#have never brought it up in therapy because i never remembered that situation at the time. had more pressing issues

[robinsnest2111]

gotta. come to terms with the fact that something Actually Kinda Bad happened to me as a small child. my brain tends to Bury that memory way deep so I rarely think about it. to the point I question if it actually really happened. but it did. I wouldn't and couldn't have made that up. not at that age.

[senblades]

I've had a realisation,

So, we all like to dunk on Akechi for having a stupid plan- which, well, yeah; but I think that a lot of people (whether they like Akechi's character or not) tend to miss the point:

That being, that the holes we all poke in his plan; "Why didn't he just kill Shido at the start?" "There's no way he'd live/be free after that," "His plan to ruin Shido's reputation would never work," are actually far more revealing as to Akechi's priorities, than they are of him just being 'stupid'.

For starters, "there's no way he'd live/be free after that." -as a fandom I think we've all already come to the conclusion that Akechi's regard for his own life is spotty at best. I wouldn't necessarily say that he wants to die by the time of the third semester, which really just adds to the tragedy of the whole situation, but I digress. Point is, the kid needs therapy, moving on.

"His plan to ruin Shido's reputation would never work," Ah, now this is where I think some cultural differences start to come in to play- I won't say much, since I'm relatively uninformed, but by the sounds of it, revealing that Shido has an illegitemate child is actually the kind of thing that would make a lot of people raise their eyebrows. And, more importantly, the kind of thing that would really throw his "easy election win" into some serious jeapordy. (AND, it's never exactly stated that "revealing himself as an illegitemate child" was Akechi's tactic to ruin Shido- more of a "hey, Shido, guess who it was that ruined you, you piece of shit?"- which, well, more on that mindset later)

Next, "Why didn't he just kill Shido from the start?" This is where I think a lot of people get tripped up. To my memory, there is not a single point in the engine room where Akechi says that killing Shido is the cornerstone of his plan (localisation differences notwithstanding. I'm sure someone will come yell at me (/lh) if this is the case). Now, to be fair, Akechi in the engine room is really just him giving a very desperate powerpoint while he sharpens his sword- so I don't doubt that he's skimming over a couple points. But, you'd think that Akechi would remember to mention that if that really was his main goal.

Okay, so Akechi doesn't want to kill Shido. Cool, follow-up question, "Why didn't he just give Shido a pshychotic breakdown from the start?" That's the kind of thing that would have ruined Shido's reputation, too, right? And, it would have been before he would have had the means to try and cover it up. Well, finally, I can get to my point:

Akechi needs Shido's disgrace to be loud, because he needs everyone else to care, too. Akechi's revenge isnt just against the man who left him and his mother for dead, but also against the society that continued to leave him for dead, again and again; the society that only lauded him as something special if he slapped some pretty wallpaper over the past he had absolutely no control over.

Looking at it like this does a lot of things:

First, it really amps up the whole "the PT's justice and Akechi's justice foil each other". Akechi's revenge is also a vehichle for revolution, since it is, in essence: "Look! Look at the man who you lauded as a saviour! Look at me, the man who brought him down. Aren't we both disgusting, in your eyes? Take a look at yourselves. Aren't we all the same?"

That leads pretty nicely into Akechi as a pawn for Yaldabaoth, too. Akechi wants to make sure he and Shido go out with a bang, and leave a shitshow in their wake. That's prime God of Control real estate! It's also prime "metaphor for Ruin" real estate; you get the point.

And, finally, an interesting point comes from all of this. That being, that, well- the only reason that Akechi's plan wasn't going to work, is that he placed too much stock in the idea that Shido has any concept of loyalty or gratitude. Shido, as we all know, is an absolute piece of shit- and still, Akechi had believed that maybe, just maybe, his father would feel bad for being terrible to his son.

(I'm not going to go on too big of a tangent, but that is an interesting insight into Akechi's idea of Justice, and into what his personas might represent. Contradiction, as ever, is the name of the game, and Akechi simultaneously believes that there's no way to get anywhere in life without force and violence, and that there is also a fundemantal truth of what is good and fair within human hearts)

The message of this, I'm pretty sure, is not: "Akechi failed because of that lingering belief in humanity" (wouldn't that be one hell of a heel-turn lmao), but rather: "Akechi, with his distorted (ha) priorities, was never going to be happy in any quest for vengeance, even if his plan succeeded entirely"

tl;dr, Akechi needs therapy. Wait- Maruki, no! Not that kind of therapy!

[ay-chuu]

Taking the gloves off from his hands to kiss it & Lucifer, Barbatos, Simeon

gn!reader. I may have some grammer mistakes please spare them.

Lucifer

Sometimes it was like a miracle that Lucifer had time for you in his busy work life. So, due to the limited things you could do, you decided to just go and sit next to him while he was at student council room. Listening to the sound of his quill while reading your book wasn’t that bad.

However, when you looked up and saw the tired look on Lucifer’s face, all the interest in the book you were reading was gone. You slowly closed your book, stood up, and pulled your chair next to Lucifer. When Lucifer shifted his gaze to you, you took advantage of the distraction and took his hands by yours.

You could feel the hardness of his hands even through his gloves. Lucifer was a man who put himself forward in every way he wanted. His thoughts, behaviors, and pride weren't just his personality. They were also his body. But you knew him better than anyone else. You knew that he felt much more and secretly than he showed.

So you weren't surprised when you felt the soft part of his hands under the fabric as you slowly removed his gloves from his hands. And as you kissed his hands, Lucifer remembered why he was so in love with you. He smiled at your cute gesture and didn't forget to be thankful and pray inside...

Barbatos

Having little tea time getaways by the lake was not uncommon for you and your lover Barbatos. Especially when Barbatos could gain some new fresh tea leaves. You knew he loved experiencing the new kind of peace he got from tasting the teas with you. You watched as he prepared the tea under the dark sky with the starlight illuminating it. The smell was the kind that soothed you. Oh, you were sure you were going to have a good night’s sleep tonight.

You turned your head towards the lake for a moment and took a deep breath. Your favorite part of these secret meetings was being able to escape from the rush of life and take a deep breath. While you were looking at the lake in your own thoughts, you felt a gentle hand under your chin turn your head. When you made eye contact with Barbatos, you smiled at him and gently took his hand in yours and caressed it.

Barbatos was always a very mysterious man. You loved seeing parts of him that you had never seen before, very suddenly. A new reaction, a new piece of information, a new trauma, a new hobby... most of the information about him was a very sweet puzzle consisting of closed doors for you. And you loved finding the keys. Because you loved Barbatos.

Maybe that's why you took off his glove without thinking and put it on the blanket you were sitting on. You didn't forget to look into Barbatos' eyes until you slowly brought his bare hand to your lips and closed your eyes.

Barbatos couldn't hold back his chuckle as yoy slowly brought his hand back to your chin and leaned head to it. He had lived for a hundred, a thousand, millions of years. He had seen more things than he had ever seen, felt more things than he had ever felt, but look at his condition. He had gotten tangled up in the fingers of something so innocent that had lived for a period of time that he called days. Barbatos could swear that this was the only situation that he wouldn't think twice about if he experienced the same event in another universe.

Simeon

Baking cookies with Simeon was like therapy for you two. It was a secret way to relax, especially when one of you was feeling down from something you couldn’t explain. The way to start this moment was a simple sentence. “Shall we make cookies together?” and the next thing you knew, you were both in the kitchen, wearing aprons, laughing like two silly kids as you do some flour fight.

While you were putting the cookies you made into the oven, Simeon came behind you silently and kissed your hair. You smiled and leaned your head on his chest. Answering the question "are you better?" That he asked with his actions. After staying in the same position for about a minute, Simeon took his hand off your waist and turned around and started to clean up the kitchen. When you tried to help, he forced you to sit on a chair and did all the work himself while you looked at him with a deep love.

When he was done, you realized that he was going to take off his gloves to wash his hands and replace them with new ones. Without letting him take them off while he was next to the sink, you silently came near to him, took them both off and brought his hands to your lips and stayed like that for a few seconds while you inhaled his scent.

There were many factors that made you fall in love with Simeon. His endless compassion, kindness, empathy, his inability to judge everything.. but what drove you most crazy about him was how much he accepted you for who you are. Simeon had practically made it clear to you from the very beginning of this relationship that the only two things he wanted were you and your love. The secret thank you you said while kissing his hands expressed so little of your love that your heart was left wanting a lot of nice words and touches to pour out more...

Simeon, on the other hand, felt your gratitude in every vein as he chuckled and blushed silently. No matter what you were sad about now or happy about later, the only thing he wanted you to know was that he and his love for you would always be by your side.

[I want to gift this little fic to my new cute friend who made me want to write again. ♡♡ @temis-de-leon ]

[simpingforheros]

Bring Me To Life

Pairing: Arkham Knight!Jason Todd x Female! Reader

Summary: Destroy the Batman and get his companion back? Jason almost didn't believe Slade until... Warnings: Usage of female pronouns, Nudity (NO smut), Swearing, Character Death, Angst, Resurrection, Infantization ( I didn't know how to better describe this), Unhealthy relationship dynamics, Kinda Dark/Obsessive! Jason, Mentions Electroshock therapy, Implied Brainwashing, Slade being a creep, Mentions of Drug Abuse, Mentions of Child Neglect, Mentions of Child Homelessness and unsafe situations, SPOILERS for Death in the Family (Comic 1988) and Arkham Knight.

Author's Note: Hiya Everyone, This is the first fanfic I've written in a while and the christianing fic for this account. I may start a casual little series with this, but I don't know yet. Also any comic and game inaccuracies are either because I forgot or I adjusted it to fit the story.

Also while this post is mostly safe for work, MINORS DNF AND PLEASE READ WARNINGS. I DO NOT AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO STEAL MY WORK OR REPOST IT ON OTHER SITES.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was supposed to be him...

Those dark nights he had spent alone on the streets as a child didn't seem so bad looking back on it. Jason understood struggle even when he had lived with his parents who spent grocery money on alcohol and drugs. Living on the streets didn't feel so much worse, especially since he had... "Jason, Mr. Accetta gave me some scraps from dinner rush today! There's even a whole pizza in here!"

Her. His one friend had since he was thrown into this harsh world. She was the only person he knew at the time to never stop smiling or finding a positive outlook on things. He couldn't even remember when they met, but he could hardly remember them being apart.

Whether he was stealing or fighting, she was there as a faithful lookout or a willing accomplice. She taught him how to take tires off of cars like her granddad taught her and he taught her how to throw a punch like his dad used to throw. An unstoppable duo who ran the alley as well as two 11-year-olds could.

The harsh winter nights they spent crowding together were his favorite memories from that time. Even with the bite of Gotham's winds at their toes, his partner would never falter to talk about anything and everything as he listened. She would talk about her dead grandparents a lot and all the stories she had with them before they passed away, but his mind couldn't recall them at all. He just remembers the constant dream that she told him every night.

"One day, Jay, I'm gonna have enough money and get an apartment in Old Gotham..." Jason's nose turns up as he listens to his friend as he bites on his food. "Why Old Gotham? Isn't it just falling apart?"

She giggles as she pulls the oversized coat closer to her shivering body. The jacket was from a relative but the fabric lost those memories as its fibers were now bones. She still had it even after she left the streets...

"Because it's the most beautiful place in the world...I will get an apartment someday and you and I will live there. We can even get like a cat or something."

The familiar burn on Jason's face blooms as he asks, "Why would you want me there?"

"Because it wouldn't be my dream home unless you're there with me."

He wouldn't find out until a few years later that her grandparents used to live in Old Gotham until her grandfather died and her grandmother had to move as she would unknowingly follow her husband not even a year later...

Those nights in the streets melted into nights spent in the warmth of Wayne manor. As the two thieves became kings after a faithful night with the Batmobile, Jason was brought into the world of crime fighting along with his closest friend. As they trained and donned their capes, She would show a new side of herself to Jason. The overly happy young girl from the streets became an anxious teenager as he became angerier.

"Jason..." Her voice woke him up in the darkest of nights. His body ached from the nightly fights from the previous day as he turned to see a familiar sight.

A now 14-year-old Y/N standing in the crack of the door. Her fidgeting figure indicated all he needed to know before he raised his blanket as she scurried to get in the bed. This was a ritual that started when they moved in. Both would grow anxious at night as they went from the open streets to a large, confining manor. Alfred almost had given up on trying to scold the teens as they were found sharing a bed more times than being separated.

As she curled into his side as much as she could without hurting him, he could practically hear her mind tinkering as her E/C eyes stared into his chest.

There wasn't the need to discuss what was on her mind. At least not right now. She was concerned about the growing tension between Bruce and Jason. He was becoming reckless and Bruce was having none of it with her often getting dragged into the middle of the fights.

He hated that he never tried more...

It shouldn't have surprised him when all the conflict had finally caused a break in the family. Especially when Jason began looking for his birth mother. Y/N tried to be supportive of him as he investigated his leads. Those leads eventually led to Jason reuniting with Bruce as he investigated a possible arms trade in Lebanon. The reconciliation and the prospect of finding his mother left him blind to any form of common sense, but what kind of common sense could a fifteen-year-old make in the life they lived?

He should have listened to her concerns when they finally found Sheila Haywood, his real mother. Y/N had a bad feeling from the start but he dismissed her worries. Jason had no clue that the night he was supposed to meet with Sheila was gonna end up being one of the worst nights of his life....

"Jason, maybe you should wait for Bruce to be here so he can come with you." She suggested softly.

His eyes roll as he adjusts his costume. "Because it's none of his business. I'm just meeting with my mom and talking out some stuff..."

He didn't tell her about the blackmailing he witnessed earlier that day between his mother and the Joker. But, he would find out later that she already knew about it through Bruce.

Her hand reaches for his shoulder and pulls him around to face her. "I'm serious. You shouldn't meet with a woman you barely know in some fucking warehouse in the middle of nowhere!"

Jason can remember the hurt he felt when he heard her snap at him, Oh, how angry he got with her when all she wanted was to protect him. He remembers yelling at her the worst thing he thought he could say to her.

Why the fuck did he ever say that to her?

"I'm sorry your parents didn't want anything to fucking do with you, but I'm not gonna let your bitter ass ruin my shot to be with mine."

He remembers the hurt that filled her eyes and the string of regret pooling in his gut. With a fake smile on her face and tears pooling in her eyes, Y/N says softly,

"Okay...I'm sorry," The sharp sting in his neck as she pressed the vial of sedatives Bruce gave her into his veins. "I'm sorry to do this, Jason, but Bruce said you wouldn't go down that easily."

Jason couldn't remember what he said after the spark of betrayal hit him, but he hated himself that the last time he saw those eyes they were clouded with the tears he caused....

"Y/N! Please talk to me!" Jason begs into the coms as he rod on the back of the motorbike with Bruce.

He should have known. Her instincts are never wrong and he doubted her.

When Bruce found him unconscious and told him about how Joker was involved in all of this, Jason should have known that it was all a trap. His mother wasn't a poor blackmailed soul, she was a conniving bitch who profitted.

He also should have known that Y/N was gonna go meet with Sheila instead of him. Where the Joker was waiting for her.

"Y/N, please. Please be okay...." He begged to the coms as he can only think about what he said to her the last time they spoke.

"J...Jason...."

"Y/N!" Relief washed over him like a wave as he heard her voice. Her broken pained moaned of his voice made him sick as he tried to at least rationalized that at least she was alive. "Don't worry, honey. We know where you are and we're coming to help you."

He didn't know that she was laying battered and broken against the locked door as she stared at the bomb that was ticking away on the wall. Her labored breaths blocked out the ticking on the comms as she whispers out.

00:12

"Do you remember the apartment?..."

"What apartment? The one you talked about in the alley? Why are you-?"

She interupts him, he can hear the familiar curl of her smile in her pained voice as she whispered,

"I wanted it to have a window facing the east end...the stars always looked pretty over there..."

00:10

"Y/N, what are you-"

"I wanted one of those Tabby-looking cats like the ones we saw in the alleyway outside of Mr. Accetta's restaurant...Name it Frank after that old Italian fucker...I was hoping we could go back and actually buy dinner in that restaurant someday..."

00:08

"Are you okay? Why are you talking like this? We are almost there. I can see the building! We are almost here. I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU."

Jason's desperation was palpable as he heard his beloved talk like she was on her deathbed. His panic causes Bruce to drive faster as the Batcycle inches closer to the warehouse. "Jason"

00:04

"Jason, I love you...I have since I was 13..." She admits as her voice trembles. "I used to dream we would become the family we always wanted with each other...Thank you for being in my life and I'm sorry I let you down..."

00:03

"Y/N, I -"

00:02

"Wait!"

00:01

"Goodbye, Jason..."

.

.

.

It should have been him who died that night... It was supposed to be him. NOT HER.

Jason blamed himself for her death as soon as he helped pull her broken corpse out of the rubble. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't her. This wasn't his Batgirl. Not his best friend who would run around the manor with him or help him pickpocket pedo freaks on the street. This broken little girl that was in his adoptive father's arms wasn't his first love. She was a bright, kind light who protected her loved ones, not this broken shell who wore her skin...

But, it was her...

He blamed Bruce for it too. He was the one gave her the orders to keep Jason away from the warehouse. He had to have known that she was gonna go instead. Bruce should have known she was because she wanted to be wrong about Sheila so Jason could be happy...

He also blamed the Joker. He wanted that Clown dead... His opportunity presents itself after he tracks Joker down to an abandoned wing of Arkham trying to flee from blowing up a children's hospital.

Blinded by his rage and bloodlust, Jason went in alone and without any communication. Y/N would scold him in her grave as he fell for the trap, sealing him in a cycle of hell for a year.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"What if I could?"

"Do what?"

"Bring her back. Would you be willing to work for Crane if I could bring back the little Batgirl?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He knew it was bullshit.

Bringing back someone from the dead was impossible.

Jason would have been satisfied if his pseudo-partner/ prisoner, Deathstroke, just told him that he would be able to kill the Batman and wipe the hell hole that is Gotham off the face of the earth. He already dedicated a full year after his escape from Arkham to building his army.

His only regret during this time was not killing Joker himself. Even after all the torture and pain that clown did to him, he regretted not bashing the Joker's skull in after their last encounter as Slade helped him escape. It wouldn't have mattered to him at the time that Slade would have killed him because it wouldn't have been revenge for his own torture.

it would have been for Y/N. For the hell she faced that night. After a few months in Arkham, Jason almost accepted his torture as punishment for not dying that day for her because he experienced everything she felt. Every day he experienced everything she had to feel those short agonizing hours for an entire year. She must have been so scared and Jason couldn't save her.

The only thing that kept him from giving up was the memories he had of her and the burning hatred for those who caused her light to be snuffed out too soon.

He just wanted to feel that warmth again...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"If you can do that, then I'll burn the whole world to the ground for that fucking lunatic."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Please Jason. Let us help you!" Barbara Gordan begged from her cell as Jason snaps at her.

"THERE IS NO HELPING! I CAN FIX IT!"

Jason was manic. His men were being tugged around like dog toys by Batman and Slade had left him hours ago to attend some matter he didn't care to ask about. His time was running thin and he knows he needs to end this soon. It didn't help that those he didn't want involved are here as well like Barbara.

"Sir..." A militia soldier says as he nervously walks into the room. HIs men were already aware how stupid it was to come near him when he's in a crazed anger. Jason's head whipped at him like a feral man as he grits out.

"What is it?"

"Deathstroke is here...and he uh..."

Impatience reaches a boiling point as Jason raises his gun and shoots the militia solider in the head as Barbara shrieks. The red puddle of death fills the sterile room with lead as Deathstroke walts in. Jason turns his back towards him as places his helmet back into place.

"My, what a mess you made." Deathstroke mockingly scolds. The hidden smirk almost causes Jason to snap again.

"Where have you been? Batman is out there taking down my tanks faster than my men can repair them. You told m-!"

The Arkham Knight's monologue was intruppted as he turns to scold Slade by his heart dropping to his stomach at the sight before him. He swore that if he didn't hear Barbara's gasp and the whisper of fate's name, he would have woken up back in that dreaded wing of Arkham Asylum.

Slade chuckles as he rattles the chain in his hand as he says coyly, "What? Am I not allowed to go fetch your payment?"

Standing behind Deathstroke was a naked woman. Her tangled up (H/C) hair ran down her shoulders as her wide innocent eyes shined through the now white tendrils framing her face. Her body seemed more mature but all muscle mass she had was faded. Her face seemed aged but he recognized the curve of her nose and those lips he imagined smiling at him through his darkest moments.

"Y/N?" He helplessly calls out to her as he feels himself pulled towards her like a magnet.

If it wasn't for the stark white streak and gnarly, painful-looking scars on her body, Jason would have thought this was Scarecrow's fear toxin. It couldn't be possible, right? She was dead. He knew she was because he held her body. He felt how cold she was and watched how her lifeless eyes looked up to the ash ridden sky.

Those eyes now looked at him with no familiarity, but a childlike wonder as she naively smiles at him.

"How?" Was all the Arkham Knight could muster as he reaches to grab her. To pull her into his arms and never let her leave.

Deathstroke grabs the collar that was wrapped around her neck and yanks her back behind him as she chokes on her breath. He chuckles as he looks back into Jason's voiceless mask.

"The Lazarus Pit brought back her body." He explains as he hauntingly twirls the chain in his hand. "Of course, after you agreed to work with Crane, I brought her back immediately. Unfortunately, the poor thing suffered from Pit Madness."

A cruel smirk appears on Deathstrokes lips as he pushes the girl's hair back to reveal circular scars on her temples. Jason felt rage bubbling up in his throat as he recognized what those scars were.

Prolonged Electroshock Therapy

"You sick!" Before Jason could throw a punch, Slade places his gun on Y/N's forehead as he chuckles. The woman didn't even sense the danger as she continued to observe everyone with a curious eye. Jason immediately backs off as Slade continues.

"Of course. Her treatment did cause her to be cured of the madness but at the cost of her memories. She barely remembers how to take care of herself so you make it like that. Especially when you want to fuck her."

Jason was thankful for his mask as he would have killed him from his glare. To imply that she was just a potential fucktoy made him itch to bury this man in the deepest bowels of hell. As he quietly glares at him, Slade finally offers him the chain. The Arkham Knight accepts the chain as the assassin warns him,

"Now since you got your payment. You better keep your end of the deal..." His voice becomes threatening as he says.

"Because I can easily kill her just as I brought her back.'"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

AN: I was gonna write more, but I got exhausted so this is all I got. Let me know if it's a vibe or not.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

@simpingforheros fanfic. I DO NOT AUTHORIZE THE COPYING, STEALING, OR REPOSTING OF MY WORKS ON OTHER WEBSITES WITHOUT CREDIT.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

04/23/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Taika Waititi; Samba Schutte; Vico Ortiz; Astroglide; Articles; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; Never Left Podcast; OFMD Colouring Pages; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika

== David Jenkins ==

Chaos Dad popped out to send some love and support today!

Img Src: David Jenkins Twitter

= Taika Waititi =

Well, Taika broke the internet today with his Belvedere commercial. Directed and starred in it. Be sure to open a window because it is hot.

= Samba Schutte =

Samba has started up a new T Shirt campaign to benefit the charity @everymomcounts that helps to make pregnancy and childbirth, safe and equitable! You can either buy a #CrewForLife t-shirt, or sign up for one of his baking classes/meet and greets!

Our Merch Means Death on Stands

Delicious Chaos with Samba Schutte

== Vico Ortiz ==

Vico starred in a short called Fire F*cking Fire and great news it's headed to the Tribeca Film Festival in June!

Img Src: Vico Ortiz IG

== Astroglide ==

Our besties over at @astroglideofficial put out a word search today with a few words/phrases you'll recognise!

Img Src: Astroglide Twitter

== Articles ==

Warner Bros. Stock Has Had a Rough Year. Why This Analyst Thinks It Will Get Even Worse.

Mark Indelicato Frustrated With Queer Shows Constantly Cancelled

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Cast Cards ==

Our fabulous @melvisik has another cast card for us! Tonight's is another one of the bourgeousie that Frenchie and Olu manageed to include in their Pyramid Scheme! They are the one that Olu told to "Go Away"!

Img Src: @melvisik's Twitter

== Never Left Podcast ==

Next episode of the podcast Never Left is out! This one is Beautiful Princess Disorder Part 5!

Never Left Instagram

Never Left Linktr.ee

== OFMD Colouring Pages ==

More colouring pages from the fantastic @patchworkpiratebear ! Visit their tumblr for more!

== Love Notes ==

Hey there Lovelies. Happy Taika Tuesday! Did you have a good day today?

Dad's comments today brought out a lot of folks sharing their stories on therapy and I wanted to chat about it for a moment.

First of all, if you're delving out for the first time (or trying again after years of not going)-- just know, you're being really brave. Depending on where you come from and your background, mental health may not have been something that your family prioritized (or maybe it was but therapy was never an option). It can be pretty scary to talk to someone you don't know about your inner most worries. You're taking a big step, and I'm proud of you for that.

You've looked at your situation, whatever tough things you're experiencing, and you've decided to prioritize you and your mental health-- and that's amazing. It's a hard decision to make sometimes, and as simple as it should be, it's not that easy. I'm so happy that mental health is talked about and therapy is so much more accepted now a days. Growing up I was in a situation where we "didn't talk about ourselves to other people" and that can be so very lonely when you are feeling really down.

I wanted to mention a couple things that I didn't know going into therapy-- in case they help at all, but obviously every experience is different, so feel free to take or leave the advice :)

Firstly, therapy doesn't solve things overnight. Sometimes it'll take weeks, or months, or years to unpack some of the things you really need to work through. It'll take time. When I went to therapy for the first time, for some reason I thought I'd just be able to dump all my problems out on a table and the therapist would pick one and we'd work on it. Instead it was a gradual thing, where they got to know me, I got to know them, and the more we talked the more we were able to unravel. I just don't want you to get discouraged if it takes longer than you planned, it's definitely a process.

Secondly, something to remember, is not all therapists are going to vibe with you. It took me a few tries before I found a therapist that really worked well with me. If you don't feel like it's helping, consider looking into a different therapist, sometimes it's not the therapy that you're struggling with, but just a mismatched vibe with your therapist. If you can help it-- don't give up right away, try another, I was really grateful that I did.

Thirdly, and if you're like me, this is a tough one. Remember to advocate for yourself. Sometimes a therapist may want to try certain therapies, or exercises, and it's something you've tried and just isn't working for you, or they want to go a medication route and you dont, or maybe they're saying something you disagree with. Remember you're your own advocate here, and they're here to help you, not hinder you from getting to where you want to be. Speak up for yourself if you can.

Lastly, therapy, especially the first few, don't always end in happy feelings. Think of it like a muscle in your leg that you haven't been using for years...and it's atrophied. You have to build that muscle back up, and it can really hurt occasionally during that time. You might leave therapy feeling worse once or twice because you're finally letting out some of that vitriol you've been holding onto for so long. It should feel better later.. maybe the next day, but it may not feel great the same day. That's a perfectly reasonable experience to have, and if you feel awesome, that is too!

Anyway lovelies, not sure if that helps, but I wanted to share it just in case it helped someone.

Whether you're going to therapy tomorrow, or soon, or ever, or never, I am really proud of you. You're doing what you need for you, and that's the most important thing. You deserve good things, and healthy thoughts and positive feelings. You really do. You got this <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme is hats <3 Taika Gif Courtesy of the phenomenal @ofmd-ann, Darby gif Courtesy of the lovely @funforahermit

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

On Baz and unconditional love

Baz has a better understanding of love because, unlike Simon, he grew up being loved. But you can see something in Baz's responses to Simon's reaction every time the kidnapping incident is brought up: Baz doesn’t know what to do when he receives unconditional, unapologetic love. One that, when dealing with arguably the most traumatic moment of Baz’s life, doesn’t avoid vulnerability, doesn’t chastise him for “letting it happen” because “he’s a Pitch, he should be stronger than that” or awkwardly offers therapy but lets it all go like it never happened when Baz doesn’t take the offer on the first try.   

Baz has experience feeling unconditional love, but I don’t think he has much experience receiving it, perhaps to the point he doesn’t even expect it... Which doesn’t mean his family doesn’t genuinely love him, but he doesn’t perceive their love like it comes with no “buts” (and the adults are pretty bad at expressing it). All of them had made him feel small, shamed, and otherized in one way or another, like there wouldn’t be a place for him if he were to be himself and not conform to their wishes and expectations. It says so much that he wonders whether his dead mom, who he only remembers as loving him, would want him dead if she knew who he was. While Daphne seems to generally make his life easier, she’s not without fault (says much that Baz doesn’t know whether she means “the gay thing” or the “vampire thing” when speaking about being cured iirc, and his surprise when she wants to invite his “friend” Simon) and seems like a weaker figure. (Baz’s nuanced understanding of said adults screams of “child forced to grow up and mature too fast.”) 

When Simon says things like “I’d found you sooner, sparring you pain,” and “I’d slaughter anyone who hurts you” Baz doesn’t know how to react. He can’t believe it, and he tries to deny/downplay it with “nah you hated me then, what are you talking about.” Even after he has seen Simon go nuclear and kill because he was being sexually harassed, after having had this conversation with Simon in his house and already hearing Simon saying he would’ve saved him then, and after already hearing Simon says he loves him: Baz still “jokes” that Simon would’ve “just sent them a thank-you card, actually.” This upsets Simon, and with good reason: it’s fucked up to assume anyone would make light of someone they love getting hurt, and Simon is one to take this kind of thing very seriously... but this is pretty in line with the fucked up kind of “tough love” Baz is used to receiving from Fiona. She did slaughter his captors, but she also implies he should be embarrassed for being captured like that in the first place. She’s very unserious in a pretty messed up way with the whole “back seat” business. He gets no real reassurance from her. Baz wants to be loved gently, but “rough and unserious” in a delicate situation involving his well-being is what he got from her. Simon wants to do what Fiona did (slaughtering Baz’s captors) but unlike her, his first reaction (after he tellingly stops eating) is “why wasn’t I informed? I would have been faster and more efficient.” With this, Simon is criticizing the people who were in charge of protecting Baz. He’s saying he would have done a much better job of protecting him.  

When Simon tells Baz “there’s nothing about you I don’t want” it’s massive, and we don’t get Baz's reaction at all. The scene cuts there, with Simon running off. I don’t think Baz knew what to do with himself then, with that information. Until that point, the adults in his life have loved him despite certain parts of himself, pretending those parts don’t exist. So when he hears that Simon knows and loves every single part of him, he’s... blank. We don’t know how he feels then, and I don’t think he himself knows either. 

Simon expressing love

When Simon first tells Baz he loves him, he also tells him that murder is basically a love language for him (“I have killed so many things for you”). It sounds unhinged as hell, but makes perfect sense when you see his examples. Simon grew up unloved, and through the role that shaped half of his life, he learns to express love by being a protector (killing). With Baz, who has special dietary needs, he expresses love by also being a provider (also killing). As he works on himself and their relationship, as he becomes better at identifying and managing his feelings, he tells us that he can’t stand to see Baz unhappy, and that he wants to be the person who takes care of him and makes him happy. He specifically finds it thrilling to be the person who can do that for him. 

However, with everything Simon has done in his hero days, with all his power and training etc, etc, etc... when the love of his life needed to be saved, Simon “was useless” because he didn’t know. He looked for Baz everywhere he could, but he never got a real chance of finding him because no one knew shit.  This is the kind of thing that Simon avoids thinking about because it would fuck him up too much. His “I would have saved you” stands out to me, because the way he says it conveys the one way he knows to express love: murder (ha). (Considering Simon isn’t good with words, with voicing his feelings and what’s on his mind, he only starts communicating and voicing things after Baz lets him know he needs to hear it, after Baz lets him know the wordless ways he’s been conveying his love are not reaching Baz, they are getting lost in translation, etc)

It’s there in CO, even before Simon realizes the full extent of his feelings for Baz, in the way he stops eating (food is connected to love in the series) in his frustration with not being informed, in the way Penny can tell with a glance that Simon must be fantasizing with killing numpties. In awtwb, as Simon begins to work through his issues, we see how he can’t stop putting his hands on Baz. As Simon feels secure in their relationship, he’s a very touchy person (not being able to touch Baz is linked to torture and touching him to sustenance in SFC). And not all his touch is sexual. There are a lot of affectionate, playful cheek kisses, for instance... I bring this up because I noticed that in awtwb, when they talk about the numpties again, Simon incorporates touch. Alongside emphasizing he would’ve slaughtered his captors, he holds and kisses Baz, as if he could soothe and kiss the pain away. In both CO and awtwb, when the numpties incident comes up, Simon expresses love in the way that comes naturally to him, in the only ways he knows how. 

[bullet-prooflove]

"And I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year" with Scola, please? Obviously make it 2 years

Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @district447 @stelacole @abby-splace

Companion piece:

This Ain't Goodbye - Stuart and you make the decision to divorce due to the revelation about his son.

Every Inch Of You (NSFW) - You and Stuart spend the night together after two years apart.

Escapee - You and Stuart are reunited when a face from your past escapes from prison.

It’s past midnight and you’re sitting inside a safe house, deep in the suburbs staring at the Sylvester Stallone’s frozen features on the TV in front of you because you are positive you can hear someone tip toeing in the hallway outside your assigned bedroom.

It’s a second later you hear Stuart’s light rap on the door. It opens to reveal the man himself standing there in a navy blue t-shirt and plaid pyjama bottoms. You remember the nights where he wore nothing but black Calvin Klein boxers that clung to him in a way that was almost unholy.

Having a son has changed your ex-husband in ways you never could have imagined. After watching his interactions with Jack you can see he’s softer these days, more patient. There’s a joy in him that you know you never could have given him, even if you had stayed together and Jack hadn’t come along.

You expected it to hurt more, being around the two of them but instead of pain you’re plagued by a sense of wistfulness. You made the right decision by leaving. Your guilt and your bitterness over your condition wouldn’t have created a healthy environment for Jack to step into and he needed support at the time, he needed love and stability. You would have only brought turbulence.

“Can’t sleep?” You ask Stuart and he shakes his head as he leans in the doorway, unwillingly to cross some unseen boundary. Even now he’s thinking of you, of the stress this situation must be causing you. “Wanna watch Tulsa King with me?”

“Is it as bad as it sounds?” He asks as he steps over the threshold, watching as you shift the pillows against the headboard for him.

“It’s pretty fun.” You tell him, resetting the series to the first episode.

“Under the sheets?” He questions, gesturing at the quilt. “Or over?”

You know what he’s really asking.

Do you want me close? Or do you need space?

“I don’t mind.” You tell him honestly.

He climbs under the sheets with you, his shoulder bumping against yours and you’re taken back to last night, the two of you tangled up in one another in a hotel room before he’d received that phone call telling him he needed to leave. You know he must be thinking about it too from the way he unconsciously plays with his ring finger.

“It doesn’t hurt-” You find yourself saying into the space between you. “-seeing you with Jack. I thought it would but it doesn’t.”

“I worried.” He admits, tilting his head so he can study your features. “About what it would do to you being cooped up like this with us. I half expected to find you climbing out the window because you couldn’t take it anymore.”

You laugh then because it’s certainly something you would have considered in the past.

“The old Sasha definitely would have.” You tell him the edges of your mouth tipping up into a smile. “But this Sasha, the one that’s had time and therapy to deal with her issues, not so much. Besides I’m getting too old to shimmy down drainpipes.”

It’s his turn to laugh and you’ve forgotten just how much you love that sound.

“Did it help?” He asks you, rolling into his side and you mirror his posture so the two of you are face to face. “Taking some space, getting some distance?”

“It did.” You tell him as you prop you head up on the pillow. “I wasn’t as focused on the problem, I could look at it objectively in a way I couldn’t when I was here in New York.”

Stuart nods his head in understanding, before he reaches out and tucks an errant strand of hair back behind your ear.

“I’ve told everyone that I was fine for the past two years.” He tells you, his thumb tracing over the blush of your cheek. “And then you walked back into my life and I realised I wasn’t, not really. I was just existing but I wasn’t actually living. I was just being what he needed because I had to be, my life became about him because the rest of it… it’s empty.”

You understand exactly what he means. You’ve enjoyed every single one of your new experiences over the past few years but there’s still this void inside of you, this space that can only be filled by the man who lies across from you.

“I’m back in New York now.” You tell him, your lips brushing over his pulse point as you clasp his palm to your cheek. “They offered me a position setting up a training hub here in the city so maybe we could try again, see where that leads us.”

He smiles then and the expression on his handsome features, it just lights up your entire world even after all these years.

“Oh Sasha.” He whispers as he leans in close, his lips brushing over yours. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

Stuart? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for being autistic, having ADD, and repressed memories?

this happened a while back, but essentially what happened was a huge fight between me and a friend of several years. he came to me initially about how creeped out he was by a mutual friend (that i introduced to the friend group) from how he was acting to a younger (not a minor) friend in said group. creepy friend wanted to meet up and hang with younger friend, i thought it was a bit weird too. this led to creep being kicked because they had shown other mildly weird things so we just booted em.

this whole ordeal resulted in me remembering how said creepy friend kept flirting with me and wanting to have a relationship with me and such when i was 17, and they were in their 20s. this was something i completely expelled from my brain, which i did say as much. other friend put me on blast and said, "you knew they were a creep the whole time? and let them in our friend group?" when i absolutely did not. this fed into other behaviors that this friend hated me exhibiting but never talking to me about for who knows how long.

i sound too "monotone" when i speak, i try showing interest in other friends interests but can't really stand it because it isn't something I am personally interested in, so trying to force myself to be feels downright painful. this made me shallow and a bad friend.

mind you i didn't get diagnosed with ADD and autism until just this past year, so i had no idea that those traits listed above are insanely common in people with autism and add/adhd. like, those are just part of me. i am just Like That. literally always have been . this is people i knew who would headcanon their blirbis as having autism and adhd but i guess they just didn't really know or understand the full scope of what those disabilities entail.

of course i will not at all dismiss the fact that i had some shitty behaviors those aside. i was living in a severely abusive situation for my whole life and straight up didn't realize i was picking up bad habits from my abusers that i lived in such tight quarters with and interacted with every single day. this isn't an excuse, it's an explanation. im in therapy now, medicated, and out of said abusive situation, so i am doing so much better now than when i was younger. but these behaviors were never brought up to me, my friends never talked to me about them, so i had no fucking idea i was being an ass or being autistic or anything like that. no communication until it all boiled over.

aita?

What are these acronyms?

[unstablemotions]

having a mom who's got DID is fucking weird because she only told me briefly about it when she was first told by her prev psychologist and never brought it up again. idk if she even knows she's got DID or that she ever told me about her "split personality". idk if she knows she's changing names and talking about herself in third person or first person plural. idk if she knows her behaviour changes drastically. idk how much of the abuse she put me and her other kids through that she remembers. and idk how much of her own abuse she remembers or remembers telling me about in graphic details

i don't wanna destabilise her. she's doing so much better rn, so i just don't wanna ask her about it. i don't want to trigger her and make everything worse. i also just don't want to have anything to do with her because she's the person who gave me DID too, but because of family circumstances, i am forced to interact with her like nothing's wrong, so i guess i just have to pretend she's definitely not a system and that i'm definitely not a system either

it's hard because i do feel bad for her. she went through absolute hell and she's been failed by the system over and over again. she's deeply traumatised, but she's never got the right help and therapy just destabilised her and made her comorbid bipolar and psychosis flare up. she's done some very fucked up shit to me and others and she still continues being abusive, but no kid deserves to be abused. and every person deserves to get the right medical treatment. if she had got the right treatment, maybe she wouldn't have traumatised her kids and husband this much. maybe the circle of abuse would have ended

dunno man, this is just a rant from the top of my head really. i don't really see a lot of people talk about having a parent who's got DID. i also don't want people to think that DID means you're an inherently bad parent. my mom is an abusive person and it's definitely because of her own trauma, but not everyone will be bad because of trauma and it is not a black/white situation of all bad or all good. she's just a very traumatised person who never got the right support. some of my alters hate her, some of my alters pity her. but she's honestly just a really damaged person who should have had better therapy

[thevestigeofvanillaan]

Dates. K.W

kit walker x female therapist!reader

content: smut?, mention of getting caught, therapy, brief mention of "god", first person, cock riding, brief swearing.

February 5th, I met Kit Walker.

"Hey Mr. Walker," I'd greet myself before telling him my name, giving him an optional nickname.

It's the art of kindness that gets you places. If you treat someone with respect, they'll open up to you.

Being a doctor in this place is like being God in heaven.

You have the upper hand, the sense of directory.

Kit Walker had a Boston accent, several scrapes on his body, pale skin, precious brown hair.. he looked innocent.

I knew that he was innocent. I was his therapist that would help them decide his treatments.

March 3rd.

"Tell me Kit, what do you remember from the night you were 'abducted'?" I ask.

Kit became more comfortable with me, he felt like he could trust me. Because, he could. I would tell lies to Sister Jude; lie about what he'd really said during our meetings.

When we first met I told him what is said between us stays between us.

As our sessions continued daily, we learned more about each other. He didn't hate women, not at all.

Kit was always respectful when talking to me.

April 2nd.

"I just wanna get outta here.." Kit sighs. "That's why I tried to run away. It wasn't so I could kill like all them say."

"I get it." I say, placing a hand on his knee and he places a hand over mine.

"I'd never do nothin' to hurt you." I see genuinity in his face. The furrowed brows, the glistening in his eyes.

Smiling, "I know you wouldn't, Kit."

We got closer each and every passing day.

Each day Kit would tell me about his past, his favorite things. But he mostly liked hearing what I had to say. Hearing about my past, my favorite things, why I'm so nice to him.

Really, I think it's because I see myself in him.

April 23rd, we kissed.

It sounds almost stupid to say out loud.

No good therapist fixes people's problems with sexual interactions, especially not in a situation like this.

Kit was awfully different, though. Kit wasn't a patient to me. Kit was a friend, a.. crush, even.

May 7th.

"What happened to you?" I ask, noticing his black eye.

"Nothin', they just wanted to know some stuff an' I guess I said the 'wrong answer'." Kit smiles softly. "I'm okay, I get to see you now."

May 19th.

"Been on too many dates now, when'm I gonna get to feel you." Kit smirks.

Sometimes, Kit was more flirty than other times. There have been times where Kit was mad, he'd usually take that frustration out by kissing me. Times where Kit was upset, and I'd hold him.

"That's not what this is, Kit." I giggle softly.

Kit would let out a breathy laugh, "You wish it was, don't you."

Today, June 1st.

"Can you come here?" Kit says seruously, right as the guard that brought him in leaves the room.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I mean, can you come here.. wanna touch you." Kit says slowly and I get up, standing in front of him.

Kit brings his hands to my waist and leads them down slowly to my back upper thigh, spreading them apart and pulling me in to straddle his lap.

"Can I love you?" Kit whispers into my neck with hot breath before latching onto my neck, kissing the skin softly.

I moan softly with closed lips and buck my hips against him when he moves his hands to fold my skirt upwards, revealing my white panties.

Kit massages my ass with his hands as he kisses my jaw, I lean my head down to look at him before kissing his lips softly.

"Bad day?" I ask, grinding my hips against his lap as we make eyecontact.

He nods, "mhm. Need you." Kit looks down and brings one hand to cup my cunt over panties, then under.

I kiss him and moan into his mouth, riding his hand before bringing my hands to his belt, undoing it as we continue to kiss.

Kit pulls down my panties and I pull down his pants and boxers, leading his cock to my entrance before sliding myself down onto him.

It felt amazing. I rode him, holding onto his shoulders as I bounce myself on his cock.

Kissing him and moaning into one another's mouths as pent up frustration and sexual need is blown from the air and let out the window.

I didn't want it to stop, but it had to eventually.

Breathing heavily into each other's mouths as we ride out our highs, I giggle softly at the look on his face. The pretty smirk, his eyes glistening.

Kit was so pretty.

But moments like these are short lasted when you get caught..

[lokisprettygirl]

The Night Screams at The Slumber Island (Loki x Female Reader) (Horror Romance) (Dark) (Au) (18+)

Read Chapter 7 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 8

Summary : If your neighbour doesn't really exist for the world then who's the man you have come to know of? What is he?

Warning: discussion of rape, sexual abuse, gaslighting, cheating, discussion of mental illness, therapy please read carefully. If something triggers you please don't read it. Take a shot everytime the word hallucination comes across 😂

Next morning you woke up and felt good for a change, you knew in your heart that the conversation had changed your equation with him. The way he hugged you and comforted you was surreal, you wanted to feel him again, you wanted to touch him and hold him again. He felt so safe and a part of you knew he didn't want to hurt you. You opened the main door and found the grocery bags he had left for you so you picked it up and kept it inside , you wanted to thank him for last night but you figured you'd do it after work.

You just didn't know that you won't find him again.

How could it be possible? He was there, you saw him, you talked to him and you touched him. How could you hallucinate all that?

"You said his house was right here?" Clint asked you, he was standing on the spot where your neighbor used to sit on his porch and read. You sat next to him that day then how could he not be real?

"Yes..I..I am not lying I just..I don't know" your eyes teared up and lips trembled as you spoke. He was there last night, you told him everything about yourself and he was there to comfort you.

"There hasn't been any house built here ever as per our knowledge and we have lived here all our lives"

Phil said and you suddenly realized that you were surrounded by a group of men you didn't trust at all. You remembered your realtor Tony telling you there wasn't any other property in one mile distance so he wasn't lying it seems.

"But I have been eating and he brought me food and he.."

"Who did that?" Steve asked you and you placed your hands over your temples

"Loki ..his name is Loki..I saw him I swear to god I saw him everyday since I came here" they all sighed in unison and you noticed Phil saw something behind you and they quickly left after that. Did they see Minola? Did she even exist or you made that up too? You went inside and called Stephen, you could tell that he was worried about the situation

"Y/n, calm down and tell me the first moment you saw this person Loki" he asked you and you wiped your tears before you spoke,

"The first day when I got here he helped me take my bags inside the house"

"Did he tell you anything about himself?"

"He said he was a musician, and that he wanted to explore life that's why he was here" you sobbed and he asked you to calm down again.

"Anything else that stood out?"

You told him everything you noticed about him, the wifebeater, the sandalwood fragrance, him smoking, how he looked, you told him that you saw him in the market and the fest as well.

"Did you see him talking to anyone there?"

"I uhh..I --" you tried to remember and you realized that you haven't seen him talking to anyone even once. It was as if they couldn't even see him.

"Y/n I need you to listen to me. We pass by several different faces everyday and our conscious mind can't retain every information but our subconscious mind does, that's why we see people in our dreams that we have never met before..have you been taking your medicine as per the prescription? " you didn't want to lie to him so you told him the truth.

"I just..just for two nights here I took extra sleeping pills but that was it"

"I advised you to not do that. You probably saw this person at some point in your life, the sandalwood essence was engraved in your mind because of your mother and the cigarette smoking as well, am I wrong?"

"Nooo"

"And his name was Loki? The god your mother worshipped?" He asked you and you answered in yes. He was trying to tell you that you had built him up the way you wanted in your head. You felt crazy and out of your mind. He told you to calm down and see him next month, he also asked you to get proper sleep as if that would make everything better. You hung up soon after as you couldn't take this anymore. What even was happening?

"How could I hallucinate you loki. .you were here..you were right here" you sobbed as you sat down on the couch, were you really losing your mind? Were they all right about you? Were you sick and making things up from the beginning? Since the accident?

You opened the door and looked at the empty space where his home should have been, you walked towards the vacant spot and your knees collapsed because you felt so scared out of your mind and so lonely. Since you met him, in just a matter of few days you had started to feel so close to him and he felt safe, he felt like a friend. Stephen told you that it was your need to build a pure connection like that again in your life that was manifesting into this delusion.

But you had hugged him and held his hand and you felt his touch. He felt real, he felt human.

"Ohhh ohhh God Lokii please come back..I can't ..I can't" you laid down on the ground as you couldn't stop sobbing and it was getting harder to breathe with every second. You didn't even remember passing out there but when you opened your eyes you found yourself in your bed again. How did you get here? Why didn't you remember anything?

You quickly got out of the bed to check the grocery bags and you felt so scared that you won't find them there but to your surprise you did find them. It had the regular fruits and vegetables that he had gotten for you in the past week.

"I am not crazy..I am not crazy..I can't be crazy" you mumbled to yourself and walked towards the door, you shoved the curtain aside and there it was.

His house all lit up like it always used to be.

You gasped as you processed the information, it wasn't there when they came to check on him, he wasn't there when you broke down and passed out on the ground then how were you seeing it again? You called Stephen again but his number was unreachable. You pinched yourself to confirm whether you were still asleep or not.

Then you got up and opened the main door to confront him, but you took a step back as he did the same, your eyes met with him and he was in his usual attire. You knew this was not in your head, because if it was then you really needed more help than just therapy.

"I can explain darling" he mumbled softly and hearing his voice made you sob again, he walked towards you but you closed the door immediately and locked it. You heard him knocking but you placed your hands on your ears. What if you're hallucinating? You couldn't afford to lose him again. Even if he wasn't real, he was real for you.

"They tell me you don't exist..that I made you up..that you..you are not real" you sobbed with every word you spoke and that broke his heart, he knew this day would come and he wanted to tell you the truth but he knew that won't help you.

"I am here darling, you have seen me and you have touched me, I'm real as long as you believe in me and you believed in me even when you thought you didn't"

You opened the door and you saw him standing there, his eyes were teary. How could you hallucinate someone caring for you? Were you really that desperate?

"This morning I didn't see you, they didn't either, the house was gone, you didnt exist" you mumbled as you crossed your arms but he grabbed your hand and his touch made you gasp, he placed your hand on his chest, right where his heart should be and you felt it beating so fast in there.

"You feel me don't you?" He asked you and pulled you closer to him, you could smell his cologne and you could feel his warmth surrounding you again.

"But they…they said that you're not real" you sounded like a broken record and seemed like an innocent child but you couldn't help it, you were at the edge of losing your complete sanity.

"I am here..look at me, look me in the eyes love, you have me, you have me little one..you have me I promise, I told you I'd never lie to you" And he didn't. He just hid the part of the truth.

"You exist?" Your lips trembled as you spoke and he brushed his thumb over them to stop them from twitching.

"I exist for you..yes" He cupped your cheeks as he whispered softly so you grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him inside, pressing him against the door you got on your tiptoes and he wasn't ready for you to kiss him like that, the moment he felt your lips on his he moaned, he wanted to touch you, caress your back but he had to be careful, he didn't want to startle you or make you panic again.

You cupped his cheeks as the kiss heated up, he kept his hands to himself as you kissed him the way you wanted to kiss him.

When you realized what you were doing you quickly pulled away and took two steps backwards. He looked at you curiously, his lips were moist and plump, his breathing went erratic and his cheeks seemed rosy pink.

"I am sorry" you mumbled as your eyes teared up, the awful images of him on top of you flashed through your head, the moment you had opened your eyes and found him forcing himself on you, you knew your life would never be same again. You knew sexual and physical intimacy would never feel the way it used to before. You knew you'd never allow a man to dominate you or be on top of you in such close proximity..

You snapped out of your thoughts as you realized that you had bigger problems to worry about, the major being the possibility that the object of your fascination didn't even exist in reality, that he might just have been a figment of your imagination.

"Are you a ghost?" You asked him and he smiled as he looked down then he looked at you again.

"I don't think a ghost can be kissed with such a burning passion, they're dead darling, I am not" he mumbled and you hummed in response, trying to make sense of his words "You don't believe in Ghosts, Angels and Gods right?" He asked you and you looked at him confused, "Maybe I will change your perception"

"So you're an angel?" You chuckled but it wasn't a chuckle of amusement but more of frustration. What was your life now?

"Nooooo..bless the norns..they are infuriating" he chuckled again and you tilted your head but what he said next did make you question your existence and you couldn't help but wonder if you were even alive because if you were and all of this was real then you were in to hear the shocking truth about the reality of the world.

"I am Loki..the god your mother worshiped all her life, that's why I'm here..I'm here for you. She prayed to me and I answered her prayers"

👀👀👀💀💀❤️❤️💀💀👀👀👀

Note : Sometimes truth is simpler and hiding in the plain sight.

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[romancomicsnews]

Why it's the right time for a third season of The Spectacular Spider-Man

While Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man: The Animated Series were my introduction to the character of Spidey, Spectacular Spider-Man was how I truly fell in love with the character.

I was obsessed with the show as a child. I had nearly every action figure, I'd rewatch episodes (shoutout "Group Therapy", it's my favorite), and even tried to make the theme song my ringtone.

As I went on in my years and consumed so much Spider-Man content, I always found myself comparing it to Spectacular Spider-Man.

Did the voice match as well as Keaton's, was the style of the character simple yet unique to what we've seen before, how are the quips?

I did this so much, that earlier this year I wondered if I was just wearing nostalgia glasses. That maybe I was misremembering as one does. So, I rewatched the entire show with my partner...

...and I was NOT.

It is concise, it is beautiful, and every episode at the very least is fun. There is no villain that doesn't get their due, there is no arc that isn't important, and there is not a moment where Josh Keaton is embodying the best voice for Peter Parker or Spider-Man.

As you might've been able to tell by my Young Justice article, I am a huge fan of the storytelling ability of Greg Weismann. But I think it is really put on display in this show. Every beat feels important, most characters have solid arcs, and suspense and danger always feel real and earned.

With my rewatch, Spectacular Spider-Man's recent inclusion in Across the Spider-Verse, and the fanbase continuing to rage on, I thought I'd put my two cents in as to why it's time this show is brought back.

Clearly I'm biased but I don't care.

1. New Villains

Spectacular Spider-Man had a great way of bringing in classic villains and even B-list villains and making them iconic.

My favorite example of this was The Shocker, who in this version was also Montana, leader of the Enforcers.

By doing this, they made one of Spider-Man silliest enemies into a character who feels like the most qualified killer in every room he's in.

Because such time has passed since season 2, new and different Spider-Man villains have entered the zeitgeist. The Prowler, The Spot, and Mr Negative are great examples of villains who weren't well known when the show was originally going on.

There were also several different villains teased during the 1st and 2nd season. The promise of Carnage, Hydro Man, Man-Wolf, and Hobgoblin never came to be, and fans of the show remember!

Much like every character, several villains in the show were left on cliffhangers. Hammerhead and Silver Sable were left without any bosses. Harry was left fatherless. Black Cat hates Spider-Man for letting her father stay in prison. And New York was left without a Big Man.

It'd be very exciting to see who might take over after a situation like that.

2. New Heroes

Unlike other superhero shows, Spectacular Spider-Man lacks many if any team ups.

Since it's cancellation, we have had several Spider-Verse crossovers, and Spider-Gwen and Miles Morales have entered the main stream.

Making Gwen a Spider and introducing Miles into the friend group could add more tension to the Peter and Harry dynamic as he feels left out and an eerie feeling something is going on.

The potential for Spectacular Spider-Man to enter a wider Marvel universe is now possible, with Disney now owning the rights for television.

We could see Peter join the Avengers, fight alongside Ms. Marvel, even switch bodies with Wolverine.

I'm not saying this SHOULD happen, but we do know that Greg Weismann knows how to build out a universe.

3. Not Enough (Good) Animated Spidey Content

Since Spectacular Spider-Man, we've had two different animated Spider-Man shows. Ultimate Spider-Man and Marvel's Spider-Man.

While Ultimate Spider-Man had a silly interesting tone, and an overarching story that was interesting at times, it paled in comparison to what came before.

Many of the characters lacked depth, and the jokes just didn't hit the same. But at least that show had charm.

Marvel's Spider-Man did not.

The animation was boring, the characters lacked the fun and whimsy of both the others, and every character felt exaggerated. It was painful to watch.

The next Spider-Man show we are getting is entitled Spider-Man Freshman year, set within the MCU.

While it looks promising and different, due to the writers strike, the MCU constantly pushing projects back, and Marvel Studios constantly over working VFX and animation studios, I don't see this one coming out any time soon.

Which leaves a window for Spectacular Spider-Man to fill. We've gone too long without animated Spidey content on television!!

and most importanty:

4. Josh Keaton is just the Best Spider-Man

Holland. Maguire. Garfield. Johnson. Lowenthal. Moore. The question keeps coming up. Who is the best Spider-Man?

But oh they are all wrong.

So soon the public forget how perfect Keaton's acting is. He nails the quips like Garfield. The inner monologues like Maguire. The awkward nerdiness like Holland. And he nailed the blacksuit storyline.

He perfected it all.

Keaton's Spider-Man is on pair with Kevin Conroy's Batman. It is the voice I hear when I read the comics, and it works on every level.

At 44, Keaton still sounds like Peter Parker, and could continue doing the show now as if it never ended. But frankly, we don't know how long that will last, or how long Keaton would be interested in continuing this version of the character. Now is the time to give him that call!

In this era of oh so many Spider-Men, it's time the king took back his crown. There's a reason he's the animated Spider-Man that made it into Across the Spider-Verse.

Now is the time to bring it back. The fans want it. Keaton wants it. It would be a win for everyone.

Let's just hope Disney isn't stupid enough to miss that.

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[jeonstudios]

hi author I wanted to come and appreciate ur work for dc! 14 was so good and I’m so happy oc stood up for herself, my friend went thru SA and a lot of bullying so when I read for a awhile I was wondering why Jks previous actions were getting swept under the rug :,( it made me upset bc a lot of stories that contain this content tend to overshadow the lasting effects words can also have on ppl and my friend has had to go thru therapy bc of what happened.

when oc shed her feelings to him I cried bc I also got bullied for my body in ms and hs and I’m so proud of her for being able to tell him straight. I remember when I was first reading JKs character was so cruel to her and it was so disgusting so I’m glad it’s being brought up again. And I understand the pain of liking someone so much but knowing/feeling that they could never like u back.

A part of me doesn’t feel like JK actually likes her despite what he says. I feel maybe it’s more of a trauma bond way or to make up for what he did which makes it worse. The 180 was just too much for me and I do think he has good intentions and doesn’t want to hurt her but his apology for what he did was not… just wasn’t good…

especially if their becoming for romantic I could never want to be around him thinking I disgusted him before and always be ashamed. It hurts sm to like someone so beautiful but to not feel beautiful yourself bc of that person.

I’m nervous that she’s leaving bc she could get hurt so hopefully her friends help protect her, it staying away from jk is the best rn maybe jimin could stay with her 🤷🏻‍♀️

also sorry if I made u sad reading this lol I was just in my feeling and me and my friend are a lot better now haha. Just reminded me of her and I and what we went thru.

ur writing is so well done and felt everything that she felt and although I went thru that i can tell u that from ur other works I’ve read before have also made me feel deeply despite not having been in those situations bc ur writing is so well done and the way u put the sciences together is just so amazing!! Anyways luv u author!

✍️

hello!! thank you so much! yeah, i hope not too many people stopped reading, thinking it wouldn't be brought up again 🥲 i know i would be a changed person if i had to experience what reader did, not only the sa, but how they treated her after (jk definitely included). therapy is certainly something i think would be good for reader, but i'm not sure she's "ready" for that yet. it definitely took a lot of courage for her to face him and tell him what she felt, and in a way, face her own flaws? to bring them up and reopen her own wounds? because how is she supposed to believe he wants anything to do with her when he said all those things? how is she supposed to trust him when he intentionally hurt her so badly? it's definitely not far-fetched to think he just feels guilty and like she thinks, wants to make it up to her in a way? because, yeah, he wasn't very convincing... and it would honestly suck, being with someone who you know knows all of your flaws and have pointed them out and more, while they're attractive as hell... so it's understandable that she left. but who knows what'll happen next? 😳 and dw, i'm just glad that you like the story and it made you maybe feel something. i don't want to bring up bad memories for anyone but if reading this story can help anyone just a little, then that's more than enough for me. i really only wanted to write a story with "real" problems like sexism and such and of course without offending any survivors. thank you so much! <3<3

[keyh0use]

Delicate

in honour of finishing delicate + the fic trailer + because I'm emotional + I don't actually know when I'll post either, have some headcannons from my SOA rafebarry fic that only I care about

☠︎︎ Rafe is the definition of institutionalized, needing structure and guidance to thrive.

☠︎︎ His time inside the prison wasn't wasted. Rafe learned many useful skills and bulked up considerably, he even attended therapy to learn how to control his temper and communicate in better ways, though there was still a lot of work to be done. Getting clean definitely helped.

☠︎︎ The Outer Banks didn't welcome Rafe home with open arms. The words cop killer stalked after him and haunted him late at night, remembering the blood and the gushing and the cries.

☠︎︎ Seeing Barry for the first time was a gut punch, waves of emotion the boy had spent years taming crashing over him. At least it looked like the situation fucked Barry up too, the older man immediately asking if Rafe had come to kill him.

☠︎︎ Tig was the one to take Rafe to pick out a motorcycle and give him some pointers on riding it. The two of them had a different relationship with eachother than with the rest of the club, Tig affectionately calling Rafe son instead of brother and always checking in on him.

☠︎︎ It seemed like wherever Rafe went, Barry happened to be.

☠︎︎ More often than not, Rafe would give in to Barry's invitations to hangout, both of them powering through the awkward conversations and shifty glances. Barry was trying to be like they were before, and Rafe wasn't sure if that was possible.

☠︎︎ Rafe knew Barry was trying, the boy just needed time.

☠︎︎ The Cameron family was in shambles and it hung over the patriarchs head like a target from the other snooty families in Kildare. Sure, Sarah had forgiven their father enough to keep in touch and Wheezie picked up the phone every so often, but it wasn't enough. Of course it wasn't. Nothing was unless it was exactly how Ward wanted it to be, which means Rafe flat out ignoring him just wouldn't do.

☠︎︎ As things start to heat up between the SONS and a rival MC, Jax decides they need extra help to maintain their front. Who better to hire to run the garage than a freelance mechanic who's already old friends with a patched member?

☠︎︎ Rafe just about melts into a puddle when he rolls into the lot to find Barry elbows deep in the guts of a Harley.

☠︎︎ Hating Rafe has brought the pogues back together, more determined than ever to foil his schemes like he's some sort of super villain. The accusations never end.

☠︎︎ Rafe keeps Barry's betrayal from the club, knowing what happens to a rat.

☠︎︎ A can of spilt paint is what finally sends Rafe stumbling over the edge of his finely drawn sanity. Red spreads across the pavement like the mess of sludge from Opie's brain matter that night in solitary after the brutal bludgeoning and Rafe has to empty the contents of his stomach into a bush outside the trailer. The flood gates open when Barry tries to comfort the boy, screams of anger spewing out with Rafe's dinner to fall around them, infecting their newfound sorta friendship. But Barry doesn't lose his cool, instead fighting Rafe until they can embrace. It's that very same night Rafe decides to open up and recount all the gory details of his sentence with a very compassionate, very apologetic Barry.

☠︎︎ Rafe has never admitted what he is out loud in fear of repercussions, once from his father and now from the club, unsure where he would stand. But Tig figures it out the first time he watches Barry and Rafe interact, the way they share inside jokes and shove eachother playfully and sneak lingering touches.

☠︎︎ Tig knows—Tig knows and he doesn't beat the shit out of Rafe like Ward has so many times. Tig knows Rafe is gay and all he does is press a kiss to the boy's forehead and pull him into a comforting embrace before the tears even have a chance to start leaking out.

☠︎︎ Time is filled with violent days followed closely by peaceful nights with Barry by his side, feeling content even as tensions between MC's grow and Ward tries again and again to force his way.

☠︎︎ Rafe confided in Tig that he wasn't sure if Barry was into him, let alone boys.

"He's at least half gay," Tig tells Rafe while peeking out from behind a curtain to watch Barry work. "Yup, I can see it in the way he wipes his hands with that rag."

It's ridiculous but makes Rafe laugh, feeling a little lighter at having someone to talk to.

☠︎︎ Meeting the Reaper for the second time in his short life has Rafe making the bold decision to come clean to Barry about his feelings, convinced he's not going to get lucky twice as the infection from the bullet wound spreads.

☠︎︎ Rafe doesn't have a moment to himself in the stark white hospital room, sterile environment feeling warm and safe in the company of his brothers, and Barry.

☠︎︎ Rafe and Barrys first kiss is bloody and violent, split lips and possessive hands.

☠︎︎ Being with Barry is the sunlight Rafe's been missing since he was eighteen and convicted of murder one. All those years he spent imagining what it would be like sinking toes into warm sand and feeling salt water on his skin that came from a source other than his own bloodshot eyes...only to come back and feel nothing. The OBX provided him no comfort, no happiness...but Barry snuck in and lit him up, kept him full of hope and want and potential.

☠︎︎ Taking his place on the older man's lap, Rafe patiently watches Barry sew his Men of Mayhem patch onto his cut—awarded to those who kill in the clubs name.

☠︎︎ Rafe would commit horrendous, rotten acts and return to Barry in the aftermath, violet knuckles kissed and every scar worshipped, before the older man would bury somewhere deep in him and ease away the last traces of guilt with each thrust.

☠︎︎ Tig confessing to the club he's been dating the call-girl the club did business with, who happens to be a trans woman, makes Rafe feel safe enough to disclose his own relationship.

☠︎︎ Later, when Jax and Rafe have a moment alone the boy is pulled into a full body hug, a rough hand on the back of his head caressing affectionately. "I love you, brother," Jax says softly, just like he has a hundred times before.

☠︎︎ Rafe is happy. There are internal issues with the club and with his family, still, but it's okay because things have been looking up. Besides, his relationship is perfect.

☠︎︎ As Ward's efforts grow desperate, his motives starting to present themselves.

☠︎︎ "This life...it ain't romantic or free. There's no path to anything that makes any sense. It's just dirty and sad, and we both know it's only going to get worse."

___________________________________________

I decided to leave out the NSFW headcannons because it's a whole other thing, but I'll post it soon

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Therapy recap

Ok. Started writing something right after therapy but then my SiL dropped in unexpectedly for a visit and then our modem broke and I lost what I'd written u_u

Started off with some technical difficulties. I wasn't getting any sound and eventually figured out my Bluetooth headphones had connected at some point so that was easily fixed

So it's now been a few hours but I'm gonna do my best to remember...

[edit: it's now been about 11 hours since I first started writing this and different bits of this were written throughout the evening]

Told him I had a pretty good week aside from a friend thing one day and a new trauma memory a different day and decided to start with the friend thing.

I explained that I had learned that a friend had sexually assaulted someone and all the conflicting feelings that brought up. We focused on how this seemed to reinforce the internal belief that we are bad at picking friends. They explained that people often put forth a "representative" when meeting new people, a curated version of their best self. And that red flags aren't always able to be seen at first.

Then we talked about the new csa memory that showed up on Friday involving my father. We ended up focusing on our difficulty reconciling the different versions of my father. The large and looming father who yelled and threatened and hit. The gentle father. The father we interacted with as a teen and adult. And the one who did such unspeakable things.

We talked about not being able to understand how he could interact with us like nothing of the sort had ever happened and the idea that maybe he doesn't remember. He was an active alcoholic at the time and has told us before that there's a lot he doesn't remember (like when he invited my grandma (my mom's mom) to move in with us). Our therapist said that this seems like a way of protecting the good version of my father that some parts hold. That by viewing this as something he doesn't remember, we don't have to reconcile these versions of my father.

Then I was asked about why we need to understand how he could have done these things and our response was something about being prepared but when asked what we were preparing for, I couldn't answer (tho I heard someone inside say the end times??). And then they explained that abuse from a parent is different from other forms of trauma because of the complete dependency of a child upon their parents. A child in that situation can't acknowledge any red flags bc there isn't a way out. So the child has to cling to the good aspects of the parent, even if those moments are fleeting.

(I feel like I'm trying to cup water in my hands trying to remember this. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense at this point)

And that we never have another relationship like that with a parent. This was connected to the idea of needing to understand what my father did to "prepare" for the future. And so like pointing out that focusing on trying to understand it in order to prepare is preparing for something that won't happen again.

At the end, she led me through a 5-4-3-2-1 senses grounding exercise since we had gotten into heavier topics.

[amyintherapy]

Big T Versus Little T Traumas

Thought I'd share what stuck out to me most from my therapy appointment a few days ago.

I continue to process childhood trauma, and at one point in this session I had brought up a time where I was blatantly emotionally abandoned when I was in very clear emotional crisis. I was around 14 at the time of this memory.

And my T asked if I remembered anything I thought or felt about this experience, if it was surprising or shocking, hurtful, if it made me angry, etc. I didn't really remember specifics like that, and told my therapist that. But then also elaborated by saying that I didn't think it could have been particularly shocking, as it was a pattern for my mom by that point. I then listed four or five other instances of very blatant neglect when I was in a crisis. Like, your kid is metaphorically on fire, and the parents say nothing and do nothing and just pretend it didn't happen, sort of situations. And a bit later in this conversation I said it's funny how just a couple months ago (maybe not even that far back..I Don't recall for sure) I was struggling with identifying as being emotionally neglected - because it was quite severe emotional neglect. I think emotional neglect of any "level" is valid, don't get me wrong. But it's weird that I was struggling with using the term when I was quite severely emotionally neglected. And part of that struggle is how society at large seems to not recognize 'small T' traumas as being traumatic, and also how the bubble I grew up in seems to see emotionally neglecting children, especially in more 'mild' ways, as just, normal.

For example, I know SO many people who are not authoritarian parents, and who very clearly mean well as parents, but who still feel like they can't validate their kids emotions and hold a boundary for their behavior at the same time. So many people who routinely minimize, dismiss, invalidate or avoid/distract their kids feelings rather than teaching them how to really sit with and process their feelings. Often because the parents themselves never learned how to manage their own feelings so they can't possibly teach the kid to. Emotional neglect isn't exclusive to bad parenting, it's super common with parenting from people doing their absolute best, but who just were traumatized themselves and never learned coping skills themselves. And when people really truly tried their best, they have a hard time even imagining that their kid could still have trauma from their childhoods. It feels unfair that doing your absolute best could still traumatize your kid. But I think that's the reality of how it often works. Kids are fragile, and most of us have a lot of generational trauma so even when doing our best we can't break ALL the cycles. I don't imagine I'll succeed at breaking all of mine. My absolute best won't be enough either, and I'm trying to come to terms with that now, while also balancing trying my best to heal for my future kid(s) too. But anyway...

The traumatized/mentally ill part of my brain likes to use that 'neglect is just normal' thing to invalidate me having cPTSD, basically. That part of my brain feels like I am just dramatic, and things 'weren't that bad' and so on. That part of my brain still looks at my childhood as having one type of big T trauma (sexual abuse) and that's it.

But after mentioning how it's funny that I so recently was struggling to even accept that I had experienced emotional neglect, my therapist said something about how I also have minimized how much Big T trauma I have. I was confused briefly. They pointed out that all the specific instances I had listed of blatant neglect in the face of crisis, count as big T traumas. That little t traumas are the day to day, mini 'cuts' that we don't really even remember because they were just normal tuesday things to us despite being hurtful. Things like coming home from school excited about something only to have your mom hush you rather than listen to you. Of course, this happening occasionally isn't traumatic but when kids live with dismissive or invalidating or overly critical parents regularly those mini cuts add up to cause accumulative trauma, and that's what cPTSD is about, mini cuts adding up to a wound, rather than traditional PTSD which leaves more acute injuries. They pointed out that Big T traumas are specific events that you do specifically remember, that left a specific wound. So just the fact that I was able to list these specific events means they are big t traumas, not little T.

Clearly, my therapist was right that I was minimizing them a bit because I had never considered that they are big t traumas.