#he literally can hear the Watchers and nobody else can

[notsogoodangel]

Purple and Red.

The gods and their loved ones.

[coraniaid]

Kendra shows up for the first time in What's My Line? and delivers several speeches about her past and her training to (maybe!) one day become a Slayer that boil down to:

"I don't really remember my parents except as pictures I've been shown, but I do know [somehow?] that they took slaying really seriously and they sent me to be trained as a Potential Slayer when I was very young. I know that if you want to be a good Slayer it's important not to be distracted by things like boys or friends or school or family, and I really want to be a good Slayer. And I know that a Slayer has to work in secret, and she musn't tell anybody else about vampires or being a Slayer (but again, my parents -- yeah, the ones I'm not allowed to talk to -- they really knew I was a Potential Slayer and they definitely approved of me being raised by my Watcher and never seeing them again ... No, I don't know their last names). You shouldn't feel sorry for me, though: I definitely don't feel sad or angry about this at all. My Watcher -- he's pretty much the only person I'm allowed to talk to, I guess -- he says that emotions are a weakness. I am a good Slayer. I definitely don't feel sad at all."

If you take Kendra seriously as a character for even a second, I'm not sure how you can hear all that and not think that something suspicious is going on. I'm not saying the Council had Kendra abducted or had her parents killed -- it doesn't seem quite their style -- but ... if her parents or her extended family (her "people", as the show puts it) know about Slaying and take it very seriously, why would the Council want them to send their daughter somewhere away from them where she isn't allowed to talk to anybody apart from her Watcher about being a Slayer? Was she going to be "distracted" by being brought up by people who were definitely 100% in favour of her being a Slayer? What real evidence does Kendra have that her Watcher can be trusted about anything he tells her about her parents? Why does this sound like the internal monologue of a character in the first third of a horror novel who doesn't quite yet realize they've been raised by a cult?

And so, you might think, this is where Kendra's arc is going to go. Next season is, after all, all about Buffy losing confidence in her own Watcher and the system of Watchers in general. Maybe Kendra will start to suspect she's been lied to. Maybe she'll try to track down her parents. Maybe they've been looking for her all this time; maybe they died in an accident and the Council decided it would be simpler to train Kendra as a Slayer if she didn't have anything else in her life to "distract" her. Maybe this is another Ampata situation, and Kendra's family really did give her up, and when she has some space away from her Watcher to think about it she realizes she's pretty angry about that. Maybe she'll go through the Cruciamentum, and lose her powers for a bit, and ask herself what would have happened to her if she'd waited and trained and gotten older and never been Called as a Slayer at all.

But instead the show means all this to be taken entirely at face value. Everything Kendra says is just supposed to stand in contrast with Buffy's own experience of becoming a Slayer, even though you can't really just reverse "Buffy's parents don't know anything about Slaying" and "Buffy lives with her Mom and has to try to hide her patrolling activites from her" and "Buffy never knew anything about the supernatural or vampire slayers until she was told she was one" and "Buffy still tries to go to school and socialize and date and have as much of a normal life as she can" and "Buffy isn't always perfect at keeping her Slaying secret from the people in her life" and hope to create anything coherent.

The next time we see or hear about Kendra it's literally just for about fifteen minutes so she can be killed off and written out of the show forever. And then pretty much nobody ever talks about her again (except for a brief mention the episode after she dies and a final fleeting reference early the next season. And then in Season 7 we meet Kennedy, the only other Potential with any real screen time who the Council seem to have trained from a young age, who definitely does remember her family and tells Willow about growing up as a relatively normal (if slightly spoiled) child and doesn't seem to have gone through anything like this.

[rosaacicularis]

Bestie you got so many aus just brewing at all times? Do you ever take a break? /lh anyways I’m gonna feed into the brain rot even more what else is going on in this hero/villain + soulmates au? What was their first civilian interaction? Were they initially tenuous allies at best, mostly using the telepathy to achieve their goals, but overtime something ✨changed✨? -🎶 anon

i try to take breaks and then my little subconscious goes “omg wouldn’t it be cool if grian and scar were tardigrades floating around in the vacuum of space, after being sent off in hopes they could evolve and bring life to another planet” and then i go “omg yeah it would” 

and i am definitely going to ramble a lot because i love this au so much but anyway as for some little fun facts about it <3<3 (and by fun facts i mean the entire plot.. this is literally the entire fic just without any dialogue…. which in my opinion is a little bit quirky of me)

they’d been telepathically communicating their entire lives, so it wasn’t that difficult to realise they were in the same city and arrange a meeting. they were like thirteen and went to see a movie. they made fun of it in their heads, watched it in relative silence out loud while eating their popcorn.

they stayed just friends for a while, not wanting to rush into anything; going about school and university as stolen glances and lingering touches that maybe meant a little more than they were leading on. they could hear each other’s thoughts in their head, they chose to pretend they couldn’t.

the façade came crashing down when they debuted as a vigilante duo. poultry man and the jangler. they weren’t that good or skilled, they hadn’t realised their potential yet—but they weren’t going to let the world suffer—and the jangler got hurt. scar wasn’t going to die without confessing to grian, and grian definitely wasn’t going to let him die after he had. 

they took a break from it, they started training, building connections. they held a lot of resentment toward the heroes for how they hurt scar. one day, and they can’t remember who that it first, they got the idea that one of them would infiltrate the system, reform it or destroy it, just change it so they would stop needlessly hurting the people they’d sworn to protect.

so grian re-debuts as watcher, the untouchable villain. he was fast, could fly, and seemingly unexplainable things happened around him (people can swear they see his eyes go purple sometimes). scar re-debuts as hawkeye, a hero with aim like apollo, and a skill in combat that leaves people horribly envious.

it took a while for them to gain those titles, for them to work their way up, they staged fights between themselves to help. to get on the news, to get their names known and talked about. the snowball of fame turned into an avalanche after hawkeye ‘saved’ the top hero from watcher’s grip.

they both shot up to their respective top spots after that. they didn’t do anything particularly irrational for a while, so they could build up trust. grian got loyal lackeys, and scar got sidekicks and teams. they were in the perfect position to enact a chaotically destructive plan. 

they plant seeds, just little things like scar losing an arrow here, one of grian’s lackeys spilling about dates of illegal meetings there. eventually it all stacks up and comes into play. scar convinces his boss, the head of the hero organisation to go undercover to buy illegal weapons so they can take the group out and study the weapons, use them too, sell them to the military afterwards. scar kills his boss, claiming that the lost arrow was replicated and someone is trying to impersonate him. 

the top heroes have a meeting, and settle on the idea that someone’s soulmate must be working with watcher. that’s the only way any of this would’ve been able to work. they realise that the person may not even realise that their soulmate is working with the city’s most notorious villain, nobody is safe. 

they thoroughly interview everyone’s soulmates, grian passes with flying colours. the heroes are getting a little frantic, they can’t find their leak, their mole. the plan is working flawlessly, but it’s a little bit slow, so watcher walks right into their palms and ‘turns himself in’. 

they arrest him and interrogate him, about his crimes and motives and everything, until they come down to the fated question of who the mole is, the brutus to their caesar. instead of answering, grian drops a little flash drive of information, all the dirt and blackmail material on the hero organisation. 

some of them are horrified, shocked to learn what has been going on under their noses, some look resigned like they were waiting for that show to drop. suddenly the foot they’d had in the door was in their grave. their secrets uncovered, the immoral things they were involved in brought into the light. 

he slips out within the chaos of the heroes fighting amongst themselves. the tension runs deep in the weeks after, to the point where the city starts to notice, starts to lose faith in the people meant to save them. hawkeye makes his public breakaway from heroism by joining watcher and denouncing his old team and boss, telling every news source that will listen about the entire scandal.

every single hero loses their credibility. a few show up at scar’s apartment, demanding answers. he tells them the whole story, how he’d been working with watcher since their conception, and when the heroes ask why he’s confessing now, scar tells them that anyone they’d tell would only see it as them trying to save their skin. 

grian and scar had won.

[cyanroads]

please talk about listener Jimmy I’m starving for content

(all talk of Jimmy is c!Jimmy)

Well, according to Martyn

So, canonically Jimmy isn't a Listener but Martyn didn't make this post until this past November (i should know he said this as a comment and reblog on my post)

But I went 3 years thinking Jimmy was a listener so here are the Listener Jimmy thoughts.

But first, Canon:

The Listeners are not brought until Jimmy's episode "DON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS" and Martyn's episode "TELL NOBODY" and they only introduced themselves to Martyn and Jimmy, our beloved Property Police, and this is before the end, they are around before Grian leaves which is something some people forget

The next time we see them is Jimmy's episode 98 and everyone (who hasn't left)'s first episode post dragon

In Jimmy's Pov they give him a mission, to give all the remaining Evolutionists an ender chest (since the Watchers are evicting everyone from spawn and the Evolutionists are only allowed to carry to New Spawn whatever they can carry in their inventory) and everyone else gets to spawn after Jimmy and find the enderchests (with notes from the Listeners, this is the first time the Evolutionists [excluding the property police] hear about the Listeners) and head to new spawn,. Jimmy doesn't get there until he finds Martyn's signs giving him the coords of New Spawn. This is what lead us to believe Jimmy was a Listener until The Martyn Post (image shown above, I have named it The Martyn Post)

After this we don't hear from the Listeners until Martyn's finale (not the actual finale it just is from his pov and is the lore related thing of the season [if I am correct]) where the Listeners "free" the Evolutionists (now excluding Jimmy, BigB, Grian, Pearl, and Martyn who are caught in "this perpetual cycle of death games")

And this might be Listeners even though it's not capitalized but it was in the Murder Mystery episode of Evo:

(Jimmy gasped when he read Listener, not important but interesting reaction)

September 14th is two days prior to Jimmy's episode 98, so this may be the Listeners or the one who put the statue with the chest for his Mission

Now my thoughts on Listener Jimmy (sorry this post is getting so long):

He may no longer be canon, but:

I believe the Listeners first interactions with the Property Police is them saying they consider Martyn and Jimmy candidates. I think they chosen Jimmy and not Martyn is because, although the Watchers hate the Property Police as a duo, they hate Jimmy far more. This is why the fandom believes the Watchers are behind the Canary Curse. The Listeners chose Jimmy because he already had the weakest tie with the Watchers.

Also that's why the Watchers (Martyn's voices in Last Life) wanted him to cut ties with Jimmy. Because they knew, although they see him as weak, Jimmy has always been able to get through to Martyn, seen time and time again in Evo (especially when Martyn meets up with Jimmy post dragon and man was literally broken until he had met up with Jimmy again)

Also Jimmy is empathetic. But being a Listener (or canonically a person who is connected to the Listeners) helps him be way more empathetic and connected to people which kinda goes with this post

Also my opinion on the Canary Curse is it is either given to Jimmy because of his connection with the Listeners, or the Listeners gave it to him "so he wouldn't have to go through all the pain" but actually because the Listeners and Watchers are both morally gray and the I think the Listeners have ulterior motives with Jimmy or they are actually allies with the Listeners and it was the Watchers plan for the Listeners to "save the Evolutionists" because otherwise, since they are both gods, the Listeners could've gotten the job done without the Evo Five getting captured. The only reason they have Jimmy help the Evolutionists post Evo is for an excuse to separate him from everyone else because the Watchers know how good Jimmy is with people and how well he figures out where the next portal is (the property police found most of the jump portals first) and he and Martyn probably could've figured out the rest of the jumps and gotten EVERYONE out safe, but the Watchers wanted Jimmy and Martyn weak so they separated the two which destroyed both of them, allowing the Listeners to "save" the Evolutionists and getting five of them traps

Sorry this was mainly Listener thoughts and not Listener!Jimmy thoughts, but this is what I had on the brain

Thanks for the ask

[spiderling-space]

Hey so this thought has been on my mind for like ages and I think that you'd be able to write a headcanon about it in a wonderful way, so I'm presenting this idea to you hehe ( I love ur blog so so so much btw!)

So let's say that whatever miracles of seven happened, that Yuu overblots. Being constantly pushed around by other students by being magicless, solving the idiot trio's problems, trying to survive overblots and dealing with Crowley's neglectful ass cheeks sure is not easy. With all the piled and bottled up negative emotions, Yuu like the previous boys, overblots. Yuu wasn't that hard to defeat cuz you know, they're magicless, but the twst boys did struggle and Yuu's quite the challenge too. So what if, after Yuu's overblot, they had a full on mental breakdown. Not like crying mental breakdown, they're full on SCREAMING, their voice are cracking too, and very painful to hear. They started to unconsciously harm themselves so they have to be tied down to prevent to hurt themselves further. How would the dormleaders react to that?

(Sorry for my English and if I ever break a rule, it's OK if you decide to not do this too. Btw I got this idea when I watch ATLA aka Aang the last airbender, for reference of the breakdown of Yuu just search "Azula's breakdown" that practically how their breakdown looked like :D)

I cant write headcanons because you basically wrote everything. I will just make comments and additions to this. first I mention the background, secondly Azula’s breakdown so non ATLA watchers can understand a little and lastly, MC having breakdown like Azula. For the record, I could write about ATLA for pages since it is something I love since 2005. LOL This became a bit meta xd

You can join the discord server here 😉🤣

Firstly, the back ground:

I was 7 years old when ATLA started airing. I’d be excited to get back home to watch ATLA after school. Azula’s breakdown was awful back then when I first watch it as a kid. And of course, when they aired the episodes again and again. I rewatched again because I remembered the show being dope when I was in 12th grade which was stress relief while studying for university exams, and then I rewatched last year and even founded a Zutara server. Now I’m getting back to the point. In the last two rewatching, I saw Azula in a different light and her breakdown at the end of the show was understandable. I can recommend some ATLA meta that you might like. 

Secondly, Azula’s breakdown: 

Azula lost everything. In the flashbacks, you saw she was getting along with Zuko, laughing and playing tag until Ozai’s influence on her grew while Ursa showed more affection towards Zuko since Ozai basically hated Zuko. These two triggered each other and it grew like snowball effect which came to the point that Ozai-Azula and Ursa-Zuko. She didn’t get love from Ozai, she was just a puppet, someone to empower him more, not his daughter meanwhile to Ursa, she was a monster. Azula was 8 years old  Ursa disappeared. Imagine how this would affect the child. After this, she had estranged brother that she was jealous of because of Ursa’s love, a father who manipulated her, and an uncle who was too in pain to do anything and he was more focused on Zuko. She only had Mai and Ty Lee as “friends” but it was toxic and Azula used fear to control them. After Zuko got banished, Mai and Ty Lee went to their own places, leaving Azula alone with Ozai. Just when Zuko got back, she was being like the last times, cruel teasing, Mai and Ty Lee with her. Later, Zuko went away and probably got lectured by Ozai for her lie. Mai and Ty Lee stood against her. In the end, she had no one. Ozai didn’t want her with him either because he only wants power. Being alone drew her to the edge. In the Royal Hair Washing, the girl sje fired had her face. Her self hatred was palpable. She started to reflect this via Ursa, the mother who thought her as monster and didn’t love her like she did Zuko. I believe she would have had breakdown if she actually killed Zuko. At the end, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Being all alone, not being loved, self hatred and finally failing at something which is something she knows Ozai would never tolerate like he did with Zuko. This 14-year-old wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore and had breakdown.

Now last section, MC having breakdown like Azula’s:

Let’s see the things MC went through:

Stripped away from home

Doesn’t have much memory of it

Is thrusted into a world so foreign to them, where everything is foreign to them. There is no familiar thing that can make them recall home or feel at home

Is forced to study things that they have no prior info where the others have prior info and they are expected to ace the tests. This puts on pressure on regular students, can’t imagine the pressure they would feel since they barely understand the magic.

Is treated like trash by everyone at least once. From the first moment they came to Twisted Wonderland, they were like dirtbag. Dire gave them a house where they could get Hepatitis A to C, tetanus, hypothermia and any other disease. They have lived in that state for months and the house barely got fixed by the end of exams. They got belittled or used by almost all characters at least once. Examples: Vil calling them nobody; Azul trying to take the only thing they have from them, the dorm; Riddle calling them uneducated because not having magical parents; Leona acting like they are a toy in E2; Jamil literally manipulating their choice; sometimes NPC characters talked; Cater making them do his work etc.

They are given more than a person should handle. They are not certificated psychologist, they aren’t superhuman, they don’t have super healing... They are just human but has to fight enemies than can easily kill them if it were not the magic users around them. They are given the task of dealing with the emotional breakdown of the other people.

All of these are building up more and more. Maybe they started to get along with people after the belittlement and being used but every new character does this. At one point, it will be too much and they will think “they are only nice to me because I did a favor to them. If not for that, they wouldn’t be nice to me” which would lead to self doubt. When one starts doubting themselves, everything else starts to go down. Also, new characters treating them that way adds salt to the wound.

MC isn’t a professional psychologist. They can’t handle other people’s issues without taking a toll at themselves. They don’t even catch a break between everything.

Dire is deliberately keeping them away from home as they all do the errands he say. To him, what MC wants doesn’t matter much. The game doesn’t show but if MC has family and friends or pets, you can’t tell me that they wouldn’t miss them once or see, hug them or know their state, alive-dead, healthy-sick etc. 

Lastly not being invincible. The end of Episode 5 shows this well. They couldn’t stand against Grim who isn’t as powerful as the other overblot characters. They are mortal who can get hurt easily.

Now all these build up meanwhile we don’t see an MC centered chapter, how they are etc. It’s all about the others. Maybe there were a few chapters asking if MC is okay after everything but it feels like it is in the second plan. 

Everything that I mentioned can lead to a breakdown like Azula’s. Everything is just too much to handle and they don’t talk with a professional about it. When they finally let out everything, it feels much better, screaming out their lungs, lashing out like all of them did. They are finally letting out all of their emotions, crying and screaming; yet still feels better than bottling everything up. They think maybe that’s how overblot characters felt.

All in all, everyone in NRC needs a counselor.

[iamthedukeofurl]

TMA Theory

The Magnus Institute itself was a low-grade Fear Generator. So, what we know about The Institute is that it had several departments 1) Administration

2) The Archives 3) Artefact Storage

4) Research. It’s also, presumably, an “Academic Institution dedicated to the study of the paranormal and supernatural”. People come in and dictate Statements, which are dutifully written down and organized by the Archivist, but we never hear about anybody from the Research department coming down to examine some statements, neither do we ever hear Jon referring to any notes from Research, or using any of the Researchers. Instead, he always uses his own assistants for follow-ups, and it’s not even clear that the follow-up investigations are even part of his job. 

We know that Jon and Tim both transferred in from Research, and despite working there for four years, Jon had no knowledge of the Fears, or any real belief in the supernatural. So, allow me to propose my theory of what goes on in the Research Division of the Magnus Institute: 

Somebody is hired to work for The Magnus Institute, they’ve heard the stories about the place, it’s something of a joke, and nobody knows why it’s being funded. It’s a simple, three story building, archives and storage in the basement, library and research on the first floor, administration upstairs. The Library is full of texts on a wide range of topics, from folklore to history to mathematics, which might help one delve into the world of the supernatural. 

Some of these new employees believe they are about to find themselves thrust into a secret world of fairies and ghosts and wizards, others are skeptics, but they’re desperate, jobs are scarce, and the Magnus Institute’s paychecks are very, very real. So, they get in there, they’re taken to meet the institute’s head, Elias Bouchard, who outlines some simple rules

You are not allowed to access Artefact Storage without written permission

It is strictly forbidden to take any physical media outside the Institute, including books, documents, or photocopies.

All research must be done on an institute-approved computer running proprietary monitoring software. 

Which, okay, a little intense about security, but not unreasonable. And then Mr. Bouchard looks at you, gives you a firm handshake and says “Your first assignment is waiting for you at your desk. I’ll be keeping an eye on you, I expect you’ll do great things here”.

And so you get your assigned desk, and there’s an assignment, describing some mysterious incident or old ghost story or whatever, “Investigate and write a report on the Disappearance of the S.S. Torchlight, which left Alexandria in 1910 and never arrived back in Plymouth”. And so you do, and almost immediately you figure it out. The S.S. Torchlight was in poor repair, it departed behind schedule and was in a hurry to make up lost time, it had an inexperienced captain, and there were some nasty storms along its intended route. Clearly the captain, worried about the schedule, decided not to detour around the storms, and the ship sank with all hands. 

However, this is The Magnus Institute, they certainly wouldn’t have handed this to you unless there was SOMETHING strange going on with the Torchlight, they wouldn’t just hand you a random missing ship from over a century ago. You look around you, all the other researchers, diligently exploring the world of the paranormal. You can’t just go turn in your first assignment and say “The ship sank in a storm”. You’d get fired, laughed out of the institute, and if you could get a job anywhere else, you would have. 

Mr Bouchard’s words echo in your mind, “I’ll be keeping an eye on you. I expect you’ll do great things here”. So you come up with theories. You research Sirens and Sea Serpents and The Flying Dutchman, you look into the possibility that the Torchlight may have been smuggling artefacts stolen from a pharaoh's tomb. The previous captain had died on the voyage to Alexandria, maybe somebody aboard the ship killed him and his ghost sought revenge.

And, in the Institute’s library, you find plenty of legends and stories about ways a ship might be lost at sea. Of course, absolutely nothing with any evidence pointing you towards the S.S. Torchlight. 

You consider asking one of your co-workers for help, but you can’t. They’re real investigators, doing important work. They’ll take one look at what you’ve found and expose you for the fraud you are. Your first assignment, and you can’t find the slightest lead. 

There is no official deadline, but it’s understood that occasionally mister Bouchard calls somebody up to his office to check in on their research. 

So you keep your head down and try to look busy, you try to match the focus and intensity of your colleagues. Sooner or later, you give up completely. The ship was lost in a storm. The house was old and creaking. The “Impossible” muder was entirely possible if you assume that the detective just ignored all evidence that pointed to the wealthy, respectable husband who had the keys but swears he wasn’t home that night. Whether or not the supernatural exists, you can find no trace of it in your current assignment. But that won’t do. You might make a small lie, saying “Well I’m following up a new lead”, even if you don’t believe it will go anywhere. You might make a big one, simply inventing evidence to support some sort of supernatural explanation. Anything to buy yourself some more time, to avoid being exposed for the fraud you are. And the entire time, you’re being Watched. Watched by your colleagues, watched by the security cameras (There seem to be more every day), watched by the proprietary monitoring software on your laptop, watched by the serious faced old men in the oil paintings. Heck, you’re even watched by those strange people who work down in the Archives. 

You hear things, some sort of strange worm infestation? The Police start poking around, at one point they arrest your boss for murder? You’re curious, you want to ask questions, but that might bring Attention to you, and the thought of that fills you with dread. You have the unavoidable idea that, should you be noticed, Something Terrible will happen, something worse than being Fired, being laughed out of academia (After all, if you can’t keep a job at The Magnus Institute, what are you good for).And, as you bury your head in old books, staring as the words swirl before you, The Ceaseless Watcher Drinks. What you don’t know is that literally every one of your colleagues feels the same way. The supernatural is real, but you won’t find a trace of it in the library of The Magnus Institute. The books and assignments are very carefully curated to contain no actual facts or connections. You might hear the name “Jurgen Leitner”, but you won’t find any of his books in the Institute Library. Jonah Magnus has spent a very long time assembling the most impressive, but least useful, collection of information on the supernatural ever seen. He wrote many of the books in it himself, and is quite proud of how they unreadable they are. 

[elias-bouchards-tenth-divorce]

Okay, here’s my genuine theory about S5, and you know it’s serious because I’m actually using capital letters.

It’s been well-established that there aren’t any “good counterparts” to The Fears. Like Gerry said, there isn’t like, The Kindness or The Love going around performing miracles. But, consider this - what if there doesn’t have to be, because each Fear is its own good counterpart?

Let me explain. The Desolation is, at the end of the day, the fear of loss. The fear of wanton destruction. The fear of everything being taken away from you. But, at the same time, some times that can be good. If you “destroy” the person that you once were to grow and improve, isn’t that still destruction? If you cut toxic people out of your life, isn’t that still burning bridges? The fire that destroys also cleanses.

Another example, The Corruption. It’s been established that there’s a connection between The Corruption and cult-like behaviors - think of Jane’s devotion to “the song” that she hears from all the insects around her, or, more directly, think of Love Bombing - and that’s because, as Jonny said, love is also something that can rot. It can go rotten, and sour, and spoiled. But there also has to be something that can bring people together, something beyond spooky mind control from a wasp’s nest. So, I submit that The Corruption also causes hate to rot, as well as fear. It turns the superficial differences that we may have into dust, and allows people to come together as one (metaphorically, but also grusomely literally like in Love Bombing).

It’s not hard to see that every Fear has a good side, if you think about it.

The End is a natural part of life. Think of the suffering there would be if nobody ever died.

The Hunt can seem frightening, but think of the thrill of setting a goal and doing everything you can to achieve it. It’s like you’re “hunting” down an accomplishment.

The Vast is humbling. No matter how badly you mess up, always remember that in the grand scheme of things, it will be fine. A lifeform a billion, billion, billion miles away, across the deep dark expanse of space, won’t care that you told the waitress to enjoy her meal when she gave you your food.

I could go on. But, here’s what I’m really trying to get at.

As other people have pointed out, Jon would make a good candidate for an Avatar of The Extinction. He is literally a man-made horror. Elias forced him to suffer the worst experiences imaginable so he could render Jon as a simple tool for him to use. He brought about a new age unsuitable for human life.

But you know what? Like I said, every Fear has a good side within it.

The Extinction is the fear of humanity’s own creations coming back to destroy us. And you know what we have as humans, something that nobody else has? Hope. Love. Compassion. Wit. Willpower. Creativity. Emotion.

Everybody knows that as TMA has gone on, Jon has ironically become more human as he becomes more monstrous. And I think in S5, this is all going to culminate in Jonathan Sims, The Archive, Avatar of The Extinction, taking all his human experiences - his love for Martin, his friendship with Daisy, his grief over Tim, his rage at Elias - and use the sheer, unfiltered power of humanity itself to drive away the Fears and undo the end of days.

EDIT: thanks for pointing out that the I OPEN THE DOOR ritual isn’t the watcher’s crown. sorry! hkddjdbsjxj

[growingupautie]

StoryTime: All That and a Bag of...

At my previous job, I and a coworker or two would often grab lunch at a local restaurant. Usually, it was just me and one other guy thought. Sometimes we'd go to the pizza place. Sometimes the Chinese place down the street. There were a few good spots but we went to them all the time so they got pretty boring. Isn't it funny how when you finally have access to almost any food, you end up feeling like nothing sounds good and taking it for granted?

One day, most of my coworkers were busy, and my go-to guy told me he had errands to run. I drove by the Chinese place we usually go to and parked my car. But as I got out, I saw the Subway next to it and decided that since nobody ever wanted to go there, I would do that instead. I closed my car door and felt someone watching behind me. It felt like they were ready to make their move and ambush me with something but there was a distinct lack of a feeling of ill-intent.

I started to rush off toward the entrance as I hear from the watcher behind me "HEY! Hey man! Can you uh...I don't get paid for two weeks and I just started a new job...Can you buy me lunch and I'll pay you back?" I look back and see an older man in his late 30's sitting in his beat-up work truck wearing a neon work vest frantically awaiting my answer. "Uh..." I said, not really wanting to interact with anyone that day but feeling like I was long overdue for a good deed. "Sure, man...Come on."

He said "Are you serious?! Thank you. Oh, God. Thank you. God Bless you." and he leaped out of his truck, and threw the door shut running toward me. He held the door open for me and said "I'll pay you back. I promise." When I do things like this for people, I don't really want to be paid back and as I told him, it "wouldn't be much of a good deed if I did." He thanked me with an oddly frantic nature and seemed to almost get teary-eyed.

I thought to myself about how rare kindness must be to him if that small amount elicited that response. Then I realized that it most certainly was to me, and that's about the same amount of kindness it would take to move me as well. "I haven't eaten in a few days..." he told me. "I just started this new job, and I'm in a bad way until I get paid." He added. As his words hit me I said with a somewhat heavier heart. "Well, you're eating today, man. Get whatever you want.

The person in line ahead of us turned around and mean mugged him, and looked at me as if to say I was being scammed. That the guy was just in it for a free meal. Honestly, He could've been right in that moment for all I knew. But the truth is, I didn't care. I'd rather it be a free food scam than any other type because it's still a good deed done in the name of goodness.

But at the same time, I felt like this guy was either legitimate or extremely exaggerating his actions to seem that way. Either way, I didn't care. And because of that, the joke would be on him if he was lying. He ordered a 6-inch sandwich, and I told him to make it a foot long if he hadn't eaten in so long. He almost broke down again but snapped out of it, and changed his order.

He added chips and a drink to it, but only after I insisted. Further taking away the idea that this was all a scam to get free food. He picked his sandwich and drink up and looked like he was ready to walk out. "Do you mind if I eat with you?" he asked me. I was taken aback. Most of the time when I had bought someone lunch over the years they either doubled their order, left as soon as it was ready, or both. "Uh...Yeah, man. Sure." I told him.

We went and sat down and he thanked me again frantically for the food. Then he pulled the sandwich out and started literally scarfing it down in front of me. And I mean scarfing. And for a brief moment, I thought to myself "Who eats like that?" until it clicked in my head that only someone who hadn't eaten a meal in a long time would... I immediately felt horrible. "How long has it been?" I asked. "Um...Been a few days. Maybe Saturday?" It was Tuesday.

"I'm sorry, my brother. I didn't realize how bad it was." I told him as tears burned in my eyes burning my nostrils as I was overcome with emotion. He told me he understood, and I did more than anyone else did for him. I explained my stance on doing the good for the good and he told me again he would pay me back. "No, my brother. I never expected you to. That's the whole point. His eyes welled up more than they had before as he kept eating.

"My wife left us..." he said. "us?" I asked seeing what I was assuming was his wedding ring on his necklace and worrying about his answer. "Yeah, me and my little boy. She left us, and went to Louisiana." (I believe) he told me. "She took almost everything with her leaving me broke, and without any way to provide for my son." He took another bite and continued. "I just started this job, and it pays good. But I ain't gonna see a dime until next Thursday."

I asked him when the last time his son ate was, and he told me he had been going without so he could feed his son. I believe he said he could only afford ramen and hot dog weiners and was making his son that. I had always wanted to be a dad and I didn't really have the best examples growing up. At that time I was questioning ability to be a father.

Kandace and I were either planning to or trying to conceive, at the time and all I could think was being in a situation where I couldn't afford to take care of my son and what that must be doing to him. Much less foregoing food for himself to do what little he could. Thinking about it now as a father makes the emotion so much worse but at that moment it nearly broke my heart.

He didn't ask me for money. He told me he was going to find a way to get some groceries. That he didn't have anything to sell, but he would find a way. He nearly finished his entire sandwich by that time, and I asked why he was eating so quickly. He told me he had spent 30 minutes of his 60-minute lunch break asking people outside to buy him lunch so he didn't black out at work with no food.

In that moment...I had had enough. I wasn't going to put up with a situation like that that I had the power to change. I packed the rest of my sandwich up to take to work and said. "My brother. I know you don't have much time left but can you follow me to the Grocery store real quick?" He said "uh..sure" unsure of why I would ask him that. He followed me over to the ATM directly inside and upon realizing where we were said "I...No, my brother. You've already helped me enough."

"My brother..." I told him. "I don't trust these humans out here to help you, and I'm not going to let a hard-working single father and his son starve. It's just not going to happen." He started actually crying at that point and I did all I could not to do the same. I pulled out what I could afford to give him.

The number is not important, and I can't remember anyway, but it's not as much as I wanted to give him. I told him that I hoped what I gave him would get him through to payday and he hugged me (After asking.) I told him they would be ok and that we was an amazing father to sacrifice for his son like he had. The kind of father many kids unfortunately never had. I knew he needed to hear that and I'm glad I said it.

He kept trying to tell me he wanted to pay me back. And in the end, I finally told him how he could. "When you are on your feet and can afford to. Find someone who needs help like you did, and help them." I said. "That's what I'm doing now, and that's why I'm doing it. I continued.

As an Autistic adult, I came from a place where nobody would hire me, and no matter what I tried to make money, I fell flat on my face. I have been plagued with bad luck most of my life and have often felt cursed, so when I finally get on my feet and out of the bad times and see someone struggling to do the same just like I did, my first thought isn't to judge them or tell them to pull themselves up. It's to help them up.

He was a single dad with a new job trying to do right by his son. He was pulling himself up. But he needed help. Sometimes when people help themselves up, they still need a hand. And in a world of apathetic "not my problem" attitudes. Be that hand. Be that hand in spite of the judgmental onlookers, and naysayers. Yes. Guard yourself against being used, and abused but do what you can afford to do to help make their world, and by extension the rest of the world a better place.

And wherever you are, my brother, if you are by some random happenstance reading this. I hope you and yours are as well as me and mine. Thank you for being a shining example of fatherhood in a time where I was questioning my ability to be one.

-Nathan Alan McConnell

---

Hell me make more content more often at PAYPAL.ME/GROWINGUPASPIE and PATREON.COM/IRISHWOLFPRODUCTIONS

[savrenim]

okay so looking at tma fic in general and tma time-travel fic and the various ways they decide to resolve things has given me an idea for a time travel fix-it fic premise that, like, I almost certainly will never write because way too many writing projects but it is Haunting me so I need to blab about it somewhere 

so clearly the way that the ‘time travel’ / ‘knowledge of the future’ bit works is that Jon stumbles across a book that he assumes is a Leitner but then there’s no name in the front cover so he opens it proper and oooh this is weird but it’s too late the compulsion has set hold and and reads it, oops

the experience of reading it is the experience of fuck-it-feels-like living the entire timeline of the show up through the end of episode 160

(actually all the way through When Jon Finally Dies if he ever does but the important bit is he gets that knowledge of the timeline)

(the book is channeling the power of the Ceaseless Watcher, it’s all about knowledge, although very specifically in my brain this book is something that future!Jon and future!Martin constructed and sent back, which still tracks because hey Archivist is an Avatar of the Watcher. it’s just important to me that this is active action as an attempt to prevent the apocalypse and not dumb luck)

so Jonathan Sims now knows his future and because I have strong opinions about memory/ personality/ what makes a person, has arguably just been replaced with his future self.

‘oh fuck’ Jon says 

‘I ended the world so I gotta fix this’

but how does he fix this, because oops Elias is still stupidly powerful and is going to notice if anything is up so he can’t act weird 

but he can’t bring anyone else in on this because he doesn’t want to Curse Them with such Angsty Knowledge 

he is acting a little bit weird, Martin notices that he’s acting weird because he is now being nice to Martin 

‘this cannot be how the universe exists, Jon is always mean to me,’ Martin goes. ‘like I want the universe to exist this way but Something Is Up With Jon and it would be selfish of me not to investigate just because Jon is actually being nice to me’

Martin stumbles across the book and reads it too

‘oh fuck’ Martin says and immediately goes and talks to Jon and Jon has terrible selfish mixed feelings because he missed his Martin but also didn’t want Martin to have to go through everything he went through but also now Jon is not alone in trying to figure out how to alter this timeline without Elias noticing 

(’wait what gave me away,’ Jon goes)

(’you were being nice to me,’ Martin goes)

(’fuck I really do need to be meaner to everyone don’t I,’ Jon goes. ‘it’s just really hard I’ve had Character Growth and I don’t want to be an asshole again’)

(’well suck it up you’re going to blow our cover,’ Martin goes. ‘maybe you should have thought of that before Being An Asshole.’ he immediately feels bad at Jon’s Very Sad Face. ‘you weren’t actually that much of an asshole you were just under stress and prickly and didn’t realize that the people you weren’t appreciating could be people that you would lose and now you do and that’s fine but you gotta still treat them like you’re an Asshole.’)

(’fine,’ Jon goes.)

so now they’re trying to figure out how to stop Elias 

but also their main priority is to stop Tim and Sasha from dying at this point and they kind of figure that Elias doesn’t know the timeline and as long as he’s getting what he wants which is naive Jon stumbling through interactions with Entities and getting marked but not killed, he won’t suspect anything, and he doesn’t know Tim and Sasha are going to die so that at least is something immediate they can fix 

‘I want to murder Jonah,’ goes Martin 

‘you are super valid but also Gertrude tried that and was 1000% more badass than any of us and she ended up dead so maybe we should concentrate on saving our friends like we’ve got a few years to figure out how to do that,’ goes Jon 

‘fine,’ goes Martin 

Tim and Sasha notice that something is up, OBVIOUSLY, because Jon was weird-nice for like a week and a half then is weird-mean like he’s actually trying to be mean and hates it, and has gone from brushing off Martin all the time to pretending to brush Martin off but obviously secretly pining 

he also gives off feral apocalypse energy

Martin meanwhile is pulling this all off perfectly 

he fooled Elias and Peter and everyone else back when he was faking out the Lonely, he can handle this

Elias does notice Jon acting weird and thinks this is a soap opera workplace romance gone wrong but because he hasn’t seen all of it as Jon and Martin have been very careful to be using Martin’s Lonely powers when they want to Actually Talk and make it look like they’ve just casually wandered off when Elias isn’t paying attention to them so Elias doesn’t actually look like anything is up, he calls Jon in for a ‘performance review’ to make sure 

(Martin has Lonely powers and Jon has Archivist powers from the future and they can both feed off of the long terrible fears that they remember from the horrible horrible lives and deaths they and the entire world had in their own timeline, just give me this I need a plot device that can explain why they can Actually Talk to each other while not being able to use the tunnels) 

anyways Elias starts his performance review and pokes about Martin

‘um yeah,’ Jon confesses. ‘I um had a very awkward conversation with Martin because it seemed like he was being nice to me and I asked him about his feelings and he Confessed to me that he Liked me and I was caught by surprise and was thinking about it for a few days because idk nobody ever Likes me but then came to my senses and um but also it’s totally inappropriate because I’m his boss and I told him and we’re trying to forget that the conversation ever happened and just go back to concentrating on the statements’

‘you seem very nervous right now,’ Elias goes 

‘please do not report me to HR,’ Jon goes looking appropriately mortified and trying to remember everything Martin has been coaching him about lying by telling people what they want to hear. ‘I know I should have rejected him immediately it just caught my by surprise that he would actually Say It To My Face people have been saying a lot of honest things to my face it’s very weird and I know that I shouldn’t have run away from that conversation and acted Weird for a few days but I did come to the Correct Conclusion I am very devoted to this job and don’t want to do anything but this job and didn’t do anything with Martin we just had a conversation and I’m really trying to do a good job here and please don’t fire me’

‘nope you’re good that’s fine concentrate on your job,’ Elias says, quite satisfied that his Archivist is developing truth powers very quickly 

Tim and Sasha are not so easy to fool

Tim and Sasha find the book

Sasha, who worked in Artifact Storage, is Actually Smart and goes ‘dON’T READ THAT’

Tim reads it anyways

‘oh fuck I die stopping the apocalypse’ 

Tim doesn’t seem to die from reading the book and doesn’t seem to change except for being given this foreknowledge but Sasha is Smart so she doesn’t read it. Tim does fill her in on her future.

‘oh fuck I die when a weird worm-lady attacks? and don’t even get to help with the apocalypse? that’s bullshit.’

they start their own little huddle conspiracy 

which Martin immediately finds

‘nO YOU GUYS YOU GOTTA BE MORE CAREFUL TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF’ Martin explains the future and methods of communicating without Elias watching, which is mostly him subtly hiding them in the Lonely

(’why do you and Jon have secret special powers that’s not fair,’ Tim goes)

(’because we went through literal hell??? and also didn’t die??? idk maybe if we keep you from dying you will also get special powers but seriously Tim they are very evil these are Evil Powers we don’t want them they just kind of happened to us in the process of trying to survive,’ Martin goes.)

‘so what is the plan,’ Sasha goes. ‘like besides us not dying how are you actually going to deal with the real apocalypse’ 

‘well we want to kill Elias but we haven’t figured that out yet because he’s watching our every move perfectly and if we’re not acting like he think we should act he’ll dispose of us and start again with a new Archivist,’ Martin goes. 

‘okay but like in your story there is a part where Peter Lukas personally escorts you to the panopticon and tells you to kill Elias/Jonas and you go no and Elias wins the bet,’ Sasha says. ‘what if you just murder him then, he says he wasn’t going to stop you and if he tries you’ve got another Avatar backing you up’

‘huh we didn’t think of that,’ Martin goes. ‘why didn’t we think of that. I swear there is a Very Good Reason we didn’t think of that. um. uh. there’s also the problem anyone working in the Archives will die if he dies unless they are powerfully enough connected the Ceaseless Watcher which is like. MAYBE Jon.’

‘W H Y did you not lead with that,’ Tim goes

‘yeah I really agree you should have led with that,’ Sasha goes 

‘this has been a very stressful time and we have been doing our best and right also everyone can quit they just need to blind themselves to do it,’ Martin goes. ‘or I guess pledge allegiance to a different evil god but that is really unpleasant you have to sacrifice fear to it or you starve’

(’okay why did you not lead with--’ Sasha goes. ‘I’m starting to really see some benefits for being an evil fear-monster,’ Tim goes. ‘Like we could be ethical evil fear-monsters. like ethical vampires. only scare really shitty terrible people who deserve it and, like, scare but not kill.’)

(Martin looks like he is about to cry.)

(’okay maybe not p l e a s e stop making that face I cannot stand your puppy-dog-but-also-on-the-verge-of-tears eyes,’ Tim goes)

(Sasha stops death-glaring at him as Martin looks slightly less like he is about to cry.)

‘so everyone loves rituals what if we, like. construct a secret ritual. that you’re saying Jon is dumb powerful chosen one Avatar right so let’s just, like. switch over being the ‘Heart of the Institute’ from Jonah to him. big proper paperwork ritual passing on of ownership claiming his position as Jonah’s heir or something,’ Sasha says 

‘that seems like just the sort of bullshit that might actually work. Sasha you are the smartest person in the world and I’m pretty sure the apocalypse wouldn’t have happened if you had survived the Prentiss attack,’ Martin says 

‘actually honestly Gertrude wanted you as her replacement that sounds very true and is probably why Elias didn’t choose you,’ Jon says. he has entered the room at this point as he was curious where literally all of his assistants had wandered off to. he does actually have work to get done the Archives are A Mess and Martin has been gone at this point for far longer than it takes to Make Tea so he figured something might be up and if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s finding Martin in the Lonely

‘real rude to not let us in on this,’ Tim goes. ‘also are you SURE this is not a weird Leitner fucking with you’

‘we’ve obsessively kept track of the things that are supposed to be happening and they’re all happening on the right days and stuff,’ Jon goes. 

‘okay so let’s stop like two apocalypses and not die,’ Sasha goes. 

the rest of the fic is everyone subtly not-so-subtly trying to recreate the exact timeline while also making events Less Terrible while also trying to seem Not Too Competent 

because this is a fic there’s gotta be adorable ridiculous fluff so everyone decides that the Cover Story in case Elias thinks people are acting weird has got to be Jon and Martin starting to secretly date 

(Jon and Martin are in absolute h e l l over this and it is a hilarious comedy of errors because they didn’t tell everyone else that they got together they both decided that was too private so everyone else is aggressively trying to actually matchmake them through this all and they’re now too embarrassed to drop the act because Sasha has been giving them hell every time they have accidentally withheld information from her so it’s like. three layers of fake dating.) 

(Elias decides all this drama is simultaneously the funniest thing he’s ever seen but also kind of a Bad Distraction and is subtly trying to break them up but doesn’t want to mess with things too much because he is Very Impressed with all the ‘progress’ Jon is making)

(Jon who is a complete badass and is mostly desperately attempting not to reveal all his powers)

(there are also a lot of different things that can go various ways. like do Basira and Melaine still join the Institute? I think they all read the book and make Informed Decisions about their futures but I have not decided yet what those Informed Decisions are. Daisy learns how to control Hunt powers without it overwhelming her, because Tim is totally right about it being possible to be an ethical fear-monster although as Jon and Martin can draw from the fear of the apocalypse-world they don’t really need it so it’s just a question of whether or not I want to give everyone else cool powers. we’re in a fix-it fic everyone gets cool powers without terrible consequences Because I Say So)

(Elias doesn’t give them trouble over this because he is delighted that he’s kind of collecting avatars of other Entities because it makes it really easy to make sure Jon has marks and he thinks this is his genius plan going even better than expected) 

we get to episode 158 

Martin really wants to dramatically kill Elias i m m e d i a t e l y but is waiting for a walkie-talkie signal that the ritual above is going as planned so he stumbles through all of the dialogue the same 

“Then do it. Kill him and help me save the world.” Peter goes 

Martin pauses in silence because oops there’s really not that much more Avoiding he can do

“No” Martin says.

Elias starts to laugh. 

The Signal Comes Through

‘fUCK YEAH,’ Martin says. ‘F I N A L L Y. I am murdering him and I’m saving the world but this isn’t for you, asshole, and Imma deal with you next.’

stabbity stab 

it’s very satisfying 

‘okay but what do you mean it’s not for me, you’re supposed to sit in the chair and help me look for the Extinction?’ Peter goes 

‘nah fuck that I’m from the future and I do what I want that was me stopping the Jonah Magnus’s final ritual,’ Martin goes. ‘you really think I fell for that Extinction bullshit you aren’t nearly as good a liar as you think you are, you stay right there and we’ll decide what to do with you when everyone gets down here it’s Jon’s Institute now and we’re both very pissed at you’

Peter tries to escape into the Lonely 

it Does Not Work as Martin has More Angst than Peter to draw from so is Way More Powerful 

everyone gets down there 

ritual worked nobody died!

‘okay but why DON’T we try to look for the Extinction.’ Sasha says. ‘that seems to be a pretty important thing to stop.’

at this point everyone agrees Sasha has the best ideas 

have I mentioned that every single female character is very gay for Sasha

quite frankly maybe Tim too

Sasha is a Badass and this fic portrays her as Gertrude Robinson’s Rightful Heir 

she Deserves Good Things

and she is Gonna Stop All Future Apocalypses so actually going through with Peter’s plan is maybe not a terrible idea 

they do the thing but in a careful way that traps no one in the chair and get the info

the Extinction is still very stoppable 

there are lots of ways but honestly the best way to do it is to manipulate humanity into actually Being Better and not being on the brink of extinction 

‘this is my Institute now let’s use it to fucking save the world,’ Jon goes 

and they use all their knowledge and power to go from being a massive conspiracy about causing the apocalypse to being a massive conspiracy about bringing kindness and preventing wars and stopping the rise of fascism in politics and poking humanity from behind the scenes into something Better that can Rise Above its fears 

and everyone lives happily ever after 

but yeah this entire fic is around the premise of ‘what if the actual fix-it isn’t Change Everything To Stop Bad Things From Happening it’s Keep Everything The Same Until We’re Handed The Opportunity To Stab Jonah On A Silver Platter And Then Take It’ which I have yet to see a fic do and oops that kind of grew away from me there but anyways that’s it that’s the fic

[androgynousblackbox]

I saw The haunting of Bly manor and here are thoughts (spoilers)

-All throught out I couldn’t help to shake out the feeling “I could be seeing the first haunting instead” and that alone should tell you so much about what was my experience with this show. Maybe it has to do more with my own expectation that any fault of the show itself, but I was kinda bored as the show was still taking it’s sweet time to do something interesting and instead we had moments of domestic bliss and a bunch of flashback of more domestic bliss with the unimpressive ocassional presence of some ghost. -Like I get it. If you want a mostly romance gothic story that has lesbians and also... some good characters, then absolutely, you would enjoy the crap out of this and good on your for doing so. But if you were wanting and hoping for a mostly horror story with some good emotional bits like the first haunting show, then fuck, I don’t know what to tell you, this isn’t for us. So when talking about my own experience with the show, that is already strike one. -The Bly Manor in general seemed to have less personality that the manor in the first show. The only interesting thing they ever do with the scenography is one time that they changed the face on a portrait for one second and that was it. They could have used any other location, any other manor, it wouldn’t have made any difference at all. The ghost there don’t even do anything. And yeah, sure, the point is that they have forgotten who they are and don’t have anything to do, but besides being a little creepy easter egg for youtubers to find... they are purely decorative. Everytime they do appear they are just there, standing. I don’t know if they thought that would be creepier than having some misterious repair man eternally repairing a grandfather clock that only one person can see, but I felt it so gimmicky and uninteresting. They could have had them being scared of the lady on the lake and making some noise as they tried to run from her way, or the priest could have been constantly making the motion of blessing, stuck forever on that loop like the lady on the lake, doing something he doesn’t remember why he does it but feels important somehow. The plague doctor could have been hovering over people and checking if they were breathing while they were sleeping, just movement without any real conscience of why he does it. But nah. Just stand there in whichever place and wait to creep out some watcher that could notice you by chance. As I said, unimpressive. I could be watching the repair clock guy instead. -One of the few exceptions to this was Doll Face and I don’t know if that is meant to imply that the spirit of children are more “lively” or something like that compared to the adults, but he was a fun, kinda cute and creepy adition that I did really enjoyed. He played with Flora’s dolls whenever he could and he always seemd to intentionally be hiding as if he was afraid of being reprimended for staying up too late, trying not be found out as he was hearing on the adult’s conversation, the little bugger. He even had his favourite hiding place on the kitchen. That gives him so much more personality and character that anything else on the entire place. -Another adittion that I did liked was the “I gave the ghost a story and they seemed to like it”, because it makes perfect sense. All those ghosts have lost their sense of self so someone giving one to them makes them feel better. That could also explain why Doll Face is so active and seems to have more reason to this actions than the soldier that was friends with Henry. Doll Face has his friend in the form of Flora nearby and thus he is able to remember the story she gave to him, where as the soldier lost sight of Henry since he grown up and so must have forgotten again. That was a neat little touch. -The other exception is Perdita and, holy shit, I felt so fucking bad for her. She seemed to be in constant pain all the fucking time, confused and afraid of anything. And before that, besides killing her sister that, by the way, abused her physically, humilliate her and treated her like shit for no good reason at all, not that it makes it okay, but I get it at least, still bad, she didn’t really deserved to be like that. The thought that if it wasn’t because of Dani she would have stayed just like that for all eternity is genuelly horrifying. -”But she broke the promise that her husband made to his sister”, yeah, to try to save them from bankrupcy. Very useful were going to be all those dresses and jewelry when her daughter ends up on the street because they lost the manor and neither of her guardians has a single profitable skill because they always lived in manors, which happened anyway so, good on you, Lake Lady, that was some real forward thinking you did there. The fact that they were so financially fucked over because of those dresses and jewelry in the first place makes me dislike Perdita’s fate even more so. The fact her name means “the lost one”, holy shit, how doomed can you get. -Lake Lady does have a tragic story and there are moments where I do feel for her. But she was also sick with a contagious deadly disease she wanted to infect her daughter with so, you know, dick move and dick character. That little detail is all the more horrifying in our current situation, like... oh, so you want your daughter to go the same you go through just so you can hug her? You want to put her into risk just because you want to? Fuck off. What a horrible fucking mother does that. Besides all the slapping her sister as if she had any fault. Like, yeah, Perdita killed her in the end, she was still a dick. I didn’t liked her in general and I didn’t like either how the show was trying so hard to make me feel sad for her. -Speaking of characters they try to make me feel for and it’s not fucking working, Miles/Peter is a fucking mess and it gets worse when you know the whole story. Like, okay, first, Miles is a non entity. They could have done the show without him and there wouldn’t have been that big of a difference. He has less character than Doll Face and that ghost never even makes a sound, so that is saying something. Literally the only two things that we know about him sans Peter is that he thought Peter was kinda cool and he loved his sister enough to kill a dove so he could be send back home. That is it. Then most of the time he is on screen, he is being an active dick that is borderline sexually harassing all the women around him, when not killing or at least trying so, and I know that is because of Peter, but that is my point. We barely got to know shit about Miles alone. Everyone is always talking about what a good kid he is, what a sweetie, and we just don’t see that. -I know it was probably to be suspenful like “why people keep saying he is good if we see him be bad”, so when we find out is because of Peter or because Flora send a letter is meant to be like this big impactful twist, like fine, I get it makes narrative sense. But they never do shit to make us endear to him the same way they go out of their way to do the same for Flora. We never know what kind of memories are the ones he lost himself into when Peter is controlling his body. We never had any scene at all between him and his parents, which makes him look all the more irrelevant when he just goes along with the plan of Peter without arguing. The only reason Miles exist is so Peter has a way to manifest the multiple ways in which he is an ass, nobody can tell me otherwise.  -Compare that with the first show in which every single kid has a distinctive personality, their own memories of what happened and their own lived experiences that align with how they are going to grow up to be. We never even see Miles all grown up as a well adjusted adult except on some passing scene in the end and that is it. A non entity until the very end. -Having said that, the actor who played Miles is amazing. He made one convincing creepy little shit that I wanted to keep far, far away from me, so props for that and I hope he gets more jobs in the future. He did good. -You know who didn’t do good, though? Not even by accident, not even by chance and I didn’t enjoyed not one single bit? Peter. Peter can fuck himself. What an absolute fucking asshole. The “love story” between him and Rebecca felt so contrived and I do not fucking understand why she kept accepting him back, even after he literally murdered her and didn’t even had the balls to spare her the trauma of feeling herself dying. Like, he didn’t made sense on his assholery, like when he completely flipped after Rebecca tasted the spoon full of batter of Owen, something that he did too after Owen offered, something that kids did too, as it was a escene full of innuendo like... dude, the kids did it too. You saw that as sexual? Or was only sexual when Rebecca did it? Like, okay, jelousy doesn’t always makes sense, they were probably going for that, and Rebecca does tell him to never treat her like that again, which I don’t get but fine, better than saying nothing, I guess. -But he was such an ass for no fucking reason even to other people that did shit to him. Like why the fuck had Miles sexually harassing the women around him? Like, is that a thing he always wanted to do? Is that it? He just really wanted to be a creep, was always a secret creep, but the fear of consequences was the only thing stopping him? So now that he is not the one getting into trouble, Miles is, finally he is free to be the disgusting pig he dreamed of? Your girlfriend is still there, for fuck’s sake.

-He was such an unrependent piece of shit and I do not understand why the fuck was any of that necesary. I don’t get it. Was because they NEEDED a piece of shit who would suggest that shitty plan of taking the body of the children in the first place? Because you wanted to have this “ooh different types of loves and this is the bad one” so badly? That I could get behind, but then why add the “oh, he was abused as a kid by his parents”? Why? What was the fucking point of THAT? You want an asshole, have a fucking asshole, a straight up fucking asshole. The show doesn’t go out of it’s why to justify why Henry was fucking his sister-in-law. We know he did it and that was not cool and that is enough. We could have had ANY scene with Miles to get to know him as a character, we could have more scene with Jessica before she came to the mansion, but instead we had that bullshit of how bad he had it as a kid. I guess because they realized he was too one dimensional otherwise and adding that in just to try to give more deep to his character? Because if so, I am sorry, that is kinda yikesy. The only way you could think of to give ANY deep to a character was adding abuse? Really?  -There is a lot of cheating on this show and I saw the Flora’s father twist coming a mile away, mostly because at least Flora had scenes of Henry being nice to her and literally none with the other dude that she thought was her fahter. -In general I feel like they either didn’t had enough time or wasted it on things that could have been left a mistery, like the Peter things. It would have been far more interesting have him just talk about his abuse rather than relieving the moment he remembered it all back when he recieves his mother, like Jamie, keeping it vague and leave us wondering what could have scarred him so much to leave him so broken. When you just spell it out like that I just rolled my eyes because a little too late. It could have made an emotional impact and just fell flat on it’s face. -Hannah was done so fucking dirty. She died on such an anticlamatic way and had the cutest fucking relationship with Owen, so I refuse to accept that ending and, if anyone ask, she is a writer or famous painter in Paris while her husband is runnin a succesful restaurant. I did liked that Owen was devoted to her even after everything. That was cute. But she still deserved better, jesus Christ. Owen too. He would have been one wonderful father if he had the chance to be one. He already had the dad jokes perfected. -Jamie is wonderful and she can do no fucking wrong. When she rightfully told Miles to fuck off, I was so fucking happy she wasn’t demonized for responding to a little shit when she had every right to be upset.  I did liked her dry sarcastic humour. -Also, I really, really, really do like that all the conflict on her relationship with Dani comes from the fact that there is spooky ghosts being dicks around them, but it’s NEVER about homophobia. It does exist, this isn’t a magical reimagining of the 80s where that was never a thing, that is why Dani was closeted for so long and why they couldn’t marry, but it’s never a “let’s see the queer getting bashed for existing” segment because it didn’t fucking need to. Everyone that mattered knew and they didn’t cared. Owen and Hannah smile when Dani goes after Jamie and can see they are happy together. Not even one single disgusting comment from Peter. It might seems like I have a lot of negative things to say about the show, and I do, but that is something I truly loved and I would love to have more stories like that. There are so many things that can fucked up a person’s life, it doesn’t have to be queerphobia all the time. -Dani is so fucking pretty and I loved every single hair style she had.

[gwoongi]

𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖺 ♥︎ jeongguk (ft jimin)

𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖺 jeon jeongguk / reader (ft jimin) genre: pornstar au, smut rating: explicit words: 7391

This position is particularly ambiguous; your face is almost gone, only slightly in frame, with the lens zoomed further in to your ass and Jeongguk’s thighs, his ass there but moving as he leans for the lube across the bed. If he wanted, Jimin could pretend the figure beneath Jeongguk was a boy- could be him, if he wanted. He does not want. 

a/n: literally nobody asked for this. yes, the namjoon sequel is coming soon, so don’t worry about that :-) it’s time for baby boy jimin to have some fun <3 also this exposes my desire to eat koos ass. its pretty i just wanna nom nom :3

warnings: graphic sexual content, porn themes, fingering, anal fingering, anal sex, rim jobs, sex toys, dirty talk, bisexual jimin, ass eating, really slight blasphemy, overstimulation, anal virginity, daddy kink, mommy kink, koo and y/n are freaky okay, probably an unrealistic interpretation of pornhub livestreams, whore-shaming (?), cock slut shaming (?)

Jimin was bored. With most of the fraternity out for a party that Jimin was sadly not invited to (not that he exactly cares for parties held by Jackson, because let’s be honest, he doesn’t really like the guy), Jimin sat at home on his bed with the telly flicking with a show he cared little about, the pictures talking silently.

“Please tell me you’re going to be home,” Jimin had begged, clinging uselessly to the oversized sleeve of Kim Namjoon, who reluctantly pulled away from his fisted hands and grabbed his coat from behind the door. Sorry, little man, I’ve gotta get out of the house more. “But I’m going to be all alone. I’m the only one who wasn’t invited to that shitty party.” I’ll come home early for you, if you’d like. “I would not like. Just go, get out of my face.”

Namjoon didn’t know what else to say other than sorry, patronisingly running his fingers through Jimin’s hair. Unlike Namjoon, who had already spent two god-awful years at University, Jimin was a newbie, a first year, dipping his toes into waters to figure out which one he liked best. Namjoon shrugged his coat on halfway, tossing Jimin the phone charger he asked for moments prior. Try to entertain yourself, he had said. Watch porn. Hey, I just recently found a new porn duo to watch!

That’s how Jimin found out about koopid, the porn couple that his Big, Namjoon, had been locked in his room jerking off to. With rooms joined by one thin wall, Jimin was unsurprisingly familiar with the channel, never invested enough in doing his own research, mildly sexually frustrated by Namjoon’s rutting mixed with the unnecessarily loud volume of his laptop. If he can help it, Jimin doesn’t usually watch straight porn. He never denies it, but he’s an experimenting bisexual- pretty sure he likes both, and his history of girlfriends and boyfriends throughout high school prove it, but he’s not quite sure where he stands yet, or where he’s comfortable standing. He sits in his bedroom, alone in the fraternity miles away from Jackson’s venue, his laptop blinking on Google waiting for a command to be punched in.

On telly, a re-run episode of Friends comes to an end and Jimin watches with mild boredom as it switches to an advert, advertising a new bleach that is guaranteed to remove 98% of bacteria from inside your toilet. He turns off the telly, sighing and looking over at his laptop, the Google tormenting him with a grin: I know you want to. I know you’re tempted.

Jimin sighs to himself, dragging the laptop over to his thighs and almost guiltily typing the phrase koopid into the search engine. He’s half expecting nothing to really show up, because Namjoon has creative porn taste and they’re probably not that popular. However he is embarrassingly wrong; the search floods with links to lewd videos, the official koopid channel being the top search. On Google Images, he quickly presses and sees the slightly grainy faces of the couple, a picture from Instagram that he sees as quite romantic. The boy holds the girl with his chin pressed into her neck, a smile on his face and the camera not exactly centred. Jimin’s instinct is to coo, and saw “aww”. He’s not expecting much from koopid when he clicks on their channel. It’s just another straight couple having sex, it’s nothing he hasn’t already seen.

His eyes widen slightly as he takes in the fifteen videos, spotting the red button indicating that the channel is currently live. He’s tempted to click in, sit back, see what they have to offer. The livestream title reads “10k thumbs up and i’ll let y/n eat my ass”. 

It’s so very tempting, but Jimin pauses with his cursor hovering over a video titled, “first time doing anal with y/n”. The thumbnail is an inviting image of quite possibly one of the nicest dicks Jimin has ever seen in straight porn, the tip red and exaggerated and in preview, the thumbnail moves for a few seconds, showing a small asshole stretch to accommodate the dick, the whole length disappearing. He’s conflicted, half off the bed with intentions to run and get his box. The box, with dildos of every shape and size. When the thumbnail clip loops, Jimin misses it, already on his feet and crouching to get the box from underneath his dresser.

When he gets back to his bed, Jimin notices that his hands are trembling. In the drawer next to his bed is his lube, a strawberry flavour that he’s never indulged with before. Today he will, and he grabs that alongside a dildo that looks uncanny in resemblance to koopid, save the colour being a solid bright purple. He shakily moves it beneath him as he slips out of his jeans, pressing and tightening with discomfort as he looks back at the screen. He wants to feel guilty about this, but there’s nothing to feel guilty about. And, nobody’s home to hear him or see him, and for good measure, his bedroom door is locked.

Once he clicks on the video, there is no turning back. His body trembles as the video begins to play and he’s greeted with the view of a girl on all fours, her head tossed over her shoulder to stare at the camera. She’s pretty, really pretty, already naked for the audience. Jimin stares wordlessly, because what is he supposed to say? On each asscheek, Jimin notices that the boyfriend is particularly ruthless, faded palms still lingering upon the skin that strangely resembles silk, or marble, or soap. He quietly hears the boyfriend mutter a polite introduction, introducing the pair of you to new watchers like Jimin. He hears a Jeongguk and a Y/N, and it’s evident who is who.

Jeongguk shuffles into frame, pressing his hands to each cheek and palming softly. You respond by letting your head fall slightly, rolling the kinks out as Jeongguk sinks deeper on to the bed, until his face is in view. Jeongguk’s smart, and he knows what people like. They like seeing him, all of him and his face and yours, in various positions and conditions. Unlike the porn videos Jimin sees of overly acted situations, where the girl gets caught out after curfew and is punished over a desk, hands bound with the leather of the guy’s belt, Jimin is slightly taken aback at how fast Jeongguk jumps into things- his own cock is out, bulging and huge as expected, and he doesn’t let the audience know what he’s doing. Everybody knows; they can read the title, they can hover the mouse over the timeline and see the frames.

The hand rested upon your right asscheek begins to move in circles, stroking it affectionately as the other hand belonging to Jeongguk slides down the length of your leg. You shudder when his fingers feather across your thigh, twisting inwards to cloyingly play in the warmth. Jeongguk pulls your legs further apart, your cheeks slightly widening with the view of your hole being all Jimin can currently focus on. To the side, Jeongguk grins and chuckles quietly, hot air breathing out of his nose. He likes what he sees, because he’s never been up close and personal with it before. Anal was the promised land that he had not been granted entry to, until today, or rather this morning, when he had rolled over in bed and slipped an arm around your waist, kissing your hair and said, “hey, good morning, wanna do anal later on camera?”

Jimin watches in an expressive silence, timidly stroking his dick as Jeongguk claps his hand against your ass, the sound loud and sharp. A loud moan leaves your lips and Jeongguk pulls apart your cunt from behind, the lips barely visible from the angle but still there, definitely. He idly curls a finger around the wetness, lubricating his fingers. From where he is kneeling, he side-glances at the camera and smirks, holding the inside of your thigh with his left hand and curling his right up, all the way until his one soaked finger tauntingly circles your hole, as if daring to enter, and then slips inside.

The feeling is new, foreign, and you hadn’t anticipated the tight feeling of his finger curling inwards, exploring. Jeongguk lets out a noise of interest at how you shudder, writhing gently and without really noticing, pushing back onto his finger until it entered all the way to the knuckle. Jimin thumbs the head of his dick, silent; Jeongguk marvels at the way you fuck yourself onto one finger, his mouth in an open smile that left his mouth dry. He swallows thickly, impressed.

“Wow, baby girl,” he comments, finally, and Jimin can now hear his voice, “look at how you’re fucking yourself onto my finger. You’re a needy girl tonight, aren’t you?”

You whimper in reply, maybe even say something that Jimin can’t hear.

“Let’s add another one,” Jeongguk suggests sweetly. “You take one like a champion, let’s see if you’re wide enough for two.”

He adds a second, his middle, twisting both fingers in right up to the knuckle. From where the camera stands on a tripod, it gives way to a gorgeous view of your hole, clenching tightly around the digits. Jeongguk laughs warmly, satisfied with the results. It’s close enough for Jimin to hear sounds, the slick and almost sticky sounds of wetness from Jeongguk’s fingers, coated in the thick layer of arousal and lube he had tossed somewhere, an extra coat for ease for the camera. Every so often, Jimin would spot Jeongguk looking at the camera, at the viewfinder to see if you were still in shot. You carried yourself on your arms, your ass and hips raised upwards with your back in what looked like an uncomfortable slope, a position Jimin sympathised being in once or twice.

“Mm, perfect,” Jeongguk says slowly, dragging it out like he did his fingers. They are almost free, until he pushes them back in, practically glowing with pride when you groan out, pushing back onto his knuckles. His fingers sink deeper inside of you, tickling inner walls and finally scissoring, stretching you open in anticipation for a third finger Jeongguk had waiting. You’re tight, tighter than Jeongguk had ever seen you since the first time you had sex together two years ago, that virgin hole Jeongguk had the honour of ripping apart. “You look so perfect, baby. Can you manage a third?”

You nod with effort, “Yes, Daddy.”

“You don’t have to call me Daddy tonight,” Jeongguk offers. He wants this one to be personal, in respect of firsts being mutually taken. You whimper in reply, not in the mood to reply with words. Jeongguk continues a pace with his fingers before adding in a third, letting out a hiss of air at the tightness closing in around his fingers.

“Shit, you’re so tight.” Jeongguk groans to himself between his teeth, ramming his fingers in and out to get a feel for every single space inside of you, “Nobody’s ever fucked your ass like this, have they, baby?”

“No,” you breathe out, trying to look back at him over your shoulder. “Just you, Guk.”

He makes a noise of content, pressing a kiss to your ass and then slapping it with his free hand. You jolt, sinking up and down off his fingers. “That’s right. Only I get to fuck you like this. Fuck- you’re so tight, imagine what it’s gonna feel like with my cock in there.”

“Puh-please, Guk,” you rasp, slumping slightly against this sheets. This time, they’re pale pink, like the colour of unripe strawberries, the stinging colour of your asshole once Jeongguk pulls his fingers out. “Please fuck me already. Please.”

Jeongguk, like always, pretends to think about it. He addresses the audience, finally, by looking back at the camera with furrowed brows, as if genuinely conflicted on if to give in and fuck you. Jimin’s hand is still moving around his dick slowly, his own ass rising off the comforter.

“Alright,” he replies, almost indifferently. He even throws in the shrug of his shoulders, his body oozing with charisma that makes Jimin bite down on his lips to contain a whimper. The intimidation always scares people into desire. “Toss the lube, and move so everyone can see your ass.”

Jimin wriggles uncomfortably, not being able to relieve anything by simply touching himself. Instead, he gapes at the screen, thankful the webcam is covered so his assigned FBI agent can’t laugh at him for being so obviously sexually frustrated, rutting into his own hand as you shuffle across the bed on all fours, still slightly tight around the air as you drop with a slight huff, assigned to the side. This position is particularly ambiguous; your face is almost gone, only slightly in frame, with the lens zoomed further in to your ass and Jeongguk’s thighs, his ass there but moving as he leans for the lube across the bed. If he wanted, Jimin could pretend the figure beneath Jeongguk was a boy- could be him, if he wanted.

He does not want. But, he still imagines, even with you there and patiently waiting for Jeongguk to hurry rubbing the lube across his dick, up and down. Jimin can’t help but gape at the size in Jeongguk’s hand, which is already large and veiny, but he concludes that the bigger hand makes Jeongguk’s cock look bigger, scarier, more erect. It’s so big that when Jeongguk lets go, it stands to a salute up to his stomach, the tip nearing his belly button. Jimin groans, reaching behind him for his own lube and the dildo that he almost forgot about.

It’s as if Jeongguk is giving Jimin time to prepare; instead of being ruthless and shoving his dick inside the tightness, Jeongguk pulls apart your cheeks with fingers and licks around your hole, collecting up the juice he left there from his fingers, a mixture between the cherry and the sweet taste of your pussy, the juices clinging to be tasted. He groans into you, taking kitten licks around the rim and taking extreme pleasure in the way you moan against him, your ass square in Jeongguk’s face. 

Jimin hurriedly coats the dildo in lube, almost excessively, licking up the remains off his smaller fingers. He stares at Jeongguk’s hands in longing and his teeth gnaw on his lips as you moan relentlessly, tight and girly breaths of pleasure that Jimin never thought he’d like hearing. Jeongguk’s own cock twitches against his stomach, the length staring at Jimin and being the only thing Jimin can keep his eyes on.

He fiddles with the dildo, feeling his face warm with a crimson heat. On the other side, Jeongguk pulls away from your ass and kisses your right cheek again, muttering something in a low voice that the camera barely picks up. I love you, he says, between quiet pursed lips. Jimin wants to cry.

Jeongguk moves your hips, deciding on where he’s going to have you. Eventually he decides to have you at an angle where the camera captures your hole perfectly, clenching around nothing, surely with enough frame space to capture his cock moving in and out. It can’t be that different from doggy, from one of your first videos on the channel where he took you from behind with a fistful of hair. You were blonde back then. Jeongguk and Jimin both prefer the dark colour you have presently, and the way it makes your face look brighter, adding an element of sensuality that Jimin wasn’t sure was possible for a head of hair.

“You took my fingers so well, baby,” Jeongguk tells you, prodding your ass with his hands as if preparing himself for the penetration, “but let’s see how well you take my cock.”

As always, Jeongguk wastes no time. It was like he suddenly feared that the lube around his cock would dry, for he prods your entrance with the tip, hissing softly as he pushes it in. He begins slow, as if stomping his foot on ice to see if it would hold, and then, once the tip is in, Jeongguk grunts and rolls his shoulders, the bottom of his back clenching with muscles on display until he finally sank his whole length inside you. He groans, his hands gripping your waist line with vigour and he slowly began to move his hips, moving in slow waves in and out. His movements were experimental yet professional, still candid enough for Jimin to almost believe this tape was amateur. Grabbing the dildo situated under his hips with one hand, Jimin, without looking away from the screen, aligns it with his ass and slowly sinks down on it, his head immediately rocking back at the feeling.

Jeongguk becomes more familiar with the feeling and the movements, understanding that an asshole really was no different to a pussy, except the feeling inside and the placement. To him, and to porn, it was just another hole to shove his cock into. He moves quicker, finding the strength inside of him to clench your hip-bones and pull them down onto his cock, the rhythm so consistent that after a few short seconds, the clapping arises.

Jimin watches from his bed, his reflection slightly visible in the screen, the pathetic view of him bouncing up and down on the horrendous purple dildo. He stares long and hard at Jeongguk’s fat cock, his mouth practically watering at the way it fits perfectly in your hole, each thrust coming out with a wet and slick look, the vein bulging. Jimin wants to finger his mouth, like a whore, but he resists, instead shyly reaching down and grabbing his cock as Jeongguk maintains a pace.

“You’re taking my cock so well, princess,” Jeongguk grunts. Usually, he can keep his composure, keeping up the act of the boyfriend who likes to fill the boots as the boss. Tonight, however, he’s sloppy, slacking on duty. He’s a boss neglecting his reputation and duties, his head filled with sawdust as he focuses on your ass, and the tightness of it around his dick. For a while, it feels almost hard to move, the need to stand still and let it become familiar overwhelming but at the same time dangerous. He wouldn’t want to upset the ratings. Literally, he can’t afford it.

The stretch burns, your eyes rolling back with powerful pleasure and your body feeling as though it was a clump of jelly, wobbling and sliding around on a plate, each tip sending you closer to the edge. You moan with almost every thrust, the way everybody likes it, and from underneath your armpit, you spot Jeongguk’s thighs, the occasional glimpse of his balls slapping against the backside of your pussy.

“Yeah? Tell m-me,” you gasp out, crooning to him. “Tell me how good I feel around your big dick.”

Jimin hadn’t been expecting a sudden role reversal, and by the sounds of it, neither had Jeongguk. Without having any prior experience fucking with koopid, Jimin reckons this may be the first time on record that Jeongguk has been dominantly submissive. What he lacks in vocals he clearly makes up for with physical ability, your words sending him into a rutting fit of fast pace, his dick hitting sensitive spots inside of you. Jimin whimpers to nobody, to Jeongguk, to you, as the dildo brushes his prostate, rubbing against his insides. It’s big, and Jimin closes his eyes to pretend it’s Jeongguk. 

He’s so caught up in the fantasy that he can physically imagine the feeling of Jeongguk’s large thighs on either side of his body, his hands that are big and veined holding his tiny body like he was a prized China doll. He wants it so bad, he pictures it perfectly. The thought sends a ripple of tingles throughout his body, a rush of erotica to his cock and it throbs, it hurts and it twitches, erect, touching his stomach. Jimin fingers around his slit, other fingers lost in the short wisps of hair, meanwhile the other hand holds the dildo in place so it doesn’t slip out.

“Mm, baby, you feel so good around me, you’re so good,” Jeongguk praises, his voice unusually breathy and lost, as if he’s struggling. Perhaps he is; it makes Jimin cry out with pleasure as the dildo hits the spot, Jeongguk’s dick inside of him hitting his good spots, making little Jimin horny. “Shit. Your tight little hole is making Daddy feel so good.”

So he’s bringing Daddy back, Jimin thinks. He feels guilty suddenly at the lack of attention he’s giving you, and you’re delivering a spectacular performance, the moans high enough to sound like his own, when he likes them to be. He focuses on that, pretends everything about you is him. For a moment, Jimin eyes the shape of your tits hanging underneath you. He makes a promise to himself that next time, he’ll watch one where you’re the star. You’re too gorgeous for him to ignore you, to shrug you off as if you don’t matter. Without your ass, he wouldn’t be feeling this good.

“Yeah?” you pry. “Do you like fucking my ass?”

“Mm, I love it,” Jeongguk agrees. He lets one hand go off your hips and snakes it underneath, where no doubt, he’s playing with your cunt, threading his fingers through the wetness as if it’s the same casualness as flicking through the newspaper. You barely bat an eyelid, grinding further onto him. “I love the way you make me feel. Always so good for Daddy. Hm? Huh, look at you.” He thrusts sharply up, and you cry out with surprise. “Look at how your ass takes my cock. You’re such a little cockslut, so desperate for my dick.”

“Yuh-yes. You’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Jeongguk replies cockily, regaining his own slipping dignity. Jimin doesn’t care if he plays the role of dominant Daddy, or submissive slut. He just cares about the fake cock up his ass and the computer screen.

Underneath Jeongguk, you whimper out a moan, that leaves pitifully like a whisper, practically unheard. You want to scream, tell everybody and the neighbours about how good it feels, how full you feel with Jeongguk’s dick inside your ass, going so far inside that the air is knocked out of you. Rendering you speechless, almost. In fact, you’re so cock drunk that you have nothing of use to say, nothing erotic to mutter to your boyfriend as he relentlessly pounds into you, feeling his own energy bite back. He slaps your cunt once when he notices you’re being quiet, silent, and that’s not good for ratings. Or for him- Jeongguk likes to hear you, he likes to hear whatever nonsense is coming out of your mouth as he fucks your brains out, to the point where you can’t even make sounds, let alone sentences.

Jeongguk knows your body as well as he knows his own, spotting the signs of an approaching orgasm. He had every intention to deny it, finding a tremor of satisfaction at the thought of seeing you crying, begging violently to cum, please, Jeongguk let me cum. He can hear it if he focuses. But it’s the first time he’s ever been a big boy and put his dick somewhere else besides your cunt and your mouth. It’s special. He wants it to be.

He moves, his dick moving with him inside of you, brushing against sensitive spots that are still unexplored, like levels waiting to be unlocked in a video game. As Jeongguk shivers and readjusts, Jimin lets out his first physical sob, not noticing he’s milking his second orgasm of the night. When was the first? He thinks it was when you took control, those dirty words coming out of your mouth. Like an angel taking sins from the Devil, like a nun hiking her dress above her hips to flash her cunt to the Father. Erotic. Sinful.

“Are you close, princess?” Jeongguk asks sweetly, his voice not loud but also not too quiet, a soft volume that the camera picks up well enough.

“C-can’t hold it much longer, baby,” you admit to him, trying to see him over your shoulder. The sex is heavy, holding you down in restraint. “Can I cum again?”

“Again?” Jeongguk laughs, genuinely. Jimin practically spits out a moan. The audience like it when Jeongguk and yourself break out of character. It reminds them of who you are, reminds them that you’re in love. You’re listed in the Verified Couples category, so the audience have got to be looking for the love somewhere. “Ah, greedy girl.”

“I am, I’m so greedy, so selfish,” you splutter. “Daddy makes me feel so good. I wanna cum again, just for you. Juh-just for Daddy.”

Jeongguk makes an elevated noise, as if he’s just been told something he didn’t know, like he’s been secretly given knowledge nobody has, Chinese whispers.

“You’ve been so, so good for me,” Jeongguk says, “so patient. Your ass is fucking perfect, baby. Just wanna fuck it all damn day.”

Gladly, you moan to that. Jimin feels his cock throbbing in his hand, the tip so sensitive that if he were to brush it with his hand, he might cry. It’s red, and abused, but ready for more, he can feel it. His balls are swelling- he wants to be fucked so badly. He wants to feel a dick inside of him, be filled up with cock, have a warmth around his like Jeongguk has. Nothing about koopid makes him feel different sexually other than the fact that Jimin has never been so entertained with straight porn in his entire life. He wants to thank Namjoon, but thinking about Namjoon is too dangerous right now. Jimin might spend too long thinking about him, and that would do him no good. Somewhere along the way, the dildo changed from Jeongguk’s cock to Namjoon’s, but only for a split second, until Jimin forced the thought away.

“Cum inside me?” you ask sweetly, finally finding the strength to pick your head up and glance at Jeongguk over your shoulder. He nods, a smile on his face and you match it, only briefly and the camera doesn’t capture it anyway. You lean back down, gathering every last breath of energy by pushing your ass up higher for Jeongguk. He hums appreciatively, spanking you as thanks.

“Every time I spank you from now on, I want you to thank me,” Jeongguk explains, preparing for the build up to the end, “I want you to say, thank you Daddy. Can you do that for me, angel?”

“Yes,” you reply with a newfound determination, that drips from your voice confidently. Jimin wriggles his hole around the dildo. His ass is so sore, overfucked, but he can’t get off.

Jeongguk stops moving around you, steadying you around his cock and then, without warning you, bringing his hand sharply to your ass. It’s the left cheek, the one with the fading prints and bite marks. It’s going to be the cheek that hurts the most, but Jeongguk likes that it hurts. He counts in his head: one.

“T-thank you Daddy,” you squeal after the first clap. It only comes as a surprise because it was one.

Jimin snakes a hand up his body, fingering around his nipple. “Thank you Daddy,” he whispers.

Two.

“Feels so guh-good, Daddy. Thank you.”

Jimin bounces heavier. “Mm. Daddy- feels-”

Three. You cry out. It hurts now, the sting worse because of the way he’s done this recently, spanked your ass until it was red and sore, until you couldn’t sit down.

“Mhmpf! T-thank...thank you, Daddy.”

Jeongguk makes the hum, his signature hum that collects comments. It sends a wave of excitement through Jimin, the sound clear in his ears. He wishes he had his earphones in, so he could hear it closer, pretend Jeongguk was whispering it in his ear. His shy hand toying with his nipple moves to his throat, and it clenches for a few seconds, the choked out string of Daddy crossed with timid Jeongguk’s leaving his lips like leaves blowing in the wind. Then his hand moves up, and he shoves his fingers into his mouth. He can take a couple, his reflex isn’t bad.

Jimin thinks he passes out for a few seconds, because when he opens his eyes, his vision is blurry and he chokes around his fingers, staring at the screen with wide eyes in time for the grand finale. Jeongguk is muttering something that Jimin can’t make out, but he isn’t sure if it’s because of the weird feeling in his body. It’s like he’s underwater. He’s so overfucked that he feels faint, but he’s not giving up on koopid, not now. 

Jeongguk groans loudly (again), and thrusts himself inwards for the final blow, and the way his body stutters violently and his thighs tremble, Jimin suspects he’s finished. It’s confirmed when Jeongguk, after a moment of catching his breath, pulls his dick out of your ass.

The sound is splendid, the squelch matching Jimin’s as he lifts himself up off the dildo, saving his asshole in preparation for tomorrow morning’s soreness. Your asshole clenches around the absence, still not fully aware of Jeongguk pulling out, but he falls down to his knees, using both hands to part your cheeks like he would hair if you were being sick, revealing the way his cum rolls out of you again, out and around your thighs. A trail even creeps down, all the way to where Jeongguk suspects your pussy is, pulsing with pleasure. He knows you’ve come multiple times, he can tell by the way you’re slouched, your hips still rutting as if trying to fuck the air, fuck the ghost he’s convinced stalks the apartment.

Jimin quickly presses the back button.

He doesn’t know what has come over him, but he needs to see you both, doing real things, to confirm that what just happened was real. Jimin heads straight for the live feed, wondering if you’ve already hit that 10k. When the tab loads and the screen fills with the sight of your tits in front of the screen, Jimin ignores and looks at the likes. 9,992. It’s so close.

Jeongguk sits underneath you, his chest against your back and his hands somewhere in front of you, curling to cup your sex as you rub against his palm. It’s like feeding a pony, as you jut your cunt on his hand like it’s your life mission to do so. You’re talking, and it’s the first time Jimin acknowledges the fact that koopid is a channel of real people, a real couple, who do and say human things.

“Ah, only five more likes,” you say, tossing your hair to the side and lifting, revealing Jeongguk’s coy expression over your shoulder. He’s biting against your neck, and Jimin can see his tongue running flat against the skin. He hums, as expected, in acknowledgement, his hand moving against your pussy. He dares slide a finger in, to tease, and you hiss with a grin. The likes are on 9,999. Jimin realises he wants absolutely nothing more than to see Jeongguk getting his ass ate on live camera by his girlfriend.

So he clicks like.

A little heart floats up on the screen, like on an Instagram live. When you notice it rising up like a stray balloon, you grin wildly, laughing as Jeongguk thrusts fingers into your pussy, not looking at the screen, sucking solar systems into your neck. Jimin’s username flashes on a banner at the bottom of the screen: 10,000th like from angelchim.

“Woah. angelchim, thank you so much!” you giggle, grinding your ass onto Jeongguk and finally your boyfriend looks up. He squints briefly at the screen, playing like he can’t read the banner, but he can. He sees the likes increasing as more people come in. Someone must have shared the link, or they’re only gaining likes for the title. He smiles.

“Well, a promise is a promise,” Jeongguk says evenly. He looks up at you, his hands creeping up from your waist to your breasts, so perked and slightly small. He cups them and you rise with a pleasurable sensation that sends him giggling under his breath, so oddly childlike that Jimin does a double take, and then Jeongguk releases you, tapping your skin and shuffling into position.

From somewhere in the fraternity, Jimin hears a door open. He pauses and looks towards the door, momentarily missing Jeongguk get on all fours and spread his legs, revealing a well groomed ass that he would have liked to see. It’s clean and gaping; the audience suspect Jeongguk’s no stranger to things being put up there. He looks like the type, one comment laughs. Jeongguk’s a cockslut too.

Jimin wonders silently who else is home. It might be nobody, and he’s hearing things. There’s an even chance that it’s Taehyung, a second year who keeps to himself mostly and studies art, locking himself away on evenings when there aren’t any major parties, painting. He doesn’t remember if Taehyung’s gone to Jackson’s party with everybody else. For a moment, he’s embarrassed that Taehyung, or whoever is home, has heard him fucking himself, but the thought disappears when he turns back to the screen and sees Jeongguk’s ass in the air, a grin on his face as you take the role of Boss.

“I don’t want to hear you calling me Y/N, or baby, or angel, or anything,” you tell him, the voice of authority thick and it makes Jeongguk laugh. It’s just a game to him, for now. It’s only a game until you’ve shoved a finger in there, or licked at it. 

Jimin’s weirdly attracted to both sides of you, and both sides of Jeongguk. He’s too tired to fuck himself again, or even entertain the thought of touching himself. So instead, he sits back and hikes the comforter higher up over his body, his cock still out between his legs, semi-hard and sore, and he watches the stream like it’s a tv show on in the background. He’s nonetheless invested, not being able to pull his eyes away.

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods. He gets it. “What should I call you, then?”

You mock his hum. “You can call me Mommy tonight. Okay?”

Jeongguk nods awkwardly against the bed, strangely excited. You’re smothering your fingers with lube, undecided on which one should go inside. It’s all so exciting, taking control. Jimin writhes, too tired to pretend physically but he lets his thoughts wander- Jeongguk lives the most perfect life, an equal balance of fucking his girlfriend and being fucked by his girlfriend. He’s flexible, and excited when you gently prod a finger at his asshole. Jeongguk fidgets, eager and restless. Any other day, he might be cautious of your nails, slightly sharpened at the end, because he likes the way it feels against his skin when you cling to him, digging deep enough to draw blood when he’s done. He likes the marks the next morning. He likes hurting when he knows he’s hurting you.

Jimin gets to hear Jeongguk moan submissively as you slide a finger in, and then another, because Jeongguk and his asshole are bigger, and he’s a big boy. He can take two right away, even when he squirms.

“Mmf, Mommy,” Jeongguk starts. He breaks off, unable to say anything for a few seconds as you wiggle your fingers around inside of him, clawing him and making him shudder. The comments are going crazy. For some reason, they didn’t think you’d follow through and finger him, but as Jeongguk rightly said, a promise is a promise. “Feels so good.”

“God, look at you,” you laugh humorlessly. “Look at how you’re fucking Mommy’s fingers. She’s only just started.”

He pushes his hips backwards. “Luh-like it when you touch me, Mommy. I like it when you finger me like this.”

“Mm.”

As Jeongguk whimpers, you decide to curl your fingers upwards, touching and feeling around inside. It’s about time he gets a spoonful of his own medicine, a taste for his own torture. He likes it, he groans with a smile, his eyes searching to find you over his shoulders and when he spots your eyes on his, he winks.

“You can add a third, Mommy,” Jeongguk offers, faking a sweet tone that has a few commenters giggling. Jimin smiles, too. He wishes he could cum, he wishes he could fuck his hand, but he’s too tired, too fucked out. “Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Hm,” you reply, “only since you asked nicely. I’ll add a third, and I’ll get right to business. Is that okay, baby boy? Hm?”

“Yuh-yes, Mommy.”

“Good boy. My good little boy.”

His ass shifts, wiggling almost in a taunt and you shove your three fingers in without a word of warning. Jeongguk groans with discomfort. He’s had dildos, toys, everything and anything up his ass, both before and after he started dating you. For some reason, the sensation of your three fingers up his ass feels different, not wrong but also not good just yet. He gives you a moment to adjust, finding a rhythm and eventually, after his hips move and he finds himself, he begins to feel the coil in his lower stomach tightening.

“Feel good?” you ask, almost shyly. The last thing you would like is to let him down.

He makes a noise of agreement. “Yes, Mommy. Yes, really good.”

“You sure?”

Jeongguk blinks, quietly saying, as if off the record, “Y/N, this feels amazing. It’s okay.”

Jimin feels like he wasn’t supposed to hear. It’s like when you’re in the loo and somebody comes in, spilling secrets to a friend by the sinks, applying lip gloss in the mirror. You’re not in the conversation, not wanted in the secret exchange.

It puts you at ease, enough for Jeongguk to spread his legs further, shuffling back until his foot accidentally hits your thigh. He grunts, as if blindly finding his way around, and you shuffle right between his legs, following his movements from the video Jimin just watched. You pull your fingers out after a few minutes of fucking, and Jeongguk moans with a high tone when you pull away, moving your hands to his ass cheeks. The camera captures Jeongguk’s face in frame; he looks small, tiny, with cheeks that are round and full now that his face is flush on the bed, his waist looking tinier now it’s arched and in the air. The only thing intimidating about Jeongguk now is his thighs, still large and muscular and scary in their own unique way. Jeongguk whimpers furiously, tears choking at the back of his eyes with a burning sting that is ripped away by a sob when you smile at the camera, and lean in within the same second, pressing a little kiss against his hole.

Jeongguk shudders. You move back in, spreading his cheeks further with your hands and guiding his ass back to your face. You start with licking the rim, like licking sugar and lime from around a shot glass. Jeongguk moans, and fingers the quilt covers. With your tongue flat, you lick at his hole, mocking those same kitten licks as he once did, for a few moments anyway until you both grew comfortable, and you continued licking at his hole, prodding and drooling. He tastes natural, as expected, crossed with the coconut body wash that he used in the shower before the livestream, the same body wash you used at the same time, sharing a shower together with your skins flushed and hot and wet, bubbles as bikinis.

You have to admit to yourself, in a private intermission, that you’ve never eaten an ass before. You had a temporary girlfriend when you were fifteen, because you were hormonal and confused and she was the prettiest girl in school. You’d eaten her out, but it was her pussy, and you’re certain that at some point during high-school, there had been another girl. You can’t remember, your eyes closed as your tongue milks the taste of Jeongguk’s ass. He preens, pushing it against your face slightly with his face buried in the covers.

“Muh-mommy,” he cries. “Oh-fuck.”

“Feel good?” you ask him, your mouth muffled against him. He nods with a moan, although it sounds just like a messy noise, a noise you’d find on a porn soundboard. You smile proudly, being selfish yourself. It feels good knowing you’re the first girl to eat Jeon Jeongguk’s ass, and on camera too, for 28,000 people to see. Jimin sits back with his head on the headboard, staring through heavy half lids. He quite likes this view, this role reversal. He quite likes Jeongguk with his ass in the air. He watches for the finish eagerly, soaking every scene up like the last drops of ice-cream dripping down the cone.

“Ngnh, can’t hold it any longer, Mommy,” Jeongguk wails. He fists the sheets, looking at you underneath his arm. He can’t see your face, only your cunt. He doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter. “Please let me cum.”

“You want to cum?” you repeat. “How badly?”

“S-so badly,” he moans, and his eyes clench closed. “Please. I’ve been good. You’ve made me feel so...so good, Mommy. It-it hurts, p-please-”

You hum tiredly, almost as if what he’s mumbling is boring you. You lick one more time, pushing in as he clenches around the tip of your tongue. It makes you want to laugh, and slap his ass, but he’s already done so much. You grant him the permission he begs to cum, and he does- reaching your hand around to cup his tender balls, Jeongguk clumsily spills on the sheets, the thick white substance leaking not only through the baby pink but also splashing up onto his stomach, getting stuck in the thick curves of his abs. Jimin sighs happily at the sight, high on life and the way Jeongguk squirms like a newborn baby bird who has discovered flight, still clumsy and frantic. His body is shaking, trembling like a glitched video game character, his hips stuttering with his orgasm. He groans with it, and then laughs, perhaps at his own realisation of what just happened, and where and to whom.

Jimin types at the keyboard his first comment: you look absolutely beautiful baby boy, and Jeongguk sees, sending a warmth burning in Jimin’s chest. Jeongguk spots the comments amongst other familiar icons and users and he smiles, his eyes disappearing into pleasant crescent moons.

“Ah, thank you, angelchim. It was an honour getting my ass ate in front of you, I hope you enjoyed.”

“Oh, I did,” Jimin replies breathily, and he’s about to type the comment when a knock thuds at his door. Jimin pauses, hyper-aware of the fact somebody is home. They don’t make another sound, just a knock and then a loud sigh that Jimin recognises to be in the voice belonging to Taehyung, as he suspected.

“Jimin, I’m sorry, I know you’re clearly quite busy-” he emphasises quite, and Jimin wants to vanish into the bedsheets, pretend he’s not home, - “but I text Namjoon about where the hell my phone charger is, and apparently you have it, so if you could please bring it out to me, I would very much appreciate it. You can finish...whatever it is you’re doing in there. I’ll, uh. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

And from the stream, Jeongguk laughs. It feels weird, because given the timing, it’s as if Jeongguk’s laughing at Jimin, at how humiliation creeps up his neck and to his cheeks. Everybody watches porn, he thinks. And he’s in a frat, now. He should wear it with honour, just like Namjoon had told him. He looks over at Taehyung’s charger wrapped in a snake cord by his box and he smiles. Tonight has been unsuspecting, but clearly, way better than anything Jackson could have ever given him.

[chloebeale]

HALLOWEEN WORK IN PROGRESS

RATING: T (literal blink and you’ll miss it cursing). PAIRING: Bechloe. WORDS: 1053. NOTES: I feel like I haven’t put out much writing content recently, so here’s the opening scene to the fic I’m currently writing. I’m hoping to have it done by Halloween. Note that the T rating will definitely be upped for the rest of the fic.

Normally, Beca would point blank refuse a trip like this. At twenty-one years old, she can tolerate her step-mother, she can be civil toward her, but she doesn’t particularly like her. It’s a mutual understanding between the two, and the only person who seems to be unhappy with it is her father, who spends most of his time trying to push the two closer together.

“What are you wearing for the wedding, Bec?” He’d asked conversationally from the backseat of the Uber to their beachfront hotel earlier in the day.

“Blue dress,” Beca had mumbled in response from the passenger seat, gaze cast out of the window as the sights of South Carolina passed her by.

“Hey, Sheila’s dress is blue. Looks like my girls are going to be matching!”

“I meant black,” Beca had mumbled, promptly stomping on her father’s desperate attempt at common ground.

“Oh.”

Beca had ignored the hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Black for a wedding?”

“It’s a Halloween wedding, Warren,” Sheila had pointed out, voice much too cheerful. “I think black is perfect.”

Beca hadn’t humored her with a response, and nobody had pushed for anything more.

See? Mutual understanding.

Of course, cousin’s wedding or not, Beca would’ve protested much harder had she realized the setup of their hotel room in advance.

(In her father’s defense, he also hadn’t realized they’d all be in one room.)

“Beca can take the bed,” Sheila had offered politely, and while it really would’ve been Beca’s preference, that would’ve meant agreeing with the step-monster, so Beca had promptly declined, muttering something about how she’d rather be by the window anyway.

So, with her father and step-mother sleeping soundly in the king-sized bed, and Beca’s things poured out messily onto the pullout couch, Beca is decidedly not going to be sleeping throughout this whole trip.

But that’s okay with her; she has her laptop (of course), and the chair out on the balcony where she finds herself curled up currently is pretty comfortable, as far as outdoor furniture goes.

For October, it’s a pretty nice night out. Beca wears a sweatshirt and pajama shorts, and finds that she isn’t cold. In fact, the soft breeze whistling by into the otherwise still night time of Myrtle Beach is a welcomed one, and the scene before her could definitely be worse.

So far, her main focus has been on her laptop screen, though as she replays her newly spliced tracks through her headphones, she allows her gaze to drift out over the balcony’s edge, the sight of the beach, still and serene, incredibly calming. It’s a backdrop Beca could very much get used to, in fact. It’s almost like a foreshadowing of things to come, when she’s done with the four years of college she promised her father she’d see through, and is living in her own beachfront home in Los Angeles, looking out over the ocean as she works on new music for big name artists.

Okay, so maybe it’s a far off dream, but it’s one Beca will never stop reaching for. Tonight only intensifies that need within her.

The longer she sits here, however, the repetitive sound of the new track swirling through her headphones, the heavier Beca’s lids grow, and while she’s not completely opposed to sleeping outside, she’s positive her back won’t thank her for it in the morning. So, Beca reaches over to set her laptop carefully down on the small glass table in front of her, pulling her body from the chair to finally stretch her legs.

The balcony isn’t exactly huge, she can only take a few steps each way before hitting a wall, but it’s better than nothing, and Beca is soon pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands, arms folding neatly across the top bar of the balcony’s edge, eyes scanning the gentle waves lapping the shore down below.

It was after three, the last Beca checked the time in the top right of her computer screen, so the figure pulling her focus from the corner of her eye seems somewhat out of place. Then again, she’s awake, so there’s no reason someone else can’t be, too. However, she’s technically in her hotel room (or at least on it’s adjoining balcony); she can only imagine how uncomfortably cold it must be for the unfamiliar woman whose bare feet are slowly covered, over and over, by the softly crashing waves below.

For some reason, Beca finds herself watching her. They’re on one of the higher floors, so the mystery woman on the beach is hard to make out too clearly, but Beca can see the flash of red hair each time the light reflects from the water, the way the airy skirt of her light colored dress blows gently in the breeze.

Beca isn’t much of a people watcher. In fact, she’s barely even a people person, but there’s something intriguing about the girl walking by the water, and Beca can’t quite put her finger on exactly what it is. Maybe it’s the way she just doesn’t seem to care. It’s after three, and she’s walking the empty beach alone. With the way she moves so breezily, Beca is willing to bet she’s probably humming to herself. Not that she can hear her, she’s too far away, but her eyes stay trained on the mystery woman, even as she turns to gaze right back up at her.

“Shit,” Beca hisses, quickly crouching her knees in an attempt to duck below the barrier of the balcony.

It’s only at that point that she realizes it’s transparent.

“Perfect,” she mutters, unsure of what to do next. For all she knows, she hasn’t been seen; she’s high up, it’s likely the redhead can’t see anything. Beca finds herself watching, though. She watches the way she stares up at her, the way she’s almost positive she can see her eyes glistening beneath the glow of the moonlight bouncing off the water, even from this distance.

She watches as the figure eventually turns and continues her previous path, and Beca is either instantly forgotten about, or she was never even a consideration.

That’s the first time Beca sees the woman she’ll go on to know as Chloe Beale. She doesn’t realize that it won’t be the last.

TO BE CONTINUED.

[tesb]

i've only seen the last jedi, but i do follow thanks to tumblr

okay, so you get the gist!

spoiler alert: i’ll explain what happened in star wars: the rise of skywalker below the cut.

i’ll try and summarize as much as i can and explain a little. there’s many people who condemn the entire film but honestly, i could have swallowed most of it, save for one stupid storyline. but yeah, i’ll get into it. i’ll be skipping a lot of stuff but i apologize if this ends up being pretty long anyway. to be fair, the movie itself is quite long and they were able to fit a lot of dumb things into it.

also: check out jenny nicholson’s youtube video on the movie!

so, in the opening crawls in star wars films, we usually find out what our heroes and main characters have been up to since the last film. they set the scene: nothing major happens in these opening crawls, but major events are left for the films themselves. well, not in this one! in TROS, the opening crawl reveals that emperor palpatine is back, and we’re supposed to just… accept that without any questions. to me, it seems like star wars’ biggest villain coming back would be a bigger event than a couple lines in the opening crawl and deserves more explanation, but i digress.

cut to kylo ren who gets a sith wayfinder, killing a bunch of people in the progress as per usual, and goes to palpatine’s hidey hole on this uncharted planet. palpatine tells him that snoke was his puppet all along and reveals a massive fleet of star destroyers, which is also left unexplained. palpatine orders kylo ren to kill rey (which later leads him to multiple battles with rey throughout the film.)

at the resistance base, they discover that palpatine is on this planet and they need a sith wayfinder to get there. so here starts a goddamn loooooooong mission of them trying to get this wayfinder (they really could have cut this part of the movie down, especially because the whole thing was so convoluted already.) the person who last had the wayfinder conveniently happens to be an assassin who killed rey’s parents and she keeps having visions of them.

at one point on this mission to find the wayfinder, they’re in a very open area on a desert planet and kylo ren and the knights of ren show up in this massive ship. chewbacca gets captured and is in the ship when rey tries to rescue him by using the force, but accidentally blasts the whole thing with lightning. so they all think chewbacca is dead and they leave. but he isn’t dead, because there just so happened to be another massive ship there that they somehow didn’t see, and rey blasted that one instead, and chewbacca was captured in the other. this makes the entire thing feel cheap and their mourning even more hollow.

eventually rey does sense that chewbacca is alive. on their mission to rescue chewbacca, rey confronts kylo ren once again. kylo ren taunts rey about her parents. he eventually reveals that she is the granddaughter of emperor palpatine and that her parents were nobodies because they “chose” to be, and asks her to join him once again. rey being palpatine’s granddaughter makes less sense than her being, say, rey kenobi.

on the same mission, it’s revealed that general hux has been working as a spy for the resistance, and that his only motivation for doing so was preventing kylo ren from winning. winning what, i don’t know. he saves poe, finn and chewbacca and tries to cover up his tracks but dies later anyway. his whole storyline seemed pretty pointless, which is a shame, because he started out as a pretty interesting character in the force awakens. by the rise of skywalker, he was reduced to a caricature of his former self.

we’re introduced to two new characters at two different points in the film, zorii bliss from poe’s past, and jannah, and ex-stormtrooper just like finn, who, as it happens, becomes quite close to finn. i didn’t dislike either of them whatsoever but i strongly feel like these characters were brought in just to reiterate that finn and poe are very much Not Gay (because, let’s face it, the people at disney are cowards.) the LGBT “rep” we do get is a lesbian couple kissing in the background in one of the final scenes in the movie, in a shot that lasts for approx. 0.2 seconds and that has already been cut from the film in some countries.

on a similar note, rose tico was also completely pushed to the sidelines in this film when she had a huge role in the previous one. they don’t even have a proper explanation for it, which sucks, because kelly marie tran was absolutely fantastic in the role. poe’s and finn’s roles were also reduced quite a lot, and i genuinely failed to see any character development from them and there was a great lack of good, character-building emotional moments across the board.

when rey finally gets to the wayfinder (that is on a destroyed death star) kylo ren confronts her for a third time in the same film and he destroys the wayfinder. when kylo ren and rey are fighting, leia organa reaches out to kylo ren through the force while she is dying, and in this moment, rey gets the upper hand and strikes him. but when she senses leia’s death she suddenly feels remorse for him (????? WHY) and immediately saves him by healing him using the force. the tone shift in the scene is jarring.

in rey leaves and kylo ren suddenly sees his dead father – who he killed – and after speaking to han solo, his nonexistent redemption arc begins and he “becomes ben solo again”. i say nonexistent because it literally came out of nowhere. we seldom saw him doubt the dark side and we only saw him turn away from rey when she tried to turn him to the light, time and time again. in the last jedi, their final shot together was rey literally closing a door on him, i.e. symbolizing her finally giving up on trying to turn him to the good side. but since the rise of skywalker tried to undo everything the last jedi did, of course that didn’t matter anymore.

rey uses kylo ren’s ship to go on the same planet luke had resided on in the force awakens and the last jedi because she’s so shook by her parentage (meanwhile i was shook by the awfulness of this plot while sitting in the cinema audience.) luke’s force ghost shows up to tell rey that she needs to face palpatine and so, here begins the worst final “battle” in star wars history, probably.

the resistance fleet follow rey to the planet where palpatine is. rey finds palpatine, and palpatine encourages rey to kill him so that “his spirit can transfer into her.” this whole scene is extremely awkward because palpatine tells rey his entire plan, narrating all the details. it’s very much “you have to do this so i can do this and this” and it feels like the plot needs him to do this so that the audience understands what’s going on, and it’s so painfully bad. suddenly, kylo ren shows up to help rey. and suddenly, palpatine’s plan changes and he uses rey’s and kylo ren’s force bond to “revitalize” himself. and he’s still explaining every bit of the process.

palpatine starts blasting the resistance fleet with his lighting, yeets kylo ren to a hole in the ground (some kind of chasm? i don’t know) and rey collapses. she suddenly hears the voices of a bunch of jedi ghosts in her head, encouraging her, and gets up and manages to kill not only palpatine but herself as well. kylo ren suddenly reappears and brings rey back to life with force healing. in an extremely awkward and forced moment, they embrace each other and kiss, effectively making reylo canon, all for fan service. he does drop dead, but the scene prior to him dying sends an awful precedent for future watchers of the film. i’m all for letting people ship who they want to ship as long as they’re aware it can be extremely problematic and toxic, but it’s a whole different story when a well-known franchise makes said ship canon.

kylo ren has abused rey mentally and assaulted her physically. he is a mass murderer, a war criminal, and literally killed his own goddamn parent. he has done things that are absolutely unforgivable. in the last scene of the film, someone asks rey who she is, and she decides to say “rey skywalker”; there’s a message in TROS that indicates where you come from doesn’t dictate whether you’re “bad” or “good” – see: rey being a palpatine but being a good character. if kylo ren had represented the opposite of rey to the end, i.e. how he came from a good background but still decided to turn to the dark side, the message the film was trying to send wouldn’t have been so undermined.

the last film also makes rey’s entire purpose in the sequel trilogy tied to kylo ren, and it genuinely angers me – they just couldn’t leave her storyline be, could they? her purpose all along was, yes, to kill palpatine, but also to get kylo ren to turn away from the dark side, to help him, to “cure him”. we’re supposed to believe that all along she wanted to “take ben’s hand” and that she was in love with her abuser.

my biggest problem is with this film’s influence and what they decided to do. the fact that they made a romantic scene between the abuser and his abuse victim makes my skin crawl. i could have accepted everything else, but not this. it’s my one big problem with the movie that i cannot, for the life of me, overlook. little kids are going to see this movie. they’re going to see kylo ren murdering, manipulating, abusing people for two and a half movies straight. and they’re going to watch him be redeemed like a second-rate darth vader. but at least darth vader lost everything when he turned to the dark side, reiterating that the dark side is genuinely Very Bad. at least darth vader died without getting a reward like rey was used as kylo ren’s reward for his “redemption arc.” i wish this film hadn’t used rey like it did, but it happened; at moments, she was reduced to a prop in kylo ren’s story instead of her continually being an individual in her own story.

there’s probably a better version of this film somewhere because it feels like a million ideas smashed into one big mess and i sometimes felt like i was watching a fan-film rather than a real star wars movie. the makers of this film being disney, they were trying to please everyone, and that was the biggest mistake they could have possibly made. they didn’t have a solid plan for the sequel trilogy, and it shows. painfully well.

[haonqq]

30 Day Yinro Challenge: Day 1-9

All of this ended up longer than intended so its 9 days under the cut lmao

1. the basics: introduce us to your watcher!

You enter the walls of Caed Nua, met with the sight of milling guests and locals alike, small market stalls lined up. It almost appears akin to a small village, people going about their business, be it building, shopping, watching the speech in the foyer you can’t quite hear from your distance, or perhaps attending worship in the small, homely church. It certainly wasn’t what you’d expected from all of the ghastly descriptions of the place from merely a year ago. You peel your eyes from the sight and make your way towards the Great Hall, but as you approach, looking like one to proposition the local thayn, a guard stops you. “You won’t be findin’ him in there.” She gestures behind her at the large door, cracked slightly but seemingly empty. “This time a’day he’s usually out by Brighthollow, working in the garden or cookin’. If he hasn’t been stolen off to help out with some other chore.” What she’s saying doesn’t quite make sense, and you aren’t inclined to believe her, but follow her directions back towards this ‘Brighthollow’. Passing through a few groups of gossiping locals, you find the building matching her description and look around. Nobody seems to be in the garden, though it does seem recently tended. The kitchen seems to be your next stop, but as you make your way towards the door, you hear something like a curse above you. Squinting up into the afternoon sky, you manage to spot a shingle as it slides off the edge of the roof, managing to move out of the way just in time to avoid it landing on you. You look up again to see an elf. You blink again, having not believed the rumors of a pale elf being the new thayn and owner of Caed Nua. “Oh, gods, sorry! Did it hit you? I should have been more careful, slipped right between my hands!” He looks as apologetic as he sounds, wiping a wrist along his forehead, thin locks of strawberry dusted pale hair sticking to the sweat on his face and neck. “Here, let me just-” And within a moment he’s down the ladder and in front of you, checking you over carefully before wiping a fleck of dirt off your shoulder, then clapping his hand there. “There we go, good as new!” It was harder to hear from above, but its clear he isn’t from the Dyrwood. Rauatain, if your memory is to be trusted, but he speaks Aedyran clearly enough. He smiles as he looks you over, crow’s feet wrinkling at the corner of his eyes and it’s only now you notice their striking pink color. “Ah, my apologies, Yinro Manaaki, Thayn and Lord of Caed Nua at your service. I take it you’re here to speak with me?” He starts out maintaining eye contact with you, but as he continues on he squats down to pick up the bits of broken shingle from the ground before standing again. You nod your affirmation, though you’re not sure what to make of him. He seems genuine enough, and the name matches. He smiles again, so genuinely you can tell everything he’s telling you is the truth. “You have excellent timing, I was just finishing up fixing the roof.” He disposes of the shingle pieces and wipes his hands on his pants, already dirty from previous wear. Then he gestures forward and takes a step towards the Great Hall, waiting on your before moving along, keeping at your pace. “So, what is it I can do for you?”

2. appearance: what race is your watcher? what do they look like? any scars, tattoos, or markings?

(photo by @riessene because its just,,, so good im cry)

I touched on a few things in the fancy dancy intro but! He’s a pale elf with strawberry blonde hair(though its on the lighter side) and of the lighter blue skin variety. Naturally, he’s covered in those white freckles because i love them He has two prominent scars, both on his face

The first is the scar on his mouth, which crosses both lips. While in a,, disagreement fight with his older adopted brother Branwen, there was always some shoving and punching and the like, but Branwen got a solid hit on him and Yinro managed to catch his face on something sharp and it just sliced through his lip and its healed but never really gone away,, The other is on his cheek, down to his jaw and he actually got this one when he met Aloth! Unable to talk the drunks down, Yinro assisted Aloth with taking them out for their safety and managed to catch one of the weapons on his cheek since he’s an idiot and doesnt use weapons when he fights and with everything going on with lack of sleep and all its unlikely it healed to full capacity and so it will remain for all his days

(im debating on one over his eyebrow at the beginning of Deadfire but that depends on how That starts exactly also debated on a tattoo but lbr i forget his scars all the time im good lmao)

3. personality & alignment: give us a look into your watcher’s personality! you can use theirmyers briggs type, d&d morality alignment, or just describe their motives and quirks.

As a start, Yinro is bordering the Neutral/Chaotic Good alignment, sticking closer to the Trying to keep lawful, but also following his own moral compass as to whether the Law is truly Good. He is however a supremely good person and tries to remain as honest as possible without putting someone in danger that doesnt need to be. While he is, as Eder put it, the type to “get involved”, in cases where the punishment seems deserved he won’t step in. However, while he does genuinely try to be good and make good decisions, part of it is attempting to make up for past wrongs and trying not to dip back into bad habits. He also has problems, because of that and misunderstanding teachings, avoids his anger. He used to let his anger pretty much control him, back when he was first adopted, and made a lot of trouble for people who didnt deserve it. He was supposed to be learning to control his anger and work with it and not let it control him, but ended up suppressing it in the long run. (which is going to be a primary Personal Conflict in Deadfire cause BOY is he pissed). But ultimately he’s a benevolent person and believes the best of everyone and believes that anyone can make up for their mistakes in the long run if they’re willing to try.

4. sexuality & gender: how does your watcher identify? is this important to them, or have they never given it much thought?

Gender hasn’t really been much of a focus for Yinro and he’s never really given it much thought. He probably thought about it a bit when literally soul searching provided his previous life was a woman, and if he didn’t already view gender as more of a biological thing than a soul bound thing or important at all, he’d probably be more fluid but he’s comfortable identifying as a man in this life.

Yinro is strictly attracted to men, both romantically and sexually, and is pretty important to him. While I dont think Rauatai in particular is against same-sex relationships, I think in his mind considering before being moved there he only lived with his mother and didn’t really interact with much anyone else he probably heard a lot about het relationships moreso thank gay ones and so when he got to a romantically interested age, he had that barrier of ‘but I SHOULD like women’ when realistically he was repulsed at the idea. It was a big part of realizing who he is and is much more important to him than gender.

This being said, he is a very touchy person (touchy being like. Physically touching peple, he enjoys physical contact) and isn’t opposed to being as touchy with female friends as long as they’re aware theres no romantic inclination there.

5. background: what’s your watcher’s culture and background? tell us a bit about their life before traveling to the dyrwood!

Yinro spent the first 20 years of his life in The White That Wends living a nomadic life with his biological mother. His father was still alive, but the relationship with his mother was purely to produce a child for her. She was a hunter, and decided clan life wasn’t for her, and so that was where Yinro grew up. An unfortunate accident after being ambushed by slavers hampered her mobility, and ultimately resulted in her death in an avalanche. This left Yinro travelling alone with no hint as to where a clan may be or really anyone at all. He lasted alright, knowing how to hunt and survive there, but that didn’t prepare him for the slavers catching up, trapping him and ‘escorting’ him to Rauatai for selling. He didn’t spend long in servitude but it was enough to twist his sorrow from losing his mother into an anger that would permeate the next 10 years of his life. Naturally when he managed to escape servitude, he was a scourge of the streets. Petty theft, shakedowns, anything to get by. After he was picked up by a kind dwarven woman with a knack for picking up troubled youth and adopting them named Vianna Manaaki, this behavior continued until he met his mentor. His mentor really kicked him a new one, but became almost like a father figure to him, even if he was temporary. After that, Yinro began to shape up and make amends for his previous wrongs and becoming a role model for his younger siblings and gaining some semblance of a normal siblinghood with Branwen, though the resentment for the trouble Yinro caused his mother was still there. He began making amends to a local tavern owner by washing his dishes, steadily becoming more and more interested in cooking while watching him in the kitchens. Over time, the owner began working with him to the point that Yinro was a full fledged assistant chef. Once the management changed, Yinro decided that was his time to set out and find somewhere he could really call his, always feeling a bit outcast. He set out for the Dyrwood after hearing about cheap land, hoping to find an inexpensive place to live and settle down and make a living off cooking. Then we find him with the caravan and WELL,, chefing didn’t work out.

Due to him spending a majority of his life in Rauatai, I went with the Rauatain Laborer background, though he does still follow some TWTW culturally, he’s more in tune with Rauatain (initially he was a drifter but ultimately didn’t fit with his bg)

6. family: who does your watcher consider family? do they place more importance on blood relatives or found family? do they keep in touch after traveling to the dyrwood?

Yinro always considers his birth mother family, but considers his adopted family (even Branwen) just as much family as she was. (guess who’s got nine fucking adoptive siblings, though two are older than Yinro) And while he does consider his companions family as well, there’s a different context, familial but definitely more on the ‘found family’ variety, whereas adoptive family are basically blood relatives in his his eyes. He was doing well keeping in contact with them on his way and at the beginning of the trip, but as things got more hectic and he got more tired, he didn’t want to worry them so he sent one final letter reassuring them that he was just getting busy and wouldn’t be in contact for a while. He has since resumed regular contact post-game.

7. stats & class: give us a rundown of those sweet, sweet base stats. do they line up with how you envision your watcher from a roleplay standpoint, or are they more gameplay based? do they line up with your watcher’s race and class? how did they begin training in their chosen class? (bonus! will they be multi-classing in deadfire?)

Not technically the stats i used in game, since these are from one of the replays with the laborer bg and more context to what the stats actually do. I try to stick closer to a roleplaying form rather than gameplay, but try to keep a clooose balance between the two, making it possible to do the things I want Yinro to be able to do as well as keep close to how he actually is. I think he is not nearly as perceptive or smart as the average elf assumedly is, he’s a lil bumpkin with no formal education but he’s not stupid either. I thinkkk its pretty good Monk stats though (okay he DOES have perception but he’s too much of a dingus to do anything about what he sees) I briefly touched on it in the bg question, but! (okay im changing how they met right now because i just came up with a better idea here we go lmao) Yinro was shaking some people down late at night, when his master(monk master/teacher is what i mean by master in this story) walks by. Of course, being in this part of town for a while he’s heard of Yinro, little shits got a rep. He waps Yinro over the back of the head with a his staff, knocking him down and dazing him, letting the two he was shaking down go but turning back to Yinro is able to recognize the pain and and anger behind his actions. Gives him two options: get turned over to the guard(again), or become his pupil and move past this. Yinro, conflicted but also WANTING to change and grow, took him up on the offer. And so for the next couple years he trained him in both combat and discipline, and Yinro stopped being so much of a little shit.

The plan IS for him to multiclass, but I’m not sure if I want him to be a Shadowdancer or a Brawler,,

8. fighting style & gear: what weapons and armor does your watcher use? are there any talents/abilities that they favor in combat? are there any that they refrain from using, for moral reasons or otherwise? (bonus! will they choose a sub-class in deadfire?)

A good portion of the game I had him in medium armor, but realistically he’s more likely to wear light armor(aka basically,, regular clothes,, with maybe a leather vest, MAYBE) He also didn’t use any weapons, depending purely on his little gay hands, though come Deadfire he’s realised that,, maybe he should,, use weapons and right now I have him using a sword/sabre in his main hand and dagger/stiletto in his off hand but thats subject to change depending on subclass and how viable monk is Debating on the Shattered Pillar subclass for monk, but Im not sure about a multiclass subclass (maybe avoid a subclass for one for simplicity’s sake)

9. reputations: what are your watcher’s dispositions? do they line up with how you envision your watcher? what are your watcher’s reputations? do they work to maintain any reputations, either good or bad?

Remember how i said Yinro was a good boy? When have I EVER lied to you?? I will say I didn’t play with dispositions on so a lot of the stoic options (esp the Hiravias one with the raw meat. Also Yinro would eat raw meat just not That Part) I was playing off for comedic effect which is. Really funny if you consider Yinro just being bad at jokes

Reputation wise he didn’t explicitly try for anyone to like him besides the Crucible Knights and that was so he could get into the peace talks since they seemed the closest Law without consorting with criminals or,, u know the Dozens,,, neither of which he was a fan of (he had some drawbacks with the knights ofc but less than the others) Which is probably why he ended up with some places only seeing him as a hero rather than a champion And some places,, not liking him much at all

[buffyversefanfiction]

Tristan Tormented

Volume 5 - After the Epiphany

Warning: I do not own the rights to the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its spin-off series Angel, its dark horse comics continuation series, or any of the characters created by Joss Whedon and others in the Buffyverse. 15 years +, Mild to Strong Violence, Sexual References F/F, F/M, M/M, Other +

“Here’s the thing about being the big bad or the world’s latest hero your living on borrowed time as they say because sooner or later somebody is going to take you down just because they can. If you’re a big bad then there’s nobody to mourn your loss and let us face it you probably had it coming but if you are the hero millions mourn you especially those in need a hero after your death but although they all mourn you very few know you.” Tristan said within his head as he found himself kneeling on a fire escape looking down towards a dark alleyway as a woman begins running down the alleyway screaming in fear. “As a monster nobody expects nothing from you but once you choose your more than that you have to start proving you are…and that’s where the trouble really begins…after the epiphany!” After spotting the female vampire chasing down the human, Tristan quickly jumped from the fire escape landing on the ground of the alleyway distracting the vampire, as the human female took the opportunity to run away. “Are you Angel?” The female vampire asked him, only to be met by a look of disgust from Tristan. “Not Angel, definitely not Angel.” Tristan replied before launching his right fist across the vampire’s face before kicking her in the stomach and grabbing her neck in a hold so he could then knee her in the face, letting go as she began to stumble backwards before Tristan high kicked her in the face causing the fem vamp to fall to the ground as he pulled out a wooden stake and launched it into her chest, making her explode into nothing more than dust. “Well that sure felt weird!” Tristan was far from following in his father’s footsteps as a vampire against the rest of his kind and all other evil forces, he was far from being good in any shape or form but he could not help but admit to himself that playing the good guy for once in his life felt well, it felt kind of good.

“So, you have never had any kind of slayer training except for some fight training from a deranged vampire?” Giles asked Tristan as the two stood within the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. “Unless you count the trip back in time to make myself a slayer then no I’ve had no training but with the slayer stuff and the vampire stuff I think I’m good on the needing to train front.” Tristan replied to the former watcher who was acting like he was not a former at all. “Training is not just about honing your skills it is about understanding those skills too on a level you clearly have no idea about under the right tutelage you may be able to handle some of those twisted feelings inside of you and harness for more power.” Giles explained to him, “You are strong yes but you could be stronger especially with your lineage and if you allow me to without any fight back then I could train you to be one of the best slayer/vampire’s in history…not that there are many slayer/vampire hybrids of course.” “You want to take this psychopath in front of you and give him more power?” Tristan asked, wondering why Giles had come such a far way in trusting him since the last time when he was almost killed by the former watcher. “You are not a psychopath Tristan, a cold and calculated murderer yes but not a psychopath and of course my expertise comes with the guarantee from you not to kill anymore innocent human lives.” Giles answered him. “Ah I knew there would be a catch.” Tristan joked only to be met by a look from Giles that said he was far from amused. “This is most definitely not the time for sarcasm, the horrid, murderous and downright evil acts you committed are not just to be laughed at!” Giles snapped at him, clearly unamused by Tristan’s lack of remorse. “Do you even feel sorry for anything you have done?” “Here I chose to claim my life back not to be lectured about my past, sure there is shit I feel bad about if I look back but there’s also a lot that I do not.” Tristan responded. “Of all the vampires in the world you are the last I would ever think of keeping their soul after transitioning.” Giles argued furiously. “In fact, I would bet good money you lost this supposed soul long before becoming a vampire.” “Lucas Brown,” Tristan mumbled, admitting his guilt for the first time. “I regret killing Lucas Brown.” “I see,” Giles replied, shocked to see any remorse from Tristan despite wanting to so badly. “What on earth drove you to kill your childhood friend’s boyfriend?” “He lied to me.” Tristan admitted without revealing too much. “Everybody lies!” Giles proclaimed, not fully believing Tristan’s claims. “That is why my motto is everybody dies.” Tristan joked. “I see,” Giles said he took off his glasses, pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and began cleaning his glasses. “I can tell slayer training is not all that you need to be taught.” Tristan could tell Giles was frustrated with him and it is not like he did not want Giles help nor did he not want to change his ways but he knew he was at the beginning of a long and torturous journey to become someone he felt good with being and after everything he had done he was unsure of being able to be redeemed. Although Tristan did not want to admit it Lucas and Dante had some things in common, the main similarity being that Tristan’s feelings towards each led to him changing for both. He lived his life in and out of the shadows when seeing Lucas because Lucas could never admit their relationship and then he literally lived in the shadows for Dante because he would burn in the sun. Lucas broke Tristan’s heart at a time he was most vulnerable and every time after that seeing or hearing about Lucas reminded Tristan of being weak and broken, so when he met the average joe turned GI joe in a snap moment he wanted to prove his strength and erase his past but all he really did was add another kill to his long list. Tristan lost his innocence the night his parents were killed and Lucas’ rejection only served to further his despair but it was Dante who truly showed Tristan the darkness, with the assistance of Drusilla, and after getting a taste for it he was quickly seduced by evil and Dante’s allure.

Tristan found himself walking through the corridors of the Hyperion Hotel as he kept switching between what the rundown corridors now looked like and what it looked like in the 1950s as he continued walking down the corridors until stopping at the door of the room where he met with a vision version of the former vengeance demon Anya and The Master. He stood outside that door for what felt like forever, fearing if he opened the door in front of him he wound somehow be swept back into his life changing dream or that he’d been dreaming this entire time and by opening the door he’d wake up in a different reality. The vision quest like dream really did a number on him both good and bad. After taking what felt like forever to him Tristan finally built up the courage to push open the hotel room door only to be instantly relieved to see it like any other hotel room well any other rundown hotel room with boarded up windows, the room had clearly not been used in recent years by Angel or any of his colleagues at Angel Investigations. “It’s just a normal room Tristan, no former demons or master of vampires lurking in here!” Tristan mumbled to himself, reassuring himself as he walked further into the hotel room which felt both uneasy and oddly familiar to him at the same time. “Are you picking out a room? Odd turn of events if you wound up living with your dad for the first time when you’re all grown up and dining on blood.” Faith stated as she appeared at the hotel doorway before walking into the room. “It could seriously do with a lick of paint but then again every inch of this place could do with some serious renovation.” “I quite like the honesty of the decay, the history of what was and the harsh reality of what will never be again.” Tristan replied to her, speaking with Faith had become easier for him or at least easier than speaking to Giles or Angel. “But I’m just exploring I’m certainly not looking to stick around here.” “I get it right now your not certain of anything not even what you recently decided, you know I was in your shoes once believing myself as this big bad that others had labelled me as myself included and just because you decide to do better does not necessarily mean you know how to do better.” Faith consulting with him, knowing Tristan’s current state of mind all too well. “I do not want to be a hero I have never wanted to be a hero!” Tristan admitted to her, “I did not intend to be the villain either I was just so tired of feeling weak and I wanted to get revenge for my jaded life but the truth is I was just looking for an excuse to be as monstrous as possible because it was easier that then being weak again.” “Nobody here is expecting anything from you especially not to be anybody’s hero except maybe yourselves.” Faith reassured the slayer turned vampire. “You cannot erase your past, but I’d be damned if it defined you for the rest of your life!” He never quite understood Faith’s strong sense of well faith in him despite everything that he had done but at the same time he trusted her more than anyone else who seemed to be helping him seeking redemption. Tristan had felt a connection with the infamous rogue turned redeemed slayer Faith Lehane from the moment he first met her outside his demonic dive bar although then he felt their friendship would be that of evil and not redemption but could he be what she believed he could be?

One Year Later A young male man found himself in danger after an ill advised blind date with a man who turned out to be a monster, or better put a vampire which led to this young man finding himself running down an alleyway within New York City constantly looking behind him in fear, knowing the vampire wasn’t far behind and continued to run for his life until he stopped at a dive bar named “Rogues” where he saw Tristan stood next to the door with a cigarette in hand having a cheeky smoke. “Please there’s this guy, at least I thought he was a guy and he’s trying to kill me!” The young man in peril pleaded with Tristan, who looked at the stranger with frustration before throwing his cigarette to the ground and putting it out with his right foot. “Every freaking time I go for a smoke break someone has to interrupt!” Tristan moaned as he noticed the male vampire catching up with his prey. “I guess I can take time out of my time out to help you out.” Tristan ran towards the vampire, tackling him to the ground and stopping him from getting near the stranger in the streets before he jumped back up almost instantly at the same time the other vampire did as Tristan launched a punch across the vampire’s face several times before kicking him back to the ground and pulling out a wooden stake from his jacket pocket which he quickly launched into the vampire’s chest, causing him to explode into dust. “What was he? What are you?” The frightened stranger asked the demonic slayer, clearly still in shock from his terrifying experience. “I believe the word you are looking for is thank you.” Tristan replied before walking back towards the dive bar as he began mumbling to himself, complaining over his interrupted smoke break. “Every freaking time, always too screechy to say thank you, like come on it’s been years now vampires existing should not be such a shock!”

[postsforposting]

Yeah, that's... The maiming is different but that's not really a metaphor, that's what happens. Jails do that. Psych wards do that. They get to claim you deserved it by making shit up. Cops do it. Parents can do literally anything they want to their kids and nobody does anything about it, but if the kids try to help themselves, that's absolutely cause to maim the kids. Churches help abusers against the children.

That's the world we live in. Even more so places with literal, culturally approved honor killings, but like what is child abuse except honor killings that's been forced to be toned down? Even then, you claim you kill and brutalize your kids for religious reasons, nobody says a word and everyone helps you do it. Mormons are famous for that, plus pedophilia, and the fact everyone knows and nobody does anything. Card is only describing the world he lives in, just slightly differently phrased so it finally looks just as bad as it really is (or, on second thought, so that he can say, even in this shocking light, it’s still acceptable and good). Like the Lottery story where they all stone someone to death. It's normal. The fact nobody does anything and everyone participates while all going "oh yes we are absolutely against child abuse and pedophilia, that's evil, totes super bad, yep" while participating in it and never convicting when there's a chance to?

There's your sonata. Cry for help, try to help yourself, get beat down again and again and again. Until you eventually are pressed into service yourself...unless you choose suicide, because they won't kill you and to live under their care so crippled you can't fight is worse than living.

> if the system of Authority brutalizes you enough, you become an apologist for it, lest that brutalization have no meaning.

It's not about having meaning. You are played off against everyone else, and they you. You either participate in the abuse, or it happens to you. That's the system and that's its perpetual motion. Nobody is smart enough to simply fucking leave. Nobody is smart enough to turn around and help. In fiction, you have no way to leave. That's not how it works in real life, nobody is bound to secrecy, nobody is prevented from denouncing Mormonism or religion in general or just regular fucking shitty people.

But nobody does. All the regular people, the dumb average people incapable of making music in the book? They could all decide to stop playing along, but of course they don't. They act like stupid children because that's how the system sees them, treats them, and that's what they believe of themselves. Single one out to make an example, and the rest stop thinking so that they don't get noticed too. Because in fiction, the watchers have total power.

But that's not true in real life. Yet everyone acts like it is, and everyone acts like they have just as much to lose and are just as beholden to the abusers as the victim.

It's not about finding meaning. It's about accepting your place, about learning to quit fighting, about learned helplessness. You either accept that and are beaten down by your forced participation in the system, you learn to stop and become the system, or you keep getting abused. People always choose the system. Anyone who doesn't, you never hear about, and they're always said to have been nutcases, aberrations, who were lost because of the damage they did to themselves by not accepting the abuse. You never hear about how people who disappear are martyrs, because they don't get to write their own stories. They're just violent criminals who deserved what they got. Everyone will agree.

Orson Scott Card doesn’t realize this, probably, but it hit me like a sack of bricks the other day that his story “Unaccompanied Sonata” is a perfect metaphor for traditionalist authoritarianism and abuse producing emotionally crippled adults who feel like they have no other choice than to become apologists for the system that broke them. It would come off as a heavy-handed satire of religious conservatism, if you didn’t know Card was a religious conservative.