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Oh, Hazel, look! The field! It’s covered with blood!’
Fiver is my favorite character in Watership Down, he's just like me fr. I was afraid this wouldn't read especifically as Fiver, but alas... i liked my initial sketch a lot so i kept it as it was.
#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#watership down#so just to make this absolutely clear.. this is fiver XD not an attempt of a book cover#even tho it looks so much like many watership down covers tbh#i didnt even realize until i was actually googling images for reference that i found a lot of wd covers have a rabbits profile and the fiel#what a bummer#but i still like this a lot#everyone and their moms thought about the same thing i guess#me included#anyway FIVER MY BOY#I LOVE HIM HES JUST LIKE ME#IDK WHY EXACTLY BUT I RELATE TO HIM SO MUCH#its like 'yeah i also have visions of chaos and death and despair its called having anxiety and depression'#ok no forget that
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So we know that Wei Wuxian's treatment after his death was horrible. Even if nothing could impact him directly, there was still neverending slander, hatred, misinformation, theft...
But, for a while after he died, the sects did try to impact him directly – namely, frequently trying to resummon his soul. And today I'll explore the possible reasons for this, their likelihoods, and why I'm so, so thankful that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the summons. Because, spoiler alert (or, you know. maybe not)... none of them are good.
(Long meta ahead)
In my opinion, there are four likely motivations for this: confinement, coercion, torment, and potentially destruction.
Out of all of these, confinement is probably the most likely motivation, at least for most sects (Jins and Jiangs excluded, though it was likely what the Jin sect said their motivations were – but I'll get to them later). This one is the most simple – we know spirit-trapping pouches exist, and we know the sects also placed 120 stone beasts on the Burial Mounds to prevent Wei Wuxian's soul from escaping. Therefore, this seems to be the most likely motivation – and fortunately for Wei Wuxian, probably also the best case scenario, though it still certainly isn't a good one.
For the second, coercion – this is where the Jin sect come in (more specifically Jin Guangshan with the help of Jin Guangyao). Due to their wealth and resources, they're likely the sect who played the largest role in the soul-summoning rituals. We know what they're willing to do to try to gain power – keeping Wen Ning under the pretence he was burned to death and trying to control him with the nails, and working with and helping Xue Yang torture people to help him refine his demonic cultivation, in order to have the Yin hufu fixed. Along with working with many other cultivators, alongside Xue Yang – Jin Guangshan really, really wanted that seal.
And so, Jin GuangShan sought after all those who imitated Wei WuXian in cultivating the ghostly path and gathered them under his rule. He spent a great amount of money and resources and these people, ordering them to study and analyze the structure of the Tiger Seal in secrecy so that they could replicate and restore it. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR
(Note that working with these cultivators very likely happened after Wei Wuxian's soul had failed to be summoned, since this happens some time after Wei Wuxian's death, whereas the soul-summoning ceromonies presumably started happening very close to it.)
In the previous paragraph, he's also quoted as having 'lusted after' the Yin hufu, which we already knew but it's nice to have a direct quote as evidence.
Now, would Wei WuXian willingly work with the Jin sect in doing this? No. We know that, and, given Wei Wuxian's actions in his first life (refusing to hand over the Tally, not being afraid to stand up to the sects, etc), I’m pretty sure Jin Guangshan knows that, too:
He beat around the bush a couple of times, using all his skills, yet Wei WuXian didn’t give in no matter what, and it made him run into a bunch of obstacles. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR
So this could actually make things go two ways. One, I'm wrong and that wasn't actually part of the Jin sect's motivations, since they know they wouldn't be able to control him (and in that case, had they managed to summon him, I could imagine them putting him in a spirit-trapping pouch and doing something similar to what Jin Guangyao did to Nie Mingjue's head. Which, also, not good). Two, it was a part of their motivations, and they hoped to find a way around that. After all, there are other guidao users out there now, and Wei Wuxian would now be a gui*. Also, cultivators can obviously harm ghosts – see the very existence of Night Hunts, and I'd include Xue Yang's talisman-caused destruction of A-Qing as well (while he isn't a traditional cultivator, talismans can be used by everyone).
Now, would either of these methods actually work? I'm inclined to think not really (and I expand on the former method in a note below). Would that stop Jin Guangshan/Jin Guangyao/the cultivators they employ from trying? Especially considering Jin Guangshan's lust for power?
I'm inclined to think no, too.
For the third, look no further than Jiang Cheng's reputation of capturing and torturing demonic cultivators after Wei Wuxian's death, due to thinking they could be him. And this does happen – Jin Ling knows and talks about it, and there's not real motivation for him to negatively lie about someone he loves. Also, when they come across each other at Dafan Mountain, we're told this in Jiang Cheng's inner voice:
A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. - MDZS Chapter 10, EXR translation
This mainly shows that he's tortured people before, rather than that he's tortured people because he thinks they're Wei Wuxian, but this reason is confirmed by Jin Ling in Chapter 24. Of course, the reason is also mentioned in this chapter, and there are other moments in the chapter that illustrate my point better**, but they come from second-hand sources which I know are easier to deny. Do take note of Jiang Cheng's expression both times he comes across 'Mo Xuanyu' (after he suspects he's Wei Wuxian) in Book One***, though:
After a moment, the corners of Jiang Cheng’s lips pulled into a twisted smile. His left hand started to unconsciously stroke the ring [Zidian] again. He spoke softly, “… Well, well. So you’re back?” - Chapter 10, EXR Although his face had always been clouded, marked with arrogance and satire, it seemed as if every corner of it had come alive. It was difficult to determine whether it was vengeful wrath, fathomless hatred, or raving ecstasy. - Chapter 23, EXR
This does seem to line up with what people say his attitude to Wei Wuxian is – there doesn't seem to be any happiness at seeing him again at all. The only time a word that could suggest that ('ecstasy') is used, it's accompanied by 'raving', and considering the context and the other possibilities of his expression, it's... probably not due to happiness at being reunited.
So, considering 1) this, 2) his contribution to the Siege specifically intended to kill Wei Wuxian, and 3) that at the time of frequent soul-summoning Jiang Yanli's death would be even closer for him, I feel pretty confident in saying that yes, this is likely a motivation for the Jiang sect in trying to re-summon Wei Wuxian's soul after his death. And, as mentioned earlier, cultivators can harm ghosts (and we know Zidian is able to remove souls posessing a body from that body, and that Jiang Cheng used Zidian on 'Mo Xuanyu' in Chapter 10. If it wasn't able to restrain/harm ghosts, or other methods weren't able to, why would he risk Wei Wuxian's soul escaping?).
And finally, option four: destruction. We're heading into much more speculative territory here, so don't consider this on par with the first three. But consider this:
We know there are some spells, like Xue Yang's talisman used on A-Qing and the body-offering ritual, that can ruin the returning soul’s reincarnation cycle by destroying it. Therefore, soul destruction is possible.
The 'main'/supposed reason for summoning Wei Wuxian's soul back is to stop the "cultivation world, or even all of mortal land" from being "faced with the most insane damnation and revenge, sinking into nothing but chaos and despair" when Wei Wuxian inevitably returns. While, as mentioned above, I severely doubt this is the motivation for certain sects – and to me is likely a rumour which the Jins (again, especially Jin Guangsha) fanned the flames of to justify summoning Wei Wuxian back for their own purposes**** – there are other sects which would take it more seriously.
Although likely disrespectful, people already thought it served Wei Wuxian right to die without his body intact by the time of the second siege – something believed to negatively affect your reincarnation in your next life*****. This is only the logical next step, and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would believe that, again, it would serve Wei Wuxian right, or would at least lead to less harm of the world in the long run.
For these reasons, I could definitely see this as an option for some sects, especially the sects who consider themselves more 'righteous' (cough cough the Nies under Nie Mingjue cough cough). After all, evil is evil and good is good, and the evil deserve what's coming to them. And what better way to prevent that than from preventing his soul from returning at all? So for the Nie sect – and likely some of the smaller sects involved in the Siege, since among them, additudes probably vary – yes, I do think it could be a motivation.
I’m not as sure about the Lans being willing to go this far, and that’s largely for two reasons. One, Lan Wangji’s presence and his relationship to Lan Xichen, who does (not always, but he does) let this affect how he treats Wei Wuxian. An example of this is that, when Wei Wuxian's return is made public, Lan Xichen does let him hide and shelter at the Cloud Recesses instead of trying to pursue him, likely majorly due to Lan Wangji. I'd argue that the aftermath of the Nightless City also acts as an example of this, although it definitely isn't perfect. But though he, Lan Qiren and the 33 elders do come to find Lan Wangji and do not let him continue to shelter Wei Wuxian (after they see Lan Wangji's feelings), Lan Xichen doesn't use this opportunity to kill/capture Wei Wuxian, despite Lan Wangji being in a worse condition due to having fought 33 elders, Wei Wuxian being catatonic, and Lan Qiren likely supporting this outcome (especially considering he was the one who led the Lan sect in the Siege – chapter 68, Wei Wuxian's POV). And he did let Lan Wangji take Wei Wuxian back to the Burial Mounds after:
After he went out of his way to send you back to Burial Mound and returned in such low spirits to receive his punishment, how long he kneeled before the Wall of Rules! - Chapter 99, EXR
Again, this was right after the Nightless City massacre – there isn't any goodwill towards Wei Wuxian at this point in time.
Of course, the Lan sect did participate in the siege after Lan Xichen knew of Lan Wangji's feelings towards Wei Wuxian, which Lan Xichen was no doubt a part of (although Lan Qiren lead the Lan sect in the siege, Lan XIchen had to have at least known/given his support, if not participated.) And it should be considered that Lan Xichen letting Wei Wuxian shelter at the Cloud Recesses was after Wei Wuxian had been back for a while, and had not caused the downfall of the Cultivation World, like many suspected he would after his death. And of course, as stated previously, his handling of the aftermath of Nightless City wasn't perfect either (though please note that his main motive here was to protect Lan Wangji from being potentially executed, rather than anything about Wei Wuxian himself). So caring about Lan Wangji doesn't mean he won't harm Wei Wuxian. But I do think he could find bringing Wei Wuxian's soul back to completely destroy it a bit excessive. There is, though, the chance that the elders of the Lan Sect would react to this differently, and of course they would have a sway on both Lan Xichen and the Lan sect as well.
The second reason is smaller, but there seems to be more focus in the Lan sect than in others when it comes to letting ghosts rest peacefully/helping them move on. And that could definitely lead to more resistance to the idea of summoning a soul back to destroy it as well, which could especially impact the elders. So I'd assume that the Lan sect would be the most likely sect to summon Wei Wuxian's soul back just for confinement, or just for some way of making sure any resentment is disippated, his spirit moves on, and he can't cause more harm to the world (eg via Inquiry)******. Not that he would or does as a ghost or as a reborn person, but that's unfortunately not relevant to this.
But yes, as a motivation for the Nie Mingjue-led Nie sect? Absolutely.
So, these are the main motives I suspect to be behind the attempted summoning of Wei Wuxian's soul after his death (and if I've missed any, please let me know – I'd love to have a discussion). And, of course, none of them lead to anywhere good. Because of course it wasn’t enough to besiege Wei Wuxian, murder the 50 non-combatants he was responsible for (and throwing them into the blood pit as a mark of disrespect because why not?), and lead to his death via him getting torn apart. It wasn’t enough to steal all his inventions, and use them commonly while still slandering him with no reprieve – or to steal his notes and give them to people like Xue Yang to study (Villainous Friends, again) and to use for their own, extremely extremely harmful, purposes. Of course, the cultivation world has to try to harm Wei Wuxian after death as well ((:
We don't know whether Wei Wuxian rejecting the summoning ceremonies was conscious or unconscious, but if it was the former, these are very likely reasons he refused to return in this way. If it was unconscious – for example, maybe during the frequent soul-summons his soul was in a weakened state due to him dying from a backlash of resentful energy and getting torn apart, and it healed over time but not before the soul-summoning rituals stopped – well, I can only be thankful.
Finally, let me leave you on the thought that – although it may well have happened since we don't spend much time in the immediate aftermath of the Sunshot campaign – there isn't even any textual mention of this happening to Wen Ruohan. Who, while not being a guidao user, was still very dangerous, still an extremely powerful cultivator, and still had a lot of reason to feel resentment. So.
:')
Thank you for reading!
--
*Considering what we see of how Wei Wuxian's guidao functions – redirecting the ghosts'/corpses' resentment into doing something they'd want to do, eg attacking people, and directing it towards a target – I'm not sure using it to force a spirit to do something 1) extremely specific, and 2) explicitly against their will would actually work. Iirc the closest thing we get to this in text is Wei Wuxian using the corpses of Wens to attack other Wens in the Sunshot Campaign, but he's still just directing their resentment to a target of his choice, and fierce corpses do tend to be on the less concious side of things (hence why Wei Wuxian had to awaken Wen Ning's consciousness). Considering how Wen Ning attacks Wei Wuxian and the Burial Mound Wens before his consciousness had fully awoken, I... really don't think those fierce corpses were able to differentiate (or didn't care).
Meanwhile, ghosts seem to be a bit more in control of themselves – see A-Qing, and Wei Wuxian's own descriptions of his ghost self.
That, alongside ghost!Wei Wuxian being able to resist his soul-summoning and the fact that pretty much all of the new guidao users are a lot weaker than he was, does make me think that this this wouldn't work. I do wonder about Xue Yang, since his methods are pretty different as well, but he's more of a modao user than a guidao user (he controls living corpses rather than dead people) and I don't think you can insert physical nails into ghosts?? Though if he was specifically instructed to figure out some way to control ghost!Wei Wuxian (who's probably kept in a spirit-trapping pouch in this scenario), he might be able to do something at least. Though also he was also struggling to piece Xiao Xingchen's ghost soul back together, so he may struggle with those areas?
Well, whatever the potential outcome, I'm so so happy once again that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the soul-summonings...
**Mainly this:
Everyone in the cultivation world knew that the young leader of the Jiang Clan watched out for Wei WuXian in an almost crazed manner. He would rather catch the wrong person than let go of any possibility, and took anyone who seemed like they held the soul of Wei WuXian away to the YunmengJiang Sect, inflicting severe torture on his victim. If he wanted to take someone back, the opposition would surely lose half of their life. - Chapter 10, EXR
But I have heard people say 'you can't prove that it's just more rumours' before, and I wanted my evidence to be as watertight as possible.
(And, off-topic... isn't it really sad how Jiang Cheng, in the present day, is described as young? Because, for a clan leader, he is. And another thing he is, is close in age to Wei Wuxian – who was killed 13 whole years prior :') )
***And do note that the only other time they run into each other before Wei Wuxian's identity is revealed to the world apart from this is their brief interaction at Jinlintai, where he can't just act however he wants. The next time they run into each other after it, Jiang Cheng is literally taking part in another siege against him, and still extremely hostile ("surrounded by hostile energy, face insidious, staring straight at him" – from EXR chapter 60). Then he loses his spiritual powers and can't do anything. By the time he regains his powers, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and the Wen remnants' corpses have saved everyone during the Second Siege, and though public opinion hasn't properly shifted quite yet, it will soon after Sisi and Bicao tell the story of Jin Guangyao, and voila, a new scapegoat (do note that he doesn't completely bar Wei Wuxian from entering Lotus Pier after the Second Siege, though). Plus, throughout it all, Lan Wangji is still constantly present, which makes it hard for Jiang Cheng to really do anything. And then he's finally faced with the Golden Core reveal, which does alter his motivations towards Wei Wuxian (obviously the resentment is still there – read chapter 102 – but it's also mixed with other complex emotions, and he seems to start being able to move away from that a little in Chapter 103). I still definitely wouldn't describe Jiang Cheng's attitude towards him as positive, but it isn't at the point it was at the start of the novel (eg Chapter 10).
But even if his attitude does change, or would for whatever other reason apart from the reveal, that still doesn't change an initial motivation so isn't relevant to this meta. We know his intentions at the start.
****It's also possible they may have originated it, but I think WWX's reputation was bad enough for it to form naturally. Though you can trace a major part of that back to them, too.
*****That belief isn't outright stated in MDZS, but the fact people are specifically talking about the status of WWX's body in the aftermath of his death suggests that this belief does have some grounding in the MDZS universe, at least? And we know MXTX has included it in TGCF (though that doesn't mean it's definitely in MDZS), so she has used it in her works. If this isn't the case in the MDZS universe I am sorry (although that could also mean there's less importance placed on not disturbing the reincarnation cycle in the world of MDZS...? Which would work towards my original argument) – I don't want to spread misinformation that something is definitely true, I just think there's evidence to suggest it is true, which isn't the same thing.
******Again, I think this would depend on who ends up having more influence over who in the Lan sect. After all, normal resentful spirits only do what they do because of their resentment in death, whereas Wei Wuxian is 'dangerous' because of who everyone thinks he was in life – so him being reborn naturally could also 'cause a lot of harm to the world' during the time period this version of him would live in, unlike the resentful ghosts they appease. This could definitely lead to many advocating for confinement, I think.
#writing this takes me back to my nie huaisang one#'detective metas' i'd call both of them#as opposed to analysis of characters or themes#it may be less 'meaningful' but it's still fun to explore and speculate within a world you love#...albeit maybe not for this one because. mdzs jianghu when i get my hands on you-#also i fully acknowledge i may be wrong#but again i'd love to have discussions about these! debates and knowledge exchange are what leads to better understanding of source materia#which is a major goal of mine in writing these#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs cultivation world#long post#mo dao zu shi#gdc#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#魔道祖师#mxtx#detective meta#<– if i ever make this a tag#also i feel like you could write a fic (angsty or not so angsty depending on where you go with it) where the lan sect somehow-#-summons ghost!wwx back (not sure how bc the jin and jiang sects would probably want 'custody' of him more - and i don't think summoning-#-rituals are done by just one sect at a time? but imagine it happens) and idk he's kept in a spirit-trapping pouch or sth#lwj probably isn't told bc of what happened after nightless city - elders can't really trust him in matters to do with wwx#but maybe lxc feels bad for him or sth (especially bc he's mourning him and stuff + what happened after he found out wwx was dead)#and tells him and maybe brings wwx's soul to him for a bit so wwx can respond to inquiry#and they talk and obv. wwx is NOT happy with the situation (both rn and yk bc of the VERY RECENT SIEGE)#but but but! the thing that would stop this being completely depressing is that LWJ HAS A-YUAN SO WWX FINDS OUT HE SURVIVED#also lwj's injuries would likely come up at SOME point which would lead to wwx finding out abt nightless city afermath#AA NOO THE TAGS WENT ON FOR SO MUCH LONGER BUT I GUESS TUMBLR DOESN'T ALLOW SO MANY i'll have to make another post...
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lil ffvii dress up party with the bunnies ໒꒰ྀི ˶• ༝ •˶ ꒱ྀི১₊˚⊹
#its still a crime that cinna is not a bunny like tf you mean hes not a bunny!!!!!!!#still the og bunny in my head#my art#artists on tumblr#cinnamoroll#kuromi#my melody#sanrio#sephiroth#cloud strife#aerith gainsborough#final fantasy vii#art#*#clerith#also i personally wanted kuromi aerith but ahaha imma leave that for next time#lets just say the story here is that cinna and my melo are sefi and ea by default bc who else would they be#and then ofc as a kuromi stan i have to include her then lets just say she's being bratty and she wants to be the protag#bc cloud is definitely not kuromi-like except for the bike lmao#taking the easy way out of the drawing depression by making simple cutie chibi stuff#and colorful stuff#i hope it works...? haha
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu#cryptiduni#my art
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#figured my depression weave shitposts should exist on tumblr too#i hear this song in my head every time i see this monstrosity#poor charlie#they don’t pay you enough#not that i know how much he makes#but let’s be real there’s no way it’s adequate compensation for being my sole source of entertainment over the past 24 hours#the rings of power season 2#the rings of power s2
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any time i scribble aimlessly my brain just makes little guys
#he lives in that forest world that I've been making in my head#charming childrens book characters#do they have depression? maybe#aiming for a woodland little prince questions of belonging and closesness energy#meets winnie the pooh meets whatever idk#I read the dispossessed by ursula le guin and it changed my brain chemistry ok#you know when a story is just vibes#im just gonna#keep scribbling and thinking#and see where it goes i guess#uhhhh#yeah#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#artist#artistsontumblr#furry#i guess?#idk at this point#but he sure is a little guy
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is this a safe space
#///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#i’m so alone.#last tuesday i attempted to walk in front of a speeding car and if it wasn’t for someone nearby physically restraining me at the last second#it would have worked#i don’t have any commentary on that i’ve just been. sitting with it i suppose.#yet i still wish he hadn’t been there#i’m looking for a therapist but i need one that specializes in long term CSA and that is very expensive and very hard to find#i’m. not doing well. i can’t sleep or eat. i have no passion not even for my ocs. i do nothing all day all the time.#and the time just keeps passing.#unrelated but i may have pots and in addition to dental pain and a persistent physical heartache i feel like my body is giving up too#ive worked so hard through depression since i was eleven years old and i made such amazing progress over a decade and i feel like it’s all#been undone. i’m tired. i tried to make my life beautiful and when i succeeded i really succeeded but god i don’t want to try again#anyway i don’t want to be all woe is me so i won’t. this is just another diary entry i suppose.#it’s hard to find joy on tumblr while struggling but i love you all <33#anyways.txt
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lil hiatus away
#trump winning hit hard#harder than I thought because I didn’t think he’d win#we all met up the next day and had depression strolls#lots of vents and talks and anger#window shopped and actually shopped#looked at expensive guitars and little hamsters find fun in every place we go#we all made food with/for my niece and talked at my table for hours#played among us like old times till 1 am#got emotionally rejuvenated by the ocean#had plans with a friend that fell through so another time maybe or not idc anymore hahah she’s persistent though#I’m kinda over everything!#this 4:30 sunset always gets me bad for a while#on top of heavy world changes too like do that shit in summer#my dads friend Chris is visiting and that always makes me happy#I heard them cracking up watching South Park in his room last night was the cutest shit#reminded me of old times I miss living in Boston that whole era#wish we could have a redo#or even when he lived here with us after#maybe he'll move back this way someday#or go up that way since won’t ever be able to afford a house where I wanna live#or get out of the country all together#hiatus away was nice especially from Instagram and fb they're horrible places right now#unfollowing and unfriending everyone rn idc who u are#and honestly idky I still even have tumblr now I ask myself that a lot#more and more lately#have a good day#and take care of yourselves
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halfway through the netflix documentary and idk if i'll ever be the same
#posting on tumblr so that i can make judicious use of tags#anyway i think it's the bit before the ireland concert that keeps rotating in my mind#where he's talking about having just gotten out of a deep depression#except he is so very obviously Still miserable in a massive way#his inability to even put on a good face for the press junket. their commentary that they wanted a more positive spin#as he's standing there hollow eyed and trying to summon some phony upbeat energy#god. GOD. GOD.#ama.txt
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I just gotta ask!! Why do you think the reasons Lucifer's relationship with Lilith nosedived? How would YOU handle that aspect of the show were you involved in the show? Do you think Lilith is possessed by eve? Do you think he should/would get back with Lilith or try and move on, either just with Charlie or just being friends with her like divorced parents on good terms?
Oooo! Look at this, what a question! And I am happy to answer!
As for what I think the CANON reason for their relationship going sideways, honestly I have absolutely no idea. However, here’s how I would go about writing that (and it’s similar to how I touch on their relationship in my fic What Time Is It. It’s not centred around their relationship, just Luci, but they do have a small arc and I talk about their history)
Anyways. EHHEHEM!
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To be honest, I think it would be extremely interesting to write a narrative where Luicfer became an uber depressed shut in, and Lilith didn’t know how to deal with it so she left. It would make a narrative of good character complexity that wouldn’t villainize either part, and would be pretty accurate to how poor mental can have a negative impact on relationships irl too. On one hand, Lucifer is hurting and needs support, but on the other hand they have a daughter and Lilith shouldn’t be forced to take care of him if it’s not what she signed up for.
I also like the idea of her just… not being able to fully grasp how much losing his home hurt him. The place she got cast out of was beautiful, sure, but the only other person was an asshole to her. Lucifer grew up w/ a family and people he cared about and wanted to do right by. She never understood how much that hurt, and this was never able to sympathize with him. Part of her views him as weak and sensitive, part of ehr feels BAD for thinking that because he’s her husband. In the end, however, she thought it would be best to take Charlie and leave because she didn’t want their daughter to see Luci so low.
Alternatively, Lucifer was so deep in his depression that he inadvertently ended up neglecting his duties as both a father AND a ruler, and pushing them on her. He loves his wife and child, but he spends most his time in his office. When he WAS near Lilith, he was clingy and desperate, and overly sensitive about everything because he was afraid that SHE was going to push him away too. Creating a sort of self-fulfilled prophecy for himself. However none of that is REALLY his fault because he grew up in a world where he was just supposed to be happy and perfect, where there was no real depression that anyone got help with, and the w as cats to a place where therapy was never really an option.
Ofc it didn’t start off that way, but as the millennia went by things got worse and worse until Lilith left, and Lucifer completely shut himself off from Hell, thinking his family (and any potential friends he MAY have made) were better off w/o him because he always managed to fuck things up.
Personally I think that’s one of the more compelling approaches the story could take. It just makes both of them feel more human, make u able to sympathize with them, and doesn’t completely villainize either of them. It’s just a messy, complicated situation that neither knew how to handle. But they both still love each other deeply. If they DID choose to go this route in the show, I think they COULD move forward if they just got better communication, and found someone to help them navigate the complexities of the relationship. Lilith would have to learn to be more understanding w/ Luci during his bad days, and Lucifer would have to work on himself to get better, and help take off some of the workload.
(As for what Lilith’s doing in heaven,.. honestly no real clue. There’s too much info we don’t know for me to make a guess that isn’t just COMPLETELY fanon. I kind of know how it would work into the above topic if I took some big leaps, but I don’t wanna get TOO outlandish w/ this post. So we’ll just leave that alone 😅)
Anyways, THANK YOU for this ask! It was so fun to write and speculate and PLEASE let me know what you think ;)
#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel#i love luci#apple daddy#duck lord#lucifer#short king#lucifer morningstar#my commentary#how I would do it#relationship complexities#depression is a bitch#the OG homewrecker if you will#they’re both trying but have no clue how to make it work#they didn’t grow up in a seething where mental illness was seen as valid#and as something that you could seek out help to work through#tumblr sexyman#even in his trash fire relationship he is
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bruh the more time I spend in this fandom, the more I realize how much of a dinosaur I am lmao. I was recommended joong's tiktok of trying a filter called "thai babe" with a bunch of actors and. tell me why off wasn't there. gun wasn't there. tay-everyone's-favorite-fucking-tawan wasn't there. new wasn't there. singto. even fluke natouch. not even my baby gawin??? likeeeeeeee... not only was I upset bc I would've NEVER been happy with any of the results, but it made me feel SOOOOOO old like bruh, the kiddos & me truly stan different people 😂
#axelle rants#gmmtv#I'm a grandma but the worst thing is that I know people who've been in the thai bl fandom since its inception... what does that make them 😂#I'm 24 years old babe I cannot ethically stan anyone who was born after 2000's. even 2000's is pushing it but. drake laedeke.#all the others that are below that I just look at them like an older sister fr#might be judgemental but I'll never understand grown ass bitches that lust unapologetically after 20 years old 😬#(anyways I would like to take this moment as a reminder that when bitches on here were trying to get me cancelled a couple years back-#-they called me a p*do for lusting after drake & calling him daddy when he's one year younger than me & was 20 at the time 🙃)#(no I will never let y'all forget the bullying I went through on here at a time when I was going through depression & tumblr was quite-#- literally my fucking lifeline 🙃)
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#tried to make it lighthearted but he looks depressing as shit lmao#anyways happy birthday king#90s kinda vibe#i love the photo i based this painting on#my art#digital art#digital painting#digital illustration#art#fanart#artists on tumblr#sketch#alfred molina#1990s
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He was working up a new story. Something to really gild his reputation. A nobleman’s wife, this time. Lady something or other. Probably better not to think up a name, that could get him in trouble later. I’ll take it to my grave and all that. Mysterious older woman. Terribly wealthy. Frisson of danger. Husband couldn’t get it hard any more. They’d swallow it whole. Antaup, you dog! How do you do it? Easy when you made it up. And a lot more fun than having to actually persuade women to take you to bed. He’d no patience with women at all.
— The Trouble With Peace by Joe Abercrombie
He wished Jurand and Glaward were there. He’d always known what they were. Nothing to be proud of but they were good men still. Leo could be so bloody stubborn. Once he had an idea in his head, there was no shaking it free.
Having feelings about aroace!Antaup again and how much I just adore (x the power of 1000 suns) his borderline misanthropy. He's so calculating, but also blasé and half-assed, there's no guilt or angsting about his inability to actually sleep with women, as if it's completely normal to make this shit up. And granted, it's largely boys being boys boasting about their make-believe conquests, and action =/= attraction, but there's none of the insecurity or guilt I would associate with someone who feels like they're actually incapable of getting a woman. Antaup fully believes he could, he just doesn't want to. At the same time, there is the fact he lies to his friends constantly, a running theme for Leo's group, who are so close-knit and yet are too afraid of being judged to actually talk.
From an ace perspective, I strongly feel that Antaup has just grown up with the ace mindset that everyone pretends to have crushes. There's so much distance between him and the reality of sex, so it's purely a kind of game to him; a mental exercise.
And the way that he feels Jurand & Glaward being gay is "nothing to be proud of", yes, it's homophobic, Antaup is no ally, which again is part of that "best friends who aren't actually best friends" issue, and hints at misanthropy. But I also get a sense of allophobia, like why do these allos have to make life hard for themselves? Why does Leo care so much? Antaup knows about Jurand & Glaward but he doesn't cotton on to Leo's feelings, for him it should be easy for Leo to put aside the homophobia and focus on what's important. Romance getting in the way of pragmatic decisions doesn't make sense to him at all.
I wish there was more ace rep that was this curmudgeonly and exudes "too ace for this". Antaup has learned to fit in in a way that stops people asking questions, where he has control of the sex talk and can enjoy the game whilst not having to deal with the reality... At least until the reality deals with him. 😔
#joe abercrombie#the first law#the age of madness#antaup#the trouble with peace#asexuality#ace rep#grr it seems tumblr has deleted my previous post about this#at least i saved a version on reddit... 😒#i'm just fascinated by how similarly repressed he is to leo but in such a different way#i think you could imagine a straight antaup ‐ in fact you could go into how a lot of ace ppl feel they're straight until proven otherwise#but he hits on a vibe that i really want to see more of that i think ppl shy away from to make ace characters relateable to allos#(or it's usually written OTT so they come across as frigid?)#but bc we're in his head he's a recognisable human#also classic case of the comic relief guy actually being a kind of depressing asshole#truly the black dow of the group
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#im no contact with my brother and neither parent decided to tell me he was staying with my dad next week#theyve given me 2 days notice#when i moved back here i specifically asked them to let me know in advance so that i could make plans to stay somewhere else#im not having a good time#sorry for being depressing#rambling on tumblr once again
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you know, I keep thinking about how much I'd get written if I had any self discipline at all and then like. doing nothing about it bc like. who's gonna enforce it? not me.
#personal;#like the biggest issue I have is that like#once my laptop is on then at MOST I have until I catch up on tumblr#before I habitually open XIV#and once XIV is open nothing's gonna get done#days I do chores I do them in the morning before the laptop is on specifically for this reason (that and any later and I'm too tired)#like I know- I /know/- what I need in order to get myself to write. I know all the little things#but I don't have the self discipline bc by the time i remember i was gonna XIV is open#and the day is dedicated to dissociation of varying levels depending on what's happening in XIV#or if I get distracted with a game on my tablet#and like....I love my son but his insistence on being in my lap doesn't help#bc being unable to move makes it hard to not just fucking dissociate#but even if I kick him off he's back in like 5m and it gets frustrating if i try#the deck is stacked so SO against me#plus like.....#even if I do the thing what validation will I get??#and if no validation it's hard to even pretend to tru to start#plus the longer I go without writing like. an object at rest will stay at rest#at this point I think I'm lowkey terrified of trying to write and just staring at an empty document or putting out shit no one understands#hhnnngggg#anyway I've rambled enough for the morning I'm not trying to depression spiral here
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Okay so I actually kinda wanna explain why Strong_Bad is so important to me...
(sighs) So online I always try to be happy and a positive ray of sunshine, I hate making people worry about me! But irl I've been feeling really sad and empty recently (might have depression but idk???) and yet whenever I watch HSR and see Strong_Bad be goofy and dumb it always cheers me up, and I've been having a hard time connecting to things recently and I keep on getting sick, so he's been a really positive presence for me... Cause as long as I can go onto the website and watch him be fing stupid then I feel less sad and I can just laugh and switch my brain off, he's just so important to me it's kinda stupid...
#he's my fictional soumate hehe#he's like the brightest spark in my life#that (but along with me being busy) is also why im pretty absent from tumblr#i just... i just love him so much#he's so important to me i kinda wanna cry lmfao#ah depression (maybe) is a b*tch but he makes me feel better#he's my medicine when he's close to me and all that#inane ramblings#strong bad 🥊
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