#hate bpd and how it makes me feel

[ophelia-bloodletting]

.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm sorry I let down my guard.

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[salemontrial]

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

[starregulus]

told my friend that I love Lestat despite the fact that he's the worst and they said I'm just like Louis so they'll be my Claudia

... how do I let them know that I love Lestat because I GET him without them running for the hills?

[green-torsos]

I used to be a deer once

[eclaire-went-bam]

something really funny to me about my mom really thinking i wanted to become a therapist because i'm taking psychology & have like 2-3 psych books

i would genuinely be The Worst therapist i simply wouldn't be able to care about any of my patients . i would believe i am better than my patients . it would be a circus .

[crush3dmary]

I would not wish BPD on my worst enemy.

[lightningfilledsaber]

I'm so fucking sick of my brain

[stellacadente]

i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get

[tough-n-dumb]

sometimes i forget that the mental illnesses i struggle with aren’t just a quirky little personality trait and are genuinely disabling and then i have an episode and sit there remembering like

👁️ 👄 👁️ oh right…

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.

[kutyaharapas]

im only bearable when im drunk. its only bearable when im not sober

[boiled-dennis]

dennis finally sorta acknowledges his attraction to men and starts a relationship with this random guy using a Dennis’ Relationship Standards Checklist he created that the guy has to sign. his bpd makes him deeply attached + really vulnerable way too soon without realising it, and he starts talking about himself, but the guy is really weird and says stuff in response like “y’know, i always had an interest in psychopaths.” dennis feels uneasy about it way too late and the guy ends up ghosting him because he isnt living up to the expectations he had of being with A Crazy Person (the whole situation backed dennis into a corner and really changed his demeanour), and a month later the guy is at paddy’s and dennis yells at him to fuck off, but then dee shows up and is like “why are you yelling at my boyfriend??” fully aware that dennis had a relationship with him, but not knowing any details

[synthetic-sonata]

really awesome day to think everythings going alright and then you wake up and get hit in the face twice in a row

[ineffectualdemon]

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

-

As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing