#he’s just a little boy with undiagnosed autism

[the-lavender-room]

This kid got so traumatized and no one takes about it

[tatsumi-rin]

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

[krispiecake]

also. if you were wondering. yes i have diagnosed the main character in my show with autism. obviously.

[n250s]

various thangyu headcanons because these two ugly ass loser boys have unfortunately wormed their way into my brain like a parasite. warning there are a lot. some of these are straight up canon but idgaf :P

- thanos’ hair dye stains nam-gyu’s pillows and it pisses him off so bad. thanos has started purposefully showering before falling asleep just to make the staining worse.

- thanos let nam-gyu die his hair once and never again. he fucked it up and left it all patchy. he ended up having to pay for more box dye and just did it himself.

- despite popular belief, thanos prefers cats and nam-gyu prefers dogs. thanos enjoys how low maintenance cats are and he especially loves how they all have such dickish personalities. nam-gyu just likes dogs. specifically big dogs that crush him when they lay on him.

- thanos started calling nam-gyu “nam-su” purely because he’s dumb and honestly forgot his name. now it’s just an endearing nickname that nam-gyu pretends to hate. nam-gyu calls thanos by his actual name when they’re alone.

- adhd vs. autism couple. nam-gyu reminds thanos of important dates or errands he forgets and thanos indirectly helps keep nam-gyu relaxed and grounded by his presence, although nam-gyu will never admit that.

- mango cotton candy watermelon mint burst vaper x cigarette smoker. thanos tries so hard to make nam-gyu take a hit off his fruity concoctions and he refuses every time. he hates the taste and smell. thanos is definitely a “bro you can’t even smell it” type of guy. you absolutely can.

- both enable each other’s bad habits but only because they’re just a little too dense to really realize that they’re bad. both with hard substances or just in general stupid ideas.

- undiagnosed bpd warrior nam-gyu is real in my eyes. thanos doesn’t understand it AT ALL and neither does nam-gyu tbh. thanos unintentionally sets nam-gyu off often just because he doesn’t really grasp the concept of his normal behaviors being that upsetting. he knows he’s obnoxious of course, but he doesn’t understand how nam-gyu can be that upset. when he first called him “nam-su” because he genuinely didn’t remember his name it sent nam-gyu spiraling.

- nam-gyu has featured in some of thano’s raps but never as an actual collaboration. just occasional sound bites of his voice mixed into the background or something.

- casually cuddle. they just kind of do it unintentionally and it’s never anything romantic or awkward, just comfortable. they’re both very handsy and clingy. thanos has definitely made a few gay jokes before about it but neither of them care.

- insufferable to be around when they’re both high. one is enough but the two of them are excruciating. some how their bad ideas get worse under the influence.

- nam-gyu pays for majority if not all of their snacks. it’s of course all gas station junk food that has an unhealthy amount of caffeine or red 40. thanos constantly steals some of nam-gyu’s despite having his own.

- additionally, thanos is a chronic food stealer. he can’t help it. whatever it be, he steals from nam-gyu. a fry off his plate or a bite of his burger, he steals it.

- thanos LOVES biting nam-gyu and not just inherently sexual. he likes to occasionally bite his skin just to be annoying or when he’s bored.

- unhealthy amount of “dude” and “bro” usage from thanos. nam-gyu sticks with “man.” they don’t use sappy pet names but settle with those. they don’t even consider them pet names but they pretty much are.

- their wardrobes are a complete contrast. nam-gyu wears a lot of black and white while thanos wears neon clothes and anything that doesn’t really match. neither of them try dressing nice either, they just like wearing casual clothes in public. they both sleep in clothes they wear in public and vice versa.

- there is no tame vs. chaotic energy, they are both simultaneously awful. thanos is probably worse by like an ounce, they’re both bad. keep them both on leashes tbh.

- in another universe they’re friends with the rest of team thanos. i know se-mi and gyeong-su HATE to see thing one and thing two pull up to the function. min-su tolerates it but has had his fair share of teasing the two of them for how clingy they are. they’re the worst group to come across in public. loud and always making a scene.

- “would you still love me if i was a worm” thanos and “no lmfao” nam-gyu. he doesn’t mean it. probably. thanos definitely texted him that at three in the morning.

- nam-gyu wears prescription contacts and thanos likes to say they’re matching cause he occasionally wears blue contacts. nam-gyu wears his glasses when they’re alone and thanos always has to try them on. he has no awareness over the fact that asking someone to try their glasses on is overly annoying.

- thanos is definitely bisexual and nam-gyu is strictly gay. thanos would probably have a preference towards women if it weren’t for nam-gyu, but he can find anyone attractive.

- thanos cannot sit still. something is always moving. very fidgety too even without the drugs. nam-gyu is slightly better but always has a leg bobbing or is picking his nails. thanos will stand up and walk around mid-convo just because he feels compelled to move.

- thanos also cannot sit properly. he's always sitting on his legs, has his legs raised up, etc. both feet are never planted on the ground, one at most.

- unsure if they have official birthdays or not idc, but i can imagine thanos as an aries and nam-gyu as a scorpio based off of their personalities.

- xbox thanos vs. playstation nam-gyu. thanos makes fun of nam-gyu for buying a ps5 and is a firm believer in xbox being better. he hasn’t bought a new console in years. he’s running off of an xbox 360.

- thanos speaks english randomly of course, but he starts doing it more often once it clicks that nam-gyu really cannot understand him just for fun. he’ll say something like “you’re stupid” and say it translates to “you’re sexy” for no reason other than he wants to.

that’s all i can think of but i’ll most definitely concoct more over time. be ready. or not idk. i hate these two soooooo much like i don’t even like them. i hate them so much guys you have to believe me.

[autistpride]

AUTISM ACCEPTANCE

Teacher AU from April's prompts by @wolfstarmicrofic

Wordcount: 998

Remus had been waiting for this day for years. Nearly a decade, but the waitlist was seven years long and he was low on the priority list because he wasn’t in a mental health crisis and had a somewhat stable home and job situation, but after nine years, he finally got the calls.

Remus first began to suspect he might be autistic when he began teaching. Remus taught at the primary level, year one, and all of the students in his class were autistic. He related to his students and seemed to understand them on a level most of the other teachers could not. He spent his own money changing his room up, buying sensory tools and various items. In the end his students thrived and Remus was so proud of them.

As the years passed, Remus gained a reputation for being quirky, odd, and a bit too into the fandom for the book series he was into. But despite being a bit of a “loner” and not developing much of a relationship with his coworkers, Remus was beloved by his students and as a result, their families.

Remus set up his assessments during the half term, or tried too, but his final meeting was during a school day and that was unfortunately unable to be rescheduled due to the psychologists busy schedule. 

Remus explained to his students the day before his appointment that he would not be at the classroom Friday morning. He would be at a doctor’s appointment and they would have a substitute teacher until lunch time. Naturally they had questions, as all curious children do.

“Mr. Lupin, are you sick?”

“No, Hermione, I’m not sick. Just a meeting.” 

“Do you promise you’ll be back at lunch time to get us from the playground?”

“Yes, Harry, I promise. I will be standing at the side ready to collect you from the playground at the end of your break.”

“Do you have a baby in you?”

This one caused Remus to snort. “No Ron, I don’t have a baby in my belly. I know you have a little sister coming soon though huh?” Remus asked the boy who beamed and nodded. 

“Are you going to die?”

“No I am absolutely not dying, Draco. You don’t have to worry. You are going to be stuck with me all year!” Remus said in a low tone crouched down and wiggling his fingers like a monster.

This caused a bout of giggles from the young children and Remus chuckled before helping them pack up for the day.

Friday morning he rose early, packed everything he needed for the day, and rode the bus the hour to the city. He sat and listened as the psychologist explained he did in fact meet the criteria for autism and after years of waiting, he was officially diagnosed. The psychologist explained that it wasn’t uncommon for trans males to go undiagnosed their whole lives because many doctors were biassed against females as well as people of colour. They kept asking if Remus was okay, if he was upset or needed any support because they knew that hearing this information was a lot. 

But Remus just felt relief and peace. He finally felt like it all made since, his whole life

The bus ride back to the village Remus teared up as he texted his best friend Lily that he got it and she replied instantly with many hugs and heart emojis and then a message saying that she knew he would and that she was proud of him.

Remus walked from the bus stop to the school and buzzed in through the staff entrance in the back with his badge. He placed all his stuff in his locker in the staff lounge, made sure his badge was the right way on his lanyard, and made his way to the enclosed play area where his students would be.

Slowly, one at a time, his students noticed his arrival and ran around finding the other classmates to tell them that he was there. Then without warning they screamed and ran over to him, tackling him with hugs, causing Remus to laugh as he hugged them back.

Soon the students were all lining up to go back into the classrooms, but Remus was confused, the substitute wasn’t there. He asked where Mr. Black was and Luna said that he stayed behind because he had something he had to do in the classroom since Mr. Lupin would be there to get them. Remus was confused and puzzled because he had prepared all the materials for the day’s lessons and there was nothing that needed to be prepared during the lunch period. 

They made their way back to the classroom in a line, Remus walking backwards like a professional at this point, directing his students in their songs for things like planets, continents and oceans, and skip counting as they walked. They entered the classroom one at a time ahead of him and when he turned to walk through the doorway he froze.

His entire classroom was decorated for a party, his students sitting on the reading rug holding onto little drawings. In the back, Sirius held up a small cake. “Congratulations!” written on the whiteboard in Sirius’ beautiful loopy cursive. 

Remus’ hands quickly covered his mouth in surprise as he looked around and took it all in. “Oh,” he whispered.

“Class what do we say to Mr. Lupin?” Sirius asked with a cheeky grin.

The entire class erupted into screams of “ONE OF US! ONE OF US!” 

Remus threw his head back and laughed despite the happy tears that welled in his eyes. 

Remus had never felt confident before in his life. Never felt like he actually fit someplace before until now. 

And if he bit his lip to try to hide his smirk and raised his eyebrows at Sirius when he had Sirius’ number in his phone after years of pining, well who could blame him. 

[sirwadewilsonfromimgur]

Deadpool & Wolverine: Scenes from an unconventional marriage.

[Submitted to Poolverine Week Day 7 SFW domesticity / Domestic life]

Pre script authors note: The following was inspired by a few conversations between @icarusredwings and myself, part of which was a scenario that i thought would be funny... if this is your first story reading one of my AUs (first of all. woof, you picked a long one) Secondly. The boys have money, Peter works for them as an assistant and logistics expert. They live in Kansas city because of Wade's crusade against anti-mutant GMO corn... go back and read KoKC for details. Link below.

Scene 3

Kansas City Missouri Earth-10005 (2031-ish)

When two murderous Canadian mercenaries love each other very much...

Part 1 : paternal instincts.

Our scene opens up where most of our scenes open with this author.

The 19th floor of 700 W 31st Street Kansas City Missouri.

(the building known to its Tennants as One Park Place tower)

International headquarters of Malfeasance and Fraud Mitigation (Mercs for Money) LLC. And home to Logan and Wade Howlett-Wilson.

And Blind Al don't forget her! And Mary puppens I'll stab you if fucking forget about her. By the way Brace yourself folks this might be a crossover AU one-shot non canonical story.

Wade was talking to himself as usual having left the office after chain smoking a pack of Lucky Strikes and going over Financials with Peter and Althea. The business part of the business of killing was a huge pain in the ass. Logan insisted he take an active role beyond just killing. It was hell on his undiagnosed autism/ADHD.

Fuck Excell, fuck spreadsheets, fuck shopping around for cheaper ammo to save a dollar, this Is a Winchester house we're not buying off brand bullets from eastern Europe!

But it was finally over and he could enjoy the rest of his day. Which he intended on doing as he walked towards Logan sitting on the couch in the livingroom. He had a Nintendo Switch and was playing Mario 3 online.

He'd taken a liking to playing games ever since Laura convinced him to play Smash Brothers with her a few years ago.... Wade loved that he'd picked up what many especially the Wolverine himself would consider an unserious hobby.

he sucked at it, but he was trying to improve. He had recently beat Zelda: link to the past, but he still couldn't beat Laura at Smash Bros. Wade sat down next to him with a thud.

You get all your work done for the day princess? He asked without looking up from his screen.

I did. It was terrible. I hate it. Please don't make me do it again. Wade gently puts a hand on Logans thigh, not necessarily with amorous intentions. It's more like trying to ground himself after a stressful afternoon by connecting with his Wolverine.

Sorry bub, but you gotta learn about the actual business. It'll give you a better perspective before you go spending money. Besides its our company, and it's more than shooting fools. Now, if you gimme a sec I'll find a stopping point. These little fucking turtles have been giving me hell.

Thier Koopas penut, stomping on turtles, would be cruel. As for Al and Peter, they are the best at what they do... and what they do isn't very interesting.

Logan chuckles at Wade's bad joke, turning off his game. You smell like cigarettes bub, you know those are bad for your health. *sniffs* lucky strikes.... you know I remember when lucky strike was a plug tobacco brand (chewing tobacco bound together with molasses the 1870s were a weird time)

That sounds disgusting Penut... also I think smoking is the least of my problems. You didn't have to stop playing your game I just Wanted to be near you. But speaking of, did I tell you I was in a video game once?

Logan was accustomed to this line of thought at this point, they were in a film, a fanfic on Tumblr, a comic book, a novel... a video game was new... he couldn't see the audience, as far as he knew his choices were his own. But he didn't immediately dismiss Wade like he had in the past, because when he said things like this, there was a thread, especially if Wade said something ominous. He knew to clock it and treat the situation with care.

You were? Tell me about it bub. He said this as he pulled Wade onto his lap, feeling the need for a little cuddling while his garrulous lover regaled him with a meandering story... he liked it.

Well Penut it was the far off year of 2013, my voice sounded like Nolan North at the time and not the buttery Ryan Reynolds tones I have today. It was before the Deadpool movies and I didn't have the budget for a Hollywood actor.

Logan shook his head in mock understanding, not understanding what he meant by having a different voice at all.

Anyway, cutting past the tutorial levels, I remember Cable was there, and so we're you. Well, not you, one of you. Ya' know.

Logan gave Wade a little squeeze at the mention of Wade's ex, Cable... something about that guy made him feel possessive, not a normal reaction for a pair that generally regarded themselves as polyamorous. It probably had something to do with him being (this universe's) Scotts son which is a situation that's weird on its face before someone explained time travel to you and once that was done Logan would have to open a whole can of worms regarding trauma of love lost, parallel universes, and his Scott...

he pushed it to the back of his brain as Wade told his story, how he went on an adventure and that other Logan. he even let me fly the Blackbird... this, of course, resulted in disaster... he crashed it, leading in to a light explanation of how his and that Logans relationship was... tense.

Wade went on about traipsing through the ruins of Genosha a totally real place Logan was unfamiliar with...

there was no Genosha or Krakoa in his universe, and by far the largest difference between the world's he'd noted. It was a land populated by mutants that had suffered a brazen attack by humans... a story Logan was all too familiar with. It's a story he's been doing his best to live with. Pulling himself out again he focuses on Wade's story, he'd mentioned a musical number with Lady Death (who was not played by Aubrey Plaza at the time wade lamented) and then discovery that it hadn't been Agatha all along but Mister Sinister at the heart of the problem.

He'd planned on destroying Wade's favorite taco restaurant along with the rest of the world by *checks notes* exhuming mutant bodies to obtain their unique DNA.... or something. It was almost 20 years ago penut so it's fuzzy.

An injustices Wade simply could not stand for. He personally killed several of Sinisters clones in the process of ultimately stopping his evil scheme before confronting him at Magneto's old Citadel where he'd been hiding out...

I squashed him like a bug under the boot of an old Sentinel, Penut! The big purple kind like from X-men 97! Anyway, the credits role and because of licensing issues, the game is only available to play on hard disk, and it's expensive.

Logan nodded his head (again) in tacit agreement with this statement as if he completely understood *he didn't* kissed Wade on the cheek and held him. He was about to suggest that he and Wade go for a walk when Wade jumped off his lap

Oh, Penut! Talking about Sinister reminds me of something!

Wade ran across the room and headed towards the large storage room they kept some sundry items in, the Christmas tree, seasonal stuff and a few boxes of Wade's "crap" that he couldn't get rid of. Mind you this wasn't Wolverines terminology, Wade had written in red crayon on the boxes Crap. Out of curiosity Logan had followed behind him and was standing in the door watching Wade feverishly dig through boxes, opening them taking stuff out and Searching for something.

Amongst the random objects was a furry red doll with a grande attached to it. Logan quickly picks it up.

Wade, why dose this doll have a live Fucking grande attached to it... I thought we agreed all explosives stay at the safe house not the condo!

Oh, tickle me Hell-mo, in fairness Penut I forgot he was even in that box... I forgot what was in a lot of these boxes, trinkets, souvenirs... grenades... apparently. I just knew i didn't want to throw these things away. He rifled through another box as he said this and pulled out a large gray rectangular device with buttons nobs and a small readout display.

FOUND IT! c'mon Penut, I'll clean this up later. I want to show you something. Wade rushed out of the storage room as fast as he'd ran in, Logan followed behind exploding doll in hand. He knew he'd better just entertain whatever it was Wade wanted to show him. Besides, he is kinda cute when he's excited about something.

Ok Princess, what about that box has got you so worked up.

Wade sets it on the marble counter.

Sinister was a sick fuck, and certifiably evil... but he was a brilliant geneticist and created several devices for harvesting DNA... I, lightly acquired a few things.

You stole shit.

I WASN'T PAID! so yeah after killing the fucker FOR FREE and distracting the X-men who conveniently showed up after I did all the work, I rooted around the citadel where he'd set up shop. I took this! He said pointing at the device. He then proceeded to pull out an instruction manual seemingly from thin air and read it out loud.

This device can take the DNA of two or more individuals regardless of gender and re-combine it to make a new life.

Logan was taken aback, not only by the inference that this device could assist them in having biological children together... but because Wade fucking read something out loud flawlessly without having to sound it out...

Bub, you can read today?

I guess so... but I'll probably only be able to write in Mandarin tomorrow. So enjoy it while you can. But to the point at hand, Penut, I want to have your babies. And with this I believe we can... with the help of a surrogate.

Sweet heart (Logan said as gently as possible in an attempt to spare his feelings) I don't think we're ready for kids, especially little ones.

Logan held up the explosive doll as exhibit A for his argument.

Wade responds by just looking at Logan, big comic book accurate blue eyes staring right in to his soul, Logan could see the tears welling up....

Jesus, bub! Stop! You emotionally manipulative little cunt! Logan broke his gaze and looked out the window pretending to be interested in downtown...

Look Princess, I know how badly you want a kid of your own... you told me all about it.

But you've got some steps to take before I consider being a father to a new life with you... firstly who's gonna surrogate? And don't tell me Ness, she's a good friend but that's asking a lot of her and don't be all depressed if she tells you no.

Secondly... and I can't believe I'm saying this... but if you want me to even flirt with the Ideas Wade, we gotta make this house a safe place and... buy one of the units next to us to expand into so the kid has a room... and you gotta get a safe for the guns and a locked case for the swords. we can't have them accessible to a toddler... no more keeping a Glock in the silverware drawer, no more LadySmith revolvers under the couch cushions. No more cocain in the pantry labeled "flour" in mason jars.

Well... that doesn't sound like a No, Penut... or should I say... Daddy?

Logan cringed at Deadpool, calling him daddy in a decidedly nonsexual tone. It didn't sound normal.

If the Wolverine wasn't sure about this, he probably shouldn't have given Wade a goal with clearly defined parameters...

Wade had hyper focus and devoted himself to baby proofing the condo, weapons secured. Drugs removed (by consuming them, Logan didn't say he couldn't have fun)

He negotiated buying the vacant one bedroom unit that was on the other side of their office walls, blew out said wall, and had contractors built two new large bedroom suites with bathrooms. He installed a Cypher lock on the office door and... yes, the golden girls were behind glass in a locked display cabinet. Something he could punch through should he need to defend the house quickly.

He did this all with his personal funds. Everything was on course... accept finding a surrogate... believe it or not, Vanessa wasn't actually Wade's first choice. He didn't want to ask her to commit to the inconvenience, especially since he didn't want to interfere with her relationship with Dermot... also the touchy subject of asking the woman you wanted to start a family with to hay... help me start a family with my husband it'll be fun! No... Vanessa would be a fun aunt, but he knew he'd have to seek out the services of a professional or something.

They did find an agency that helped them meet with potential surrogates. It wasn't cheap.

A situation that was more complicated than taxes, filing out mountains of paperwork. Then they had to actually meet these women. Money they had... interview skills not so much. Especially when a few walked in, saw Wade's face, and immediately walked out. The best ones screamed, the worst one thought she was on one of those terrible reality prank shows...

Logan despised the nights after such interviews. Holding Wade as he wept.

Logan... what if my own baby thinks I'm scary? What if they don't want to be seen with me or worse they're bullied at school for being the son of a monster... *loud sobs* because it's true, I am a monster. A murderer, a war criminal whose outside is exactly who he is on the inside... a freak.

Logan had gotten Wade to believe him after years when he said he loved him, his scars added depth and character and that he thought his husband was the sexiest man to walk the earth, the void, and the multivers.

But that only applied to him, others... well, given how the interviews went, it was a blow to his ego.... and his mental health. It'd be days before he got Wade to come back out from under his hood or mask. But that was a problem for tomorrow. But for tonight, Wade had entered a shutdown for lack of a betterword... Logan held him, fed him, got in the large shower with him, washed him, and went to bed, tucked in the large bed he held his beloved who had curled himself up in to a ball.

Tomorrow will be better Princess, we'll find the right person, and I promise any baby of ours will love you and be kind. Because that's who you are, really on the inside bub... you forget it. But as long as I've known you, your heart has been in the right place in the end, and you're kinder than I am by a country mile.

The sleep that night was thankfully dreamless for the both of them.

The next morning, Logan made a simple breakfast of eggs and toast for both of them. Putting the bottles of salsa and sriracha near Wade plate... he looked at the clock. 6:30 am

Meaning it was 7:30 in New York. He'd try and give Vanessa a call in half an hour knowing she'd be up by then for sure. He needed to commiserate with someone who understood Wade like he did.

The phone call he had that morning was surprising. He'd let Vanessa know what'd been going on with the agency... and the drama... he was shocked to learn she didn't even know they were considering having a baby.

Wade, didn't tell you?

No Red's not said a word of this to me, I'm honestly confused as to why you goofballs didn't ask me first.

Well, after yesterday, I might as well be the one to ask. Would you consider it Ness?

I... hmmm.... tell you What, this isn't exactly a phone conversation, and it sounds like I need to have a chat with my buddy... I can be there this weekend if you can help a sister out with at ride.

*Logan scoffs playfully* sure I'll have peter send out a G700 to pick you up.

Oooo spoil me, Daddy she retorted.

Logan gaged... gross Ness.

She cackled at getting the old man's goat for a solid minute before they finally wrapped up the call, Logan could definitely see why she and Wade had clicked.

It was another down day, no jobs scheduled, they could afford to take longer breaks and be choosy with contracts. Althea had the money making money with a few business development investments, the purpose of which was to launder money and pay taxes, the fringe benefit being they actually produced a small regular incom. (Please stop talking about the intricacies of the business, haven't I suffered enough!)

A short walk away on the other side of Broadway is the Penn Valley off leash dog park. Mary loved being able to run about and the boys liked that they didn't have to worry about her getting hit by a car... not that it would have affected her for long, but they both knew regenerating is something you'd rather not do if you didn't have to. Wade was indeed tightly tucked into a hoodie hiding his face as best he could. Logan would address that later. They got to the dog park gate without issue, Wade actively avoiding any other people they saw on the way.

Logan unhooked the leash from the ring on her doggy vest, and she was off like a bat out of hell to do whatever it is Dogpools do when they have a whole field to run in. He pulled out a cigar from his pocket case. A Cohiba, a real one from Cuba, smuggled it himself from a job that took them to the Caribbean. He carefully cut the tip with a specialized Xikar cutter, lit the end of a cedar strip, and used the growing flame from it to light his cigar... a lot of ritual for something you literally burn. But Logan found it calming, he also needed one of his strongest cigars to help cover up the smell of the dog park... even if everyone picked up after their dog (they most certainly didn't) the smell was not great for Logan.

We should both probably cut back on the smoking when the babies get here penut... he said this as he pulled out a cigarette... they didn't do much for either of them chemically. Wade just enjoyed the habit, something comforting about it... plus if Wolvy was gonna have a cigar, it made him feel like it was a couples activity. Doing a mundane thing together was one of Wade's favorite things.

I spoke to Ness this morning.

Oh, I hope she's doing well. I need to call her.

I wouldn't worry about it, she'll be here this weekend... Wade, sweetheart... why didn't you tell Ness about our plans, she seemed a little hurt you didn't tell her.

She's traveling a thousand miles, probably to tell me off. I think she's more than hurt if she's coming out here... you know Penut... you said that I shouldn't get my hopes up with her... and I kinda took it to heart... Also I have my own hangups about it... Firstly being how insensitive it sounds on it's face. "Hay Ness, if you and Dermot aren't using it, can we rent your womb? Only 9 months, first month deposit up front!"

But more importantly, for the better part of a decade, Vanessa has been pulled into the misadventures of Deadpool. I love her (platonically). I'm glad we were able to stay friends... but she really doesn't need to get wrapped up in my problems, schemes, and drama... again. Not at my request anyway. A big issue I have is personal, I was going to start a family with her. Asking felt... regressive. But also to the point, her proximity to me has gotten her kidnapped and killed before. I still feel guilty about it.

You also traveled the multivers to save this reality for her, also you traveled back in time and saved her bub.

Aint you ever seen endgame. That's not how time travel works. Somewhere out there, in some other time line, Vanessa is still dead, and it's my fault. This is just a branched timeline.

Since when has the timeline ever made Since bub!

*Loud gasp* PENUT DID YOU JUST BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?

I don't think so, bub... I don't see the people, but I remember you trying to explain how the "other me" time traveled in 2014, and now there aren't Sentinel's running death camps. That the timeline changed and converged.

This is no different Princess, don't think about it too hard, you said. So I'm telling you the same thing. Don't fret about it bub, Vanessa is alive... and she will be here Saturday.

You're too good for me, Penut. I Don't deserve you.

No, you don't... he said as he picked a small plastic bag out of his pocket. You literally stole me. But I love you anyway. Now go pick up the massive shit Mary just took. I refuse for us to be the kind of people who just leave it.

Wade took the bag.

It's probably Stockholm syndrome Penut.

Vanessa arrived Saturday afternoon, in a Falcon 900LX. It was the best Peter could arrange on short notice... not that Vanessa knew the difference between a G700 and a Falcon, she was just happy not to be on Southwest. Dermot was with her... the man was almost the antithesis of Wade, He liked Hiking and he was quite to the point of being accused of being shy. Dry witted... and as he'd recently discovered when he went to the gun range with the boy's last 4th of July... a lousy shooter. But he was stable, kind, and good-natured. Definitely willing to go along to get along with a lot of Wade's antics at parties. He knew why Vanessa had come, and he was perfectly fine with it. It didn't interfere with his plans at all. He was a slow burner and Vanessa hadn't indicated she was in any hurry to tie the knot. But that's a story for another time.

Wade had gone the extra mile to spoil them. A black limousine complete with champagne greeted them on the tarmac and whisked them off to casa de chaos.

She walked in the door like she owned the place, dropping her bag by the door. She walked to the dining room table and sat...

Come over here and sit with me boys. We got a lot to talk about and I'd like to waste no time getting down to business.

Oh, so direct. Wade said in a catty tone high enough to indicate he was joking as he winked

We're gonna gloss over the fact that you didn't involve me with your family planning from the start... but I hear you've had a hard time landing a surrogate. she cut eyes at Wade as she said this. Wordlessly airing all of her hurt feelings and grievances regarding not even being told Wade and Logan were trying to have a baby. Something one would think a best friend would be told

I'd like to make an offer. On the condition that despite you two being my best friends... I aint doing this for free.

Oh, if that's the case Ness then you gotta interview like all the rest. He said this in a joking tone but she didn't miss a beat.

Ok Red, I've been substance free for over 20 years, I don't smoke. I promise not to drink or eat selfish for the entire pregnancy, and I'm one of two people in this room who've seen you naked and didn't require drugs and therapy after.

Yeah... my dick dose look like a peperoni somone forgot in the air fryer.

And your sack looks like someone took a crown royal bag, filled it with puss, and ran it through the middle of a hog pin.

Wade smiles. And laughs a little...

Ok, Ness. you got the job.

Great, I knew you'd see it my way. She proceeded to write a number on a piece of paper and slid it across.

That's my price. Also, Dermot and I are gonna be long-term hous guests for obvious reasons. Convenient since he can do his job remotely....

Wade looked at the number, showed it to Logan, and smirked... I think the both of you could retire for this much money... but nothing is too good for my baby. I am going to have to kill several people for this.

Bub, we might have to overthrow a government.

Pff like that's something new.

Lucky you Ness, you get to be the first person to stay in one of the new rooms... and tangentially responsible for a potential war crime! He grinned like the devil at her

---

Shortly after the contract was finalized, Vanessa and Dermot moved in, and it was a short trip to New York... the boys provided a sample and Mister Sinisters machine to Dr. Henry McCoy... who was fascinated by the whole thing (he later wrote an entire dissertation on it) he helped with the procedure... the result of which was one Vanessa Carlysle pregnant with the Biological child of the combined DNA of Deadpool and Wolverine...

The following 9 months went surprisingly smoothly (apart from one small incident with a serial killer, but that's a chapter in the Noir, we will worry about it later)

The day came... Vanessa went into labor, early in the morning. Thankfully, it seemed like it would be free of complications. meaning that Wade and Vanessa both got their wish for thus day. The baby was born at home.

Wade had an aversion to hospitals. Bad memories of cancer diagnosis, and a general fear of strange men in white lab coats. Not every man mind you. He was cool with Beast and other people he knew personally and he knew a few scientists and doctors... Logan wasn't averse to hospitals apart from the smells of disinfectant and illness mixed together. Vanessa was a bit new age for her justification, why bring life into the world in a place so many go to die, on top of it being uncomfortable, and expensive.

As a result, the midwife was called arrangements were made and the new life was soon ushered into the world. They say history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Like his father Logan, who was born at home to an affluent family in a room where he'd spend his childhood, this baby was born in the penthouse of a tower to affluent parents in a room he'd inhabit well in to his 20s.

Vanessa wasn't in labor long. No birth is a walk in the park, but she would tell you it was pretty easy and without drama compared to others. She pushed one last time, and he was out. Vanessa did get the honor of holding him first after the midwife cleaned him up... Logan couldn't resist the urge; the umbilical cord was carefully cut with an adamantium claw blade. He had been offered a scalpel for the record.

Hay there, little guy... it's a pleasure to meet you.

She held him for 5 minutes before she called Wade over.

I know someone who's been waiting a very long time for you... I think it's time you should finally meet him

Vanessa handed the tiny bundle to Wade, who had whipped off his shirt the second Vanessa called him over. I read that skin to skin contact was beneficial to the baby. he'd said as he carefully supported the babies head and neck and brought him in closer to his chest.

Welcome to the world... I apologize for the state of it, but I have indeed waited a long time to meet you, little guy... I'm Wade, but please call me dad. Your other dad over there is the Wolverine, that makes you my Kitten. I promise you I'll do the best i can being your father. Please don't judge me too harshly.

Babe, get over here and take your shirt off.

If I had a dollar for every time you've said that to me.

So what should we name him...

You didn't think of a name already!

Logan said it was bad luck *shrugs*

But at least we got the last name sorted Howlett-Wilson 👌

Bub, hyphenated names are a pain in the ass... its not a problem for us because we rarely use our real married name for anything official... let's just give him your last name.

Wade scrunched his face with a little distaste...

Wolvy he's our baby. He should have something from both of us... I mean, besides our mental illness... that's a given.

Tell you what princess; how about we Name him James. It was my name... once, but I don't use it anymore. He can have it.

His middle name however was a much longer discussion... mostly because Wade offered several typical Deadpool options that Logan Veto'ed outright.

Thunderdick! No. Skullcursher!? God, no. James MAGNUM Wilson! That's terrible Wade...

It went on for a minute before Vanessa finally chimed in. Evan... I've always liked that name.

Well, it's a normal name. So I like it.

Works for me, Penut. Though it'd be a lot cooler if it was Danger... but that's my middle name.

Your middle name is Winston.... idiot!

Part two: the Life and Times of James E. Wilson (hope you like crossover AUs)

James's earliest memory is his father, Wade holding him, comforting him... but also crying. He vaguely remembered being at the playground, running and jumping as most toddlers do... tripping on something and skinning his knees on the sidewalk... he naturally had the reaction of crying from the pain and surprise... it wasn't until James was much older that he understood why his dad kept mumbling why aren't you healing?

It's ok, dad... you don't need to cry. I already feel better.

Even at a young age, he felt compelled to comfort someone else. To help. It broke him out of thinking about his own problems, including skinned knees...

The result of this little accident was Wade panicking. They went back to the house and grabbed the dog and his other dad. Papa (or the big bad wolf if James was misbehaving) no amount of reasoning or comments from Logan couldn't stop him or calm Wade down.

Logan Howlett-Wilson get your ass in the car and drive us to the airport right now! Were going to the Mansion to see the fucking doctor RIGHT NOW!

Logan got the message, Wade didn't forgo pet names unless he was bone chillingly serious in intention and resolve. So within minutes, they were on a jet to New York. Where James met a fuzzy blue man he liked very much despite the blood draw. That was uncomfortable, but he found the lab he was in fascinating... weather or not, this influenced his future career he couldn't fully say. But probably a little.

The news delivered to the... not so young, but definitely, new parents was not stellar... Hank had run several tests and analyzed James' DNA structure. He possessed the X-Gene, but it was dormant due to being recessive. Much like Wade he'd have to undergo profound trauma to activate it. There was no guarantee he'd come out the other end with a healing factor. It could be anything... furthermore, it was highly unethical and unthinkable to subject a child.... Wade cut him off

I know a lot of people don't think highly of me. But how fucking dare you assume I'd even entertain the idea of tormenting my child.

Easy bub, I don't think Hank was implying anything. Ya' know he gets lost in the hypotheticals. Right Hank!?

The blue man nodded in agreement.

We will just... have to be extra careful.

Wade picked James up. C'mon soldier. There's a big metal doofus ya gotta meet.

---

One particular afternoon James was sitting in his office recounting some memories with his friend Gregory. Though they had a habit of referring to each other by sir name. Wilson and House

(what a twist)

The day the two met was actually one of the few points in time that if you knew who his parents were you'd say "oh yeah, that is clearly the offspring of Deadpool and Wolverine" it was at a medical conference in New Orleans. Wilson dosn't remember the exact circumstances he'd been drinking but his father's tempers came out of him as he'd threw punches and generally effectively kicked ass at a bar brawl (Wade would have been so proud) House ever the shit stirrer jumped in and backed him up. Truly his fathers son, meeting your best friend as a result of incredible violence... in a bar.

House had actually just finished telling Wilson about his most recent case, yet another patient that had been previously misdiagnosed as having lupus. It was Hashimoto's disease if you're curious. The interactions he'd had with the patient made him think she'd been being neglected, bare minimum socially isolated... he recognized his own surliness in others. It resulted in a dressdown of her parents that he was certain would result in an office visit with Cuddy and detention after school.

High-school wasn't a fun time for Gregory...

You know it wasn't exactly fun for me either.

From the age of 11 to the time he left for med school, he was escorted by armed gaurds to and from school. Growing up in Kansas city, he'd gone to Pembroke Hill School, a private school that specialized in STEM that's tuition cost as much as a new car annually... he was one of only two kid's that went to that school that arrived with a security detail, not however the only one that arrived in a limousine. The other kid was the child of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. They weren't friends... he didn't really have friends.

Aww poor little rich boy

House chided at him

At least you didn't get shoved into a locker...

Which was true. He didn't have friends but he didn't have enemies either. The closest thing he had to a best friend was his Grandma Al and Mr. Yoshitomi his driver/lead bodyguard. he was allowed to call him Yoshi...

The man was clearly retired Yakuza, and like his father Logan, tough on the outside but secretly a teddy bear. The truth is Wilson found himself alone at home, too. Apart from Al... but she mostly sat him down in front of a TV and fed him before going outside to smoke...

so apart from weekends, he was alone. Occasionally, he'd see his big sister Laura. She was frequently busy herself being the "official" Wolverine of the Xmen. He liked it when she brought him comics, fictionlized accounts of the adventures of his dad in the past, and his big sister... he knew his dad's loved him. No one could argue that... but What had started as two lovers in New York trying to make rent money by doing the only thing they were good at; picking up random jobs on the dark web (Killing mostly) in the mid 2020s morphed into a private security firm in Kansas City that rivaled Black Water and the (fucking) Pinkertons by the 2040s.

They were busy, and it did provide him a comfortable life without student loans or want for any material thing... But from 11 to 18, it was him Al his sister Ellie who was always off doing her own thing (he wished they were closer) and what had to be the world's oldest dog. She's still alive, actually. The dog loved him and was rarely not by his side when he was home (because all deadpools love their babies) Althea however was not, she was a chain smoker and heavy drug user until the day she died.

how that woman lived to be 115 is fucking beyond me

She lived long enough to see (metaphorically) Wilson graduate medical school. It was the last time he'd seen her. He moved away and started his residency in New Jersey. Wade had sent a private plane as well as several veiled threats to the Dean of medicine at the time to ensure Wilson had the time off to attend the funeral.

Wilson... I gotta ask, why did you have armed guards?

Oh! Funny story when I was 10. I was kidnapped once

(Exactly once I made sure of that)

It's true. He was heading home from school. He made it to the driveway of the tower he called home when some very ill-informed gangsters decided to kidnap the son of a rich man... they didn't do their resurch as to who's kid exactly, just figured they'd get a ransom...

In fairness on paper Wade and Logan weren't Wade and Logan, they were two random dudes who ran a lucrative business and weren't shy about showing off.

This leads to probably the second most traumatic memory Wilson had... not necessarily the kidnapping. They had actually treated him surprisingly well.

What shocked him was seeing his father Logan covered in blood kicking down the door of the room he'd been kept in. He'd never seen his father in the tight yellow and brow suit before. Or the mask... he had taken it off when he clocked James, but that only made it worse. The entire bottom of his father's face was coated in blood, like he'd gored a man (he actually had ripped open one of the gangsters throat with his teeth) the blood on his face was cut clear with two rivulets of tears. What James didn't know is they weren't just tears of joy seeing his son, but also tears of relief. If anything had happened to James, the Genocide he and his husband were going to commit in response would have made his incident in his own universe look like childs play.

[Image below: Scary dad privileges]

---

Rebellious teenage years were impossible. You couldn't steal weed from your blind grandma and hid it in your room, not from the nose of the Wolverine.

Do you know what this shit dose! It makes you fucking stupid is what it does, and your dad and I aren't raising a fucking idiot!

Logan never hit him. But he was scary when he yelled and loud... if he was really pissed those claws popped out. Never an actual threat but fucking scary. The only person in the house that actually got stabbed was Wade... and much to James's chagrin, he was pretty sure his dad liked it.

It wasn't the worst childhood, and it wasn't a bad life. Wilson became an oncologist partly because he was fascinated by his own father. The man who's cancer actually kept him alive. He had success, failures... it's like his dad said "what dosn't kill you makes you bad at intimacy kido" 3 ex wives later he finally understood what he meant by that.

All the events of his life that you know about that happened on the show. They happened more or less details and name's changed, cousins were not blood related etcetera. The ending however was quite different. Wilson and House lived to an advanced age. House did indeed fake his own death some time in 2069 and assumed a new life... but luckily for him, his "buddy" Wilson had a dad that knew how to get people new and interesting identities.

They had actually shown up one day at the condo... parking their motorcycles right in front of the door (no one dare question whatever the fuck Deadpools kid wanted to do at that building, Wade had long since put the HOA under his thumb) Wade welcomed his son in. Helped them out. House got a new first name... also, shortly after the Althea Sanderson memorial cancer research wing was built, Wilson found himself the head of Oncology at KU med hospital. Wilson never once questioned why a job was offered to him out of the blue and Wade never once questioned why Wilson and House shared a home out in Leewood.

The only other major difference is all his life when he could he returned home to the condo for the holidays. Where he'd see his seemingly ageless fathers and sisters. He loved his family Logan, Wade, Laura, and Ellie (we'll talk about her in another story.) Which is just as well. He never had children of his own, and after your 3rd failed marriage, you kinda give up on the idea of expanding your family; other than House occasionally tagging along. But until his dying day, his dad dotted on him. And bragged, boy did he brag especially to the Xmen when he had a chance to rub in their face his son the successful Doctor! (Suck on that Jean!)

But for Wade, the day did finally come that his immortality became a curse... with every Christmas, Thanksgiving, and spring break that came, James got older. Wade was at his retirement party, He remembers loving Dr. House's wildly inappropriate speech and toast. A man after his own heart, but after the laughter subsided, he realized that his boy, who was graciously receiving a gold watch, had lines in his face and gray hair.

The years kept coming... Wilson got older, he got sick... and his mortality came to pass.

If the universe brought these starbound lovers together for any particular reason. It was for this moment, Wade loved two things Intensely, his Wolverine and his children... but the Death of his first son broke him. Logan clinged on to Wade physically and emotionally. Doing everything he could to hold him together. It was many years before Wade could be called Ok. It was another couple hundred years before he even considered the idea of raising more children.

It should be noted that James was the only one to be fully genetically Logan and Wade's. He was special, one of a kind.

Wade carried a portion of James's ashes with him in a small locket around his neck where it stayed for countless millenia. In dangerous situations he'd even cut himself and put it under his skin so it wouldn't get lost...

Epilogue:

The lady at the end of the road sits in her ethereal other world. Surrounded by various time keeping devices dimly lit by candles flames that don't consume. She pulled out a pocket watch and a ledger. She had an appointment to keep. This one was a special case. The dark lady had the power to send out shades, to be everywhere at once. But this appointment she'd handle directly. She carried out her appointed task kindly but usually without emotion. She was inflexible and didn't bargain or despite what you may have heard play chess or gamble for time or souls....

Wade was there... hospice care was set up about a week ago, and he sat by James side as the ravage of time and biology took its toll. By regular human standards Dr. James Wilson lived a good life, a long life at that. He was 97 years 6 months 2 weeks and 5 days old the morning she came. Logan had been with him the entire night before Wade had taken his shift early that morning so Logan could get some sleep. At about 10 am in the guise of a hospice nurse, she walked into the room, Wade was no fool. Only one person still alive (if you could call her alive) looked like that... He knew why she was there. He hadn't seen her in a very long time.

I see we're sticking with the Aubrey Plaza look... tears started welling up in his eyes. He looked at James in the bed beside him Despite looking down at the face of an old man, Wade still saw his baby. His son.

I thought you'd like this look, it's definitely more pleasant than most. If it's any consolation, Wade... I'm sorry I have to do this.

I haven't seen you in over 100 years. Not even the times I've died lately. Haven't seen you since the time I jumped out of an airplane into a volcano after Vanessa dumped me. Now you show up! I know why you're here.

The tears were streaming down Wade's face. Hot on his cheeks, his eyes red. He looks at her pleadingly.

Please, take me instead. Please, Lady Death. Leave my baby alone. Please, I beg you, take me.

Oh, Wade... My love. It has caused me great sorrow to not see you all these years. But don't you know? I can't take you even if I wanted to. You and Logan have woven yourself in the fabric of the universe. You and him are part of Eternity. I can't take you only, Entropy can take you. probably shortly before he takes me... even death has a death.

I know this is hard. I beg you to forgive me... but it's James's time to go. But because I love you. I waited as long as I could, he should have passed before you woke up this morning. But now you have an opportunity to say goodbye...

She moved to the bed and touched James's hand. He sat up and looked at his father.

Why are you crying, dad?

He stood up, out of the bed. Wade jumped out of his chair and embraced him tightly.

Oh, my sweet Kitten. Im so sorry. Please forgive your old man.

Wade sobs for a while before he can talk again...

I remember the day you were born... I loved you, I held you. I swore I'd burn down the world to protect you... but I can't protect you anymore...

Dad, I Don't understand. What's going on.

That's unfortunately my job to explain... but it'd be easier to show you...

She points at the bed; James looks down and to his surprise, he sees... himself. Drained of color, unmoving.

Dr. James Wilson, you have lived your life in service of others. A life well spent. But now is the time to leave that life... I'm sorry

Dad, you don't have to protect me anymore. It'll... it'll be ok.

Kitten... I love you, and though I desperately want to rage and fight and yell to keep you here longer... it's not the right thing to do. My friend here gave me an opportunity few have. I'm going to take it instead of throwing it in her face.

I love you...

I love you too Dad.

Wade hugged his son one last time, kissed him on the cheek, and led him by the hand to Lady Death.

Can... can Logan say goodbye, too?

I'm sorry Wade. I've already pushed the limits of the rules to extend this opportunity to you. I'm afraid I can't

Ok...

He looks up at James.

Your father and I will miss you. Honeybadger loved his kitten as much as I do.

I know, Dad... I know. I want you to know that I had a good life. I'm at peace. I don't want you worrying about me.

You silly boy. It doesn't matter if you're 9 or 97. I was always going to worry about you.

Lady Death extended her hand out to James.

It's time... I'm sorry, but don't be sacred. I promise where we're going isn't bad. It won't hurt.

James took her hand, and slowly took his other hand out of his father's grasp... turned and looked at him.

I love you. You were the best dad. I guess now is the time. Goodbye.

I could have been better, I'm sorry. I love you....... James... it... it might be a while before I see you again... goodbye. I'll always love you, kitten.

They walked away from Wade out the bedroom door. Wades heart broke into a million pieces as they turned to go down the hall. There was a flash of light... and he was gone.

The End.

If fan fics had credits. This would be the closing song. It is special to me... I myself would like it played at my funeral.

Below is a translation into English. Be sure to give the user who provided it a ❤️

Link to Next chapter

Branched story, this is the Noir final chapter

Branching story the next scene from and unconventional marriage is below

[uncensored-aj]

Some different versions of Willy Wonka as described by me:

Gene Wilder (The Candyman): (OG Movie)

• Peepaw’s just a little unhinged, babes.

•Currently singing Sea Shanties at the top of his lungs. <3

• Perfectionist

• “Blondes have more fun. ^^” *murders a small child by chocolate river*

• Says ‘fuck’ on a regular basis.

•Autistic

•Will fully talk shit but no one calls him out on account of the Autism.

Johnny Depp: (The Recluse): (Tim Burton Remake)

•Has THE hot gossip.

• <3 Daddy Issues <3

•Anti-Social cause these bitches are WACK.

•Does not know how to interact with other people.

• Germaphobe.

•Sunglasses inside because he can’t even LOOK at these hoes-

• Also Autistic

Christian Borle: (Broadway Version)

• A Homosexual.

• Delusional and Musical

• Old Theater Gay

•Talks mad shit but cutely.

• Will Sic his army of tiny chocolate mixing assassins on you and Blame Them for your death.

• smokes a shit ton of Weed. He is currently high out of his fucking MIND and GETTING WORK DONE.

•If anyone even LOOKS at Charlie wrong they will die.

• Autism AND Adhd

Timothee Chalamet: (The Eldrich candy Elemental is Babey?)

•Mama issues.

• Oh no the sickly little victorian boy is actually an oblivious Magic user who can literally create things from sheer imagination alone.

• The POSTER CHILD for undiagnosed Autism.

• Literally warps reality to get what he wants

• “I won’t let this sign stop me because I CAN’T READ.” Energy

• Is unaware of the immense power he possesses. His vibes are just THAT immaculate.

•Fuchsia is his favorite color.

• his candy is technically drugs. Its… ITS DRUGS.

• Is very sweet and nice and oblivious but has a deep underlying unsettling element about him. I fully believe this man could destroy the city with a chocolate Tsunami if he felt so inclined.

• will say the most UNHINGED shit and no one bats an eye because he’s pretty.

•Go little autism creecher GO!

[sniigura-archive]

ok we know what adam and reader think and do for their children, unconditional love etc... and im going to assume the relationship between the kids are just like normal siblings, taking that little paragraph were one of them cursed at another kid for insulting their sibling; and they know that their parents love eachother, the constant sibling factory and accidental walks in are enough proof. But what are the kids thoughts about their parents? most of them are mom kids and since reader is the ruler in the house i think they are alright with reader, but what about adam? since teenagers are his least favourites, they have more troubles with him but now im courious of what do they think of adam and reader?

i sorted the kids by birth order btw

eden opinion on reader: respects her and loves her. comes to her mother when it comes to emotional support. thinks reader should enable adam less (she tries ok)

eden opinion on adam: capable guy. she thinks adam should take some deep breaths before acting (he does already 😭). she likes working with him together on their car projects and she always knows she can count on him if shit ever hits the fan

kane opinion on reader: he’s a total mamas boy which causes him to put reader on a pedestal. he was a highly sensitive child with undiagnosed ADHD and reader was the parent who handled his outburst and emotions the best. reader always suspected that adam also has ADHD and after kane finally was diagnosed and adam was like „what that’s what everyone does“ she forced him to get diagnosed. kane takes his meds regularly while adam. doesn’t. kane and reader work together on the garden!!

kane opinion on adam: thinks his father is an idiot and likes to act like they aren’t related (he’s very much like adam and hates when it gets pointed out). likes to make divorce jokes which adam HATESSSSS like don’t wish evil like that upon him!!!! the older kane gets the more he mellows out and is able to properly connect with his father. so what if they hug properly for the first time when he’s in his 30s

abram opinion on reader: respects his mother a lot and sees her as a role model. has autism and reader makes sure all his needs are met. it was his idea to get chickens and he loves every pet a lot that the family has. he thinks his mother can be very unempathetic, since reader has the tendency to think if every physical need is met that the children shouldn’t complain (what childhood poverty does to someone)

abram opinion on adam: good husband and ok father. he’s aware that adam tries his best so he can’t stay mad at him. they both work on projects around the house like making their own furniture, they build the chicken coop together etc which he enjoys a lot

setha (comes out later as Nick!) opinion on reader: good mother but they don’t share many interests together. still loves his mother a lot. the first person he came out to as trans masc but only because adam can be so insensitive

setha (comes out later as Nick!) opinion on adam: thinks his father is the coolest actually. have lots of shared interests and opinions. was scared to come out as trans masc but it all went well in the end. picked out his new name with adam!! plays drums and it pains adam but he tries to smile through it

ada opinion on reader: got into anime and nerd stuff in general because of her mother so loves her for that. has a tendency to hide away in her room which reader tries to push against. poor girl is just a huge introvert but knows reader only has good intentions

ada opinion on adam: coolish guy but they don’t have much in common. get along well. takes her father to conventions and sends him links to figures and mangas she wants since reader has a tendency to forget birthdays. adam on the other habd makes every birthday a blast for the kids. he suffers through the conventions because he wants to make sure his daughter is always safe

isaac opinion on reader: when he’s older he appreciates that reader forced the whole family into signing lessons, since he was born deaf. takes out his hearing aids and closes his eyes when his family annoys him. thinks reader babies him too much

isaac opinion on adam: fave parent because adam rough houses with him. gets his love for martial art thanks to his dad. randomly jumps on adam’s back for a surprise attack

lazarus opinion on reader: thinks reader is an amazing cook and loves cooking with their mother together. had their coming out as non binary by simply saying at the dinner table to only use they them pronouns from now on and everyone just nodded. knows that their mother tries to make it right for everyone and appreciates the effort

lazarus opinion on adam: wants adam’s rib recipe but he refuses and says they will get it as their inheritance. it’s his secret (he’s just being extra). adam is sad he couldn’t convince his child to change their name to smth band related. thinks their father should be more open minded but from the stories reader tells they know adam improved a lot

delilah opinion on reader: too strict 😔 (the only one who says no to her. youngest child privileges), has a tendency to bump heads because of that. at the end of the day they love each other but in the mornings and afternoons they want each other dead

delilah opinion on adam: daddy’s girl, loves her father. probably because he spoils her a lot. she’s very obvious adam’s favourite, since she’s a girl and looks completely like reader

[sharpth1ng]

Does billy have diagnosed autism in wom/debaser or undiagnosed idk if this is a dumb question or not 😭

Not a dumb question!

To answer your non-dumb question Billy is undiagnosed, my boy doesn't know he's autistic as of Debaser/WoM.

This is partly related to my own experience as a late diagnosed person but it's also because he would have been a child in the 80s when the neurotype just wasn't well understood. He's capable of verbal speech and can go to school with same-aged peers so it's very unlikely he would have been diagnosed at the time.

A LOT of people went undiagnosed in that generation (gen x basically), and would just be seen as weird, quirky or sensitive. There's a lot of people in my family like that, if you're capable of masking even a little it's really easy to fall under the radar and just carry on suffering and hating yourself because you don't know how to be "normal", and I think that's kind of where Billy is at. His saving grace was Nancy, who was a sensitive enough mother not to constantly force him into neurotypical modes of being as a child, even if she didn't know that was exactly what she was doing.

Outside of her though, his autistic traits often get him labelled as difficult, grumpy and anti-social.

[eldritch-bf]

Herbert West identity related headcanons:

ftm (obviously) gay and demi

if he’s 24 in 1985 then he was born in 1961 oof

I’m also using some info from the novelization as canon so he is Canadian and his parents died in a chemical fire in the house when he was 12-13

was forced to take ballet when be was 5-10 (something Jeffry Combs joked about in the commentary from Bride)

his parents were neglectful of him and didn’t really care about him wanting to have short hair or boy clothes plus they chalked it up to his presumably undiagnosed autism

realized he felt weird about the older boy in the foster home (13-18) but didn’t really understand it; mostly he is jealous when girls take away the boy’s attention; closest friend he ever had as they were alone together but Herbert knew he could never act on it so he kept those feelings to himself

he wants sex but only from someone he’s emotionally connected with which itself is rare and at the same time intellectually he considers sex to be debasing, while also being curious about the sensation and knowing the benefits of the chemicals produced during orgasm

this is coupled with the fact that at least before starting T any thought of sex or masturbation made him extremely dysphoric and repulsed so his whole relationship with sex is very complicated

he is deeply repulsed by femininity bc it reminds him of his childhood spend as his agab and the stupid gender norms his parents thrust upon him including dismissing him being a scientist just because he had the wrong parts

he is canonically annoyed by pretty much all sounds and I suspect higher pitched sounds including women’s voices are worse; lower register sounds like thunder and men’s voices can be calming to him

upon moving from Canada to the U.S. as a student at NYU he used his new name on everything and making a clean break from his old identity was a big reason why he picked a different country to study in

hated NYU and the only good thing was it was easy to synthesize testosterone

T made him so fucking horny and also eviscerated his dysphoria; man was cranking it fucking constantly for a year straight and did some of his best work before moving to Switzerland for 3 years

Dr Gruber immediately figured out what his deal was but didn’t say anything and just treated him normal and for that Herbert was extremely devoted to him; Dr Gruber also did his top surgery in Switzerland despite having never done such an operation before

Dr Gruber was the one and only member of his support system the only person who knew everything about him and understood him and accepted him, losing him was a devastating blow and Herbert decided he would keep himself closed off

Also Dr Gruber didn’t have anyone either and adored Herbert and according to the book fucking left Herbert his money when he died which paid for his tuition and moving costs etc

if I didn’t genuinely like the father/son dynamic they have, I would absolutely say he was fucking that old man

So he was cool and clipped to Dan when he first met him and when he moved in trying to keep Dan at arm’s length away but he saw how smart and hardworking Dan was and he knew how difficult it was to conduct this research alone and he desperately wanted the company

and Dan reminded him a lot of the first boy he ever had a crush on and it would give him a certain satisfaction to vicariously have his first crush through Dan yet also knowing that Dan is way better than the idiot teen boy he was in the foster home with who never gave him the time of day; he’s also pleased with the idea of dragging Dan (normal, supposedly heterosexual, law-abiding) down with him; he’s pulling the brightest kindest handsomest hardest working med student out of Miskatonic into his orbit and making Dan’s life revolve around him

literally “look at the bad bitch I pulled by being a little freak” absolute nightmare Herbert West takes personal pleasure in ruining sweaterboy Daniel Cain’s life

the chaos of everything they do is so much more important that when Dan finds out Herbert is trans and gay it doesn’t even phase him.

(Daniel Cain is bisexual and basically decided it was just easier to be pretend to be straight and get a girlfriend so he ignored his feelings for men. But now with Herbert he doesn’t have to.)

he is completely shocked by sex with Dan however despite knowing that Dan is experienced he was not prepared nor was Dan prepared for how awkward yet demanding the virginal Herbert West would be, yelling at him one moment before becoming cock stupid the next

[mollymauk-teafleak]

just that still sort of quiet

Happy Christmas to the lovely @minky-for-short! Love you sweetie <33

Want more soft jmart dads? I have you covered. Let's not think too hard about why we need this.

Please reblog and comment over on Ao3!

------

Jonathan Sims has always had trouble sleeping, even now he's left most of his demons in the past.

But tonight, he's not the only one.

-----

Jon had given up on asking why can’t I sleep a long time ago.

There were just too many answers to that question, enough that it was pointless to wonder. Like asking, of the entire house that collapsed on top of him, which precise brick had struck him in the back of the head and killed him. 

It used to just be plain old insomnia, a childish fear of what he’d see if he closed his eyes, an inability to give up that much control in a life where he already couldn’t convince people he was a boy and they’d all got it wrong. 

Then he grew and it was the bumps of coke at the weekend parties, the cup after cup of bitter black coffee, the books he’d buried himself in so he’d have an excuse to live in the university library and keep his life neatly organised and Harvard referenced. So at least the myriad ways in which he was falling apart were tucked away and organized. 

When he lost even that small amount of routine, the reasons shifted and became more stark. Suddenly, it was the tangled, hopeless mess between his ears that kept him up. It was the sticky black ink inside him that had soon leaked out and drowned him, no matter how neatly pressed his suit was or how brightly the brass nameplate on his door rang out Head Archivist . He hadn’t slept for days at a time back then, though it had actually been the least of his worries. The paranoia, the concrete certainty that the moment he closed his eyes, the horrors chasing him would sink their teeth in. Rest had been impossible, until his brain had simply boiled over. Sleep caught up with Jonathan Sims so hard he came close to never waking up. 

But now that inky blackness had a name, a neat little label and a prescription ticket. Undiagnosed schizophrenia, autism with no accommodations and a healthy dose of the bargain bin insomnia that had been plaguing him since he was a child. He saw a therapist once a week, a couples counselor once a month with Martin, he took the medications they prescribed him and was honest about when they couldn’t keep the bad thoughts out. The horrors finally crystallized, he realised the things he’d run from had been shadows on the walls of his own mind and, more importantly, there were ways to fight back. 

But Jon still couldn’t sleep some nights and he’d finally given up on wondering why. But he did know what to do about it now.

They slept so tangled together it was impossible to extract himself without waking up his boyfriend. Sure enough, Martin stirred as Jon squirmed out of his arms, threw his legs over the edge of their bed and felt around blindly for his slippers. He made a noise that was almost his name, one sleep glazed eye opening past the bird's nest of auburn curls. 

“I’m okay,” Jon whispered soothingly, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Just can’t sleep, that’s all.”

Martin scrubbed a hand against his face, “Need me? S’okay if you do, I’m up…”

The last part was an adorably obvious lie but Jon had slowly learned to believe Martin when he offered him help. If he asked him to come with him, to sit and watch the rain for a few hours or put the kettle on and talk about the weight on his chest, he would. The certainty of it, the solid, warm presence of his love was enough to make Jon smile as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the top of those messy curls. 

“I’m okay, I promise,” he murmured, tugging the duvet up over his broad shoulders, “You go back to sleep. I’ll come get you if I need you.”

Martin sank back down into the blankets with a sigh, back to softly snoring by the time Jon had belted his dressing gown. So much of him didn’t want to leave that warmth, ached to be back in the safe circle of his arms, listening to his heartbeat against his ear. But the itch had firmly settled into his brain by now, the restless static that pushed him to close the door and pad as quietly as possible down the hallway to their flat’s little sitting room. 

Shelley was asleep on the sofa, curled up in her favourite place where the sag in the leather was particularly deep. She opened one golden eye to regard her owner as he shuffled past, yawning and stretching to follow him into the kitchen like he should be grateful she’d deigned to get up for him. 

And he was, scooping her up and letting her perch across his shoulders like she always did, scratching behind the one ear she had left until she was purring contentedly.

“I’d feel worse about waking you up too but you have all day to sleep,” Jon murmured softly, smiling when she butted her striped head against his rough cheek.

He flicked the switch on the kettle, wincing at how loudly the old thing rattled, but it was worth it once he had a warm mug between his hands, breathing in the lavender scented steam. He’d insisted stubbornly for years that herbal teas had never helped with his insomnia since he was small until, after weeks of searching, Martin came home with a brand that was almost exactly the blend Jon’s grandmother would give him as a child, the precise ratios of lavender to passion flower to lemon balm. How he’d done it, Jon would never know but after one long inhale, he could feel his muscles unwinding and his nerves settling, if a little begrudgingly. 

Machen and Irving were asleep on the rocking chair, the two kittens curled up so close that it was impossible to see where one began and the other ended, just a lump of soft black fur. Jon felt bad, making them move when they looked so peaceful, though their indignant cheeping settled as soon as they could curl up in his lap and dig their tiny needle claws into the terry cloth fabric of his dressing gown. 

Jon somehow juggled their two newest additions, a mug of tea and the cat around his neck without scalding anyone, settling back and reaching for one of the books on the side table. Not the books he’d usually turn to, just a stack of dog-eared romance paperbacks from the library closest to their flat, but they were perfect for distracting his brain when it wouldn’t slow down. He could send his mind to some far off beach that didn’t really exist or some quaint little fictional town, bemusedly watch two one dimensional love interests fall in cliched, inevitable love. Hopefully, while it was gone, his body could be free to collapse. 

Jon set himself rocking, nudging the chair into a comforting, rhythmic motion, one hand holding the book while the other stroked across Irving’s back. He started to flick through pages, beginning to believe it was starting to actually work, that his eyelids were getting heavy, his limbs getting that lead feeling, his breathing slowing…

Until it occurred to him that tracking his body this obsessively probably meant it wasn’t working at all.

Jon closed the book on the couple’s ridiculous miscommunication before the grand declaration of love, pinching the bridge of his nose with a frustrated sigh. It always went like this, he’d shift all his anxiety from whatever woke him to the act of getting back to sleep, pulling him further away in the process. Whatever had caused his eyes to open, a bad dream or a phantom ache from a long time ago or the new mundane stresses he’d earned, getting them closed again always felt like he was trying to climb an impossibly steep cliff. 

“What’s the matter, daddy?”

Jon jumped so hard he sent the two kittens in his lap skittering away like puffs of smoke dissipating. Shelly dug her claws into his shoulder, hanging on grimly and giving Jon a low rumble of annoyance like it was his fault for having a heart attack.

And of course Gertrude Sims didn’t even blink, just staring up at her daddy like she was just waiting for him to collect himself and answer her question. 

“You’re going to have to stop doing that to me, darling,” Jon wheezed, only just remembering to whisper, “It’s that or we tie a bell to you.”

“Like the kittens,” Gertie beamed that sunshine smile she had, the one that erased any lingering doubt that she was a clone of Martin. 

The only thing she’d gotten from Jon was his eyes.

“I suppose so,” Jon chuckled softly, reaching out and putting his hand on her cheek, “What are you doing out of bed, darling? It’s so late.”

Gertie leaned into his hand, so close her little cheek squished, “Daddy was up so I thought maybe it was time to be up? Time to go to the museum and see the butterflies?”

Jon felt a prickle of guilt, shifting so he could take his little girl in his arms. She clambered up excitedly, sitting in his lap and resting her head against his chest so her fluffy hair tickled his nose. She’d grown so much in the four years she’d been alive, Jon would always miss the days he could hold her in one hand, but his arms had always found a way to fit around her. He’d make sure they always did. 

“I’m sorry, darling, it isn’t time to go to the museum just yet,” Jon sighed, “I should be in bed, I just…I can’t sleep.”

“Oh,” Gertie plucked at his dressing gown, “How come?”

Jon hesitated for a moment before deciding to answer honestly, “I…I don’t really know. All sorts of reasons, I suppose.”

Gertie absorbed that, he could almost hear the gears clicking inside her mind. Jon felt the same sense of needling dread he always did when he’d tried to explain the way his mind worked, to teachers, to doctors, to the therapists he’d tried in the past. That feeling of cracking open his chest for them, having to watch the poorly disguised horror on their faces as they examined all the parts of him that were wrong. 

There was only one person who he was able to open up to without that fear. And fortunately, Gertie was just like her papa.

“Daddy’s scared?” she mumbled, turning her face towards his. 

Jon swallowed, feeling his hands shake as they lay against her back, “Yes. Sometimes I’m just scared, Gertie. And it makes it hard to sleep.”

His daughter shifted, sitting up and craning her little neck to clumsily kiss Jon’s forehead. 

“It’s okay to be scared,” she hummed, her voice bright with that sunshine she always seemed to radiate, “I’m right here.”

Jon felt his throat close, a rush of emotion surging up from his chest. It wasn’t constricting like fear, like panic, it was an embrace, something solid and sure that anchored him when he was drifting away. The kind of tightness that said I’ve got you and I won’t let go.

Because how many times had he said those words, kissed his little girl in the exact same spot on her forehead as he pulled the covers up to her chin and tucked them close around her. On nights she couldn’t sleep because of bad dreams or the rain drumming too loudly on the windows or the colic she’d had when she was small, Jon and Martin had dug furrows in their carpet walking her back and forth, feeling her grow heavy in their arms as sleep finally found her. No matter how early in the morning it was, how long she’d wailed, there would always be that twinge of regret as he’d laid her down in her cot or her bed. 

So Jon had made that promise for both of them. I’m right here. And he’d meant it with every cell of his body. 

“Thank you, Gertie,” he rasped, holding her little face in his hands, “I feel a lot better now.”

Gertie nodded happily, all perfect confidence, “Always does!”

Jon held her tight for a moment, just because he needed to. The kittens came slinking back over, jumping up and curling against Gertie’s side, Shelley began to purr like a busted old engine. Jon rocked them for a long while, listening to his daughter’s steady breathing, feeling his anxious heartbeat slow to match her own. For a perfect half hour, he didn’t need anything more than that.

“We should try and get some sleep, I think,” he eventually murmured, “We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

Gertie gave a little wriggle of excitement as Jon stood with her in his arms, walking her down the hall to her bedroom, “Going to the museum! See the dinosaurs and the butterflies and the big whale!”

Jon chuckled softly. The Museum of Natural History was their daughter’s favourite place, she’d been looking forward to their visit all week. 

“We are…” he settled her back down into the bed, smiling as Shelley immediately unwound herself from his neck to snuggle up next to Gertie, “Sweet dreams, darling, I love you.”

“Love you too, daddy,” she smiled as he kissed her forehead, in just the right place, “And you have sweet dreams too.” 

“I think I will,” Jon waited until her eyes were closed, until the rising and falling of her chest settled into something soft, “I’m right here.”

Jon knew he should go back to his own room, leave the door ajar so the streetlight filtering in from the living room windows would soften the darkness. He should curl up in Martin’s arms, relax into the warmth of the people who loved him most, he should be finally, finally sleeping. 

But he would stay awake just a little longer, perching on his daughters bed and watching her dream of butterflies and blue whales.

There were plenty of reasons Jon couldn’t sleep. But she was his favourite.

[rowansrobe]

hi tumblr i know no one cares about my posts but im a bi trans liberal boy who lives in a red town in a maga family and i'm pretty sure i have undiagnosed autism and depression (im not out as queer or liberal) im terrified.

im also riddled with guilt for being scared and depressed because im not allowed to be myself because other people have it so much worse. but i feel physically sick right now, like im melting because im probably never gonna get to be myself. honestly i can't even drive. i haven't even taken the test even though i've been able to for months because i know with how impulsive i am that i might die. on purpose or not. i punish myself for stimming because my own family makes fun of me for it. i CANT STAND going to school but for the reason that it's an overstimulating mess and i have to take a nap when i get home because im so exhausted. i dislike orange man so much because of how much he's affecting my and my friends lives.

i want to go to a mental health hospital but for the sake of bettering myself and finding better ways to cope that's not stabbing my hand with a pencil every time the annoying little guy in my bed tells me to kms. i feel bad for wanting to go. i feel like i should be able to handle it. i don't know if i can. i don't know what normal regulation of emotions is i never have. i don't want to be a burden, which is why i both want to go and don't. the only person im out to is my therapist and one kid at my school. i don't want to die though i just need a break. i need help

[purge-samauwu]

Watched all the available seasons of Big Mouth for the shits and giggles and I do understand why many don't like the show but now I can't get one little dude(the littlest dude🥺) in particular out of my skull

Jay Bilzerian

The amount of physical trauma, sexual trauma, stunted mental growth, and undiagnosed mental disorders this boy has is...

Definitely has ADHD

May have autism

Rampant signs of schizophrenia

Hyper sexuality

Disassociation

Need I say more? I feel so horrible for this boy and all his friends don't understand just how fucked up his life is because they are children too. They just think he's weird but almost everything about him is a bi (heh get it? It's because he's bisexual) product of what he's gone through.

He's super hypersexual because his brothers abuse him in that way(we see that in the jizz cracker scene). In the latest season, he teaches Andrew how to disassociate for the fight he's going to have soon which fails.

He explains that he disassociates because his brothers beat him so often that he's taught himself to block it out to the point where he feels no pain.

The schizophrenia is self explanatory. The constant personification of inanimate objects that aren't just done for gags - because for Jay the illusions persist even past the joke.

And his hyper sexuality often mixes with his schizophrenia (AS SEEN WITH THE GODDAMN PILLOWS).

And don't get me started on how he sees adult figures in his life! He seeks constant approval from the adults or anyone older around him because he has an entirely absent father and a mentally and emotionally absent mother who is constantly drunk.

He exaggerates his already loud personality because he wants attention. Something rarely given to him out of a person's own will.

All this and he never became a horrible person like his brothers.

And I could do this for all the other characters because they're all interesting in their own right but when you get past the crude jokes and weird imagery (because the point is to display the grossness that is growing up) you see how horrible each characters mental state and lives are.

Jay's being the worst in my opinion.

[melonmortis]

Headcanons Joshua/Caesar please??

Joshua:

Raised by an older couple in New Canaan, was their only son.

Went alone on his missionary trip because even within his little cult he was still looked at as a “weirdo”, which unfortunately added to his complicity in making the legion to have a very warped sense of belonging.

He really didn’t like Edward at first with how brazen and brash he was but eventually somewhat liked those qualities about him.

Shared bunks/tents together (it’s not gay if they both have socks on)

If you really wanna press his buttons just imply he’s a robot or not human with how he’ll find a way to dump scripture into most conversations (not really his fault with his environment and undiagnosed autism but yeah.)

Can very much beat Edward in hand to hand fights.

Tendency to just kinda stare (get him brown contacts NOW).

For something’s kinda cute, I guess, he likes sweets, his favorite being poke cakes his mom would make for special occasions.

Caesar:

Lived with his mom a majority of his time with The Followers and occasionally crashing with the people he had flings with (never lasted long, shocker).

Really only had Bill Calhoun as a close friend and even then it was often strained.

Had that ‘spoiled’ white autistic child obsession with war at a young age that of course no one wanted to correct because they didn’t want to deal with him and his neglectful mom 💕

At first only hung out with Joshua to mess with him but eventually formed an actual friendship with him after they shared more personal things with each other.

Him and Joshua had a strange ‘opposites attract’ relationship at the start, especially with Edward’s experience with physical intimacy and Joshua’s lack of it (neither have good experience with emotional intimacy so surely this won’t backfire horribly!!)

According the the wiki, he secluded himself to read the books he found about Roman history and such in his goon cave and I like to think Joshua just kinda side eyed him while he read by lamp light, red eyed and unkept.

Is being frat boy type of misogynistic a headcanon or just already canon lol.

And I guess to end with something semi nice, he liked Rex a lot when he had him. A furry friend who doesn’t question anything you do and loves you unconditionally? A perfect companion for a dictator!

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

i wrote this in my notes cuz i wanted it to have proper grammar then never sent it. whoops.

FE disability takes but it's only my favs from the GBA games because I'm biased:

Lugh and Raigh are he/him and she/her autism respectively.

Chad needs lexapro. So does Lucius.

Canas is the most undiagnosed autistic dad I've ever seen.

Nino has BPD and autism just like her sons. :)

Jaffar has SzPD. He also prolly has autism but he straight up does not know nor does he care.

L’archel’s got NPD and autism. (good for her.)

*Points at Cormag* this bad boy can fit so much PTSD in it.

Innes doesn't have NPD, everyone just thinks he does when in reality he just has BPD and a really bad inferiority complex. Also depression. He's just a fucked up little guy.

Lute is autistic. Obviously.

I have more but I'm too lazy to write them all down. :)

-🦴

no need to worry! those are allowed :)

[methed-up-marxist]

This is my reading of the first chapter of the first book of a multi-media project I've been working on for over a year now but hoping to resume making serious progress on. It's about how the boy i had a crush on in secondary was really mean to me, about being physically disabled and loving football in primary and ofc about the relationship between militarism, autism and the body aswell as how I really love stupid sci-fi shit. I'm sure you've seen me post some aspect of it before and ignored it, and if you tried to read it but got bounced off by the clunky grammar and tone, but if you would ever engage with it I encourage you to engage with this - I think I've made something atleast exciting to listen to and genereally more clean in purpouse. Most direct influences are starship troopers, "queer new wave" or whatever and warhammer 40k. This is really important to me and if u consider me important to u I'd really recommend giving it a go. Below the readmore is the first 3 paragraphs, to access a transcript of whole thing and read along click the hyperlink

“WAKE UP, WAKE UP THIS IS A DRILL, I REPEAT THIS IS A DRILL” the 2am drill alarm  rang out through the barracks. “I guess it’s drill time” thought Fuckjaw to himself as he rubbed his eyes and slowly swung his legs around so they hung off the bed. “I love drill time” he murmured to himself. “I know you do” came the voice from the bottom bunk, that was Shitarm and Fuckjaw would’ve done anything he could to have been waking up in the same bunk as him, but the rule was one marine per bunk and if Fuckjaw liked anything more than cuddling marines he liked rules. Tragically the rule was part of a larger collection of regulations, guidelines and dictates known as the parameter protocols designed to prevent any affection getting out of hand. “Do you feel we talk too much?” Asked Shitarm as they put their armour on, the alarm blaring constantly. “Well you definitely do” Fuckjaw responded, gently helping him place his helmet on. They weren’t allowed real power armour for training, the barracks coup near the start of the war had made sure of that, and the pliability of the far weaker plastic made it possible to feel the hole in the back of Shitarm's skull where a bug had skewered him last year. Both of them sunk their shoulders in a despondent recognition, but they had agreed not to talk about it. The rest of the room was going about much the same. The armour, even its weaker version, was too cumbersome to put on alone. Formally the protocols insisted no one help another put on his equipment, but you try to find room in the budget to put an armour-equipper in every bedroom.

Marching, albeit with little care for pacing or formation, out to the training arena revealed the same wide open space as usual. Grey fortification-like walls lined the perimeter while the area was little more than a sand pit filled with target ranges and cabinets holding guns, knives and the remnants of first aid kits. In all honesty it was a deeply impractical arrangement, the corridor through which they had marched was the only point of access to the arena and yet the targets mostly lined the space near the entrance/exit (many people had been accidentally shot upon entrance/exit) while the cabinets sat on the far side in the middle of it all stood instructor Verbnoun. Verbnoun barked at them as soon as the first two of their formation set foot on the sand "Decaysquad! Line up against that wall: the drill was not a drill, I repeat the drill was not a drill". As the squad fanned out and stood with their backs fast against the wall, exactly an arms length plus just a little bit more apart from each other, their minds raced with questions. This was explicitly a training camp for injured marines. "We woke you up last, given your undiagnosed damages” the barking continued, although "undiagnosed" is a cumbersome and hard word to yell even for a man as used to yelling as Verbnoun and it stumbled out of his mouth. "The city is under attack" he continued, less loud now clearly embarrassed by his difficulty with the word 'undiagnosed', “obviously we don't trust you right next to the bugs but conveniently… almost too conveniently” he muttered suspiciously “we have 6 turrets that we need the 12 of you to operate”. Lieutenant Fuckjaw couldn’t restrain himself in the immediacy of his correction “it's not a coincidence sir!!! the turret batteries are designed to be operated by one squad in an emergency” he blurted out as quickly as he could, already covering his mouth with his hand in apology before he had finished the sentence. The gesture was itself pointless, the communication module of the armour was located in the chest due to its clunky nature, but Verbnoun’s embarrassment led him to accept it as sufficient apology and simply point to the turret battery sitting on the far side of the base with a subdued “get going”.

Back into the entrance/exit corridor they ran, a glance back to the closing door showed a frantic instructor yelling into his mic as the two diagonal metal panes finally slammed shut meeting in the middle. “What do you think he’s doing?” Shitarm asked, looking to Fuckjaw as well as one can while running. Before there was a chance to respond, sergeant Exilethroat yelled back from the front of their formation “he’s doing his job, which is exactly what you should be doing”. He always was a bossy little bitch, that’s why they made him sergeant. Barreling through the absolutely empty military industrial complex (complex like the building) would have most likely been a deeply eerie experience, if there had been someone to turn off the 2am drill alarm. The bugs always attacked at night, or at least they did following the breeding accords [of (date)] signed with the bats - echolocation was a distinct advantage in the dark. Arriving now at the turret battery entrance after a good 20 minute run, the newer members of the squad were visibly exhausted, used to the mechanised armour doing most of their running for them. Fuckjaw and Shitarm always ran up the back, their war torn bodies a threat of embarrassment to anyone who found themselves struggling to keep their distance. They huddled into the elevator to take them up to the controls. It was a service elevator, the exact same one used in the construction of the tower the controls were at the top of in fact. With each step someone took they felt it move gently, then creak slightly less gently. There was piss on the floor and frankly it could've been the piss of the person who built the thing. As it only went between two floors the control panel was just a cracked little glass button - press to go up if you're down and down if you're up. Pressing it began the ascent and every bump or wobble as it moved up rippled through the marines, armour clanking together. Fuckjaw’s arms dropped to his sides, trying to make himself as small as possible and while he couldn't get a proper look through the needlessly large shoulder pads that displayed their rank and squad he was sure he felt the pressure of Shitarm’s hand pressed against him.