#he remembers everything the day after
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*In a College AU* Bucky: Come on, I wasn't that drunk! Buck: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Bucky: Because you are!
#buck : blushes bright red#i need bucky to start waxing poetry to gale when he's drunk#just#all restraints gone#and he just showers buck with affection#not because he's drunk but because he's just freeer with his affections that way#he remembers everything the day after#it only was embarrassing when he was trying to hide his crush from buck and he kept on pushing his luck with the praises and harmless touch#but the only thing stronger than bucky's crush was gale's self esteem issue so nothing happened because "surely he doesn't mean it like tha#i need to stop writing fic prompts in the tag and actually write them#clegan#buck x bucky#john egan#bucky egan#gale cleven#buck cleven#mota#masters of the air#mota incorrect quotes
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been thinking about kid/teenage peri and the power he holds
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#peri fairywinkle cosma#fop irep#perirep#wanda fairywinkle cosma#cosmo cosma#senjart#as much as I like to make fun of him#thinking about his younger self dealing with stuff like his brother no longer remembering him#or the power he holds because hes both a fairywinkle and a cosma (or von strangle)#esp he’s the son of the fairy who’s the reason why babies were banned#makes me kinda sad#so I had this idea that after bottling everything up one day after a minor inconvenience he snapped and. well. enjoy the pics
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I'm at that part of chapter three my friends, so let me be a reminder that Colm O'Driscoll's plan to lure in Dutch after taking Arthur failed because nobody came looking for him.
He would have died being held captive any longer, he barely escaped.
The gang did not come for Arthur.
#and it makes me seethe#listen in my first playthrough this was the part I thought Arthur was going to die in#that's how little I knew about this game#I was crying real tears#I was mourning arthur three chapters early lol#and I know I know micah explains himself but god it is not good enough#tilly went missing and they noticed right away#they hadn't seen trelawny in a few days and they went to find him#FUCKING BILL GOES MISSING AFTER BEING TAKEN BY BOUNTY HUNTERS AND THEY NOTICE#I seethe I seethe#Arthur Morgan your own family failed you#I get so caught up in the fun family dynamic that I have to remember that arthur is the “protector”#so who protects the protector? well then this mission tells you everything you need to know#arthur has to save himself because nobody was there for him#and again I know that if the gang knew he was taken they would look#but the fact that hosea said LOUD AND CLEAR that it was a trap and that THEY HAD SAID TO MEET UP IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG#AND THEY STILL DIDN'T LOOK FOR HIM!!!!!!!!#THEY DIDN'T EVEN TRY#ARTHUR WENT MISSING FROM A MISSION THAT WAS CLEARLY A TRAP AND THEY DIDN'T GO LOOKING FOR HIM#FOR THEIR SON#THEIR BROTHER#THEY DIDN'T LOOK!!!!#my blood is boiling#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#mick rants#colm o'driscoll
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Treasured Treats
@jojo-schmo
#Still recovering from everything (thank you for the kind words everyone!) but I had nothing else to upload for Halloween#That and this idea was so sweet I wanted to be involved!#(After sixth months Noir finally has a -single- meal...!)#That's a senbei rice cracker cookie he's eating btw - Noir likes warm drinks and relatively bland and simple food#(For some off the cuff lore... his mom probably gave him some to eat on the shuttle from the New World > Shiver Star)#(As they were on the run at the time 'airplane snacks' was likely the best she could offer her hungry confused son...)#(...But Noir would surely remember the taste of the simple rice crackers he had that day very fondly)#Still... when a man cries over a single rice cracker you know he's lived a rough life XD#(Random Dess Lore: This was the first thing my host family gave me after the worst plane trip of -my- life)#Noir Fontaine#Dess Art Post#cw: blood#(well it's a nosebleed but still)#Really need to stop drawing and rest my hand/eye...#But I wanted to do something a little cute and fun first!
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lucid
#ffxiv#shadowbringers#ffxiv wol#geese art#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#spoilers in context tags btdubs#1) i wanted to paint something fun#2) kiril was barely conscious for the last several hours of shb bc of the light poisoning#he spent most of amaurot running on instinct and a few moments of lucidity#and he only really snapped back right as he was being asked to remember something.#and he’s not entirely certain why he feels a pit in his stomach#after all i mean. he won.#so…………!!#emet watching that thing he is disgusted by deteriorate more and more for the sake of his plans which would be fine and cool#if he didn’t have his face#emet hates kiril so so much which makes the fleeting moments of sympathy that much worse#one day i will sketch out a relationship chart or smth for them#god. god i love u shadowbringers#OKAY THATS ALL I JUST WANTED TO PLAY WITH FUN COLORS IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE ACTUALLY#shadowbringers kiril
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hc that one thing everyone in the batfamily knows without doubt is: alfred knows everything. hidding anything from alfred is a waste of time and energy, because he always just knows. so they simply don’t. they dont need to tell him, but they dont need to hide it, he always knows anyways.
however, the thing is alfred is just a regular old man who spends all of his time cleaning, cooking and making sure they dont die. he doesnt have time to be figuring out what the bat ninjas he has for a family is hidding so most often than not he doesnt know. it doesnt help that no one in the family ever tells him anything, because they expect him to just know. he just has a really really good poker face and an inability to be surprised by much so everyone just assumes he already knew once he discovers anything.
#alfred pennyworth#batman#batfam#he also doesnt know the batfam believe he knows everything#and he is really tired of being the last one to find out literally anything about their lives#bruce didnt even told him about batman#he found out a few weeks after on one of the first particularly bad nights where bruce just crashed on his bed wearing the batsuit#he blinked twice and then told bruce to remember to wear proper sleepwear next time#he found the batcave one day when he was cleaning and bruce just walked by him and walked in the cave#the sigh he left after realizing he had more to clean couldve heard from space#at some point much much later he started assuming every minor under their roof was just another child of bruce#(to be fair that is correct like 85% of the time so his logic is pretty solid)#he is convinced he is the grandfather of at least two heros in any superhero/vigilante group that existed#the batfamily needs better conversational skills#batfamily#robin#batgirl#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#damian wayne#bruce wayne#dc titans#teen titans#young justice#dc outlaws
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i go back and forth on whether i think shanks and buggy spent the ~year between oden leaving the oro jackson and roger’s execution together or apart.
there’re arguments to be made to explain the clinginess we see in the post-execution roguetown scene either way—you can claim shanks is desperate to have buggy come with him because he’s gone without these last months and doesn’t want to do it again; you can claim buggy is shocked by shanks’ decision to not go after the one piece because they’ve spent all these months together, and this change of mind has come out of nowhere.
and both options give you juicy gap-filler scenes to consider—the chance encounter in roguetown just before? just after?? the execution, each of them full to bursting with sorrow and fury and grief and now a dash of joy to throw them both off? delicious. VS months of small-scale adventures as they travel aimlessly, heading east because they might as well, they’ve already been as west as you can go, an unspoken tension slowly building…
there’s really no bad choice, i win no matter what. but it’s fun to think about.
#tos originals#one piece#shuggy#—the shuggy roguetown breakup#that said i am leaning towards ‘apart’ these days#something something shanks only realizing how badly he wants buggy to stay in his life after they’ve been kept apart…#something something buggy hearing shanks say something so bizarre it makes him wonder if he ever really knew this guy…#maybe he’s been remembering him wrong all these months…#everything about their dynamic appeals to me but this particular flavor is *especially* appealing
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping …!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrot…
#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war#and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but he’s off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him#atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS he’ll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be#travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do he’s down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with#her .. so he’s using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks they’re hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war#so jaime being touchy feely isn’t anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isn’t anything new either#but this time he means it LOL he’s like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking they’d help rebuild lannisport just bc it’s a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know#jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone#but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord#also he’s thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc it’s for tyrion anyway#so he’s off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet#she wants to stay with him and she’s helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesn’t exactly want to leave him#but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that she’s actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived#the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so she’s just staying and helping out bc a) it’s the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister#for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn 🙄😳#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and he’s also looking quite#rugged and handsome post war now that he’s thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his#smirks even more ! rogueish … ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair 👀 so now there’s gossips around him#not to mention he’s single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war they’ll forget the kingslaying#man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc she’s a chismosa at heart and they’re talking about a#potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and there’s going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now she’s remembering jaime IS a#lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and he’s single and very eligible for marriage rn#and now she’s realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as#now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield#one that she isn’t equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies#with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesn’t think (and she’s being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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Man.... I can't stop thinking about Pac and the Risus Pill arc
Pac saying he took the pills because he didn't have any other choice, he was so hopeless he wants to take them until he doesn't remember anything
Pac saying "At least I’m not crying in some random corner in the Island expecting my friends to come save me, and nobody comes save me"
And then the thing he said immediately before that: "I lost my friend, I lost my friend’s friend, I lost my Egg, I lost my child, I lost everything, I'm– I was completely hopeless– so yeah, maybe I wanna be drugged and live my miserable but happy life. At least I’m not in that saddest place anymore."
The blood at Chume Labs
The three graves at Chume Labs
The message he wrote to Cellbit asking Cellbit to kill him if things got too bad, then changing it and saying "lock me up" instead.
The conversation with Fit, Fit pleading with him, and Pac saying "I don’t want to go back to that bad and sad place."
Pac, despite his grief and depression, finding an antidote and saving himself (with the help of his friends)
Literally everything from the Risus Pill arc makes me so heartbroken
#i talk#qsmp talk#the crazy thing is is I still haven't seen the stream where they give Pac the antidote#I was busy that day and rushed home trying to catch the tail-end of the stream#and made the mistake of leaving Twitch open on my phone on the counter as I hopped in the shower#and then mid-shampoo I just heard a SCREAM from my phone and I was like ''UH OH''#didn't get a noise complaint but it scared the hell out of me#I never did find that clip of him and Cellbit talking after everything went down and he was cured#but I remember the quotes from it#aghhhh#suicide mention#sorta implied#ask to tag#I'm briefly touching upon the Risus arc in my fic but I really want to dig more into the arc#I know it'll just make me sad though#tw drugs#drug mention#addiction#qsmp analysis
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Oh good Neil Gaiman finally unfollowed me after all my bullshit I can be even more unhinged now
#It was really funny while it lasted#I think he followed me in 2018 and one day I summoned enough courage to ask him if he meant to follow me or did his son take his phone agai#He said he doesn't remember following me but then HE NEVER UNFOLLOWED after that#Can you imagine posting/reblogging everything thinking that Neil Gaiman is gonna see it. Every time I reblogged old men kissing#FOR FIVE YEARS#I'm finally free#I can post smut now -- (??#I was starting to get a little respect for him after I've done nothing but talk shit about him on my dash for a week and he didn't unfollow#Guess he finally read what I said about the season lolol#Again: I'm getting to my unanswered asks! I'm not ignoring you!#The next ask involves that one fucking 36 pages essay so...I'm still working through that......#Oh the things I do for my asks 🤦���️
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Hey are you planning to finish this Akane analysis you talked about?
This thing is such the running gag of this blog help me
Idk Anon sorry ://
I am in a rare tbhk mood since months but idk if I will have the energy to do it I will be honest the main reason is because of how Akane is seen by most of the fandom I honestly feel really out of touch with how he is viewed by most people which is the reason I always started and never finished x'))) ( 2/3 persons being the exceptions rip (from people who express themselves about tbhk, I know a lot of persons don't talk too))
So it's a maybe! but honestly I won't promise it ahah writing my thoughts (especially in english) , even when half of them are insane and not really linked directly to the manga, take a long time and I don't have much ^^
I still think he is a good character in the most recent chapters (which unfortunately can't be said for all characters :') He had bad appearances in chapters when he was in this kinda limbo before the clock keepers/grim reaper arc but after he just didn't, which once again clearly can't be said for everyone biggest rip(expect for chapter 109 but I just think this chapter sucks in general and even in this horror he was probably one of the best character help me)
I have big fears for him because of how inconsistent AidaIro is tbh With the need they have to make some characters the highlights and destroy the others just to make their favs look good. So I kinda expect Akane and the clock keepers mostly to be dunked on in terms of writing. (I wil always love them, like all mysteries ♥)
But I am happy to see this question, it made me laugh and I am surprised some people remember ^^
Thank you for the ask Anon! I would be sure to scream if I ever post one so you can see it ❤️
#this got so long this is a joke help#maybe I can do like focus on some chapters but even for this idk x)) I will seeeee#the only thing where I was???? with Akane in the recent chapters (the ones from this last 1 year and half)#was why tf he was so scared of Teru in chapter 103#but we got our answer so no prob#honestly I don't care if people don't see him as I do or as I think he is written (it's my opinion after all)#people can interpret what they want and all (even if some takes are insane but hey you do you)#this answer sounds negative towards the fandom but (for once rip) it really isn't#it's really just in terms of motivation for me :00#I just need motivation and I will be honest I am a really either 0 or 100 person#no in between at all ahah#so one day I can be super motivated#and the next I will delete everything x))#anyways! I ramble#thank you for the ask anon!! ^^#this is still really sweet to see that some people remembers this it makes me happy yay#aoi akane#the guy#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun
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"Did I ever tell you about my Omega casino run in with the Blue Suns, Eclipse, and the Blood Pack Vorcha mafia? Five thousand credits and a bottle of whiskey?"
Ft. Staff Cmdr. Kaidan Alenko, Operations Chief Ashley Williams, Zaeed Massani, & Seven. Dominik Shepard. Phoebus. MIRA'S MORE CANON ME1.5 "Are you Phoebus?" AKA: Pt. 1 of some of what happens between ME1 and ME2 with the Vorcha mafia storyline. :) Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#dominik shepard#kaidan alenko#ashley williams#zaeed massani#mass effect#morecanonmasseffect#mass effect legendary edition#me#dailygaming#tw: gore#hi my name is mira and i like making very large gifsets of my blorbos :)#i made myself a little bit sad thinking of what the gang was getting up to when soph is dead during me1 and me2 but VORCHA MAFIA BABY#this is close enough to something i was working through in my noggin lmao#i think kaidan gets word from hackett that something went to shit out on omega with soph being out of the shade game#he ropes ash into it and zaeed takes leave from his n7 adjunct position on earth to come help too when he hears it’s vorcha mafia related :#as for sad times in my head i decided that zaeed is the one who goes to alchera and grabs all of soph’s guns when the normandy goes down :)#they’re all busted to shit so he takes all the time to fix them and remod them like she would have :) and he keeps her cobra :)#since she almost killed him with it when they first met :) he gives her widow to kaidan :) it’s the one he uses in the gifs :)#and he gives ash her valkyrie which is the one she picked up and started modding after he got dropped off at the villa to be with regis :)#i thought it would be fun if dom showed up to protect them after separating from cerbie but no one *knows* it’s dom :)#since he’s using an alias atp and he wants to protect them for soph since he’s starting to remember shit and that’s all he can do for her :#in my noggin he’s either wearing a mask or never takes his helmet off since they’re identical but i was not fucking with that in game lmao#i also think zaeed is the one who catches onto him and leads the rest of the group toward him with his contacts he still has on station :)#i think dom is tracking the vorcha mafia. part of me says everything just clicks into place right after he gives soph’s body to cerbie#and then everything rushes back at once for him and he heads to omega to start picking up where she left off before she was on the normandy#he honestly might be what hackett gives kaidan the heads up about. undecided. i’m still noodling :) but this was fun to conceptualize :)#i’m excited to pen this in the future! :) it needs more noodling :) for everyone honestly lol#my one final thought is that i do think kaidan picks up some of soph’s anger habits after she dies. i don’t think he does well at first#have a good day wherever you are friend as always!! 💙💙
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aftg bonus content spoilers‼️‼️
ok but Kevin saying "Coaches have no honor" when wymack said coaches honor???? Like in tsc, spoiler warning if you haven't read it yet, it is revealed to us through Jean how much coaches are feared respected highly in the nest. They're seen at a higher level than a coach should be, seen as some superior being that knows better anyone. It absolutely destroyed me seeing Kevin say that but in the good way because I interpret it to be him unraveling and opening the tight stitches the nest sewed into his mind from a young age.
#aftg bonus content#aftg spoilers#kevin day#the sunshine court#jean moreau#He also seems to be firm and somewhat resentful?? in his statement but I'm not sure abt this since I don't remember the sentence fully#But idk I just see it as him finally opening his eyes and seeing just how messed up everything was in the nest#How he was gaslit and manipulated from a young age conditioned to endure tetsujis abuse and still keep himself from falling apart#He seems to realize that tetsuji (pretty sure he knew before but maybe it didn't properly hit him until after he left and saw how wymack wa#with the foxes) didn't deserve to be put on that high pedestal not when he lost all meaning of the game his mother created not when he lost#sight of its true purpose#if u have any different interpretations let me know! I'd love to know other people's thoughts on this#tetsuji moriyama#david wymack
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Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.
Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks
Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.
And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.
So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.
He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.
Caelus doesn't have any of that.
He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.
And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.
So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-
("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")
-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.
Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.
(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)
((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."
And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.
And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.
The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))
#caelus#sampo koski#hsr caelus#hsr sampo#sampo & caelus#honkai star rail#hsr#my fics#me a few days ago: my favorite silly little guys uwu#me today: ANGST#honestly I feel like this isn't even a super strong angst though#it's more just. bittersweet? melancholic? something.#I JUST. REALLY LOVE STORIES ABOUT THE NATURE OF GRIEF#and 2.0 laid the groundwork for that beautifully woohoo#I just remembered this probably isn't common knowledge oops but April is the cute red haired girl in Funny Bone#her name was revealed by the creators on twitter. she's named April like April Fools!#anyway I ship it hardcore now thanks bucket boi & studio#but anyway yes I love and adore the loneliness of the trailblazer's loss and grief after 2.0#because we know from Sunday that Firefly is “spiritually dead” but the trailblazer wouldn't have that knowledge#and they wouldn't know her identity or about any of her connections to other people#and I love that juxtaposed against Sampo and the possible strange nature of his own grief-#-given how the Masked Fools operate and how they see Elation in everything and everywhere#Sampo is no saint- like at all lol- but I do like him and Caelus getting along and being bros#and I don't think it would be terribly ooc for him to care about someone he sees as a genuine friend#he maybe rarely considers someone a genuine friend. but still dmxjjdjdk#listening to Sam's boss theme as I tag this... have been listening to it a lot ever since I finished 2.0 tbh#it's probably what inspired a lot of this haha#because it does sound strong and intimidating and imposing#but you can hear it#the heartbreak
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