#he and riku really need to talk. or just communicate these feelings somehow

[daylighteclipsed]

@last-flight-of-fancy Don’t leave this in the tags either

You ever think about how the "keep Riku safe" memory almost wakes Sora up but then Ansem SOD showing up to imply Sora's failure on doing that in KH1 is what plunges him back into sleep?

[rocket-bear]

shinsena ghost fic outline

SO. on my last list of shinsena fic ideas I had written "shinsena ghost AU (yes, like the patrick swayze movie) but with an actually happy ending". I have decided that I'm not actually going to write this fic because 1) it would take forever and I have other ones that are bigger priorities for me and 2) the inspiration for it was really the MOUNTAIN of IT fix-it fics I was reading in early 2020 because I was Going Through It where I then shunted that inspiration over into a fandom I was actually comfortable writing for, and at this point I have moved past that stage and no longer need the catharsis,

BUT! I do really like the bits that I did already write for it, and I still love the idea, so I'm just going to go ahead and post the WIP bits that I did get finished, and then flesh out what the rest of my plan was after!

The fic takes place in Sena's second year of college! It's a ghostfic so, y'know, warning for major character death and copious discussion of grief, haha, but it gets better!!! Also, in addition to ShinSena there's BG mentions of HiruMamo in both the fic excerpts and bulletpoints for the rest of the planned plot. Text below the cut is about 6k words!

---------

"Aw, beans," is the first thing Sena hears after he dies.

He doesn't really process it in the moment, too busy blinking up at the bright, unclouded sun and distantly noticing that it doesn't hurt his eyes. He sits up, running through the last few moments in his mind-- a bouncy ball dotted with pink flowers, skipping merrily over the sidewalk into the street, a girl in her school smock tottering on chubby legs after it, a car unavoidably close, his view of everything blurring as he throws himself forward without even thinking about it--

Oh.

"EHHHH," he shrieks, and scrambles away from his body, and it doesn't come with him.

"I'm going to be in ;so much trouble," that voice says again, and Sena whips around because it's the only thing he can actually hear clearly, even though he's pretty sure he should be able to hear-- the other people around him, looking at his body without looking at him, everyone unharmed but most of them in tears, and he doesn't want to think about that.

So he looks, and sees-- something. It almost looks like an afterimage, at first, the kind of light-dark luminescent spots your eyes put up when you look away from a light you've been staring at too long, but it stays put as Sena stares at it, a kind of void of shifting light just stamped in the way of his view of the bushes lining the sidewalk.

"Um," he says, and the Thing kind of goes more dark-light than light-dark for a moment as it… sighs?

"Yeah, sorry, you're not getting me at my best, this wasn't supposed to happen," it says, and Sena feels like he would be hyperventilating if he had lungs, but he doesn't anymore.

"No, listen," the Thing says, and it starts to get bigger, which Sena belatedly realizes is because it's moved closer to him. With the way it doesn't actually seem to take up space, it's hard to tell. "Let's move away from here, okay? It's going to be hard for you to listen with all this going on."

And, well-- Sena casts a glance back behind him, to the people with their hands over their mouths and tears in their eyes and the pointless things they're doing to his body to try to bring him back to it, and he scrambles up to his feet and follows the thing.

"Okay, here goes," the Thing says as they move further away from the-- the scene, and then its voice changes. "Fear not, mortal, for your time on this plane has elapsed, and you have accomplished all that you were intended for. Your current form--"

"Wait," Sena says, fighting against the mesmerizing effect of the Thing's shifting lights in combination with its new, multilayered voice, high and low at once but somehow soothing. "I thought you said this wasn't supposed to happen??"

"Well, okay, yeah," the Thing says, its voice reedy and thin once more. "Your time actually isn't supposed to be up, but-- okay, did you know you're like, really fast? Like crazy fast. I was just supposed to nudge the driver once they stopped the car in time, you know, typical near-death experience stuff, but you jumped right through me before I was in place."

"You kill people by touching them?!" Sena skitters away from the Thing, and gets the distinct impression that the silvery flush it pulses in response is decidedly unimpressed.

"I can't kill you again," it says. "And we don't kill things, anyway. We just… mark them as finished. I got you out of the oven too soon, that's all."

That sounds a lot like it was only different from killing things in terms of word choice to Sena, but he doesn't say so.

"C-can-- can we fix it?" He asks instead, the first shards of ice-cold realization sinking in at last. He's dead. He's dead?

The Thing flares sigh-dark, and says, "You know this kind of thing has only happened like, four times before? Ever! Since the dawn of humanity! It's been like 20,000 years since the last time! I don't know off the top of my head, kid, I'm gonna have to look it up."

"Then-- there's a chance? How long will that take? What if-- I mean-- they're gonna take me to the hospital--"

The ice shards sink further into his body, but the Thing's voice is dismissive.

"If there's a way, that's not the body you're going to be coming back to; there's no way we're gonna be able to do this without rolling back the clock. So don't worry about the morgue, okay?"

Which-- was a relief, but Sena feels an empty sensation at the word "morgue" that he's pretty sure would have been nausea if he had a working stomach left to experience it.

Some of that must show on his face because the Thing comes to an abrupt stop, and its voice is more gentle as it says, "Okay, gameplan. If there's a way to get you back, it's gonna have something to do with the energy left over from your presence among the living. So go see your friends and family and see what you can figure out. Right now, you're a ghost, so there's got to be some way to tap into that energy."

Sena nods a little numbly at first, working on auto-pilot, and then nods more firmly as he actually processes the Thing's words. A plan! That means-- there's something he can actually do, while the Thing goes to-- "look it up." That's good! A plan!

And then, the Thing goes yellowish, and its tone turns apologetic.

"And… Speaking of ghost stuff, I didn't get to finish this part before. Your current form will let you move around this plane to visit your loved ones and grant yourself any closure you desire, but you won't be able to interact with the living world, and if we're not able to fix this in time-- when the time comes, you'll have to make a choice. Move on completely to the next plane, or stay here with your loved ones until there are none left who remember you."

Sena blinks, going still, and the Thing glows even more yellow.

"So we've got about [a month] to figure this thing out. I'll do what I can, kid. You hang tight."

And then it's gone, and Sena is left alone on the sidewalk.

He does all that he can do, and goes to find Mamori.

------

He doesn't think through the consequences of that until he gets to her apartment and finds her in tears and Hiruma on the phone, calling them an escort to the hospital. Every awful minute of that first day feels like nothing more than a smear in Sena's memory by the time his funeral comes around. He spends the time in-between trying his best to do something, anything, that will let his friends and parents know that he's still there. He does his absolute best to go full Hollywood Haunting on everyone he knows, trying to knock over pictures or rattle windows or flick lights on and off, but nothing works. Every once in a while, when he's flopped beside Mamori on the floor as she goes through photo albums, he almost thinks she hears him as he talks about the photos she's flipping through-- but it always just ends up being a fresh round of quiet tears that brings Hiruma over to her side.

The funeral seems to be no different. He'd hoped, somehow, that maybe having so many loved ones gathered in one place to think about him would somehow give him the energy to make himself solid-- and there are so many people there, not just Sena's family and closest friends, but people from nearly every team in the Tokyo American football community, some of them who he only ever remembered seeing across the field.

All of the original Devil Bats are there, of course. Kurita sobs his way through the service. The Ha-Ha Brothers stand stony-faced, and Juumonji scrubs a rough hand across his eyes, but Sena never sees any tears. Suzuna clings to Monta's arm as they both cry openly with Riku in the row behind Sena's parents, Mamori, and Hiruma.

His parents cry. Mamori seems too exhausted to, just sitting quietly and taking in the service with bruised red eyes. Hiruma puts his arm around her shoulder at one point, and Sena finds himself surprised by how much tenderness he's seen between them in the last few days. Hiruma had handled almost all of the arrangements, actually-- Mamori and Sena's parents making the decisions, and Hiruma diligently rising from each discussion to make the appropriate phone calls.

In the middle rows, Sena finds himself looking at Shin and Sakuraba. He shouldn't have been surprised to see them-- and he really wasn't, not really, he knew he would be devastated and would definitely show up if the situation was reversed-- but something on Shin's face startles him into looking again.

He looks tired. Sena doesn't think he's ever seen Shin tired, before, not even after playing full-out through an entire game, not even after the most intensive of training. But Shin's face is undeniably drawn, and the skin underneath his eyes is bruise-dark.

Sakuraba tears up, and Shin doesn't, but it's Sakuraba who lays a comforting hand on Shin's shoulder. [UNFINISHED SCENE-- also I had intended to go back and make this scene more accurately reflect Japanese (vs Western) funeral traditions but have not done that since, I'm not finishing the fic]

----------

He finds himself seeking out one of his and Shin's old training routes from high school, when they lived close enough that it made sense to share. It's been years since he ran this route, but it makes sense, he figures, that he would be revisiting old memories like this. It was a good route, anyway-- at one point it ran alongside the river, and Sena remembers reaching it on hot summer days, and noticing that even Shin tipped his face into the breeze when the sun was really beating down.

He walks along the path at first, but before long finds himself jogging, the force of memory and habit alike drawing him into those quick strides. It doesn't feel the same without the sensation of the wind on his face, or the heat of the sun on his body, or even the sweat beading up stickily between his skin and his clothes, but it's something.

Without fatigue or fear of obstacles to keep him vigilant, Sena finds himself startled before too long by the sound of steady footfalls coming up behind him. He automatically shifts his path to make way-- though it doesn't matter much now, he thinks with a frown-- and looks up as the lone jogger makes to pass him.

It's Shin.

Sena's not-heart squeezes painfully at seeing him unexpectedly, and Sena gapes.

"Shin-san--" He gasps, and of course Shin doesn't respond or look his way. Sena swallows the painful reminder and adjusts his pace to match Shin's.

They run together, and of course it's quiet, because Shin doesn't know that he has company. Not that companionable silence was atypical for their runs together before-- running was for focusing on technique, including breathing, so they would save the chatting for before and after.

Sena wonders if Shin had kept to running this path all along-- he was so sure that they'd both abandoned it when they'd made their way to university. Or at least, Shin had apologetically told him so, when he'd moved on to Oujou University and Sena was still in his third year at Deimon.

Maybe Shin's feeling nostalgic too, Sena thinks, and then shakes his head. He doesn't want to be sad, and it's nice to have Shin at his side, even if Shin doesn't know he's there.

He tries to sink into the feeling of running. It's still hard-- he can't feel much of anything, after all-- but with Shin there, it's a little easier to fall into old memories and let those guide him. He can pretend-- to feel the gentle breeze off the river cooling the sweat on his face, to feel the push of the sidewalk under his feet launching him into his next step, to feel how the sun is hotter on his back and shoulders than anywhere else as it crawls its way up the sky.

It almost feels like normal, finding that rhythm alongside Shin that has their steps striking the pavement in tandem, Sena's extra stride to make up for their heights a little accented half-note; that peaceful, focused haze that has them inhaling and exhaling in synch. It's so perfectly familiar that Sena can almost imagine a lump rising in his throat and the sting of tears in his eyes, nearly overcome with the twin sensations of having and loss--

--when Shin startles hard beside him and skids to a stop, with a gasp that has Sena's blood running cold before he even looks back for him, the image of the oncoming truck flashing through his mind.

But there's no truck here, of course. They're on a running trail, on a totally separate level than the road, but it's obvious enough what drew that terrifying, uncharacteristic noise from Shin's lungs when Sena looks back, and his eyes meet Shin's.

Shin sees him.

[UNFINISHED SCENE, this is the last of the actual fic that I wrote!]

---------

FROM THERE here was the plan:

- Shin being able to see him only lasts a split second. Shin's super shaken and keeps looking around and rubbing his eyes for a couple moments, and then he turns around and walks back to the train, and Sena-- thinking, like, "holy shit, Shin never skips training"-- follows him back, because even though it's super heart-breaking seeing Shin so shaken up it's also the closest he's gotten to making any progress the whole time

- Shin gets back to his dorm and just like. sits down at his table with his head in his hands. Sena's motivation to keep trying to get his attention kind of dries up so he pokes around Shin's dorm room instead and notices, like. a bunch of half-eaten meals/snacks in the trash, "Practice" scratched out on his calendar for the next few weeks, unmade bed, evidence that Shin's only really gotten dressed to go out jogging over the last few days and is only wearing his pajamas otherwise-- he's just not doing good.

- Just as Sena's like, really starting to grasp this, Sakuraba shows up at the door-- Shin gets up to answer the door with his back to Sena and like, whatever Sakuraba sees on Shin's face just stops him in his tracks and he immediately pulls Shin into a hug, which Sena is kind of shocked to see that Shin totally sinks into

- Sakuraba sits down with Shin at the table and they talk. Shin admits that he thought he saw Sena while he was jogging, and both of them are just brushing it off as like, a grief-induced sensory memory, stuff like that happens, etc. Sakuraba comforts him and encourages Shin to take it easy, it's okay to take time off of even his own personal training, it's okay if he needs more time, and also like fusses about Shin not getting enough to eat especially if he IS going to keep training

- Sena meanwhile is like, feeling awful with guilt but also just kind of overwhelmed with the realization of how important he was to Shin, and this is where I would've like, laid the groundwork for how they'd gotten closer during the rest of high school/early college but Sena still never rrreally understood how much Shin cared about him because 1) he's got self-esteem issues baybee, and 2) Shin is not exactly, like, super forthright about his feelings,

- but, while Sena DOES feel awful about how much Shin was shaken up about seeing him, it's the only thread he can think of to pull on to try and bring himself back, and he ALSO feels guilty about having to watch everyone grieve for him, so, well,

- he starts haunting Shin!! Shin does not listen to his good and helpful friend Sakuraba and goes jogging again the next day, but it's obvious that he's still feeling Off and he's having a hard time getting into a rhythm, and Sena isn't able to tap into ~whatever it was~ that made him visible the previous time and is feeling super defeated about it, UNTIL,

- Shin takes a break at the midpoint of his normal route, which is a thing Sena knows he does not generally do from their own training together, and is basically just slumped over on a bench with his head in his hands again and Sena's also feeling awful and helpless and does the same thing,

- and then Shin tenses up beside him, his breath getting shallow, and Sena notices and tentatively calls out to him. Shin slowly, slowly looks up, and they make eye contact for just a second again, before Sena can tell he's not visible anymore because Shin's eyes kind of unfocus and he looks away, and just gets up and goes home.

- This kind of refreshes Sena's determination, and over the next few days (IT WAS GONNA DEPEND ON HOW LONG I WANTED TO TORTURE SHIN) they repeat the same pattern, with Sena going on Shin's jogs with him and occasionally achieving small flashes of visibility(/audibility, though Sena isn't ever able to get out anything helpful before the universe mutes him again) which Shin seems to be determined to just brush off as grief illusions even as he gets more and more tense each time

- Until finally as they're jogging, Shin sort of tersely asks "Are you there?" and instead of saying anything Sena just tries to barrel into him for a hug because clearly auditory-visual haunting only isn't WORKING and we've gotta get some TACTILE FEEDBACK in here,

- and it works. He knocks Shin off of his stride, and Shin grabs for him in turn, and there's a moment where they both stare at each other in total shock and relief before Sena starts trying to frantically tell Shin the whole story and disappears out of his arms like, three words in.

- Shin has a little tiny mental breakdown in the middle of the sidewalk where he cycles from devastation at Sena disappearing again to trying to pull himself together like, "okay if this is real then this isn't my last chance because it's happened a lot over the past few days" to a kind of giddy catharsis because it's real Sena's really here to kind of shutting down over the idea that maybe it's STILL not real and he's just going REALLY crazy to actually pulling himself back together and going to find a bench to sit down on, and just like,

- talking things out, out loud, in hopes that Sena can hear him. He can only see Sena when they're running, which is something they used to do together, so maybe recreating old memories is what triggers it. He's noticed that even when running, he usually sees Sena in moments when he's feeling least conflicted/emotionally complex-- either pure grief or pure nostalgia or pure just-zoning-out-running, not as much when he's really struggling to process and has a lot going on internally at once. Maybe the stability of the emotion is part of it.

- Sena meanwhile is having his own meltdown from sheer overwhelming relief over FINALLY FINALLY making contact and Shin FINALLY FINALLY believing he's there and also just like making hearteyes at Shin for immediately going into full methodical Ghost Scientist mode after getting his own meltdown over and done with

- speaking of going full Ghost Scientist, Shin announces his intention to do exactly that by saying he's heading back to his and Sena's old running trail to test out the "recreating memories" theory right that second, and they head over.

- They jog, and Shin talks out some of his memories with Sena from his own perspective, which is a surprise for Sena because he doesn't even remember some of the things that Shin does and also it lets him actually understand what Shin was thinking in those moments.

- And most importantly: it works. It's not constant, but the longer they practice, the longer they're able to keep Sena in view for longer stretches of time, more of an unsteady flicker than the total off-or-on that it was before. They stay out for a long time (and in the process discover that other people still can't see Sena when Shin can as he continually gets weird looks for talking to thin air) and Shin actually eats a real meal when he finally goes home.

- Sena and Shin keep practicing over the next few days, which makes Sakuraba SUPER concerned because Shin spending hours and hours jogging every day looks like Shin further depression-spiralling from his perspective, but he's somewhat mollified by the fact that Shin's actually getting back to eating and getting dressed etc. normally, even though he's still not going to practice.

- During this time, Sena and Shin bond when they're actually able to communicate. Sena notices that Shin's parents haven't checked in on him even once despite the fact that he just lost a friend, and Shin confirms in one conversation that he basically doesn't have a relationship or emotional connection with his parents at all. (But watch, hang in there, I'm gonna fix it,)

- In the meantime, Shinigami-san tracks Sena back down and they both share what they've learned. Shinigami-san says that Sena has to gather energy from as many of the people he's formed bonds with as possible to chain himself more strongly to life, and gives him a pendant to wear around his neck that will store the energy. When Sena talks about his and Shin's experiments, It says that it makes sense that being emotionally and physically in-sync would help bolster the connection between them to the point where other people would be able to see him, and that if they practice enough they might even be able to just use one or the other (emotional sync or physical sync) without needing both.

- After Sena laboriously relays this to him through flickers, Shin gets a metronome and they both practice tapping their fingers to the rhythm, and they're finally able to see each other at Shin's dorm room vs having to be on a run and actively reminiscing together. They develop a system where when Shin wants/needs to see him, he'll tap his finger against the side of his leg and Sena will do the same thing so they can actually talk.

(- There is at least one moment in the development of this that, when Sena successfully appears in front of him, Shin smiles fondly and very softly says, "There you are," and Sena immediately disappears again because he's so shaken to his disaster bisexual core that he can't even handle it.)

- During this process they find out that Sena's pendant glows when Shin is reminiscing or otherwise talking about his feelings (but not the capital-L feeling) about Sena, which lets them know how to go about "gathering energy" from Sena's friends.

- With the clock counting down on Sena's deadline, Shin starts approaching Sena's friends to "check on them," or, to sit down with them and talk about Sena. It's a little awkwardly sweet on both sides, because no one expects Shin of all people to be making sympathy housecalls and Shin's not very good at talking about feelings, but the conversations are surprisingly genuine and cathartic for all parties (including Shin, who is still processing some weird sideways grief even with his new connection to ghostSena, and Sena, whose self-esteem issues have a hard time standing up under a deluge of people talking about how much they cared about and miss him), PARTICULARLY:

- Monta and Suzuna, where the reminiscing works a little too well and they actually see a flicker of Sena sitting at Shin's side during the conversation and freak out. Shin immediately changes tacks and tells them that Sena is there and that he's trying to bring Sena back and he needs their help, and at first this makes them freak out more because what the fuck but by virtue of Shin being… Seijuurou "Overly-Serious-Stoic-Never-Overreacted-In-His-Life" Shin, he convinces them to try the tapping technique to bring Sena back into view.

- Sena has Shin describe a memory involving the three of them while they tap along to Shin's rhythm, and the combination of reminiscing and tapping works well enough that they're able to get frequent enough flickers of Sena to believe Shin. Yes, they do get a least one good long group hug out of the flickers, I'm not a monster.

- Shin still has to do most of the communication for Sena because it would take a lot of practice for the Sena-Monta-Suzuna combo to get enough in-sync to be able to communicate effectively, but he explains the whole situation and all the information they've gotten from Shinigami-san. They decide that it still makes the most sense for Shin to field the energy-gathering housecalls for the same communication-based reasons-- Sena can guide Shin through the conversations by suggesting memories to bring up with his friends-- but all the same, Shin suddenly finds himself with two tiny new best friends who want to hang out with him all the time. (And not even just to talk to Sena! Suzuna and Monta become pretty attached to and curious about Shin after he shows them more of his vulnerable side in the conversation leading up to the point where they actually see Sena themselves.)

- I was going to go through little flashes of Shin's conversations with a lot of Sena's friends across the football world, but the other Big One was going to be Mamori, of course. (And a little bit of Hiruma, who refuses to sit down for an Emotional Conversation with fucking Shin, but will gladly peanut-gallery Mamori's out of his own repressed desire for catharsis and also to make sure with guns loaded that Shin doesn't fuck up the fragile acceptance Mamori's been building since Sena's death.)

- Having learned from the experience with Suzuna and Monta, Sena wisely sits out of view during the conversation because he actually doesn't want to put Mamori through the rollercoaster of seeing him again, especially if his and Shin's efforts fail.

- Shin does not fuck up his conversation with Mamori and so Hiruma doesn't have to murder him! It's actually the most honest-- and healing-- conversation he has with anyone. Mamori finds herself feeling very fond of Shin, who she didn't know was so close with Sena and could be so supportive and empathetic under all that stoic strength, and Shin finds himself immediately adopted by another one of Sena's loved ones.

(- In their conversation, Mamori also mentions that just after Sena passed she kept finding herself thinking she heard Sena's voice, because that seed in the actually-written bit above was in fact foreshadowing ohoho.)

- I was not going to Go Into It because not even I have the strength, but to continue the theme of Shin finding a new family via his bond with Sena, there was going to be a brief scene referencing that Shin's visit with Sena's parents went much the same, with the addition that Shin was surprised Sena's parents already knew so much about him (because as it turns out Sena talked about him FREQUENTLY.)

(- Also within the housecalls there's a comedy scene where Shin makes Sena solid just long enough for Sena to log Shin in on Skype so he can talk to Panther without sacrificing a computer, and they discover that international friendship energy gathering does in fact work.)

- AND THEN: SAKURABA. The fic would switch to Shin's POV from here! In Shin's energy-gathering conversation with Sakuraba, things are going well at first, with Sakuraba reminiscing about Sena and then turning the conversation toward Shin himself to talk about how he's noticed Shin's seeming a lot more steady and like he's been doing some real healing lately. Shin obviously does not explain the ghostSena situation, but does honestly say that his conversations with Sena's other friends have helped him process his feelings a lot. And Sakuraba, being a supportive friend, very gently says that he's proud of Shin for reaching out, and for doing so well when he's going through something so hard, because he can't imagine losing the person he was in love with.

- Shin freezes up, and Sakuraba tries to reassure him that it's okay, he's known for a long time, he's so sorry that Shin never got to actually process those feelings with Sena, and Shin doesn't have to talk about it but if he ever wants to Sakuraba's there for him-- and Shin very stiltedly deflects the whole conversation because he doesn't want to totally shut Sakuraba down when he's just trying to be supportive but also Sena is right there

- After finally, awkwardly shooing Sakuraba out the door, Shin sits back down and tries to Talk About It with Sena, but he's so emotionally frazzled that he's not able to get a stable connection. Since they can't have a two-way conversation, he just launches into apologizing-- he's sorry, he understands if it makes Sena uncomfortable, Sena doesn't need to feel obligated to respond to it and of course Shin is going to help him finish getting what he needs regardless--

- Sena's just RAPIDLY flickering in and out of view, with the time he's not visible getting longer and longer as Shin keeps talking because they are incredibly emotionally out-of-sync, and with Shin only able to tell that Sena looks upset whenever he's able to see him, he makes some Assumptions about Sena's feelings about his accidental confession.

- Things don't get better over the next day or two. They try to do their synchronizing exercises, but even reciting memories doesn't help because Shin is too anxious and ashamed (and sleep-deprived from stress) to connect to them emotionally, which is only compounded because he realizes that Sena's deadline is fast approaching and they won't be able to finish in time if he can't get his shit together but that anxiety Does Not Help with relaxing enough to synchronize when he's spiralling over the thought of losing Sena again because of something that he "did".

- Finally, Sena apparently gets desperate and snatches up the metronome during one of the moments when he's solid for just long enough to do it.

- Shin doesn't see him for a while after that, and assumes (correctly) that Sena has taken the metronome with him to try and sync with Monta and/or Suzuna instead, and also assumes (incorrectly) that this is because Sena is extremely disappointed with him at best and totally hates him at worst, and that either way Sena probably doesn't want much to do with him anymore even if he is able to be brought back.

- He spirals for like, A Day, after which he does in fact break and go to tear up very stoically on Sakuraba about how yes he was (is) in love with Sena and it hurts him that he'll never get to express that properly (now that Sena wants nothing to do with him) and how he feels like he let himself (and Sena) down by not being able to act on that earlier (when it wasn't a literal life-or-death situation) and how maybe he's just not cut out for emotions and connections with other people actually, just look at even his relationship with his parents???

- Sakuraba comforts him and very gently tells him he's being a catastrophizing dingus and shows him, like, a mountain of texts on his phone not ONLY from concerned fellow Oujous, but also from a bunch of the people that Shin's talked to about Sena over the last few weeks, all of them expressing the general sentiment of "wow I was super surprised when Shin came around to talk to me about Sena but I'm so glad he did, it looks like he's doing well, keep an eye on him for me" in varying levels of transparency because after all they are Manly Footballers, but regardless: look at that, Shin is actually perfectly capable of forming relationships with other people, and they like and care about him.

- This results in some decidedly less stoic tears, and Sakuraba and Shin successfully patch things up after their previous awkward discussion about Shin's feelings for Sena. When Shin leaves he immediately heads for Enma to try and find Monta, because even if Sena and his friends don't want to see him he absolutely can't just shrug and sit back and just wait to see if they manage to save him.

- When he's like halfway there, he comes across Monta and Suzuna heading in his direction, and they cut off his questions by just being like NOPE SHUT UP COME WITH US and dragging him over to like, a park gazebo for some semi-privacy.

- Suzuna gets the metronome out of her bag and sets it on the park table and turns it on. Monta pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and starts reading.

- It turns out that after he left Shin's, Sena ghosted up into Monta's room and just plopped the suddenly-appearing metronome down on Monta's desk, scaring the shit out of him but also giving a very clear signal of WE NEED TO TALK. Monta called up Suzuna and the three of them had spent the last day and a half working on synchronizing non-stop, and while they still aren't nearly as good as Shin and Sena had gotten with weeks' worth of practice, they got far enough along that Sena was able to have them slowly write out some of his memories with Shin, this time from his perspective, through the unsteady connection.

- Suzuna and Monta take turns yanking the paper back and forth between them to read out the description of Sena and Shin's memories, and with Shin tapping along to the metronome, he's able to see Sena more and more clearly over time until he's solid more often than not.

- As it becomes increasingly clear, even to Shin, that these specific memories Sena has chosen to share are a record of him coming to realize his feelings for Shin, Sena is eventually able to take Shin's hands and hold them without disappearing, tapping not needed. He interrupts Suzuna and Monta to try to finish off the confession himself: Shin didn't need to be scared when Sena found out about his feelings, because--

- Absolutely overwhelmed by everything about the last 36 hours and having no ability to process any of it in words ANYMORE but moved by the SPIRIT OF COMMUNICATION regardless, Shin gambles on the pretty sure bet that he and Sena are in-sync about this, and kisses him.

- It connects. (And connects, and connects...) Sena's pendant starts to glow brighter and brighter until he's totally enveloped, and--

- Switch back to Sena's POV! He wakes up on the street in front of the truck again, scraped up but otherwise totally unharmed. So are the little girl, who he successfully pushed out of the way, and the driver of the car, who stopped in time regardless. Shinigami-san is also there, and Sena tells It to leave the driver alone because It owes him one, and Shinigami-san congratulates him and tells him that hey hey that was the plan along!! (The onlookers assume that he's confused from the near-accident when he starts talking to thin air.)

- Sena waves off all the concerned onlookers and runs off to find somewhere to sit where he's not going to be gawked at so he can text literally everyone he knows. By the time he finds a bench, he's already gotten HOLY SHIT WE JUST TIME-TRAVELED ARE YOU OKAY??? texts from Monta and Suzuna, which he responds to and incites a flood of emoji-based cheering. Everyone else he texts is politely puzzled by his "are you okay???" message, including Mamori and his parents to his intense relief, except--

- He gets a call from Sakuraba, who sounds very confused as he tells him that Shin wants to talk to him. Sena reassures Shin that he's okay, and tells him to meet him at the park that they left off at, and also that he loves him because he can't restrain himself after not getting to say it before. Shin says it back, and Sakuraba therefore sounds both confused AND delighted when he gets the phone back from Shin to say goodbye.

- Sena texts Suzuna and Monta to meet him at the same place, since it's about halfway between Enma and Oujou, and starts running.

- Shin and Sena, being… Shin and Sena, get there before the other two, and there's so many tears and so much hugging and so many I Love Yous and also some apologies. Monta and Suzuna eventually arrive and there's another round of tears and hugging and I Love Yous, and when everyone is less punchdrunk off of trauma and catharsis, they sit down and figure out that it's only the people that actually saw Sena as a ghost that remember the other timeline.

- With the group understandably not ready to be separated under the circumstances, but also with Sena desperately wanting to see his parents, Mamori and Riku, he comes up with a thin excuse for an impromptu dinner party at his parents' place later in the day (celebrating passing a tough test? beat the Cupids in a football game? national pancake day?? doesn't matter!!!), clears it with them, and invites Mamori+Hiruma and Riku over as well. (Shin lets Sena arrange takeout for everyone on his dime so that Sena's parents won't have to cook for an unplanned dinner party.)

- Fic ends with the group heading toward Sena's parents' house, Shin and Sena holding hands, with Sena feeling content and confident in his relationships as his phone continuously blows up with people responding to his check-in text, and Shin admitting that he's feeling pretty hopeful about the idea of getting to form connections with Sena's family all over again.

END. Thanks for indulging my "I'm too lazy to write this but NOT too lazy to bulletpoint each plot detail beat-by-beat" post, haha!

[cgmayra]

Sokai Prompt, My brain is enamored by the idea of Kairi housing Sora’s heart, and he can just ‘fade’ into their reality to help her. Gosh, my mind never stops..!

They’re living rent free in my head, man.

Prompt:

It was strange, you know?

These dreams I’ve been having… it’s like… two worlds… blend and mend into one seamless… long lasting world.

But… is this reality even real? Or… not?

“Every time?” Riku asked, sitting beside me on the street as Yozora had asked us to stay hidden, but that was kinda hard when our clothes made us stand out the most…

“Yeah… at first, I thought it odd, but…” Thinking about it too long made my head hurt…

I gripped my head and kicked my legs out, “Ah! This is so frustrating! Do you think I’m somehow connected to Kairi too?”

I had just finished telling him about these dreams where I’m looking through Kairi’s eyes, and sometimes… when she goes to sleep, I can see her talking to me from within the horizontal, stained glass window of her heart.

I remember her words well too… the first time I was there, and every night since, the script doesn’t seem to change much… but I can tell it’s hard on Kairi.

Within the dream, Kairi is always speaking to me, and though I can see her and she can see me, I can’t talk at all.

It’s kinda tormenting, seeing her struggling but trying to keep her spirits high and not being able to comfort her that I’m alright and safe, and that Riku made it here too!

“I know that I’m not ready to face the other side of this reality… the fictional side… but I’ll get there, Sora. I won’t fail!” Kairi had her hand bundled against her chest, nodding with a strong determined look in her eyes… but I’d see how much she’d work at her training with Aqua, how hard it really had been compared to Merlin’s and Master Yesid’s quick lessons. Kairi was highly talented, and I didn’t have anyone in the beginning! She’s progressing so much faster than I ever did!

Riku said the same thing too, that if it is Kairi, she shouldn’t push herself so hard. It took us a long time to get even remotely close to where we are, and I had to regain some of my strength! I told him I couldn’t tell her that, and for some reason, I can’t speak back to her at all.

“Do you know if it’s even possible that this might just be you worrying about her?” Riku adjusted how he was sitting, taking his arms that were just resting on his knees up behind his head… wait, was he mimicking me? “I mean, it’s normal, I guess.”

“Normal?” I tilted my head, confused. “Really?”

“Yeah, you’re about at that age… dreaming of someone you care about isn’t all that strange anymore.” I about lost it.

“Riku! T-that’s not-! That’s not what I meant at all!” I went to contend it but saw him crook a humorous smile, as though he really was just joking around with me. “Ah, you…!” He grappled my head and it was like old times, rough-housing until we saw someone paying attention to us.

“Let’s go.” Riku turned serious again, letting me go and getting up.

“Y-yeah.” I rushed after him, following behind. Looking over my shoulder, I could see these ‘business’ like guys in suits trying to follow… guess our talk about dreams will have to wait-

“Kairi’s strong, Sora. You need to trust her.” Riku jumped over a trashcan, which I jumped and summoned my keyblade to knock over, turning around.

“Fire!” I cried out, gripping it with two hands as the ball of blazing light clashed into the paper in the trashcan, creating some smoke but blocking the pursuers from keeping track of us.

We darted into the woods, panting as I gripped my knees to stay upright and Riku leaned against a tree.

“Man… what do you think they want with us, Riku?” I looked back, glad we weren’t able to be followed.

“Don’t know, but I think that’s why Yozora wanted us away from the streets… we’re far enough now to be out in the open, but this world has a collective eye that doesn’t like us around… it seems.” Riku summoned his own keyblade, looking it over, “Looks like us being keyblade wielders is more noticeable than I thought.”

We were trying to keep a low profile and not reveal our keyblades, but looks like Riku was right, even without them--people still somehow could tell we were from another world…

Though, I think our clothes wouldn’t set that many alarms off in people’s heads… right?

“Besides…” Riku raised his head, looking off in the distance, “...The only way I could find you was… through a dream too.”

“H-huh?” This was the first time I had heard about that. I sat down and spread my legs out, getting ready to hear his story, and placed my hands down in the middle while unsummoning my own keyblade. “You mean… you had a dream… about me?”

“Don’t get too flattered.” Riku grinned over his shoulder and I flashed him a signature goofy grin of my own, closing my eyes to emphasize I wasn’t gonna make that joke… at least aloud, I didn’t seem to need too.

“Yeah, well… It seems your connection to Kairi is somehow different and… maybe stronger.” He nodded his head towards the distance again. “Think you can try again? This time, maybe speak back to her? Tell her where we are?” he looked sincerely back to me, but I shook my head.

“I’ve tried, she can’t hear a sound.” I admitted, “I just remember… she was in danger and I…” I looked at my hand…

“You… what?” Riku asked, trying to follow up.

“...Nevermind.” I let it go, I couldn’t tell him how odd that felt. One moment, I was sleeping, seeing Kairi in The Final World and fighting a piece of her heart that looked just like Xehanort. “Maybe you’re right… I just see her being so strong for my sake… I’ve never realized… how much she tries for me too.”

“Too?” Riku folded his arms after gesturing away his keyblade, mocking me again. He loomed over me a bit and teased with another joking smile, “You should know,... Sora… more than anyone… just how much she works for us all.”

I couldn’t argue with that, I had been saved by Kairi too, I knew that much.

I just always thought I wasn’t enough for everyone without my friends… but Kairi… was always enough. At least, that’s what I had once thought.

Now I realized that I had been a strength for Kairi all along, and that she also struggled with becoming strong enough too. I just wish I could tell her what I’ve learned and the things I’ve gained from being together and apart. But…

I picked up a rock and threw it, “I just wish I could tell her that! Tell her that… I can see her… I can see now... I-...” I covered a part of my face with my hand, feeling a bit hopeless.

Riku must have seen that and bent down, putting a hand to my shoulder, “It’ll be okay, Sora. I found you, we found you. We’ll get you back to Destiny Island and this time, we’ll all celebrate together… alright?”

He beamed, “Yeah! You got it.”

“Tonight, if you do have that dream, try and see if you can change it somehow.” He instructed, which made me wonder--change it?

“How do I reach out to her?” I gestured my hand out, showing I was in a bit of a pickle here. “The dreams are pretty random. I see her training when she’s awake, or getting upset with herself not progressing soon or fast enough for her. I can see her… let’s see… writing letters?” I gripped my chin and thought about it as Riku got up and moved a little away, thinking as well.

“Strange… I saw the buildings, and you walking around… I never saw through your eyes though.” Riku comments made me think maybe it was the real Kairi, and maybe she was having some pretty bad insecurities, but smiling and making promises to me in her-

“That’s it!” I scrambled on the ground to try and hurriedly get up, growing excited. “Riku! It’s when she’s sleeping! That’s when I can connect to her! When we’re both not awake!” I stumbled a bit on making my way over to him, “All I have to do is take a power nap and hope she’s sleeping too! Then I can try and grab her attention somehow and-” I grew very animated in my planning, but Riku just cocked his head, replying sharply.

“And play charades?”

I slowly felt my energy dissipate by his words, flopping my arms down, “Y-...Yeaaahhh…” I kicked the ground, letting my body wobble and sway slightly in my disappointment. “What would you do? Write on her heart?”

“That might not be best.” Riku shook his head with a smile, “But… If you really can’t communicate, then I guess all you have is... you.”

I nodded my head, though it may be difficult, I’d have to communicate with my body instead of my words.

“Guess I should train for tonight!” I twisted my torso and stretched out my arm socket, rotating it around and doing some exercises in place. “Think you can interpret me alright if I train hard for it? Then I can match how hard Kairi’s working too!” I stopped to grip my two arms into fists and hold them up, showing I would do anything to give her some peace of mind.

Riku laughed lightly and agreed, “Alright, we don’t have much to do until Yozora tells us what’s going on with his friends and if we’re safe to find a way out of here yet or not.”

“Isn’t your heart the key to returning home?” I pointed to him and he sighed.

“Should be that simple… but the heart I used to connect to this world is bound to the ‘inbetween’. Since I don’t have her heart here at present, it means we have to somehow bring her heart back… which could be disastrous if someone else takes it during our attempt to retrieve her.” Riku explained.

“Oh, right. The Star.” I remembered, I still had something to tell him. “You mentioned her… before.” I nodded, showing my understanding. “Her body needs to be rescued, yeah? Then what are we all waiting for?”

“Well, first, we need more intel. Yozora, for some reason, is being pretty tight-lipped about it.” Riku and I both mimicked the other’s actions and folded our arms, ‘hmm’ing as we studied the ground and thought.

“... Oh, well. Can’t sit around doing nothing, if Yozora wants to get things settled his way before involving us in it, then… I say… that’s up to him, right?” I wanted to be sensitive, it seemed the Star and him had a deep connection that was being jeopardised by these ‘business suit’ people. Whatever they wanted, they got it, at the expense of their bond.

“Right.” Riku looked disturbed, maybe feeling bad for the Star, so I gave him my best smile and patted his shoulder, gripping it for good measure. ‘Cheer up, Riku. I’m not just trying to get you to help me, I just can’t stand still for very long. It’s really not your fault.’ I didn’t want to say that to him at the moment though. Riku had so much to worry about from back home, to me, to now thanking the Star that risked a lot to get him here.

When he showed up, I guess the suit guys got wind that the only possible way he could travel to their world was through her. A shame it had to be like that, but now they were doing everything to double-up on their protection and securement of the Star’s body.

“Who is she? Do you know?” Riku asked and I shrugged, letting his shoulder go.

“Yozora’s dear friend… but besides that, it beats me.” I wanted to respect somewhat of their privacy…

“...Does it, though?” Riku looked away, apparently putting two and two together.

I just grinned with a faint blush of embarrassment, scratching behind my head. “They do seem fond of each other…”

“...Enough to dream about one another?” he looked up into the sky and I knew he was teasing me again, but in a more contemplative way this time.

I immediately jumped on my feet and was ready to brawl, “Why, you-! Quit teasing me on that! Every jab is like a blow to my pride!” I gestured vigorously out with my hand so he’d see this meant a lot to me, and if Yozora was the same… “I respect him for him!”

“Heh, you two show things differently… but I think I can see the same feelings and emotions towards it. Well, I won’t pry, but I think our only hope of getting out of here and back to our world is finding a heart connected to ours.”

“Our hearts?” I inquired further for clarity sake.

“Our world.” Riku emphasised, “Which means, even with her back in her heart and body joined back together again… There’s no telling if she’d be able to get us back. Her heart got me here… but…”

“And my heart’s missing… too.” I touched the empty space where a heartbeat should be… and knew that Kairi was keeping it safe. 

“Wait…”

I rose up my head.

“Kairi..? Is Kairi my key back home!?” I stomped my foot down to lean into Riku’s vision line again, since he kept looking away to think to talk.

“Kairi..? If it were that simple, you could just use my heart, right?” He flipped his hand out to dismiss it, but I shook my head.

“You can’t go home with your own heart leading the way, right? Not without jeopardising it. You said that because you used the Power of Waking on the Star’s heart, that you were thrown into a similar position as me, right? That means… we need both a heart from our world that we can connect too… but someone to open the gate for us. You could be the gate, since you didn’t lose as much as me, and Kairi could be my path to getting us home.” My reasoning stood to be tested, but you know what? I think it makes sense!

“That’s pretty far-balling it, Sora.” Riku stated, not too sure about it. His eyebrows creased together into a furrowed brow and I knew he’d need more convincing. “If what you say is true… then we use my heart as a type of channel to yours, then have someone unlock your heart from Kairi’s, and basically ride the channel back to our world.”

“We’re all connected, it could work.” I was excited, but deeply concerned I would make him worry again.

I wanted to give him some hope… anyway.

After a minute that seemed like forever to me, Riku finally conceded. “We’ll keep it in mind.” which was enough to satisfy me! I put my hands behind my head and lifted a foot back behind my other, just glad we were on the same page.

“So… Tonight…” Riku addressed the other matter that broke me from my relaxed positioned and made me nervous again. “What exactly do you want to convey to her? That we’re alright, and that she shouldn’t stress out so much about not being on the same level as us yet?” He took one of his arms that were folded and swayed it about, as though we were kids and I hadn’t thought this through yet.

Well… he was right, if that’s really what he was assuming.

“I… uh… well…” I pivoted a bit from him, pushing my pointer fingers together in a bit of shyness. “Maybe…” I wanted to say a lot more then that… but I wasn’t gonna admit that to Riku! He’d tease me for… well, for forever!

“I see.” He dropped his hands and seemed to chuckle to himself, and I decided he already knew what I meant and just dropped it too.

“It was hard enough to try and think of putting it into words… but now…” I lowered my head, “Riku… what if I’m not enough to help her?”

He shook his head, “What are you talking about? Don’t be silly, whatever you try and convey, I’m sure it will brighten Kairi’s spirits.” He walked ahead of me, “Everyone’s worried about you… not just Kairi. So, whatever you say, should be something she can relate back to others, yeah?” He was right, I should tell her about this other world too, but it’s hard to put anything simple into a step-by-step gesturing game.

“What if… she thinks I’m just a dream too?”

“Then convince her you’re not, show her the truth of it.” Riku wasn’t really helping… but I appreciated that he was believing me now.

“Easier said then… charaded!” I tried to mime myself swimming, then swinging, then playing ‘peek-a-boo’ and he sighed and realized I wasn’t very coherent in anything.

“Alright, let’s take it from the top.”

We only had a few minutes to really rehearse and concrete anything that showed ‘clarity’ of what I was trying to say when the suits found us. That was a whole ride, we battled and got finally got somewhere when Yozora--accompanied by his friends--finally met us up at last and we were able to get a lot done and figured out that day.

That night, I was exhausted, and I practically forgot about seeing Kairi and what I was gonna try and convey.

When I went to rest for the night under a huge tree with a big enough space under it’s truck for us to rest in, I looked over and saw Yozora looking up at the stars in the night sky…

‘I understand, buddy.’ I thought to myself, empathizing, and remembered Kairi.

“Ah! Riku…” I looked over to him and saw his back facing me, he was already getting ready to lay down and threw up a thumbs up for me, apparently having thought of it before I did.

I smiled, looking down at my grass bed, “Okay… here goes.” I got comfortable and tried to sleep… reaching out to her… ‘Kairi… This time… I won’t just silently listen… I want to say something back, and I hope you’ll understand me this time.’

When I opened my eyes, I was already standing up and upon Kairi’s heart, looking at the design and smiling at the familiar feeling of knowing this was her.

I looked up into the darkness above me and closed my eyes, until a flash of light triggered and I saw window planes of memories flying around me.

I walked around, realizing Kairi must not be asleep yet.

‘Okay, I’ll wait.’ I nodded, and summoned my keyblade. ‘Let’s see what she’s up to.’ I pointed it out, watched the tip of it begin to glow with bright, radiant light and slowly rose it to the top of the blackness.

It shot out and then fell like a beam over me, opening some path to me from her heart into her mind and eyes.

When I opened my eyes, Kairi was panting and running, Aqua using all her might to lunge and attack her.

‘Still training? It’s so late.’ I felt her heart racing and gripped my own chest, ‘Kairi…’

She turned around and perfectly blocked the attack, ‘Yes! You’ve got it!’ she had improved so much since last time! It was awesome! I gripped my hands into fists and held them up, getting pumped during her training before I saw her stance weaken and heard her grunt under Aqua’s high-stakes pressure training. ‘Oh no…’ I looked down at my foot and slid it into position, having her own foot fade like a ghostly after-image over mine. ‘Kairi… like… this-!’ I twisted my foot to scoot hers into the right direction.

Immediately, Kairi pivoted her foot and regained her balance, letting her force push through without fault.

‘YEAHHH!!!’ I jumped up and cheered as I floated in the space where I was seeing her fight. ‘Way to go, Kairi!’

Aqua pulled back, looking a little surprised by her sudden strength, and then smiled. “Looks like you’re learning quicker than I can teach. Tell me, when did you figure out your footing was misplaced?”

“I… I just felt someone guiding me… as if…” She got back up and placed her hand on her heart, but before she could say my name, she started to collapse.

‘Ah!’ I wanted to grab her but I couldn’t, and in her after-image of falling, I saw Aqua quickly hold her up.

“I thought I requested a good night’s sleep the other night. What’s keep you resisting my instructions?” Aqua lightly scolded, tilting her head as though understanding Kairi’s commitment, but trying to show her that it was unfruitful for her training purposes.

“I wanted to… re-run a few combos… ugh…” She gripped her head.

“Have you eaten?” Aqua asked.

‘She better have!’ I felt my whole being wanting to just skyrocket through her eyes and be there with her… taking her into my hands and not someone else’s… More than anything, I wanted to be there for Kairi… help teach her and train her too, maybe train together with her! I know I’ve forgotten a lot of things, and mostly learned what I could from actual experience… ‘Kairi… Kairi… please, just rest so I can connect with you!’

“I’m fine.” Kairi smiled weakly, but sheepishly got up and began to bow to Aqua, “Master, I’m sorry for not resting enough as you’ve told me to.”

“It’s alright, but let’s meet somewhere in the middle.” Aqua’s tenderness made me glad that Kairi was in good hands… even if I couldn’t be there for her now… “I still require some toughness from you… but please, take care of yourself. Your keyblade is only an extension of your power, you are the true key.” she gestured to Kairi then her own keyblade, before finally nodding and placing a hand delicately to her heart. “Power and strength… are nothing without the will that controls them. If your body is exhausted, then it can’t do as the will commands, and you’ll never be able to progress beyond this point.”

I felt Kairi’s breath get taken and felt so sorry that she was misunderstanding. Aqua wasn’t saying she couldn’t ever get stronger, only that if she didn’t find the right balance, she’d only weaken herself and slow her training down further.

‘Kairi… be brave, don’t falter now.’ I urged, but as I opened my mouth, nothing came out.

‘Please… hear me, Kairi!’

Kairi lowered her head and I looked down at my fist, seeing her ghostly after-image over my own… her fist was tightened and shaking in her frustrations…

I felt my face bend in anguish, opening my hand and holding her own shaking one… even though I knew it was just my spirit and hers… I hoped she could somehow feel the comforting touch.

I had hoped that’s how she would see it, but as she flinched and looked at her hand, I seemed to have only scared her.

I pulled it away and looked away… it was hard to see this. See how much she really was trying to be strong enough to save me with Riku too…

‘Kairi…’ I just squinted my eyes closed, what was this feeling? Of wanting so desperately to be by her side and…

“Kairi?” Aqua tilted her head.

“R-right. Sorry, I understand now. I’ll… go straight to bed, Master Aqua.” She nodded to her, remaining humble, and gave her a formal bow of her head with her keyblade pointed down and held with both hands, a sign of respect. “Excuse me, and thank you for the training.”

Aqua nodded, but seemed concerned as Kairi retreated.

‘Aqua… you’re doing fine.’ I wanted to reach her heart too, but as Kairi pulled away, so did I. I held out a hand to her, though, ‘Let me try and be there for Kairi too… We’ll help her… together.” I nodded my resolve and waited for Kairi to actually get settled.

Giving her some space and privacy, I floated back down in the pillar of light to her heart, resting and trying to review the things Riku and I discussed.

‘Okay, simple words and think of imagery strong correlations… Ah, what were those again?’ I gripped my head, ‘Man, all I can think of is-!’

“Sora..?”

The voice was so gentle, it resonated in me…

I tried to relax as I took a deep breath, and turned around to face her.

‘Kairi…’ I tried to mouth her name, but it seems she couldn’t perceive that either.

She smiled to me kindly, but I could see her face shift to insecurity as her eyes began to show her true sorrow.

“I tried hard today… and I’ll try harder tomorrow. You… and Master Aqua needn’t worry about me.” She shook her head, then looked squarely in front of her where I was, not willing to show me any loss of will. “Today, I learned that my will isn’t strong enough either. I need to re-dedicate myself. I thought my promise to protecting you and bringing you and Riku back home safely was enough… but if my body can’t keep up, then it means I have to train both my will and being at the same time. If they’re strengthened together, then I can keep pursuing my promise to you, without any limitations.”

She was so strong… her eyes were filling up with glossy tears and she wouldn’t let a single drop be shown to me…

‘Kairi…’ I walked towards her.

She lowered her head and continued to bundle her hands into fists, shaking them to the side of her. “I felt you… today, I felt you correct me. I was happy to feel you again… but… scared to rely on you too much. But then… Master Aqua got me thinking… what if… What if you’ve been my strength this whole time, Sora? What if… I need to rely on my own strength? But saying goodbye to you twice is too much!” She gripped her head, and I moved quickly in response, gasping inaudible as I raced to meet her. “What if… I’d rather be strong with you… even if that means I’m not strong on my own?!”

I knew how that felt.

‘Kairi… Kairi, I’m here! You’ve always been there for me, too! Remember? Even if we’re apart, we’re-!’

I embraced her.

She froze a second, probably because neither of us knew we could actually do that in this state.

But we were two hearts now… as long as her heart was here with mine, we could do anything.

I just held her so close, as I felt her arms feeling my own, as though still in disbelief that she could.

“Sora… Sora, are you alright? Did I scare you? I didn’t realize… I didn’t realize your heart could understand everything I was saying… I thought… it was kinda like a comatose state. I thought… if I just wrote and spoke to you in my letters and dreams.., it would help me stay on course.” I felt her wrap her arms around me and we held on tightly.

I didn’t care about telling her or performing my ridiculous dance of charades anymore. There was one thing I could convey, and this embrace was riding on everything for her to understand how I was feeling too.

She moved slightly and I reluctantly stepped back, giving her a gap between us as she reached to grab my hand, holding it like we had before I… disappeared.

She placed her own over mine, “You’re safe?”

I nodded, with my own eyes growing hazy in how torn I was leave her… but I was waking up.

I felt my body disappearing again…

‘No… just a little longer… let the twilight last-! Just a couple minutes longer..!’

“Good.” She lightly giggled through her obvious heartache. If she could only feel my own…

“And Riku and you are together?”

I nodded again, hurriedly, feeling the fading as her hand dropped to show my own had already disappeared.

I saw her whole being lowering as though about to collapse again, then her mouth turn into a sharp frown before her face scrunched together and her strength was gone, jumping into my arms.

“Then I can do it! I’ll work with my heart over both my body and my mind! I won’t fail you, Sora, or Riku, or King Mickey! Master Yensid… Master Aqua… I won’t let anyone down!”

So much of the world she seemed to be placing on her shoulders… and for the first time, I couldn’t lift it off of her.

It was too much for her, though, I wish she’d see that and take her time on her training, but I could tell we now had plenty of motive to sleep at good times and not push ourselves too terribly hard.

Besides… I could hold her and be with her every night… and that was enough for me.

When I woke up, Riku and Yozora seemed to be in deep conversation with one another, “So… this Kairi… could be a way to save both you, Sora, and-” Before Yozora could continue, I groaned and gripped my head, the leafs under me crinkling and scratching against each other, causing a racket.

Riku and Yozora turned around from the entrance of the tree’s open mouth, and seemed ready to hear what I had to say.

“Does she know?” Riku asked.

I just opened one eye and nodded… then a huge smile scraped across my face.

Riku pulled back a second, not sure what to take of my hinted meaning.

“Did you… Did you do as we had planned?”

“N-not… exactly…” I looked away, and Yozora looked confused as he leaned forward.

“Are you… Blushing?”

I covered my face and fell back into my leaf bed, “D-Don’t look!”

Riku finally backed off my back about it, but he often poked my cheek to remind me how ‘adorable’ I looked after I woke up… ‘I thought he said he wouldn’t make fun of me anymore!’ I thought with a red face.

[themelodicenigma]

Some things in fandom culture feels like a double-edged sword to me.

As much as I do believe people should be able to express things of their own accord for a series and its "contextual elements", whether this be about a character, character relationships, the story, artwork, analytical things, etc. And do so openly, in the same space as some who might disagree with them....well, at the same time, I still also believe it DOES matter about what exactly is being represented through a fan's words in a certain platform.

Misrepresentation of content and the ability to address it, if even to simply have a discussion, is VERY important. Especially if concerning the evasion of misinformation. But somehow, this is tricky. And honestly, it feels like this is mostly due to the fact that people really DON'T want to actually talk about these things. They just want to be right, be surrounded by people that believe they're right, or simply want to be left alone even when being susceptible to open discussion by, well openly speaking their mind.

Yeah. It's tricky. Because, I get it.

Shipping-related topics is a corner (a rather large one) where this happens often. Often does the person who celebrates their ship doesn't want to hear an opposer interrupt this with their own thoughts. Similarly, if one is talking negatively about a character, they don't want to hear it from someone who is ready to defend this.

What is or isn't canonical, what makes something canonical, why and how are supplemental materials created, Goku being a bad father, Tifa being a "fan service" character or toxic in Advent Children, Riku being gay because he cares for Sora, Sora and Kairi having romanticism, Fang and Vanille being lesbians, Cloud not having romanticm with Aerith, Aerith not giving a shit about Zack, FFXV being a horrible story, etc. etc. etc. And all in reverse, as well.

People want to say it, say anything even in opposition, but they don't want to talk about it. Double edge.

Many fans can be so set in a way that, despite speaking their thoughts in an open forum and platform, they're not willing to ACTUALLY discuss what they say. They feel they shouldn’t have to, you're invading their space, and are blind to the "truth", so talking is a waste of time.

Now, somewhere there in that last bit, I can understand it. You shouldn't have the same discussion with someone who is unmovable in their thoughts. If everyone said what they had to say, then move on, anything after that is typically a waste of time and energy, and can cause unnecessary grief in fandom space that can last for years. FFVII and the LTD sends its regards, and then some.

Sometimes, it isn't worth talking to someone about things.

However, in the long run, depending on context (time, place, type of discussion, etc.), I can't believe this is the best method for really the overall fandom communities online. We can certainly practice good habits of engaging in conversation and accepting that someone doesn't really want to talk

That should be fine fundamentally. And of course, creative content isn't the place for this. They're not making a statement or starting a discussion, they're drawing a kickass picture or writing some fics. Too many people nowadays feel compelled to go under a fanart of an opposed ship and talk about how much this ship sucks....really?

However, in the event people are speaking their mind, I also think we should still encourage people to address their views as well, that it's OKAY to disagree or to see things differently as we understand this in the most fundamental ways of differences in human thought. The epistemology of fandom thought can't be achieved if we're not willing to understand each other, on how we think, and why we think the way we do about things. And that, if you DO care about people understanding you, you need to be able to really talk about it. It's okay if you're not even the most articulate person, and you don't have to be a crazy typer like me and write a whole story. That's something I'm still working on in regards to my own communication skills, cause if you've followed me for awhile, you know I type too much. Lol

We tend to make a rigid line between what is "good or bad" takes that are worth even speaking against. That like, even if someone is wrong, as long as the nature of what they say is something positive, it's immune from criticism.

I just can't agree with this.

Misrepresentation is misrepresentation.

And if that's what you believe is happening, then approach the ways in which to start a healthy discussion on it.

This is fandom, this is OUR space, and even though it's built upon a source material, what happens here is on us. For us. Through us. And like, if I feel like someone projects something that is objectively wrong, I'm going to want to talk about it. If the other party doesn't, that's fine, but I don't believe that's because I shouldn't have tried to at all.

Granted, this is different than stalking the tags of opposition, or seeing someone make jokes about a character on Twitter, even if on an official account of the source material. If they are joking.

Of course, there's a tact and a time and place to discuss certain things, along with the nuances of ways of discussing things for particular types of convos. And like, people should be able to have spaces where they indulge in how they feel about the content in their own way.

But, if what you're saying, even as someone who wants to be left alone except by people who agree with you, is done in a way that is more than just a personal expression and is a statement of what represents any of the "contextual elements" mentioned...

Maybe we should be more open to someone not agreeing with you and just, you know, discuss. Hubris shouldn't get in the way of that.

[snowflake-of-destruction]

Lost in Translation

I can’t write a quick, few line caption to save my life Part 3/8. Based off of the third picture of THIS POST and the idea that Sora just yells in dolphin when getting frustrated at his human’s slow learning curve. Read more for length again. Italics are mermish. This is dumb but so are these boys.

 @shaky-mayhemm

Part 4/? of Mermaid AU that needs a name

"Hello," Sora enunciated slowly and clearly.

"Sea Urchin," the sailor chittered back uncertainly. 

Sora shook his head and repeated, "Hello." 

"Hello," the sailor mimicked. 

Sora resisted the urge to slap his fin against the surface of the water in triumph. There was a delicate balance at play. His human had proved more skittish than the red one, even though the handsome silver sailor had technically sought him out first, if falling out of his boat could be counted. Sora would have thought pulling him back to surface and clearing his lungs of water--after a brief confusion where he'd tried to coax the human to swallow more sea to make him feel better enough to wake up--would have proven his intentions were good. He'd even brought the human a fish to eat and get his strength up, though he supposed the sailor must have been too worn out by almost drowning to be hungry because he'd batted the still flopping fish away from his mouth quite forcefully when Sora had tried to feed him. Maybe he just didn't like  to eat when he first woke up. 

 Even with these good first impressions though, the sailor had made a loud screech when he'd first noticed Sora's tail and had dug his hands into the ground and propelled himself backward as far away as he could with the limited room he was allowed on the tiny rock island jutting out of the water Sora had brought him to. He'd scrubbed his eyes with his hands and spouted a series of incomprehensible but almost angry sounding mouth noises, making Sora wish he hadn't kept quite so far a distance when he'd followed Roxas to see where he kept disappearing to (Sora had known for awhile Xion was just making up stories to cover for his twin. The day she ran out of plausible excuses like trying to fill the trench so the ocean floor was even or cleaning the shells of geriatric turtles as community service, and flat out claimed Roxas had been eaten by a whale had cinched it. Granted, Kairi had said Roxas was sneaking to the surface weeks ago, but Kairi hadn't been around when Roxas and Sora had last tried to move sand to the trenches to fill them so she didn't know how convincing that excuse sounded). If he'd been better a better spy when he'd observed Roxas meeting with the red maned sailor then maybe he'd have an idea of what mouth sounds would soothe this human. 

He'd done well enough without human words so far though, even if pantomime  was tough. There had been a major setback when Sora had swum quick circles around the rock to ask if the human felt well enough to swim with him back to proper land or try to find his boat now that the storm had passed, and the sailor had seemed to interpret this as "I am a shark about to eat you," but they'd gotten back on track and Sora had coaxed the sailor to at least trust him enough to keep to the edge of the rock instead of the middle. He almost ruined it when the silver-haired human had first felt confident enough to dip his feet in the water--to prove to himself Sora wouldn't pull him right in--and Sora had immediately swum up between his legs, but this, like the other setbacks, was eventually remedied and they were now back in that position, human sitting on the edge of the rock and Sora bracketed between his legs, arms resting above the sailor's knees, face tilted up as he tried to teach him to talk properly. If he stayed as still and calm as he could, he was sure he could avoid startling the sailor again. He'd already been tested when a hand had reached out and combed softly through his hair. He hadn't been able to help a contented sigh when he'd been petted--grateful that the human was realizing he was friendly and was being friendly back, that was the only reason--but it hadn't scared the human. just made him go pink for a moment.

"Sora," Sora pointed at his chest, then tilted his head to the side like a question.

"Sora?" the human reached out again and tentatively brushed his fingers against the smattering of scales on Sora's shoulder, like he wasn't sure if they were shells or attached to the merman since most of the rest of his upper body didn't show signs of being part fish.

Sora nodded vigorously. "Sora," he kept a hand pressed against his chest for a moment and then patted the front of the human's weird baggy detached skin over his heart. 

"Riku," the sailor supplied.

" Reee-coo? Riku! Riku, Riku Riku." Sora tested out the name, smiling at the bubbling feeling the sounds caused in his chest. 

"Sora." Riku was smiling too. Fingers gently combed through Sora's hair once more.

Sora leaned his head against the side of Riku's knee, humming the name one last time, "Riku," and debating what should come next. Something useful. Something that would help him get Riku back to where he belonged or signal him to wait while Sora went and found Roxas to help. He looked up at Riku's face to see if the human had any ideas. The sun on the surface of the water, making it sparkle and dance like it didn't below and bringing out warmth in the blue-green had nothing on Riku's eyes. "Pretty."

"Pretty," Riku agreed, while continuing to pet through Sora's hair, and the merman turned his face to the side, burying it against Riku's leg in embarrassment. The human couldn't know what he was saying.

"You weren't supposed to repeat that one. I'm not...you know. I'm just me. Even Kairi was disappointed. She didn't say it but I know she had to be. She came all the way from the Radiant Seas to see this prince she's supposed to marry...and ohh let me tell you that's awkward...or not really that awkward because I'm not sure she wants to get married either....not right away at least...What was I saying? Kairi makes me feel small because she's a pearl and I'm just like grit stuck in a clam...which also becomes a pearl I guess, but that's not the point because she also somehow makes me feel strong? Like I can do anything? Like save you. I think my whole life was leading up to saving you from drowning. Is that stupid to say since we just met?" Sora paused to gulp in air, even if the dryness of it made his throat burn a bit, and risked a glance to see how Riku was taking his rambling. He'd felt the absence of the hand in his hair and now he saw it was because Riku was covering his ears. "Sorry, you're right. That was coming on way too strong, and you probably don't care about the Kairi stuff, though I bet you would care about Kairi if you met her. You can't help it. Kairi's amazing."

Riku pushed a single finger against Sora's lips, leaning in close enough as he did that Sora was slightly concerned he'd topple into the water. "Shh" Sora went slightly cross-eyed looking at the digit and had to resist the nonsensical urge to lick it. "You need to go slow, Sora."

"I don't know what you're saying," Sora confessed.

"Pretty?" Riku tried to reorient the conversation.

"Forget that," Sora ordered.

"Pretty?" Riku tried again, thinking his pronunciation was off.

Sora yelled a noise of wordless frustration and Riku imitated him. 

"You need to stop fixating on that word. Let's pick another word. Sky. Boat. Octopus! Algae!"

"Pretty?" Riku tugged on his weird second skin as he asked the question. "Pretty?" He pulled a lock of his hair. "Pretty?" He gently bopped Sora's nose. 

"Yes, you're really pretty. You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen. No! Not me. I already told you that I'm not pretty! Technically you're not pretty either. I should have said handsome but....you are so pretty, but you really need to focus."

"Too loud," Riku frowned for emphasis. "Too fast. Slow down."

"I don't know what you're saying!" Sora found himself speaking more loudly as he repeated his earlier words.

"I wish I knew what you were saying," Riku sighed.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!" Sora made large hand gestures, waving by his mouth, to help the conversation.

"Too loud," Riku just spoke more insistently and mimed covering his ears.

"THOSE ARE EARS. EARS!" Once Sora started yelling, it was hard to stop.

"Too loud."

"EARS! WHAT YOU ARE SAYING SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE EARS!"

"Too loud!"

"EEEEEEEEEAR!" He'd been pretty loud, but maybe Riku was still losing the nuance.

"How do I get you to stop screeching? That's too high a pitch for me, Sora." 

"YES, I'M SORA! GOOD JOB RIKU. NOW SAY EAR!"

"Pretty Sora?"

"NOT THIS AGAIN. NO, SORA NOT PRETTY. RIKU PRETTY. PRETTY RIKU. SAY EAR FOR ME, PRETTY RIKU!"

"Too loud!" Riku was bending down again so their foreheads almost touched.

"TOO LOUD? DO YOU WANT ME TO COPY YOU? TOO LOUD! WHAT IS THAT?" Sora switched between English and mermish.

Riku sighed heavily and leaned back. "Sora, please stop screaming at me. I can hear you perfectly fine. How can I make you understand?"

"IT'S OKAY. I STILL LIKE YOU, RIKU, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SAY EAR," Sora encouraged.

There was a long moment of silence as both boys tried to think of the best way to be understood. Sora wracked his brain for any human words he'd overheard Roxas say. 

"Kiss?"

That was the wrong word. The human's chest was as still as it had been when Sora needed to press the water out of it. Come to think of it, his color was retreating too, leaving him the same sickly pale as when he'd been waterlogged.

"DO YOU NEED MORE AIR AGAIN?" Sora tried to push himself out of the water, intent on blowing air into Riku's mouth like he had while he'd been unconscious.

Riku scrambled backward to the center of the rock.

Great. Another setback. They'd figure out this communication thing sooner or later.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Maou-jou 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Idolish7 s2 10 - 15 (FINAL) | SLS 2

I’ve been holding off new seasonals because of other things, but after I post this I’ll have enough time to get around to them. That’s why I can’t guarantee winter 2021 seasonal tags on this post...maybe the next one will have them...

Maou-jou 9

…it seems shopping channels even are the same in the demon world.

Now even the demons have quests! (The frame is different to the princess’s, though.)

Oh! The quest failed.

Neo Alraune: in flower language, “the 2nd coming of happiness”. The worry from a little while ago was, “I’m worried about my brother.” The worry from recently: “I didn’t think about being happy that the princess didn’t kill my brother.”

The penguin demons are pretty cute!

Don’t you know how parents forbid children from sleeping until they finish all their homework? Must be something like that.

Yoku ganbarimashita! – Syalis worked hard!

LOL, mental age: 3. Poseidon likes cute things…I can’t read a lot of this…the hardsubs cover the JPN text.

They…both succeeded! (…LOL?)

Maou-jou 10

Owarinocity = Endopolis. It’s a good equivalent, if I do say so myself.

…oh yeah. What happened to Alraune? Update: There she is!

Also, that blonde guy in the infomercials doesn’t look too bad…*makes chef’s kiss gesture with one hand* Nice.

I wonder, was Twilight once human…?

LOL, there’s a goat symbol on the cleric’s pyjamas. Also “first time”, LOL.

I think they were playing shiritori at one point.

Hanamaru saikou yoku dekimashita!

Maou-jou 11

…How does one “sleep cheerfully”, anyway?

I think I saw Twilight drop something…some kind of paper…

Aw, Twilight blushing is kinda cute!

LOL, 70s shoujo style. Also, “It cannot be!”

Whoa, she cancelled it?!

I read up on this series on TV Tropes…and apparently the Demon King captured the Princess in her sleep.

Kagemusha? Like a ninja or something?

Apparently the Demon Cleric is much older than he looks.

Ooh! Hypnos is back!

A-whatsit really is abysmal levels of stupid!!! (LOL)

Maou-jou 12 (FINAL)

Who’s that one tiny guy occupying one of the Ten Kings’ seats?

*watching after Christmas, about a week after the anime finished* This is not seasonally appropriate!

…*thinks for a second, then spits* That’s the 2nd Nemu in the fall 2020 season!!!

Ooh, the head paladin doesn’t look that bad, either.

“…is it good to be…”

“…has seized the princess!”

“…that demon king is rather cute.” – See? Someone agrees with me.

Anyways, that was a fun series. See you soon!

Idolish7 s2 10

…Back at it after so long…(I can’t help it though – Crunchyroll, per month, is about double the local Funimation sublicensor’s fees, and for much less content that’s worth my money to boot!)

I’ve always thought Momo was like Sasara (HypMic), so seeing him anguished hurts me in the kokoro too…

I know Banri was involved with Re:vale somehow…this must be it.

…Male idols are also popular among men? Is this why there are 8 (!!!) idol anime in winter 2021 alone…? (Also, that’s why HypMic became popular? Multidemographic appeal crossed over with obvious merchandising opportunities?)

It’s kind of scary how Momo stepped the formality towards Yuki like that (to -san).

I guess in his heart Momo still reveres Yuki, some way or another.

The rakugo curtain really sold the moment that they (current Re:vale) were acting like an old married couple.

Yay! Silver Sky is such a cool song! Of course I recognised the intro when it came on.

…I see. The elder Kujo is entrusting his dream to Tenn, so that’s why he banned Aya from seeing Tamaki. However, it’s hard to know what to feel when Aya speaks in the vaguest terms possible.

I think that was a special ending for only this episode. I don’t know what its name is, but I guess I might recognise it on Spotify one day.

Idolish7 s2 11

LOL, Nagi’s reaction.

Considering the ‘rona is getting worse outside our very windows as we speak (type?), I think it’s correct to be concerned about your future right now.

Looking at these narrow streets reminds me of going to eat hotpot at the end of my Japan trip…only Japanese streets look like that, I think. Hong Kong’s streets are more crowded than that and America likes their suburbia.

Of course, when you say hajimemashite (nice to meet you), someone’s gotta say it back, hence the reply.

Considering there are people all over the world watching the Idolish7 anime, I would say you are telling the world about I7, Riku.

Oh! Restart Pointer! There was an MV for that one…I think it was around the time Idolish7’s MVs started getting better.

So this is the context around the new outfits! Cool!

There have been way too many puns about “idol” being…y’know, “ai (love) doll” and stuff like that…

I have one Twitter person who I follow (DejiNyucu, part of the creative team for Autumn’s Journey) because I don’t get much I7 content and they keep mentioning this “Haruki” person…and suddenly a “Haruki the Betrayer” showed up in the graffiti…they might be the same person, I think. Not Deji, but Haruki. Update: Sakura Haruki, perhaps…?

Sougo’s such a bad liar…

Sometimes, the best way to deal with things is to be direct…(I’m not very good at that, I naturally talk in a very roundabout sort of way.)

Sougo with long hair like Yuki would be really pretty… (<- has an obvious thing for guys with long hair)

Idolish7 s2 12

Nagi’s stupid accent is generally what he’s best remembered for (for me), so seeing him speak normally, and do a press conference on top of that, is…impressive.

A kabedon on top of all this! Whoa!

Shibuya 109 parody…? (I’ve seen that once or twice – parodying that means people know their stuff about Shibuya.)

I think the “it’s overflowing!” is referring to the hype in the “room”.

…this dejected Momo is worrying…(well, he is worrying and I am worrying about him.)

Oh, I see. The person responsible typed the letter so that they couldn’t be traced back. Kind of like those old movies where the culprit would cut letters out of newspapers to make threat mail, but…with even less traces than that, because cutting letters out leaves evidence.

…wow, it took a while for this ep. to have an intro…

…LOL, I just spotted Kenjiro Tsuda cited as the “fake Zero”, meaning the real one might never show up this season.

There’s something really stupid and infectious about these managers’ enthusiasm for drinking energy drinks. It puts a goofy smile on my face.

Is Musubi Tsumugi’s mother…? Update: Yes, she is.

…Wait, so the Chiba Shizuo guy is actually important?!

Idolish7 s2 13

Whenever someone says “by the way”, it means they’re changing the subject. I hate to state to obvious, but Sougo is clearly deflecting the topic of conversation from being about him.

I wonder if this guy (Haw9) is the actual Zero graffiti vandal…?

Hmph, I didn’t realise Tenn doesn’t refer to Kujo-san as his father, but…like that (“Kujo-san”) instead.

Oh hey! These are shots from Vibrato!

Most dramas can be solved with the power of Good Communication. That includes this one.

I feel like “he has a dark side” describes both Tenn and Kujo-san.

“Everyone, remember to wash your hands and gargle thoroughly.” – This is always a good thing to remember in the time of ‘rona. Reminds me of Jakurai’s line in ARB (<- this game started just after the ‘rona came down).

What did Sougo go to uni for (what specialisation)?

Idolish7 s2 14

I just realised Banri calls Momo -kun. Hmm…

Denki = electricity, LOL.

I feel like Tenn is basically Ramuda, give or take actual pink hair…guys in musical groups with pre-existing angst that they become the “centre” of. The fact Fling Posse have Saito Soma and so do Trigger strengthens the connection.

I would watch the heck out of a musical like that! Make it come true, Idolish7! (Also, today is I7 day! I’m not much of an I7 fan outside the anime, but…that’s cool!)

That shot of them jumping! I remember seeing it on the official site before!

Idolish7 s2 15 (FINAL)

There you go! I was wondering where Banri’s injury was – that was the only bit that didn’t add up for him to be Yuki’s old partner.

Hmm…Momo is 4 years younger than Yuki but 2 years younger than Banri…

This episode has a real concert vibe to it, to the point where I got startled by how loud the yell was at one point. (Even if it is mostly stills.)

LOL, lookit Okazaki!

Apparently, if you’re a hako oshi, you like all the members of a group. Someone with a green light and a pink light likes both members of Re:vale.

LOL, Usagi for Asahi beer.

…I forgot Nagi is 19.

…Ooh, I think that’s the kid from ZOOL. No wonder they needed a season 3!

That’s all. See you next time!

SLS 2

“fine and upstanding person” – That’s…hard to believe, Hayato.

I wonder how many bois Toboso designed for SLS…?

…The episode title is actually “Blank”. Not “Break”.

One of the guys’ shirts says moteki on it. That’s a period in one’s life where one enjoys more romantic attention than usual, literally “popularity season”.

The subs missed an I, so initially I knew Kiriyama’s name as “Kiryama”.

There are meant to be 2 wings, right…?

“He who controls information controls everything, right?” – For once, I’m surprised Hayato is right (and not just in that smug way of his).

“…I’m being treated like a manager.” – But Hayato is a manager! (In a sense.)

The plait guy jumps to nicknames really fast…also, why do I get the feeling Maeshima will lose the key?

I hate to say this Maeshima, but I side with your childhood friend (Kiriyama) here. As much as the anime wants me to back you, I’m watching for everyone else at this point.

That blocky building looks pretty cool. I think Zel (Archi-Anime) would like it.

Sasugai’s setup looks pretty cool, including his chair.

…hmm, Maeshima’s like me in a sense. I learn best by copying others, but memory is my best asset. If I don’t regularly train the fundamentals, I suck at everything. That said, I don’t have an eidetic memory. Also, I didn’t quite figure out Ken = Ken(sei Maeshima) until I watched long enough to connect the dots.

LOL, Derry’s. (<- reminded of a word for “butt” <- derriere)

Well, the guy’s (Souta…?) shirt does say moteki…

Kiriyama kinda looks like Jyuto (HypMic), come to think of it…Right down to his angry streak (although Jyuto has a reputation to keep as a “cool dude”, while Kiriyama is more of a Manza (Boueibu HK) and he’s more angry than he looks).

…This ED is nothing special.

…Hmm? Is that a small Terauchi and Maeshima…?

I think I’m sold for now, but I’m rooting for the other team, not Maeshima’s…not yet, anyways.

[osakaso5]

Sogo Osaka Twelve Hits! Rabbit Chat Part 2: Request Hits 1

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Tsumugi: Thank you all for coming! We'll be accepting requests for Sogo-san's RADIO STATION Twelve Hits! here. 

Tsumugi: We managers are here to monitor your progress and the content you post. I look forward to chatting with all of you!

Banri: I look forward to seeing your requests for Sogo-kun!

Sogo: Everyone, I am most delighted that you would take the time to come here amidst your busy schedules. I am truly grateful for your cooperation today.

Momo: That's too stiff, Sogo!!! Are you trying to re-enact a historical play!?

Nagi: The way of the samurai! Harakiri!

Kaoru: I can almost see him doing a perfect 90 degree bow on the other side of my screen.

Tamaki: You're talking like you're doing some kinda magic chant again

Sogo: I-I'm sorry... It was just meant to be a greeting...

Gaku: Osaka's nervous as usual (lol)

Tenn: Maybe he's just scared of you, Gaku?

Gaku: You think so..?

Sogo: Of course I'm not! I'm very happy that you're always so friendly to us!

Gaku: You sure you're not scared..? What about me scares you? Tell me, and I'll tone it down.

Tenn: Sorry, I was just kidding.

Tenn: I thought it'd help Sogo Osaka relax.

Mitsuki: You just made things worse, lol

Ryunosuke: It's fine. Sogo-kun knows that Gaku's a nice guy.

Sogo: Yes! Of course!

Yuki: Sogo-kun, take deep breaths. In and out, in and out.

Momo: You're lovely even when you're being corny, Yuki (*´∀σ)

Riku: The Lamaze technique! I know that one!

Iori: Nanase-san, don't engage them in earnest.

Momo: Yuki's dumb joke, lololol

Yuki: It got taken seriously...

Rinto: Hang in there, Yuki-kun!

Riku: Oh! It was a joke! I'm sorry..!

Yamato: It did make Sou laugh, at least.

Sogo: I-I'm sorry! This conversation was just so funny!

Tsumugi: Now that things are less tense, let's get right to the requests..!

Mitsuki: Huh? Are things really less tense now? lol

Nagi: It would appear Sogo has managed to relax :-)

Sogo: Laughing did make my fingers feel more light, somehow...

Yamato: Yep, he's definitely less tense in some ways (lol)

Tsumugi: That's great! Well then, let's start with our youngest, as usual. Tamaki-san, you'll be the first to step up to the plate!

Tamaki: Yup

Tamaki: Tell us the last thing you wanna do before Earth blows up

Riku: Ah! That's from the movie we watched the other day!

Tamaki: It was soooooo awesome!!! I cried a ton at the end

Nagi: Tamaki, you are already very into this!

Sogo: Before Earth blows up... Why is it blowing up?

Tamaki: I dunno? Does it matter?

Sogo: I'm curious, since it wouldn't just blow up for no reason.

Tamaki: Ugh. Whatever

Tamaki: Gas, I guess?

Sogo: I wonder what type of gas... I don't know much about astronomy, but I suppose I'd search for a way to stop the explosion.

Sogo: What kind of mechanism is the detonation tied to? 

Tamaki: So-chan, you're so annoying! That's not what I meant

Tamaki: Forget the reason

Tamaki: Don't you have anything like, eating pudding or singing together?

Mitsuki: Sogo's such a serious guy!

Iori: I'm curious as well, so I can relate, Osaka-san.

Sogo: Right. I'm still wondering about the reason behind the explosion, but I'll think of something.

Tsumugi: That was a very grand and sci-fi request! Thank you, Tamaki-san.

Tsumugi: Iori-san, you're next!

Iori: Mine is to tell a secret he's never told anyone.

Iori: Osaka-san has a mysterious charm. I'm sure his fans must be eager to know his secrets.

Sogo: What level of secret are we talking about..?

Iori: Just anything that's suited for a radio broadcast is fine.

Sogo: Good.

Momo: Like that you watch cat videos when you're sad!

Ryunosuke: Or that you prefer chili oil to tabasco!

Rinto: Neither of those sound like secrets!

Gaku: There's no real revelation to them.

Sogo: It'll be a difficult balance to strike, but I'll think of a secret that's both interesting and appropriate for radio.

Tsumugi: Iori-san, thank you for an exciting request! Riku-san, you're next!

Riku: Okay! Mine is to tell us his first impressions of the other IDOLiSH7 members.

Nagi: That is a very interesting request!

Yamato: You mean from when we played basketball in the practice room? That really takes me back.

Sogo: It got so intense that it was hard to believe we'd just met.

Iori: Maybe that was due to the sport we were playing. Moving around improves your mood, and builds your communication skills.

Riku: I think I would've totally loved Sogo-san right away, even without basketball!

Iori: Isn't that your first impression of him, then..?

Sogo: Thank you, Riku-kun. I'm happy to hear that.

Mitsuki: I love you, too!

Nagi: I love you as well, Sogo.

Iori: Do the rest of us have to continue this..?

Yamato: Don't stop the flow, it makes this even more embarrassing (lol)

Iori: You may go ahead of me, Nikaido-san.

Yamato: Nope, it's more fun to hear this stuff from you youngings. Come on, Tama.

Tamaki: Don't dump this on me, Yama-san!

Mitsuki: Adults need to take the lead with this stuff, you  geezer!

Nagi: The Japanese are very shy :-(

Momo: You guys are so cute!

Ryunosuke: Should we say "I love you" to each other, too?

Gaku: You mean we as in TRIGGER?

Tenn: I'm not doing it.

Sogo: Thank you, everyone..! I love you, too!

Tsumugi: That'll be a heartwarming request..! Kujo-san, could you tell us your request next?

Tenn: Yes. Mine is for Sogo Osaka to show a wild side of himself.

Tenn: He's known as mild-mannered and gentle, right? I'm sure many of his fans want to see an unexpected side to him.

Tenn: His 12 SONGS GIFT solo was a cool rock song, too.

Sogo: I-I'm honored to hear that..!

Tenn: I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Tenn: You've never been one to make mistakes with your singing and dancing, probably thanks to lots of steady practice. With 12 SONGS GIFT, it felt like I'd gotten a taste of not only your sincerity, but your passion, too.

Yuki: "Maybe" gave me chills

Yuki: It was the perfect song for you, very liberating

Tamaki: Stop taking screencaps, So-chan

Sogo: I thought I'd make this my lock screen wallpaper...

Yamato: This bit of our chat?

Mitsuki: It must make Sogo real happy!

Banri: I'm happy for you, Sogo-kun!

Tamaki: He's way more excited than usual

Sogo: Thank you very much. I'm so glad I got to sing that song..!

Ryunosuke: Tenn looks happy that he made you happy!

Tenn: Ryu, you don't have to tell him that.

Gaku: This guy's just being shy.

Tenn: Takanashi-san, shouldn't we move on to the next request?

Tsumugi: I-I'm sorry! I was lost in this nice mood, myself..! Nagi-san, go ahead!

Nagi: Mine is for Sogo to talk about the music he loves.

Nagi: When he talks of things he likes, his eyes sparkle with joy. I want his fans to see him in such a state, as well!

Iori: They can't see him through the radio, but I'm sure they'll be able to tell that he's having fun.

Sogo: Thank you, Nagi-kun. I didn't know you felt that way.

Riku: Sogo-san and Nagi get together to talk about their hobbies a lot!

Yamato: Sou actually bothers to hear Nagi’s  anime ramblings all the way to the end.

Mitsuki: Even when we're falling asleep from boredom, Sogo will be nodding along to every word!

Nagi: Sogo is a good listener! He listens no matter how long I take, so I often find myself unable to stop rambling about Cocona to him X-)

Sogo: Everyone likes talking about the things they love. It warms my heart to see their affection.

Sogo: Also, Nagi-kun talks in such a witty and fun way. I could listen to him forever.

Nagi: I also feel soothed and happy when listening to you, Sogo.

Tsumugi: I'd like to hear you talk more, as well!

Choices/outcomes:

1. About the music you love!

Sogo: I'm always talking about that on our radio show, but there's still plenty I haven't had a chance to talk about!  

2. About IDOLiSH7!

Sogo: Meeting the others was one of the biggest events in my life. So was meeting you, manager.

3. About something you've secretly been into lately!

Sogo: Taking different routes on my way back home, I guess? It's fun to make new discoveries. Just the other day, Mitsuki-san and I found a shop that sells coffee beans.

Sogo: I worry that I won't be able to entertain with anything I talk about, but I'm happy that you want to listen.

Tsumugi: Of course I want to listen to you! I want to know more about you, Sogo-san!

Sogo: Thank you.

Tsumugi: Now it's time for you to make a request, Sogo-san!

Sogo: Yes. My request for myself is to pick one more request.

Mitsuki: Huh? One more? Why?

Iori: You want to draw and extra request?

Sogo: Yeah. You've put so much effort into coming up with them that I want to read as many as I can.

Yamato: That's certainly a very Sou  request to make.

Momo: You don't have to be so considerate to us!

Yuki: Yeah, don't hold back. Just do whatever you want

Sogo: Ah, no! I'm not trying to be considerate.

Sogo: I'm just happy that you took the time to think of requests for me. I want to return the sentiment.

Sogo: I was actually really looking forward to what kinds of requests I'd get today!

Sogo: Though I was also nervous, since some of these requests can be a bit daring...

Momo: Sogo~~~~ You're such a nice boy (*´>ω<))ω`●)

Ryunosuke: I didn't know you were that excited for our requests!

Ryunosuke: Now I want to make my request that you'll choose another extra request!

Tsumugi: I-I'm sorry, but we can't increase the amount of requests due to time limitations... ><

Tenn: It's like a magic lamp.

Gaku: You're not allowed to ask for more wishes.

Mitsuki: Sorry! Can we pause the chat for a minute!?

Mitsuki: Kinako just jumped out of my backpack..!

Momo: You mean Tsumugi-chan's rabbit?

Yuki: At least it's not 'kinako' as in soy bean flour

Kaoru: Oh dear, now I'm in the mood for some anmitsu.

Sogo: She really did! When did Kinako-san get in there..?

Tsumugi: I'm very sorry about her, Mitsuki-san..!

Mitsuki: I'll drop by the agency real quick. Kinako can't even use the bathroom in our dorm.

Iori: I'll go, too. Animals are prone to escaping, so it'll be safer with the two of us.

Riku: I'll go, too! Let's buy snacks while we're at it!

Tenn: We were just about to make some tea, so we'd like to take a break, too.

Tsumugi: Thank you, everyone..! Let's all take a small break!

[phoenix-downer]

Hello! I haven't played KH III yet but I plan to. I have come across some really hateful posts on tumblr and even twitter about Sora and Kairi being together. It appears some people are really upset that Sora and Riku didn't become a thing and have downplayed Sora x Kairi's relationship as something as forced and not having chemistry. I had no idea this was even a thing. Can you tell me where this hostility came from? I thought it was obvious that they had feelings for each other.

Hello! Thanks for the ask! There’s a lot to examine here, but I’ll do my best to try to tackle the whole issue with tact and empathy. Light/very vague spoilers for K/H/3, E/ndgame, and F/M/A follow (with slashes so they hopefully don’t show up in the tags).

First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve stumbled across those kinds of tweets and posts. If I could, I’d shield everyone from having to deal with such hatred and negativity about something they enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you ship; no one deserves to deal with that level of toxicity. 

Imagine going into a room and hearing people talk loudly about something you love, talk about how much they hate it and how much it sucks. Doesn’t make you feel very welcome, does it? But that’s exactly what’s happening here - you’re not the only one who’s noticed this. I have had to block or mute so many people because of the kind of bashing you describe. People purposely tagging their hate so that fans can see it, saying nasty things and picking fights in a way that makes you wonder what they get out of being so cruel and vicious. 

I’ve seen it so much that I’m extra sensitive to it now too; I block much more quickly than I did in the past. And I would advise other people to do the same. You don’t owe anyone access to your social media. They’re not entitled to your time or energy, either. You don’t owe it to them to read their hate. By blocking them, you take away part of their audience, you take away their attention. And the thing is, they want that attention. They want to make other people angry and miserable because they’re angry and miserable. And you don’t have to give them the satisfaction. 

Sadly, because twitter and tumblr have such poor moderation, no one running these sites is doing much to stop these people. In fact, the platforms even encourage that kind of behavior, because the loudest people get the most attention. So that encourages and emboldens the kind of nasty behavior you’re seeing.

Now, this is not to say there is never room for criticism, because there is, but that is a very different thing from what you’re describing, which is plain old bashing. Criticism and critique are offered in the hope that something will improve; bashing is done to express pure vitriol, and it isn’t productive for anyone. It might feel good in the moment, but in the end it just leaves people bitter and empty. 

There are plenty of people critiquing K/H and how the games went and how the various character arcs unfolded and how the relationships developed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Shutting down all criticism isn’t healthy; it should be allowed and encouraged, as constructive criticism leads to healthy dialogue, both with other fans and with S/quare E/nix. And Square has listened to fans in the past; they’ve fixed issues with gameplay that occurred when 1.5 and 2.5 were ported to the PS4 and converted to 60 fps, for example.

Neither is there anything wrong with venting to a close friend in a private setting - DMs, PMs, on your personal blog or twitter account with the ship you’re criticizing censored somehow so that everyone who likes it doesn’t have to stumble across your venting. Heaven knows I’ve had to vent a lot to stay in the fandom without lashing out. The issue is when someone thinks it’s okay to force their anger and negativity onto other people who don’t want to see it or hear it. 

So the question is, why are we stumbling across such strong feelings? Because it’s clear people feel pretty strongly about all this. 

I don’t think there’s an easy answer as to why this is happening, but I’ll take a shot at explaining what might’ve happened all the same. I’m sure if you asked someone else, they might give you a different answer, and it’s worth getting multiple perspectives. This is just my two cents, and naturally, it’s going to be biased towards my experiences and preferences. 

The shipwars in the K/ingdom H/earts fandom have been nasty for years. From what I can gather, they got really bad when KH2 was released, though I’m sure there was probably drama before then. S*kai fans and S*riku fans did not see eye to eye on how that game went, and it’s all been downhill ever since. People on both sides have been mean and nasty, I’ve seen them be nasty, hurling insults and slurs and accusing each other of awful things to the point that the question of “who started it” is pretty much moot at this point. A more productive question would be, “how can we end it and get along, or at least start treating each other better?” 

Now, since I ship S*kai (obviously), I’ll share why this is such a touchy subject for me personally. I’ve been in fandom for a while now, and something I’ve noticed is just how much fans tend to hate female characters because of sexism and internalized misogyny.   

I was in the M/C/U fandom before this, and Sh*ron’s actress got death threats around the time C/ivil W/ar came out from angry shippers. And then P*ggy’s actress has likewise been harassed after E/ndgame came out by, again, angry shippers. I was a big F/M/A fan back in the day, and W*nry got so much hate from, you guessed it, angry shippers. I remember a friend back then rolling her eyes and bashing W*nry, and when I asked her why she hated her, she couldn’t really give me a clear answer other than that she was “whiny.” 

Heaven forbid a female character not be completely perfect. 

Over and over, I saw this pattern repeating. A female character gets hate because there is a popular alternate pairing that she “gets in the way of.” Even before I had the vocabulary to talk about it, the hatred just struck me as very gendered. I never saw that level of hatred for any of the male characters unless they were written to be hated (hello Shou T*cker). And I was likewise harsher on female characters than on their male counterparts. It took me years to realize what I was doing and to try to put a stop to it. 

So then I came to the K/ingdom H/earts fandom with all that background and baggage, dealing with years of people hating characters I liked and looked up to and identified with, and I saw the same thing happening again. Yet another female character getting nasty hate because of her gender, because she dared to like a boy who was shipped with another boy. Because she dared to fall in love. How dare she have feelings, how dare she be feminine, how dare she wear pink and have a flowery Keyblade. How dare her strength of heart be stronger than her physical strength. There is only one kind of strength that matters, and it’s how hard you can kick someone’s ass (wrong, wrong, wrong, and one look at the whole power of friendship thing this series revolves around would tell you that). 

How dare K*iri not be an instant expert at fighting, which is cruel and ironic because if she was an instant expert at fighting, everyone would be crying Mary Sue. How dare she sass and tease S*ra, she’s such a bitch. Oh, she doesn’t tease him as much in K/H/3 and is more gentle and supportive because he’s going through hell and nearly loses everything and she knows he needs her support now more than ever? She’s a complete pushover! 

See what I mean by how hard people are on female characters? K*iri can’t win no matter what she does. She could have the best character arc ever post K/H/3 and people would still find something to complain about. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with how she’s written, I just think the criticisms against her tend to be way overblown. There aren’t enough discussions about how she could improve moving forward (though I have seen them, and thank you to those of you who do have them!), instead people just write her off completely as useless and worthless and want to improve her character by… dropping her out of the story completely (and yes, I’ve run into someone who actually thought this would be a good thing and always felt the need to talk about it, and it absolutely drove me up the wall). 

And worst of all, she can’t win because S*ra fell in love with her. Really, it’s ironic that she gets as much hate as she does for something S*ra did. She had no control over S*ra falling in love with her, and yet she is absolutely despised by people because he did. She isn’t “good enough” for him apparently, whatever that’s supposed to mean.  

I share all this to explain why I was so sensitive to the issue coming in. I saw the same thing happening I’d experienced time and again and I was so exhausted. So tired of it. I didn’t want to deal with it again, and I was on my guard right from the start. Especially because it’s so normalized in online KH communities to bash K*iri and S*kai. The major ones, too, with lots of people and a wide range of (or lack thereof) of shipping preferences, not just dedicated shipping groups. Try to go an entire discussion without seeing it come up… it’s a lot harder than you might think. 

At first I tried to be patient and understanding. Other people have different tastes, and I wanted to be understanding of that. But after years of watching the bashing happen, my patience ran thin. I was sick of seeing it enabled in major K/H communities, sick of seeing mods refuse to put a stop to it, or worse, low-key join in with the bashing, sick of having to put up with so much negativity when all I wanted was somewhere to discuss something I enjoyed. Some people seemed almost gleeful, almost eager in their bashing; any time K*iri was brought up, they felt compelled to express their hatred for her. They were more obsessed with her than her actual fans were; felt more passionately (albeit negatively) about S*kai than some actual S*kai shippers did. 

When I reached that point, the point where I was tempted to be negative and snappy and rude, I knew I couldn’t engage with certain people anymore. So I stopped trying. I searched for S*kai fans here on tumblr and stuck with them. I didn’t want to add to an already tense situation, and thankfully, there are other people who feel the same way (but more on that later). 

And on the S*riku side of things, some of them have shared that they have been told nasty homophobic things for shipping S*riku. And for many of them, I’m sure S*riku is a way of expressing their identity, a way of exploring their feelings and expressing them in a safe, welcoming way with fellow fans who get what they’re going through. Representation has gotten better in recent years (though it still has a long way to go), but back when the K/H games were first coming out, things were different, and people had to take what they could get from canon and run with it if they wanted to see more content that represented them. 

I’ve also seen a few people say that certain S*kai fans went out of their way to message them and rub what happened in K/H/3 in their faces. That kind of gloating is bound to upset anyone, yikes. Canon has become the new gold standard for shipping in the last decade or so, and it has sadly been weaponized in the ever-nastier ship wars, when really, a ship’s value shouldn’t be based on how “canon” it is but on the joy it brings to people. 

So yeah, we have a situation where enough people on both sides were treating others poorly that everyone got defensive, because how could you not when people keep attacking something you love, especially if you feel strongly about it/associate it with your identity? And that made people more likely to lash out, and when they did, people got even more defensive, and the cycle repeated, over and over and over again. 

And you know how I mentioned I sought refuge with likeminded fans? I think that happened all over the fandom. People seek out those who will support them and support their beliefs and form identities and communities based around them… and that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it’s great to get so much support, especially if you’re seeking refuge from a particularly nasty ship war. Having a safe place to vent and unwind and finally get to talk about what you love without fear of getting hate over it is awesome.

On the other hand, things like echo chambers, confirmation bias, groupthink, and the false consensus effect flourish in those kinds of situations. If all you hear is that XYZ pairing must be canon or will be canon in a future game from the group of people you’ve surrounded yourself with, and everyone enthusiastically agrees because everyone ships the same thing you do and of course no one is going to rain on that parade, it can come as quite a shock when a new piece of canon comes out and doesn’t align to your expectations. Especially if you’ve spent years expecting canon to align with your expectations. 

We lose something when we can’t engage in healthy dialogue with people who disagree with us. Our perceptions get warped, our memories might even get warped, and what we could’ve sworn was canon… we might be surprised to see wasn’t, when we revisit the source material with a more critical eye or listen to someone who sees things differently than we do. 

But how can we have that healthy dialogue when there’s been so much bad blood? How can we listen to each other when there’s no trust? It’s nearly impossible, so instead we reinforce the beliefs and ideas our own communities already hold fast to, and the cycle continues. We draw lines in the sand separating “us” vs. “them” and don’t give each other a chance. Not only does this alienate people on opposite ends of the shipping spectrum, it also alienates multishippers because they’re considered “traitors” to both sides, and that is an uncomfortable place to be. 

I think that’s why you find the whole thing so jarring. I’m guessing you might not be as heavily involved with the fandom as I am, and have thus been largely immune from the perils of echo chambers and confirmation bias. So for you it must seem really weird that something that seems clear to you is so contentious to other people. I don’t say this to throw shade at anyone, because I know the same thing would’ve happened if the pairings had gotten switched around. It’s more of an observation of a phenomenon I’ve seen happen over and over again throughout the years. 

So all of that is to say, things are tense because of all these backgrounds and experiences and histories people bring into the fandom. No one exists in a vacuum, and things were already tense before K/H/3 even came out. K/ingdom H/earts has been such an important part of many people’s lives and growing up experiences that they feel a deep connection to it and almost a sense of ownership of it. It’s a shared story, a shared experience. It belongs to all of us, in a way, and yet it’s still N*mura’s baby.

And that’s where we run into more issues. How much say should fans have in a work of art? Does the creator get the final say in interpretation, or should she accept that once her creation has been released into the world, it’s up to other people to interpret what she meant? There are no easy answers to these kinds of questions, and they’re widely debated and discussed (see: the whole death of the author debacle). 

However, while I think feeling a sense of ownership and investment in a piece of art is totally fine, it crosses the line when it gets into the realm of entitlement. By this I do not mean asking for more representation, because that is a perfectly good thing to ask for; I mean demanding that the creators cater to your whims… or else. I mean contacting people who worked on the game on twitter and demanding they change the story to make it “right.” I mean directly telling one of the VAs you want her replaced because you thought she did a bad job. And yes, I am talking about actual stuff I’ve seen happen in this very fandom. All of that has also left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and other people I’ve talked to have felt the same. 

That being said, shipping in and of itself is not the problem. For every nasty tweet and bashing post out there, there are plenty of kind and good people who are just there to enjoy their ships. Lovely artists and talented writers and skilled gif makers and editors creating a wealth of beautiful content for something they love. People who would never harass others for their shipping preferences and are disgusted by those who do. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones getting the attention, and they’re probably not the ones you’re going to run into if you ship a different ship, as they tend to stick to their own spaces out of courtesy and respect. 

This means that the people you are more likely to run into are the ones who want to pick fights. The ones who bash and stir up drama and tell people to kill themselves for shipping XYZ. While there are plenty of people being cruel and nasty and toxic, there are good people in the fandom too. Kind, caring people who will see you as a person first and not an XYZ, even if they don’t agree with you on everything. They’re quiet(er), because kindness isn’t usually flashy and showy, but they’re here. You just have to know how to find them.   

Thanks for the ask! I tried to answer this as fairly as I could, based on my observations and things I’ve been stewing over for a while now, so I hope it sheds more light on the situation. 

[khtrinityftw]

Part 6: The Keyblade Worf

And now for the main event, the game that truly wrought ruination upon the Kingdom Hearts series: Birth by Sleep.

All that this game had to do was tell its Revenge of the Sith rip-off story and be over with, but Nomura just wouldn't stop at that. He used BBS to force connections to the KH Trinity that didn't need to exist, all so that he could claim it was all part of the "Dark Seeker Saga" the whole time.

Some of it was fine: we got to see how Xehanort lost his memory and was found by Ansem the Wise, how Maleficent went from just the villain of her world to a universal threat, what Radiant Garden was like in its prime, and even what the deal with Castle Oblivion really was. But so many other choices made were just nonsensical. 

Sora's newborn heart somehow has the power to connect with Ventus' shattered heart and heal it? And this somehow leads to Sora developing the same face as Ven, and Vanitas to develop the same hairstyle and voice of Sora? Whut!?

And Ventus looks and sounds exactly like Roxas, and when his heart goes to sleep inside of Sora's at the end the implication is that it's that part of Sora's heart that Roxas is made from, and that somehow explains why he looks and sounds the way he does and why he has feelings and why he can dual wield and...Whut!?

Terra meets Riku as a little boy on Destiny Islands and decides to have him inherit his Keyblade just because Riku suddenly is given the same motivation to leave his home as Terra, wanting to be strong in order to protect his friends? Why? Protect them from what, exactly? Riku's motivation was just curiosity and the desire to fulfill some greater destiny out of his sense of insecurity, not to "gain strength to protect what matters". And somehow Terra choosing him to inherit his Keyblade causes him to become the destined wielder of the Kingdom Key, an entirely different Keyblade? Whut!?

Aqua, meanwhile, performs the Rite of Passage on Kairi by accident? Because that still doesn't explain where Kairi’s Keyblade comes from, just how she can wield it. And she then purposefully casts a spell on her necklace so that if she's ever in danger, her heart's light will be led to the light of another to keep her safe, which is supposed to explain how she got to Destiny Islands after Xehanort cast her out into space. Except that we already had an explanation for that, Xehanort wrote about it in his report: it's all about Kairi's connection to the Keyblade wielder due to her status as a Princess of Heart. But now that's being discarded and it's just some nebulous magic from Aqua that did it? Whut!? 

Donald and Goofy show up in Yen Sid's Tower and see several Keyblade wielders. But somehow they forget what a Keyblade is by Kingdom Hearts, and they forget that Yen Sid lives in that very tower by Kingdom Hearts II! Whut!?

It was said in KH2 that Mickey banished Pete to another dimension for serious crimes, and that Pete was never supposed to get out from it and only did so because Maleficent freed him. But here, Minnie banishes him due to a petty misdemeanor and it's said to only be a time-out that wouldn't be permanent! And somehow Maleficent instantly thinks that he would be a useful ally to her, all because of a petty misdemeanor? Whut!? 

When Sora glares at Xigbar in KH2, Xigbar says "he used to give me that same exact look!" Obviously, this was written to refer to Roxas. But now it refers to Ventus, who glares at him a grand total of ONCE and who is the only one not to fight Braig which means he should have a greater impression of the other two, yet it's Ven that he remembers the most? Whut!?

Lea and Isa show up as teenagers in Radiant Garden, even though nothing in any previous game remotely hinted that Radiant Garden was their home world? And Lea's brief meeting with Ventus is supposed to explain his deep friendship with Roxas? And he had the "Got it Memorized?" catchphrase even back then? Whut!?

Master Xehanort came from Destiny Islands? And somehow years later, Riku has heard stories of when he'd left his home behind as a boy? And now that brief speech Ansem made in the first game that was so obviously talking about Riku is actually talking about Master Xehanort? Whut!? 

And then there are all the weird call-forwards that don't make any sense: the black coat of Organization XIII first being worn by Master Xehanort, Ventus waking up in the Land of Departure exactly like Roxas woke up in Twilight Town at the start of KH2, the scene introducing Aqua and Terra being an exact mirror of the scene introducing Kairi and Riku in the original game, the Paopu Fruit somehow being known by Aqua even though Destiny Islands is supposed to be a non-important backwater world, Kairi's grandmother telling the same fairy tale to Kairi, Aqua meeting Sora and Riku and somehow predicting the future of what will happen to Riku while making a literal child swear to keep him safe,  and all of the repeated dialogue like Ansem's big Darkness speech, "My friends are my power!", and "Giving up already? C'mon, I thought you were stronger than that!"...an incredibly minor line in the original game that is somehow repeated here twice. WHUT!? 

Nomura doesn't understand that just because he connects this game to much better ones or rehashes things from them doesn't mean that it's automatically of that same caliber. There isn't anything clever or meaningful about any of it, and it just makes it feel like the game is compensating for its lack of heart. 

This extends to the main characters - Terra, Aqua and Ventus - as well. Just because they're connected to characters we like and are deliberately made to be reminiscent of characters we like, it doesn't mean that they're automatically likable characters. Repeating dialogue and motions from Sora, Riku and Kairi doesn't make them as good as Sora, Riku and Kairi. Constantly talking about what good friends they are rather than showing it isn't going to make us believe in their friendship. The tragedy that this game and the whole Dark Seeker Saga is hinging upon falls flatter than a pancake when it only happens because the main characters are jerks and idiots who lack basic communication skills.

And in the end, even the basic Star Wars knock-off story falters when paired with the KH Trinity, as all of the stuff centered around this ancient Keyblade order, the Keyblade War and the X-Blade are not remotely hinted at in those games. And yet much like Xion, every game following their introduction deals with them in some capacity, even to the point of actively ruining characters and concepts that the KH Trinity introduced which are still inexplicably hanging around. Once Nomura puts something on to the table, he never seems to want to take it off. Look, I love macaroni and cheese, but whenever I have it placed in front of me on a table I ultimately have to finish eating it! If I just keep on eating macaroni and cheese without end, then I'm going to get sick and throw it all up!  I'm not sure if this metaphor is landing or not, but hopefully you get the picture. "Too much of a good thing" is very real, but whatever Nomura thinks is good he just wants to keep going forever, even if that means it turns into vomit.

[excusemewhileiplaykh]

What This Series Means to Me: #ThankYouKingdomHearts

I used to go to a public school right next to my apartment building when I was growing up. Unfortunately, in the 3rd grade,  my mom decided to take me out of there and put me in a private school. A Catholic private school.

I was not happy.

I didn’t want to wear the dumb private school uniform. I didn’t want to go to church. I didn’t want to deal with the strict rules and the praying and all the other stuff that was “not cool” about Catholic school.

I started the 4th grade at my new school and made friends with a girl who I actually knew from elementary school. One day, she brought her KH 1 and 2 copies to school and showed me at lunch. The box art… the instruction manual… Everything was so cool and colorful. I fell in love with it. I especially remember thinking how cool Riku looked, in all his chartreuse yellow wonder.

I went home that day and looked up more stuff on the series and really got into the lore. And by that I mean I spent disgusting amounts of time every day going on kh-vids.net.

I really wanted to buy KH 1 so I can start playing the series with the first game. I wasn’t even sure how much the game was gonna cost me, but I figured it wouldn’t be more than 15 bucks (keep in mind I was in the 4th grade so that was a lot of money to me back then lol). I didn’t bother to look up the price online. Somehow I just knew that price was right. Eventually, I scraped together the money and I was so excited to finally get to buy Kingdom Hearts so I could play it for myself and not live vicariously through kh-vids.net. There was a video game store a block away from my school (my neighborhood didn’t have a Gamestop yet) and I asked my mom if we could go there after school. I asked the guy that works there if he had Kingdom Hearts, but told me he only had 2 and one copy of it at that. I asked him how much and it was exactly 15 dollars, the exact amount I had and the exact amount I had randomly guessed the game would cost.

I was kinda bummed they didn’t have KH 1, but honestly, at that age, KH 1 probably would have been too hard for me and I would have abandoned the series after that bad experience.

So it was like everything in the universe lined up just right for me to get into the series. I guessed the exact price the game would cost me. I bought 2 instead of 1, ensuring I would fall in love with the series. Hell, if I hadn’t gone to private school I never would have gotten into the series cuz I wouldn’t have befriended that girl! We were always in different classes in my public school. I guess it was meant to be.

I went home that day and rapidly did my homework so I could play it. The rest is history. I spent the entirety of that school year playing and beating and replaying that game over and over.

Unfortunately, I lost my original copy of 2 and subsequently lost my favorite game around the time I was in the 5th grade. My discovery and detachment from the series were also at the advent of extreme family issues (which I don’t want to get into).

However, 2 years later, Days came out. I was lucky enough to have a DS at that point so I could play it. My mom bought me a copy about a month after it’s release. Just like 2, I played it over and over again non-stop.  I was kinda mad at the Xion twist at first and thought it was “dumb”. So much so I stopped playing the game for a good 2 weeks. I was so shocked when I saw Sora’s face on Xion that I immediately closed my DS and went to bed in anger. I got over it though. I can still remember beating it while I was sitting on my grandma’s bed. I watched the final cutscene as we were leaving her house that night.

BBS was announced. And I was pissed.

Like most people, we expected KH3, not another “spin-off”. I swore off the series and I said I wouldn’t be buying anymore KH games. Since I wasn’t going to buy that game, I decided to spoil myself. I knew about the x-blade and how Vanitas looked way before the game released in the US. I rolled my eyes at Vanitas looking at Sora and criticized Ventus being a carbon copy of Roxas. I thought to myself, “Wow, this game is gonna be so fucking stupid.”

I was watching abc family one day and commercials were rolling out and one of them was none other than an ad for BBS.

...

As soon as the commercial was over I walked into my parent’s room and told them I wanted a psp for Christmas.

Oh and by the way, Birth by Sleep is my favorite KH game now.

The family issue that began while I was still playing 2 intensified during this time. I used BBS to escape. I felt bad for Ven, Aqua, Terra, and Vanitas who were being swept up in the mistakes of others. I could relate.

It’s 2010, I found out Coded, the elusive phone game, was finally coming to the US in 2011. I was excited. I sold Dissidia and Saints Row 2 so I could buy it. Me and my mom hopped the bus to go to gamestop so I could get it because we didn’t have enough money for bus fare. Needless to say, we were in a bad place, but Kingdom Hearts was there to comfort me. I sacrificed a lot for Re:Coded so even though it was bad, I still remember it fondly.

It’s 2012. The Dream Drop Distance demo drops (no pun intended). I was absolutely in love. I was still going through intense hardship because of family issues and I was given another way to escape. Watching Riku face his demons and finally conquer the darkness that was holding him back inspired me. I thought to myself: “Maybe someday I could do the same”. I always loved Riku, but that game really made him a role model for me. I wanted to grow past the circumstances others had put me in too and start to become my own person, a person who was more confident and positive. I played through it twice back to back.

In 2012, I also started high school. Again because of family stuff, I was going through a really hard time and wasn’t immediately making friends at school. I eventually did, but those friends didn’t like video games. I still remembered Kingdom Hearts though.

In 2013, I started my blog and I immediately knew it needed a KH related name. I’ve had the same url since I started. I don’t plan to ever abandon this blog or diverge it from it’s Kingdom Hearts focus. Although my friends weren’t into Kingdom Hearts, I had all of you to talk to about it. Thanks for keeping my interest in the series alive and thanks for all the laughs throughout the years. I really mean that.

In 2013, the promise at the end of Dream Drop Distance seemed like it was about to be fulfilled. Kingdom Hearts 3 was announced to be in development. I remember being in my living room and then going to my room so I could freak out alone. I jumped and scream. I was so excited. I thought I would be playing this game by the end of high school for sure (I am now a Junior in college…)

I didn’t have ps3 at the time the remixes were coming out so I missed out on them initially. Again because of my never-ending family issues, I also lost my 3ds, psp, etc. so I couldn’t play any of my KH games. I was so starved to play one of those games again. My blog kept me connected to Kingdom Hearts during that time though and somewhat slated my desires.

I went over to one of my friend’s houses and she had a ps3 in her room. She said it used to be her brother’s but once he got his ps4, he gave it to her so she could watch Netflix. The ps3 had a Kingdom Hearts wallpaper on it and I thought it was really cool that her brother was into KH like me. I wanted to befriend him so eventually, I did. I started to talk to him in 2014 and we really got along (besides liking KH, we had the same sense of humor, views on life, politics, etc.)

It was 2015, and I had fallen in love with someone and it was all because the fates aligned on that September day in 2007 and I was able to buy the only copy of KH 2 in my local game store and because I managed to guess the exact price of the game. We’re still together today and everyday I feel more and more alive. I can actually say that Kingdom Hearts is one of the main reasons I found love.

Not only did it find me my soulmate, but it also kept me alive and hopeful when I most wanted to die. I always remembered the kind messages the series instills in its players. Small little takeaways and sayings like “There’s a light that never goes out!” or “My friends are my power! And I’m theirs!” or “Come Riku! You’ve been hanging around in the darkness too long! You gotta think positive!”

The series has always been there in some form to bring me happiness and that’s why I can never let it go.

Listen, I’m the first person to admit this series is a trash fire (my blog title is “Mickey Mouse Bullshit”). I will always view the series as a sanctuary (no pun intended), no matter what. As a beacon of hope. Sora’s incessant optimism found some way to infect me. Like Riku, I have become “Sora-esque”. I honestly believe I am the person I am today because of this series and moreover because of its characters who always fight no matter how dark it gets. I am still here because of this series.

So no matter how bad the plot gets or how dumb the time travel shit becomes or how bad the ship wars get or how elitist people are about KH2FM (which is overrated!) or all the “spin-offs” we get or the weird dialogue or all the Xehanorts and all the Soras, etc., etc.,  I will always love this series and support it.

I love Kingdom Hearts. I love Kingdom Hearts because over the years it has shown me how to love and has always loved me.

Thank you, Kingdom Hearts and thank you to this community.

[yo-namine]

Okay, I’m not done with this idea, so...

To start off, Riku and Kairi's relationship post-KH3 is a little, uh.... strained. After everything that happened in the Graveyard, Riku really doesn't trust Kairi to hold her own at all. They both want to go search for a way to revive Sora, but Riku's pretty dead-set on Kairi staying safe at home while he does all the actual work. He's already lost one friend, and he's not risking losing another. Kairi argues that if he's going to go chasing the Lich, he needs someone like her who can bring him back, but her argument kind of falls flat because her PoH abilities have been pretty shaky ever since Sora died because, well, her heart's broken. So Riku doesn't budge, and Kairi's left feeling useless and powerless to help her friends. Again. Also, Kairi can tell that Riku does sort of lowkey resent her for being a liability back in the Graveyard. Riku knows it's unfair of him, but he can't help how he feels. And while Riku really does want to keep her safe, Kairi feels that he's also shutting her out as a way to penalize her for costing them Sora's life. Angst ensues. Basically, instead of working together on a way to bring back Sora, Riku and Kairi end up pushing each other away and doubtlessly making things harder than they need to be. 🎉🎉🎉

Obviously, Kairi isn't going to just stay home. She thinks that if she can fully regain her powers, she may be able to restore Sora like she did in KH1, or get some kind of tether on him from the Realm of Light like she did in KH3. So she decides to sneak off on her own to first go find the other former Princesses of Heart to see if they can teach her more about her abilities, and then hopefully get her powers back and use them to revive Sora or at least help Riku. And admittedly, there’s a small, petty part of her that just wants to prove to Riku that she's not useless.

Naminé catches on to what Kairi's planning and wants to come with her to help however she can. Kairi kept her alive for the last couple of years, so Naminé is basically RIDE OR DIE for this girl at this point. If Kairi wants to go save Sora, then dammit, they’re gonna go save Sora. That said, she probably feels guilty enough to leave Riku a note or something just telling him that she and Kairi left together and everything's fine and to please not freak out. Riku reads it and is like "for fuck's sake," decides to go look for them (on top of everything else he's doing).

I'm... not really sure how Xion gets involved tbh. Maybe she initially wants to help Riku find Kairi and bring her home, but then switches sides once she realizes that Kairi's just trying to prove herself? Anyway, Xion is a total badass and (in this story, at least) has some of her Days boss battle abilities still in her arsenal, so after she joins the other girls, they're able to venture into more worlds that they'd had to avoid before because the combat level was too high they were too dangerous. During their journey, Xion gives Kairi lots of pointers that do her way more good as a keyblade wielder than whatever Merlin had her and Axel doing in that time chamber.

There's initially some tension between Kairi and Xion because Xion is supposed to be "Kairi as Sora remembers her," and in this story, Xion's clearly much stronger and (now that she's free of the Organization) cheerier than the real Kairi. So Kairi feels like she's hanging around a better version of herself all the time, and it takes effort to not let her bitterness over it show. It also doesn't help that Kairi's spending most of her time with two people who are like embodiments of Sora's love for her (Naminé being the Nobody that was created from Sora housing Kairi's heart in his, Xion being made up of Sora's memories of Kairi). Theoretically, that knowledge should be comforting, but it really just ends up rubbing some extra salt in that "Sora's dead and it's all my fault" wound.

While they're off on their journey, Riku tries to call Kairi almost every day, but she never picks up because she knows he'll just try to talk her into going home. Eventually Axel calls her, and it's fine until she realizes he's trying to weasel her whereabouts out of her so he can pass the info along to Riku. After that, she keeps her phone off.

Kairi, Naminé, and Xion start to work really well together after a while both because of their skill sets (Xion being the powerhouse, Naminé the healer, Kairi the warrior-still-in-training), but also because they have a lot in common. Xion can empathize pretty strongly with Kairi feeling like she's just a liability. Naminé knows how it feels to be used by people more powerful than you to hurt someone you care about. The trio develops a pretty deep understanding of one another, and they help each other rationalize and work through their problems/insecurities (like Xion has a tendency to get irritated/overly defensive when her judgment's questioned because, well, she also isn't sure if she can trust her own mind sometimes thanks to the Org reprogramming her in the past. Naminé has some pretty deep-rooted abandonment issues that are part of the reason she clings to Kairi as much as she does. Kairi has survivor's guilt in spades.). Character development ensues.

Naminé does Not like combat or just hurting things in general, hence why she sticks to healing. She does still have her heart-shattering ability from CoM, but she never wants to use it again (especially considering whose replica vessel she’s inhabiting these days).

Meanwhile, Riku thinks the other masters will help him with figuring out how to either find the Lich or contact Sora somehow, but nope. Yen Sid and Mickey don't want him going after the Lich or "chasing hearts," potentially costing them another valuable wielder getting himself killed. Aqua's more inclined to let him do what he thinks is right, but she's also doubtful that Sora's heart is even salvageable at this point. She tells Riku what she knows from her own training just because she feels he has the right to that information as a master, but that's about it. Beyond that, Riku's basically on his own. Without any real leads, Riku decides to visit different worlds to learn more about their differing concepts of death/the afterlife (so like the Underworld in Olympus, the Locker in the Caribbean, etc.). A lot of worlds have legends of creatures similar to the Lich that ferry the dead and all that cool stuff, so he makes note of that while also scouting the place for Kairi. He might also run into Maleficent at some point and learn something from her (since idk, she commanded the Heartless for a while, so maybe she knows something about the Lich)?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The trio runs into Riku once early on, and it... doesn't go that well. Riku's still not keen on Kairi running off (plus he's probably kind of annoyed that Naminé and Xion sided with her over him despite them both being his friends for way longer, oop), and Kairi's still frustrated that Riku has 0 faith in her and won't let her help him. They basically have the same argument they did back home, only now there's been more time for resentment to build. On top of that, they're both grieving over Sora without really knowing that they are (because neither's willing to even consider the idea that he may not be savable), and both feel like the other's abandoned them when they need them the most. Anyway, their fight doesn't accomplish anything other than hurting each other further. They split up again after Riku tells Kairi to just answer her damn phone every once and a while. She doesn't.

So Kairi meets up with the former PoHs as she travels worlds. She's lucky that Riku's on bad terms with half of these ladies and is gonna steer clear of Wonderland, Agrabah, and Beast's Castle. Kairi gets advice and some training from each of the princesses on how to tune out her own self-doubts and focus her magic on what she wants to accomplish. Her biggest help is probably Belle just because that lady spent SO MUCH TIME in Hollow Bastion's library in KH1 probably reading everything about light/darkness. That, and I think Belle kind of uses a tethering ability in KH1 to bring the Beast to Hollow Bastion (or at least, the Beast says he got there just by ~believing~, so maybe it's a two-way connection or something), so she may have a better understanding of her (former) powers than the others. Anyway, Kairi slowly starts regaining her powers, and they only get better as her confidence/faith in herself improves. Eventually, she starts working Faith/Holy into her combat moves and "tethering" to the other girls just to see if she can. She's able to use the latter ability to sense out where exactly Naminé and Xion are whenever they're separated from one another. Connecting with people in the same world is easy enough, but doing it across worlds/realms is trickier, so she practices reaching out to Riku occasionally with mixed results. She gets to where she can figure out where he is, but she can't communicate with him, and she's not sure if that's due to her abilities being too weak or if it's because she and Riku have been shutting each other out (spoilers: It's mostly the latter.).

The trio has another run-in with Riku later on. He and Kairi have another argument, but it's more constructive this time around. Riku starts to call her out on leaving him to go on this journey (because unlike her, he's been going it alone this whole time, and it's really starting to get to him), but she points out that she only left him before he could leave her. Everything kind of starts to click after that. Riku eventually apologizes for trying to leave her behind, Kairi apologizes for shutting him out for so long. There's still some tension between them, but it starts to ebb once they finally start working together on a plan to bring Sora back.

Kairi finally turns her phone back on to find approximately 34978593487 missed calls from Riku. She also sees that he left her a few voicemails, and while Riku says she can just delete them, she keeps them to listen to later when he's not around.

....I'm not sure how this ends? Part of me likes the idea of Sora just... staying dead and everyone moving forward with their lives because that's all you can do, really. But another part of me really likes the idea of Riku and Kairi finding the Lich and figuring out a way to split the price for Sora between them. Maybe they have to give up a fraction of their hearts or cut time off their lifespans to give to Sora's. And they both agree to just not tell Sora about that once he's back.

I realize I'm leaving a TON of characters out of this story lmao. I don't know what everyone else would be up to. tbh Ven could probably save Riku and Kairi a lot of trouble just by introducing them to his magic cat that apparently knows all about the afterlife, but.......................... whatever.

[idolish7rabbitchats]

Momo: 12 SONGS GIFT Rabbit Chat Part 4

Tsumugi: Was everyone able to return?

100: I’m back!

9: I’m here too.

Anesagi: I’m fine too. Still, one can learn a lot from talking about fighting.

10000: Right. The reason for getting mad or for not apologize depends on the person.

Anesagi: Re:vale had the image of fighting occasionally before but, who fights the most with whom in IDOLiSH7?

T: Eh? Let’s see… Everyone occasionally has a little trouble.

100: Heeeh! Nagi too? Nagi gives me the impression of not fighting much though.

6: Because I’m a pacifist.

T: Nagi-san doesn’t fight much huh. If I had to say who fights within IDOLiSH7...

*T: Maybe Iori-san and Riku-san?

100: Aaah I get it! It’s heartwarming fighting that they do because they are friends. Yuki and I don’t fight like this much. We always take it seriously...

100: Every group has lots of things going on!

2: Sorry to make you wait. I charged it enough.

T: Welcome back! Since everyone was able to return, let’s restart it!

T: Yamato-san, please take it away!

2: I’m a low-energy man, so I won’t fight. If it turned into fight I’d apologize immediately. If I can’t do anything, I’ll leave it to chance.

3: Is that so?????

4: Yamato-san thinks he doesn’t fight much???

2: [Bowing Kinako Stamp]

2: I might fight with members occasionally…..

3: Don’t be weak lol

10: The closer you are the more you fight isn’t it? I’m glad that a person who doesn’t usually insist on something strongly can say their opinion honestly to me!

100: I get it! That sounds like Yamato, who is good at reading relationships from a distance! That part of you makes it easier for staffs to communicate doesn’t it?

2: Thank you. But I learned recently that I need to work harder for the people who I want to care.

T: Yamato-san, thank you! Next is Mitsuki-san please!

3: Making up after a fight huh… It’s depend on the person who I fought with. Sometime it’s easier to talk if I apologize but sometimes they will trust me if I don’t give in.

3: Fighting is something like an accident. It’s not like everyone wants to fight and they probably have a reason.

100: I get it. There’s a lot of times when you think “Ah so that’s what it was,” when you hear the reason. Like that they were thinking about me or something.

100: But, because of that, even if you swallow your own words and act like nothing happened, they will crash again and have an accident right? It’s hard huh~.

3: Yeah. But to not get hurt from the accident, it’s better to talk to each other to understand the traffic rules!

100: Mitsuki is amazing huh. That became a great reference!

3: Not at all! It’s just my ideal, there’s a lot of times when I can’t do that!

T: Mitsuki-san, thank you! Next is Sougo-san please!

5: I would apologize from me mostly. But when I don’t understand why my partner is mad, I would ask what was the reason.

5: This might be obvious but, in the past when people got made at me, I apologized without understanding the reason.

100: I get it! Sometimes I apologize reflectively to calm them down!

5: Right. When I think about that now, I did a rude thing to that person.

5: Now, I feel like I could prioritize moving forward even if we fight, not just trying to avoid fighting overall.

100: You say good things! It’s interesting to understand different ways of thinking about it.

T: Sougo-san, thank you! Next is Nagi-san please!

6: I have almost the same opinion as everyone. We should understand that the purpose of the discussion is to lead to a conclusion, not to decide who wins or loses.

6: But, I like being spoiled. So if anyone fights with me and I get depressed, I want them to butter me up.

6: This isn’t a rule but a request.

100: Cuuuute! Cuz you said that, it makes me to look forward to buttering Nagi up after the fight!

6: Thank you. :-)))

6: It’s wonderful if you can enjoy the fight and the after-care.

100: That’s true! We should have that much composure!

T: Nagi-san, thank you! Next is Kujou-san please!

9: Got it.

9: I won’t give in if it’s something that I don’t want to give in to even if it leads to a fight. I’ll be persistent even if something happens.

7: You don’t give in...

8: You are persistent...

9: Instead, I would respect the other side. Because I want them to know that it’s not like I’m ignoring them only because I didn’t listen to their opinion.

1000: That method might be nice. Like “I’ll accept this, so you should concede to that.”

9: Is this kind of comment okay?

100: Thanks! Your Tenn-ish answer became a great reference! I would listen to Tenn~!

9: I’m actually really bad at it too, fighting. But, when doing this kind of job, there are lots of things that you can’t give in to.

T: Kujou-san, thank you! Next is Riku-san please!

7: Yes!

7: I don’t like it, or I’m not good at fighting, so I would say that it’s not like I want to fight.

1: But, you want your opinions to be heard right.

7: That’s true. I fight for that.

1: But you never concede your opinions.

7: I do! But, I might be like Yuki-san.

1000: Me?

7: Sometimes it depends on how they talk. I become sullen or depressed when they yell at me, but if someone says something in a gentle voice, I’d listen.

4: Rikkun~ Let’s give your desert to Tamaki-kun~ (Gentle Voice)

7: Ah, I’d listen to that. So, I can genuinely hear what Sougo-san says.

5:  I see. I’m happy you said that.

7: When Iori says something to me, there are a lot of times where I became sullen afterwards and think, “Ah, Iori wasn’t wrong huh.”

1: I feel sorry for myself.

7: Well if you said it in a gentle voice!

1: Nanase-san, please don’t oversleep tomorrow. (Gentle Voice)

7: Okay!!

1: So you can reply like a good boy huh.

100: I understand the feeling! But, I’m the opposite when fighting; if someone speaks to me in a gentle voice, I might cry...

1000: Cut it out, listen to what I’m saying (Gentle Voice)

100: Nope, never mind. I can fight normally. I’m glad that I came back to myself.

1000: lol

T: Riku-san, thank you! Next is Iori-san please!

1: I don’t plan on fighting but, somehow my partner gets riled up on his own huh.

7: Uwaaaaaaaaaah you piss me off!

4: Iorin, you with that kind of thiiiiing!!

1: But, being complained to is a pain so I apologize. That’s it.

7: Iori, you definitely never think you’re wrong!

4: Seriously that! I could see it in your face that you are like “I’ll apologize only cuz you are annoying me”!!

1: I’m sorry. I regret it. (Gentle Voice)

7: Well, if you regret then it’s fine but… I was probably wrong too...

4: Yeah… There are also a lot of times when Iorin isn’t wrong...

2: “(Gentle Voice)” is really effective.

1000: I wish it was effective on Momo too.

T: Iori-san, thank you! Last is Tamaki-san please!

4: I---

4: Learn to apologize after fighting to make up

4: So I do that

4: But … I’m the same as Nagicchi

4: I want them to apologize and I want them to spoil me!

100: I get it!! That’s what we really feel!!

4: I want them to say I’m right even if I’m wrong!!

100: Fighting is always like that huh---!

1000: Spoil (Gentle Voice)

9: Momo-san, it’s time to punch your punching bag in your mind.

100: (>_<)=〇()゜O ゜）

100: Darling is good at teasing people 1000 percent with zero percent malice~~!

10000: But there is the word “The closer you are the more you fight”! It’s a proof that Yuki and Momo-kun are compatible!

100: Is that so…. (　′；ω；‵　）

1000: That’s right. (Gentle Voice)

100: Yuki, you really love that joke huh lololol

1000: I do ^ ^

100: Hey hey(Gentle Voice)

1000: lol

5: What was the funny point of that now?

100: It was a scary line but I wrote it’s gentle and that made me confused and funny lol

5: Like saying “Prepare a hundred million dollars if you want me to release the hostage” nicely huh.

100: That’s just scary!

5: It’s difficult huh….

T: Tamaki-san, thank you! That’s all!

Anesagi: It was helpful in many ways! I learned that TRIGGER basically won’t give in on their opinion. Even though I knew it.

1000: Momo, was it fun?

100: It was fun! Everyone, thank you for letting me hear a lot!

9: It was nothing. Re:vale-san, please fight only in moderation.

6: Please look forward to their make up episode. ;-)

T: Momo-san, Happy Birthday!

10000: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Momo-kun!

10: Please work hard on the solo live!

100: Thanks! I’ll work hard!

100: I’ll make it the happiest birthday! \(* ´ ∀ ` *)/.+゜

V2:

T: Nagi-san doesn’t fight much huh. If I had to say who fights within IDOLiSH7...

T: Maybe Yamato-san and Mitsuki-san?

M: That’s unexpected! The two older ones fight huh! I mean, Mitsuki and Iori came and stayed at my house huh. Yuki and I also ran away from the house often.

M: Every group has lots of things going on!

V3:

T: Nagi-san doesn’t fight much huh. If I had to say who fights within IDOLiSH7...

T: Maybe Tamaki-san and Sougo-san?

M: MEZZO’’ spends a lot of time together huh! The more time they spend, the more trouble they’ll have, but being able to keep the unit is proof of their friendship! Yuki and I are like that after all!

M: Every group has lots of things going on!

[we-wont-be-destroyed]

Seems like you have a strong DNAngel OTP~ Do you mind explaining why you like it so much? How it started for you? How you imagine them interacting as a couple? -whispers- What happens to Riku?

You’re in for some personal backstory™ man

When I was first introduced to DNAngel, I think I was 13 and I was “dating” a boy I met on the internet (to clarify in hindsight: we were probably both gay (and didn’t know it yet) but I won’t go into more detail other than saying we totally grew apart soon after we broke up and I’m honestly very happy about it. No idea how we ended up like that in the first place) and he was actually the one to say I should watch DNAngel. His OTP was Daisuke and Riku and he did actually call me Riku as a pet name for a little which I guess I found sweet. However apart from the gorgeous artwork of the anime and manga, I just couldn’t make myself love the ship. I don’t mind it certainly, but maybe that failed relationship did taint it for me as well so I’m just not passionate about it. Guess it’s a very personal connection I have with it. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind having them together if that’s what makes them happy. They deserve it.

Okaaay about SatoDaiSomehow, I think a big reason why I love them to this extent is nostalgia, because I look back at my first times reading the manga and rewatching the anime and thinking “you know what, these two give me so many feelings, and I *like* it”. I’m not exactly sure what made me get so into the ship, but it’s always been something extremely emotional for me. Maybe I found the fact that they were inevitably tied to each other by destiny and still developed feelings of friendship and affection for one another so endearing. It was in a way so passionate because they did stand up for each other and save each other various times and they also help each other grow and become strong.I was also fascinated by the dynamics of two boys together. (I grew up in a kind of homophobic household (told ya, backstory) and was yet to start the years-long battle against my internalized homophobia - I didn’t know that was possible! Two boys or two girls together? Mind blown! It was miraculous to learn about the lgbt+ community) I loved that certain softness there was between them, the whole element of “I’m supposed to hate you but I can’t even if I try” and even some parts of the anime STILL make me incredibly emotional (“I want you to live and become happy, Hiwatari”) which is SOMETHING when you remember this was like 7 years ago. In fact, they don’t even need to be together romantically, as long as get to be friends. I just want them to be happy. (a bit like I feel about Holmes and Watson. They don’t need to be in a relationship, as long as they’re together because they belong together in a way) Also. I don’t want Satoshi to die. That would be really shitty because I really want him to live the life he deserves.

Frankly, I never thought too much of them as a couple or generally being older. It’s kinda hard considering I have a hard time imagining what they would be like as adults.But I like to think that they they’d need some time alone after -INSERT POSSIBLE ENDING HERE- to kind of get used to owning their bodies again, and to think about what they could do with their lives from now on. I like to think that Daisuke will keep painting and drawing while Satoshi doesn’t want to touch a paintbrush for quite some time. A nice thought would be for them to bond over art and the creating of art. (actually @luanna801 and I talked about this before) Satoshi knows a lot about everything art-related and still he finds so much excitement in seeing what Daisuke created, because it’s *Daisuke*, and I also love the idea of them going to museums together and comparing their associations with certain pieces of art. Daisuke has a special eye for detail that is in a way superior to Satoshi’s analytical and historical knowledge and he’d see things a little differently. An in interacting as a couple, they'd both be very hesitant about most things, but that's fine for them. It suits them and also it's partially a cultural thing. Things would take a long time to develop relationship-wise. Okay I’ll get back to Riku now before I ramble even moreHonestly, I really don’t know what could happen to her. I don’t know if you’re like…destined to marry your Sacred Maiden or anything like that? If yes, well, then her and Daisuke are getting married I guess. (Which, if I remember correctly, was hinted at in the anime where some future stuff happens?) but then that question of “but Daisuke was, narration wise, technically Satoshi’s sacred maiden” arises and it’s confusing. Maybe family courses only work out for “traditional dynamics” anyway I’ll shut up now Thanks for the opportunity to write such a long reply!

[disneydreamlights]

Corrupted Data

A year after coming up with the AU, I actually did something with it. (Aka I wrote 90% of this a year ago and only just now decided to finish it up.)

Based off of that one Data Kairi AU post I made a year ago.

Summary:  After saving Riku from the bugs Pete infected him with, Sora has one more friend he has to save. Data Kairi AU.

Fanfiction | AO3

“Well, we should sign off here. I guess it’s goodbye, guys.” Sora grinned as he said goodbye to Mickey, Donald, and Goofy for what would probably be the last time. Since they’d managed to clear out the last of the bugs in Data Riku, that was it for all the bugs in the journal, and, without the bugs, the data would begin to return to normal. It was time for him and Riku to be reset. Sure, they never really found what they’d been looking for, and Sora couldn’t shake the fact that something was missing right about now, but he had managed to save the Datascape, and that had to count for something in his mind. “Give the “us” out there our best, okay?”

He turned to Riku and nodded, ready for him to close the portal between the real and data worlds. It was time to finally end all this. “What’s that?” Jiminy’s voice came in through the channel they’d all been using to communicate with each other.

And suddenly, the ground was shaking beneath them, as if the entire world was being torn apart. “What is this power?” Not even Riku knew. That was a bad sign if Riku had no idea as to what was going on. Jiminy’s Journal didn’t have an answer as to what was going on, this was unfamiliar territory, and it was a dangerous one at that. “It’s so much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. Could it be some sort of bug?”

“Bugs!? But how could that happen? I thought we got rid of all of ‘em.” Goofy’s confused voice came in from over the channel next.

“I thought we did too. There’s a chance we were wrong.” So did Sora, and so did Riku. They all had, otherwise they wouldn’t have said their goodbyes. Whatever this bug was, it had managed to escape eradication, and it was powerful. Maybe the power source for the bugs, that was a possibility, right?

Then came Donald. “Oh…what do we do now?”

“That message said it was going to delete the datascape. We can’t let something that powerful get loose. The journal data has to be locked!” Riku was determined to keep both worlds safe from whatever this was, but what did that mean for them? For Maleficent and Pete? They were all still inside, about to be preyed upon by the bugs once more. If they didn’t stop this, then they’d be destroyed. Mickey pointed those exact thoughts out, concerned for their safety.

“Then locking the data isn’t an option.” Riku was annoyed to say the least by the fact that they weren’t willing to sacrifice what was already there for the only option that was apparent, but it wasn’t like he didn’t understand where those outside the journal were coming from. He didn’t want to condemn Maleficent and Pete to death either, nor condemn himself and Sora. “Both worlds are at stake! What do we do?”

Sora thought for a moment before rushing forward. “You guys, hang tight! I’ll take care of this.”

“Sora? Where are you going? Hey!” Riku starting running after him. “Sora, are you crazy!?”

Sora turned back to face Riku. “No way I’m gonna leave them out there! You heard what Mickey said. I gotta find Pete and Maleficent!”

“But you don’t even know where they are!”

Sora shook his head, that didn’t matter to him at all. He’d find them, regardless of what it took. “Then I’ll just have to go look for them!”

Riku looked at him, somewhat surprised by that answer. “Aren’t you afraid? All our memories, our entire existence, even this whole world could get erased!”

“I’m afraid, but…you know why I have to do this.” Sora looked straight at Riku. “You feel it too, don’t you? There’s someone in there, and she needs us.”

Riku looked at Sora, a little more than slightly confused. It was true, that he held the journal’s data when it was all erased and the bugs started showing up in the first place, but if that was the case, then why wasn’t he sure what was in there that Sora was talking about, and why could he feel her too.

“Besides, even then, doing something to stop this, it beats just sitting around and waiting for the end of the world to come. I don’t know if there’s any way I can win, if there’s any way to reach whoever’s in there, but I know…I’ve gotta at least try.” And with that, Sora jumped straight into the keyhole, not waiting to hear anything more from Riku or Mickey.

He was going to save them all, Pete, Maleficent, and whoever it was that was in there with them. He’d make sure of it.

-x-

Sora had run through the glitched Datascape. Beyond this point, the area had looked primarily like a System Sector, the portals he’d been debugging in his entire time going through the journal and fixing the glitches. At the very center of the last one lay the end of the journey, and there were Maleficent and Pete along with a cloaked figure. Possibly the one he’d seen at the beginning, when he’d gotten his Keyblade?

“Insolent fool, I’ll take care of you myself!” Maleficent spread out her cloak at Pete fell backwards from a failed hit, sending a magic spell composed of green flames flying at the figure, who side stepped gracefully.

“Don’t get in my way.” The cloaked figure was female, and young from the sound of her voice, and with a single wave of her hand, she’d summoned a dark corridor, banishing Pete and Maleficent from the area.

“Maleficent! Pete!” Sora called out, running in with his Keyblade out, and causing the cloaked figure’s attention to be shifted to him. She let out a laugh, one that sounded a lot darker than should’ve ever been coming out of that voice just from the sound of it.

And she removed her hood, revealing dark red hair, almost the color of a red wine, cropped short so that none of her hair fell below her neck. She looked to be almost normal for somebody buried so deep in the journal, but there were a few startling points that made it obvious that something had happened, namely wire like lines of black coding running down her face, creating a sharp contrast to the paleness of her skin. Her irises were black, with pupils the same red as that of the bugs he’d been facing throughout his entire journey, and despite having never seen her at all before this point, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew her. “It’s about time you got here, Sora.”

“K—“ It was like a memory, one he couldn’t access, but this girl knew him, and he knew her, somehow. And despite that, he couldn’t even figure out a name. “Who are you? Why are you doing this?”

“You don’t remember me?” Sora strained to make out the girl’s tone of voice, but rather than detecting hurt in it, like he would’ve expected, she was playful. Almost as if she was toying with him instead. “Oh, that’s right, you wouldn’t. It’s not like I exist really exist here anymore, after all, what does a corrupted piece of data have a place here?”

“Corrupted…you’re the one behind all the bugs!?” Despite that being the logical conclusion to come to, he didn’t want to believe it. Sure she looked heavily corrupted but, at the same time, something in him just looked at her and couldn’t comprehend the idea that she could do this.

“Took you long enough to realize that. Except you got one detail wrong. I’m not the one behind the bugs,” She summoned out a Keyblade, one with flowers on the teeth and a heart for the handle, but it was hard to tell. Like with the glitch lamp that Pete had made Jafar, it was covered with light blue blocks of corrupt data, forced into this form. The Keyblade itself, was black, with dark red lines coming all over it. “I am the bugs.”

From outside the Keyhole, he heard Riku’s voice. “Sora, be careful! Whoever she was, she’s not them anymore.”

“You mean, you don’t know!?”

“She’s data that was removed from the journal…I thought that when it was corrupted and I got the data, I got all the data, but…somehow she didn’t make it in,” Riku explained. “Whoever she was, the bugs must’ve gotten ahold of her!”

Before Sora could respond to Riku, the girl charged her Keyblade slashing down in a powerful strike, causing Sora to raise his Keyblade up to prevent her from landing a hit. A loud clash rang out as the Keyblade collided, and the girl pushed down, hoping to get him to drop his guard. “Any idea how I can free her from them?” He pushed back, watching as she jumped back gracefully, not even thrown off.

“Just try to take her down! If you’re lucky, maybe it’ll delete the remaining bugs in her and restore her to her original state.” It was left unsaid between the two boys about what might happen if the idea didn’t work, but they were pressed for time. If this was their only chance at trying to save her, it’d be worth the risk.  “Good luck, Sora.”

Sora nodded, despite knowing Riku probably couldn’t see him, and ran for the girl again, who kept simply ducking out of the way of his Keyblade. Every swing he took seemed to be matched with a perfect counter step, pulling her just out of reach of the end of his Keyblade. After a moment of matching steps, she swung her Keyblade at him, hardly giving Sora enough time to react before he found himself whacked in the face with it. The girl had begun her counterstrike, and after the initial hit seemed keen on not letting up, attacking him with a series of quick strikes, her blade infused with darkness much as Riku’s had been as she swiped at him once more. He barely had time to dodge the attack, rolling out of the way and putting as much distance as possible between him and the girl.

“Fire!” A fireball left the tip of Sora’s Keyblade as he aimed at the girl, and he watched as she attempted to roll out of the way, just barely failing the maneuver and winding up with the edges of her cloak singed by the flame. Before she had time to ready a counter, he was already upon her, slashing at her with the Keyblade and managing to land a hit this time, but not before she hit him with a counter that he scarcely had time to raise his Keyblade up to block in time. With the counter occurring, the carnage began, and she summoned up her darkness charged blade, slashing at him repetitively in an attempt to catch the boy off guard, with several hits landing successful.

“Just give up already and let me DEVOUR THIS WORLD!” As she finished the statement, the girl let out a pulse of darkness, knocking Sora back and to the ground.

He stood up slowly, raising his Keyblade as a green light surrounded him, healing him of most of the damage he’d just taken. “No way. I’m not letting you destroy the Datascape, you’re not getting into the outside world!” He ran at the girl, charging at her with his Keyblade and watched as she raised her Keyblade to protect herself once more. Sparks flew off from Kingdom Key as the two blades met, and she pulled back immediately only for them both to launch at each other again, this time blow meeting blow as neither of the two of them could land a hit. After several moments of attacks meeting one another, Sora pulled back, panting, but the girl seemed just as tired despite being made of bugs…perhaps she wasn’t nearly as powered up by the bugs as he’d thought.

Looking down at his Keyblade, he gripped the handle tighter and looked at the girl, aiming the Keyblade and watching as a bright beam of light escaped from the tip, hitting the girl and causing a single Blox Bug to appear in front of her. “That’s it, Sora! The source of the bugs! If you defeat that, it’ll free her!”

“Got it!” Sora lowered his Keyblade, and the beam of light vanished, but the bug remained, crawling about on its four legs, trying desperately to get back to the girl, who had fallen unconscious the moment the bug had appeared. With one slice of his Keyblade, the Blox Bug was split in two, vanishing in a dark cloud as the last bug was cleared from the journal. The Keyblade that had been in the girl’s hand up until that point shattered, as the glitches that had been sustaining it were no longer in the datascape.

The moment he cleared out the last bug, his eyes widened as memories of a young girl from the islands began flooding back in. He watched her slowly stand up as she awoke from the unconscious state caused by the removal of the bugs. He was hesitant until he saw her face no longer covered by the black, wire like marks it had been before. Her eyes were no longer black and red, but were now normal covered, with purple irises, and she smiled at him. He smiled back, and eager to see his other best friend once more as she should be, he shouted her name.

“Kairi!”

[paddypikala]

April wrap-up

Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

Finished on 1/04/2020

10/10

Sara Farizan doesn't disappoint. She has this amazing ability to make personal stories universal and serious things adorable. The book was really beautiful and I strongly recommend it, especially that it's not a very long read.

Dreadnought and Sovereign by April Daniels

Finished on 3 and 6/04/2020

9/10

The first book: A transgender superhero, a cyborg villain, a city in distress--a girl can't ask for more. The language and pace are on point and the book seamlessly blends together its two main topics, transitioning and becoming a superhero (metaphor alert). Beautiful! It gave me the feels since chapter one. I was afraid that the terf antagonist would be a little on the nose, but she stayed realistic (and remarkably annoying). 

The second book: The first one was better. While it was still very interesting it talked way too much about magic (in a superhero book 😕), democracy, and the American way.

Not My Father's Son by Alan Cumming

Finished on 4/04/2020

10/10

There is something eerily delicate about an adult man being vulnerable and talking about abuse, shame, Eurovision, eating disorders and fake boobs. It was much darker than I'd thought it would be, but in the end, it felt bittersweet rather than daunting.

Lumberjanes, vol.1 by Noelle Stevenson

Finished on 6/04/2020

8/10

It was childish, but cute. Looking forward to the next volumes.

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand

Finished on 8/04/2020

7/10

That was... a lot. So many complicated characters, so many relationships and interactions, dark magic and unique mythology, and finally, a decent redemption arc. I didn't like Zoey that much, she sounded rude most of the time, but I appreciate the asexual inclusion. 

Pszczoły i grom w oddali by Riku Onda

Finished on 8/04/2020

8/10

The Terracotta Bride by Zen Cho

Finished on 9/04/2020

8/10

So this is how you write a novella! A story about the Chinese afterlife, destiny, and sisterhood, it was certainly something I have never read before. The non-linear narration definitely keeps you on your toes. 

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

Finished on 11/04/2020

8/10

Zombies + early America + badass girls. It's packed with action scenes, fights, and witty dialogue. Jane's voice and character are not only realistic (despite the crazy premise), but also unique - she's not just another fantasy protagonist. She's not the chosen one - just a girl protecting those she cares about and wishing to go back home, to her mother. 

Autopsy by Donte Collins

Finished on 11/04/2020

5/10

It was... something? Man, poets can be so dramatic sometimes. Some parts of it were actually good, but some poems sounded a lot like those SNL High School Theatre Show sketches. A bit on the nose and too obvious. The cover was pretty, though. 

The House of Impossible Beauties by Joseph Cassara

Finished on 17/04/2020

7/10

I finally finished reading this one. It was complicated like the lives of the main characters, it was dark and oddly uplifting, and in the end, it was sad. And it's not your usual novel, it was often difficult to follow--sometimes it focused on the details without giving enough context. I'm actually happy that I watched Pose before I read this, because otherwise I wouldn't understand what was going on.

The Gentleman Thief by Kate Gragg

Finished on 18/04/2020

8/10

The novella tells the story of a chimney sweep who can use magic, although only accidentally. He should clearly reconsider his career choices, since soot makes him cough, and coughing leads to unintended bursts of magic. And just like that, by accident, he turns money he stole for a dangerous mafia boss into a stack of potatoes and gets himself mixed up in some royal tournament mess. It was a ridiculously fun read that had me laughing since page 2, which is not what I expect of most books. Even despite the quirky world it was set in, it wasn't a difficult, high-concept fantasy book. Its light and funny tone reminded me of The Edge Chronicles--The Gentleman Thief was equally absurd, although not as complex. The book is filled with magic--the fun kind, not the dark kind. There was nothing predictable about this story, because it was too absurd to be predictable. In this world, everything was possible, and the author clearly took advantage of that fact. I'm actually glad I had a chance to read it now, after having read so many difficult books this week. It felt refreshing. After all, it's always nice to read a book that's pure fun, no emotional drama. And the characters! Lydia, the adventurous lady, in particular. I would love to read a story focused mainly on her. The only drawback of this story is that it finished too quickly. The ending felt a bit rush and I would enjoy about two hundred more pages of this book.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Finished on 19/04/2020

10/10

It's a good book, but also a difficult one. I haven't been this frustrated with fictional characters for a while. Sometimes, it was so difficult I could only read one chapter at a time, and that's why it seemed much longer than it really was. I need a break from heavy books. 

The Toll by Neal Shusterman

Finished on 22/04/2020

9/10

Oh boy, I do have a sweet spot for omniscient AI systems which have learned how to love and care for a group of humans (wink wink Person of Interest wink wink). My experience with this series has been long and interrupted. I read the first book in November 2018, then the next one in one day in the middle of December 2018 and finally, today, I finished the last one. I must admit, I had to google some names, because I couldn't remember who was who. I've heard voices that The Toll is different than the two first books but in my opinion it was just as fun and even more sci-fi than the other ones. Who would have thought that I would care about feelings of an omnipresent machine? Well, I should have expected that. All rejoice!

Psy i demony. Ciemne strony Japonii by Alex Kerr

Finished on 23/04/2020

7/10

A realistic - or maybe even grim - look at today's Japan. Written with passion and brutal honesty, it's a screaming argument claiming that many things Japan claims to be are just a big, old lie.

Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman

Finished on 26/04/2020

9/10

This book is about a radical idea. Enter drum rolls. The idea is that most people are pretty decent. Can a book on history be sweet? Can it be hopeful? In this sweet, sometimes even cloying book, Rutger Bregman scans history in order to find proof that we are in fact not that bad of a species. That in cases of disaster or faced with tragedy, we don't think only about ourselves and that we come together to help the weakest. He refutes studies that were designed to prove that we're essentially evil, and finds hope and acts of decency in even the darkest moments of human history. It's a book written in a way that makes it easy to read in one sitting. And it was especially heartwarming to read it in this difficult time. I would like to believe Bregman's arguments. They are clear and convincing, and yet there is something so deep in me trying to question them. Is it because we remember the bad things that happens to us better than the good ones? Nowadays I hear of people coming together to make masks and protective gear for medical personnel, I hear about people delivering groceries to the elderly, and yet the only thing I think about is one community in my city trying get a doctor kicked out from her apartment, because they thought that she somehow threatens their safety. Maybe the book doesn't prove we're essentially good, but it at least proves that we're better than we think. And it's not that difficult to be a decent person. In the end, I'll take the Ten Rules to Live By Bregman offered in his epilogue over Harari's 21 lessons any day.

Only Words by Summer Kiska

Finished on 30/04/2020

7/10

It was a decent fantasy novel with all the right elements: magic, villains, cats, and insta-love. It was something I didn't expect, though. I thought it would be about a magical investigation agency--this is how I interpreted the blurb--but instead, the book was more about sibling rivalry and revenge. The idea was both simple and great--how can you do magic, let alone protect yourself against attacks, if you can only use a limited number of words? The book's strongest element were the characters--the villains were appropriately ruthless and brutal. Overall, It was a great read.

[chaorelance]

I’m going to just like, keep going till I’m tired I think. So let’s get further and further from the point everyone really wants to hear, while I try and get my thoughts together I guess.

Anyway, like, I’m done rambling about Beamed for a bit. Like I said, he was relevant to me but not BTG.

He’ll be around for a bit, because NOW we’re going to talk about my first core venture into BTG proper in my memory.

When I really, really tried to host a game. NOW, I have a rough time frame for this because I know it was around Kingdom Hearts 2′s proper releaaaaa holy FUCK 2005?! is that actually correct, what the fuck was I doing on the internet then. What.

But anyway, KH2 just released, I’d been fucking around on BTG for a while, and we were all giant video game nerds and a lot of us weeaboos, though I was not one proper at the time.

So, I wanted to make a Kingdom Hearts game. Somehow, I ended up splitting the ‘DM’ role three ways. This, was, as you probably guessed, what eventually lead to the game’’s death by creative differences.

I was working with two people. They went by ‘Geintz’ and ‘Jin’, and they were... odd bedfellows for the young bunlord. At the time, I was REALLY softspoken, shy, and nowhere near as confident and bellowing as I am today. I had like, no self-ego. I really, really didn’t believe in myself, which is probably how I ended up working with them.

Jin, is the person that if I ever met today I think most owe an apology to.

Jin probably saw me as a friend. Like, he was a goofy guy and honestly comparatively one of the nicest people to me. He tried to connect with me a lot. I think he genuinely saw me as a close friend.

In my head, to be honest? I think I saw him as Krillin.

And by that, I mean Team Fourstar Krillin, because I gave him so much shit. I didn’t even believe him when he said he was a black guy for some reason, which is an extra level of fucked up. I just thought he was lying for some reason, and like...

He posted some weird shit, I think some kind of fucked up doujin with Children in it, and I NEVER LET HIM LIVE THAT DOWN. I constantly called him a pedophile for some reason??? Holy shit??? I was an asshole???

But at the time, for many reasons, he was kind of a rival to me. But he was actually usually on my side, and I think when I wasn’t being an asshole to him, I kinda respected the dude.

And then there was Geintz.

Look.

Geintz is a story in himself, but suffice to say at this point, he is mostly a very angry and childish person, who I think is an actual grown adult in a crowd of teenagers.

He is why, eventually, shit dies. Partially because he’s right, in fairness.

Because for the most part, dev works involved Geintz doing most of the grunt work and designing while me an Jin butt heads, and for the most part, this extended to the plot too, where Jin and I, even as DMs, made NPCs SPECIFICALLY TO FUCKING BUTT HEADS WITH EACHOTHER. BOTH OF THEM WERE OVERPOWERED, BY THE WAY, BECAUSE WE WERE KIDS.

But for the most part we tried to launch a plot, and with one competent DM and two frolicking children, we launched our story.

It was a disaster, and let me start with the main reason why.

See, I’ve said a lot of shit in my lifetime, and I’ve said a lot of shit about love, and I’ve said a lot of shit about how I don’t believe in it.

But I’ve also said I’m a tsundere.

I said Jin and I butt heads a lot.

If I said me and Jin were basically butting heads over a girl, would you believe me?

Maybe. I dunno, I don’t really know if that was the case myself. For a large part, I’m really shitty with my feelings.

But what unarguably happened, is that the one female member of the entire BTG community, at the time became the focus of the story.

She became Sora, and for the most part Jin and I WOULD NOT STOP HAVING OUR NPCs FIGHT OVER HER, HOLY SHIT. While Geintz was trying to push the story along properly, to his.. few credits, Jin and I had our brooding Tragic Backstories fighting each other.

Jin was like, trying to be Riku. I was just a really, really strong dude with Oblivion and Oathkeeper or something, because fucking of course. My eventual argument was ‘Jin, your guy doesn’t get to just come back from being evil, what the fuck.’ and then I tried to stab him, and then like eventually Geintz kind of gets sick of everything.

I think Jin took more of the blame, because while I was really, really not supposed to be a part of this story or anything, I wasn’t like, constantly macking on her. I was kind of just trying to play Nice guy mentor or  some shit.

But like it’s the last straw for Geintz, he’s out. Jin and I try and patch stuff up and it doesn’t really work out.

After that, Jin kinda fucks off for a while. He plays with us occasionally but after our big collab, it’s mostly regrets we couldn’t make it work. Life happened to him, I guess. He sticks around a lot longer than Beamed did... and, I spend most of my time giving him shit.

Like I said, I really regret it, okay? Fuck, I wish I could find the guy and apologize.

But after all this, I feel like I won, so we’re not really butting heads or anything. Hell, when we played together, Jin straight up tried to be my friend always. I think I obliged, too.

I think he feels like I won too, because one of the last things I remember him asking me was if I ever hooked up with the girl.

Of course, I’m a giant tsundere.

I think I tried to make a few other ones besides that- but like, my memory of this time is actually SUPER, SUPER FUCKING SCATTERED, because A) It was years ago, and well B) Repression.

None of them were ever as popular, honestly. It didn’t help that to actually host a server, you often needed someone else to because your ports weren’t forwarded or some shit. BYOND was some finicky shit. Between that and people being bad at multitasking, you rarely got multiple games up at once.

This is important later, because eventually, multiple games stop existing.

But for the most part, that was my brief exchange in DMing. I think I learned a lot of lessons there, but... it was always either ‘me’ or someone else, and that kinda sunk my credibility.

I wasn’t a very inventive kid anyway.