orbits-of-the-elliptical-variety - Tumblr blog

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just finished a gravity falls rewatch and if I understand the timeline correctly something funny is about to happen

If you were Wendy's age when the show came out (14ish in the Summer of 2012) you're about to be the same age as the grunkles when Stanford fell into the portal (28ish in the summer of 2026)

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last week I had a septoplasty done, and now as I finish my week of recovery I'm realizing this is the longest I've been sober in years. And I don't really have anyone to share that with.

my drinking is typically only social, and neither I nor anyone else close in my life has considered the nightly dab pen hits a problem. And yet, I'm kinda proud of the 2+ weeks of California sober and the week+ of fully sober

And yet, no one to share that with. No friends that wouldn't be immediately concerned and wonder if I was struggling. No romantic partner. No family that wouldn't be concerned by the volume of marijuana they were previously unaware of.

And so here I share with you, dear Tumblr. Website I don't dare put my real name on. Website I last frequented as a teenager and struggle to use as an adult. Website I use to share the thoughts I'm ashamed to put anywhere else, anywhere near my real identity.

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i went to cool and awesome island and everyone there knew you

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update: nope. Green Flag. Live Laugh Love Chappell. It's the Summer of H-O-T-T-O-G-O. We only dancing at the Pink Pony Club now. We've been in desperate need of a Femininomenon

fellas, is it a red flag if a straight woman has Chappell Roan as a top artist on her Bumble

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fellas, is a Duolingo Streak flirting?

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check costar as i leave the gym. make sure the stars approved of that cardio

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the empty beer cans in the shower?

Oh those are my emotional support beverages

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remember fellas

If her last name is a dating app, the reply can wait.

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fellas, is it a red flag if a straight woman has Chappell Roan as a top artist on her Bumble

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maybe if I develop more red flags you'll find me attractive

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me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

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for every "Take Me to Church" girl, there is a "Small Deaths and Codeine" guy

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i have discovered a new pure joy

1. frozen chicken in the air fryer for 20 minutes at 400 deg

2. another room, greet dr. penjamin

3. navigate to your adult film site of choice, run the flag up the pole

4. finish, enjoy fresh chicken

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this TikTok trend where literally every song works better with the vocals of Childish Gambino's Bonfire than the actual music is so Troy Barnes-coded it hurts

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what the fuck? the first video we broadcasted into space was a hitler speech???

no fuckin wonder aliens won't visit us

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this is also true for new code before it's run through testing and code review

writing a garbage essay feels like you’re the cow who gave birth to the two headed calf. in the morning, my professor will wrap him in newspaper and dissect him on a cold operating table. but here he is alive, under the pale glow of my computer screen. he is beautiful. there are twice as many logical fallacies as usual.

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IT HURTS THE TRAINS

(genuine question) why don't you want people to have sex with the trains? i feel like monsterfucking is usually so prevalent/supported on tumblr, not that trains are monsters but it feels like a similar genre

Because trains are a machine and there is no eroticism of the machine and that is good. Also it hurts the trains