#he is having such a normal one with his normal kids and his functional marriage and the good vibes at the red keep

[cparti-mkiki]

babygirl is NOT DEAD yet!!!

[hg-aneh]

Hi,ik I've been asking questions frequently but I'mma do it again bc I'm that petty;

In the AziraCrow relationship/marriage/or whatever. Who do u think is the housewife/husband? 😀

if we're talking about traditional gender roles applied to marriage ((which i believe would NOT apply to them in canon as they're both nonbinary supernatural beings)), i have to preface this by saying that i rlly don't agree with them as a concept

[if ppl choose to engage in them and not judge others for not doing so then good for them (idgaf akfbsjf)]

i hate that they're still being imposed onto people and that they haven't been left in the past for some contexts

i also want to clarify that the following """analysis""" I'm going to make is all for the sake of poking fun at gender roles and satirizing their entire existence.

Having said that, these are my headcanons:

Aziraphale-housewife, Crowley-husband

Why? Simply because husbands are fucking useless and I like to bully Crowley cuz he stinks and he sucks c0ck and b4-

I'm just goofing around 😭

In my little bubble world, they'd be neither (or both if you wanna see it from that POV)

Let's start with this:

If we take the definition of a traditional husband, which is basically "i work and do nothing else cuz I'm a man and men have their mommies i mean wives do everything for them" and take the Work part away, which is what we'd do if we were to place the ineffables in the south downs aka their retirement shack, then you get a useless fuck

And in reality, they both do jackshit (that's the whole premise of s1) so????? does that mean they're both husbands???

For further insight let's try to affirm Aziraphale is the housewife.

Aziraphale bakes, so he's probably a decent cook too; that's "housewife" material. He also happens to be very pretty and plump and a blonde, which I've been told are pretty ladylike things to be (/sarcasm)

(There are no pretty male blondes in ba sing se good omens)

He dresses in light, dainty clothing and talks with an accent only girls and women talk with, as well as getting his nails done and using make up for his magic act, and he says "please" and "thank you", which are things only women do (I'M BEING SARCASTIC. I'M BEING VERY SARCASTIC. god i hate gender rolesAAAA)

Now this is where the comparisons end cuz let's face it, Aziraphale is a lazy fuck.

You KNOW the bookshop smells like mold and he just miracles it clean every now and then.

He'd rather sit his plump (pretty) blond ass on the couch and read the day away than actually get to doing the baking and cooking or caring for the kids (plants) if it's not a hobby activity

Now let's do the opposite and try to affirm Crowley as the housewife.

He's clean (does the cleaning), he's of service when needed, he organizes when he's stressed (read the book), he- he drives a car...

OH SHIT. MAN ACTIVITY!!!!!🤯🤯🤯 (we're still being sarcastic here, it's not over EFJSJF)

In all seriousness though, trying to fit these two into gender roles, even as a joke is kinda difficult even in headcanon-land ajbfsnf

At least that's my opinion

For every traditionally "feminine" thing you have one of them do, the other outdoes that by a mile. And vice versa with the traditionally "masculine" things, like "being useless" and "car" /sarcasm is back.

So which one would be which? I think they're both dumbasses who fight over who gets to do what in the household (neither of them wants to do anything except for cuddling) and come up with an agreement to divide each chore :)

y'know, like normal people in a functional marriage (my parents lol)

[mae-i-scribble]

I rewatched a few of the early episodes of spyfam today bc getting to see the movie gave me an itch to scratch, and in particular episode two made me finally able to conceptualize what about fandom twiyor that irks me so deeply. If you like widespread fandom interpretations of them I would uh, look away bc none of my opinions on it are positive.

Episode 2 of the spyfam anime remains one of my favorites because of all the little flourishes the studios add to sell you on Yor as a character while also expanding a bit on the manga's original commentary on the stigma that follows older single women. What draws Yor and Loid together as a family is that neither of them are capable of having conventional relationships. Both of them are war orphans forced to grow up far too soon and who threw away aspects of their humanity to fight for what they believe to be a better world. While Loid's position as a spy and mastery of deception allows him to avoid the stigmas that would come from the ordinary person discovering what he does, that is not something that holds true for Yor, whose weakest point is that she simply cannot understand "normal." She's aware of the way her coworkers demean her and insult her but can do nothing about it because her only conflict resolution skill is murder. She is constantly reminded that she is an outsider, hence why Loid's declaration at the party is so meaningful to her, and what convinces her to ask him to continue the facade as a married couple.

Underneath it all however, is a quiet showcase of amatonormativity that drove both Loid and Yor to their arrangement. Eden requires a student to have a perfectly nuclear family. Societal conventions dictate that Yor, happily single at 27, is someone pathetic (to her coworkers) or someone in need of help (to her brother). Marriage is an expectation that Yor is pressured to commit to, and a societal requirement that Loid must uphold for the sake of his mission. And while this showcase begins in episode 2 it is something that spyfam continues to highlight when it comes to the expectations both Loid and Yor struggle to meet when they try to hard/become to anxious over what is "expected" as a married couple vs what the other person is actually thinking/feeling.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with fandom you ask? Here's the thing. Spyfam reached the broad range of anime fans when it exploded in popularity, which is when I started engaging with it beyond just comments on the latest manga chapters. Modern fandom already has the issue of classifying ships into tropes rather than actually like, shipping characters as they are. And that's exactly what happened with twiyor. People began going "oh my gosh this is the moment she fell for loid," "oh he's so in love with her just look at him," before we had even reached episode 10. Which was incredibly frustrating to me because clearly Loid and Yor are not anywhere near in love that soon in the story- and the basis for that frustration starts in episode 2 for me. Because Loid and Yor's marriage is one that is unconventional from the very beginning, and it is that factor that defines their dynamic an allows them to function as healthily and sweetly as they do. People don't need to be in love to be married or to be a parental unit. None of that requires romantic love, it is simply an expectation of our society, the same sort of expectation that cripples Yor and makes her think she has to find a partner, then that she has to find a husband to appease those around her. Seeing that completely erased in a large portion of art/commentary/fics written about them angers me because its something baked into the foundation of their dynamic and something I feel enhances them as a potential romantic pairing rather than detracts from it. But we can't have that because of course a man and woman living together and caring for a kid fell in love almost immediately.

And don't even get me started on how people misinterpret Loid for their far more romantic interpretations of his motivations and relationship with Anya and Yor or else I will start losing teeth from how hard I am clenching my jaw

[cosmic--dandelion]

So, about Stolas and Octavia:

Divorce just fucking sucks. It's one of the hardest things most ordinary people will ever have to face in their lives, and it's especially hard on kids. But Stolas doesn't and shouldn't have to give up his relationship with Blitzø just to make Octavia happy. Parents moving on from their ex-spouses and discovering new love is part of the healing process, and even children need to accept that their parents aren't in love anymore.

Stolas's marriage with Stella was abusive and hideously toxic, and he's completely justified in ending it. The marriage made Stolas so miserable that he was day drinking and abusing anti-depressants just to get through another day. Their home was already long broken and dysfunctional before Blitzø showed up.

There's no magic button or quick-fix cure-all that's going to take away all of Octavis's hurt. It's just a difficult, painful, confusing, and exhausting situation that happens all too often in real life. There's nothing more Stolas can do for her besides reassure her that he still loves her, and guess what! He already did that!

Stolas isn't a bad father because he doesn't spend every waking second obsessing about Octavia. She's not some tiny helpless child who can't function if her daddy isn't holding her hand 24/7. So he got distracted for a few seconds during a heated argument with his ex-wife and forgot about a promise he made over a decade ago to see a meteor shower. He fucked up, he apologized, she accepted it. That's normal, healthy conflict resolution.

I dunno, guys. Maybe we shouldn't normalize the idea of completely and permanently destroying relationships every time someone makes a mistake or disappoints us.

[transmutationisms]

fucking love your takes!! you always hit the nail right on the head :)

if i can ask, whats your opinion on the roy siblings’ relationship to sex?? i feel like it’s interesting that their relationship to sex is such an integral part of each of their characters (romans entire thing, shivs issues with monogamy, connor and willa, etc) and im wondering why they set it up that way. out of them all, is there any u think has the healthiest relationship with sex? (im tempted to say kendall lol because his issues with sex seem more garden-variety ie. using sex to fill an emotional void for love and attention and power etc but idk. i feel like there’s more there)

the kids' sex issues accomplish a few different things. one is that, in general, the show leans heavily on the characters' fear of the body as an alien, uncontrollable site of potential humiliation. no matter how wealthy and powerful they are, they can't stop logan from aging and dying; they piss or shit or trip on the stairs; and they therefore have trouble relating to sex in an uncomplicated way. the sex issues telegraph an overall discomfort with their bodies and an alienation from themselves.

more specifically, the way each sibling relates to sex is a direct function of their assigned role in logan's system of gender and corporate hierarchy, and indicates the ways in which they struggle with those positions. roman has always been seen as weak, effeminate, and therefore disgusting; he doesn't identify with the dominant, normatively masculine role, and doesn't want to fuck anyone, in business or literally. his most fulfilling sexual encounters on the show have been gerri echoing the way his father talks to him, and roman getting off on the objectification. shiv instinctively identifies with the dominant role, and has some of the killer instinct for it, but has been excluded from it by her father's view of her as a kind of permanent adolescent girl, kept sexually pure and disembodied; she has difficulty transitioning to the role of wife or mother, as she sees getting fucked physically as equivalent to getting fucked metaphorically, and considers both humiliating and beneath her. her open marriage arrangement would in some ways be quite normative were she a cis man, but instead, it's seen as a violation of her gender role. connor was at one point the heir by default, but is now considered biologically extraneous; his politico-sexual ideology encourages the 'productive' use of sperm, namely through reproduction, yet connor is childless and only recently in a committed relationship. his relationship is transactional—like all relationships on the show—but it bothers him on some level, and multiple times he has tried to convert this into a more romantic language that he wants willa to speak. kendall has been placed in their heir role, which demands exercise of a specific form of masculinity that includes being the one who literally and physically fucks his partners / subordinates, but he speaks this language awkwardly and unsuccessfully in business, and although he can fuck and enjoy fucking, he views his own sex life through logan's eyes and sends away both naomi and jennifer when logan disapproves of them. he also relates to his body primarily as a tool meant to accomplish a task, rather than an object of desire: an obvious point of comparison is his confusion when naomi asks for a dick pic, in contrast to roman actively wanting to frame his own body as an object for consumption that he then sends to gerri.

broadly speaking, their difficulty adhering to logan's definitions of sexual normality are indicative of the violence inherent in those definitions. his disgust at roman's sexuality, disdain of connor's relationship, sense of ownership over roman's and kendall's sexual expressions, and persistent denial of shiv's body and sexuality are all part of the same system, and affect how the kids see themselves and their own sexualities. also, because sex and politics and business all operate within the same discursive field, it would sort of be impossible for any of them to have simple pleasurable experiences of sex as long as they're still trying to exist in waystar or indeed in the broader capitalist structure it encapsulates. for them, there simply is no differentiating their own sex lives from structures of interpersonal violence and economic exploitation.

i don't think the show is trying to argue that any of these is a 'healthier' relationship to sex than any of the others. in general i would challenge that framework (like, healthier for whom? healthier defined by whom? &c) and i also just think the siblings each have distinct shit going on, and it's not generally possible to 'rank' them on any kind of scale of severity; they're just different. additionally, i think all of the siblings' sexual behaviours are a mix of things that are benign on their own, and only appear pathological in relation to the demands logan makes of them, and then things that are more inherently painful for them, regardless of their father. & of course, sometimes those lines blur or shift.

[mrsdarkandyandere7]

Many many unhealthy dark thoughts about Tangerine’s yandere tendencies. 100% do not condone this behaviour. Get out or get help if you find yourself in a similar situation!!

My thoughts:

Tangerine’s housewife kink is out of control. Put his Darling in an apron and the man can barely function; all he would think about is taking her to bed.

He would be the type of man who would get turned on by his Darling doing the most mundane chores around the house - ironing his shirts, baking, crocheting a soft toy for one of their children - activities he considers feminine and which feed into his housewife kink.

His expectations of his Darling are unhealthy and unrealistic.

Once she was living with him Tangerine got rid of any clothing he deemed “inappropriate”. Now his Darling’s wardrobe consists mainly of dresses and skirts and he expects his Darling to adhere to this dress code.

He gets angry when his Darling makes independent decisions as he wants them to be utterly dependant on him. His Darling doesn’t have access to their own money and instead is given an allowance. Tangerine would also insist that his Darling pay via card so he can see all transactions they have made.

Gradually Tangerine would isolate his Darling from anyone he thinks are bad influences. Initially he would constantly phone and text his Darling and would become very angry if they didn’t reply immediately and would subsequently punish them (in the bedroom) for their “neglect”. He then realised it was easier to put a tracker on their phone and cameras inside their house so he knows where they are at all times. In his mind this isn’t an invasion of privacy. Instead it’s a way to protect his Darling because she is innocent and naive and unable to make informed decisions.

He definitely chips away at their self confidence as he wants them to be completely reliant on him.

He is rarely gentle in bed with his Darling. He would never beat his Darling, but he is fascinated with the physical, mental and emotional limitations of his Darling.

100% uses their children as a way to punish his Darling by limiting contact or accusing her of being a bad mother. The latter is never true as he would never have children with someone he would deem “unworthy”, but he has found that such accusations are a good way to punish his Darling. Of course their children know nothing of these punishments.

Tangerine absolutely adores their children and thinks they can do no wrong. They are perfect because they are hers and they are his. Anyone who insults his children or his Darling have basically signed their own death warrant.

It is incredibly twisted and abusive, but Tangerine is madly in love with his Darling and wouldn’t be able to survive without her. He needs her more than she needs him, and he knows this hence his suffocating clingyness. He wants to be the centre of their world like she is the centre of his.

To outsiders their relationship looks normal. Just very very traditional. And even when their children are grown up their kids don’t see anything wrong with their parent’s marriage. And Tangerine deludes himself that his Darling is happy with their marriage. Whether she is or not is something she only knows…

Sorry for this long and dark rambling about yandere!Tangerine. But after reading your fic I have been unable to think of anything else. Again I do not condone Tangerine’s actions!!!

I absolutely loved this, such an interesting perspective on dark Tangerine.

Totally agree on the kids. Tangerine seems like he'd dote on his kids, especially if it is a little girl, and he'd be the best dad for them, teaching them how to stand up for themselves and also self-defense so they know how to protect themselves. Just imagine Tangerine losing his patience at the PTA meeting 😂

Feel like he'd really enjoy the whole idea of having the perfect marriage with reader but at the same time, he ruins it with his toxic controlling atittudes.

(also don't worry, we know that all of these dark fics and thoughts are NOT supported irl. This is just FICTION, so no one should take this seriously, please).

[minecraftbookshelf]

How was little Jimmy taught was he a homeschooled kid and what did he learn about Rivendell when he was young and was the information biased since they where allied with the wither rose alliance it had to have been covered in the lessons because he would need to know about the other empires

so how did the knowledge he had about Rivendell affect his opinion of an arranged marriage

i mean he probably didn’t think an arranged marriage was weird his sister was in one and it a normal royal thing but did the fact that it was to a prince of Rivendell give him pause

With the disclaimer that I'm still in the process of sorting out the exact timeline so all dates/measures of years are tenative...

Wee little Jimmy had the best tutors that Lizzie and Joel's combined resources could find for the more "royalty oriented stuff" and he also attended an ocean kingdom preschool and elementary school for a bit before the delayed aging thing got too weird for it. (Lizzie wanted to at least make an attempt to get him properly socialized, Joel read so many parenting books and talked at her about them so they were both mildly obsessing over it). He also got a lot of stories from Pix whenever he visited.

So most of his education was homeschooling. In the sense that he was at home and the only student. A lot of his education was also just following Lizzie and sometimes Joel around as they went about their days and duties. Between the hands-on parenting and the length of his childhood he is honestly probably one of if not the most prepared rulers. (Not that he feels like it at all)

Rivendell was very isolationist and something of a mystery outside its own borders, with the exception of their only allies/outside contacts; House Blossom. This predated Jimmy's life span, as it had persisted for a few Elvish generations.

It was a huge shakeup when Xornoth took power, about ~50-75 years before the events of the main story, even before they opened Rivendell's borders. It tends to make the gossip circuits when an exiled prince returns home, kills their parents, takes over the ruling power, and functionally vanishes their younger sibling. Jimmy was in the equivilant of his late teens when that happened and the Cod Swamp was in the early stages of seperating from the Ocean Empire as an autonomous nation so he was kind of distracted. (Not because of any tensions with Lizzie or anything, there were just a lot of logistics happening and being discussed and he had just been appointed Codfather by the Cod Council and was very stressed about everything all the time)

The alliance between Rivendell and the WRA literally happened because Pearl looked at Xornoth and decided they were friend-shaped and dragged them along. So there is a degree of seperation there. It's also a matter of proximity. Rivendell is sandwiched between House Blossom's holdings and the Crystal Cliffs so those are the closest political alliances out of necessity as much as anything.

And yeah, an arranged marriage was hardly a shock in and of itself. Mostly its just kind of uncomfortable because of the tensions between Mythland and the Cod Swamp and the fact that if something goes wrong Rivendell is going to go from "a friend of my enemies" to potentially "my enemy".

And of course also the entire Ocean Alliance has been squinting at Xornoth for the past almost-century like "Are they imprisoning their brother? Is this something we should be concerned about?" Honestly the biggest surprise for all of them (Except Pix) was the confirmation that Scott was alive.

[tokiwarcube]

Genuinely curious!

As unbiased as you can be, which band members do you think have the most boyfriend/husband potential? Like ranked? Maybe with quick, easy reasons as to why you think so? Just something really quick for the flight!

Like I said, I'm just curious where you stand on this since you're my favorite metalocalypse writer atm!

ME? A FAVORITE? You're so sweet, thank you so much!!! <3 Rankings + reasonings below the cut <3

1.) Nathan

Besides Toki, Nathan is the only one who has really shown a desire to get married — and not just with Abigail! It’s been more subtle (e.g. within bonus content for DVDs), but Nathan does think about marriage and long-term relationships quite a bit, even when he isn’t actively dating. I think he’s also had the most normal home life, and while he might not necessarily want a white picket fence and golden retriever, he does have a good idea of what marriage looks like for him. Does he have issues with communication? Yes, of course he does. And that can certainly yield some issues, especially when you’re in a more sensitive state where a bit of tenderness is needed. But he does also show a drive to improve, and when he really cares about someone, it’s clear that he’s capable of shoving down his embarrassment a bit to help.

2.) Pickles

Pickles is complex. He didn’t grow up with a good view on marriage — Not just because of how much he hates his parents, either; even as a young child, he could see just how loveless Molly and Calverts’ marriage was — but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t consider it someday. But honestly, he’s so out of practice in the dating scene. Most of the relationships in his youth were quick flings, and since getting famous with S&B (and later Dethklok,) he hasn’t really had to put in effort for… anyone. You can get into a relationship with him pretty decently, sure, but that doesn’t mean he’s a picture perfect partner once you’re with him. There’s hardly a time of day where he isn’t drunk, high, or both — and sure, he can usually function pretty well under the influence, but it’s definitely something to be aware of. And there's also days where he cannot stand to be coherant in any capacity, and it's very... well, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't heartbreaking. Sometimes he's sad. Sometimes he's angry at the world. Sometimes he's just loopy. You're never quite sure what you'll get when he hits that point, but it's never pretty. His parents also continuously yield issues — even after telling Molly to fuck off, they still unfortunately exercise a presence in his life (both through physical means and through unresolved memories) that can lead to some touchy moments. And he’s the best communicator out of the boys, but again, he hasn’t done the whole “relationship” thing in a very, very long time. Re-learning how to communicate in that sense is a bit of a challenge! He gets there eventually, but it takes some patience. He’s a very sweet lover once he settles in, and he’s the definition of a ride-or-die.

3.) Toki

I think pre-season 2 Toki and post-season 2 Toki are two very, very different people (Nevermind pre and post Requiem/Doomstar), and I think timing does play a very important role in his dateability. Death has always been ever-present in his life, a dark curse woven into the very fabric of his being… but his father’s death affected him in a way that he’s never quite been able to heal from. And the unfortunate thing is, is that he doesn’t really connect his current struggles with the trauma of what’s happened. He never fully worked through his childhood trauma, and he hasn’t even touched the present. And so he’s also prone to flipping between an almost suffocating attachment and this very tumultuous, yet yearning, detachment. He struggles to communicate what he wants. He desperately wants a long-term relationship, has always idealized the idea of marriage and kids, but communication is… hard. And there’s a lot of times where he just expects problems — financial, emotional, or otherwise — to just be fixed. Or, he just pretends they don’t exist. He’ll slather this facade of sunshine and rainbows onto the world — everything is fine, even when the falling snow sends him on a week-long binge of daydrinking. Can he recover? Yes, absolutely. But it’s a long road that requires a good mix of patience and firmness. But don’t take this as only negatives — when he loves, he loves unconditionally. He’s the easiest person to get into a relationship with, because he’s just so genuine with you. He’s not thinking about the embarrassment of vulnerability, or his own flaws — he just knows he loves you, and he wants you to know that too. And it’s very endearing! Once he’s committed, which frankly comes very quickly, he’ll go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy. And despite his lavish lifestyle, he has a very deep love for the little domestic things.

4.) Skwisgaar

The whole idea of marriage leaves a very sour taste in his mouth — with how he was raised, how could it not? Getting him to date in the first place, even for a month, is a Herculean feat. He’s used to filling his life with meaningless — fun, but still meaningless — sex. And when he isn’t fucking, he’s busy building thicker callouses, practicing until he can’t anymore. He doesn’t need love, he tells himself. It doesn’t exist. Nothing but a fantasy that normal jackoffs subscribe to to make their meaningless lives feel a little less dull. He’s a good friend, but getting him to even admit that he has feelings for you other than lust is a difficult task, no matter how strong those feelings are. Marriage is a whole separate beast. I think once he’s in a relationship, and he’s started to accept the breadth of his feelings for you, he can be a very good lover. We’ve seen he has very sweet and genuine moments with the boys, and it’s not like he doesn’t care. He listens, he’s thoughtful, he’s funny and sweet. He’s got a good heart on him. But marriage? He might come around to it someday, but it’s a pretty firm “might.”

5.) Murderface

William has entrenched himself in a very, very deep pit of self-loathing. He’s like a rabid dog, fearful, lashing out at the helping hands who want to help him out of that pit. He wants to be free so fucking bad, but he’s afraid. Terrified, even. He’s prone to saying very hurtful things he doesn’t mean — both to get a reaction, and to keep his inner self safe. It’s very self-sabotaging. And he flips very rapidly between this false haughtiness and genuine self-flagellation that honestly, it’s hard not to be pushed away by. Which on some level, is the intended effect, even if he doesn’t consciously acknowledge it. He wants to love and be loved, he just doesn’t know how to do that without being vulnerable. You have to be very patient and observant to date him, nevermind marry him. But do know that when he loves, he does genuinely love unconditionally. He’d do anything to keep you out of harm’s way, even if it causes him inconvenience or harm. You don’t even have to be dating for that level of self-sacrifice, really. But getting him to open up at all is a very, very hard process.

[alienhumanologist]

I just wrote morty angst bc I was thinking of him

Morty knew that he was never really wanted. And that his mom only gave birth to him in a feeble attempt to save the tattered shreds of a marriage doomed to fail.

He knew that Rick coming to their house was a saving grace to take them out of their sight, a faux abortion that wouldn't cause them any guilt whatsoever. Even though they would say they loved him. There was never any real tangible meaning behind it. Perhaps his parents just knew that saying it would give them some semblance of control towards being a normal family something everyone knew they could never be.

In that way at least he had some understanding towards summer. Summer never told him she loved him. She knew too that it was all bullshit. But unlike him she didn't feel the same guilt of having the meaning of your existence fall on being the saving grace of the family. An empath of sorts. Little regard to what HE wanted. Who cared if he didn't want to be the family therapist. He didn't want to hear from Beth how she hated Jerry. He knew. He saw it first hand, when both of his parents thought no one cared to listen to what was being said. And anytime he would try to be a fixer upper it all came crashing down to no fruition since no one would listen to him and his advice. After all, he had no wisdom. He was the stupid one. That's all they ever told him he was. Stupid.

Little care went towards the reason that he was failing all his classes was that Rick took him out of school with a facetious excuse on the tip of his tongue that school didn't matter. Morty didn't care if it didn't matter to anyone else. He needed it. He needed it as a clutch to normalcy, maybe he could try talking to other people. Maybe he could feel smart when he aced a test. If he wasn't too exhausted from being hauled around.

Except even when he was there he had a lingering feeling that he didn't belong. Every Time he'd try to talk he felt as if everything he said was the wrong thing. He saw how functional the other kids' families were, how proud they were when they won a national something or other. How fulfilled the other kids felt when they scored a goal. But to morty it felt empty. Nothing happy could be sustainable in his heart. After all, doing these things were simple tasks that needed to be completed in order to not die on another planet while he was still figuring out how to make himself sound normal. In fact the more he focused on things that could potentially endanger his safety the more he felt like he couldn't control his own graduation of his adolescence. He couldn't learn to control his ticks of how NOT to make his voice curl upwards in the most inopportune moments. No one else cared (except to bully him about it) no one bothered to teach him how to shave. He didn't need to, he could always have his face be melted off and grown back in with a slough of new flesh, one that didn't grow facial hair. His memories implanted in clones that could never let his controlling of impulses become a normal wave to ride. Instead having to push them down inside since no one cared to ask how he was doing. If Rick ever bothered to ask him “hey buddy how's it going?” In that blathering stuttering jumble of speech he knew it was a facetious cop out at making conversation so it was just him talking the entire ride to an inevitable dangerous situation.

[joshy-tomato]

Furina managing to sus out that the her newest coworker has intentions for her, hahahaha. Makes sense if she was a child actor and has been in the business for a while now. She has yet to realize how far the rabbit hole goes with this 'Arlecchino', however. Love how the Knave has to change gears and be more genuine to actually get closer to her. She really is desperate.

Perhaps, Furina's instincts are just that good. Or its karma for attacking her in their past life. Arle probably plays up being Furina's fan and someone she admires hard. Very intense, but oddly fitting in Furina's eyes. Almost endearing, really.

And ohhhhhh. That sounds so cool! Furina taking action in her majority, when she's just 18 or in her early 20s. Not willing to let them use and verbally abuse her half-brother like that. Could imagine her parents' marriage barely functioning, both sides cheating and one of them managed to get little Freminet out of the infidelity. Such a twisted perspective of love and marriage, here's to hoping Arlecchino can correct that. Otherwise, romancing her will not be a smooth ride. Given how screwed up her upbringing as a 'successful' child star, Furina just latches onto her little half-brother when she's able to spare the time.

Furina encourages his interest in the ocean and engineering, whispering how she likes to take things apart too; hopeful that Freminet can achieve what he truly wants to do.

The court case spirals into something massive and it's a very good thing that Neuvillette is leading things. (Dragon) Man be dedicated to ensure Furina gets what she's suing for and more. Arlecchino using what influence she has at the time so the trial goes well.

Not sure if this is the OG Neuvillette, a reborn and remembers Neuvillette, or just a Neuvi who wants to give his client her dues.

Is karma and karma is me. I will gently bully Arle every oportunity I get because of the assassination attempt, your welcome. In universe is because Furina is really sharp.

This would make their parents the source of Furina's loneliness in this life. They probably burned bridges with their immediate family because they didn't approve of Furina and Freminet's treatment, they didn't allow Furina to be a normal child and because of that she didn't had many friends growing up and even now, and once Furina reached adulthood and became more of her own person they kept her beloved little bother away from her. Im thinking they force her to pay to see him, to only way they found to make easy money out of him and continue draining Furina's wealth. Say that Arlecchino was livid once she found out would be an understatement. Like, Arle was far from being a good person and a perfect parent on her past life, but at least she treated her kids like people and not like cash cows.

I like to think of Neuvillette as the og one, having a really long life span and taking a page Zhongli's book and pretending to be a normal lawyer to continue watch over Fontaine citizens. He still has a soft spot for Furina and will make sure that she gets her brother and her money back. Him and Arle working together there will be a pair made in hell.

[dangermousie]

Of course Ming Ye’s plan to save Sang Jiu involves gruesomely dying in her stead. If aesthetically suffering was an Olympic sport, the man would be going for a gold medal.

I have my issues with this portion of the story (not the way it’s written, it’s done well, but with my liking or lack thereof for this couple, about which more below) but this is the important point! Yes, the tears are important blah blah but this is a lesson about how to swap someone’s demonic stuff without, you know, driving nails into them like they are evil Jesus. 

By now, I am quite done with these two boneheads, but I confess that made even my cold black shriveled heart hurt.

(I guess they had a starter marriage :P)

Ummmm, honey! She just massacred 10K people! I am sure they had old and kids among them. Like...by now I want to smack both of them with a shovel, tbh.

Awwww. Even with my annoyance at these two, this once again made me :(

Sang Jiu being her charming self. Let the man die in peace (or, since you yourself are about to keel over), let him survive in peace. 

OK, OK, Mousie, stop being irritated and concentrate on how pretty LYX looks here.

And then she’s all “psych! I can’t be undevilized or even survive because my normal body is dead.” You couldn’t have let him know BEFORE he got repeatedly flambeed for you?

It’s OK, hot dimbulb, there are many many fangirls who will gladly accept your...ahem...divine essence. All night long.

What the hell! Now that she’s dying, she still wants to do her best so he’d not have any peace. No dissipating before a final twist of the knife. WTF! By now, any shred of sympathy I had for her (and to a large degree MY) has disappeared utterly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s bad writing - just as MY is terrible at communicating and prone to dramatic gestures over common sense functioning, Sang Jiu is incredibly self-absorbed and immature from beginning to end. She was someone who thought it was a great idea to marry a guy who did not know her at all because he was hot. She also thought it was a great idea to force him into sex right after they got divorced. She didn’t wait to find out whether the method she came up with would result in divine punishment or whether it was still worth it to use the crystal chalice despite where it came from or or or or or really anything. It’s just before she went powerful and evil, Ming Ye and the viewer could ignore the red flags (which got redder and redder; I mean much as fictional dubcon in 14 was hot, it WAS 100% dubcon/sexual assault; no nice sweet good selfless well-adjusted person does that) but once she got power into her hands and trauma really shoved her further, it became really clear. It’s kind of like Tantai Jin. If he has no status and no power, does it matter in terms of its effect on the world if he would love revenge or is cold or has trauma or w/e? No, of course not because whether he’s a well-adjusted sweetheart or dysfunctional psycho, he has no power to carry out anything, whether it’s to open a puppy shelter or to carry out a wholesale slaughter. But once he gets power, his traumas and quirks become everyone else’s concern and one must deal with them somehow because he makes it everyone’s business. Same here.

What. The. Fuck. That is not romantic, this is UGH. Honestly, I am glad MY and SJ found each other because they should not inflict themselves on other partners. It’s kind of amazing that I started out liking them and by now I am all “thanks divine lightning, hurry it up with your barbeque.” 

He ultimately does not but by then I stopped caring. I am so so so happy we are back to our headcases Tantai Jin and Susu.

The thing is - my ranting does not mean I did not enjoy this portion of the story (unlike in the novel where I skimmed it since I dngaf about it at all.) The acting is great, the visuals are nuts, and the characters, including MY and SJ are completely internally consistent and their actions make total sense for what and who they are - their arcs are logical. I strongly dislike both of them by the end, but that does not mean it was not a well-done story.

[lunelantern]

People who are always away with business and psychically absent from the kid's life most of the time + children =/= family.

People who aren't present in their lives of the kids aren't parents; they're breeders.

If you have children, BE there for them, rear then. Children need the physical presence of their parents in their lives; the rest is just purely poetical-garbage propaganda with "oUr bOnD iS StRoNg".

For emphasize and parallel with the abominable natalist propaganda, Boruto manga, the following are NOT families:

1. Uchiha family is NOT a family and Sasuke is NOT a father, period. Whoever argues against is just an irresponsible, brainwashed natalist.

In fact, the forced natalist garbage ruined SasuSaku and tore a potentially amazing and meaningful romance to shreds.

Sasuke has no fatherly bone in his body and Sakura acts exactly like a desperate woman getting pregnant to trap an unconcerned, troubled man into a marriage. This couple as it's portrayed in Boruto is pathetic. The only glimpses of intimacy and romance are in fanfiction universe, the non-canon amateurish novels and the imagination of the natalist fans.

From an adult's standpoint, Sakura is a single mother having a kid with a man who can't find a purpose in his life, has severe psychological damage and is an ex-convict. I can't comprehend how women can side with Sakura and actually praise this pair. What woman would you want to be a single mother and the wife with a man who's never beside her? The fact that literature glamorizes such toxic relationships and glosses it over like something inspiring and romantic is alarming and sheer propaganda.

I'll never be able to come in terms with this abomination of the ending.

2. Uzumaki is NOT a family and Naruto isn't a father, period. He's married with his job and enamored with the idea of fathering the entire village. His biological kids aren't, in Naruto's view, anything more special than the rest.

If there's a remnant of decency in Hinata's body, she should just divorce Naruto and move back home where her kids would get a sense of family. The constant drama with Hima and Boruto constantly being dumped by Naruto should be a wake up shout out to every young person who aspires to have kids ; parenthood implies commitment, personal sacrifices and it's simply NOT FOR EVERYONE.

The only functional, normal and healthy family is... Akimichi. My respect to Akimichi Choji for actually being a father who's there for his kid and supporting his kid and wife.

Nara family... It could work... For humoristic purposes or an uninspired satire. Shikamaru admitted in the novel that he'd do better without kids.

Yamanaka... Not that bad. Sai is an underrated character and a good father.

Nothing justified the absence from a child's life. The rest is purely unadulterated natalist propaganda.

I don't want to hear the imbecile "ThEy dEsErVe tO bE hApPy" bingo. This toxic selfishness of natalists reinforces the fact that not everyone deserves to have kids. If one cannot put the kid's INTEREST FIRST, then he isn't suited to parent.

[peachymilkandcream]

I raise you: Not only does Levi’s beating cause her to miscarry, but also renders her unable to ever have a child

If Levi's Beatings Made Evelyn Infertile

(A/N: Instead of a oneshot I figured the best way to do this was a Headcanon style. It makes more sense since a good portion of the Oneshots that happen are canon. (Some obviously are not but you know what I mean) But very interesting question Anon!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon/dubcon, miscarriage, domestic violence, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere themes/behaviours, misogyny, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, infertility, alcohol addiction, etc.

============================================

For this to happen Levi would have to be not only exceedingly angry but probably wasted as well. He knows what damage he can do and what his strength is so soberly he makes sure never to take it too far.

Scenario wise it would have to be something utterly unforgivable such as trying to kill him, infidelity, etc. Since despite the circumstance Evelyn sticks with her vows (mostly so that in the case of escape he has no rumors to start that could limit the outside help she receives) so for this headcanon it would be something like trying to kill him.

Levi is a well off but also well disliked officer, so people threatening his life is old news, usually they disappear without much of a hassle. Because of this her attempt at his life is easily seen through and promptly stopped. Although that doesn't mean it makes him any less angry.

The betrayal and disgust drives him to drink, a little more than normal. And let's be honest, with all of the shit he's seen he's a functioning alcoholic so it would be a lot more than normal to get him drunk.

Shocker to no one he's an aggressive drunk, using his strength without thought behind it and taking something as natural to him as a punishment and taking it way too far.

Once he's through with her he'll leave her in her own blood and find a place to crash for a few hours and sober up, usually taking a bottle of whatever's nearby to help.

When he comes to his senses and checks on her he's shocked and worried to say the least. Never guilty, just worried. He'll get his personal physician to make sure she's alright which is when he'll get the news.

He's not devastated at the loss of the child, just disappointed because now his plans to baby trap her are postponed until she recovers. Although he doesn't regret it.

What he does regret is when after trying for longer than he thought necessary he brings her to be checked out to see what the problem was and why she wasn't conceiving. (He could never be the problem in this of course man believes he has sperm of steel)

After brief examination he's told the reality of what he's done and now he's devastated. Now he feels guilty, now he feels regret. And while Evelyn likes to see him have an inch of the pain he's inflicted on her she too is devastated since even if she escapes she'll never have the family she wanted.

It takes him months to cope with this, but eventually he gets over it. It hangs in the back of his mind but nothing can be done but move on with his life.

His plan to get over it is simply adoption. Since they both were children of the Underground and saw firsthand what that place could do to children he takes in what he can, being selective about it and making sure they're young enough to be taught well and of good genes to accurately carry on his name.

While Evelyn is against Levi coming within a hundred feet of a child she can't help but feel a small bit of contentment since these kids will in the end be extremely well off in life.

[biblicallyaccuratechicken]

Ok! I'm doing this now!

Beneath the cut is a ramble/rant/essay about why I think every church should have a resident atheist. It's informed by my grew-up-in-Texas, pastor's kid, average ofa 1.5 churches every year by 17, now 20, and deconstructing but not apostatizing, worldview.

Read at the risk of everyone involved, especially me, and most importantly, have fun!

*deep breath* I should first start by explaining what I mean when I say that every church should have a resident atheist. Which means I'll have to define what church is, both biblically and colloquially.

Let's go.

The Bible doesn't really talk about a church until the New Testament. The chronologically earliest mention of it that I'm aware of is Matthew 16:18, wherein Jesus establishes Peter as the rock (that's "foundation" for you normies) upon which He'd build His church. Peter does eventually go on to become a major leader in the Church--but what does that mean?

In the book of Acts, Luke describes some of the history and common activities of the early Church. They meet in houses mainly, or by rivers for baptisms. They're hunted by the law, and their leaders are often slaughtered in horrifying and painful ways. They share everything with each other, and take care of the poor, the orphans, and the widows. When something goes wrong, they gather and pray. They're God's instruments for His miracles, as if it's normal.

In other words, they have very little in common with the Western church, despite our best efforts.

In Romans 12, Paul the Apostle describes the Church as a body with many distinct parts, each with its own function, and Christ as the head. In 1 Corinthians, he explains more about the different functions and spiritual gifts (that's "conditional superpowers"). In Ephesians, he describes what it should look like if Christ is truly our head; and in Colossians, he describes why Christ is the head in the first place.

The Church is also described as Christ's bride in many places--including in the Old Testament (I'm presently too tired to look up any addresses; I plan to do so tomorrow if I can. In short, it just means that He loves and takes care of us, and in return we love and follow Him. Human marriages are supposed to look like this, but when one or both parties are dysfunctional, it falls apart).

All of this, taken together and summarized in one sentence, means that biblically, the capital-C Church is a nation of people who all love Jesus, consider Him the living God, follow Him, and are actively trying to be more like Him. (Think the ABC's of... idk the rest of the phrase, I'm young ok: Admit guilt of sin, Believe that Jesus is Lord, and Commit one's life to Him)

And now... the colloquial definition. *sigh*

If you're on the internet and/or live in the West, you're already familiar with at least one or two depictions of the Church. If you're reading this, it's likely that you've either been some flavor of Christian before, or never even heard until this point that there was a difference between the capital-C Church and a lowercase-c church.

A lowercase-c church is made up of- wait let me start over. Church history is riddled with schisms. It's very complicated, and I don't have a degree in history, so I'll just skip to the end, which is now, where we have a lot of different denominations, except not really because a lot of them are basically the same but they popped up in different places. Also, if you ever go to a church that says they're non-denominational, they're not. Non-denominational is a denomination now.

Anyway, different denominations have different ways in which their church governments function. "But wait," I hear no one saying. "Church governments weren't really as much of a thing in the early church; it was just a bunch of people helping each other be more like Christ, with a few older, married or widowed, virtuous men all taking care of their disputes, like how it used to be with Israel before they demanded a king like the other nations."

Yep.

Anyway each denomination has a different-enough way that they handle their church governments. I don't pretend to know the complex innerworkings of any of them, but I can tell you that a church unit, aka lowercase-c church, is run by one Big Executive Pastor, a Board of Elders, and perhaps a few smaller Pastors (remember in 1 Corinthians where Paul says pastoring is a gift? Yeah that's not a commonly talked-about thing in the Western Church. Over here, a Pastor is a guy or gal who gives sermons every Sunday. Sometimes they might pilfer from the offerings, and very rarely they rape kids. It's great, I have such positive opinions of the Western Church).

*clears throat* So, in short, the colloquial definition of the word "church" generally refers to the building in which a church unit, or lowercase-c church, meets.

And now that we've gone so far off the rails that we've started to circle back, I'll restate my original statement (wowie diction sure has the hots for me this night): I believe that every lowercase-c church should have a resident atheist.

Obviously, an atheist cannot be considered part of the capital-C Church, and thus cannot be considered part of the body nor one of our siblings in the same way; however, it's my fervent belief that it takes all kinds. A little yeast leavens the whole loaf, yes; but that's true no matter who the yeast is.

I mentioned above that some church leadership has been up to some shady business. I promise you, if there was a resident atheist at the International House of Prayer, none of that would have gotten very far. Christians tend to have this uncanny ability to blind themselves to each other's faults and red flags--especially if we're talking about people in leadership positions. Atheists don't tend to have that problem, in my experience. You get someone with integrity and no strings attached, and you've got someone you can trust.

I also think that all these denominations could use a good middling agent. Some of them care way too much about the letter of the law; others don't care nearly enough. If they all had an atheist attendee from the opposite end, the world would be better off, I think.

Anyway that's all my brain has in it for tonight. I hope you enjoyed, and I'm probably gonna cringe at how incomplete this theology is tomorrow.

[the-comfort-den]

or even maybe perhaps sfw alphabet for g/sans 🥺🤯 whatever ur preference is okay! I simp either way

I can do that! Sorry for the wait!! Been having to figure out how to function lol- a lot has changed recently- ^^;

-

A ffection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Citrine is veeerryy affectionate! He's almost always flirting! Though he's clearly a bit more love struck when he's flirting with someone he actually likes, platonically or romantically!

-

B est friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend he's almost always flirting, joking, or teasing, but you'd also see a side of him he doesn’t want many people to see, one where he isnt hiding how depressed he is,

You two wouldn’t know how it started! You two just clicked and ended up becoming best friends!

-

C uddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He can be very cuddly! Though he's a little picky about who he cuddles, he's a skeleton so he knows he isnt the best at cuddling lol so when he does he normally forms at least some ectobody, but other than that he'd most often just sling an arm over your shoulder to cuddle! Like on the couch while you watch tv or something!

-

D omestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He's never thought about settling down, but that’s because when he does he realizes how soft he gets over it lol, he's a master at cooking, believe it or not, he may not be super picky but he prefers good food and good homecooked food is the best! He's also pretty good at cleaning, but has some motivation issues, but he's working on it, it's from his depression,

-

E nding (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He's pretty blunt about it and wouldn’t drag his feet about it, if he doesn’t love you anymore he'd rather let you know so you can find someone else to love,

-

F iance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He's a bit scared of commitment and wouldn't think of marriage for a while, but when he does he'd bring it up to you! He'd be pretty blushy about it too!

-

G entle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He's oddly gentle when he know he can trust you, both physically and emotionally, he has depression so he'd know what that’s like and he isnt afraid to ask how you feel and do his best to understand,

-

H ugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves hugs! He knows he's boney so he normally forms some ectobody for it but he loves bear hugs! He only really hugs people he likes, but he's a bit more open with hugs than he is with cuddles lol

-

I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He even says 'I love you' platonically, so really fast! He believes actions speak louder than words, so doesn’t mind saying the 'L-word' when he knows he can trust you!

-

J ealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He's not super jealous in the 'typical' way, he's more worried you'd want someone else, but if someone is flirting with you and you don’t like it? Hell no, that’s not jealousy though, that’s protectiveness,

-

K isses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He normally nuzzles your cheek over kissing, since he kinda cant- but he doesn’t mind if you want to kiss him! You have free range if you're his partner, but keep it to the cheek or forehead/top of his skull if you're his friend- don’t even think about it if you arent lol

-

L ittle ones (How are they around children?)

Not a massive fan of them- not babies or toddlers at least- other than that he's fine with them! He finds babies and toddlers to trigger way to many sensory issues to want to be near them-

He'd do his best to care for them but he's better at entertaining them than caring for kids, pre-teens and teens are easy for him to handle though lol and kinda prefers them over younger kids, he'd teach them how to cook things and would help them know how to clean things properly!

-

M orning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's not much of a morning person- so he ends up staying in bed with you and cuddling, and love that more than he can put into words

-

N ight (How are nights spent with them?)

He's a nightowl, so late night cuddles and tv dates! After that he'd cuddle in bed till you both fell asleep!

-

O pen (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He will say off the wall shit, kinda like he's testing you to see if you'd be bothered by it, if not? You pass the vibe check! But he reveals a good bit about himself, without actually showing it, he's not lying, he's just seeing if you can be trusted,

-

P atience (How easily angered are they?)

He's really patient, he can take a lot before getting mad, sure, some things set him off- but that’s only because he hates seeing people he cares about be hurt,

-

Q uizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a lot more about you then you'd think, he remembers more than he thinks too- lol even he isnt sure how much he remembers in passing because it only comes back to the foreground when he sees or hears something that reminds him of it!

-

R emember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He has to many favorite moments to even name one- but when you two first starting cuddling is up there! Or when you tow first moved in together, or when you two first started cooking together-

-

S ecurity (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He's very protective of people he cares about, even more so if you’re his partner, he isn't afraid to use his magic to protect you, but never expects anyone to protect him,

-

T ry (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He'd put in a good bit of effort for dates, gifts, and anniversaries, but with the gifts it might not seen like it lol, you'll get odd little trinkets and things he'd think you'd like, from a funky lil shell to a jacket or hoodie or a blanket or your favorite snack that is a pain to find-

-

U gly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He smokes, that’s it, without lungs he only gets the buzz/good things and none of the bad things(say for the bad taste and the yellowing of his bones, and the addiction to the nicotine-),

-

V anity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He's not super focused on his looks, he wears the same thing every day, granted it's not like he sweats or gets super dirty- and that’s a bit of a common thing with skeletons(and maybe other monsters since the also don’t sweat- they use magic to regulate their tempeture)

-

W hole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He would, after you start dating you can easily notice that he's gotten more clingy and cuddly,

-

X tra (A random headcanon for them.)

His hobbies are: Collecting pokemon cards, playing videogames(he has a lot of consoles- even a ds lol and he has a gaming pc), drawing, sewing, and sorta cooking/baking, since he'll make snacks for later when he's bored and feels like it!

-

Y uck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Anything that triggers his sensory issues, which is sticky things, some fabrics, some sounds, and some textures in food(hence why he cooks so much- he knows what tf its going to taste and feel like lol)

-

Z zz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He cuddles things in his sleep and has a habit of slightly laying on top of things he's cuddling when they're small(like think more of a pillow lol, he's woken up with a pillow in his ribs and being face first in the bed more than once lol)

-

[wonderlandleighleigh]

(Based on the Paul McCartney and Elvis Costello version My Brave Face.)

He drives her off pretty handily about six months into their relationship, and you know what?

Fine.

That’s fucking fine. It frees him up to actually live his life and not be tied to her ever-growing schedule of work and family, and that’s

Fine.

He gets to hang out with his friends me. Party a little more.

He resists the urge to party too hard. Whether he has Midge or not, he needs to stay off the dope so he can actually function. Helps to keep him out of jail, too.

But it’s good.

It is.

It’s good.

It’s not.

It’s not good.

It actually stinks.

It stinks not having Midge anymore, and he finds himself missing everything about her about a week into their break-up. Finds himself burying his face in the pillow she used most often at his place. Finds himself cooking for two people instead of just one.

It’s almost annoying how much he misses her laugh and her voice and her smile and the way she’d bump his hip as they did the dishes together.

And he tries to figure out how to fix it, you know? Flowers. Jewelry. Something.

He settles on a note. Simple. To the point. Sincere.

Dear Midge

Midge

Dear Upper West Side

Miriam

Fuck.

Okay, so for all of Lenny’s talent with words, he’s truly bad at this. I mean, he’s never done it before. Never written out a full list of crimes and apologies. Turns out it’s not as simple as set up and punchline.

He starts there.

Midge -

It turns out that writing a heartfelt, deeply personal apology is not something I’m practiced at. So this will probably not be up to my - or your - standards, but here goes.

I hate that I made you cry.

I hate that I drove you off.

I’m sorry.

I truly am. I feel like the worst kind of villain: a cowardly one. And I know that asking you for a second chance is presumptuous and insane because who in their right mind would give a second chance to the man that told her she’s the reason his life is dull and boring? That the path we were on wasn’t worth pursuing?

The very idea that my life is dull and boring is a cracked one, and I regret ever letting it get hold of me.

Things are just.

Different.

It’s different and that’s scary because as I said before, I am a coward, and change can be nerve-wracking to a complete and utter nut like me.

No, that’s a cop-out of a reason.

The real reason it’s so scary is that it’s real. Cooking meals together. Hanging out with the kids. Doing the dishes. Movie dates. Holiday dinners.

It’s so real.

And I don’t know that I’ve ever been that real with anyone before. My first marriage was all noise. A cacophony of bad behavior, and I think I got used to it. That felt like normal. So being with someone who just wants to work on her act or flip through fashion magazines while I read my own books quietly next to her feels

Scary.

But this week made me realize that the absence of you is much, much more frightening.

Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?

-Lenny

 He leaves it in her mailbox the next morning, unnoticed, wandering off back to the Village, and waits.