#that is AUTISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been diagnosed.
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About the SFW vs NSFW situation that's going on right now.
I know I'm not active much nowadays and I already commented on one of the posts involved, but if you'll allow me to get on my soapbox for a bit:
I'd like to explain mine and a lot of other people's stance on this, personally, as someone who has:
Enjoyed tickling and fantasized about it since about the age of 5
Enjoys it currently in both SFW and NSFW contexts
Does not allow minors on their blog
Is currently in school and studying psychology
Recently gave a presentation and is writing a paper about how kinks and trauma correlate
From how I've looked into this situation thus far, I see that another person made the very wild generalization that all people who enjoy tickling enjoy it as a sexual kink. I want to make it known to anyone who is reading this that this claim is not true.
(Important note: DO NOT HARASS THIS PERSON. IF YOU HARASS THIS PERSON, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM AND YOU ARE BULLIES. I DO NOT TOLERATE BULLIES ON THIS BLOG.)
Tickling is a sensory activity. It is a bonding thing that occurs in the animal kingdom (not just humans) often between familial connections and friendships. This is the norm in the human world; parents lovingly tickle their children, siblings and friends get into tickle fights, partners tickle each other -- it's a normal thing. These activities are not inherently sexual. When my parents tickled me and my brother when we were little, that was not sexual abuse or incest. When a classmate of mine was gang-tickled in the back of the classroom, his friends weren't suspended for sexual behavior in a school setting. Everyone in both of those situations were enjoying what was going on, but nobody was aroused. That shouldn't have to be said.
An important note on this, however, is that sexual abuse can happen this way -- it's not the only way, nor is it an inherent quality of the activity, but it does happen. I just wanted to preface that, because if someone touching you makes you uncomfortable in any way, you have a right to tell them to stop and to get angry if they don't.
The important thing when it comes to determining whether a scenario is kinky or not is based on consent and any potential arousal involved. For example, take the concept of a foot kink. Say a person asks for a foot massage. Just because foot kinks exist doesn't mean that person has a foot kink. And, even if they do, it depends on why they ask: are they asking because they want foreplay, or are they asking because they had a hard day at work and their feet are sore? It's similar with tickling -- I enjoy it in both contexts, so I can be aroused by it; however, this doesn't happen if I ask for it or otherwise seek it out because I'm looking for comfort. My partner will tickle me in more sexually intimate situations, but he will also do so if I've been having a bad day or if he wants to be playful with me, and it does not immediately or always arouse me -- only in the right and comfortable context.
Let's look at the sensory-seeking side. A lot of people in the SFW tickling community are diagnosed with or believe they have ADHD, autism, or both. I do as well. Looking at the science behind it, it makes sense: ADHD and autism are both disorders that alter the way that someone perceives physical sensory input. Given that tickling is an inherently innocent bonding activity that is playful and involves (hopefully) consensual sensory, it makes sense that a fixation could/would form and sensory-seeking behaviors would occur. This is a good explanation for anyone who was seeking tickling in some way as a child but has never/didn't at the time feel sexual about it.
And as far as sexual interest does go: kinks often form as a coping mechanism, and yes, they CAN be non-sexual or occur in non-sexual manners. So, again, tickling is not always a sexual thing for people.
Now to get into the nitty-gritty of the claims this person was making and their personal input:
This person claimed that if you cannot/do not want to show your tickling fixation to your friends, boss, and family, then it means it's kinky and that's why you're embarassed.
First of all, I wouldn't show any fanart or fanfiction to my boss, dickass. You think I'm giving them ammo that easily? HELL NO.
For my family, I don't feel comfortable doing that because I have a long history of my personal technology privacy being invaded. I also don't want them following me, same way I don't want them following my main Tumblr account.
But as far as friends go, I have shown my fanfiction to my partner and one of my friends (another person I know IRL found my blog after that); I am slowly working my way up to being comfortable enough to show other people I am close to. I keep it under wraps for a lot of reasons:
I hold myself very seriously and elegantly IRL and this entire blog juxtaposes that
A lot of my highschool life involved drama and tension, and I am very lucky that there were certain people I refrained from showing
I was also a victim of bullying as the "weird kid" and one of the only openly queer people in my grade, and I didn't want any ammo to be given to the people harassing me
And, perhaps most importantly,
It gets commonly mistaken as ALWAYS a fetish online, and people who don't understand that harass the creators of tickling art and fanfiction; I can handle that online by blocking as I please, but IRL?
We've all seen people talk about hating tickling, how "it's abuse, actually," how our community (fetish or not) is "gross" and "weird" and full of creeps. Think about the tickle Picrew's creator (a minor!) getting harassed on Twitter, which spread to them trying to bully SFW creators on Tumblr. Think about people cringing over tickle scenes. Think about the way that otomiyaa's writing breached containment and prompted negative comments. Almost all of us have seen this harassment happen or experienced it ourselves -- why put ourselves in that situation with IRL people, where it can be even more damaging to hear?
Moving on:
This creator also stated that any tickling blogs that talk to minors are either pedophiles or fostering a "safe space" for them to breed; they doubled down on this by saying that they were groomed, and that this community (again generalizing to everyone) let it happen by turning a blind eye
They then were called many things, including a pedophile, by harassers
Listen. I don't allow minors on this blog. But that's not because this is a tickling blog. It's because I don't like talking to children (this includes IRL, by the way) because it personally weirds me out; I have no reason to talk to them.
But the MAIN reason is because I have a history of minors pushing my boundaries -- not the other way around -- which gave me a sour relationship with this blog and my writing. That's why I haven't posted a fic in years. However, if a minor comes to this blog, I am not going to immediately groom them -- that's not how that works. And if a minor comes to this blog looking for help, I will help them.
Additionally, generalizing every SFW adult in this community as a pedophile because you didn't receive help when you needed it most is not a healthy way to cope with trauma. I am sorry that it happened, but I was either not in the community or a minor when it happened; that does not make me a bystander now just because I'm a SFW adult here. This goes for everyone who was not there or could not have done something at the time.
One groomer also does not mean that every adult here is/could be one. That is a horrific generalization to make. If that were the right generalization, then that would mean that every adult ever with any kink should never, EVER talk to children or they're a pedo. Do you see how misaligned that is?
I don't agree with the people who were harassing this blogger, including on the pedophile claim. I do have to say, though, that the horror and disgust that this person likely felt at being called that is exactly what they just put a lot of people through. It also does not negate the valid criticisms of those who respectfully spoke up. Something to dwell on.
Bottom line is -- and I don't say this to be demeaning -- that this person could genuinely benefit from some introspection, a break from the kink community, or both. It is not okay to label an entire SFW community as pedos because you were groomed by one person. It is not okay to generalize every person who likes tickling as a kinkster just because you are. Don't make sweeping generalizations. Period.
For anyone who felt hurt and confused by the claims this person made, please know that you are not alone (I was dealing with the same thing because of a different artist a while back); please also know that you don't have to label yourself as anything that you don't want to. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, you are valid and welcome here.
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also. if you were wondering. yes i have diagnosed the main character in my show with autism. obviously.
#im gonna b honest i have never seen a more obviously undiagnosed autistic with severe anxiety and a family telling him hes being dramatic#in my LIFE.#and btw that undiagnosed autism helped develop bpd and the boy is STRUGGLING#that is AUTISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been diagnosed.#he is babygirl he is autism he is bpd he is a little bit pathetic and i love him DEARLY#not even my fave character in the show btw#my actual fave character is a criminal that has commited no crime bc if we look at this from a marxist perspective. he is actually simply a#victim of racist capitalism so. you know. whats a little bit of drug dealing really?#and honestly he wasnt even dealing them he was just. supplying.#not the point the actual point is that my baby did nothing wrong FREE HIM (he is not in prison)#im just saying stuff at this point im way too hyped up about my show lol im gonna watch yt and write about it for a while then sleep.#autism slay
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Everyone’s always like “Me and the Bad Bitch I pulled by being autistic”
Where’s MY bad bitch I pulled by being autistic???? Where are you finding these bad bitches who like your silly whimsy and inability to answer the phone???? Please????
#this has been running through my brain all day and I need answers#prince rambles in this chilies tonight#me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistic#autistic#autistic adult#self diagnosed autism#autism
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expanding on my previous post actually every single oiar employee (including lena) is autistic they all just have different and clashing presentations. that "weird interview" celia and sam were discussing in episode 6? yeah that was just lena attempting to give a poorly-disguised diagnostic test.
#the magnus protocol#only gwen alice and colin have been officially diagnosed#lena's old enough to be from the generation where they thought autism was “just a boy thing”#sam's parents thought he couldn't have it since he “does so well in school!” (famous last words)#and if celia was diagnosed Before. well. she doesn't exactly remember it#gwen's fucked up family treated it like an embarrassment tho#so she never tells anyone for fear of being taken less seriously#alice is extremely open about it I think#which is another thing that drives gwen nuts about her bc she's always like “oh Fuck. does she Know. can she Tell”#(alice has her suspicions. but she's not saying anything because even she has red lines)#colin has a “please be patient I have autism” comic sans hat that alice bought him#as a divorce party gag gift one year#tmagp#pigeon.txt#actually autistic#<- Credentials#magpod#alice dyer#gwen bouchard#gwendolyn bouchard#samama khalid#celia ripley#lena kelley#colin becher#the oiar
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The Sammy Lawrence Art I mentioned in another post!
I literally can't stop drawing him guys, send help 😭 😭 He's such a fascinating character to me, like I need to stick this guy under a microscope and write a 10 page dissertation him. The ink got to him guys. It called to him.
Like, he's an asshole but a lot of it wasn't his fault. He deserved better.
(Design of Sammy heavily based on the Escape AU by @inkdemonapologist!!) (I hope you don't mind the ping, or me taking inspiration from your designs. He's so fun to draw, I love it)
#sammy lawrence#bendy and the ink machine#Fanart#my art#batim#I'm like 98% sure he has autism but it's the 1930's so he hasn't been diagnosed obvi#I'm new to the fandom!! Idk how I ended up here in the year 2024 but yaknow we have fun#tw religious themes#Should I put that? It's Sammy I feel like it's a given#How to tag this I do not know
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okay so i posted in a forum talking about "most ridiculous arguments you've had" and remembered this story from when i was a teenager, i had this samsung slide phone that i'm convinced was a shade of red but i had a friend online who had the same phone and he was upset about it because he was convinced that his phone was "dark pink" and we argued over it for like 35 minutes and never came to a conclusion, my argument at the time was "pink is a lighter shade of red, there's no such thing as dark pink, that’s just called red my guy", "then why is dark pink a colour that exists and why is my phone that colour", "dark pink does exist though, except it's not called dark pink, it's called red", "i'm telling you the phone is pink though, not red" etc etc we went around in circles and never came to a conclusion and eventually lost contact some time in like 2013. so guys, this has been eating at me since 2010, i need to know what you all think. is the samsung C6112 slide phone "desaturated red", or "dark pink"?
reblog for sample size i guess
#polls#tumblr polls#colour theory#red#pink#phones#this has been eating at me for over a decade im lying here in the dark staring at the ceiling trying to wrap my head around “dark pink”#for clarification yes i was diagnosed with autism in my adult life
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yukio: nissan i know you're autistic which gives you some leeway but you have to commit to your studies and work hard even though im normal i still-
Rin: i thought that stuff was genetic
Yukio: .......
#Yukio gets called autistic by his own brother#U see rin was a big problem so he got diagnosed early but yukio has been masking for 15 years#What im saying is demonic ancestry is am allegory for being autism/adhd /j#Yukio autism truthers rise up#yukio okumura#rin okumura#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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cool pose turned stupid meme not clickbait
[original quality below]
#what is UP !!!!#it has been a while. happy belated new year#squishart#digital art#genshin impact#childe#.........#genshin impact childe#B]#tartaglia#is that all#HEY RANDOM PPL ON THE INTERNET GUESS WHAT !!!! I GOT DIAGNOSED LAST WEEK !!!!!#official autism girl#who is surprised . absolutely nobody#i have been up to nothing i fear#bonding w r/waifuism people . yes we're at that point again#urrmmmm i gave up on duolingo as of today . tried doing russian for non-childe-related-reasons winkwink#im still tryna learn it i just cant keep up w duolingo right now sob#uhm . i am going to sleep
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Nah fuck this shit,
cuz I heard a loud sudden noice 2 HOURS AGO
AND IM STILL STRESSED ABOUT IT AND MY HEART IS BEATING AND I JUST WANT IT TO STOP
#I hate this shit#it’s been hours#why tf am I like this#like Jesus it’s not that big of a deal#SO WHY ARENT I CALM#i don’t get it#kinda hate it#it has it’s ups and downs#but right now it can fuck off#autism problems#actually autistic#autism awareness#autism#autistic feels#being autistic#autistic spectrum#autistic problems#autistic life#late diagnosed autistic#autistic community#autistic things#autism spectrum
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all the robotniks have autism I think. it’s not even a genetic thing half of them are adopted they’re just all autistic
#the adopted ones were created to be fair. gerald and eggman made them autistic i guess#they weren’t doing it on purpose they are Absolutely not diagnosed they just thought that’s how Everyone is.#shadow gets diagnosed and he’s extremely confused bc he just thinks that’s how everyone is#meanwhile metal sonic is self diagnosed but literally just bc she found out sonic is audhd. she's not Wrong though. she’s also audhd#well. as much as a robot with a very different psychology to living things can be audhd. she was literally modelled after a guy with it.#they are the only two robotniks who know what autism is. the rest are Oblivious#i mean like. they’ve probably heard of it they’re nerds through and through#but Gerald and Maria are from the 50s#eggman is at least in his 50s#none of them have an accurate modern understanding of it#sage has a Chance but she’s been alive for like three days give her time#before anyone gets all pissy about Bad Autism Headcanons I’m autistic I’m allowed to headcanon MY favourite evil geniuses as autistic#you cannot stop me I have the power of God and anime on my side
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
#txt#i need to go back to a therapist methinks#cuz why am i only now reading about OSDD-1a#bc errrmmmmmmm.........................#i know C-PTSD is very comorbid with dissociative disorders#but like given things ive experienced and struggled with its always felt like there's something More going on idk#idk it's like...i can see OSDD CPTSD or even...BPD i guess#but its just like i dont feel like ONE of those fits me its like i relate to a bit of all three#mostly so CPTSD but thats bc DUH I HAVE CPTSD#my lifes been trauma after trauma there's definitely not simply ONE traumatic event that's defined me#also wondering in another area if it's just adhd autism overlap#or maybe i AM autistic afterall just VERY VERY good at masking it or compensating for it#or if i have the same subcategory of Bipolar a former friend had that commonly gets misdiagnosed as the former two#which is likely bc all my blood relatives have gotten diagnosed with a form of bipolar and im not joking#idk man i just wish i knew wtf is wrong with me and how to like...do something about it but like actually#and not just focus on the depression or anxiety because that's CLEARLY NOT HELPING#yes im depressed and severely anxious but dont u think they might have a ROOT CAUSE#i'm definitely convinced and have been for years that they stem from something else#deeper and more of an issue than anyone trying to study wtfs wrong w me has figured out including me
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rest in power king
#autism#late diagnosed autistic#autism awareness#rest in power#it is actually wild that autism as a diagnosis has been around less than one humna lifetime
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Every time Chilled starts on his oral fixation defence the only thought in my head is “this man is so neurodivergent” swiftly followed by “stop diagnosing strangers on the internet just because they have the exact same symptoms as you”
#LOOK I A HUNDRED PERCENT AGREE WITH CHILLED!!! chewing is stimming!!! also food is a very potent source of sensory joy and hate for me#chilled also hates certain food textures like whipped cream (I don’t but I very much relate to hating a food for the texture)#but also this man shows so many other symptoms. would not be surprised if he has been/will get diagnosed with adhd#but as someone with adhd and autism I can never tell which is a symptom of which. like texture things could be both. so whenever I’m like:#I think this person is neurodivergent like me!! I have no idea if I think they have adhd. autism. or both tbh#private recording 1#youronlychat
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i was ranting to myself in a really disorganised fashion just now about how Barry has ADHD and like. dude. he absolutely has it. there's no way he doesn't. i myself am an undiagnosed ADHDer and i see so many traits in Barry. like.
in the rock opera 'The Very Last Minute', Barry spends the entirety of it procrastinating on training for the monster apocalypse and literally having almost every trait of ADHD ever. like when i watch this video and see Barry legitimately trying to do what he needs to but repeatedly getting stuck in a loop of jumping from task to task and struggling at actually get started on The Big Task™, i see me. like. that is me.
Barry tries to train. he really does. he really does try to take a crack at it, but he just can't focus on it. he just keeps getting distracted by it over and over and avoiding what he needs to do with other little tasks to keep him occupied at every single moment. and like he knows he really needs to do it. he knows that it's super important that he gets started on it as soon as he can. in fact, there are several lyrics to this effect: "Gotta keep focused, gotta keep training, but I just can't seem to stop procrastinating" and "I should probably stop working on this rocking theme song" are a couple that come to mind. but for whatever reason, he just can't focus on it properly and it ends up with him looking like he's "lazy" or "not putting in the effort". like, you see him get exhausted by doing a single skiprope jump, and that is how i feel whenever i try to do a big task when i'm not ready for it or focused at all. it's really really heard to focus on something that seems so big and overwhelming when you have ADHD, so you often kind of try to avoid it and ignore it because it's super daunting by doing smaller tasks. the difference between executive dysfunction and perceived laziness is that if you were being lazy, you wouldn't care and would likely be having a great time slacking off, even when you are reminded of the task at hand. but with executive dysfunction, you can forget about it for a while, but deep inside you likely still care and know you NEED to get the task done soon, and when you're eventually reminded or suddenly remember, you feel a crushing sense of dread. at least, that's how it is for me. and all the excessive task switching and getting everything else done except The Big Task™ you need to get done the most? i do that! i do that!!!
Barry literally does the ADHD thing where he sets an alarm that tells him to do what he needs to do, but the thing is that he was already doing something else on his phone beforehand and presumably forgot about the alarm, so when the alarm goes off, he just feels like he suddenly can't and that it's way too daunting to actually start because it feels like an intrusion. like. that's the ADHD thing!!! he's doing it!!!! he's doing the ADHD thing!!!!! his executives are NOT functioning!!!!!!
Barry also shows a lot of ADHD traits in 'Rainbow Barry' as well, as they're the most prominent in that specific short. in fact, he shows literally every single inattentive trait in all of the shorts together. impulsiveness, distractibility, impatience, forgetfulness, commitment issues, not following instructions properly, he's even got the emotional problems that come with it like being easily angered and frustrated. he EVEN shows the same traits in the JJ2 event dialogues!!! like!!!! look at the dialogues on the JJ wiki and tell me he isn't having ADHD traits!!!!! bro is clearly showing each individual ADHD symptom in everything he's in and either no one is noticing it or no one is talking about it and i'm just SO obsessed with this headcanon/theory of mine. Barry Steakfries is an undiagnosed ADHDer and nobody can convince me otherwise
#barry steakfries#jetpack joyride#adhd#adhd headcanon#adhd theory#OH YEAH AND I FORGOT TO MENTION HYPERFIXATION!!! jetpack fixation!! (probably more of a special interest actually-#-but that's more related to autism than adhd which i also believe barry is on the spectrum of)#like the shirt sleeve ripping? that's not a disease that's a stim. that's definitely a stim.#but yeah barry is definitely an adhder and i want it to be canon so bad because he is just. so me#like he has it he definitely has it 100%#there's no way he doesn't dude there's no way#god it is almost 12 am and i'm busy writing the tags for this#if that isn't a clear indicator that i have adhd then idk what is#i've been thinking about the possibility of me having adhd since i was 13 and it's only gotten-#-truer and truer as i got older#i have no idea how i haven't already been diagnosed. no clue.#maybe my autistic traits are just easier to spot to other people than my adhd ones#who knows dude. all i know is that me and barry definitely have it#barry adhder CONFIRMED#i need to make a post about my headcanon that craig is on the autism spectrum next#because he absolutely is#he is to me.........#i am not normal about these characters if you couldn't already tell from literally every other post i have about them
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my therapist spent today's session making Faces at me about getting an ADHD diagnosis
which
I can honestly say I have never seriously considered the possibility of seeking an ADHD diagnosis but she might not be a billion miles off
I was describing how I get "fizzy bored" where I have no energy or ability to move and nothing holds my attention but I feel like my bones are trying to vibrate out of me with the desire to be Doing Things and she was like 🤔 and I got onto the fact that I often need to be doing 3-4 things at once to ease into focusing on one and she was like 🤨 and then I mentioned how I find it really difficult to start doing things but once I'm in it I'm super focused and she was like 😌 have you considered the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis?
and so I explained that I don't really see the point because even though, unlike EDS and autism, a diagnosis could suggest an actual treatment, I don't really feel like anything I've described is disabling me cause I have the tools to manage it now most of the time and I feel Fizzy Bored WAY less often these days. and she was like 🤨
and I was like yeah to be fair actually I did use to think that about chronic pain, trauma and having shit eyesight and doing something about them did really change my experience. and she was like 😌 and I was like and actually now we mention it the fact that I sometimes for NO REASON AT ALL simply put off doing things even though they would be really easy to do and I want to do them for LITERAL YEARS is maybe. A thing that it might be nice to change if I could. And she was like 🤔 and I was like OH FUCK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GENUINELY CONSIDER THIS POSSIBILITY AREN'T I?
anyway after talking a mile a minute and overrunning by 15 minutes I then got a quarter of a mile away on foot and realised I'd left my glasses on her table. she opened the door I went HEY SPEAKING OF ADHD
#red said#tbf that last bit is only funny jokes. i mean i did do that but that is not one of the marks in the ADHD??? column#i am not a habitual leaver behind of things i generally do a full check#but also here's the issue I'm having#(apart from the fact that the tiktokification of ADHD has really muddied the waters on what is or isn't a likely indicator)#the issue is i am REALLY GOOD at coping mechanisms and workarounds. like SO GOOD. so i am goofy but I'm legit not scatterbrained#and i am. to quote a past manager. 'frighteningly efficient'.#but there is no doubt that i have legit issues with time blindness#thought permanence. like if i do not write something down in a place where i can see it regularly i will forget it.#and i WILL stop seeing it if it doesn't change enough or if i have to go out of my way to look at it#and yeah like the whole inertia and energy disregulation stuff is. it's not nothing.#and i am SO MAD that she might have a point and tbh i don't even know why I'm that mad about it#other than that having diagnoses of CPTSD autism and adhd would feel like the Internet Diagnostics Starterpack i guess. feels basic.#i dunno man it's dumb brain stuff it's not rational! that's a dumb reason to reject an idea even if it was a legit complaint which it is no#also i have been really giddy and hyper this evening and idk if that's bc I've had some manner of breakthrough thing or I'm just suggestible
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