#had to write this down so i dont forget
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Had a dream that two alien/dragon things (that might have been princes? idk, they were definitely twins) came to visit Earth because they thought it looked pretty. They could fly through space under their own power which implies a very impressive instinctual understanding of orbital mechanics.
I watched them fly overhead for a bit and they were breathtaking. Can't remember what happened next but I woke up with tears in my eyes.
Also the word "Oos" was involved, which might have been the name of their species or wherever they came from.
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doodle of a dress i wore in a dream .....
#doodles#art#self portrait#dat me#illustration#fashion#1940s#1950s#vintage fashion#the roses were embroidered. and they were actually Above the belt not below it#thats the only change i made because realistically i just dont have enough room dhjbdshjbf#i cant remember how they fit. it was a large patch but there isn't a lot of space on your side there#esp not with the high waist and the belt#basically i had a dream and at one point i ended up in california in some really high end dress shop that Only sold vintage styled dresses#and i grabbed a Bunch. and i tried on this one. and then i was so excited about it i went 'oh shit i need to wake up so i can write#this down before i forget!!!' and then i did wake up. and i did write it down in detail. and then i realized i'd never get to try the rest#of those dresses and i was so mad lmfao. it did also come in pink though! i dont know how i know that. i think i grabbed a pink one but i#didnt get to actually try it on#i remember thinking in my dream it was the prettiest dress i'd ever seen. i still think its a pretty dress and i'd wear it tbh
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Body hurts and brain 2 fuzzy to draw so y'all know what that means ( go to bed early time)
#been going to bed early a lot lately#but to be fair ive had body pain like every day ;-;#i think its cause Im working a lot more than usual#like 4 days a week#haha#this week is gonna be really really really stressful#yayyyy#anyway big boss comes to our store on Tuesdat#i hope i get fired itd be so funny#for what? idk#i just think itd be funny#also this isnt meant to be a vent sorry#im just writing it down cause i sometimes forget#which makes it hard for me to want to go ti the doctor#cause my pain varies a lot and when im imaginging the convo id have with the doctor#theres a lot of 'i dont remember the pain level or the area '#cause i have memory issues#and also cause it changes day to day#lately its been hands and arms which is a nice change from knees and legs!!#so yay for that!#those still hurt but im p sure thats just from standing all day at work lmao#anyway gn#done rambling#if youve read this far im sorry
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adhd advice will be like people with adhd struggle to get their thoughts organised. also to get diagnosed you need to get your thoughts on why you have adhd organised in advance in order to convince the doctor you have it
#sorry for the vent incoming but#both my sister (who is diagnosed with adhd and autism) and my mother have been saying they think i might be adhd for like a year now#and like thatd be cool bc adhd can be medicated right? so maybe i can get help with my disaster life after all#except the problem is every time i think about the task of calling the doctor i get overwhelmed and cant#unfortunately asking my family for a list of why they think i'm adhd is not helpful bc theyre always like#“idk just whenever we talk about [sister]'s adhd i think how it sounds like we're describing you” & then none of them can give me an exampl#all ive come up with myself if when i was a kid i remember i was either quiet or so chatty that i forget the other person needs to speak#or like i'd try to join in a conversation and many times people would say like 'thats not really related to what we're talking about'#i no longer and super chatty bc i learned fo shut the fuck up pretty quick or you get made fun of but yeah.#i also forget things but i'm also very good at writing them down bc i know i'll forget and make people annoyed if i dont#so like idk if that counts like i feel like in my life ive been forced to learn how to cope and fit in so its like#is it adhd and i'm masking or is it not#like this is always the problem when i seek professional help they find out i can do hard stuff and they say you seem like you're okay#but like. hard stuff i can do is still hard. is everything supposed to feel this hard then? i hope not#vent#anyway other points are my thoughts keep me awake at night (its like loud jumbled thoughts of tv quotes and music and conversations ive had#and also obviously i struggle to make appointments. and i get distracted when i'm doing something boring even if i remove distractions#from my sight bc if i have no distractions i just start daydreaming. is this anything#this post itself is distracting me from work#i also connot make connections with 99% of people i meet socialising is so hard for me#maybe i should just send this tumblr vent to my doctor and see if it gets me a referral would that work
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ignore that this is a skyrim video and in polish but this is the polish VA of frank castle in the 1994 show and its the voice frank has in my head always. and i feel a strong need to share that with you guys bc i think it is a good voice
youtube
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#in another version of the dub frank is voiced by a dude who voiced justice in dragon age awakening which is miles funnier for sure#but this voice is the same as the one that was on the DVDs that i had as a child. so to me this is frank's voice. forever. sorry!#jacek mikołajczyk thank you for having a cool as hell voice i guess#writing the name down so i dont forget it (will forget it anyway)#anyway yeah. voice headcanon. except its canon for polish people. some of them#I LOVE THIS VOICE IDK. hes no grzegorz pawlak but i think grzegorz would also be good for frank actually. maybe once hes like old old#and not just middle aged#no offence to pawlak. he voiced lucien lachance in polish skyrim and i love his voice also to bits#sorry sorry. polish voice actors are my passion.#fun fact also back to daa justice i used to selfship with him too lowkey in a sense. he and my cousland were so tragic <3#human x inhuman my beloved he missed her so much during da2 but didnt realize it until they met again and then they parted immediately
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laying on my back thinking omegaverse thoughts again.
#omegaverse#a/b/o#<- tagging those for filtering so i dont forget.#specificslly. gravity falls omegaverse#like. i dont have headcnaons down rn#for the fynamics#but. stan’s probably either an alpha-leaning beta or beta-leaning alpha#(he doesnt hit me as a full alpha.)#(also the way im doing omegaverse dynamics is similar to primary genders— it’s very much a slider but most often you get categorized as one#of the three unless you fall too hard outside of the lines or your specific dynamic scent is vague)#and during his homeless fays. if you catch where i’m going.#he probably had to do some sort of sex work to get by occaisonally.#either bottoming (bc some proplr might like an alpha/alpha-smelling-beta under them#regardless of their dynamic) or topping or helping with heats.#like.#NFHEIDIWNDO.#mildly wish i wasnt so skittish abt writing smut bc oh i wanna het into these ideas. shouts#/nsx omegaverse#head in hands.#god off topic but speaking of i might just force myself real hard to write smutty stuff bc some ideas i have……. oighigucfh.#if i do its gonna be on anon and i’d ad most say ‘hey i wrote something that slots into explicit’ bc of the anxiety but. yelps.
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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unhinge/ double jaw. poisoned spikes for lurkers. maybe gulper eel jaw for deep water strikers idk
blood out of eyes. thorny devil spines for runners
photosynthesis walkers
exploding throwspines for crushers??
#text#duont worry about thgis it'll make sense. someday i just need to write shit down so i dont forget#oomf (roxy ily) gave me the idea of using the getting energy form the sun leafwings had but never used lol. so im stealing that
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“they’re digging up and reusing primitive space technology!? wait-- what if nobody dropped the first bombs? there are all these theories about who shot first, who dropped the first bombs, who started the war, but what if nobody did? what if it was just one of these reused, primitive rockets falling back down to the planet, and both america and china mistook it for the other dropping the first bomb, thus initiating the retaliation? what if this post-apocalyptic wasteland of a planet was just a result of a mistake due to the stupidity, greed, and cheapness of this company?”
“and considering how this universe works, it would seem highly plausible that this is exactly what happened. that’s the most devastating part of it. the probability is incredibly high, and i think i’d rather have everything be a result of human animosity and hostility as opposed to stupidity"
#''also robco/repconn? we dont want you in space. leave."#''although it's clearly not an issue anymore''#''but still we dont want you''#peepaw coming up with THE most depressing theory on how the universe of fallout potentially came to be#just casually dropping this fucked up theory immediately upon reading this#he is now ''plagued'' by the thought#and i HAD to write it down somewhere bc i dont wanna forget it#he is 100% THE person to go to for shit you never thought of before#hes so FUCKING good and smart and sexy
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#periodical life updates#maybe when artfight is done i'll ask for avm art reqs; that seems fun. i wanna draw the colorful sticks#(<- has been mainly drawing the stickmin sticks for twitter)#wait i also mentioned i wanted to work on my selfship blog right? fck. and also my part for that map too.#jegus jace r.i.c.k.e.c. starlight youve got so many projects huh. well its good to write them down. ive got this thing i do where once i-#finish a big project i forget all other projects ive ever had. ''i was so caught up in the euphoria of not being busy with artfight anymore#''i forgot that my other projects existed!'' type beat. future jace check here when youre done artfight. you've also got a fic to write!!#and ecas to draw! you also wanted to do an oc sexyman tourney but you wanted to draw everyone portraits first so <3#stickmin comics (charles; randy; jegus we probably cant think of montana just yet) and also i still got the requests from there :'>#maybe a commission sheet. i might do kofi commissions they sound fun. real commissions stress me out hgkjh </3#infinite art project hell hfkjhf </3 didnt do much artfighting today due to dentist appointment. it was very unpleasant.#i need a lot of dental work done. i have to go back next week (RIGHT BEFORE SAHCON TOO LMAO) and i also gotta have my wisdom teeth removed#not then i think (hopefully i dont wanna be fcked up before sahcon :/) but eventually. ugh. mimserable.#my queue's running low again. im tired of filling it back up ough u-u#my new drawing tablet came in btw!! ive been drawing more comfortably again <3 gotta update my progress reports for artfight#ive been watching secret sleepover society though hjdfjkh they played a cute potion making game!! but i'll work on the spreadsheet now hdjk#okay done and posted! gonna take my dental meds and probably sleep or add more stuff to queue?#see ya! <33
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listen i dont like fëanor but i can't deny that getting so mad you literally burst into flames and crumble away into ash is kinda fucking relatable
#i was about to go “do i have to tag this for spoilers” in my own head as though the silm isnt literally older than me#tbf not as many people read it as lotr or the hobbit but still. come on brain wtf#esp since someone would have to be really weird to come on my blog specifically to complain about spoilers lmao#i do think its funny I've only now gotten around to readinf it but its taking me so long to make myself listen to it that i keep forgetting#things especially in the really long chapters#to the extent now i find myself going “oh maybe i need to write down names because of course everyone has to start with an f”. i was doing#okay and then i went a really long time without reading so now im like wait wait go back#which sucks because i usually dont have trouble getting through long books. admittedly i listen more than read lately#but still. i think it took me maybe a week to get through priory the first time? like i dont think its that im not interested i just havent#had a lot of energy to expend or to get really into things? idk i keep forgetting from finals up till now has been extra bad in terms of..#..pain. chronic migraines gonna migraine ig. i bitch about it like i havent lived this way for years n years. but they were never as bad..#..until i started college and now theyve been worse than ever. i hate thinking about how much time i always lose. how much time ill always#be losing. sorry how the fuck did this turn into a tangent.
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GYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I HAD A CUTE DREAM W SANS >:D!!!!!!!! it was in like two parts the first was us just meeting and hitting it off right away which was fun and the other part was. nevermind im too embarrassed to not say it in the tags The tags r my safe cringe space The tags r like my house i live down there
#cherry chats#bf (bone friend)#ok. so anyway the 2nd part was awhile later he asked me on a date which was cute#and hed gone through way too much effort to make it like....... properly date-y even though neither of us give a shit#so hed gotten a table at some semi fancy restaurant and wed gotten dressed up SORT of fancy#and he was sooo excited and anxious. then he turns out he got the name wrong and instead of a fancy-ish restaurant it was like#some shitty cheap family diner. like imagine mcdonalds but a little fancier and with a LITTLE better food#thats what we got. because they had similar names and he mixed them up#we didnt even get our own table we sat at one of those long benches that mcdonalds also have next to a dad with his 2 little kids#the poor fucking guy was mortified when he realized hed fucked up but i just thought it was hilarious#i remember KISSING HIM ON THE CHEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! and being like its fine lets just go home and order takeout instead lmfao#so anyway. that waas the dream i had it was awesome#tehre were other stuff too but it was all jumbled bits and pieces maybe ill write them down in a draft just so i dont forget
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what if i made a podcast but i use my low quality earbud microphone and the episodes ranged from like 15 min to 2 hours where i just talk about music i like
#because sometimes i feel like writing stuff on here isnt enough i need to like verbally express it#but 1. im a little insecure about my voice and there isnt actually a 2 im just a little worried about my voice lol#i stutter when i get excited and i i have a hard time controlling my volume#but i might be able to edit the audio so you dont have to turn your volume down every time i laugh or get excited haha#and i have a hard time gathering my thoughts but i can just write down a rough list of what i wanna talk about so i dont forget#idk it would just be something to do when im bored#it would be called charlie is in hell and every episode im inexplicably in a different layer of hell#and season 2 would be called charlie is in purgatory and season 3 would be called charlie is in paradise :)#but thats thinking very far ahead lol#just an idea i had :P
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SOBS
i am. so sorry if i have ever used the phrase “i have an au where—” and led you to believe that there is an actual fic out there for you to read rather than, at best, a post where i explain the concept, and at worst it is simply something that lives in my brain
#reblog stuff#THIS#OH MY GOD YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I WISH I A HAD A FIC ABOUT THE FUCKING AUS MY BRAIN CONJURES UP#BUT I SUCK(or just to nervous) AT WRITING SO IT ONLY LIVES IN MY BRAIN AND I NEVER WRITE IT DOWN ANYWHERE#SO I END UP FORGETTING IT WHEN I GO TO ANOTHER FANDOM UNTIL IM LIKE "OH YEAAH THAT THING#IM CURRENTLY DOING IT AGAIN WITH WELCOME HOME AS WE SPEAK
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they should make a stable mind.
#(guy did school work and despite. doing it well he feels shitty. =w=b)#no. i musnt forget my wives. not in dire times like these (he is literally fine tho dont be so dramatic)#ok =w=b#i hate. how easy it is to switch up. and that there is no other real solution than push through.#ive felt really good twice today but ive also wanted to poke my eyes out out of anger twice#coincidentally the good ones were when i was outside and the bad ones while i was doing school work.#hold on.... maybe im onto something here!! waiit.... nope nvm. no correlation =w=bb#anyway at least this group project is basically donesies. gotta write some bullshit down tomorrow and have an interview next week buttt#then were guccii =w=bb untill the exam =3=#nahhh im fineee#sillyposting#it was cute tho this one was wayy easier than the previous ones.#maybe bc its finally in a language i somewhat understand. or the fact that it was basically only the same 7-line algorithm twice <33#it was awesome tho i was miku while working on it!! miku cape my beloved she really is awesome like that#okk =w=bbb#yayy ive had my talkies again for today let me. wast time on my puter noww
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yeah im 007
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7 different discord chat channels i use to talk to myself because i am unhinged
#helps me keep track of movies#like i write down movies i see titles of because i WILL forget about it#and i dont trust sticky notes... ive had them disappear before so i am not using it ever again#but cant trust discord to always be up either so /shrug/#anyway. i also post abt my drawing/writing ideas even tho i never write#it's good to jot them down#even tho i havent done it in months... because i never got around to doing them </3 oof#not even in my 2 week break do i have time to do that. end up playing games or watching movies instead /sobs/#i also have a not very safe for when youre at work channel#thats probs the most active one because idk. loneliness and horniness go hand in hand#i also have a channel where i post screenshots from movies as references#in case i dont already have a folder created. its a quick way to just put it somewhere#so discord is useful to use by yourself!#the only other channel im active in is WME if im ever doing m+ dungeons#sometihng im not doing currently because i have zero motivation. doing delves lol#its pretty much the only other channel i ever look at or am IN really#i dont have online friends or a group to hang out with which doesnt help with the loneliness#not looking for a pity party or an invite (dont. i wont fit in lol) just stating the facts how i feel#delete later#maybe i should actually pug m+. might make some friends lmao
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