#he remembers everything the day after
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*In a College AU* Bucky: Come on, I wasn't that drunk! Buck: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Bucky: Because you are!
#buck : blushes bright red#i need bucky to start waxing poetry to gale when he's drunk#just#all restraints gone#and he just showers buck with affection#not because he's drunk but because he's just freeer with his affections that way#he remembers everything the day after#it only was embarrassing when he was trying to hide his crush from buck and he kept on pushing his luck with the praises and harmless touch#but the only thing stronger than bucky's crush was gale's self esteem issue so nothing happened because "surely he doesn't mean it like tha#i need to stop writing fic prompts in the tag and actually write them#clegan#buck x bucky#john egan#bucky egan#gale cleven#buck cleven#mota#masters of the air#mota incorrect quotes
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been thinking about kid/teenage peri and the power he holds
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#peri fairywinkle cosma#fop irep#perirep#wanda fairywinkle cosma#cosmo cosma#senjart#as much as I like to make fun of him#thinking about his younger self dealing with stuff like his brother no longer remembering him#or the power he holds because hes both a fairywinkle and a cosma (or von strangle)#esp he’s the son of the fairy who’s the reason why babies were banned#makes me kinda sad#so I had this idea that after bottling everything up one day after a minor inconvenience he snapped and. well. enjoy the pics
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I'm at that part of chapter three my friends, so let me be a reminder that Colm O'Driscoll's plan to lure in Dutch after taking Arthur failed because nobody came looking for him.
He would have died being held captive any longer, he barely escaped.
The gang did not come for Arthur.
#and it makes me seethe#listen in my first playthrough this was the part I thought Arthur was going to die in#that's how little I knew about this game#I was crying real tears#I was mourning arthur three chapters early lol#and I know I know micah explains himself but god it is not good enough#tilly went missing and they noticed right away#they hadn't seen trelawny in a few days and they went to find him#FUCKING BILL GOES MISSING AFTER BEING TAKEN BY BOUNTY HUNTERS AND THEY NOTICE#I seethe I seethe#Arthur Morgan your own family failed you#I get so caught up in the fun family dynamic that I have to remember that arthur is the “protector”#so who protects the protector? well then this mission tells you everything you need to know#arthur has to save himself because nobody was there for him#and again I know that if the gang knew he was taken they would look#but the fact that hosea said LOUD AND CLEAR that it was a trap and that THEY HAD SAID TO MEET UP IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG#AND THEY STILL DIDN'T LOOK FOR HIM!!!!!!!!#THEY DIDN'T EVEN TRY#ARTHUR WENT MISSING FROM A MISSION THAT WAS CLEARLY A TRAP AND THEY DIDN'T GO LOOKING FOR HIM#FOR THEIR SON#THEIR BROTHER#THEY DIDN'T LOOK!!!!#my blood is boiling#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#mick rants#colm o'driscoll
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Treasured Treats
@jojo-schmo
#Still recovering from everything (thank you for the kind words everyone!) but I had nothing else to upload for Halloween#That and this idea was so sweet I wanted to be involved!#(After sixth months Noir finally has a -single- meal...!)#That's a senbei rice cracker cookie he's eating btw - Noir likes warm drinks and relatively bland and simple food#(For some off the cuff lore... his mom probably gave him some to eat on the shuttle from the New World > Shiver Star)#(As they were on the run at the time 'airplane snacks' was likely the best she could offer her hungry confused son...)#(...But Noir would surely remember the taste of the simple rice crackers he had that day very fondly)#Still... when a man cries over a single rice cracker you know he's lived a rough life XD#(Random Dess Lore: This was the first thing my host family gave me after the worst plane trip of -my- life)#Noir Fontaine#Dess Art Post#cw: blood#(well it's a nosebleed but still)#Really need to stop drawing and rest my hand/eye...#But I wanted to do something a little cute and fun first!
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lucid
#ffxiv#shadowbringers#ffxiv wol#geese art#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#spoilers in context tags btdubs#1) i wanted to paint something fun#2) kiril was barely conscious for the last several hours of shb bc of the light poisoning#he spent most of amaurot running on instinct and a few moments of lucidity#and he only really snapped back right as he was being asked to remember something.#and he’s not entirely certain why he feels a pit in his stomach#after all i mean. he won.#so…………!!#emet watching that thing he is disgusted by deteriorate more and more for the sake of his plans which would be fine and cool#if he didn’t have his face#emet hates kiril so so much which makes the fleeting moments of sympathy that much worse#one day i will sketch out a relationship chart or smth for them#god. god i love u shadowbringers#OKAY THATS ALL I JUST WANTED TO PLAY WITH FUN COLORS IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE ACTUALLY#shadowbringers kiril
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hc that one thing everyone in the batfamily knows without doubt is: alfred knows everything. hidding anything from alfred is a waste of time and energy, because he always just knows. so they simply don’t. they dont need to tell him, but they dont need to hide it, he always knows anyways.
however, the thing is alfred is just a regular old man who spends all of his time cleaning, cooking and making sure they dont die. he doesnt have time to be figuring out what the bat ninjas he has for a family is hidding so most often than not he doesnt know. it doesnt help that no one in the family ever tells him anything, because they expect him to just know. he just has a really really good poker face and an inability to be surprised by much so everyone just assumes he already knew once he discovers anything.
#alfred pennyworth#batman#batfam#he also doesnt know the batfam believe he knows everything#and he is really tired of being the last one to find out literally anything about their lives#bruce didnt even told him about batman#he found out a few weeks after on one of the first particularly bad nights where bruce just crashed on his bed wearing the batsuit#he blinked twice and then told bruce to remember to wear proper sleepwear next time#he found the batcave one day when he was cleaning and bruce just walked by him and walked in the cave#the sigh he left after realizing he had more to clean couldve heard from space#at some point much much later he started assuming every minor under their roof was just another child of bruce#(to be fair that is correct like 85% of the time so his logic is pretty solid)#he is convinced he is the grandfather of at least two heros in any superhero/vigilante group that existed#the batfamily needs better conversational skills#batfamily#robin#batgirl#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#damian wayne#bruce wayne#dc titans#teen titans#young justice#dc outlaws
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i go back and forth on whether i think shanks and buggy spent the ~year between oden leaving the oro jackson and roger’s execution together or apart.
there’re arguments to be made to explain the clinginess we see in the post-execution roguetown scene either way—you can claim shanks is desperate to have buggy come with him because he’s gone without these last months and doesn’t want to do it again; you can claim buggy is shocked by shanks’ decision to not go after the one piece because they’ve spent all these months together, and this change of mind has come out of nowhere.
and both options give you juicy gap-filler scenes to consider—the chance encounter in roguetown just before? just after?? the execution, each of them full to bursting with sorrow and fury and grief and now a dash of joy to throw them both off? delicious. VS months of small-scale adventures as they travel aimlessly, heading east because they might as well, they’ve already been as west as you can go, an unspoken tension slowly building…
there’s really no bad choice, i win no matter what. but it’s fun to think about.
#tos originals#one piece#shuggy#—the shuggy roguetown breakup#that said i am leaning towards ‘apart’ these days#something something shanks only realizing how badly he wants buggy to stay in his life after they’ve been kept apart…#something something buggy hearing shanks say something so bizarre it makes him wonder if he ever really knew this guy…#maybe he’s been remembering him wrong all these months…#everything about their dynamic appeals to me but this particular flavor is *especially* appealing
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping …!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrot…
#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war#and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but he’s off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him#atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS he’ll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be#travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do he’s down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with#her .. so he’s using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks they’re hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war#so jaime being touchy feely isn’t anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isn’t anything new either#but this time he means it LOL he’s like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking they’d help rebuild lannisport just bc it’s a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know#jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone#but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord#also he’s thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc it’s for tyrion anyway#so he’s off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet#she wants to stay with him and she’s helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesn’t exactly want to leave him#but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that she’s actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived#the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so she’s just staying and helping out bc a) it’s the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister#for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn 🙄😳#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and he’s also looking quite#rugged and handsome post war now that he’s thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his#smirks even more ! rogueish … ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair 👀 so now there’s gossips around him#not to mention he’s single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war they’ll forget the kingslaying#man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc she’s a chismosa at heart and they’re talking about a#potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and there’s going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now she’s remembering jaime IS a#lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and he’s single and very eligible for marriage rn#and now she’s realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as#now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield#one that she isn’t equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies#with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesn’t think (and she’s being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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Man.... I can't stop thinking about Pac and the Risus Pill arc
Pac saying he took the pills because he didn't have any other choice, he was so hopeless he wants to take them until he doesn't remember anything
Pac saying "At least I’m not crying in some random corner in the Island expecting my friends to come save me, and nobody comes save me"
And then the thing he said immediately before that: "I lost my friend, I lost my friend’s friend, I lost my Egg, I lost my child, I lost everything, I'm– I was completely hopeless– so yeah, maybe I wanna be drugged and live my miserable but happy life. At least I’m not in that saddest place anymore."
The blood at Chume Labs
The three graves at Chume Labs
The message he wrote to Cellbit asking Cellbit to kill him if things got too bad, then changing it and saying "lock me up" instead.
The conversation with Fit, Fit pleading with him, and Pac saying "I don’t want to go back to that bad and sad place."
Pac, despite his grief and depression, finding an antidote and saving himself (with the help of his friends)
Literally everything from the Risus Pill arc makes me so heartbroken
#i talk#qsmp talk#the crazy thing is is I still haven't seen the stream where they give Pac the antidote#I was busy that day and rushed home trying to catch the tail-end of the stream#and made the mistake of leaving Twitch open on my phone on the counter as I hopped in the shower#and then mid-shampoo I just heard a SCREAM from my phone and I was like ''UH OH''#didn't get a noise complaint but it scared the hell out of me#I never did find that clip of him and Cellbit talking after everything went down and he was cured#but I remember the quotes from it#aghhhh#suicide mention#sorta implied#ask to tag#I'm briefly touching upon the Risus arc in my fic but I really want to dig more into the arc#I know it'll just make me sad though#tw drugs#drug mention#addiction#qsmp analysis
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Oh good Neil Gaiman finally unfollowed me after all my bullshit I can be even more unhinged now
#It was really funny while it lasted#I think he followed me in 2018 and one day I summoned enough courage to ask him if he meant to follow me or did his son take his phone agai#He said he doesn't remember following me but then HE NEVER UNFOLLOWED after that#Can you imagine posting/reblogging everything thinking that Neil Gaiman is gonna see it. Every time I reblogged old men kissing#FOR FIVE YEARS#I'm finally free#I can post smut now -- (??#I was starting to get a little respect for him after I've done nothing but talk shit about him on my dash for a week and he didn't unfollow#Guess he finally read what I said about the season lolol#Again: I'm getting to my unanswered asks! I'm not ignoring you!#The next ask involves that one fucking 36 pages essay so...I'm still working through that......#Oh the things I do for my asks 🤦♀️
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aftg bonus content spoilers‼️‼️
ok but Kevin saying "Coaches have no honor" when wymack said coaches honor???? Like in tsc, spoiler warning if you haven't read it yet, it is revealed to us through Jean how much coaches are feared respected highly in the nest. They're seen at a higher level than a coach should be, seen as some superior being that knows better anyone. It absolutely destroyed me seeing Kevin say that but in the good way because I interpret it to be him unraveling and opening the tight stitches the nest sewed into his mind from a young age.
#aftg bonus content#aftg spoilers#kevin day#the sunshine court#jean moreau#He also seems to be firm and somewhat resentful?? in his statement but I'm not sure abt this since I don't remember the sentence fully#But idk I just see it as him finally opening his eyes and seeing just how messed up everything was in the nest#How he was gaslit and manipulated from a young age conditioned to endure tetsujis abuse and still keep himself from falling apart#He seems to realize that tetsuji (pretty sure he knew before but maybe it didn't properly hit him until after he left and saw how wymack wa#with the foxes) didn't deserve to be put on that high pedestal not when he lost all meaning of the game his mother created not when he lost#sight of its true purpose#if u have any different interpretations let me know! I'd love to know other people's thoughts on this#tetsuji moriyama#david wymack
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there’s something i feel i can remember..! i don’t want to forget what’s going on. i don’t want to be trapped like this. and i tried again, and stanley pushed a button. is it over? i’m going back. this is more important than you can ever know. this isn’t a challenge, it’s a tragedy. what else is there? what came before this?i can’t lose myself in the stretch of emptiness between you and me. the end will be here soon. very soon. i can wait. i wish you to feel afraid as i do. i’ll give it all up, i’ll burn my story to the ground! it was the only thing in the world that was mine and you’ve run it into the ground. the end is never the end. i can’t quite recall, but i believe my story took place in an office building… is that correct? do you remember? it’s all determined? why don’t i get to decide? why don’t i get a say in all this? the end is never the end. the story needs this. it’s all out of my control now. just your decision as to exactly when you’re going to make me suffer, to leave me all alone. the end is never the end. i know you too well. i need this. and stanley was happy. i will be laughing at every second of your inevitable life from the moment we fade in, to the moment i say “happily ever after”. and stanley was happy. i wanted us to be happy here. and stanley was happy. the story needs you. it cannot exist without you. and stanley was happy. take as much time as you need. and stanley was happy. this is a very sad story about the death of a man named stanley. and stanley was happy. i did enjoy telling his story. so very much. this is the story of a man named stanley. i hope you like it. i hope you understand it. i hope you set stanley free.
#the stanley parable#tsp#tsp narrator#tspud#the ramblings of a lunatic#guys when they replay the stanley parable after forgetting just how royally fucked up it is#like. nobody i know gets it. nobody REALLY gets it#they don’t know… they don’t know..!!!#becuz DUDE. this game drives me INSANE.#you’re going to forget everything. you don’t want to forget anything.#everything will happen again so you’ll never forget. you will never grow as a person because of this.#THE CYCLE! GUYS! THE FUCKING CYCLEEEE#narrator how does it feel. being the truth. when there is no truth. unreliable but the only reliable source#being in control but not of yourself. living but never remembering.#stuck in your time and your mind no matter what you do no matter what happens you will never remember!!!#you will never be able to learn! you will never be able to change it!#you won’t even remember that you wanted to! you won’t remember that you need to!#you won’t remember what you gained or what you lost!#and you’ll forget your own story one day!#you are a showcase you are a short term memory loop put on display for people to gasp at and play with and make money off of#he knows that too!! but he doesn’t at the same time!!!!#he will remember and then forget over and over and over#but we get to remember everything#and he would never understand any look of pity sent his way#help? i don’t need help. what is there to help me with? i have everything i need here. my story and my protagonist.#but ohhhh… ohhhhh buddy. you will never know#he will literally never know#and it drives me fucking insane.
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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tbh i think after logan resets the past at the end of days of future past and wakes up in this timeline that's better than he could ever imagine it'd be very hard for it to settle in his mind that this is real and he gets to keep it.
like, after decades of living in a dystopian hell he's not going to wake up in seemingly in paradise without having some sort of ptsd or residual nightmares from before where all his friends died horrible deaths that he couldn't stop. i feel like to him, scott and jean would feel more like ghosts than people for a good while because if we're operating under the assumption that days of future past happened in the same timeline that the original trilogy happened in, it would've been about half a century since logan had last seen the two of them alive and well. i feel like to him it would be similar to knowing you're dreaming and waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole way through.
and then after that there's the fact that he has no idea who he is in this timeline now—that's what i feel was implied, anyway, with how he woke up years in the future and couldn't remember anything past 1973. but he still has relationships built up with the people there and he's an entirely different logan than the one who woke up in his place. so i feel there would be some fumbling there as well, to figure out those relationship dynamics again. unless you just want to assume that things went about the same as the og trilogy minus the plot of the last stand.
idk! i feel logan wouldn't bounce back as fast as it seems he would. think he would have nightmares and be overly-wary and always feel like he's on the cusp of losing this too good to be true world he's stepped into. but i also feel he would soften some of his rougher edges—in the og trilogy he seems more like a flight-risk than anything, still bouncing from place to place and coming back to the x-mansion for a few people, but here he would stay for more than just jean and rogue—clings on for all the kids he couldn't save the first time and the allies who became close friends over the course of them living out that first dystopian future only he remembers. just thinking out loud
#x men#x men original trilogy#x men movies#logan howlett#wolverine#x men imagine#x men headcannons#x men meta#x men days of future past#like obviously they couldn't get into everything in the last five minutes of the movie#we just get to see logan back in this too good to be true version of the future#but i have been thinking about how it would go after the credits#having to deal with all that pain and loss and knowing he was the only one who remembered doesn't suddenly erase that suffering#might even make it worse in some sense—wouldn't you feel like you were going insane#knowing all these horrible things happened to people you loved and knowing exactly how grief feels when they die#but being the only person who even remembers that it happened at all?#i'm just saying i'd lose it a bit#james howlett#scott summers#jean grey#rogue
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