#he was very fuckable this season

[aelswiths]

Alfred (looking hot as fuck) in 2x05

Here's one for my fellow Alfred girlies

@thedarknone, @kingslionheart, @king-alfred, @hikaruchen, @volvaaslaug

[sugarkillsall]

I know donald draper is devilishly handsome and I dont blame anyone for wanting a go at him but im still sitting here waiting for atleast 1 single woman to say no to him lol

[ihavebeesinmybrain]

oh no i posted about the bachelorette and now tumblr is showing me people’s terrible bachelorette takes ahhhh

[lost-romantique]

Avoidance vs. Vulnerability

I love how so much of Blitzø’s character development is rooted in his body language.

Lets examine:

"IT WAS NOT A BREAKUP! You need a relationship for one of those and we never had that... and we never will."

Blitz, after yelling at Millie's face clarifying to her that it wasn't a Breakup, only to immediately turn his head the other direction because he doesn't want to see her face.

This is Blitz being avoidant and trying his damndest to keep up that facade he always puts on.

Despite the fact, that his voice breaks when he says the words "... and we never will," Blitz is making sure Millie does not see his face. Showing to us the audience that Blitz still has his walls up around Millie.

Millie makes a joke to Blitz about "trying to not be our third anymore," fully expecting Blitz to make his usual spastic joke, deflecting the situation as he always does...

But the thing is, Blitz doesn't make a joke to avoid the question, he simply states very seriously, "No, not anymore."

Millie is confused and shocked, almost with a sad expression on her face. Millie has never seen Blitz act so seriously before and it shows.

However, with the complete obliteration of his walls caused by the trauma he suffered by Rolando, Blitz now feels comfortable enough to let Millie see the real him.

Millie states the elephant in the room, "The bird got you that bad, huh?"

Or in other words...

Wow, you really have feelings for this guy...

And Blitz simply states the words, "I guess." Showing to us, in the most simple, bare bones way that yeah, he does have feelings for him.

I love how Blitz looks straight at the camera when asked this question, he doesn't make an effort to look at Millie and he still averts his eyes the other direction showing to us how uncomfortable he is with being vulnerable.

But the biggest thing Blitz does in his body language is the fact that he doesn't try to purposely hide his face away from Millie, he just dejectingly looks off into the distance, because even though he's accepted and acknowledged his feelings for Stolas, he's still aware of the fucks up he made in Apology Tour.

Millie makes one last good-natured joke towards Blitz to lighten the mood, and Blitz simply averts his gaze Millie's direction with a grateful smile, almost giving her thanks for not dwelling on the conversation for too long.

(Stolas I get it, I am also down bad for this man. JFC if you don't want him, can I please have him?)

Blitz with relaxed eyes, simply plays into her joke, "Well you know, your husband is still a little fuckable."

I love how Blitz doesn't fully play into Millie's joke, he makes sure to add that little there to NOT downplay his feelings for Stolas.

Ghostfuckers is my new favorite episode of Helluva Boss, and one of the reasons why has to be the amazing character development Blitz and Millie went through this season.

[josru]

a little rant:

If you need to understand one thing about the Bear subreddit, here it is.

It's not a supportive place for women, let alone black women/women of colour. (Not surprising, as reddit is male and white dominated.) Sydney gets mad hate for daring to be apart of the main relationship in the show (that is now defunct), something that the writers wrote for her? Regardless if you see Sydcarmy as romantic or not. The whole point of the Bear is their partnership.

And yet the Bear fandom on reddit loves to diminish her role, and act as if Sydney is an uppity black woman who needs to be rid of. They act like it's surprising that people want to talk about her or like her. And they also think Sydcarmy is mad overrated and implausible. They bring it up constantly because it pisses them off that a sizeable portion of us love it.

Probably because Sydney is an actual character we can relate to and root for. But oh no, men don't like that because that means she isn't a perfect little white fantasy, and she has actual problems and ideas and speaks on them, and she's BLACK, god forbid!! And they could never have empathy for someone who wasn't themselves. Sydney is annoying to them because it reminds them they don't care about other people.

It's barely a place for white women too, because they only like you if you're a gf/therapist/not your own person. A flat, 2-D image with no problems. They don't care about Jess or Claire, they just want to fuck them. Even in this post, the respect of relatability and empathy is given to Richie in the title, because he finally "got some", despite the picture being of Jess. Like, great, guys, you diminished a woman (a PERSON) to being a "win" for a man, because that's all that matters, right? Whether or not a woman is a fuckable prize?

Even the writing of the show actually just pushes the whole "if women = gf, = only gf, nothing else" trope. So in a weird way, I guess I know where they're getting it from, but I expected more from adult men? My bad.

Women deserve to be more than someone's fantasy!! I am sick and tired of this misogynistic drivel. I also think it's fucked up how much of these dudes on reddit love Richie this much. Like, we get it, you think he's a self-help sigma alpha chad king now. Just keep ignoring the problems he keeps creating, how irritating he can be sometimes, as well as the fact that men picking up their lives will always have way more support than female characters. Richie is not some underdog character lol. The narrative of the show has made it clear he is very beloved and will have a nice, sweet arc.

Unlike Sydney, and Marcus, and apparently maybe even Tina. But yes, keep talking about how your white male character is the underdog who is being sooo mistreated and finally got something he deserved, even though in actuality, Syd and every other POC got treated like shit this season. It's like they swapped them, the real main characters, and made them the underdogs/tertiary while Richie has become so important. But it's key to reddit's white male victim complex that Richie is finally getting "good treatment" when he never suffered being completely ignored by the writers at all, and he was never at risk of that either.

[murkycran]

Misc. Vox Fic Rec List

Welcome to my Miscellaneous Vox Fic Rec List!

Soooo after a lot of consideration, I decided to make a third rec list. This one will be for miscellaneous fics, which can mean anything from smaller Vox pairings to fics that are not strictly Radiostatic or VoxVal. You'll see what I mean.

I will keep updating this periodically as I read more fics, too, so feel free to check back every once and a while! I'll reblog it when I update it, plus make a note with the date at the top. Trust me, this is by no means a complete list; there's fics I still want to add to this that I just haven't gotten to yet. I just decided to go ahead and post it anyways, because if I kept waiting until I ran out of fics to rec I'd probably be working on this forever.

These are not in any particular order; I'm going by both my Bookmarks list on AO3 and my memory of fics I forgot to bookmark. I also tried to make notes on what fics were written before season 1 released, but I might have missed some, so keep that in mind.

Please let me know if any links don't work or are wrong!

✨Before you proceed:✨ read the tags on these fics if you decide to read them. Many of them have heavy material - no surprise given the fandom, but still, felt like this needed said. On that note, there's also fics with explicit material and some fics are straight up PWP. Again, read at your own risk/heed the tags.

Fic Rec List Masterpost

Radiostatic Fic Rec List

Staticmoth Fic Rec List

------

Alastor Makes a Porno by Charnel_Goat, spappest

Summary: Alastor interrupts Val and Vox's personal time to get his rut over and done with, and they're just going to have to deal with that.

Basically, Alastor and Val try to have a threesome, but they keep arguing, everyone's injuring each other trying to figure out the logistics, and nobody cares what Vox has to say about any of this.

Notes: This has Staticmoth, Radiostatic, and Valastor. It's not strictly leaning more towards any pairing (tho Val does make a pretty sweet comment at the very beginning about Vox lol), which is why it's going on the Misc List. Porn with an edge of hilarity that - despite the tags - made it pretty funny. Three terrible people being terrible to each other. Vox suffers. Heed the tags.

He's Visual, Alright! by dead_boy

Summary: For Valentines Day, Charlotte Morningstar— Lucifer’s brat— had announced the hotel would be hosting a sweetheart poll, allowing winners to vote for the biggest ‘sweethearts’ in Pentagram City! How adorable!

— Of course, when Angel gets involved, things get a little twisted, and hell treats it as a most-fuckable-celebs poll.

Vox isn’t the only one surprised by how high he scored, and how concerning the amount of votes he received was.

But there was no way in hell this “demand” was enough to make him give into Valentino and Velvet’s newest fixation: Making use of this fame and making Vox do some modelling!

Surely he won’t mind the lingerie and toys provided by Velvet and Valentino respectively, right?

edit march 2024: i can’t believe he just won the hottest hazbin character poll. literally manifested

Notes: Poly Vees. Funny af. Vox suffers, but in a good way. Written BEFORE the hottest HH character poll, can you believe that? Lmao.

stray by vol_ctrl

Summary: How Vox met Vark. ♥

Notes: No ship. Written before season 1 release.

After the Credits Roll by leftofrevolution

Summary: Everyone knew the Magnes sometimes liked to spice up their sex life by dragging another demon into the middle of it.

Vox maybe should have paid more attention to that particular tidbit of information than he did.

Notes: Lilith/Lucifer/Vox. Chapter 1 written before season 1 release, with Chapter 2 being released after season 1 release. I read for the crackship, ended up liking the Lilith/Lucifer/Vox dynamic and world-building a LOT. Lol. Poor Vox. Or good for him? Still has yet to be seen.

The Shopping Cart Test by spappest

Summary: Angel never expected Prince Charming to have a TV for a head, but when Vox kills Valentino and saves him from his abuse, well… Maybe Hell doesn’t have to be all that bad. With Val out of the way, everyone can have a happy ending. Angel’s safe, Charlie’s happy, and even Alastor finds love.

Oh, wait. This is Hell. It’s always that bad.

Notes: Angel/Vox. Started before season 1 release. First Staticdust fic I read. :)

Hold Me Up by Sameko

Summary: Vox has been in and out of a relationship with Valentino for years. Always breaking up. Always coming back.

Then one night comes the definitive crack at the expense of one of Valentino's employees, to which Vox never paid much attention other than for shits and giggles.

One night, one word too many, might be enough to shift the perspectives of two people once strangers to each other.

Notes: Staticdust. Pretty bleak and dark at times, but so, SO good. Two broken people trying not to cut each other with their edges while also trying to help each other.

Cruel Melody by Hiding_Behind_a_Pencil_and_Pen

Summary: A man hopelessly in love with a monster, despite how much it hurts.

A person chained to a beast he can never escape, no matter how hard he tries.

Vox and Angel Dust have given their body and heart to Valentino, and neither know how to free themselves from his lies.

But maybe, even if it never gets better, they won't have to suffer alone.

Or,

What if Husk was just a little too late to get to the bar in episode four? And a certain media Overlord helped Angel instead. They find out that they're not so different after all.

Notes: As of now, I think this is Queerplatonic Staticdust.

Revelations in Technicolor by Awesome_Possum

Summary: Velvette had been dead for six years, part of The Vees for four, and fucking Vox for a little over two. They had a good thing going.

On one of their bi-weekly Vox-mandated movie nights, Valentino put a plan into motion and Velvette learned something new and surprising about her business partner and part-time sugar daddy that made a shocking amount of sense.

It ultimately ended up bringing The Vees closer and if Valentino claimed that was his intention all along, no one had any reason to believe him.

Notes: The Vees are a V and Vox is the hinge, so he's in a relationship with both Valentino and Velvette. Interesting headcanons for Vox's human life. :) (What is the ship name for Velvette/Vox again?)

System Shutdown by Swoolie

Summary: Taking a leaf from Alastor's book, Vox goes on a small break from everything.

He doesn't stick around long enough to see the chaos that ensues after his sudden disappearance.

Notes: This is tagged with both Radiostatic and Staticmoth. It's too early in the story to tell definitively which direction it's going to end up, so for now it's going to be on the Misc list. I'll probably move it when it becomes more clear what the main pairing will be.

Dapple Rose by The_Penny_Tails

Summary: Everyone always assumes the same thing about Alastor and Vox's relationship: That it's one-sided, that it's based on fixation, and that the reason for their falling out was due to the obsession turning into something that couldn't be controlled.

All of those assumptions are correct. The only problem is, everyone gets the 'who is obsessing over whom' part of the equation wrong.

When Vox and Valentino end up stuck at the hotel, suddenly the entire relationship between the radio and television is put on display, casting it and Alastor in an entirely different light.

Notes: Tagged with both Radiostatic and Staticmoth. Due to both this and the entire story itself (you'll see what I mean when you read it), it's going here on the Misc List. I freaking love this story, because so far I've not seen another fic where Alastor was obsessed with Vox while Vox was not obsessed with him in return. :3 Everything Penny_Tails writes is gold!

Here I Come by Heliosolar

Summary: Vox contemplates his lackluster life as he stands over the edge of the city.

Or, the fall of Vox, both mentally and physically.

Notes: Written before season 1 release. No ships, just Vox. Heed the tags.

Entertainment for Two by Heliosolar

Summary: With the radio demon joining them for the night, Vox puts on a show the two overlords will never forget.

Notes: Written before season 1 release. Staticmoth and Radiostatic, at the same time. 😳

Proposition by Snorp_Lord

Summary: Alastor does not, strictly speaking, have a 'relationship' with the King of Hell. But they certainly have a something.

A something which does not include Vox. But Alastor is at least willing to indulge Lucifer in whatever this new idea is.

The new idea is Vox.

Notes: Contains Radiostatic, Radioapple, and Staticapple, but for this installment, Radiostatic is definitely the focus. Very intense, pretty sweet. 😳 Has 2 more parts in the series which are definitely worth the read, though they don't feature Vox as much.

meteor shower by spoondrifts

Summary: alastor, rosie, vox, and a study in non-traditional love.

Notes: QPR Alastor/Rosie/Vox. Very good! (What's the ship name for this?? Radiostaticrose?? Radiorosestatic?? Roseradiostatic?? Staticradiorose??)

spiraling down thy majesty by spoondrifts

Summary: “Okay, um, time out,” Lucifer said, because he felt like they were maybe losing the plot a little. “I feel like I should remind you that I’m not here because I was like, uh, overwhelmed with lust for you, in particular. I’m here because Husk said you were Alastor’s ex and I have poor impulse control and thought it’d be funny, but I’m realizing now that this is actually just really weird and you, my friend, have some serious issues that I am not equipped to handle.”

Or: Lucifer and Vox have a shared problem that starts with Al and ends in stor and has a in the middle—thankfully, there's a solution! (The solution is sex. It's just sex.)

Notes: Staticapple. Revenge sex. As in...they're both getting revenge on Alastor...using each other. Lol.

(Fic rec list to be continued as I read more)

[silvervioletvalentine]

❣️forever isn’t long enough❣️

Pairing: Charles leclerc X Cherrie!

Word count: 7.4K

Summary: in which Cherrie is stubborn and refuses to admit that she loves him. So Charles bullies it out of her.

Or basically just two idiots in love bullying each other into confessing

As Cherrie walked into the room where the team would be filming a question and answer live video as a welcome back for the new season , she was immediately met with the narrowed eyes of a concerned charles and a amused smirk from Sebastian as they both sat waiting for her arrival on the red couch.

She gave them both a small, sheepish smile along with a tiny wave.

Knowing for a fact that she should have arrived here more than an hour ago but she had been too busy stopping off to get a hot chocolate from her local cafe to care.

Waving around politely to the exasperated crew who were more than used to her constant tardiness , she took a sip from the cup in her hand as she slowly walked over to the couch, looking at the small space that they had left between them knowing that they expected her to squeeze her ass between them while they man spread and took over all the space left.

Charles was looking up at her with a frown , more than a little bit annoyed by how this was the first time he had been able to see her and actually speak to her in over two months .

Cherrie knew that he wasn't very impressed with her sudden disappearance over the holidays , having turned off her phone and refused to tell anyone where she was going or what her plans for the holiday were.

But she just needed some time and some space on her own after a emotionally rocky year for her . She needed time to recoup her thoughts and be able to get back up in the morning without crying over every single thing .

She was utterly exhausted. Both physically and mentally the year has taken its toll on her.

Between the loss of points and not being able to win as many races as she had hoped to do, as well as the growing tension between herself and Charles , late nights and risky mornings in hotel rooms and hasty goodbyes before he could even try to convince her to stay .

It had been difficult because Cherrie didn't know what to do with these new , overwhelming feelings that sunk her stomach and tightened her chest whenever they were alone together .

She wasn't used to someone being kind to her just because they wanted to and not because they wanted something out of her .

She wasn't used to the sweet looks and shy smiles that always lit up Charles face whenever she was near by.

She didn't know how to handle the soft touches and tender gaze, doesn't know how to cope with the way he looked at her like she was something special , as though she was something to be adored.

She wasn't used to it. She wasn't a soft and gentle woman who could just hold someone hands and kiss them so softly that it felt like the world had come to a stand still just for the two of them.

She couldn’t name hardly any of the people she had slept with in the past. But she could remember each person that she had held hands with. Because there was only two.

She was used to rough touches and messy kisses in the back of a car and careless fucks in somebody else's bed .

She didn't stay for anyone , didn't know how to be someone that somebody wanted , unable to fathom the thought that she was something more than fuckable. That she was more than a good time and a quick distraction .

She didn't like the way her feelings and the way he touched her and looked at her made her feel so vulnerable.

She wasn't a weak girl who caved into every man that as even so much as glanced at her twice. She didn't laugh at someone's jokes even when they weren't funny just to make them smile.

She didn't hold someone in her arms without saying a word after having another bad race .

She didn't open up to people, she didn't show them how she felt through her fingertips and with her tongue . She didn't let anybody in.

But she had with Charles. She had done everything with him that she told herself over and over again that she would never do.

She was there to race , not to fall in love . But this time her own feelings were out of her control and it had scared her.

It had scared her to see the way he always clung onto  her after a long night together, the plea for her to stay going unspoken but Charles didn't need to beg or tell her what he was feeling. Because she could see it in his eyes how much he wanted her and how much he didn't want to let go.

So she had only mindlessly nodded along when her teammate had talked about travelling during the holidays . Had only smiled briefly when he looked hopefully at her and whispered that she should come along too. That she would love his family and they would love her. That he could show her all the places she had never been.

And when Charles had been packing his bags to go back home for the holidays , Cherrie had done the same thing.

She had left his bed without a word and without leaving a single trace of her herself behind. She had turned off her frantically buzzing phone with incoming calls and confused texts from Charles asking her where she was and why she had left so quickly .

She kept her phone off for two whole months, she didn't speak to any of the other drivers who had become such good friends.

She forgot about her feelings for a while and got the hell away before she could have a mental breakdown over the way she could no longer control her own life .

For so long she had been in control. She had a routine and barely did it ever change. She liked things to be simple and easy.

And the way she had so suddenly craved to be in Charles presence wasn't simple. It was scary and it was overwhelming and the last time she had felt something even remotely close to the way he was making her feel, she had ended up running away too.

Because feelings weren't for everybody.

She wasn't a happy go lucky person who could embrace friends and tell them she loved them. She couldn't be soft and gentle , that just wasn't her.

She was blunt . She was hard headed and driven by success. She didn't have time or the energy for blinding feelings .

Until Charles came along and wrecked away all of her walls like it was nothing.

It was just too much and the overwhelming urge to run away had taken over any rational thoughts about just telling him how she felt. Knowing deep down in her mind that Charles would understand , that he would be patience and kind. That he would help her though it.

Because he was a good guy and Cherrie had seen the way he had been looking at her since they were teenagers .

Even when she was a teenager who barely glanced his way, he had always followed her around like she was something special , as though just being near her calmed him down .

She had seen the way he smiled at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Had noticed the little things he did without even saying a thing , just wanting to make her life a little easier.

Like the way he always carried a packet of candy in his bag because he knew that she got moody when she didn't have anything sugary.

It was the way he carried two water bottles and silently handed her one after each race , having put diluted orange juice in it after learning how much she struggled to drink water on its own.

It was the way he pulled out her chair at dinner and the way he didn't start eating until she did.

It was the way that he waited around for her to be done with press and her briefings after each race , just to drive her home while her car was in the garage getting repaired.

It was the way he silently handed her flowers after dnf'ing. The way he would just put in a movie and caress his fingers through her hair till she fell asleep after a difficult day at the track.

It was the way he stayed sober while she got drunk with their friends , just so he could look after her and take her home safely .

It was the way he held her hair  and rubbed at her back while she regretted ever drinking in the first place , laughing softly at the way she would promise that she was never drinking again only to get plastered the following weekend and repeat the messy process .

It was the way that he looked for her in a crowded room.

The way he always asked the other drivers where she was when he couldn't see her, leaving to find her, not wanting to be in a group if she wasn't there with him.

It was the way he called her own father to let him know that Cherrie was okay after a particularly nasty crash. The way he stayed by her side with tears in his eyes , refusing to leave her until he saw that she was fit and healthy with his own two eyes.

It was the way he learned to cook new things that she liked after she told him that she was going vegan.

His phone filled with vegan recipes and his kitchen a mess of strange ingredients as he stayed up all night to make her a plant based macaroni after seeing her pout over their friends getting the cheesy goodness during dinner while she was stuck eating a salad.

It was the way he way he always helped correct her English when she got a word wrong or struggled to translate what she meant, not as fluent in English as their friends . He would simply whisper to her the right way of saying what she meant and give her a proud little smile when she remembered it the next time she spoke.

It was all these little things that Charles did that made her stomach turn into a whole damn zoo and made her unable to even think straight.

Because nobody told you that falling in love could feel like a never ending panic attack, heart racing in your chest when they smiled. Throat running dry whenever they said your name.

It scared her . So she left without a single word, despite the guilt that took over her chest as she told herself over and over again that he wouldn't care. That they weren't together . He wasn't her boyfriend and she wasn't his girlfriend .

They were just friendly teammates who slept together sometimes. (All the time).

It was okay. She was okay. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charles blurted out before he could even think to remember that they weren't alone and that he was supposed to be sounding like a teammate and not a upset lover.

Seb smirked behind his hand as he rubbed at chin in amusement , having been listening to Charles rant to him about how worried and stressed he was about Cherrie suddenly going off the radar for two fucking months.

He thought it was funny how obvious it was that Charles was in love with her while Cherrie acted as detached and emotionally constipated as usual.

Cherrie glanced down at her drink as she hesitantly squeezed between the two drivers on the couch, fighting back a wince as her bare leg brushed up against Charles's thigh who has turned in his seat to stare her down . With an unimpressed look on his handsome face .

"I got a hot chocolate on my way. I was also gonna stop for a breakfast too but-" she knew that he wasn't talking about where she had been just that morning yet she still tried to play innocent .

Charles narrowed his eyes at her , shaking his head in frustration. "That's not what I meant and you know it! I'm talking about you going M.I.A over the holidays and no one being able to get hold of you!" He couldn't help but snap.

Having spent the whole time worried out of his mind only for his concern to quickly turn to anger when paparazzi pictures of her lounging on a yacht and at the beach came out.

Those pictures of her casually drinking in the sun were the only way he knew that she wasn't dead.

Cherrie kept her eyes down to her drink stubbornly , knowing that one look at his pretty face would have her defences crumbling down again. The same walls she had spent the last two months rebuilding , telling herself that she didn't need anybody but herself.

That was a lie and she knew it. But she had always believed in faking it till it came true so...

Acting oblivious to Charles's and her own feelings would have to do.

"I was on holiday. I didn't want to talk to anyone." She simply muttered , glancing over beside her at Sebastian who was casually listening into her excuses with a knowing look on his face, raising his eyebrow at her disapprovingly .

She looked back down at her drink quickly .

Charles frowned , feeling hurt and it showed in his voice as he continued to look down at the woman he adored so much, the one woman that he would willingly get down on his knees and beg to be with, just wanting her to give them a chance to be something beautiful.

"Not even me? You just left without even saying goodbye . That wasn't very nice." He muttered to her quietly .

Cautious of the camera crew setting up the finishing touches in front of them, their media manager motioning for them to straighten up and get ready to start.

Cherrie pushed down any guilt and simply sighed, leaning back against the couch to get comfortable rubbing at her aching head. Still slightly hungover from the amount of wine she had drank on the plane back to Monaco.

She had always been a stress drinker . Now was no different. But no amount of alcohol could take away the nerves she felt at being beside Charles again.

"I was late for my plane. You were still sleeping and I didn't want to wake you.." didn't want to give you the chance to convince me to stay . Is what she meant.

Charles huffed at her stubbornness , knowing her far too well to believe her bullshit excuses for leaving.

"You should have woken me! Do you know how worried I've been?" He gave her shoulder a nudge with his own , trying to get her to look at him so he could look into her pretty eyes and see what she was thinking .

Cherrie just shook her head at him, plastering a smile on her face as the man handed some cards to read off, counting down from three as the camera trained on them clearly.

"Sorry. But you had nothing to be worried about. I just needed a break away from everything." She muttered before smiling at the camera brightly , giving a small wave and ignoring Charles pouting beside her.

Seb smiled at them as he made the introduction and got the video rolling . Glancing down at the cards with a small laugh as he spoke up.

"So the first question is for you Charles.." he said to him , hiding his grin as he watched Charles quickly snap his eyes away from where he had been gazing at Cherrie , clearing his throat and smiling a little awkwardly to him.

Charles nodded at him to go on while Cherrie just drained the last of her hot chocolate and placed the empty cup at her feet.

"Where do you see yourself in the future?" Sebastian asked him , reading off the card.

Charles smiled and answered easily "a world champion definitely.. hopefully.." he laughed a little before looking at Cherrie again who was smiling at his answer.

He hesitated for a moment before deciding to say fuck it.

She may not like talking or acknowledging her feelings but he did and if she refused to listen to him in private then he would make her understand publicly instead. Knowing that she couldn't run away from him this time, not while the cameras were still rolling .

So he said "and I see myself still in love, maybe married and with my own little family too. That would be nice." Glancing pointedly at Cherrie who had frozen up next to him.

Giving him a small cautious glance , frowning a little at the way her heart sped up at his answeR.

Surely he didn't mean her..? No. He can't be because Cherrie wasn't the kind of girl that was someone wanted forever .

She was too much work and not wife material at all, surely not ...

Sebastian smirked knowingly at them, amused at the way Cherrie was still stubbornly refusing to look at Charles even though he was glaring a hole into the side of her face with his challenging stare.

"You'd be a good husband and father. I can imagine you having cute kids." He mused as he picked another card up ready.

Charles smiled bashfully at his compliment and nodded his head, fiddling with the mood ring on his finger that Cherrie had gotten him when they were still teenagers .

Giving it to him with a shy mumble on Valentine's Day after he had made her a giant card in the shape of a heart alongside a teddy bear with roses in its hand.

Her dad had made her get Charles a gift too, while Cherrie had just blushed bright red the whole time, hardly able to look anyone in the eye as she shoved the ring and a poorly made card in his direction with an embarrassed scowl on her face.

So not much had changed really. Charles was still hopelessly in love with her and feelings still made Cherrie want to throw up and disappear forever.

"Yeah, they'd be cute . With little curls and big blue eyes , a little button nose and freckles.." he listed off all the features that Cherrie had without any shame, knowing exactly who was going to be his future baby mama if he had his own way.

Cherrie sunk further into the couch with a flush, swallowing dryly . Utterly mortified by how obvious he was being.

She almost had a panic attack right there and then. He wanted them to be together?! Get married?! Have kids?!

She could barely even hold his hand in the privacy of their own room!

"Dieu, ça ne peut pas m'arriver." She muttered beneath her breath in embarrassment.

(God , this can't be happening to me)

Sebastian just laughed and moved onto the next question before she melted into a puddle of red beside him .

"Cherrie this one is for you.." he grinned at the flustered girl next to him in pure amusement .

"What's your favourite thing to do in the off time?" He asked her .

She picked at her nails boredly, looking down at the bright red colour as she thought about it.

Before humming and giving a little shrug "I like to go on little adventures with my friends. See new islands and try new things.." she told them honestly , smiling a little as she thought about her most recent trip.

"-but mostly I just enjoy reconnecting with friends and having fun . Getting some drinks and messing around."

Sebastian looked at her curiously "where did you go this time? I saw pictures of you on a yacht but I don't know where. No one really knew where you were." He said.

Charles having been the one to show him the recent photos of her with a scowl on his face as he complained about her ignoring him.

Cherrie glanced over at Charles to see him waiting for her to tell them exactly what she had been doing after ditching him in his bed, raising a judgmental eyebrow at her when she hesitated to answer.

Before finally giving in and telling them quietly “I went to Brazil and met up with neymar. He was having this big yacht party the whole weekend. Then we just traveled around after that. We spent some time in Italy and Spain and even went to England as well. It was fun." She muttered with slight smile.

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , frowning in disbelief .

"Neymar? As in the footballer? The guy you used to date?" He felt his stomach turn at the thought of the two of them getting back together while he sat back in the sidelines with a broken heart again. Unable to do a single thing but watch in misery as she dated a guy that wasn't him .

Cherrie frowned back at him, finally looking at him again. Chewing on the Inside of her cheek nervously when she saw the annoyed look he was giving her , fingers tapping against his knee impatiently as he waited for her to explain herself.

Cherrie groaned in annoyance, not liking the hurt puppy look he was aiming her way.

Fucking hell. She thought in misery. Why does he have to have such a gorgeous face?

How was she supposed to act unbothered by him when just the sight of his puppy eyes had her stomach turning into a whole Damn zoo!

"We never dated... seriously. We're just really good friends." She mumbled flustered by his heavy stare.

Wondering what happened to the shy stammering Charles that used to go bright red and speechless whenever she used to simply just look at him.

It felt like they had swapped roles. She was usually the confident and intense one out of the two of them.

I mean, for heavens sake! The first time that they had sex Charles had thanked her for it!

And then he had proceeded to politely ask her if she would like do it again sometime with a blush on his face while Cherrie had just been panting up at the ceiling in pure disbelief . Muttering a amused ‘sure. Same time tomorrow?’ To him fondly.

Charles scoffed at her , pursing his lips unhappily. "That's not true .. I once watched the two of you eat each others faces at an after party . You were more than friendly." He reminded her bitterly .

Cherrie just rolled her eyes, huffing a little at the way he was calling her out on her lie right in front of the cameras too!

Gritting her teeth as she sent him a small glare , getting a pointed look in return. Daring her to deny it.

"We- we were just having fun. We really are friends now! You're telling me that you've never fucked around with some of your friends when you were younger?!" She defensively threw back at him .

Sebastian was grinning beside them, looking into the camera with a arch of his brow like he was in an episode of the office.

Charles pulled a face at her , rapidly shaking his head no. "I haven't! You can't call someone your friend if you're sucking their dick Cherrie!" He exclaimed as a jab towards her past relationships and the one that she also had with him.

Unable to believe the way she could give him the most mind blowing sex of his life and them tell people that they were 'just friends' as if she didn't just have his dick in her mouth ten minutes ago!

He had to give her credit though, she was a really fantastic bullshitter! And if there was an award for being in denial of her feelings , she would win without any hesitation!

Sebastian's eyes widened as he saw the stare down between the two of them, laughing a little as he gave Charles a look to behave himself , already used to them bickering like little kids since they were , well, kids!

Gently pulling Cherrie by the shoulder to lean back again once he noticed the way she looked ready to lay into him, both of them forgetting that they were being recorded live to the whole World.

"Okay! Next question I think!" He exclaimed with a amused smirk , clearly loving the drama .

"Favourite food?" He asked them trying to clear the sudden tension between them a little.

Cherrie looked away from Charles and back at Sebastian again. Humming softly in thought .

"Probably stir fry. But If we're talking desert then there's this cafe near my apartment that does these beautiful vegan cupcakes and honestly you can't even tell the difference . They're amazing." She gushed , almost drooling just thinking about them.

Charles, momentarily forgetting his jealously and anger for a second, smiled at her in amusement .

"Is that the one you dragged me too last time?" At her nod , he laughed in agreement.

“Yeah they were good! We have a tradition of swapping deserts if we win a race. When she won last time I tried to make a replica of the cupcakes she loves but it didn't turn out so good.." he told Sebastian , smiling at the memory.

Cherrie giggled a little and patted his thigh comfortingly without even thinking , so used to their easy touches and messing around even when they were arguing .

Her dad had once been stood with his mouth wide open in disbelief when he witnessed her and Charles had arguing with each other nastily , snapping at each other even though they had been laid on the couch together with his arm around her shoulders and her own arm around his back.

Cuddling while arguing . Her dad couldn’t believe it!

She grinned at him in amusement "you did good! I told you that they weren't that bad! Just a little ...burnt." She tried to make him feeling better about it just like she had done back then.

Giggling to herself as she recalled the way a pouty Charles had shown up at her door with a loud sigh of defeat as he sheepishly held up a tray of burnt cupcakes to her, looking like he was going to cry.

She had kissed his pout away and scoffed down those burnt cupcakes like they weren't making her teeth hurt with each bite, not wanting him to be sad.

Charles squinted just eyes at her , still not believing her lie.

Sighing loudly as he leant his body back against the couch, nudging his shoulder against hers affectionately.

"You went to the dentist the next day!" He whined laughing despite himself and his shitty baking.

Cherrie grinned cheekily "for a checkup!"

"Yeah right!" He rolled his eyes at her playfully , pulling at her one of her curls with his fingers .

Sebastian laughed at them and asked them another question "have you ever been in love?" That question wasn't even on the card but Sebastian had a plan for the two in love idiots in front of him.

Knowing that Charles wouldn't have any hesitation in admitting his feelings to the world , maybe it was the push that Cherrie would need.

Cherrie laughed a little and shook her head no . "I'm not the kind of girl that guys fall in love with easily. I'm okay for a short time but not for a long time. I'm not girlfriend material.." she muttered her thoughts out loud.

Only to flinch a little in shock when Charles let out the loudest scoff ever, eyes blown wide in disbelief as he gaped at her like she had frown an extra head right in front of him.

"You're kidding right? You've got to be joking!" He almost shouted in shock, speechless at how oblivious she was acting.

Did she really think that his feelings for her were nothing more than 'casual'? Did she really not know that she was in his every thought? That she was his first  thought in the morning and his last wish at night?

She drove him crazy and she didn't even know it!

Cherrie looked at him with small frown, stomach turning at the familiar way he was looking at her.

Nervously fiddling with the fray edges of her denim shorts , clearing her throat a little nervously .

"I mean- I just mean that I'm not a girl that guys take home to meet their mother. As soon as they get to know me properly it's like... nope, not a forever thing! And definitely don't love me after that!" She laughed a little depressingly at herself, truly believing that she was only loveable when the sun went down.

Charles tried not to shake her shoulders and scream at her.

Instead he took in a deep , calming breath to gather his patience. Reminding himself that it wasn't her fault she was so emotionally stunted. That she didn't know that someone loved her until it was spoken directly to her face with no way of her misunderstanding.

Charles realised then that perhaps never telling her directly how he felt was a giant mistake on his part .

He had hoped that his actions would speak for him, that she would feel his love and understand how gone for her he was.

But apparently not. Apparently she was blind!

"I know you and I think you're amazing. You're the most lovable woman in the world! Everybody wants to either be you or be with you! Surely you can't believe that?!" He exclaimed in shock by her stubbornness to give in and let herself be loved.

Cherrie flushed darkly and frowned at him a little , trying to not throw up from the way the butterflies wouldn't stop flapping their wings rapidly in her chest.

Barely able to hold eye contact with him, seeing the way Charles was looking at her with a face full of disbelief and frustration .

She huffed, feeling uncomfortable talking about her feelings and love in general.

"That's not the same thing. I mean, I'm just not good with feelings and I'd be a terrible girlfriend-"

Charles let out another loud scoff , placing his head in his hands and trying not to scream.

Sebastian was grinning behind his knuckles as he tried not to laugh at the two idiots in love in front of him. Charles looking like he was going to burst if she denied his love one more time.

"How can you know that If you don't try it?! I didn't know I liked spaghetti until I ate it!" He almost shouted at her in frustration.

Referring to the way Cherrie had told him that he didn't want her as a girlfriend, that he wouldn't like it if they became serious.

The same old bullshit excuses but Charles had enough of her lying to herself.

He was leaving here with her as his girlfriend whether she liked it or not , he was done with her denial. Enough was enough!

Cherrie scowled at him, oblivious  to the team

Behind the cameras who were watching them argue in absolute confusion. Having absolutely no idea what was going on.

"What has spaghetti got to do with love?!"

"I'm not talking about the spaghetti itself! I'm talking about having to try things to know you like them! If you don't give the guy a chance then how can you know that it won't work out?! You don't!" Charles snapped back at her with wide eyes.

Cherrie rolled her eyes at him dramatically "it's the same way that you want to do anal but won't let yourself be pegged! It's a bit hypocritical isn't it?! To want to do something to someone else but not letting them do it to you?!" She shouted back at him, completely having lost sense of what they were even arguing about now.

Sebastian was giggling behind the cards, having the time of his life watching them shout at each other like stubborn children . Cherrie refusing to admit that she was wrong.

Charles blinked at her in disbelief, mouth dropping open in shock. Wondering how they went from spaghetti, to chances and then to anal within a second.

"Well you'd only do anal with somebody you trusted wouldn't you? Like a boyfriend! And I never said I wouldn’t try anything! But if I was going to do it I'd want it to be with someone i loved , someone that i could call a girlfriend!" He flung his hands up into the air dramatically , easily matching her energy like usual .

Cherrie huffed loudly , glaring back at him. "That's not the point! I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend! I'm happy as I am thank you!" She snapped back at him.

Charles pulled a face of disbelief at her "why not? You're happy having sex with me , nothing would have to change except me being able to call you my girlfriend!" The gasps of shock from the crew didn't even reach his ears as he openly told the whole world that they were sleeping together without any shame.

Sebastian gasped a laugh. Wiggling his eyebrows at the camera as he sat back and happily Enjoyed the show in front of him.

Cherrie gasped sharply and smacked his arm, hard. Flushing bright red. "Everything would change! You want to marry me and have kids with me! That's not casual at all! That’s A lot different than just sex!" She exclaimed stubbornly . Not giving in .

Charles rolled his eyes at her , shoving her shoulder in response .

The two of them starting to shove at eachothers sides like naughty children as they bickered on live video stream.

"Maybe a little bit but you'd get used to it! It would just be nice to hold your hand in public and tell you I love you without you freaking out! I know you love me too! I'm not blind or stupid!" He pushed her head with his hand , almost pushing her into Sebastian's lap.

She immediately pushed him back, kicking him as well as she huffed and puffed at him angrily.

"I don't love you!" She shouted, clearly lying.

Charles scoffed at her loudly "yes you do! I heard you whisper it to me once when you thought I was sleeping!" He admitted to her shamelessly.

Cherrie gasped , hitting his arm again. "You were pretending to be asleep?!" She was mortified "see! I don't want to date a liar! You just heard me wrong!" She lied .

Charles looked at her with wide eyes , unable to believing that she was still lying like this.

Talk about denial!

"Sure! What did you say then?!" He challenged her knowing exactly what he heard that night .

Cherrie hesitated before looking away from him stubbornly . "I said - I said I love you but like- in a platonic way-" she flushed, stammering .

Even Sebastian rose a brow at her in disbelief . Giggling to himself at how stubborn she was .

Charles wanted to throttle her. "Oh stop it! We could have been married happily by now If you'd just stop being so fucking stubborn!-"

She looked at him with a scowl , heart racing in her chest nervously.

"je ne veux pas t'épouser ! Ce n'est pas parce que je t'aime que je veux être à toi ! je suis ma propre personne! Je décide avec qui je veux être !" She snapped at him, shuffling away from him like a child.

(i don't want to marry you! just because i love you doesn't mean i wanna be yours! i am my own person! i decide who i want to be with!)

Charles just shuffled along with her , throwing his arm over her shoulder and ducking his head down to meet her pissed off gaze.

A slight amused smile tugging at his lips as he looked at her seriously .

"voir! tu m'aimes ! et je t'aime!" He muttered to her , gently stroking her hair away from her face so he could see her flushed cheeks better.

The anger flowing away from him just like that as he admired how beautiful she was, even when she was trying to break his heart into pieces .

(See! You do love me! And I love you!)

Unfortunately for Cherrie, Charles was just as determined and stubborn as she was. And he knew that they belonged Together. No one else's hand fit between his own as perfectly as hers did.

She was the one. He knew it. Ever since they were kids and she threw a football at his head and told him that it was a girls only team.

Only to pick him a daisy and whisper to him that they could play together in her garden later when the rest of the girls she had been trying to impress were gone.

He loved her then and ten years later he still loved her now. Nothing had changed at all.

Cherrie glanced down at the soft smile he was giving her, her walls quickly crumbling down as she felt his thumb gently run back and forth across the back of her neck soothingly . Looking at her like she was his whole world.

She sniffed , fidgeting with her necklace . The same heart shaped locket that Charles had given her on a random Monday afternoon just to see her smile.

It had two pictures inside. One of them as kids, stood side by side with little Charles kissing her cheek. And another picture of them as adults, also stood side by side on the podium as they grinned up at each other with nothing but pure happiness on their faces .

She loved him. And he loved her. He always had.

Would it really be so bad to give him a chance? He made her happy.. so why was she making herself unhappy by denying his love for so long?

Who else was going to deal with her craziness and stubbornness like he did?

Who else would dare to look her in the eye and tell her to stop being so stupid? To get her to admit that she was wrong .

He was the only one that she thought of when being asked of what her future held.

She saw herself winning more races. She saw her family . She saw her friends and she saw Charles right beside her for all of it.

Didn't she deserve to be happy? No matter how frightening taking them first step towards forever love could be?

It could be worth it in the end.

"I do but.." she sighed , conflicted on what to do.

Charles made the answer easy for her. Gently leaning his head against her shoulder and kissing her jaw softly , he wrapped his arm around her back and held her close to him .

"I want to be your boyfriend. Okay?" He whispered  to her simply not caring about anything else but her.

Cherrie glanced down at his soft eyes and the love written across his pretty face and easily gave in.

Pouting a little at having to admit that Charles was right and she was wrong .

"okay." She mumbled with a small smile as she wrapped her arm around his back in return, leaning down to kiss his eyebrow gently .

Charles inhaled deeply, unable to hold back his excited grin as he peered up at her through his lashes. Heart threatening to beat right out of his chest in excitement .

"Yeah? Me and you? No more bullshit?" He needed to her say it.

Giggling at the way she playfully rolled her eyes at him, cupping the side of his head and pulling his head down to her neck for a snuggle . Charles kissing below her ear delicately , feeling him smile against her tender skin.

"No more bullshit." She promised him quietly, running her fingers through his hair gently. Kissing his head as she heard him sniffle against her, squeezing her tightly to him.

And Sebastian could only watch with a proud smile as Cherrie finally let go of her fear and gave into love.

Charles sighing contently as Cherrie hugged him to her chest, closing his eyes and crying into her shirt while she rubbed circles over his shoulders with a small, amused smile on her face at his emotional he was.

He always had been the crier out of the two of them. He had also cried when she gave him a valentines card and drew him a picture of him in a Ferrari , writing NO.1 messily at the top.He still has the picture on his wall at home.

But Charles didn't care about anyone seeing him cry. He had waited for this moment for what felt like his whole life.

He had loved her every winter, every spring , every summer.. it had always been her. Never once had his love gone cold, it never faded , only blossoming into something untouchable over time.

He had loved her every season and now he wanted them all. He was never going to let her slip away from him again.

"Je vais t'aimer dans chaque vie. quoi qu'il arrive, je t'aimerai pour toujours." He whispered to her softly.

Cherrie let out a wet laugh and leaned down to kiss him properly, cupping his jaw in her hand as he nudged her nose with his own gently . Both of them smiling giddily into the kiss .

(i'm going to love you in every life. no matter what, i'll love you forever.)

"Je vous aime . j'ai toujours. Je suis désolé d'avoir mis si longtemps à l'admettre. mais je suis là maintenant et je ne t'aimerai plus jamais." She promised him .

(i love you . i always have. im sorry it took me so long to admit it. but i'm here now and i'm never going to not love you again.)

As  the two kissed some more and snuggled up together on the couch without a care in the world, Sebastian looked at the camera with a smug grin on his face.

"I am Cupid. The love question was all my idea." He told them proudly before grimacing as he felt a foot nudge his side as they rolled around on the couch beside him like a pair of horny teenagers.

He leant over and pushed the both of them off the couch , both of them landing on the floor without even breaking apart .

Leaving Sebastian to look at them in disbelief as they just carried on making out on the floor in front of him, not giving a single shit about anybody else around them.

"Oh no.." he groaned with wince as he looked at the camera worriedly. Still live .

“What have I done? Okay! That's enough! Stop trying to eat her face!" He snapped down at them.

Dropping his cards and leaning down to try and pull the two of them apart before they made a sex tape on stream. The two of them just laughing at the disgusted look that he was giving them.

Sharing a mischievous look between them before charles yanked Sebastian down between them, both of them Hugging him tightly as Cherrie laughed like a naughty child as she kissed all over his grimacing face as he huffed and puffed, trying to push them off.

"I better be best man . And you better name your first child after me for this." He grumbled to them.

Grinning despite himself as he gave Charles a proud pat to his shoulder while Cherrie was preoccupied with clinging onto his back like a monkey, trying to annoy him like she usually did.

Sebastian just picked her up and threw her down onto the couch. Dusting off his clothes and pushing Charles down onto the other side too , sitting between the two of them so that they were separated again.

Rolling his eyes in amusement  when Charles just extended his arm out behind his back and held cherries hand behind him. Both of them giggling and beaming at each other happily.

And all Charles could think to himself as he looked into her pretty eyes dazedly …was that forever wasn't long enough.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey do you guys remember how I said that I was going to use patreon to write up content that would be WILDLY too long for tumblr? yeah. this is uuuuuh a little less than 6000 words about a bad Animal Planet series from 2008 that no one watched but me and my sister.

and here's part of the introduction under the cut for freebies, in case you want a little sample:

If you weren’t a painfully introverted animal fact kid in the early 2000s it’s almost impossible to explain the degree of sway that Animal Planet and its shows held over me as a child. Meerkat Manor, Animal Cops, The Most Extreme, The Little Zoo That Could, Prehistoric Planet, River Monsters, all of Steve Irwin’s work, and truly any and all non-serialized programming about any animal imaginable. I ate it all up, even the terribly boring half-hour programs like Backyard Habitat and Petfinder that they only played in the weird wee hours of the morning. 

Crucially, this programming is mostly of a nonfiction bent. Prehistoric Planet uses a framing device involving the use of time travel to bring extinct animals into the present to live in a zoo, but ultimately they’re trying to teach you some facts about some beasts, and while Meerkat Manor was definitely anthropomorphizing and editorializing the drama those meerkats experienced, it was at least rooted in the very real Kalahari Meerkat Project, which has been intensively documenting the behavior of meerkat mobs for many meerkat generations.

But then we get into the oddballs. In 2004 Animal Planet aired Dragons: A Fantasy Made Real, a British “docufiction” produced for Channel Four that sought to contextualize the nearly-global mythology of dragons in real history and biology, complete with CGI recreations of dragons in their “natural habitats.” That’s all fine and good; there’s nothing wrong with using a fake thing to teach people about real animals’ evolution and anatomy. The Loch Ness Monster episode of River Monsters is excellent for this, as you can tell that host Jeremy Wade (angler, freshwater detective, and criminally fuckable old man) doesn’t expect to find a monster literally at all and is just taking the opportunity to introduce his audience to animals they might not otherwise know about, including the noble Greenland shark. He pulls the same trick again in a later episode where he’s sent to discover the “truth” behind sea serpents and winds up diving in search of the elusive oarfish.

Dragons is… not doing that. Instead it offers up a framing device following a completely fictional paleontologists who “suggests the theory that a carbonized Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton on display was killed by a prehistoric dragon” (thanks, Wikipedia) and then has to go on a quest to save his career by proving that dragons totally existed and he’s not crazy. And he’s not! The piece ends with him discovering straight up for-real dragon bones in the Carpathian Mountains. If you were, say, an impressionably soft-brained 8 year old watching this, well holy shit. Congrats! It turns out dragons are real and nobody knows but you. 

Why did Animal Planet air this? God only knows, but it wouldn’t be the last time they dabbled in this shit. 2012 saw another piece by the same creator, Charlie Foley, called Mermaids: The Body Found which posited that various governments are holding merpeople captive and also relied on the infamously eugenicist aquatic ape theory to justify how merpeople could exist. The CGI on that one creeped me the fuck out, although I was at least old enough by then to recognize it wasn’t real.

Between those two docufictional farces, Animal Planet got a little freaky and rolled out some fake factual content of their own: three season of the TV show Lost Tapes (2008-2010, RIP), which purportedly showed “found footage” from incidents of humans having terrifying encounters with cryptids and fighting to escape with their lives. Interspersed with the fully fictional stories were segments of experts talking about folkloric history and speculating as to how creatures like Sasquatch and sea serpents could be real, which was an admirable effort to make it educational but often fell pretty short. There’s a werewolf episode where their expert weakly offers up that there are tons of transformations in nature, like caterpillars turning into butterflies. Notably that has absolutely nothing in common with a human turning rapidly into a wolfbeast and then shifting back, but they tried! They stopped trying as hard by season three, by which point they were throwing any and every beastie they could think of at the wall: there are episodes dedicated to zombies, a poltergeist, two different types of vampires, and the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl. 

Also straining belief was the dedication that some POV characters had to keeping their cameras rolling. I don’t blame the writers for that; it’s hard coming up with a fresh gimmick for “found footage” in every episode. Some of them, like characters wearing body cameras, are pretty smart; others, like a teenage girl continuing to film on her phone while being hunted by the Jersey devil, are not. They’re very much running on horror movie rules; the characters are as dumb as they need to be to make the plot go. To the show’s credit the dumdums are frequently punished, and it’s not uncommon for every single named character to end up dead at the hands (or claws, fangs, whatever) of the monster of the week. 

Needless to say, as a 12 year old I thought this was extremely edgy and cool. I was old enough to recognize that the so-called found footage was fake and that the acting was mostly very bad, but I liked cryptids and some of the show’s better episodes could still creep me right out. I think geeky 12 year olds who like to get a little freaked out on purpose are probably the ideal target demographic for this show, followed by nostalgic 20-somethings who have seen every episode several times.

(Hi, editor’s note: having completed this list it turns out there are WAY more episodes than I thought and I fully Do Not Recall some of them, so egg on my face.)

[longlivenecromancer]

My theory as to why Devil’s Minion isn’t done yet and we’ve only seen part one:

Luke Brandon Field plays Daniel Molloy with the most fuckable face that deserves to have blood smeared all over him pouring down his throat till he’s chocking and drowning in pure blissful obsession. As well, Assad Zaman has the face and body language that appeals to the idea of him feeding him like his god while calling him names like beloved and other pet names. I think these are very good reasons for us to get 1980s flashbacks in later season it would be great character development and enhance the story in a meaningful way.

[ozonecologne]

just noticed something stupid

So we all know this scene in 4.22, right? The moment when some people think that Dean fell in love with Castiel? When Cas looks at Chuck and says, “We’re making it up as we go?”

Did we ever consider that Dean registers this not just because it’s hot, but because Indiana Jones says the exact same thing in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Dean loves Indiana Jones. He mentions Raiders of the Lost Ark twice prior to Castiel saying this -- two seasons earlier in 2.02:

And when he gets sad that Sam admits to seeing the new “Raiders” movie (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) without him in 4.05. Dean also explicitly mentions Raiders in 11.14 -- “Oh, so full-on Raiders. That’s. Okay.” -- and 14.16 -- “Whoa. That was like full-on Raiders.”

Dean also quotes The Last Crusade in 12.05:

And further Indiana Jones references include 6.18, 7.20, 9.22, and 13.08, among others.

ANYWAY! All of that makes THIS scene in 6.10 extra funny. Castiel literally quoted one of Dean’s favorite movies a full season and a half ago, winning his loyalty in the process, and he’s just totally oblivious to that. That’s why Sam can zing him like this:

Cas literally quoted Raiders and he doesn’t even know what Raiders is. He just reminds Dean of Harrison Ford -- that’s what makes him fuckable.

Luckily, by 8.17, Dean gets to cast himself and Castiel in their very own Indiana Jones role play:

*whip crack*

[alexanderwales]

Book Review: The Ministry of Time

I picked up The Ministry of Time when I was in Berkley. It was prominently placed, it had a bold and colorful cover, and I'm a sucker for time travel of any kind. When I brought it up to the counter, the cashier told me that it was one of her recent favorites and really brilliantly realized for being from a debut author. The inside cover promises "an ingeniously imagined, hilarious romp through time, space, and the human heart".

As a veteran of time travel stories, I think they fall into two basic camps. The first camp is the thinky camp, interested in the time travel elements, the layers of cause and effect, the twists and turns that history or characters might have undergone for want of a nail, branching universes and stable loops, the raw matter of causality itself. The second camp is mostly interested in history, whether that's alternate history or historical characters. These are stories where the premise is that modern warship gets transported back to Ancient Greece or whatever and then we just do not interact with time travel in any meaningful way until the end of the book, if that. Sometimes (maybe even often) time travel stories straddle these two camps, but when I read a time travel story I usually immediately clock it as being one or the other.

For the first three quarters of its word count, The Ministry of Time is so firmly in the latter camp that I thought it would just stay there. The basic premise is that the titular ministry has pulled people through time and set them up with "bridges" who are essentially civil servants that live with the temporal "expats" and get them acclimated to the near-future modern world. Our protagonist "bridge" is a British-Cambodian woman, while her "expat" is Graham Gore, a member of the doomed Erebus and Terror mission to explore the Northwest passage. He's very loosely based on a real man about whom so little is known that his character is invented from whole cloth, but there's quite a bit of historical grounding.

Kate & Leopold was a 2001 film about a modern woman who works at an advertising company (Meg Ryan) and gets embroiled in a love affair with an aristocrat from the late 1800s (Hugh Jackman). It's a romcom, and I thought about it a lot when reading this book, which turns out to mostly be a slow-burn romance. It hits a lot of the same beats. Gore is a man out of time and we milk this for entertainment value as we watch him acclimate to the modern world in various ways, seeing the things that he loves and the things that puzzle him. He's also a gentleman from a simpler time, and his nobility stands in contrast to the boorishness of the modern male. A lot of this is stock: I don't read many romance novels, but "man from the past" is a whole genre, whether he's come through to the present or the female protagonist has been sent to the past. I am pretty sure that the first book of Outlander is this, but I only watched half of the first season of the TV show.

(The other piece of media this reminded me of was the Norwegian show Beforeigners, which hits the "past is a different country" and "refugees from the past" theme a lot harder, at least for my money.)

The Ministry of Time does all this far better than Kate & Leopold did. Part of this is simply the writing quality, but there's also at least a little engagement with ideas of colonialism, the horrors of the past, how we assimilate into the dominant culture, and what that means. Gore is well-realized, and our protagonist has a lot of complexity to her, which brings some brushes with identity and living in the wake of someone else's trauma (particularly because the protagonist, like the author, is mostly white-passing half-Cambodian). It's just that this isn't the sort of time travel novel that I like, because it feels like the core premise, traveling through time, gets set to one side while we focus on the relationship between the past and the present, and how fuckable guys from the past are. I appreciate that there's some depth to the female fantasy on display here, but I don't find this particular female fantasy all that interesting on its own. When I realized, about twenty pages in, that this was primarily going to be a well-written romance, I could feel my enthusiasm for it waning.

Aside from the romance between these two, which is the largest chunk of the book, we have a few people from other eras. They're not given nearly enough depth for my taste, but they serve their purpose well enough, and help add another dose of "actually, the past was kind of shit", which I think any work that is flirting with romanticizing the past needs. The two main ones are Arthur, a gay man from World War I who doesn't get enough screen time, and Margaret, a lesbian who comes from the 1600s. I think there's probably a lot to say about identity and queerness, especially because modern notions of these things are not historical, but as with many things, the novel touches lightly on them and then flies off to the next thing like a timid dragonfly.

The best thing about the book, and the reason I kept looking forward to it, is that the prose is really really good. On almost any random page I open up, I can find a passage that delights me. There's a real art to the metaphor and how it's employed, and I really enjoyed most of it, even the ones that maybe made me scratch my head a little bit. Things like "sparrows gusted along the curb" or "I looked into Margaret's face, the sultry peach color of her mouth and her acne glowing with unprinted newness" or "sheepish, excitable expressions, like children caught drawing on the walls". On the prose level, I was a big fan.

The setting for the novel is near-modern London, a city that's suffering the effect of climate change, with blisteringly hot days where they can't do much more than lay on the floor and wait for the heat to pass, and occasional flooding. The ministry itself is a bureaucratic monolith in a way that feels like it's a piss take, but it doesn't go terribly far toward saying anything here. There's a genre that I'm trying to coin a name for called bureaupunk or bureauporn where we focus on huge organizations with matrix management and endless meetings and paper trails, and how that all feels to live with, but this doesn't quite go to that level, even if it gets close. (The ur-example of this is The Laundry Files, for a future post.)

On the plot level ... I hesitate to use the word "sucks", but I had a lot of problems with it even before we get to the last fourth of the novel where it shifts gears from being a slow romance.

To start with, why are they forcing this man to co-habit with this woman in a way they acknowledge to be scandalous from his perspective? Why didn't they select a bridge that would ease him into the 21st century? Why co-habitation rather than, say, a bridge having regular check-ins or something? Actually, why is all this time and effort being expended on getting these people to acclimate to the 21st century in the first place? The novel doesn't really seem to want to engage with this either, and the answers, to the extent we get them, are always pretty vague. Uncharitably, the bulk of the novel is just an excuse plot to get this woman with this man and have them fall in love.

It's not until the last fourth of the novel that it really starts to pick up steam, at least from a plot perspective. There's a mole in the ministry, there are mystery people from the future, there are plots and plans firing off, people are revealed to not be quite who they said they were ... and I enjoyed this part a lot less, in spite of it being ostensibly more toward the type of thinky time travel fiction I'm a fan of. There are two major reveals, and I didn't think that either of them landed, in part because of how weakly they tied into the thing that the novel had mostly been about, which is this central romantic conflict. It's also in this last fourth of the novel that it becomes a type one time travel story instead of a type two one, but the time travel mechanics are never explained, it never matters, and the whole story is worse for it. There's something that a lot of time travel stories sometimes do where they say "well it's time travel, it's confusing, no one really knows" and I fucking despise it because it's lazy shitty writing. Even if you don't have perfectly consistent rules that make sense on a physics level, you need to have rules that make sense on a narrative level, and usually the kinds of authors who write passages like that don't have either.

Prose aside, I think I didn't like this book. I like some of the stock time travel stuff, like a man from the past discovering Spotify, and a woman from the present reveling in a man from the past. I thought the sentence level stuff was great. I thought that some of the recurrent themes of identity and running from the past were interesting, especially the stuff about power dynamics and fitting in with the governmental overstructure ... but I didn't feel like the novel hit all that hard, aside from a single passage midway through the book. The author has some thoughts on growing up with this Cambodian heritage, but I don't think I necessarily got all that much understanding on top of what I could have gotten from trying to write a character like that myself. I got the sense that the author was putting a lot of herself into the novel, sometimes to a degree that felt embarrassing to read, in a way that the novel is explicit about. Sometimes that was embarrassing in a good way, raw and real, and other times it was just confusing, elements of her life put onto the page without enough introspection or background to understand it.

The romance is good and compelling though, I'll give it that. If you like romances, and don't really care about time travel, you might like it.

[roseharpermaxwell]

RWRB FirstPrince Sports (AU or Otherwise) Recs

Hockey, Lacrosse, Rugby - you name it, I'm here for it. Click below for some of my faves!

your future history (it's time) by kjbee81. T, 739 words. Alex and Henry, both rugby players at the Olympics, take part in the tradition of switching shorts after the game. Henry wants to start a different tradition.

OR me getting inspired by a tweet about the Olympic rugby players switching shorts...

Eye On The Prize by milowren. NR, 1.3k. Announcer 1: Alright, here we are at last, we’ve come to final event for mixed teams in archery, and this one’s all for the gold, Lisa.

Announcer 2: That’s right, John. I’m sure these last two teams aren’t feeling any pressure at all.

Announcer 1: (chuckles) Well, we’ll be able to see for ourselves in a minute here, when we get the readings from their heart rate monitors. As you know, the technique for archery at this level is so precise, any fluctuation in the competitors’ heartbeats can affect the outcome.

***

Henry and Alex are archers at the Olympics.

Born To Make History by @everwitch-magiks. T, 1.3k. This season, Henry has a new free skate. It's sassy, flirty, and actually genuinely fun, and somehow, it's taken him all the way to the Grand Prix Final. Still, even though Henry has perfected his lutz since his last competitive season, and gets that all too important second-half multiplier for every quad in his arsenal, he knows he isn't half as good as most of his competition. There's no way he's actually getting on the podium.

Except, one persistently curious and curiously attentive pair skater, with a distressingly attractive smile, gorgeous brown eyes and very interesting ambitions for the post-competition gala, seems to think otherwise.

'Coast-to-Coast' by @cheesecurdsgravyandfries. E, 1.3k. Lacrosse slang - when a player nearest their end-line takes the ball all the way down the field to the opposing team's end of the field.

Alex finds his old high school lacrosse jersey. Henry wears it.

The jersey is tight across Henry’s broad shoulders, the polymesh sleeves pulled by the tension, making Henry’s biceps pop, and if the hem didn’t reach the waistband of Alex’s underwear, it doesn’t stand a chance on Henry’s long torso. There’s at least two inches of skin visible between the top, and the band of Henry’s red D&G briefs - so selected tonight, because the red matches that in Alex’s high school logo on his chest. Henry looks sexy as hell, and he knows it.

i could be a better boyfriend by bananzie. T, 2.4k. It wasn't that Alex didn't like telling people about Henry—quite the opposite, actually—it was just that no one ever believed him when he did.

An AU in which Henry is one of England’s most famous rugby players, Alex met him during an exchange year, and they’re so in love it’s sickening, but no one believes him.

who are we to fight the alchemy by @coffeecatsme. T, 3.1k. INTERVIEWER: Kiss, marry, kill, between Taylor Swift, Beatrice Fox of the Tortured Poets, and Dua Lipa.

ALEX: Oh God, I’m gonna get so cancelled. Uh… Well, my sister would absolutely kill me if I killed Taylor Swift so I guess I gotta kiss her? I mean, she’s hot. And I guess I’m killing Dua Lipa? That leaves… Can I, like, take her brother instead of Beatrice Fox? He’s more my type.

Sets on the Beach by @happiness-of-the-pursuit. M, 3.6k. 95% of the able-bodied New York City queer population sign up to play intramural beach volleyball in the summer (this statistic is not supported by Nora). Unfortunately for Alex, this number includes Henry Fox and his very broad shoulders. Despite Henry’s unsportsmanlike recruiting and stupid genetic advantages, Alex is determined to take him (and the rest of Queerly the Best) down.

Or, Cowboys star Alex crashes out of the closet in an interview. This is how everyone reacts.

bed with your name on it by silver maples. E, 3.3k. “Are the beds really anti-fuckable ‘cause, if so, that’s gonna be an issue for me.”

These are the first words Alex says to Henry after throwing open the door to their shared room. Henry blinks, sitting cross-legged against the headboard, rereading The Little Prince - it felt apt to bring - when Alex’s eyes settle on him.

“Oh fuck,” Alex follows up with, and, “Oh, you’re not Liam.”

go the distance by @indomitable-love. T, 3.7k. His legs are like jello. He’s not entirely sure how he’s still upright. He’s running on fumes and the energy gel he’d been handed about forty minutes ago by one of the secret service as he’d passed by. Fumes, energy gel pouches, the roar of the crowd against New York streets, and pure adrenaline because he can see the finish line. He knows what’s there: June and Nora and Henry.

Henry. The reason Alex is doing this whole damn thing in the first place.

Alex decides to run a marathon. It's all Henry's fault, really.

Red, White & Navy Blue by @jedusaur. E, 4.4k. "Fine," says Alex. He clenches his jaw and his fists. "Great. Watch me. I'll bromance the shit out of the motherfucker." 

Twenty Seven Batters by @historicallysam. T, 4.6k. A ballplayer will refuse to stop playing because they want one more hit, steal, strikeout. One more homerun. One more win. So they get old and they lose their skill and embarrass themselves long after they should have hung up their spikes.

If that’s the rule, then Alexander Claremont-Diaz is the exception.

Because today, at age 38, Alexander Claremont-Diaz is six outs away from a perfect game.

Catch and Release by @welcometololaland. T, 4.8k. Henry isn't good at many things, but he is fairly good at rowing - something which is very deeply fine, until a transfer student from America turns up.

When Henry winds up being Alex's roommate on a training camp, they don't get off to a great start. Fortunately, their coach has other ideas.

A slice of the rowing AU involving midnight training sessions, extreme physical exertion and just a little bit of Only One Bed.

You Spin Me (Right Round) by @myheartalivewrites. E, 5.4k. “...he signs up for Henry’s evening class again, and if he comes in wearing a cropped sleeveless t-shirt with a bi pride flag on it and skintight burgundy leggings, well, that’s just a coincidence. He doesn’t necessarily mean anything by it.”

Henry is a spinning instructor and Alex is attending his first class after being ill. The whole thing is unexpectedly moving. And horny. Everyone is WAY TOO horny.

Tonight, You're Gold by @cha-melodius. E, 6k. “You could stay with me,” Henry says before he can properly think it through. Across from him, Alex raises his eyebrows. Christ. In for a penny, in for a pound. “Only, my roommate’s already done competing, and he’s moved out. So I have an extra bed.”

Alex laughs, his curls bouncing as he shakes his head. “I’m not sure I’m allowed to just move into Team Great Britain territory.”

(When Alex's room in the Olympic Village becomes uninhabitable, Henry acquires a new roommate who, it turns out, he's maybe, sorta, possibly falling in love with.)

your court or mine? by @silvermaples. E, 6.4k. When the guy bends to grab the ball, his little, white shorts lift, and all Alex can focus on is the way those thighs move and the sheer power behind them. He’s focusing so hard he doesn’t notice the incline of the sidewalk, nor the rock in front of him. And then, naturally, he’s bowling over and falling on his ass before he even realises what’s happening.

He may as well just die. Lay here and succumb to his wounds. Here lies Alex Claremont-Diaz, twenty-two and useless. Cause of death? Hot guy in slutty little shorts.

“Oh dear,” He hears, exceedingly British and posh and deep, and he lifts his head. Maybe death was a little premature of an idea after all. “Are you alright?”

you know i love a london boy by @coffeecatsme.  T, 6.5k. “A very special friendship bracelet,” Bea corrects, with such a delight in her voice that Henry is immediately suspicious. He grabs the darn thing and twists it around, glittery beads shining under the lights of the room. A phone number, if Henry is counting them right. Despite himself, his heart skips a beat. “From the one and only Alexander Claremont-Diaz.” She grins, bouncing on the balls of her feet—the day she stops playing matchmaker for her brother will surely be a cold day in hell. The sole excitement of her life since she doesn’t do romance.

Henry twists the bracelet in his hands, counting the numbers again, and then looks up. “Who?”

Or, 5 times Alex and Henry keep their relationship a secret and 1 time they don't. 

let's get lost (and let the good times roll) by riversdeep. M, 6.5k. “Fuck, sorry,” The man says, distinctly American, holding a hand out to right Henry where he’s fallen. His face comes into view as Henry lets the man pull him up, worried eyes and furrowed brows, and he’s utterly mortified to realise that the man isn’t just any random man, he’s Alex Claremont-Diaz, June’s volleyball playing brother. Her very attractive, very concerned looking volleyball playing brother.

There's No Problem That San Diego Can't Solve by @historicallysam. T, 6.7k. Alex doesn’t even bother knocking; he simply twists the knob on the door and shoves it open. His eyes narrow as the door bangs against the wall and he sees Henry on the phone. Maybe (definitely) it’s rude but his blood is fucking boiling so he doesn’t really care.

Because I’m A Scoundrel by @inexplicablymine. E, 8.3k. Alex Claremont-Diaz has exactly thirty minutes to make himself look as slutty as possible for this Halloween Gala. At this very moment he looks a little bit like a sexed up pirate, but with the addition of his small black vest - rest in peace to the Patagonia packers and finance brethren- and a low slung belt with a “blaster,” a very sex-on-legs Han Solo is looking back at him.

Henry Fox, who is both a double scull rower with enough Olympic medals it would make anyone other than Alex sweat, and the definitive arch nemesis of Alex - is wearing a white sylvette Princess Leia costume, hugging his curves in all the right ways, the clingy fabric draping to the floor.

When you and your arch nemesis show up to the most important gala of the year in a couples costume you either play it up or shut it down. Alex has a decision to make, but the way that dress is hugging Henry’s ass isn’t making that decision any easier.

(la)cross(e) my heart by weather_stained. E, 8.6k. Alex is determined to start a lacrosse team at his college. It's his junior year, and he's closer than ever. That is, until he finds out someone else is trying to start a rugby team, and there's only enough funding for one additional sport.

Clubs Day comes around, and he finds that his rival is no other than the insufferable Henry Fox. Alex definitely doesn't spent more time staring at Henry instead of running his booth, but if he does, it doesn't mean he's obsessed with him or anything.

Thin Ice series by @priincebutt. E, 8.8k. Alexander Claremont-Diaz, charismatic center for the NHL's Dallas Stars, is completely and utterly smitten with the posh British librarian he met by complete accident. Tonight is the night, and he's got a plan to completely woo Henry and get his man.

Don't Quit It by @inexplicablymine. M, 9k. “And goddamn last but not least on my Hit It and Don’t Quit It list would be the Saracens rugby player Henry Fox. That man has great depths, and he could so easily plumb my depths, if you know what I’m saying. An all-around fantastic player, but also someone who is ridiculously smart off the field. And we all know by now that everyone on this list features my mile-wide competency kink. Henry, if you are seeing this, we could play around with some balls that aren’t just in play.”

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

Alex has just accidentally outed himself to 6.7 million people. And according to the comments section, they seem to be all too aware.

Or... Announcing your crush via viral TikTok... that's one way to get his attention ;)

Puck It by @kiwiana-writes. E, 9.7k. “I’m English, dear,” Henry tells him, and fuck if the nickname isn’t doing something to Alex too. “Our national sport is rugby, and we play it with a lot less protective gear. Though,” he adds thoughtfully, “rugby players do wear mouth guards, which means they have the significant advantage of generally keeping all their teeth.”

“We wear mouth guards.” It’s a common misconception, and one that annoys the shit out of him. “And I’ve still got all my teeth. Wanna check?” 

Love-Love by @smc-27. T, 10k. “I hear Alex Claremont-Diaz is available,” she says, and while the idea is terribly appealing, he knows that it is incorrect.

“Alex is an incredible tennis player. If he wanted to pair up, I’d be open to that.”

It is not often Henry’s mouth gets him in trouble. Years of media training and growing up with a celebrity for a dad have left him very practiced in the subtle art of the spin.

Apparently the mere mention of Alex had all that leaving his head entirely.

lacrosse, my heart by indomitablelove. E, 10k. Logically, Henry should have known to expect this. He’s aware of how lacrosse works. Or, at least, he’s developed enough of an understanding of how lacrosse works through Alex. He’s seen photos of Alex in his lacrosse uniform before, and yet somehow that still doesn’t prepare him for the sight of seeing Alex actually playing lacrosse.

Alex returns to his high school to play a charity lacrosse match. Henry joins him and sees Alex play lacrosse for the first time.

You didn't tell me you play rugby by Moony_Reggie_stars_1003. E, 10k. Alex finds out that Henry plays rugby, and has some very specific feelings about it.

Tread Lightly by @smc-27. E, 11k. Alex notices this guy the moment he walks in. Which implies that he hasn’t noticed the guy before now, which isn’t true at all. He’s seen him around. He - like everyone else - has stared at the guy’s eyes and waist and thighs and fucking Disney prince swoopy hair.

Alex is really used to hitting on people and getting the outcome he wants.

Or: Lax bro Alex wants Henry

How to stay with you by lovergalore. E, 12k. Alex feels like he hasn’t slept in weeks, which is essentially ever since he got his new roommate, Henry. Alex doesn’t have anything against his roommate—or his sexual proclivities; obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it gets to a point where almost every other night Henry has a ‘friend’ over and Alex has to pull out his noise-canceling headphones to be able to endure another minute in their shared dorm.

CHECK(MATE) by ma_lark_ey. T, 14k. "It's such an unexpected pairing, a hockey player and a punk star. How'd you too meet?"

"Oh, well, it's really silly. It actually started when Alex's fans started..."

"I met Henry because my Tumblr followers started this elaborate hoax about us being best friends."

"And, let me guess, you ran with it?"

"Oh, June, you know I commit to a good bit."

Pumped by myheartalive. E, 22k. Recently moved to London, Alex meets Henry at a climbing wall, where accidental rudeness and misunderstandings keep them apart, until they don’t.

There's pining, there's climbing, there's stupid boys falling for each other, and smut towards the end.

Show Me What You’re Working With by @clottedcreamfudge. E, 23k. He doesn't want to think the words "monster cock" but frankly, it's too fucking late, because they're now living rent-free in his brain in twenty-foot high neon letters.

How does that even work? Do the women he sleeps with come out changed? Does he have the goddamn ER on alert every time he goes on a date?

Alex isn't into dick, except maybe he is, and maybe this one specifically. 

the winner takes it all by @dumbpeachjuice. E, 24k. In theory, this shouldn’t be a thing. Alex has spent his whole life around other cyclists, on the track and the road and off both, and he’s never had this sort of visceral reaction to any of them.

(Well. Kind of. Maybe he let his eyes linger on a teammate once or twice. But like—Alex is an athlete. He appreciates the human form.)

But the way the muscles in Henry Fox’s thighs stretch and ripple as he urges his bike up the mountain—

Yeah.

It’s a lot.

And if Alex weren’t so determined to steal that yellow jersey off his back he’d fall off his bike.

Made the Right Selection by clottedcreamfudge. E, 27k. "You don't take 'no' for an answer, do you?" Henry says curiously, and Alex cocks his head to the side; his hair falls into his eyes just a little but he doesn't bother to brush it aside. Henry's fingers itch to do it for him.

"I do when it's the actual answer," he says eventually, and Henry's face twists into a smile.

"Right," he says.

"Alex, come the fuck on," Nora calls over from where the squad has started to wander off into whatever day there is left. Henry suspects, looking at the sun, that there's rather a lot of it to go.

"See you later, H," Alex says with a grin, and then he's gone, leaving Henry with his helmet in his hand and his heart in his throat.

Alex is a cheerleader. That's the premise. 

catch my breath to breathe your name by goingmywaydoll. M, 29k. “So,” the person says without pause, “I heard you like soccer butts but not the people attached to them.”

Where Henry’s family owns a (fictional) football club and Alex is fresh from the States and the new star addition to the team and it's all entirely predictable.

Stupid Games, Stupid Prizes by JustAnotherWriter_93. E, 38k. The College AU where Alex is a football player, and Henry has had a secret crush on him for two years, attending every football game possible. Henry thinks that getting involved with Alex will be nothing but a disaster, Alex thinks that maybe he isn’t as straight as he thought, and they’re both a little bit right.

Faster, Higher, Stronger by everwitch. E, 64k. When Alex fails to qualify for the 2022 Winter Olympics, it’s all too easy to blame Henry Fox, the dual citizen who’d switched from Team GB to Team USA and snagged the last spot for men’s figure skating. After Alex is abruptly thrown back into the games, he forms an unexpectedly deep connection with Henry. But no athlete who aims for the top of the podium can afford any serious distractions. Will Alex be able to keep his flaring emotions in check and take home the Olympic gold medal he’s always aimed for?

Baseball Boyfriends series by bleedingballroomfloor. E, 121k. “It’s just — I’ve had such a hard time feeling like I really belonged. I think that’s what got me in the slump in the first place. But coming back here, seeing all the love I still got even though I’m not on the Rangers anymore… that really helped. And being on the Mets, being in New York — you helped with all of that. More than you’ll ever know.”

Or, Alex and Henry are dumb, horny disasters. With an added bonus of baseball.

A Sporting Chance series by clottedcreamfudge. E, 236k. "Marry Henry - destination wedding. Combine all of our names so paperwork is a fucking nightmare." Henry stares at him and Pez rolls the dice, and-

"Congratulations to Alex and Henry Claremont-Diaz-Fox-Mountchristen," he says with a bright grin, and Alex punches the air and makes a 'whooping' noise. "Your wedding is attended by the Beckhams, the President, and several key members of congress. Henry is very gentle on your wedding night." Henry is going to fucking kill Pez.

"Fucking sweet," Alex says, because Henry is apparently the only one here trying not to have a coronary about all of this.

It had just been a party game, except now Henry is in way over his head.

I only tag an author once per post, but I'm still figuring out firstprince author handles. If you see one I may not know or find a broken link, please give me a heads up!

Master List of RWRB FirstPrince Recs

Master List of Recommendations

[evstostuff]

Princess

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Pierre Gasly x Reader

Warning: 18+, language, unprotected sex, threesome, overstimulation, dominant Carlos and Pierre

Word count: 4,380….again got a little bit carried away

A/N: I am so sorry how long it has taken me to write this and then actually post it. NGL but this picture is my WEAKNESS. Like wtf how is it so hot or is it just me...

Thursday. Media day at the paddock. 

You were fully prepared for a hectic day. It was the penultimate race.

Anticipation filled the air, everyone excited for what the weekend had in-store. Something seemed different for you, a tension was slowly rising.

“Y/N the press conference starts soon, are we ready?”

Carlos stood in front of you. He was awfully close. More than colleagues close. You could smell the woody undertones of his aftershave.

Shamefully, you eyed the Spaniard. His stuble short, shaved maybe a day or two ago. It suited him far too well for your liking.

“A picture would last long princess” Carlos smirked, proud he had caught you checking him out.

You scoffed moving a few steps back. Carlos furrowed his eyebrows as you moved away, disappointed that he could no longer smell the sweet scent of you perfume or hear how shallow your breathing went whenever he was close to you.

The dynamic between you and Carlos was full of sexual tension but there was something more going on. Carlos always had this sparkle in his eyes when he looked at you. Both of you wanted to blur the lines between colleagues but neither wanted to suffer the consequences if it ended badly.

Carlos was more willing than you, always commenting about how beautiful you looked, inviting you on dates or to his hotel room and getting close to you whenever no one else was looking. The advances were hard to deny, you nearly caved multiple times throughout the season but a job needed to be done and you couldn’t let your attraction to Carlos ruin that and your future within Ferrari and motorsport. 

“I’m ready let’s go.” You sighed and scurried out of Carlos’ presence.

You and Carlos entered the press conference. The room was bustling with reporters and media staff for each driver. Carlos was due to be joined by Alex, Checo, Valterri and Pierre. 

Merging in with the growing group of team staff near the door, you waited for the rest of the drivers to arrive.

Being slightly out of the way you could watch everyone including Carlos. He was talking to Valterri, both of them quite focused on the topic they were discussing. Carlos looked good. Who were you kidding, the man looked fuckable. His dark blue jeans clung to his muscly legs and the Ferrari team top fell perfectly on his broad shoulders. You couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together to try and relieve some of the pressure you were feeling at your core because of him. 

You had been so concentrated on the Spanish man that you hadn’t noticed that Pierre had walked in and joined Carlos on the stage. His eyes locked on you remembering every little detail about your body from a year ago. He couldn’t deny the annoyance he felt when he noticed how concentrated you were on his opponent.

Pierre shuffled in his seat trying to get comfortable and hide the growing hard on he was experiencing from the flashbacks he was currently having.

Your eyes flickered over to Pierre. 

You couldn’t deny that Pierre was incredibly attractive. However, you had been there and done that. Very drunk and new to the paddock, it was inevitable that the growing flirtation between you and Pierre would bubble into a one night stand after Abu Dhabi. 

Carlos clocked on to how you were looking at Pierre. Your eyes were dark, full with something Carlos couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was how you looked at him mere minutes ago hoping not to be caught. It wasn’t jealousy that was creeping up on Carlos. He didn’t like how you and Pierre were looking at each other. You were Carlos’ to flirt with and tease, you were his and no one else’s. 

Pierre’s attention was drawn away from you as Carlos started up a conversation with him. You were watching the pair of them with lust filled eyes.

Both of them knew you were watching. Carlos not entirely happy that your attention was spilt between him and Pierre. On the other hand, Pierre was struggling to keep calm. Your eyes said it all, screamed how desperate you were to be properly fucked, to cum multiple times in several different ways. 

He couldn’t help the affect you were having on him.

You weren’t able to concentrate, both drivers consumed your mind. This was exactly why you couldn’t sleep with Carlos, you were unable to focus on the job. You were supposed to be making notes recording how Carlos answered, how the press reacted to his answers and how to get ahead of any issues but you were far too focused on how you were desperate to have Carlos and Pierre close to you. 

“So you and Y/N?” Carlos leant over and whispered to Pierre. 

The Frenchman chuckled “Why you jealous?”

Carlos scoffed taken back by the question. 

“She’s hot mate, you should really go there.” Pierre chuckled to himself as his mind replayed how good you felt wrapped around him. His eyes gave you a quick glance noticing how your eyes were wide at the pair interacting.

“Look at her, look at how she’s looking at us.” Pierre nodded his head in your direction. 

Carlos snapped his attention to you, taking all of you in. He couldn’t look for too long as the way your eyes were gazing at him went straight to his cock. Carlos shuffled in his seat, carefully pulling at his jeans to readjust them.

“You okay there Sainz?” Pierre looked down at Carlos’ crotch wiggling his eyebrows and smirking. 

That’s when it happened. You watched the Frenchman gently reach across to Carlos and tilt his chin up so they were now locked in eye contact. You thighs tightened together as your mouth fell open ever so slightly. 

“Look at her mate, she’s ours.” The Frenchman whispered to Carlos.

Carlos was taken back by Pierre’s action and then the words that followed. He was curious as to what was running through his mind. The thoughts going through Carlos’ mind weren’t at all helpful, you were distracting him from remaining professional. 

His eyes locked with yours, seeing the state of you, bottom lip now between your teeth. Carlos watched you with a smirk locked on his lips.

You had been caught red handed but you didn’t mind at all. Pierre and Carlos together was your new kryptonite and you didn’t know how you could avoid it at all. 

The press conference ended. You sighed to yourself as you watched Carlos walk up to you. Behind everyone else you both walked out back to the Ferrari garage. 

Much to your surprise Carlos’ hand found the small of your back, guiding you through the busy paddock. His touch was electric. It was as if his hands were all over your body.

Entering the Ferrari garage, both of you said your respected hellos to mechanics and engineers that you passed. You got to Carlos’ driver room with an empty corridor. You muttered a goodbye to Carlos.

“Where do you think you are going princess?” Carlos had grabbed your wrist and pulled you back into him. You were now pressed up against his body. His warmth radiating around you as he slivered his arm around your waist.

“I’ve got things to do Carlos.” You whispered not at all being confident in your answer.

“Oh princess, don’t you dare think you’ll get away with looking at me and Pierre the way you did during the conference.” Carlos’ words met your neck. 

His lips gently worked their way up the exposed skin, kissing and nipping at everything available to him. Your breathing was heavy as every movement of Carlos’ lips sent waves of pleasure through your body. 

“You’re mine after the race.” Carlos purred into your ear as he left one last kiss just below your ear and entered his driver room.

The rest of the weekend was a constant struggle trying to avoid Carlos and Pierre. Both drivers smirking at you whenever you walked by letting you know that they had something in store for you.

Carlos had done amazing throughout the weekend, securing P2 in the sprint and P3 in the race. Celebrations were definitely in order. Pierre on the other hand hadn’t had a brilliant weekend, P10 in the sprint and P14 in the race so commiserations were predicted.

The Ferrari team agreed to meet at one of the local clubs to celebrate Carlos’ brilliant weekend. 

Brazil was booming, the streets full of people dancing and singing making their way in and out of the clubs.

You worked your way through the moving bodies in the club, you eyes searching for familiar faces. Eventually you found a group of your co-workers sat at the bar. 

The faces in the crowds weren’t ones you recognised. Carlos was all you could look for. You wanted him to notice you. 

Tactically, the silk dress you had decided to wear matched the Ferrari red of the podium winning car Carlos had been driving so well. You had decided to push the boat out with your outfit compared to previous options you had worn. The silk dress clung in all the right places, with the neckline slightly lower than your usual so your boobs were framed brilliantly for anyone and everyone to admire. 

You were making small talk with a few of your colleagues at the bar, still scanning the many bodies to see if Carlos was anywhere. 

One of your colleagues scoffed on their drink, drawing your attention back to him. You noticed his eyes wide and the colour draining out of his face. Slowly turning round, you were met with Pierre shirt clad muscular chest. Your eyes racked up his body, taking in everything about him. 

Your eyes locked with the gold crucifix around his neck. Drunken confidence took over you as you twirled the cross over your fingers and gently tugged it forward, motioning for Pierre to come closer to you. Pierre’s hands grabbed your hips, pressing you against him.

“Be careful princess.” He chuckled.

“Or what Pierre?” You raised an eyebrow looking into the Frenchman’s hypnotic ocean eyes.

“I’ll fuck that attitude out of you in the toilets. Do not tempt me.” Pierre growled, his eyes locked on your lips.

His words sent shockwaves to your core. You could feel the excitement building within your thong. 

Pierre gentle brushed a strand of hair from your face. His eyes flickering between your eyes and lips. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” You held eye contact with the Frenchman, challenging him.

Pierre’s hand slivered round your neck giving it a small squeeze which earned him a smirk from yourself. 

“Princess, I am going to do a lot more to you than kiss you.” Pierre dragged his eyes down your body.

Your mind became crowed with all the possible things Pierre was going to do to you. Excitement was building within you but was being damped by the lingering thoughts of the Spanish driver. You still hadn’t seen him and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was with another girl.

“I’ll find us a taxi back to the hotel.” Pierre whispered in your ear, snapping you away from your thoughts. As he pulled away from you, he lightly left a kiss on your lips. 

You sighed, wanting more from the Frenchman to distract you from your thoughts of Carlos.

“Y/N.” 

A shiver ran down your spine. The familiar woody scent surrounded you. 

It was Carlos. 

You spun around to be greeted by a not so happy Carlos. His eyes were burning deep into your soul, he was angry.

“What did I say would happen after the race?” He grumbled.

“I think the exact words you used where ‘you’re mine after the race’” You gulped whilst looking up at the Spaniard. 

His hair was messy but in a styled way. You couldn’t help but think about pulling on the strands as he buried his head into your pussy.

“Oh Princess, did you think I wouldn’t follow through on what I said?” His fingers held your chin and pulled your lips just millimetres away from his.

You caved. Being that close to Carlos, you couldn’t help but crash your lips to his. 

The sweet taste of whatever alcohol he had been drinking transferred onto your lips. His tongue glided across your bottom lip asking for permission which you gladly granted. Carlos’ hands were on your hips, pulling you close to him, your bodies pressed against each other. Your fingers ran through Carlos’ hair tugging ever so slightly, earning a small moan from him. The pair of you were so wrapped up in each other, waiting to see who would end the kiss to catch a breathe.

“I think you guys need to get a room.” Pierre smirked at the pair of you. 

“I have a taxi waiting, if you’re both interested?”

Both of you looked at each other and then at the Frenchman. Carlos interlocked your hands together, gave you a wicked smile and guided you towards the door with Pierre.

The taxi ride back to the hotel was full of sexual tension, both drivers whispering the dirtiest of things in your ears making your thighs squeeze together in a tempt to release some of the pressure you were feeling at your core. 

Soon enough you were outside of the hotel. Butterflies flooded your stomach, nerves slowly taking over from the confidence you were feeling in the club. Carlos noticed the shift in your behaviour. 

His hand reached for yours.

“You know you don’t have to do any of this Princess.” He whispered in your ear as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand.

Princess. One simple word. One simple nickname. Your body reacted to the word, your core igniting.

“I want to do this.” You smirked, nudging Pierre to get out of the taxi.

Luckily, the Ferrari staff where all allocated rooms on the second floor of the hotel. You unlocked your room and let both of the drivers in. Your eyes followed both of their movements. Pierre chose the chair whilst Carlos picked the end of the bed.

“Come here Princess.” Pierre purred and patted his lap.

Bravery took over you. 

You moved to straddle Pierre, your lace clad core coming into contact with the bulge in his trousers. Both of you let out a shaky moan at the friction. You attached your lips to Pierre’s exposed neck, leave little red and purple marks along the skin. Pierre’s fingers dug into your hips and started to rock you back and forth. The friction was blissful, you laced your fingers in Pierre’s hair and moaned. 

Carlos watched both of you interact with each other. Hearing you moan went straight to his cock, causing a large tent to form within his jeans. His cock was rubbing against the zipper, begging for some attention.

“I think you need to show Carlos some attention Princess.” Pierre whispered in your ear nodding at the Spaniard noticing the growing bulge in his pants.

You slowly got off Pierre and walked over to Carlos, swaying your hips to taunt him. The movement earned you a sigh full of frustration. 

Carlos’ eye were dark with lust as you approached him. Your hands found his chest and pushed him back further up the bed. 

The Spaniard watched closely as your little hands fiddled with his jeans, trying to get them undone. He lifted his hips as you dragged them down his legs leaving him in his very tight black boxers. Your eyes locked with the bulge, drooling at thought of your mouth around his cock. 

Slowly, you ran your fingers up his thigh and ghosted them across his cloth covered cock. 

“Princess don’t tease me.” He growled.

You couldn’t help but smirk at Carlos. 

Carefully, you pressed small kisses on the outline of his cock. Another grumble left Carlos. Taking the hint, you took his cock out of his boxers and started moving your hand up and down his length. 

He wasn’t at all small. Carlos had the perfect mixture of length and girth. It made you drool. 

You couldn’t help yourself, it was like you went into autopilot. The tip of your tongue licked from the base to the tip. You swirled your tongue and removed the small drops of pre-cum off of the tip. Carlos’ hand instantly gathered your hair into a ponytail and pushed your head down encouraging you to take him in your mouth. You did as he wanted, hollowing your cheeks to take him all in. The room filled with moans and Spanish swear words as you bobbed your head up and down.

Pierre watched in awe. His cock now fully hard and desperate to be inside you. Jealous that Carlos was getting all the attention, Pierre approached the bed to join in. His hands caressed your silk covered ass. He pulled one hand away to then reconnect it, spanking you. The jolt from the contact caused you to take Carlos deeper within your mouth. 

“Fuck Princess.” Carlos moaned.

The Frenchman smirked. He lifted your dress up and bunched it around your hips. Pierre watched you clench your thighs together, noticing how desperate you were for some attention. Slowly, Pierre latched his finger around the black lace thong and pulled it down your legs. 

“Princess you’re so wet.” Pierre dragged his forefinger through your folds and gathered your wetness.

“Carlos look at this.” Pierre held his finger up displaying your juices running down it.

The Spaniard groaned and guided your head up and down his cock a bit faster.

Pierre pulled his concentration back to your wet pussy. His finger found your entrance and slowly entered you, earning him a small moan that vibrated through Carlos’ cock. 

He pumped his finger in and out a few times working you up to take another. A sharp gasp left you as Pierre entered another finger. He was moving fingers at an amazing pace, hitting every spot he needed to, leaving you moaning around Carlos. 

You could feel your legs shaking as the knot within your stomach grew tighter. Your climax was close.

Pierre brought his other hand round to your clit. He rubbed small circles on the bundle of nerves. The added pleasure sent you into a frenzy. 

Carlos could hear your moans change more towards screams of ecstasy. He pulled you off his cock, your mouth letting him go with a pop. 

“Look at me when you cum princess. Tell me how good it feels.” Carlos demanded.

You looked into the Spaniard’s lustful eyes. With one final curl of Pierre’s fingers you came undone.

A string of profanities fell from your lips as you moaned Pierre’s name whilst clenching around his fingers. You didn’t break eye contact with Carlos until Pierre had removed his fingers.

As you sat back, Pierre came round to face you and tapped the two fingers that had just been inside you on your bottom lip. You opened wide and sucked his fingers clean. Carlos’ eyes went wide and he gulped.

“Fuck I want to taste you Princess. Get on your back.” Carlos demanded.

You did what he said and watched him lower himself down to your core. His lips kissed gently down each thigh. 

Carlos wanted to make you beg, he wanted you to be a mess for him. You bucked your hips, hoping to get the message to Carlos.

“Use your words princess.” Carlos purred right in your pussy, his hot breath causing waves of pleasure to surge through you.

“Shit…Carlos please.” You whimpered.

That was enough for Carlos. His tongue darted out and circled your entrance. The contact sent shockwaves throughout your body. 

Your hand tugged at the strands of his hair trying to pull him even closer to your core.

His tongue found your clit, circling and playing with it. He was enjoying how you reacted to him far too much. 

Carlos wanted more of you but at that moment he wanted nothing more but for you to cum for him. 

Pierre sat at the side of you, cock in hand, slowly stroking it. You reached out to him, wanting to help him get himself off. 

Pleasure was shooting through your body as Carlos put his life into bringing you to your second orgasm whilst you lent Pierre a helping hand.

The all too familiar knot was threatening to break as Carlos devoured you. He moaned into your pussy as you bucked your hips into him. The vibrations tipped you over the edge. Carlos grabbed your legs holding them still as he continued to circle your clit as you screamed his name over and over again. 

You had no time to really adjust, Carlos had quickly removed his tongue from your core and replaced it with his cock. He pushed into you. 

Grabbing your legs he placed them on his shoulders as he fucked you relentlessly. 

The Spaniard’s cock was something sculpted by the gods. His cock reached places within you that you didn’t know existed.

“Fuck princess, you look unreal taking my cock like this.” Carlos’ gripped tightened round your thighs.

The mere thought of the purple fingerprints being left of your thigh caused you to moan. 

Carlos could feel you pulsing around his length as he proceeded to fuck you into oblivion. 

Your eyes were screwed shut as you moaned out Carlos’ name, along with profanities and encouragements for Carlos to fuck you like his life depended on it.

You still had your hand around Pierre’s cock, gently stroking it for you as he watched Carlos help you come undone again. 

Pierre could see how close you were.

“You can cum for us Princess.” Pierre cooed at you.

As Pierre granted you permission, Carlos’ hand snaked around your neck. He gave it a light squeeze.

Your eyes rolled back. The pleasure was too much, you were definitely over stimulated from the previous two orgasms. Your back arched off the bed as the knot untied. Pleasure washed over your body. Carlos’ name screamed for everyone to hear.

Carlos completely obsessed with the sight in front of him, lost all restraint and released his load inside of you. 

You eventually came back to earth as the Spaniard pulled out of you.

“My turn.” Pierre cheered.

In all honesty you didn’t know if you could handle a fourth orgasm. You legs slammed shut.

“Get on your knees princess.” Pierre demanded.

You looked at him with pleaded eyes.

“Do as you’re told princess.” Pierre growled. His hand around your neck forcing you to look at him.

Pierre being dominant, flipped a switch inside of you. 

You did as you were told. On all fours waiting for Pierre and looking at Carlos.

Pierre dragged his cock up and down your folds and then slammed into you. You couldn’t help but moan, your hand fisting at the bed sheets.

His cock stretched you out, the waves of pain changed to pleasure as the Frenchman continued to hit that special spot inside you.

Pierre was amazing in bed but there was something about Carlos that put him slightly in front.

With every slam of Pierre’s hip, you felt the knot building in your stomach. 

Pierre wrapped your hair round his hand and pulled you up against his chest. He continued to fuck you as he sucked at your exposed skin.

Carlos closed in on you, hands roaming up your sides. His hands reached your breasts. 

In one sudden movement, Carlos had ripped your dress open at the front and was pulling it off you.

You want to complain at the Spaniard, but before you got the chance to utter a word his lips were on yours.

The kiss was full of lust and passion. His handles fondling your breast, rubbing your nipples between his thumb and forefinger through the lace of your bra.

You were putty in the hands of Carlos and Pierre. The pleasure becoming unbearable, you were begging for your release to wash over you.

It was as if Carlos had read your mind. One of his hands left your breast and made its way down to your clit. 

The Spaniard rubbed circles on the button of nerves.

“Fuck Carlos.” You locked eyes with him.

“Cum.” Carlos whispered in your ear.

His encouragement pushed you over the edge. Pleasure coursed through your veins.

Pierre followed shortly, your name being moaned as he held your hips close to him.

You pulled away from Pierre and collapsed on the bed.

Both drivers got up from the bed. Pierre grabbing his clothes and putting them back on.

Carlos had disappeared. Eventually he came back with a damp wash cloth and his shirt.

He gently cleaned you up and put you in his shirt. After buttoning the last button he pressed a small kiss to your lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow on the jet Carlos. Y/N let me know if you ever want to do that again.” The Frenchman interrupted.

Pierre retreated back to his room. There was no way he could compete with Carlos. It was obvious that there was more than sexual chemistry between the pair of you.

Carlos had gathered his things and started to walk to the door.

“Keep the shirt Y/N. It looks better on you than it does me.” Carlos gave you a small smile.

“You can stay Carlos.” You whispered just loud enough that he could hear as you fiddled with the end of his shirt.

A shadow grew over you. Carlos stood in front of you. 

You looked up into his chocolate eyes, completely lost in them.

“I would like that.” Carlos smiled at you

You moved over in the bed and patted the empty space next to you.

The Spaniard got in and pulled you against his chest. His hand running through your hair.

“I don’t share princess, so I am never doing that again.” Carlos whispered.

You giggled.

“I don’t like sharing either.” Your lips gently kissed up Carlos’ chest.

“Fancy going solo this time?” You gave the driver a questioning look.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Carlos grinned pinning you underneath him and connecting your lips.

[orionsangel86]

Continuing my Broadchurch binge and laughing at how badly the writers straightbaited the audience in season 2.

Watching season 1 its easy to mock people for "shipping" Hardy and Miller since aside from the fact that David Tennant has phenomenal chemistry with practically all of his costars, there is nothing in the actual show to indicate a potential romance beyond them simply being a man and a woman who are professional partners.

Watching season 2 though and its like the writers found the season 1 shipping so funny they just decided to tease their audience even though Hardy and Miller very much still irritate the fuck out of each other.

There was an honest to god ONLY ONE BED fanfiction trope early in season 2.

They get accused of having an affair by the Defence team so are forced to consider the possibility.

They both have to handle each others messy love lives and how their ex spouses (Jo and Tess) have caused so much conflict.

They then also tease and hint to Alec having had an affair with Claire (played brilliantly by the actress who plays Gwen in Torchwood because this show is literally a whose who of Doctor Who alumni) which definitely moves into possible love triangle territory for a moment only to have that be a red herring.

I think the writers knew fully well how much the David Tennant fans would expect some sort of romantic love affair for their grumpy detective and so they purposely denied it at every turn.

Its like they were screaming at fans through the scripts that NO. THIS IS A USELESS PATHETIC DETECTIVE MAN. YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK HIM. NO ONE WANTS TO FUCK HIM!! WE WILL SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH BY FORCING ELLIE TO SLEEP NEXT TO HIM IN A CLASSIC ONLY ONE BED FANFICTION TROPE AND SHE STILL WONT WANT TO FUCK HIM. SEE!

Alas, they could not stop David Tennant fans from thirsting over their grumpy supposedly unfuckable but actually very fuckable detective. He is played by David Tennant after all and its physically impossible for David Tennant not to play a slut.

[hiyyihrts]

That Tik Tok you posted of that fan really has me annoyed. Like honestly it’s so hurtful and spiteful to put Colin and Luke in a box because he’s had his glow up and now he was attractive (that’s such a problematic concept) and so much hate for Nicola and Luke is rooted in fat phobia and it’s unhinged. Yes not every fandom of the couple is problematic but it seems to come from K & A fans. I sincerely hope that season 3 is hugely successful for Luke and Nicola, it was genuinely heartbreaking to hear L & N say they were scared to read comments because of the negativity.

I honestly don’t even want to call them a fan bc how are you going to look at one or the main characters and call them ugly and fat and then suddenly do a 180 and say you’re supporting them bc you think they’re fuckable now… shit had me so heated last night like I’m sorry you can’t fathom liking a character unless they appeal to your sexual desires and needs that sounds like a miserable existence.

I also dislike that so many people in this fandom seem to only like characters based on their sex appeal and not for their character personality or story- just whether they look hot during a sensual scene or not.. drives me insane.

And that’s not to say that you can’t like a character and ALSO think they’re hot in any capacity, but when you value them and only find worth in them/their story because of it, I find that very odd.

[cobalt-sugar-punch]

listen I understand that Joel Miller is straight. I know that. one full season of television is admittedly not as long as the game but I don't think the game could show me anything different. however.

but even like every single second he's on screen from prologue to closing scene he's way too stressed for me to even think about fucking. he's literally every time fighting for his life if not literally then metaphorically. He's learning how to love again. he's clinging to hope with his unfiled grimy fingernails. he slept in the same bed as Tess for God's sake for presumably years and he didn't even fuck her (obviously this is opinion but like I think that drunken spooning was as far as things ever went and that was rarely. they've both put up insane walls to survive and they respect each other enough not to push those walls. digression.) however.

i'd even bet he doesn't really understand how being trans works. I bet he'd say 'transgender woman' about a trans masc because he doesn't know if it's before or after that makes the label. I've known several very well intentioned people to say it like that. and there's not a prayer of him understanding non-binary genders or neopronouns without a gay person to explain.

however.

this entire rewatch has just been me Debby Ryan'ing at my television. I'm obsessed with him. the accent, dear lord. the facial hair the hands the biceps the denial of self the working class background and values the willingness to kill if pressed. the angst and the suffering. there's nothing hotter than a man going through trials and torment.

this is like some kind of reverse of a straight man's obsessive crush on a lesbian character. every particular tenet makes him less practically fuckable and yet my desire persists. the 35-year age gap, the genders I'm rocking with, the constant tribulation he endures, his overall cagey nature, the nature of his mission, the lack of condoms. any one of these would be enough to prevent and I think even in Jackson they wouldn't be eliminated.

nonetheless. the horny fixation continues.