gwoongi
gwoongi
500 posts
she/her | occasionally a writer
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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stepping to the side
Hello, everybody!
I wanted to log back into gwoongi after spending a few weeks in another blog’s shoes to address the pressing fact of where I am. What am I doing? Where did you go?
The last few months have been slow and unproductive, and I realised that it was again to do with the fact that I don’t feel a pull to the BTS members as characters anymore. I love them all as humans individually, and the only member I really like writing for is Jeongguk, as I’m sure you could probably tell. 
I had a whole mindset reevaluation and I began to grow personally uncomfortable by my contribution to writing member/member stories on my socials. If the members were to find them, I know they would be uncomfortable. That made me feel guilty. I would be horrified if they discovered the things I wrote. I didn’t want to continue writing knowing that if they saw it they’d feel uncomfortable, because every story I published felt like a crime. It’s not a crime to write member/member, but it’s safe to say that it’s not something I enjoy reading or writing anymore. 
The inspiration to write all my stories also faded away. I have some very expressive readers who never let me down, but I also have a lot of radio silence which can be really upsetting as a writer and actually quite tiring. It felt like the audience wasn’t really communicating with me, and I didn’t know where to improve, what to do, what to write. 
That being said, I wanted to come out and say that I was thinking of stepping to the side. Not stepping away, but just out of the way until a strike of inspiration hit me. gwoongi will be on an indefinite hiatus as of today.
I do write over on @magunes right now, as you may have noticed from the reuploaded versions of koopid and lana. There’s something safe and fun about writing for people who genuinely don’t exist. I can’t hurt anybody with the content I create because they are not real. I will keep my stories on this blog for you to all enjoy, including some of my reuploads like koopid.
Wordless will be completed for sure and I intend to write the last part for Dancer in the Dark just whenever I get the chance to. I hope that you guys understand.
I am without a doubt grateful for everybody constantly being so supportive and kind, even when it took a little while for me to see or get those messages. You’ve made the last few years of gwoongi very special and I won’t forget the milestones I passed on this blog.
I hope that in the future we can all meet again on here, hopefully with a little bit more passion.
Until then, gwoongi
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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happy new year!
thank you for all the sweet mentions and acknowledgements to my fics! that means a lot to me.
2020 was an especially tough year, and i thought i’d have a lot of free time to write. in theory, i did. but i instead dedicated that time to making myself happy and comfortable in certainly quite trying times. as a university student, i am (and i’m sure others are too) experiencing a lot of difficulty staying on my feet; we get virtually no feedback and support from our lecturers, and i’ve found that assignments are so difficult this year due to no support, no guidance, no actual learning or improving. it’s a hard cycle of trial and mostly error and feeling no reward at the end of it.
that being said, it’s been really hard to find the time and the effort to update my blogs. even when i really want to, i have no time or love for writing at the moment as most of my worries are sent to my school work, where i physically feel like i could fail if i don’t spend a second longer on the same assignment or handout. it’s a tough world.
i hope everybody can understand why it has been so difficult and why my blog has been so inactive. i know how frustrating it can be waiting for a sequel to a story or a second/third/fourth part to a series, but i really hope everybody can understand what kind of situation everybody is in right now and can respect the silence for just a few months longer! until around april time, where i’ll have no university and hopefully a bit more time to write at least one story, one chapter, something.
i hope you all have a safe new year and remain safe and smart during the coronavirus. and of course, thank you for all the love and support! it means a lot!
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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I’m just here to tell you ilysm. I appreciate you for all the fics you’ve written. Also, I’m a big wordless jjk simp even tho he’s a dick sometimes :3
thank you so much! and me too, i have a thing for toxic men these days
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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I really want to read ditd pt 2😔🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
me too
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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Other pts of "dancer in the dark" 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
hiding in the drafts
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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AO3 crossposts
merry christmas!
this year, i decided that i was going to upload my works onto archive of our own. please consider sending me love on there, especially if tumblr is not your preferred platform. have a safe holiday season!
wordless
pondwater (101 days of creative writing)
lovely
the last of us
dancer in the dark
ways to say i love you
koopid
lana
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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thank u so much for including me!!!
yk, whenever i write a story, i experience that same fear of clicking “post”. mostly the fear of releasing something that people don’t enjoy, but also because i’m afraid of something not reflective of my passion and creativity being on my blog representing who i am. the last few years of gwoongi have been difficult as i slipped in and out of what i like to coin a “creative depression”, but messages like these always make me feel like what i’ve done, what i’ve made, is good enough. although i can have months of responsive silence, messages like these always seem to help brighten my spirits.
i’m sorry this year has been poor in terms of uploads from myself. university is taking me by force, and as many students know, you kind of have to let yourself be taken away. personal hobbies and enjoyments take the back-seat while the studies sit in the front. i hope i can find more time in the new year to spend time with myself, and my readers who are patient and supportive.
thank you again for all ur super kind words & thoughts! i hope u (all) have a safe and relaxing christmas time. u deserve a break!
A Letter For You: A Final Message
It’s hard to stay happy when it feels like the weight of the world is weighing down on every single molecule of your entire being, but being here, and being able to read your stories and share my thoughts, or looking at your art pieces, makes me happy. It’s also hard to find the ground when your mind is constantly in the clouds, but having you all here makes it a bit easier to breathe while I’m up there. I’m not sure if burying myself in stories may be a bad way of escapism or an unhealthy coping mechanism, but truly, thank you everyone for making me so incredibly happy. These letters were a way for me to give back to you all in a way that I know will never surmount to all the things that you all have done for me, but I still tried to do my best with what I could. 
To be honest, I was so nervous to post these. But I did because one day, I was scrolling through social media and stopped when a video appeared on my timeline of a girl going skydiving. There was a narrator voicing over the video and he said “the best things in life are on the other side of fear.” Which is why I took a deep breath and was able to click ‘post’ almost sixty times. Actually, when I was making this list, it was a bit overwhelming to think about just how many people made me happy this year and I got a bit emotional halfway through, so thanks guys.
You all have spoken to me or have written stories that have made me laugh, cry, and feel anything and everything else in between, and I’m so glad that you and your presence are here on this app. Thank you for sharing your talents with the world. Without you, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today, so with my deepest gratitude and appreciation, thank you for being the brightest stars that light up my darkest nights. I hope that next year I can spend more time getting to know you and read/see more of your wonderful creations. I love you so much and thank you for everything.
With that being said, cheers to next year. I hope that you all have a wonderful day or night. I’m giving you guys all of the love in the entire galaxy.
Oh! And these last few (actually it’s a little more than a few, but still) are rapid fire because my brain is a bit mush now and my fingers are achy, but I still want to give a special thanks to:
Keep reading
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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wordless!jungkook is so in love with oc and loves her so much... 😣😣😣 don't burst my bubbles, not even you miss author, it's written in the Bible
wordless jeongguk is also a JERK
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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Omg omg omg listen, i read the last of us back when you first posted it and its one of my favorites if not my favorite fanfic 😭 i almost SCREAMED when i saw you remastered the fic and now im so thirsty for the next parts pls i love you and your writing 😭
omg hi! i am also thirsty for new parts omg but that means a lot 2 me that you still love the story (and liked it even when it was a ball of nonsense)!!!! i hope 2021 grants me unlocked access to motivation to finish it :D
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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“an orchestral accompanying each of you through the sex, until gushing sounds of rain are what he hears when he sees white in his eyes…”, “as he undos the buttons, sliding like rainwater down your shoulders and arms..”, "..if it’s the booze in his veins or the electrifying feeling of your hands over him that has him buzzing all over- it could be both, for all he knew." UR SO TALENTED!!! these r some of my fav lines from ditd.. there Was one more but i couldnt find it. pls. ur soso talented!! ;-;
omg i actually snapped i was reading those lines like “wow this anon is really good” and then i remembered i was ME....but thank you so much! i keep having conflicting ideas for part 2 of ditd but no doubt when i become very busy i will find time somehow to release part 2 :] thank u for ur undying support!!!
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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"this is also very sweet considering part 5 will not be" what. do u mean 😃
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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ngl...i have the wordless masterlist bookmarked and i check it almost everyday djhfdfjdf because its one of my favorites :(( i almost fell off my chair when i saw part 4 and i love it !!! thank you <33
ahhh thank u so much for reading and enjoying! i’m sorry it took so long to upload something!
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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OMFMFKGJJDDJ SCREMAIMGBSHDJ JUST SAW WORDLESS COME UP FUCK OKOKIOONI IMMA GO READ. TYSM
ur so welcome! i hope you liked it!
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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wordless pt.4
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jeon jeongguk / reader genre: hitman (john wick au), sugar daddy au, angst, crack, fluff rating: mature words: 3.5k warnings: toxic relationships, non graphic sex a/n: u guys asked and i delivered...tag yourself i’m me saying dancer in the dark was coming first....i was wrong...this is also very sweet considering part 5 will not be :D enjoy while u can!
Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears them again.
Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five
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(31) Pulling a chair out for them to sit down at the table.
Jeongguk’s not a gentleman.
Everybody knows it, and he’s not ashamed of admitting it. Half of the time, he thinks that it’s what makes him unique, at least. If you (or anybody else, even though since you walked out on him that one time, he’s been seeing all the others less and less) were going to be with somebody, then you might as well just make it different. Spice it up a little bit.
“It will be nice.” Jeongguk, because he’s not a gentleman, is not really listening to you. He sits behind the steering wheel and tightens his hand against the wheel, the other is on the clutch.
“Are you listening to me?”
“No,” Jeongguk replies. He turns the corner, and the car slightly leans you to the right.
A sigh fills the car as he pauses as a set of traffic lights further down the street.
This red light drags forever, and Jeongguk sighs instead and looks at you pointedly, “What, then?”
It takes reluctance to pull your gaze away from the pigeons near the bins on the side of the road, but you do, and you look at Jeongguk. “I just think it will be really nice to grab dinner together.”
“We do that all the time,” Jeongguk says.
“Yeah, but I don’t mean us, or just us,” you affirm, “I mean, like all of us. Family, I guess.”
Jeongguk bristles. “Family? We don’t have any family, baby.”
“We do,” you moan. “I mean. Not family-family, but family. The kind of family we get to choose. Taehyung, and Eunji and whoever.”
Jeongguk nods sarcastically, “Oh. Wrong F word, Y/N, those people are called friends.”
“Oh, whatever then,” you huff, turning back towards the window. “Forget I said anything, Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk wants to forget, but he doesn’t. Something about that line, about the way that it stuck with him: The kind of family we get to choose. He thought about it all night, groaned, and then swore and called Taehyung. Alright motherfucker, we’re going to dinner with Y/N so you better shut the fuck up, get a suit, and meet us at that fancy Gangnam restaurant.
So, it’s a Friday evening, and it feels like a Disney Channel crossover episode. Eunji definitely feels out of place in this restaurant, and Jeongguk acts uncomfortable about the way Taehyung sits opposite you, gauging your every move and word with overacted enthusiasm. Actually, all Jeongguk is thinking about is the moment that they got here.
“Here, honey, let me get that for you,” had appeared to be Taehyung’s favourite sentence to say to you; he used it when he opened the door for you, and again with the chair to the table. Jeongguk sat seething, almost red like a ruby. Eunji sips nervously from her glass as Taehyung laughs again at something you said.
Dinner went great, he would have to admit that.
“Oh, we booked the patio for desserts,” Taehyung says. One of Jeongguk’s other friends, Seokjin (who honestly came to observe rather than to fill in for the surprising lack of family at this family dinner) looks left and right to each person on the table and follows the crowd as they leave for the patio once the main courses are done.
Taehyung once again reaches for the door and lets you walk outside. As Jeongguk passes Taehyung at the door, he glares at Taehyung with eyes that could murder. Taehyung doesn’t waver but he does get the hint, even more so as you stroll towards the table. Before Taehyung can even move towards the table, Jeongguk curves in front and puts his hand on the back of your chair.
“Here you go, baby, let me sit next to you,” Jeongguk says, dragging it out for you to sit. You watch him with one raised eyebrow but say nothing. Taehyung says nothing for a few minutes but decides to get right back to it as the desserts begin. It pisses off Jeongguk to the point where his hand leaves fingerprints in your thigh, but you can’t find it in you to be mad about it.
(32) Wrapping a blanket around them when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show.
“You gotta stop letting yourself in here, it scares the shit out of me.”
“I own this dump.”
You gape over your shoulder, “Fucker, you own this dump that you call a dump but you gave me this dump, it’s my dump, don’t call it a dump.”
“Say dump one more time,” Jeongguk warns, shrugging off his jacket and ruffling his hair. It’s wet thanks to the torrential rain outside. His socks squelch across the floor because he left his slippers back at his place, and he’s not here often enough to have his own pair at your apartment.
The apartment is toasty and warm, the heating on high. Except the living room is chilly and dark, dark blue almost.
“What are you watching?”
Jeongguk moves towards your bedroom but can still hear you as he moves.
“Just this show I found,” you reply, watching the screen. “Dead To Me.”
“Never heard of it,” he yawns, and emerges from the room. He’s holding a heavy blanket in his arms, moving to the living room to sit next to you. He plops next to you and glances at the screen, wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, over your head like a cocoon.
You laugh softly, shifting it off your head and leaning up against him. “It’s American. It’s got Velma in it.”
“Linda Cardellini?” Jeongguk asks, settling back. “She’s hot as fuck.”
“I know, that’s why I thought I’d watch it, I love her,” you say.
Jeongguk wraps an arm around your shoulder and smushes closer towards you.
“Good day?” you ask quietly.
He takes a few seconds, like he’s truly trying to think about whether he wants to answer or not.
“Okay,” he admits. “Don’t care, it’s over, I’m here, don’t wanna think about work.”
You don’t push him to talk, and instead, let him sit next to you. He likes the darkness because there’s no way you can see his discomfort, his pain, the blood under his fingernails.
(33) Throwing away their piles of tissues when they have a cold.
Jeongguk travels for work a lot, and it’s no secret to anybody he knows. It was midday when he got a call, just a few words over the phone, and then he was moving out of the shower and into the bedroom to get ready.
He had told you to stay, stay until he got back. Unfinished business, he said, that would need dealing with when he got home. So you did, you stayed and he left, and that was that.
Jeongguk sighs and shuts the car door. Until next time, he thinks to himself as he watches the car pull away. Frowning, he straightens his blazer and walks up the steps to the complex he lives at and enters. When he gets to his apartment, he kicks his shoes off right away and as he steps inside, he notices that the apartment is unusually silent.
Normally at his home, his big mansion that he loves up in the hills, there’s some sort of noise. Maybe it’s the sound of the TV on in the kitchen, or the bubbles in the hot tub, or the sound of Elio prowling around the bedroom. This apartment is in central Seoul, closer to work and closer to school. He hates how silent it is, how empty it feels.
“Y/N?”
There is no instant reply. He moves across the apartment, searching silently.
“Babe, you here?”
Worry bubbles in his stomach and he moves in search of you. After searching everywhere, Jeongguk scoffs like it’s a sick joke that you’re not here, until he hears a noise, a croak and a cough from the spare bedroom.
“Y/N?” calls Jeongguk. He moves to the door and twists the handle, and is a few shuffles inside when a grottal, gross noise emerges from the darkness.
“What?” he asks.
“I said don’t come in here,” you croak out in reply, because it’s you, and who else would it be in his apartment?
Jeongguk enters and reaches for the light, pausing when you grunt in his direction. He can see you in the dim light of the spare bedroom, the sun outside the curtains, and he suppresses a smile.
“What happened? I said we had unfinished business.”
“I know,” you rasp. “But one of the kids in my class came to the lab with a sore throat, I thought I’d be fine. But, ta-da.” He can see in the light that there’s a plethora of tissues around your body, like a barrier. So many, snotty and probably damp and scrunched into balls. “Guess he had a cold.”
He grimaces, shuffling into the bedroom despite you telling him otherwise. It’s unsurprisingly stuffy in the room, a given since the room is closed off from the sunlight that bleeds behind the curtains. Like you requested, he doesn’t turn on the lights, keeping you safe in the darkness.
“Shitty kids,” Jeongguk grunts. Finding a lack of interest in the germs that breed in the tissues scrunched into balls, he moves them from the covers and tosses them towards the small bin next to the bedside cabinet. You sniffle, snotty and stuffed, and peer from over the duvet at him.
Jeongguk looks tired, as he always does when he gets back from work. He sports a brand new cut on his lip, one that will probably scar when it’s done showing crimson. There is blood on his shirt, and you know that it’s probably not his. That doesn’t make you feel better.
“How long you had it?” Jeongguk asks.
“Two or three days,” you estimate. He’s been gone almost a week, the seventh day being tomorrow. “Should go soon, don’t worry.”
He smiles, “Not worried. Did you get medicine, or something?”
You sniff once, the air hot in your nostrils. “Nope. I haven’t managed to leave since I came down with it. I only went to the door to collect soup and then I went back to bed in here.” Another sniff and Jeongguk’s eyebrows raise with amusement, “Didn’t want to infect your bedroom, so I came here instead. Hope that’s okay.”
“Sure, it’s okay,” he replies. “I’ll find something for you, I’ve got a bunch of shit that might help.”
“Really?”
Jeongguk nods, “Yeah. Stay put, buttercup, B-R-B.”
(34) Mending an item of their clothing that was ripped.
“Who even takes the subway anymore?”
In reply, Jeongguk gets an appalled scoff. “I’m sorry, not all of us are rich enough to have fucking chauffeurs taking us places.”
“What’re you talking about, you’re rich,” Jeongguk says, his voice kind of muffled due to the sewing needle between his teeth. He sits on the edge of his sofa, your skirt spread over his lap like a napkin at dinner. Down the leg, the seam is torn, showing what could have been an erotic amount of leg. Unfortunately, he’d only got a glimpse of your skin when you shuffled into his home.
As the CEO of ripping his clothes, Jeongguk became familiar with sewing over the years, figuring it was less expensive to sew than it was to replace. So, of course, when your skirt got torn on the subway home, Jeongguk tested his principles and dug out the sewing needle.
“No thanks to you,” you sigh. “You didn’t need to, by the way.”
“Need to what, pay you?” Jeongguk laughs, sewing the seam. “Come on, Y/N, it’s overdue.”
“True, but I don’t really need your money that much anymore.”
“Funny, since you needed it when you didn’t have it,” he sighs dramatically. “Anyway, it’s barely a dent out of my bank account, I wanna spoil you. You’re welcome.”
You frown, shuffling to the couch and throwing yourself over the back so that your head is by his legs. Jeongguk spares you a glance from the skirt and smiles, returning back to the work.
“Thanks,” you mumble. Nothing is said, but he appreciates it, even if he did it out of guilt.
(35) Running out in the middle of the night to get a food item they’re craving.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
“What the fuck?”
Jeongguk shoots up from bed into a sitting position, his eyes blown wide as he stares at you. Whenever Jeongguk invites you to stay at his apartment, he always keeps a light on in the evening. His apartment is in a somewhat busier area compared to his house, which is stationed in a private neighbourhood only touched by the wealthiest of the wealthy. His apartment was supposed to be for ease, for if he had to do dirty work in the city and didn’t want to tie his name to a hotel. It wasn’t often that you stayed the night here.
In the light of the dim lamp on your side of the bed, Jeongguk can make out your face. You’re still lying down, staring up at the ceiling. After he stares long enough, you look over at him.
“Why the fuck would you say that,” he breathes, like it’s an insult.
“Wow, would it really be so bad?” you ask, curious now.
He blinks like an owl. “Obviously, dipshit.”
Sigh. “And here I was thinking it would be like the movies and you’d love me.”
“Even if I loved you, do you think I wanna have kids?” Jeongguk questions rhetorically, because he’s actually already talked to you about this. Jeongguk never wants to have children. His life is constantly on the line. There is no way he’d bring a child into the world, just for them to either be used as bait, or grow up in a world without their father. He knows how that feels.
“Fair,” you reply. “Still.”
Jeongguk shudders, it’s cold in here. “Wait, are you for real?” He shifts, the covers make a disruptive noise in the night, “what makes you think that you’re...you know…”
“I keep getting weird cravings,” you explain, like it’s the craziest science that he won’t understand. As soon as you say it, he feels almost instantly better. It’s not like cravings are the most reliable symptom of a pregnancy. Besides, you’re on the pill, and when you’re not, he’s safe. He’s not an idiot, he’s not about to accidentally ruin both of your lives with a few squirts.
“Like what?”
You shrug, “Really craving the Fairway to Heaven ice-cream.”
Jeongguk scoffs. Actually, it’s almost a tch under his breath. “Yeah, of course, you’re craving the most expensive icecream. Predictable. Cute, almost.” He pats your leg over the covers, “We all know Phish Food’s the better flavour, by the way.”
“Tell that to the cravings, sir,” you reply. You frown, then, “I’ll pick some up tomorrow. Maybe I’ll dream the cravings away…”
“As if,” Jeongguk barks, knowing you better. If he knows you at all (which he confidently does), you’ll press about this for the rest of the night until you fall asleep bored of trying. So, Jeongguk enjoys the last few seconds inside a warm bed before climbing out, switching on the light so it burns your eyes as the room fills with it.
“Ouch, too bright!”
“Pussy,” he smirks. “Bro, get your coat, we’re going out.”
“Oh yeah, at midnight?” you ask sarcastically, sitting up. “Where’re we going?”
“Ice cream,” he replies, like it’s obvious. To him it is. “That store down the road sells it and it closes at 2, so get your big coat and let’s get moving!”
“Are we seriously going to get ice cream at midnight?” you laugh, doing as he says.
“We both know you’re not gonna shut up about it if we don’t.”
Jeongguk grabs his own coat and zips it up. Nobody’s gonna care that he’s wearing PJ’s, and even if you’re sleepy and grumpy on the way there, it’s better than keeping you at the apartment alone. He’d have to be crazy to leave you here than he is going out for ice cream at midnight.
(36) Helping brush their hair after a shower.
You’re the best he’s had, really.
Jeongguk knows this, because he’s not stupid or blind or oblivious. Compared to the other girls he’s had, and the ones he left not too long ago, he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you. Someone who doesn’t just want him for the sex and the money. Although scary, it’s reassuring.
Jeongguk comes out from the kitchen to the bedroom where you’re sitting, hunched over a laptop watching a YouTube video that bores you to sleep. Your hair is damp and matted, left to dry as you watch. Fourty minutes into an hour video. Jeongguk narrows his eyebrows, wondering if he’d ever have the patience to watch something like that. Probably not. He barely has the patience when he works, and he has a job that demands it 99% of the time. When he can be hasty he is, but when his job is to kill and protect, patience is a must.
As you watch, Jeongguk moves to sit behind you and he sets his chin on your shoulder, boredly looking at the screen. Your eyes are glossed over, possibly not even watching at all. Regardless, he stays there and slowly rakes his fingers through your hair, straightening out the curls that are close to knots.
He still blames the video for you falling asleep, although it’s probably his fingers. He won’t admit it.
(37) Making sure to be quiet while they’re taking a nap.
It’s not just that. Jeongguk enjoys being gentle, but only when nobody can see him doing it. When you fall asleep, slouched over like a zombie, he smiles and gently closes the screen of your laptop. Whatever garbage your Uni have you watching can be watched tomorrow.
Until then, you must sleep. He moves the laptop away to the cabinet across the room and comes back, collecting you in his arms and moving you into the bed. Once the covers are draped across your body, he takes extra care to be quiet leaving the room and shutting the door. There’s some food leftover in the kitchen from dinner that he’ll eat before joining you, and you don’t wake up, not even when the bed dips as he climbs into it.
(38) Letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt.
Despite his work often demanding him to be around people, Jeongguk isn’t really a big fan of crowds. If he can get out of going out in public, he will jump at the opportunity. He just can’t see why you’re so miffed about not being with the crowds of people on the Hangang Bridge waiting for the fireworks- he’s got a balcony that looks out over the city and the river, so what’s the big deal?
“It’s all about the vibe,” you say with a slight sigh. Your arms are draped over the balcony banister, legs slowly vibrating in the bitter winter air. “As a broody killing machine, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“That stings,” Jeongguk replies, closing the door behind him as he wanders back towards you with a blanket. His eyes glaze over your face as he arrives and Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “Hold your face that way and it’ll stick.”
“Heard it all before from my Mom,” you reply boredly. A quiet thanks is spoken as you take the blanket shield and snuggle closer to his chest, staring expectantly at the black sky. “What time will they start?”
Jeongguk presses his cheek to your hair. “Considering three minutes ago it was only ten to midnight, I can safely assure you that it is not time yet.”
“I’m bored.”
“Why are you so hard to please today?” Jeongguk groans. He wriggles around, “And don’t try me with that ‘I think I’m pregnant’ bullshit. Spare me the moody bitch performance for today, please?”
You pug to yourself. “Sorry. Sorry, you’re right. And I shouldn’t be so...I don’t know. I’m sorry. Thank you for tonight.”
Jeongguk shakes his head slightly. He may never understand women.
“You really that mad over the bridge?” he asks quietly, his mouth against your head. It’s hot, and you lean back towards his minimal body warmth. “I’m sorry I didn’t pass your vibe check for tonight, but I thought it might be romantic or something for us to be up here.”
You almost laugh. “It is romantic. You’re right.”
Jeongguk brushes it off. Lately something has shifted, a comfort in the air that grants you permission to be in his life as someone more important than a ‘sugar baby’. Dare he say it, but Jeongguk actually considers you a friend. Now, you’re at the point where neither of you give much of a shit about the sugar clause you wrote yourselves into quite some time ago. An unspoken thing hangs there like Christmas mistletoe, seen but prayed away.
Distant laughter and a bang grows near the direction of Hangang bridge, and Jeongguk feels you perk in his arms. As a small warmth bursts across his chest, Jeongguk hisses in the cold and stuffs his hands up your shirt, where they curve around your body to cheekily hold both of your boobs. You jump, because his hands are freezing.
“You’re cold!” you whine. “What are you doing?”
Jeongguk shrugs, “My hands are freezing. I’m keeping them warm.”
You briefly glance down at his knuckles outlined by your jumper. “Oh yeah, because I’m sure that’s the reason why you’re literally groping my tits right now.”
“They feel warmer already,” he continues.
(39) Giving them your dessert when you eat out because it’s their favourite.
On the rare occasion that guilt consumes Jeon Jeongguk, he allows his guilt to control his feet. Usually, they end up on a pathway to the bedroom, or in the car where he drives you somewhere nice, or perhaps he picks you up from school instead of cruelly leaving you to take the subway. Now that things have shifted slightly in your dynamic, Jeongguk isn’t sure what flies as romantic anymore. He doesn’t want to leave you with the wrong impression. You’ve had the talk together, the one that touched upon what the future looked like and how quite definitely it looked as though you wouldn’t be with each other, but surely, dinner overlooking the sea in Busan isn’t too fancy or romantic, right?
“Here is your patbingsu.” The waiter circles around the table and gently lays a dish in front of you. Jeongguk carefully watches over his glass of wine as the waiter also announces his own dessert, the exact same. His eyes move down to the display set before him.
He’s never really been keen on dessert, but Jeongguk is the type of person who doesn’t enjoy the idea of one person eating when the other isn’t. So he had just ordered the same thing as you had, nice and simple, without giving it much thought.
“I love this,” you sigh happily, fiddling the metal spoon in your hand and peering up at him, “This is sick. Thank you.”
“I didn’t make it,” he replies.
You roll your eyes, spooning out some of the dessert, “you know what I mean.”
Something in the beach-fronted restaurant shifts as the sun sinks deeper into the ocean, and Jeongguk twirls his spoon anxiously whilst observing the patbingsu. He’s never been a huge fan of bingsu in general, and he looks with slight distaste at the green blob on top of what looks like cornflakes. He doesn’t get Korean desserts. Why can’t Korea be satisfied with an ice-cream sundae?
He dips his spoon into the dessert, taking a polite amount and very quickly taking a bite. For around twenty seconds, he thinks it’s okay, but the aftertaste makes his whole body shudder. Fucking hell, he really hates desserts.
After a few minutes, you finally move your attention away from the scraped clean dessert dish and take a glance over at Jeongguk, who is already watching you with a lack of interest for his own dessert.
“Is everything okay?” you ask, subtly wiping around your mouth just in case. You take in the sight of his unfinished treat, “not hungry?”
Jeongguk shrugs awkwardly, “I don’t really like bingsu.”
“Then why’d you order?” you question quietly.
“I panicked,” he replies, “you ordered it and I don’t like desserts but I didn’t want you to be eating alone.”
You pause, eyebrows quirked: “I don’t mind.”
He sighs. Of course. “Well…” He twirls the dessert dish and pushes it in your direction, “Since it’s your favourite, or whatever, you can have it.”
Your eyes light up, “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool,” you squeal, happily taking it from him. “Thank you~”
Jeongguk rolls his eyes playfully and sits back in his chair. Whatever he didn’t eat from the dessert he instead eats up in the sight of you.
(40) Making a goofy face until they notice and laugh.
You don’t quite know how you ended up at Jeongguk’s work, but here you are. You could probably trace it back to Taehyung swinging by to get you from school since Jeongguk felt bad he couldn’t, and to be honest, you had been confused when Taehyung drove past the turning to your apartment and kept going further into the city.
Jeongguk’s workplace is pretty big, but still significantly hidden inconspicuously to avoid attention. As you slowly wander around the hallways, you begin to daydream about where Jeongguk’s office may be, what he might be doing and what he might think if he sees you.
Quietly passing through what appears to be a recreation room, filled with tired faces who blink curiously as you brush by, you finally step out into a web of hallways that connect to small rooms walled in glass. Each is empty, besides one at the very end that bustles with tense conversation, and you’re drawn to the sound of Jeongguk’s voice as it carries through the silent hallways.
You push forward, stopping not too close to the doorway so that if somebody who isn’t him happens to see you, you can make a hasty escape.
The room is filled with strange faces, strange men in tight suits and briefcases next to their feet. A man stands up beside Jeongguk at the head of the table, his hands animated as he presses on about something you’re not well read on. Hell if you know a single thing about gun models and firing ranges. You can just about tell apart Fortnite weapons and that’s only because they’ve got colours.
Jeongguk, however, is a sight that captures your gaze. For a while, he sits with his back turned to the man standing, his eyes observing each individual around the table, of who squirm under his watch. He eventually looks back at the man, his jawline sharp and his hair styled so that it only slightly falls into his eyebrows. God damn it, he looks sexy as hell; his shirt is black, cuffed, unbuttoned at the top revealing his skinny collarbones. He’s probably wearing the tight trousers too, the ones that make his ass look good.
A thought strikes you: how would he feel if he saw you outside? While it shouldn’t, the thought fills you with adrenaline. The idea of not him but somebody else seeing you, a girl dressed in white jeans and a red shirt, your coat discarded somewhere on an office chair. Would he be mad? Would he be turned on?
Would you die?
Deciding that the worse case scenario only involved you being yelled at, you decide to dip your toes into the water and tease the sharks; you wonder how long you can hold this silly face for until he finally notices you out there.
It seems like a long shot, and you’re quite close to giving up when finally Jeongguk returns his attention to the table. Heads begin to move in conversation, and Jeongguk’s gaze passes from gentleman to gentleman until they pause abruptly, locking onto you behind the glass. For a moment, he does nothing besides stare. Perhaps he doesn’t care. Then, his eyes widen, like he’s confused and alarmed and slightly impressed. Before his disturbed posture is noticed, you laugh to yourself and run away, back in the direction you tiptoed through.
(Later, Jeongguk finds you in Taehyung’s office sitting on an uncomfortable and torn armchair, a Rubix cube moving back and forwards in your hands. You’re not matching any colours. It’s going nowhere. He smiles.
“Field trip?” he questions, making your head snap up suddenly. He slides next to you on the free chair, “I’ll skin that prick alive, you know you’re not supposed to be here.”
“I know, but I’m here against my will!” you promise, putting the cube down. “I really wanted to go home. Dead To Me episodes don’t watch themselves, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” he sighs. “I gotta go to a meeting again, then I’ll drive us home, okay?”
You nod. “I’m sorry I distracted you, by the way. I realise now I’m actually very lucky that it was you who saw me and nobody else.”
Jeongguk laughs, kissing your forehead as he rises to leave. “Yeah, well, I’m the most dangerous guy in there, so consider yourself very lucky.”)
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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I fcking love YOU and your WRITING, bye.
thank u so much!! that truly means a lot to me :’)
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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I need wordless back too please please please x
hiii thank u for the love being given to wordless! unfortunately, when i’m not doing my university work, i am pouring love and thought into dancer in the dark part two and i’m hoping that i can complete her (before the end of 2020...) before i continue wordless! wordless should be fairly easy to finish but around my work (which is my number one priority right now), i am hoping to finish dancer in the dark first :) but thank you for all the love for wordless!
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gwoongi · 4 years ago
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hi!!! just read ditd for like the 20th time and I just wanna say that it’s literally my favourite thing ever, u are so so so talented & are such an amazing writer, really thank u so much for posting all ur stories, they are on another level, also i love chase Atlantic too so it made it even better haha x stay safe!!!
AAAAAA thank you so much! i hate the fact that writing takes time and effort because i also love dancer in the dark and would love to have already produced the 2nd part. i have it all planned out but just cannot find the energy inside to release a draft or anything, which is a shame. but one day!! i’m really sorry, all i can do is say sorry for the long and unfair waiting.
but thank u sm for all of your compliments!!! it really means a lot to me :’(
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