#he’s not even mine

[unidentifiedgothamite]

duke: who do you guys think is bruce's favorite child?

jason: it's probably fingerstripes

dick: me?! it's obviously you, jay

tim: it's jason

steph: facts. b lets him get away with everything, including murder

cass: jason

damian: as much as i loathe to admit it, father does treat todd differently

jason: ya'll are trippin'

meanwhile...

clark: b, just curious, but, do you have a favorite child?

bruce: hn, what date is it?

clark: um, may 12th?

bruce: then it's batcow

clark: what

bruce: did i stutter?

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce gets accosted by reporters and one of them asks "Is it true that you're in competition with Superman to win Batman's affections?" and he is so taken aback bc what the fuck are they even talking about? There are a million questions going through his head such as, since when was superman into batman? since when was this public knowledge? wtf did bruce say to imply that he was into batman as well? And he doesn't have an answer to any of these questions so he just smiles and says, "No, I'm not. The word competition implies that Superman has a chance, which he does not."

why did he say that? Bruce doesn't know, it just felt like that's how Bruce Wayne would've responded bc what's more Brucie than fighting with Superman for Batman's heart? anyway, upon reflection, this was maybe not the best response in terms of long term consequences, but he's committed to the bit now.

a week after all this goes down, news reporter Clark Kent is caught saying that Batman deserves better than Bruce Wayne, so is a third suitor putting his hat in the ring to win over batman?

[obsob]

to be loved is to be held!!! print

[jaypentaghast]

Maybe the real interview were the friends we made along the way.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Alfred: Who is this?

Seven year old Bruce: His name is Danny. He's my older brother

Alfred: You're an only child. You don't have a brother.

Bruce: Mom? Dad? Do I have a brother?

Thomas: I only ever loved your mother, and I find baby-making repulsive—no offense, Brucie—so biologically, no, you don't have a brother. Emotionally, on the other hand, if you feel like he is your brother, I don't mind calling him my son. It's not like I can't afford it, nor can this lad outrun me.

Alfred: That's... kidnaping, sir.

Martha: Oh don't be so uptight Alfred. You Brits worrry about the sillist of things.

Alfred: Silly thing? You mean the law!?

Martha: Yes, that's a pesky thing. Besides, he has my eyes and Thomas' nose! That's obviously our son.

Bruce considering Danny: He does have your nose, dad.

Thomas proud: A chip off the old block that one. Good job catching your brother Brucie.

Bruce: Thank you! I used my innocent face like you said, Mom!

Martha beaming: A pretty face is a valuable weapon, darling!

Alfred whispering to Danny: Blink four times if you want me to get you out of here. The Waynes are not entirely sane.

Danny:..... The kid just said he needed someone to walk him home cause he was lost.

Alfred: That's how they get you. I once offered Master Thomas my coat during a suprise downpour. That was four years ago, and now I'm a butler. He gave me an embroidered apron with the words, "You're mine now, Brit"

[zephyrchama]

[Thoughts about an MC who gets periods]

Getting periods in the Devildom must be pretty rough. Demons probably don’t get them, and the number of humans freely wandering around has to be incredibly low. If MC takes the form of a sheep then they likely don't have to deal with it immediately, but eventually that's going to wear off and they'll revert back to a human. Does the Devildom even have pads and tampons for sale?

MC might have to sheepishly ask Barbatos if he can acquire some in bulk from the human world. Barbatos would remain professional as always when inquiring about the use of these products and their role in daily life. He'd have to report it to the prince. They're both aware of what periods are, but only in a vague "oh yeah, humans do that" kind of way. (Perhaps in the future, Lucifer could use his secret Akuzon account to order more?)

There's surely some plant or potion that prevents them, but they're not meant for long term use. Probably tastes nasty over time and covers human skin in a weird oozing rash if consumed too often.

A month or two into the exchange program, MC might have to call up Solomon for aid.

---

“Can you help me with something?”

Solomon, not too interested in MC yet, agrees just to be amicable with his fellow human exchange student. They must be scared! They must be missing humans! “Is something on your mind?”

“You know how to do magic, right?”

What a silly question. It’s almost refreshing to hear. “I do.”

“Do you know… like, uh, smell…? Reducing magic? Something to cover up smells? Without being obvious, I mean. I feel like I stink and I was really hoping you could help me figure something out.”

How cute, he thinks. He can’t quite remember the time when he smelled fully human anymore, and he can’t really smell the distinct odor on people that demons can, but he knows demons can easily sniff out a human from afar. “Oh, don’t worry about that. It should go away on its own as you spend time here.”

MC isn’t convinced. “I don’t think it will…”

“Trust me. How are you finding Devildom cuisine? I know you’re not used to it, but eating more will help you adjust. I can whip up a few simpler dishes for you to try if you need help.”

MC is silent for a bit. Solomon thinks his job is done until they say quietly, “that’s not the problem.”

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure the brothers I live with can smell, uh, my cycle.” No use being coy about it, better get straight to the point. “They stare at me when I’m on my period. I think - no, I know - they can smell the blood. I’ve seen them sniff the air when I’m around. It's weird. And I can’t exactly stop it from happening every month.”

“Oh.” Now it’s Solomon’s turn to be quiet. He’s embarrassed and surprised, a little humbled, and also really interested in this problem. It’s not something he’s ever thought about before.

MC continues, “I think they can tell when I’m ovulating too, Asmo started lingering around more often, and Lucifer looked scarier than usual, and they all stare more, and-”

“I think I get it.” Solomon can’t stop his face from turning pink. Despite his usual grin, he doesn't think he’s ready to listen to the rest of MC’s sentence.

There should be an easy solution, but it’s something that warrants testing if MC doesn’t want the brothers noticing a sudden spell cast upon them. It could get mistaken for something malicious. Solomon says, “I might be able to help. Can you come over today?”

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[lilpomelito]

my favorite thing about Steve is that he’s actually a very confident guy, overconfident I would say sometimes, so in my head he has the shortest gay crisis ever like he realizes on a random Tuesday morning while slowly rotting on his costumer service job that his weird fixation with Eddie and how close he is with that punk dude from the Hideout is jealousy actually, so that means he has a crush on Eddie. Huh, that’s weird, has he had crushes on guys before? Maybe, his friendship with Tommy was intense and weirdly possessive actually, and their fight did feel like a breakup kind off and Tommy did behave like a bitter ex afterwards… also now that he thinks about it his obsession with the captain of the baseball team who was a senior when he was a junior was totally a crush in retrospective. And as he comes to this conclusion he also thinks damn what a waste, I could 100% have pulled him. So that same day he’s driving to Eddie’s place like “hi i’m taking you out” and Eddie doesn’t know if he’s about to be wine and dinned or murdered in the middle of the woods but he’s also a weak weak man for pretty boys so he just follows where Steve tells him to go. They have a lovely date at the dinner and then drive up to the quarry to see the sunset and then a very intense makeout sesh in the back of Steve’s car when Eddie remembers to ask him if he’s even into guys. Steve who already has his hands in Eddie’s pants looks him dead in the eye and says “yeah since this morning I think, but also since forever.” And Eddie who had to spend years slowly crawling his way out of Narnia to even admit to himself he was gay even less admitting it to others just blinks and accepts the fact that yeah, Steve Harrington has always had that vibe actually, and resumes kissing him.

[wu-does-art]

coming out as a "Will snores obnoxiously loud" and "Nico breaths so quietly you can barely tell hes alive" truther

[homosexualslug]

realized that both the beginning and the end of the happy paris stage of Loumand's relationship has this same contrasting orange to blue/green color scheme. and like. the visual metaphor of Armand literally leaving his cold, lifeless world behind him and choosing the bright, golden warmth of life with Louis instead of killing him like he was supposed to in that tunnel. but as soon as he chooses the coven over Louis, he separates from the warmth like oil in water that was never supposed to be there. and now he's back out in the cold. I'm normal about this, btw.

[mikewheeler]

I will always look after you, Penelope.

[yrsonpurpose]

jane & guildford + not wanting to leave each other

[is-this-even-relatable]

DP x DC PROMPT #2:

Tim Drake was a smart child, so he hires a live-in babysitter to help raise him when his parents are gone. Cue one Danny Fenton-Nightingale, who will NOT let this frankly scarily observant child grow up with negligent and unavailable guardian figures like he did, so help him Ancients.

———————

Tim Drake was left alone at a very young age. His parents left a five-year old child in a mansion, with no adult supervision.

Tim’s parents were negligent.

But Tim, he was a smart child.

Now, most people thought he had learned to cook, took himself to school, escaped from kidnappings, and generally raised himself to become the independent self-made genius he was today, teenaged CEO. And Tim let them think that, heck, he spread those rumors himself.

But that wasn’t quite right.

He had been a smart child, yes, but a child nonetheless. And he knew that most parents would hire a babysitter.

His parents hadn’t.

So he did it for them.

It was the smartest thing he ever did at that age.

And after he was hired, his dad new babysitter Danny helped cover up when Tim did things not-so-smart.

[novakiart]

hi I'm back with an epilogue

prev

[ninyard]

fox tweets (pt 2.5) ((ft. jeremy))

[beaulesbian]

- [Nimona]:You should be questioning everything right now. The will of Gloreth, the Institute, the wall. What's it all really for? - [Ballister]: For protecting the realm. - [Nimona]: Oh, you mean from villains like you? Or monsters like me?