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0livdocx · 6 months ago

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Howard Hamlin: illusion of burning sins

Inspired by Better Call Saul S04E01 - Smoke:

“There’s something else that’s still burning after the fire that took Chuck’s life.”

I originally drew this piece at the start of the year, but recently I got back to it and decided to add some spice. Despite some small errors, I like how it looks now. Yum!

My creative process & thoughts for this piece:

It’s originally a self-projective piece partially about my mental struggles, but I won’t be talking about myself here.

Let’s focus on Howard Hamlin in this episode, right after Chuck’s death - Unforgivable as Howard Hamlin thought he was, he was partially a scapegoat for Jimmy McGill’s deeds. I’m putting Howard in the frame, but it is reflecting an aftermath of Jimmy’s self-denial and psychological manipulation driven by his own insecurities. Jimmy told Howard “that’s your cross to bear” while the sentence also serves as a suggestion to the audience that Howard is indeed a sacrifice to Jimmy’s self-loathing and avoidance. Jimmy McGill would be the illusionist who casted this whole “illusion of sins” upon Howard Hamlin’s already conflicted mind. Would you feel pity for this guy? Vince legit made him cry for your pity.

Everything is still about Jimmy McGill, our cunning, venomous perpetrator. Self-loathing and antisocial tendencies are a part of his true nature. Did he see Howard’s distress? Did he see Howard Hamlin’s suffering? He did. But this man closed his heart to them, just like the way he run away from himself. Jimmy McGill’s lack of sympathy is one of the very things that brought Howard into his grave. Just how pathetic Howard is? Grieving for his misplaced error in the dark, this man is oblivious to the fact that he was already entwined by the serpent: a cold blooded creature who would never change its nature - the snake here serves as a symbol of Jimmy McGill’s inherent antisocial tendencies. Howard could never foresee the future of this serpent sinking its teeth into him and pump out its deadly poison, which will finally give him the kiss of death. Even the stars that will guide him on his path cannot save him from this misery. Personally, 401 feels like the beginning of the downfall of Howard Hamlin, and the rise of Saul Goodman.

If we think about the causes of Chuck’s death, it’s not hard for anyone to see that Howard Hamlin, this poor man is overshouldering someone else’s sin - someone who’s unable to face the responsibilities to their own actions, someone who’s in constant denial, someone who’s too much hatred in their heart. (Naw Howard is legit Jesus here💀) it’s why I chose to cover Chuck’s face with the cross too, for how Jimmy mislead Howard into believing that Chuck’s death was all his fault, when Jimmy himself was the main perpetrator.

Anyway, in later seasons of the show, we can notice that Howard was crumpled up and put into somewhere he didn’t belong, he’s forced to face this superficial alienation - his marriage was falling apart too. With this vulnerability, Vince showed that this lead lawyer of HHM was stuck, he was conflicted, his glory was wearing off, he was struggling like every normal person would. He was burning not only because he’s trapped by guilt and sin, but also for the reason that he has the vitality to “burn” and release energy: He is resilient. He has the life inside of him to be burnt.

Compassion creates a sense of closure between characters and audiences. The entire tight spot in Howards life conveyed by Vince makes audiences empathize with him easily - honestly I never felt a thing for Howard Hamlin’s boring ass because I was busy siding with Jimmy McGill in my mind in the first few seasons. What’s interesting about Brba/Bcs is that Vince put us in front of a quandary: who would you side with in a fucked up world with fucked up people? When watching the first few seasons of BCS I put my empathy in Jimmy McGill, but then my empathy slowly detached from him as the show progressed.

As for Howard, I just pity this man as an audience after witnessing his fall presented by Vince in the later seasons: what Howard deserved was anything but a nameless grave with his murderer, a defamation, and a twisted, made-up story stated by his perpetrators on his funeral. Vince made it obvious to the audience. Yes. Let’s make this glorious man suffer. Let him be guilt tripped. Let his life fall apart like a roller coaster so you’ll lay your compassion and love onto him - Howard Hamlin lost everything, he didn’t even have a death with dignity thanks to the people operating the fucked up bullshit in the dark - It’s interesting to notice my “love” for this character is originally out of compassion.

Despite Howard, there are lots of characters who deserve audience’s love. There are Nacho, Mike, Gus, their motives are even noble if you try to look at it from a humane perspective, but anyhow they’re all part of this gut-wrenching predatory game - it’s basically how everything is so complicated in a world depicted in Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad, they create intricate conflicts. I do love how fictions like BrBa and BCS allow us to explore the complexity of humanity in a safe distance.

As Howard Hamlin was buried, Saul Goodman buried Jimmy McGill alongside with him too. And then there’s Lalo Salamanca lying beside Howard Hamlin like they’re doing pillow talk - they are both powerful beings taking high positions in the BCS food chain. As they disappeared, the path for Saul Goodman’s career to ascend is broad and clear. A cucaracha rising to the top, and this time he’s fully embracing the darkness.

In conclusion: Great make-believe, Vince!

#0liviart #better call saul #bcs fanart #bcs #Howard Hamlin #chuck mcgill #brbabcs #artists on tumblr #digital art #procreate #Jimmy McGill #breaking bad universe

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depresssant · 5 months ago

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'geto would burn in the fiery sea of hell if it meant only he would be the one thing your heart-stopping eyes could see'

warning!!!! : yandere is a warning in itself 💀, yandere!geto, unrequited love, kidnapping extremely suggestive themes, idk what else 😭

also reposted bc i accidenly deleted the first one 😬

to say that geto suguru was helpless was an understatement.

he was at a lost, and it felt like the entire world was against him. so many conflicting thoughts battled with him day by day, and time came to a stop the second he watched that bullet go through riko's head. that helpless feeling of not being able to save what was dear to you... to be able to not do anything except for watch as something slipped out of his grasp⏤he felt like it was happening all over again.

dark thoughts⏤ones that only you seemed to get rid of⏤dropping him over the edge plagued him like a disease with every twist and turn. these were the dark thoughts that only you washed away with your warm touch and loving smile.

but now?

now you were cold and hostile.

all because of a damn rejection.

geto knew his decade long friendship with you would never be the same after that fateful night you confessed to him. that night⏤just a week and a half after riko's death. he had rejected you. geto was scared. what if you died just like riko? you were a sorcerer with threats that had you walking across the line of life and death. what if you, too, withered from his grasp?

but he supposed you already did.

bit by bit, you had started to ignore him. you were clearly distancing yourself. you knew he was going through internal struggles, and while you once would've been there right by his side, you weren't this time. you just... stop talking to him, acting like he was the plague, and a single look would kill you.

it killed him.

it killed geto to see you hurting because of him, and it hurt even more that he wasn't able to help. the raven haired man was bitter and angry at the time. he should've understood that you were just trying to give him space after realizing your confession wasn't thrown in at the best time. you were trying to help him in the best way possible while hurting yourself, and he was too fucking stupid to realize it.

geto had stormed into your dorm for an explanation as to why you were ignoring him. the worst fight of his life occurred that very night where you told him you never wanted to see him again. so he had granted you your wish.

thinking back at it, both of you were hurting. riko's death and the following had affected you just as much as it had affected geto, but he was too selfish to realize he wasn't alone. he was too conceited to realize that even when keeping your distance from him, you were still there for him. he was just too proud to reach out.

...

well... that would never happen again.

he furrowed his brows but he said nothing as he watched you struggle against the chains with a look of panic on your beautiful, beautiful, face. geto had plenty of time to reflect on his behavior⏤to sort through his feelings and plan, and now you were finally back in his arms.

with a sigh of relief, said arms pulled you into a suffocating hug. he held you so tightly he felt like his arms would cramp up, but that didn't matter. all he wanted to do was just crawl into your skin, become one with you, so you two would never apart again. he wanted to kiss those pretty lips of yours until his own became bruised and swollen. he wanted to hold you like this for the rest of eternity because the sound of your heartbeat was the best type of music he had ever listened to.

this was wrong, some part in him screamed. holding you captive like this just for himself was immoral and evil, but... all for himself? geto would burn in the fiery sea of hell if it meant only he would be the one thing your heart-stopping eyes could see. those eyes... those eyes pulled him in like a moth to a flame, turning him into a person he never thought he'd become. but perhaps that was one of the million things he loved about you.

"what the fuck do you think you're doing?" you hissed, pressed up against him, and geto felt completed. "you're insane! how the hell do you... do you⏤"

"i love you."

his hands were all over your body frantically, leaving a blazing trail of fire in every place that he caressed, and it was like he was trying to become one with you.

"... geto... what is this? why are you doing this?"

lavender eyes as alluring as a violent ocean rested on yours. "it's a form of acceptance. your confession? darling, i accept your love. i want your love... i need it."

"that was in high school! it was just a silly crush!" your brows furrowed in anger at first, but your expression crumbled. a face that you once adored now looked down at you with stinging eyes, fangs out and all.

"don't lie to me." geto grabbed a hold of your inner thighs, pushing you down onto the bed and nuzzling into your neck as if he would die if he didn't. you'd be lying if you said that you didn't like it. it was something you had been waiting for, for a very long time.

"we're meant for each other. you just need a little help understanding it."

his hold you was like a snake wrapping around its prey, constricting like a suffocating pillow until said prey finally fell limp. you were the prey and geto was the snake.. and, well...

he was threatening to swallow you whole.

#geto suguru #yandere geto #geto x reader #fem reader #female reader #yandere jjk #yandere #suggestive #😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼😼

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myslutwritings · 1 year ago

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Playing minecraft headcanons with the uppermoons (+Muzan & Enmu)

this will be a modern!AU (they’re still demons tho)

•

(this is also my first post lmao)

Muzan

okay it takes a HELL ton of convincing to have Muzan himself play with you.

he views any sort of game as ‘dumb’ or ‘childish’

you try to remind him that it’s not in the slightest but it doesn’t do anything much (bro is stubborn)

he’s the demon king? why should he associate himself with the idiotic games mortals play?

eventually he goes give in (bc he loves you in his own weird demonic way..)

strictly on survival mode. doesn’t care what you do but he sees creative mode as a ‘easy way out’ and he wants to be a hard ass (no surprises here)

kills any mob in sight and any mob that comes near you (claims he does it because he’s the demon king and wants to overpower everything and everyone but in reality he just wants to look out for you)

loses his SHIT when he gets dies in the game (triggers his fear of death lol)

you made a joke about him being like the mobs in minecraft because they burn in the sunlight (like him)

he doesn’t play with you after that but he secretly enjoyed spending time with you! (shh, you’ll never hear it from him)

Kokushibo

doesn’t take too much convincing (thank god)

he lowkey enjoys trying out new things with you! you’ve always done everything for him so the least he can do is return the favor.

probably doesn’t really understand it at first so you gotta explain the game to him

gets frustrated easily in the game but it’s more of a silent rage. you take notice of it because his body language changes so it’s not exactly difficult to spot.

like muzan he’ll kill anything that goes near you. (he’s protective even in the game)

most likely will envy your game abilities. (it’s okay you’ll teach him!)

you find it cute that he’s so serious about it sometimes

The both of y’all share jobs in the game and end up creating a lovely little house!

spoiler alert he burns it down after he finds out you can burn things in the game. he did it for no reason whatsoever.

you don’t really mind all that much though. you’re just grateful you got to play with him!

Douma

douma loves and i mean LOVES playing with you!!

this man is bored. (like all the time) so doing something like this will definitely keep him occupied! but he may grow bored quickly because that’s just how he is.

he still adores playing with you though and wants to do it again!

he’ll praise you for how great you are at the game. literally head over heals for you<33

the type of mf to pick up a flower (specifically a rose) and drop it at your feet in the game.

pouts like a toddler when you don’t notice it:((

“Y/N?! didn’t you see the flower i dropped right in front of you!”

he’s clingy even in the game and will follow you around EVERYWHERE.

he is jealous of your building skills and begs you to build him a house💀

Douma’s fav biome is probably the ice plains spikes biome. anything that has to do with snow or ice!

he too also gets frustrated in the game sometimes and SUCKS at hiding it. he doesn’t have outbursts though (surprisingly)

most likely will rizz you up even in the fucking game😭

then after like a few hours of playing he gets bored and either wants to eat (women) or cuddle with you. (maybe both)

Akaza

Akaza is the most interesting to play with out of them all (because he’s just so goofy when playing)

the only thing that’s annoying is that he’ll chase danger quite literally for fun. he will fight anything. I MEAN ANYTHING.

i pity the mobs who (tried) to attack you..

game rage? it’s in his veins. (it’s semi-amusing to witness him get pissed off)

make sure he doesn’t punch a hole in your TV or your computer (whatever you play on) that shits expensive.

like during his battles bro uses only his fists to kill everything. weapons? nah. pro is anti-weapons. uses his fists for quite literally everything and will throw a fit when he dies.

he’ll praise you whenever you kill anything though! (he’s a sweetheart like that)

he’s like a guard dog even in the silly game. (over protective is an understatement)

he attempts to build you a house (it isn’t too horrible, surprisingly)

one time when the two of you were mining deep within the caves for diamonds Akaza found some and broke/mined it with his fist. (you got so pissed)

he apologized and found you some new ones though! thankfully, he didn’t use his fists to break the block this time.

overall, Akaza really does enjoy playing with you! he grows fond of it and now playing minecraft with him is one of y’all’s favorite things to do together<33

Hantengu Clones

(i’m writing the four of them all together because i’m lazy)

want to know what’s more than chaotic? playing some challenging game with 4 very emotional demons.

At first Sekido immediately rejects the idea of playing the game with you and his three other brothers (the hantengu clones are brothers in this AU)

After a shit ton of persistent begging from you and Karaku and Urogi he only submits in the end and plays (mostly because of you)

Karaku and Urogi literally are beefing the entire time (Sekido’s rage is at it’s boiling point because of those two jackasses)

Aizetsu cries like a baby whenever he accidentally kills anything (except for the mobs)

whenever he sees a mob his scaredy-cat ass sprints away in the opposite direction.

Urogi and Karaku bully him RELENTLESSLY for this. (Aizetsu is a victim)

Urogi is the type to secretly go into creative mode grab a shit tone of diamonds or netherite and is like; “Heyy, lookie what i found!!”

no one falls for his bullishit.

they all protect you in the game and show off in front of you. (it’s embarrassing)

Karaku is surprisingly good at the game but like Akaza he’ll chase danger for fun.

Aizetsu only feels safe around you so he’ll follow you around and cling to you in the game so his two brothers stop harassing him.

Sekido only plays for a few minutes before getting aggravated and just abandoning the game as a whole.

(he is the type to punch everyone playing the game. even you sometimes but Karaku and Urogi mostly fall victim to his attacks)

Sekido surprisingly leaves Aizetsu alone.

the five of you try to create a world where it’s just peaceful (Keep on dreaming, kid. that ain’t happening)

everything goes downhill, half of the world is ENTIRELY demolished and all of you died over 1000 times.

playing with all of them is too chaotic. you can’t really take it seriously. You only can when you’re playing with one of the clones one on one.

y’all didn’t play again after that madness. 😭

Gyutaro

now Gyutaro here is the only chill one to play with. (finally a normal one)

like Kokushibo, it doesn’t take that much convincing! in fact, he agrees to it almost immediately.

at first he is confused and doesn’t understand how to play minecraft but he is a quick learner and figures it out on his own.

Gyutaro doesn’t have a preference for survival or creative mode. He just does whatever you want.

Whenever y’all play in a survival world you two share tasks and duties and actually create a pretty decent looking world!

he still has your back though. Will kill any mobs that interfere with his little home he created with you.

he enjoys building houses and is surprisingly really amazing at it! he finds comfort in building.

however, whenever you, Daki and Gyutaro all play together it’s mostly him and Daki arguing and being all competitive. It’s mostly Daki’s fault because she’s the cause for half of the mayhem that happens in the world.

sometimes Gyutaro plays even without you. (he grew fond of the game quickly and likes the game)

the both of you play together everyday and go onto the same world every time because y’all created a beautiful old-fashioned city on there. (he cherishes it immensely and is insanely proud of the masterpiece of a world the two of you made as a team)

Daki

Daki is infuriatingly annoying but also entertaining to play with at the same time.

she is a giant rage quitter like Sekido and Akaza.

throws tantrums frequently over the smallest things that go wrong in the game.

she will be jealous of any item you get that’s better than hers.

this lil shit steals everything you earn that’s better than what she has. (you notice every time)

you confront her about it and she has the audacity to lie. (like girl yk damn well)

you end up taking your stuff back and she will BATTLE you for it. (you win these matches every time. that alone only adds to her angered state😭)

she will deliberately quit whenever something doesn’t go her way but later come back and declares she wants to try again.

it’s like a endless loop because this happens every. single. time.

(she’s such a brat istg)

will always steal your diamonds and put them in her chest and say she found them first.

while you’re asleep she will secretly go into the world and take all your shit and you’ll wake up back at square one.

(lowkey you want to stop playing with her)

y’all barely even work as a team but when y’all it’s always ha fight (mostly her fault btw)

once she notices your frustrations. She’ll level it down for you so no need to worry! (this earns your respect)

but whenever y’all are in creative mode shes so much more fun and enjoyable to play with!

you two usually build big ass mansions together and with y’all’s godly building skills you two make an incredible looking house and live in it together!

Enmu

Enmu absolutely looooves doing everything with you! he says yes immediately when you ask him to play with you.

after all he’s your personal simp. this fucker will gladly do whatever you say w/o any hesitation.

Enmu has actually heard of the game ‘minecraft’ before but never actually played it and barely knew what it was really about.

oh boy, but when he does he becomes OBSESSED.

I kinda feel like he dislikes survival mode and prefers to be in creative mode! but if you like survival mode he won’t mind trying it out with you.

he likes killing the animals for fun.. will randomly slaughter anything even if it has a family (bro is a sadist after all)

you tell him it’s not necessary to be doing that but he doesn’t care nor listen.

his love language is building you trains in the game. (you love them very much)

Enmu is usually very calm when he’s not on a mission so playing this game only soothes him further and he doesn’t act overly crazy and zesty like he usually does around Muzan

Builds trains every time y’all play and is somehow INSANELY skilled when building them (??)

Similar to douma, he’s the type to rizz you up in the game.

Sulks when you don’t notice him when he attempts to.

He constantly nags you to play with him some more and gets a lil upset when you become tired.

“Oh, Y/N!, how can you be tired? we’re having soooo much fun!!”

forces you to stay up just so he can introduce you his own train world he made for himself. (he named all the trains)

you’re out cold after playing with him every time. High key finds it adorable when you pass out after hours of playing with him. He’s so amused how humans can grow tired so easily.

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murfpersonalblog · 7 months ago

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IWTV S2 Ep1 Musings - LDPDL smdh

My daughter Claudia is NOT. PLAYING. AROUND.

I had to giggle here, cuz it just reminded me of what she said in S1:

Claudia will drag Lestat AND Louis each and every chance she gets, bless! 😂

Aaaaaaaand the racists. 😒 Eat ALL of these mofos, YAAAAAS~!

I am SCREAMING at the cinematic poetry--Louis is talking about not burning Lestat, as Lou & Claud can't get warm enough at a fire where they're burning the dead Soviets they just ate.

While Claudia sits there giving Lou the cold shoulder & the silent treatment, icing him out so Louis only talks to himself--I HOLLERED.

My daughter KNOWS!!! DRAG HIM, CLAUDIA!! ^0^

But then I cried, cuz WAIT. If Louis is talking to himself, is this also factoring into why he's seeing DreamStat? Cuz Lou's also desperate for connection, which he can't get from Claudia anymore either! 😭

Louis said DreamStat "came by invitation," as a colorful & vibrant "distraction" (read: comfort) from the dull monochromatic grey Eastern European land. But Lestat is bloodsplattered & filthy just like everyone else.

The question of his guilty conscience: what does Lestat feel/think about Louis? And what is Louis projecting?

That's all Louis wants to hear--that Les misses him and forgives him.

"I'm glad it was you...a la fin." We still need confirmation that Lou slit Les's throat, not Claudia. Cuz this will also point to how much Lou is lying to himself about how betrayed Lestat really felt--that his death would be better by Lou's hands than Claudia's. Is Lou making himself feel better by giving Les the coup de gras, and thinking Les is grateful to him for it?

Cuz he's clearly scared to death that WHEN--not IF--they reunite, Les will be pissed and hate/kill him.

Cuz Lestat's love was what kept Louis alive--Lestat loving Louis saved/damned Louis' life. (The Merrick of it all, istg.)

So it's WILD that Louis thinks this. That the split second Louis finds happiness, the boogeyman Lestat will come and kill him, or take it from him--or just be there as a hallucination constantly reminding Louis of what he left behind.

As an aside:

It was a BAT--that's cute! XD

Louis in denial as he tells himself choosing Claudia over Lestat was worth it. And Dream!Stat chanting "I do" like frikkin wedding vows, then choking on the words/vows as a vampire bat claws out of his throat--I CANNOT with this show anymore.

This is interesting--the 7000 people he killed in Eastern Europe were a necessary evil--Lou calls them "souls," when Les called them "the Meat" and Claudia called them "Kill Juice." And in Paris he only kills once every other day. They ALL feel like murder to Louis. But Louis KNOWS he never killed Lestat!

He put Lestat in the dump the same way Grace put his name on that tombstone--it's the DISTANCE that's killing them.

It's separation & absence, which they HOPE will make the heart grow colder--when we all know that's not how the saying actually goes.

So who are you REALLY fooling, Louis? Cuz it for sure ain't Claudia!

She said "you slow us down!" 💀 But Louis warned you: "I can barely speak French and English. I'd just hold you back.... You don't need me. You think you do, but you don't. You're smarter now. You see trouble coming a mile away." If only they'd've BOTH remembered that bit once they got to PARIS. 💀💀💀

This dude, I swear. No wonder he never joined the Theatre; he can't lie for ish! 😅

And I OOP! 👀

By the end of the episode we get Louis' BEAUTIFUL "You and Me" monologue to Claudia, and she finally accepts his apology and promise that he won't kill himself like Draciana did.

MERRICK COME THROUGH! 😭

Which nearly made me cry when you finally see DREAM!LESTAT SITTING RIGHT THERE. 😭 Who is Louis REALLY talking to!?

As he always does when in denial & running from his problems (all the way to effing Romania, ffs), alcoholic!Louis "runs to the bottle and to bad beds."

I REFUSE.

I CANNOT.

I SHAN'T.

Louis, if you don't stop right this moment ISTG! 😭😭

I love this effing show, omg what a great start to the season!

#louis de pointe du lac #louis de pointe du black #interview with the vampire #loustat #lestat de lioncourt #justice for claudia #must see tv #the hype is real #iwtv tvc metas #iwtv season 2 spoilers

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year ago

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Believe what you want is amazing! We need part 2 if you can, love it 💕

After a long while, here's happy ending, you can read part 1 here "Believe What You Want" and the angsty second part here "Angsty Version" . Tbh, I don't know what I did here, I was falling asleep in front of my laptop💀 so yeah sorry if it isn't good😭

I took ages to do this one, I know but I've been extremely busy and sometimes I can't with myself

Believe What You Want (2) - P.G8

(Happy ending)

Summary: After realizing he fucked up, he tries his best to get you back

"I overheard them speaking that night at Fer's birthday. Victoria was going on about you and her, that your things with Y/N would end up soon... Those kind"

Pedri's mind was racing in fear and agony. "No" He whispered "Is there any possibility for Victoria to have made those burns in Y/N's skin?" "

"Well, it can be... She got out of the house around noon so..." Pedri's eyes clicked up like lightning all the dots were connecting by your side.

You were right. All this time you were.

He had been too stupid to realize that

"No" He whispered once more

"What's up, dude?"

"I fucked up bro. Big one"

...

"She doesn't answer me" Pedri said for the fifteen time in a row pacing around in his room

"And she won't answer to you" Fer said "I mean... I wouldn't answer you either"

Pedri had explained everything to the three guys in the room, Fer knowing a bit more thanks to you. And he knew that his younger brother loves you to death but he also knows that what he did, wasn't right.

"¡Joder! ¡Soy un puto idiota!" (Fuck! I'm an asshole!) Pedro yelled kicking a ball in his room crashing into one of your pictures together "No, joder... No" (No, shit... No) He hurried to pick up the picture and inspect it. It had one little scratch made from the glass, the scratch made in between the two of you.

He shook all the negative thoughts that were running in his head and changed the photo frame.

"Well, you've got to understand her" Adrián began speaking "All of this could be true and her boyfriend just choosed to not believe her"

"I did not just choose not to believe her"

"You basically did, bro" Fer hissed "I mean... If my girl tells me that I would do more than just talking with each girl separatedly"

"And not only that but you also told her your personal fights as a couple" Jesús said

"Because she's my best friend!"

"Hermano..." Fer started "That's meant to be something only for the two of you, not something for you, Victoria and Y/N" Fer shook his head "I mean... It's okay you ask someone else for an advice, like what to do or stuffs but not to rant because for that, you've your girl. The one who's in the relationship with you. The one who's with you in the goods and the bads" silence flowed into the room, Pedri's heart was beating incredibly fast "If you want her back, you need to fully work for it, Pedro. Words won't do half of the work you gotta do"

And that was it.

Pedri broke down, feeling already the loss of the love of his life not being next to him, this time a bit heavier than the past 7 days. He left you when you didn't do anything at all. He threw you and your relationship away without a good reason. Tears escaped his eyes and his breathing was erratic.

All of his thoughts were about you and imaginating a life without you in it, thanks to himself.

"I'll be back before midnight" Pedro said grabbing his phone, wallet and car keys

"Where are you going? Won't you even take a shower? You smell" Adrián said shaking his head

"He cometido un grave error con la chica que amo, en estos momentos oler bien o estar guapo es lo que menos me vale" (I've made a big mistake with the girl I love, right now I don't care if I smell or look good)

"Pedro" Fer called him before he got out of the room "Buena suerte, hermano" (Good luck, bro) Pedri for the first time ever, smiled a bit.

"Thank you"

He was going to work for your forgiveness. He will make you fall in love with him again. He will win your trust again. You'll be happy with him. You'll be with him. He was going to make sure that happen.

And for that, he needed answers.

...

"Yes, there was a (Hair color) girl, with (Type of Eyes), a bit short, she was pretty nice. Sad thing she got hurt" A boy behind the counter said hissing remembering the moment "Elianna went with her, she said it was pretty bad but nothing that some cream and care couldn't do"

"Is that girl here? Elianna?" Pedri asked hopeful

"She's on her lunch break right now" The guy answered "She has the whole shift... Is it important?"

"Yes, really important" Pedri said without a doubt

"I'll let her know. You can sit anywhere and if you want to have a drink you can tell me" Pedri nodded slowly walking away.

He didn't know how much time he was there until a redhaired girl walked up to him, he without thinking straight stood up

"My workmate said you were looking for me?"

"Are you Elianna?" She nods "I'm Pedro. I'm the boyfriend of the girl that was poured coffee all over her"

"How's she?" She asked after gasping a bit at the mention of you. "I hope she's better"

"Ah-yes, she is a bit better. Thank you for asking" Pedri nodded nervous "Can I ask you something?" The girl nodded "Who poured the coffee on her?"

"Some random girl, Y/N said the girl didn't liked her..."

"Could you maybe describe her?"

"Oh, sure!" Elianna nodded "She had long hair, brunette with blonde highlights, she used tight clothes and she wasn't as short as Y/N, she was a bit more taller, maybe just like you?"

That was exactly Victoria's description.

"She entered a few minutes before Y/N, after I gave her a box of cupcakes she just kind of ran away and then next thing I knew was that the same girl poured hot coffee on Y/N"

Pedri stood there taking in all the information

"She hasn't been here since that day" Pedri nods humming "However, Y/N has and I know for a fact that her boyfriend broke up with her thanks to his best friend" Pedri looked up at her, guilt filled over his body "Why are you behind her? She's been awful these past few days, she's recovering from your treatment, why the need of asking all of this, if you don't believe her?"

"Because I fucked up. I fucked up big time and I want to mend it"

"Wish you luck... You'll deserve it because if I was her, I wouldn't even give you the time of the day or spare you a single look" Pedri looked down in shame and regret "I need to go... You want to order something?" He shook his head

"Not feeling hungry at all" He murmured grabbing his wallet and pushing some money into the girl's hand

"You aren't ordering anything"

"For you... For the help, for the info. Thank you"

And with that Pedri stood up and left the cafeteria. As soon as his body met the Catalan air, he fought the need of crying his everything out. You were right, just like you always were.

"I shouldn't have just let it pass" He said crying to himself now in the calm of his car. "I should have done something" He lamented.

His phone lighted up with a notification he didn't care about, his focus remained on a photo from the two of you at one of his spots in Barcelona to calm down and relax.

"Please, mi niña. Tell me how to make things right, tell me it's not too late, just please..." he begged at nothing because you weren't there and you haven't been since 7 days ago.

And as reality was hitting him, he knew there could be a possibility of you not going into his life ever again. Leaving him for your own good while he was suffering.

Pedro picked up his phone and dialed his best friend Jesús's number.

"¿Aló?" (Hello?)

"You said you heard them speak that night at Fer's birthday, right? I need to know everything you heard and if you saw something too, I'm on my way to pick you up so we can talk"

"You're really working for Y/N?"

"I am" Pedri nodded "I fucked up and I'm trying to mend everything with her"

"I'm waiting for you, hermano and also..."

"¿Qué?" (What?)

"Good luck, you'll need it"

That phrase was starting to get on his nerves, he didn't liked how that sounded, because it seemed like even with all the effort he'll make, it'll not be enough to bring you back into his arms.

"Thanks bro"

...Two days later...

"Why?" Pedri said entering Victoria's house

"Hola Vic. ¿Cómo estas? ¿Qué tal va todo? Días sin verte" (Hi Vic. How are you? How's everything going? Long time not to see) She mockingly said with a smile but her smile was wipped off of her face when she saw Pedri's seriousness

"No estoy para juegos. Dime el por que has hecho eso" (I'm not in the mood for games. Tell me why you've done that)

"Done what?"

"¿Me estás tomando el pelo?" (Are you making fun of me?) Pedri hissed angry "Stop playing around and tell me... why you did all of that to Y/N?"

Victoria's face changed

"I didn't do anything"

"You did. Don't lie to me about anything because I know how things went now" Victoria's face changed

"What do you mean?"

"I know you poured hot coffee on her that day at the coffee, I know you've been telling her things behind my back about my relationship with her and stuffs, I know you poured her drink on yourself but made it look like it was her doing" Pedri shook his head not believing it "You faked things and like a fucking stupid I believed them, when the one I should've believed was my girlfriend! You damaged my relationship but I was the one breaking it for believing you, for believing my best friend"

"I let go the woman I'm in love with and it was all thanks to you because I never thought that my best friend, the one who has been besides me through my whole life could do such a thing and lie to me straight to my face!" Pedri's face was red and he never stopped to take a bit of air, he was fuming, he was angry and all he wanted to do was make Victoria disappear.

But most of all, all he wanted was to get you back.

"Those are lie-"

"If you even dare to say lie, I will pour the same drink Y/N was drinking that day at Fer's birthday, this time someone pouring it over you for real"

"She's making those things up!"

"She's making nothing up! I saw the video of the CCTV camera of the coffee shop, Jesús heard and saw the two of you at Fer's birthday and now that I connect dots, every single thing Y/N has told me, has sense now. And I hate the fact I couldn't see through it, I hate that I put my girlfriend's words in doubt all thanks to someone who didn't deserved a single look"

"Pedro, stop. You're hurting me"

"And don't you think you've hurted me before? You knew I was having troubles with her and all you wanted was to get her away from me. Why?" Nothing came out of Victoria's mouth

Your words came back to him and he blinked thrice, suddenly being brought back.

"Don't know" You sighed "As much as Victoria might love each and every single one of you, guys... I can assure you that what she said to me today and the way she said it, it wasn't a joke" You said "I'm a girl and I have a male best friend too. But I wouldn't say those kind of stuffs just as a friend or to see if she's worth and good for him" You shook your head "Es más, ni siquiera le diría algo de ese estilo a ella" (I wouldn't even tell her something like that)

"She likes you" You said after a few more seconds "And that's it"

"Can I ask you something and you answer me with the truth?" Pedri said with his heart on the edge, he waited and all he got was a simple and small nod from Victoria "Are you in love with me?"

A few seconds passed where Pedri's eyes never left Victoria's "Yes" She said softly "I am" Pedri felt the air being knocked out from his lungs "Pedrito"

"No" He shook his head looking away "No" Pedri's eyes grow watery, he couldn't believe it. Once again, you were right, his actions and words replaying in his head, the way he ignored your feelings, the way he treated you, everything was haunting him. "Don't call me Pedrito nor Pedro, Pedri, Pepi, nothing. Don't even call me, forget about me, you are not my best friend"

"Pedri, por favor, don't do this"

"No. I didn't do anything, you did it yourself. Best friends don't do what you did to me, if you truly loved me, you could've straight up tell me that not take it out on the girl I'm in love with"

"In love with? So in love you are, you did not believed a single thing from her"

"And that was my biggest mistake because I thought "Why on earth the girl that has been besides me since forever would do something to damage me or the ones I love?"" Pedri laughed ironically shaking his head "I was so wrong and I regret every single thing I did since I saw Y/N leave on Fer's birthday but guess what? I had the one I thought was my best friend besides me but I never did"

"You still have me"

"If I do, I don't care, the one I truly need isn't here" Pedri shook his head "But I did needed my best friend those seven days to tell me everything was going to be okay, that I could move on, that I was in the right and Y/N in the wrong, that I did good in breaking up with someone who could only do was lie but then I find everything out and I realized I was just a puppet in the side of your game and I fell for it"

"Don't say it like that"

"That's exactly what it was" Pedri shook his head "´Now, me disculpas pero me tengo que ir" (Excuse me but I've got to go)

"¿Y para dónde vas?" (Where are you going?)

"You shouldn't care about that, Victoria. Hope you have a good life" With that Pedri turned around and walked outside of her house when almost inside his car he heard her yell his name out

"Pedro!" He looked at her "I'm sorry"

Pedri joined his lips and nodded softly, lifting one of his hands giving her a wave before he got into the car and drove off to certain destination with a single intention.

...

"What do you mean she's not here?"

"She hasn't been here since like a week ago?" The older lady said with a smile "She said she'll come back tho"

"Do you know where she might be?"

"I don't, mijo. I'm so sorry" She looked at Pedro carefully "Is everything okay?"

"I need to know where she is so I can fix things between us" Pedro answered with a lump on his throat, his voice cracked a bit and he looked down at his shoes

The older lady sighed "I'm pretty sure you'll fix everything that may be happening with the two of you, son"

"I don't know, miss. I messed up really big this time"

"From what I've seen you love each other so much, I've never seen someone look at her in the way you do and vice versa, talking things out can be really helpfull instead of letting problems grow"

"The thing is I never let her talk and all I did was say things I shouldn't" Pedri shook his head

"You know? She's looking really pretty in those pictures, maybe you can start from there" A loud "Abuela" was heard as the older lady smiled looking over her shoulder

"What pictures?"

"Oh, you know... The ones you take, the ones you update, the ones people take, those pictures..." The woman was smiling softly "Don't let her go" And with that she left leaving Pedri sat in front of your doorstep

He was sat there analyzing the woman's words. Pictures? The ones you take? Update? People take? Pedri's mind ran 120km/h trying to guess what she meant of and after some minutes and what it felt a whole lifetime, he confused grabbed his phone and clicked on Instagram.

You liked it even more than Twitter or even Tiktok, Pedri remembered with a smile the moments where you would "fight", he; claiming Tiktok was better as you defended Instagram with your life

He typed your user with no reward, you blocked him. And it was no surprise at all but his heart still broke a little bit more when he couldn't find you.

He sighed closing his eyes and relying his head in your door, fighting the tears, it seemed like he only could do that in the past days, cry 'till he had no more tears inside of him, fight the urge to cry and feel his stomach fall to his feet. He hated feeling this way and he hated the way he must have put your through

He unlogged his session and went into his mother's, you couldn't have blocked her, could you? With shaky hands and blurry eyes he typed in your user and this time your profile was the first one to appear, the colorful circle around your picture meaning you had stories up.

While he was sad, you were in Venice with your friends and family, he recognized almost all of the faces in the pictures, all of them except one, a male's one.

That quickly catched his attention, that guy appeared in eight out of ten pictures and in all of them he was besides you. You even tagged him on one and Pedri's thumb directly went to his account.

One of the most recent post of the guy said: "I hate the fact that when I met my soulmate she had boiling coffee burns on her but I certainly don't hate the fact I got to meet you, baby!"

Pedri's stomach flipped, seeing your answers of "♥️🥰" made his head turn everywhere, in an instant he got up and headed towards the elevator in his mind only three things. His passport, Venice and you.

Due to some storms in Spain, he couldn't get out that same day and neither the next day, it was day three when he got into the plane and one day after he was in the same residence as you were.

He saw your brother and followed him, he felt like being on Matrix, he was making sure no one saw or heard him, that was until he stumbled on a vanity table and knocked half of the things that were in there

"What was that?" He heard and that's when he ran, the quitness and calm forgotten as he was desperate to find you. He took a right turn colliding with a female chest after a few seconds

"Joder, lo siento mucho" (Fuck, I'm so sorry) He said inmediately

"Pedro?" You said shocked as he also stood there impressed. You looked even more beautiful than always. Your tanned skin, your red cheeks and your Y/H color making you look perfect. "Pero, ¿Qué haces aqui? (but, what are you doing here)

"Por ti. I came here for you, I want to talk to you"

"We don't have anything to talk, in fact, you don't even have to come here, you don't have a reason to travel all the way from Barcelona to Venice"

"I did, I do. My reason is you and you'll always be. I fucked up, yeah? I get that" Pedri shakes his head "You were right" He opens his mouth but closes it "You were right all this time and I'm sorry I couldn't see it through, I'm sorry I did not take your words, I'm sorry I just kinda left and pushed your feelings aside, you deserve more, you deserve better but I can be better, I can be what you want, need and more if you want me to"

You started shaking your head, pushing him back from his chest when he tried to get closer to you.

"Pedri por favor, aquí no" (Pedri please, not here) "Pedri, stop. We don't have anything to say"

"Y/N, bonita, te lo suplico-" (I beg you-)

"Vamos al cuarto, ¿si? We can talk about whatever you want and then you leave" (Let's go to my room, yeah?)

"I don't want to leave without you"

You looked into his big brown eyes as he looked into your (Eye color) ones for a good while, you sighed before breaking eye contact

"But you have to" You said nodding slowly, Pedri shook his head

"Por favor" (Please) He whispered

"This way" You turned around walking away while Pedri watched your every move

You called the elevator and entered when it came, you turned to Pedri

"You wanna talk or not?"

Pedri nodded and walked towards it, he turned his head to look at you

"Do I have something on my face?" He hummed for a few seconds before answering

"You're beautiful" He ignored your words as you looked up at him

"Please, stop that"

"I-" He got cut off by the elevator doors opening

"This way" You said walking off as he only could follow you.

You stopped walking when you got to the door 408, with the key you opened it and then stepped inside letting the door open for him to come in as well.

You took a seat in the couch and patted the spot next to you, he took it and you both were silent.

"So... ¿Vamos a hacernos compañía o vas a decir lo que sea que quieres decir?" (Are we going to be each others company for now or you are going to speak whatever you want to say?)

"I'm sorry" He began "I fucked up. I should've listened to you and put Victoria a stop, I should've been more careful with you and your feelings, not passing through them and ignore them. I believe you, I always did and I always will do but it seemed so unreal that what I thought was my best friend, could do such a things, hurt the one I love and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, when her whole life she was protecting me and supporting me through everything"

"If my family wasn't there, she was. If my family didn't have an advice, she had. And for you to just say she did this and said this was a whole different thing from what I knew from her that I just couldn't believe it. But it was truth. And I'm sorry once more"

"Y/N, I'll do anything for us, I'm not giving up, we're so good together, I love you so much and if only I could turn back in time and do everything right I would but I can't, however, I'm here to mend things, I'm not expecting you to forgive me and that's it. I'll earn that forgiveness, I'll protect us and I'll be better for you if you let me, please. I love you, I want you and I need you"

"It's not easy as you made it sound, Pedri"

"Pedro" You shook your head

"That's something only family and close friends can call you, right?"

"Don't do this, please"

"But you did it first" You said pushing your lips together. Those were the exact same words he had told you the night you left "You really hurted me and you just can't change that. Please, I think it's best if we let this go" You looked into his brown eyes as he was shaking his head "For both of our own goods"

"Not having you in my life it's not good for me"

"Maybe not but it's the correct thing to do" You said "I just can't trust you anymore, no matter what you do. You told me I wasn't the same girl you fell in love with, that says enough"

"But it's not true, I said it in the heat of the moment! You are still the same girl I fell in love with and you're still the same girl I want to do my life with"

You stood in silence for a few moments before you stood up "That hurt me a lot. Hearing the guy I'm terribly in love with say that I'm not that girl he fell in love with"

"Y/N-" He stood up from the couch as well

"It's done" Your voice cracked "You don't get to come here after doing that stunt back at your brother's birthday and once you realized I was in the right came straight back here to apologize, hoping for me to run back into your arms" You shook your head "You don't"

"Does he treat you good?" He said out of nowhere

"¿Acaso te la fumaste? ¿De quién estás hablando?" (Did you smoke it? Who are you talking about?) You said confused

"About your new friend! The one that appears in every single story of yours and on your posts!"

"Mason?"

"That same one" You laughed dryly

"He's gay" You blurted out "Believe me if he wasn't I would be already trying something with him since he does believe in me not like others"

"I said I was sorry"

"And I said that didn't make it. If you want me back you'll have to do a lot more than just apologizing, González"

"He seems to like you"

"He doesn't. He's here with his fiancée, they're celebrating their engagement" You remembered that night at your apartment, the night he showed you his new engagement ring and that same night he asked you to go to Venice with him and your family to get your mind out of your ex.

"I'm sorry"

"You like to apologize a lot and tend to not feel the sorry"

"I do am"

"Great, good for you. Can you please go now?" He shook his head

"No. I love you and I know I messed up but I can mend it, anything you want, think or say, I'll do it. I'll cross world wonders for you, oceans, vegetation, deserts, anything"

"I don't think you can do that, Pedri" You were at the verge of tears "I was hurt by every action and word you said, I reached the top and while I know you messed up, you could've prevented it and simply start acting like you should have but you didn't. And I can't handle that"

"Please" You said after a few minutes "I think it's time for you to go" You said walking away

He couldn't watch you walk away once more so he did what he had been wanting to do. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him, in a hug.

"No"

"Let me go"

"No"

"Let me go"

"No" His grip got tighter on you as you were fighting and at the same time, enjoying being in your exlover's arms again.

His arms were your safe space and laying your head on his chest brought you peace but now all it brought back was hurt and pain.

Hurt and pain from the situation you were going through

"Pedro, please, let me go"

"I don't want you to leave me"

"I didn't left because I wanted to" Silence flowed in between the two of you as Pedri was crying into your neck "I did because you asked me to, you made me leave, you pushed me away when all I wanted and needed was you, to stay by your side and defend our relationship" You took a breath "None of that happened and now that I'm recovering from everything, I want you to leave, I want you to go away because I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me and just throws everything out of the window without listening first" You said with closed eyes and tears running down, he chocked on a sob

"I'm sorry" He cried "For everything. I should have done a lot of things and one of them was trust you, fight for you and our love but I'm here trying to fix it, to fix us, you were giving me your everything while I wasn't and now it's my turn to pay it back until we're all good. Please, I beg you, give me just one more chance to make everything right"

You looked into his eyes as he looked into yours "Please" He whispered with tears falling down his cheeks

You were going to hate yourself so much for this but you can't lie to yourself and say you didn't want, need or love him because you did with all of your body. You were aching for him, for his kisses, for his cuddles, for his warmth, his laugh, his bad jokes, his company and love. You needed him. You wanted him. You loved him. He was the one for you.

"Please" You said shaking your head "Don't you ever do that again to me" You whispered "'Cus this is your last chance, González. I don't care if I'm dying for you, if you do it one more time, you can swear to all of your ancestors I will not take you back" Pedro's face changed to one of relief and he pulled you into his hold tightly this time tears of happiness coming out of his eyes.

"Te amo, I always will" He said crying, kissing your neck, ear, cheek, nose "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I'm very sorry, amor" He said resting his forehead against yours "You'll not regret this, I promise"

"I better not be" You smiled softly "But don't get too ahead of yourself, Pedrito. You need to work for everything back"

"I'll do. I don't care, I charmed you once, I can do it twice" You smiled softly "I missed you so much" He said hugging you once more, his face rested inside your neck as you finally felt at peace, breathing properly and safely in your lover's arms.

You were about to reply when two knocks came in and then someone entered

"Y/N, cariño. We are going to be late for the trip, weren't you so excited to see Venice's bea-Oh! Am I interrupting something?" You pulled away from Pedri shaking your head

"Para nada, Mason" (Not at all) You smiled softly drying your tears "We're good"

Mason, the guy, turned around to look at Pedri and then to you as you softly nod locking hands with Pedri

"Pedro, this is my friend, Mason. Mase, this is Pedri"

"The asshole?"

"¡Ostias!" (F*ck!)

"You were pretty much an asshole" You defended Mason with a soft smile "We can't lie" You shrug your shoulders "What's up?"

"Venice's beaches. Coming?" You nod softly

"We'll be there in a little while" You smiled

"Great!" Mason smiled "Also Pedro..." Pedri's big brown eyes went to Mason's "Hurt her again and I'll make sure you'll never be able to play football again for what's rest of your life"

"I won't"

"You better" Mason said "If I was straight I would've gone straight away after her to get her" You laughed softly

"He got your point, Mase. Give us a few minutes, we'll be downstairs quickly" You said and once the door was closed you smashed yourself against Pedri's lips "Te quiero" You said "A lot" You smiled "Please, don't let me go"

"Never again"

And with his heart full, he felt as if the stars had alligned just for him, you were his angel and he'll take good care of you now. He lefthe left the hotel. All the luck his friend wished for you and all the praying he did, were enough. His world is and will not be the same without your presence, your kindness, your laughter, your smile and your love in it, he hated himself for what he had done but thank God you give him another chance. This time, he was surely not going to lose you this time.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela @pedrileclerc @shineforeversf9 @shessthunderstoms @f4iryjjosh @judespoision @notsosurehritika @jajajhaahaha @urmotheris

#gadriezmannsgirl replies #gadriezmannsgirl is writing #pedri #pedri gonzález #fc barcelona #pedri angst #pedri gonzález icons #pedri incons #Football players imagines #pedri x reader #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri gonzalez imagine

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the-somwthing · 6 months ago

Text

Who wants to see how normal I am, AKA,

EVERY SCOTT AND JOEL MOMENT I CAN REMEMBER OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD IN SEASONS 1-4 (still gotta rewatch SL to get a refresher):

- Joel laments about not having dark oak and having to pay Scar for “future dark oak if they find it” even tho he’s SURE they DO have it, then Scott says that there’s dark oak by his house that Joel can have, and along with Jimmy and Martyn they organize a magic show to take down Scar and Grian’s monopoly.

- Joel burns down Scott’s wall 😁🔥 just to make something else burn like he did

- Scott makes fun of how poorly done the burning of the wall was multiple times before finding out who did it

- Joel also lies about doing it

- Joel also tries to murder Scott with a failed anvil trap at his door 💀

- Scott makes fun of how poorly made this trap was as well. Joel also burns the wall again as he runs away

- btw this isn’t in a super chronological order I sometimes remember things later. Like how technically it was Jimmy who started the “Joeleo oh Joeleo, wherefore art thou Joeleo” thing but Scott DID join in on it so

- also COW HEIST 🥳😅 gone wrong. Joel and Martyn try to steal Flower Husbands’ cows. Make a (very bad) deal with Jimmy to get cows. Try to steal again when Scott’s telling Jimmy not to give away cows. Finally make an ACTUAL deal. Make fun of Joel and Martyn having a tough time getting the cows up the cliff.

- Ren: “we have banners all over the server, if you joined us we could easily pinch the middle” Scott: “so Joel? 🤩” Martyn: “BTW Joel’s already with us” Scott: “so we can’t pinch Joel, dang it 😔😒”

- Scott (and Jimmy) threatening to kill Joel’s dogs 💀😁

- Scott making fun of the red army for Joel betraying them

- Scott being willing to forgive Joel for the burning of the wall if he can do them a favor sometime (to which Joel immediately offers 13 cobblestone)

- Scott making a little secret storage area for potions for everyone in the desert faction MINUS Joel because he doesn’t trust him

- OH ALSO Scott mostly just being upset at Joel for LYING about burning his wall

- Scott burning down the wool castle and saying “maybe I do understand why Joel burned my wall. This is very freeing.”

- The fire spreading to Geraldine who was unfortunately left behind, Scott ALMOST saves her before deciding that Joel deserves it

- Scott stopping by Joel’s house and Joel shows up. They talk and decide that they’re allies and won’t come after each other

- Joel gives Scott a house tour

- He also shows Scott his dogs where Scott confesses to burning the castle and causing Geraldine’s death. Joel is sad but says it’s okay

- Also they mention that Jimmy died and Joel goes “I’m glad he died JUST KIDDING we love you Jimmy 🥺😔😭”. I don’t know what to say about this.

- Oh also at some point Joel says (about the roof above his bed being missing) that he likes to look at the stars as he sleeps. This one is a huge stretch and goes into fanon territory with Scott being connected with the stars but it’s a fun fact nonetheless.

- also love the energy of Joel excitedly showing off his dogs to Scott and Scott being like “that’s cool *chuckles nervously*”

- When they’re doing war strategies Scott would often pair himself with Joel. Just sayin.

- Scott, Scar, and Grian are on that stupid platform above Dogwarts. Joel is below them inside Dogwarts with all his dogs. Grian suggests dropping some TNT down onto him to essentially deal with the problem before it becomes their problem (they’re all terrified of Joel and kind of want him to die despite being on their side so that they don’t have to face him when they win the war). Scott gasps at this and seems to want to argue but the logic is sound and he also wants revenge on Joel, so he just covers his eyes but like this 🫣 and says “I can’t watch”. Ultimately they don’t do it.

- Scott and Joel both really want to kill BigB (the last green) and they go together and kill him 🥰

- Once again Scott pairs himself with Joel to attack Ren and Martyn. Bdubs and Impulse volunteer to tag along but end up retreating before being killed like the others.

- Scott is upset that Joel died but also refers to his death as a “slight ‘woo’!” because of the revenge and previously mentioned fear of having to fight him when they’re no longer on the same side

- Scott takes some of Joel’s stuff and declares that his death won’t be in vain

- It was in vain he died again 💔 THEY DIED IN BATTLE TOGETHER AT THE HANDS OF THE SAME KING THEY SPAT IN THE FACE OF 🥰

- Scott is nervous about being Joel’s neighbor in Last Life. And Scar’s for that matter

- After many failed boogey attempts, Joel comes crawling to Scott’s house for one last shot, pretending that Mumbo was the boogeyman and killed him for THAT reason.

- Joel compliments the house (poking fun at Pearl for making Scott do all the work after finding out she didn’t build any of it) and gets them to invite him inside

- He blocks the exit and starts attacking Pearl. He only switched to killing Scott because he was defending her like a boss. He kills Scott and gets cured, but Scott’s like “PEARL, KILL HIM!!” so yeah.

- They get the enchanting table off his dead body and make fun of him for having that on him while trying to kill people, and they keep it as a reward

- I don’t have the memory to be so descriptive. Joel targets Scott’s base many times, the TNT minecart door trap, the trap at the gate that actually worked, blowing up his roof with minecarts, attempting to grief his water elevator, surrounding the base in walls of lava…

- Scott tells Lizzie that her husband keeps trying to murder him. She says that he does that to her, too, and it’s “a sign that he loves you”. Scott says “oh” and IMMEDIATELY moves on

- Scott kills Joel at the end 😁 As a desperate attempt to get them to not kill him Joel yells “TEAM?” lmao

- start of Double Life they run the same direction at the beginning and kind of yell at each other before finally managing to go separate ways

- Scott of course makes fun of Joel’s death because of the way he and Etho were acting. Not to Joel’s face tho.

- Scott compliments the Relation Ship multiple times

- Scott visits the Relation at some point when Joel is there and just vents to him about Pearl. Joel sympathizes with him.

- Multiple times Scott says that he thinks the Boat Boys are good

- Joel kills Pearl but like Scott had nothing to do with that despite also dying

- Scott burns down the Relation cuz he felt like it 😁🔥

- Joel wants Scott dead soso bad

- Joel kills Scott with a rocket while Scott tries to hit him with a bucket of water. 🥰💀

- Then um there was something about a nether portal trap uh for some reason Joel’s not here anymore guess we move on to next season

- After the boogey reroll Scott hears Joel complain about not being boogeyman and says “good to know it’s not you!”

- They go into a ravine cave together. They both saw an emerald ore but Scott mines it

- Joel asks where the emerald is and Scott says he mined it and asks if Joel wanted it. He says yes and Scott gives him the emerald. He calls it an Emerald Of Trust.

- Joel thinks it’s really nice and gives Scott a piece of bamboo in return, which Scott is happy about.

- They are stuck bonding in the stupid cave together because neither of them have much food except Scott’s cooking kelp and sharing it with Joel, so they have to wait for the kelp to cook, split it between the two of them, eat it (NOT FILLING AT ALL), and heal, just a very long process.

- Eventually Joel feels ready to leave and get better food.

- Next time Scott sees Joel, he’s with Jimmy and apparently they are now bad boys

- He watches as Joel washes away carpet like a real bad boy

- As Scott leaves Joel begs him to tell everyone that he and Jimmy are bad boys (this is one that I remember from Joel’s POV, pretty much the only thing on the list that isn’t Scott’s POV lol well actually there was probably another)

- Scott decides to live in the ocean. Joel is upset because HE wanted to live in the ocean.

- Scott watches Joel kill TIES cow for the second time

- While having a hashtag flower husbands moment Scott helps trying to put out the fire on the mansion (too late tho nobody could stop THAT)

- oh I almost forgot. After making his island Scott puts a chest on it to “dump random junk he doesn’t need to keep on him” and AS HE SAYS THIS he hovers over the bamboo Joel gave him and doesn’t put it in the chest. I know it’s moreso because it’s a resource but like.

- Also we all know what ended up happening with that bamboo gift! It surrounds the Coral Isles!

- Anyways Scott needs some carpet for his farm so he goes to the bad boys to ask for carpet. Grian and Jimmy tell him to strike a deal with Joel since he’s the one who has all the carpet. Scott walks over to Joel and says “remember when we bonded in the cave?” and Joel hands him the carpet. Scott says “yay 🥳 good boys! 🥰” and the bad boys are horrified, tell him to never say that again they are BAD BOYS and make him leave.

- (also may be worth mentioning that from what I can tell, Joel didn’t have that carpet on him, and actually ran to grab it as soon as Scott asked)

- god that ^ was all session one. ANWYAYS Joel asks people for gold and in exchange they can have unlimited bread. Scott and Impulse give Joel gold.

- At some point Scott goes to collect some free unlimited bread. Grian and Jimmy stop him like “WHAT are you doing ✋🤨 only IMPULSE has unlimited bread” and Scott says “no I have it too go ask Joel” so they go to Joel and say “WHAT is this about SCOTT having unlimited bread…” and Joel just goes “yup Scott gets unlimited bread 👍” so Scott collects his bread while the other bad boys are just so disappointed in Joel

- Now is where I lost track of the timeline, but I remember once or twice Scott would just be talking usually to himself like “the bad boys are truly the good boys of the server 🥰😇”

- Despite this Scott eventually becomes scared of Joel because he did the math and realized that he’s got so many allies who won’t attack him, and the people who aren’t his allies would likely be too scared to attack Scott EXCEPT Joel.

- And Scott was spot on because he was just chilling when out of nowhere Joel just charges at him yelling “SCOTT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT” and of course after a little more chasing “SCOTT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN STUPID”

- Scott manages to get away and thinks that Joel’s lines were really funny and pathetic and is no longer afraid of him

- Bad Boys try to trap Mean Gills’ secret bed but they get foiled

- The usual Joel wants to kill Scott really bad

- Scott’s like “we have to eliminate Joel” and gets the Clockers to help because he killed them

- Joel is terrified the entire time lmao. I remember “then why is your voice higher pitched?” “BECAUSE IM SCARED” “that’s what I thought” as he lets Joel get away ahahdg

- OH I ALMOST FORGOT Scott letting Jimmy kill him for time and Joel trying to steal the kill cuz lol.

- Back to Scott terrifying Joel. That one time he tells Joel to leave Scar alone and Joel just goes “..ok”

- And then of course Scott kills Joel again 🥳😍 surely this won’t happen again 💀

- OTHER THING I FORGOT TO MENTION CUZ IM MOSTLY GOING OFF MY MEMORY OF THE MORE RECENTLY WATCHED SCOTT POV Joel always destroying Scott’s walls cuz tradition.

So yeah this was all just off the top of my head without looking at anything. I’d love to make a new version when I rewatch SL and/or Joel’s POVs. This proves that I’m normal right

#trafficblr #life series #3lsmp #llsmp #dlsmp #limlsmp #life series scott #life series joel #scottishbeans #majorbeans #< but this post isn’t technically shipping it’s just. canon moments.

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cressthebest · 8 months ago

Text

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 8

chapter 14:

1. “"Obviously fish have brains. All living beings have brains," Regulus tells him. "Well, except for you."”

ADKDJKSJSKS i’m sure that’s another moment in which regulus wanted to look to sirius as if to say “are you seeing this shit?”

2. 😭😭😭😭 james why are you still figuring out you might have a knife kink?? i been knew since before the arena. plsssss

3. 😭💀 the rocks in jars story

4. 😧 james killed someone for reg. no hesitation. that’s gonna haunt him forever

5. oh god, the tenderness reg uses with james after james murdered someone. he’s so gentle and worried for him. this is gonna haunt them forever

6. in reference to james committing murder: “He has the disjointed thought that his parents must have seen that, as well as Sirius. The last people in the world who would judge him for it, and he still wonders what they're thinking.”

JESUS THAT IS HEARTBREAKING. the people he cares most about isn’t judging him cause they’ve done the same thing. it just hurts

7. god, and now they’re face to face with death eaters. i can’t do this shit anymore

8. 😟😧 oh no.

“James can safely say he doesn't have a knife kink. Blade kink. Sword kink. Any of that—he doesn't have it. No, it's just Regulus he likes, and anything to do with him. When Mulciber has a sword to his throat, it's not sexy at all.”

9. reg’s threats are so scary

10. knowing reg’s loyalty to kill for sirius is fucking wild. he would murder everyone in that arena if it meant keeping sirius safe. and sirius did the same for reg.

11. 😧 shocked. oh my god. jaw dropped. reg is just hacking at mulciber with a hatchet

12. ✨evan✨☺️🩷

13. whoop there it is. in reg’s mind, he mistakingly referred to james as his boyfriend. it’s downhill from here

14. oh god, james is using his “it was self defense and murder is grotesque and not always clean” speech that he used to give to sirius all the time. i wonder how often he’s had to tell that to himself in this arena

15. GOD NOT THE FUCKING BEAR TRAP- JFC CAN THEY HAVE ONE MOMENT IN THIS ARENA???

chapter 15:

1. reg called james baby ☺️🥰💞

2. “"Sirius, you're going send something to fix him, or so help me, when I get out of here, I'm going to rip all of your hair out right from the scalp until you're fucking bald."” LMAOOO REG IS SO PROTECTIVE OF HIS NOT BOYFREIND THATS GONNA HAVE TO DIE ANYWAYS. and he threatened to make sirius bald 😭😭😭

3. “"I like you," James declares cheerfully, and Evan winks at him.” EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP

4. “Sometimes, healing is harder than being hurt.” godDAMMIT he’s right, and that cuts deep into my soul

5. reg and sirius are so like me fr in hating change. for them it’s the needing stability after a childhood of not having it, and for me, it’s autism.

6. reg is absolutely insane sounding and i’m 2000% on board for it

7. reg is willing to kill because they scarred james’ face but still says he hates every breath james takes. bitch. wtf do you mean you hate him? do you not get it yet?

8. 😐 bitch, yet another self indulgent moment that reg calls a parting gift

9. evan and reg team!! 🐈‍⬛🫱🏻‍🫲🏾🐍

10. comparing james to the sun >>>>>>>>>>

11. reg being the best seeker during hide and seek 👀

12. EVANNNN NOOOO

13. 😧 evan says he’s reg’s friend. shit i’m about to sob at one am as i’m writing this. and reg jsut lost the best friend he never got to have

14. god, reading from sirius’ pov now IS making me sob.

15. LMFAOOO I SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHING OVER THE BURNING TREE

16. shame on me for not realizing that the author of crimson rivers also wrote just lovers. i just realized that. like, while reading authors notes. i feel so fucking stupid rn

#james no longer has a knife kink #and they killed my favorite background character #i can’t do this anymore #marauders #regulus black #fanfic #james potter #jegulus #evan rosier #sunseeker #starchaser #sirius black #crimson rivers

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imagine--if · 2 years ago

Note

Hi may i ask for a niragi dating headcannons? Thank you (^-^)

Btw, I love your work

A/N: Thank you so much ☺️ I’ve been wanting to write for you all sooner, but my laptop charger decided to stop working, so I’ve been a little restricted with working and basically did this on a different computer because it’s literally impossible for me to type everything on my tiny phone screen 💀 Anyways, enjoy!! Requests are closed now but I’ll be able to answer every one that’s come in for you in the meantime 🤍

Warnings: Mentions of suggestive stuff (hickeys ☺️) and violence… is Niragi a whole warning himself lol

Quick note: These headcanons are personalised slightly since I absolutely hate how he acts with Usagi (you know what I mean 😐) so let’s say he’s more of a decent person than how he’s portrayed in some scenes 😅♥️

🖤 Dating Niragi Includes… 🖤

🤍• Aaaaghhhh it’s the strutting bully in black and white who is almost as crazy possessive with you as Banda would be 😵‍💫 have fun, because once he notices that you didn’t shy away in disgust from his bold flirtatious advances and returned his attention back at the Beach, take him, boy’s yours 😂

🤍• These headcanons are typically set in Season 2, but before the fire and Niragi’s presumed death when it all burned down, with time and privacy, you somehow found the soft side of the victim-turned-bully who desperately wants you to believe that he’s a powerful, intimidating bad boy.

🤍• Jealous jealous jealous 💀 especially with Chishiya; if the smug blonde looks at you for a moment too long with that raised brow and observant eyes? He gets Niragi’s rifle shoved into his face with a barrel of insults and threats. Because deep down, he’s still vulnerable and doesn’t want anyone turning your head or seeing that he’s not done fearless trigger happy guy, he’s just Niragi.

🤍• And if you end up telling him when you’re alone that you only want Niragi, he has to a take a second to not cry. 🥲 Still, when it’s not just you two together where he lets his walls come down, he’ll persist on showing off by declaring how he dedicates his wins in games to you or something. All the survivors nod in confirmation with wide eyes at you when you question it in amusement.

🤍• He’s not one at all to back down from PDA, since subtlety is not Niragi’s strong suit, but if you’re not comfortable with him leaving massive hickeys for the world to see and his tongue down you’re throat in wide open public… yeah, okay, a roll of his eyes but he’ll tone it down and keep an arm slung around your shoulder.

🤍• He likes you playing around with his rifle, which is a wonder, since anyone else who gets too close to it has it snatched away and pointed right in their face 😅 but Niragi’s surprisingly quiet when it’s just you two in your room, him sitting behind you and playing thoughtfully with your hair, or guiding your hands absentmindedly, while you look over the weapon’s triggers and material. Occasionally his head drops in the crook of your neck with a tired pout and he gets fed up of your attention being on it instead of him, which could lead to… well, him having your full attention 😉

🤍• But after the Beach burns down and Niragi’s presumed dead, it leaves you to stick with Arisu and his group while you stay quieter than usual, watching the colours of lovebites fade from your skin over the days and your mind drifting to the cocky bastard who you’ve seen cling to you at night, neither of you saying a word about it but just letting it happen. Being the only comfort to each other, the only person in possibly years that Niragi’s let, in or even loved.

🤍• So when you see him at that evaporation game, or threatening Chishiya and Arisu with his gun, it’s a wave of relief and tears that makes him forget what he’s doing and hold onto you like he’d never let go again 🥹 he keeps saying he’s sorry, over and over, cradling you so tight you have to tell him that you can’t breathe

🤍• However, because of what happened at the Beach, he’s now terrified all over again about you hating him because of the burns on his face, so when you assure him that you don’t care and that you’re only glad he’s still alive, he’ll get that urge to break down and cry again 🥺

🤍• He’s still as arrogant and headstrong as he was before in games and with people, but a little weaker. You’re basically his nurse, cus the dude spits blood 😶 and him being him teases about that, but really, he wants to make sure he’s strong enough to carry on and get you both safe back in the real world, where he can look out for you instead of the other way around, and be a proper kind of couple

🤍• Niragi is increasingly protective now too, since he already lost you once. There’s no way he’ll let it happen again, and it’s hard to convince him to let you do things in games without him doing it all for you with you behind him. He means well, obviously, but it can be a bit overbearing sometimes 😅

🤍• All in all, once Niragi’s in love, he’s in love, and he won’t let you go. He’s actually a really great, passionate lover, all violent cray-cray traits aside - they’re never directed at you anyway, never - and there won’t be a day that goes by where you can’t tell.

🤍• I might have to write an imagine about this now 🥹 gotta love Niragi 💕

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amhrosina · 2 years ago

Text

I'm With You (Always) - Frank Castle x Reader

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

A/N: This one ended up being a tad shorter than most of my other fics, but I felt like it told the story I was trying to tell. I didn’t want to drag it out if it wasn’t necessary. I hope you enjoy! Thanks for requesting, nonnie! <3

Request: Omg your fics always HIT 🫶🏻💀 I feel like there’s a bunch of fics of Frank comforting the reader, but none really of the opposite. Could you do something like that? I mean mans been through the mf WRINGER

Summary: On the 5th anniversary of Maria’s death, Frank grapples with the guilt of loving someone else (i.e., you) for the first time since her death.

(Warnings: it’s angsty as hell (sorry not sorry), cursing, frank is way too hard on himself, frank castle needs a hug!, reader comforts frank, all im asking marvel is for them to make him happy!!!!!!, references to what happened to Maria and the kids)

Frank knew he should call you. It was the least he could do, considering the shit you’ve put up with for the past ten months. He’d put you through hell, showing up on your doorstep at all hours of the night, bleeding and in serious need of medical attention. It was something you handled with grace, even though he was undeserving of your gentle nature.

He was a moody, cut-throat bastard, and you both knew it. He was emotionally withdrawn, irritable, and had very little trust left in him to give. But you never minded, and he spent most of his time with you perplexed at your ability to forgive and forget so easily.

His phone buzzed on the coffee table, and he knew it was you calling without having to look. You had called him this morning, too, and left a short voice message about how you’d be free this evening, if he wanted to see you. The serene warmth in your voice had caused his chest to ache, an all too familiar feeling when it came to you.

Of course, he wanted to see you. He always did, even when he was being the angry bastard version of himself that he hated so much. Your tone, so doubtful and hesitant, fueled a heavy rage in Frank’s heart, and he cursed himself for being the cause of it. He should fucking answer the phone.

He watched as the screen faded to black. He hadn’t moved from his unrelaxed position on the floor, and he’d just ignored you, again. He shoved his face into his palms, running his fingers through his hair and tugging it in a motion fueled completely by anger. Anger wasn’t foreign to Frank – he'd had his fair share of things to be angry at – but this type of anger, the one caused completely by his own actions, was new to him.

You didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you, and he was actively fucking it up more as the night went on. Despair weighed heavy on his heart, and he wanted so badly to explain it to you – beg you for your forgiveness and apologize for being a broken man who still loved his wife, even years after her death. But the date on the calendar had paralyzed him, and he hadn’t moved from his hunched position in eight long hours.

Five years. It had been five years since his family had been taken from him, and he was still just as broken as he was the day it happened. You knew, of course, that his family had been murdered in cold blood, right in front of him, but he’d never told you the details, and you never asked. You had no idea that today would push Frank beyond his boundaries, like it did every year, completely shutting down his ability to function.

Frank used to let the rage consume him, let it burn through him until all he could see was red, but he had personally killed every fucker involved in the plot to murder his family, and once that rage had sputtered out, he was left with nothing but a massive, aching hole in his chest.

This year felt a little different, if he really thought about it. The patch you’d begun mending in his heart was present, a gentle reminder that someone, somewhere cared for him deeply. But as hard as he tried to pick up the phone and call you, he couldn’t find it within himself to do it. Every time his thoughts drifted, and he ended up thinking about you, a pang of betrayal would wind its way through his chest until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Would Maria be okay with this? Would she like you? Would the kids? It all felt very surreal to Frank, so he did what every other jarhead had been trained to do and shut it all down until the numbness finally overpowered the ache.

His phone flashed with a notification, and he glanced over, expecting it to be a text from you, angry and done with whatever this thing was between the two of you, but it wasn’t. Of course, it wasn’t. It was you, and your kindness would always win when pinned against your anger. It was a simple message, one that Frank couldn’t figure out how to feel about.

‘I’m coming over, and I’m bringing you dinner. I won’t stay, unless you want me to.’

Clearly you were aware something was going on with him, and his heart ached at the thought of you worriedly walking through Hell’s Kitchen to come to his aid. He thought about leaving, going out and walking around until he was sure you wouldn’t be here when he got back. You shouldn’t see him like this, so beaten down by life that he could barely move. He could text you, tell you to turn around and go home. Maybe you’d be so put off by his rude behavior that you would turn around without a second thought.

Frank didn’t do any of those things though. Maybe he needed a lot of things, or maybe he didn’t, he didn’t know, but more than anything, he knew he needed love, and he would be a fool to turn down what you were trying so hard to offer him. He slowly picked up his phone and typed out a short response.

‘Okay.’

You stared at the door for three long minutes before you finally reached forward and knocked. The adrenaline that had been coursing through your veins earlier had caused you to rush into this plan, and now you were second guessing the bold text you’d sent Frank. Was it too much? Too harsh for him on a day when he deserved the utmost softness?

His rapid response had fueled your hurried haze, and you had picked up your already-brisk pace, only stopping to rethink your plan when you arrived on his doorstep. You could take the coward’s way out – leave the bag of takeout food on his front steps and bolt before he opened the door – but something about that felt inherently wrong.

The squeal of the floorboards on the other side of the door sounded, a precaution Frank had purposely installed to make him aware of anybody entering his home, and you tightened your grip on the bag. You didn’t know which Frank would be on the other side of the door, but you were determined to at least give him something to eat.

The door swung open, revealing an incredibly disheveled looking Frank. The red sting of his eyes was immediately noticeable, and your heart broke looking at him. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, anything to remind him that you loved him, but you didn’t know how he’d react to physical affection on a day like this. A day of mourning, of loss, of immense and immeasurable grief.

He glanced down at the food in your hands, and you stiffened at the thought of him taking the food and shutting the door in your face. You had given him that option, but the last thing you wanted to do was abandon Frank on the rare occasion when he needed someone else to lean on.

“Hi.” You mumbled, raising your hand in an awkward wave. “I brought you food.”

“Hi. Thank you.” His voice was a hoarse whisper, and your heart broke just a little bit more hearing the sorrow in it. He opened the door wider. An invitation beckoning you to come inside.

You stepped through the doorway, awkwardly shuffling your feet as Frank closed the door and deadbolted it behind you. No one said anything for a moment. You didn’t know how to comfort this level of grief, but you’d always been taught to make yourself present in a grieving person’s life, so you ignored the awkward silence and tried to act like this was a normal interaction between you and Frank.

“Have you eaten?” You asked, lifting the bag of food for emphasis.

Frank shook his head. You turned, setting off towards the kitchen to unload the food. You’d gone a little overboard, probably, but you didn’t know what type of food he would want, so you got a little bit of everything. When Frank saw the spread of cuisines you had laid out on the counter, his eyes widened.

“Did you stop at every restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen?” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you quickly turned away, unsure if you should feel ashamed under his gaze.

“It’s,” you paused, trying to figure out what to say, “comfort food. I just didn’t know which kind was your comfort.” You shrugged, looking over the array of food in front of you.

He shifted beside you, and you suddenly became aware of his hand on the small of your back. He pressed a long kiss against your temple and grabbed the box of Thai food closest to him. His affection eased some of the tension in your shoulders, and you leaned against the counter with him as he dug into his food.

“Should I... I mean do you want me to...” your question trailed off as you motioned towards the door.

He glanced between the door and your hand, still hung in the air in an awkward pointing position, and shook his head.

“Stay.” He murmured, and added, after a pause, “Please.”

Frank Castle didn’t beg, but you could’ve sworn that it sounded like he was pleading with you. Stay. Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone with my demons. You nodded and began to put the extra food in his refrigerator as he devoured his meal.

The silence between the two of you was no longer awkward, now that Frank had made it clear that he wanted you to be here. As you finished organizing the contents of his fridge, he moved across the kitchen, grasping your hand between his and fiddling with your fingers.

“How did you know?” He asked, eyes cast downward where your hands met.

“About today?” You leaned into his hold, pressing your knuckles against his hard abdomen. He nodded, the only response he could give you at the moment.

“I had a funny feeling when I woke up this morning, and then I hadn’t heard from you all day, so when Karen asked me how you were holding up, I sort of put the pieces together myself. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

He shook his head, bringing the tips of your fingers to his lips.

“I don’t know what to say.” He murmured against your fingertips. You reached forward, cupping his cheek with your free hand.

“You don’t have to say anything, Frank. I’m with you no matter what, okay? Whatever that means for you.”

He nodded and leaned into your palm, closing his eyes.

“I will always love Maria.” He mumbled, tears threatening to spill behind his closed eyelids. “But I love you, too. And, after Maria, I didn’t know I was still capable of that until I met you. Is that enough for you? To share me with someone who’s de-,” He stumbled over the word, clearing his throat, “Who’s dead?”

You’d never heard Frank speak so plainly about Maria before, and the ache cascading from him was a palpable feeling. You held back your tears as you pressed your other hand to his face.

“Frank, she was your wife, and she was taken from you. Of course, you still love her. I wouldn’t expect anything different.” You pressed your forehead against his, fully leaning into his warmth. “You’re always enough.”

Your final statement had Frank collapsing against you, pulling you into a tight hug. His body shook with sobs against yours, and you clung to him like you would a life raft in the middle of the ocean.

“I love you.” His voice was a muffled whisper against your shoulder. You lightly ran your fingers along the nape of his neck.

“I love you too, Frankie.”

“Thank you for coming over, baby.”

“I’ll always come for you, Frank.”

It was a promise you knew you would never break, and you’d spend your life proving it to him if need be. Frank would always be hurting, even in the good moments, and you were determined to show him a love deeply enough to help remind him during those times that he was cared about and loved, flaws and all.

Tag List:

@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @mossexe @fightmilk @spikedhe4rt @fictional-hooman @merleisapartygod @babyslyth @legocity2 @quackson03 @certifiedhunter @deliciousfestsalad @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @lilyevans1 @imagineadream @22carolina08

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akiizayoi4869 · 1 year ago

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i was talking to some guy who said Azula is irredeemable & pure evil because she "attempted genocide"(false), so I pointed out that Azula wasn't the one who carried out the plan, it's Ozai and she's just his subordinate following commands, at the end of the day; she takes the orders. Azula is a child. Ozai is both her military leader and father.

But the guy was in denial, so I told him that Iroh laid a siege responsible for killing hundreds of innocent people, and laughed at the idea of burning down the entire city if they got through the wall, but still managed to redeem himself at the age of 40, so Azula deserves a chance

And then this man literally says that Iroh didn't directly kill them with his own hands so it "doesn't count"

Like dude. If Iroh isn't responsible for the deaths of hundred innocent because he wasn't directly there, then why are you holding Azula responsible for attempted genocide when she was literally at home? 💀

Bruhhhh🤣🤣🤣. I swear people like this don't really love Iroh's character at all if they can't accept the fact that he did fucked up shit in the past.

#asks #anon #atla #azula #iroh #aki answers things

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tarasmithshifts · 9 months ago

Text

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐑: 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 2

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑. 2 years😭 𝐀𝐆𝐄. 16-17 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏: sirius, remus, james, lily, peter, dorcas, marlene, mainly people from gryffindor and ravenclaw

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒. single (5th to the end of 5th year) TAKEN BAHSDHABHAHDB (summer after 5th year - ongoing)

「 ✦ 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓼 ✦ 」

helloooooooooooooooooooo welcome back (i started like a freaking youtuber LOL) part 1 was emmm, it was a rollercoaster. A BIG ONE

— ୨୧₊˚ click here to read part 1 :)

im super super super excited for this part 'cause finally something cute is happening, literally those things that happened in part 1... WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. WE WENT THROUGH IT, AND WE ARE BACK. part 2. let's do it

「 ✦ 6th year ✦ 」

𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮 - 6𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻

summer 1976 - I left grimmuald place 12 and ran away to remus. sirius did the same some weeks before me, and we were both burn out of the "Black Family Tree"

July/August - James Potter and Lily are named Head Boy and Head Girl.

October/November - Lily finally agreeded and started to go out with James for some dates

this are basics from og timeline because i don't want to spoil anything

ＳＵＭＭＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ a little reminder about what happened in last part - me and remus got together, and basically we are girlfriend and boyfriend, we spent time with each other more, trying to get ourselves more into this change yk 🥹

OKAY ANYWAY

after last day of school me and remus promised ourselves that we will write to each other as much as possible. boys did not know about ‘us’ because we didn’t know if this whole relationship will work 😭 so it was our little secret, but not for long tho

in july, when me and sirius were back at grimmuald place, sirius got himself into a HUGE fight with our father, and said to me “idk what you gonna do, but i will not stay here any longer”. he did not tell me where would he go, some days after this fight he left in a middle of the night. he just left me a note to do the same, and that in some weeks he will let me know where he is. i kept that ‘letter’ to myself.

when i tell you that walburga was PISSED. P I S S E D . as well as our father. they would fight over it, and finally, when it was clear that sirius is not coming back, they burned sirius face out of this family tree.

ar least they are proud of regulus 👍 good job mate. you will die. soon. like girllllll

especially that i’m super attached to him. he is my little brother and i knooooow that when i will shift again his death is gonna hit me like a train, BUT WE DONT TALK ABOUT THIS RN LETS GET BACK

when sirius left walburga was super suspicious about me and always was looking at me, controlled everything etc. i knew that if she would find out about remus, she would probably punish me for it or smth, so i sent last letter to remus that he should not write to me because my parents went WILD over this whole situation.

in august i felt empty??? i could not get any letters from remus, i missed him, i missed sirius. he did not sent me any letter after he left, but i knew that it’s probably because he knew what the hell is going on in the house rn. also, regulus started to ignore me, like walburga and orion did. annnnnnnndddddd that’s when i didn’t back off, and started shouting at him (reggie) and when walburga heard it, she wasn’t happy 💀💀 so she decided to fucking punish me, but this time i was like “hell no, fuck off” and the same night i left grimmuald place 12 behind me, in my past. i took everything i could with me, some clothes, books, and it was whole huge operation, because walburga and orion are those kind of people that when something moves behind some walls, they wake up. so what i did, was that i added sleep potion that i made in my room to their drinks that they were having before going to sleep. well, it worked HA.

but when i left this house, i was like “bombastic, but what am i going to do now 😭😭😭😭😭 i was literally without any house, i did not want to bother anybody, especially that it was 2am in the morning 💀 andromeda did not tell us where she lived so i had no idea where i should go, and the only person that i could think of then was remus. i knew where he lived, he wrote me his address in one of letters i got from him.

so i went there. by foot. call me crazy but i did that. i took some muggle bus and was on his street around 4am. i knew it was very early but i hoped that he will not be mad about it, or his father. they were living at the edge of london, it was quiet and lovely place to live. when i was looking round for his house, as there were only few of them, i looked up and i saw that it was full moon 😭 and i didn’t realise that before. so i was still looking for around like 25 minutes, and i finally found it. AND YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN MY FACE WHEN I SAW THAT LIGHT IN THE HOUSE WERE TURNED ON

LYALL LUPIN WAS AWAKE

THANK GOD

so i went to the door and knocked. i saw some movement in the window and was like “yuppp this man will think that i’m a freak. good job to me i guess” i waited a few minutes and he finally opened the door. i started apologising to him that i’m sorry that i’m here at 4 in the morning, that i know his son etc. then he fully opened the door and it wasn’t lyall lupin IT WAS REMUS 😭😭😭😭 i literally was so so so happy, i mean, he was shocked, i was shocked too because i thought that it was a full moon that night, i hugged him and he hugged me back IT WAS SO CUTE IM ABOUT TO CRY I WANNA GO BACK THERE SO BADLY

so we stayed in this position for some minutes and he finally made a step back, looked at me and said “what are you doing here?” so i started to tell him what happened few hours before, that sirius is somewhere god knows where, that he should write to me but i know why he didn’t, i was talking really fast and finally he was like “yo chill out, just come in and we will talk about it later, you need to sleep” (yup i’m living my y/n life LMAO) so basically he took my things upstairs and told me to sleep in his bedroom, and that he will figure out what to do later. so i went to sleep

— ୨୧₊˚ lupin’s house

it was like 11 am when i woke up, so i just went down the stairs to find remus, but he wasn’t there, so i just looked around and guess who i met in the kitchen 😭😭😭 lyall lupin ladies and gentlemen 😭😭😭 he was like “emmm you are tara right?” and i was like “yessss that’s me 💀” he was just walking around the kitchen, but he was nice to me tho. he said that remus went to james to tell him that i’m here. i was like “oh yup okay” so later i found out that sirius was living at james house the whole time 😭

so i wrote a letter to him telling him that i am at remus now, but i said that i don’t want to bother his family, so probably i will leave in a few days (i didn’t LMAO, remus stopped me) so that’s how i was living for next month, until school started. i got along with remus father, he is a nice guy, also he has good sense of humour, thank GOD 😭 idk finally i felt loved and as i was at my own home. thanks to the lupins 🫶

ＳＥＰＴＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ 1st day

lyall left few days before school started, he said that if i would need anything, he can buy me some things on street, but i was fine, as walburga buys everything that is needed already in june, so yup, i was stated for new school year 🫡

on a 1st day i finally saw sirius again, gosh i never thought that i would be happy only by seeing him in a crowd. remus told me what happened after sirius left grimmuald place 12, at least the part that he knew about. by this i also mean that he forgave him about what happened, so we were all good 🫶

on a train i found out that james and lily were chosen to become next head boy and head girl, which is the reason why they got onto each other.

sooooo me and remus relationship was still a secret, but i think that boys could feel the change between us, especially sirius, i mean it was kinda obvious 😭 we did not “hide” it, we just did not tell them 💀 there were signs, like sometimes remus put his arm around my back and hold me like this, or during the day when i tried to keep contact with him. basically only lily knew about me and remus. i told her right after everything happened in june, sooooo yup she knew since the very beginning.

whole September we were all excited to start new school year, but something started to feel different ??? but that was because of war.

but let’s concentrate on hogwarts rn 😭

so me and boys still took turns to stay with remus during full moons, remus wanted to complain about it because of what happened few months before, but he finally said yes.

ＯＣＴＯＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ boys find out about me and remus

soooo everything was fine at hogwarts, we were doing great, james and lily started to talk to each other, she would tell me about the conversations they had, but when i asked her “do you like him” she acted like she was angry and ignored the question or answered me with “don’t be ridiculous” soooo yk something was going on between them (finally) also sirius and remus told me that james is talking about her ALL THE TIME and that they are super tired of it. about peter,well, he was quiet as always 😭 so nothing changed.

me and remus were even more opened about our relationship, we were more confident about it? we were showing it ig 😭 and on one day in the middle of october, sirius, james and peter caught us in a common room and told us to sit down, their face went literally 🤨🤨🤨 and james started talking “okay what the HELL is going on here” so i looked at remus, remus looked at me, and i finally said “oh yeah we re together” and sirius went WILDDDD he literally looked at remus and went “THATS MY SISTER YOU MANIAC” and started chasing remus across the common room 😭 it was SO FUNNY 😭😭 after they were done (about 10 minutes later lmao💀) we just sat down in their dormitory and they were doing this police kind of thing where they are asking questions and shit 💀 pretty crazy but yup they knew since then

and because of that we could be more open about us and be ourselves bc of that. sirius was sometimes overdramatic about it but he got used to it i guess LMAO

also sirius got himself into detention 😭😭😭 AGAIN i’m super sick of this at some point 💀💀 he started to bully severus again, so i get it, but now lily did not react (he called mudblood as yk)

but james was a little bit out of business, because he wanted to impress lily, and you could see that. literally he was not helping sirius and peter with their pranks for a while, so he could convince lily to him, which was so cute ☹️

ＮＯＶＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ 17 birthdayyy

in the beginning of november me and sirius got letter from andromeda, that she heard about our escape from grimmuald place 12 and that she is super proud of us 😭😭😭 she asked if we have some place to stay and etc. to be honest, i didn’t think about it 💀 i didn’t want to bother remus but still i was too young to bus myself a house from money that i saved. sirius told me in the beginning of school year that he will stay at james during next summer, so he could later buy a house from money that he got from ⭐️

i just wrote back to andromeda that i’m okay, and i just did not think about it. it was not time for that too.

also, from weird things that happened in november is that on random day, when i was leaving great hall with remus after lunch, regulus wanted to talk to me??? like excuse you i guess? but yup he’s my little brother, i was worrying about him the whole time tbh 😭 so remus did not want to go away, he checked if i’m okay with him leaving, i just nodded, so he hugged me and just left 😭

SO ABOUT REGULUS CAUSE IM STILL BAD OKAY

he did not even say “hi” or shit, he just went

“oh so you are with H I M”

and i was like bro what? since when we are talking to each other like this??? what happened to hello? how was your day???

also he was nervously checking if the hall that we were standing in was clear. which was pretty mad, but i figured it out after i shifted back that he just wanted to check if any slytherins saw us 💀 he looked a little bit scared too. OKAY ANYWAY

so i went “why do you care”

AND HE RESPONDED “you are a blood traitor”

I WAS SO MAD. SO. MAD.

“that’s the reason why you stopped me?”

AND BARE WITH ME RN CAUSEEEEEE

“no.” he made a dramatic pause here lol??? “you know you can both still fix this”

MY JAW WAS ON A FLOOR I SWEAR, BECAUSE THEN HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE “you need to choose the right side. like mother said”

HE THREATENED ME TO JOIN LORD FUCKING VOLDEMORT.

BRO. WHAT THE FUCK.

hell no. I WAS SO PISSED SO P I S S E D

“reggie” “do not bother me again, please”

that’s all i said. the silence was LOUD, it was SCREAMING i think it was this moment that i knew that even if i tried, i would never convince reggie that lord voldemort and death eaters are not a good way to go to (if yk what i mean 😭) so i just walked away. and when i tell you i CRIED. i did not talk to sirius about it, i did not talk to remus about it, even tho both of them were trying to get out the convo between me and regulus of me LMAO, i knew that i would hurt sirius so i kept it to myself

ANYWAY

happy birthday to me and sirius i guess 😭😭😭

i am officially 17 in this dr 🤭

sirius ofc threw the whole party, but i passed. i wanted peace lmao. remus sat with me in his dormitory and we played some games, then dorcas and lily joined us, then james and peter. we had so much fun, it’s such a core memory 🫶🥹 I MISS THEM SO MUCH i’m sooooo homesick but yup i just gotta make my way back there (somehow)(even tho i know next shifts are gonna be awfully full of angst, i’m not ready tbh)

during the full moon this month me and james took care of remus ❤️‍🩹

ＤＥＣＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ christmas

okay sooooo HAPPY NEWS ABOUT JAMES AND LILY

basically james asked her out for a date and she said YES

WE WERE CELEBRATING and lily finally told me she likes him a lot and that if he would not be such a dumb-ass sometimes she would talk to him earlier 😭😭😭 i’m super happy for them literally waited for that moment for SO LONG. and sirius threw a little party in their dormitory so everyone were happy ❤️‍🩹

on christmas ofc we gave each other presents, but sirius went CRAZY this time.

1. he started dating a girl called daisy from ravenclaw (which was pretty crazy cause he didn’t pull up any girl for like a year or something?) this time he said that he really like her and will try to keep this relationship for longer than 3 weeks (they lasted like 3 months maybe 💀 james even made bets at this point 😭)

2. sirius and james were running around common room with a mistletoe to force people to kiss including me and remus 😭😭 pls guys i love them so much but WHAT

james and lily went out few times during december, and when lily was coming back to our dorm she was super happy and even tho she still had her opinion “but he is a dumb-ass sometimes🙄🙄🙄” she seemed to really like him???

sooooo also james invited sirius, remus, peter, lily, dorcas (and more actually it was a full-ass list with names of like 15 people and i’m too lazy to name all of them sorry 😭😭 maybe during editing i will do it) for new year’s eve, so we all needed to left hogwarts for christmas 😭 like girl i DONT HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE RN 💀 sirius stayed with james at his house, and remus told me that lyall is not coming back for christmas so we can go and live at his house for those 2 weeks, and we decided to do so ❤️‍🩹🥺 GUYS YOU DONT GET IT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AHHHHHHH PLS BRING ME BACK OMG

okay.

so.

i spent whole 2 weeks only with remus, it was super cute and cozyyy we decorated his house and baked (at least i did bc i was 17 and i could use magic legally outside hogwarts 💀) we had fun. truly these 2 weeks refreshed me soooo much, ALSO

LYALL LUPIN GOT ME A CHRISTMAS PRESENT 😭😭😭😭 it was little bracelet that remus told him i would like, pls lyall is such a nice guy 😭

and also i think the most memorable moment from these 2 weeks is remus christmas present, and by that i mean, he bought two tickets to “muggle” opera, and it was AMAZING. later the same night he told me the story how his parents met, and we played his mother records (i scripted that she was an opera singer!!!)

— ୨୧₊˚ new year’s eve

so me and remus needed to take a ride with this crazy wizard bus 😭😭😭 but we made it and spent THE BEST NEW YEAR’s EVE EVER. we had so much fun 😭 also i found out how many things in common me and dorcas have, which is funny because we were “friends” literally we live in one dorm 💀 but that night i got to know her more which is great bc we became closer as roommates. okay so basically during the midnight, when clock hit 12pm, there is this tradition that you have to kiss somebody for luck. so yup me and remus kissed (my cutie patootie ☹️) BUT ALSO WHEN I WAS GOING OUTSIDE WITH SIRIUS, REMUS, DORCAS AND OTHERS I SAW JAMES KISSING LILY???? I WAS SO HAPPY likeeeeee pls 😭

ＪＡＮＵＡＲＹ, ＦＥＢＲＵＡＲＹ, ＭＡＲＣＨＡＮＤＡＰＲＩＬ

i wil speed up those few months because nothing really happened except for some birthdays, and that was all because our exams, I WAS SO STRESSED IDK WHY i know that i will pass them perfectly (duhh) but i was stressed anyway. crazy time tbh lmao, everybody were busy.

about james and lily - they started to ‘officially date’ each other, which made me super happy, they are so cute 😭😭😭

also sirius broke up with this girl from ravenclaw, so it did not last long LMAO

and peter and sirius got themselves into a HUGE detention from mcgonagall for messing up her office 💀 which was crazy, we got -100 points from our house. you should have seen her, she was SO MAD. i’ve never seen mcgonagall so angry

ＭＡＹ

okayyyy so may was super chill month EXCEPT the final quidditch match. between gryffindor and slytherin it was AMAZING

okay so i probably did not write about that bc i did not find that necessary it still, i okay quidditch on one of ‘beater’ positions so yuppp i play quidditch 🤭 AND IT’S SO MICH FUNNN

anyway, gryffindor won after james found that goddamn little gold ball, when i tell you he was so annoyed bc he couldn’t catch it 😭😭 HE WAS SO PISSED, but we won 🤭

and after some other days of school work i “shifted back 😭” to cr

「 ✦ end notes ✦ 」

it was 2 months and im still there tbh 😭

ANYWAY

This shift was so crazy??? and fun???? and sad??? and cute??? AT THE SAME TIME.

i am now remus lupin gf. yup I WON

i’m so happy and i just can’t wait to shift there again 😭😭😭😭😭

remember that i will edit this page! there are A LOT to edit but i’m to lazy to do so 🤭

anyway BYE

#reality shifting #shifting #desired reality #shifting community #quantum jumping #reality shifter #shifting realities #marauders

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hopelessromantic5 · 5 months ago

Text

SydCarmy clip

Artist Carmy

Sydney is his long lost muse.

TBC at a later date 💀

Carmen is a chef, that much is apparent.

But before that, he was an artist.

The notebooks that he kept hidden from the prying eyes of his disastrous family had been his only solace through a…turbulent childhood.

He would sketch whatever caught his eye. A specific bird with a pretty song. A wildflower on the playground that was shining extra bright in the sun.

As he grew, so did his art. Wobbly formations transformed into confident lines and lifelike shading. What was once inanimate became alive.

He drew what he knew. Sugar, Mikey, booths at The Beef, and most importantly, food.

It seemed that food was center of his existence. His mother, his brother, and then eventually, he himself was sucked into the love of food.

Maybe it started because no matter how many awful things they’d said to each other, dinner in the Berzatto house was never missed. They all sat, sometimes (most times) uncomfortably quiet. But still, they were together. A mess, but a mess that belonged to each other.

Maybe it was the way flavors on his tongue seemed to revive Carmy from the dead on days he didn’t think he wanted to be alive; bright mornings after a dreadful night of his mother screaming at him that he was useless, that he could never do anything right. All while she sobbed and shattered her wine glass against the wall.

But something about a breakfast sandwich from the Beef, perfectly curated by his brother, made him forget his life for long enough that he could ride to school in peace, sketching the layers to the egg and glazed bacon, the different cheeses, the perfectly toasted bun.

There was one awful attempt to draw this girl, Claire.

Carmen noticed her when she began hanging out with Mikey, which was already kind of a red flag. But for some reason, the sketches kept ending up distorted and, quite frankly, disturbing to look at. Carmen wound up ripping the pages out and burning them.

Of course, his notebooks and shading pencils began to form dust after Carmy gave his life over to cooking. Becoming a chef was exhausting, and maintaining life as a chef, a Michelin star retaining chef, was soul destroying.

Maybe it was just Carmen’s luck. Maybe he attracted assholes and bullies, people that liked to spit insults down his neck as he stood there and took it. Vomiting it back up, hours later in the alley.

Eleven Madison Park was the worst and best experience of his life. He wouldn’t be as good as he was without it, but he also wouldn’t be as fucked up, as mentally torn apart.

He didn’t think it couldn’t get any worse.

That is, until he got the call.

He should’ve known. Things can always get worse.

Yet, the ultimate dichotomy of the best and worst time of Carmy’s life was yet to come.

As he stood in the back of his dead brother’s collapsing, grease infested, death trap, an angel came to him.

Appearing in the form of a beautiful woman. Skin dark and rich, glowing with a shine all its own. Big, curious brown eyes nervously taking him in, announcing herself.

“Hi, hello. I-I’m Sydney, I called about the sous position? I’m staging today? I think you said I could stage today-“

Carmen’s head was completely fucked. He forgot about the lovely voice on the other end of the phone, after a long day of sarcastic, apathetic dickwads.

“Right! Shit, sorry. Yes, yeah. Carmy.” He gestured to himself.

He took her resume, and was blown away. Not only was she beautiful, she was also capable. Stacked by the CIA and extremely respected restaurants of Chicago.

He thought for a second that he may have been dreaming. The gods had answered his silent prayer of a reprieve in the form of this human goddess who was trained the same way Carmen was trained; knows the ins and outs of a kitchen the way he does. A true partner, in that way.

Nearly a year went by. Arguments were had and healed, copious amounts of cash was found amongst tomato sauce cans, and The Bear finally got off the ground running…after a few minor snags.

Carmy had resigned that night, in the walk-in, to call Claire one more time and end the entire thing, on top of apologizing vehemently. Apologize for ruining yet another good thing, another good person and then let her go on about her perfectly healthy life.

Carmen was ashamed to admit to himself, that he barely even liked her. Nothing was natural, everything felt like a show he was putting on for someone else. Maybe for Mikey, maybe for himself, who knows.

One thing Carmen did know, for sure; it was not good for him. Or the restaurant. Or her. His partner.

She took the worst of it, and Carmen will never forgive himself for that. She did everything, kept his dream alive, while he fucked off and pretended to be something he wasn’t.

Somehow, gratefully and graciously, he’d earned his way back into Syndey’s trust over these last few months. Carmy put his full focus into The Bear, as it should’ve been from the beginning. And he never let her forget that he was there for her, that they were partners. Even when shit got too overwhelming, too much, they would always be there.

They stood by that.

Things were…better than they’d ever been.

The kitchen worked seamlessly, every once in a while there was a small mishap. But that’s what a good kitchen is; one that can run even when the unpredictable happens.

And for The Bear, regular unpredictable is a cake walk compared to their original amount of unpredictable.

He and Sydney moved through the kitchen like two halves of one mind. Wordlessly knowing what the other will need before they have the chance to ask, small gestures of reassurance when they need it. His hand on the small of her back in passing, I’m here, it says.

Her soft smile directed his way when he quietly corrected a new hire on their technique, instead of flying off the handle.

Carmen hadn’t raised his voice that way in a while. While he went to Al-Non and saw Dick (his therapist [that’s his actual name, don’t blame Carmen]), he could credit his better sleep schedule and improved outlook on life to one individual particularly.

The more he saw Sydney, the more she came into his space, the longer she stayed, the more Carmen calmed. For the first time in his life, he was still, tranquil, happy.

It, whatever it was, that special drug, that magic, seemed to just radiate off her skin in waves of pure ethereal light.

She stood in his modest kitchen, throwing her head back laughing at something stupid he said. And Carmen knew peace.

Maybe that’s why the shading pencils that had been shoved into a carboard box in the back of his closet finally made a reappearance.

He was at the market on a random Monday, their one and only day off, when he saw a display of sketchbooks, at the end of an aisle.

Instinct made him throw one in his basket. Black with a singular word embossed on the front in gold.

Create.

Carmen’s immediate thought was: that’s cheesy.

At home, sitting on the couch tapping his leg in impatience , he narrowed his eyes at the sketchbook in the center of his kitchen table. He thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad cover.

The word was like an alarm, a reminder that he could always be doing something, creating something new.

As afternoon turned to evening, Carm didn’t notice. He hadn’t looked up.

For the last four hours, he had been practically dead to the world.

All that existed was the image in his mind and the empty pages sitting before him.

The sound of his phone ringing startled him out of his daze. Realizing all of once that he was starving, and he had to pee, and his phone was still ringing.

Fuck, the phone!

He caught it before it went to voicemail.

“Yo!” He was out of breath, for no reason.

“Yo, you good?” Sydney chuckled, poking at him. “Am I still coming over to cook or are you like…training for the marathon?”

“I could run.” He huffed. “You don’t know.”

The smile that he refused to acknowledge was difficult to keep out of his voice, but he managed.

“Ha! I don’t think any Berzatto even knows the definition of the word ‘run’. Except maybe Pete, but he doesn’t count.”

That made a laugh bubble up out of him.

“He does run. Nat complains about his early morning jogs sometimes.”

“Of course he jogs!” She bellowed, cackling on the other end. “Nothing worse than a jogger.” Followed quickly by. “Don’t tell Nat or Pete I said that.”

Carmen sucked his teeth and tilted his head as if weighing his options, though she couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know…”

“Carmen!” He loved this. He loved her.

“I’m fucking with you, Syd. I won’t tell Nat you think her husband is awful because he jogs.”

“Good. Thank you.” She sighed. “Nat loves me more, anyway. She would take my side.”

“Over her husband?” He asked incredulously.

“No, jackass, over you.” She laughed.

“Ouch. A jackass that got his sister stolen by his CDC. Might as well just end it then. Here I was, taking the jeans out of the oven, just for you.”

“Well, now I’ve caught you in a lie. You forget, I see your oven as often as you do, and I haven’t seen a single sighting of denim.”

“I wait til you leave, obviously.”

“Just shut up and buzz me in, weirdo.” He can hear her smile through the phone knowing that he was the one to put it there warmed his blood.

He was floating on a cloud as he made his way to the front door. Leaving it ajar after buzzing her into the building.