#have to come to the realization
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𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐨 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚 𝐌𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲/𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 . 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐞𝐜𝐤 , 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡 ♥︎
𝐎𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 ...
#girlblogging#girlblogger#im just a girl#girlhood#girl interrupted#girlblog#hell is a teenage girl#lolit4#coquette#gregory peck#to kill a mockingbird#atticus finch#literally dad#1960s movies#d1lf#d1lf crush#nymph3t#i like older men#have to come to the realization#hot older man
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i connected two dots
#myart#minecraft#autism#this happened when I realized that I related to endermen#shitpost#also I know that not all autistic people have that trait so don’t come at me please
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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New FNAF clown Jackie from secret of the Mimic!!
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#fnaf jackie#circus baby#Ennard#the mimic#paper pals#fnaf eleanor#sister location#fazbear frights#secret of the mimic#ALL THE stuff coming out from PAX is so cool#I wish I was there to peep it myself BUT maybe next time pff#ALL THE secret of the mimic info is super neat#it has a demo there it seems it does take place in the 70s#IN a toy factory btw#but the biggest drop is of course Jackie#the animatronic that was in the SOTM trailer#now having a fully realized design#she’s like a jack in the box! her arms can extent#obviously I had to draw Jackie immediately#I LOVE her design#she joins all the other fnaf clowns in the series ❤️#rip to Michael and the other fnaf protagonists though pff#I’m super curious how Jackie plays into everything but I can’t wait#love the silly clown girl ❤️❤️❤️
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DC x DP Prompt: Bruce is bad at emoting but at least ghosts are empathic (too bad bat kids are not)
Was reading Twincognito on AO3 when I stumbled across this gem again:
~
" “Danny, Tim. I was just…checking in. Is everything alright?” Curse his inability to make meaningful conversation when it wasn’t a life or death situation.
They glanced at each other and shrugged.
Then Danny hauled himself out of the bed and walked over to Bruce.
Bruce tried not to let too much excitement show on his face. "
~
Now I really want to read a story where Bruce adopts Danny post Meta trafficking and is being his usual emotionally constipated self. His kids keep getting mad at him because he's treating their new meta brother who was trafficked poorly (generally being stilted in conversation with him, walking away hurriedly mid-conversation, avoiding Danny when he's feeling really awkward, etc). They think Bruce is discriminating against Danny for being a civilian, meta, dealer's pick, but really it's just Bruce being horribly socially awkward. Danny knows this because of ghost empathy and find the whole thing hilarious. The whole thing comes to a head with the Bat Kids staging an intervention in the Bat Cave.
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#batfam#batman#danny phantom#danny fenton#bruce wayne is a good dad#bruce wayne#bruce is terrible at feelings#the whole thing comes to a head with the bat kids hosting an intervention in the bat cave#maybe like a five plus one set up?#each time one of the bat kids thought bruce was discriminating against danny#and one time where they realized 'no#he is just that awkward'#dealer's choice if alfred thinka bruce is discriminating or not too#thinking this is either before adopting duke or not long after#because its one thing to be a light and shadow meta and another to be as OP as Danny is#also i'm thinking they don't know danny is a halfa#like they think he's just an unfortunately useful meta that got trafficked#could also have danny encountering his new siblings in and out of uniform knowing who they are without them revealing it for extra fun#idk#couldn't get this out of my head#my original post#fic prompt#story prompt#prompt#please guys i have no spoons but i want to read it so bad#🥺
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so my younger cousin is flying in to visit from brazil on sunday, and will be staying here for like, the entirety of july. which, don't get me wrong, is super cool! i love the kid! but it felt like a super weird move, considering his parents are the SUPER strict and borderline helicopter parents. even the smallest prank/roughousing with him/his little sister would lead to a strict talking to from his parents, he couldn't ever do anything without their clear permission, that sort of stuff. so letting him fly at alone at 16 to a whole different country and stay there for a whole month seemed WILDLY out of character. additionally, it just felt like a super last-minute trip. it's not like we have any plans to do when he gets here, and the flight itself and stuff only got booked like, midway through june.
and i was talking to my mom about it, kind of trying to nudge some answers out of her, and after a while she went, "yeah, i think they're sending him over here to get away for his boyfriend. see if the distance breaks them off." which, first of all, surprised me because last i checked, they didn't KNOW he had a boyfriend. literally everyone in the family did EXCEPT for them because while that entire side of the family being semi-conservative, his parents (mostly his dad) are EXTREMELY old-fashioned. so clearly something already went wrong. and considering the only reason the rest of the family knew is because one person found out and it spread like wildfire, i have a sneaking suspicion he wasn't the one to tell them, either.
and second of all. they're sending him HERE. to try to make him forget his homosexuality. i couldn't do anything but just wordlessly gesture to the multiple pride flags scattered around my room, then to myself, because really? he has like two other cousins in the us and they're sending him to me? honey i am about to introduce this kid to queer scenes you have never even heard of. he'll be returning home with labels only shrimp can perceive
#icarus speaks#i fully believe she's correct btw#they are. not the brightest people. and honestly probably believe this is something that could work#cause i can see the logic of get him away and hopefully he'll realize it's a phase. which is Likely what they think#but oh honey you have a big storm coming#side note this is the SECOND time someone's been outed without permission on that side of the family 😭#bitches learned of my transgenderism SO quickly#also even if that's NOT why they sent him here. i will still be rocking his world#they have given me Infinite Power and i will use it to make this kid's life as queer as physically possible
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"So, handling your archnemesis," Danny starts. The room falls quiet, heads slowly turning to look at the man as he writes the words on the chalkboard. When finished, the characters somehow both messy and neat at once, Danny places the chalk back down and claps his hands.
"I typically call them fruitloops. Often they're in a better position than you are- older, richer, more powerful. They may have some sort of status that protects them when facing the public."
Tim wondered where Dick was right now, and if he was laughing. His brain was lagging like a computer as he tried to process what Danny was saying, and how seriously a few of his fellow teen vigilantes were taking this.
"Some of their more common tactics are-" the chalk was picked back up, and Danny writes as he speaks.
"Manipulation, isolation, conditioning, and empathy."
MICE.
Tim stares at the board, and quietly slips put his phone.
-What have I done to deserve this.
Enjoy your lessons Tim-
His head thumps against the desk. Conner leans over, gives him a pat on the shoulder but returns to taking notes as Danny goes on to explain the conditioning tactic.
#small bit#i genuinely have been imagining bits where danny comes in as a classroom setting and just has a bunch of teen vigilantes and heroes#he records his lessons and offers them out so that if any other teen heroes not jl affiliated want some advice they can access it#danny phantom#dc comics#tim drake#dick grayson#fic idea#gonna call this vigilante tutor danny au#vigilante tutor danny au#danny fenton#dpxdc#in this au danny works more with JLD as a human and as an adviser to JL in general#but he actually likes focusing on his college degrees and learning magic on the side#he doesnt crack out his ghost form unless for emergencies or handling things in the Realms#none of the batfamily believed Dick when he said Danny was gonna have valuable advice for teen heroes#tim listens and realizes how much of this applies to him specifically#this sort of ties into the post i made about dc timelines with dp#roommates danny fenton and dick grayson
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#siffrin 'hey guys i love you but can you pls let me have a crisis?? I can't even realize this is my culture with all this noise#rushed the second page so the anxiety that comes for no reason doesn't force me to throw it all away haha pls don't mind it#isat#in stars and time#isat au#siffrin? more like sif is out au#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers
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queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎
I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#coming in well after the fact but that's what happens when the art doesn't cooperate#and i just HAD to draw something for vil's ob (re-ob?) because i loved it so much#legit put my hand over my mouth and went “oh!” when i realized what was happening#i thought it was just going to be an idia thing because. y'know. closing out his character arc from episode 6 and all#so this was like. oh! oh we're going to get ALL the inky boys!!!!!#i wonder if this is why we got a malleus flashback so early...#not to mention everyone's dreams?!#i am braced for 90% of the dreams to be kind of jokey/inconsequential because we have SO many characters to get through#and most of the time will probably be spent on our lads (literally) dropkicking their emotional problems#but i am excited to see everyone regardless!#and also kind of terrified! what on EARTH will floyd be dreaming about. do i want to know.#i do but do i want to.#man. they're probably not going to get back to it but i do wonder what silver's dream was#what was he doing when he was like 'wait a minute' and noped right out of there#lilia: here silver i made dinner :)#silver: oh boy this looks great! ...YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD#ouuuagh i'm still deep in the blotsauce guys and i'm loving it#come make snowangels in the ink with me it's great
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always a fun time when real life people are doomed by their own narratives. like guys you know it doesn’t have to be like this right? this isn’t a stageplay the foreshadowing isn’t real until you make it real
#what do roman senators rock stars and real pirates have in common#i would love to write a magical realism psychological horror movie about a up-and-coming celebrity#in which the premise is that the more and more you garner a parasocial following#(i.e.#the more and more you are treated like a character instead of a real person)#the more you become subject to the rules of fiction and thus narrative fate#and the protagonist slowly but surely realizes that by becoming famous they’ve sold away their own ontology#//#god. i need to find that sexy quote from pete townshend about how the music industry is perpetuated on human sacrifice
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All he knows is flirt with men and lie.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#su she#jin guangyao#Jin Guangyao smelt the 'no one appreciates me' wafting off this guy and said 'is anyone else going to manipulate that to their benefit?'#Su minshan fans...I get it. He's so deep into his role as a pawn he thinks he might have a chance of being someone bigger in this game.#He does play a key role but he's never actually out of anyone's shadow! That's brutal!#JGY's manipulation games are always so fun to see in action. His words are his weapon!#He's getting verbally kicked around only to have someone acknowledge his achievements! Just like how NMJ did for JGY.#He is a master of honeyed words and gentle appreciations. His instrument is *your* heartstrings.#He might see himself in Su She; They both feel under valued and hungry for more importance -#-but it's also a means for JGY to know how to pull his strings.#(IN THIS MOMENT. I very much realize he does come to care for him later on.)#It is also funny how much his powerplays involve sweet talking men. Where did he learn that from?#(Most likely the brothels he grew up in. It's a kick in the gut once you see that link!)
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#lmao#for anyone who's curious the process went:#send ask to aita official#blog blows up#someone realizes its a chexer fic#i follow them bc they seem cool#i join their rvb server#their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on#i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected#the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury#this leads me to do research into brain injuries#''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder''#think on that for a while#go to the ER for unrelated reasons#remember my theory#bring it up to the doctor#Doctor Immediate Concern#doctors orders a ct scan#''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury''#(i had had several)#''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit''#and now we are here#it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic#and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences#so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself#^ ^ <3#im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here
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Guys I realized you can’t compromise quality time on your core interests without compromising your own core self and fading away as a person . Did you know about this
#This is a realization you come to every day as a pre med btw#You’re j kinda like I don’t need to be a person for the next 3 months and then you’re like oh that’s so unhealthy actually#And the cycle repeats and then u reach acceptance in residency when the 80 hr work week hits 😍#Awk#I should probably stop sulking and take advantage of the freedom I have before med school#Like I’ll still make time for stuff then too but I know that’ll be a whole other level of time management
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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early mornings after nightmares
#just realized I made a pinned post with this art before putting it up whyyy am I like this#anyway headcanon time: I like to think they hang out while the sun comes up after the doctor has a nightmare and they just sit and talk#or Donna will read and just keep him company (I love watching the sun rise it’s such a unique feeling! i suck at getting up early tho lol)#Doctor who#fourteenth doctor#donna noble#I need like. A platonic ship name do we have one of those for them?#my art#not super happy with it but ITS DONE#doctor who fanart#the doctor#catherine tate#david tennant#procreate#Digital art#uh#incase my handwriting is as illegible as I think : Donna’s says “worlds best mum” and the Doctor’s says “worlds okayest uncle”#okay this looks more like a sunset so??
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the last few bots that have followed me don't even have funky little bios anymore, they're just blank and untitled..... like at least try a little harder. tell me a little something fun about yourself before i block you baby
#bench text#i realized i don't actually have a tag for random text posts that's the best i can come up with on the spot#bots#pornbots
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