#he sure is going through it
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vash-in-the-void · 1 year ago
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More of this wonderful fic by @madnessmadness
In reference to a specific scene in chapter 19 (click for better quality)
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“I come undone as I am properly cycled for the very first time.
It's like priming only it lasts, it's like the vanilla extract but softer, sustained. and it starts as an unfurling between my legs and hitches up my center through my guts into my chest. Like a can opener. Molten. Like microwaved butter poured into my abdominal cavity as my insides fall out my body, all the way out, wide wide wide an unwinding three fold, outward, down, an unnatural drawing out sensation.”
I took some artistic liberties with the whole scene - I got brain blasted by this image while reading and had to put it to screen
More close ups since idk how to export the image in high quality
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deadpoolsmom · 7 months ago
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as far as one piece antagonists go Crocodile truly gets absolutely scooby-doo’d at unmatched levels
He immediately falls for a phone scam and from basically little garden to rainbase he doesn’t even know the strawhats are alive (and clowning towards him at incredible speed). As soon as he does, they’re in his house tearing at his walls and bringing marines into his villain lair.
He uses a literal floor trap door over a gator pit to catch them, gets phone scammed again, full scooby-doo chase scenes after Chopper through the streets while still missing him, and suddenly his prisoners have escaped his impossible cage, and his giant bananagators are dead. and Nico Robin saw it all happen.
He then spends rest of the arc complaining about those meddling kids and their dog “strawhat pirates and their weird pet” and at no point does he even know how many strawhats there are.
Like yeah he keeps having plans on top of plans to stop everything Vivi can do but also she keeps coming up with a new thing to do (Tom and Jerry ass dynamic).
Part of it is that he’s underestimating them and keeps grandstanding villain monologuing but also teens keep killing hundreds of his grand line bounty hunters and he straight up does not know what is happening.
Cause he IS trying to kill them he’s sending top assassins after them and ripping out luffy’s organs, the whole time he’s yelling HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?? DIE. as whack-a-mole Luffy keeps inventing new ways to hit him.
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jjkyaoi · 8 months ago
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the headcanon of regulus just being able to cry on command is horrifying but also the funniest thing i’ve ever fucking heard. like i imagine regulus is hanging out with the marauders, post black brothers reconciliation, and him and sirius are bickering and sirius JOKINGLY goes “well it’s not MY fault it’s impossible for you to show any emotion” and regulus blinks. and then just fully starts sobbing.
and james and remus and peter are all like ?!?!?! what the FUCK . RIGHTFULLY SO. and james’ heart is hurting so bad because he’s never seen regulus cry before and he’s trying to comfort him and hold him and regulus, (who is gay and a little shit) is just letting himself be hugged and letting james pet his hair or whatever and remus is like. sirius what the fuck apologize to your brother??????? because sirius has been sitting there the entire time unmoving and he just raises his eyebrows, completely unimpressed and deadpan when he goes, “you guys do know he’s faking right”. and then when remus and james both are like HUH??? torn between bewildered and angry with this reaction, regulus just extracts himself from james, face completely neutral but with tears drying on his cheeks, no sign of the heaving, hyperventilating sobs he’d fallen into literally a second ago and says “i win”. it terrifies peter so bad that he can’t look him in the eyes for a week
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iced-coffee-jesus · 3 months ago
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Buck, sitting on Eddie's couch having a Realization™ in that finale:
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aroaceleovaldez · 1 year ago
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Nico referring to his mom as "Mama" implies he most likely at least used to refer to Hades as "Papa" and i 100% headcanon he still does but mostly in the manner of him having the entire Underworld wrapped around his finger for being the baby of the family
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#headcanon#my art#nico flexing youngest child privilages by pulling out the most pitiful expression he can manage#anyways i find it fun to explore character word choices#cause yknow no two characters are going to select their words the same way#or even necessarily think about it to the same degree#i like to think Nico thinks about his word choice a lot#so of course every time he uses ''papa'' he fully knows he's pulling the Baby Of The Family card#Hades definitely knows this too but falls for it every time anyways#cause Nico hasnt called him ''papa'' regularly since getting his memory wiped - just detached ''father'' or at best ''dad''#so it just reminds Hades of How Much He Just Wants His Children To Be Happy Like The Old Days#and how much poor Nico has been through and he's just the baby of the family and-#cue Nico smugly staring at the camera cause he knows how much power he holds#also i say Nico is Hades' only son cause mythologically even when Zagreus *is* Hades' son (rarely) he's. dead.#a major part of Zagreus' mythology is that he died#and im p sure every other deity said to be Hades' children are all goddesses and also are like 50% of the time not his#theres also only like 3 of them. and as far as we know in riordanverse canon one of them is implied to not be his daughter#so Nico is Hades' only son and also youngest in the family (cause Hazel is older by a month chronologically or 1 year biologically)#(and everybody else is a deity if children of hades at all)
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lena-thinks-too-much · 3 months ago
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It is so, so important to me that people understand that Tim didn't figure out the bats because Dick was a "Show off". Like yes, Dick Grayson is the most flamboyant, dramatic ass man you will ever meet.
But the quadruple somersault? There's no way that was because dick was just showing off. Because you're telling me Bruce Wayne, who's so committed to hiding his identity that he literally acts like a completely different person out of the mask in public just to ward suspicion, would miss the fact that Robin regularly uses the flying Grayson's trademark move? There's literally no way.
In the comics we see Tim explain his deductive process to Dick and Alfred and they're both surprised impressed whatever. We don't see him explain it to Bruce. I think Bruce would be surprised and shocked that a 9 year old was able to put the pieces together but I don't think he'd be surprised that the quadruple somersault gave it away.
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So if Bruce was possibly aware of such an obvious give away, why let it continue?
I'll tell you why.
It really comes down to the physics
So Dick was 9 when he started out right? That means the most he'd have likely weighed was 43kgs or roughly 95lbs in freedom units.
But Dick and both of his parents are gymnasts who tend to be smaller. So he was likely less than that.
In physics, rotating objects build up angular momentum (this is how bikes stay up right for example). The more rotation, the more momentum. And objects with less mass build up that momentum much faster than those that are heavier.
Robin constantly has to fight people who are nearly 3 times his size. I teach 8 year olds, they're tiny. A quadruple somersault for a small boy that weighs less than a hundred pounds is a brutal weapon. Especially if you add in the acceleration from gravity as he drops in from above.
And I can guarantee you this logic tracks because Dick literally utilizes this idea, without the somersault, in the 2009 teen titans cartoon.
Yeah, that's right. We're talking about the infamous knee drop.
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Like it is borderline savage. Add in a quadruple somersault and the resulting force is nearly fatal. It's likely the main reason Batman would ever allow him to do it with the cape on.
Also, Dick landing feet first on the penguin in the first image probably gave the guy severe back issues
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vivitalks · 2 days ago
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nothing hits like that first ally beardsley season finale nat 20. that prompocalypse moment. way before anyone knew about ally's dice magic, just a casual "can i roll for a nat 20 and then be alive" and of course brennan says sure because what are the odds of that happening, and the look on everyone's face, the look on brennan's face, when they actually get the nat 20..........like every beardsley finale nat 20 rules but truly nothing will ever come close to the high of that very first one
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kizzer55555 · 10 months ago
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DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game
Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter. 
Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.
The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge. 
And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).
And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game. 
Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.
(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).
After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely). 
Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.
#DPxDC#Kizzer55555 ideas#Danny makes a card game to save the world.#Technically he worded the ritual so that they had to ‘beat’ him as those are the most powerful barriers and most reliable.#keys can just get lost or stolen (like the one to Pariah’s Coffin)#A riddle would be useless once someone figured out the answer. Like how no one takes the sphynx seriously anymore.#(Sorry Tuck. But it’s true).#And there is NO WAY Danny is just leaving a hole open for anyone to pass through. No thank you!#So…beating him. But it’s not like Danny wanted to fight so…he edited the ritual a TINY bit. Card games are good. Much less painful too.#Danny Tucker and Sam made the most complicated card game they could imagine.#It’s based on their strategies for fighting ghosts. Capturing them in thermoses. And MUCH based on a on field battle strategy.#It often requires spontaneous thinking on the spot. So Danny? In his ELEMNT. It doubles as practice for his actual ghost battles too.#They had SO much fun making this.#Sam added an entire series of plant cards that act as traps and healing ointments and duds that just take up the field.#Tucker added legitimate hyroglyphics combined with Latin as well as English and ghost speak.#Yes. You actually have to speak that language to play. With proper pronunciation. (Amity Parker’s think the three are talking gibberish.)#I headcanon Sam and Tucker are fluent in Ghost.#Constantine WILL figure this game out SO HELP HIM!#Some of the cards also have combinations related to constellations either in name or placement on the board.#By the way the board is based on a Hexagonal summoning circle with Rhunes along the edges#And the placement of the cards on the board and on what rhune MATTERS.#Also the cards move disintegrate and have certain abilities. Think of Harry Potter Wizard Chess.#But they are normal when Danny plays at school. This is just for ✨effect✨ Against invaders.#Danny faces multiple opponents. He also halts alien invasions.#While Danny COULD stop crime on earth he’s not sure how to fight a normal human and hold back so he sticks to ghosts.#The Justice league are going crazy trying to figure out who this entity is and after deep research are convinced this is some sort of#Ancient being who has protected earth for millenia. They have paintings on ruins and everything.#Danny is not aware they think this.#Raven starts praying to Danny as if he is a god and wrangles the other Teen Titans into doing so as well. Danny is still unaware of this.#Danny is not a King or an ancient. Just a very VERY strong ghost.
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bittasol · 2 months ago
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smile, iruma! | hey ive been here before
#iruma suzuki#clara valac#azz alice asmodeus#love trio#m!ik#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#irumas expression in the first one went through lotsa phases#lotsa extreme frusterated and sickly faces#which felt a little ooc to me cuz irumas someone who smiles in the face of despair#but also we’ve seen iruma at his most frusterated and fed up in reaction to his parents#(at least until kalegos brother told him he was disgusting which btw we should jump him for that)#(and SORTA when gyari calls him ugly but that was less serious lol)#anyway i decided to try going for a very tired forced smile for this#abuse mention#<just in case#to me this is irumas parents presenting iruma to a camera for a family portrait so they can show off their darling little boy to friends#meanwhile darling little boy has been eating trash behind the mall they found him at#so hes tired and hungry cuz the last time he saw em was two months ago otherwise he would have faked it a little better#i think in this moment hes frustrated and a little disgusted by them#enough to almost deny the treats they dangle over him#but rule one (1) is iruma suzuki that cannot say no#im not sure i conveyed the little micro expression kinda frusteration that i wanted to but its close nough#style change for love trio suddenly iruma has lips my bad LOL#suits the theme tho! i think irumas genre; art style; life changes when he met those two#clarazz would hate being compared to irumas dusty ass parents in any way even as foils sorry to them for this post actually 😭#ANYWAY…#did u know love trio have the same smile?#fanart#my art
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wishfulsketching · 7 months ago
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More
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your-local-narc · 3 months ago
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Did someone say teenage mutant ninja turtles
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stars-obsession-pit · 4 months ago
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Aftermath.
It was an unfortunate truth of reality that heroes were oftentimes a reactive force. They could only respond to what they knew about.
So whenever the heroes uncovered an illegal lab, it typically had a history. Experiments that had been performed there already. Horrors no one in their right mind would want to bear witness to.
But someone had to go through all those records left behind. To risk the worst of humanity’s crimes in search of any potential clues. Often, they found little that was useful. Maybe some closure for the families of the missing, at most. But sometimes, sometimes they did find things. Their work could save lives.
That didn’t change the fact that few in their departments lasted long, and even fewer could ever sleep soundly.
The man took a deep breath and attempted to steel himself. He knew it wouldn’t help.
He clicked on the file anyway.
GIW Research Logs, Project HLFA, subject DP-01, Experiment #0001.
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bunnieswithknives · 5 months ago
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Dev this is serious stop beatboxing.
#fop nature au#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#dev dimmadome#fop dev#dale dimmadome#emetophobia#art#digital art#fanart#comic#Sorry for taking so long on this I was procrastinating bcs its just kinda a context page that needs to exist for other stuff to happen#I love it when they interact like disgruntled roommates#like on one had he SHOT HIM on the other hand whats Dev supposed to do? Go no contact?? Hes ten#This takes place like 2 days after the deer attack#Dale got whisked away to fairy world to get speed healed and had his memory wiped of the whole thing#Devs relationship with his dad is so messy cause like yes his dad hurt him but also thats his dad and he loves him.#even if his dad doesnt love him back#He wants to Want To Hurt his dad. thats the right way to feel about after what he did. and he does feel that way sometimes.#but on some level its was kind of a relief to hear that he couldnt wish harm on people#because even if he could he isnt sure he could go through with it#and there would be nothing worse than having the power to do something and yet. not#sorry if that sounds insane#complicated relationships with your abuser my beloved#also just the quiet acceptance Dev has for (what he thinks is) Peri straight up lying to his face#Dev likes Peri a lot but he is also deeply aware that Peri hides a lot of things from him#I think he appreciates that Peri tries to shield his feelings. His dad doesnt do that#ofc Peri isnt actually lying here I just think the layers of such a small interaction are hilarious
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egophiliac · 2 months ago
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I have never been more concerned for a JP update from your art than I am seeing a Cheka knowing the context of Leona’s dream.
My bois ok right?????? My sweet nephews ok right??????
well
uhhhh
I'm sure the real one is fine :)
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 11 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 11 spoilers#unfortunately leona's ultimate happy dream did involve his entire family dying tragically. them's the breaks.#(for the record he is a little messed up about this) (he is a little messed up about a lot of stuff)#the context of cheka is that they were going to try to shock leona awake by having him show up#however while styx could provide them with a 3d model based on a bodyscan (which they had for...reasons??) they had no data on his behavior#so he was basically just a little frozen mannequin#(the sprite was not t-posing but in my heart this was happening)#ruggie could kind of pilot him with his magic but it only lasts for a few seconds so he had to keep recasting it with noticeable choppiness#so while we don't get the entire effect due to the limitations of the format#this means that leona was in the middle of let-them-eat-cake'ing a revolution when suddenly#his late nephew bursts jerkily in through the door yelling OJITAN I'M ALIVE AND MY VOICE CHANGED OFFSCREEN#honestly they spent more time thinking of how to explain ruggie's terrible impression of cheka than anything else#how could leona have seen through this brilliant plan so quickly 🤔#man i really did love his horrible dream though#i like him as a character but i wasn't expecting his dream to be the one that got to me like that#love how all the savana dreams were like#jack: what if leona was really cool and my friend :)#ruggie: what if my dad came back and leona created a socialist utopia for me :)#leona: what if i finally got the chance to prove myself except i screwed everything up and everyone hated me and my family was dead#his conversation with kifaji at the end 😭#kifaji in his dream in GENERAL acting as a counterpoint to his phantom like. like!!!! (waves hands)#i just. these guys.#me 4+ years ago: this game looks so dumb i gotta try it. surely i won't become emotionally overinvested in any of this.
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secriden · 2 months ago
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This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.
It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:
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At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:
Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.
In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:
Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?
Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.
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I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:
Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.
Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.
Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.
And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.
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Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.
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Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.
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I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.
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I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.
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And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.
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Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.
It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.
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So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.
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He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.
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And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).
So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.
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What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.
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Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.
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When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:
Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.
This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.
I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.
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But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.
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And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.
Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.
Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.
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And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.
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itsybitsybatsyspider · 5 months ago
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Despite everything... is it still you?
(more Dark Matter art for y'all. This fic is once again living in my brain rent free. @mysterycyclone)
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