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fearfully-fiction · 3 years ago

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St. Albans Pt.3- Dakota Laden x Reader

word count:2404

Warnings: fluff/comfort. TW: once again mentions of suicide. (again if any of you need help don’t be ashamed or scared to ask there are so many people who love and care for you including me. Also DO NOT be afraid to call a hotline help isn’t to be ashamed of. all my love)

Summary: Based on season 1 episode 4 of DF so all credit to the crew, the show and the channel! The investigation continues, and you decide to split up. Reader dreads the plan but they continue.

part1! part2! part4!

(pic not mine!)

You reached outside and took in a deep breath before setting your camera down gently. You walked toward your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around him from behind resting your head against his back. He grabs your hands that are settled around his stomach and runs his thumb over the back of them.

“ I’m worried about you,” you mumbled. He turned around in your arms and interlocked his fingers at the small of your back. You placed your hands on his shoulder and looked up at him. You pulled yourself closer to him by bringing your hands over his shoulders to let your fingertips graze the top of where the handprint once started. He leaned down and rested his forehead on yours and sighed. “I don’t want you to sleep alone Dakota. Not in there,” you said to him. He loosened his hold ad pulled away. “I know to be honest I don’t want to, but we have to,” he admitted his fear to you. You looked to the rest of the group and saw them all socializing. “I don’t want you to sleep alone either.” you hear him say and turn back to face him, seeing a look of worry in his eyes. You made your way toward him again and reached up to place your hands on his cheeks. You pulled him down to kiss him softly, trying to give him some reassurance.

You went to pull away but he kept you in place pulling you closer to him. He pulled back just barely. “I love you (y/n). I want you to make sure you have your walkie on, the whole entire time. Always keep it close, no matter how far away we are ok. I’ll be there the second you need me.” he said and pulled you into a hug cradling your head against his shoulder. “You too, I’ll be there right when you need me.” you reciprocated his want to protect you.

You both gave each other a confirmation kiss before heading back toward the group. Dakota went to go film with Alex and you could hear how nervous he was that he was being messed with.

“Chels, I hate this building. I can’t stand the fact that you’re all coming back to it.” you voiced your anxiety to your friend. “We all have our walkies and we’re all going to be together, for now, so don’t worry alright.” she gave you a side hug and you hugged her back tightly.

“Love you Chels,” you said and she responded with the same words.

You entered the building once again and headed straight back down to the boiler room. You stuck close to your boyfriend knowing how he was becoming affected so negatively. He walked into the bowling alley and sat on the chair by the wall holding the Ovilus in one hand.

“Did you try to touch me?” He asked. You could feel the nerves around him and it made you place a hand on the back of his neck and run your hands through his hair.

“Are you trying to mess with me?” he asked another question after no response to the first. A noise sounded from the Ovilus and all of you turned to look at Dakota to read what it said.

“It said “did”. It said “did”.” your boyfriend said nervously.

He turned the camera to show what the Ovilus had said. There on the screen was the one word that scared you all. “Did”

“I just said “Did you touch me?” and it said “did”.” you could hear the bit of panic lace his words.

Your eyes were wide and you gripped his shoulder. “Shit, Dakota. What the hell is going on?” you breathed out heavily.

“That is actually so weird,” he spoke while looking around the group. Tanner agreed with him.

Just as Tanner finished his sentence there was the sound of footsteps, and your head whipped toward the direction they came from.

“That’s footsteps. Did you guys hear that?!” you exclaimed.

You walked closer to Chels who was closer to where you heard them.

“I don’t know how far, or how close, but…” Alex got cut off by the Ovilus once again spitting out a word.

“Woah, feet. Feet.” your boyfriend spoke up again. “Like footsteps. You guys this is crazy.” you ran a hand through your hair.

“Okay, what? It just said feet,” he repeated.

“Boiler room. No. I heard it through the door.” Chelsea explained what she heard.

“That was the boiler room. Dakota said.

Alex decided to ask a question this time.

“Should we go to the boiler room?”

Dakota followed up the question “Do you want us to go to the boiler room?”

“That’s where you heard it, right?” he questioned again.

You moved from your position and walked toward the boiler room in the lead of the group.

“We’re coming into the boiler room with Ovilus like we said,” Dakota spoke up into the room.

“People down here call you Red. They have said that you grope women and attack men. Are you down here?” You asked trying not to show your fear. Tanner placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

Another loud noise sounded from somewhere near you all. Chelsea screamed and it caused you to scream as well and grab a hold of Tanner’s arm seeing as he was already nearest to you.

You all faced the hallway where it came from. “I wonder if that was Red?” Your boyfriend inquired. “That was a really loud noise,” Tanner said and stayed put. Alex stood closest to the door. “Is that you down there?” he pressed.

You shook your head.

“Climb.” the Ovilus spat out. Your brows drew together in confusion at the word choice.

“What?” you asked. “Climb” Dakota answered your question. “Climb.” you wondered out loud.

“Climb the stairs.” Alex put it out there.

Once again before anyone could respond the Ovilus did.

“What?” Dakota asked.

“March,” Tanner confirmed. “March?” He questioned.

“Dude, it said march.” Tanner once again confirmed the answer.

“Get out of here.” he threw the suggestion of what it meant.

You let go of Tanner’s arm and turned away from the group to take a deep breath.

“Climb and March, aka like…” Chelsea began. “Get out of here. Maybe we should get out of here.” her brother finished.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea, let’s go.” you and Tanner agreed.

Tanner led the way back up the stairs.

You stuck behind Dakota and in front of Alex. “Definitely something down here, and I don’t like it,” Dakota spoke his mind. You shivered at the thought of something so negative down there.

You once again exited the building, sat down on the steps, and set the camera on the step next to you. Your heart was racing, knowing what Dakota would want to do next.

They all stood a bit away while you tried to calm your nerves. You looked at them and sighed, you knew that there was something that was affecting you. Something was triggering your anxiety, almost keeping you on the verge of an anxiety attack not pushing you over the edge just dangling you over the precipice of a spiral.

You got lost in thought as you sat there with your head between your knees trying to unravel your thoughts and get your mind as clear as possible.

Suddenly you felt a hand placed on your back and you jumped letting out a yelp. And looked up at the person beside you. Alex stood beside you with furrowed brows. You felt the rest of the group looking at you and noticed someone sit by your other side. You knew who it was the minute a hand was placed on your knee. “Hey babe, we’ve been calling you. Is everything ok?” he asked softly.

“Oh, um, yeah Just a bit tired you know. Nothing crazy, I’m fine.” you tried to change the subject from yourself and back to the investigation. “What’s the plan?” you asked while standing up and leaned down to pick up your camera.

They all looked at you with weary glances. “(y/n), c’mon you can tell us.” Tanner tried to coax the truth from you. “I’m fine seriously, now what are we doing?” you stated with a tiny hint of frustration. You didn’t mean to sound that way, but you couldn’t help it.

They all just sighed and walked back up the steps and into the building once more.

Dakota looked towards the camera and began to explain what it was you were going to do next.

“Alright. So, right now, we’re gonna split up. Since we can’t split into two it will be one group of three and one group of two. Chelsea and Alex, and (y/n) are gonna go up to the suicide bathroom, and myself and, Tanner, are gonna go down to the basement, with the bowling alley, and boiler room.” Dakota announced, he didn’t want you to go back down into the basement and so he put you into the group with Alex and Chels.

You stepped up to him. “Dakota, I’m not letting you go down there,” you stated because you knew that it was targeting him.

“Babe, it’ll be me and Tanner. I’ll be fine.” he tried to convince you that he would be ok.

You looked up at Tanner with stern eyes. “If anything happens to him, I swear on my life I will kick your 6’4 ass Tanner.” you threatened him. They knew you were just worried and so they just let it be.

“Nothing will happen, I promise.” Tanner gave you the answer to comfort you. You knew Tanner would never let anything happen to him, and you trusted both of them. You nodded your head with a huff and walked over to Tanner. You wrapped him in a side hug. “Sorry, I just worry. Please take care of yourself too ok, I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” he hugged you back and promised that they would be ok. You walked back toward your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around him. He did the same to you and pulled away to place a kiss on your lips. It was short but sweet. You pressed a kiss to his jaw once before letting go, “Love you Kota, walkie me ok.” you reminded him. “Love you too babe, I’ll see you soon,” he said.

You turned to everyone else and said a little sorry before you all carried on. You looked down the stairs and saw Dakota walk away sighing before continuing up to the bathroom.

You got to the top of the stairs and Chelsea spoke. “This is so much creepier with three people,” she whispered.

“There’s just such a bad feeling up here,” Alex said as you followed behind him keeping silent. You kept walking and all ended up in front of the bathroom. Once again you all took a seat outside, Chelsea taking the chair and you took the floor while Al took the other chair.

“Multiple people spent their last moments of life right in this room. They were contemplating taking their life when they walked into that bathroom and did it.” Alex said.

“Yeah. It’s just, Like, a really depressed environment.” Chelsea explained.

You felt your heart sink, thinking about how many people had decided to end their lives so early.

“Rebecca, we’re sorry you were so sad that you felt like you had to end your life early,” Alex spoke into the dark. “We just want to know if you’re still here. It’s just Chelsea, Alex, and me up here now.” you tried to get any response. Alex got up and walked into the bathroom after a polaroid was taken.

“We don’t mean any disrespect. If you could make a noise we would appreciate that a lot.” He said. Chelsea took another photo and Alex walked out.

“It’s weird I don’t really feel scared up here. But in the basement, it’s a whole nother story,” he told you both. Out of nowhere, a loud thud sounded from somewhere in the dark. You and Chelsea gasped loudly, and Alex moved away from the mouth of the hallway.

“Oh. Okay. Nevermind. I shouldn’t have said that.” He got out.

“That was really loud.” You spoke. Chelsea nodded in agreement.

“Go see what that was,” Alex said, and you looked at him with wide eyes. “The hell? No Al you go see,” you whisper shouted.

He looked at you and pointed his camera at you. “Should we go walk over there?” he asked. You looked at him with an annoyed glare, and he had a shit-eating grin. “You’re so frustrating. But yeah I guess we should.” you sighed heavily. “Ladies first.” He said and you glared at him. You knew the footage would just be you with the most annoyed look on your face.

Chelsea walked in first with her flashlight glaring ahead.

As you walked down the hall Alex’s walkie goes off. “Hey, Alex, Chelsea, and (y/n).” You heard Dakota’s voice come through. Your heartbeat sped up not knowing if something was wrong.

“Yeah. Go for Alex.” He responded. “Hey, did you guys just, like, make a really loud noise?” Your brows furrowed. “Swear we didn’t,” Chels said. “No.Not at all,” he answered your boyfriend’s question.

“Did you guys hear that?” He asked. “No…” you trailed off with worry in your voice. “No, nothing. We didn’t hear anything.” Alex answered.

His voice came through again. “Honestly, I’m done with the bowling alley. I’m gonna go back up to the base camp room. “ “Okay. We’ll start heading down too.” Alex said. You quickly moved from where you were, down the hall and to the stairs. You got down the stairs first and were met with your boyfriend. “Dakota, are you ok?” you asked. “Yeah, it was just scary. I really just hate it down there,” he said and you reached to grab his hand and squeeze it. He looked at you with an appreciative smile. “How about you? Are you ok?” he asked you. “I’m ok babe, let’s get you out of here,” you said and tugged his hand as soon as the others made it to the room.

You looked to Tanner and shot him a smile and mouthed thank you. He smiled back and nodded.

Taglist: @jaziona92

@beautybyfire

@thefandomthings

#dakota laden #dakota laden imagine #gac dakota #dakota laden x reader #dakota laden one shot #dakota laden fluff #dakota laden angst #Destination Fear #destination fear imagine #destination fear x reader #destination fear trvl channel #destination fear x you #chelsea laden #alex schroeder #Tanner Wiseman #imagines #shy imagines #dakota laden fluff imagine #dakota laden angst imagine

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bearseokie · 4 years ago

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boyfriend! oneus

[ gender-neutral! ]

oneus m.list | navi. | nsfw! bf! oneus (M)

Ravn:

selfie game, strong! between his insane visuals and like-minded camera angles, you're never let down by his pretty selfies that he sends you throughout the day. mainly paired with his chin to his chest while he's pouting and a silly caption.

if you think his selfies are good, the way he takes couple pictures? chef's kiss. you're never low on pics to post to social media or to put on your fridge. even the embarrassing ones, but he'll whine about those later.

matching onesies or couple pajamas.

walks up to you just to rest his chin on your head or shoulder and breathe you in.

holds your hand in the way that his entire hand envelops the width of your fingers while you hold on to his thumb.

asks for you to buy him flowers more than he gets them for you. you can't help but want to see his eyes sparkle at the sight of a dozen roses, though.

is probably biting his lip unwillingly but also on purpose. it's a habit you learn to enjoy. he does it when he's focused too, so you always know if he's paying attention or not. as confident as he is, he blushes when you call him out for it.

wraps his arms all the way around your torso and picks you up in a hug just because he can.

will see something out of the corner of his eye and make a whole circle to turn towards it. usually it's a gift of a random item he thinks you'll adore, and you always do. you'll gain a little collection of things you never imagined you'd own being with him.

genuinely not used to physical contact and tends to be rougher than he means to be. he's a temperate boy that has a habit of patting your head or kissing you a little too hard because he's in love and is still learning.

talks your ears off when you're alone. if you don't pull his beanie over his face, he won't shut up.

comes across as intimidating, but is literally the most considerate person. like he will physically reel you backwards just to gently push away an eyelash from your cheek and kiss your lips.

big pant, big shirt. aka his and your big pant and big shirt. sharing is caring. he gets butterflies in his stomach watching your hand caress over the clothes hanging in his closet as you search for something to wear.

unintentional - but completely intentional - lip locking. like he'll bend over to reach across your form laying on the bed when you’re distracted and he’ll be right in your face. before you know it, you're sitting up and your lips are colliding. especially loves doing this in public because your warm face is his rapid beating heart.

will admit to others how much he loves you but will be so stubborn behind closed doors. says things like "are you sure we're talking about the same person? me, wait— me? I'm in love with you? no— no, you're right. I'm guilty."

pouty boy with big, pleading eyes all the time.

runs his fingertips over the lines of your hands. you catch him mimicking them on his own and smiling like an idiot when they match.

take his flannels. do it.

late nights where he bursts through your door while you're sleeping and shakes you awake to run a few lyrics by you. always second guesses himself, but when he sees that you're actually taken back by the words, he gets all smiley bolts back to work.

snuggles into your pillow until you lay down with him, then you're his true cuddle buddy.

Seoho:

dramatically pulls his coats off to put over your shoulders. his constant body heat can warm you up immediately.

takes you on movie dates just to sit in the very back and have heavy make outs with you. like panting, fingers laced in each other's hair, bodies fighting to get into each other’s seats — make out sessions.

his! laugh! the way you can get him to laugh is definitely one of his favorite things in the world, and his smile could light up a room. also has the tendency to laugh at you even when you're not being funny.

pushes his face into the crook of your neck to fall asleep. his breath on your skin can make you feel weird and loved at the same time, but his sound sleeps are worth it. also pushes you to lay on your back so he can curl up beside you and rub his forehead against you.

more chaotic dates where he does things you're afraid of just to show you not to be so scared. hugs you like a koala for the rest of the day.

matching outfits like crazy. even down to the accessories. loves spoiling you with new outfits even if you tell him you hate getting gifts so often.

hugs your waist and lifts you up to reach something instead of getting it down himself.

will have the same pic of you and him set as everything. his phone’s lockscreen, wallpaper, his laptop’s lockscreen, wallpaper, profile pics, it’s the only post on his social media.

so in love that it can come across as icky. blushing cheeks, sweaty palms, a bounce in his step.

mocks you like you’re already an old married couple. but his loving banter comes off as charming.

the saying 'know you like the back of my hand' had to have been written by him, himself, because he does, in fact, know you that well. he knows the different sounds of your sneezes - aka whether you have a cold or not. he knows the change of your morning voice versus the tone you have in the middle of the day. anything going through your mind, this man has down pact.

random night calls where he just goes 'I'm at the door, let me in." because his hands are too full to reach for his key. stumbles in with bags full of snacks and treats just to have you both sit on the floor eating and ranting until dawn.

the softest kisses. and I mean the softest kisses. like michael angelo adding details to his paintings, type soft. you can hardly ever feel them and barely knows he's there until he starts laughing or vibrating from the sudden eye contact you're giving him.

would rather waddle side to side in a back hug than let you go to walk somewhere alone.

has a list of everything he loves to share with you over time. movies, music, random memos in his phone.

included in those phone memos are literally so many details about you that it can make your eyes roll. he has the smallest details noted and little asterisks to remind him to write them down in a physical journal one day, but you might have to do that for him.

a lot quieter than he makes himself out to be. is basically a ghost when you're around him. the only way you really ever know where he is is if he's lugging around a bluetooth speaker with music playing.

messy! hair! he will literally refuse to brush his own hair until you do it for him. loves it more if you just use your fingers to comb his locks.

squinted eyes because he's smiling at you so hard that he'll probably bump into something in the process.

lets you hold both sides of his face in your palms. especially if he's cold. sometimes you can squish.

Leedo:

being with gunhak — it is literally a love novel.

warm eyes that sparkle when he looks at you. you notice it and keep quiet just to bask in his affection, but it’s always the first thing people mention when they talk about your relationship.

can’t help but reach his hand across the table to hold yours while you eat.

scrunches his nose when you say silly things.

the most attentive person when you’re telling a story. will sit with his chin in his palm and his eyes going between your gaze and lips as you speak. makes constant “mhm” and “ohh” sounds to let you know he’s right in the story with you. stops you to laugh at the way you say a specific word. you both spend hours sitting somewhere together just telling stories back and forth until the sun rises or sets.

can’t go a single day without throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you around.

has his hand on your lower back all day. like all day. in public, at home, in bed while you're sleeping. as long as his hand is on your back, you know he’s next to you.

his face is always a hotter temperature than the rest of his body, especially if you’ve been looking at him all day. crimson cheeks, red-tipped ears, reddened lips because he can’t stop kissing you.

sleeps with you laying in between his legs and your head on his chest. you fall asleep to the beat of his heartbeat while he plays with your fingers and listens to your breathing.

puts you in the shopping cart before any items just so he can wheel you around and listen to you laugh when he pretends he’s going to ram into something.

will pull the shirt/jacket/top he was wearing over his head and toss it to you to wear or hug if he’s leaving so you don’t miss him too much.

isn’t extremely good with speaking words to express what he wants to say, so oftentimes you find little notebook pages folded around the house with love notes written on them. him telling you how much he appreciates how much you do for him. him saying ‘i love you’ in different colored ink in different kinds of ways. sometimes a smashed flower in between the pages just for added scents. completely a cheesy romantic with love notes.

likes to let you drive so he can put his elbow against the window and stare at you from across the front of the vehicle. while you’re focused he’s grinning and giggling because it’s ‘super adorable’.

sends flowers to your work at the most inappropriate times in order to keep anyone that’s been flirting with you in their place. very subtle about being protective, and thankfully never has to make large leaps to have others understand you’re unavailable. thinks it’s the best thing in the world when someone is eyeing you and you come running to him to dramatically toss your arms around his neck and place a kiss on his lips.

enjoys having cleverly matching pieces. a pair of earrings shared between the two of you. matching bracelets. soft cotton shirts you can wear on your days off. two blankets of the same designs but different colors.

severely embraces breaking his shyness when it comes to pda. will pull you into his arms and kiss you while walking down the street. lets you sit on his lap in a busy place. carries you on his back around big stores.

works out with you around him. if he wants to do sit ups, you're holding his feet. if he wants to do push ups, you're laying under him giving him kisses every time he comes down.

forehead kisses. temple kisses. cheek kisses. literally all of the softest kisses.

terribly difficult to wake up, but the sound of your voice will draw his lids to open in an instant so he can see your smiling face.

super nervous about the entire relationship so you have to guide him at a reasonable pace. hold his hand first, kiss him first, even say 'i love you' first, but he'll return it all in a beat after you express your love.

Hwanwoong:

would be the one to have that situation where you met by running into each other at full force and had to laugh it off despite how much pain you were both in. he does something like offer to buy you a drink as an apology and then he never leaves your side.

sits with him between your legs and his back pressed into your front so you can hug him around his waist and lean on him.

smells are a huge deal to him. hoards light scented candles and renames them with comic titles or references to your relationship just to make you laugh when he calls them out in conversations.

runs his fingers through your hair as a way of showing affection on a regular basis. if you’re in public, he’ll sneak in a quick kiss just because he isn’t huge on pda.

but not liking pda doesn't mean he won't cling to you behind closed doors. he can't go very long without brushing his skin against your own, even in a subtle way.

physically capable of making meals on his own, or with you, but he's too lazy. enjoy the take out! also huge on getting snack foods to feed you in a romantic way without it being intentional.

quiet. very quiet. he enjoys silence while holding you or waking up in the midst of the night just to hear you sleeping peacefully. it's his solace.

although he gets whiny, he will let you do anything you want to him. test out makeup looks on him, play with his hair, make him dress up for you. just as long as you can reciprocate by going on sweet dates with him or let him read his favorite stories to you, he's all for it.

gets you random, very personal gifts. his attentiveness is insane, so he'll give you something like a better-formed pillow to help you sleep or a journal of your silly inside jokes to keep around when you have to be apart.

pretends he's not emotional during the day only to spill the deepest things to you at night. you're his diary and he loves you for that.

but with his distant state, you're still the one to notice things first. if he's too tired, if he's hungry - you know the tell-tale signs and can quietly get him back on his feet. you’re basically his weakness and muse all at once.

he might be the last one to wake up, but that's just because he enjoys knowing you slept by his side all night.

tilts your head to the side to kiss you because he thinks it's romantic.

doesn't care who you think you are, he will give you a piggyback ride.

does that thing where you'll be doing something important and he'll be sat next to you whispering jokes into your ear to keep you from getting stressed. also has to hold your hand the entire time or else he'll get up.

intuitive to your emotions and feelings. if you're in pain somewhere, he's in pain. if you're laughing, he's laughing.

the most pleasing, deep morning voice ever. doesn't even have to try. it's like two octaves lower than his regular voice and will always give you the shivers.

instead of big things for dates he does tasks like have all of your house chores done when you return or studies up on your school work to help you out. it's his way of showing affection and appreciation. but he does bigger things too like cover your bathroom in flower petals with a nice bath running when you get home.

has a tendency of saying your name the most when he’s sleeping.

makes choreography and dedicates them to you all the time. will tug you into the practice room to show you moves. but then he's giggling uncontrollably and starts complimenting you until you kiss him.

Keonhee:

records everything all the time. has backup storage just so he can film everything you both do or take a thousand pictures. spends literal hours printing out the pictures to make photo albums or put them on his wall so he never has to go a moment without seeing you. carries around a physical, mini album just to stare at while he’s traveling or feels lonely.

loves showering with you. will take the showerhead off of the wall and hold it over you while making lightsaber sounds.

loves the sound of you saying his name more than anything. when he's happy, upset, angry - just a call of his name can settle his emotions. and maybe a kiss too.

will sit or lay somewhere and just stare at you with a big, goofy grin on his face and loving sparkles in his eyes for no particular reason.

claps your hands together before he holds them.

makes music playlists titled with hysterical names that are more distracting than the chaos of the actual list. names them with emojis and such to see if you can code his secret love messages.

his lips are always redder than normal around you. quite literally doesn't know when or how to stop kissing you.

cannot comprehend how he could love someone more than you. it's that dumb love like he'll trip over his own two feet, say your name instead of his own when ordering something, or even intentionally get something he hates just because you like it.

changes the color of the led lights to define the mood. happy, sad, sexy time. the room is a rainbow every week.

contrary to popular belief of the cancer man, he's not clingy until you tell him to be. postpones all physical contact to the last moment when you ask why he's distant and give him consent to holding you whenever he wants. then he never lets you go.

has to be even in height with you ninety percent of the day, even if you're off by a few centimeters. helps you sit on the kitchen counter, hunches to kiss you, lifts you up by your waist.

being on opposite ends of a room while he's doing hand gestures and silently singing you the song stuck in his head.

his most genuine habit is giving away all of his emotions in his eyes. one glance and you know exactly how he feels, even if he isn't speaking about it aloud.

thinks being out in the rain is extremely romantic but will pull you back inside at the first drop because "you might get a cold".

hardly wears clothes when he starts getting seriously comfortable with you. no shirt, maybe some pajama pants, maybe some socks with random patterns on them. if he gets hot at any point, shield your eyes.

pouts without actually pouting. you'll hear a little huff from beside you instead.

put your belongings into the rips of his jeans instead of his pockets. they're 'safe'.

visibly shudders when he gets to hold your hand after a long day.

so many shoulder kisses you can't even keep up with them anymore.

you have a collection of him scrunching his nose when you're trying to get soft couple pictures because he can't take it seriously.

Xion:

if you fall asleep on him at any point during the day, he'll wrap you in his jacket or a blanket around you and carry you to bed. he'll let you rest comfortably while he lays beside you and watches you sleep while running his fingers across your face in a loving way.

sleeps holding your hand no matter what position you're both in.

dates are basically: carnivals to sit at the top of the ferris wheel and make out peacefully, picnics in the park to pick flowers and put them in your hair, going to bookstores just to shuffle through the comics and mangas.

bites you. slowly. he’s not the type to just bite into your skin randomly, more like you’ll get big puppy eyes and know he’s up to something before you feel a little nibble.

competitive in an ‘i’ll let you win if you give me a kiss’ way. guess who always wins. sike it’s him because he can use it as an excuse to make you pouty and then kiss you until you can’t even pretend to be angry anymore.

loves singing to you and only you.

hand-makes you jewelry because he finds it more endearing than buying them. plus it's sentimental.

hates blushing in front of others, but you can make him blush from a few words. loves the pet names you come up with. they sound like common conversation pieces so no one questions why you said them until they notice his face is nearly crimson.

unintentionally does romantic stuff. plays ballads over a speaker while prancing around until you take his hand and dance with him. finds a rose bush and gently clips a single flower to put in a vase for you. absentmindedly kisses your knuckles when he sees you for the first time in a while.

has the hardest time showing emotions, but does have the tendency to cry when parting or send you chain texts about how much he misses you when he's away.

random cheek kisses throughout the day.

sweater paws because you're both wearing his large hoodies and holding hands.

has more soft objects than you've ever witnessed a person own. now they're partially yours, so choose a stuffed animal.

random store dates where you go inside and find the strangest items you both fall in love with and get to put on display at home. you know when you go to someone's house and see an object that makes you question how it got there? he gets a lot of those for the two of you. 'conversation pieces', he says.

remembers cheesy quotes to tell you throughout the day to make you smile. if he wasn't in love, he'd never think twice about memorizing them.

probably thinking about kissing you every second of every day, but he uses his kisses wisely.

steals your shirts to sleep with when he's away because they smell like you.

cannot handle more than holding your hand in public at first, but he'll learn to love pda very quickly if you enjoy it.

where has all his phone's storage gone? oh, they're just pictures of you sleeping.

so adorned by you that his eyes literally sparkle, even if you're in his peripheral.

#oneus #oneus headcanon #oneus headcanons #oneus imagines #oneus scenarios #ravn #kim youngjo #seoho #lee seoho #leedo #kim gunhak #kim geonhak #hwanwoong #yeo hwanwoong #keonhee #lee keonhee #xion #son dongju #oneus.headcanon

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energyanon · 3 years ago

Note

Any thoughts on that photo?

It can be me, but I think that this time is energy was all over the place, not in a good way. It felt like something was off, but I can't placed it. ( I would almost say that maybe is the consequence of too many people trying to step in his energy, without know how).

And again, he proved that he reads everything, and almost on sync. Yesterday (20), we were talking how he can't be that happy eating always the same food, and today (21) he posted this pic, and with kal in it. He is in need of a social media cleansing, like completely shutting down for a week, but he is too stubborn to stop. Either obsessing with his career or his body. I hope that this phase passes quickly, so his DC appear and helping through this, and I do hope that he doesn't try to kick her out, when she shows, otherwise he's going to continue in the cicle of destruction.

The photo made me so sad. At first I was rolling my eyes, cause it was just ANOTHER fucking ad by the guy, but i couldn't shake the sadness I felt with it. I don't know why, I know i've been less than kind to the guy recently saying he's being boring as anything (still true) BUT, it just felt to me like this photo was him reaching out. Trying his best, trying to reconnect with the fans in a way he know they'll respond to (which in any other scenario i would think was manipulative) but IDK you guys I cannot shake the feeling like he was actually just trying to be genuine and this is the only way he knew how. I felt SO BAD for him. And then I read all the gossip sites obviously cause i'm so messy, and I felt EVEN WORSE. We're absolutely obliterating the guy recently and I really think he just needs a little love, and especially being in his energy recently and how fucking sad he is, I couldn't help but be soft about it. And the thing is, in my day to day life i'm always so aware that most people just need a LITTLE love in order to be the best person they can be, because usually the way they're acting is because they've been lacking in love, and i KNOW this. I DO CONSTELLATIONS FFS. And yet I couldn't give any empathy towards henry? Like, I just felt BAD. And then seeing his fucking pizzas and I.. I DONT know what it is, but at this point i'm really sensing some body struggles, defo an ED. He's just been SO focused on it recently, and the way he talks about himself and his body makes me so sick, cause I get it, I think most women get it in general, but FUCCCCKKKK. There's nothing I get sadder about than someone hating the body their in and being unable to accept it and focusing so much on it that it's consuming them. I should have been more empathetic to that too cause I saw it even before this post and from a year ago, and ugh. I just feel bad. Also, totally agree, I did actually get messages today with people admitting that they jumped in today and felt x and warned me that it would be intense, but I already knew that. Also to the anons reading this: thank you for admitting that, and being respectful, I read what you had to say and its much better than last time well done, just remember to CLOSE IT WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!! Agreed with the last paragraph aswell, It's quite coincidental if it is just that, but it's been what, 3 times now? At this point, he's gotta have his team rummaging through all sorts of sites. Which is SO unhealthy. I can't help but feel that he's spiraling a bit and it's not helping. Agreed that he needs a Social Media cleanse, but more so than that, he just needs a cleanse altogether, go to therapy, he cares SO much about what others think, and I believe its really starting to get to him in a detrimental way.

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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

Text

•ALLEGRA BIANCHI•

IG info/bio: @/theeallegrabianchi | 303k followers| Entrepreneur | bad bitches go to therapy thxz 🦭👄

(24) 26 years old

From Swansea, Wales

Ofc she knows who Catherine Zeta-Jones is...her mother literally resembles her and remembers people coming up to her mom countless times asking for a pic growing up, and Allegra hated taking pics for these imbeciles...mainly because the attention wasn’t on her

has a dysfunctional family...

her mother is critical of almost everything she does but at least she paying attention?

and feels her father is neglectful and only seems to be heard when she’s in his face

all they know how to do is scream at each other instead of talking calmly to one another

her mother is of Venezuelan heritage

And Her father is of Italian heritage

her father’s side of the family resides in calabria italy

he named her after his high school gf that passed away due to his irresponsible drunk driving on their senior prom night

Her parents do not have the healthiest of relationships due to her father constantly cheating on her mother in the past...leading to verbal and physical fights

also has a kid or two outside of their marriage because of his unfaithfulness and allegra learned to hate them because of the hurt her mother showcased

In the beginning she was only around them because her father enforced it, that she needed to know her family “blood is all you got in the end.” He would always say but that was bs

Would take her, her half sibs, and her full sibs on day trips/weekend trips in his suburban

Has three full older brothers and one full younger sister

Because of this, Allegra did not have a clear view of what love was supposed to be and felt that anger in a relationship is supposed to be somewhat of the norm?

Many times she wished at night in her bed with a pillow over her head that her parents would just file for a divorce already when their fights would get bad to the point things would get broken and her mother would h*t her father (once with a metal bat) and throw him out of the house

Has had the cops called on their household before and cps definitely has/had a file on them

Has been in family therapy before and is currently in therapy mainly for herself because of the trauma & how it’s messed with her spirit as a person

Loves? Cares for her parents from afar but will never understand their relationship and why they’re still together to this day

Can go months without speaking to any of her family members and be completely fine with that

Had her younger sis, Nerina put her PRIVATE shit on blast via internet after love island aired and completely cut her off since she is “a clout chaser and money hungry bitch who can’t take care of own her child cause she opened her legs to a meth head who loves prison” OOP

she only has a decent relationship with one of her brothers who’s two years older than her, Vito. They seem to be the closest out of the sibs and he’s the only one she bothers to speak to from time to time

She’s a “cocktail entrepreneur” so I’m guessing she has her own business where she specializes in her own cocktail drinks? Working in some upscale rooftop/penthouse bar where she successfully makes profits from her signature drinks or has a brand that focuses mainly on cocktails

It took years for her business to take off and hasn’t been easy, not one bit. At times it felt like everyone wanted to see her fail and she has openly spoken about her struggles as not only a entrepreneur but as a woman in this business where no one wanted to take a chance on her

That just lit the fire that’s already inside of her

Aries sun + Leo moon + Scorpio rising? (Personality vs how you react to things emotionally vs you’re outside shell for those who don’t follow this too much. I’m not too in depth about it but I do find it interesting!)

Or should she be reversed as a Leo sun with a Aries moon? Aries are direct, fiery, one step ahead of others, impulsive, and know how to take charge. Leo’s are dramatic, loves attention, passionate, loyal, warm, and have a need to express their passions, and scorpios are intense, secretive, mysterious, and work strategically

anyways, I feel like she’s definitely improved as a person over the span of two years? Or at least I hope she has cause everyone goes thru changes

And she was frustrating in s1 so I just know she had some deeper issues going on so I really think therapy is helping her ass I wish it would help me lmao

Being cheated on honestly made her feel like her mother, weak in her mind she was with this dude for awhile—3 years and he just up and thought it was okay to cheat on her? With his personal trainer?! Yet he didn’t gain any muscle mass?! The ultimate disrespect!!! but one thing she knew? She wasn’t going to stick around like her mom did

But she was bitter about it foresure. She ultimately wanted to corner the girl for messing with HER man but part of her knew she wasn’t the only one to blame. However that didn’t stop her for cussing her out via voicemail a couple of times while intoxicated

Allegra always strived for love cause she’s never really seen it before or felt it

Sure she’s had many boyfriends before?And their names didn’t matter not only because she didn’t remember them? But she never felt the spark with them in the first place?

Maybe she wasn’t meant for love so she kinda put on this bitchy front and always been that way with some shitty friends she had around her until she recently cut them off a year ago

has gotten herself into trouble as a kid: trespassing, and destroying public property, smoking in the girls bathroom, physical altercations, cutting class, being assigned community service, etc... all with these friends she’s had for years!

Before she met her problematic friends in secondary, when she was in her pre-teen stage she was involved in the handbell team and in the Color guard but hates to admit it even tho her parents have pics all over the flat

went away to uni for a semester and wanted to join a sorority but the hazing was extreme to the point she was sent to the hospital then accepted? Which led to more trauma in her life so she dropped out

A few years later she decided on online courses and moved out of her parents flat as soon as she could with the $ she saved up and did not leave in the house since it was not safe to smh

Therapy was really helping sis, she felt a lot better and was working on her deep rooted issues mainly the anger and hurt and never really realized how it revolves around her life. She was super thankful for her therapist and reshaping herself

Many didn’t buy it but she knew she couldn’t give that much of a fuck? She couldn’t. In order to grow you got to learn that you have to involve for yourself and not others

She didn’t like the person she saw watching the show back but when she came back to the reunion a part of her hoped people saw some sort of change in her—even if it’s only been a few months since the show then

Sometimes she’ll slip back into old habits, wanting and doing so by snapping on people and blacking out by getting intoxicated and knowing that healing is a process and valuing yourself is the exact same

has a toy poodle that she loves deeply

doesn’t have many outside friends after cutting off the ones that were toxic

is pro-ab*rtion and had one herself which was aired out by her sister online

has a cozy flat that has a lot of brick exposure inside, a navy sofa which is her favorite piece in her house, and a view to die for!! which erases the fact that her apartment is “cozy” which she uses to replace the fact that it’s much smaller than what she originally wanted. She dreams big ya know!!!

currently has a crush on her art teacher who resembles Adam Rodriguez

but also feels like liking your teacher/instructor is a bit weird? Even tho they’re both grown

yes she is taking art classes now outside of work to find something that’ll bring her peace and these pass months they have until COVID hit where classes had to be cancelled yet she was contacted to continue online but she felt her art was truly shit but he says art is subjective

She feels like there’s a connection there? But at the same time isn’t looking for another relationship until she fully works on herself first! That took awhile for her to accept after she fell into some relations with a few ppl after the show

from there she realized that she might like girls too? And got a little annoyed that it took her this long to figure out especially with the way she felt around MC and cherry

doesn’t like to admit this but her fav holiday is Christmas? Even tho the theme is majorly corny to her but it actually makes her happy?

Feels like that was the only time her family showed love towards each other, and even tho they didn’t come from much, they always followed thru with their traditions

and she misses them a little bit around this time and might be the first one to call them even if the calls are short lived and kinda awkward at first

Loves making gingerbread houses and cookies

i feel like she now embraces her forearm hair but still gets everything else lasered

Miss Allegra has inches okay?! But I definitely feel like now in 2020 she’s chopping that shit off into a pixie cut and when she posts on the gram her hair is usually always damp when she shows it off

some comments — jake: lovely! Jen: babe, ur beautiful! Erikah: 😍 Tim: how hot! You’ve got the whole resident evil thing goin for yous

“Did he just call me a virus?”

And she might get a like from mason that’ll make her feel some type of way

We all have to go thru some growth you know so do you girl!

You can’t tell me she doesn’t play stabscotch!

Used to be obsessed with social media way before going on love island but lately doesn’t mind disappearing for months at a time? You have to cleanse yourself from that shit

idk i see her being mostly cool with jen or erikah and will hang out with them from time to time? Maybe they experienced some growth too, shit I sure hope so

still feels something for mason??? But at the same time maybe it was mainly superficial since mason wasn’t fucking with her like that, not 100% but at the same time gets frustrated that he still doesn’t see where she’s coming from and it’s been 2 years???

She loves hard if given the chance and then feels like shit when it doesn’t work out cause it feels like she wasted a fuck load of time

she no longer follows him because she feels like it’s better for her spirit or whatever and she doesn’t need to see him with someone else

the only guy that she really interacts with is Tim, yet tim is cool with everybody!

Otherwise there’s no real connection with her and anybody else? She wants to keep love island separate from herself now because she’s not exactly the same as she was two years ago? And hopes someday people will get that

Probably watches those auction shows on the telly late at night when she can’t sleep, hoping and can afford some of those things one days

I feel like she has chronic migraines too?

Once had a significant other buy her Allegra-D in all seriousness for her birthday because it reminded them of her & thought it would help her headaches 🤨

Loves the snow, but hates cleaning it off her car! S/O to those HOA fees, bless it cause leggy’s deff bussed her ass once before breaking her collarbone and sued like a mf!!!

Since her hours are hardly consistent since she’s mainly her own boss, she’ll have late nights/early mornings when she returns home and has to shift days where she cleans the flat but when she cleans??? It’s best everyone stays tf out of her way

And don’t try to help her cause you’re doing it wrong 10/10 of the time, she loves cleaning and has dropped mad money on those super expensive vacuums

Only knows how to make what’s relative to her culture: arepas, penne alla vodka, and cawl but otherwise than that? She’d rather clean then spend hours in a kitchen cooking unless she’s making cocktails ofc!

also loves shopping for clothes but shoes are her fav things to shop for

Deff has a steamer over a iron for her clothes

Keeps eucalyptus and lavender oil in her purse at all times

posts mainly on her stories and made a deal with her supporters that she’ll go live once a month since she feels like she owes them that? Since she’s not as active anymore but she really doesn’t owe anybody shit but out of the newfound kindness of her heart...she does

Believes she got Covid before they all decided to do a shut down/lockdown of restaurants, bars, etc.. and her suspicions were proven correct after she decided to get tested

her anthem? Kali Uchis — Dead to me (acoustic version)

#litg #litg allegra #litg headcanons #litg headcanon #litg moodboard #litg mason #litg Tim #litg jake #litg jen #litg erikah #litg mc #litg oc #had to make to drama filled since s1 did us right along with s2 #I do feel like Allegra bettered? herself after the show and stand by that #I still laugh when I see her character in my head and the fact that someone said she looks like the bride of chucky #anyways I like giving people the benefit of the doubt and I think ppl like her better than Lucy? lmao so this is for y’all allegra stans #decided to give s3 a break and play s1 again hope that’s cool lol #also no longer doing celeb crush/music choices anymore cause I’ve run out? lol alright bye!

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axther · 5 years ago

Text

where the lord does not look

todoroki shoto/female!traitor!reader

In which Todoroki Shoto blackmails a classmate and pays the price.

warnings: blackmail, violence, questionable kiss

It felt wrong. It always did.

YN L/N watched Aizawa Shouta talk about the importance of pack thinking, of teamwork, of loyalty, and it felt cruel. The sun was shining through the door window, Sero and Denki were passing notes about something, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ochako casually glancing at Midoriya. There was the smell of spring in the air and the taste of hope on the tip of everyone’s tongues.

And YN wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

She didn’t know how she got involved with the League of Villains in the first place. Her quirk, while powerful, wasn’t necessarily villainous. She was never teased, never abused for anything in her life except for insignificant bullies. She had no obstacle or hindrance. She just remembered asking for power to a man with no face.

And here she was. Helping plot the downfall of the pillar of the hero youth.

She knew it would crush so many. Midoriya was the first to come to mind, with how hard he worked to enter if the rumours were true. But everyone else who decided to throw their lives on the line for a job that fatal at worst and exhausting at best would be forced to relocate, reconsider.

YN held her head up a little bit higher when she realised that she was slouching. The last thing she needed was for anyone to ask her if something was wrong. She knew that she would burst like an overfilled dam.

The bell rang and YN almost shakily rose to her feet. Her bag was in her hand when Mina and Tooru grabbed her arms on either side, tugging her away.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Mina yapped, poking a finger into YN’s cheek. “What’s got you so upset?”

YN felt panic rise in her chest but masked it with a concerned look. “What are you talking about?”

“You were all wimpy during class. What’s up with that?” Tooru chirped.

“I was thinking.” YN raised an eyebrow. “That’s you’re supposed to do in class. Though, I suppose you wouldn’t know that.”

“Hey!” Mina let a mock frown grace her cheeks. “That’s mean!”

“It’s true.” YN smirked, letting the panic start to flow away.

“Well, what were you thinking about?” Tooru began, a teasing tone on her voice. “Was it...Todoroki?”

YN jumped, nearly stopping the two in their tracks. “What? That’s-!”

“Ha! We were right!” Mina howled, puffing up her chest and thumping her fist against it. “Ah, young love~!”

“Mina, we’re the same age-”

“Doesn’t matter! So, where are you gonna confess?” Tooru pitched in.

They had a point, of course. YN had a crush (albeit a small one) on Todoroki Shoto. It was bred out of unspoken respect; he had every right to be a villain if what YN had heard was right. He had a terrifyingly powerful quirk, a terrible childhood, and little social skills. And yet, he did the one thing that YN could not. He prevailed and walked on the path of light.

YN sighed. “I’m not going to. I don’t stand a chance.”

“No way! He was staring at you all throughout class today!” Tooru giggled. “He couldn’t look away.”

“What?” YN stared wide-eyed at the space where she guessed Tooru was at. “Bullshit.”

“Nope! I even got a pic!” She pulled out her phone (with a cute Mount Lady charm on it) and showed a picture of Todoroki that was clearly taken underneath her desk. He indeed was staring at YN’s back, but it was more the look of glaring daggers than anything.

“That...doesn’t look positive.” YN murmured.

“He’s emotionally constipated! He’s probably head over heels!” Mina said, entering the cafeteria.

“Uh-huh…” YN was about to break off when she felt a tap on her shoulder. All three girls turned only to see the young man they had just been talking about.

“T-Todoroki!” YN yelped, literally jumping when she saw him standing there. He looked neutral, watching her intently.

“May I have a word with you, LN? There is something I’d like to discuss.”

Both Mina and Tooru squealed as YN nodded, clasping hands and jumping. Though they didn’t say anything otherwise, the message was obvious.

YN followed Todoroki through a side hall, keeping a bit of distance between herself and the student. Though she hated to admit it, she felt hope grow. All the talk of him liking her back was getting to her, and she just hoped that Mina and Tooru were right.

He stopped just outside, where no one was around, and YN nearly ran into his back. She stumbled as he turned.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I’ve been watching you.”

YN stopped talking, blinking up at him with wide eyes and a blush rising on her cheeks. “Pardon?”

“You take a lot of calls, late at night. And you send letters.”

YN froze. “I’m sorry?”

“One of the letters fell out, and I planned on putting it back in the mailbox for you. But there was no address on it.” Todoroki looked deathly serious like he would try to kill YN if she tried to move. His bangs made his face shadowed, and it was enough to make YN’s heart stop.

She felt bile and panic rising. The letters were shipped to the League, through someone they had in the post office. And the calls were given to Toga, who would change into someone else every time so that if anyone heard, there would be no vocal leads.

“During the USJ attack, you and I were placed in the same division. While, yes, the villains attacked you, they put in noticeably less effort, and you never made any attempt to actually hurt them. With your quirk, you could have easily put them all to sleep. But you made it hard.”

YN started hyperventilating, eyes flicking left and right in hopes of looking for an escape without having to hurt Todoroki. “What are you trying to say?”

“You’re the traitor.” Todoroki put it bluntly, and yet, YN felt as though he hadn’t said nearly enough. It felt like the world froze, with YN’s eyes glazing over in terror. Her breathing was laboured and she even felt a little faint. Her world was collapsing, she wasn’t ready to go to jail, she was terrified. There was a white-hot rushing in her veins, and she fell to her knees.

“I won’t sell you out.” Todoroki looked down at her like one would look at roadkill-intrigued, but disgusted. “For a price.”

YN looked up, tears ruining her vision. “What is it? I’ll do it.”

“I have favours. First, I don’t really feel like doing this week’s homework. I already know of all it.” He paused, looking neutrally cruel. “Actually, this entire semester. I don’t feel like doing it. Understand?”

YN mutely nodded.

“Good. If any one of the assignments fails, then it’s over.”

Todoroki left, purposing hitting her shoulder with his knee so she would fall over. She couldn’t get up, nor did she even move, until Mina and Tooru came rushing out.

“Oh my god!” Mina knelt, grabbing YN’s face with care. “Are you alright?”

“We saw Todoroki leave, and he didn’t look...happy…” Tooru started but trailed off when a fresh wave of tears overcame YN. “Oh, no...sweetie…”

All three girls stayed huddled together, the two cooing at YN until Mina paused.

“So...did you get...you know…?”

“Rejected?” Tooru finished. YN sniffled loudly, before nodding. After all, there was no way in hell that Todoroki would love someone like her, now.

“Oh my god...I am so sorry…” Mina wrapped YN in a hug, while Tooru was fuming.

“What a jackass! He should’ve accepted you! He has no taste!” She stood up, crossing her sleeves. “I’m gonna have a talk with him!”

“Tooru!” Mina called out. “Don’t. Not right now.”

Tooru relaxed, watching YN break down even more. “...You’re right. Sorry.”

“And we’re sorry...for telling you that…” Mina fell silent. “We’re sorry.”

“It’s not-” YN managed to get out, trying to talk past her sore throat and sobs. “It’s not your fault.”

And there they stayed, even with Midnight offering condolences for a rejection that never happened and offering the rest of the day off.

The sun set low, and Mina and Tooru had to leave as the stars came out. The cold came creeping up YN’s arms, and yet, she stayed.

And in the distance, a young man watched.

YN paced the length of her dorm, holding the phone to her ear.

“Himi...Himi, please, it’s me.”

“Oh? YN-chan? What’s wrong?” The voice was initially a deep baritone, a man’s voice, but it dripped into a sweet honey tone, that of a schoolgirl’s. “Were you crying?”

“Himi, they know. Someone knows. They...he isn’t telling right now, but…”

“What?!” She heard from the other side. “Someone knows?!”

There was more shouting from past the phone, some from Shigaraki, others from Twice. They were talking before Toga went back on the phone.

“How long can you shut him up? Who is it?”

“T-Todoroki Shoto. He...he’s blackmailing me into doing stuff for him in exchange for him keeping quiet.”

“Stuff?” Toga yelped. “What stuff is making you do? It’s nothing creepy, right?”

“Creepy?” YN heard Twice yell. “We can’t even let him touch her! If he tries anything then-”

“Oh, would you shut up?” Shigaraki sounded strained. “She slipped up. She has to pay.”

“The little bitch just exposed the whole operation! Fucking kill her!” Twice hissed. “She needs to be pulled out and saved!”

“YN-chan, what stuff is he making you do? It’s not talkin’ about us, right?” Toga said. She sounded worried, but coming from her, it wasn’t comforting.

“No...homework is what he’s starting off with, but I have a feeling he’ll go further. He won’t be satisfied. I know that I’ve already exposed the breach, so if there’s any way to hurry up the operation…” YN glanced at her door when she saw a shadow pass by, and lowered her voice to a whisper.

“Ughhh. This is trying to do a speedrun! This is unacceptable!”

“Shigaraki, it is only a matter of time…” Kurogiri said. “It is almost complete.”

“What, we rush the whole thing and fuck it up? No, no, no, no, no…”

“YN! We’ll come and get you and we can play a game together!” Twice yelled. “I hope you fucking rot, you slimy-!”

“How did they find out?” Kurogiri’s voice came clearly over the phone. YN took a deep breath.

“He said that one of the letters...the postman dropped it and saw there was no address. He…” YN stopped. She was already lying to save her own skin on both ends, so what was another lie in the wall that of half-truths and deceit that would save her? “He opened it and read some before accidentally burning it in anger.”

Kurogiri sighed. “Then I suppose it couldn’t be helped on your end.”

“Fucking useless piece of shit!” Shirgiraki bit. “I knew he’d fuck up!”

“Shigaraki, please.” Kurogiri’s voice had turned away from the phone before turning back. “We will try to speed up the operation. Can you give us two weeks?”

“I’ll try.” YN whispered. “Thank you.”

“Stay safe. Do not disappoint us.”

“Love ya’, YN-chan! Make sure to come back to us!” Toga yelled, probably from over Kurogiri’s shoulder before the line went dead. YN let out a shaky sigh before deleting the call log and moving to her desk. Both her homework and Todoroki’s was out, and that meant that she had to forge his writing in order to make it work.

She was writing away, late into the night, taking no pause out of fear that Todoroki would find some flaw and alert the whole school. She worked and she worked until the clock hit two A.M. She looked up, feeling almost woozy when there was a knock at the door. YN jumped in her seat before walking over and answering it.

On the other side was a wide-awake Todoroki, who glared at her through the crack in the door.

“The homework. Hand it over, while everyone else is asleep.”

YN nodded, sulking over and grabbing the sheets of work. He snatched them out of her hands, reading it over and checking that it was all done.

“Alright. Today, I want you to be the one to tell my father that I will not be seeing him this week, but instead doing such things as hanging out with friends and attending parties.”

“But...but how do I contact your father?” YN felt her head pound. Todoroki met her eyes with a raised eyebrow.

“Figure it out.”

He turned and left, and YN gave a heaping sigh. She turned to her bed, her own homework only half-finished. She was exhausted, rightfully so, and collapsed into the pillows. Regret pooled in her gut. Some part of her still loved Todoroki, but it was quickly dying.

It was dying, along with the rest of her.

The next five days were hellish.

She supposed the second day, where she had to approach Endeavour, was kind. While he was upset about his son not even bothering to talk to him, he didn’t lash out onto YN, nor send a message back. It could’ve gone much worse, she was well aware. The next day she was forced to make his meals, though it wasn’t that hard. And after, she was to do his laundry. All were relatively easy deeds.

But the day after that Todoroki ordered her to clean his room. And when she entered, it was so torn apart that she was sure he ripped everything out of the drawers on purpose. And the day after, she was told to take up all of his chores for the dorm, confusing both Sato and Midoriya.

Mina and Tooru took notice of YN’s behaviour but didn’t ask. Mina was still beating herself up for hyping up YN, and Tooru was still furious at Todoroki’s supposed rejection.

And for YN’s feelings for Todoroki, they were absolutely and completely quashed.

She had no idea he could be as heartless as he was acting. Anything positive that she had for him was gone, replaced with deep scorn.

And the only lifeline she had was calling the League every night. Toga, while crazy, did provide some comfort, with the promise of doing each other’s nails and hair when the attack arrived and YN was taken to the home base. The regret and fear she had of being a villain before was slowly disappearing with every night that she fell asleep to the sound of Toga and Twice babbling about video games.

On the sixth night, YN called to Toga specifically, venting left and right about the things that Todoroki was making her do.

“And then, he told me that I had missed a spot, and when I went to look, he went and picked up a tissue that definitely wasn’t there before!” YN hissed into the phone receiver.

“No way!” Toga barked. “What an asshole!”

“I know, right? He just wants to make my life hell. I can’t wait for you guys to get here.”

“Ugh! Same! Me ‘n’ Twice have been stocking up on the goods so that way when you get here, we can have loads of fun!” Toga laughed loudly, and YN heard Twice laughing, too. “We’re getting excited! It’s only a week away!”

“Yeah,” YN murmured, a soft smile on her face. “Thanks. I’m gonna go and get some sleep. You guys make sure to rest up, too.”

“Maybe~! Love ya’!” Toga hung up and YN felt the silence of the night draw in. She felt oddly content, and she let out a soft sigh.

There was a feeling of content that she hadn’t felt in days. With all the work that Todoroki had piled on and the stress of keeping it all under wraps, she could feel her eyebags during the day and wish for the sweet release of sleep during the night.

YN rested her arm on her forehead, letting the darkness consume her eyes and try to soothe the headache that was coming on from even thinking about Todoroki.

“Yikes,” She sighed, rubbing her temple with her spare hand. “I’m screwed.”

Meanwhile, Todoroki was no better off.

While he had no headache, he was staring at his ceiling with the covers of his bed pulled up to his chest. His arms were folded, but his eyes were narrowed in thought.

Before he had learned about YN being the traitor, he hadn’t thought much of her. She seemed like a meek girl, with a terrifyingly powerful PSI quirk. She stuck to her friends and stayed in her lane.

‘The perfect candidate for traitor,’ Todoroki thought. As far as he knew, she had no terrible history or actual motivations to become a villain. So when he found the letter and put and two and two together, he was shocked. He wanted her to vehemently deny it, to say that it was maybe a love letter or a secret note to somebody else.

But all she did was cry, and Todoroki had his answer.

He didn’t know why he chose to blackmail her, of all things. He should’ve turned her in, as a hero would have. But he didn’t. And at first, he didn’t know why he wanted to spare her so. Was in how miserable she looked while she was crying? Was it how she didn’t even look angry, but just scared? He didn’t have an answer.

Until he made her clean his room.

To be honest, he tore it apart just to see what her reaction was. He wasn’t a messy person but he wanted to make it tough for her. So, periodically throughout her cleaning, he would check up on her. At first, it was to make sure she didn’t throw away anything important, but once he realised that she was doing something so domestic, it made him feel warm on both sides. She had a broom and trash bags, and a bandanna to hold back her hair. She worked ferociously, determined to finish quickly. The hair came loose at times, and sweat grew over her as she lost herself in the cleaning and her thoughts.

He realised that it was exactly what she would look like if she was a housewife.

He realised that the entire time, he had her doing things a lover would do-calling the parents, helping with work, cleaning, cooking. None of them were dangerous, and she had them all done in three hours at most. And as Todoroki laid there, he started thinking less on the favours than it was YN herself.

She was a girl. That was the first thing that came to Todoroki’s mind. Even though no one was around, he nodded with confirmation. It was a safe thought. It was a fact.

She trained well, sometimes even out of school time. He had come across her in more than one situation where she would be using her quirk to make Bakugou levitate, with him howling the entire time. Her eyes would glow too, like changing lights in a pool. Todoroki always thought it was pretty.

That, too, was a fact. Her eyes were pretty.

Todoroki’s eyes snapped open. Yes, it was a fact, but it was not a safe thought. He imagined shoving it into a box and kicking it far away, into the depths of his mind.

He closed his eyes again, sighing.

She was strong. That was a safe thought.

She had nice arms. That was not a safe thought.

She did her best to take care of her skin, judging from the occasional skincare products he’d find lying around. Was that a safe thought? He wasn’t sure.

She was smart, but not terribly so. That was a safe thought.

She looked nice in her tights. That definitely wasn’t a safe thought.

And as Todoroki thought more and more about YN, he began realising that he thought most things she did were good, technically speaking. She helped Denki with school sometimes, was positively receptive when Midoriya wanted to write about her quirk in his notebooks, and always supported the girls in any of their endeavours. She was kind and pretty, and smart and strong and sweet.

And then, with wide eyes and a quelled feeling of horror, Todoroki thought, ’Oh my god,’

’I’m in love with the traitor.’

“What now?”

Todoroki stood in front of YN’s door, hands in front of him and looking strangely innocent. His hair was combed, which was weird, and if YN took a deep breath, then she would smell some sort of cologne.

“There is a girl in the General Course. Ai Suzuki. I want you to reject her for me.” He said it was a completely straight face, as though he was telling Aizawa that he couldn’t come into class the next day. YN blinked, processing the order, before jutting her head out in shock and recoiling again.

“What? That’s terrible! You need to reject her yourself, for her sake!” She looked appalled and was about to slam the door shut when he put his arm and foot in.

“Remember...YN.”

From behind the door, YN stopped, before groaning and opening the door again.

“Fine. And when the poor girl is miserable and goes around slandering you, don’t come after me. And we’re not friends. Don’t call me YN.”

She shoved past him and locked her door, storming down the hallway and making tracks for the General Education dorms.

“What floor, jackass?”

“She’ll be in the greens,” Todoroki called back, sounding ready to laugh. YN turned and walked through the doors, keeping an eye out for a girl standing alone.

Sure enough, a student who reminded YN of a doe stood with her hands in front of her, looking side to side. It broke YN’s heart that Ai would have to be rejected in such a cruel way, but it was her or YN’s entire wellbeing.

“Hey, are you Ai Suzuki?” YN approached the young woman, who jumped. Ai’s brow furrowed.

“Y-Yes. Where’s Shoto?”

YN sighed. “There’s no easy way about this, especially since he’s such a coward.”

Ai’s entire body seemed to slump, her eyes watering and hands shaking. YN felt the guilt bubbling in her stomach, but she continued.

“But he wanted me to tell you that he’s not interested. I’m really sorry that it had to be this way, but-”

Abruptly, Ai reached forward and slapped YN across the cheek. Tears were streaming down the young lady’s face.

“You-! You-! I…!” Ai seemed to be grasping for words while YN nursed her stinging cheek with her hand. YN didn’t retaliate but tried to help Ai sort out her emotions.

“I know it’s terrible, and if you want, I take you to him so that way you can work out what you need. I get that-”

“Just shut up!” Ai snapped, before flushing. “Please. I…” Fresh tears made their way to Ai’s face before she ran off. YN turned to head back, only to see Ai run headfirst into Todoroki. He seemed surprised, glancing up at YN before looking down at Ai. Ai stared at him, eyes wide before sobbing again and running to the General Education dorms. Todoroki watched her run with curiosity, while YN watched with pity.

“I see it went well.” Todoroki turned back to YN, about to say more when he realised the red mark on her cheek. “Did she hurt you?”

“Why would you care?” YN snapped, glaring at him. “You’re fucking terrible, and that’s bad, coming from me.”

She stormed off, letting Todoroki watch her leave. He seemed stunned, standing and blinking dumbly at her retreating figure.

“...”

YN held an ice pack to her cheek, staring at her ceiling, watching the blades of the fan spin. She wished that her mind was empty and aimless, but concerns surrounding Todoroki arose.

He had become more casual than he ever was, something that didn’t happen even before he found out about her ties to the League. It was as though he was trying to seem pleasant, but it all seemed like a trap.

“Fucking ice-for-brains.” YN pouted. “Bitchboy.”

YN’s phone abruptly rang and she jumped. It was several hours earlier than the League usually called, so when she picked it up and saw the contact ’L’, her brow furrowed.

“Hey, everything okay?” She asked, worry lacing her tone. She heard broad laughter, and then Toga giggling.

“More than okay! We can come sooner!!”

“Wh...what?” YN blinked, flabbergasted, before rushing to her door and locking it. She held the phone to her shoulder while stuffing towels along the bottom so no one could eavesdrop. “What’s going on?”

“Shiggy found a way to mass-produce the Nomu so we can get to you in, like, two days!” Someone spoke, but it was too distant to hear who before Toga started talking again. “Tomorrow! We can get to you tomorrow!” Toga was audibly jumping, and YN felt her shoulders go slack.

“No way.” She breathed. It was like the world was on her shoulders, and that it had been slowly lifted. “Are you serious?”

“Yup! I wouldn’t joke with you on this,” Toga said. “Probably.”

“Probably?” YN laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.”

“Well, we’ve got a bonus for you! For hangin’ on!”

“Yeah? What is it?” YN fell onto her bed with a grin.

“Well, according to Shiggy,” (Shigaraki, in the back, howled ‘Don’t call me that!’) “Had everyone accounted for except for one! And, well, he just so happens to have been doing some no-no stuff lately…”

“I get to kick Todoroki’s ass?” YN sat up from her bed, excitement on her face. A deep part of her felt disgusted at the glee in getting revenge, but it was quickly put down at the thought of Todoroki begging for forgiveness.

“Yup!” Toga tittered. “And then Kurogiri can take you back with us and we can do whatever! It’s not like we’ve got any parents to regulate us there, anyway.”

“That was a twenty-five cent word, Himi. I’m glad. What’s the time of the attack? I wanna set an alarm.”

“Hey!” Toga yelled over the phone, and YN winced. “Shiggy! When are we gonna see YN-chan and Deku and Ochako?”

“If everything doesn’t get fucked up, then we should get there by six in the afternoon. Don’t fuck it up.” The phone was clearly pointed in Shigaraki’s direction, but he still sounded a bit distant.

“Yessir,” Though he couldn’t see it, YN saluted. “You got it.”

“We’ll see you soon, YN! I looove you!”

“See ya, Himi.”

YN hung up, laying back down on the bed with a giddy smile. She rolled left and right, hugging the phone to her chest as she laughed. She knew she was being loud, and if Todoroki heard, then he would be suspicious, but she didn’t care anymore. She was so close to freedom, so close that she could taste it.

So close.

Classes were unbearable.

YN felt like a kid on the last day of middle school, right before they go to Disney or some other amusement park. The day trudged on, and no matter what Mina and Tooru did to try and get YN’s attention, her thoughts always returned to the League and the attack.

Sure, she was nervous. It was entirely possible that everything could go wrong and it all fail. She could be arrested for treason, Todoroki could decide to expose her, and the League could choose to leave her behind. It could end in absolutely disaster for her.

But YN had hope.

And that hope remained after classes had finished. YN was near skipping, waltzing past Todoroki on her way to her dorms.

She knew she needed to pack her things. It was all simple stuff; clothes, her toothbrush and toothpaste. She had to leave her phone behind, which was regrettable, but it had a tracker in it that her parents and select friends could see.

And speaking of friends, YN needed to get Tooru and Mina out of U.A. before the attack, and have them be gone for long enough that they would remain safe. There were ways, but YN knew she needed to keep discreet.

So, when she walked to her dorm, she eyed the clock. It was five fourty-three, which mean that she could have them take a relatively short trip and still be kept in the clear. YN caught Mina and Tooru on her way. Mina near jumped, nervously grinning.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been weird all day!”

“Yeah, yeah. Um, I have a favour to ask you two.” YN pulled them aside, taking out her wallet.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Tooru presumably tilted her head.

“Ehh, sorta?” YN faked a grimace. “I, uh...my period started.”

Mina blanched, and Tooru placed a hand on YN’s shoulder.

“What’dya need?”

“Yeah! We’ll go get it!”

“God bless, you two. Uh, you know that mart that we came across that had the best f/s? It’s like, fifteen minutes by the train?” YN shelled out the cash, making sure there was extra. “I’m craving that, to be honest. And you guys can get something else, of course.”

“Sure!” Mina took the money and shoved it into her pocket. “Let’s go, Tooru! We’ll see you later!”

YN waved as the two dashed out, knocking Todoroki on their way to the doors. Mina shot him a half-hearted apology before they were gone. YN gave a languid wave back, feeling almost sad. She wouldn’t see them again. It pulled against her heartstrings, but she knew that she was too far in to back out.

“They’re certainly energetic.” Todoroki walked up to YN, eyeing the doors with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah. Whatever.” YN’s peacefully happy demeanour changed. She glared at him before walking away. Before she could successfully escape, though, Todoroki put a hand on her shoulder.

“I want to talk to you.”

YN glanced at the clock. It was ten before six, and she felt nervous. “Not right now. I’m busy.”

“Please, it’ll just take a second. I’ll come with you.” He took his hand off of her shoulder, and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine. But make it quick.” YN began speed walking to her dorms, not caring if she looks suspicious. “I have shit to do.”

“I wanted to actually ask you in private. It’s something...a bit personal.”

YN stopped walking, eyes wide. “You’re not going to…?”

Todoroki recoiled, shaken. “No! No, it’s not. It’s an emotional matter.”

“Oh, joy.” YN rolled her eyes again before almost jogging to her dorm. She eyed a different clock, and it showed five fifty-two.

“I’ve been thinking about it. About you,” Todoroki began as they walked into her dorm. YN grabbed a backpack off of her wall and began throwing whatever she could find in there that she would deem necessary. Todoroki shut the door, but stood by it as YN spun around.

“I know that I’ve been...complicated towards you.” Todoroki said, rolling his hands to help elaborate.

“Uh, yeah. That’s a nice way of putting it.” YN threw eyeliner and mascara into the front pocket of her bag. Todoroki huffed, upset that it backfired.

“I think you’re pretty,” He tried again, leaning a bit towards her and sounded hopeful. “And smart.” YN said nothing, but paused and gave him a look that was a mix of confusion, disgust, and ‘duh’. “And I know that I’ve been making you work because of circumstances that were out of your control.”

“What’s your point, Todoroki?” YN threw the last of her underwear in the bag and zipped it, spinning around with her hands on her hips and the bag over her shoulder. “Get to it.”

Todoroki faltered, eyeing the bag. “What are you packing for?”

“None of your goddamn business. Speak, or else I’m ignoring you.”

This snapped Todoroki out of his staring contest with a video game pin on your bag, and he swallowed. He was stiff, and anxious, and hid his face with a ninety-degree bow.

“Please be my girlfriend.”

YN froze, shock on her face. “What?”

“Please date me.” YN shook her head, snapping out of it, before her jaw dropped and mixed emotions came over her face. “You’re fucking…” She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

“I know that you must hate me. But I’m sure that you’re not the traitor by choice. If you choose to date me, my father and I can help you leave the League. We can protect you, and we can-”

“Protect me from what? Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying that they guy that fucking blackmailed me wants to protect me from people that have done nothing to me?”

“Done nothing?” Todoroki rose from the bow, looking both confused and hurt. “They’re villains, YN. They are absolutely going to hurt you!”

“Bullshit. They...they’re the only ones that gave a damn the whole time!” YN threw her bag on the ground, throwing her hands up in the air. “I fucking-! I can’t believe-!”

“And what about Mina? And Tooru? And I could have sold you out at any point!”

“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna go?” YN felt heat rise to her cheeks and her stomach turn in rage. “Yeah, okay. Mina and Tooru were great. And that’s why they’re not here right now! But you wanna fucking hold it above my head that you could have had me fucking arrested?”

“That’s not what I was trying to say!” Todoroki’s voice lowered from the shout, desperation in his tone. “No, I..! I was trying to say that I love you! And that I didn’t want you to get hurt. Please. We can get you out of this.”

Todoroki grabbed her shoulders, not forcefully, but intimately. He could feel her breath on his face, and the tears beginning to show in his eyes.

“You...unbelievable!” If Todoroki looked close enough, he could see traces of betrayal. “I have no idea what you think asking someone out is. You can’t just walk in an-and expect love!” YN voice rose with every word, until Todoroki leaned forward and placed a kiss firmly on her lips. She let out a muffled yelp, frozen, but Todoroki didn’t move.

He savoured it, because for just a moment, when he closed his eyes, he could imagine you loving him back.

But then a blaring alarm from YN’s phone went off.

YN shoved Todoroki off, coughing and rubbing at her mouth furiously. Todoroki stood still, a blush on his cheeks. YN licked her top teeth as the alarm sounded, hearing the constant, stinging ring, taking a moment before a sick joy rose in her.

“YN, please...We can work this out together. We can get you into the witness protection program, or something-”

“Too late,” YN hissed. Todoroki faltered, taking a step back.

“What?”

“I said, you fucking reject,” She muttered lowly, looking up at him with her head hung. “Too. Late.”

“W-What? Why?” Todoroki began to puff his chest in some indiscriminate mix of rage and sorrow when he felt something close around his throat. It was as though he was being choked, but no one was touching him. His hands flew to try and relieve the pressure only to be able to claw at his own neck. There was the sound of glass breaking outside, and people screaming. He could hear Present Mic calling for help.

“You really thought...” YN began as furniture began floating, along with Todoroki himself. He kicked his feet and struggled, but he was thrown back through the dorm door and into the hallway wall. YN was sweating, the alarm still going off on her levitating desk, and she looked thrilled, with her eyes pulsing out of her skull and her hair flying in front of her face. Her bag levitated towards her, and her jacket fit itself onto her shoulders before the backpack followed. Todoroki could only watch in pain as she approached.

“You thought you could control me forever?” YN wheezed. Todoroki turned to see Midoriya and Bakugou running towards them before a smoky, inky black portal consumed them both. His eyes went wide when he realised what was happening.

“I thought heroes were supposed to do the right thing, Todoroki.” YN spat, grabbing his chin so he could stare her in the eyes. They had begun sparking all sorts of colours, even ones that he had never seen before. More furniture in the living room and open dorms were floating and Todoroki felt his heart in his throat.

“You…” He choked, one eye closing from the pain in his spine. “You bid your time…”

“Abso-fuckin-lutely.” She grinned, eyes crazed, before using her quirk to pick him up again. This time, he wasn’t choking, but he couldn’t move. “And now, you must suffer the consequences.”

She waltzed from the dorms to outside, dragging Todoroki behind her. When he passed the doors, he had to look away from the heat and the light, but when he opened his eyes, he felt tears swell.

The main building of U.A. was up in crystal blue flames, with students and staff alike running out screaming and crying. Someone fell out of the windows, on fire and wailing the entire way down, and there was a sickening crack when they landed. The heat scorched his cheeks, and embers flew into his eyes and hair. When he opened his mouth to yell, he could taste the copper of blood on his tongue. He could see Midoriya and Ochako trying to fend off Toga, and Kirishima and Sero trying to restrain a Nomu, only to fail.

He knew that even if he could make any noise, if he could move, if he could use his quirk, he wouldn’t be able to. The shock set in his bones, and he felt the weight of the world.

“You know, they were supposed to come about a week from now.” YN waltzed across the burning grass, putting it out before she could burn her shoes. “But when they heard you were blackmailing me, they sped it up. Isn’t that sweet?”

“How could you?” Todoroki managed to spit out. He saw the gentle smile on YN’s face, and he felt his heart snap. “They were...our friends…”

“No. I mean, at first I was guilty. Actually, I really was guilty right up to when you found out. Then I realised that they didn’t really notice me.” She hummed, clearly in a good mood, with the terror and chaos around her. “Mina and Tooru kinda noticed. But they bought whatever I told them. They’re still good people, but they didn’t care that I clearly had something on my mind. Least of all you?” YN turned her head to look at Todoroki. “Did you know I used to have a crush on you? You didn’t so much as glance at me for the entire time before you found out.”

She looked back forward, making her way to the swirling black mass. Kurogiri and Shigaraki stepped out, and when Shigaraki saw YN, he took to scratching his neck. “You didn’t fuck up.” He sounded surprised.

“Nope!” YN chirped. “I’m ready to roll once this place is dust.”

Shigaraki let out a dry laugh at her choice of words before looking over at Todoroki, who was trying to struggle. “You already had him?”

“He was trying to ask me out.” YN crossed her arms. “So I just took advantage of the opportunity.”

“Cool. Dabi’s already gotten the main school-”

“Clearly.” YN piped in.

“So the damage has been dealt. I just need to recall everyone.” Shigaraki gestured at Kurogiri, waving a lackadaisical hand. “Originally, I was just gonna leave you, actually.”

“Wait, seriously?” YN grimaced, completely ignoring Todoroki’s squirming.

“Yeah. But then he found you out.” He turned to Todoroki, who froze and glared at Shigaraki. “When are you gonna fight him?”

“I dunno. I kinda wanted everyone to be here, but if we can’t make that work…”

“Get it over with.”

“You’re the boss.” YN shrugged, giving Todoroki only a moment to be afraid before crushing him against the nearest wall. His eyes were overshadowed by his hair for a moment when his entire body curled in pain, both against his will and YN’s quirk. He felt bile crawl up his throat, and spit came out when he coughed.

“Y...YN...please…” He looked up at her, tears flowing down his cheeks and crushing sorrow on his face. “I know there’s good in you…you’re not a villain…”

YN winced, and for a moment, she looked conflicted. Todoroki felt hope, his eyes widening, until the conflict was abruptly gone. In its place was rock-hard disgust and he was picked up again, before being smashed into the dirt. YN began throwing him violently, increasing the strength and rate of the hits. She didn’t stop until his head hung and he was panting. Blood was everywhere, and when he looked up at her, it was flowing into his eyes.

“It’s not about good or evil anymore.” YN whispered. It was potent, even amongst all the chaos and noise. “There is no good or bad anymore. Just power.”

YN looked almost deranged, eyes blown wide and panting heavily. Her hair had fallen into her face, and Shigaraki looked surprised, again.

“Wow. Didn’t expect you to go loose.”

“I hope it’s okay, sir.” YN let Todoroki fall, blowing the hair out of her face and composing herself.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. I don’t care.”

YN nodded and Kurogiri placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You did well. Welcome to the League.” He watched YN give a huge smile, as though she didn’t just help slaughter an entire school, and rather had just been given a star spot in a play.

“Thank you, sir! You won’t regret it!”

“I’m sure we won’t.” Kurogiri nodded, looking sagely at the destruction and the approaching forms of Toga, Dabi, Spinner, and Twice.

“I’m sure we won’t.”

a/n: hi this took WAY too fucking long i am so sorry 🥴 i sabotage myself but anyway!! this was interesting to do bc i never really did a traitor!mc but i am a sucker for angst 🥴🥴

#todoroki shoto x reader #traitor!reader #Todoroki/reader #angst! angst! angst!!#traitorreader #bnha x reader

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beautifulterriblequeen · 5 years ago

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Rayla’s catalyst

Ethari is Rayla’s emotional catalyst. Once she visits him in the Silvergrove, she begins to suffer a lot of grief and guilt over Runaan, her failure on his mission, and getting ghosted like her parents were. And she also begins to admit her feelings for Callum. All because her soft dad is soft with her, and she hasn’t had anyone be truly soft with her since before she left home. The home where she lived happily with her two dads who loved each other very much and supported her in every way they knew how. The home where she may have felt like she lived on the fringe, but she definitely belonged in the Silvergrove.

Rayla never speaks to Callum of her guilt and grief over getting Runaan and the other assassins killed. But coming face to face with Ethari and realizing that it’s her fault that his husband perished shakes her up hard. Still, Ethari forgave her once he understood, because he loves her very much. Giving her his pendant to keep her safe was a sign of his love and understanding for her. And she knows what that pendant means to her dads. Which is why it also prompted her to consider her emotions for Callum.

She’s seen how her dads are together--loyal, affectionate, soft, supportive, and balanced. Her parents are the same way, so Rayla understands what a healthy relationship looks like. Unfortunately for her, the object that reminds her of that powerful romantic bond also reminds her of her own failure, and she can’t separate the two.

this post is ridiculously long

There’s a lot of staring at this pendant, and it starts with Ethari. He’s been wearing it all this time, but he takes a moment to study it, to feel what it means to him--what it used to mean to him--and what he wants it to mean to Rayla.

It’s a symbol of his love and protection. And he offers it to her.

She bends down to accept it, but she already can’t look away. She was right there when Runaan had to crush his own pendant. That’s where her mind has gone. She sees her own failure in the middle of Ethari’s gift to her.

She studies the pendant, too. Feels its weight. Remembers all the times she saw Runaan and Ethari wearing these. She’s wearing the symbol of a love that’s lasted longer than the life it was tied to, a life she feels responsible for ending. This pendant is a tangle of emotions for her. But mostly love and guilt. She’s not really able to process that it’s meant to protect her yet.

Maybe Ethari picks up on that. He wants her to know what it means, in case she wasn’t aware. It seems they wore these pendants all the time, but Rayla may never have understood exactly what it meant to Ethari to give one of them to Runaan.

And he wants her to know what it means for him to give it to her, too. He just wants her to be safe. She’s come back to him, against all odds. And he doesn’t want her to be lost or hurt again, not if he can protect her.

This look kills me, though. She’s shook. She just got another layer of understanding on the pendant that Runaan had to destroy to keep her alive, even after she’d lied to him and endangered the whole team. Runaan knew what the cost of Rayla’s actions would be. It cost his pendant, and his life, and his team’s lives. And he paid it all, for her. Despite what she’d done.

Ethari loved an elf who sacrificed everything for Rayla. And now she’s taking Ethari’s own pendant for her own mission. Will she sacrifice everything, too?

GODS, all the BIG FEELS

Rayla literally can’t handle it. Between all those feels and the ghost spell reasserting itself, she can’t look at Ethari. He’s not really Ethari without his big brown eyes, anyway. It’s a face of anonymity, of rejection. Of distance. And she doesn’t want to acknowledge that he ghosted her. Not after he just gave her such a precious gift, and mounts to speed her on her way.

Runaan was always focused on his mission no matter what, and Rayla retreats from her feels to try the same here. She can’t handle her feels, so she holds onto the one thing she can handle: getting Zym home. And that means looking ahead toward her journey, not behind at what she may never get to experience again.

But she carries her big messy feelings with her anyway, and she’s not dealing with them. The next day, she wears a distant, thoughtful, sad expression. She’s distracted, worried, introspective. Callum notices. He’s felt that way before.

Callum was raised to be more in touch with his feelings than Rayla seems to have been. Or at least, he’s far more willing to admit to them when he and Rayla have only known each other a short time. He trusts Rayla with his feels, but she clearly doesn’t trust him with hers, judging by her expression.

She snaps at him and rides ahead when he tries to prompt her to talk about how she feels. When he tries to tell her that he’ll accept however she’s feeling, because those feels are a part of who she is. She’s still processing, vulnerable, and struggling. She’s not ready yet.

They get through meeting Nyx, and that gives Rayla something to focus on for a while. But once she has some free time aboard the ambler, she finds herself staring sadly again at Ethari’s pendant. Her ears are droopy, too. She’s feeling vulnerable, but not in a good way.

I like this shot of the pendant in her hand. It mirrors Runaan’s grip on his own pendant right before he crushed it, but here Rayla is holding this one protectively, as if she’s afraid it’ll get damaged out in the world. It also foreshadows Callum holding it later and cracking it open before he casts Historia Viventem. Rayla’s the only person who clutches either of the pendants protectively. Ethari’s let go of it, but it’s meant to be used, and Runaan and Callum both broke theirs--to help others instead of themselves, which is how Rayla operates, too. Man, I love these pendants.

Callum comes over to see her. He can see she’s broody again. But she looks away. She doesn’t want to admit she’s a mess.

And she lies about her feelings. I had an ask about Rayla and lying recently. At this point, she’s still trying to cover for her “flaws,” but she still doesn’t have a good enough distraction to fool Callum. And that’s a good thing.

Rayla gazes sadly at her new pendant again at the oasis. Of course their mounts are paying attention to her--they know her--but the way Ethari’s Shadowpaw is studying Rayla here, it’s like it can sense her distress and it’s watching out for her. It gives me a weird vibe like Ethari can sense Rayla’s emotional struggle from afar, and maybe he knew she’d have to go through this, but he hopes she’ll get to a good place in the end.

These three faces Rayla makes as she processes Nyx’s “two blankets or just one” comment are a delight, especially because she’s hiding them from Callum. First she’s shocked at suddenly having to think about snuggling with Callum. Then she catches herself playing with her hair. And the third pic--the way she gets habsolutely hurious at herself--tells me that Rayla playing with her hair like that is a sign of emotional interest. She’s got eight tons of emotional baggage rn, but her heart’s still gonna daydream, and she hates how messy she feels.

Rayla can keep her feelings bottled up while she’s awake, but it overwhelms her at night. She’s crying, and she can’t stop.

Callum, soft-hearted boy that he is, reaches out again, concerned. Maybe he wakes Rayla from a crying sleep, or maybe she was already awake.

Rayla’s really broken up, though. She’s devastated after her visit to the Silvergrove, and all her feels are pouring out.

She tells Callum to get away from her because she’s desperate for distance. She can’t keep her feels inside anymore. She’s had a day and a half to process, and the things she’s realizing are breaking her. And the only way to preserve the illusion of her remaining in control is to go where Callum can’t see her tears.

The hood comes up again. She’s hiding her emotions, trying to stuff them down deep like Runaan trained her to. But they won’t go away. Runaan is part of why she has such wrenching feels now. Rayla’s reaching a breakdown point, and that’s not something Moonshadows show to someone they haven’t trusted with their true feelings. So she’s trying to hide everything at once.

And she knows it isn’t working. So her self-doubt comes out, as well. That overdeveloped sense of failure.

Callum focuses on reassuring her, because that’s how he was raised: to reach out to those who are hurting. But all Rayla hears is an illusion she knows she can’t maintain. She’s not okay. And finally, she blurts out everything that’s weighing on her heart.

Rayla’s acknowledgment of her loss of stability--her social support system, critical to community-minded Moonshadows--is followed by a list of every single negative core belief she has. They just tumble out of her one after another. Everything she fears is true, all the ways she’s not good enough. And on some level, Callum instinctively senses that Rayla’s spiraling because she feels alone. She’ll keep falling if no one catches her.

So Callum catches her. He stops her spiral. He just wedges himself into her rant and takes it over, because he’s having none of that terrible negativity from her. He knows none of that is true. Negative core beliefs are never true.

you heard me, Rayla

Callum replaces Rayla’s negative rant with a positive one. He matches her in emotional intensity, and she’s completely caught off guard by it.

She’s really not buying into this “you’re really good” bit, though. She’s struggled with that for a while--she didn’t believe Runaan either, when he said she was the fastest and the strongest of his assassins.

But Callum, unlike Runaan, is looking at Rayla when he’s talking to her, so he sees her reaction and acts to reinforce it with supportive touch. Touch is a big Moonshadow language, and one Rayla’s got to be familiar with after living in Runaan’s house for so many years. Callum’s touch says even more than is words do, and it’s really gotten Rayla’s attention.

Their body language here is key. Facing directly, close, he’s still holding her hand, full eye contact, soft expression. This is how you talk to someone when you’re emotionally open. Everything about Callum is saying “Listen, this topic is important to me.” And his topic is Rayla.

He talks her up, gets her to laugh. He’s intent on keeping her downward emotional spiral interrupted, and it’s working. So he sums up by telling Rayla that she knows he’s right. She’s not all the things she said. She’s the things he’s saying about her.

And then he takes her hood down. That’s assassin for “let me see your feelings.” Rayla thinks she knows exactly what he’s saying, but Callum doesn’t speak assassin. He doesn’t know what her hood’s actual purpose is.

No wonder she’s not quite prepared. Lookit those cute high eyebrows of shock. She thinks Callum’s inviting her to be fully emotionally open with him, as he’s just been with her. De-hooding an assassin is an invitation to be soft. It’s probably a very romantic thing under certain circumstances. She may have seen Ethari take down Runaan’s hood a time or two as a way to encourage him to embrace softer feels and open up. So Rayla feels she’s being invited to do the same.

And she wants to. Look at this face!

Rayla’s feeling supported, understood, encouraged, and emotionally safe. She thinks she’s just been invited to share her true feelings, since Callum was just so open and complimentary, and since he pulled down her hood. So she does. And in true Moonshadow fashion, she chooses to express herself through touch instead of words. She kisses him!

And in the moment before she realizes that wasn’t exactly what he was inviting her to do, this is her expression. She’s utterly content. Not mushy, not weepy, but balanced again. She had all these big feels revolving around guilt and abandonment. She felt alone. Moonshadows should never be alone. But now... Now she has Callum. Rayla’s not alone anymore. She found her balance, by holding onto him.

Eventually, they get around to confessing their feelings at the same time, and this is the first thing they do after those first happy smooches. They fall asleep together, touching, relaxed, and vulnerable. It’s so very soft and sweet that they touch even in their sleep. Rayla’s probably the one who kept holding onto Callum, and he was absolutely willing to stay right by her side and fall asleep on her shoulder. Rayla’s absorbing all the Not Alone Anymore vibes she can--she needs the emotional support, and Callum’s heart is deep enough to give her everything she needs.

And then, once Rayla’s feeling more balanced, she starts initiating contact. Sometimes it’s serious handholding, like in front of Avizandum’s statue. But they also get adorably silly, and we get to see Rayla’s playful, romantic side. She finally feels comfortable touching Callum with casual intimacy

Ever since Rayla admitted her feelings for Callum and realized she wasn’t alone and abandoned, she’s stopped staring at the pendant. She accepts it as a part of her, like Runaan and Ethari did. She can finally come to terms with Ethari being able to love her despite what she did, because Callum loves her despite what she did.

The only other time Rayla looks at the pendant is right before she gives it away. She wants to protect Callum, to let him run with Zym to safety. She’s gonna give him the pendant, but as she reaches for it, she’s choosing to protect someone else instead of herself. She finally understands what it means to love someone more than life.

Just like Ethari loves her and Runaan.

That’s why her goodbye kiss to Callum mirrors Runaan’s goodbye kiss to Ethari. She comes full circle, from the Silvergrove and back to it, from one family to another family, from being loved unconditionally to loving someone else unconditionally. Rayla’s passed through all the phases of her moon, and she finally understands what Ethari knew about love.

Because Callum has become her heart. And Ethari--his love, his gift--helped her understand that.

#rayla #callum #rayllum #ethari #runaan #tdp meta #tdp #moonshadow elves #lain #tiadrin #runaari #ruthari

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powerfultenderness · 5 years ago

Text

Birthday Treat

Title: Birthday Treat

Rating: T

Pairing: Hux/Reader.

Summary: A birthday surprise from Hux leads to a very interesting interaction.

Word count: 1375

Warnings: None

Notes: Thank you to @huxismyman for letting me use their pic of a smiley Hux! ❤

[Masterlist]

Today was just like any other day to everyone, even you, but it also marked the day that you turned one year older. Nobody knew of course, unless they were looking at your file for some reason, and you didn’t tell anyone. Those in the First Order rarely did. Birthdays were usually recognized just in circles of family and close friends, and then celebrated either low-key or off base.

You had no family, and only one person you’d consider a close friend. He was, however, too busy for you to bother with something as silly as a birthday. General Hux, Armitage, was hardly the sentimental type too. In fact, if someone on the outside were to observe your relationship, they’d hardly say it counted as a friendship. But it was. It was just...subtle.

So when you walked into your room and found a box tied in a silk ribbon of your favorite color sitting on your bed you were confused. It was clearly a birthday present, but there was no card, nor tag.

Inside the box was your favorite dessert. And that was your only clue. Who else could know three details-your birth date, favorite color and favorite dessert-that were so personal? Sure your birth date could easily be found in your personnel file, but the other two details? It had to be Hux.

You checked the time, he’d be on the bridge right now, not due for a break for some hours yet. Ah, well, you’d just have to set an alarm.

General Hux sighed as he sat down at his desk. Today was such a stressful day. Ren had been a handful, as always, and the new intern was so incompetent! He glanced at the time and wondered if the only person he actually cared about was awake. Doubtfully.

He wanted nothing more than to talk to you and get all his frustrations off his chest! Well, there was one thing he wanted more than that, but he was hardly in a position to demand that of all things. That would be completely inappropriate and would ruin the relationship, friendship, that had taken so long to develop. Still, he hoped your day had been easier than his. He hated that your schedule had shifted so that he barely saw you in weeks.

A pinging at the door drew him from his thoughts, he cleared his throat, sat up straight and hit the button that would open the blast doors. “Enter.”

He relaxed, and couldn’t help the tug at his lips as he saw you enter. You had both hands behind your back, very proper, and saluted him with your right hand. “General Hux, sir.”

The blast doors closed and you dropped your salute.

He greeted you and motioned for you to sit down. “Shouldn’t you be resting now? I don’t need personnel falling asleep on their jobs.”

“Yes sir.” Part of him was alarmed with the formality of your tone. Perhaps this wasn’t a social call as he initially thought.

“But I found an unmarked package in my room a few hours ago.”

A sudden wave of anxiety washed over him, his stomach dropped and he felt his heart rate increase. But mostly, he was trying to stop the warming sensation that threatened to color his face. “Oh?”

You nodded and set a box on his desk. Of course he knew what you were talking about. He had spent an inordinate amount of time looking for a discreet way to deliver this present to you. Not to mention the time he spent looking for the perfect shade of the ribbon tied on the box. Oh how foolish he felt now!

He nervously cleared his throat, “What is this?”

As you unwrapped the ribbon he noticed a few indents in the silky material that gave tale to the fact that you had already opened it once. You removed the carefully packaged dessert, then you looked up at him and, if he were to look back at this later, he sucked in a sharp gasp at the pure brilliance of your smile. In that moment, shallow breath and quickened heart rate and all, he decided that he was going to give you the galaxy.

You weren’t nearly as careful removing the transparent plastoid sealing in the food. “I can’t believe you remembered!”

Hux suddenly remembered himself, he was a general of the First Order High Command, not a love-struck fool! He cleared his throat, “I don’t-”

The look you gave him cut his words short. “Oh, don’t try to deny it, sir.” Maker, he loved the way your voice made that little word sound. “No one else could possibly know this much about me.”

“Your date of birth is listed in your personnel file.” He attempted to deny one more time.

“My favorite food and color is also in my file?”

He cleared his throat again and looked down, seeing that you had evenly divided the small treat.

You hummed dramatically, “Welll, if it wasn’t you...I know I haven’t told anyone else my favorite foods or color…sooo, maybe they read my mind? There’s only one person on the Finalizer that can do that.” You stood up and turned to the door, “Who knew Commander Ren was so sweet?”

Logically he knew, knew, that you would never consider Kylo Ren a friend, much less a romantic partner, but just hearing his rival’s name leave your mouth made him panic.

“Alright! It was me!” He shouted as he quickly stood up and slammed his hands down on his desk.

You looked at him again and laughed quietly, “I know it was you. What I don’t know is why you even tried to hide it.”

Realizing how ridiculous he must have looked, he sighed and sat down, inviting you to do the same. If he were honest, he’d admit that his feelings towards you were more than a little intense. Instead, he gave what sounded like a legitimate excuse. “It would seem inappropriate should anyone find out.”

“We’re friends, Armitage. It’s not even a crazy gift.”

“Well, I suppose you’re right.” Because what else was he supposed to say? That he was afraid that you’d somehow reject him?

He shook his head when he saw you push half the sweet to him, “I bought that for you.”

“And I want to share it with you.”

If you ever found out that he couldn’t say no to you!

Split between two people, it wasn’t much more than two or three bites, but you still somehow ended up with crumbs on your face. “You’ve got a little something.” He motioned to the side of your face.

“Hmm?” You wiped your hand across the wrong side of your face.

He chuckled quietly and moved around his desk. “No, here.”

His eyes caught yours as he gently cradled your chin in his hand while his thumb wiped away a bit of crumb. He couldn’t bring himself to look away, or to move his hand from the warmth of your skin.

It was you to break first, turning your head out of his grasp shyly and muttering a meek thank you. Emboldened by your sudden change in mood, believing it to be the same emotions that thrummed in his chest, he nudged your chin gently so you would face him again.

“Look at me.” Though his voice was gentle, quiet even, there was a certain sternness in it that made your heart skip a beat, or simply beat faster, or possibly both at the same time.

You stared into his eyes for only a moment before your eyes slid closed as his lips pressed against yours, softly at first but it wasn’t long before his hand moved from the side of your face to grip the back of your head, your hands clutching at the front of his uniform, his tongue entwined with yours.

Rather hastily you found yourself shoved onto his desk, thighs wrapped around his hips. He pulled away just enough to look at you with a suggestive smirk, “Happy birthday.” And then his lips descended upon your again.

The box that once contained your sweet treat fell to the floor, forgotten in a much more interesting birthday gift.

#armitage hux x reader #general hux x reader #hux x reader #birthday fic #happy birthday to me #soft hux #if the pic looks a little funky #i edited it to remove the text #check out huxismyman's blog for the original and more

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

Note

hi! first off, congrats on the new blog!! i read that misumi piece and i really enjoyed it hehe,, if it's alright, may i request some domestic fluff with kazunari? mayb looking over old photo albums of each other from when they were kids and laughing and telling stories about what happened in the photos? thank you very much and i hope u have a nice day :D

hi!!! this made me so happy 🥺 thank you so much, i hope to keep this blog running for a long time! also, i saw your reblog of my jealousy hcs and i wanted to say thank you for your sweet comments!!! i go back to it whenever i need motivation, you inspire me to keep writing ♡ thank you! i hope to continue making you proud as a writer :D <3

summary: kazunari had to stop living in the past and make new memories outside of his yearbooks with you

author’s note: this is definitely a much happier piece than my others! this was refreshing to write and i treasure it dearly, it’s definitely much more on the humorous side! no angst today, folks!!! (ok just a little, but it’s barely noticeable!)

this is just a little look into a hoarder named kazunari and his sentimental, nostalgic personality ♡ i, myself, am a marie kondo supporter so i love decluttering! if you are a hoarder like kazunari, honestly go you! you keep those knick knacks that remind you of memories! do whatever makes you the happiest :D

word count: 2,151

music: make you mine – public, tongue tied – grouplove (this song is so Kazunari !!!)

nostalgia.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it was that time of year again

kazunari hated spring cleaning with a passion. so what if his art supplies were all over the dorms? he knew where everything was! uh, mostly...

(if you ignore his daily panicked house searches which kept everyone up way too late if he couldn’t locate a very specific paint shade for a big project he definitely procrastinated)

so, it took, so much bribery to get kazunari to even consider cleaning out his entire dorm room

(muku was a very Good Boy and already had his side of the room perfectly dusted and organized)

yes, you had to promise to pose as a model for one of his paintings one day (hopefully, not the type of class you were thinking) (kazunari’s suggestive wink didn’t help)

the thing about kazunari was he was somewhat of a, putting it politely, hoarder

as an extremely sentimental person, it would take the whole mankai company to even force him to throw something away

(“no! it has a special meaning to me! i remember what happened when i got this~” kazunari would whine, holding the useless item between his hands with no intentions to ever look at it again)

so the boys employed you to be kazunari’s rational judgement when cleaning that day

(“please actually make him do something.” sakyo looked like he was on the border of begging; kazunari’s abundance of random knick knacks and shopaholic addiction problem was becoming an issue that affected everyone)

rule #1 of cleaning kazunari’s storage room: don’t open anything because kazunari will become very sentimental and nothing will get gone

so therefore, as a team, you two tackled the rather spotless room. the interior was minimal and modern, just like kazunari liked it with pops of color here and there

(he had one blank white wall and you realized it was the backdrop he used to film all his social media posts [dancing tik toks, fashion #ootds on instagram, daily vlogs on his growing youtube channel])

at first, you were confused where all his stuff went until you opened a closet against his terrible and unconvincing distractions

without time to react, you found yourself buried in tens of books you couldn’t even fathom how it all fit

(“i’ve played way too much tetris.” kazunari would admit later on when asked about his immaculate stacking)

“you’ve got to be kidding me!” you groaned, pushing your head above the surface of book covers that have either never been opened or were way too old to even be functionable

“i’m sorry~ please, forgive me!” kazunari pleaded, immediately pulling you out of his own mess and using all his cuteness to make you roll your eyes fondly at your best friend

you almost started ranting at him about the dangers of taking up too much closet space with useless items before you realized:

wait! stop! he’s trying to get you to forget about throwing these books out! you thought suddenly, crossing your arms as you stared at the pile, trying to figure out how to approach the situation

“you cannot distract me. we are going through this mound and you will be getting rid of something today.” you ordered, seeing his shoulders drop in defeat as he nodded solemnly, but accepting his fate without any arguments. thank god for that

you two bent down and organized all the books into categories. popular photography instruction guides, creative advice columns, and all his past art textbooks kazunari couldn’t sell were put into a seperate group because luckily, they were relevant to his art school

things like old newspapers with funny comics were recycled (you refused to let kazunari read them in fear of invoking some form of nostalgia) (also because he had the whackiest sense of humor ever and would die laughing)

it was going well, until you reached the thickest photo books of them all (you had almost forgotten what you and kazunari’s school mascot was)

but unsurprisingly, kazunari had every single yearbook from each year of his education all the way until his last year in high school piled high to his chest

even he looked somewhat shocked from his mass accumulation from his teen years

“ah! i’m so old now~ look at all this! what else can i do except die?!” kazunari dramatically flopped onto his bed, tired of lifting so much weight. hey! his arms weren’t meant for exercise, he was a painter!

lifting his head to see you were distracted from alphabetically sorting the first section lovingly dubbed, “art shit”, kazunari mischeviously grinned as he leaned down to snatch a random yearbook

flipping to a random page, kazunari smiled as he realized it was the first time he ever met you back in elementary

kazunari sang your name as he sat upwards, having a shit–eating look on his face as he started swinging his legs back and forth

oh no, he was up to something no good, you knew it but humored him anyways

“yes, kazu?” you turned your line of sight to the most horrible picture possible: you with the ugliest haircut in the entire world with kazunari’s black hair taking up the entire photo as you two sheepishly smiled for the camera. it was not a proud moment

okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad, you just couldn’t help but shriek at the sight of your hair

“oh my god! you can’t just jumpscare me like that!” you laughed despite yourself. you knew you had to be serious and focused on decluttering, but one look at your past made you remember all the good times before so–called “adulthood”

“look at your hair!” you cackled, reaching up to playfully yank at his mullet as he yelped and lightly smacked your hand away. rubbing the back of his neck, kazunari huffed childishly and pouted like he was back in his youth

“come on! this was the pinnacle moment i realized, i should not be a hair dresser.” kazunari commented, making you remember how you just let a random 8–year–old boy waddle up to you with safety scissors and advertise his salon business like a professional

(yes, you bought into it right away. your teacher had a heart attack when she saw you with a majority of your hair on the floor and kazunari keeping small talk like an actual hair stylist)

thinking back after the haircut incident, you weren’t allowed to chat with the funny class clown anymore as you were forced to wear a hat every day

(it was either that or go completely bald to fix the job kazunari did to your head)

it wasn’t until you received a very creative and colorful apology letter with tons of sad faces drawn with waxy crayons that you snuck out to play with him on the swings in recess

“i can’t believe we became friends because i wanted free hair cuts for the rest of my life.” you added, staring at the picture with a sense of nostalgia. you kinda got where kazunari was coming from, memories were fun to look at every once and a while

at least, eleven years worth of memories after being inseperable from that moment forward

(maybe, you should’ve held onto it, you thought, not knowing that would be the first of many art pieces you would be gifted by him)

kazunari knew he won. excited, he dropped down to lay on his stomach as you leaned against the bed, watching as he thumbed through the pages with ease, leaning his head on yours comfortably

it was rare to find kazunari quiet, he must’ve been like this all the time when going through his stuff, you thought, at peace for once

lazily smiling, kazunari put his finger against your yearbook pictures as he reminisced on the past. something about everyone ever in your grade, how kazunari knew everyone and had a special memory with each person, no matter how big or small

“—and here, the teacher somehow caught a pic of us swinging wayyy too high for kids our age!” kazunari laughed, breaking your train of thought as you snickered at the absolute joy radiating from both your faces as you two competed to see who could reach the clouds

(kazu won. you fell off right after and had to get picked up from your parents after badly scraping your knee. it took another sorry letter and art of you two holding hands with a heart for your parents to forgive kazunari)

“let’s go back.” you interrupted him, making him sit up confused as you swung your keys out from your back pocket. it didn’t take any convincing for kazunari to nod right away and took the elementary yearbook into his arm

you two only had to exchange a secret look before formulating a plan to sneak out, leaving music on from kazunari’s speakers to act like kazunari was still cleaning

you two giggled amongst yourselves before clambering into your car, speeding off and laughing loudly from your successful getaway. the manager was none the wiser!

during the short car ride, you and kazunari played your favorite mixtape of all time

(“you kept this?!” kazunari yelled, giddily bouncing up and down from excitement when he discovered the mixtape stash)

he slipped the disc in as you two yelled along to childhood favorites with the windows rolled down, letting the entire neighborhood know the best duo were back in town

(seriously, there were so many you stashed away in your glove department. all labeled in sharpie with compelling titles connected to the inside jokes only you two found funny)

arriving at the destination, you two exited the vehicle to see the play pen was abandoned as the teaching staff went home for the day

the sun was setting and it felt like the playground was in another rift of time as you approached it, hearing the weak movement of the swings going back and forth on their own. you sat down, holding onto the chains. you hadn’t been back ever since you graduated. it hadn’t changed at all

kazunari opened the elementary yearbook back to the original page, pulling out his tripod and phone he always had on hand in his backpack as he set it up right across the swing set

“what are you doing?” you inquired, tilting your head as he fumbled around pressing different buttons and filters too complex for you to remember

looking up, kazunari grinned as he set a timer for 10 seconds before sprinting back to the swing next to you

“swing contest right now! i bet i could swing higher than you ever could!” kazunari challenged childishly, quickly kicking his legs for the momentum. you narrowed your eyes, refusing to lose as you two laughed over the sound of his phone taking a burst of photos

you realized what he was doing. he was re–creating your memories together

but you turned to look at him and your heart skipped a beat. you never remembered him looking this, different, in the purple lighting. for a flashing moment, you swore you saw the silhoutte of his black–haired, child self sit next to you before you blinked and saw him. kazunari was the same, just older now

you slowed down your swing by dragging your sneakers against the wood chipped ground. you grabbed both the swings’ chains to hold them together

you didn’t want to live in the past anymore. you wanted to grow up with him, too

“what—” kazunari started, matching your pace before being cut off by your lips against his, the phone going off for one last time

you pulled yourself in close enough just to smile. he smelled the exact same as he did when he discovered cologne for the first time. he never changed

you pulled away first even if he tried leaning forward for more, like he was waiting all these years just for that one moment. like he saw you in the same light, too

“i wanted to do that for years.” you confessed, watching as he took your hand carefully, like he was afraid you were going to leave. for once, he didn’t know what to do, which face to show

“me too...” kazunari agreed, seemingly speechless before straightening his back, like he was about to run away. the hair on your neck stood up, what was he about to do?

“i promise i won’t cut your hair anymore, unless?” kazunari winked dramatically, mimicking the shape of scissors with his fingers as he tried snipping at your hair

he laughed as you shoved him with all your might, hopping off the swing to chase him throughout the school parking lot

now this was a memory kazunari would never throw away, no matter what

(no one thought the two of you escaped until kazunari posted the pics on his instagram, both of you getting a scolding from sakyo this time)

(busted!)

#miyoshi kazunari #kazunari miyoshi #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #kazunari x reader #a3! kazunari #a3 kazunari

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marikaaajoy · 4 years ago

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my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

#plus ultra #<3 #personal

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mysingularitybts · 4 years ago

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How BTS would react to the reader being tall Hyung Line

Genre: romance, fluff Disclaimer: None Word Count: 2357 A/N: Hi guys! This is the second part of the scenario I posted last week I really hope you enjoy it. Once again this scenario was requested @em-i-ay . If anyone has a request feel free to message me! Make sure to like or reblog if you like it!!

Part 1 Maknae Line

Namjoon

Today was a lazy day you were currently laying on the sofa with your head on Namjoon’s lap. You were watching a movie Jungkook had recommended but overall, you were just enjoying each other’s company. It had been a while since they’ve spent this much time together due to Nam's hectic schedule. There was a romantic scene in the movie where the protagonists told each other what they loved from the other and that gave you an idea.

“Hey Nam?” you asked when he hummed as a response you replied, “what is it that you love about me?”

“Well I love all of you” he replied as he looked at you. With that, you sat up and asked again as you bat your eyelashes “Come on be a little more specific”

“Let's see where to begin,” he said as he made a thinking face “I love your smile, your sense of humor, I love how caring you are, I love your height, I lo-“ He was suddenly interrupted by you “Wait! My height? Are you sure?” you exclaimed while you voiced your confusion

“Yeah I like that you’re the same height as me why are you so shocked?” he questioned you

“I don’t know it’s just that I’ve never been the most confident with my height and I thought that guys didn’t like when girls are their height or taller,” you said as played with your hair

“yah that’s ridiculous I know lots of guys who don’t care about height” he stated with a grin. Then he got closer to you and whispered “besides, you know I love how those dresses and skirts you wear fit you” with that you got all red

It was true Namjoon loved when you wore dresses and skirts especially since, at times, they ran shorter due to your height. Sometimes you used it as revenge to make him jealous and let's just say it worked every time.

“Trust me I know,” you said with a flirty smile “you let me know every time”

“So, are you going to tell me what you love about me miss y/n?” Namjoon asked you curiously

“Nope,” you said as you focused back on the screen

“Hey, that’s not fair!!” he yelled in surprise and pausing the movie

“What? We have to keep some mystery! Come on lover boy let’s keep watching the movie” you replied while laughing at his expression.

Jin

Currently, you were getting ready for a red carpet it’s going to be the first time you are appearing publicly along with your boyfriend Jin and his bandmates. You were so nervous about the event you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself or worse embarrass the boys. You were wearing a beautiful red dress with gold heels. You were quite tall for a girl I mean you were the same height as Jin and he was pretty tall. Generally, you wouldn’t wear heels when you were with him because deep down you were worried he wouldn’t like you being taller than him even though he had never done anything for you to think that way. Being stuck inside your head you hadn’t noticed a lot of time had passed.

“y/n are you almost ready?” Jin called behind you. As you turned around to look at him, he could help but to admire how beautiful you looked. “wow you look amazing I mean not that you don’t always look beautiful it’s just that-“

“Jin it’s okay I understand and thank you” you chuckled at his outburst “I mean the only thing I'm doubting is the shoes do you think they're okay? I mean I think they are too high; you know what I think I’ll change them you can't see them anyway” you rambled

“What are you talking about you look amazing and the shoes are cool too” he answered honestly as he looked at what you were wearing

“Are you okay with me being taller than you? ‘Cause I don’t know” you replied with doubt in your voice as you sat down to take them off

“What? No, I don’t mind at all what makes you think that?” he exclaimed as he looked at you “ if you feel uncomfortable in them then it's your decision but don’t take them off because of me” he stated

“I-I don’t know I'm just nervous what the media will say and I've never really worn heels when I'm with you so I didn’t know how you would react” you admitted as you looked at his reaction

“Darling who cares what the media thinks and honestly I don’t mind” he assured you “I honestly think it's even a little sexy that you’re taller than me. In the end, it's your decision but just know that I love you no matter what and I think your beautiful no matter what shoes or clothes you wear it doesn’t matter to me.” Jin revealed with a sincere smile

You truly felt so happy to hear him say those things. With those words, your insecurities washed away, and with newfound confidence, you put your shoes back on and felt as ready as ever to walk down that carpet with the love of your life.

Yoongi

Yoongi and you met in an interview. You were a popular YouTuber and BigHit chose you to interview BTS. You were an ARMY so you made sure to look for good questions. The boys knew you were going to interview them, so they did a little research on you to try and see what to expect. Out of all of them, Yoongi was the most interested, in fact, through your videos he developed a little crush. When you guys met in real life that crush turned a little more real because he got to know you a little more. After filming the interview, it was time for photos, and what a coincidence you were right beside him. Something you had noticed in the pictures was how tall you looked beside him, but you didn’t really care. From that day on you and BTS became really good friends especially you and Yoongi, so good that you started dating shortly after. The video wasn’t scheduled to air until a few months after so when it was finally released along with the pictures everyone went crazy over it. One thing the fans pointed out was the height difference between you and Yoongi… yeah, it was that apparent. They even made memes which you had to admit some were funny. What you didn’t know was what Yoongi thought so, you decided to bring up the subject.

“Hey Yoongi, what do you think about what the fans are saying?” you asked him while you were in his studio lounging on the couch

“What in specific?” he said as he nodded to some beats he was working on, his eyes not leaving the screen

“Well about the height difference between us,” you said as you stood up and showed him your phone with some of the tweets

“Huh I had never really noticed,” he said and then turned back to the monitor

“What?” you exclaimed “What do you mean you never noticed? How can you just not notice?” you asked curiously really wanting to know his answer

“Well it's not that I didn’t notice that you were tall I mean we can all see that, I just never really cared to point it out or anything,” he said as he turned around to face me “As I told you, I liked you from before I even met you and when I finally did your height was the thing I noticed the least plus that doesn’t change how I feel about you. It's more of you to love” he confessed as he stood in front of me “Did you expect any different?” he asked

“Not exactly but you hadn’t brought it up and I wanted to know what you thought” you stated as hugged him “so… do you like the memes?” you asked while chuckling to yourself

“Yeah some of them are really funny,” he said he showed you his gummy smile “You know?” he asked and as you hummed he said “I’m really lucky to have you in my life”

And with that you just melted into a puddle, y/n was no more. Well, more like you melted but before that, you pulled him into a loving kiss. “Thank you Yoons, I love you”

Hoseok

You and Hoseok had been dating for about three years now. You were both very happy with your relationship and even though sometimes it was hard because of his schedule he always made time for you. Once you finished college you started working for BigHit as part of the filming crew that way you got to be together more often. It was something you had both agreed on because on one part you didn’t want to invade his space and force yourself on him but at the same time, you wanted to spend more time with him. So, after many discussions, you both had agreed that you would concentrate on your jobs and afterward would spend time together or on breaks. After all, you weren’t going to spend all your time filming him you had to film the other guys and some fans too for the concerts. So, the job gave you the opportunity to have more quality time without being overbearing. Sadly, after three years of being in a secret relationship, the fans found out, and let’s just say it wasn’t the warmest welcome. Some say they felt betrayed because they felt as if BTS couldn’t trust them, others simply couldn’t get over their jealousy and hated on you, and others simply didn’t care and supported you. But that first week after the news came out was hell for you. You couldn’t even see your social media because of the influx of messages. The people who were quick to criticize was the media. They rapidly found out everything about you and your privacy was no more. For the first time, you felt a fraction of what Hoseok and the rest of the band felt at times.

You honestly didn’t pay attention to most of the hate but the thing that got to you was the comments about your height. You were tall even taller than Hobi only by an inch but still, you weren’t really insecure about it, but all the comments made you feel an insecurity you hadn’t felt in years. This had caused you to lay in your bed just staring at the ceiling contemplating life something you don’t do much so when Hobi found you like that he got worried.

“y/n, are you okay?” He asked with a concerned look in his face

“what? Oh, yeah perfectly fine!” you exclaimed as you sat up on the bed, “I thought you were coming home later today,” you said with a fake smile

“Yeah, but practice was done early so I picked up some takeout” he answered as he showed you the bag “Now really what is going on you are not fooling anyone with that smile” he stated as he sat down beside you and took your hand “What’s bothering you?”

“Well I didn’t want to worry you since I knew that eventually, I would get over it but it's just that the things the fans are saying- I don’t know- I don’t care but there’s one thing in specific that really got to my head” you confessed as you looked at his reaction. You saw how he went from a face of concern to one of understanding.

“You should have told me beforehand remember I’ve been through this a lot of times. Not only that but you should have told me because I love you and whatever you are going through I want to help no matter how stupid or serious it is whether you’ll get through it or not because we are in this together.” He said all of that with a small smile on his face. You did not know why you didn’t tell him before; he was right. “What is it that got to your head?” he finally asked

“They are saying that I’m too tall, that it's weird, that they don’t understand why someone like you would like me among some other stuff” you replied, “When I was younger I was always the tallest even taller than the boys because they hadn’t had their growth spurt and some of my classmates would tease me about it.” You started confessing as you looked over at him. He was giving you his full attention “I got insecure about it to the point where when all my friends started experimenting with heels and stuff I didn’t join in or at least not until much later. Once I got to high school, I had a sort of epiphany and got over it. I didn’t care what anyone though any more only what I thought of myself” you finished your story “Reading those comments just took me back to that place for a moment I guess”

“I’m really proud of you for getting through that and realizing that you are amazing just as you are.” As he said that he brought you closer into a hug “ I love you for all that you are your height has never bothered me and never will even if you were 7 ft tall I would still love you because the reason I love you is because of how you are inside” with that he crashed your lips together in a passionate kiss “Don’t get me wrong though your looks are a bonus and I’m a lucky guy to have a girlfriend as beautiful and sexy and smart and funny and goofy and amazing as you” he said as he kissed all over your face

“Thank you Hobi you always know what to say,” you said with a giggle as you pulled away

“You’re welcome,” he said as he stood up “Now come on let’s eat something I’m starving,” he screamed in an exaggerated way.

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peace-coast-island · 3 years ago

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Diary of a Junebug

Movie night with a bunch of oranges

Today was a busy day consisting of harvesting oranges and bringing out equipment for tomorrow. We've got a pretty good haul - and probably way too many oranges than we can handle. Thankfully I still have room in my inventory for other fish/bugs/shells or else I'd be kinda screwed, but I should try to make more room just in case.

Then again, there's still the possibility that I end up slacking off and spend the last day trying to collect as many oranges as possible before the deadline. I don't know why, but when it comes to collecting fruit I almost always find myself rushing at the end. I hate having to use up fertilizer in batches but sometimes you have no choice.

At least for this event I have some help so here's to hoping I don't have to break out the fertilizer at all. Probably wishful thinking, though it doesn't hurt to hope. With five extra hands helping out, why wouldn't we be able to get a lot done?

It's good to see Lotte, Mitch, and Gene again along with Willow, Frank, and Paisley. I haven't seen the latter three in forever since they've been super busy so imagine my excitement when I found out that Gene's working with them on a new movie.

The new movie's another adaptation of Paisley's short stories, Flower in the Wind, which will be directed by Willow and starring Cheyenne Ruthie in her film debut with Gene and Frank as part of the supporting cast. Cheyenne used to live in the neighborhood near me and Daisy Jane and we reconnected a while back after running into each other on social media.

In fact, she's planning to drop by the camp sometime in the near future as she's going through some pretty big life changes and could use a bit of a breather when things settle down a bit. Along with the upcoming movie, she's also in the process of moving and making up for lost time with her dad. I'm happy that things are going well for her and knowing Willow and Paisley, Flower in the Wind is sure to mark the start of something greater for her.

Willow, Frank, and Paisley are all former members of Jamie's entourage. Willow Chasen's a writer and director known for classics like Crossfire, Fighting Stance, Paper Dreams, Train Whistle Blowing, and many others. She's been named one of the greatest directors of the decade and she rightfully deserves that honor. I'm a huge fan of her work so I'll admit that I have high expectations for the new movie.

Frank Dunston and Paisley Kusuma are bloggers who used to run Behind the Spotlight, which chronicled the behind the scenes of the entourage members. Before coming to the island, they made the news when they were abducted and held hostage by a former detective who used to work for Frank's aunt Diane. His uncle, Eldred Dunston, is a well known actor who got Frank and Paisley interested in acting.

The two have been best friends for a long time, they have a sweet relationship. We joke that they're like an old married couple but it's all strictly platonic. They share an apartment and raise Paisley's daughter Lizzie together. Lizzie's named after Diane as she figuratively and literally saved Paisley and Frank's lives. The whole ordeal with the abduction brought them closer together and also wound up kicking off their careers.

While they have been doing a lot more solo projects since leaving the entourage and ending the blog, Frank and Paisley are still a duo. Flower in the Wind happens to be their first movie together in over a year, something they said they've been enjoying as they missed working alongside each other.

Paisley's a writer and author who runs a blog called The Flower Writes which she updates sporadically with life stuff and her creative process on her latest projects. She does some acting in supporting roles though she prefers to be behind the scenes, having established herself as a writer and producer over the years. She's also one of the writers for Robert's upcoming show Mount Barley, RFD so that's another reason to be hyped about it. Maybe someday she'll be sitting on the director's chair but she says that for now she's happy where she is.

Frank has been acting on stage and screen, starting out on small roles alongside his uncle until he got comfortable with the spotlight before making a name for himself on his own. He also dabbles in photography, having once run a blog for that before becoming a freelancer. Speaking of that, Daisy Jane's his next client as she's in need of professional pics for her upcoming shop update. Since he doesn't live too far from here, he's offered to make the commute to help Daisy Jane out for future shop updates, which is great as she finds taking product photos is one of her least favorite aspects of running a shop.

Lotte's been busy with the bakery while Mitch is working hard at the orchard. Gene's been making time in between acting gigs and his day job to visit home often, getting back in touch with old friends he hasn't seen or heard or spoken to in years. It's good to hear that things between Gene and his dad have improved since I last saw them. Lotte and Mitch can finally rest easy now that their family's back together. Although I haven't known Gene for long, it feels like I've known him forever and can't imagine him not being here.

Interesting how one's presence (or absence) can leave such an impression.

It's a good thing Mitch's here for a harvesting event as he's got a vast knowledge on a variety of plants and produce. Thanks to him, we were able to venture outside the camp to find more oranges. Who knew that Starsnatch Grove has a bunch of different varieties of oranges? Perfect oranges, starburst oranges, rainberry oranges - there's so many more that I've never seen or heard of before!

Turns out that Starsnatch's soil is ideal for citrus and that around this time of year is the peak of their season. Mitch really did his research about the camp and its surrounding areas. He also showed me other places for fruits and veggies, which will be useful for future reference.

So we've been wandering around Starsnatch, collecting all kinds of oranges and exploring the area. Rainberry oranges look like rainbow berries, hence the name, and the taste kinda reminds me of an orange spice tea. Cinnaorange is a new variety I've never seen before as they're rare and according to Lotte, they make a good marmalade. Sunkiss splash is an unusual orange with a sunburst pattern on its skin. The tree is kinda hard to care for, which is why there's not a lot of them and the orchard where Mitch works is one of the few that grows them.

With all these oranges, there's a lot we can do with them. I don't even know where to start as there's so many possibilities. Good thing we have Mitch and Lotte here to help us out!

After a busy day of collecting oranges, catching up, hiking, and coming up with ideas for tomorrow, it felt fitting to end the day with a movie marathon. So we watched three Sound Stories movies while enjoying sweet and tangy oranges.

Firefly Garden is one of my absolute favorite movies ever. Pretty much everyone I know considers this one of their favorites, including my mom. From the stunning animation to the gorgeous soundtrack and heartwarming story, it's no wonder it's a classic. Noelle and Sophie are hands down some of my favorite characters of all time.

The second movie we watched was Neighbors, a cute movie where nothing much happens yet it's so soothing and entertaining to watch. The art is breathtaking and expressive and it really adds to the story. It's a bit of an offbeat, unconventional kind of film, one I initially thought I wouldn't get into but ended up enjoying a lot.

Bee and the Quill is the latest Sound Stories movie and I loved it. The story's a bit hard to follow, but that's the point. As usual, the visuals are stunning and the whole dragon fight sequence was amazing to watch. Viola's journey to find her sister's ghost is one of those stories where you don't know exactly what's going on so you just roll with it and open your mind to the unknown.

Tomorrow we're gonna take a break from harvesting oranges to have some fun in the kitchen with our new discoveries. I'm looking forward to trying a bunch of new teas, especially with the rainberry oranges. We'll be making orange tea cake, orange juice, salads, and all kinds of other recipes we may stumble across. Then at night will be another marathon of Sound Stories movies where we'll be watching Snowflakes and Floating on Clouds, both which I've somehow never got a chance to watch yet.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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kusunogatari · 4 years ago

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[ Naruto OC x Canon Ship Week 2020 - Face to Face ] [ @naruto-ocxcanon-ship-week || @abyssaldespair ] [ Suigin Ryū, Uchiha Obito ] [ Alcohol ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ Trope: Online Dating ]

Nibbling her lip, Ryū stares at the slight reflection in her mobile screen. Thumbs flicker over the keys, not quite touching in indecision.

This is the closest she’s gotten.

The concept, admittedly, is just...not one she ever saw herself using. Online dating seems so, so...weird! Lining up your face, your name, a handful of facts, and calling it good. Is that really all it takes anymore? Sure, she...doesn’t exactly have mountains of experience beyond that. Maybe she’s just old-fashioned. But putting up something akin to a mugshot to try and find love seems very...strange.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Eeping in surprise, she claws the phone to her chest, face going pink and heart pounding. “N-nothing!”

Behind her, a coworker she knows mostly only in passing perks a brow. “Whoa, sorry! You looked kinda, uh...distressed.”

Ryū heaves a small breath. “...sorry, I didn’t mean to jump so bad. I just, uh...I’m trying one of those silly dating websites, and…”

The other woman quickly perks up. “Oh! Yeah they’re kinda scary at first but I met my boyfriend on one! I bet you’ll do just fine. Just be smart about it, and it usually all works out fine.”

“Smart…?”

“Y’know...meet in public places, tell someone where you’re going. About the same as a normal date for those like us, huh?”

At that, Ryū can’t help but deflate. “...yeah, good point.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. People gotta have their pictures on there. I take a pic of any license plates and send them to someone I trust just in case.”

Brow wilting, Ryū admits, “You’re...not exactly giving me votes of confidence here.”

“Hey, gotta be prepared for the worst, but the worst hardly ever happens. Besides, a bit of chatting online usually gives a pretty good indication of if something will even work. And you can always ask friends to go on doubles, too.”

At that, Ryū doesn’t answer. She...doesn’t really have many friends to ask, let alone any with dates she’d feel like asking along. “Yeah, good point. I’ll, uh...I’ll see how it goes.”

“Cool! Good luck!” Giving a wave as she passes by, her coworker heads around a corner and out of sight.

“...what am I doing…” Ryū mumbles to herself, looking back to her nearly-completed account. “I know this isn’t gonna work…” And now the less appealing sides are at the forefront of her mind. Maybe she should just keep her nose to the grindstone and pretend she never brought this up.

...but then again…

As much as she hates to admit it, she’s lonely. Being a pharmacist might be similar to her wish to be a doctor, but it’s not quite what she wanted. It just feels like something is...missing. And while Ryū isn’t the sort to assume all her problems can be solved by a guy (or gal), she’s still pretty able to realize that her social life isn’t the best. No real close friends, passing grades with her coworkers...not even any pets. Up until now, she’s lived life in a series of grinds. School, then work, and now...it feels lacking.

Hence the idea to try the app.

“...no harm in looking,” she eventually mumbles to herself, slowly going through the rest of her profile and hitting the confirm button. “You don’t have to go on with it, but...just look. See how it works. Maybe just...chat with someone. One step at a time, okay?”

Of course, by then her break is nearly over, so she mutes her phone and heads back to work. She...only ate half her lunch, but she’s not really all that hungry anyway. Only once her shift is over does she head back to her little apartment and...give this thing a real try.

At first, it throws nothing but male profiles at her. Which is all well and good, but...it’s not all she’s interested in. Looking over a few names and faces, she eventually bucks up the courage to pick one. He’s a few years older, lives a town over, and works as a physical therapist. Not bad, right?

...ugh, wrong.

As soon as they start chatting, she knows this...isn’t going to work. He’s all Mister Nice Guy, subtly bragging about himself and leaving only certain questions open for her in turn: the only things he wants to hear about, and...things she can easily see through as shallow. Eventually she manages to get him to shut up and quickly deletes him.

Okay...not a great first impression, but it’s not gonna be perfect the first time she tries. This isn’t a fairytale, after all. So, she tries another. And another.

After over two weeks of duds that don’t even get past initial chats, she’s about ready to give up.

Laying on her bed spread-eagle with a sigh, she stares up at the ceiling. What started as a vague inking is turning into nothing but a source of frustration. Not exactly what she signed up for. Weighing her options, Ryū eventually stirs when her phone gives an all-too-familiar notification sound.

Another match...wonderful.

Sitting up with a grunt, she opens the message and looks over yet another profile. At first glance, it’s just another guy. Ugh. The amount of lady-seeking ladies has been depressingly low, but...apparently those are usually on their own kind of sites. So, for now, she entertains herself with this one.

Obito Uchiha...huh. Vaguely sounds like her own Japanese roots. There’s a small spark of curiosity, adjusting her stance slightly. Short dark hair, dark eyes, and...well, his pics aren’t the clearest (he clearly knows his good side (or what he’s assuming is his good side since...it’s all she sees)). But she spies a cat. That’s a win. She likes cats. A glance at his actual profile shows a like of sweets, cats (aha!), and a dislike of...aubergines? Googling that, there’s a hum of understanding. It’s eggplant! She...didn’t know that...whoops. The rest of the summary (stuff about ‘being extreme’ and ‘having abs’) gets her to giggle.

Well...might as well give it a try.

Giving the okay, she opens up the chat window, nibbling her lip in thought. What should she say…?

Hello!

A bit surprised, Ryū jolts slightly, not expecting the quick response! ...hi!

I didn’t think you’d accept it so fast!

And I didn’t think you’d say hello so quickly either!

Oh, sorry...was that too fast?

The apology begets a subconscious smile. No, not at all! My phone is usually pretty quiet is all. Sorry if I’m awkward, I’m...still kinda new at this.

Ha, me too. I haven’t had too many matches yet, so I’m still practicing.

Guess we can practice together! Though I have to ask you…

...eh?

What’s your kitty’s name?

Oh! Her name is Tenebris.

Aww, I love that name!

She’s my lady, haha! Helps me reel in the girls ;D

Ryū can’t help a snort. Well it seems to be working. I don’t have any pets, sadly…

What? None at all?

No...I work a lot so I haven’t gotten around to it. And I don’t want them to be lonely!

Bah, cats are good at being alone. Feed them and clean their box and you’re fine.

I’ll have to think about it, haha~

After a few minutes, Ryū realizes...this is the longest she’s talked to someone on here yet. Sure, it was a little stiff to start, but by some grace they just sort of...fell into conversation. No posturing or anything. It’s rather...refreshing! Encouraged, she keeps texting as she starts working on her dinner.

So what kind of work do you do?

I’m a pharmacist! Not quite the doctor I planned on, but it works.

Ohhh, wow!

What about you?

There’s quiet for a few minutes, and Ryū can’t help but wonder if that was a bad question. But then Obito replies, Sorry, my cat got stuck behind the couch...I uh...am currently working on a garbage truck part time…

She blinks. That’s...very random. Nothing wrong with that. It’s an important job, after all!

Eh, yeah...not very charming though, is it?

Oh, pffft. I stand behind a counter all day and give people medicine over and over. It’s not exactly exciting most days. We all make our ends meet somehow.

I guess that’s true.

Smiling at her phone, Ryū keeps cooking and chatting, giving play-by-plays as he asks what she’s making.

Do you like cooking?

Mhm! Food’s one of those things that’s both a necessity, and yet can be fancy when you want it to be, so...I thought it would be good to learn. And it’s a lot of fun!

I’m...okay at it.

Maybe I can give you some lessons down the road, hm?

You would?

Sure! It’d be something fun to do.

Like a first date?

At that, Ryū pauses. Right...dating. That’s what this is all for. She almost forgot… Sure! If that’s something you’d like to do. I guess dinner and a movie is pretty common for that. We’ll just make our own!

I’d really like that!

Cheeks warming, Ryū beams at the screen. I guess...it’s a date! Eventually. Whenever we can make something work, and maybe talk a little more…?

Sure! I take a lot of random side jobs so I can be a little flaky…

That’s okay - we’ll just keep chatting until then. You’re actually the first person that’s been fun to talk to…

He sends a big smile emoji. Success!

You’ll have to think about what we should make! I have to warn you, I like making dessert, too…

Oh no...my biggest weakness…

And no eggplant, right?

Eugh, no.

Haha, noted!

The conversation runs well into the evening until Ryū admits she’d best get to bed. Guess I’ll talk to you some more later, okay?

Mhm!

Say hi to Tenebris for me!

Haha, I will! Goodnight Ryū.

Night, Obito.

Checking her other messages, Ryū plugs in her mobile to charge before mulling over the evening. As she does, a smile slowly pulls at her lips.

Well, she can’t make any assumptions yet, but...this is a good start.

Chatting with Obito quickly becomes a routine. Though not much of a texter before, she checks in and quips with him throughout the day. He tells her about his latest jobs, and she notes anything out of the ordinary at work. Days blend into a week, and then two.

“So…”

“Hm?”

Leaning against the counter, Ryū’s coworker smirks. “Seems to me you hooked one, huh?”

Her cheeks flush pink. “Um...maybe…”

“You haven’t put your phone down for more than fives minutes all day!”

The pink gets darker as the other woman laughs.

“I’m glad! So, you gonna see him?”

“Yeah, eventually...I think we’re both a little nervous.”

“That’s adorable. You’ll have to let me know how it goes! Been nice seeing you look so bright lately.”

Ryū blinks. “...really?”

“Yeah. No offense, but...ever since I’ve worked here, you’ve been so quiet and to yourself. But lately you’ve just seemed more upbeat and...I dunno, out there.”

The observation admittedly takes her a bit off-guard. “...oh…”

“It’s just nice to see you look happy, that’s all. I know a job like this one’s kinda drudgy. Glad you’ve got something to keep your chin up.” With a smile, the other pharmacist straightens and heads back to work.

Still a bit struck, Ryū mulls all that over. True, she’s always been one to keep her nose to the grindstone. Maybe having a bit of a social outlet just...got her going to opening up some more.

...huh.

So...any openings in your schedule coming up?

Uh...I haven’t really checked lately. One sec!

Waiting for Obito’s reply, Ryū nibbles her thumbnail. She’s going to do it. She’s going to ask him over. By now she’s gotten to know him pretty well. She’s always been able to trust her gut, and...she believes she can trust him.

Though just in case, she’ll be letting her neighbor know when he comes to visit.

Just to be safe.

So I think I actually have Sunday clear. Does that work with you?

Yeah! I’m always on a Monday through Friday schedule, so weekends are almost always good with me!

Okay...cool!

Any idea what you wanna make?

Make?

Yeah! Remember, we talked about cooking…?

Ohhh, yeah! Uh...honestly I don’t have any preference.

You sure?

Yeah, just no aubergines.

I remember, haha.

Should I bring anything?

Nah, I’ll handle it. Though I guess if you have a movie you’d like to watch?

Ooh, okay! Uh...any you don’t like?

Maybe nothing too gory…?

Aw, that’s no fun!

I saw enough in medical school, believe me...it’s not fun.

Okay, okay. I’ll pick something.

And with a few other details hashed out...they have a date scheduled.

Ryū’s stomach can’t stop fluttering: both in excitement, and in nerves. She hasn’t really dated since college...what if she does something stupid? Offends him somehow? Or something just goes...wrong?

Okay, no, stop it. It’s gonna be fine. You’ve talked a lot, so...no need to be nervous. Just do it!

By the time Sunday rolls around, she’s as ready as she’ll ever be.

Fiddling with her hair in the bathroom mirror (can she EVER get it to do what she wants?), she jumps as someone knocks on the door. Trying to manage her nerves, she peers through the little peephole, spying what indeed looks to be Obito.

Taking a moment to steady her breath, she pulls open the door and looks up just as he looks over.

...oh.

She always thought his photo gallery on his profile was a bit...empty. At first she hadn’t really noticed that all of Obito’s photos had been taken showing one side of his face.

So only now, with him looking straight at her, does she see what he’s been hiding.

The apprehension in his face clearly shows he’s awaiting her reaction, and at first she can only blink. Eyes naturally slide to the right side where a plethora of scars mar the skin from his brow to his chin. One even reaches up into his lip.

But though it’s a surprise by novelty, it otherwise does nothing to hinder the blush in her face.

...gosh he’s handsome.

Her gaze lingers on the scars for only a moment before lifting back to his eyes, cheeks rosy and giving a demure smile. “...hi.”

“...hey.”

There’s a few beats of awkward silence, the pair of them stuck staring at each other. “...s-sorry! Um...come on in!” Ryū steps aside, going hotter in the face. A nice button-up shirt and clean jeans make him look quite snazzy. Seems her blouse and skirt wasn’t too much or too little. They hadn’t really breached any ideas about how formal to be…

Stepping in, Obito glances around before clearing his throat. From behind his back he draws a little bouquet of flowers. “Er...for you.”

Ryū’s greys alight with delight. “Oh!” It’s cliché as all hell, but she loves them. Delicately accepting the blooms, she gives them a sniff before beaming at him. “Thank you! I, er...I don’t have anything for you…”

“That’s okay! I mean, food’s good with me, heh.”

Giving a giggle, Ryū retreats to the kitchen to put them in some water, setting the vase on her little table. “There…!”

“You...have a really nice apartment!”

“Thank you...I’m always either working or tired, so I don’t manage to mess it up much,” she laughs. “I tried to make it kinda...cute. I’m not exactly an interior designer.”

“No, it’s nice. It suits you.”

That makes her go pink all over again. “...s-so! Um...are you hungry…?”

Obito gives a grin. “Always!”

“Okay! Um...I thought we’d do something a bit...basic? Just in case? Do you like spaghetti…?”

“Yeah!”

“...okay! Cool. Um…” Awkwardness creeping back up, she claps her hands and giggles nervously. “Then, I...guess we’ll give it a try!”

The pair move back into the kitchen, where Ryū already has everything sorted out and ready to go. “Wow...looks professional.”

“Oh gosh, it’s just…” She gestures vaguely. “...I wanted to be ready so we wouldn’t waste any time…” Turning on the heat under the water, she thinks to ask, “...no food allergies, right?”

“No. At least...none I’ve found…? And I’ve had spaghetti before, it should be fine, hm?”

“Okay!”

A bit stuttery at first, she starts guiding him through her process, letting him take most of the reins and acting more as a guide. Obito listens attentively, looking exceedingly focused.

...it’s adorable.

“Okay, so with the grease drained off, we can add our sauce...and once it’s all combined, that’ll be that!” She, in the meantime, worked on a salad mix. “And the garlic bread should be about done, too!”

“You make this all seem so easy.”

She flushes pink. “It...just takes practice! And you did really well!”

“I had a good teacher.”

Once it’s all finished, the pair of them ferry things to the table. “Okay...you try it first.”

“Me?”

“Mhm! You made it, right?”

Glancing to his plate, Obito twirls some noodles onto his fork, lightly pink at Ryū’s watching as he takes the bite and chews. “...it’s good!”

Beaming again, she follows suit. And it’s perfect! Mouth still full, she gives a thumbs-up, making him laugh. Between spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and a little wine, they get through dinner with hearty conversation and increasing laughter.

“I dunno why I was so nervous,” she admits once they’re done, a cheek leaning against a fist as she twirls the last few sips of her wine. “I mean...we’ve been talking so much already. Guess I just felt kinda...out of practice. Y’know?”

“Yeah, me too. Though I try to bravado my way through things.”

“Well, we got through it. Should we play the movie…?”

“Sure!” He holds up a thumbdrive, grinning. “From my collection.”

“Oho!”

With a refill of wine, they move into the little living room of the apartment, Obito hooking up the TV and starting the film.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see!”

“Not gory, right?”

“Nooo. But...maybe a little scary.”

“Scary is okay. I like spooks. Just not lotsa blood and flesh and…” Her nose wrinkles. “...y’know.”

“Ha, yeah.”

They settle on the one couch she has, and at first sit...a little ways apart. They’d had opposite sides of the table before, and...well, this is new. But like a couple of dumb teenagers, they slowly meander their way closer, testing the other’s boundaries as they go until Ryū finds herself snuggled up against Obito’s side, head on his shoulder.

Obito, just out of her line of sight, is clearly ecstatic.

The movie starts out tame, but true to his word, it quickly takes on a rather creepy tone. Transfixed, Ryū stares at the screen, slowly worming her way further and further into the dip of Obito’s side.

...if she weren’t so focused on the movie, she’d realize that was likely his plan.

Obito, on the other hand, has technically already seen this one, and instead mostly watches for her reactions. The closer they get to a big scare, the more often he looks, biting back a grin until it finally happens -!

Shrieking in terror, Ryū scrambles for someplace to hide, and...ends up burrowing into his chest with a string of garbled, frightened nonsense as Obito does his best not to laugh.

“You okay?”

“I -! That -!” Her head shakes with a whimper, still hiding. “Nope. Nope nope nope.”

“Want me to stop it?”

“...nooo…” One grey peeks out, finding the screen a bit more bearable now. “...that was fricken’ terrifying! Ohhh my gosh!”

He just snickers, ignoring her continuing whines of discomfort. “It’s almost over, don’t worry.”

To his delight, she remains half-perched on his lap for the rest of the film. Once the credits start to creep up the screen, she loses her tension and goes limp. “...I almost had a heart attack…”

“Aw…”

“I mean it was good! But cripes, I wasn’t ready...eugh…”

Obito rubs a hand along her back, still clearly amused. “Gonna be able to sleep tonight?”

“...I better, I have work in the morning…”

He apologizes, watching as she tears herself from the couch and disappears into the kitchen. “...Ryū?”

No answer.

Brow furrowing, he makes to follow just in time to see her pull a pan out of the refrigerator. “What’s that?”

“Peach cobbler,” she sniffs, setting it on the counter and then fetching vanilla ice cream. “This is my reward for surviving your movie.”

“You’re gonna eat the whole pan?”

She shoots him a pout. “...maybe.”

He mirrors the look. “...I want some…”

“You have to promise never to scare me like that again.”

“Okay, okay. But wasn’t it at least a little fun…?”

Scooping the food into bowls, she thinks back over how nice and warm it was in his arms...and she could smell his cologne… “...maybe a little.”

They stay standing in the kitchen, leaned against the counter as they eat their dessert. Though not as lively as before, they chat in the quiet.

“So...on a scale of one to ten, how was our date?”

Ryū sucks on her spoon with a thoughtful hum. “...a nine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why not a ten?”

“Because you scared the bejesus out of me!” After a moment to pout, she asks, “...you?”

“A ten.”

“...really?”

“Good food, good movie...good company. What’s not to love?”

She...isn’t sure how to respond to that, so she takes another bite to excuse her silence.

“We’ll have to try cooking something else next time. Something spicy!”

“Not too spicy, it’ll make me sick!”

“Whaaat?”

“I have a delicate stomach...nothing too greasy, either.”

“That’s all the good food!” he laughs.

“It’s not my fault!”

“Fine, fine...we’ll figure something out. I’ll have to find some of my grandmother’s recipes. From Quebec.”

That earns a blink. She thought she heard traces of an accent in his voice, but didn’t want to assume. “...sure! I’d really like that.”

But eventually, the bowls and the wine glasses are empty. The movie is over. The hour is growing late.

It’s time to call it a night.

...but it’s clear neither of them really want to.

Obito offers to help tidy up, and that helps take a little more time. But once that’s done, there’s really no more excuses.

“...well…” Ryū fidgets a bit. “Guess I’ll...say goodnight?”

“Yeah, I better go. Don’t want to keep you up to late. And I’ve got my route in the morning.”

“Mm…”

She walks him to the front door, the pair of them lingering in the opening for a long moment. “...be safe on your way home. Text me to let me know you made it okay, all right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And to say goodnight.”

“...again.”

“...yeah, again.”

Another pause.

Indecision seeming to make her bones vibrate, Ryū eventually makes up her mind. Stepping up a bit closer, she lays a hand against Obito’s chest and - with a bit of posturing up on her toes - she gives him a feather-light press of her lips to his.

Flashing pink, he nonetheless reciprocates, both of them easing slowly back apart.

“...goodnight, Obito.”

“...night, Ryū. I’ll...talk to you later.”

Nodding with a shy smile, she watches him head down the hall before forcing herself to shut the door. For a moment, she stands and holds the knob...then turns and leans against it with a sigh.

...it seems so quiet in here now…

Eyes lift to her little dining room table, where the flowers he brought her are still sitting in their vase. The sight brings her a small smile. As much as she’s sad to see him go...well, that just means she’ll get to look forward to seeing him again next time.

Next time...what a lovely concept.

Heaving a more contented breath, she makes her way back into the apartment. Time to get ready for bed, and wait to hear he got home okay. Then she’ll sleep, and start all over again.

...but at least now there’s something to look forward to.

All righty, another day, this one with Ryū’s ship with @abyssaldespair‘s Obito, set in a modern verse! I had...several ideas for these two, and picking one was difficult and ended up costing me time BUT, it’s done xD Hopefully I can get MORE done :’D But yes! This was actually an idea Meg submitted to me, with the premise based largely on Obito hiding his appearance on his profile until the big reveal! Ryū, of course, doesn’t mind his scars no matter the verse. She still thinks he’s one cute cookie x3 Anywho, I guess that’s...really all there is to say for this one! Hope ya like it Meg, and I better get to work on more drabbles xD

#narutoocxcanonshipweek #noxcsw #abyssaldespair #suigin ryū #uchiha obito #best years of your life [ au ]#online dating

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theartoflivingalways · 4 years ago

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i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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