#big t trauma

[starfishinthedistance]

I've talked a bit about this before but if someone tells you they feel like their trauma wasn't bad enough to be valid and your response is to just start talking about """big T and little t trauma""" I hate you and sincerely hope you step on glass.

All that you're saying is essentially "Oh you feel like your trauma isn't bad enough compared to other traumatized people and it's causing you a lot of emotional turmoil? I have the solution! Here are two arbitrarily created boxes I've called 'Big Scary Traumatizing Valid Events' and 'small events but you're having reactions so I guess we have to acknowledge you', and you're actually in that second box! You actually don't have the same problem as the Big Scary Event People! They have the big problem and you have the little one! Do you feel better yet?"

Like, I've already talked about how trauma and its severity is subjective and the Big T vs little t bullshit has no set definition and varies wildly from person to person, but even setting that aside, do you think creating another box and separating the """little t people""" from other survivors is going to make them feel more valid and secure? Epescially how when people talk about """little t trauma""" they always talk about it like "oh the event wasn't that bad but you had a Big Reaction and it was your Feelings that caused the trauma" like...you're essentially saying they're overreacting disguised with a bunch of therapy buzzwords.

"The event wasn't that bad but we still feel hurt 😢😢😢". Go fuck yourself. ESPECIALLY when therapists/psychiatrists/etc tell this to their clients. To have a professional tell you your trauma doesn't fit into 'bad event box' and is just caused by you overreacting does so much fucking damage. Professionals should fucking know better, especially if you claim to be trauma informed.

Just say "Trauma is any event where the brain feels it is in danger, and trauma symptoms are simply when the danger response prolongs past the event. Doubting your experiences and the validity of them is a very common and severe trauma symptom. It's a way of your mind trying to separate itself from the trauma to protect you from the pain of it, and it's observed in almost all survivors with all kinds of trauma. In cases where the trauma is abuse, it's also indictive of severe psychological abuse using methods like gaslighting and other kinds of manipulation."

There. Gets the message across better than telling them they're just apart of the 'not that bad' group of survivors.

God I hate the wellness TikToker-ification of trauma discussions.

[amyintherapy]

Big T Versus Little T Traumas

Thought I'd share what stuck out to me most from my therapy appointment a few days ago.

I continue to process childhood trauma, and at one point in this session I had brought up a time where I was blatantly emotionally abandoned when I was in very clear emotional crisis. I was around 14 at the time of this memory.

And my T asked if I remembered anything I thought or felt about this experience, if it was surprising or shocking, hurtful, if it made me angry, etc. I didn't really remember specifics like that, and told my therapist that. But then also elaborated by saying that I didn't think it could have been particularly shocking, as it was a pattern for my mom by that point. I then listed four or five other instances of very blatant neglect when I was in a crisis. Like, your kid is metaphorically on fire, and the parents say nothing and do nothing and just pretend it didn't happen, sort of situations. And a bit later in this conversation I said it's funny how just a couple months ago (maybe not even that far back..I Don't recall for sure) I was struggling with identifying as being emotionally neglected - because it was quite severe emotional neglect. I think emotional neglect of any "level" is valid, don't get me wrong. But it's weird that I was struggling with using the term when I was quite severely emotionally neglected. And part of that struggle is how society at large seems to not recognize 'small T' traumas as being traumatic, and also how the bubble I grew up in seems to see emotionally neglecting children, especially in more 'mild' ways, as just, normal.

For example, I know SO many people who are not authoritarian parents, and who very clearly mean well as parents, but who still feel like they can't validate their kids emotions and hold a boundary for their behavior at the same time. So many people who routinely minimize, dismiss, invalidate or avoid/distract their kids feelings rather than teaching them how to really sit with and process their feelings. Often because the parents themselves never learned how to manage their own feelings so they can't possibly teach the kid to. Emotional neglect isn't exclusive to bad parenting, it's super common with parenting from people doing their absolute best, but who just were traumatized themselves and never learned coping skills themselves. And when people really truly tried their best, they have a hard time even imagining that their kid could still have trauma from their childhoods. It feels unfair that doing your absolute best could still traumatize your kid. But I think that's the reality of how it often works. Kids are fragile, and most of us have a lot of generational trauma so even when doing our best we can't break ALL the cycles. I don't imagine I'll succeed at breaking all of mine. My absolute best won't be enough either, and I'm trying to come to terms with that now, while also balancing trying my best to heal for my future kid(s) too. But anyway...

The traumatized/mentally ill part of my brain likes to use that 'neglect is just normal' thing to invalidate me having cPTSD, basically. That part of my brain feels like I am just dramatic, and things 'weren't that bad' and so on. That part of my brain still looks at my childhood as having one type of big T trauma (sexual abuse) and that's it.

But after mentioning how it's funny that I so recently was struggling to even accept that I had experienced emotional neglect, my therapist said something about how I also have minimized how much Big T trauma I have. I was confused briefly. They pointed out that all the specific instances I had listed of blatant neglect in the face of crisis, count as big T traumas. That little t traumas are the day to day, mini 'cuts' that we don't really even remember because they were just normal tuesday things to us despite being hurtful. Things like coming home from school excited about something only to have your mom hush you rather than listen to you. Of course, this happening occasionally isn't traumatic but when kids live with dismissive or invalidating or overly critical parents regularly those mini cuts add up to cause accumulative trauma, and that's what cPTSD is about, mini cuts adding up to a wound, rather than traditional PTSD which leaves more acute injuries. They pointed out that Big T traumas are specific events that you do specifically remember, that left a specific wound. So just the fact that I was able to list these specific events means they are big t traumas, not little T.

Clearly, my therapist was right that I was minimizing them a bit because I had never considered that they are big t traumas.

[themulitipurposechannel]

Do I have assessments due? Yeh. Should I be studying? Probably 😂But like most things this just grabbed hold of my brain and won’t let go so here we are XD

.

But on a more serious note I think we’ve all felt this at some point or at least we all will eventually feel this. Esp as you get older and your body starts to fail or for those who ever got diagnosed with a life changing condition.. things just.. get hard when it used to be so easy.Esp if you’re also at that age (eg: teens/early 20s) where it should be your golden years you just.. get so angry. If that’s you then I’m sorry.. that this is happening to you. And I’m sorry that no one save God can take this away, but if nothing else, I hope you know, Anatawa hitorijanai.

[findmeinthefallair]

Big "T" and Small "t" Trauma Portrayed in The Owl House

Warnings: abuse and trauma mentions ahead.

I thought of putting together a post of its own to highlight an aspect of trauma that has been incorporated into the show. This post will be added to my TOH-related mental health masterpost that will be uploaded after the S3 finale, Watching and Dreaming, is released.

Big “T” traumatic events are singular, standalone, life-altering events that don’t happen repeatedly. The type that replays in your mind weeks, months or years after it happens. They can significantly change your perceptions and physiology, and aren't necessarily just about physical harm. Examples are a car crash, a life-threatening injury, getting publicly humiliated, or a natural disaster.

Small “t” traumatic events are importantly still very distressing, and can repeat over time. One of my therapists described this as drops of water falling on a rock again and again, eroding the rock over time (while big “T” would be a single big smash against the rock that leaves a pretty noticeable crack or two). Examples of small “t” are emotional abuse, a loud noise along a street, and smaller scale versions of bigger events that aren’t an immediate danger or which happen after you have established/reached safety e.g. seeing something that reminds you of someone, that makes you feel distress. If you were a parentified kid, like Hunter (having to overextend himself in dangerous situations to be Belos's punching bag), you will have definitely have experienced small "t" trauma to some degree.

This concept was first introduced to me by the best therapist I had. Each of these two types would be treated in different ways. Both types can be experienced differently by each person, since we each have unique life histories and unique combinations of risk factors (that may worsen one’s mental health) and protective factors (that can improve one’s mental health).

E.g. a car crash may not actually feel like a big “T” trauma experience for some people, while certain incidents of more intense psychological abuse that don’t involve physical harm, could be a big “T” incident for other people because it is life-altering.

I’m pretty sure almost everybody has gone through both “T” and “t” trauma to some degree. If you have been affected by trauma, managing your symptoms, and the way in which you receive support from trusted loved ones (and if you choose to see one, a therapist), will be different depending on whether it is the aftermath of big “T” or small “t” events that need to be attended to. If you have experienced both types, you'd need to attend to each differently. This will manifest differently for each person.

Big “T” events can really quickly change the meanings you subconsciously give to things about yourself (e.g. how strong you thought you were) and things around you (e.g. How safe is the world I live in? In what ways does the world feel different now?), changing those into negative associations. With small “t”, the same thing can happen on a smaller scale but it may be easier to turn those negative perceptions around and nudge them in a positive direction. You may benefit from being equipped with reframing tools e.g. journaling, hanging out with safe people, creative outlets like dance or art classes, etc.

Hunter is written so darn well and the production crew have overall made good distinctions between the big “T” and small “t” incidents that he experienced.

Big “T” incidents in the show are the big reveal in Hollow Mind, watching Belos 'die' (I'm wondering what must've been going through his mind when watching his friends put up the drawings of their loved ones in the refurbished shack..), being possessed, and losing Flapjack. Can’t deny that they were life-altering:

Small “t” incidents he went through include, and there are..........so many of them:

(The number of them that are in Labyrinth Runners alone is bonkers)

but we need to remember that small “t” can still be very distressing to go through: we don’t wanna invalidate or minimize that.

Even in the therapy room, if I have a client who has experienced both types, I may not necessarily attend to a client's big "T" wounds first, even though at first that may seem like the logical formulaic thing to do. Because if the client finds that too painful, we could always start by working on small "t" wounds. That's how case by case things can be for mental health treatment.

For a few other Hunter scenes it is less straightforward, e.g. his manic behaviour in Eclipse Lake:

And the haircut-related panic attack:

though I’m inclined to think these are small “t” because I don’t think he will look back on these incidents years later and become disturbed just by recalling them.

The kind of note I want to end on however...might not be what you'd expect.

One of the other Labyrinth Runners moments is a small "t" event that is not listed above. To this day it is my fave snippet in the entire show even after watching Thanks to Them, because from a clinical and thematic perspective I find it realistic, layered and powerful, so much contained in just under 15 seconds:

Because this little experience, while obviously unpleasant for Hunter (likely getting him to emotionally flash back to the moments where Belos almost killed him) for a short time, was also good for him because a safe trusted person was present to hold the space for him. There is both bad and good at play here, ultimately good because contact/connection was willingly made between them both (Hunter could have chosen to shut him out, but in the 3rd and 4th frames it is so telling how deep down this kid truly wants to connect...which is a basic need anyway).

We in the audience already know that Gus is a safe person - though Hunter doesn't believe that yet - who has come along at last to cross paths with him, outside of the Emperor's Coven and after Hunter has fled from that coven. And Gus asks out of genuine concern, "What's going on with you?" which breaks the icy layer of avoidance and detachment that Hunter has been trying to put up since he dashed out of the Owl House in the middle of his first panic attack.

Re-experiencing trauma can't be totally avoided, but the connection you could experience 1. with the people you trust while they support you, and 2. with yourself while using helpful tools and resources on your own.....especially when you have #1 and/or #2 while you are re-experiencing something difficult memories: that is the powerful stuff that could keep you going.

As you might be able to tell, I love this kid so muchhh 😭 He has helped me connect better with my inner child than ever before, on top of my past therapy sessions, he helps me as a licensed clinician to notice textbook stuff that is applied in a practical way, without me having to do as much guesswork on the go with real clients! And I have read on this site that his story has helped other fans to notice things about themselves that should be attended to with care and love.

[castlescrumblingdvwn]

the way bogeol/kiho is always ready to throw himself into danger when it comes to protecting mokha & his family (re: fighting mokha's dad on the island, showing up in front of his own one to keep him away from them).... i'm so glad we got that epilogue in ep 8 of mokha making him promise to not do 'bad' things and ruin himself, he needed that.

[maxgicalgirl]

Listen okay I just know in my heart Cecil Palmer and Sydney Sargent would be BEST friends

[octoagentmiles]

hiiiiiiiiiiii 🥰 i have had a Realization™ again–

so I was thinking about The Harlequin Duck (as I often do) and specifically thinking about how clever the title is—I can't say for certain if it was intentional, but I love the play on "Calico (known for their colours) Jack" and "The Harlequin (named for their colours) Duck".

and it got me thinking about how fun it would be (✨ for me ✨😌) if they did that with the titles/creature parallels more often. so I started thinking about the other creature-parallel episodes in AnB so far, and sadly "The Lonely Frog" does not sound like "Paani", and I can't make "Frog" sound like "Macaque" no matter how hard I try,, and of course, "The Golden Mole" does not sound like "Tracker" at all.

...but d'ya know what it DOES sound like? 👀

"The Golden Child":

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

those "what my ocs would look like without trauma" memes are megafunny because it often implies that your like. sense of fashion??? and general appearance?? is impacted by how traumatic your past was. like yeah obvs if you have a character that lost her eye in a battle that changed her perspective on life, then the change to being not-affected would likely mean her eye is still intact.

but usually it just means character looks less gloomy and has a brighter overall color pallete and like. less belts or accessories. implying that trauma makes you goth or something

[sophiegoose]

Saw a video whilst doomscrolling on Instagram a few days ago that was a guy who had a bunch of baby chicks following him and they're all peeping and chirping at him and then he just kneels down and starts to pick up all these tiny little feathery poofs with legs

He's just being super gentle and courteous with these tiny little creatures as he holds like 12 of them in his hands and is so aware of where they are and it melted my heart and now I have the insatiable urge to write some size difference/ g/t fluff

[starfishinthedistance]

Might be a hot take, but absolutely hate the term "little t trauma". I've never seen it used in a way meaning anything other than "I don't think what you went through is bad enough to call it trauma but I don't want you to get upset with me".

"Overt abuse? Physical abuse? S*xual abuse with s*xual intent? War? A natural disaster? Yep, that's Big T Trauma™, you're allowed to be upset by that :) !!!"

"Covert abuse? Emotional abuse? COCSA? Bullying? Neglect? Mmmm...don't you think that's little t trauma :) ? I mean, it could've been so much worse, right?" (Meaning: "you don't deserve to feel traumatized")

Big T trauma vs little t trauma is literally just a binary of "valid enough" vs "not valid enough". It's never done based the severity of the psychological damage from the event unique to the individual, it's done to generalize everyone who experiences a certain trauma. Which is stupid, because trauma is subjective.

Let's say two people went on separate dates and both got physically assaulted. One is absolutely fine, a little shaken at first but over it quickly. The other is so traumatized that they can't sleep because of nightmares, can't go outside, and is ruined from trusting or attempting to date anyone ever again. Is that little t trauma or Big T Trauma? I mean, one got wrecked by it but the other is perfectly fine, right? So which is it?

There is no correct answer because there is no Big T and little t trauma. Trauma is trauma. If it traumatized you, it's trauma and you deserve healing and support. The fact that they are licensed therapists and shit telling trauma survivors "oh it's just little t trauma :)" makes me sick. This binary serves no-one. Trauma is trauma.

[justtogetthrough]

Finally came to the realization that I’ve uuuh spent 15 years trying to apply other people’s interpretations of my life to my experience of my life, like over my own, and that’s probably why I’ve had immense struggle in making sense of things (understatement).

Being diagnosed with autism is finally making me understand what my therapist and the psychologist said a couple months ago about trauma not being the right lens for a whole ass portion of things. I heard them both independently say it. I apparently did not understand what they meant until this weekend. Now I’m like oh my god, maybe I’ve been wrong in trying to blame early life Trauma for all my problems, and that’s why I’m not getting anywhere in terms of feeling like I understand myself.

My therapist is very gracious every time I prove her right. I love that about her.

[woulddieforloki]

W A I T okay this has probably been done before but has anyone ever written a fic where The Avengers just. like. didn't happen? like Thanos couldn't break Loki so he just threw him down to Earth or maybe Thanos did break him but the Mind Stone was supposed to make him do Evil Things except it stopped working after he went through the Tesseract? so Loki's just kinda There™ in SHIELD headquarters while the whole place is falling apart and everyone's just like ??? and Fury and Clint drag the very confused random man out of there before they call get very dead and Loki's either half-dead because Thanos couldn't break him or he's just very confused because the Mind Stone suddenly stopped working and it's just a very unproductive moment?

and then stuff happens and Thor comes down to Earth and they manage to get the Tesseract from SHIELD somehow and they go back to Asgard and Loki hasn't actually really done anything so they go to see Odin and Odin's just like ........... because like yeah Loki kinda overthrew the monarchy but he was having a bad day and he does seem to realize that was wrong (at least enough that he's not actively trying to murder his brother again) so Odin just kinda awkwardly pats him on the back and welcomes him home

and then Loki just has to. like. live with it. and everyone's all weird about him now and they've always been weird about him but now they're extra weird about him because he was king for a day? and then fucking died? except he didn't? and then obviously Heimdall and Sif and the Warriors Three know what really happened which makes it even weirder when Loki comes back and tries to go back to his normal life and nobody's gonna tell him not to go back to his normal life because. like. he should do that. probably. but at the same time like twelve months ago Loki fucking killed himself and how do you just move on from that (and if you figure out the answer please tell Loki because he really doesn't fucking know)

[universestreasures]

A Dragon's Reservations (Drabble)

Extension / Spinoff Of This Thread With @shachou

"Thanks for helping tuck me in, Tasuku." The youngest Kaiba speaks, offering the other a weak but genuine smile of thankfulness. Even if his friend's efforts were not quite to his preferences (they were a bit too tight), Mokuba still appreciated the effort. "I...I was never quite good at it. I've always had...help with it."

"You're welcome." Tasuku reacts with smile of his own, a hand gripping the door's knob as he slowly began to close it. "Rest well and good night, Mokuba. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call for us. We'll be right there with you."

Yet again, that reminder is given. It's something that Tasuku's made a point to say over the past few weeks his friend's been here. The purpose of it was to sway any doubts the boy had that he was a 'burden' and encourage him to seek help if (or rather inevitably, considering his frequent night terrors) he needed it. After all, he's heard Mokuba beat himself up needlessly enough since his arrival over the idea of being a 'burden', a sight that made his blood boil as much as it made his heart ache because he knew exactly where such things seemed from.

Or rather...he knew exactly from who they stemmed, the very person whose mistakes continued to cause pain to the one he was supposed to protect and cherish, his only remaining family who cherished him despite the blood on his hands and his many sins...

Kaiba Seto.

Upon closing the door to his bedroom that he was letting Mokuba borrow, he moves to go outside. Fresh air was key in helping him calm himself when he could feel himself getting tense, such tension coming from the anger that was practically waiting to rise from his chest. He goes to the roof of his apartment, stopping to look up at the serenity of the beautiful stars and crescent moon as he breathes in and out slowly. Looking at them, especially the moon, always made him feel calmer for some reason, the lights in the darkness that seemed to always surround him in one way or another.

Sadly, they did little to help this time. The more he sat and looked at them, the more the grip of his negative emotions, his anger, his rage, take hold on his heart and mind. Tasuku promised himself he wouldn't show that side of him in front of his friend, for that would just make things worse, but that meant that the effects of all that repressing he had been doing were taking hold now, with those very repressed feelings bubbling back up to the surface that can be visibly seen by the shaking of a clenched fist.

One might think such feelings of intense disdain for someone you've never met before were unbelievable. Despite being friends with Mokuba for about a year now, he's actually never once met his brother directly. Though, that doesn't mean he hasn't ever seen the CEO in person, or more specifically, hasn't ever seen his direct actions and the effect they have on his younger brother.

Even now as he stood there on the roof, his memories of that day were vivid, replaying in his mind like a perfect video recording. It was a key day in his memory, but not for a good reason. For it was the very day he saw Kaiba Seto's ugliness and cruel heart slowly reveal itself, with innocents, including his own kin, being at the mercy of his cruel and twisted 'games'.

--------------------

After several long weeks of searching, he managed to get his hands on what he had been looking for. It was an invitation to the hottest and most exclusive gaming event Domino had seen yet: the opening ceremonies of Kaiba Land, the first theme park of its kind in Japan, hosted by the Kaiba Corporation. Though, it wasn't his joy of games that brought him to seek out an invitation. Instead it was, of course, his work, something that always took precedence even over his own desires. Yes he had been tasked by Commander I to investigate the event that had been surrounded in many rumors that were of interest to the Buddy Police, specifically ones that may pertain to dangerous games having been secretly built in a place meant for children.

Why was he doing this mission solo? Simple. All of the invited guests to the event were children and only children. No adults who were not employees were permitted in. So, Tasuku had no choice but to go it alone, something he was honestly okay with. Him being on his own, while certainly increased the risk, made him able to do his job much easier. Plus, it would help him maintain his cover, considering he was entering this under a different identity.

Thankfully, he managed to cling to the large crowd of kids who rushed into the facility as soon as it opened after having shown his invitation. Being lost in a crowd made him a lot harder to track, ruby hues eying all the suited security men around the facility. If he was to make any moves, he needs to be careful. While he does have Jack as an ultimate last resort to aid him, the last thing either of them wants is to reveal the dragon's existence needlessly. Doing so could cause a disaster with unforeseen consequences.

So, he opted for the strategy to search the facility from top to bottom while everyone was seemingly busy with the opening ceremony. He went from facility to facility to test out each and every game for any potential signs of danger. Much to his surprise and relief, none of the games he looked at had anything out of the ordinary with them in terms of potential hazards. The closest thing was the realism of the regular virtual reality simulator, but there seemed to be some warnings associated with it, at least.

Were the rumors just rumors after all? Tasuku can't be sure. These areas were publically accessible. If there were illegal, dangerous tech, surely they wouldn't put it out in the open. That's when he remembers he has yet to enter the tower where the opening ceremony had been taking place. Could that be where it was?

With a swift turn, he exits the arcade area he had examined and goes towards the tower instead. Apparently, the action was now on the fourth floor, as indicated by a screen outside the stairwell that now displayed 'Death T 4' in progress'. Just the name 'Death T' was enough to set off his instincts that this is what he was looking for, and after taking a moment to climb up the stairs and enter the stands, his suspicions were proven correct almost immediately.

For what he bore witness to was unlike anything he'd ever seen before, a display that would forever be burned into his heart and ignite his righteous green flames of justice.

Tasuku's eyes scanned over the stadium that was erupting in shock, all seemingly focused on the live image of Kaiba Seto, the CEO of Kaiba Corporation. The Buddy Police Boy Wonder was fully aware of who he was due to his reputation in the gaming world. There were some who said he'd never lost a game before in his life. There were also some who said he was responsible for the death of the previous CEO, Kaiba Gozaboru, a rumor no one could verify the truth of.

"I've been waiting for you, Yugi! Good job. I've gotten bored of these amusements."

"Amusements?"

"Take that path to the elevator and rise to the final stage!"

"I will! Don't you go anywhere! You'll get your game all right, Kaiba!"

That's when Tasuku takes a look around the rest of the space, noticing the colossal fight box in the middle. There he sees a taller boy outside of it (who he presumed was this 'Yugi' Kaiba referred to) and a small child on the inside. Judging by it, it seems the younger of the two had just been defeated in a game of some kind, seemingly an obstacle in Yugi's path to advancement.

But...that wasn't just any child in there. That was...

"Kaiba Mokuba, the Capsule Monsters Chess champion...And the very same person Lady Suzuha mentioned she lost contact with six months ago..."

It was one of those things the heiress mentioned to him during one of their recent encounters. She mentioned that if he ever ran into him, as such a thing might happen due to his line of work, to give her an update on his condition. Thank goodness an innocent like her wasn't here to witness this (little did he know such a thing was intentional on the younger Kaiba's part).

"I've felt your pathetic, clinging, loser's gaze...staring at my back for years...I kept telling you and over over, Mokuba...If you play with fire you'll get burned..."

Even though he can't hear Mokuba's reaction due to the box not being mic'd, Tasuku can just see and feel the fear from what his brother said. He knew nothing about the brother's relationship, but that didn't matter to him. As someone who had a very strong sense of family, he very much despised any mistreatment of a family member, blood or otherwise. Just seeing this cruelty got his blood boiling, but it truly exploded in fury at what would come next.

"You understand, don't you? Only the winner is allowed out of that duel box!" A button is pressed, one that seems to activate some kind of 'smoke' inside the enclosed space in which Mokuba was trapped. "A Penalty Game awaits the loser!! That is the Law of 'Death T'!!"

"A Penalty Game?!" The phrase echoes in his mind as his body is paralyzed as the display unfolds. Virtual projections more realistic than those he saw on the simulator came to life and caused the one trapped inside to scream and cower in absolute terror for his life. "This...This must be what our lead was about! If this was the fourth stage, then that means there must have been more of these dangerous games and punishments on the earlier 'Death T' stages!"

He could feel his body temperature rising and his breath heavying as he watched the torture go on, the sight triggering what appeared to be a panic attack. He normally made a point to try hold himself together while on a job, to steel himself so it wouldn't hold him back but...nothing could have prepared him for what he he was looking at. Seeing Kaiba Mokuba defenseless and calling out for help (presumably for his brother) reminds him of his own experiences when he was stranded on that mountain shortly after the Disaster, calling out for his family to save him and bring him home.

If Jack hadn't come to save him that day, he surely would have perished...just like Kaiba Mokuba might if no one comes to save him from his brother's cruel act...

Realizing that fact causes him to try and take action despite his physical symptoms. Anything was better than doing nothing. He ran through the bleachers, shoving past everyone to try and reach the bottom. With his physical prowess, he just might be able to jump off the bottom and reach the center platform. However, he stops at the edge as soon as the voice of someone else rings through, filled with heroic courage.

"Mokuba!!! Mokuba...take my hand!!"

And there the Buddyfighter bears witness to Yugi, a victim in this entire messed-up creation of the CEO of Kaiba Corporation, go in and drag Kaiba Mokuba out, saving his life and sanity in the process. A wave of relief washes through Tasuku at the sight of the two outside the chamber, his heart still racing through his chest. That demonstration right there gave the officer a large amount of respect for the gamer, who saved his opponent from the penalty of his loss of the game between them. That show of sportsmanship and kindness wasn't often seen in situations such as these with high stakes. Muto Yugi is someone he'll personally have to keep his eye on for certain.

As the amethyst-eyed gamer leaves for his fated battle on the next floor, Tasuku shifts his attention back to the robed boy kneeling on the ground, shaking and sobbing after having experienced such a horrific thing at his brother's hands. Watching him in that state causes his hands to curl into fists at his sides, his body now shaking not in panic but instead in sheer anger that was akin to a dragon's as he bores his fangs behind gritted teeth.

"Kaiba Seto...To think you would stoop so low as to bring harm to your own family...And turn games that are supposed to bring people together in friendly competition and fun into nothing more than death traps..."

"I'll never forgive you for this..."

"I'll never forgive you!!!!!"

--------------------

Those words of anger, the ones that echoed his feelings that still remain today, are the last he hears before he is brought back to the present by the golden light of a Buddyfight card. Jack manifests from his pocket before the boy in his mini form, the dragon's golden eyes showing deep concern. Seems he felt the rage in Tasuku's heart too as the officer was spilling it out in waves after having been buried for so long.

"Jack...I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm doing fi-"

"Tasuku, you don't need to hide what you're feeling from me." The dragon cuts the boy off, his words stopping Tasuku's completely. "We're not just buddies, remember? We're family. The day you took me in and accepted me as a part of your own family, your loads became my loads; ones I share with you gladly. So please, please tell me what is on your mind. Although, I have an idea as to what or rather...who it might be."

A sigh escapes the boy's lips. For he knew well there was no arguing when it came to his only remaining family. Deep down, he knew how unhealthy it was to keep these feelings of his bottled up so tightly, wisdom he's given to others in the past to not do. He'd be a hypocrite if he didn't follow his own advice.

"I just...I just can't...I just can't get over the anger I feel when I think about what he's done..."He is clenching his fist now, trying to stabilize himself as he speaks his heart to his most trusted ally. "I don't care if he had a rough past, like Mokuba's said over and over. I don't care if Mokuba forgave him, wanting to try to move forward. No one...No one has the right to emotionally, physically, and psychologically damage their own brother, who did nothing but try to make him happy..."

Everything Mokuba did back then during the time of his separation from Lady Suzuha, all of it had been for the sake of his brother, who ignored and rejected him. He thought that there was no other way to get even an ounce of the happiness and love he once knew unless he also stained his hands. The fact he thought he even had to do such a thing just made Tasuku even more furious. How could anyone be so cruel?

"Then, after it was claimed that he had changed and presumably learned from his past sins, he yells at his brother so harshly and with such animosity to the point of Mokuba running away from home! And for what? Just expressing how he was feeling, like any normal person does? That's not even to mention what he's put so many others through for the sake of his own selfish reasons..."

He has yet to forget about both 'events' Kaiba hosted, 'Death-T' and Battle City, and how they both endangered the lives of innocent multiple times. He's put people into death games. He's kidnapped, lied, and stolen. He's created a trap for dangerous criminals in the form of a tournament that made the entire city a battlefield, without even consulting the Buddy Police. Need he say more?

"Your feelings towards him are understandable, Tasuku. I do not disagree with them. Kaiba Seto has committed actions that are unforgivable. However..." He pauses for a moment, flying over so his golden eyes are looking directly into Tasuku's rubies. "I do think, considering the boy's worsening condition, it might be time to consider a change in our approach to aid him."

"You're talking about what Gao suggested earlier today, aren't you?" He asked, Jack nodding his head in response.

"I understand your reservations about the idea, but...our top priority is to help your friend recover from the nightmares and fear that plague his heart and mind. And if we cannot do so effectively, then we must get the aid of the one who cares for-"

"If he really cared about his brother's well-being, don't you think he would have been here by now to see him?" His words cut off the dragon's, Tasuku's fist continuing to be curled tightly. "Even if he thought he'd be of no help or potentially make things worse, doing something is better than doing nothing at all. And no, sending one of his employees to spy on Mokuba does not count. That's not what Mokuba wants or needs."

"So...you do agree with the notion that the boy needs his brother to truly get through this, then?"

"Yes. We can only do so much without getting to the root of the problem directly."

"Then why did you tell Gao that you disagreed with the idea to begin with?"

"I told Gao that I disagreed with the idea of one of us bringing Kaiba Seto here. I never said I opposed him coming here on his own." Honestly, if he had, this might had been resolved already. "There's a difference between giving someone space and just not taking action. He's clearly staying away because he knows he's the problem, but by doing so, he's not taking responsibility or taking action to try and resolve this. And because of that, Mokuba is now too afraid to even try to contact him, leading to his anxieties and nightmares worsening."

Considering his past experiences, such a reaction from the boy wasn't surprising. He's gotten yelled at for expressing himself before. It only made sense he'd be afraid to do so again, especially after his own actions of running away from his home.

"He needs to be ready and willing to have a true conversation in order to resolve this, not just one to pacify Mokuba and sweep the issue under the rug. That will just make things worse for them both in the future."

This tactic, he suspects, was probably used in the past, considering how both seemingly moved on from the 'Death T' incident so quickly despite its intensity and lingering aftereffects. After all, Tasuku has no doubt Mokuba's recurring nightmares and PTSD symptoms are a consequence of that day. He's heard him almost confirm it himself in what he's mumbled while tossing and turning in his sleep.

"However, to prepare himself accordingly for that, he has his own demons he needs to battle within his heart, just like Mokuba's been doing since he got here. Until he can steel his resolve, win that internal struggle, and come to his own answer that he is ready and willing to share, then it's best he stay far, far away from here. I refuse to have Mokuba suffer any more than he has already..."

"Tasuku..."

Tasuku then moves exists the rooftop to return back inside the apartment, with Jack following suit. After entering the space, he moves to check his friend's phone he had left on the counter to charge. He then picks it up, ruby hues now staring in the face of a photograph of the two brothers that had been made the wallpaper, one of the pair at the construction site for Kaiba Land USA.

"What Mokuba really needs is that big brother he talks so highly of, not a selfish coward who can't own up to his own mistakes or talk things out without resorting to shouting like a child." The internal thought is accompanied by him placing the device down, a hand moving to cross over his heart as he makes yet another silent oath to himself. "And until Kaiba Seto can get his act together and become that person again, it's up to me to fill in that role as best I can in his stead, no matter how long it takes..."

[a-weird-cryptid]

Meet Zazoo!

Aka the kazoo demon.

Before Helel found him and decided to keep him by his side, Zazoo's life was extremely miserably and traumatizing.

Now, he's slowly starting to heal from his past with the help of Helel. Knowing for sure that his taller friend with a higher rank will do anything he can to protect him.

They might have started out as just "business partners", but they're way more than that by now for sure. Even if they don't show it publically that often.

Because of this, he really started to express himself again. Mostly by playing music and entertaining others. Both of which he loves to do. Though some things never change... and Zazoo still doesn't say a single word. It is unknown if he simply can't speak or if he refuses to, because of reasons yet to be discovered...

Zazoo in Helel's hands

When both of them are in hell.

[wetpapert0wel]

bisexual .

[carbon--14]

i’ve decided the next installment in my writing career will be a giant middle finger to teen romances and dramas that make me salty that my high school life was so boring