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ourloveisforthelovely · 2 years ago

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Black Heart Part 11

Regulus Black AU

Request: Will you write a Regulus x Reader fic where Regulus is older than the reader? She comes to help the Order and Regulus falls in love with her. The relationship isn’t easy because of the war and Regulus’ denial that he would be a good boyfriend.

Summary: Admitting that he was in love had never been something that Regulus wanted to do. Now that you were in his life, Regulus didn’t know how to react. Should he love you or push you away just like he had everyone else?

Rating: M

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Link to Part 10

_____

The moment Regulus stepped into the room with Ellie, your eyes fluttered open. Regulus had never been happier to see you looking at him. After watching you be taken away from him so fast with little preparation…Regulus was ready to come apart. All of the books that he had read never prepared him for THAT.

Sirius gave you a small nod before moving to sit down in a chair near the window. He wasn’t about to ruin this moment for his little brother. Witnessing it, was more than enough for Sirius.

You smiled seeing Regulus and the small bundle in his arms. Regulus held the baby like the most treasured jewel in the world. All of your hidden worries about Regulus somehow being like his father vanished.

Regulus looked ready to kill whoever may lay a hand on the baby in his arms.

“Are you okay?”

You asked softly. Regulus blinked a few times before quickly coming to join you. He gently placed the baby in your arms before returning to his confused state.

“You just had twins and you’re asking me if I am alright?”

You nodded as you looked down at your baby. Everything about Ellie was perfect.

“Yes, I am. Again, are you alright?”

You asked before stroking a finger over Ellie’s cheek to her little nose. She opened one little eye and looked at you before yawning and snuggling against your chest.

Regulus was sitting in silence for a moment. He was partially taking in your concern about him and partially loving watching you hold his baby. Regulus wanted to sit and just watch you for as long as he could.

How did his father not enjoy this?

It was the only thought that Regulus could make. He would never understand how Orion wasn’t with Walburga when he and Sirius were born. How could he not look at his children and feel some form of paternal love? Regulus couldn't even think about Ellie or Emmy growing up the way that he did. There would be no way that he would let that happen! Emmy and Ellie would always know that they were loved and wanted.

The same question could be said for Walburga too. How could she not care more about her children? The best Regulus could come up with was that he would never understand them or their thinking.

“Reggie?”

Your soft voice pulled Regulus from his thoughts. He leaned forward taking your free hand in his.

“I’m fine now. You scared me nearly to death. How are you feeling?”

You squeezed his hand as Regulus moved to sit closer to you on the bed.

“I’m feeling much better now. She’s perfect, you know.”

You said turning your attention back to Ellie. The baby had opened her tiny eyes and you were delighted to see that they were the same shade as her father’s.

“Of course, she’s perfect.”

Regulus replied before letting his mind go back to Emmy. He automatically frowned as the panic began to surge back. Remembering that his other daughter wasn’t 100% was now Regulus’ thing to fixate on. What if she wasn’t okay? What if she was born too early and something happened?

I can’t think like that.

Regulus muttered quietly to himself before taking a breath.

“Did the doctor talk to you about Emmy?”

You nodded, automatically picking up on your lover’s worry.

“She will be fine, Regulus. This is normal with twins…”

“Yeah, but those twins aren’t our twins.”

Regulus interrupted. You again squeezed his hand, hoping to calm his raging anxiety.

“Yes, the statistics aren’t our twins but I can assure you that our Emmy will be fine. I have taken care of many sets of twins. The healers are going to have her working just fine. There are some potions and spells that they are doing.”

“See Reg, I told you that everything would be okay.”

Sirius commented. Regulus only nodded as a healer came in. You were instantly relieved to see that she was holding what had to be Emmy in her arms.

And not a moment too soon…

You thought with a pleased smile. Of course, you were worried about Emmy but you knew medically that everything would be okay. Regulus didn’t have that knowledge. He only had what information that you gave him. Squeezing Regulus’ hand, you motioned to the doorway. Regulus immediately stood up to take Emmy from the healer. Coming back to join you, the both of you sighed in relief to see that Emmy was just as perfect as her sister.

Sirius had gotten up from his place and came over to join the two of you. He smiled looking at the baby in Regulus’ arms and the baby in your arms.

“Yep, they are identical. I think the both of you literally hit copy and paste.”

(2 weeks later)

Sirius stood outside Grimmauld Place with a frown on his face. Glancing over his shoulder, he made sure that he wasn’t being followed. Sirius had been taking a lot of extra care when he came for a visit now. Call it nervous jitters or whatever you like but Sirius was worried about some death eater following him to where his nieces slept. As far as Sirius was concerned, he was ready to take out any fucktard that looked in Ellie or Emmy’s direction.

That is partially why I am here.

Sirius thought. He was there with news that Regulus may or may not like. Only time would tell on that one.

Regulus opening the door pulled Sirius from his thoughts. He automatically smirked at his younger brother’s rather disheveled appearance. Regulus was normally always put together and tidy. Today, he looked exhausted with his shirt sleeve rolled up and nearly untucked.

“You look…well.”

Sirius commented as he stepped in. Regulus gave Sirius a glare as he shut the door.

“I look like stomped over crap.”

Sirius grinned as he looked around the neatly maintained house. He was thankful that you had brought some life into the place. It didn’t necessarily look like a haunted house anymore.

“Did the little angels keep you awake?”

Regulus yawned before nodding.

“They have been up since four. I swear for them being identical they do nothing identically. When one is asleep the other is awake. When one’s hungry the other needs a change. I’m exhausted.”

Sirius laughed to himself as he went over to where the twins lay.

“Awe, I think Daddy will be just fine. Daddy just needs to get over himself don’t he?”

Sirius commented in a high-pitched voice. Ellie gave him a little frown while Emmy just blinked.

“Daddy is going to kick you.”

Regulus grumbled. Sirius again chuckled.

“That one is always scowling at me. Which one is that?”

“Ellie.”

Regulus commented before motioning to the little blanket the baby was wrapped in.

“If you could read then you would notice that the blanket says their names on them. Molly dropped them off.”

Sirius frowned before looking down at the blankets closely. Sure enough, both blankets had each baby’s name neatly embroidered on them.

“Well, would you look at that? Apparently, Uncle Sirius is a big dummy. I have come to the conclusion that Ellie is your mini. She scowls at me just like you do. Emmy is Y/n’s mini. She’s just peaceful and calm.”

Regulus moved to sit down.

“Yeah, she’s calm alright. Just wait until it's 2 am and she has a loaded diaper.”

Sirius winced.

“Ew, not my thing. You, on the other hand, look like you were born to change dirty diapers.”

A small smile formed on Regulus’ face.

“I suppose so. I’m almost positive that Kreacher is now in hiding. He heard the two of them screaming at the same time and ran for it. I haven’t seen him in days.”

“He may have died.”

Sirius interrupted. Regulus gave him a displeased look.

“Mate, don’t.”

Sirius held a hand up ready to defend his thinking.

“Reg, he’s like a million years old. He was old when we were kids.”

Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Don’t let Y/n hear you say that. You know that she adores Kreacher besides…she’s a little sensitive right now. She’s bursting into tears at the smallest thing…thankfully Tonks and Andromeda showed up like god damned fairy godmothers to help out. They’re in the kitchen having tea. Anyway, what are you up to today? It's early for you to make an appearance.”

Sirius’ smile fell as he, once again, looked over his shoulder.

“I have something for you. I was going to take care of it myself but I figured that you would want to join in. I didn’t want you getting jealous because…”

“What is it, Sirius? I am going on three hours of sleep and don’t want to play charades.”

Regulus interjected. There were just times, like today, when Sirius could be exhausting.

“First, off interrupting is rude. Second, I have Pettigrew tied to a chair in my flat. I wanted to see if you wanted to get a few hits in before I finished him off.”

Regulus nearly broke the chair that he was sitting in to get up. Had he heard Sirius correctly? Did he really say that he had the one man that Regulus wanted to choke? He was almost 99% positive that he had heard his older brother correctly.

“How did you get him?”

Regulus questioned as he moved to make sure that you were still eagerly talking to Tonks and Andromeda. When he was sure that you hadn’t heard anything, Regulus turned back to Sirius.

“It's fine, she’s busy.”

Regulus replied, giving the go-ahead for Sirius to speak.

“I ran into him in a dark ally way. He tried to run, I hit him over the head. As much as I wanted to finish him off for James and Lily… I knew that you would want to get a hit in for how he threatened Y/n and the twins.”

Regulus immediately looked furious. His attention went to the twins who were now cuddled together sleeping. Sirius was right. Regulus did want to kill Peter. He wanted to make sure the other man downright suffered!

Regulus focused his attention back on Sirius. He wondered just how dirty Sirius wanted to get his hands. Regulus knew that Sirius was definitely capable of killing Peter himself. There was no questioning that but the question was, would he?

“I nearly killed him last night but I thought that was too good for him. The worm doesn’t deserve an easy way out.”

Sirius replied, feeling the rage over losing James and Lily return. Peter’s deception and betrayal were still “a cut” that never healed itself. Sirius did well at hiding his true feelings most days but when Peter came back to endanger Regulus’ family’s lives…everything was torn right back open again.

“Did you leave him alone?”

Regulus questioned. Sirius shook his head.

“Remus is with him now. He wanted to get a few punches in too.”

Regulus had already pulled his coat on. He was going to do more than punch Peter. Regulus was going to make damn sure that Peter regretted ever mentioning a word about any member of the Black family.

“I’ll be doing more than that. Excuse me for a moment.”

Regulus turned and went into the kitchen where you sat with Tonks and Andromeda. He felt guilty leaving you immediately even if it was only for a few hours. Regulus knew that you were as exhausted as he was. He justified it, however, by telling himself that he was getting rid of the waste of space…a cowardly, useless waste of space that no longer deserved to breathe.

“Love, can I talk to you for a moment?”

You immediately got up and followed Regulus into the study. Something on Regulus’ face made you nervous.

“Is something wrong?”

You asked. Regulus shook his head, trying with everything he had to appear normal.

“Love, I’m going out with Sirius for a bit. He needs my help with something.”

You raised an eyebrow before glancing to where Sirius stood. Even his expression seemed “off”

“What does he need help with? Both of you seem off. Regulus, what are you doing?”

Regulus took a breath before moving forward to pull you into a kiss. His hand didn’t leave the side of your face.

“I can’t tell you right now. I need you to trust me and know what I am going to do is for the best. It's for the best of all of us. Can you do that?”

Regulus was relieved when you reluctantly nodded. He knew that he would have to tell you the truth soon enough. Until Peter was dead, however, he wanted you to stay in the dark. There was safety in the dark, especially now.

“Just be safe and come home to me. The girls and I need you.”

You said, hoping that Regulus wouldn’t be doing anything too dangerous. The main thing that you wanted to do was plant the seed that not only did the twins need Regulus but you needed him too.

Regulus kissed you again softly.

“I promise, I will be just fine. The three of you are my everything. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Regulus kissed you one final time before following Sirius out the door….

_____

@amelie-black @justfinishthis @jessyballet @knreidy1 @criminalyetminimal @jsjcue @livshifts @ell0ra-br3kk3r @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @golddustwomann @siriuslyceleste @bxcndd @stelleduarte @millies0bsimp @coffeeaddictednymph @readtomeregulus @rogue-nyx88 @i-love-scott-mccall @f4iryluvy @s-we-e-t-t-ea @buttercup-beeee @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @panpride @saramaple @missgorldafirst @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @mentally-unstable-hoe @quinis @yousmellllikecaca @haroldpotterson @goldensunshineshit @aurorasnape12 @ad-astra-again @padf00ts-l0ver @rubyroscoe1 @lucasfilms77 @spideyxalmighty @dumybitch @ravenhood2792 @marichromatic @play-morezeppelin @lostarc24 @un-lovesherself @melaninnbarbie @valvlry @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @moldy-old-boot @hankypranky @summer-novak @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @knight-of-gleefulness @untoldshortsofthefandoms @deanwherescas @shitfaceddaniel-blog @sprnaturallover @wontlookaway @li0nh34rt @tas898 @mycuddlycorner

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leogichidaa · 1 year ago

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Tbh I always headcanoned that Regulus was seen as the “thinner, less handsome” version of Sirius was because of both actual health issues and a more reserved/inward personality. I guess in my head I always saw that he had some health issues as a kid, but they would have been things that were fixed with time. And that Walburga didn’t understand that just because Sirius was an energetic prodigy in every sense of the word, doesn’t mean that his brother would be the same, and that’s ok!

Ergo, if Reg survived and was able to grow on his own terms and get healthier, more filled out, AND relaxed a bit while reforming his moral compass, the only difference physically between him and Sirius would be that he has a slimmer build and is a little shorter. Other than that the resemblance would be uncanny, he’d look like a reserved Sirius ( instead of idk reserved and dour 🧐)

Tbh I always saw a fully grown Regulus as tall as an average tall guy (like 6 feet even). Sirius just sets unrealistic expectations by existing 😂.

Oh geez, sorry it's taken almost a month to respond to this 😖 I must have missed it when I was going through my notifications after getting out of the hospital and I just saw it.

I like the hc of Regulus having health issues as a kid. I think sickly Victorian-esque child suits him. Making him a second-born child prone to illness also happens to slot him very nicely into Adlerian psychoanalytic theory (Alfred Adler, known among other things for his creation of the "inferiority complex" concept and theories about the impact of birth order on one's personality, was himself was a sickly child and a second born son who was intensely jealous of his older brother) and there's little I love more than psychoanalyzing my beloved fictional characters to death.

I can definitely see Walburga not understanding Regulus' temperament at all. She seems to have been quite an energetic woman and, as you said, Sirius set the bar and he set it abnormally high. This is why I am partial to the idea that Orion is more mild-mannered (by no means actually mild, but comparatively) and that there's some sort of kinship between Regulus and his father, neither of whom enjoy the loud, dramatic displays that Sirius and Walburga seem to relish in.

Ok so, based on your theory about Regulus surviving, I am imagining an AU where Regulus survives and fucks off somewhere lovely and warm and spends a decade and change relaxing and enjoying his new life away from any familial responsibilities or reminders of his past. He grows into a healthy adult, and is mildly dismayed that he is the spitting image of his brother. One day in the middle of the summer, he starts getting funny looks from people and has to evade the muggle police a handful of times because his face is plastered all over the news as a wanted criminal. Of course it's not his face, it's Sirius', but they look similar enough that it forces him to go even further into hiding.

Adult Regulus can be tall, he can be 6' if he likes, as long as his growth spurt is a year or two delayed, not until late adolescence. I'm partial to him being average/slightly below average height as a child/early adolescent.

I suppose, canonically, that would mean that he'd finally grow to his full height only to die shortly after. Live fast, die young, leave a tall corpse or something.

#ask #freezedive #regulus black #sirius black #house of black

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neaverse · 2 years ago

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hi hi!! i am curious about the art class fic and the regulus birthday fic if you wanna talk about either or both of those!

Omg hi, thank you!! I'll gladly talk about both of them because they're so ridiculous and I love them😭

The Art class fic is such a silly fic that I came up with one night and I truly want to finish it. It's partially a texting fic— well, there's a lot of texting but it's also just a regular fic set in a modern, muggle world.

Basically, James spontaneously decides to sign up for an art class after seeing an ad online. James is not an artistic person at all, but it looked fun, so why not? He doesn't expect much, but he certainly doesn't expect to see Sirius’ little brother sat behind a desk as soon as he walks through the door.

Here's an excerpt:

James thinks, bitterly, as he comes to a harsh stop in the doorway to the classroom, that the universe is out to get him. There is no bloody way that this is happening. No, Regulus Black is not taking the same art class as him. He is just not.

Regulus is supposed to be in France, drinking and shopping and partying his way across the country with Barty and Evan, if his Instagram stories and posts are anything to go by, that is. So, imagine James’ surprise when his best friend's little brother— whom he hasn’t seen in three years— is not only back in England, but taking the same art class as James. At the same time as him. In the same building.

James contemplates the idea of running out of the building and not showing up to a single class because of this. Regulus has yet to notice him, sitting in the back with his headphones on and eyes plastered on his phone screen. He thinks that his chances of making a quiet exit without ever letting Regulus know that he was there are quite good.

Aaaand another one:

James: DONT YOU DARE LILY

James: I TOLD YOU THIS IN SECRET

Sirius: You told her but not me???

Sirius: What kind of best friend are you??

Lils: The kind that wants to fuck your brother

Sirius: WHAT

Mary: OH MY GOD

Marls: NO YOU DIDNT JAMES

Marls: DID YOU FUCK HIS BROTHER???

James: NO I SWEAR I DIDNT

Remus: Prongs…

James: Yes…?

Remus: little advice. don’t come over tonight

Remus: actually, you should probably start running

Remus: if you want to live

James: Sirius?

Sirius: Best listen to Moony.

James: It was good knowing you all!!

James: And thank you Lils. I hate you

Lils: Hate you too<3

Marls: this is like watching a movie. Where’s the popcorn?

Pete: 🍿🍿🍿

The Regulus birthday fic was actually written on my own birthday. I was having a hard time and thought I would project all of my feelings towards turning older —and my birthday in general— onto Regulus, and this fic was born. It's a muggle au and it basically follows Regulus during his birthday (no shit) and how he tries to avoid having to celebrate it. He pretends he doesn't care, that it's just another day, but deep down he wishes someone (his brother) would care enough to message him. So, in good old Regulus fashion, he shuts everyone out and ends up having a depressive ass birthday. Yay!

Here's an excerpt:

A perfect birthday, in Regulus' mind, is to pretend that it's just another day. No, nothing special about this date, just another boring, tiresome day of the week.

The problem, however, is his friends. They love birthdays. And despite knowing Regulus' hatred towards his own, they always plan something.

So, naturally, he has turned off his phone, locked the door to his flat and drawn the curtains shut, because it won't happen this year. He refuses to have them barging in with cake and wide grins on their faces. He refuses to watch Barty and Evan humiliate the fuck out of him as they start singing happy birthday out of tune in a packed restaurant. He refuses to have Pandora look at him with sympathy when he inevitably picks up his phone, waiting for a message from his brother that will never come. He refuses to have Dorcas beg him to go out for the night and get shitfaced drunk.

He also doesn't want to deal with his parents today, but there's so much to unpack about all of that so let's just… Not.

He's twenty as of today. Well, he's been twenty for eleven hours already. It doesn't feel real, very… anticlimactic, to say the least. It should be a milestone, but Regulus is all alone in his dark flat.

#wip game #future fic #jegulus #regulus black #james potter #marauders

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mjs-oc-corner · 1 year ago

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fbawtft character sheet (fankid — erbigail)

3/??

again, a huge thank you to @endlessly-cursed for all the help in developing this lovely lady!💜

Name: Christabel Augusta di Napoli

Nicknames: Chrissy, Belle

Birthdate: July 12th, 1911

Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Blood Status: Half-Blood

MBTI Type: ISFJ — The Defender

Nationality: British with Italian ancestry

Physical Appearance

Hair: dark brown, wavy

Eyes: chocolate brown

Height: 5’4”

Weight: 120 lbs

Body type: slim, semi-fit

Skin tone: fair, neutral undertones

Distinguishing marks (scars, birthmarks, etc.):

small scar on her left elbow from a fall as a child

small, feint birthmark on her right side

Background

Hometown:

Chrissy grew up in the di Napoli manor, alongside her four siblings. while their lifestyle wasn’t the most extravagant, the di Napoli children still had a rather privileged life. she would grow up to develop a more luxurious lifestyle, partially influenced by Rory, though some would swear that Chrissy was both her mother and grandmother made over. however, the family would leave Italy and return to England before Chrissy started school at Hogwarts.

Family

Mother

Abigail Jane di Napoli née Bennett; a small yet vivacious woman. though she was a doting mother, she still exhibited a great sense of strength that her daughters would look up to her for. she always believed in loving all of her children equally and making sure that they each had the same opportunities in life, as well as a comfortable home.

Father

Ernest Regulus Maurice di Napoli (@endlessly-cursed); a man who had grown up in a deeply traumatized family, who later became a better man due to his wife, Abbi, and their children. Ernest, much like Abbi, had chosen to prioritize raising their children and making sure they had a comfortable home life, despite having his fortune decreased.

Sisters

Chrissy has two sisters. an older sister, Aurora (@endlessly-cursed), and a younger sister, Dominique. during childhood, Chrissy would be rather close to Aurora, constantly following her older sister around, trying to be just like her. when Dominique was born, Chrissy was upset that she was no longer the baby, but she was okay with Dominique taking her place after her father talked to her and told her that she’d still be his baby too.

Brothers

Chrissy also has two older brothers, Emmett and Theo. Emmett had immediately taken to protecting Chrissy from the moment she was born, though he wasn’t as close to her as he was with Rory. while it took Theo a while to warm up to the new baby, he would love his sister just as much as his older siblings would, and in turn, he would become a confidante for Chrissy.

Hogwarts

House: Slytherin

Best Class: charms, potions, astronomy

Worst Class: herbology

Boggart: her mother and grandmother, both as dark witches trying to convince her to become evil

Riddikulus: her mother and grandmother giggling and gossiping over tea, sharing the most ridiculous stories

Patronus: doe

Patronus Memory: when her and Dominique played a prank on Rory by switching out her setting powder for baby powder; Rory chased them through the house, all three girls laughing as they ran

Mirror of Erised: herself, successful and well-recognized in her career; with her own family

Amortentia (what she smells like): vanilla, amber, a hint of coconut and floral notes; sometimes a feint smell of an expensive perfume, usually chanel no. 5 or guerlain’s shalimar.

Amortentia (what she smells): leather, sandalwood, bergamot, musk, cardamom, TBD

Career

Ages 11–18: Hogwarts student

Ages 18– 25: Journalist/Photographer for the Daily Prophet & Freelance Professional Photographer (started at age 25)

Ages 25–27: Reporter for the Daily Prophet / Freelance Photographer

Ages 28–35: Lead Reporter & Senior Photographer for the Daily Prophet / Freelance Photographer

Ages 35–55: Editor-In-Chief for the Daily Prophet

Ages 55–??: Retiree

Personality & Attitude

Priorities: the well-being of herself and her family and friends, her career

Strengths: empathy — honesty — creativity — compassion — generosity — loyalty

Weaknesses: easily stressed — temperamental at times

Stressed: during exam season and at work when things get too hectic

Calm/Comforted: at home with her family; or in the common room or courtyard with her friends.

Favorites

Color: emerald green, red, black, and blue

Food: her grandmother’s special Pasta Alfredo

Drink: tea, coffee with sugar and creamer

Weather: sunny, partly cloudy days and cloudy, rainy days

Hobbies: writing, photography, piano, painting and drawing, reading

Fashion: Chrissy’s day-to-day style is business-casual, and she always tries to keep up with the current trends. as for her selection of evening wear, she has a few gowns from her mother and older sister, and has bought some for herself; her favorites being an emerald green, silk gown and a dark red velvet evening gown.

Relationships

Significant Other/ Love Interest: TBD

Chrissy is currently open for a relationship with others’ ocs, feel free to message me or reply to this to let me know if you’d like for your oc to be shipped with her!

Friends

Chrissy is currently open for friendships with others’ ocs, feel free to message me or reply to this to let me know if you’d like for your oc to be friends with her!

Rivals

TBD

Trivia

Chrissy learned to play the piano when she was seven

she is her grandma Augusta’s (@endlessly-cursed) favorite grandchild

she chose to go into journalism and reporting after seeing some of her mother’s work at the Prophet.

her favorite seasons are autumn and winter

#here she is!!!#fbawtft oc #christabel ‘chrissy’ di napoli #chrissy di napoli #fankids: erbigail

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twisted-tales-told · 1 year ago

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😇 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

4 james n reggie <33

HI!!

This ask game

🏳️‍⚧️trans headcanon:

I headcanon Regulus as trans in a lot of my works, even if it isn’t explicitly stated! It adds a lot of nuance to his character when writing because it complicates his relationship with his family & forces regulus to really think about his identity which I don’t know if

As for James I actually really don’t like headcanoning him as trans because the most complicated part of his character to me is that he is a cis man. He was born with that privilege and he will grow up with it. It’s very heavily in grander in his perspective of the world and sometimes he misses things. Sometimes he has to learn about the imbalances through women’s experiences. Sometimes he fucks up and sometimes he has to be put in his place!

🏳️‍🌈 sexuality headcanon

I love pansexual identifying James and unlabelled Regulus. He already went through this for his gender he can’t do it again.

😇 religious headcanons

I love Hindu James and Athiest Regulus. I just. I really appreciate relationships where religion is discussed and respected. Like Regulus goes to temple with James, he celebrated Diwali, he dresses up, he gets Mehndi done, like this boy found solstice in Effie and Fleamont as a teenager and I truly think he would have found their religious beliefs and culture so comforting even if he doesn’t necessarily believe in gods. (I’m most definitely projecting on how it felt to be partially raised by my best friends family but that’s what fandom is for)

#ess tag #twisted games

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piastappies · 2 years ago

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TILL FOREVER FALLS APART !

summary: when sirius said siblings are off limits, james never thought he would break that rule as his best friend was the only one to have siblings close to their age, but everything seems to change when the sister sirius swore to hate because of her cruelty has several detentions with him and she’s not as cruel as her brother described.

notes: james potter x black!reader. reader is a twin sister of regulus, kinda angsty at the end, hurt/comfort, sirius is kind of an ass. not proofread

PART 2! • taglist (click here to be added!)

you really thought that the detention with james potter would go easy. not a word would be shared, him not even looking at you as he probably know your relationship with his best friend, and then you two would have a week free from each other, but james potter seemed to be interested in you – or more likely, how did you end up in a detention.

he saw you as a perfect black, that’s how sirius would describe you, or your twin brother whenever someone brought up your name. and no matter how positive it sounds, he was always negative, never mentioning your childhood, and how attached you were to him.

the perfect black daughter, more ideal than narcissa or bellatrix, the one who would never obey her elders unlike sirius or andromeda, the one who would do whatever they say to please them.

well, it was partially true, you could give that to him. but you nor regulus weren’t like any other family members. you weren’t brave enough to stand up to your parents and survive the punishment with a smile on your lips like your brother did, you two were two afraid to do anything that could make orion or walburga mad.

but both of you were proud slytherins, with regulus being one of the best quidditch players of your house, and you impressively good at whatever you touched. you were plotting against your parents, the death-eathers and everyone that could get in the way of your plan. an escape plan, to runaway somewhere far like france or canada, while everyone thinks you died. nonetheless, sirius couldn’t know that – he barely spoke to any of you, which just worsened when you were invited to the deatheaters meeting at your house.

in his eyes, you were nothing but a piece of shit like rest of your family for being unable to runaway earlier, for having no one to runaway to, as the rumors about your enjoyment in dark magic spread at school with light speed. however, unlike sirius you had your twin, always ready to stand up for you and vice versa, always ready to fight anyone who says a bad thing about you.

sometimes you and regulus would sneak out of the house and wander around the crowded streets of london, thinking how would your life looked like if you weren’t wizards, if you weren’t born into a family with an obsession of blood status and keeping it pure.

what made you even more perfect in everyone’s eyes was that you looked exactly like a female version of regulus, or more accurately, he looked like a male version of you. wearing the same clothes when you didn’t have to wear robes, and it wasn’t like you planned it – you had a gut feeling to wear your expensive like hell, black coat, and so had he. you looked intimidating, walking next to your brother, evan rosier and other friends of yours with faces that seemed to never experience any emotions. like rocks, untouched by people’s words, stares and pointing fingers.

“how did you end up here?” your companion asked out of sudden, making you shift in your chair. you already finished cleaning the classroom but there was still more than an twenty minutes left, and you couldn’t just leave for whatever reasons. “didn’t expect to see the perfect black sister having time to bother herself with things like detentions.”

“and why does it interest you, potter?” a sigh slipped from between your lips as you rest your chin on the left hand. “so my brother can have more reasons to despise me, because as i presume, you’ll tell him.” you didn’t even let him have a glimpse of your mimic as he could only see your back.

“oh, miss black, who do you think i am?” you heard him get closer, and take a seat by your side, probably briefly looking at the book you’d read. he could swore to merlin, he thought it’d be a book containing black magic spells you would cast if flinch didn’t confiscate your wands. but it was far from dark margic. “i’m just curious, have heard a lot of… things about you and wanted to check myself.”

you fixed your black hair before quickly considering if you should tell him the real reason or the made up one you’d told evan and pandora. “hmm, what would i get from telling you?” you leaned closer to him, revealing your face. it was one of your first encounters with james potter, and hell, you know it wouldn’t be the last one, since there were at least four next weeks of detention together.

“we could figure something out, y’know.” he shrugged, scanning every inch of your flawless skin, starting at your eyebrows and eyes, through lips to chin. you were gorgeous, and james couldn’t blame the first years that sometimes followed you like a lost puppy around the castle, trying to gain your attention or the girls having their lesbians awakening while watching slytherin’s practice with you as a substitute for your brother. every comment he had heard about your immaculate beauty was so real, that he could swore he would develop a crush on you in other circumstances. “just tell me.”

“i stood in my brother’s defense, the one you know better.” you replied, averting your look back to the book you were reading, not really bothering yourself to catch a glimpse of james’ parted mouth as he realized the sense of your words. “any more questions or can i finally focus on my book?”

“why did you- how did you-?”

“as much as some people tries to say, i do care about my family members’ well-beings, even though they refuse to talk to me or my twin.” you let out a little too harsh than you planned. “and no one will say anything bad about my brother unless it’s me or regulus.” you didn’t even wait for his reponse, leaving the classroom as soon as the clock hit nine in the evening.

you could say everything, yet you decided to reveal part of the thing that happened. and you knew that james would, most likely, tell your brother how you tried to gain his attention by making up a story. what you didn’t tell him was the part where you broke lucius malfoy’s nose, completely forgetting how much influence had his father on yours, and how mad they would be.

the next detention went… smoother. james didn’t bother you with questions about elaborating on the reason of your punishment, however it wouldn’t be james potter if he stayed quiet. especially when you didn’t have to clean the classroom again, just sit in silence while mcgonagall watched over you, but unfortunately (for you) she had to leave.

“miss black, didn’t expect you here.” a chuckle left his mouth, sitting himself in front of you, taking in your gorgeous face. “any kid’s dreams of dating you crashed last week?” for a moment, a millisecond, he could see a shadow of smile on your lips, and james potter felt like he already accomplished his mission for today.

“how did you guess?” you rolled your eyes in a playful manner, allowing yourself to look at the boy in front of you. his dark curls fell onto his forehead, and you could swear if it wasn’t for his glasses that somehow kept them out of his eyes’ way, he wouldn’t see a thing.

and you couldn’t know that, but james potter wouldn’t let himself miss such an opportunity to just stare at you for at least few minutes. it was strange, he never wanted to just look at a girl, who wasn’t lily evans and interested in him at the same time. though somehow, you were living free in his mind, making the boy catch himself on staring at you during meals.

“pulled out some prank on snape lately?” you added before he replied, a hand put under your chin as you leaned over the table, watching his every move. his eyes lit up immediately on your visible interest in whatever he had done during the previous week. “not a fan of snape?” james questioned, his eyebrow higher than usually.

“please.” you rolled your eyes again. “is there anyone who’s a fan of snape besides your girlfriend?” you let yourself smile at him for a brief moment, before shifting in your chair.

“evans s’not my girlfriend.” his replied shocked you, you could’ve sworn to yourself you saw them snogging somewhere. not that you cared with whom james was making out. you didn’t care, at all. “rumor has it, you two hook up a lot.”

“i’d throw up over him rather than do anything that involves physical touch. he disgusts me.” you knitted your eyebrows together at the so-called rumor, you already heard from sirius on christmas.

“why? because he’s a half-blood?” the gryffindor seeker blurted out before thinking, causing you to back out from the conversation, a strange feeling of pain raising in your heart. it was something he would regret saying later at night, processing every inch of your talk, realizing that everyone thought you were a pure-blood supremacist, and probably it wasn’t the best thing he could say to you.

“because he’s a misogynistic piece of shit, potter. snape could be a highly born pure-blood wizard, the best one out there, but if he says things like this about your little girlfriend when she’s not there or any female in general, he’s a piece of shit like any of his friends.” your words came out harshly, but you felt disrespected by someone who tried talking to you first.

the rest of the detention you spent in silence while james was explaining something that involved brooms and words snivellus, regret, and some other things you didn’t pay attention to, too busy counting minutes to the end of that cruel meeting.

however, the third and fourth were much more… pleasing, you could say. the boy pulled an expression like if he actually wanted to get to know you on his own and found out what made you silent a week earlier. it almost felt like it was planned, mcgonagall’s presence needed somewhere else, and a bunch of sweets you adored, snatched from the kitchen in a little bag in his hand.

“sorry. for the last time, i said some stupid shit that didn’t mean to come out like that.” he confessed, genuine in his voice was so clear that you couldn’t held back a smile, forming on your lips upon seeing his gesture. “don’t say shit like i didn’t have to. i did. i wanted to apologize, and get to know you.”

“hmm, apologise accepted.” you spoke out softly, offering him a bar of chocolate. “but, mister potter, why do you want to get to know me so bad? thought other people know everything better than me.”

he shifted in his position, getting closer to you, a mischievous smirk spread over his lips. “y’know, miss black, you’re an interesting person, and i can’t get you out of my head, so i had to do something about it.”

the upsides of your immaculate skin was that it tended to get red-ish rapidly, and that comment of his with the flirtatious tone made you burning red. without any shield to cover your face, you broke the eye contact with the gryffindor, and smiled involuntarily, feeding up his ego.

however, it didn’t took you long to look him in the eyes again, continuing the conversation with a smug smile that matched his. “what would you like to know, ask and i’ll answer.”

you awaited questions like how is it to be a death eather, or have you ever thought of killing someone for your parents’ sake, or anything that would make you cringe inside. although, he firstly asked you questions people never remember the answers to — what’s your favorite colour, muggle movie, a book you could recommend him to read in a free time.

“james potter likes contemporary romances?” you laughed, shaking your head at the answer to the last question he gave you. there was no imagine in your head of james potter, the great seeker of gryffindor, reading a contemporary romance book with eagerness and passion. “i’ll like whatever you recommend me, pretty girl.”

“hmm” you dragged out the words, searching for something in your bag. an exclusive, limited edition costing thousands of muggle’s money, of your favorite book – the pride and prejudice by jane austen. there was a brief moment of hesitation, was he just playing around and you would never get it back, or does he really wanna read it? there was something in his eyes that made you trust him prior to handing him the book. “it’s my favorite one.”

“you like classics?” you nodded.

james felt a weird, tingling feeling in his stomach as you clarified it was your favorite one, and now he had it in his hands. he recognized the muggle author, because his mom read a lot of muggle classics and romance in her freetime. it was bizarre to learn you liked muggle book, hardly ever mentioning a wizard one.

for the rest of the third detention you just… talked, ending up with being walked by him to the basement, so the disscusion you had wouldn’t be cut off so suddenly. the fourth one was even better, the best of them as there was no awkwardness between you two, despite the closeness of your bodies. he sat next to you, your arm and leg touching his whenever he leaned closer.

this time, you were the one talking — infuriated by some guys from ravenclaw that had catcalled you a few times on your way to the detention and one had tried to touch you, thinking it was okay to touch anyone without their consent. they were seniors, finishing school in june when you were a fifth-year, frightened by the vision of writing owls in may.

james just nodded his head, not daring to interrupt you even once, maybe in fear of getting hit by your hands that couldn’t stop moving ever since you started your monologue. he just chimmed in a few times saying true and yes, but he was focused on how your eyes flickered with annoyance and anger, making you even prettier.

“are you even listening to me, james?” the way you empathized his name made his stomach do a flip, a whole acrobatic performance. it was one of the first times, or even the first, when you referred to him as james, not potter, not mister potter or anything you’d called him before, james. “yeah, yes, sorry. assholes from ravenclaw, right?”

he walked you to the entrance of slyherin common room for the last time as it was your last detention together for a while, and you smiled at him warmly before disappearing behind the doors. the first thing you saw after stepping into the room was your brother’s interested smile.

“potter walking you here? someone got a crush.” he laughed, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you climbed the stairs up to his dormitory. “sirius would probably kill him if it was true, my dearest little brother.” you replied walking into the room of your brother and his few friends.

“sirius would kill who?” rosier walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waistline, winking at you with a flirtatious smirk. “quit it, evan. she’s my sister.” regulus was faster to reply.

you plopped on evan’s bed as it was the only free one and sighed. “reg thinks a certain gryffindor has a crush on me because he walked me here.”

“twice.”

“okay, yeah. james walked me twice and regulus thinks he has a crush on me for simply being nice, after literally interviewing me.” you mumbled, crossing arms on your chest. “there’s nothing to discuss here, he’s a gryffindor, a potter, it’s just inherited kindness.”

“and why are you so involved in figuring it out, sister?” your brother asked with a smug smile, his eyebrows high up as he thought he found out about your great secret. “do you reciprocate his little crush on you, huh?”

“shut up, asshole.” you rolled your eyes, throwing one of evan’s additional pillows at him. “do i look like a 5’4 ginger with a gryffindor’s scarf hung around my neck?”

“please, if i’ll see you one day in a fucking gryffindor robe, i don’t know who i am going to kill first, your future boyfriend or you for cheating on me, pretty girl.” evan sat beside you, almost immediately throwing his hand over your shoulder, pulling you closer to his still wet-ish chest.

you laughed, making yourself comfortable. unfortunately for regulus (who always wanted to kill any of his friends that tried to hit up on you), you enjoyed your flirtatious relationship with evan. “you think really highly of yourself, mr. rosier, took my first proper make-out and you think you decides on which robes i wear?” you shot back, biting back a playful grin appearing on your face.

“you know what i mean, sweetheart.” prior to regulus gag, you sent your friend a kiss and he pretended to catch it and hide in the depths of his heart. “of course, lovely.”

“please, get the fuck out if you want to be all couple-y here with each other.” andrew, another friend of your brother, groaned with fake annoyance as you sent evan another kiss. “what, andy? you jealous or something?” your friend laughed in an answer.

the next time you saw james was when a guy that tried to harass you, walked into the great hall with ugly, red hair and a robe with a large, inscription above his head “i harassed a younger girl.” he sat at the table across the hall, a mischievous grin spreading over his lips as you were the only person his eyes had focused on.

fifteen minutes later, you met him under the willow tree, a smug rosing on his face when you caught his glance. “miss black!” he called out, waving at you. “did you like what i did? especially for you.”

“it was… funny, you know.” you chuckled, taking a seat next to him as you had around twenty minutes left before anyone that could suspect basically anything would walk out of the castle. “i can give you that.” you mumbled, closing your eyes when your head touched the rough tree limb.

“sooo, you should go out with me as a favor, pretty girl.” he sent you a charming smile that would make your legs weak if you weren’t sitting next to him. “maybe on sunday, watchu think?”

you wanted to disagree, say no to him and explain yourself that your older brother, his best friend at the same time, wouldn’t be fond of this idea, though he looked at you with those alluring, brown eyes of his, and you couldn’t deny. “fine. sunday, it is.”

and that’s how you two began to go out, sneaking around and lying to your brothers that nothing really went on with the two of you. nevertheless, sirius was completely unaware of your little dates as anything had barely changed — james still talking about lily with a picture of you in his mind, and you… still didn’t talk to him. whatsoever, regulus knew about everything by connecting the dots and following the clues you left him unwillingly.

“i’ll kill him, hope you know that.” he spoke out suddenly, when you tried to get to your classroom in time, especially because it was potions and slughorn never tolerated lateness. never if you weren’t his favorite students that he collected like gems, giving them privileges and other additions that were probably against school rules. “huh?”

“potter.” you froze in your tracks for a minute. “if he ever lays a hand on you like our father did on our mother or do anything that upsets you, he’s dead.” a warm smile was painted on your brother’s mouth as he cocked his head to the side.

“what? don’t look at me like that. i’m not dumb as others to not notice the smiles he sends you from across the hall or how you disappear to hang out with julie, when she’s alone in the common room.” he exclaimed, a few laughs left his mouth, when you still frozen, looked at him with horror in the eyes. “i’m happy for you, chill, ugly face.”

“you’re not mad? fuming? furious?” you asked, voice somehow still low when you entered the classroom. “will you try to name all the synonyms for mad? and i’m not, y/n. i’ll leave that for the other brother you have.”

you gave him a quick side hug, before occupying yourself with anything that the teacher said, scolding you for being late, again. however, all you had on your mind was the date, your soon-to-be-boyfriend took you on.

it was the date, you’d say… a surprise one, and with james, they were on the normal basis. he would somehow let you know that there are places you need to be at night and a guide on which type of clothes should you wear (and a few notes saying how good you look during the day). then, he usually awaits you beside the enterance to your common room under the invisibility cloak, waiting to finally be able to kiss you. three nights ago, you two ended up in the pub, drank a few butter beers and met a few people that sixteen and fifteen years old probably shouldn’t met at night, they acted nice though.

however the night when everything went downhilld was the night you were supposed to spend in the library, studying to the upcoming owls that stressed the living shit out of you since the beginning of school year. a cup of coffee standing beside the books to transmutation, your biggest nightmare, dark red stains adding a little life to the white cup that was emptying with every other moment.

you were about to get another sip of the sweet liquid you’d prepared earlier, when it was snatched from your hand while someone planted a sweet kiss on your lips. “hey, love.” his voice so soft, and delicate you almost passed out from the tingling, warm feeling in your abdomen.

love, love, love. you would let someone kill you to hear it one more time.

“jamie, hi.” you tilted your head to the side, smiling at the boy warmly. “that’s the first time i see you in the library, something happened?” he shook his head with the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.

james was the only person along regulus that you had never minded having any form of physical touch, as you grew up with the minimum you sometimes got as a reward. with all the other boys that tried to get somewhere near you at the parties it was just weird, having their arms thrown around various parts of your body had never failed to make you uncomfortable, even with evan you couldn’t be fully okay.

but james… you craved it to function like a normal human being. his touch was like oxygen, the feeling of his hands on your waist, hips, hands was… enchanting, making you want to live again. it was like if you were in a romance book, having the full epic, first sight, soulmates love with a twist (your brother’s hatred towards you). was it love? you couldn’t say yet.

“just wanted to spend some time with ya, y’know?” his hand flew to his curls, ruffling it as he lowered his eyes, focusing himself on the books in front of you. “transmutation? the old hag loves me, you could’ve said something.”

“i tried to figure it out on my own, but i barely moved from the starting point…” you let out a low groan, hiding your head in your hands, exhausted. “didn’t want to be a bother, you know.”

“love, i got outstanding from my transmutation owls, it’s like an easy revision for me.” he planted a kiss on her check, before leaning closer and stealing another sip of her coffee. “i’ll get us something to eat and you’ll be first in your classes”

“mkayy, thank you, jamie.”

well. there wasn’t much of studying, if you were honest. when the lights went finally out, your boyfriend put the invisibility cloak on top of you, so ms. prince wouldn’t catch you past the curfew. the minute she closed the library’s door, you felt potter’s lips crashing into yours, one of his hands pulling off fabric of the cloak.

he sat you down on the table, tossing the books aside. his hand gripping your thigh firmly, after sliding it underneath the fabric of your skirt. you could feel the burning marks his touch left on your skin, heated kisses tracing down your neck with hickies almost all over it.

you would probably keep going if it wasn’t for someone that dropped whatever they had in their hands upon seeing you two. before you could notice any characteristics of the person you heard james let out a mumble “oh fuck”.

and then you saw your brother’s face.

oh fuck indeed.

he stormed to you and before james could even react, he was hit by the shoulder of sirius whose eyes were still on your face. “stay the fuck away from my brother.” the way he empathized the word brother made you feel like someone just stabbed you in the back repeatedly. with the moment these words left his mouth, your whole expression changed to the emotionless and blank, the one you gave everyone but your friends.

“sirius…” your boyfriend sighed, his hand, the one that had a grip on your thigh, was now on the oldest boy’s shoulder. “don’t. this is between me and her.”

“stop messing with my friends’ heads. you don’t deserve to be near them, none of them is a fucking deatheather like you or the other one, none of them will ever be, because unlike you two, they’re good.” he spat, eyes burning with fury. “i don’t care how many of your charming smile you had to give him to take the amortentia from you, but it’ll end, sooner or later.”

“you don’t even know me, sirius.” you stated, your tone still and awfully cold as you got off the table and stood in front of your brother. “don’t act like you do, brother.”

“don’t call me that.” he replied, taking your wrist in his hand. “i don’t fucking care that we grew up together, that we share our last names. we’re not siblings since you and regulus joined his forces. so stay the fuck away from james, he doesn’t even love you, the only thing he talks 'bout is evans.”

“does he, really?” you cocked your head to the side, not letting his words influence you, not here. “you know, maybe your so-called brother wouldn’t have to lie to you if you weren’t so obsessed with hatred you have towards me and regulus. maybe he could tell you that he was the one who started bugging the shit out of me, maybe he could tell you how did we even meet.”

you could see sirius flinch, averting his gaze to potter, who tried to get in between you for a moment now. “don’t tell me it’s true, prongs, after what she did to me?”

“what i did to you? you were the one who left, brother, you’re the one who cut us off the second we were sorted to slytherin, you runaway and you’re mad, because i and reg were fucking kids who wanted to survive.” your voice broke, nevertheless, it didn’t stop you. “you didn’t even try to do something, save us, yet both of us were so fucking stupid defending you whenever someone brought you up. i broke lucius’ nose when he talked shit about you, but fucking evans is closer to being your sister than me, i’m so sick of it.” you couldn’t hold up your coldness, and calmness and you broke down within the end of the sentence, mascara smudged all over your cheeks as you cried while running out of the room.

you didn’t expect james to run down after you — you thought he’d stay with his friend, becuase there weren’t anyone you thought would run after you (excluding regulus, because he would jump into the flames with you). so when your boyfriend barged into the moaning myrtle’s bathroom you were shocked.

“baby…” he spoke out quietly, pulling you into a hug, gentle but tight. you didn’t even look at him, just cried your eyes out while breaking his heart by saying how tired you are of everything, and how you wanted sirius to be your brother again. a few kisses were planted on your hair as he tried to calm you down.

“jamie, please don’t leave me now.” you pulled away to look at him, eyes already red and swollen from tears. you weren’t used to show how vulnerable you were, and a thought of your boyfriend leaving you, because of it was so realistic in your head.

“what? why would i?” he knitted his eyebrows. “y/n, i love you and i know that deeply inside you care about what sirius think of you, but you have nothing to be sorry about, okay? with that said, i won’t leave you, never, okay?” you nodded lightly, resting your head on his shoulder.

“i love you too.” you whispered. “at least we don’t have to hide anymore, right?” a small smile painted on your lips upon your words.

“it’s us against the world right now, love.”

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ashesandhackles · 4 years ago

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The Hogwarts Express scene in Prince's Tale: A Sirius and Snape analysis

I really, really enjoy Sirius and Snape as characters and their respective narrative functions in story. But what gets me most about them is how much Rowling hints about their backgrounds and so much of it makes sense with regard to who they are as adults. So I am going to be breaking down a very small scene from Prince Tale and getting into long winded hypothesis about their respective childhoods.

So, let's start with Snape. The scene begins with Snape rushing to find Lily, already in his Hogwarts clothes. Harry notes he must have been eager to get out of his clothes - ones that look like he borrowed from his mother, as Petunia spitefully pointed out. This has always been a very interesting detail to me - first off, it indicates how poor Snape's family is. Second, this indicates his tiny rebellion from his father - he refuses to wear clothes of the abusive man, and prefers his mother's. I admit, I am partial to the reading that Snape refuses to associate with his father in tiny ways, rather than Tobias refusing to hand his son clothes.

(I have seen readings which say that it is also a sign of neglect - perhaps his parents bought clothes that simply don't fit him, but I am more inclined to think it's a hand me down, simply because Harry identifies so strongly with it. Because Harry knows what it is like to wear a hand me down that don't quite fit, that are too big for you, or the ones that make you look ridiculous.)

Lily and Petunia's relationship is fraught with Petunia's jealousy. And young Lily is upset over it when Snape meets her. "I am not talking to you. Tuney hates me" she tells him. "Because we saw the letter from Dumbledore". Young Lily shows signs of being extremely emotionally reactive and this scene is one of them. It's easier for her to deal with Petunia's rejection of her by telling Snape she doesn't want to talk to him. It's a childish displacement of her hurt over her sister's rejection. (I am genuinely baffled by interpretations that Lily and Hermione are similar. Hermione is very cognitive person, Lily, as we have been shown repeatedly in memories, is not).

Snape, however, with his bad history with Petunia and his inability/ poor social skills to understand why this matters to her, goes: "So what?"

Lily, who throws him a look of deep dislike, says "So she's my sister". This seed is important because this is what develops into "he doesn't get me" feeling she later displays in her teenage scenes with him. Interestingly, most of Lily's personal relationships have deeply interwined love and dislike - Petunia (whose rejection bothers her but she cheerfully informs Sirius that Harry nearly broke a vase her sister sent - which means there is resentment on her end too), James - who she was attracted to even before 7th year but also disliked at one point, and Snape - again, a contentious friendship filled with love and distance.

"She's only a -" we dont get to hear what Snape intended to say. And given his own acrimony with Petunia, it could be anything. However, I read it as "She's only a Muggle" because it ties into his feelings about his father. Snape, who is proud of being half a Prince, emphasizing his magical lineage from his mother's side, his refuge in a violent, neglectful home. (Barty Crouch Jr and Snape with their disappointing fathers - I imagine Voldemort is supremely attractive leader to people with broken homes like this)

Snape, by all accounts, shows a disorganised attachment style. His caregiver, his mother - and perhaps the only parent he seems to have regard for, is too preoccupied by her own abuse to be there for her son - we see this in glimpses Harry sees in OOTP: " woman cowering" where a man shouts at her, and a young, neglected Snape cries in the corner. Children born in homes like this have trouble regulating their emotions, simultaneously displaying tendencies to aggressively lash out or show disassociative symptoms. Both of which Snape displays. Statistically, this is also seen more in low income households where economic instability and resulting domestic instability creates an unsafe environment for the kids to safely form ideas of their identity, or express emotions in healthy ways, modelling instead out of behaviour seen at home.

Then, Snape reminds her that they are going to Hogwarts. He is already in his Hogwarts clothes - now, Snape gets to be the impressive figure. The one who told her about magic, who theorised about how Muggles get letters from magical people, the one who told her about Dementors and Azkaban. He has already left behind the Spinner's End version of him, he wants to bigger than that, and is keen to be in place of magical learning and to join Slytherin. Essentially, he shows signs of unstable identity, insecurity - all prime for grooming into a cult.

And here comes along James Potter, who looks around at the mention of Slytherin. James's comment uses Snape's line and directs it to Sirius instead and it becomes a conversation between them, as a way to bond more with a fellow "rowdy boy" Sirius. Effectively ignoring the other two.

Sirius as we see here, "does not smile" when James talks about Slytherin. He essentially says something that can be construed as a way to nip that conversation in bud: "My whole family has been in. Slytherin". This suggests to me that there is some loyalty to his family there and his disillusionment with them isn't entirely fixed yet. After all, Sirius's intense loyalty to his friends, more specifically James, did not come out of thin air. It is reasonable to suggest that he felt some loyalty to his family at some point and the intensity with which he regards his friends is a reaction to burned off and being a "displaced person without a family" as Rowling put it.

Interestingly, while his reaction to his mother and Bellatrix are obviously sore spots, his response to Regulus is comparatively quite soft. ("Stupid, idiot" - something he calls James later on in the same book, OOTP). I imagine Sirius has quite complicated feelings about his brother and he is capable of nuance (when the person isn't Snape, where his dislike seems to be borne of an intense projection): "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters". As someone who is grown up among them, Sirius would understand that.

His framing of Regulus's need to please his parents also further highlights what exactly is the source of disillusionment. He calls Regulus "soft enough to believe them" - which means he is crediting his own intelligence to see through his parents bigoted world view. Clearly, bigotry is not something the Blacks explained in a way that Sirius, eldest of their male line and their heir, bought it. It also probably didn't help the Blacks case that Grimmauld Place is in a Muggle neighborhood and that their eldest son is a bit of a wild boy with interest in pushing boundaries. His intellectual disconnect leads to the righteous rage he later feels but it began there. (Boy, it must suck to discover that everything you have been taught to value in the world and in yourself as the heir is essentially rubbish). Since his differences with his family began with seeds of intellectual disconnect rather than on intense empathy with downtrodden, it makes him, as a pureblooded privileged boy, unable to truly understand Lupin's fears regarding his lycanthropy. Hence, the Werewolf prank (I am not getting to the Snape bit, just the Lupin bit). To James' credit, he does understand what that means for Lupin and saves all three of them from different set of consequences.

Anyway, back to the scene. James, who has made an ass of himself in front of his new friend, who he was getting along with fine until now, then goes "Blimey, I thought you seemed alright". (Btw, I find James wildly large ego kind of hilarious here, especially in light of Snape's comment about him to Sirius in OOTP: "You will know he is so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him"). Sirius, who I believe has been raised like "royalty" as Blacks would, has good enough social skills to defuse a situation. He grins and says: "Maybe I will break the tradition".

This line is an indication of Sirius's desire for independence, an identity seperate from his family. The use of the word "tradition" is interesting. It sounds like Sirius is expected to behave in a certain way, the heir of Black family whose parents thought being a Black "made you practically royal". Adult Sirius is contemptuous of this, or their "valuable contribution to Ministry" which means they just gave gold - it tells me that any and all conditions put on him by his family were to fulfill tradition that is either worthless or holds no meaning in his eyes. The root of the emotional abuse Sirius suffers from his family is this - realising his parents love for him is conditional on him being a certain way. (In fact, you can read Regulus desire to emphasise his connection to the family as a reaction to what he sees with Sirius - Sirius does not behave, Mum and Dad don't love him). As a child with unconscious knowledge of lack of love, Sirius then acts out, they react, rinse and repeat "until he has had enough". Sirius chafes against boundaries well into adulthood and doesn't react well to people enforcing it on him, even if it is out of love for him. Cue the fire scene with Harry where he behaves as if Harry is rejecting him instead of protecting him.

Sirius asks James about where he wants to go, and Snape, who is incensed about James being insulting about a House he put stock in, which he made part of new identity (so that he is no longer that Snape boy from Spinner's End) and was in general trying to be impressive about in front of Lily, "makes a disparaging noise" once James talks of Gryffindor. Snape's response to James' : "Got a problem with that?" is interesting. He says: "If you'd rather be brawny, rather than brainy-"

This is an important value for Snape. He knows he is clever and values it. He spends his spare time inventing hexes, making great shortcuts to Potions. He has genuine thirst for learning and he hones it. In SWM, we see that he has written far more longer answers than anyone else, he is poring over his paper after exams. He even mocks Hermione's lack of inventive answers: "Answer copied word to word from the textbook, but correct in essentials". He values originality. It may be me stretching this, but I am partial to the reading: this is his way of rejecting his father once again, who is implied to be a violent man. (in other words, someone who is hypermasculine - "brawny". In fact, Snape's rejection of hypermasculinity is a huge post on it's own - Potions (brewing, cauldrons - coded as feminine arts), the doe Patronus, his proficiency in Occlumency and Legliemency (intuitive mind arts, again seen archetypically feminine) etc).

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?" - Sirius is quick with emotionally cutting insults. Snape hasn't even finished his sentence, but Sirius is already on his case. Which suggests growing up in a household with sharp tongues. It's a fair assumption, given Mrs Black's half mad portrait. It also tallies with Sirius's talking about his mother: "My mother didn't have a heart Kreacher, she kept herself alive out of pure spite" . The wounds are fresh enough on this. (Another interesting way Snape and Sirius act as inverse mirrors - Snape rejects his father, Sirius rejects his mother. Sirius acts as proxy for James for Harry while Snape takes on Lily's role of protecting him). However, you know who else is spiteful? Sirius.

While James is the physical bully (the tripping Snape, doing most of the bullying in SWM), Sirius attacks emotionally. ( Sample the one about Snape's appearance - "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there will be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word" or even the carelessly vicious- "Put that away, before Wormtail wets himself in excitement"). Curiously, with all that talk of how his mother being spiteful, it's her room he spends time in when he is depressed. (Again, in inverse mirror way, we can talk of how Snape looks for a father figure in Dumbledore - craves his validation and is proud of Dumbledore's trust in him). We could argue it's also because Buckbeak is there, and perhaps it's the largest room in the house, but it's very telling that's where Sirius spends time when he is "in a fit of sullens". Sirius's sense of abandonment from his family, makes him look for family connections with friends - a trait he shares with Harry. Interestingly, the first time he glimpses Harry in Privet Drive, Harry is also running away from home - just like he did. Anyway, I could go on.

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siriusmydeer · 4 years ago

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Sirius x twin!reader where he runs away and doesn't say goodbye or anything, and they've always had a bad relationship because reader is like regulus and sirius is, well, sirius. baso angst where the reader is now ignoring sirius at hogwarts and sirius is trying to talk to her which is strange because before it was the other way round. she snaps and tells sirius how he knew what would happen if she ran away, and it was that she would get twice as many bad things to make up for sirius not (1)

the forgotten sister

sirius black x fem!twin!slytherin!reader

summary: sirius leaves you with aching despair the the faults that comes with being a black heir.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: child abuse, arranged marriage, angst, mentions of being imprisoned, mentions of death, mentions of violence, being disowned, mentions of death eaters, bad mental health, insinuation of depression, insinuation of a panic attack and bad sibling relationships

a/n: rate this cuz idk how to write angst but this has been sitting in my inbox for so long i’m so sorry

despair.

dejection.

guilt.

it was clear as day in your thought-stricken mind, without a second thought it ran thickly through your families veins for generations. every single heir of the noble house of black had the one ranging emotion of anything in a malicious, loathsome, vile and horrid context.

brothers, they were suppose to protect their siblings, love and nurture them above anyone else. they were suppose to kiss your forehead when you were sad, play with your barbies till they wanted to rip out their eyes because you had nobody else to play with, they were suppose to show another emotion than trepidation.

twins, the bond shared between them in unmatchable to any other sibling, they shared a womb for nine months, a direct bond, no seperation for nine months, thirty nine weeks, two hundred and seventy three days, a total of six hundred, five thousand and seventy hours together. a bond that should last a lifetime, of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love.

that’s what it should have, that’s how it should look in the peering eyes of anyone who had looked upon the similar featured siblings.

sixteen years, the only thing you had receiving in attempts of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love; but not everybody got what they wanted, in return you had received the raw sickly end of despair, dejection and guilt. what could such a young girl do to upset her brother from the very second her life begun? since the first weep that left sirius’ mouth, it almost felt like a duty ringing through your brain like a recurrent lullaby rather than a curse to be ignored by your family, and to only serve them when they deemed necessary for your forgotten presence.

rather than the lullaby on how a spider ran up a web, the only word familiar words in your brain since the ripe age of six was ‘crucio.’ the red tinging flare that sped across your living room like a jolt of lightening from the sky had just become a familiar sight to see at while your panic stricken figure strided through your house for just a few seconds more of peace.

dense words could be shared with your twin, not even a ‘good morning’ on most days. maybe a subtle nod when he first saw you as you both woke from your slumber if you were lucky, maybe even a sparing glance once or twice throughout the day. the first and last born female at the hands of walburga and orion black was simply ignored, a nobody, absolutely and completely nothing.

atleast sirius was there, he may not have spoke to you, or even looked in your direction but his presence in the dreadful household could’ve been enough, enough to put your blearing mind at ease for the night. that you had survived another day, that the next passing day his presence still comforted you because he was still there, that even though he didn’t protect you; he could protect regulus when he deemed fit, and as much as it put you in a absentminded agony, you appreciated his efforts to your youngest brother.

the following morning you woke up, his presence was diminished. his aura had vanished, the pungent smell of nicotine had left no trace on the stygian walls, the husk smell of expensive leather no longer enveloped in your ventilation and the irritating scent of his nose itching cologne was in absentia.

twin-tuition the muggles muttered, when two siblings who shared a whom could know almost everything and anything about each other without a second blip of thought. the walk to his room was excruciating, because in your heart his comforting presence had fled. the pink floyd and beatles posters had been torn from the walls, the mahogany wood from his drawers had been completely dismembered and his closet had been utterly ransacked.

he had left; he had left you.

that was the feeling of despair.

not even a note in his absence, not an explanation, not a second thought, sirius was gone; and sirius was not ever coming back.

the duration of the winter ‘holidays’ had seemingly passed slower than usual with the absence of your brother, the dismembering two weeks had finally been put on hold on your mind. finally finding the will to get out of your bed and put your mental health back to where it could’ve functioned at a less than normal way, the usual way. except you were sent back onto the hogwarts express only clinging onto the younger brother you had left, mind you he would’ve went off the second he stepped aboard but three seconds with your brother could’ve put you off for nine hours.

there was no will to try, no persuasive black ‘i get what i want’ attitude left churning in your system, the feeling of disgust trembling through your veins that your family would never accept you as long as you remained ‘y/n’ and not ‘y/n black,’ so you had to do what was right to protect regulus. because even though his nurturing feelings were inattentive, you would still do what was necessary to protect him.

if you weren’t the keen resemblance of your family you could’ve believed that you were adopted, having no will to become a follower of the dark lord, and no will to produce dark magic.

yet, you did what you had to do, an action that in no way would have been thought about for you; but you had what the other noble heirs lacked, compassion.

every corner you turned you had no will to search for the gryffindor brunette, your eyes didn’t erratically search for his searing silver irises, you didn’t attempt to decipher the red and gold colours from the green and silver that could’ve been crowded amongst the library, or the great hall. any will you had left for the receiving end of love from your family had utterly vanished.

that was the feeling of dejection.

sirius knew that prior years to hogwarts that you had rapidly searched for him in every single corner, mind you even there was a possibility he wasn’t there; you never faltered, you still gaped intently. it gave him the slight aching pain that he carried with himself, but the viridescent green you wore had him believing that you were simply no better than lucius malfoy or evan rosier.

it began to itch at his neck that you no longer had the need to know if he cared, if he was in the same room as you, if you even had the decree to call him your brother anymore. seemingly, you were always in between the walls of the library, a vermillion, maybe amber hued book sturdy between your hands in your grasp as you flipped the pages.

if you hadn’t shared the infamous last name, people would have never believed the two of you were what you called siblings, twin brother and sister. the epitome prankster, outgoing, and womanizer of hogwarts, the timid, skittish, quiet pureblood slytherin; and they just happened to share the same blood.

the female twin adorned reading, not because each book had different words carved upon its ivory paper, and not because there were hidden messages upon the words she so happen to enjoy deciphering but she loved reading partially because it allowed her to cry over someone else’s sadness when she could no longer identify her own.

her heart left sunken, submerged into somebody else’s misery because her own feelings enough weren’t able to bare.

he was silent for once, his mouth not barking up a laugh with his mates, he wasn’t sauntering around like he owned hogwarts himself, he was timidly walking into the depths of the library that were hidden from students. he was suddenly thoughtless, but his mind was not clear, and now face to face with the ghost of his sister; someone whom he had no intention to know, but now the wave of empathy ridden into his bloodstream as he saw the sudden tears glaze her eyes.

“you— you don’t look for me anymore. i noticed that, you don’t try and, try and look.” he started almost rudely, the first sentence he had ever uttered to his sibling was assumably how she didn’t care for his presence anymore. he was unable to produce many words at his shock, his nimble fingers anxiously shoving themselves into the grey slacks he had boughten for this years semester.

“i tried, at first. but you’re not worth a look anymore, sirius, because everywhere i go, the shadow of you is all i see.” as you contributed your words they only continued to be more broken, and stammered. the whimper in your tone clear as day as you spoke to someone you once called family, and now a sudden stranger.

“you left sirius, you left your sister, you left your brother. you left the people that needed you most because you’re selfish, you were thinking of you, not of us. so you don’t fucking deserve to be considered anymore, you don’t earn my respect on being thought about, sirius,” you were tired, achingly tired of fighting. you were tremendously exhausted of trying to fight for just a tinge of acknowledgments from your family members.

“you knew if you ran and you didn’t take us with you it would get worse, and you did it anyway. that makes you a coward, i guess the sorting hat does make mistakes after all.” you concluded, now wearied from your brother suddenly giving you the time of day when you don’t care to yearn for it anymore. his decisions affecting you single-handedly the most, your emotions no longer considering his aching feelings as his sister dismissed him at the similar treatment you had recurrently received.

“now i’ve got this penetrating, life altering ink on my wrist, because of your foolish actions. i have to pay for it, and a husband awaiting me. so now that you’re going all cry baby on me because i don’t try and find you anymore, you can stick your dreary where it came from because your damage is done.”

he had no thoughts, no words, completely ambushed. his older twin sister, someone whomst he adorned as his role model as a young boy, something he would never admit to as a child due to his stubborn nature, was now a death eater and profused in an arranged marriage because he couldn’t give a thought about his despairing twin. but now sirius had finally revived the raw end of the final emotion,

he had felt the emotion of guilt.

because even though he was trying to scoundrel some effort of empathy towards you the only thing displayed in front of him was the way your eyes spoke a thousand words but no one ever took the time to read them.

he never took time to read them.

“you need to leave— you need to run! w—why are you still there?” he started to hastily question as he peered at you erratically. his mind suddenly starting to boggle with questions as to why you would keep yourself in such a harmful situation, why you wouldn’t just run like he did.

it was simple to you, you weren’t selfish, you weren’t sirius.

“because i cannot leave regulus in that god forsaken house, the dark lord and his pesky followers would find me, and our parents would torture me, and murder me without remorse.” you finished, saying it too him like you had scribbled it upon a paper and practiced reading it every night like you were preparing for an exam, as if you would be questioned and persuaded to leave under the hands of your parents.

“i heard you— with regulus, you wanted to take him but not me. you almost brought him with you to the potters,” you revealed to the gryffindor, finally having the will to tell him clearly, on how he had wronged you in life and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to fix his actions.

“why do you never pick me sirius? why do you not want me as your sister? ‘ve always tried to protect you, why haven’t you done the same?!” at first your tone was monotone, almost dead but as your words continued your patience grew shorter and your rage grew larger.

your hand further having to clasp over your mouth by the end of your sentence before your classmates would’ve have gotten curious, and nosy at the altercation that was happening between the death eater and the disowned behind the shelves.

“i don’t— i don’t know, i just, s’different.” he was left thinking in confusion as to why he treated you differently, maybe it’s because you were the eldest, maybe you were female and in his eyes you possibly resembled his mother, maybe he had absolutely no idea as to why he treated you different.

“you dont— you don’t know? suddenly when i don’t give a shit about you, your yearning for your older sisters love. well guess what sirius, you’re not going to get it. your damage is done and there’s nothing to reverse it; so bugger off with your gryffindor mates, and your new family. if you want regulus to have a decent life from what he can live left, take him now before they take him too.” you concluded,

your first and last conversation occurring with your brother, several words left unsaid as you left him dumbfounded in the library, feeling the shoulder on shoulder collision as you left.

breathe in, breathe out. simple, again, again, again. the valley of tears were almost screaming at your waterline to let loose, to cry, to scream, to do something, anything. perhaps instead, you stood astonishingly still inside the girls lavatory, thinking, just thinking.

‘what did i do in my past life to deserve this now’ it was a simple and clear question, one that could never be answered, one without an explanation.

but yet you yearned for such a simple, yet complicated answer, maybe in another life sirius had the will to know you, your parents had the decree to love you, and maybe you weren’t sent down a path of affliction.

but that was another life, it wasn’t yours.

time went by, seconds, minutes, hours, weeks and years. they flew by, and now you were no longer that sixteen year old girl. you were eighteen, dressed in ivory with a small train at your feet, makeup painted on your eyelids, a small veil placed onto your head and your hands throughly squeezed in another’s; with the dreadful matching injected ink into your inner left fore-arms.

as the years had flew to that moment, lost was a lovely place to find yourself, but it simply wasn’t enough; it would never be enough. you had to wear the mask, ever noble heir of black had their own personal one, the one that covered every detailed flaw of you.

because after watching both of your brother’s, your supposed nurturers, your protectors, the ones that were suppose to love each and every bit of your aching soul left, you never realized how strong you had to be until being strong was your only choice that remained.

because in essence happiness is just blissful delusion, that esentially wouldn’t last forever no matter how exceedingly much you pleaded to merlin for it too last a second, maybe a minute if you were lucky.

but noble heirs of black weren’t lucky, they were cursed. and now you were finally brought upon to carry the tradition your children would be barred with, now carrying the last name of ‘dolohov.’

still remembering clear as day, like the sun was beaming into your viewpoint that one conversation you had shared with sirius in the library. the despairing love still left in your heart for your brother, your brother who stood up for regulus.

no matter how much they dismissed you as their protector, as their sister, as someone who loved them, you would always carry love for them in your trembling heart. after the amount of curses you took in their place, the screaming threats, the weeps from both of your brothers that stained your clothes, the times you had to face your parents in their absence.

you still had love for them, even if it wasn’t returned.

perhaps someday when you found the courage you crawl back home, beaten, defeated, maybe half dead. but not as long as you could remember the mark of family embedded into your heart, and your arm.

the noble heir’s of black, imprisoned, dead, and married off.

taglist: @fific7 @wisedreamcatcher @kittykylax @ronbrokemyheart @aspiringsloth20 @georgeswh0re @amourtentiaa @msmb @fangouria @five-cups-of-coffee @dracofknmalfoy @emmaev @serenitywilderness @artemis1orion @sirius-animagus @famdomhideout @hufflepogue @kirascottage @luvvninaz @miraclesoflove @black-like-my-soul

934 notes · View notes

fruitcoops · 4 years ago

Note

Would love to see a wired autocomplete interview with coops! 🥰

Anon, did you read my mind? These two have such chaotic energy when they’re given an outlet and it was a true pleasure to write it. Dorcas is exhausted. Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Wait, I want to pull the tab,” Remus said, tugging on the edge of the cardboard lightly as Sirius tried to hold it out of his reach without falling off his chair.

“I get to read it out loud for you and then we switch!” Sirius protested, smacking him gently on the head with it. The resulting bonk noise made them both break down laughing.

“You guys know we’re rolling, right?” Dorcas asked as she gathered a stack of cards in her lap, looking highly amused.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She turned to the camera with a bright smile. “Welcome back to Lion Pride, hockey fans! I’m Dorcas Meadowes and I’m here today with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to answer some of the internet’s most pressing questions. How are you two feeling?”

“Terrified,” Sirius said.

“The internet is like the Twilight Zone,” Remus agreed. “Who goes first?”

“Sirius, you’ve got a card already. Take it away.”

He cleared his throat and grabbed the edge of the first pull tab, ripping it off slowly. “That is so satisfying, woah. How tall is Remus Lupin?”

“I am five foot eleven and a half.”

“That half inch comes from your sneakers and you know it.”

“It does not!”

Sirius just smiled and removed the next paper slip. “What language does Remus Lupin speak?”

“I speak English and a little bit of French. Tried to learn Spanish in high school, but failed miserably.”

“I love the wording on this one,” Sirius said as he turned the board toward the camera. “Remus Lupin Green Bay Packers.”

“Dammit, now everyone knows my full name,” Remus sighed. “Uh, the Packers are cool.”

“I think people were wondering if you ever played on the team,” Dorcas said.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like a football player to you?”

“Next question!” Sirius ripped the tab off and took a good section of the paper above with it. There was a beat of stunned silence. “I am…so sorry.”

Behind the camera, Marlene burst out laughing, along with most of the camera crew. “It’s fine, keep reading.”

“Okay, um…” Sirius squinted at the partially torn-off question. “Remus Lupin name meaning.”

Remus groaned. “I hate this question. Yes, it does mean Wolf Wolf. Yes, my dad’s name also means Wolf Wolf. Yes, my mother’s maiden name is Howell. I’m aware of the endless puns.”

“Don’t you mean a-were?” Sirius asked as a slow grin spread across his face. Remus grabbed the card and bonked him over the head with it.

“Remus, your turn.” Dorcas handed him a poster board and took the blank one.

“I’m going to be careful with this one, unlike somebody,” he teased, kissing Sirius on the cheek. “Is Sirius Black…related to Pascal Dumais?”

“In all the ways that matter, yes.”

Remus grinned when he read the next one. “Is Sirius Black missing a tooth?”

“No!” Sirius gave the camera an offended look. “I have all my teeth, thank you very much.”

“Is Sirius Black mean?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Reporters don’t like you very much.”

“The feeling is mutual. I love the fans though, most of them are so sweet.”

“Oh, I like this one. Is Sirius Black married?” Remus rested his chin on the top of the card and batted his eyelashes, making Sirius laugh.

“Almost! Ask me again in July.” Remus set the card on the floor and Dorcas passed Sirius a new one. “Does Remus Lupin wear glasses?”

“Nope.”

“Does Remus Lupin—I have never said your name so many times in one sitting, my god—does Remus Lupin have siblings?”

“Yup.”

“Does Remus Lupin—”

“Can you elaborate?” Dorcas asked with a laugh. “How many siblings? Names? Ages?”

Remus turned to the camera. “I have one brother named Julian and he’s ten years old. He likes piggyback rides, ice cream, and hockey.”

“Much better. Take it away, Cap.”

“Does Remus Lupin have allergies?”

Remus frowned in confusion. “Why do people want to know that? Uh, yeah, I’m allergic to some pollens. Spring is hell.”

“How many of these do we have?” Sirius asked as he tossed the board over his shoulder and crossed his legs.

“Quite a few! Loops, you’re up.”

“Where is Sirius Black from?”

“Canada.”

“Where does Sirius Black live?”

“The Lions ice rink. I set up a tent in the middle of the goal posts every night so that I’m never late to practice.”

“Sirius Black gay.”

Sirius paused. “I think we’re missing a couple words in there.”

“That’s literally all it says,” Remus laughed, moving it to show him. “Sirius Black gay. I don’t know, honey, Sirius Black gay?”

“Sirius Black very gay,” he confirmed. “Sirius Black thinks people need to have better grammar.”

“Is Sirius Black’s hair naturally curly?”

“No, I use a curling iron every morning to do each individual curl,” he said. “It takes me seven hours and thirteen minutes, and I use a full can of hairspray.”

Remus scooted over so Dorcas could hand him a new card. “He keeps a stopwatch and tries to beat his personal record every time.”

Sirius pulled the first tab away and immediately started laughing too hard to speak.

“What does it say? You can’t just leave me hanging!” Sirius turned the board around and Remus leaned down to read it. “Is Remus Lupin hockey? Yes. I am the entire sport of hockey condensed into one being. I’m coming for basketball next. Thanks for asking!”

It took a few seconds for Sirius to get his breath back. “What is Remus Lupin—”

“I thought we just answered that.”

“—what is Remus Lupin zodiac sign?”

Remus paused. “Is that the thing Pots was talking about the other day? With the quiz?”

“That was love languages.”

“Your zodiac sign depends on your birthday,” Marlene called. “When were you born?”

“March 10th.”

“You’re a Pisces.”

“I’m a Pisces!” he said brightly to the camera. “No idea what that means, but it sounds cool.”

“It means you’re two fish.” She laughed as Remus sucked his cheeks in for a fish face. “Very nice.”

“Thank you.”

Sirius was especially careful as he pulled the paper slip off the next question. “What is Remus Lupin first job?”

“The grammar of these questions is killing me. Um, I worked in the university bookstore during college.”

“On the list of ‘things that don’t surprise anyone’,” Dorcas joked.

“Did Remus Lupin go to college?”

Remus gave the camera a look. “First of all, I have a medical degree. Second of all, did people completely forget about the whole ‘about to be drafted right out of college’ thing? It was a grand total of four years ago! Google it!”

“That’s what they did,” Sirius pointed out, gesturing to the board.

“True.”

“Last one for this card: how old is Remus Lupin?”

Remus thought for a moment. “Y’know, I kind of lost track after the first few centuries. My turn…what is Sirius Black real name?”

Sirius glanced at the camera. “It’s Sirius Black? Is this a trick question?”

“There are people out there who think that’s a fake name,” Dorcas said.

“Um, okay. Yeah, my real name is Sirius Black, my brother is Regulus, my dad is Orion, and I have cousins named Andromeda and Bellatrix.”

“What’s your uncle’s name again?” Remus asked.

“Which one? Cygnus? Phineas Nigellus? Arcturus?” At Dorcas’ surprised look, he laughed. “Oh, I could go all day long with this. That’s the tea on old French families with weird-ass naming traditions.”

“This next one is similar: Sirius Black middle name?”

“Orion.”

“Fun fact: the first time I saw your full name, Moody had written it and I thought it said ‘onion’.” Remus laughed as Sirius’ jaw fell open. “Those three seconds were a highlight of my life. Alright, what’s next…what color are Sirius Black’s eyes?”

“Blue.”

Remus shook his head. “They’re gray, almost silver.”

“Basically blue.”

“There’s nothing basic about you, babe.” Remus slid the board onto the floor and passed Sirius a new one. “Hit me with your best shot.”

“Is Remus Lupin Canadian?”

“I wish.”

“Is Remus Lupin left-handed?”

“No, but a lot of people seem to think that I am.”

“Is—” Sirius cut off with a snort. “Is Remus Lupin scrappy?”

“Are you fucking with me?” Remus asked, leaning over. “Is that actually what it says?”

“Yep.”

“Scrappy? Really?” He shook his head, lost for words. “I mean, I guess. Nobody’s ever called me scrappy before.”

“I don’t like this last one. How much is Remus Lupin worth?” Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple. “You’re priceless.”

“I’m worth at least half a PB & J, but only if you use the good peanut butter. If you use the shitty Skippy stuff, hand over the whole sandwich. My turn! Does Sirius Black have piercings?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Does Sirius Black have an Instagram?”

“I do. Sblack12, if you want to see pictures of my friends’ kids and this cutie.”

“Is Sirius Black Australian?”

“Fuck off. I’m French Canadian, how the hell did anyone think I was Australian?”

“Sirius Black birthday.”

“I have one.”

“What is it?” Marlene asked. “I’ll tell you your zodiac sign.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “November 3rd.”

“Scorpio bitch.”

“Hey!”

“On the bright side, Scorpios and Pisces are super compatible.”

“What a relief, I was really banking on our astrology compatibility,” Remus said drily.

Dorcas handed Sirius a fresh board. “First up: can Remus Lupin sing?”

“Eh.”

“The correct answer is yes. What is Remus Lupin like in real life?”

“I’m horrible. I kick every puppy I see and carry one of those sticky hands from arcades to steal candy from children.” A smile twitched at the edges of his mouth and Sirius’ cheeks turned pink from suppressing his laughter. “Like Spiderman, but evil.”

“What happened to Remus Lupin after college?”

“What didn’t happen to Remus Lupin after college?” he laughed, leaning back in his seat. “These past couple years have been bonkers fucking yonkers. I became a PT, got a secret boyfriend, and now I’m engaged and an NHL player. There were, like, three seasons of character development squished into eighteen months.”

“Alright, last one. Why Remus Lupin kissed Sirius Black?”

“Because he’s hot and nice. Also, because he’s my fiancé.”

“Is that the criteria for kisses?” Sirius asked. “I just have to be hot and nice?”

“Pretty much. You’ve got both boxes permanently checked.”

“Final card,” Dorcas warned as she handed it to him. “Make it count.”

Remus cleared his throat. “How does Sirius Black work out?”

“I rollerskate and hula hoop for six hours a day simultaneously.”

“How old is Sirius Black?”

“Ageless.”

“How did Sirius Black meet Remus Lupin?”

“Fun story, actually. You know the movie Ocean’s Eleven?”

“Are Sirius Black and James Potter—”

“Dating.”

“—still friends.”

“Damn, I thought I had that one.” He did a double take. “Still friends? What happened? I saw him an hour ago, tops.”

“You might have to google it,” Remus suggested as he slid the board across the floor. “That’s it!”

“Way to go, guys,” Dorcas laughed. “I know literally nothing new about you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sirius said as the two high-fived. “We were completely honest the whole time.”

She faced the camera with a poorly-hidden smile. “Thanks for joining us today, Lions, and remember to like and subscribe for more content!”

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canis-lunaris · 3 years ago

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Hold on for a sec, can we like, talk about Regulus for a moment? I feel like I never talk about Regulus, and that's partially because I'm extremely overprotective of him for a billion complicated reasons which all boil down to "the parts of me that I project onto him are the parts that make me vulnerable and sensitive".

And the other part is, I guess, that because Regulus holds the key to my deeper, older scars and the parts that want to be genuine, gentle and innocent again, he is also very easy to shove in the back of the closet; out of sight, out of mind.

If Sirius is my coping mechanism for all my flashy, obvious trauma, Regulus is essentially my coping mechanism for the trauma I cannot name, but that fucked me up nonetheless. The quiet, insidious stuff that people walk past without ever noticing something is awry, the stuff that eats away at you at night, but that lets you smile and pretend during the day, breaking you from the inside out.

In a way, I prefer the big, flashy ones. I mean, I kinda became a living billboard of my big flashy trauma witg my big, flashy personality and my big, flashy mental health issues. But that's because those things can be identified, isolated, labelled and dealt with, and that makes them simple; there is an obvious cause and all I have to do to recover is "just" put in the work hours with my therapist and it's gonna be fine.

The problem with the other kind, the "soft trauma" is that it's nebulous by nature, and it's caused by things that are permanent, making it very hard to deal with. Environmental damage from having been brought up with a hidden disability I could mask well enough to fly under the radar until way later — or rather, having been brought up with an obvious, but lesser known disability in Eastern-Europe in the 90's, which meant that diagnoses and mental health services weren't as readily available as they would have been, had I been born 10 years later, and in Denmark.

So, as a child, I suffered a lot of collateral damage from being an undiscovered neurological dumping ground, and some of this had very problematic, lasting effects: for example, if your boundaries get crossed as a child , over and over, during the formative years when you're supposed to learn to establish yourself and your boundaries as a person, and you're unable to express this, because you haven't figured out how to talk to people yet, well guess what, that will lead to some severely fucked up shit down the line.

So I guess one of the reasons I don't really talk about Regulus is that in a way, he and I go far further back than Sirius and I do, but our relationship is uncomfortable by design, and I cannot embrace him quite the same way, without resentment or at least a measure of emotional resistance, while simultaneously also feeling a lot of deep, complicated emotions towards him.

But sometimes I really want to talk about Regulus, because in my mind, he is still unbroken, innocent and beautiful, and I wish I could show him to the world through my own eyes. So what I'm trying to say is, 'I'm sorry, Regs, I got you and I love you still', and, 'We both deserved better'.

#regulus black #julien rambles #tw trauma #sirius black #regulus black deserves better

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sirius-blaxx · 3 years ago

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( Charlie Gillespie | cisman | he/him ) — was that SIRIUS BLACK passing through diagon alley? yes, i think so… people around them say they remind them of , the smell of cigarettes and coffee, old leather jackets, unmade beds, notebooks full of scribbles, rusted motorbikes, the kind of hugs that you never want to end and old black jeans which i suppose seems to fit that GRYFFINDOR alumni. they’re actually pretty CHEEKY, INTELLIGENT, and KIND for a TWENTY-ONE year old, but i wonder if it serves them well when working as a TRAINEE AUROR. have you heard that rumor has it that PUREBLOOD is a MEMBER with the ORDER OF THE PHOENIX now? i wouldn’t have guessed… but this is a conversation we should be having somewhere else. ( chris | 28 | gmt | he/him )

Full Name: Sirius Black

Nicknames: Different people have different nicknames for him, to the guys he can be known as Padfoot, pads. Older witches within the Ministry sometimes refer to him as prettyboy, but he’s not totally against it.

Born: Surrey, England

Age: 21

Pronouns: He/him

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual, with a preference to women. He’s romantically attracted only to women, though sexually attracted to all genders. Is more attracted to femininity generally.

Height: 6ft 1inches

Looks: Big green eyes, muscular build, messy hair, usually wearing jeans with multiple holes and tears.

Ex Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Blood Status: Pureblood

Affiliation: The Order

Career: Trainee Auror

Strengths: Defensive magic, charms and deflecting curses

Weaknesses: Potions

Parents: Walburga and Orion Black

Boggart: Sirius’s boggart has changed throughout the years, though it is usually one of two things; His brother crying and asking him why Sirius left him alone there, only for Regulus’s tears to twist into a cynical smile. Or it takes the form of a hooded figure standing over the bodies of his closet friends.

Patronus: A shaggy dog

Bio:

Sirius was not born from love, but rather necessity for Orion Black to have an heir. Though, once Regulus was born, Sirius soon became the spare. Most of his early childhood memories revolve mostly around him being left to one side, so his brother could have the limelight alone. Solace was often found in the company of his cousins, specifically Narcissa and Andromeda, if not for rest bite with those two, he would have surely withered away long before reaching Hogwarts. You would think that having the sort of childhood that Sirius had, he could have easily turned out badly, but for the most part he just hopes that if he ever has his own family, he would never make his own children feel the way he felt as a child.

Alot of the time, he was found alone in his room within the Black manor counting down the days for his first day at Hogwarts, he absolutely saw it as an escape. And when the day did finally arrive, Sirius wasn’t able to leave fast enough. Orion and Walburga only accompanied him because in their words, they “wanted to make sure he had left, and it would be good for Regulus to see what was waiting for him in a couple of years.”

Sirius has spent most of his life seeking out paternal figures for him to look up to, which is probably why his friendship with the three other marauders is so strong. Almost as if he managed to seek out three guys who all individually had qualities he so admired. This became abundantly clear to him sometime around his fifteenth birthday and he had not only been guided by his brothers, but partially raised by some of their parents who all seemed to adopt Sirius as their own, just as the marauders had done.

"My mother did that when I ran away. Charming woman. I was 16.“

Sirius was sitting wide eyed on his bed at the Black manor, his head spinning with the realisation that he had two choices, leave his family or live a life that he would loathe every second of, and never be true to himself ever again. His trunk was half packed, he’d been going back and forth for a good hour. He knew that he had places he could go, more than likely, The Potters. But if he did leave, that was it, he could never return. Not that he had many happy memories of the house he grew up in.

Hearing the low register of his father in the room below Sirius’s bedroom, the main living room. He shot out of bed and pressed his ear to the floor. Though muffled, he could make out his parents say the words “force,” “mark” and Sirius’ name. Would they actually force their son to bare the mark? Actually, thats exactly something they would do. Staying still on the floor for several moments, processing what that would mean for him, he clenched his hand into a fist and raised his hand slightly and thumped it back onto the floor. Certainly making it known he was still awake. Hearing the sound of the heavy chairs his parents were sitting on move against the hard wooden floor, he shot to his feet and scrambled for his wand. Even if he could apparate, he still couldn’t because Orion Black had charmed the house in a way that made it impossible to do so from either Sirius’ room or Regulus’. He could hear his father’s heavy feet on the bottom stairs.. ‘Oh fuck.’ Sirius said aloud, and looked towards his grand window.

It was something he had done many times before now, scramble out that window in the night. Which was just as well, because he only just got his feet out his room when he heard his father opening the bedroom door. Though, he didn’t actively do anything to stop Sirius escaping. As the Black heir turned to scale down the side of the manor, he locked eyes briefly with his father. “If you leave now, you will never be welcome in this house, or in this family ever again.” Sirius had nothing to say in response except one word; ‘Good.’ Jumping the last couple of feet onto the hard ground below, he let out a small whelp and looked up to see his parents silently looking down at him. How fitting.

He could never be entirely certain, but Sirius was always convinced it could have only been moments after that Walburga burnt him from the family tree.

Random Headcanons;

Sirius owns a muggle record player, and he really enjoys listening to Elvis and Fleetwood mac (if any halfblood or muggle homies want to be the reason for this hmu)

He can play the guitar because he’s a walking, talking cliche with floppy hair

He has a leather jacket which he found in a thrift store, literally always wears it. It was a bargin.

Sirius has a tattoo of a constellation on his upper arm, where a DE mark should have gone, it represents that despite his parents he will always have a close a connection with other Blacks, especially Reg and his cousins.

#stumbles in late with a starbucks #[[ Full of Sorrow Full Of Grace ]]#[[ bio ]]#finally got the bio done

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leogichidaa · 2 years ago

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I did some thinking and If I remember correctly I was wondering what situations could i put regulus in to get him to care about half bloods and muggle borns. What sort of situations would cause him to be like ‘hey, they’re human too.’ What would get him to care when he has been raised not to care?

So in MfS, he comes across a little muggleborn girl (who is actually just my childhood self making a cameo appearance) unaware of her magical abilities, and that got him thinking about the plight of muggleborns:

It could not be easy, though, to grow up with magic in a muggle world. It could not be easy to be ripped away from family, from home, and from friends, in order to make a new life in the wizarding world. Merlin knows, it had not been easy for him to do the reverse.

The little girl had been so perfectly innocent, so charmingly ignorant of her powers and their extent. She seemed neither menace nor moron (although her brother was, quite possibly, both).

So I'm partial to throwing him into contact with muggleborn children. I think the curiosity and innocence of small children with magic would challenge some of his negative beliefs about muggleborns.

Other ideas (I'm just going to use muggleborn here as shorthand for "not pureblood"):

I've been toying with this idea lately of a "secret pureblood" OC who is adopted by a muggle family and everyone assumes she's muggleborn, but it comes out that she is actually from a pureblood family, maybe even a relation to Regulus. Regulus interacts with her because of her blood status and sees her as a "victim" of her "muggle abductors". Her loyalty to her adoptive family is fierce, though, and that strikes a chord with him. Her insistence on calling herself muggleborn and pushing back on the narrative that she missed out being raised away from the wizarding world would, I think, be a unique way to challenge Regulus' biases.

Powerful muggleborns. Muggleborns with innate powers that Regulus associates with purebloods (i.e. parseltongue, metamorphagus). People who challenge his idea that being pureblood makes your magic more powerful.

Muggleborns who incorporate muggle tech into the wizarding world in ways that make wizarding life objectively easier.

Muggleborns who are relatable to Regulus, personally. Muggleborns who have similar family dynamics especially.

#ask #anon ask #Regulus Black

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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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All in the Family

Chapter 108: Detention with Dolores

At first they all thought they'd somehow found themselves back in that woman's house. Despite a repeat location never yet happening to them, it would be her ghastly place to do so. Instead, it was just as bad, the pink stain that was her life had just traumatized this room.

The very bricks, doilies, and even this side of the door were now horror matched in a vaguely familiar office, a glance out the window showed the Quidditch stands did have them back at Hogwarts though.

"Moony, this is all your fault!" Sirius moaned, still fighting back the impulse to claw his eyes out with or without magic.

Remus didn't even have the heart to argue the point, if he'd known this was what would happen to the DADA job in such a short amount of time, he may have even risked his own affliction to keep this away. The book, once again, was sitting open and waiting for them, and Remus trudged over to get this started. He wasn't sure if Sirius was joking, but he did feel partially responsible for running from the school now whether Padfoot had meant to inflict that in him or not.

Lupin read out the chapter title to nobody's surprise, but a bit of dread. Despite the casual enough set up, they felt something ominous about a whole detention with Umbridge, and they'd never even officially met her. Potter went behind the desk and began rummaging through it with abandon, while Regulus wandered over to the smaller desk where Harry must have been doing his work, but when he got closer he found a rather odd setup.

There was a long black quill he vaguely recognized seeing in his dad's study. He'd seen his dad signing Ministry documents with it though, and Sirius himself had once warned him never to nick that particular one, so he wasn't sure why Umbridge would leave it lying around near Harry. Next to that was a long sheaf of parchment with the words 'I must not tell lies' written several dozen times, and plenty of room to spare for more, but in red ink with little splashes along the border of the heavy paper, yet a pot wasn't in sight.

Lupin's start of the chapter wasn't very interesting, Hermione having to explain to Harry why the student population was treating him this way. It was just a bit sad none of them had wondered the same, but Frank also realized, no one in here could call Harry crazy considering they'd lived through it with him. If he'd just been an outsider? Maybe...

The trio trying to drop the subject and do homework instead didn't last long, as the twins made a rather public launch of what their first Skiving Snackbox was going to be, on first-years.

The Marauders laughed in delight at the mental image, but the others had some reservations about doing the same until all were told to wake up without any setbacks. It was very impressive magic, they'd all admit to that, but the other four still felt it wasn't right, this being done on first-years. At least the volunteers should have been restricted to those of age like the twins were.

Regulus found himself scrutinizing Lupin instead of the quill he was now holding as Hermione lost her temper on the two and went over in a towering tantrum to tell them off in front of the whole common room. It was quite odd, to hear he'd be doing exactly what that Muggle-born was. It didn't bother him as much as it once would have, and that was even more bizarre.

Then he saw Sirius's lip curling in disgust as Hermione laid down the ultimate threat, threatening to tell their mother. Even Peter looked of the utmost affronted just like the rest of the Marauders. Hermione wasn't even their sibling, but he now saw himself more like the Muggle-born than ever, he'd certainly tell them off when they were being idiots, but he'd never go that far. It occurred to him though when Hermione stormed back to Harry and Ron and the Marauders kept muttering amongst themselves rather than continuing, that they were shooting the four furtive looks for more than just their distaste of the situation.

The Marauders had a lot of secrets, and now the four of them were privy to all of them. Their illegal animagus status, their werewolf, and least importantly, their map. Regulus had never had anything to hide to know that kind of gripping fear. He'd already promised Peter he wouldn't say anything about the map, but had he ever promised the same about the larger two? He didn't exactly like Lupin, but none of them were hurting anyone. He would never get Sirius in that kind of trouble, but he wasn't so sure about the other three.

He cleared his throat and waited patiently until everyone was looking at him before saying adamantly, "don't worry Siri, I've never tattled to mother and I'm not going to start now."

To his utter delight, Sirius grinned at him. It was finally that look he'd missed so often these past years, but it didn't distract him from his goal of watching the other three out of the corner of his eye to gauge their reaction.

Evans just clucked her tongue but pressed her lips together, as much as she'd ever shown on the matter of her silence. Alice was smiling at the display, and he hadn't seen her give any ill will towards anyone to worry about. It was Longbottom though who shifted his weight nervously and may be the problem.

Frank would have protested if anyone asked though. Dumbledore had been the one to invite the werewolf into the school and clearly nothing had, or would happen. He wasn't a snitch, he just didn't exactly want to be constantly in the same room with him. He found that even that was beginning to wear off though, he hadn't even moved behind Alice this time in the large open space of the office they were in this time. He'd been too distracted by the vivid pink on the walls nobody wanted to be next to.

Sirius tensed up like Longbottom had just done the same as Hermione and made to move forward and threaten anything he could to make him keep his mouth shut this instant, but James grabbed his arm before he could start another fight.

"We can't kill him until we're out of here, otherwise the books will stop working," he calmly, but quietly reminded.

Peter laughed, but Remus frowned uneasily at all three of them. James was joking, he knew that much, but there was something about the way he was eyeing the four that made his stomach flutter uncomfortably. What were they going to do when this mess was over, did they really trust them all to keep their silence? Even Snape, who now knew his secret as well, had left them feeling so claustrophobic in that castle lately they hadn't so much as sneezed without permission least he do something.

Did Evans even know that? She definitely hadn't known about him before all this though. It was the one thing James had talked about the previous three weeks, how little she'd been in Snivellus's company. The four of them could not just spend the last two years of their school under the thumb of five people though, or they'd do something drastic. Being in this office was only worsening the matter.

Remus kept going uneasily, seeking any form of distraction, and Hermione definitely offered that when she tried her little trick, free house-elves.

Whatever empathy Regulus had for that Muggle-born moments ago vanished, he looked likely to curse her on the spot. How dare she try and snatch away others house-elves! His mind instantly went to Kreacher and someone trying to force him to be free, it was a bleeding miracle Sirius hadn't done it in the future, and had actually considered the threat he posed to the Order if released.

Lily at least sympathized with the idea, but she still hadn't really looked into the matter like she really wanted to now before she shared any kind of opinion. Theirs were honestly the only noteworthy reactions, everyone else just got a laugh Hermione didn't even seem to realize her idea was useless considering they weren't her elves to be getting rid of and Lupin kept going with a faint smile once more.

The rest of the lessons went by without much notice until Care of Magical Creatures, when Malfoy let hint he thought Hagrid was in the same place they did, with giants. Harry's concerned reaction was understandable, none of them could still picture the grounds without him even though Harry kept mentioning it.

Luna Lovegood at least remained as memorable as ever, marching up to Harry in the middle of all eyes and declaring she believed Harry's side.

Sirius still had a dirigible plum tangled in his hair from his time in the bush, and Remus reached over and plucked it now before handing it to Prongs, who smiled fondly and announced, "I think I'm going to take a subscription to that magazine of hers."

Lily smiled without restraint, it was possibly the kindest gesture she'd ever seen him make. Then he caught her eye and gave the little plum a toss before catching it and asking, "like a pair of these as earrings Evans?"

She couldn't even make herself scowl at him, but didn't respond either, still not encouraging him.

James's heart gave an extra little flutter as she took twice as long before just looking away without a response, and he now pocketed it carefully, that was definitely no longer a joke.

Angelina's, lively, reaction to Harry's detention killed any good mood though, Quidditch tryouts even in this rainy weather would still be leagues better than this office. Even the fireplace crackled with a cold chill.

Harry finally made it to said dreaded detention, and they'd all swear the air just got colder with every word Lupin spoke.

Regulus went back to inspecting the long black feather in his hand in confusion, twisting it this way and that in the light, even as Umbridge herself said Harry wouldn't need ink for this special quill. He didn't get it-

"Hey!" He startled when Sirius lashed out and snagged it away.

Potter was hovering above the desk with his mouth hanging open like he'd only just spotted the long sheaf of parchment.

A dementor could have just appeared in the room, it couldn't get any colder in here and the air itself was draining out of all of them. Regulus stamped his foot in frustration; clearly, everyone older than him was getting something he wasn't.

"That's a Blood Quill," Peter finally answered, reaching over and pulling him farther away from the desk as Potter's face kept draining of yet more blood. "We've heard it mentioned a few times, Ministry employees use it to sign official documents. They're, for one use only, though." He finished haltingly.

Regulus finally put it together there wasn't any ink in the equation when Potter blew up the desk, and the paper that had been there. Frank moved to cover Alice, Remus raised the book as a shield, and Lily put up Protego instinctively, but the others only covered their faces as bits of wood rained down.

Curiosity admittedly flared more than anything though, Regulus was half tempted to take it back and give it a try just for the experience, but then Evans marched over to Sirius and snatched it away from him as well. He raised a brow at her but gave no reaction as she drew her wand, and then the place was raining tiny bits of what was left of the feathers from that as well.

She would have done the same if this had been used on Malfoy though, the injustice of it flaring in her like a flame far brighter than the one in here ever could.

Lupin decided to keep reading before anything else got exploded, like this book. His breath was a bit ragged though, he looked like he was going to be sick, even Peter's hand was still shaking a bit where he was holding onto the back of Regulus's robes like he was prepared to drag him farther away before one of his friends exploded next.

Regulus bit down on the inside of his cheek hard as details began to emerge, and he realized he still hadn't fully grasped the grotesqueness of the situation. Harry was having to carve into the back of his own hand, for hours, the truth Umbridge was forcing him to tell his own flesh was a lie.

By the time Harry left the detention Regulus tasted blood in his mouth from biting down too hard and quickly stopped.

The following week of this merely being repeated every night for Harry felt like some new kind of nightmare. The image of Cedric Diggory's dead body could have appeared in the middle of the room again and it would have made perfect sense. This was so disturbing, none of these teenagers could really imagine it. They'd never had to hear of anything quite like this torture, from a teacher at this school.

What was worse, was Harry doing nothing to stop it.

The shock only broke when the chapter came to an end, and Ron's miraculous Keeper position on the Quidditch team distracted no one.

No matter the differences among the eight of them, they found they could all agree on one thing. This woman needed to leave Hogwarts, now.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #HP #Marauders #OotP #Wolfstar #Jilly #Regulus Black #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #Peter Pettigrew #Lily Evans #Frank Longbottom #Alice Smith

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nothingeverlost · 4 years ago

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On the Wings of an Owl (2/?)

In which Sirius finds his way home and Remus starts a new journey.

Prologue

Chapter One - A Journey Begins with a Single Step

The sun was shining when Sirius left the Department of Ministry. It was the first time he’d seen the sun in twelve days and it seemed a sacrilege that it was bright and not hidden behind clouds. The whole world should be weeping for Lily and James.

“Oh thank Merlin.” Monty was waiting for him in the ally, in a set of robes of dark gray. His hair seemed whiter than it had been a few months ago, no signs left of the strawberry blond it had been once. His skin was fragile like those dusty old tomes Remus liked to read.

He couldn’t think about Remus, not right now. His head was already throbbing with too many thoughts.

“You didn’t need to come,” he told the man who had been a father to him for almost a decade. He should have known one of the Potters would be waiting for him, but it seemed too much to ask of them.

“I wasn’t sure you’d feel up to apparating just yet, my boy, so I hired a car to take us home.” Monty’s step faltered a little as he turned. Sirius automatically grabbed his elbow, steadying him. Monty looked at him for a moment before taking another step. When he spoke it was in a voice that was soft, and more to himself. “That’s just right, lad. We’ll prop each other up.”

It took a little less than an hour to reach the house, the last five minutes down a private lane that the driver wouldn’t be able to find later even if he had a reason to drive out to Weybridge again to look. The house had changed little since Sirius first saw it at the age of twelve, the summer before Second year when he stayed for a week. It looked like James should come running out the door at any moment to greet him, like he had a thousand times before.

James would never greet him again.

The sprawling manor house had been in Monty’s family for generations, probably as long as Grimmauld Place had belonged to his own family line. Where Grimmauld was weighed down with the past, however, the Potter home was alive, treasured antiques from the Potter’s English roots entwined with the warm colors and scents of Euphemia’s Indian heritage. A suit of armor in the hall had a dent on one arm where he’d knocked it against a wall after James had used it to scare him once. Opposite the armor was a bronze elephant decorated in jewels, the trunk raised in a show of prosperity. Harry was using the elephant to pull himself up, focusing on standing until the door opened and he noticed the new arrival.

“Pa-foo,” he said clearly, looking up at Sirius with eyes the same vivid green as Lily’s, his hair sticking up at odd angles just like James. For the first time in a week Sirius broke down in tears, collapsing onto the floor. Harry lost interest in the elephant and fell backward, landing on his well-padded butt and rolling over to crawl over to the object of his attention. His small fingers found the holes in the jeans Sirius wore and he used them to pull himself up until he was almost in his godfather’s lap. Sirius pulled himself together enough to support the lad, holding him close to his chest. The warmth he felt against his skin was alien after weeks of only feeling cold, or more often feeling nothing at all. Harry reached out one chubby hand to touch Sirius’ cheek. “Pad-foo wet.”

“He’s been waiting for you. I told him you were coming today.” Euphemia stood in the hall, ignoring the single tear falling down her cheek. She was dressed in robes of pure white without adornment, her feet bare despite the chilly November day. The white was for mourning he knew. She had told him once that bare feet made her feel more connected to her home and her magic. “Welcome home, Sirius.”

Sirius could only look at her for a moment before bowing his head.

The weeks after the war were a strange time. First came the celebrations, of course, the great silence of the last years ending in cheers and fireworks. The pubs were crowded as friends and strangers alike toasted to the downfall of He Who Must Not Be Named and his followers. Infants who had been born into war woke up for the first time in peace, and children who had been afraid to play were finally able to run in the streets in bright colors and with raised voices. Wizards were no different than any other human and needed their victory, but after the first few days reality set in.

For the first time, they had the leisure to mourn the dead after years of having to push away grief to focus on the next mission, the next battle. For months memorial services happened on a weekly basis, some for a single person, sometimes for an entire family. Two months after the war ended Christmas came, a celebration that highlighted the many empty chairs at Christmas dinner.

In Diagon Alley a memorial was built, a single arm raised with a wand outstretched, behind it a field of stars, Every minute the name hovering above the wand changed, each of the fallen listed in turn.

Marlene McKinnon Dorcas Meadows Fabian Prewitt Gideon Prewitt Edgar Bones Benjy Fenwick

It took more than an hour to see every name. After Lily Potter’s name faded away the series began again. There were names that were missing. One day Regulus Black would be added, when his deeds were learned, but that wouldn’t be for years. It would take another month before the death of Arabella Figg was discovered, as she had little communication with wizards and it took time before anyone checked on her. Frank and Alice Longbottom, stuck between life and death, weren’t on the list.

Peter Pettigrew’s name was quietly removed from the list the day after it was discovered that he was still alive.

It was a rare family that wasn’t touched in some way by death. Remus Lupin, half an orphan before the war started, was completely alone after. His father had started fading the moment his mother died; he had chosen recklessness as his way to join her. There had been whispers of werewolves going after muggle families. It was a member of Greywolf’s pack that killed him, though Remus fortunately never knew that fact. He only knew that his father died and he was alone.

In the weeks after the war Remus fled to Wales. For the first time in his adult life he didn’t have anything to do. No mission from Dumbledore, no job, and certainly no friends to meet at the pub. He mourned in his own way, drawing his grief tight around himself. Grief for the friends lost and the relationships that had fallen apart. He tried to look back at everything and figure out when Peter had become a betrayer and where he’d missed the signs. He did not want to think about Sirius, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the much more obvious signs of how badly that friendship had gone wrong. Losing James and Lily was like an amputation, a part of himself that was there one moment and gone the next, leaving phantom pains. Losing Sirius was a festering wound that would probably never heal. He mourned the losses of his friends, all of them.

The Daily Profit announced on the front page when Sirius Black was released, and it was a dull sort of comfort knowing that at least he was free and innocent, or at least as innocent as any of them could be after fighting a war. The picture they used was an old one, from Jame and Lily’s wedding, and it hurt to see it. Though it was only Sirius in the frame, mugging for the camera, Rumus knew that his own younger self had been cropped away. They had all been so happy that day. Sirius had even dragged him out to the dance floor after a few drinks, and it was just a lark for him but Remus could still remember how it had felt to dance with his friend and secret love. He tossed the paper in the bin.

Transforming on his own was always harder, leaving him exhausted. He needed another day of rest, he decided, but then it was time for a change. There was no reason to stay in England. Sentiments against werewolves were even worse after the war; some had been responsible for vicious attacks, and the best that could be said was that some had chosen to remain neutral. He had his parents’ house, but without an income there would be no way to feed himself. There was only one thing he could do that would be of use to anyone; he was going to find Peter. Tomorrow he would start tracking down a rat.

Sirius could not sleep. The bed was too soft and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept in a real bed. The last month was a blur of cells and leaning in doorways and curling up in alleys as a dog. After living in the city and fighting a war the sounds of the country were too quiet and strange. Mostly, though, he couldn’t sleep because it felt as if James being dead had changed the whole equilibrium of the world and he couldn’t find his footing.

His bedroom faced the back garden, his view partially obscured by a tree that had been a handy way of coming and going when he was a boy. Many a time he and James had climbed down the tree to go for a midnight swim or smuggle in things to drink. More than once he’d climbed in on his own, the window never locked as if the house itself knew that he sometimes needed a place to run to when his own house was too much. The summer before Fifth year he’d shown up at one in the morning on an August day, climbed inside and collapsed in the bed, sleeping until James had pounced on him and demanded to know why he hadn’t woken him up. Sixth year, when he’d left his family or good, he’d used the front door.

Sometime in the last couple of years Euphemia and Monty had changed their bedroom to the downstairs suite. It meant that of the five upstairs bedrooms the only other one occupied was the one to his left, a guest suite that now held a crib. To his right was James’s room, separated from his own by a bath they had shared. The door to the room that now belonged to Harry was open, and Sirius found himself standing in the doorway more than he tried lying on his bed. The window shade was up and the almost full moon illuminated the crib enough to see the bandage on Harry’s forehead. Magic wounds were hard to heal, and no one knew how long a curse from such a powerful wizard would take before it stopped bleeding.

“James should be the one standing here,” he whispered to the boy as he stood at the edge of the crib. His friend had been so excited about being a father. So proud. So worried about his ability to protect his son and wife. Sirius had sworn that nothing would happen to any of them. He had lied.

“Mmm.” Harry shifted in his sleep, as restless as James had always been. He was such a small thing; Sirius had panicked the first time Lily had handed the baby to him, certain that he would drop the kid and nine months of work would be ruined. James could forgive him just about anything, but probably not a dent in his kid.

“I’ll fuck this up, Prongs, but I swear I will do my best.” The first time James had asked him to be godfather it had seemed a joke. It was a good laugh, him responsible for anyone’s child. Merlin, there were days when he shouldn’t be responsible for himself, let alone another human. As the war had progressed the promise was one that James had reminded him of on occasion. Every time he had panicked and told James that he and Lily were the ones most likely to survive. Even after the prophecy they had a plan. James would be safe. Godfather would be an honorary title that just meant he got to spoil the kid with the things his parents wouldn’t buy for him. And then he’d made the stupidest argument in his life and had convinced James that Peter would be a better secret keeper. James and Lily paid for his mistake with their lives. Harry would pay for the rest of his life, his parents stolen from him.

Thank Merlin for Euphemia and Monty. He couldn’t raise Harry on his own. Without them he wouldn’t know what to do. Without them he’d probably be in a cell in Azkaban.

It was another hour before he slept. He only settled because Harry woke up and needed rocking; they both fell asleep in the chair that had been Lily’s, Harry on his chest, the rocking charm he’d put on the chair long since worn off. Euphemia found them in the early hours of the morning and covered them carefully with a blanket.

#wolfstar fic #wolfstar #remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius x lupin #remus x sirius #sirius black #siriius black x remus lupin #harry potter #my fic #harry potter fic #MPPW

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