Nimona from the movie Nimona lol

Watched the movie finally, and now I'm gay for ballister. Thanks for that xoxo. be on the lookout for something on him because i want to chew him and hit him like a tennis ball

Also, it's safe to say I got a little stupid with this one 💀

Mercs with a chaotic! reader

Warnings : swearing, light mentions of gore, talk of body parts, medic.

CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS *jevil laughter*

Probably get along really well with Pyro and Scout not gonna lie because Pyro likes to burn shit (Even though I'm pretty sure they think they're spreading joy and colour) and Scout is pretty hyper in general, willing to go along with anything as long as it's fun.

*burns down barn*

"huddah huh huu hud."

"Yeah, loving the colour too, pally. Really makes the wood boom." *evil chuckles*

As soon as Pyro learns about your shapeshifting ability, they're all over you. They want you to play 3 different characters at their tea parties simultaneously and transform into a unicorn so that they can ride you into battle and fulfill their wildest dreams

"Hud hudda hu hubuh huuuuh HUDDAH!!"

"Okay, okay, fine!" *transforms into a unicorn* "Get on."

*excited hu noises*

"HUDDAHHHH!!"

Besties 💗🌈🔥✨️

Some of the older and quieter mercenaries are NOT gonna be having a field day with you and your silly little personality.

Sniper hates it THE MOST. He doesn't like people that much in general and can barely keep up with the hyperactive chaos that is you, so he mainly sticks to watching you burn shit down from afar.

"Did'ya really have ta' do that much?"

"Yeah. Why, you not liking it, pissboy?"

"..."

"That's what I thought. Don't be a hero, buddy."

Although he doesn't appreciate your snarky attitude, he likes how you can shapeshift. He really likes animals and will sometimes scope in on you when you transform, nodding with approval and whispering a little, "cool" that he hopes nobody hears.

Spy thinks you're a nuisance around the base but definitely sees the usefulness in your shapeshifting abilities since he kinda almost does the same damn thing, just with his goofy masks. He respects you for that, if anything, at all.

Do not ever expect to replace him or get remotely close to him in espionage, though. If you are at the same level as Nimona, you're not great at directly impersonating humans, and he will tease you about it.

"What was that, today?

"What was what?"

"The 'Oh Mon deu! Ack! Oohh! I dropped my baguette' if that was meant to be an impersonation of me, know that it was terrible, and my lawyer will be contacting you."

"I dunno, I think it was pretty accurate." *shrug*

Medic loves you. Sorry, not sorry. Loves you. Does get tired of you sometimes, but not all the time. He's generally also very *bzzz bzzz chaos organs* so he's happy to indulge in whatever you want to do which usually involves the absolute destruction of everything.

Medic is also incredibly fascinated by your shapeshifting ability. Do not sleep around this man while shape shifted because he's poking and prodding everywhere while you're out.

"Ohoho... how peculiar" *pokes open nerve*

"YEOUCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

*nervous chuckle as he hides a bucket of blood and from your view*

Engineer tries to be that guiding light he thinks you need. He's a friend, a father figure, a colleague, whatever you need. He's a nice Southern gentleman with a slightly insane twist. Encourages you to be careful around the others, but if you aren't, he's not complaining. Makes the job easier if everyone listens.

Heavy is pretty chill with you. He's neither annoyed nor pleased that you're around. He relatively keeps to himself, medic, and his guns.

Actually, do not touch his gun. Do not pretend to be his gun either.

Soldier and Demo like your charisma. You can be a pretty fun drinking partner for demo, and a nice soldier when you're willing to follow orders (which isn't usually) but as long as you get the job done with as much destruction as possible, Soldier is saluting you almost as much as he does the American flag that is hanging next to his bed.

"ANOTHER GREAT DAY, TODAY! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I MIGHT RAISE YOUR STATUS, CADET!"

"SIR YES SIR! or something I dunno, fuck this is weird..."

*walks with soldier, ignoring the screams of the dammed behind you*

He makes you transform into an eagle and has you sit there on his arm for a while, admiring you fly. It's brought him close to tears on many occasions.

Whenever he gets married to Heavy's sister, Soldier is making sure that you are THERE as an Eagle. He'll pay you to fly across the sky and make majestic bird noises.

Overall, some very mixed experiences. But a fun concept either way.

[aquatic-armageddons]

Team "Whore"tress 2

CW: Not well proofread, foul language, unprotected p in v, double penetration, deepthroating, cunnilingus and tit fucking

---

Today was supposed to be Y/N's day, a day she'd been planning for since she joined the RED team. She'd even been grilling them about it when it was steadily approaching. Days like this were supposed to be happy, cheery and all around memorable.

But who would have thought it'd end in sheer hurt and disappointment?

Y/N just wanted at least one birthday wish, just one tiny gesture that shows her how much she is cared about, but apparently, that was too much to ask for.

The team acted like they never knew and just went about their normal business. And when Y/N tried to speak to them about her special day, she was not even allowed to finish her words, as they grew aggravated with the constant pestering.

"Goddammit, Y/N! Can't you stop getting on my case?! I do not want to hear what you gotta say right now!" Medic exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Medic, I didn't mean to-"

"You have been getting on everyone's final nerve, Y/N." Spy interjected. "Do you not know the meaning of the word 'humility'?"

"But I just wanted to tell you-"

"Tell us what?" Sniper chided. "That you're sorry for nearly costing us a battle today?"

"But I-"

"Enough! Tiny girl should stop. Go to some other place, now!" Heavy barked loudly, making Y/N quiver and shrink into herself.

"Fine." Y/N growled bitterly to herself, try desperately to choke back the salty tears from her eyes, unsuccessfully.

After she left, tension lingered for the other mercenaries to embrace. Soldier and Demo exchanged worried glances, as well as Engineer and Pyro.

"You guys ever stop to think why she's acting like that?" Scout questioned.

"Why should we?" Medic muttered. "It's not like it's so important that we can't wait."

Scout shook his head in exasperation. "You all are so fuckin' stupid, I swear. Do I gotta spell it out for you?"

Demo cocked his head to the side. "Please do, 'cause I don't get why the poor lass has her panties in a bunch."

It was at this moment when Scout snapped a little. "It's her goddamn birthday, dumbasses! I was the only one who remembered, and you all forgot?! God, you seriously piss me the fuck off!" He shook his head in disappointment.

Everyone's face paled as the weight of their mistake sunk in rapidly. An uncomfortable pang of hurt coursed through their hearts, and they made no attempt to hide the shame on their expressions.

"Scout cannot be serious.. " Heavy whispered.

"This is not April Fool's Day, maggot. Why are you messing with us now?" Soldier blurted.

"Why would I make this up, you guys? Does the poor girl mean nothing to you at all?" He looked at him with a cold stare.

"You're wrong, mate. She means everything to us." Sniper griped.

"Then we gotta fix this. Now."

---

A knock on Y/N's door echoed through the hall of dorms. The only noises audible from the other side was her soft cries and sniffles.

God, this was heart-wrenching to its core.

"Mon chéri, may we come in?" Spy spoke tactfully.

"Go away..."

"C'mon, little lady. We just wanna talk, that's all." Engineer pressed.

The door suddenly swung open to reveal an agitated Y/N. Her eyes were bloodshot from the many tears, and her face was slightly flushed and puffy.

"What's there to talk about?! I've been reminding you bastards for WEEKS, and you just up and forgot! You don't get to come here now like you give a damn!" Y/N's throat clenched up as a new set of tears fell.

"Fraulein, please!" Medic pleaded with her. "We're sorry, sweetie. Is there any way we can make it up to you?"

Y/N thought for only a moment. "You guys really want to prove you're sorry?"

"Da, more than anything!" Heavy exclaimed.

"Alright, then. Prove it."

"But how, lass?" Demo urged.

"Use your imagination..."

The other mercenaries' eyes grew wide with understanding as Y/N slowly removed her blouse. Even though she didn't speak another word, the message was obvious.

"I believe I should go first, short stuff. Since I'm the only one who remembered, right?" Scout whispered in Y/N's ear, sending a chill down her spine.

Scout gently pressed his lips against hers, but soon after initiated a deep, passionate makeout session. His lips then traveled down towards the nape of her neck as he deeply inhaled her scent. Y/N shuddered as she felt Pyro's hands grasp onto her backside, gently kneading and massaging.

Sniper slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of Y/N's bottoms, his fingers gently teasing her clit. They circled the hardened nub with ease, making Y/N more soaked than she was before. He then slowly removed his hand and sucked on his fingertips, not breaking his eye contact with her for a second.

"Fuck, Sheila. You taste bloody gorgeous...but I'd rather eat this straight from the source if you don't mind..."

Sniper laid back down on the bed beside him, beckoning Y/N to give him a better taste of her juices. She happily complied, taking off her bottoms and slowly climbing towards Sniper's head.

"Go on, Y/N." Heavy stated. "Give Sniper a taste of wet, juicy pussy."

She didn't need to be told twice. Slowly lowering her lips above Sniper's, she let out a shaky moan as he swiped his thick tongue across her folds. Sniper growled in satisfaction, wrapping his arms around Y/N's thighs, locking her in place. She tilted her head back as she rode his face, running her fingers through his hair.

After getting a better taste of her, Sniper switched positions and laid her on her back, spreading her thighs while apart. He beckoned Spy over, silently telling him to get a taste of her sweet cunny.

"Go on, mate. It's the best tastin' cunt you'll ever have..." He groaned.

Spy hummed in compliance, lowering his head and attaching his face to hers. Y/N arched her back and moaned shamelessly, jaw stacking and saliva dribbling out of her mouth. Even though she shut her eyes, it didn't stop Spy from savagely devouring her cunt.

She felt the bed's weight dip on both sides of her head. She opened her eyes to see Soldier's hard cock on her left side and Engie's on her right. Taking one in each hand, Y/N began stroking slowly, illiciting a groan from both men.

"Damn, honey..." Engie began. "You sure know how to use those hands, don't you?"

"She sure does, Engie!" Soldier bit his lip as Y/N licked his cock from base to tip, swirling the tip with her tongue. He ran his fingers through her hair as he suddenly thrusted down her throat, making her gag.

"Let's see how these tits fit around my cock, lass..." Demo climbed over Y/N's torso, placing himself in between her breasts. He let a sliver of saliva dribble down onto his cock and thrusted back and forth, earning himself a satisfied moan.

"You're not one to lie, Bushman. She tastes quite wonderful..." Spy agreed, licking her juices from his mouth, like observing the taste of fine wine. "Scout, get one with her, would you? You said you were first, yes? And it is rude to keep people waiting."

"Fine, you rat." Scout hissed. "But I'm taking my time here, unlike you forgetful fucks."

He and Y/N swapped places, and he laid himself on his back. Y/N didn't hesitate to slam herself onto his shaft, causing both of them to moan out in unison. Scout grasped onto Y/N's behind, guiding her on his cock as she bounced up and down.

"Lean onto Scout, Devushka." Heavy insisted. "I will take your behind." Y/N did as instructed, and felt Heavy's massive member tease her backdoor. She began to cry out in slight pain, earning a scowl from Medic.

"Gott, mein friend! You need to prep the poor girl before fucking her there!" Medic scolded.

Heavy rolled his eyes. "Da, da, doctor."

He spit onto his fingers, making them well lubricated before inserting them into Y/N's backside. Y/N cried out again, but with more pain than pleasure. Her moans grew louder as Heavy slid himself inside her, making her holes completely occupied.

"Isn't this a sight to see?" Spy stated with a chuckle. "This is far better than any verbal apology we can give, and you know it, Mon chéri."

A few minutes passed and at least everyone's had a round with Y/N's throat, tits, pussy and behind. But that wasn't the icing on the cake, at least not yet.

Y/N kneeled on the floor as she was surrounded by all nine mercenaries, her mouth open and tongue sticking out, longing for the last of their seed to cover her face.

"Fuck!"

One after the other, they released the last of their essence onto Y/N's face and down her throat. Her hair was a sticky, white mess, as well as the rest of her body. Her pussy and backside were sore, her lips were slightly swollen and her eyes were still bloodshot from the tears of pleasure she wept. She would have passed out then and there, but Medic scooped her up, carrying her to the bathroom a few feet away.

"Fraulein, we truly are sorry for not remembering your special day. Do you forgive us?" He whimpered as he placed her in the tub, turning the dial to hot.

"You guys are so silly. I forgave you the moment you knocked on my door earlier!" Y/N smirked. She let out a deep sigh of relief when settling in the bath, the hot water easing her sore spots.

"Good. Because the last thing we want is to have any more tension in the base." Spy noted.

"But I'm glad you're feeling better, and we promise not to forget your special days anymore. Isn't that right, gentlemen?"

---

A/N: THE LONG WAIT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!

I want to apologize for not releasing this when I said I would. I don't like going back on my word at all, but I wanted to recover from my illness (a little) before completing this. Last night was absolutely horrible for my lungs and stomach (coughing for a straight hour, hacking up phlegm and puking as well 🙃🤢). But I'm feeling a lot better today, and I plan on seeing my doctor this week. In the meantime, please let me know what you think and send me asks for what headcanons/fanfics you wish to see in the future!!!!

[th3tism]

Alright, hear me out. The mercs with a SO that is a siren and their first meeting. About the SO trying to "entice" the mercs but their powers are too weak so it doesnt work :))

AGHHHH HIII SORRY I KEPT PROCRASTINATING TO POST IT BUT HERE IT IS!!!!!

Mercs: medic, scout, demo

Mercs with a siren who failed to entice them

Medic:

When he first saw you, he was fascinated

Not because of your song (obviously) but because of what you were

When you tried (and failed) to hypnotize him, he just tied you up in a net and brought you back to his operating room/lab

After awhile, he weirdly got attached to you

And you the same honestly

You both had conversations that lasted until midnight, he taught you how to play chess, he introduced you to his birds... It was almost like... Oh no

As soon as he realized he might've gained feelings, he feels like an idiot

He didn't even know if you felt the same (spoiler alert, you did)

Your powers may not have worked on him, but your charm certainly did

Scout:

Today was supposed to be relaxing god damnit!

He wasn't supposed to have any supernatural encounters of any kind!

But nooo, he just had to stumble upon a mermaid or whatever

But, once he actually saw you he didn't really mind

Your hair, your scales... You were actually really hot

And then you started singing? For him? (Technically yes, but you were hungry not horny)

Sure, your powers were weak, but somehow it still worked on him

As soon as he got close enough to get a good view of you, he (tried) turned up the charm

"Hey hot stuff. You wanna get outta here?"

"Excuse me?"

"I-I mean... You uh- um..."

"Ok then... I'm just gonna eat you now."

He embarrassed himself, and confused you

Once he managed to get out of there alive (barely)

He couldn't stop thinking about you

He needed to come back

Even if you were gonna eat him, he wanted to see you

So ofc, he came back.

This time with fish sticks he stole from the base freezer, and a rose

As soon as you saw him again, you rolled your eyes. But then you saw the fish sticks

Now you were interested

Once you swam up to him to steal them, he kneeled down and presented the rose with a sheepish grin

"... What's this?"

"Um... An offering?"

"For... What?"

"For you."

You were so confused by this guy

But... He was intriguing.

So, instead of threatening him this time, you took the rose (and the box of fish sticks), and swam away

At this point, it was routine for him to come over and give you things

Roses, jewelry that he DEFINITELY didn't steal from Spy, and even a can of BONK! if he felt like it

He was madly in love with you

And honestly... You were kinda starting to warm up to him

Demo:

When he first saw you, he thought he was drunk

He was, but that's besides the point

He's had his fair share of weird encounters with mythical creatures like you... But you were different

You were beautiful, stunning, handsome, dazzling, all of it

You didn't even have to start singing for him to approach you

You were confused by this to say the least

Most men ran off in terror... But him? He approached you

"Hey there lass/lad. Ya got a name?"

"Um... It's y/n..."

"Well... Ain't that a pretty lil name."

This man was intriguing

Charming even

He was different.

From then on, the two of you would talk, and hang out

Sometimes he'd even join you in the water if he wanted to

One night, the both of you were star gazing

Just casual activities between the two of you honestly

But the romantic tension between y'all was BIG

Like bigger than a sperm whale

He didn't wanna push anything

So he just slowly reached his hand out to gently grab yours

You looked over at him, and did the same

He smiled as your fingers intertwined

This was nice. This was real nice.

[wisteriaiswriting]

Tire Me Out

Words: 650

Stumbling through your dark room, having stubbed your toe on your bed frame twice. Lightly kicking anything in your way, with only the faint moonlight guiding you to the lightswtich near the door. Shutting your eyes and covering them when the light was turned on, slowly pulling them away as you adjusted.

The clock on the wall told you the time, 2:52. Fuck. What was wrong with you today? Shaking your head before looking around, hoping to find something to steal your attention until you pass out where you were. Something you would definitely regret in the morning, but much to your dismay there was nothing.

Huffing as you switch the light off, reaching for the door only to hit the wood. Taking a deep breath in, silently but seething as you let it go. Finally getting the door open to find a pitch black hallway, unable to see even arms length from you. Scrambling through a nearby storage bin full of junk, luckily finding a small torch.

Now that you were awake and outside your room you realized two things, how dry your throat was, and it was fucking freezing. But you couldn’t find the energy to search for something warm or return to bed yet, so you quietly made your way down the hall.

Normally you’d find others awake, like cascading from under doorways with whatever they did cutting through the silence. But not tonight, it seemed what Medic said had everyone listening. The medbay door was slightly open but he wasn’t anywhere in sight, who was likely off in Heavy’s room.

Sniper wasn’t even in the base but you couldn’t care less to check on him, not like he had much else to be doing anyways. Hearing snores from a variety of rooms, Demo, Soldier and even some from Scout. Not daring to enter Spy’s or Pyro’s room, but you were daring when it came to Engineer.

Warm light was covering the ground and you, swear to god, could feel the heat from how long he’s had the light on. Without the background noise of tools running you had to be quiet entering, which he didn’t notice. Finding him hunched over his desk, sketching on some blueprint paper.

“What are ya doing cowboy?”

He dropped his pencil in an instead, reaching for a nearby wrench. Slouching when he noticed it was you, only to pick up the pencil again.

“Could say the same for you darlin~”

“You could, but I asked first!”

Not noticing him wince at your voice, walking around him. Unable to fight the urge to pick up and look at everything in reach. Stopping when he took something from your hand,

“Now, what are ya doin’ up this late?”

Only able to shrug at his question, watching him huff.

“If you're gonna stay, lay down in the cot.” Pointing his thumb towards the back of his workshop, finding a cot with a thin blanket and flat pillow. Sensing your thoughts he continued, “Or my bed might be better for ya.”

Instead of choosing any of the options he gave, you decided to sit on an empty spot on the desk.

“Don’t you go ruining anything now.”

“Me, break something of yours? Never.”

Feeling gunslinger sit on your hip, his flesh hand pinching the bottom of your shirt.

“I’d rather not risk it, so why don’t you hop off.”

“Then where would I go?”

Wordlessly he picked you up, quickly and surprisingly gently placing you onto his lap.

“That’s where, or would ya rather go back to bed?”

“I’d rather not, but what about you?”

“I’m more than comfortable here sugar,” A quick scan of your face revealed… some intentions alright. “What are ya planning there?”

He was surprisingly out of his usual overalls, which you welcomed. Lowering your hand under his shirt, laying it on his stomach.

“Oh don’t you worry about it~”

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

TF2 Mercs as Cats!

————————————————————

Based on a conversation I had with @prognostic-santhanas

————————————————————

Scout- Abyassin

Abyassin cats, by nature, love to jump and climb and very are inquisitive. Scout, as a cat, would definitely always be climbing on the most random things and making the MOST dangerous jumps across furniture to keep himself from getting bored.

————————————————————

Solider- American Bobtail

He's American in every form! But seriously, to be honest, Soldier is a LOT more dog coded then cat coded, so what better than a cat that has dog like characteristics? Bobtails are also very confident cats, and can be super friendly.

————————————————————

Pyro- Bengal Cat

If Pyro was going to be ANY colored cat, it'd definitely be orange. Like Pyro in any form is a BRIGHT animal. But Bengals are also very confident, curious, and athletic. And like, cat Pyro LOVES to explore and run around, literally chaos incarnate of turned into a cat.

————————————————————

Demo- LaPerm

LaPerms are very friendly cats, with some being referred to as lapcats, who have occasional bursts of high energy. Honestly, if Demo was a cat there's no doubt he wouldn't spend most of his time laying around and enjoying affection only to get up to some chaos when the mood suits him.

————————————————————

Engie- Siberian

Siberian cats are affectionate, friendly, and extremely intelligent, and I mean, that's exactly how I'd describe Engie. Honestly, even when he's a cat, he's still VERY smart. No doubt, he learns how to do tricks and commands on his own, unprompted just for the fun of it.

————————————————————

Heavy- Russian Blue

He has to be Russian in every form! (/j) No, but this fits more tempement wise like most of the others. Quiet, intelligent, and loyal are all ways Russian blue cats have been described, and that definitely fits Heavy. Honestly, it's not in this specific breeds nature, but cat Heavy is definitely a guard cat for any house he's in.

————————————————————

Medic- Somali

Somali cats are highly intelligent cats. Similar to Engie, cat Medic would definitely be teaching himself everything he could. Also, unsurprisingly, a cat who's best friends with the neighborhood birds, you can definitely find them just, cuddling together. But he definitely would have a tendency to hunt mice just to "experiment" on as best as he could as a little cat guy. And I mean, come on. Put an evil grin on that cats face and tell me it's NOT Medic.

————————————————————

Sniper- Korta

Korta cats move slow, hate loud noises, and have extraordinary sight, smell, and hearing. Like. This might just be Sniper himself. Cat Sniper is most definitely an amazing hunter. If he wasn't busy getting up to mysterious and unknown things you'd definitely find a plethora of dead animals just left in random places as gifts from him.

————————————————————

Spy- Maine Coon

Common traits of Maine Coons are that they're adaptable, quiet, and patient, and like, come ON. It practically explains itself. Spy is definitely an annoying cat that loves to fuck with you but also will throw a fit if you don't give him attention. God, FORBID, you don't give him the exact amount of attention he requires. Something you obviously value more than him will be destroyed later on...

————————————————————

Uh, surpise! Hc post jumpscare! This took me longer than it should have and I'm sorry. I genuinely appreciate how patient you all have been with me. Burn out is insane but I'm still in love with writing and in love with the tf2 fandom. I'll do the best I can to keep writing and again, thanks for being so great guys!

Hope you liked the hcs :D

[another-delta-lover]

List of ships I wanna draw so bad but I can't bc I can't draw the characters properly:

PyroScout

Pyro x Pyro

SollySpy

Solly x Solly

DemoSolly

DemoPyro

DemoSpy

Demo x Demo

HeavyEngie

HeavyMedic

HeavySpy

Heavy x Heavy

EngiePyro

EngieSolly

EngieDemo

EngieSpy

Engie x Engie

MedicDemo

MedicSpy

Medic x Medic

SniperPyro

SniperDemo

SniperSpy

Sniper x Sniper

SpyPyro

SpyMa

Spy x Spy

[Bonus]

SaxWell

AdminPauling

Miss Pauling x Sniper's Bio Mom (no one will see this one coming)

Miss Pauling x Scout's Mom

Demo's Mom x Demo's Dad (when they were young)

Me with Any—Merc—But—Scout , specially Heavy and Demo (my selfshipping ass can't even draw myself)

Every ship mentioned but their robot version. I CAN'T DRAW ROBOTS

Every ship mentioned above but Fem. I CAN'T DRAW WOMEN

The Heavy Sisters x A Merc That I Feel They Would Work With (heavy don't kill me I just want themto be happy)

Oc x Canon (Why did I decide to ship my oc with the character I can't draw haha kill me)

Human version weapons x Human version weapons (hear me out)

Classic Merc x Classic Merc (CHeavy x CMedic 🙏❤️❤️)

That's all😁.

[multiheadcanons]

TF2 MERCS AND MUSIC

scout: scout, as we know, loves tom jones. he’d probably also be an elvis guy. but that’s not what i’m here to talk about, frankly. i’m here to talk about how scout is the team’s sole music influence. anything the team discovers past like… the 80s scout put them on. and scout gives anything at least one listen. he’s actually got an s tier music taste. knows exactly what to recommend to each of his team members, except snipes. he never knows what to do with that guy. making active attempts to listen to more classical, though will naturally opt for 70s pop. he loves elton john. also loves tom cardy. blasts mixed messages. on his really shitty days, both the enemy team and his own team taunt him with this stupid fucking song, he has no idea where they came up with it; but when he’s getting his shit rocked everyone follows him around yelling “my name is the scout. doc. i need some healing. scout. that is my name. scout. i want another. scout. where is my baaaaaaall? i’m running out of the spawn; there is a booooooomb, and it is gonna hit me—” AND THEN THEY KILL HIM AGAIN. that shit pisses him off so much.

soldier: this man was wrecked when he heard the news of karen carpenter. the day scout showed him the carpenters he was gobbling it up. when he’s not listening to straight up “women still don’t have credit cards” doo-wop, he opts for what he calls the hippie dippie shit, it’s a guilty pleasure. love hates the beatles. loves a lady with a nice voice. demo put him on the proclaimers. he’ll listen to them when he misses his bud. really enjoys christmas music!

pyro: pyro is a white knight swiftie and nothing will ever change that, bar her like… purposefully running over puppies. in the pit five times during rep tour. CRUSHED when loverfest got canceled. LOVES their pop girlies. loves all the girlies, really! has NEVER been a barb and will never BE a barb. is an active member of stan twitter. is the kind to harass you aggressively online if they don’t agree with you. has a very long dni list. is blocked by many people. spy won���t help them dox people.

demo: demo loves the proclaimers and jazz in all its forms. god, he loves jazz so much. regular attendee of jazz clubs. brings his own drinks, just goes for the music. goes to jazz open mics. also loves sade. he adores that woman. does the old man two step when he’s really getting into a song, and if someone’s in in the room with them he will urge them to dance with him. if you don’t know what the old man two step is, it is a very effective dance move. you do a wide two step with your elbows out. it is not an old man two step if your elbows are any less than a 45 degree angle from your body. scout put him on thundercat and his life has never been the same. will drunkenly scream sing dragonball durag. he’s an appreciator of hemlocke springs.

engineer: obviously engie loves country. he’s from texas. but here’s the thing about him; he is a strange elitist and HATES covers. he will not listen to a cover, he wants to hear the person who wrote it sing the song. has a stupid amount of random country facts floating through his head at all times. tries to bond with pyro through what he knows about country taylor swift but pyro knows everything there is to know about her. pyro is actually the one to educate him about taylor swift. pyro appreciates the attempt though. they ate up red tv together. engie tried really hard to deny the fact that he was tearing up to all too well but pyro placed a hand on his shoulder, paused the track, and said “it’s okay to cry.” like a cult initiation. and frankly that was it. “it’s just so well done.” he mumbled. and pyro supported him through it. also LOVES tracy chapman. he has cried to fast car a couple times. loves all his country girls. carrie underwood being an anti-vaxxer threw him off though.

heavy: heavy is an opera nut. his favorite is the nose by shostakovich. has taken medic and anyone else who’s interested to any opera he can find within five hours of them. will go on AT LENGTH if allowed about it. picked up on the old man two step from demo. has found a great appreciation for hozier. oh he eats that irishman up actually. finds him to be a prolific, unsung poet of the modern day. he told scout this; said his favorite song was eat your young. scout said “oh the take me to church guy, didn’t peg you for the yearning lover type. noted”. medic heard that, gave the song a listen, came back, and stared heavy down the rest of the day. his face was unreadable. he never asked who he could possibly relate that to. and heavy did that on purpose. it was so hard for him to keep a straight face, the second he got to his room that night, he tried so hard to remain quiet, but his laughter echoed through the base. has a signed unreal unearth on accident. he thought he was just buying the regular cd. also a supporter of npr. he’s got the mug and the tote.

sniper: snipes is a genuine “i’ll listen to anything” person. he prefers podcasts anyway. he’s got a favorite song in any genre you can think of, and no interest in listening to music outside of the one “favorite song” slot per genre. there’s only like, three songs he actually ever wants to listen to when he has the itch though. and you bet your ass down under is one of them. he’s got an old walkman with cassettes that he recorded his favorite songs on over the years. he’s got maybe seven, eight of those cassettes total. he’s got some crazy live performances on there that nobody would believe for a day sniper was at. but he’ll tell you go look up pictures in the crowd, and you’ll find him everytime by his hat. this doesn’t mean he doesn’t listen to music; he just never goes out of his way to pick anything. he’s open to everything. me, personally, i think snipes would enjoy distractible. he’d find them humorous. probably listens to like…. critical and strategic dnd podcasts abt how to build encounters and craft dungeons.

medic: DEFINITELY a rave kid. made a POINT to go to the brat concert. team was just down a doctor while he went on holiday. told everyone to not die while he was gone. i mean, come on. go look at him. right now. you don’t even have to look at the fanart, you can go watch meet the medic, or literally look at his face in any panel of the comics. i’ll wait right here. welcome back. you saw that face, right? at all angles? that is the face of a young man from a time past who went by “DJDEADDOVE” and stole from the hospital he worked at in his mid twenties to sell drugs at raves and frame the intern on duty. his buyers LOVED him. you want to tell me that man DOESN’T listen to techno? you mean to tell me his synapses don’t function to erratic cracks of static and his heart is not fueled by a steady drum? you’re insane. a hard beat always takes him back to the good old days. back when he was a young man and the world was his to conquer! loves seeing the rave scene nowadays, but he doesn’t think he’s got energy like that anymore. ach! the days! how they pass!

spy: spy prefers silence most of the time. but there was one song he had a spiritual experience with. scout played fireflies by owl city offhandedly and it altered spy’s mindset, genuinely. he has never listened to it since. otherwise, he will take one (1) quiet instrument solo at a very low volume. hates brass instruments. the woodwinds can also fuck off. he will take a string instrument. percussions can stay but they’re on thin ice. he just likes to be able to hear his surroundings. when people ask him what his favorite song is he says 4’33” by john cage.

[lonewolfinthetardis]

What are some of your favorite tf2 hcs if you have any?

God, I have so many... I am of course a firm believer in the hc that all the mercs are queer, under the trans umbrella, and neurodivergent.

This is one that @jamisonwritestf2trash brought up, Medic had spoiled Archimedes so much that he's basically created a monster. Archimedes is an absolute diva, and will throw a fit when told "no". Medic also refers to himself as Archimedes' 'father' (the German word for father though).

Pyro in some part of their mind, knows exactly what it's doing. "Pyroland" is mainly a trauma response that stemmed from a massive incident that happened when they were younger.

Spy is actually very careful with his money, due to his family being very poor. Most of the flash stuff he does is for show.

Demo learnt how to play the piano from his father, before his sight eventually failed. He loves to play it because it reminds him of when he'd hang out with his father.

Sniper loves to "go bush" when he has time. He'll grab the bare essentials and just go off. When he comes back, he's visibly happier and less stressed.

Soldier has very bad hearing, and Engie made him some hearing aids. He also knows a little bit of ASL from Pyro. Soldier does not like it when people bring up his hearing, and will get very defensive over it.

Scout is absolutely crazy at folding clothes, growing up in a house with 8 other people taught him how to fold clothes quickly and effectively. I also hate when people make him a misogynist, his ma would disown his ass so fast.

Heavy is amazing at chess, and is a brilliant strategist. He's fiercely protective of his mama, sisters, Medic, and his team.

Oh Engineer, I could go on about this guy. He loves being the "Team dad" and cooking for the team, especially if someone helps him. If given the chance, this man will infodump for HOURS.

-------

My other headcanons are mostly about Engineer (I have a massive list of them). I have so many other headcanons, I might make a post about them. Don't be afraid to ask me about any of my other hcs about the mercs.

[rainderthesomeone]

Images you can hear.

Soldier: Engie there is an exit straight ahead do not stop running forward, use those tiny legs god has given you!

Spy: Soldier you buffoon there is no exit that way! you don't even know where you are going! laborer listen to me and turn left now!

Pyro's head: this is fun :D , why is everyone yelling?

Scout: OH GOD ITS BEHIND US, OH GOD OH GOD, HARD HAT DO NOT STOP RUNNING PLEASE DO NOT STOP RUNNING AH-

Sniper's head: were gonna die, were gonna die were gonna die-

Demo: Ach Soldier sit down now and stop yelling at Engineer let Spy handle this!

Miss Pauling: Hey Engie not to uh stress you out or anything but uh...ITS RIGHT BEHIND US! KEEP MOVING KEEP MOVING KEEP MOVING!

Heavy: This dose not look good, don't worry doktor Heavy's got you!

Medic: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Engineer: I CANT SEE A DAMN THING FROM HERE! SOLDIER SIT DOWN NOW! MEDIC STOP YELLING I CANT HEAR SPY! EVERYONE HOLD ON TIGHT!

this was fun to make ive wanted to do a scooby doo type comic with the mercs and pauling seems fun ngl lol

anyway what do you hear when you look at this image?

[simp999]

I feel this is cringe but it itches the back of my mind like no other… since it’s late 60s early 70s in tf2, mercs reaction to there being a new recruit who is a female pilot? I’m sorry if this sounds like? Hyper specific ? But she’s like hot biker/pilot bitch who is like the epitome of Cool Girl (tm) flared ripped jeans and tight tank tops yk?

GOING INSANE OVER THIS ITS SUCH A COOL IDEA

I'm so sorry about how long it took to make this and how short it is, I'm trying to do all my requests in order of what I received em ww

TF2 Mercs x Badass Fem Pilot! Reader Headcannons

Wc: 730

Themes: uhh Fluff? Romantic and platonic depends on character

A/N: Sniper bias whoop

A/N 2: okay so. I try to stray away from fem reader stuff but this THIS is a complete exception because I love the idea sm

Taglist: @emotionally-alive-sniper @moopy-milk @skeleton-stomper-xoxo @emotionallyunwellmedic @physically-robotic-medic

Masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Scout: 

-God,, he is immediately in love with your style and vibes.

-Yes, in a simpery way

-Will absolutely fumble on words and flirt miserably

-"Hey girl are you a pilot cause uh you’re really cool"

-Absolutely will find clothes that he thinks suits your style and be your #1 hypeman 

Soldier:

-Wants to touch all the buttons

-"SHOW ME YOUR MEDALS!!!!!!"

-Does respect the effort and time you’ve put into training definetly. But is always asking you to prove yourself

-Okay you can pilot but can you do 30 pushups. Right here right now.

Pyro:

-Doesn’t think of you any differently if you’re female

-A new cool friend!!

-Just an adorable little goober. Okay maybe they get to sit in the front sometimes

-Loves loves loves making drawings of you and them and planes!!!! And clouds

Heavy: 

-Protective older brother.

-He is SO overprotective of you. You remind him too much of his sisters.

-You’re strong just like them but,, it’s just scary, y’know? He misses them

-Often just kinda chills around- and won’t stand for ANY harassment or anything rude. AHEM spy AHEM

-And the clear bias for you? It’s honestly funny at times

-He definetly makes you sandviches and just. Silently takes care of you

Engie:

-Rocket boosters for the planes. He’s gonna bring it up on multiple occasions

-Makes you little plane trinkets out of wood and stuff!! Pyro paints them :]

-Is so interested in infodumping about mechanical stuff with you- he’s glad he has somebody that just. GETS HIM yknow?

-If you need someplace to go chill away from the chaos that the mercs usually bring, the workshop’s your go-to. Late night convos are the best with this man

Demo:

-Roughhouses!!

-Treats you like one of the guys

-Respectfully ofc but. You’re getting noogies

-Will be offering you beer n stuff, he treats you like a really good friend

-Lives for your vibes

-He thinks you’re so badass!! Hell yeah!!!

Medic:

-Kay so. You probably had to go through lots of training right?? So!;

-Rivalry for first aid.

-Hear me out

-Everyone all of a sudden wants you to help make them feel better when they get small injuries because of the one time you mentionned you had to do a buttload of first-aid courses

-So. Lots of who can make it to the scene and get (injured person) back on their feet the quickest

-Does ask you if you’ve ever expirinenced or witnessed anything wild- such as big crashes, and how people dealt with the situations

-Loves your stories despite pretending to hate you- it’s just a friendly rivalry!

Sniper:

-He’s not one to really apprach you, but he does definetly admire you from a distance.

-He thinks you’re too cool for him :( 

-But eventually one day, you’ll ctach him stargazing- and you’d have the amazing idea of bringing him for a ride just the two of you so that you can see the stars

-.God maybe he just fell in love I MEAN WHAT????? ANYWAys

-He LOVES stargazing with you!!

-You get to tell eachother stories and it’s overall really calming- a nice from the hectic mercenary life

-He also happens to know a fair bit about constellations, so he’ll infodump unconsiously if you let him :) 

Spy:

-Spyyyy… dislikes your ideals, and has traditional values

-Not a fan of the way you hold yourself, but will eventually warm up a bit

-Im sorry,, I just don’t like Spy aheh anyways

-You probably end up showing off your skills- not of purpose though, just- you seen a natural at what you do, and that’s when he sees that maybe there’s a reason you’re such a big deal

(Bonus!) All:

-They all fight over who gets to sit in the passenger seat. Some are more civil about it, for example Engineer or Heavy- but they still want to sit in the front for their own reasons. You may have walked into the room only to find all the mercs fighting iver who’s calling shotgun for the next ride.

“I AM GOING TO PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS!”

“NO WAY CHUCKLEFUCK, I’M SITTIN’ NEXT TA THE HOT CHICK!”

“No. Heavy will sit next to pilot for protection. Is only fair.”

“Ya’ll- I have some things I’d like to see up close in the cockpit, I think I should be next.”

“Mmhhph!!!”

.

.

.

Sep.20.23

[lunatic-pudge]

Tf2 characters reactions to skibidi toilet?

This ask scares me. I think it has to do with the fact that I never understood skibidi toilet, and that means I'm starting to disconnect from the youth. I am becoming the old man who doesn't understand memes.

BUT, since you asked, most of the mercs would be so confused by it. A toilet with a head coming out of it and singing, they're so old and don't understand how people find it entertaining.

I feel like the entire offense class would enjoy it to varying degrees. Scout loves to use it as a way to annoy everyone around him. Constantly blaring it at the worst times. He ends up getting his devices confiscated by Heavy for a while until he learns to knock it off (spoiler alert: he doesn't learn and keeps getting his devices taken). Soldier doesn't understand but thinks it's rather entertaining. His rather nonexistent brain has interpreted it as American propaganda and uses it to show off how great his country is. Bless his heart, he means well even if he isn't the brightest. Now Pyro likes it cause of the music. They aren't too fond of the weird animations and tend to only listen to the audio. They're the only one that's kind enough to have it blasting for everyone to hear.

Now, the defense class. Demo is typically too drunk to really understand nor care about ilwhat the hell is going on. His intoxicated brain barely comprehends the he's looking at (only focusing on actual important things like booze, bombs, and his wife Soldier). But he can get annoyed with it rather quick if he hears it playing on a loop. He has threatened to break Scout's phone after hearing it play for the tenth time back to back. He's very serious with his threats and will strap the phone to a bomb and explode it. Poor Demo is just trying to relax and have a good time. Heavy is just plain confused. He just views it as kids being weird and usually ignores it. He'll hide out in Medic's to avoid having to deal with it. But he's also the main person to put a "timeout" on the skibidi. Engie is also confused but is just too busy to care. You can show him it, and he'll be like, "That's nice, son." while continuing to fix his sentry. (He didn't even look at the phone, typical dad behavior). He's pretty chill when Pyro is playing it cause they know how to be respectful.

And finally, the most "I'm not dealing with this shit" class: support. The plus side these goobers have is that they all have a way to hide from the BS. Medic is the least vocal of the support, opting to instead watch the chaos of other people yelling for him. If anything, he'll just tell them how they're gonna rot their brain out with such nonsense. He refuses to let skibidi toilet be played in his lab. He doesn't want his doves to be exposed to such brainrot. Now I can see two different things happening with Sniper. 1. He yells at Scout and Solider to shut up, or 2. While not being a fan of skibidi toilet, uses it to annoy people like Spy (or maybe even to use it to get what he wants). Now remember, Sniper's the second youngest merc and an only child. He's just as goofy as someone like Scout. He just doesn't show it often. This would be one of those times where his goofiness shows. And finally, Spy, he just ain't having it. Devices will go missing in the middle of the night and will not be seen again. He is constantly yelling at Scout and Soldier (and the occasional Sniper) about how annoying and childish they are. He's surprised with how he's been able to deal with it. He feels like he's always on the edge of killing everyone cause of how fed up he is.

[aquatic-armageddons]

How the mercs would react to Y/N who listens to screamo

A/N: I've decided to make it so that Y/N can also sing screamo as well, but only for Scout and Demo. I've also put down (what I think) their opinion of screamo would be.

SCOUT:

I strike him as the type to also listen to a little screamo, so he'd be kinda pleased to meet another fan, though he'd be a little surprised at first. And even more so if Y/N can scream as well.

Y/N had just walked into the base's training gym to blow off some steam, as the team had lost a battle that day. Everyone was understandably disappointed and on edge, so after the team was asleep, they snuck into the gym to play some Whitechapel. The music played on a mini speaker that could echo throughout the entire gym, but not disturb the others' sleep.

Scout also had the same idea of sneaking into the gym (but to work out), and was shocked to see Y/N headbanging and screaming along to the song. He never expected this of Y/N, but he was definitely not gonna complain.

"Well this is surely somethin' different, short-stuff!" Scout exclaimed.

"What the hell, Scout?! How long were you standing there??" Y/N sputtered.

"Not too long, but damn, I didn't think you'd be into all that. And being good at it too!" Scout beamed, poking them on the cheek.

Y/N and him would spend awhile blasting screamo and singing along, at least until Spy would drag them both out by their ear for causing too much noise xD

SOLDIER

I can imagine Solly being familiar with screamo, though I doubt he would listen to it very much.

It was getting close to sundown, and he and Y/N offered to go out on a supply run for the team. While out getting said supplies, Y/N's phone began to ring, playing Lamb of God on full blast.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about that!"

"Dear God, I never expected that of you!" Solly chuckled as Y/N scrambled to shut their phone off, dropping it in the process.

He'd find their behavior cute, but he wouldn't bring it back up unless Y/N wanted to talk about it.

But he'd ask Y/N to ease him into the genre, and it would take some time, but eventually he'd enjoy it.

PYRO

I would think their music taste varies, as there are so many other things we don't know about them (and probably never will).

Y/N was unable to attend a battle as they were down with a nasty cold (I know Medic could probably use his gun here but whatever haha). After the team got back, Pyro decided to whip up some soup for Y/N and the rest of the team.

Pyro was about to knock on the door when they heard Y/N playing some Lorna Shore in the background. They waited until the song was over before they actually knocked, causing Y/N to slightly yelp.

"Come in!" Y/N called. Pyro opened the door with their head tilted, as if to ask about the music.

"I've liked this kind of music for a long time now. Wanna listen with me?"

The two of them would spend some time shuffling through Y/N's playlist, completely forgetting about the soup (they later heat it back up so it wouldn't be wasted haha).

DEMOMAN

I'm convinced Demo would be open to listen to any kind of music, and screamo is no exception. He'd enjoy it even more while drunk (it's actually quite funny to watch).

One day he and Y/N decide to go out drinking at a karaoke bar nearby (it was Demo's birthday present). They both are pretty tipsy by the time it's their turn to sing.

Demo sings his part (and is predictably terrible at it but who cares xD). But when Y/N selected a screamo song and began singing, the bar grew silent.

"Go on, lass! Sing yer hear out!!!" Demo slurred, headbanging to the loud song.

The two ended up being escorted off the stage, since hardly anybody else was interested in listening to another second of the song. Once outside, Demo sobered up a little at the feel of the cool air hitting his drunken face.

"I'm so sorry, Demo. I ruined your birthday night out-" Y/N started before they were cut off.

" It's alright, hon. Let's head back so you can do some more screamin'~" He got even closer to Y/N's face.

"And I ain't talkin' about the music anymore..."

HEAVY

Not exactly a fan at first, but would be open to listen to a few recommendations.

Y/N was feeling quite lonely, so they decided to pop in with Heavy, who was busy cleaning Sasha for the ntheenth time that day. He didn't mind having some company, only if Y/N didn't make too much noise.

Y/N decided to listen to some Cannibal Corpse while Heavy worked. They must not have connected their Bluetooth headphones to their phone properly, because their phone played the song on full blast, nearly scaring the daylights out of Heavy.

"Матерь божья!" He exclaimed, dropping the rag from his hand. Y/N quickly shut their phone off, completely red in the face.

"I-I'm so sorry about that, Misha! I thought my headphones were connected..." Their words trailed off as Heavy stared at them in mild disbelief.

Heavy couldn't help but chuckle. "Heavy didn't know you liked this music!" He ruffled the top of Y/N's head playfully.

"Let Heavy finish cleaning Sasha, then we listen to some more later."

ENGINEER

Same with Heavy: not a big fan in the beginning. But if given a few songs, then he would give it a try.

It happened to be the team's day off, and Y/N decided to lounge around in one of their favorite T shirts. They just grabbed a random one, as their dresser wasn't exactly the best organized.

Engie happened to be in the breakroom when Y/N walked in for a small snack. His eyes lit up slightly when he saw them, and even more so when he read their T shirt.

"So you listen to 5FDP too, dear?" Y/N whipped their head around to look at Engie in shock.

"Oh, since high school. They're my favorite!" Y/N beamed excitedly.

"I can play a few of their songs on my 6 string. Interested in a listen, sweetie?"

Y/N couldn't help but gush at the fact that they met another fan, but also with the sudden pet names.

'Let's see where this goes...'

MEDIC

I see him as a closet fan. He'd let on that he's a rock fan, but not the full extent. Like he wouldn't mention that he liked bands like Linkin Park and Metallica.

But he'd act quite excited if he discovered that Y/N was also a fan.

Medic and Y/N happened to get into a conversation about said music genre. "Vhat sort of music do you listen to in your spare time, Schatz?"

Y/N was hesitant to answer. The last thing they wanted was being put on the spot like that. "You'd hate the kind of music I like, Medic."

He scoffed lightly. "I highly doubt zhat, Schatz! It can't be zhat bad, can it?"

Y/N fought back the urge to roll their eyes. "Okay, I like screamo. Like the heaviest of heavy metal." They averted their eye contact with doctor, not wanting to see his disapproving face.

"Really?!" Medic practically shouted, making Y/N flinch a little. "Zhat's amazing! It's so nice to finally meet another fan like me!" He couldn't wipe the smirk off his face.

Y/N was not expecting that kind of reaction from him, but at least they didn't feel that nervous anymore (even with the slight ear damage lol).

SNIPER

He's definitely the kind of man to like classic rock, like Eric Clapton and Lynyrd Skynyrd. He'd know of screamo, but wouldn't be too big a fan.

He and Y/N had become quite close over the past few weeks, and at one point he finally decided to allow them to accompany him to his tower.

Y/N decided to bring their earbuds along, but they didn't realize how loud their music was (it was enough for Sniper to tell what it was).

"You like that, Sheila? Never strike you as that kind of person." Sniper spoke with his eyebrow raised.

"Oh snap, I didn't think my music was that loud. Sorry about that, Mundy." Y/N apologized while rubbing their neck nervously.

"It's alright, love. Just keep it down a little, 'kay?" He smirked while gently squeezing their shoulder in reassurance.

SPY

Not a fan whatsoever. He's tried to get into it, but he just couldn't do it.

Y/N was a decent judge of character, so it didn't take a rocket scientist to know he didn't like that kind of music.

Months passed by since Y/N joined RED/BLU. And in that time, Spy has made them his personal protege. One day, Y/N happened to be scrolling through a website (on their phone) that sells their favorite band's merch.

Spy happened to take a little peek other their shoulder, a smirk creeping on his face.

"So that's what you like, Mon chéri?" Y/N nearly jumped out of their skin as he spoke right next to their ear. "You never cease to amaze me. I'm always finding out new things about you."

"Spy! Ever hear of personal space??" Y/N hissed while blushing furiously.

Spy let out a hearty laugh. "No need to act all feisty, honey. Besides, at least now I know what to get you for your birthday."