#he not caring for any bribes batman

[emacrow]

Constantine is noping this situation, you can't make hi-..ah fucking damn it

John was already paled when Kronos got revived, but seeing the eyes scalding blinding Fear of God staring into your very soul and judgment every inch power that was in that godlinng babe was enough for him to started drinking his emergency booze.

He is not dealing with Greek Gods bullshits, especially if that what he puzzling in the pieces together Then Kronos's story was becoming twisted all together. Nope, he isn't. Batman can bribe him all he wants. He is fucking leaving now!!

Fucking with THAT right there especially with the contract he still owed Kronos for, he rather suffered the complete obliteration of his soul being torn to shreds once he dies then have that god find him. He is escaping of here before She even noticed that he is Here with her ol time relic still in his pocket.

Before he can even get one step in the portal ready, he already felt his chest tightening as if his entire chest was being squeezed like a kid's teething toy.

Fucking dammit, he should've left right when Kronos was still having that psychic backlash, he knew he should've trusted his gut, fucking time Goddess and her all knowing of when and where.

Part 6 << >> Offical Quiz that Decision the Fate of this continuing fic >>> Fic Released

[thelibrarian1895]

If your sibling is a rogue then make the best of it

I would like to think that Jason is very Hondo Onakha about kidnapping, very dramatic, fairly polite/chill to the one he kidnapped, minimal trauma, very professional overall but also very theatrical. Out of anyone in Gotham to have as your kidnapper, Jason aka the Red Hood is by far the very best person.

ALL of Jason's family whether they be legal, biological, emotional, or honorary, will absolutely try to convince Jason to kidnap them to get them out of some stupid civilian event. Whether or not Jason will go along with it will depend on several factors such as:

Does this benefit Bruce and get him out of a boring civilian event too? Then so sorry, you're just going to have to suffer!

How busy is Jason at the moment? Because being a drug lord and vigilante is actually pretty time consuming and kidnapping can be a lot of work for potentially very little gain.

What does Jason get out of it? Yes money is all well and good but Jason is rich by his own merits and can just steal from Bruce whenever, there's got to be more to it!

When is the last time Jason has kidnapped this sibling? He can't do it too often or it gets less effective. He has a reputation to maintain after all!

It may also depend on which sib is asking and what they need to be "saved" from.

Dick asks to be kidnapped from a bachelor auction charity? Ha! No chance, sorry Dickie! He will be there though and take pictures and laugh. (And also join all the other siblings who are stalking Dick and the winner of the auction in the event the winner wasn't one of the Bats or an invited member of the JL or Titans using Bruce's money) Dick asking to be kidnapped from a gala or some opening night of trendy place he's at to maintain civilian status? Maybe but the bribe has to be considerable. And it cannot benefit Bruce. Dick's normal bribes consist of taking some tedious part of an investigation over for Jason or getting intel from JL databases for Jason and the Outlaws.

Cass? Anytime and always, favorite sister who can beat him up has special kidnapping privileges, though they did stop for a very long time when some weirdos put out the theory that the Red Hood was in love with Gotham's Princess. (idk if Cass is considered Gotham's Princess in any version of canon but she is to me) Cass does still repay Jason in the form of Black Bat keeping an eye on Jason's territory when he's out of Gotham for any significant length of time.

Tim? He does owe the kid for several incidents and Tim normally doesn't abusive the privilege so he'd probably do it but there does have to be some sort of bribe for appearances sake. Tim usually gets Jason to agree in exchange for pictures of Batman tripping over his cape or in some other ridiculous position. Bonus in Jason's mind if Tim requests a kidnapping when Bruce is off world or otherwise occupied, therefore giving Brucie Wayne's reputation a hit. However if Tim wants to be kidnapped from something where Bruce is also suffering as Brucie, Tim is SOL (Tim might get revenge by getting Kon to wear Red Hood gear and "kidnap" Tim from the event if Jason refused. Kon will do it because Tim asked and also I would like to think that Kon isn't too fond of the guy who beat his best friend/boyfriend nearly to death and will mess with him if given the chance) Since kidnapping normally interferes with things that Tim wants to do however, he may instead bribe Jason to not kidnap a sibling that has asked to be kidnapped. Jason usually obliges this no kidnapping request.

Barbara? Sorry, no, he doesn't want to stress the Commissioner like that. He will, however, kidnap other people for her if she asks.

Stephanie? No Stephanie, he doesn't care what you offer, he's not kidnapping you so you can avoid your finals! Stephanie has, however, worn various wigs and been various hostages who died at the hands of the Hood in order to maintain his reputation. She gets paid in baked goods for her service.

Damian? Damian considered the idea ridiculous and proclaimed he'd never stoop so low and he would carry out his duties no matter how onerous! Damian then had to go to a Gotham gala. Damian is trying very hard to figure out a suitable bribe to get the Red Hood to kidnap him often enough that Bruce will be forced to keep Damian away from galas because of the ongoing security threat. So far it hasn't worked because Damian is very bad at bribing Jason, Jason thinks Damian forced to interact with normal people is funny, and Tim is successfully bribing Jason to ignore Damian's bribery attempts. The Red Hood has "kidnapped" Damian once, as a treat, when he thought the kid was looking particularly down about something.

Duke? Duke has yet to be made to attend any society gatherings as the solo Wayne (normally that falls to Bruce, Dick, or Tim) and can usually be spotted hanging out with Cass by the snack table at any gala or trendy event. He's not at Cass's level of reading body language but he's pretty darn good and he and Cass have reached a new level of being able to avoid annoying rich people while at parties. Duke is Cass's favorite gala buddy. Duke hasn't felt the need to ask Jason to kidnap him yet but Jason will allow the first one to be free of charge, no questions asked. After that Duke hasn't figured out suitable bribes for Jason but has realized that all of his siblings are hyper competitive and that Jason would absolutely wager a kidnapping in a competition or for a bet.

Alfred? If Alfred asked then Jason would without any caveat. Alfred will not ask however but might ask on behalf of someone else and Jason will comply.

Bruce? Jason just laughs. And if someone else is planning on kidnapping Brucie Wayne from a particularly boring business meeting or gala? Jason will actively thwart the kidnapping to force Bruce to continue to deal with social activity.

Jason usually splits a portion of the ransom money into bonuses for his goons since their original job outline is drug dealer/enforcer/mobster and not kidnapper. If they're going to get major felonies on their records, better make it financially worth it. All of Jason's goons are masked during any kidnapping event. The rest of the ransom money goes towards a charity of Jason's choosing.

Jason has also kidnapped people who are not his family or family adjacent. Barbara thought her dad could use a vacation at one point but he didn't have the PTO for it so Barbara had the Red Hood kidnap him. James Gordon experienced the weirdest kidnapping of his life that included some of the best food he'd ever eaten, an extremely soft bed, his pile of books that were on his reading list, and access to the sports games he'd meant to watch. The ransom was successfully paid after he had a week to relax. Gordon was then, as per protocol, allowed time to relax after his "harrowing" event. Barbara forced him to take the time. Strangely enough, some politicians who had been giving the Commissioner a hard time were suddenly very quiet when James Gordon came back, well rested, well fed, and ready to get back to the grind. It, of course, had nothing to do with the very polite emails with pictures attached that they all received while the Commissioner was very publicly out of the way.

Oliver Queen, when he was visiting Gotham, was kidnapped by the Red Hood. He was released after the ransom was paid and specifically he was released back in Star City. Mr. Queen was unavailable for comment after the incident but some sources say that he was cursing bats for some reason.

Lois Lane found herself kidnapped by Red Hood and ransomed by the Daily Planet while Superman was off world. Lois Lane returned safely to Metropolis and published a shocking expose on Luthor's latest scheme. Her sources for the article remain a secret.

Bruce is very grumpy about the whole thing, not just because Jason won't help his poor father get out of the stupid social event, but also because Jason being technically a rogue like this makes it very hard for him to successfully argue that Jason should let himself regain legal living status.

[cottagecore-moss-king]

Not so Artificial Intelligence Part 2

When Bruce finally managed to get the time to look at the file Danny had added to the bat computer, it was almost patrol, and the rest of the family was filling in to get ready to head out. Even Jason had shown up, but that was probably just because he was bribed by Alfred with leftovers from dinner. Bruce couldn’t really blame him, Alfred’s food was the best in the world, but he does wish that he would show up more often just to hang out with him and his siblings.

Bruce sat in the bat-chair, graciously labeled with a sticker from a recent prank by Stephanie. She had gone around and labeled everything in the bat cave, but added the bat suffix in front. It had taken forever to find most of them, but he allowed some of them to remain. 

Finding the new folder was easy, it was labeled FROM DANNY, and left in the middle of the screen. Clicking it open and sipping his fresh coffee he glanced at the first document. The folder was full of notes, pictures and videos, but all of the previews were white, green, or black. 

Bruce started to read through the document, and chocked on his coffee at the contents.

Hello Batman and family, I hope this reached you before they do. I didn’t bring this up just incase you knew and were supportive, but how you act and how contaminated you are I will assume you do not. There is a Government Law that declares any being that has come into contact with enough or creates ectoplasm as non-sentient and non-sapient, but at the same time malicious {Abbreviated the AEA}. We are to be turned over to the GIW to be experiment upon and exterminated. This is literal torture, and I have gathered as much evidence as me and my friends could without being caught. I beg you, please be careful if you decide to take these people down. From what is on here, I think that Lazarus Water is a form of corrupted ectoplasm. Also, anyone who has died and come back to life no matter what are counted, and anyone with godly blood within them. Please Please, save us. My parents are the leading “scientists” which is bullshit, and they’ve already tied me down once. I can’t go through that again. Please, Amity and the Infinite Realms need help. If you don’t help us, I’m scared we may be forced to go to war, and I don’t think you can win against the godly dead. 

Please, I’m begging you - Danny Fenton {King Phantom}

“You good B?” Nightwing asked strolling over casually. He didn’t know how to answer, how was he supposed to say ‘Oh yeah, just found out that the government calls us non-sentient\sapient, and we are to be experimented and slaughtered. Also if we don’t stop them our worlds probably going to fall and we’re all going to die a painful death.’ That’s a fun conversation to have.

Clearing his throat he finally spoke up. 

“Red Robin, Oracle, I need you to help me sort through these, Nightwing, get the Justice league ready for an emergency meeting, call the Dark too. Look at this.”

“Are we sure it’s real though? It could be a prank,” muttered Oracle, though even she doubted her words.

“Even so, the threat is there and we should certainly look through this, and that means the League needs to know.”

Batman carefully mourned the loss of a peaceful evening, and his coffee, he was going to need to leave that at the cave, he had an image to keep. 

Nightwing wasn’t smiling anymore, Robin looked concerned, and Red Hood was openly gawking at the screen.

“I’ve called the emergency meeting, you three sort these files out, I’m calling up the JLD now. Guess we should warn Constantine to bring a couple extra bottles huh.” His joke fell flat, but Bruce wonders if he should bring some alcohol and coffee with him, image be dammed. 

“Wait a second, godly blood included? They fuckn’ shittin’ on Diana!”

“That’s what your concerned about Todd? Not that the we both fall under these parameters, along with Father and the rest of the collection? I will go fetch Thomas from his chambers, he will need to suit up to follow us to the watchtower.”

“Good idea Damian, tell him to hurry up. Everyone else, in the Zeta Tube, Alfred, you can stay here if you want.” Bruce gathered his laptop and moved the file over, copying and sending it to Tims laptop as well. 

“Thank you master Bruce, I will wait for the younger masters then I will be up shortly. Run along now.” Alfred excused with a bow, but even his face was shadowed in worry and thinly veiled anger. 

“See you in a bit Alf.” Dick replied, inputting directions to the watchtower in and doing a quick headcount. 

With a flash, the dark gloomy cave was replaced by fluorescent lights and the steel infrastructure of the watchtower. Hopping off the platform another flash of light appeared, and Aquaman stepped out. The group filled out as Aquaman politely greeted them. Making their way to the nearest meeting room, Batman and Red Robin began to set things up as the gathered heroes began to sit. 

“Hey Nightwing, what’s with the meeting, you never call for an emergency meeting, Blüd rarely has big threats.” Flash mentioned as he zoomed into the meeting room, last as always, and began to dig into his waffle plate. Where he got waffles from, Bruce didn’t want to know, they weren’t serving waffles in the cafeteria today, or yesterday from leftovers. 

“This isn’t just Blüdhaven, it’s all of the united States.” He worried, checking over one final time to make sure everyone was here. A collection of the main heroes from the Justice League, they’d need to figure out who counted as ecto-contaminated before throwing people around, and Constantine, Zatanna, and Deadman were gathered to represent Justice League Dark. At least he assumed Deadman was there, as a chair was pulled out and labeled for him. At least they wouldn’t have to race to find him, they could tell him just to stay up in the watchtower if things got bad. Finally, Robin and Signal rushed in, signal tiredly rubbing his eyes and his helmet in Agent A’s hands. 

“As some of you know, a person got stuck in the batcomputer a couple months ago. And was only recently released.” Murmurs and imputed questions rose around, and Nightwing promptly ignored them. 

“They left behind a file for us, and we were looking through it and discovered many hidden crimes from the US government. They have taken and labeled a whole species and group of people as non-sentient and non-sapient, and have been experimenting and committing genocide on them.” Again, a chorus of questions and yelling went up, and Nightwing had to take a moment to pause. A glance at Martian Manhunter reviled a stone cold face, quietly waiting for more information. 

“Oh god… what is this?” 

[gothamhappiness]

Being in a relationship with Bruce Wayne: a journey - Nothing official, right? (Part IV)

It's a big series about an afab!reader who doesn't like Bruce Wayne and who still falls in love with him (he fells quicker and harder)

Reader's origin story // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Warnings: no proof reading, wild cat!reader, mentions of sexual activity, soft!Bruce to you, you like to gently bully Bruce.

You knew that even if you had told Bruce that you wanted nothing serious, your relationship was actually shifting to something a lot more official.

Everyone was gossiping about the fact that the rich playboy of Gotham seemed to be only spending time with one girl lately. And you were pretty certain that indeed Bruce hadn’t had any kind of romantic or sexual relationship apart from you. You hadn’t either because no one really interested you. It didn’t mean you wanted to be “his” girlfriend.

You were still worried you would lose your credibility now everyone knew Bruce was seeing you. After all, the “son of Gotham” was always followed by paparazzi and you couldn’t hide your relationship forever.

At first, you heard whispers around you; you were just another girl to fall for Bruce. But you kept writing articles about the elite of Gotham and you kept pointing things out. When something was about WE, you simply informed Bruce you were going to publish an article about his enterprises. You kept doing your work. And the man never stopped you from doing so, because he loved that about you. You were ruthless to him, and he was finding it way too attractive for his own good.

The whispers quietened down.

Bruce took advantage of the situation by freely gifting you absolutely gorgeous dresses and jewels, without having to worry about “bribing” you anymore. He was inviting you to his favourite restaurants as well. 

But he was also eager to follow you to little cinemas and places you enjoyed and in which you were more at ease. You always ended up in a hotel room or at your place. You didn’t necessarily have sex, even if he often ended on his knees and in between your legs. At least until Batman was called for duty by Gordon or his kids (he made sure to finish you off before running away). 

After his missions, he almost always came back to you, and you always took care of his wounds and bruises. You were his safe place. His haven.

You never asked questions about what happened. You knew who he was and it was enough for you. You also knew Gotham’s media would soon enough talk about the last adventures of Batman. He was grateful you never interrogated him because he could forget about work when he was with you. 

His children, Alfred and even the Justice League noticed how his mood changed lately. Of course, he was still a grumpy bear but some of his usual anger and despair seemed to have died down. He was more relaxed and even more open to discussion. After all, when he was with you, and that you thought Bruce or Batman should have been better, you always let him know without sugarcoating it. He appreciated it even if it was quite a humbling down experience for him as well. More than once he hinted that he would love to have you working at Wayne Enterprises by his side, but you didn’t want to date someone who would also be your boss. Bruce didn’t answer back that if you were getting married one day, he could easily make you co-CEO.

After a few more weeks, Alfred told Bruce that maybe you could come over to the manor. Bruce hadn’t brought you at first because he knew you would have felt uneasy and judgemental there. And then, he wasn’t too sure he wanted you to meet his family. He had no idea how his children would react to you. 

And even if he loved them, he didn’t want anything to ruin your current relationship. Especially now it was getting obvious to everyone that you weren’t a one night stand, you weren’t just a girl Bruce fancied, you weren’t just some fun for a little while. It was obvious that Bruce Wayne was falling in love. Hard. 

And everyone was whispering about it behind his back, sometimes teasing even him right in front of him (but his deathly stares always made them shut up).

More importantly, everyone was curious about you. 

Of course the children easily found you and followed you around to discover who you were. They hated to admit it but you did seem like the perfect match for both Bruce and Batman. You were fearless, you were intelligent and kind. You were a true detective yourself.

They learnt about your past. They felt like you could understand them too. You knew poverty, you knew violence, you grew up with bad people surrounding you, and yet you decided to be a good person. You decided to stay and to fight for Gotham, even though you could have ran away. And they loved to read your merciless articles about Bruce and Wayne Enterprises. Of course, you calmed down once you started this relationship, but gosh they found some pretty good punchlines they loved to use against their mentor.

During the day, Bruce called you and offered to eat at the manor for once. You understood it meant that your relationship was getting even more serious than you thought, which worried you a little bit. It wasn’t your fault if you were a wild cat. You asked if he was going to introduce you to his family and he laughed.

“I didn’t have time to tell them how to behave around you, so not this time, love. Just you and me.”

“To behave around me?” you asked

“I’ve never presented anyone to them before. Not officially at least.” he explained

“But you want me to meet them?” you hummed

“They ask a lot of questions about you, and they love your articles, so I’ll guess at some point we’ll have to.” Bruce replied

“Sounds good to me… I just need to get ready for meeting all of them. You really need to stop adopting children, Bruce” you teased

“Can’t promise anything” Bruce admitted and you groaned

Unfortunately, the night you were supposed to eat and sleep at the manor was a very busy night for Batman. Alfred was kind enough to start chatting with you. He finally sat down next to you as you both enjoyed some tea while waiting for Bruce. You went along quite well and Alfred went to bed that night, very grateful for whoever sent you on his master Bruce’s path. You were some fresh air in the manor.

It was late in the night when Batman, Nightwing and Red Robin went back home.

Dick and Tim absolutely wanted to greet you and they sneaked into the dinning room as Bruce was quickly showering and taking care of his wounds. Tim was observing you with interest as Dick was being his charming self.

“So you’re the girl” Dick said

“People generally call me Y/N” you replied with a raised eyebrow and Tim chuckled

“Haven’t you read what she wrote about Bruce and Wayne Enterprises, Dick? Be careful, she might kill you with her words” he teased and you laughed

“Do you still stand by what you said despite the fact you are now dating Bruce?” Dick asked with a tilt of the head

“Oh yeah, Bruce is still a rich traumatised guy with a saviour complex, who adopts too many kids each year. The Brucie persona is complete bullshit and I still roll my eyes when I hear him use that voice” you nodded

“That voice?” Tim asked

“The “I’m the good son of Gotham so let me help you” voice” you replied with a roll of your eyes “Gosh, what an actor” you added and both the boys started laughing.

They instantly liked you.

“Why are you with him then?” Dick asked and you hummed in thought

“Despite everything, it seems that Bruce is actually… likeable and interesting”

“You seem disappointed?” Tim commented

“In myself? Yes, very much. In Bruce, well I’ll give him some time” you winked

The boys laughed again but they hoped Bruce wouldn’t actually disappoint you. You were such normalcy, fun and happiness in the man’s life. They were certain you could bring a lot of joy in the family too.

They knew you cared about him a lot more than you were saying when they saw how you got up and checked on Bruce when he entered the room.

“I’m sorry I’m late… Well I guess you were doing well without me” Bruce arched an eyebrow at the four of you; Dick, Tim and Alfred were smiling.

“Oh yes, I was just speaking ill of you, hon” you teased “All good?” you asked and he nodded

“Always when you’re around” he whispered to you before kissing you. 

It was the cue for everyone to leave the two of you alone. Bruce and you forgot about everyone else anyways.

--

PART 5

--

Taglist for all my work <3

@blublock404

@wind-canoe

@silverklaus

@couldeatthatgirlforlunch

Taglist for Bruce Wayne <3

@alishii

Taglist for this series <3

@Esposadomd

@moraxussy

@resident-cryptid

@legendarypiratecheesecake

@randomnamedmira

[dairy-farmer]

A rare completely Gen idea:

A combination of a couple stories I read recently. In one of them young 8-year-old Tim, who is obviously being left completely alone, gets really really sick and he tries to call Mrs.Mac but accidentally ends up phoning the Waynes. The other one involves an older Tim who is being "accidentally" starved by his parents (they're too cheap, evil, neglectful, and inconsiderate to have groceries delivered to the house for their kid, so Tim has to use his allowance to buy food, and they decided to take it away for petty reasons) recalling a time when he was 7-year-old and his parents locked him in his room and left, 'forgetting' that the housekeeper won't be in for a week.

So in this case 7- year-old Tim joins the Batfamily early because his parents locked him in his room and left and no one will be by for a week. After two days poor Timmy is so hungry he decides to call the Waynes: yes, his parents will probably be angry at him for embarrassing them and involving other people, but at least he's not bothering the police or CPS! Besides, surely Batman wouldn't mind coming over to unlock his bedroom door! Then he can get something to eat from the kitchen and everyone can go about their day 🙃.

Obviously everyone rushes over to help this poor baby and Tim ends up speedily adopted. Jack & Janet are arrested for gross negligence and child endangerment as soon as they're back in the country. They can't even bribe their way out of it because not only did the company take a major hit when the new broke, pretty much the entire state if not country is horrified and furious that people who are as rich as they are and could afford the best care possible for their child just decided they didn't care. No one is on their side - even the biggest rich person bootlickers can't find a justification for it.

While I obviously love degenerate filth (affectionate), sometimes I also like sweet found family too❤️!

~🦇❤️

🥹🥹🥹 so cute! one of my favorite gen fics was this fic i read a while back (that i can't remember the name of or any of the tags 😫) that was about baby timmy going to wayne manor to borrow a cup of sugar or something? or he was making hot coco to drink during the cold and walked over and the waynes panicked because why??? was this baby outside by himself??? in the cold???

it was so cute and i love reading things from a baby timmy pov its my favorite kind of gen fic <333

[screamting]

Do you have any examples in mind for the Alfred as Bruce's handler idea? What would be the sort of thing that's weird? Because keeping him up-to-date on politics and taking care of his diet, or even talking him down from fear gas attacks doesn't seem that weird to me. Especially with how their lives are going. What specifically are you thinking of? This is such an interesting take, would love to hear more about this

"With how their lives are going" is sort of the point. A butler is a household manager, so like yes, there's some overlap with controlling and organizing lots of people-- but like, not their boss? In a smaller household butlers might do things like take on valet and housekeeping duties, which is probably what happened after the household downsized after Martha and Thomas died. That's also probably when he went from Mr Pennyworth to Alfred.

And people know it's a weird situation. Like. Okay. So the one potential relative the Waynes may have had (Jacob Kane) is too young to take Bruce in, or Martha and Thomas just fuckin hate their other living relatives and specifically write that if anything happens to us Bruce goes to Alfred, or Bruce goes to a relative for like 2 months and it Does Not Work and either Bruce or Alfred bribe a judge to make Alfred his guardian. Lots of options, all of them A Weird Situation Everybody Knows About.

I think partly because of trying to maintain normalcy in Bruce's life (and because of his own emotional issues) Alfred does hold onto the butler/valet thing maybe a little harder than might have been ideal, but if he dresses Bruce he's just lying clothes out for him on the bed or helping him get dressed up for important events. There's no point for Alfred to drive him around-- by all rights Alfred should have his own driver-- and they should have a cook and housemaid and maybe they have Dory like in the batman 2022, but it's still a weird thing to be, essentially, raised by the staff.

(I think maybe that's a separate point but I do think it should play more into the conception of Brucie as a person. He's not just comfortably empty headed and kind to 'the help' because he's stupid and never had parents to teach him how a rich man ought to behave. He's that way because he was raised by the help. Not even in the normal way where you pay/kidnap a nanny to raise your kids instead of her own. Just straight up the butler and the housekeeper and the family physician. [Bruce knows Leslie's a surgeon but his association is still like, 'ah, yes, my pediatrician who showed up to all my birthdays whether I wanted one or not.'])

The thing is that when this is happening as Bruce is a kid, it's weird, but like, it's normal too. They get a closer relationship than child and butler usually do. It's normal for a younger kid to not control his meals too much but once he's an older teen he makes requests for dinner and it happens. He starts growing independent and comes to Alfred less for advice, sometimes making him worry, but he's becoming an adult and soon he won't need Alfred at all!

...and then Bruce runs off with a few hundred thousand dollars in cash and vanishes for years without a word.

When he comes back he's got this absolutely deranged idea in his head about going out and violently making the city a place people are afraid to commit crimes. Sure petty theft and carjacking, but no: he's going to make mafiosos afraid. He's going to very specifically make them feel unsafe in their own homes. He's going to terrorize every crooked cop and politician until quitting and struggling for the rest of their lives sounds like a better option than continuing to take an extra 10k home a month.

....so anyway, Alfred unfortunately loves this kid too much to throw him into Arkham, and it seems like he'd be pretty hard to wrestle now after going through all that assassin training.

So early Alfred takes on what eventually sort of gets outsourced to Oracle, because even if he hasn't been around it since Martha and Thomas were alive he remembers more about upper crust society behavior and Bruce needs to nail it down. So it's not just "here's the summary of the daily newspaper master bruce" it's "this is Julia Danvers she's the only heiress to an oil field fortune and has an allergy to shellfish. She's sort of into environmentalism but isn't really thinking it through and any real complicated solutions that would cause damage to the business make her feel like the end of her family line, which of course ends with a woman and they're going to blame her for being a woman and ruining the business for everyone else. So when you talk to her, here is what I think you should do..."

Bruce doesn't pick his meals anymore because he barely eats so Alfred makes a protein shake with so many other added nutrients that you do have to ease yourself onto them unless you want to absolutely annihilate your gut and suffer in the bathroom for three days. Of course, Bruce never had to think about this, because Alfred did the easing on himself by varying the inputs over the course of a month gradually with the rest of his meals that were easy digestables.

Talking down from fear gas isn't something they plan for but it is something that like: Bruce is seeing a monster. It is telling him the terrible things it will do.

It is using Alfred's voice, so Bruce has to believe there's a good reason for it to do those things, and gives himself over to it.

It's not just that Alfred puts aside what he'd carefully raised and hoped for to ruthlessly try and keep alive what he has. It's that Bruce knows he's being handled, and allows it.

[saikoucorps]

general pact headcanon?

(I'm not normal about Bane, please I need content I'm dying like a shriveled leaf) /not forced

eakksks I LOVE BANE. I decided to do Harley, John, Freeze, and Bane for this, but it has some mentions of Bruce, Riddler, and Catwoman :3

:ఌ¨GENERAL PACT HEADCANONS !!

♱ sfw ┆ the pact ┆ telltale batman ♱

BANE :

Has a little question mark shaped brooche/tie pin he keeps. Especially after Riddlers death.

He thinks very highly about most of the pact members, mainly Harley. He sees her as capable, but that is mostly all. Loyalty can be rare with her, and he doesn't agree with anything she does.

He may be a criminal, but he cares for the people around him. Including his men. (unless they are proven unloyal..)

Has a soft spot for small animals, kittens specifically.

Most of his tattoos were done by himself, he learned how in Piña Duro Penitentiary.

HARLEY :

While she seems to make fun of everyone, Catwoman was one of the few people she trusted and thought of on a similar level.

She admires certain people for being more "collective" than her. Like Bruce for example, at some point she believes he isn't the mole, and says he "isn't as rotten as the rest of them"

Used to make jokes with her patients, and once got scolded for being too "un-serious"

Oswald tried to bribe her to let him free during her time in Arkham.

Finds interest in fashion design. Designed her clothes, and hand made them.

MR FREEZE :

He's slowly forgetting Nora's voice.

Dad jokes. John tried to joke around with him before, due to everyone else being very serious, and ended up having the worst jokes ever. John rarely spoke to him after that.

Hates clutter of any sort. Basically borderline OCD.. he gers mad at Bane for having a very crowded area at times.

Literally can't shower. He freaking stinks, so he'll spray cologne on his suit. If he ever took it off though it'd be deadly..

Can't remember anyone's names sometime. He either mixes them up or calls people a whole new name completely. He once called Harley, Hailey...??

JOHN DOE :

Can't match his clothes for shit. He thinks certain pieces matching make him look to "proper".. (though it also is a symbolism for how crazy he is)

Uses every text emoji possible. Including kaomojis. Will text using :3, :D, >_<, :), etc unironically.

Always texts Bruce the randomest stuff. Bruce doesn't want to mute his texts.. but he does think about it a lot.

Resorts to violence when someone doesn't agree with his opinion. Yet he sobs during movies for stupid reasons.

Posts fight videos he records on Twitter and Instagram. No one knows it's him except Bruce. Bruce only knows because he saw his fight with Willy on there.

taglist ┆ @hannibalhhusband @zackfairscumslut @beautifulsweetsdelusion

©@ saikoucorps 2024 — do not plagiarise, repost, modify, or translate any of my work, in any way.. i will ram your booty if you do. all work belongs to me, the one and only, zero !!

[avelnfear]

Chapter Six

Masterlist

Tim stared down at his computer screen, not typing anything, just staring. It had been months, months, since his parents had talked to him on the all important 18th birthday. The talk had been enlightening and infuriating, but he was so happy that they’d finally seen fit to tell him that he never had an imaginary friend for the first few years of his life, instead he had a twin. That was information that totally should have been left unsaid for 14, fourteen!, years. 

Tim sighed, again, knowing his thoughts usually weren’t this sarcastically spiteful. He had been searching every way he could think of to find his missing twin, but nothing had worked. His parents hadn’t even left a birth certificate behind when they abandoned their child. There was no record of a Nathaniel Drake anywhere he looked, which made sense because Tim didn’t remember Neil speaking very much. He’d come back from one of the hangouts with Jason’s new roommate, Danny, to find that one of the automatic searches had turned up nothing.

This didn’t help with his already low mood, but Tim supposed he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up on a day like today. It had started with Alfred cutting him off again, which was normally fine because Tim didn’t even like coffee but today was different. He’d been up the entire night diving into yet more searching for his twin, but he’d found nothing. The only good thing about the day was being able to cancel a stupid meeting for shareholders at Wayne Enterprises for “outside commitments” that he didn’t tell them was just a hangout. 

Speaking of hangouts, he should probably see if Kon could come to one soon, if only because he wanted some comfort from his best friend. He’d been searching for so long, and he hadn’t found a single clue. Tim had a good brain for facts and memorizing, but he had a tendency to throw out anything he didn’t view as important anymore. An imaginary friend was certainly not as important as stalking Batman and Robin, but a twin should have been. Tim just wanted someone to give him comfort and say all the right things to make this situation go away. The former was possible, but Tim didn’t think the latter was realistic.

Tim sighed again, rubbing his face with his hands to try and get his thoughts to quiet down. After all, he didn’t have time for a breakdown with how little he’d found out about his missing twin. He had to set up an automatic search again, expand the search parameters again, maybe get some coffee by bribing someone, and, judging by his clock which was five minutes fast, he needed to get at least one of those things done before he had to get ready for patrol. Great.

He only managed to get the parameters expanded and ready to be sent off to the program that was running automatic searches before he had to head down to the Cave to get ready. It was with a heavy heart that he left his computer to head to the study and the elevator hidden there. There was so much more he should be finding, but it was like someone had gone to the trouble of hiding his twin from him. Even if there was no record of an orphanage in one of the cities his parents had visited when they were four receiving someone named Nathaniel Drake, there should at least be a record of a four year old boy with black hair and blue eyes that had issues talking sometimes.

Arriving in the Cave, Tim shook his head free of the thoughts clogging it, he didn’t have room to think about all that while on patrol, that wouldn’t end well. It took Tim five minutes to finish suiting up, as opposed to the usual two and a half, but he couldn’t bring himself to care until Dick sent him a concerned look over it. He knew better than to let his inner turmoil show so easily, but this was unlike any inner turmoil he’d ever had before. Determinedly, Tim sent what he hoped was a reassuring smile back, as he firmly compartmentalized his thoughts in order to focus on patrol and the here and now. 

Bruce, suited up and ready, stepped into position in front of the Batcomputer, ready to give the troops their orders. Tim didn’t trust himself not to give anything away, so he kept his eyes on the dark figure backlit by the screens. He felt several sets of eyes on him, but he didn’t dare turn his head. This was his own issue, it wasn’t something he should have to go to the other Bats and Birds with for help. Bruce waited until all of their eyes were on him, but he sent Tim a concerned look of his own that told Tim this night was about to turn into a long one.

“Since it is getting close to Halloween, we’re going to start patrolling in pairs.” Bruce was one sentence in, and Tim already had a bad feeling he knew where this was going. “Robin is with me, Spoiler and Orphan are paired up, Red Hood has declined help with Crime Alley, and Nightwing and Red Robin will be patrolling together. There is no trading of partners.” Bruce said more, but Tim was only barely listening.

It made sense, it really did, but that didn’t mean that Tim didn’t hate it. They’d sent the person who deals best with emotions out on patrol with him because the family was starting to get concerned about him. The only person he wasn’t a hundred percent sure about being in on the plan was Jason, but there was still a decent chance that Jason wanted him to talk about what was bothering him too. There wasn’t even any way to get out of it without sounding like he really did need help either because he was starting to go a little crazy over the lack of leads. Still, why couldn’t they just do the normal thing and stay out of his business until he was ready to do a big reveal, maybe with a Powerpoint and-

“Tim!” Dick shouted from a few feet away, anticipating Tim’s instinct to try and sweep the leg of whoever startled him. “I’ve been calling your name for like five minutes. We need to head out for patrol, remember.”

Damn it, he’d just affirmed their feelings that something was wrong. “Yeah, sure.” Tim tried to sound clear and enthused, but he failed, voice coming out mumbly and almost pouty.

Dick sent him a look filled with concern, so much so that Tim didn’t really want to meet his eyes. “You doing okay? If you need to stay in tonight, I’m sure I can handle it. We are patrolling together all week after all.”

Tim just sighed as he headed to his bike, letting his silence speak for itself. This wasn’t going to be very fun, but Tim had dealt with worse, he’d get through this. There was no way that Dick would be able to get any information out of him because this was far too personal of an issue to even think about sharing with any of the others. He’d even made it look like he was looking into just a regular missing person so the others would assume he was avoiding the issue- Oh. Now he saw his mistake, but it was too late to change any of that. How hard could it be to avoid Dick’s attempts to talk about it anyway?

~`~`~

The answer is very hard. 

Tim had only endured three days of questions during patrol and subtler questions during the day if regular civilians were around, but he was already nearly at his wit’s end. There’d been no time for doing any searching while Dick and occasionally one or two of the others were needling him to try and find out what he’s hiding from them, and the lack of progress was already bad enough when he was doing something to try and change that. Now, with no progress and no way to attempt to make progress, he was getting increasingly irritable at an exponential rate, and there was no way that he could make their questions stop.

In a desperate attempt at doing something to throw them off the scent and get his itching to research to go away, he’d started looking into Danny again, even though he’d promised himself that he would leave them alone. Drastic times called for drastic measures, and the drastic measures had yielded results. He’d learned a lot about Danny’s backstory, but he refused to share any of it with anyone but Jason, the only one who hadn’t needled him about the search into his twin or let him be needled over it. Danny had been adopted at a young age into a family that seemed like it was at the very least neglective.

The recent name change from Daniel Fenton to Danny Nightingale had come when their adoptive father, who researched ghosts from a scientific standpoint with their adoptive mother, had declared that they were possessed and needed to be hunted down in order to be freed from “the ghastly ghost, er-, ecto entity possessing my baby boy,” which just sounded like it would lead to the vivisection of someone that Tim was becoming close with. Tim had started helping the people leading the man, named Jack Fenton, on a wild goose chase in between bouts of trying and failing to find enough private time to search for Neil.

Jason had told Danny that he and Tim had been alerted by an anonymous hacker as to their backstory, and Tim had even offered to see if the hacker would help send all the evidence to the Justice League to get help. Danny had declined their offers, simply stating that there were already plans in motion to fix the situation. Tim had continued helping with whatever he caught the mysterious helpers doing, not looking into it anymore at Danny’s request. Normally, a request for privacy wouldn’t totally stop him from trying to help, but Tim was currently on the receiving end of a massive invasion of privacy. 

For once, as Tim headed out for the fourth day of patrol with Dick, he wished that it wouldn’t be a quiet night in Gotham. He didn’t go far enough to wish for an Arkham breakout because Danny was on shift, but if the interrogation tactics continued tonight, he didn’t know how long he could stay away from that topic. There was only so long he could avoid answering the questions without tipping them all off that it was something worth looking into, so the only way out of this situation was for higher priority tasks to swamp them until they didn’t remember what they wanted to look into in the first place.

Tim’s wishes were answered for the first half of the night, the patrol route he and Dick were on was too busy for any idle conversation, and Tim felt himself start to relax for the first time in days. It was nice to just focus on the flow of the fight, what the bad guy’s goal might be, and the quickest way to stop whatever that goal was. He was finally having a good time on patrol like he usually did. 

Sadly, as they always say, all good things must come to an end. The second half of the night was oddly quiet, suspiciously quiet. Tim suspected that the others might be making sure he and Dick had enough of a quiet night for the interrogation to continue. He could only block out Dick’s questions for so long before his own worry about missing something relevant to any sort of case would make him tune back in, but he’d take his chances that he could hold out for the rest of the night.

Over and over he told himself the plan: Make it to the end of patrol and then retreat to the separate apartment he’d gotten just for this purpose, tricked out with so many traps and defenses that only those expressly trained in breaking in should be able to get in uninvited. It had been tested by everyone at one point or another, and only Cass or Damian had managed to sneak in without alerting Tim. Tim had so many escape plans for that place just because he knew that everyone would know that’s where he goes for privacy.

Tim tuned back into what Dick was saying, not wanting to get so lost in his head that he missed something. “Come on, you can tell me anything. I won’t get mad or call you stupid or anything like that.” Dick’s tone was imploring, but Tim just rolled his eyes in response, too used to this form of questioning to crack now. There was only a couple of minutes left and then he could escape this stupid conversation. “Tim,” Dick whined, elongating his name to comical proportions, “we’re family.”

That sentence turned Tim’s blood to ice. It was the phrase his parents always used when they wanted something out of him. “Do it for the family.” They’d say. “We’re family, Tim.” They’d use it like a reprimand or a prayer. Family was supposed to be something sacred, yet they’d thrown a member of their family away just because they thought they’d have enough with just Tim. They’d thrown him away too, even though they put a roof over his head and occasionally stocked food at the manor. “Tim, we’re family, how could you do this to us?” “Tim, we’re family, just do this one thing for us.” “Tim, you’re a member of this family, these grades aren’t good enough.” “Tim, what use is your memory if you don’t use it to honor your family.” He thought he’d moved past that, the unease he felt with someone claiming him as family, but hearing someone he cared about use it in much the same context as those people, the ones who’d willingly thrown away a son, he couldn’t deal with it.

Someone was saying something, but Tim couldn’t hear them over the thudding of his pulse and the screaming of his lungs. Family, family, family! His mind kept turning over and over all the times the word family was thrown in his face. Tim knew he had to snap out of this spiral or it would just get worse, but he couldn’t. All those times had suddenly taken on new meaning, a meaning he hated. Family had been so important to them, but it hadn’t, the idea of it had. They’d married for profit, and they’d had kids for profit. They’d thrown Neil away just because they didn’t see an early enough return on their investment, would-

A sudden burst of pain rocked Tim’s head back, bringing him back to the present. “Look at me.” A voice said, and he looked up to meet icy blue eyes that were seeming to stare into his soul. “Nod if you can see me.” There was a pause, but Tim was still reeling too much to do even that simple of a movement. Another burst of pain rocked his world, this time he saw a hand retreating, telling him that he’d been slapped. “Look. At. Me.” The tone of the voice told him that there would be no arguing, it urged him to obey. His eyes focused on the blue eyes again, this time registering the rest of the face, the black hair and slight scar at the chin and close to one of the ears telling him this was a friend. Danny. That thought alarmed Tim, but he couldn’t think of why. “Nod if you can see me.” Danny’s voice was much gentler this time, and Tim was grateful for that as he nodded.

“Did you have to slap him?” Dick’s voice made Tim want to retreat, but the glare Danny leveled at Dick made him curious enough to continue trying to force his brain to work.

“Considering none of your methods were working, you’re lucky that I had already figured out the whole secret identity thing, or Tim could very well still be out of it.” Danny’s tone was icier than Tim had ever heard it.

Wait. Danny already knew their identities? Tim’s brain finally recalled that he was currently wearing his Red Robin outfit, minus his domino. That meant that Danny would know his identity regardless of if they already knew or not. Then again, the texting records Tim had been shown after the whole “we know your backstory” reveal had included references to figuring out some big secret with vows to keep it a secret from everyone. That meant Danny likely knew he was the “anonymous” hacker.

“Focus.” Danny’s voice brought him back to the present even though he hadn’t been slapped again, and it was far warmer than it had been when directed at Dick. “Dick is going to apologize to you for invading your privacy so thoroughly that you had a panic attack, or he’s going to apologize for whatever sparked the panic attack. If it has to do with a case you aren’t making headway with, at least consider letting them in on the secret because they’ll see the issue from a different angle than you will. That being said, I’m only asking you to consider it because no one should be able to demand private information from you. If you would like to stay at my apartment for privacy, go ahead, no one will break in during that time without at least minor injuries, and I’ll just dump them on the fire escape after they go unconscious. Now, do you want to hear the apology or get some rest?”

“Can’t rest.” Tim slurred out, tongue feeling sticky and stale at the same time, and his throat was dry enough that just two words made him start coughing. Blessedly cold water flowed down his throat, soothing it and stopping the coughs.

“I’m sorry Tim, I didn’t mean to push that far, but the reality is that I did end up pushing that far. I’ll get everyone to back off, so you just worry about whatever you want to worry about.” Dick looked as apologetic as he sounded, which was very.

Tim took a deep, calming breath. “I understand why you felt the need to push, but I was clearly not ready to talk about it. Thank you for apologizing.” This time, his words were far clearer although they also sounded extremely tired.

“Wonderful. Now, get out of my apartment, Dick, and tell your whole group that I don’t want any visits through the window or any sneaky means. If they want to visit Tim while he’s here, the only way through is to be invited through the front door. Go.” Danny’s voice was back to being colder than ice with the return of them addressing Dick. Surprisingly, Dick simply nodded and left. “As for you,” Danny’s voice was back to being warmer, although it wasn’t quite normal levels of warmth, “get some sleep, and we’ll talk in the morning.” Tim didn’t even have time to protest before falling asleep.

~`~`~

When Tim opened his eyes, he saw a ceiling he was sure he’d never seen before. Looking around, his eyes caught on the sight of Danny sitting in a chair and writing in a book he’d never seen before. It was a grey book with black etchings on it in intricate details. A copper double border decorated the front cover, and the pages were a pale purple shade. Two ribbons dangled from opposite edges of the book, one gold and one silver. The gold one was sitting on a page at the very beginning of the book, but the silver one was dangling outside of the book, waiting to be slotted into place once Danny was done. The pen they were using was blood red and looked surprisingly plain considering all the detail in the book. There was an expression on Danny’s face that Tim had never seen before, longing mixed with deep sorrow and bitter hope.

Tim didn’t know how long he watched Danny write, entranced by movements he couldn’t fully see because the book was tilted up, showing him the cover instead of what Danny was writing. Danny eventually stopped writing, carefully putting the ribbon in place on the page they’d just finished working on and putting the book and pen in a bag that looked like it could and had withstood a lot. Danny looked up to see Tim awake, and the previous heart wrenching expression vanished to be replaced by a caring expression and a gentle smile.

“Hey sleepyhead. You slept for a little longer than I thought you would.” Danny’s voice was gentle and quiet, but, now that Tim thought about it, their voice was always quiet, it just sometimes carried farther.

“What were you writing?” Tim asked, unable to stop the question.

“Letters.” Danny’s face and voice were sad, their eyes dropping to the floor. “I was writing letters for someone who might never read them.”

“That’s sad.” Tim commented, deciding to not just suddenly clam up, he trusted Danny, as impossible as that’d once seemed.

Danny laughed gently yet sadly. “I won’t disagree with you there, but I will note that it is also a hopeful action. Writing the letters gives me hope that they may someday be able to read them, although that might be all for the wrong reasons.”

“Can I read them?” Tim asked, wanting to keep the easy conversation flowing even if he knew that it would end and what the answer would be.

“No. It’s written in a code I developed with that person, so I don’t think you can read it. Also, it’s a little too personal for that Little Bird.” Danny shook his head softly, and his tone remained gentle. “Would you like some breakfast?”

Tim blinked in surprise at the sudden question. “Yes… You aren’t going to ask about what I’m hiding?”

Danny lifted his shoulders and then lifted Tim with deceptive ease. “Nah. It’s not my place to ask that, you’ll talk when you’re ready. Worry about talking after breakfast because I’m sure we only have so much more time before I get a visit from the Batfam.” Danny continued to ramble on about numerous topics, none of which were important, allowing Tim to just relax without giving his brain enough downtime to start overthinking things again. 

Danny was right, Tim decided, he needed to talk to his family about searching for his twin. Not because they were his family, or because they could help him out with it, or anything like that, but because it was the right thing to do. He wanted to tell them, and that was reason enough. Months in the making, he was finally ready to tell them about his twin. And, okay, it was partly because they were his family and they could help, they were willing to help. In fact, all the trouble he’d gone through with them recently was them trying to help. 

~`~`~

It took a surprising two hours for Tim’s family to come try and visit him. Although he understood a little more about why when he saw that it was the entire Wayne family, including Alfred and Jason. Still, Tim had apparently been sleeping for a long time, so he thought that they’d had time to get ready to ask Danny if they could visit. 

When everyone was settled down with various drinks of choice in hand, although the space was a little too small for so many of them to gather if only because there weren’t enough regular seats causing Danny to drag bean bags from a random closet, Tim couldn’t hold back that question. “What took so long? Breakfast got done two hours ago?”

Jason snorted in amusement. “It turns out that Danny can be fairly scary. I don’t know how much you remember from the whole mess, but Danny managed to do his own version of an Alfred Stare with really good results. They tried to visit earlier, but Danny chewed them out for it. Cass said she thought she’d be caught if she tried to sneak in, and Damian said that all of us together couldn’t beat Danny in a fight if they were incompetent enough to not heed our warnings that what they were doing was the wrong way to go about things. After that, they just decided to invade my apartment until Danny texted me that it was okay to come over.”

Tim considered this for a few moments. “Makes sense.” He turned to Danny. “Speaking of the panic attack, why did you slap me?” Bruce made a noise of concern that didn’t go anywhere with Alfred and Danny immediately glaring at him.

“Dick was nearly in a frenzy because he’d already tried all the normal tactics, so I knew nothing typical would really work. At first, he didn’t want me to help out or really tell me anything because you two were in costume, but then I told him I already knew who you guys were and to bring you inside while I got Jason for any ideas he could give. Jason brought up how we could get a square of a certain color and that should snap you out of it, but he did admit it could send you into an entirely different panic attack, thus that idea got tossed out but it reminded me of something else. You can probably guess the situation, but I’d once met someone who was used to fighting to the extent that it was almost an instinct. When they had a panic attack bad enough that they weren’t processing anything they were seeing or hearing, I’d have to slap them or sometimes spar with them to get them to come down from that. Something about your brain autofocusing on the present to do threat assessment and stuff like that, I don’t really know all the science behind why it works. It doesn’t work for everyone, but I took a gamble that ended up working by slapping you.”

“Oh. Okay. That makes sense.” Tim blinked, thinking through everything Danny had said. He figured that the situation they were talking about had something to do with ghosts.

“Now, I’m sure they all have something they want to say or express, but that’s something to be done between family members. This is a meeting for Tim, so I’ll keep this short. I will not tell anyone about your identities. In fact, if that situation never happened, nor anything like it, you all would have no idea that I know who you are. I don’t need a lecture or a threat about keeping it a secret because I was already doing so. I won’t use it as leverage or anything like that either. To be clear, your secret is safe with me, no matter who or what is after it.” Danny fixed Bruce with an intense stare the entire time he was talking, even though the words were directed at all of them, making it very clear that Bruce was the main person the message was intended for.

“Well,” Dick drew it out comically, clearly trying to break the tension in the room, “I, for one, am happy that you know about our identities because you were able to help Tim when I wasn’t. Thanks for that.” There was a lot of sincerity in Dick’s voice despite how the inflection made it sound teasing.

Danny laughed gently, and the tension broke. “I would’ve tried to help the idiot vigilante on my fire escape because he got the wrong window in his panic whether or not I knew the identity of him. However, as I said earlier, this conversation is for Tim. What he uses this conversation for is up to him. He could explain what he’s hiding, tell all of us to buzz off, tell those of you who invaded his privacy or stood aside as his privacy was invaded what for, or whatever else he wants, within reason, and he’d have my complete support for it.” Danny’s voice was not quite as warm as it usually was, letting everyone who already knew him know that he was serious about this.

“Fair enough.” Jason grinned, twisting to look at Tim with a wolfish grin that somehow made Tim feel comforted. “The floor is yours Timmy, what would you like to say?” The way Jason was leaning towards Tim probably looked aggressive to others, but Tim saw it as Jason nonverbally telling him that he had someone in his corner, aside from Danny. It was comforting.

“The case I’ve not been telling you guys about is a personal one. I’d like no interruptions while I talk, or I might not be able to get it all out.” Tim spoke clearly and as calmly as possible despite the panic starting to creep in slightly. He didn’t really want to have to share what his parents had told him, but it was clear he wasn’t getting anywhere on his own.

“Go ahead Baby Bird.” Dick said, everything about him screaming gentle encouragement. Huh, Tim didn’t know anyone outside of Alfred who could get the people of his family to wisen up about their stupidity this quickly. Well, he didn’t know anyone else before now.

“On my eighteenth birthday, I visited Janet and Jack, like I always do for important family events.” Tim paused to take a deep breath, looking up to see understanding dawn on Dick’s face. Sometimes being part of a detective family meant things got picked up even if you weren’t sure you wanted them to be. This was sometimes. “They said that they had something important to tell me now that they were no longer responsible for me.” Another pause, another deep breath. “They told me that they’d lied to me and convinced me when I was around four or five that I’d simply had an imaginary friend named Nathaniel. Turns out, I’d had a twin that they’d taken along on a work trip and abandoned at a random orphanage because I was doing slightly better in school, and they weren’t seeing enough of a return on their investment.” Tim spit the last word, talking about the situation, even the bare bones of it, was making him just as disgusted with the people who’d brought him into this world as he’d felt that day. “I’ve been looking for Neil since then, but I haven’t been able to find anything. I didn’t want to bring it up to anyone because it felt too personal, but I just. Can’t. Find. Anything.” Tim couldn’t bring himself to look up and find out what anyone’s face looked like, it would just make everything far too real… again.

The silence stretched on for a long time. “Did Janet and Jack say they left your twin at an orphanage, or did they just say they left him in the care of the town they were at?” Danny’s thoughtful voice prompted Tim to look up and see his face looking just as thoughtful, head tilted slightly and one hand on the chin.

“I think it was, care of the town, why?” Tim asked hesitantly, wondering where Danny’s thoughts were.

“I thought as much.” Danny sighed. “Janet and Jack sound like the kind of jerks who make themselves sound better no matter who they’re talking to. It’s much more likely that they simply abandoned Nathaniel somewhere close to the orphanage, maybe even with no warning or explanation to the child. I have someone I could talk to about this while I’m out of town soon, but it’ll likely take him a while to get any results about this.”

The family looked like Tim felt, horrified. He hadn’t even considered that the two would even do something like that to their own flesh and blood. Then again, look at all they’d done to him. They hadn’t even noticed when he started running away from the house to go be Robin, they hadn’t known anything about him except for the things the public could know, and they only told him about his sibling when he was no longer legally their problem. It was exactly the kind of thing they’d do. Tim knew his expression was probably sinking even more with his thoughts, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that with the new, awful revelation about two people he was increasingly disgusted to be related to.

“They-” Jason cut himself off, sounding absolutely furious. “You know someone who could find information better than the Bats?” It was clear to Tim what Jason was doing. He was focusing on the safer topic to avoid triggering one of his Green Fits, as the family sometimes called them.

Danny shocked everyone by laughing. “Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t laugh when you don’t know. I know a person who knows quite a bit more than all of you combined, but he doesn’t always like to tell me things because I accidentally lost one of his books once. We’re on much better terms now that I’ve somehow added to his collection, but he might delay my information request just because of that. Also,” Danny eyed Bruce, amusement still clear on their face despite the fact that Bruce was starting to glare at them, clearly annoyed at how well Danny seemed to know what he was thinking, “I don’t question his methods because I don’t want to get on his bad side again, once was bad enough.”

“What happened when you got on his bad side?” Dick questioned, clearly, to Tim at least, cutting off Bruce before he could ask any insensitive questions.

“Hmm?” Danny seemed slightly thrown by the question, which didn’t happen very often. Now that Tim thought of it, that might be a sign that Danny had something going on with his emotional state, possibly even due to the whole situation with Jack Fenton. He’d have to ask Jason about that later. “Oh, he used my trauma around Christmas to basically torture me by mind controlling the town into acting out one of the Christmas classics.” Everyone who’d already met Danny was already used to Danny dropping absolutely insane facts about life before Gotham because he didn’t seem to know what normal was. Bruce and Alfred looked pretty shocked and at least mildly horrified.

“He did what?” Jason sounded like he was holding back laughter, and Bruce and Alfred turned horrified looks onto him, which he obviously noticed and just as obviously ignored.

Danny laughed out loud, a big, full laugh that a person usually does when they’re really happy or going insane. It wasn’t a sound often heard in Gotham because of the Joker, but this laugh sounded so distant from the Joker that Tim barely even thought of the comparison. This time Babs and Duke, those of them who hadn’t hung around Danny as much, joined Alfred and Bruce, those who’d never met Danny before this, in turning shocked and stunned looks at Danny.

“He somehow mind controlled the entire town to act out a Christmas Classic, rhyming and all, just because I lost one of his books. Turns out that he isn’t such a bad guy when his library isn’t messed with, but I’d rather not get into all the mess that went into our meeting and stuff like that.” Danny wiped at their eyes because the laughter had actually made Danny start crying. Tim hadn’t seen that happen before, at least, not with Danny.

“How do you know so much about us when it’s only been a few months since you arrived?” Bruce asked the question quickly, like he’d lost control of his mouth. The Bats, and likely Danny too, knew that he’d asked the question purposefully. Tim reasoned that Bruce probably waited for so long to get a read on Danny’s character, and, by doing it the way he did, Bruce had made it appear like he’d lost patience instead of the truth which was that he’d waited for Danny to feel comfortable enough that it was less likely for him to lie.

Instead of looking shocked or losing the amusement that had been dancing in Danny’s eyes since the mysterious informant had been brought up Danny simply smiled wider and said, “My sister is in training to become either a therapist or a psychiatrist, and she used to spend time with me by having me learn psychology along with her. I did the same for my hobby as a way to show that we care for each other. This means that I’m very good at reading people. On top of that, I’d figured out your identities before ever reaching Gotham, but I didn’t do very much digging until it might have been vital to my survival here. On top of that, my sister would constantly ask for my help proofreading papers she’d written about vigilantes and how their work impacted their lives, often using the Bats as people she’d study to fuel said papers. She hasn’t published them, but I still read them. I’ve always been good at reading people, this is just a step up from that.”

“So you’re saying you don’t exactly know a lot about us, you just know what we’re most likely to do based on what our behavior has been.” Bruce said it in a calm voice, but Tim could see the shock that he was hiding behind the calm facade. He understood it, no one had ever done anything like that before, never figured them out to that level.

“Yes and no. I know a decent amount about those of you who have hung out with me a lot because we’ve been talking about ourselves and all that jazz, but I don’t know too much about those of you who haven’t hung out with me as much, met me at all, or told me about themselves. I may be observant, but I try to stay away from assumptions as much as possible.” Danny seemed to be relaxed now, not as stiff or harsh.

Damian shifted slightly, drawing Tim’s attention. There was an odd look on Damian’s face that vanished too quickly for Tim to get a good look at. When Damian noticed Tim staring at him, Damian sent him an aggressive “What?” type of look. Tim just shrugged his shoulders while rolling his eyes before refocusing on the main conversation.

Bruce nodded in understanding. “I see. Why did you decide to work at Arkham Asylum?” Tim rolled his eyes again at the interrogation tone all the Bats and Birds knew so well.

“I didn’t.” Tim blinked in shock at the simple answer said in one of Danny’s most neutral voices. “When I decided to move here I was handed an application and told to fill it out so that I could get a job lined up for me because I don’t do well with being idle, never have. It was only as I was filling it out that I learned it was for Arkham, and when I brought up concerns about working there the response I received was filled with reasons to work there, the least of which being I might be able to beat up a clown with no real repercussions.”

“Why do you hate clowns so much?” Tim found himself asking. Oops, he’d meant to keep that thought to himself to look over later. That always seemed to happen around Danny though, Tim speaking his thoughts before he’d fully processed that he was going to.

“Let’s just say an event in my childhood that nearly resulted in the deaths of myself, my best friends, and several of the other people in my hometown was orchestrated by a clown looking ringmaster who only further leaned into the clown vibes as time went on. Moving on from that though, this is your conversation Tim, so do you want help with the search for Nathaniel? What do you want out of this conversation?” Danny seemed very uncomfortable with the topic of conversation before he switched it, so Tim wasn’t too frustrated at the abrupt topic shift.

“I would like some help with the search. Any information is a good thing, and I hope to one day reunite with Nathaniel. That being said, I don’t know how much you guys can help because I’ve already covered a lot of ground in this investigation.” Tim kept his voice neutral, not wanting to show how badly the lack of progress was damaging his hope, any more than he already had.

Jason hummed thoughtfully. “Which town did they desert your twin in?”

“I don’t know, they never told me. The majority of their work trips the year they left Neil were in the state of Illinois, so that’s where I’ve been focusing most of my efforts.” Tim settled in for a long conversation about the ground he’d already covered, but it would all be worth it in the end if only he got to see Neil again. He only hoped he hadn’t made the wrong decision by including more people in the search, too many cooks in the kitchen and all that. Maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t have tried to keep all of this to himself. His was a family of detectives after all. Now wasn’t the time to wallow in the mistakes of the past, at least, not his past mistakes. Now was time to tear apart the mistakes of Janet and Jack’s pasts, and he couldn’t wait for their reactions to him disowning and disavowing them. Or wait, maybe he could, they were less important than Neil any day.

Taglist: @blacksea21090 @chrysanthemum9484 @samgirl98 @may-rbi @justwannaseesomebrozawa @serasvictoria02 @treepainting @fluffykster @enderglace @sigdexae @persephoneblackrose @angelofsongsoteira @lazy-bouqet @littlefeather345 @icedbluesoul @autumnwulf @thefearfullone @alixanterm @skulld3mort-1fan  @dulceringo @vidimirrayne @betinaplayingwriter @the-legal-shipper @currant-owo @crystalqueertea @fisticuffsatapplebees @bugaboo25 @dannyphantomphan @botwadtict @kyrianclawraith @mnemovoid @lyra689 @demiourgias @d4ydr34min9 @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @emeraldcorpral @bobred18 @emergentpanda-blog @apointlessbox @pastalavistamf @v-inari @shadow-otaku20 

[peleksstuff]

Unravel

Jason Todd X journalist!reader

Unravel Masterlist

Seven

As Jason Todd got ready for the Black Mask public event party, he couldn't help but feel uneasy. He knew that the Black Mask was up to no good, and he had a feeling that something terrible was going to happen at the party.

As he was getting dressed, he heard a knock on the door. He opened it to find a (Y/N) standing in the hallway.

"I was invited to cover the party tonight," she said.

"Who invited you?" he asked.

"Johnny Rogers," she replied.

"The dirty cop," Y/N added."Do you think he knows that I know he is taking bribes from the Black Mask?"

Jason paused for a moment, considering his words carefully. He didn't want to put Y/N in any danger, but he also knew that she was a journalist and she had a job to do.

"It's possible," he said finally."But we can't be sure."

"Aren't you also going to the event?" Y/N asked, curious.

"Yeah, I am," Jason replied. "I can watch you if you want to go."

Y/N nodded, feeling reassured by Jason's offer.Y/N smiled gratefully at Jason, glad she wouldn't face the dangerous event alone.

"Why is the Black Mask having a public event anyway?" Y/N asked, trying to make small talk. "Isn't he a criminal?"

"Black Mask has lawyers, and he's rich," Jason explained. "He can easily bribe the government with money. Besides, he likes to show off his power and influence. It's a way for him to flex his muscles and intimidate his enemies."

Y/N nodded thoughtfully. "I see. It's still hard to believe that someone like him can get away with so much."

Jason gave a grim smile. "Welcome to Gotham. It's a city full of corrupt officials and dangerous criminals. You learn to adapt, or you don't survive."

Y/N looked at Jason with a mix of sadness and disbelief. "But you're investigating him, right? To put him in jail?"

Jason laughed bitterly. "What? No, I'm here to kill him."

Y/N's eyes widened in shock. "Kill him? You can't just take the law into your own hands!"

"I'm not interested in the law," Jason said coldly. "I'm interested in justice. Black Mask has hurt many people, and he's never been held accountable for his crimes. It's time to make him pay."

Y/N shook her head. "You can't just kill someone because you think they deserve it. That's not justice. That's revenge."

"Call it what you want," Jason said, his tone hardening. "But it's something that needs to be done. And I'm the one who's going to do it."

Y/N took a step back, feeling a sudden chill. "What about Batman? Does he approve of this?"

Jason snorted. "He might kill me, though."

Y/N raised an eyebrow. "He would?"

"He's not exactly fond of my methods," Jason said, his expression darkening. "But I don't really care. I'm not doing this for him or anyone else. I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do."

"But what about the consequences?" Y/N pressed. "You could get caught, or worse, you could get hurt. Are you not worried about that?"

Jason shrugged. "Of course I am. But I've been doing this for a long time. I know what I'm doing."

Y/N shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you're so reckless."

Jason smirked. "You wouldn't be the first person to say that."

Y/N sighed, feeling a sense of frustration. "I just wish there was another way. Killing someone isn't the solution to everything."

Jason's expression softened a bit, and he sighed. "I know it's not ideal. But sometimes, it's the only option left. Black Mask won't stop until he's taken down, and the law won't do anything about it. It's up to people like me to ensure justice is served."

Y/N bit her lip, feeling conflicted. She understood Jason's reasoning, but she couldn't condone his methods. "I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. This isn't something to be taken lightly."

"I know," Jason replied quietly. "But it's a risk I'm willing to take. For the people who have suffered because of him, for the ones who can't fight back. I have to do this."

Y/N nodded, feeling a sense of respect for Jason's conviction, even if she didn't agree with his actions. "Okay, I understand."

"Thanks for understanding," Jason said, giving Y/N a small smile.

"I should probably go and get ready for the party now," Y/N said, breaking the tense moment. "I'll see you there."

Y/N returned the smile, but her expression turned serious. "But just so you know, it's not too late to change your mind about killing Black Mask. There are other ways to bring him to justice."

"I appreciate your concern," Jason said, nodding. "But this is something I have to do. I'll keep your words in mind, though."

Y/N nodded, feeling a sense of worry for Jason's safety. She knew she couldn't stop him, but she couldn't help but hope that he would come out of this unscathed.

As Y/N left, Jason took a deep breath and tried to push aside his doubts. He knew what he was about to do was dangerous, but he couldn't back down now. He had a job to do, and he would do it.

As he finished getting ready, he grabbed his weapons. He headed out the door, prepared to face whatever dangers awaited him at the Black Mask's party.

Tagged:@princessbl0ss0m @96jnie

[sl-newsie]

Behind Masks (Dr. Jonathon Crane x OC) Ch. 10: A Favor

Time passes much faster in Gotham. In the blink of an eye it’s already been two months, but my plans have progressed triumphantly nonetheless. After that night in the morgue with Dr. Crane I hightailed it to my apartment and cleared out anything that would trace unwanted investigators to me. 

After a quick Internet search I discovered my hypothesis was right- my record has been wiped from every system. As if I was never employed in Metropolis. Only a few colleagues back home tried to find me… and were either silenced through bribes or blackmail. So I drained what money I could from my account and found a small apartment in the high-society part of Gotham. Expensive yes, but it’s also allowed me to blend in with the very people I’m trying to exact revenge on. A few fancy dresses and a haircut made perfect camouflage. 

I’ve kept my promise to Ivy and contacted her through written notes passed through the underground. I’m already infiltrating high society, might as well know good contacts from the slums as well. If anything they are far more reliable than the esteemed rich. After a few weeks Nigma sent me his own message- appropriately in the form of a riddle. He’s hiding out in an abandoned library.

What’s remained an unsolved riddle is what’s become of Dr. Jonathan Crane. I hear whispers from those underground that he’s been selling his fear toxin to the black market. To the mafia. I find it funny to see a highly regarded psychiatrist like him turn into a mafia drug dealer. Another side question is if he still remembers me- but I stop thinking too deeply about that. 

“Everything alright, Ms. Prentiss?” The elevator man in front of me asks.

I shake my distracting thoughts away. “Not at all, Marcus. Just overthinking, is all. How’s your wife?”

The poor man shakes his head as the elevator rises towards my apartment. “Elaine’s condition hasn’t gotten worse, but it hasn’t gotten better either. And we can’t afford many more treatments. We still have debts to pay to Falcone.”

“I’m so sorry,” I say softly. “If there is any way I can help, please let me know.”

Marcus offers a small smile. “Thanks, Ms. Prentiss. But you’re too young to get caught up in this. My advice? Get out of Gotham.”

You have no idea how badly I want to follow that advice, Marcus. I miss my old home in Metropolis. I miss seeing trees, grass… Not a concrete nightmare. But if I left that would mean I would be leaving these poor citizens behind. I don’t owe them anything, but I can at least make a difference by ridding the city of the people who are destroying their lives. The people who destroyed my life. Throughout the past months the rise of mafia crime has been rising, more proof that I need to stay.

“Maybe someday, Marcus.” The elevator dings and I step through the open doors. “Goodnight. Say hi to Elaine for me.”

He nods. “If only everyone here was as caring as you. Goodnight, Ms. Prentiss.”

Goodnight, indeed. Now it’s time for the real nightlife to begin.

I unlock my door and step into the dark apartment, the only light coming from the city lights in the window. That’s the only highlight about this costly place: the view is breathtaking. No wonder the rich snobs love it here. I shed away my business attire and slip on my nighttime uniform: black leggings, black jacket, and army boots. 

Now comes the fun part: sneaking out. When I first got here I scoped out a way to slip out the window. After a few guesstimations I purchased a pulley system to transport me to a nearby fire escape. The adjacent building is unoccupied so no one pays any attention to me. Everyone is too busy worrying about Batman.

That’s the other piece of juicy news that’s been floating around: Gotham has its own vigilante. The media has been eating it up like candy. Every night there’s a new report about criminals being turned in by the masked man. However I have my own agenda to attend to.

Everything I need is in my knapsack. I unlock the window and lower down to the fire escape. Tonight’s weather promises perfect conditions for my research. It’s not stalking, it’s research. I climb down to the pavement and check the paper map. Three red Xs, three targets. My first stop is a few blocks away, just past this parking complex. The best lookout point is on the 10th floor.

Ding!

Once again another set of elevator doors open and allow me out, only this time the situation keeps me much more alert. Was that a car driving by or a tank? No matter. My presence is to remain discrete. No use poking into business that’s not mine. I grip my knapsack and begin walking through the echoing building.

“...wasn’t for freaks like you!”

What?

I stop in my tracks and poke my head around the column to see a gruff man come storming right past me. He’s dressed in black, almost like Batman. He fails to notice me and keeps walking until he’s entered the staircase. Who was he yelling at-?

It can’t be. It is.

The Dr. Jonathan Crane sits slumped against the wall. His face is barely visible in the shadows but I can tell he’s been busy. His hair is unkempt and his suit is slightly more worn than it was in Arkham. He's missing his glasses. His Scarecrow mask lies a few feet away. Part of me urges myself to walk away without a second thought. The other half… it thinks differently.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

The fear doctor doesn’t move an inch. One might think he’s dead. The only thing he does to acknowledge me is shift his eyes over to look at me. Same calculating stare, same piercing blue eyes. 

“I heard Batman cornered you in a parking garage a few weeks ago,” I gesture to our surroundings. “Just like this one.”

Dr. Crane lets out a small hum. “Your information is correct.”

“Another drug deal gone south?” He nods slowly and I shake my head with a somewhat taunting smile. “My my, how the tables have turned. Now instead of being head honcho of Arkham you’re doing business with the mob.”

“Quit the mockery, Dr. Prentiss. Unlike you I’m not exactly welcomed in society after the incident at Arkham. By the way, how did you manage that?”

My instincts tell me it’s safe to approach. If he does have any fear toxin on him then I have a gas mask at the ready. 

“It’s called being nice. Unlike you I have much friendlier methods of infiltrating Gotham.”

Crane sees me walking closer and almost seems to freeze up, nearly inching away like a startled animal, but he’s quick to regain a confident demeanor. How far has his mind gone these past months?

“What brings you to this supreme location?” Crane asks sarcastically.

“Research,” I answer simply. “I imagine you’re headed back to wherever it is you call home now since your friend just walked off? What’s that all about?”

Crane’s face flinches into a sneer. “That wannabe thinks that it’s people like me who are tearing Gotham apart. I’m trying to save it!”

Despite his quick outburst I keep a straight face. “By methods of fear.”

He slowly nods. “Exactly.”

“You haven’t changed a bit.” I check my watch. 10:30. “Nice to catch up Dr. Crane but I do have things to do.”

I do a mock goodbye bow and keep walking to the other side of the building. Quit feeling sad, Prentiss. He doesn’t miss you, you don’t miss him. We settled our agreement- And yet Crane is following me.

“Dr. Crane, I advise you to turn around and walk away.”

He doesn’t stop and catches up to me. “No, I like this. Dr. Prentiss, the once-goody-goody psychiatrist, is now sneaking around like a rebellious teenager. How’s the whole ‘raging Hell’ scheme coming along?”

“Better than your drug deals,” I reply smoothly.

We reach the end of the parking structure. Across the street is an apartment building that houses one of my targets: Lawrence Thompson. The filthy lawyer who was supposed to, but failed, to defend me. Instead he turned halfway through the legal process and tattled a mouthful of lies against me. 

“Picking out your new luxury apartment?” Dr. Crane asks. He’s standing next to me- almost too close for others’ liking. But it’s fine with me. He’s been close enough to administer toxin into my veins, he can stand next to me as a temporary colleague.

“It’s not your place to know, but it’s part of my research,” I answer and note the time when I see the scum in the window. 10:34. 

Next to me I hear Crane hum. “Are we replacing ‘revenge’ with ‘research’ now?”

Since when is my life his entertainment? “Don’t you have a place to stay?” I ask with a slightly lazy tone.

He scoffs. “When I worked at Arkham I had an apartment. Obviously now that I’m an escaped convict I need to find lodgings elsewhere.”

I tilt my head. “So you’re homeless?”

“I’m temporarily unhoused. There’s a difference.”

“You’re in serious need of an upgrade.”

Crane leans away and avoids my gaze. “I don’t want your help.”

I clap my hands together and nod. “You’re right. You don’t want it, you need it.”

Out of nowhere the doctor lurks even closer, backing me against the wall. My pulse skips faster… though whether it’s through fear or excitement is unclear. 

“You forget I’m the one who caused you to face your greatest fear,” he murmurs.

My eyes never blink and I keep a steady face. “Do you expect a thank-you card?”

His brow furrows in confusion. “Wait a minute. You’re glad? That’s the first time I’ve had someone thank me for poisoning them.”

I went through a whole year trying to suppress my grief for my parents. His fear toxin gave me the push to overcome it. For the past month I haven’t once thought about my parents’ death.

Thompson appears in the window again. 10:41. So it takes him 7 minutes to take out his trash. My work tonight is almost done. Now I just need to scope out the other side of the building.

“Stay. Stay, Crane,” I say as if talking to a dog when I hear him behind me again. “Stop following me!” He murmurs something but I can hardly hear him. “Come again?”

“Um… does an offer for potential lodgings still stand?” He asks with a hint of nervousness.

Don’t help him. Do not help him! He’s nothing but trouble. If I allow him to stay in my life then it will only cause delay. How can I possibly trust this psycho enough to let him stay in my apartment? I’ve made it this far by myself-

“I’ll pay for it,” Crane speaks up when he sees my disagreeing expression.

“Money is not an issue. Try again.”

 He licks his lips and rethinks his offer. “If you let me stay, I will owe you a favor.”

My eyes narrow. “What kind of favor?”

Dr. Crane leans in with the same stern eyes. “A favor that might save you if you’re ever in a pinch and need help.”

Do not help him! But in Gotham a favor is worth more than a million dollars. I can’t afford to ignore it. Even Ivy’s mentioned how profitable allies can be in this city.

“Fine. You can stay with me, but on my terms.” I point a warning finger and get up in his face. “No stealing. No fear toxins. No slitting my throat when I’m sleeping. And! Keep your hands to yourself, or I will gut you like a fish.”

Crane doesn’t flinch. “Deal.”

[lunaryugamine]

So these are my thoughts on a Spy x Family/Batman fanfic AU based on @reineydraws very cute and fun art that I'll write someday in the vague future. My Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun AU takes precedent over this, but I wanted to get this out because it's been eating my brain.

I will admit that I have read almost no Batman comics or watched TV shows but I started reading fanfic for it and now the Batfam runs through my brain 24/7. I am currently reading the Young Justice comics, though, and will be reading more when I'm done with that.

So here's how I'm mashing the two canons together: this is a no superheroes AU where no one has any powers (except Anya and other potential government experiments that haven't come up) and the Spy x Family universe is farther in the future so there's computers and cell phones (the reason why is shown later). Also, Eden Academy is slightly more accepting of strange familial situations (at least for Bruce Wayne) and less obsessed with image because I can't imagine canon Eden Academy accepting a disabled Babs. That's the main setting, but the characters are far more important to me.

Bruce Wayne was orphaned in the war but since this setting actually has therapists he's a lot more well-adjusted and does not go out dressed as a bat to beat up criminals, which is good because Ostania is a police state and they would not tolerate that. The country does, however, have an organization like WISE who also doesn't want another war, and Bruce is involved with that, using his Brucie persona to get information on warmongers in the government. That organization (which doesn't have a name yet) works tentatively with WISE but they don't exactly trust one another. Unfortunately, Donovan Desmond fucking hates Brucie Wayne and so doesn't interact with him at the Imperial Scholars gatherings, leading to Operation Strix still needing to be done. He's beloved by the city of Berlint, just like the Wayne's are in Gotham, which is a big reason why Dick and Jason are able to be accepted into Eden Academy late and Damian without a mom. Twilight is aware that there's a person in the upper echelons of Ostania but doesn't know who it is and is trying to figure it out. Bruce uses his money to make social programs to uplift his fellow citizens in poverty because if you're rich that's what you should do or I'll fucking hate you.

Dick Grayson is still an orphaned circus acrobat (although here his parents deaths are a legitimate tragic accident) that Bruce adopts who is able to get into Eden late due to his intelligence, athleticism, and lots and lots of bribes. Instead of the Court of Owls, he's connected to the Garden here and the Shopkeeper is his relative instead of William Cobb. Bruce is very adamant that Dick is not involved with that, so while Dick knows about the Garden and it's members, he's more involved with the organization Bruce is in. He is legitimately friends with Demetrius Desmond, but his relationship to his father is like Damian's (who is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his family) so he has no information for Dick to get for the organization. He's also close friends with Babs.

Barbara is the daughter of the police commissioner who isn't involved in the SS and is still disabled because she was kind of a gamechanger in comics with her disability so I want to keep that. I haven't decided whether she was born with it or if it was an injury but she still has a wheelchair. Babs is also still Oracle (which is why I need the technology to be updated) and is a hacker similar to maia arson crimew IRL (god bless it) who leaks documents of crimes the Ostanian government has done, and has to be very careful to never reveal her identity because she would immediately be detained, tortured, and killed. Thankfully, very few people would suspect that Oracle is a disabled teenage girl at Eden Academy. No one except Tim, that is.

Jason meets Bruce after trying to jack his car wheels and Bruce takes one look at this child and thinks "Mine" and so Jason is adopted. He is also accepted at Eden Academy late because of his stellar academics and because Bruce had already set a precedent. He's a good athlete, but he's not a prodigious gymnast like Dick so that's not part of why he gets in. Unlike Bruce and Dick, he's not involved in the organization. Instead he's involved in the groups of civilians who are against the police state. In the manga, the only resistance groups are people who are willing to put innocent people in danger, which sucks a lot. The organization Jason's involved in would absolutely kill some government officials but wouldn't get civilians harmed. Duke is also involved in this, but he's a minor character and I'm already juggling so many characters but imagine Duke and Jason working together in a gang setting. DC, why have you not done this already?

Cass (OP didn't include Cass in the original post but I love Cass so she's being included) was still trained to be an assassin from birth with David Cain being part of the Garden, but the Shopkeeper actually has some morals and is horrified when he sees what's been done to Cass, maybe when she's around 9 years old and Cain shows her off to the Shopkeeper, expect him to be impressed. Manipulating children into being assassins is one thing, but training a child to be a weapon and literally nothing else is another, so Cain is disposed of (maybe by Yor) and the Shopkeeper sends Cass to be taken care of by Bruce because he knows that he's a good dad because he takes care of Dick. Unfortunately because she's spent her entire life up to this point not being able to speak or read, she's not able to catch up in school enough to be accepted into Eden Academy, but she is able to go to a school that focuses on dance and she lives her dreams of being a ballerina and meets Steph there, maybe doing another type of dance because I can't imagine Steph as a ballerina. She's not involved in politics the way her brothers and father are, but that's okay because she deserves to just be happy.

Tim is the neighbor of Bruce Wayne who, when Bruce realizes is horribly neglected, unofficially adopts him and eventually sues the Drakes for child abuse and officially adopts him. He was already in Eden Academy so that's not a problem. Tim doesn't have a Batman to obsess over in this universe, but he does have an Oracle to obsess over. He somehow finds out Oracle's identity (I'll figure out how later) and begs to be her apprentice, and she eventually takes him on because Tim is stubborn AF and also a talented hacker in his own right. He's best friends with Conner, the son of reporters Clark and Lois Kent (who report critcal things that the government is doing with pseudonyms), because I'm weak for their relationship. I want to add the rest of the Core Four but I don't know how so we'll see how that goes. He suspects that Bruce and Dick are part of the secret organization and that Jason is part of the civilian resistance to the police state but doesn't want to be involved with that because he's already involved with resistance work and the less he knows the better in case he's found out by the government.

Damian is the actual son of Bruce and Talia, who met on a business trip Bruce or Talia took and they had a fling which resulted in Damian. Ra's doesn't have access to a Lazarus Pit here because those don't exist so he's just a normal cult leader who's been dead before Talia and Bruce meet. Talia has turned the cult's assets into a business venture so Damian has an actually fairly normal, if spoiled and also full of martial arts training because that's still important to Talia, upbringing. Bruce and Talia share custody and Damian stays with his father for the school year and with his mother during breaks. Bruce and Talia may still be in love. I don't know, I'll figure it out. Anyway, Damian has a huge rivalry with the other Damian because they're both sons of influential people with a chip on their shoulder, but they're also foils because Damian W actually has a loving family and Damian D doesn't. Damian W befriends Anya and Becky specifically because he wants to annoy Damian D but eventually becomes legitimately fond of them (and Damian D and his friends) but he will never admit it. He's just as much of a tsundere as the other Damian, just in a platonic way. Damian also faces racism due to his brown skin (BECAUSE HE'S DARK OKAY DC LET HIM BE A POC).

The actual story will have some focus on the little shenanigans of the kids at Eden like in SxF (including the older kids), but instead of focusing on Twilight and Yor, the other part will focus on the Wayne's and their allies political maneuverings, but also some slice-of-life with Cass because she deserves it. We may have some small flashes to the Forger family, but they're not the focus. There will also be Batfam fluff because I'm a sucker for that.

[brokentoys]

What if... what if Edward (Puzzler) did kidnap Eddie? How might things have turned out for the boys?

Wonderful question! I feel it really depends. False Face repeatedly advised against the idea when Edward brought it up. Because False Face was right, it's a very unrealistic idea that could never actually work. Perhaps Edward knew this, too. But wanted to deny it, think that maybe the impossible could happen.

Under any circumstances, if Eddie did went missing, his parents, no matter how horrible they are, will always alert the authorities. After all, you could get in a lot of trouble if you fail to report your missing child.

Now first let's say what would happen if everything happened according to the canon of this blog / my lore. When the authorities begin growing suspicious of Edward - Edward will still have to Leave. He could take Eddie with him. However, faking his own death and evading arrest / his country is already a risky plan. But to take a kidnapped child along? It would definitely make his plan far too risky and dangerous. He'd have to return Eddie.

But let's say the impossible did happen. Puzzler successfully kidnapped Eddie and stayed in Gotham. Well, first - Eddie's childhood would actually be better - save for potential hostage situations should Puzzler's rivals find out about Eddie. Funny, given Puzzler is a greedy, thrill seeking, homicidal liar. But he did genuinely loved Eddie, and so Eddie would be treated much better by him than he was by his parents. It wouldn't be perfect; they'd likely clash due to the drama of the crime life, and their own flaws. (Edward being a compulsive liar, Eddie may not have his intense jealousy or insecurity in this hypothetical timeline, but he'd still have the "uglier" sides of his mental illnesses that would make him "act out.")

It's harder to say how this Eddie would exactly turn out to be. Regular Eddie actually hates most crime bosses and mobs in general. He feels they're practically the same as the corrupt politicians and police officers. Which really, he's right LOL. The politicians and police are often bribed by the mobs of Gotham. So, in Eddie's eyes, most crime organizations are just as much of his enemies as the GCPD and Batman is. However... if he was raised by a mob leader? Now... that might change his perspective. In this timeline, he may even grow up to take over the business. And since in this timeline, Eddie would've never been punished by his father - Eddie would be, indeed, very capable of lying. (Although his OCD will still be present. But instead of being for puzzles and orderliness, it'll primarily be for orderliness.) Which in return, maybe actually create a far more dangerous Eddie than the one we have now. (As this Eddie, despite being a jerk, does have morals. Puzzler Eddie would likely be raised with different morals due to being placed in a different situation. One who never really suffered firsthand, and therefore, doesn't really know what it's like. But then again, it'll still be Eddie - so perhaps he'd still have that Good somewhere in him!)

Buuuut - since Puzzler actually did genuinely cared about Eddie. He wanted Eddie away from such a life when he realized it would indeed be dangerous. (He doesn't experience a "slap in the face moment" when he realizes that Eddie will get hurt more in it. But that'll take too long to explain without further context, so yea!) I don't think Edward quite realized how dangerous Eddie's own home life was, too, though. But he was mostly thinking about if Eddie had nothing to do with his business, or ever knew he was the Puzzler - Eddie would be less motivated to go the same route. He was mostly wrong about all that.

[dragon-swords-prophecies]

happy sts! what's up with what you've been working on lately? [free ramble basically]

hi!!! happy sts!! thank you for the free ramble i love free rambles. this is long. this is. So Long but it was worth it

I've been working on a murder mystery wip called herald at dawn, about some people who work at a newspaper and several dead people, all of whom were murdered but only two are actually the murder mystery. (one of the ones who isn't the mystery is the main character's father, with who the story doesn't work without but also can't be alive for the story to work. the other one was murdered 10 years ago and the killer was acquitted because her husband is rich, but who killer her isn't actually a mystery).

its set in the late 1940s, in an extremely vague unspecified american city that has the characteristics of san francisco, chicago, gotham (from batman), and boston all at the same time.

there are also Extremely Fucked Up fae. they curse people! those curses are ancestral and will get passed along bloodlines, though they do get diluted over time. the way the curses work is either that a) the fae just curses you for the fun of it or b) you think you're hot shit, go ask the fae for something, and they twist it. how nice you are controls how much it gets twisted. you're an asshole? you get extra cursed!! there's a character in the story who's cursed to slowly loose everyone he loves. this is because his father (a Jackass who bribed several judges to get his wife off a murder charge she was guilty of) is cursed to have limitless material wealth, but be poor as dirt in friendships/love/anyone who actually cares about him/etc.

At some point, a large portion of humanity made the fae mad, so they cursed pigeons to be sentient. the curse is not on the pigeons, its on the humans, but it's weird in that it doesn't get diluted. if anything the pigeons are getting smarter.

the pigeons commit mail fraud. (long story short--fae can't figure out telephones, so the sentient pigeons have been trained to read/write. they take letters the fae have written and fly them to telegraph stations, where they copy the letters and send them as telegrams. they then read any recieved telegrams and copy them as letters for the fae and deliver them). the Pigeon Telegraph Service (a division of the postal service) is the best and I love it. they're unionized!

this has lead to two things: 1) there being postal inspectors for pigeon telegrams, because of all the mail fraud 2) my search history containing far too much about mail fraud

the other important thing about the fae is Ballon Guy. his actual name is sylvester hatsworth. he is a fae who has immense respect for one (1) branch of human government, and that is the licensing department. which doesn't actually exist, but he's convinced it does. every two years he goes to city hall and talks to a person whose job is ''fae liasons clerk'' (it is her job to deal with fae nonsense and she gets paid a lot of money for it so no one else has to do it), so he can renew his ballon piloting license.

i cannot stress enough that the city cannot issue ballooning licenses. they can't even issue dog licenses. he just heard someone talking about a drivers license once (that he thought was for driving horses. this man does not know what cars are and he will never know what cars are) and assumed two things.

if you need a license for horses, you must need one for ballooning

the nearest government must be able to this, no matter how small they are

neither of these are correct. it has been two hundred years since he started doing it, and no one's been able to convince him otherwise. he does not understand time or death and i love him so, so much.

[Image ID: Image 1. and peered at the sheet in front of him. ''What ought I to put for date of birth? I wasn't exactly born, persay, and if I was it was long before your strange systems of mortal timekeeping.'' Image 2 ''Have an excellent day, Miss Gates! Oh, and please tell whoever that poor fellow lying on the sidewalk outside was that I hope he feels better soon.'' There was a long pause. ''He's dead, I can't really... do that?'' ''Oh dead. Tell him tomorrow, then? I'm sure he'll be back on his feet in no time!'' Sylvester scurried away, only avoiding a /End ID]

Apart from my favorite parts of worldbuilding (the pigeons and balloon guy), there are also characters!!

Alexandrina "Alex" McLelland (aka Alexandrina Gates) is the protaganist, and narrator most of the story. Not all of it, but most. She's 31, aroace, and an investigative reporter at a newspaper called the clockwork herald. her father (Donovan Gates) was an investigative reporter at the same paper and got murdered about it, much to his best friend and his wife's distress.

[Image ID: ''James! Judge Robert Brown was killed last night. Murdered, I think. Amelia and I are going to city hall, I'll call you later.'']

James Blakely is one of the other main characters! he's 32, gay, dating one of the other reporters (leo), and also the editor of the herald. he's like if you took a perfectly good golden retriever of a man and gave him severe anxiety.

[Image ID: James blinked blearily at the receiver. ''Darling,'' he called quietly into the other room, ''There's been a murder.'' /End ID]

León ''Leo'' Rivera is another main character! he's 33, bi, bilingual, and dating james. he does the pages on politics! his favorite hobby is annoying the hell out of politicans. he also witnesses a murder and then almost gets murdered because of it, but that's only in the second half of the story.

[Image ID: ''Wonderful. Tell me, do you have any plans for aid following the fires last month? I understand the affected residents got no aid from the city to rebuild their homes, but the real estate company involved recieved substantial payouts. Do you have anything to say to voters concerned that you don't have the interests of the city at heart?'' /End ID]

Ronald Wilkes is the fourth and final MC. he's in his late 50s and has been reporting on sports for the last thirty years, and horse racing for the last twenty (since Alex's father, Donovan, his best friend, died (long story. please ask about it if you want to know i love talking about donovan & ronald) ). he is bitter and cynical. his best friend/the guy he was in love with got murdered in an alleyway, because he tried to do the right thing. this does things to a person!! all very fun things character wise, but also he has Problems.

[Image ID. You were in too much pain to lie then, and all you could think of to say was that it was him. It was Donny, of course you'd done it. So you laughed--it was more of a cough--and said, ''You wouldn't have heard me in time to duck.'' /End ID]

Donovan Gates (aka Donovan McLelland) is not actually a main character. he's dead. however, if he wasn't there the story doesn't work, and if he's alive the story doesn't work, so because he's haunting everyone he gets a character intro. He was 38 when he died. His daughters were 16 and 10. He was, for many years, the investigative reporter at the herald, and also helped out ronald by covering the horse races on occasion. Ronald was his best friend. He might've been in love with him, he might've not, but it doesn't really matter. They were in wwi together. ronald saved his life twice. Two years before he got murdered, Donovan discovered that someone was rigging the horse races in their favor. Not enough to be noticed unless you looked for it, but he was looking for it. The man doing the rigging was a mobster named Avery, and when Avery found out that Donovan was planning to expose it via an article in the newspaper, he got someone to shoot Donovan in an alleyway and make it look like a robbery. The killer got away, which is what led to Alex becoming an investigative reporter in the first place, and the article wasn't published until she got his old job. Donovan is the reason that anything in the story happens the way it does, especially anything Alex, Ronald, or Amelia (alex's sister) does.

[Image ID: Ronald stops, and the only sound is the crickets chirping in the minor amounts of nearby shrubbery. ''The last thing he ever said to me was to tell you and Amelia that. That he loved you and was proud of you and he was sorry he had missed you and Amelia growing up.'' /End ID]

[sadnesslaughs]

You died, you met a god(dess), and you got offered a new life in another world with the usual package -- OP powers, a personal harem, the works. Smelling a scam, you refused. That pissed them off.

(A response to a writing prompt)

“The fuck do you mean, I’m good?” Her perfect face contorted, lips closing in on each other as she gave a threatening pout. “No one refuses this. I don’t even have a Plan B, that’s how rare this is. So, take your stupid hero fantasy before I shove it straight up your-“

“LANGUAGE!”

“I CREATED LANGUAGE, I’LL USE IT AS I PLEASE.” An aura of holy light raged around her, blinding me momentarily. When it cleared, her blonde hair had become frayed, with strands standing in all directions.

I didn’t know what to say, rocking on the chair as I tried to think of a way to pacify her. “I’m not interested in the whole hero thing. I didn’t really enjoy those stories when I was a kid, felt a little cliché.”

“What about a harem? Beautiful ladies, who wouldn’t want that? Some may even rival my beauty.” She said, flicking her hair, which wasn’t helping the bad hair day she was having.

“I don’t need a harem. I just want to find the perfect person. Someone who gets me.” I explained, not wanting to mention that while I would love a person as beautiful as her, I wouldn’t want them to have a similar personality.

“Nerd.” she whispered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing. Such a nerdy answer.” She whispered again, although she did it a little louder, as if she wanted me to hear the nerd part. “Look, what about super powers? You could be Batman.”

“Batman doesn’t have any powers.”

“Huh? Yes he does.” She rummaged through her desk, pulling out trinkets, fire staffs and a limited edition copy of Batman. She pointed to the cover and smirked. “Bat-Man.” she drawled. “His powers are in the title. He’s a bat.”

She said it so smugly that I almost wanted to let it slide, feeling that any answer I gave her would be the wrong one. “Actually… He’s a guy in a suit with a lot of money. Well, not ‘just’ a guy, but he doesn’t have any powers.”

She peeled off the pristine wrapping, flipping through the pages, before laughing. “Ma-ha!”

I tilted my head, wondering what was so funny. Maybe the Joker had told a joke that tickled her funny bone? When she saw me looking, she turned the comic around, pointing to his dead parents.

“THEY GOT SHOT. MA-HA, How funny. Why did they not simply bribe their goddess and get resurrected? Are they stupid? What shoddy writing. Ah, that’s funny. You mortals do know your comedy.” She wiped a tear from her eye, tossing the comic onto her table.

I didn’t have the psychiatric skills necessary to dissect her humor, steering the conversation elsewhere. “Why do you have that, anyway?”

“Oh, this old thing? Some guy died while holding it. Think he got stabbed while fighting for it in a parking lot outside of a Mcdonalds. You would be surprised how many Mcdonald’s related deaths I see.”

“Because of the food?”

“No, carpark brawls. Do you humans set up a fighting arena there or something? Wait? MA-HA-HA-HA, MA-HA!” She smacked her table with her fist, creating a dent in it. My stomach turned, feeling I didn’t want to know what was so funny. Beyond my better judgement, I asked.

“What’s so funny?”

“M…MA….MAHAHAHAHAHA.” She struggled to speak, laughing for a solid two minutes before wiping more tears from her eyes. “Ah, well, that guy that gave me the comic wished he was Batman. So, he had to watch his parents die. Isn’t that funny?”

I sat there horrified, listening to her laugh, before she stopped, looking at my face.

“You mortals don’t have a sense of humor. People die all the time, build a bridge and get over it. Look, you’re getting your powers or a new job/world, so pick something and hurry up. I haven’t got all day.”

“Technically, you-“

“Technically, you should be very careful about what you say, unless you want to be his Robin.”

“How do you even know that? You didn’t even know Batman had powers.”

“I’m a quick reader.” She bragged, somehow gaining all that lore from a simple flick through the pages. It was scary how much power she held, having a dominating energy that made the room feel heavy, like she was a whirlpool and I was trapped in her vortex.

I had to choose something, but what? She looked like she operated on genie rules, which made things dangerous. I doubt anything I picked would end well for me. What task would be relatively safe? “What’s life like for a goddess and her fellow afterlife dwellers?”

She thought about it before shrugging. “Eh, it’s fine. Unlimited food, can sleep as long as you want, access to infinite knowledge, that sort of stuff. Why?”

“Was curious. What about the people that work here? I’m sure you have secretaries and helpers.”

She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. “They live comfortably. None of the gods or goddesses would allow them to be tormented. It would make us all look bad.” Suspicion poisoned her tone, making it obvious I needed to act quick.

“I’ll be your assistant then. That’s what I want.”

“NO!” She stomped her foot. “Go and get killed in some other world. I need entertainment. It’s so boring here. You idiots are the only things keeping me sane.”

“You said I could pick anything, right? Powers/jobs. I chose a job.”

She thought about it before sulking, leaning against her desk. “Fine, but I hope you know I’ll subject you to the worst working conditions that the afterlife allows. A whole hour of work without a break. Well, you get one twenty-minute break, but no additional breaks.” She smirked, calling this a victory for herself.

If I was going to survive this job, I needed to learn to play into her ego. I held my chest, dramatically turning towards the exit. “A whole hour. I can’t do it. That’s basically one whole portion of my day.”

“MA-HA. You can’t escape my wrath. You will work that whole hour, and you will like it. I’m going to make you do all the horrible tasks, like restocking the fridge and picking up my groceries. You’ll be exhausted.”

“NOOOOOO.” I screamed, dropping to my knees. “No..” I let out a whimper before breaking character. “Um, do I have somewhere to stay?”

“Duh, the hotel where everyone stays. You just walk into the elevator and it zaps you into your room.”

“Where is the hotel?”

“Ugh, I’ll take you there.”

I expected a tour. Instead, she flicked my forehead, flinging me through a portal. The portal flashed a rainbow of colors until I was on my back in the lobby of a hotel. The hotel was gorgeous, filled with beautiful angelic statues, a vending machine with free snacks and a whole decorated marble floor. I picked myself up, finding the entrance empty. There was a front desk, but since no one was operating it, I explored the area myself, stumbling towards the elevator.

Inside the elevator, I expected to find buttons, only for a beam to zap my body, throwing me onto a bed. The bed, made of an angelically soft material, almost lulled me to sleep with just a touch. Pulling myself out of its comforting grip, I rolled out of bed, seeing the rest of my room.

Calling it a room was an understatement. It was a home. Having everything a person could want. Gym, living room, pool, spa, sauna and kitchen. All of this wrapped in a clean and gold themed room, with glittery bits of gold adorning the tables and cabinets. After getting some bottled water from the fridge, I laid down, resting my head on the pillow.

A ring echoed through the room before the goddess appeared on a cushion. At least I thought it had been a cushion. The cloud shaped device floating off the bedside table, hovering in front of me, giving her a good view of my face. Like any old person, she had her face pressed against the camera, so I could only see the bridge of her nose and part of her eyes. Seems a thousand year old goddesses suffered from the same problems as sixty-year-old mortals.

“Ma-ha. I hope you get a good sleep because you’ll be working early tomorrow. That’s right, be ready to wake up at 1pm! MA-HA. You’ll be a tired mess all day.” She laughed before stepping away from the camera, pouting. “How do I turn this off?” I saw her lips moving again, but no sound was coming from the device.

“I think you hit the mute button.”

She mouthed something and then made a laughing motion, so I could only assume it was an insult. She hit another button, which only made the camera switch around, showing her office. After another attempt, she turned it off.

“She’s really bad with technology. Maybe I should help her out with it tomorrow?” I wondered, giving the cloud device a look over. It looked like a type of phone, but I still wasn’t entirely sure what to call it. Deciding to leave it for tomorrow, I closed my eyes, getting ready for my ‘early’ start tomorrow.

[togansweep]

hello vi, can u say how each succ character would behave at Disneyland/ any theme park of choice?

okay so I've never been to disneyland but I've been to legoland twice so I'm using that as a reference.

greg would absolutely love it. I don't know if you've ever been in legoland but I feel like greg would THRIVE there (that man has 100% seen lego batman). he's like an overexcited child and wants to try every single attraction.

tom pretends to be annoyed at this, "greg, you're a 6ft7 man, this should be like a normal tuesday because everyone is like a lego figurine to you." but he secretly really enjoys greg's enthusiasm.

up until the moment greg asks tom to join him on a rollercoaster, because if there's one thing tom's afraid of it's rollercoasters. "I'm in my 40s greg, if I get on a rollercoaster at this age I will probably get a heart attack. you don't want to be responsible for that, now do you, gregory?" "lots of old people go on rollercoasters, tom." "did you just call me old, greg?" "technically you like, did that yourself? but I think you're just scared." "now I'm old AND scared?? these accusations are really getting out of hand, greg, what are we going to do about this? do you want me to push you in the adventure land pond? the one with the lego crocodile? because I will, gregory! make the crocodile nibble on your long bambi legs." "if you really weren't old and scared you would just go on the rollercoaster with me." "you know what greg, why not. I'll prove you wrong once and for all."

tom spends the whole ride screaming with his eyes closed and he's holding greg's hand way too tightly. "if you breath a word of this to anyone I will feed you to a real crocodile."

roman would have WAY too much fun on the pirate splash battle:

you can also splash people who are eating because there's a cafeteria next to this attraction, and roman would definitely try to ruin as many people's french fries as possible.

tabitha joins roman and they make an excellent splashing team, they're SO good that at some point they're being told to leave the attraction because they keep ruining everyone's food. roman bribes them with a hundred dollar bill so they can continue.

kendall is having a mental breakdown in one of the bathrooms so connor takes his kids to all the miniature landmarks:

he tells them way too detailed history lessons about all of them, but kendall's kids keep running away because they don't care and just wanna see the lego ninjago attraction.

shiv and willa are on the laser game temple attraction gossiping about their cringe men. when they get out they sneek off to the lego hotel and cheat on them with each other.

meanwhile logan is trying to buy legoland.

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: 2022!Falcone

Full name: Carmine Falcone From the 2022 film The Batman Played by John Turturro

Falcone in this film stands out as a thoroughly ruthless mob boss underneath his chummy exterior.

[SPOILERS BELOW]

Falcone runs the entirety of Gotham from the and uses his power to intimidate people into his power. All of this is to get power for himself while damning anyone who doesn't benefit him.

Despite his friendliness, he is notably out for himself. He is willing to sell out his colleagues to get a hold on the profits of his organized crime ring. That's why he had Maroni ratted out to the cops to give himself a monopoly on the drug trade. Even after Thomas Wayne saved his life from a gunshot to the chest, he still saw it fit to blackmail him after going to him for a favor. And regardless of whether he was involved in the Wayne murders, he looted the Renewal fund after his death to enrich his own capital.

On two fronts, he can be very manipulative. The first is his direct manipulations that include his bribes and intimidation. Considering the connections he has with every level of Gotham municipal employees such as cops and politicians, any attempt to expose him would be mutually assured destruction and career suicide for them. He has dirt on the majority of them and they know that going against him means getting things exposed for them.

The second way is the fact that he's incredibly deceptive. He acts friendly even when he's issuing a threat. His murder of Annika has his tone of voice be chummy just before brutally strangling her in cold blood. He's also a notable liar. Even when he tries to be friendly with Bruce after he confronts him about the reporter he killed, Alfred notes that he was taking advantage of Thomas' desperation to protect his wife, trying to make it look like he was only looking out for his mayoral career.

And Falcone's lack of empathy shows through the numerous lives he is willing to personally ruin and end for the sake of keeping himself afloat. He never cared for his illegitimate daughter Selina and shunned her at every moment. The highest point is the fact that she also had her mother Maria killed and then later attempted to murder Selina personally.

Even as he's arrested, he shows no fear or remorse about what he's done. Falcone is just smugly taunting Batman and the police while believing he still has them all in his pocket. But after seeing the police presence willing to take him down, he still taunts Penguin, someone he considered a close friend.

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