#harsh in a very 'focus on the mission' kinda way

[haunted-xander]

The difference of how Thancred treats Ryne when we first meet them vs in the Eden quest line is SO GOOD

[animehideout]

I think a lot about jjk men being angry because their gamer girlfriend ignores them 😩

(sorry for the writing, english is not my first language

JJK Men x Gamer GF

a/n: Hello anon thank you so much for your request. I had fun writing this one. I really hope you like it 🫶🏻

( Requests are open )

Characters: Gojo Satoru / Toji Fushiguro / Ryomen Sukuna / Nanami Kento.

Gojo Satoru:

Satoru has been very busy with endless missions lately, getting home really late.

To ease your lonliness, you started gaming.

Well till it turned into addiction.

You were kinda mad at him for not making time for you or at least speak to the higher-ups to take some days off.

But you never talked that out with him, since you didn't have the chance to express yourself.

He surprisingly arrived early tonight, excited to spend the night cuddling with you while watching movies.

But he didn't expect you to have your eyes glued on the screen in front of you while gaming like a maniac.

The room echoed with the sounds of keystrokes and game music.

He jumped in excitement to surprise you but no reaction.

“huh? baby! Im hooome”

“hey” you smiled unenthusiastically at him and quickly turned your focus back on your game.

He raised his eyebrow, watching as you delve into your virtual world, a world seemingly more captivating than his presence.

Would try everything to bring your attention towards him.

He knows his touch makes you weak, so he leaned in wrapping his arms around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head, wishing to draw your attention away from your screen.

“I missed you so much babygirl”

His attempt failed miserably, you just hummed in return completely ignoring him.

When his affection didn't work he started teasing you attempting to provoke you and get a reaction out of you.

“You sure you can play this game? I feel like you suck at this”.

When his teasing fell on a deaf ear as well, his frustration reached its peak.

His calm and amused voice turned into an annoyed tone.

“ARE YOU REALLY GONNA IGNORE ME FOR THAT STUPID GAME Y/N?” he would yell in an unusual harsh tone.

The question hang in the air as it left you momentarily stunned.

“Why the hell are you yelling?” you would question.

“Oh so now I got your attention?! I've been trying to talk to you for half an hour now and all what you did is playing your stupid game”.

His anger was very evident.

He would remove his blindfold throwing it somewhere in your shared bedroom.

“So you got mad because I was focusing on playing my game but you didn't consider that I'm probably the one who's mad because you're never home” you let out of everything, confronting him.

“you're comparing this stupid game to my job?”

Oh boy he fucked up, he didn't get the whole point.

After raging and snapping at you he would give you the silent treatment.

Of course his narcissistic ass wouldn't apologize first.

He's convinced that it's your fault even though he was offensive as well.

You would eventually say sorry and he'll show you his bright smile at the spot.

Both of you would talk things out and find a solution to spend more time together.

“so we good now baby?...can we cuddle?”

“yeah Satoru just lemme finish this round” you would joke.

Toji Fushiguro:

As much as he enjoys your giggles and the way you throw cute tantrums while playing, he HATES IT when you're completely engrossed in your game, oblivious to the way he's sitting there watching you.

Kinda paradoxical.

He wished to have you in his arms.

Or having you on his lap while making out.

But all of these were just thoughts crossing his mind cuz you don't seem like you're finishing your game any time sooner.

And that annoyed him to the core.

“y/n, y/n ?”

“HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE”.

You didn't even hear him with having your headset on.

He's very possessive of you and he wants all of your attention to himself.

Especially when you started chatting with your friends, while playing together.

That shit was his last straw.

“Thats it...get your ass over here y/n”

You would look at him in disbelief.

Mouthing “my friends heard you”

“oh trust me I don't give A SINGLE FUCK” he would yell again.

You apologized to your friends and quickly paused the game.

“Are you out of your mind Toji why did you say that”.

“Why did you apologize to your friends while I'm the one you should apologize to”

He would stand up approaching you, narrowing his eyes, clearly pissed.

His giant figure making you take a step back, trapping you between him and your desk.

“Now what should I do to you for ignoring me for too long huh?” he whispered.

You started stuttering, his strong aura did things to you.

His narrow eyes piercing through you, sending shivers down your spine.

“I- I'm s-sorry” you gulped.

“What a good girl...now turn off that computer before I smash it and get your ass on the bed”

Well you had no other options, so you obeyed him.

Unless you want to act bratty which will result in him punishing the hell out of you.

Would spend the whole night cuddling you, literally smashing you in his strong arms, never letting go of you. 🫶🏻🥹

“But Toji I really need to use the bathroom”.

“Nuh-uh”.

Ryomen Sukuna:

Two possibilities, whether you're too bold or you're suicidal and have a death wish to test this man's patience.

They just released this new game and you're completely obsessed with it.

You would spend hours playing it, luckily Sukuna was busy with some things so he didn't notice the way that game took your whole attention and energy.

He wants to be the one taking all of your time and energy.

But when he does notice, oh god, run or pray for your life.

“y/n come here let me kiss you”

“one second!!!”

He would look at you in disbelief.

Cocking his eyebrow, while leaning back .

Even though your back was facing him, you could feel the daggers he was sending your way.

“I said NOW”

“Please baby, I'm winning be there in a sec-”

You didn't even get to finish your sentence when he threw your whole set up off of your desk.

Your eyes would widen in shock.

You don't know if you should feel sad that your whole gaming set up got destroyed or scared that you're the one about to get destroyed.

“You dare to ignore me.. that's bold of you y/n” he would say in his deep voice, making your chest tighten.

“I'll only allow this once, there won't be a second time... do you understand?”

You would nod immediately.

He would throw you on his shoulder taking you to your shared bedroom.

“You need to be taught a lesson after all”

Of course he wouldn't apologize that he got angry at you.

I mean, it's Sukuna we're talking about.

The next day, Sukuna would surprise you with a new gaming computer with complete setup.

You've never imagined him doing this gesture but you truly appreciated that the king of curse actually considered your feelings.

“I don't understand what humans find so entertaining in this game... you should try murder is much more fun..”

You would happily unbox it and place it on your desk.

“Now, Doll next time when I tell you to stop you stop immediately without any stupid excuses”.

Nanami Kento:

Would be home after a long day at work.

Brings dinner with him and expects both of you to eat together while talking about your day and future plans for the weekend.

Only to find you in a dark room, only your computer screen glowing.

“y/n I'm home darling!”

“oh hey there baby” you would simply say eyes still glued on the game.

He wouldn't think much of it even though you were used to jump on him, embracing him in a long hug and telling him how much you missed him.

But lately all what you've been occupied with is this game.

Would give you space, while he takes his time to shower, prepare the table for both of you to have dinner.

“y/n dinner is ready, let's eat”

“yeah yeah I'll be there in a sec Kento” you said, agressively pressing the buttons on your controller.

He would sigh and head to the kitchen, to wait for you there.

Half an hour has passed, an hour and you didn't show up yet.

“shit” you said to yourself when you checked the time.

You ran downstairs to find him on the couch watching TV.

You slowly approached him and sat next to him.

“ken-”

“you don't have to say anything y/n”.

Your heart ached because you know you screwed up.

He would ignore you, his eyes fixated on the big screen in front of him.

You would place your hand on his lap but he would reject you.

“Kento please”

He would start lecturing you.

“You know, that was extremely childish y/n.. I've been waiting for us to have dinner together since the moment I left the morning.. that's what keeps me going.. knowing that I'll come back home to find you..but you did what? you ignored me”

He would be really furious but he kept it to a low and cold tone.

No matter how much he gets pissed he'll never raise his voice at you.

You would look down, embarrassed and feeling extremely guilty.

“I'm your husband y/n , lately you're not fulfilling your duties towards me like I do to you..”.

He is a responsible man, and he believes in efforts from both sides.

You would end up crying.

And he'll end up apologizing even though it was your mistake from the beginning.

He hates seeing you cry, especially because of him.

He regretted getting angry at you.

Between sobs you managed to explain to him that you were trying to win an award by getting the first place in this game.

Would bring you to his chest, holding you close.

“shh I'm sorry.. that's okay. I understand. I'm sorry if my words were harsh”

Would wipe your tears.

Doesn't go to work the next day and spends the day with you while you teach him how to play.

Thank you for reading (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪

[stellari-s]

a promise i want to keep . . .

request; it was a prompt from @judejazza hehe ✨✨ and requests are currently open!

wc; 1 958.

tags; jude jazza x gn! fairytale keeper! reader, injury fic, slight presence of blood, may be kinda ooc (this is my first time writing for jude and ikevil), pain inflicted on reader, best to assume pre-established relationship, jude is softer if you squint a bit 👀

summary; you had gotten injured after a mission because you took a hit for jude, but roger is out right now, and so who ends up treating your injuries? well, who else is there but jude?

you had made a mistake — except that you hadn’t. that is to say: you didn’t think you made a mistake, but in the eyes of the man before you, he apparently seemed to think otherwise.

“ow ow ow, jude,” you hiss, gritting your teeth together in an attempt to distract yourself from the sharp sting on your arm inflicted by a certain ruthless fairy. “be more gentle—please.”

“gentle?” jude repeats your words, albeit with a more cold tone and wicked grin. “i betcha you’re hopin’ for that quack of a doctor to come and treat your wounds so ‘gently’ right about now, but what a shame he’s out. the goddess of luck just ain’t on your side today.”

actually, you don’t mind being with jude... not that you’d admit such a thing to his face.

that, and you could find it in your heart to, i don’t know, be a little more nice.

despite that, though, you know that jude very well could have just left you there. if he was a truly harsh, truly cruel person that others may make him out to be, that would be exactly what he would’ve done. when you think of it like that, you really can’t bring yourself to mind.

that alone was enough to give you a sense of comfort.

you start to retreat into the confines of your own thoughts, and for a while, that is enough to withdraw you from the pain of the wound, letting it fade into a throbbing ache in the background.

that is, until another sharp pain brings you (unpleasantly) back to your senses. “ack, jude, really, if i wasn’t watching you, i would’ve thought you were out to reopen my wound, not treat it, i swear.”

“aw, does it hurt? what a shame ya won’t be protectin’ me next time.” his voice drips with sarcasm, but the next moment his smirk drops into a more serious, or maybe angry, expression. “if ya got the time to complain to me, ya got the time to sit and reflect how much of an idiot ya were back there. should i maybe look at your head first? or if ya prefer to reflect, you can sit on your knees to reflect yourself.”

“i don’t need to be on my knees for you to treat my arm,” you manage to talk back, your shoulders raising and eyes narrowing in a defensive posture.

you had responded the way you did in a somewhat sore attempt to hide how hurt you had felt by the words that pierced through your heart like a blade lathered with a generous coating of poison.

to your surprise, though, you see the silver-haired man before you grin. “oh? seems at least you got some guts.” jude then narrows his purple eyes, which reminds you of a field of violets in a moonlit night and makes you feel strangely calm, as he clicks his tongue in exasperation. “but talk ‘bout a joke goin’ over the head,” he mutters, though his hands continue to clean the wound. it seems he is no longer interested in pressing on the wound purposely for his own amusement.

“...it doesn’t hurt as much.”

the comment was meant for yourself, but it seems it had reached jude’s ears as he directs a glare in your direction. “yeah? want me to do it again?”

you feel a shiver rush up your spine like a spider crawling upwards, causing you to stiffen in place.

“n-no thank you.”

you two fall into a silence after this, letting jude focus on your wound. occasionally you hear him mutter how he was going to make roger pay tenfold for increasing his workload, but it doesn’t escape you how he still pays close attention to your wound.

as he does, the weight of your actions from the mission finally settle in your mind.

at first, when jude had called you an “idiot,” it really did hurt your feelings. you know his words are intentionally harsh, and if he wanted to be nice, he would find a way to twist those words to make them sound mean. but thinking back on the incident that had landed you two in the basement of crown castle as “doctor” and patient, you know the words he had spoken are the truth, even though he had casually waved it off as a “joke.”

— some time ago.

“jude, are you sure we should just walk back? we can always hail a carriage.”

“nah, the mission from queenie’s officially over, but there’s something i gotta check first. goin’ by foot’s faster in this case. if ya going to stick with me though then don’t get in my way.”

as a fairytale keeper, you don’t have an obligation to stick with jude any longer. if you wanted, you could simply go back to the castle, write the report, and submit it to victor. but there is a miniscule feeling tugging in your chest.

perhaps it was an innocent curiosity. a sudden, maybe “idiotic” feeling bubbling inside you urges you to nod your head, say “yes, let me come with” regardless of any rationale. it threatened to overflow.

outside of missions, what was jude like? you knew he ran another business, and that he has made a sea of enemies by now, but what else?

“…please take me with you, jude.”

a smirk graces jude’s lips. “just remember ya asked for it, so don’t come runnin’ to me if ya end up cryin’.”

the meaning of those words would sink in soon after, when apparently someone who is within this vast “sea of enemies” charges head-on toward jude from a blind spot.

jude starts to turn around, but when you see the silver gleam of a knife, your body moves on your own.

he could have protected himself all right. you know that well in your head.

so why did you take a blow for him? for jude, of all people? was it some attempt to cling onto any sense of justice in this dark world that muddled your sense of morality, maybe?

by now, jude had started wrapping gauze around your arm. you simply watch the bright red of your own blood spread like a flower blooming on the white of the fabric.

“…jude?”

“yeah?”

you had thought you were ready to confess your thoughts to him, but much to your chagrin, once you actually open your mouth to speak, the words come out with a slightly trembling, hesitant quality.

“about what you said before. i think… you were right.” you suck in a breath to try and recompose yourself (to little avail). “what i did back there was… idiotic, as you say. i’ll admit that.”

jude doesn’t respond, but you can tell he is listening, even without making eye contact with him.

you take his silence as a cue to continue — or rather, to finish your thought. “but, i don’t think that makes me, as a person, an idiot.”

jude scoffs. “a person is defined by their actions, whether they like it or not. if ya got good intentions but the way ya go ‘bout it is shitty, there ain’t no one who’ll give a damn.”

“that’s quite funny coming from you,” you blurt out before thinking, earning yourself a sharp look from those stormy violet eyes of his.

“ya know that’s besides the point, smartie. if ya really want me to think otherwise, i hope you’re prepared to pay back the debt ya owe. if not… well, at least ya ain’t idiotic enough to not know.”

he finishes wrapping the gauze around your arm then, though he doesn’t let go without giving your arm another squeeze, a threatening motion in its essence.

“ouch! okay, alright, i get it! i will pay you back, so stop squeezing my arm and pressing on the wound!!”

“next time don’t go dawdlin’ around tryin’ to protect me if all ya gonna do is get hurt and give me more work on my plate.”

you see jude’s eyes glare at you, maybe even gleaming slightly due to the lighting. his expression doesn’t bother to conceal his annoyance either. but once again you had come to the realization that — twisted as it was — this was his way of warning you, as one may arguably remember best through pain.

it was his way of protecting you.

his words were mean, but he never once abandoned you; he never left you behind. hell, here he was, probably having better things to do right about now, treating your arm (though that was only because roger was out).

the thought tickles your mind and makes a smile break out on your lips as you try to stifle laughter. jude, on the other hand, doesn’t seem so amused.

“ah? the hell’s so funny?”

“nothing.” more stifled laughter.

“aw, ya can’t be that much of a freak.” jude once again has that wicked smirk playing on his lips, glowing in his eyes. “how ‘bout i sew your mouth shut first for lyin’ through your teeth?”

“say what you want, but i know you won’t actually go through the pain of doing that.”

when you see jude’s eyes widen slightly, you can’t help but let out a small victory cheer in the depth of your heart for catching him off guard, even a little bit.

it was a small victory indeed, though, for jude managed to recover quickly.

“well if ya can go ‘n talk back to me like that, guess ya feel better.”

now it is your turn to feel surprised as jude suddenly lets go, turning his back on you and walking back upstairs in long strides. you lift your arms to reach out for him, unable to move more than that due to surprise for a brief moment. when you can move, you jump off the table on which you sat while jude was treating you to follow after him.

“ah… hey, jude! wait for me! would it kill you to walk a little slower?!”

though you can’t see his expression from where you are (and so you could be completely wrong), you have an inkling at least he isn’t wearing as harsh an expression as he had when he was facing you.

[jude seemed a little mad today.

i do get where he is coming from, too, i really do. that said, a part of me felt that if i hadn’t taken the hit for him, then he would have taken it for me. i’m not sure if he respects me at this point (maybe he just finds me annoying) but still, i’m convinced it’s in his nature to protect others.

like a guardian fairy, he can’t… not protect others. even if it’s in his own, jude way.

that’s why i couldn’t help thinking if jude is the one protecting others, then who is there to protect him?

maybe that person isn’t me, and i think i ended up in jude’s debt rather than earning any semblance of thanks. but even so, i can’t help but feel i want to become that person someday.

perhaps it’s simply naïveté, but that’s why until that day may come, i hope i can at least stay by his side.

“what a shame you won’t be protecting me next time…”

i know you probably won’t see this note, jude, but i just want to say that unfortunately, i don’t think this will stop me from trying in the future, nor do i really regret it.

——after all, just like you have your own promise you want to keep, i, too, have one of my own i do not want to break.]

(found on a crumpled notebook page, ripped neatly out from the book)

[nthspecialll]

absolutely loved your Tilly and Dutch post and now I'm curious- what's your take on Tilly and Susan? You mentioned Dutch kinda just dropping Tilly off on her so I would love to hear some other thoughts you have about these two!

Link to original post here.

Oh I absolutely can, I have sorta talked of it before but with focus on Susan, that post can be found here, but I can def talk with focus on the two together.

So what is very important to remember is that Susan does not hate the girls at all, they are in fact her everything, as demonstrated in chapter 4 where she runs out to save Tilly, being the first to even notice she is gone, and in chapter 6 where she says "as long as my girls are okay, it will be fine." It is the way she was raised and her own insecurties that leads to her being aggressive towards them.

Susan is very protective of Tilly, which is shown when the foreman brothers kidnaps her, telling Foreman that "she is mineee" about Tilly and comforting her while Arthur is chasing down Anthoney. She is also proud of Tilly as she admits in a camp interaction saying "you turned into a fine woman and I am sure you will be fine" and "I am also sure that well... That I am proud of you." It is a very motherly sort of dynamic that Susan puts on when around Tilly, that strict yet caring person, which is understandable considering that she has known her since early teenage years.

We can also see that Tilly trusts Susan. Yes she does get annoyed with her and think her as unfair at times, but she confides in Susan several times, such as in the previously mentioned chapter 6 camp interaction, and also off scenes. In the mission where we get back Tilly, Susan reveals that Tilly told her she was worried about the Foreman brothers because she knew they had a hide out nearby. Tilly also allowed herself to get comforted by Susan, leaning into her touch. I also think Tilly has a lot of respect for Susan which is why she didn't doubt that her killing Molly was a bad thing (though she did also show distaste for Molly before said event).

Overall, they have a very mother/daughter way of being, Susan is harsh but caring, Tilly is annoyed with her but respects and confides in her. I also think Tilly joking of poisoning Susan, her replacement mother figure, with Arthur, her brother, is a very family dynamic.

I love them so much, URGH, thank you for giving me a chance to yap about them :,D

[beautifulterriblequeen]

TDP autistic-coded characters: Runaan

Inspired by this post, which gave me the kick I needed to create my own for Runaan. I’ve always kinda pictured Runaan as “Zuko but instead of befriending Aang he grew up and married Ethari.” 

I’m not going to go into how precious this headcanon is to me. You have headcanons that are near and dear to your heart. This one is near and dear to mine. Let’s go:

Physical traits

Sensory dampening

Autistic people often have sensory issues that result in them feeling overwhelmed, overloaded, or hypersensitive. It can result from a combination of mental and physical input, and autistic people develop a variety of coping mechanisms to deal with it.

One way to dampen an overload of physical sensation is with clothing. Loose and baggy works for some, tight and gently constricting works for others. It can turn overwhelming nerve input into a kind of white noise background so it’s easier to focus on other information.

Runaan wears a lot of clothes on missions, leaving only his face and upper arms exposed. I’m not talking about layers so much as skin coverage. While there’s a variety of coverage among the assassins, Runaan is the only one with long hair covering his neck, long pants, high boots, and gloves.

Though Rayla’s dressed very similarly to him, her hands are bare, giving her a more approachable and vulnerable look, as befitting a character trying to find out who she is. 

With all his layers of insulation, Runaan appears as if he’s trying to separate himself from, or protect himself from, the world around him.

About those gloves and leather gauntlets. It seemed a little odd (read: foreshadowingly important) that those gauntlets would get a mention in Callum’s Spellbook as part of Runaan’s look, but they’re in there. Runaan’s gloves are black, a nice dark undistracting color. When he moves his hands around in front of him, he won’t be visually distracted by the light hue of his own gloves. And he does use his hands a lot, as a major form of his communication with others, so keeping that contact to a comfortable level, both visually and tactilely, lets him touch and move as much as he needs to without overwhelming himself in the process.

Meditation

Meditation is another way to calm an overload of input, or to psych oneself up for something that will require a lot of focus.The first time we meet Runaan, he’s meditating while the others set up camp. 

Rayla’s been gone a while and he’s probably worried. It’s her first mission, and he vouched for her skills, so he can’t just go traipsing off to find her. He has to wait and trust her, so he spends his time calming and focusing. 

We also see him meditating in the dungeon, several times.

Even though the room was dark and quiet, all that sensory input from his injuries must’ve been intensely stressful. Falling back on his meditative coping mechanism was the only tool he had to handle the stress and pain of his environment and situation. But all his years of using this technique means that he’s pretty good at it. Every time Viren came in to pester him, Runaan was always able to keep his wits about him.

Stimming

Autistic people stim as a self-soothing technique when they’re hit with intense emotions--good and bad alike. They’re basically a way to anchor during a storm of feels until it passes, by doing something familiar and repetitive.

Runaan’s stim is clenching his hands. His hands are very clenchy when he’s stressed. With those dark gloves on, it’s not terribly noticeable, but they’re opening and shutting constantly when he’s worried over Rayla and how she’s endangering herself/messing up his mission.

Runaan is an elf of action. His skill set is entirely physical. When Rayla acts insubordinate on the mission, he knows he should punish her--a harsh physical tactic--but he quietly refuses to do so. Instead, he talks to her. And though he keeps his voice calm for the most part, he’s upset, nervous, off book. It takes him a while to be able to make eye contact with her (more on that later). And his hands start twitching, possibly because he’d be far more comfortable with a  physical fix to the situation, a tactic he’s far more familiar with but in this case he’s deliberately choosing not to employ.

Long hair

Devon Giehl confirmed way back when that Ethari braids Runaan’s hair for him (awww), and he’s really good at it. It’s possible that Runaan had a very different hairstyle, or not much of a style at all, before he fell for Ethari. Autistic people sometimes struggle with haircuts or complicated personal hygiene routines. Some very much enjoy the asmr of having their hair brushed, or the comforting weight of long hair. A warrior needs to see what he’s doing in battle. A Moonshadow needs to look stylish. Enter Ethari, who probably still cannot believe he gets to play with all this long glorious braidable hair every day. 

Maybe this beautiful hairstyle that we all love and adore and draw over and over in our art is Ethari’s creation, tactically designed to bother Runaan as little as possible. It’s not hanging in his eyes or tickling his neck or bugging his ears. He has a clear line of sight in all directions. No dangling fringe, unlike almost every other Moonshadow we’ve seen.

Those hair cuffs Ethari made keep Runaan’s side tails out of his way when he’s spinning in battle, too. There’s basically nothing that will get Runaan’s hair in his face.

And he hasn’t cut it in a very long time.

Interaction Issues

Processing time

Runaan comes across as a stoic and calculating character. He uses silence and stillness on the regular. These techniques can be used deliberately to give an autistic person time to process new information. Autistic people can have processing issues, hearing issues, and comprehension issues, and our first instinct upon hearing new information can be to blurt, “What?” because we don’t collect all the details on the first pass. Letting the mind continue to process for a few extra seconds can help to fill in the gaps, though. Remember this iconic moment? 

Runaan takes 17 seconds to make his way from “Give me the egg” to “Don’t do this.” He stands dramatically, the clouds part, it’s all very epic. But he could’ve acted the second that Rayla defied him. He didn’t. Looks like he genuinely needs a minute to process what Rayla is doing and how to handle it. It’s very unlike her. He wasn’t expecting it. He has no plan for this. He has to stop everything and think. So he holds still and keeps his reactions under wraps, until he has formulated a plan. Runaan lives by plans and rules. More on that later, too.

The Kiss

 Autistic people can be sensitive to being approached and touched. And martial arts training does wild things to your personal space. You have none and all at the same time. It’s vastly more comfortable to keep everyone at arm’s length because there are so many options to choose from if they get close enough to touch.

An autistic person and their loving spouse can easily create little rituals--social and verbal cues--to be recognizable indicators of desired behavior. Ethari’s line, “My heart goes out with this one,” acts as a code that Runaan has heard over and over. Ethari’s worried, and he’s seeking comfort. So he prompts Runaan and patiently waits for Runaan to respond and initiate the kiss in his own time. And Runaan does so, with the smoothness of long practice. He reaches out, he steps forward, and then he also steps back, breaking the kiss. 

Ethari chases the kiss as long as he can, but he does let it go when it’s clear Runaan is backing up. It’s clear that Ethari is an enthusiastic lover, and Runaan knows it. Though the kiss is complete, Runaan takes time to reassure his husband that he loves and trusts him, and he does that by ensuring a long moment of close eye contact and physical touch--both things that can take extra focus for an autistic person to offer. But for Ethari, it’s definitely worth doing.

Eye contact

Eye contact can be stressful for autistic people, and we often avoid it when we’re already uncomfortable. When Runaan takes Rayla into the woods to tell her she’s off the mission for being too soft, he can’t look her in the eye for the first part of their conversation.

He keeps looking in her general direction from the corner of his eye, but he can’t look her in the eye and tell her she failed him. It’s too uncomfortable for him. He has to work up to it for a couple of minutes. And though he does manage to meet her eyes for a short while, he ends the conversation by walking away while he’s still talking. As far as his plans extend at that moment, he’s never going to see her again. He believes he’s marching off to die, and he can’t look at her then, either. .

This look is Runaan’s emotional lockdown. Everything is tense and no feels are getting in or out. Hands totally fisted up.

Time Out

Autistic people can get so overwhelmed that we lose our temper, go nonverbal, or otherwise shut down, and we need to step away from the environment that’s caused the overload. Runaan lost his cool and yelled at Rayla when he learned that she’d lied to him about Marcos.

Losing his temper wasn’t good because he yelled at his daughter. But it was also bad because he lost his professional cool in front of his team. He had a little domestic right there in front of them. When you’re supposed to be in charge, especially in a culture that prides itself on cooperation and perfection, falling apart in public has got to be humiliating. 

The next time we see Runaan, he’s taking a break in a tree with his second while the other assassins chill, clearly waiting on him. He might have been here five minutes. He might have been here for an hour or more.

My favorite part about this is how Runaan isn’t alone. His friend has come to sit with him, but silently. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t try to touch Runaan, he just waits. And eventually, Runaan gets his focus back and talks about the mission. 

This moment is also an instance where Runaan needs time to silently calculate until he creates a whole new plan out of nothing. In this case, he’s deciding to set Rayla off the mission for being too childish to complete it properly, rather than executing her or otherwise punishing her as a full-fledged assassin. But first, he needs the time out, because he can’t make that plan until he’s emotionally calm again.

“Enough Brooding, Elf.”

When Viren dumped the coins out and Runaan saw that they were cursed objects that somehow contained his dearest friends, Lain and Tiadrin, he was so overwhelmed, shocked, and upset that he had his only eyeshake of the whole series, and he ended up going nonverbal. 

Everything that Runaan had done with regard to Rayla over the last several months turned out to be for nothing. She didn’t need to avenge her parents’ honor because they never ran away. Runaan didn’t need to fight with his husband and go into emotional lockdown. And he, his husband, and Rayla never needed to ghost Lain and Tiadrin in the first place. All that stress and emotional suffering was for nothing. And on top of that, the man who’d taken him prisoner had cursed his friends and imprisoned them this whole time. Runaan just can’t catch a single break. His voice drops into a stressed whisper as he says, “You’re a monster.” And then, judging by the next words Viren says a whole scene later, Runaan doesn’t speak again. 

Viren leaves him alone after the coin threat backfires, because he realizes he’s not going to get anything out of Runaan in his condition (and he could recognize this state because Soren is autistic-coded as well!). When Viren returns, he calls what Runaan was doing “brooding.” 

Brooding is generally defined as being two things: quiet, and thoughtful. No one broods out loud. But a nonverbal shutdown while chained to a wall is going to look pretty similar. Runaan can’t do anything to physically escape Viren, so his brain just switches off his mouth for a while. He has a lot of bad things to process and he has no room for responding to Viren in his state of extreme emotional distress.

Courtship Rules and Replies

From interviews with Devon and Iain, we’ve learned that Runaan fell in love first, but that he also needed Lain’s prompting to confess his true feelings to Ethari. One way to describe the difference between autistic and allistic people’s thinking patterns is to call one oft them Microsoft and the other Apple. They can generally do the same things, but the ways they get there are always a little different. Because allistic people outnumber autistic people, they have generally framed the society we live in, and we often feel like we must rote-memorize the rules of the world around us instead of using our own system. This does create a strong reliance on rules, and specifically on knowing the rules before proceeding. 

If Runaan had never courted anyone before--or if he’d tried to and it had gone poorly because Runaan didn’t fully understand the rules--he would be very, very hesitant to make the first move with Ethari. 

Additionally, Runaan was making all his good-faith efforts to show interest in Ethari via the proper channels, but meanwhile, Ethari was skirting the rules. He was interested in Runaan, but he’s a playful elf and was teasing his suitor by pretending not to be interested That Way. This might sound cute, but to an autistic person, such a lack of hoped-for feedback would be intensely exasperating. Runaan was trying to communicate in what possibly felt like a foreign language, and he didn’t feel like he was doing a good job of it. He was probably doubting his metaphorical grammar and accent constantly. Autistic people aren’t always good with reading facial expressions or unfamiliar moods, so he didn’t pick up that Ethari was genuinely interested and just teasing him. He was too uncertain and vulnerable to take the matter to Ethari straight out, but there was an elf he trusted fully: Lain. 

Lain could probably see Ethari’s interest when Runaan couldn’t. (And if I had to guess, I’d say Lain’s clue was Ethari’s intense eye contact, which Runaan wouldn’t notice if he was avoiding eye contact due to anxiety!) If Runaan was really so uptight and protective about his feelings, Lain wouldn’t have encouraged him to share them unless he was confident that Ethari would reciprocate. And because Runaan did trust Lain so much, he took that next step, confessed his feelings, and sure enough, Lain was right! Ethari loved him, too.

Free Time

Runaan’s birthday post for 2020 told us that he would prefer to spend the day reading alone, but he considers Rayla’s wishes and lets her decide otherwise. Runaan is more introverted than most and he’s perfectly fine entertaining himself, but Rayla drags him to the adoraburr meadow to spend time together, and because he loves her, Runaan lets her do it. If he were truly uncomfortable, he could put a stop to the whole thing. But he understands that this is how Rayla shows love, and so he lets her show her love through shared companionship, instead of shutting her out and keeping to himself.

Special Interest Sharing

Runaan tells Rayla that there’s an instinct to being an assassin. He has it, and he’s realizing now--only now--that Rayla doesn’t.

Callum’s Spellbook tells us that he began training Rayla to fight when she was just a toddler.

Autistic people often have special interests that appeal far above everything else, and can last a lifetime. For some it’s coding, photography, marathon running, or collecting something. Could be anything, really. Runaan’s special interest is combat. He’s a deeply physical elf who feels very present in his world, and sometimes too present (hence the gloves and the meditation). It’s only natural that he takes the body he’s got and trains it as hard as he can. Being ready for battle is a form of freedom for him. He can run anywhere and fight anything. His intense dedication to his training contributed to his promotions through whatever ranks assassins have, allowing him to contribute meaningfully to his community and his society through his service. Runaan’s special interest has made him uniquely qualified to lead the assassins.

When we meet someone we like, we tend to use our special interest as a form of communication and bonding with them: “I like you, so I will share this thing I love with you.”

Lain and Tiadrin had a precious baby girl, and Runaan and Ethari helped them raise and care for her. And the moment Rayla could move around, Runaan was right there, showing her all his favorite little tricks and techniques, steadying her, patiently demonstrating and explaining every little thing. Stances, physics, trajectory, angle of attack, center of balance, weak spots. All the physical things he knows and loves, he shared with his tiny new friend.

Having a full-grown adult pay her the respect of assuming she could learn all these things, even as a little child, must’ve been so important to Rayla and her self-image. No wonder they bonded so tightly. He truly believed she could do everything he taught her--and he was right.

Mental Effects

Hyperfocus

Autistic people can experience hyperfocus on a new and interesting person or thing. The more ways a person, like say, Ethari, appeals to someone like Runaan, the stronger his focus will be on them. All free time--and time that isn’t free--will immediately be diverted to thinking about and experiencing this delightful new phenomenon.

Runaan is described as putting his duty first, and he takes his job very seriously. But this is also the elf who deliberately damaged his weapons in order to have an excuse to see Ethari and ask him to fix them. To Runaan, the one thing he and Ethari had in common was weapons, so that’s where he started. Runaan gave himself a crash course in Ethari and his interests and ways of expressing himself, and found a way to speak the same language in order to ensure they’d connect. He literally hampered his own ability to do his job in order to find a way to connect with the craftsman.

Once they were a couple, he threw himself into learning How To Boyfriend so he could continue to communicate his feelings to Ethari in an understandable way. It was of the utmost importance to Runaan that he be able to speak a language Ethari could understand, so that he could tell him how much he loved him, and so that Ethari would believe it and trust it.

Small Talk

Runaan learned Ethari as a language, and he learned Rayla’s language as she learned his. He probably speaks Lain and Tiadrin fluently. But everyone has slightly different tics and cues in their speech, and they can all seem like separate languages sometimes. It takes true effort to connect with someone, to truly get to know them and all their little quirks. Runaan simply doesn’t have time to learn every single elf in the Silvergrove as a separate language. He’s learned how to connect with those he values most, and that’s all he feels he needs. Everything else is just small talk--a jumble of things Runaan doesn’t have room to care about beyond his special interest, his duty, and the few elves he’s taken such pains to learn so well.

[unfinished tdp meta]

[akkivee]

Penny for your thoughts, but I'm wondering if the upcoming Kuko angst is going to be related to him getting true mic'd. Like one of the first things he establishes way at the beginning the importance of making your own choices, and how he wonders if coming back to Nagoya when he did was right or not, but is the choice he made. But he didn't. And like immediately finding out he complains of being shrouded in doubt during "when six colors combine" drama track.

i like where your head’s at!!!!!! love it actually lmao!!!!!!

idk how to try and support your ideas without breaking down each and every verse lol, but i’ll try to keep it short. i think in this song preview, we listened to kuukou question everything he believes in, but as the song further and further progresses, we see him reassert his beliefs and give them focus, quite literally saying to never waver again. what set that off is the big question and i do think it’s linked to that very verse

the only time he’s ever mentioned such a sentiment is towards ichiro actually; ichiro always wavered in his heart and it’s the one thing kuukou could not stand about ichiro, so there’s potential it could be about ichiro

but this is a bat track lol and besides, ichiro and kuukou are very similar people. what he hates in ichiro could be actually reflective of something he hates in himself for a past choice we aren’t privy to, or even that very ‘choice’ to have left ikebukuro

as for it being bc of true hypnosis mic thought, i don’t see why it couldn’t be!!!! esp since kuukou himself didn’t sound very happy with the way he was called strong for breaking free out of the true hypnosis mic in the six colours track. if he needs maybe we’ll get some insight as to how kuukou broke out of the true hypnosis mic???

something that caught my eye while looking over the lyrics was that both he and hitoya have a similar verse about ‘illusions,’ hitoya plans to unravel its lies and kuukou’s is about how those illusions became reality. idk lol!!!!! that kinda sounds like a nod to the true hypnosis mic to me!!!! plus!!!! we had hitoya accompany ichiro, jakurai and gentaro’s block party mission to find out about the hypnosis mics, so that gives bat another connection to the hypnosis mic lore, as small as it is rn lol

on kuukou’s end, he true hypnosis mic had the power to strip away the value of choice. kuukou’s talked about how the hypnosis mic can change your fate in glory or dust and fate for kuukou is directly linked to choice. choice affects karma and depending on the karma you accumulated in life would affect how kuukou faces the buddha at the end of his life. so where does a choice like his actions the true hypnosis mic made him do fall under??? what’s that karma???? maybe it’s why kuukou’s thinking at some point in this song that his heart’s conviction isn’t enough, as evidenced by that verse ‘even when closed, with unwavering resolve in our hearts / this belief itself extinguishes like a flame,’ if his will had been strong enough in the first place, maybe he wouldn’t have succumbed to it is his thought process and that’s very harsh for kuukou to put onto himself lol

and lastly lol, about hirono-san uncharacteristically tweeting about kuukou it was def a hint lol 🤭 our first hint was hayama-san’s post and pic with bimi in may, the second was hirono-san’s kuukou bday tweet and the third was the fact kuukou’s sukajan was falling off the exact same way hirono-san liked to strip tease and then, hirono-san posting that very pic himself after the drop lol

[nevadas-night-time-novelist]

2BDamned x reader - Obvious pining

Initially you were just a hired gun, someone who’d follow whatever orders were given so long as the cheque was fat enough, but the longer you worked with S.Q., the less it became about the money, more about the cause, and the people behind the cause.

You’d link up with one of the leaders for your assignments, a tall and imposing figure with no real name, everyone just called him 2B or Doc. He was polite yet firm, whatever jobs he’d give to you he’d expect them done well, and failure to do so was met with a harsh tongue lashing, exercise as punishment and a dock in pay. Good work however was rewarded with simple verbal praise, as well as getting in his good books, a key way to getting those higher priority and therefore higher paid gigs.

He was shrouded in an aura of mystery, and it had you intrigued, very intrigued, his goggles and dark mask, his fit figure under his shirt, his deep voice, never really socialising with the main herd, keeping his secrets close. As a commanding presence, it’s hard to keep your eyes off him when he talks… Yet you find it hard even when he’s silent.

Your heart flutters softly when he speaks your name, stomach bursting with butterflies when he commends your skills, living for those slightly informal shoulder or back pats after a hard mission. You find him alluring, imaging him breaking his strong front, becoming a hopeless romantic and taking you on as his life partner. How it would be to tear off his bandages, touch the parts of his face he keeps so well hidden, kiss the lips few have ever seen.

“Are you listening to me?” You come back to the real world, cheeks burning red from both your less than pure thoughts of your boss, and the embarrassment of losing focus while he was talking to you. “Sorry, kinda got lost in my own thoughts there, could you repeat?” “You’re making a habit of this, you know. Not one worth keeping, might I add. Listen this time,”

Even when he chastised you it was a rush. “You’ll be in the van, we’re low on fuel for the choppers so they’re only reserved for the utmost important of jobs.” You were hyper aware of your surroundings, how close Doc was to you, the sound of his voice, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

2B had known about your crush pretty much from the get-go, his job is to read people, and you were an open book to him. He’d noticed how your gaze would linger on him, how your eyes seemed to soften, lips in a gentle smile, tone softening just slightly when talking to him, and him alone. He knew you’d fallen, and even now your mind was elsewhere, fixated on his-

He snapped his fingers in front of your face. “Look, if you’re going to keep zoning out, I’m not going to waste my time, I’ll just make you check inventory and clean the weapons stash.” Harsh, but fair, he had a decorum to keep, he couldn’t show favouritism, not even if he found himself returning your feelings of affection in his head.

Which is why he hadn’t bowed down and offered his romantic feelings, he had eyes on him, people who would cry out that he’d fallen for you, and that you’d be put higher in the pecking order than others.

He’d just have to be patient, play along with this game of cat and mouse, wait for you to unleash your spine and confess. Even as his fingers brush against yours as he points along the map on the table, his heart cries for love.

But he’s a patient man. He can hold on a little longer.

[itachi-with-a-chicken]

So we all heard of mateolate or however is written

And i agree it would be lovely to have stede and ed to have it officiated by Olu with wee John flower girl

BUT

I believe that the first who will actually seal the deal will be Lucius and Black Pete

Just. Think about it. Lucius in distress after the whole situation with Ed. Pete marooned on the island with the others.

Both very much in love with the other

Of course as soon as they'll reunited they'll want to tie the notch, as to speak

"but what about the Edward situation" it's already dealt with they're all back on the revenge and things between Ed and Stede are tense but that irrelevant

They have a wedding to prepare

Also Edward is just creeping in the shadows because the crew is quite divided about him like he's been a bitch but also it was kinda their captain fault so who's to say who did really the wrong here

"i am to say" says Lucius "I'm the one he tried to murder"

"now now, murder is such an harsh word.. why don't you focus on what you want for cake and you let me handle Edward?"

So yeah Stede is vouching for him and nobody really care what Izzy is thinking

Hence matelotage will be!

Takes them really few days to set everything up. The lights, the food, the drinks, mostly

By the actual day to come they even manage to involve Edward in part of the planning, given his ability with special effects and so

And it's fine for him, until he has to interact with Stede

Then he gets all impatient and nervous and always seems on the verge of throwing himself out in the sea

It would be adorable if the whole marooning and lucius-icide didn't happen

But it did so it's just weird

Not that it matters. Every time Stede tried to interact with him it's like watching a baby bird learning how to fly

Most of the time his face in on the floor covered in dirt

Not literally. Except for once, but then it was mostly Frenchie's fault anyway

Finally the actual day of the wedding arrives

Black Pete and Lucius were even wearing good clothes, stolen from a merchant vessel just the day before

The sun was going to dip into the ocean when Stede started the ceremony

Which wasn't long at all. There's just so many words you can say about committing oneself to another person in their line of living before getting repetitive

Besides, nobody was truly listening to him

Well. Not true. Someone was. A bit in the back, in the shadows, but eyes shiny and piercing as always

Edward was listening to every single word Stede uttered and hated himself for it

Because no matter how hurt he felt, he never managed to cut Stede out of his brain entirely

And now he was talking about how nice is to be free to let someone sees you as you are, love you as you are and be accepted in all your mistakes

In all your wrongdoings

In all your flaws

And he was looking at him and how dare he? Really? How dare he come back and then and then--

Well. The newlyweds are kissing now. The ceremony was over

Thank god he can go back to drink and maybe drown Stede voice

He was up the main mast conducting exactly this mission when night fell completely, Lucius and Pete were left on land to save everyone else from assisting to the consumption of their union and most of the crew was either drunk or asleep. Maybe both. Probably both.

The only sounds were the calm washing of the waves and Buttons moon ovation to the moon

And of course. Steps that were climbing the exact mast he was sitting on

Edward doesn't need to open his eyes to know who it was, but he did it anyway

Stede, with the scruff getting longer and his clothes way simpler that what he used to know him for, sat beside him and wordlessly stole his brandy

"There you are" he says later.

"Here I am" and silence falls once more.

"Lucius and Pete arrived safe and sound on land they... Gave us the signal so everyone else went to sleep or whatever"

Ed nods.

"most of them were anyway too drunk to function anymore so.. it was just for the best"

Ed nods once more. They keep trading the bootle and once more is Stede who breaks the silence

"lovely ceremony, wasn't it? They seemed very happy"

Ed felt a bitter laugh escape from his throat "fuck should I know mate"

"what, you've never witnessed a matelotage before? In all your years at the sea?"

Edward could just shut up and keep up with the silent treatment, but it's Stede, and for how much he's pissed off and mad and hurt he can never just stop speaking to Stede. Explaining him things.

Not when he's looking at him expectantly, ready to listen to anything he has to say

"fuck, mate, I don't know, in our... Line of business.. people rarely wants to parade a weak point like that, you know? It's like putting a target on them, and viceversa. Also" he chugs another bit of liquore

"makes little sense to talk about 'death do us apart' when it can happen literally a moment later"

Stede seemed to absorb his words with a little nod of the head

"As someone who's technically been married I would agree but I don't know. You say it makes little sense but..au contraire, my dear, i believe that when you find the absolute perfect person it's imperative that you commit yourself fully to them. Most importantly if your time together is short"

He says all of this with the same audacity he had earlier, when he spoke about love and acceptance for Lucius and Black Pete

He is looking at him, eyes set and strong, and for a moment it's a completely different night and everything is much easier and complicated at the same time

Edward wasn't a coward, so he looked back.

Another moon, another Stede, another Edward, but the same damn little to none space between them

As that night, Edward wasn't really ready. As that night, he wishes he was a little braver. Just enough to kiss Stede again.

Then Stede does something even crazier, by all standard

He takes on of his hands, set the brandy bottle aside, and takes into his for a moment, before raising it to his lips and kiss it softly

The touch is so gentle that nearly break him into million pieces again

Edward is transfixed. His fight or fly response is doing shit since the only good alternative is throwing himself down the damn mast and swim until he reaches China

But that would mean release Stede hold and. No. He wasn't gonna do that.

So he does nothing and just wait for the moment to pass, for the feeling to settle

Stede keeps quiet and rejoice that Edward is actually allowing him to do that

There's hope for him. For them.

He squeeze the hand one last time before releasing it and getting up

"oh, well, time to bed" he says, not really expecting an answer

He starts going down the steps, but then he stops, only his face visible now

"you know, you can join me" he says, his voice impossibility soft

Edward sit a little more straight, the hand Stede forsake now cold, and swallows

"maybe later" he lies, and both know it

"whenever you wish" is the goodnight Stede gives him

So Edward can pretend to go down later

Join Stede in his warm bed

Help him prepare for the night

And maybe one day it will be more than just words

[may-fanfic]

Falling Hard 

Summary: Natasha took you in when you were very young and raised you as her own. You and Wanda become friends when she was recruited, after an argument you have with nat, Wanda is there to comfort you. 

Warning: mentions of drug addict parents, small argument, thats about it, correct me if i’m wrong tho 

Rating: idk its fluff 

word count: 2,311

((feel free to send in any request))

pt 2

masterlist

------ 

Wanda hadn't expected to find someone she could rely on or relate to anyone when she joined the Avengers. she assumed they were all gonna be older people who had no idea what they would talk to them about, she figured it would be awkward but at least, she had people on her side.

you strolled into the living room to greet the newcomers when Natasha called you. Wanda was quiet and closed off as Natasha made an awkward introduction to the twins as you kinda just stood there, the book that you had been reading tucked to your side as the group simply stared at their feet. "this is useless, mom can I go?" you asked gesturing to the stairs, the woman tucked hair behind your ear before nodding, smiling lightly at you. you often came off as harsh as Natasha even if you had been the sweetest person, at least that's what the redhead spy thought. you were a lot like her, strong, smug with a slight attitude.

"she's not good with new people." Tony explained causing Natasha to glare at the man. "don't you dare talk about my daughter." she pointed a finger before huffing and going away to make some coffee.

"that's where she gets it." Steve chuckled.

----

you had managed not to run into the new pair until one day you had been seated in the kitchen, perched upon the countertop as you swung your legs, all your attention glued to the book at hand until a gush of wind smacked you, blowing your pages causing you to gasp lightly and when you looked up, Pietro had been standing there and he swallowed hard at your cold glare and only seconds later Wanda jogged in, breathing hard as she whined about him cheating, quickly going quiet when her eyes landed on you. "no powers in the tower especially you, buddy!" you pointed a finger at the boy with whitish hair causing him to nod.

maybe you had been a little mean but Wanda didn't understand why she had been attracted to your mean girl attitude but she couldn't help the flutter in her chest whenever you were around her. you were a short, hot-headed girl and she couldn't help but be intrigued by you.

after some time the two of you finally had actual conversations that had been past your snarky remarks. she had been more than relieved to have a friend in you and Natasha were glad that you had been coming out of your shell. it wasn't that you were an introvert, you simply didn't get along with a lot of people.

---

"show me!" you giggled, rolling onto your stomach as the girl rested against your headboard, rolling her eyes playfully before twirling her fingers around, a red glowing light appeared between her fingers causing you to gasp. "whoa!" you admired, a soft giggle slipping from her lips as you stared at the red that moved in between her fingers.

"what else can you do?" you smiled, leaning your head in Wanda's lap, she tried her hardest to focus on anything else but the way her heart fluttered. she cleared her throat, moving one of your books from across the room into her hands quickly causing you to look at her, mouth agaped and she wore a smug smile before pulling a blanket over you with her powers and sweetly smiling.

"let me read to you." she offered, the main light to your room going off and instead the lamp beside your bed turned on and it was all too much for you to process so instead you just nodded and settled completely into her lap, your eyes fluttering shut, warmth and comfort washing over you as her heavy accent filled your ears.

---

Wanda watched as you mindlessly hit the punching bag even Steve struggled to keep the bag at bay as you punched it and you hadn't even used all your strength but you were strong... really strong. "good." your mother spoke uncrossing her arms and nodding at Steve to let go of the beaten bag.

"you're getting better at controlling your strength." Natasha pointed out, handing you a bottle of water and a small towel for your sweat. "you think?" you asked softly wiping at your forehead before grabbing a hold of your discarded t-shirt watching as she nodded with a smile. "when do you think I can start with missions?" you watched your mom's face turn sour and she ran a hand through her redhead. "let's not talk about that right now." she sighed, reaching out for you only for you to step back, a frown taking over your lips.

"you're too young, kid." Steve spoke up causing you to snap your hard glare at him. you were Wanda's age, there was no way that was the reason. "call me kid once more time." you stomped over to him until Natasha caught your wrist.

"that is exactly what I mean.. come on babes... I know what's best for you. after all, I am your mo-"

"you're not my mom." you spoke sharply, her lips parted and eyes watering up. "and you never will be." you turned away from her so quickly before stumbling over to the exit, the witch shooting up and following you.

"I'm not your mother?!" the woman followed closely behind you, anger filling her face. "I wasn't there when your drug-addicted parents were murdered?! I wasn't the one who took you to school every day?! I wasn't the one who was there for you every time you had a nightmare?! you had no idea what a mother was until you met me! so don't you dare ever talk to me that way again! you hear me?!" you bit the inside of your cheek, refusing to let any emotion show.

"I didn't ask for your help. you took me to fill the void of not being able to have children! you were just sad and lone-" you were abruptly cut off but the woman's voice.

"fine, you know what? you're right. I'm not your mom and I don't want to be. not anymore... I give up y/n. I do. I'm done trying to be there for you. I give up on you." she shrugged before turning and stumbling back into the training room, her soft but firm words cutting you like knives and if Wanda hadn't been there and softly grabbed a hold of your hand, you would've crumbled because it wasn't the first time those words were uttered to you.

"come on, возлюбленная (sweetheart)" she cooed, tugging you in the direction of your room, feeling your anger being washed away by sadness. as soon as you were in your room, you couldn't help the sob that slipped from your lips. your back crashed against the wall and slid down it before Wanda met you on the floor, her arms quickly wiping around you and whispering soothing words in your ear.

"Everyone gives up on me! everyone! I'll never have anyone!" you sobbed into the girl's chest causing her to bite her lip, shushing you lightly. "you have me. believe me, when I tell you, I'll never give up on you. I promise.. b-because i-" she paused for a moment, pulling your face from her chest, cupping your cheeks softly and wiping away the tears that poured from your eyes. "because I love you.." she confirmed causing your tearful eyes to go wide. "nothing with ever change that.." she added before a gasp slipped from her when your lips crashed against hers with a hard pressure before it quickly softened when you notice how hard it was and you had been too afraid to hurt her.

"that was a bit harsh, Romanoff." tony mumbled, glancing up at her when she reentered the training room, a hard look on her face. "what do you know?!" she snapped, slightly becoming choked up when she thought about the way your face fell when she uttered out her words coldly. she didn't mean it, she didn't mean any of it but you had hurt her. as a mothe- a caregiver she should've been able to handle it better. she loved you unconditionally and she hated herself for hurting you.

"I know what it feels like for a parent to give up on you, and it doesn't feel good," he spoke sincerely causing her to let out a breath, pinching the bridge of her nose to stop the pain in her head. she should've been the bigger person and threw away her pride when it came to you. her eyes started to water at the memory of you telling her you loved her for the first time when you were much younger or when you first called her mom for the first time and now she had been punching the punching bag hard to avoid her feelings, but then she couldn't shake the feeling that you had been upset and she felt so much hatred for herself at that moment.

Natasha knew you loved her and viewed her as a mother but your vision had been so clouded by anger that you simply couldn't control what you were saying but she could've. with one final punch, Natasha decided that it was her who should apologize. when she stumbled to your room and gently pushed open your door, you had been neatly tucked away in Wanda's embrace, your face nuzzled into her neck.

the both of you had been sound asleep and she didn't have the heart to wake you up from your seemingly comfortable state but then it dawned on her that you were never a cuddly type unless it was someone you really, really liked, and then she couldn't help the small smile and her teary eyes because she realized that her little girl had grown up and had been in love.

you had been incredibly exhausted in the morning. you couldn't believe how emotionally worn out you had become and it hadn't help that Wanda wasn’t with you in the morning instead you met her in the kitchen, a small grin on her face when she spotted you. "I wanted to make you breakfast," she explained shyly, her arm wrapping itself around your lower back and pulled you in for a hug.

"you're too sweet, Wanda." you sighed out conflicted on whether you should be happy because the girl you liked for a bit of time is finally yours or if you should feel upset that you no longer had that mother figure that Natasha provided you with. you planted a soft kiss on Wanda's lips before turning to make some coffee. you and Wanda had been up quite early, leaving the both of you in a comfortable quiet kitchen as you worked alongside each other to get breakfast ready.

you had gone most of your day without seeing Natasha until you and Wanda stumbled into the training room, Wanda bragging about how she could whoop your ass without even using her hands and you protested claiming you could rip her in half using your bare hands. the conversation was lighthearted and playful, you were both laughing and giggling about it until Natasha had come into your sight.

"We need to talk y/n." the older woman declared with a stern look on her face but in all reality, she had been happy that Wanda was making you smile despite the heavy argument you had with Natasha. you didn't have it in you to protest so instead you nodded and Wanda sent you a comforting smile before stumbling out the training room giving the both of you privacy. you let out a sigh, your gaze dropping before you glanced back up at the woman who raised you. "l-listen, mo- Natasha-" the woman stood her head, taking steps towards you and opening up her arms for a hug. "no, stop come here." you stepped into her embrace, sighing softly in relief.

"I would never and I mean, never give up on you. you know why?" you shook your head nuzzling into the woman. "because you're my daughter and you'll always be. I love you very much and I'm sorry that I ever allowed my anger to cloud my judgment. I'm your mom and I should've reacted to the situation better. it'll never happen again. okay?" you let out a half sob, half laugh causing her arms to tighten around you.

"I'm sorry too." she chuckled lightly, pressing a soft and comforting kiss to your temple. "it's just upset when no one trusts you when it comes to something that you've been working hard on, you know?" you explained causing Natasha to push you back slightly, cupping your cheeks and frowned. "you think I don't trust you when it comes to your strength? I do trust you, honey. it's just I want you to be emotionally prepared for what the mission entails, do you understand? plus you getting hurt because of something I allowed you to do would kill me." she uttered out causing you to nod understandably.

once all the heavy stuff had been out the way and apologizes had been accepted, Natasha couldn't help the smug smile that formed on her lips, she moved to hold the punching back for you as you punched at it, focusing on how hard you had been hitting it until Natasha uttered out. "I saw you and Wanda cuddling last night when I came to apologize. I've gotta admit you two are cute together. how long has that been going on?" she smirked when your cheeks flushed over and your eyes widened. the woman had been playfully wiggled her eyebrows at you as your punches stopped abruptly, your cheeks heating up even more.

"oh my god, please stop!"

[remosdeerica]

May I ask for some hcs? 👀👉👈

Jon developing extreme anger issues (coz of that grandpa shit) and feeling extremely bad and guilty for it later and Damian helping him through it? :^)

Ooooooooookay, so this might not be quite what you asked for.... I got inspired and things kinda escalated from there. So it's less headcanons and more a one shot. But there are headcanons within the one shot so like... same dif, right? 😬😬😬

I'm down for any other asks in the future (this goes for anyone reading). Can't promise I'll get to them immediately but I'll do my best. 😊😊😊

Anywho, I hope you like it! (Warning: it's kinda long) @cats-and-katanas

________

Jon had never been good at controling his anger. Even as a child.

For someone like Jon, losing control was deadly for the people around him. For the most part he managed to keep his anger at a dull roar. Something that never really went away but at the very least stayed contained, unable to hurt anyone.

But some days there was no stopping the blinding rage form consuming him. No way to stop the growl that rumbled deep in his chest. To stop his eyes from burning a bright, unforgiving red. No way to stop the rampage that would only end in destruction and heartache.

Or at least, there didn't use to be.

If you had told Jon that Damian Wayne would one day become the key to controlling his anger he would have laughed himself silly. Damian Wayne? Mister "look at me wrong and lose you spleen"? Yeah, right.

But then, that would have been years ago. And Jon didn't do so much laughing these days.

Damian had changed in the years they had been apart. They both had.

Outwardly he was practically a different person. Jon often wondered how his younger self would react to the way Damain looked now, with his long hair and peirced ears. As a kid Jon had always invisioned the two of them growing up to look just like their fathers. And although Jon did look a lot like his own father, Damian look wildly different from his. More like his mother, if Jon were to make a comparison.

He'd changed a lot on the inside, too. He was more patient for one. Less quick to make a snide remark or dismissive comment. He listen more. He didn't interrupt or tell people to shut up as much as he had when they were kids. And he was more open. More willing to express himself without trying to save face.

But weirdly enough it was his hands that Jon noticed the most. Not how they looked (littered with small scars and calluses, fingers long and elegant) but how gentle he could be with them.

Where there had been hard jabs and friendly but harsh punches there were now firm assuring grips and soft caresses.

And something about the way Damian thred his fingers through Jon’s choppy locks had him melting into a puddle of goo in second.

The first time it had happened had been during on of Jon's bad days, when he couldn't keep the anger inside any longer.

He couldn't hear anything but the pounding of his own heart. Couldn't see enythjng besides the red. Then suddenly there were fingers in his hair and a body pressed firmly against his own. A voice whispered reassurances he couldn't distinguish as words but soothed him nonetheless.

Slowly, things came back into focus. The red faded. His hearing returned. And there, with his forehead against Jon’s, was Damian. His bright green eyes starting intently. His nails scratching gently against Jon’s scalp.

"Are you back with me, Corn Cobb?" He asked.

Jon just stared in shock. His chest heaved as he buried his face in Damian’s shoulder and sobbed at what he'd almost done. Guilt gnawing a hole in his gut.

Damian had only laughed breathlessly and wound his arms around Jon’s shoulders. Being sure to keep his fingers in his hair.

"I see you're still a crybaby," he said.

From then on Damian would frequently run his hands through Jon's hair. Usually only when they were alone, but sometimes when Jon was preticularly agitated on a mission Damian would sit him down and gently pet him.

It was embarrassing at times. Being pet like he was one of Damian’s animals. Especially when during one lazy afternoon wrapped around eachother they had discovered that Kryptonians could purr.

That had been a very awkward conversation with his dad.

But thanks to Damian, his anger slowly became easier and easier to handle.

And it wasn't just the head petting. There were many other things Damian did to help with his control.

One of the main ones was teaching Jon how to meditate. Something that Jon had never really considered. It had been a long and frustrating while before Jon had gotten the hang of it. But once he had it had helped tremendously.

Damian also sang to him. Not often, and never in public. But on his bad days when nothing seemed to calm him enough to let him sleep, Damian would manhandle him into bed, lay Jon's head on his chest right above his heart, and sing. The songs weren't in English. They seemed to always be in languages Damian knew Jon didn't understand. But they were always beautiful.

They spared a lot. Jon had been hesitant at first. Not wanting to hurt Damian. But Damian wasn't having any of it. He would goad Jon. Try to make him just angry enough to throw caution to the wind.

Jon had been even angrier after the first fight. Demanding to know if Damian was asking to get killed, setting him off like that.

Damian had been unimpressed, simply stating that he trusted Jon and knew he would never hurt him.

Jon had been floored. Even his own father hesitated when he saw Jon getting angry. And Clark was also Kryptonian.

But nothing soother Jon's anger like listening to Damian’s heartbeat.

After some exparimanting Jon discovered that he could hear Damian’s heartbeat from anywhere on the planet. No matter where he was or how far apart they were, Jon could hear him. This had been both relieving and confusing as Damian was the only heartbeat he could hear from that range. Everyone else's blended together after a certain distance but Damian’s remained loud and clear.

As the years past, Jon grew less reliant of Damian to keep his anger in check. It became easier to calm himself down. But even so, the anger still remained. Probably always would.

Jon supposed that just meant he'd have to hold onto Damain forever too.

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

[s1rcus]

The Road to Love and Truth (Blackhill)

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 2827

Chapter: 2/2

Fandoms: Marvel

Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury

Additional tags: -

Summary: Maria struggles after her night with Natasha. She gets some good advice from Steve.

Authors note: Blackhill Bingo square I3 "Steve Rogers"

Story below the cut or in AO3 here

Maria still has a huge headache. She's been debating taking another aspirin to ease it down for the past 10 minutes, but it hasn't been too long since she took the first one and it might just not be working yet. The situation with Romanoff might not be helping either.

Without thinking she's making her way towards Phil's office. She's not sure why, she knows she won't talk about something like this to him. He's a good friend but she just can't talk about her sex life with him, less about feelings. Maybe he'll have some work she can do to distract her from the night before. She can't use her key card on a day off, (Fury has made it very clear she's not supposed to be doing work during any type of leave) so she can't go to her own office to continue work.

Phil isn't in his office. Now that she actually thinks about it, he has been on a mission since yesterday. She still needs something to distract her though. Maybe Fury would let it slide this once if she'd go do work, but she'd rather not see him right now. She decides to just go for a walk. Hopefully that'll clear her head a little.

------

The fresh air does help her headache and clears her head just the tiniest bit as well. She stands outside of the Triskelion for a short time and decides to go for a short walk along the river.

She keeps her eyes mostly on the water as she walks hands in the pockets of her sweats. She probably should've changed if she's honest, but she didn't want to go back to her room. SHIELD agents weren't that rare sight around these parts, but they definitely didn't go out in their gym clothes. She kicks around some pebbles every once in a while that are lying around the sidewalk.

She loses track of time, trying to just focus on nothing but the movement of the water. And she might have let her guard down, because she gets startled, when a hand taps her on the shoulder.

"Maria, what are you doing out here?"

"Jesus, Steve. Warn a girl next time."

"I literally yelled your name when I saw you. You're not usually this distracted. Are you okay?"

There's concern on his face and Maria doesn't like it one bit. She's fine, and even if she wasn't, everyone else needs to think she is.

"Everything's fine," she lies.

Steve gives her a long look, not quite believing her.

"You can always talk to me, you know? Whatever it is that's bothering you, I'll listen."

Damn Steve, and his kind heart.

"I know," she says.

"Okay, well I'm gonna finish my run. Come and find me if you want to talk about whatever this is," he says as he runs past her.

Maria just waves him off. She continues along the river for a while longer until her headache becomes worse again. Deciding it's best to just go back and take another aspirin, she turns around and heads towards the Triskelion again.

------

Eventually Maria realises she needs to talk to someone so she heads towards Steve's quarters and knocks on his door. He opens the door with a smile. They're good friends but it's quite rare she actually ends up on his doorstep.

"Hey, Maria. What's up?"

"I slept with Natasha," she answers as she pushes past him into his room. She sits on his bed, head in her hands. She hears the door click shut as Steve closes it.

"Not what I was expecting. How are you feeling?"

Maria groans at the question, "I don't know. I find out she's queer and few days later I find her in my bed. That's not how that should go. And worst of all I want to do it again, but I don't think I can just keep it at that."

"So you want to ask her out?"

"I think so?" She says and lays down on the bed so she can stare at the ceiling. "But I'm her superior, it's unprofessional, not to mention way too complicated. How am I supposed to be able to send her out there, if I'm worried if she'll make it back? How is Fury supposed to trust in me, if I get compromised because of her? Or what if I make the wrong decision, because I can't--" Steve cuts her off. She feels the bed dip, as he sits next to her on the bed and places a hand on her knee.

"Maria, you're forgetting one important thing, she's the Black Widow, she knows how to handle herself. Do you know how many times she's saved me out there? Because I've lost count by now. And Fury won't see you any differently if you start showing normal people emotions. Also stop worrying about 'what if's. Those are situations you can't know the answers for before it's too late. And for the record, I think you're already compromised. You care more about her than you know. Have for a long time."

"Fuck", Maria breaths the word out.

"Language."

"No, I actually fucked up."

"What did you do?"

"I just left her. She wanted to talk, and I just left her. I wasn't thinking clearly. I told her it was a mistake. Well it technically was because that was definitely not how I wanted that to go, but… I let her believe I don't want her. Shit!" She gets up quickly and starts pacing around. "I gotta go find her. Tell her that I'm sorry for how I treated her. That last night was great. Not that I really remember anything. To hopefully ask her properly out." She freezes on her tracks and turns to face Steve. "What if she says no? How am I supposed to continue working with her then?"

"Maria", Steve warns her.

"Right, won't know the answers before it's too late." She takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'm gonna go to find her. I wonder where she could be."

"At the gym with Barton."

"How would you know that?"

"Just a hunch."

------

She does find Natasha at the gym. She's beating up Barton at the mats. Maria decides to just stay by the door and watch, she'll notice her eventually. Natasha seems more tense than normal, maybe even a little angry. She doesn't move around as smoothly as she usually does. Her movements are a little more jacked, more forced. Maria realises that she's not fighting with a clear head. She's trying to push her feelings out. Maria was the reason the Widow's usually flawlessly smooth fighting style looked harsh and broken. It makes her heart twinge.

Eventually Natasha pins Barton down and he taps out. She gets up and her gaze shifts to Maria's. Maria physically flinches under her gaze. She quickly straightens her back and neutralises her face, when Barton gets back onto his feet and notices her presence.

"Commander," he coughs, eyes moving from Maria to Natasha and back again. After a couple of beats of silence he starts backing towards the men's locker room. "I'll just go then."

Maria just looks at Natasha, not really sure what she's supposed to say. Before she's able to say anything, Natasha turns on her heels and heads towards the women's locker rooms. That gets Maria on the move as well. She runs after Natasha and grabs her from the upper arm.

"Natasha wait," Maria says and Natasha stops on her tracks. "I'm sorry about earlier. Can we talk?"

Natasha turns around and Maria tries to look as apologetic as she can. Natasha just stares at her for a while.

"Fine. My quarters in 10."

Maria nods and drops her hold of the other woman. She didn't even realise she had still been holding her upper arm. Natasha eyes her quickly once more before she turns around again and heads out of sight to the locker room. Maria just stands still for a while, looking after her, until she spins around as well and heads out of the gym and towards Natasha's quarters.

------

Natasha is punctual as ever, and appears exactly 10 minutes later. Maria follows her silently into her room. Natasha sits down on her bed, one leg under herself while the other hangs off the edge. Maria is reminded of the morning. She stays standing near the door, but is faced towards Natasha. She's trying to figure out her words, even though she's been trying to figure out what to say ever since she walked out of Steve's quarters.

"Well?" Natasha prompts her.

"I fucked up. I'm really sorry for how I treated you. I panicked and I fucked up. I try my best to keep my private life and work separate, and I mostly live at work so… I'm having a hard time, to put it lightly. I also have never done this before."

"What? Been with a woman?" Natasha asks with a serious tone. It takes Maria a beat to realise she's not actually seriously asking that.

"No, Romanoff. You know that's not what I meant. I mean sleeping with a co-worker. Actually kinda never slept with anyone without being on a date first. And especially never had someone in my bed in a SHIELD facility."

"So I was your first one night stand?"

"About that, I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"Was I that good?" Natasha asks with a smirk.

"Natasha! I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about all of it. Everything since the mission. Spending time together at that bar and during the mission and also everything that came after."

"Wow. Is Commander Hill getting soft?"

"No,” she says. Taking a breath she continues, “I'd just like to see if this could become something. You're one of the few people around here who I can stand, and I actually had a really nice time yesterday. And I'm not regretting what happened after, so that probably says a lot."

Natasha gives her a small smile.

"What changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"You left the room in such a hurry and now you're here saying you don't regret it."

"Yeah, that. I might've talked to Steve and he had some good advice."

"You went to Steve?" Natasha's voice sounds almost scandalous.

"Who else would I go to? Fury? Do you think I have many friends around here? People who I could talk to?"

"Fair enough."

"So, if I'd ask you out on a date what would you say?"

"I would love to, but do you really want to go on a date? Because I feel like we're not the dating kind of people."

That was actually fair, she did always hate going on dates.

"What do you suggest then?"

"How about this?" Maria is really unsure about how she should feel about the smirk that follows that one simple question.

Natasha gets up and walks towards Maria. She stops when their chests are basically touching. She grabs Maria's hands and wraps them around her waist. Then she wraps her own arms around Maria's neck and rises up on her toes to kiss her. Maria basically melts into it. Eventually she lifts Natasha up and they move on the bed. Natasha seems very impressed that Maria can lift her. Maria might be a bit hurt about that.

------

When they decide to leave for an early lunch (neither remembered to eat breakfast), they're barely 100 feet down the hallway from Natasha's room, when they're stopped by a junior agent.

"Commander, Agent Romanoff. Director Fury wants to speak to both of you."

Maria and Natasha exchange a look.

"Did he say what about?" Maria asks.

"Not really," the Agent answers but there's a look on his face Maria doesn't like. It's like he knows something he shouldn't.

Maria debates for a little bit, if she should push and get some answers from him but decides against it. She dismisses the agent and starts heading towards the Directors office with Natasha.

They get a couple weird looks and smiles on the way there. They walk the whole way in silence. Both clearly trying to figure out what Fury wants from them.

Fury sees them immediately, which tells Maria that it's something important. She's getting nervous. Natasha is here as well, so her mind goes only to a specific direction, but how would Fury know?

"Director Fury, you wanted to see us?" Maria greets him.

"Hill, Romanoff. Has either of you checked the news today or any social media?"

Natasha shakes her head. She's been awfully quiet after they ran into that agent.

"No, sir. I haven't checked my phone at all today. Pretty sure it's dead anyway. I've been a bit distracted," Maria answers truthfully. There's no point in lying.

"Well, you probably should stay out of social media for a little while but that's just a suggestion. Do you have anything else to report to me?" His eye shifts from Maria to Natasha and back.

He knows. Maria takes a deep breath. She feels Natasha's hand touch hers, a sign that it's okay.

"Yes, sir. We, uh... Natasha and I are involved."

"Will it be affecting your work?"

"No, sir."

"Then I'm happy for you," he says with the slightest hint of a smile.

Maria is surprised and she can sense that so is Natasha. She lets her posture get a little more relaxed.

"Now to the real reason I invited you in," Fury says as he pulls some tabloid articles up on the screen behind himself. They're all saying basically the same thing: Black Widow at a gay bar with a mystery woman . Some of them have clearly done a better job with trying to figure out who this "mystery woman" is because a couple of them have actual pictures of Maria along with her name. And there's pictures. Pictures of them kissing, the intense looks they changed during that night and pictures of them leaving together.

"We tried to get them down before they spread too far, but clearly we didn't manage that. Anything about the Avengers' personal life spreads like a fire. I'm sorry about the situation it puts you in."

Both of the women just nod. There wasn't anything to say. Fury takes this as his answer and turns off the screen.

"Well then, you're dismissed. Hill, if you could stay for just a little longer?"

Natasha squeezes her shoulder a little before she steps out of the room.

"Sir?"

"No reason to be that formal anymore. This is just me checking on you. How are you feeling?"

"Well, that's a lot, but I think I'm fine. It's not the way I wanted things to go, but I guess it's good that it's out. If we wish to go out, now we don't need to worry if someone sees us or not."

"Okay, still I wish the situation wasn't this. I strongly suggest that you don't check any social media for the next few days. I know you think you can handle it, but there's gonna be some bad stuff there and I'd prefer the dust settles a bit first. Also if anyone, and I mean anyone, in SHIELD gives either of you a hard time because of this, let me know. I will handle it. It's out there, so everyone knows. I wish you could've handled this on your own terms, but the situation is what it is."

Maria smiles at him.

"Thank you, Director. I know I said it won't affect my work, and I truly believe and hope so, but if it ever seems like I'm putting her before the mission; pull me out of it, if possible. I know I won't be happy about it, but I need to know that I won't be making mistakes because I'm compromised."

"Of course. But I have full belief that you'll do great even then."

Maria nods and heads towards the door but Fury's voice makes her turn around before she gets to open it.

"Also, before you go. I am truly happy for you, Maria."

Maria smiles at him and nods her thanks and joins Natasha on the other side of the door.

Natasha hugs her as she closes the door. Maria circles her arms around her and presses her cheek against Natasha's head.

"That went better than I expected." She hears Natasha mumble against her chest.

"It did," Maria agrees.

"I'm so sorry about the articles though. If I would've just realised--" Maria quiets her with a kiss.

"Natasha, there's nothing you could've done about it. The second we walked in there everyone was paying extra attention to us. Those articles would be there even if we hadn't kissed. I'm just glad we did. I don't think I would've ever dared to take this step otherwise," Maria says. She looks Natasha in the eye and they exchange smiles. "Now, how about that lunch?"

[white-queen-lacus]

Frederica and Homura as potential love interests?

Ok, before writing this post, I must admit that this thought has been wandering in my mind for some time and I will do my best to be as analytical as I can in the explanation. First of all, I've truly and wholeheartedly supported Shinkane since season 1 and I am sure that before or after, they will be endgame (in Psycho Pass' meaning, well... offscreen if we're lucky enough), so this post is just an attempt to see what is happening.

Let's make a premise: PP3, among all the seasons of PP, is the one that addressed romance in a more evident way, somehow. Not that it is a priority and it's fair as it is, since the focus of the series is basically human nature and its reaction to a world dominated by AI, but among the three seasons, PP3 caressed the topic. Not that it wasn't already addressed in the previous installments (Shion and Yayoi, Kaori's wedding, Akane's growing fascination, and not-so-well-hidden attraction and love for Kougami, Mika and her schoolmate, just to say), but starting with Sinners of the System, something else happened. Masaoka and Sae, Sugo and his friend's wife (tell me whatever, but he seemed to care a little bit too much and I found something similar in Arata's behavior towards Maiko)... and in season 3, the already mentioned Arata, both with Maiko (the hospital scene) and Karina, but also with Irie and Mao (I loved the whole music box scene) and Mao *not-so-well-hidden* fancying Kei. Did I mention the brief and glorious Shinkane's scenes? The cherry blossoms in First Inspector screamed "LOVE" in caps lock.

Well, ladies first, so let's talk about the mysterious and glamorous agent of the SAD: Hanashiro Frederica. When her character was revealed, all of us (or at least, the majority) thought that she could be a potential threat or a possible enemy. So far, it seems that apart from bigger fanservice than all the girls in PP, a still-secret agenda, and the fact that she managed to recruit Kougami, Gino and Sugo in her team (as well as granting them some privileges), there isn't any evidence that she could be an enemy. Yes, the whole Ministry of Foreign Affairs/SAD goals and mission aren't clear, that's why I hope we might get PP4 or a dedicated special, in order to understand more about them and her apparently personal motivations too. Now... thanks to the lovely @kumapillow who kindly translated the SAD extra chapter, something made me wonder. I already said in another post that Frederica seems to have a soft spot for Kougami. Just a few words about Kougami. So far, with the exception of the novels, where his feelings are clearer, he's never shown particular interest in women (or relationships in general). In the profiling book, it's said that he doesn't remember his first love, but it's also said that he would let Sybil choose for him once the time comes, until the movie updated version when it's said that his favorite type of girl is a companion who can keep up a conversation. Considering that in season 1 he was revenge-driven and Makishima-absorbed, romance was practically out of question (also, if we consider that he's been a workaholic since he was an Inspector, I'm not this impressed if he never had a proper relationship). Complete silence in season 2, then in the movies he said that wherever he goes, he's punctually involved in some conflict, aka... no time for romance again (for ghost!Makishima's joy). I read sometimes that the fact that he declined Shion's advances in episode 18 with the sentence "I don't think we are each others' type" was eloquent about his sexuality, since he probably is gay or bi, at least. I don't think he is, but simply, being the kind person he is, Kougami just found a colloquial way to remember Shion where her heart truly laid (and in the novel, it's more obvious). No surprise, during the fight against Rutaganda, when the mercenary said that listening to Kougami made him happy like he was listening to some Wagner's piéce, Kougami promptly answers that he could have rather listened to those words from a glamorous beauty than from him (he used the word "bijin" there). I won't mention all the Shinkane subtle of the movie, but it was truly obvious how things had changed for Akane and Kougami and what could have been happened if the mercenaries hadn't come. Case 3 shows that his relationship with the fair sex still hasn't progressed this much... though I LOVED Kougami's interactions with Tenzing and the teasing of the little girl who said that he reminded her of her dad (ok, that's progress, since in a radio drama both he and Gino made a small child crying because of their idiocy) and I headcanon that in the years past Case 3 Kou had some chances to hear back from Tenzing (because of MoFA and Frederica's care), when it comes to the blonde colleague... I guess that things haven't changed this much. Now, so far, Kougami has NEVER shown any sign of reciprocating Frederica's possible feelings, but it seems that he's the only one who knows how to cheer her up or to understand her. Coming back to Frederica, after this digression, that's the core: she technically has all the qualities Kougami would possibly need. She's a glamorous beauty (hello there, reference to the gekijouban). She's a companion who could keep up a conversation. This point is trickier, because the conversation under the moonlight (now that it comes to my mind, it was also said that if he ever had to set a date, he would probably talk about work or taking somebody to stargaze), which largely reminds me of his conversation with Akane in the movie (I'm talking about the structure of the scene in general), shows that

Frederica too is perfectly able to lecture Kougami and pull the shits out of him about his true motives for keeping on traveling, she's been interested in him since the lessons with professor Saiga, but also... the fact that she mentioned his mother, I think was some kind of a rehash of the novel version of the conversation between Akane and Kou. I was under the impression that Ubukata and Shiotani were trying to test the waters... Also, Frederica is a skilled fighter, she has a no-nonsense attitude and she's pretty harsh in what she says, but she's also friendly, humorous, and caring (the days they spent together with Tenzing). Then the renowned scene of the two of them making the deal... ok, I need to admit that in the beginning, I didn't see it as malicious, neither I do it now, but... mhhh... sharing the same bottle of water to make a deal... well... kinda intimate, right? Not that Kougami made a fuss, but Frederica was... pleased? After all, she didn't do any of this with Sugo (also, her approach to him was more formal) and we still don't know how she recruited Gino (I think it happened because of Kougami, after Akane's demotion)... I don't know, but it seems to me that her approach toward Kougami (at least in Case 3 and in the manga extras) is more personal... after all, when she approached him the first time, she was quite intrigued, since she wanted to take a look at the face of a celebrity like him (all said while pleasantly smiling). The extra chapter shows that while Gino and Sugo's efforts to help their chief were wasted (not for us who read), only Kougami's proposal was well received by her. Shooting like in a guerrilla field... after all, Frederica is a tough one (just like Akane) and Kougami knows it very well... like Gino adds at the end, she's definitely a female version of him, but she also is somebody able to kick Kou's glorious ass (just like Akane). Now, time will say where the truth is, but I feel like that if Ubukata and Shiotani keep on following the route "there's a deep respect and a bond which goes beyond love and romance between Shinkane... and also Kougami doesn't see Akane in that way", and instead they choose to spice things up (but I don't think so) Frederica might be the one chosen. Luckily enough, our dear former Enforcer seems to have chosen the celibate warrior monk route, but I'm still sure that things can change and in the end, the most natural outcome will be Shinkane. Well... since the post has become longer than I expected, I'll write another time of Shizuka and Akane, but thanks for reading until now!

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Inukag AU

There was a genuine smile on Kagome’s face as she sat on her bed quietly while her family and friends did what they could to try and jog her memory. It was about 3 months since the accident and today the bed was littered with photo albums, old letters, newspapers from her college days that Sango had saved, or her mother pulled from her old bedroom, really anything they could think of to provide visuals. She didn’t want them to feel bad for her predicament, so thought it best to go along with it. They probably knew— she didn’t recognize any of it but bless them for playing along as she nodded or chuckled at appropriate times or patiently waited as she stared at certain items longer than she should have. Because Kagome really wanted to remember.

But in reality, all the words and images were viewed through a strangers lens. Yes, she recognized certain people, but not everyone or the situation in the photos. For Kagome, her last recollections end shortly after graduating college. She knew Sango since they’d been friends, but barely remembered Miroku. To her Miroku was still the boyfriend of less than a year, not a husband and certainly not a father to the couples 1 year old twin girls. Sango was her best friend, so to not remember the wedding or the birth of the twins who based on the photos were precious to her... hurt. There she was in those pictures holding one newborn in each arm, beaming at becoming an aunty, and no recollection of it.

“Tomorrow is the weekend, so we can video chat with Sota,” Mrs. Higurashi reminded her daughter. “I’ve been keeping him updated by text.”

“Where is he again?” Kagome asked.

“In Hawaii, at the University of Hilo.”

“Oh... right,” Kagome chuckled. “I forgot.”

“That’s okay, dear. Sota is in his senior year now and will be coming home in December after graduation.”

“I hope I’m well enough to fly there for the graduation.”

“I think you will be,” her mother smiled softly. “There’s always hope.”

Yeah... hope. It was the only thing keeping Kagome from breaking down. Each night as she drifted to sleep, she’d remind herself of the temporary nature of her condition. Truth or not, it was worth clinging to. Earlier her mother told her of how she’d flown to Hawaii to help Sota settle into his dorm. As the big sister, she was so proud of him, but again Kagome had no recollection of this event and only Hawaiian vacation pictures to prove its truth. Still, she was happy that her brother had grown up so much. The sense of pride she must have felt at the time was renewed in the new knowledge.

She didn’t remember a lot, but there were moments that brought tears to her eyes for more than one reason. Take the other day when Sango and Miroku brought the twins for a visit. The children remembered their Aunty Kagome and quickly reached out with their small hands to her. It brought out tears from the happy emotions such adorable faces could provoke in anyone, yet also tears of frustration for not knowing them at all. Clearly, they loved her, and she wanted to love them too. Bless them, showing concern for her tears, reaching out to Kagome’s face as if to soothe the adult. So, realizing her effect, she quickly smiled and told them she was just happy to see them.

“It’s still a little weird,” Kagome confided to Sango one day, “because my only memory of Miroku is of an annoying guy following you around while still checking out other girls.”

Sango laughed, “he still an annoying guy at times, but it’s true, he has settled down since those days.”

“What was it that finally changed your mind about Miroku?”

“Oh, um actually we’d had a fight... a really big fight over his behavior and I put my foot down. It was me or them because I wasn’t gonna put up with it anymore. I guess the proverbial slap to his face woke him up.”

Kagome chuckled. “It does appear to have worked. But it was obvious how much he loved you despite the stupid things he did.”

Sango nodded. “True. If I didn’t think so too, I would have just walked away and not looked back. Sometimes guys literally need a harsh wake up a call to realize what they’re about to lose.”

That made Kagome think about the supposed fight with Inuyasha on the night of her accident, because it resembled the predicament Sango went through. She frowned. “Why are guys like that?”

Sango shrugged. “If we ever found an answer to that question, we’d be rich.”

Kagome snorted a laugh. “Agreed. We could make money writing self-help books.”

The girls shared a laugh before moving on to other subjects, but as the day grew late, Kagome suddenly sank down on the bed. There was a question she’d been wanting to ask, and though Inuyasha would be the better one to ask, he was still a strangers in her eyes. At least with Sango, she knew she could trust her friend to tell her the truth.

“Before you go, Sango, I have something to ask about.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Could you tell me how I met Inuyasha? Tell me what you know about our relationship?”

Sango’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Hasn’t Inu told you anything?”

Kagome looked down. “He has told me things, but I— I still don’t know if I should trust him. I mean... I know my mom loves him and that tells me a lot, but it doesn’t change the fact he’s just a stranger at this point for me— it’s,” she shrugged, “awkward.”

“Oh... Guess I never thought of it that way.” Sango reached out and took her Kagome’s hand. “I’d be happy to answer your questions. It’s okay that it’s awkward, that’s understandable so don’t push yourself to accept things just to accept them, but even I would agree with your mom, he’s probably told you the truth.”

“You think so?”

Sango squeezed her friends hand and chuckled. “Yeah. I didn’t like him at first, but the guy really grew on me. Try it, test me,” she coaxed Kagome. “Ask me about something he told you and let’s see if my answers are the same.”

Kagome smiled and sat back for a moment in thought. “What’s something questionable...” she tapped her chin. “The first date he took me on was to a ramen restaurant. Which is not very romantic if you’re trying to woo someone. So, it sounds true and preposterous at the same time. He said he was so nervous that he accidentally spilled a drink on me. I wondered if he told me that just to be funny and endearing, but it never actually happened.”

“Oh,” Sango burst out laughing, “it definitely did happen! You’d told him to pick somewhere he loved to go and Inu’s favorite meal is ramen, so that’s what he picked. And the drink. It was a pink cocktail that stained your dress. You were so annoyed!” She giggled again. “But it was obvious how nervous he was, and I remember how you told me it was cute to see him get all flustered.”

“Oh, wow,” Kagome laughed too. “I guess I have to believe it now. Tell me more.”

“Hmm,” Sango pondered. “He was so nervous to even ask you out, Miroku had to ask you for him.”

“What?!” Kagome gasped and snorted a laugh. “And I’d still said yes?!”

“Yeah, because by then you liked him too. It took... if I remember correctly a year of interactions just for him to gain that much courage.” At that point Sango’s voice quieted. “I don’t know if he’s told you this part yet but, Inu was a broken person when you’d first met.”

“No, he hasn’t.” Kagome leaned forward with interest. “What do you mean?”

“At the time he’d already been broken up with Kikyo for 4 or 5 years I think, but he hadn’t fully moved on yet. I can’t say he still loved her. I think it was more just loneliness. His mother died when he was young as well. So, I think the combination of losing the two most important women in his life left him depressed.”

“Wow...”

“I knew him as Miroku’s brooding coworker, how my husband tolerated that I have no idea, but they were close friends. When we’d introduced you to him, things slowly began to change. You almost made it a mission to help him get out of it.” Sango chuckled lightly. “You know how you are, always trying to help people. At first, Inu resisted, but you didn’t let up and slowly but surely broke through his defenses. He became a puppy dog around you, totally head over heels in love.” She smiled. “It was fun and so cute for us to watch it all happen.”

“I wish I remembered any of this,” Kagome sighed.

“You will. You’ve never been a quitter, so I truly believe you will get your memory back.”

“Thanks, Sango. All of your guys help really means a lot to me.”

Sango reached out and hugged her friend. “I know you’d do the same for me.” She sat back in her chair. “It’s tough now, and I know you described Inuyasha as a stranger, but treat it as if you’re dating a new guy with all those heart racing, excitements that come with it. I see how you look at him.” She teased. “You must at least thinks he’s cute?”

Kagomes cheeks flushed pink. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sango giggled and squeezed her friends hand. “If all you do is focus on this situation, you won’t start to live again. They’re releasing you to go home in a couple weeks, so have a little fun with him. Create some new memories.”

“Maybe you’re right... maybe I will try to think about it that way.” Kagome tips her head slightly. “It is kinda fun to feel those giddy girly emotions when I see him.”

Speaking of. The girls hear a knock at the door and turn to see Inuyasha walking in with a bouquet of flowers and a bag of take-out food. “Hey gorgeous and Sango.”

It set off another rush of heat to Kagome’s face. “Hi,” she squeaked out.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Sango stood up with a wink. “See you tomorrow.” She hugged her best friend and left the room.

Inuyasha took the seat beside Kagome and handed her the flowers. “How are you feeling today?”

“Mmm, it was good chatting with Sango.” She held the flowers up to her nose to smell them while keeping her eyes on him. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.”

“Beautiful women deserve beautiful flowers,” he smiled back and held up a bag. “Hope you’re hungry. I brought dinner since hospital food must be getting boring by now.”

“Aww, that’s thoughtful of you, cause yes,” Kagome sighed, “it is.”

Inuyasha chuckled, then pulled out the containers of food. He handed Kagome a plate. “It’s salmon nitsuke.”

“Oh, yes!” Kagome almost moaned in delight as she opened the container and surveyed the food. “And it smells so delicious!” But before Inuyasha opened his container. “Wait! Let me guess what you got.”

“Okay?” Inuyasha chuckled.

“Ramen.”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened. “How?!”

Kagome giggled. “Sango told me it was your favorite.”

To her guessing was funny, but she didn’t expect the pained expression that instantly fell over Inuyasha’s face. It didn’t take her long to realize. “Oh my, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you think I got my memory back!”

“I-It’s okay, really,” he tried to reassure her. Yes, it hurt, but, “it’s nice to see you smiling and happy.”

“Are you sure? I’m really sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Kagome, it’s really okay.” He smiled with eyes clouded over. “You’ve been... stand-offish till now, so it makes me feel a lot better that you’re comfortable enough to joke with me again.”

“Yeah... about that... I’ve been talking with Sango and she’s been encouraging me to give you a chance. I do want... to take her advice, but...” her voice softened, “could I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“For me, this is all like meeting a new guy and, you know, the whole crush, dating steps, and such whereas for you, it’s different and must be frustrating.”

“If I’m being honest, yeah,” Inuyasha scratched his head, “it is, but I don’t know, also a bit exciting too, like a challenge, but a fun one if that makes any sense. I get to date you all over again— I-I mean if you’ll let me.”

“They’re releasing me soon, so I think...” Kagome’s cheeks flushed. “I’d love to go out on a date with you Inuyasha.”

“Whoo Hoo!” He pumped his fists in the air. “I feel like a teenager again,” Inuyasha laughed.

At that, Kagome giggled, her mood significantly lightened, and a weight lifted. It was the first step towards a sense of normalcy. Forget the fact she couldn’t remember a chunk of her past and live in the now where a handsome hanyo sat waiting.

[fanmoose12]

Partners

Characters: Petra Ral, Levi, Hanji Zoe x Levi Genre: Action / Mystery / Romance Rating: T

Detective!au

Summary: when Petra was promoted to a detective and partnered up with legendary Levi Ackerman, she felt like the happiest person in the world.

But, as she soon found out, detective Ackerman she used to admire so much was actually a far cry from the ideal policeman Petra thought he was. He was rude, harsh and easily annoyed. And, in addition, he still hadn’t moved on from the death of his previous partner - detective Hange Zoe.

Chapter 6/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Сhapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Levi's fingers moved over Hange's body, as he checked and rechecked the fasting of her bulletproof vest. They were inside a police van, making the last preparations for their mission to capture Zeke.

“Stop fussing over me already,” Hange complained. “I’m more than capable of putting on a vest, you know.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he mumbled.

“Oi, c’mon!” Hange cried out. “It was one time! I didn’t properly fasten that damn thing one fucking time!”

“And you got shot,” Levi gritted through teeth.

“I was trying to save you, dipshit. You should be thanking me, not harassing about that little mistake every time we go on a mission.”

“You could have died, four-eyes. So forgive me for worrying about your safety. One of us has to.”

Hange rolled her eyes. Levi could be so dramatic sometimes. Luckily, she knew just the thing to lighten things up a little.

"What do you say about this, Levi," she nudged him with her leg, grinning widely. "Whoever catches Zeke first, gets a free dinner. Agree?"

Levi answered her by tugging harshly on the straps of the vest and sending her a fierce glare.

"This mission is not a joke, four-eyes. No bets this time. We both need to focus."

Hange huffed. "You're such a killjoy."

"At least I'm not a reckless idiot like you," he retorted, finishing his examination. He took a step back, admiring his work. "Did you check your gun?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

Hange sighed in exasperation. "Yes. You've checked it for yourself too."

"It was yesterday," Levi frowned. "Give me it, I need to check it again."

"Levi. Calm down," she laid a hand on his shoulder, making him look up at her. "Everything will be fine."

"Zeke had run away from us two times already."

"Well, you know what they say?" Hange winked, eliciting an annoyed 'tsk' from Levi. "The third time is a charm."

Hange reached back, taking a bright yellow jacket from the passenger seat.

Levi groaned. "Please don't tell me you're going to wear this monstrosity."

"Hey now," Hange chided. "It's my lucky jacket. Besides, monstrosity? You were the one, who bought it."

Levi gave her a flat look. "I was pissed drunk, Hange. I clearly couldn't think straight."

"And that means you actually meant it! You meant it when you've said that this jacket fits my bubbly personality!"

"Bullshit," Levi crossed hands on his chest. "I've never said such thing. How would you even know that I said that? You were drunker than me!"

"I was not," Hange protested.

"You always get wasted faster than me, shithead."

"Well, that time was obviously an exception."

"Really?" Levi raised an eyebrow. "Then where did I buy you this jacket?"

"In the clothes store, of course."

"And what was the name of that store?"

"Em..."

"Exactly," Levi declared victoriously. "I just proved without a shadow of a doubt that you're a fucking liar, four-eyes, and that aforementioned accident had never happened."

"Whatever," Hange turned away, hiding the pout on her face from Levi's amused gaze. "Let's get going, detective asshole, or Erwin will blow out a tantrum again."

"Erwin wouldn't get so worked up, if he took the time out of his so busy schedule to shit that enormous stick that's so up his ass he can never relax.”

"You should buy him tea from constipation," Hange chuckled. "He'll get the hint."

"And throw a mountain of paperwork on me in thanks," Levi grumbled. "C'mon, get up," he grabbed Hange's hand and dragged her out of the police van and onto the street, where Zeke's hideout was located.

"Shit," Hange breathed out, staring up at the large two-stored building in front of them. "On the blueprints it looked smaller."

"It did," Levi agreed, remembering the briefing. Erwin was very tense then, but Levi chalked it up to the importance of their mission. Now he started to doubt that. "Erwin must have known about the real size. Why did he send only the two of us?"

"You know Erwin doesn't have that much power. Besides," Hange grinned, throwing a hand over Levi's shoulders. "Everyone knows we're the best. The higher-ups probably decided the two of us were more than enough."

Hange's explanation kinda made sense. Still, Levi felt uneasy, as they slowly approached the building.

"Look," Hange pointed out at the window at the left side of Zeke's hideout. "It's faint, but there is a light coming out of this window."

"You think Zeke is here?"

"I'm not sure," Hange frowned. "I think we need to split up."

"No," Levi refused instantly. His hand fisted in her jacket, keeping her close. "We go together, Hange. As always."

"Levi," Hange smiled, laying her palm atop of his and gently unclasping his fingers. She lowered both of their hands, but didn't let go, holding his hand gently. "You know that this is the right choice. The building is huge. It'll take ages for us to investigate it together. Zeke will be long gone by the time we reach him. So stop fretting over me. Worry about the mission, okay?"

"...Okay," Levi reluctantly agreed. "But I take the left side," he gestured to the shining window.

Hange opened her mouth, obviously meaning to start arguing. But when she saw Levi's steel gaze, she sighed. "Alright, I'll go right then."

They reached the door of the building. Hange touched the handle.

"Wait," Levi stared up at her, feeling uncharacteristically anxious. Suddenly he reached out, bringing her down for a quick hug. "Don't you dare to get hurt in there, Hange," he whispered fiercely into her shoulder. "You see Zeke, you immediately call me. It's not the time to be a hero."

"Of course," Hange promised, wrapping her hands around him as well. "And the same applies to you, Levi."

Levi nodded, taking a step back. "Then let's do this. And remember, four-eyes," he showed her a little smirk. "If I catch him first, you buy me a dinner."

"We'll see who will be buying dinner, shorty."

Hange grinned and then took out her gun. She gave Levi a quick nod and opened the door, quietly slipping inside. Levi followed after her.

"Good luck," Hange mouthed once both of them were inside. Her cheerful grin was gone, a look of complete focus replacing it. She turned around, slowly making her way down the hall. For a moment, Levi stood still, watching her go. That uneasy feeling returned and intensified as Hange walked further and further away from him. Levi almost followed after her, but quickly pulled himself together. He was being ridiculous. Hange was a professional just like him, there was no need to worry about her. Besides, he was the one with a more dangerous route. He just needed to focus on finding Zeke. The faster he gets to him, the lesser are chances of Hange running into some trouble.

Levi took a deep breath and started walking, ignoring his worry as best as he could.

***

As he made his way through the dark hallway, Levi found out that most of the rooms were unoccupied. There were a few storage rooms, but other than that the building was empty. His anxiety skyrocketed upon that discovery, and he almost decided to change the plan and return to Hange. Something was wrong, he could feel it. But the room with light shining underneath its door was already within his reach. He would check it out. If there was no one inside then.... then he'd go back to Hange as fast as possible. Reaching the door, Levi slowly pushed it open. He entered, looking around. Inside there was nothing but a small lamp, standing on a window sill.

For a second Levi froze, overcome with anger. That bastard had played them again. He gritted his teeth, hitting the wall beside him in frustration.

No matter where that asshole was hiding, Levi would find him, he would find him and then—

And then Levi heard a loud scream. A painfully familiar voice was calling out his name. Levi's blood turned to ice. He whirled around, alarmed and panicked. He needed to get to Hange, fast. He rushed out of the room, running in the direction where Hange had gone to. Soon he saw her, just at the end of the hallway. Hange was chasing someone. He called out to her, but she didn’t look back, deaf to his shouts.

Levi ran and ran, but couldn't reach her. He screamed until his throat was raw, he kept pushing on, even though he was out of breath and his legs burned with pain.

Hange was still out of his reach.

Levi stopped just for a second, just to take a quick breath.

The explosion rang in that exact moment, leaving everything, except the place, where he stood, in ruins. Some distance away, Hange was lying, her body hidden by a large concrete. Her face was bloody and she kept on screaming, asking for his help. Levi wanted to move, wanted to go and get her out, she was waiting for his help, but his limbs refused to cooperate. He could do nothing, but watch.

"I was counting on you, Levi," Hange whispered in between shallow breaths. "I was sure you had my back. But you let me down. You let me die."

Hange's eyes were full of disappointment. Levi wanted to say something, to beg for her forgiveness, but he couldn't utter a single sound.

Soon Hange's eyes closed. Levi opened his in that exact moment.

He woke up with a gasp.

Sitting up on a bed, he tried to get his breathing under control. He clenched his chest, right where his heart was. It was beating so fast and his shirt was all sweaty. Levi took another deep breath.

That dream... that fucking dream plagued him almost every night. Levi had hated it at first, it reminded of his loss, of his mistake, of the biggest mistake in his life. It brought him so much pain, and yet— and yet it was the only time when he could be reunited with Hange. He could see her annoying, cocky grin and her sparkly eyes, could hear her irritatingly loud laughter and get into another meaningless argument with her.

God, two years had passed, but he still missed her. Every goddamn day. Sometimes he missed her so much, he felt like he was losing his mind. More than once, while walking through a crowded street, Levi thought that he had seen an achingly familiar silhouette. Every single time, like a goddamn fool, he'd start running, reaching out to grab a shoulder and turn around and— and see a stranger, looking at him like he had lost his mind. And sometimes, when he stayed in the office for too long, buried under piles of paperwork, he'd hear a quiet, hurried muttering. He'd glance to his left to stare at the desk that used to be occupied by her, and of course, of fucking course, there would be no one there.

There were millions of little, seemingly insignificant things that reminded him of her. And, really, Levi shouldn't be surprised about it. Hange was the most persistent person he had ever known. She refused to let him be while she was alive, so why did Levi expect to be able to get rid of her after her death?

Showing hair back from his face, as if to make these annoying thoughts disappear, Levi reached to the nightstand, where his phone was. Unlocking it, he was instantly met with dozens of notifications, all of them from Erwin. There were five missed calls, and even more texts from him.

Have a nice day, Levi, and if you need me, don't hesitate to call!

I can take care of Grim today, just text me and I'll come and get him

I'm going to visit her grave, do you want to come with me?

Levi, I know it's a hard day for you, but can you please answer me?

Is everything alright? Why aren’t you answering?

Levi, answer your goddamn phone or I'll come to check on you personally

The last text came fifteen minutes ago, and Levi very much hoped that Erwin wasn't already on his way to his apartment.

"Jesus," he muttered, writing a quick text to Erwin, explaining that he was sleeping this whole time.

Levi's eyebrows raised in surprise as he looked at the clock. It was almost nine pm, and he fell asleep at nine or ten am, just after he got back from the morning investigation. Had he slept through the whole day? It was no wonder, then, why Erwin got so worried. Levi never slept for so long. Two sleepless nights in a row was probably the reason.

And on top of it, today was the day, the anniversary of Hange's death. Honestly, it didn't matter much to Levi. The pain inside him was constant, it didn't intensify because of the date on a calendar. It didn't hurt more because it was the day he had lost her. Levi had requested a day off solely because he hated to see the pity in his co-workers’ eyes. He barely resisted from lashing out at everyone last year. And this year, with that goddamn case, his restraint was as thin as ever.

Walking out of his room, Levi saw Grim - his pet St. Bernard - lying on a couch in the living room.

"How have you been, boy?" Levi came closer to pet dog's soft fur. Grim leaned into his touch. "I kinda forgot about you, buddy. C'mon, I'll make it up to you."

Levi rose to his feet, heading to the kitchen. Grim followed after him, his tail wagging in excitement.

Just as he was opening the fridge, Levi's phone started to ring.

He answered without looking at the screen.

"I'm fine, Erwin," he replied before his friend could even ask the question. "Sorry for worrying you, though," he added a second later.

"I can't believe that you've slept for so long," Erwin chuckled. "But I'm glad you did. The circles under your eyes look truly terrible."

"Fuck you," Levi said without any real bite to it. Taking leftover pasta for himself, he picked up the package with dog food for Grim. "Not everyone can sleep for three hours a day and still look like a Greek god as you do."

"You think I look that good, huh?” Levi could practically see Erwin’s raised eyebrow and the amusement inside his blue eyes. 

The corners of Levi’s lips lifted in a faint smile.

“Do you want me to come over?" Erwin asked after some pause.

Levi sighed. "You don't need to worry about me, Erwin," he bended over to fill Grim's bowl with food.  The dog instantly came over, burying his face inside the bowl. Levi watched him with an affectionate gaze. "Better tell me," he said to Erwin. "What were you up to this day? How are things at the precinct?"

"There wasn't any progress made on your case," Erwin reported. "As for me, I finished earlier today, went to visit Hange's grave..." he faltered, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you."

"No." Levi answered, fighting to keep his voice even. "I wouldn't have come anyway."

He had never visited Hange's grave. He hadn't even come to her funeral. Hange's body was never found, they buried an empty casket, what was there to say goodbye to? And as for her grave, for Levi it was nothing more than a stone with her name on it and a couple of meaningless numbers. It meant nothing. Hange was an erupting volcano, a raging storm. But they reduced her to a fucking piece of stone.

"...Alright," Erwin said slowly, almost carefully. "Well, if you change your mind about hanging out, call me, okay?"

"Of course," Levi murmured. "Thank you, Erwin."

"Anytime, my friend," he promised and then ended the call.

As Levi put his phone down, Grim, finished with his food already, came to nuzzle his leg.

"You want to go for a walk, boy?" Levi asked, scratching behind dog's ear. Grim barked happily, licking Levi's palm. "How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?" Levi complained, staring at his now wet hand in disgust. Shaking his head, he quickly wiped off the snoot and headed to the front door.

After putting on warm coat and fastening Grim's leash, he walked out of the apartment.

Strolling through the night city was one of Levi's favorite past time. He enjoyed walking through the empty and dimly lit streets with Grim by his side. The chilly fresh air and the silence that was only occasionally interrupted by a passing car brought him peace and quiet he needed so much. It relaxed him more than anything in his life.

His calm state of mind, however, was ruined the moment he returned from his walk with Grim.

His phone was ringing. And this time it wasn’t Erwin.

"Petra?" he asked urgently, his heart beating with twice its usual speed. He waited for a second, but there was no answer. Sweat began to drip down Levi’s forehead. "Petra, do you hear me? Is everything alright?"

"There is someone in our office right now," she finally whispered. "It's not you, is it?"

His worry was now mixed with annoyance.

"What the fuck are you doing at the precinct at night?" Levi asked angrily.

“I wanted to do some work…”

“Jesus—”he told her to be careful, why the fuck did she not listen to him? Why did no one ever listen to him? Levi took a deep breath, calming himself down. Anger was only distracting him. "Doesn't matter now," he added more calmly. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Wait for me and don't go in there, understood?"

"Y-yes," Petra answered shakily.

"Don't do anything stupid." Levi warned and then ended the call.

Fuck, Levi thought, rubbing his face. Who would possibly want to break into their office? Was it one of Zeke’s scumbags? Or, maybe, Levi considered with no small amount of weird excitement, maybe, Petra had succeed in something he had attempted to do for months now? Could it be that she had caught the mysterious informant? Levi had lost count at how many times he had stayed in the office for the night, trying to meet face-to-face with the person who was actively helping him to fight Sannes. They always eluded him, though.

Despite them constantly providing him with vital information for almost a year, there wasn't much Levi knew about the informant themselves. He suspected that they had to be close to Sannes, it'd be near impossible to get that much intel, if they weren't communicating directly with him. However, as for the reason why his enigmatic friend was helping him in the first place, Levi had no clue. If that was personal vendetta or they just couldn’t keep quiet about the injustice, he had yet to receive at least a single hint.

Although, there was a couple of things Levi knew about his informant. First, they were an exceptional hacker, because there was no other explanation as to how they've managed to get past his password. Only one person was capable of that, after all. And second, they had a freaky, almost morbid sense of humor. The messages that were left on Levi's computer were full of stupid puns and inappropriate jokes. He had to admit, though, these messages never failed in bringing a small smile on his face.

However, that was about all he knew about the informant, and despite their indisputable usefulness, it was still unknown if Levi could actually trust them. He didn't know their motives, after all.

But maybe he could find them out tonight.

"Sorry again, buddy," Levi crouched down to pat Grim's head. "I don't have the time to bath you," he winced as his eyes darted to Grim's dirty paws. You don't have the time, he reminded himself. "Just try not to make a lot of mess, okay?"

Grim seemed to understand him all too well, and he just turned around, heading to the living room. Levi darted to his bedroom, grabbing the gun. Coming back to stand before the front door, he brushed the hair out of his face and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for whatever was awaiting him. He straightened up and walked out of his apartment, hoping that he wouldn't arrive too late.

***

The hallway, which led to their office, was blissfully quiet when Levi reached it. It was also suspiciously empty. Levi gritted his teeth. A wave of annoyance stirred up inside.

He told her to stay fucking put!

"Petra!" he shouted, not caring about who could be listening. "Petra, where are you?"

"I'm here!" she replied, the voice undoubtedly coming from behind the door of their office. What an insufferable reckless girl! Levi had a really shitty luck when it came to dealing with partners.

“Petra!” he threw the door open with way more force than was necessary. He blinked a few times, adjusting his eyes for the darkness of the room. “I told you not to fucking go… inside.”

Breath hitched in his throat, as he finally took a good look at the office. His computer was on, but Petra seemed unharmed and next to her… next to her stood—

It couldn’t be, Levi tried to persuade himself, as he gazed at the face he longed to see for so long. It was a dream, a hallucination, some cruel trick of his mind, it just couldn’t be. Tearing his eyes away from her, Levi turned to Petra.

“P-petra?” he whispered, looking at her with desperation in his eyes. She stared back at him with the same helplessness he was feeling right now.

“It’s me,” Hange said, and now Levi was sure that it was really her. He still couldn’t believe it, but he couldn’t deny it. Only Hange was ever capable of understanding him without words.

“Hange,” he breathed out. Just the sight of her made him feel so much, his head was dizzy. He rushed to her, almost knocking her to the ground. He didn’t let her fall, though, and wrapped his hands around her. God, he dreamed of doing this for so long. Hange was so warm, so solid in his arms. She felt real. Alive. Levi pressed his head to her chest, listening to the steady heartbeat. It was the best thing he heard in his entire life.

“Please tell me this is not a dream,” he whispered, staring up at her. She looked just like he remembered. “Please tell me you’re really here.”

“I’m here, Levi,” she replied, and, oh god, how good it was to hear her say his name again. Levi wasn’t even aware that he had missed this – the way Hange pronounced his name. But as her deep voice formed the two short syllables, Levi felt like he was going to cry out of happiness. “I’m here, with you.”

Finally, Levi thought. She was finally back, and he was once again by her side. Just as it was supposed to be. 

“You’re alive,” Levi said, still not quite able to wrap his head around it. “Hange, you’re really alive. I can’t believe it.”

Hange’s hand was suddenly in his hair, and Levi was honestly ready to start purring. He couldn’t remember the time when he felt so at peace.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, shorty,” she whispered into his ear.

Levi chuckled, letting a small, but impossibly happy smile grace his lips. Their embrace lasted for another long moment. Levi was reluctant to let go, afraid that if he does, Hange will disappear like smoke through his fingers. Besides, after all that pain and misery, he more than deserved this, this miniscule moment of calmness. Because something was telling him, a hell of a storm was waiting for him afterwards.

“So,” Levi said, as he finally convinced himself to take a step back and let Hange go. “Mind explaining me how the fuck are you alive?”

“That’s a really long story,” Hange awkwardly scratched her neck.

Levi scowled. “Cut the bullshit, four-eyes.”

“Alright,” Hange heaved out a deep sigh. “Could you make tea, please?”

“Of course,” Levi easily agreed, moving to do just that. “And, in the meanwhile,” he added, fixing Hange with a sharp look. “Start talking.”

“Fine,” Hange huffed. She sat at the couch that stood in the corner and lifted her head, staring at the ceiling. “Now where do to begin... Remember our last mission?”

Levi stopped the very important process of pouring the tea welding into the pot to glare at Hange.

“The mission, where you supposedly died in a fucking explosion? Are you talking about that mission?”

“Yep,” Hange replied with a sheepish grin. “So, as you probably have guessed, Zeke knew that we were coming.”

"Sannes had tipped him off about the upcoming mission."

"Right," she nodded.

Levi looked at Hange again, tilting his head to study her carefully.

"What?" she asked, squirming under his piercing gaze. "What's wrong?"

"You don't seem all that surprised about me knowing about Sannes."

"Levi," Hange smiled mischievously. "Who do you think your secret admirer was?"

"You!" Levi gasped. Now everything started to make sense - the weird humor, the ability to get through his password. "It was you this whole fucking time!"

"Guilty as charged," Hange giggled. "Shall I continue?"

"Hurry up. Tea is almost ready."

Hange watched him for another second, smiling softly, and then resumed her story. "As I said, Zeke knew about us coming. So he planted the explosives in the right wing and put a light in the window of the left wing. He thought we'd take the bait, and in the meantime, he'd finish evacuating the building, you probably noticed that most of it was already empty. But since we split up, he wasn't done yet. When I found him, he and his men were in the middle of carrying some weapons. I called you as soon as I saw him, but before I could do anything else, Zeke had done the weirdest thing – he pushed me away. I… I don’t really remember what happened next, but you know the rest," Hange sadly shook her head. "There was an explosion and then the building collapsed."

"I do know that," Levi murmured as he sat close to Hange, setting teacups on the coffee table. "But how were you able to get out? I couldn’t find you."

"Zeke..." Hange swallowed, her hands tightening into fists. They shook, either from rage or frustration, and Levi thrusted a teacup in her hands, clasping her fingers around it. Shooting him a grateful look, Hange managed to take a calming breath. When she spoke again, her voice was uncharacteristically cold. "Zeke saved me. I don't know why he did that, but when pushed me away, I was able to avoid most of the explosion's impact. His people came for him and got me out as well. I still was wounded and I hit my head very badly. I... I was in a hospital for weeks. I had amnesia and lost all memories of my old life. Zeke was there with me and he told me that I was working for him, and I— I," Hange let out a bitter chuckle. "I believed him."

"Don't you dare," Levi told her in a low voice. "Don't you dare, Hange, to blame yourself for this. That fucker did this to you. And... I did it to you. I shouldn't have listened to you, we shouldn't have split up, we—"

"Levi," Hange spoke softly, lifting the corners of her lips in a gentle smile. "If I can't blame myself, then the same applies to you."

He huffed, rolling his eyes. "Smartass. Okay, what happened next?"

Hange shrugged. "I got better. I started working for him. He didn't really trust me with anything important, just some minor tasks. Even now, he still watches me closely. And that's..." Hange sighed. "That's basically what happened."

"Shit," Levi whispered with feeling. There was... there was a lot he needed to digest. But there was something— something more important right now. "Shit!" he exclaimed suddenly. He got to his feet so quickly, he almost flipped over the coffee table. "Erwin! We need to tell him! He needs to know you’re alive!”

"Yeah..." Hange said, lowering her head to stare at her cup. Avoiding Levi's eyes. "Maybe, later? He's probably asleep right now." "You don’t want to see Erwin?" he looked down at her, a small crease appearing between his eyebrows.

"I want to see him!" Hange assured. "It's just..."

"You've already seen him," Levi finished for her, realization knocking the air out of him. He slowly sat back down. “He knows that you’re alive, doesn’t he?” his tone was accusatory, but he couldn’t help it, he felt betrayed. Betrayed by the two people he loved the most.

“Levi…” Hange whispered helplessly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Levi continued to glare at her. Anger was a better response, he decided. He’d rather appear angry than show how he truly felt – heartbroken and devastated.

Hange didn’t answer, just sat with her head hanged low. She didn’t dare to meet Levi’s eyes and held the teacup so tightly in her hands, her knuckles went white. Levi almost apologized, he hated causing her so much distress. He hated seeing Hange like this, especially now. But then— then he realized another thing.

Levi closed his eyes, clenching his fists so hard, he almost drew blood. Fuck Hange, fuck Erwin, fuck these two assholes and their righteousness. Fuck the fact that Levi loved them both so much.

“…You weren’t planning on coming back, were you?” Hange froze. So his deduction was right, Levi guessed. This time, however, it brought him no joy. With a heavy heart, he continued. “You weren’t planning on coming back and that’s why you didn’t tell me, right?”

“Levi…” Hange croaked. “You don’t understand…”

“Then explain to me!” Levi shouted. He pushed his cup onto the table and clutched Hange’s hands in his, making her finally look up at him. “Fucking explain it to me, Hange, because you’re right, I do not understand!”

“I need to get Zeke behind the bars!” Hange screamed back, her voice raw. “Ever since my memories came back to me, that’s the only thing I’m able to think about! That’s the only thing that keeps me from going crazy!”

"I want to get him too!" Levi replied just as fiercely. "What the fuck does it have to do with you not coming back?"

"Do you really not understand it?" Hange asked, exasperated. "We've tried to catch him before! But it yielded absolutely no results!"

"And so you and Erwin came up with a great plan? Which involves you not making out alive?" Levi leaned in, getting so close to Hange that their heavy breathing started to mix. "Please do tell me more about it!"

Hange suddenly deflated. "It's not a great plan, and I know it. But it's the only one that can work."

"And what is it? C'mon, tell me," Levi nudged, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I genuinely want to know about a plan that two smartest people I know had come up with."

Hange averted her eyes, as though in shame. Good, Levi thought, she should feel ashamed for her stupidity. Levi would personally make sure that Erwin feels ashamed as well. 

"I'm going to expose Zeke. Once I gather all the evidence I need, the one that can't be dismissed, I'll release all the information to authorities."

"And? What part of it involves you not coming back?"

"Levi," Hange smiled sadly. "You know Zeke. I'd be dead the moment he finds about my betrayal."

Levi frowned. "You can go to the witness protection."

"Zeke has Sannes in his back pocket. Do you think that's the only important person that helps him?"

“There has to be another way. You can’t honestly tell me that this the best course of action.”

“You still don’t get it,” Hange whispered bitterly. Suddenly she jumped to her feet, coming to stand near the window. Her back was turned to Levi and even in the darkness of the room, he could see that her shoulders were shaking.

“You don’t get it, Levi! You— don’t understand what I’ve been through, what I’ve done and how much pain I’ve caused other people. After Zeke gets what he deserves, I can’t just come back like nothing has happened. It’s the only plan I agreed to, because… because I don’t deserve a better outcome.”

What the fuck?

In a second, Levi was by her side, gripping her shoulders tightly and staring at her with fury in his eyes.

“What the fuck, Hange?” he hissed into her face. “Have you gone mad?”

“Levi, I—”

“Yes, you’ve been through some shit, I get it. You feel guilty and responsible for whatever fucked up things Zeke made you do, but it’s not your fault! Zeke is the one to blame, so shut the fuck up!”

“You don’t know!” Hange cried out, pushing him away. “You don’t know what I did! And if you knew—”

“I wouldn’t care,” Levi said calmly. “I don’t know what you did and I don’t care, Hange. It wasn’t you. You were just trying to survive and I’m so goddamn happy that you did.”

“How can you be so nonchalant about this?” Hange stared at him, her expression was so vulnerable that Levi felt an acute desire to hide her inside his arms and never let go. “How can you be happy that I’m alive? A-after what I just told you?”

“Because I know you, Hange,” Levi replied softly. “I know you better than anyone in this world. And I know how kind and just you are, how much you love to help other people and how fiercely you loathe anyone, who hurts others. You’re my best friend, and, no matter what, I will always be by your side.”

For a second Hange silently observed him, as though trying to see the signs of dishonesty. And when she couldn’t see any, her lips began to tremble. There was a single tear glistening inside her remaining eye. Before, it could fall down onto her cheek, though, she wrapped her hands around Levi’s neck, hiding her face into his shoulder. Levi pulled her closer and laid his hand onto her back, patting it softly.

“Please, try not to ruin my shirt, okay?” Levi said, as Hange continued to cling onto him.

Hange let out a sound that simultaneously resembled a sob and a chuckle. “You can be such an asshole sometimes.”

“And you’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” Levi spoke with too much affection in his voice.

“The asshole and the idiot,” Hange lifted her face, smiling at Levi. “We’ll make a pretty good team?”

“We are a good team,” Levi allowed himself to smile back.

“I’ve missed this so much,” Hange sighed happily.

“And I’ve missed you,” Levi blurted out.

“Really?” Hange raised an eyebrow. “I thought I annoyed you.”

Levi growled, pushing laughing Hange away from him. “You’re such a dipshit.”

“And yet you’ve missed me,” she sang, and, oh god, that cocky smirk was back. Levi’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of it.

“Unfortunately,” he grumbled with a sour face.

“Your new partner, by the way,” Hange began mischievously. “She’s cute.”

“Don’t,” Levi warned, shooting her a glare.

“What?” Hange asked, batting her eyelashes and feigning innocence. “She’s really cute and she’s up to all of your standards – she’s quiet, not even a bit messy, she’s shorter than y—”

“Don’t,” Levi cut her off. “Don’t try to pretend that you don’t know why she’s not up to my standards, Hange.”

“But…” Hange frowned in confusion. “I really don’t know. Why isn’t she?”

“Because she’s not you!” Levi replied, his eyes boring into Hange angrily. “Because no one in this fucking world can replace you!”

“Levi…” Hange stared at him helplessly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“What happened to your eye?” Levi asked suddenly. He shared enough of his feelings tonight, and Hange’s sad gaze was making him feel pathetic. “It’s not just a weird fashion choice, is it?”

“No,” Hange chuckled, lifting her arm to cover the black patch. “I’ve lost it.”

“During the explosion?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I… refused to obey Zeke’s orders,” she shrugged. “He made sure that I won’t make the same mistake.”

“Bastard,” Levi was beyond livid. God, he wanted to get his hands on Zeke so fucking much. “I’ll get to him and I’ll make him pay for that. That fucker will regret ever laying a finger on you.”

"Levi..."

As soon as he had heard her cautious whisper, his anger had disappeared without a trace.

"Can I see it?" he asked, reaching up to gently touch the side of her face.

"It's not pretty."

"Please," he murmured.

Hange nodded and then moved her hand to unclasp the fasting at the back of her head. She took off her glasses, removed the patch and tentatively turned around, staring at Levi with uncertainty.

Levi didn’t think it was possible, but his hatred for Zeke grew tenfold, as he traced the scar that ran across Hange’s left eye. That vivid brown color he loved so much now became a dull, lifeless white. His feelings were probably reflected on his face, because a self-deprecating smile appeared on Hange’s face.

“I am not really four-eyes anymore, huh?”

“You’ll always be four-eyes,” Levi replied stubbornly. “Give me that,” he snatched the glasses and the patch out of Hange’s hands. Standing on his tiptoes, Levi fastened the patch and then put back her glasses. As a final touch, he gently pushed the hair out of her face. “There,” he whispered. “Now you look less of a mess.”

“Will you hate it if I hug you once more?”

Levi rolled his eyes, huffing. “Just make it brief, four-eyes.”

Hange squalled and jumped on him, enveloping him in another embrace. Levi closed his eyes, savoring her warmth. Just as promised, though, she didn’t linger for a moment too long, which Levi couldn’t help but be disappointed about. Before letting go, she pressed a kiss on his cheek, the gesture so unexpected that it made Levi’s cheeks redden.

“What was that for?” he grumbled, trying to mask his shock and embarrassment by annoyance.

“Just felt like doing it,” Hange shrugged, taking another step away from Levi. His hand twitched, as he barely stopped himself from reaching out. “Well, I’ll be going, shorty.”

Now Levi felt an almost irrepressible urge to reach out for Hange.

“…Are you going back to Zeke?”

“If I don’t want to blow my cover, I have to.”

“And… have you reconsidered your plan?”

Hange sighed. “I’ll… think about it.”

It wasn’t a ‘yes’, but still, Levi felt like a weight was taken off his chest.

"I'll walk with you," he announced, not even trying to hide the fact that he was so very reluctant to let Hange go.

"Levi...."

"Just until the crossroad," he assured.

"Fine," Hange agreed tiredly. "But only to the crossroad."

The crossroad was a five minute walk from the precinct. However, even five more minutes with Hange brought Levi no small amount of joy. Just one day ago he couldn't even dream about the possibility of walking through the city with her by his side again.

“So…” Hange began, as they started making their way down the precinct's hallways. “How is Grim? Is he—”

“Still kicking?” Levi asked with a slight smirk. “Sure thing. That dog will probably outlive me.”

“Glad to hear that,” Hange grinned. “So how is my second favorite boy doing?”

“Second favorite?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

Hange leaned in, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You’re my first favorite.”

“Shut up,” Levi rolled his eyes, feeling strange warmth appear inside his chest. “But to answer your question, Grim is fine. He misses you though.”

“Huh? He does?”

Levi nodded. “Remember that shirt you left at my place all these years ago? I guess it still stinks of you, and sometimes Grim takes it out and lays down on it.”

Levi decided not to mention that more than once he desperately wished to do the same.

“He really does that?” Hange smiled softly. “Ah, I miss him too.”

“You should come and visit him then,” Levi didn’t even try to hide the petulance in his voice.

“Maybe, I’ll do.”

"Wait," Levi stopped Hange before they walked out of the precinct. He looked skeptically at her and her thin green shirt. "Did you come here in just this shirt?"

"Yeah?" Hange smiled sheepishly. "It's not that cold."

"Idiot," Levi huffed, taking off his coat and draping it over Hange.

"Levi!" she cried out. "It's your coat, you can't just give it away."

"I'm not giving it away," he said. "I'm expecting you to return it."

It'll give you a reason to come back, Levi added mentally.

"I'll take good care of it," Hange promised, as she wrapped the coat around her. Pressing her nose into the collar and inhaling the faint scent, she smiled and followed Levi outside.

The late hour made the streets almost empty, the air was fresh, but not overly chilly. And Levi’s company made the short walk all the more enjoyable.

"Take care of yourself too," he grumbled. "Especially, with these murders..."

"Murders?" Hange frowned. "What murders?"

"You don't know?"

Hange scratched the back of her neck. "I don't exactly follow the news anymore."

As far as Levi knew, the recent murders hardly received any news coverage. Unfortunately, two dead bodies were nothing shocking for their city. But still…

“Didn’t you say that you work closely with Zeke?”

The frown on Hange’s face deepened. “I do, but what does Zeke have to do with it?”

“Hange,” Levi looked up at her. “He’s the one who had killed those women.”

“What?” Hange froze. “You can’t be serious. Why do you even think that Zeke is involved?”

“Because it’s obvious?”

Confusion was still written all over Hange’s face, so Levi cleared his throat, preparing himself for a lengthy explanation.

“The first murder happened at the same apartment complex you used to live in, and near the body I found your old glasses.”

“A-are you sure?” Hange asked a little breathlessly.

Levi gave her a flat look. “I’ve been staring at those ugly specs on your face for years. Of course, I’m fucking sure. And the second victim, who was found at the same café we used to frequent before, was wearing your yellow jacket.”

“I— I don’t understand. I knew nothing about it. And why are these murders connected to me?”

That was the question Levi was asking himself too. There was another question, though. If Hange was working for Zeke, but didn’t know about the murders, could it be… that it was merely a beginning? Could it be that Zeke’s final act would be the murder of Hange?

A chill ran through Levi’s spine. It had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn’t wearing his coat.

“Zeke couldn’t have killed those women, though,” Hange announced, breaking Levi out of his thoughts.

“And why couldn’t he?”

“He’s been out of country for almost a week. He’s supposed to come back only this morning.”

“Shit, that—” That… wasn’t possible, Levi almost said. But then he remembered. The witness— that guy described someone very different from Zeke. Could it be that he was actually right?

“Say Hange… do you know someone with brown curly hair?”

Something flashed in Hange’s eye, something that looked like realization. And then her expression, for just a second, became that of a fury. A moment later, though, Hange put on a mask of neutral thoughtfulness. “Maybe, I do,” she murmured. “Why are you asking?”

“The witness at the first scene of crime had seen someone that matches that description.”

For a long minute, Hange said nothing. She scratched her chin, staring into the distance.

“I need… to investigate this. I’ll contact you once I find something out.”

They reached the crossroad, Levi suddenly realized. It was the time for them to say goodbye. He desperately didn’t want to.

“Please be safe,” he said, before Hange left him. “Be safe and… come back.”

“I—” Hange swallowed, her eye going misty for a moment. Her lips trembled slightly, before they curved into a small, but sincere smile. “I will come back, Levi. I promise.”

And then she turned around, disappearing behind the corner. As Levi watched her go, he remembered the last time Hange left him. This time, it wouldn’t end like this. This time, he’d do his best to protect Hange. This time, she’d come back home safely.

[isolemnlyswearpevensie]

12:45 AM | Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: major character death, angst 

Time/Era: Marauders era, Age 20 (and a smidge of 18)

Word Count:  2.8k 

Summary: Sirius will never forget that one night when he looked at the clock and saw 12:45 am. 

Request: yo, can I request a story where Sirius is dating Lily’s sister (twin/younger) and he realizes he likes her and they start dating and eventually get married and they’re both in the order but she dies on a mission and at the funeral Lily tells Sirius that she was expecting? Wow I’m kinda evil.

A/N: Thank you for the request and patience! Enjoy!

masterlist | sirius black playlist | read on ao3

“Evans!” James yelled, running towards Y/N. Y/N sighed, holding her books tightly to her chest and turning around. His Gryffindor tie flew across his chest as he came to a sudden stop. 

“I’m not Lily, Potter. Honestly, if you’re going to date my twin you need to be able to tell us apart.” 

James throws his head back with a loud laugh before shaking his head. “No, no, I know you’re not Lily. I just needed to talk to you,” He leans his hands on his knees as he struggles to catch his breath. “It’s insulting you think I can’t tell you apart. No offense, Y/N, but you don’t have the same….oopla that Lily has.” 

“Oopla? What is oopla?” Y/N asks, amused. Even after seven years of being friends with James, she never quite got over some of his strange analogies. 

“Something Lily has, don’t you listen?” James straightens his back and twists, cracking his spine. “It’s not that you don’t have oopla, it’s just different oopla.” 

Y/N shakes her head. “You know what, I don’t even want to know. Why do you need to talk to me?” 

“Talk to you? Why do I need to-” A lightbulb goes off in James’ head. “Oh! I know why I need to talk to you! Sirius was looking for you. Something about after graduation plans or something. I’m not quite sure, I didn’t ask.” 

“Do you know where he is?” 

“That’s another thing I don’t know,” A goofy grin filled his features as he spoke. 

“You don’t make for a very good owl, Jamesy.”

“Good thing I’m not an owl then,” James said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Do you know where Lily is?” 

“No clue, you would know better than me seeing as you have a map and all,” Y/N’s grin matched James’ and she started to walk down the hall. 

“Don’t you have twin telepathy or something?! Just use that and tell me where she is!” 

“Bye, Potter!” Y/N called over her shoulder while walking towards McGonagall’s office. She remembered vaguely that Sirius had a career counseling session with her today, so she figured that the small chance of bumping into him there would be worth her while. 

Y/N pattered across the floor as quickly as possible without running. Thoughts swirled in her mind about what Sirius may need her for; they weren’t the closest of friends, nothing like him and the other marauders, but recently their relationship has grown rather flirty. Her stomach fumbled over itself as she thought of Sirius, but her feet only sped up towards the classroom. As Y/N rounded the corner, Sirius walked out of his meeting with his pearly white smile blinding all who could see it. 

“Oh, just the lady I’ve been looking for! Hello, darling,” Sirius said, walking down the hall with various papers clutched in his fingers. 

“Hello, Sirius. Career meeting?” Y/N asks with a subtle gesture to the papers. He waved the papers in the air with a dramatic flourish. Each paper held some grand title about being an Auror and going to the Auror Academy. 

“Good! Apparently Dumbledore put in a good word for me, so the Order is recruiting me!” Sirius seemed to bounce on his heels, the rubber souls of his shoes squeaking on the wooden floors. 

“I’m so happy for you! Oh my god! Congratulations!!!” 

The grin on his face grew exponentially, “You know what would make my day even better?” 

Y/N hummed. 

“If you snuck into Hogsmede for a drink with me,” Sirius leans in to whisper in her ear. “Unless you’re too scared, of course.” 

Y/N sucked in a harsh breath through her nose in an attempt not to focus on his hair tickling her cheek, or how his lips almost brushed her ear. She cleared her throat and nodded. 

“Not scared if you’re not, I suppose,” Y/N croaked. “I’ve done it, like, a million times.” 

Sirius pulled his head away, making Y/N yearn for the smell of his shampoo. “I can think of one time, and you were latched onto my wrist the entire time, rambling about how we could get expelled for skipping class.” 

A harsh red stained Y/N’s chest, cheeks, and ears, which only made Sirius’ smirk grow. 

“I was a different person then,” Y/N countered lamely. 

“Yeah? That was four months ago, love.” Sirius’ hands worked on his papers, folding them four times before shoving them into the pockets of his skinny jeans. Y/N’s eyes followed his teasing fingers, her gaze accidentally lingering on his pants. “Eyes up here, Y/N.” 

The boy made a small tsk noise, wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulders, and his hips swayed slightly as he started leading Y/N to the entrance to the Honeyduke’s cellar. His fingers found the bottom of her hair and started twirling it in and out of his middle and pointer fingers as if it were a cigarette. 

“I’m a different person than I was 4 months ago, aren’t you?” Y/N hesitantly snaked her arm under his leather jacket and wrapped around his waist. This was definitely further than they had ever gone in terms of flirting, and Y/N couldn’t wait for more. 

“Perfect four months ago, and perfect now.” Sirius laughed playfully placing a big kiss on Y/N’s temple. “I’m just taking the piss, love.” He turned to the statue blocking the tunnel and said the secret password. “Ladies first, darling.” 

Y/N hesitantly walked into the dark tunnel and cast a simple lumos charm; the damp pathway illuminated in front of the two teens before twisting into the darkness. Sirius returned to his spot next to Y/N and began to lead her down the path. 

“So, I was wondering,” Sirius began, kicking a rock into the wall. Y/N noticed this was a habit of his. “We’ve been friends for a long time,” 

Y/N snuggled into his side, the warm cotton of the inside of his leather jacket brushing her soft skin. 

“And we’re graduating soon…” Sirius let his voice trail before pulling lightly on Y/N’s hair so she would meet his gaze. “And I was wondering if you wanted to spend some special one on one time with me after we graduate?” 

“Special one on one time? Like,” Y/N took a deep breath and took a leap into the unknown. “Hooking up? Is that what you mean?” 

Sirius chuckled lightly, “Not exactly, but I guess that would be a part of it,” Sirius’s cheeky smile was illuminated by the light of Y/N’s wand. “I mean becoming official. I know there’s something between us, and I know you feel the same way, so it makes sense.”

“So, you’re asking me to be your girlfriend?” 

“Precisely. Will you be my girlfriend?” Sirius stopped walking and looked at the girl under his arm. She smiled happily and lightly punched his stomach. 

“I can’t believe you asked me out in the middle of a dark tunnel!” She laughed happily and brought her arms up to his neck to hug him. 

“Hey! I thought it was a good place! Is that a yes, babygirl?”  

“Yes, you idiot, I’ll go out with you!” 

~

Sirius and Y/N’s relationship blossomed quickly after the tunnel; after graduation, they moved into a small flat right in the middle of London’s hustle and bustle. Sirius loved to go out and explore every inch of the city with his girl, which usually resulted in a lot of adventures and long nights. During these times, the couple really took the time to grow their relationship and become closer as a pair. 

Sirius proposed to Y/N in the middle of an ice skating rink on December 13th, 1978. It was perfect; the snow was floating down, gracefully sticking to Sirius’ hair and eyelashes, soft Christmas music was playing in the background and the entire atmosphere of the event was magical. It was a rather simple proposal, but it was more than enough for Y/N. The couple then had a stunning double Summer wedding with the Potters. 

Sirius did amazing in the Order, which Y/N later found out all the marauders had joined. Y/N grew used to Sirius being gone during the nights and coming back injured; this was something she would never wish on her worst enemy. The anxiety-ridden nights and the unbearably silent flat took a toll on Y/N’s mental health. The only thing that got her through these was her twin sister, who was in the same situation. 

The two girls often spent these lonely nights together in attempts to share the burden. The two waited into the early morning nights for something, anything, to ease their tired minds and let them know their boys were safe. Usually, one would send a patronus message or Remus would reach out with cryptic plans and whereabouts. Still, this didn’t completely resolve the paranoia in their minds. 

Sirius and James noticed this early on in their new careers. Sirius suggested they invite the two to join the Order, as you didn’t need to be an Auror to join. But, James disagreed with this idea because Lily was his world and he didn’t want her to get hurt. Without Lily, there was no James and he couldn’t risk losing her. Sirius countered that he felt that way about Y/N too, but keeping the two women in the dark was just harming their relationships and causing a mental decline in all four. It took some convincing, but James finally agreed. Thus, Lily and Y/N joined the Order. 

The two were brilliant additions to the group; both were extremely talented witches and they were beyond smart. They quickly grew to be vital members and went on increasingly more dangerous missions as time went on. The two were an unstoppable pair, and their near-identical looks only proved to be an advantage. That was until Lily got hurt. 

Lily and Y/N were on a mission to stop a group of death eaters from invading a small muggle village just outside of Cardiff. Lily got caught between the crossfire of two wizards and had a huge chunk of flesh taken out of her leg. Y/N had to make an emergency backup call and the two were apperated back to headquarters. That’s when James and Lily decided as a couple that Lily was not going to go on any more missions. 

Y/N, however, only increased the amounts of missions she went on. Specifically, she was after one person in particular.

“I don’t care, Y/N, you can’t go,” Sirius pleaded angrily from the couch. “You can’t go on a mission every day of the week. Just one night, love. Stay with me for one night.” Sirius stood and walked to Y/N, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing a kiss on her forehead. 

“Babe, I am so close to capturing Bellatrix and putting her in Azkaban. Please, I have to go.” Against her better judgment, Y/N placed her head on his chest. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her husband’s arms and let his soft voice lure her cramped body to sleep. Y/N noticed she seemed to be more fatigued lately, but she placed blame on her heavy work schedule.

 “I need you here, with me, baby. Between your schedule and mine, I barely see you. I miss you.” Sirius’ hands massaged her hips as they talked, all anger and annoyance disappearing from his voice. 

“How about this, we both take the next two or three days off and lounge around here together.” Y/N pulled away from Sirius’ warm, inviting body and began to gather her things. “Please try to get some sleep tonight, I’ll be home by dawn.” 

“I promise, my dear. I love you so much.” 

A ghost of a smile played on Y/N’s lips. “I love you more.” 

~

Sirius was awoken by James’ magnificent stag patronus entering the flat to find him. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up, unable to distinguish what words James’ voice was repeating. Sirius looked at the clock: 12:45 am.

“Can you repeat that?” Sirius’ voice was gruff with sleep.

“Pads, there’s been an accident. You need to get to headquarters immediately, it doesn’t look good. We need you to make some calls.” James’ voice was filled with more panic than Sirius had ever heard in his life, and there was the faint sound of a woman crying in the background. The patronus disappeared as Sirius jumped up and magically changed into some clothes. 

“Thank merlin you’re here,” James pulled Sirius’ arm into the next room once he appeared. He had blood splattered on his face. 

Upon entering the room, everything started to fade. Y/N was laid on the floor, a large gash in her shoulder and head, with healers all around her preforming different spells and CPR.  To her left sat Lily, her fingers coated in the red substance and gripping Y/N’s cold hand. She was crying, more like sobbing, while she watched the healers work on her sister. Sirius didn’t know whether he wanted to cry, puke or faint. All three, his body screamed.

 On the outside, no emotion covered Sirius’ face and he stood frozen near the door. He felt as if he was watching the situation happen from outside his body, almost like he was playing a video game or watching a movie. 

“She’s not going to make it!” One of the healers yelled, preforming compressions on her chest. The healer to his right, who was working on the head gash, cursed loudly and punched the floor. 

“She’s going to make it, god damn it! I’ll be damned if she doesn’t!” 

James nudged Sirius with his elbow, and his soul felt as though it returned to his body. Jumping to her side, he grabbed Y/N’s hand and squeezed. 

“Y/N, I love you so much,” Sirius said through his suffering. 

Her gorgeous green eyes that were focused on Lily rolled to see him and her lips mouthed, “I love you too, Sirius.” 

Sirius swore a smile ghosted her lips as her eyes closed and a final gasp exited her lips. 

~

Sirius stood in front Y/N’s grave in a slightly wrinkled black suit.

 The funeral service had been beautiful; all of Y/N’s friends, family, and casual acquaintances had been in attendance. Her close friends spoke of her adventures and funny stories, her family spoke of her character and strong will, and her professors spoke of her intelligence and quick wit. It didn’t click for Sirius that she was really gone until Minerva McGonagall had asked him how he was holding up, and if there was anything she could do to help. Sirius had responded that no, there was nothing she could do and that he was currently staying at the Potters’ for company. 

Sirius looked at the grave in front of him; it was littered with flowers, chocolate, and everything in between. He looked to his side and found Lily, staring down at Y/N next to him. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, and her nose was rubbed raw. 

“I could have saved her, you know. I was trying to talk her out of going. I should have tried harder.” Sirius mumbled, his voice cracking every other word. 

“This isn’t your fault, Sirius. You couldn’t have done anything,” Lily sniffled. She had no tears left, but if she did, she would be crying. 

Sirius takes in a big gulp of air and stares down at the grave in silence. 

“This might not be the right time,” Lily took a deep breath and looked at her friend. His eyes were dry and his nose wasn’t red, but Lily knew how hard he cries at night when he thought James and Lily were asleep. “But you need to know.” 

“Need to know what?” 

Lily paused for a moment before reaching in her bag and pulling something out. 

“When James went to your flat to grab your clothes, um, he found this in the bathroom.” 

Sirius reaches out his hand for Lily to hand him the mysterious object. 

It was a muggle pregnancy test. A positive muggle pregnancy test.  ~~~

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