#guess i’ll marry the demon lord?

[sqlmn]

So have a new OC! His name is Reynold and he works as like…. CIA or FBI I don’t know yet. His hobby is doting on his younger (by ten years) brother. His younger brother (and a friend) are recruited by a goddess from another world to be the hero (and aid) to saving her world from the demon king. Unfortunately, the hero is bad at saving the world if seems.

The goddess returns to earth and begs Reynold to join her and help the hero - his beloved younger brother. So he agrees under the condition that “I would do literally anything to help him. I only ask when you send me to your world, I want to be a woman.” And the goddess is just like “odd flex but ok” and does so.

Rey (it’s so much cuter than Reynold and still works) then does an excellent job at protecting the hero and solving problems for townspeople … to the point that the demon lord’s army kidnaps her and takes her to their castle as leverage to lure out the hero. The demon lord looks at her and just gets really confused because “your soul doesn’t match your appearance. If you aren’t the hero, were you cursed?” And Rey is not willing to admit to the big bad demon lord ‘well my brother called me creepy since we’re both guys and he wished he had an older sister instead’ so he just looks away and says nothing. Over a week, Rey keeps waiting for torture of some sort (heck, she’d be willing to torture someone for the hero and besides /what/ is otherworldly torture like?) but the demon lord keeps trying to talk and ask questions. Finally, he asks “do you want me to return your form?” And Rey agrees. He kinda misses being a guy.

Finally the hero gets to the castle and is ready to fight the demon lord and … doesn’t understand why there’s an illusion of his brother in the castle since he should be a she last he was aware. Reynold tells him “oh hey! I solved the whole world being doomed problem. I’m engaged to the demon lord. Don’t worry, I arranged for you and your friend to return home! And! I’ve secured visitation rights!”

The hero tries to suggest they team up and take the demon lord out buuuut the demon lord isn’t thrilled by the idea so he transforms into a huge dragon and gets between the brothers. Unfortunately, Reynold thinks that’s kinda hot. Crap. Oh well. He’s gonna be married to him so it’s fine probably. And so that’s how Reynold saves another world and gains a seven foot tall husband.

Also noteworthy: he’s basically a cryptid in two worlds. On earth he’s constantly going radio silent and then popping up at his parents house and picks the lock and stays for ten minutes before leaving. In the other world, rumors of a woman in love with the hero who fought anyone who got too close still linger in multiple towns.

[sqlmn]

Just two guys.... married..... finding the other absolutely adorable....... you know how it is........

I'm obsessed with him right now I'm sorry......... I couldn't bring myself to do fanart today. It had to be him.

In short: Reynold is a doting older brother and the younger brother is summoned to another world to save it as the hero. And the goddess who summoned him ends up returning to earth to ask Reynold "hey can you help me help your bro" and he agrees under the condition when he's sent to another world he wants to be a woman. So the goddess is like okay sure. And so in the other world he goes by Rey and supports the hero and does a better job at saving the world than the actual hero.

Reynold's legacy is becoming a cryptid in two worlds unintentionally.

[daytaker]

Only Human

Solomon thinks he deserves a little more credit.

Ship: Solomon x Reader (One-Sided) Word Count: 823 NightBringer Timeline Cross-Posted on AO3

Welcome home! What did you get up to today?

Ah… Uh-huh…

…What a headache.

Brothers, brothers, brothers. It’s always all about the brothers for you. It’s a little unfair, you know. Who’s there to protect you when things with “the brothers” go south? Hm? That’s right. But you just keep on charging after them as if they’re all that matters in the world. Never mind that I’m the one who literally followed you back in time. Never mind that I’m the only one who knows everything about your situation. Never mind that I’m the only one here who doesn’t have any agenda besides getting you home.

…Fair point. I suppose saying I don’t have any agenda isn’t completely honest. But who would I be if I didn’t sprinkle in some friendly, misleading comments with a big smile on my face?

I’ve become very attached to you. I’m not ashamed of that, and I’ve never tried to hide it. You’re a very charming person, and it’s only natural that if angels and demons are susceptible to that charm, I would be too. I’m only human, after all.

But please don’t forget this: you’re only a human too.

Allow me to reassure you that I’ll never become so resentful that I’d leave you behind. You’re far too precious for me to pull a stunt like that, and you’re far too unpredictable for me to even pretend I’d do it. For all I know, the minute I turn my back, you’ll somehow find yourself contractually obligated to serve as Vizier to the Acting Demon Lord for the next seven centuries, or be married to three or four of the brothers all at once. No, that isn’t how things work in the Devildom, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if you somehow pulled it off by sheer force of will.

Why don’t you just calm down and settle down with me instead?

Of course, I don’t suppose I plan on ever settling down. It would be awfully hypocritical of me to hold you to a different standard just because I felt a little jealous.

Yes, I feel jealous. You know I’m not ashamed of my feelings. That’s something I learned to get past after my first century or two of life. Being ashamed over your own feelings is a good way to make yourself miserable.

So I’ve come up with a great way to make myself less jealous and make you less attached to these past versions of the brothers. Are you ready to hear it? Why are you making that face? It’s a great idea, trust me!

We should become lovers.

What’s that look? You’re going to hurt my feelings. Anyway, there are plenty of practical reasons to follow this course of action; reasons that have no basis in emotion at all. For one thing, my reputation precedes me, so you would benefit from the respect and fear that attach themselves to my name. It’s also possible that strengthening our bond might make it easier for you to follow my trail of energy back into the future. And on a more immediate, practical note, it would cut down on heating expenses if we shared a bed.

Haha! I’m kidding, I’m kidding! You should have seen your face. And I thought Lucifer could be scary!

It seems like I haven’t convinced you yet. You’re awfully stubborn, you know? But I like that about you. I like almost everything about you.

Everything except that irritating fascination you have with those seven.

I guess I haven’t been too open about how I felt about that in the past (or in the future?). But I may as well lay my cards out on the table now. I would love to know how it feels to have you look at me the way you look at them. Maybe if you just had that sort of connection with just one of them, I could accept it, but it’s an entire family! It shouldn’t be that hard to squeeze an eighth person into the fold. But sometimes it feels like you barely spare me a second glance. Me! The greatest sorcerer to ever live; a human so enigmatic that angels and demons and reapers can barely understand me. 

Do you have a thing for demons in particular? Is it the tails? I suppose I’ll always come up short where tails are concerned. Dare I ask why you find tails so appealing? Surely it isn't...?

Hahaha! Oh, man, that face was even scarier than the last one!

It doesn’t really matter, I guess. Adore whoever you want to adore; I’ll always be the one who taught you magic. And no one can take that away from me. Not even you, my adorable apprentice.

Just so we’re on the same page, was that a ‘no’ to becoming lovers?

What about sharing a bed?

Sigh… You’re as cold as ice sometimes. I love that about you.

[the-lonelybarricade]

TheLonelyBarricade Feysand Masterlist

All works excluding drabbles are avilable on AO3

🌶️= Smut/Works with explicit content

A Court of Faded Dreams Masterlist🌶️ - acotar rewrite/timetravel fic. (WIP)

Darling, Let's Run 🌶️ - Cat!Rhys and his general trickery (Completed)

As the River Flows Masterlist 🌶️ - Regency Feysand with a magical fated mates twist (completed)

Till Death Do Us Part Masterlist - A slice of life chronicalling the adventures Grim!Rhys and his reluctant wife Feyre (WIP)

Queen of Thieves Masterlist 🌶️ - Con-artist Feyre makes an ill-placed bet with the High Lord of the Night Court (WIP)

Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans Masterlist 🌶️ - Modern AU where Feyre gets pregnant from a one-night stand with a violet eyed stranger (WIP)

We Bleed the Same Masterlist 🌶️ - An acotar retelling where we cut out the feylin love story entirely (WIP)

The Other Side of the Apocalypse 🌶️ - A canonverse AU following human Rhys and Feyre as they journey through all seven courts (WIP)

Canon:

Hate Me If It Helps 🌶️ - Feysand angsty sex pollen fic.

The Most Magnanimous High Lord 🌶️- Rhys gives Feyre a reading lesson

Five Times the Beast Was Subdued (and the One Time It Wasn't) 🌶️ 🌶️ - Part 1 ⟡ Part 2 - Feysand beast form, monsterfucking, breeding kink filth

ACoMaF Wedding Scene - Canon compliant Feysand wedding scene.

The Chains That Bind Us - Feysand are married and Rhysand’s mating bond snaps w/ someone else. 

When The Glass Shatters - Feysand are married and Feyre’s mating bond snaps w/ someone else.

A Conversation At Dawn - Rhys takes a quiet moment to reflect with his mother. 

Just Can't Prove It - Feyre meets a stranger on a flight

All By Design - What if Isaac Hale was Rhys all along?

-

AU:

It’s Nice to Have a Friend  🌶️ - part 1 ⟡ part 2 -  Modern AU best friends to lovers/accidental kiss.

Ten Past Five 🌶��� - plotty Feysand NYE meet cute

Snow on the Beach 🌶️🌶️ - Daddy kink, Feysand join the mile high club

Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself 🌶️🌶️ - Part 1 ⟡ Part 2 - Feysand Sugar Daddy AU 

The Music of the Night 🌶️🌶️- Demon!Rhys visits Feyre in her dreams (dub-con)

Violent Delights 🌶️🌶️ - Feysand vampire smut (dub-con)

Be a Doll, Darling🌶️🌶️ - Feyre's Sex Doll comes to life (dub-con)

Cakes & Cupid - Birthday party meet-cute. (Modern AU)

Scaring Is Caring - Halloween themed meet-cute. (Modern AU)

Arrowmusings B-day Present - Lucien x Rhys x f!reader fluff (Modern AU)

Long Story Short - Feyre gets stood up in a restaurant. (Modern AU)

The Dating Game - Modern fake couple AU. (Modern AU)

The Outlier - part 1 ⟡ part 2 - Timetravel fluff / university AU. (Modern AU)

A Letter Never Sent - Christmas fluff (Modern AU)

Caught Up In You - Rhysand Celebrity AU (Modern AU)

Don't Be a Jerk (It's Christmas) - Coffee Shop Christmas fluff (Modern AU)

Down the Water Well - Eldritch Horror Vibes AU

if you ever think you got it wrong - modern hurt/comfort friends to lovers

Good Morning, Darling - Feysand & baby Nyx fluff 

Behind You - Batboy Snowball fight featuring Nyx

Like An Illyrian - Rhys and baby Nyx fluff

No One Has to Know What We Do - vaguely smutty angst

Every Time I Look at You, It's Like the First Time - Feysand fluffy proposal

Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats - Feyre drunk at a party

[artist-issues]

Forgive me if you've already discussed it, but what's your opinion of "Brave?"

I want to like it, but somehow (I haven't taken the time to analyze it) it doesn't quite fit together. The story is much more about the mother learning and growing than about Merida. I actually didn't like Merida very much.

No it’s okay, I actually haven’t ever discussed Brave, and I haven’t watched it or analyzed it in a long while. So forgive me, I’ll analyze while I verbalize, so this might be a little all over the place, but your observations give me a starting place!

It definitely isn’t my favorite Pixar movie, but I don’t think it’s a poorly made movie, either.

I will say it’s not true that it’s much more about Queen Elinor learning and growing than Merida does, (but I can see why you’d come away with that.) I think the movie actually does a really intentional job of showing them both, equally, learning and growing toward one another’s points of view. Way better than Turning Red did, anyway.

I mean, for example, they parallel each other’s “hypothetical argument.” They’re both struggling to communicate with the other. The first act is Merida being taught by Elinor, unwillingly. The second act is Elinor being taught (how to fish and survive) in the woods, at first unwillingly. Then she learns to trust Merida knows better and follows Merida’s lead to survive out there. Just like, when she enters the Great Hall and is ready to give up control of her fate for keeping the peace, you see that Merida has finally learned to follow her mom’s lead as a Princess, too. They go back-to-back, and learn almost equally.

I would put it like this: Merida learns that Queen Elinor was right all along—AND she learns more about who Queen Elinor is and how to understand her. On the flip side, Queen Elinor just learns more about who Merida is and how to communicate with her.

So that’s much better than a movie that says, “hey the mom is wrong and should let her daughter do whatever she wants, I guess.”

In general, the story is about a mom who wants her daughter to fulfill her fate, because it’s what’s best for her—but the daughter doesn’t want to follow anybody’s lead, and thinks she needs to get as far away from being traditional as possible.

Here, I’ll try to dive into it.

Queen Elinor knows that tradition is important, because she understands the lessons hidden in those traditions. The Princess sacrifices her own independence as a symbol of unity for the kingdom, by marrying one of the lord’s sons. She’s not just a symbol of unity—she’s a symbol of peace, wherever she goes. Clean, tidy, on time, never ruffled, in a world full of brutish hairy men who’s favorite pastime is killing each other. That’s what Queen Elinor knows is important. For the big picture. For everyone, including Merida.

And she’s right. A Queen’s selflessness saves her people.

But. Trying to force a Princess who doesn’t understand or believe in that lesson to do it anyway is no good either. You can’t force a leader to live by principals they don’t believe in. When you do, you get Mor’du, the demon Prince.

So there’s this balance. Yes, Merida, you’re fated, by birth, to lead and be a shining beacon of hope and peace in a war-torn land. That’s a good thing. But you can only be that leader and beacon when you’ve accepted it.

Queen Elinor doesn’t start out twitch that balance. She’s just trying to force Merida into her fate. Why? It’s the age-old struggle of parenting: you know what’s best for your kid, so you try to get them into that safe-zone as fast as possible. But they don’t get it, so they buck and kick and you decide “I don’t care if you don’t get it, I’m going to force it on you because it’s what’s best.” And you know where that attitude, of “you’ll do it, and I don’t care how you feel about it” comes from?

Fear. Fear that if your kid is given an inch to argue, buck, kick, run away, that they’ll run right out of your control into danger.

And what’s the movie called?

Brave.

And Merida doesn’t want to be a Princess because…”I’m not ready for this.” Fear. What’s Merida afraid of? Her own fate. She’s not fated to be an adventurer, she’s fated to be a Princess. She just has a wrong idea of what that means.

And they both think that they know, not only what’s best, but where the other person is wrong. Just like how Prince Mor’du thought he knew that he could be a better leader on his own than with his family. Both stem from pride. Which “tore the bond” of their love for each other.

Because—and now we’re back to their broken relationship, which is the real story here—

Queen Elinor and Merida can’t communicate with that pride, that false image of who the other person is and what they supposedly want, in the way. So it takes Queen Elinor getting out of her comfort zone and into Merida’s (the wild) to understand that Merida can survive and choose what’s right, on her own, and doesn’t need to do it Queen Elinor’s way. It also took Merida getting out of her comfort zone and into her mother’s (having to stop a fight between warring lords because her mom’s not around to do it, which is a snapshot of her future) to understand what her mother has always been saying.

Basically, the scene where she sees Mor’Du’s story is true is where Merida changes and grows the most as a character. Because that’s her suddenly realizing that her mom was right. And that’s a really good allegory for growing up and parenting. You can tell your kid all the right things and teach them all the right lessons, but at some point, it has to become real to them on their own.

It’s even neat because that scene is shot with Merida down in “the cave of discovery, “ while her mom is where?

Watching from afar. Not in there with her.

So yeah, those are my disheveled thoughts on Brave. It’s a good movie. It does feel like something about the actual events in the movie are a little lackluster—to be honest, the scenes where Merida is teaching her mom in the woods come to mind. I mean, on paper, all she’s really doing is teaching her to fish and do something a little unladylike. And then to calmly wait for the Wisps to appear instead of chasing them down. The events aren’t as…deep or attention grabbing as I think they could’ve been. But that’s okay, because it still gets the point across.

Thanks for asking!

[quillomens]

Book Omens Week Day 3: Historical

I'm catching up since I thought the week was cancelled. Haha. I THINK I'll have day 4 up today, though! It continues from this one.

Summary: The first time they got married was only a few hundred years after the Garden. It wouldn't be the last.

HERE ON AO3

Over the next few days, watch out for: ancient Sumer! The Round Table! Leo da Vinci! Piracy! Two Very Lazy Immortal Beings! Paperwork!

----

Sixty years and some change after their second unfortunate meeting, Crowley happened upon the angel while prowling a sort of  cave-village puttering along in Mesopotamia.   

He didn’t panic this time.  He’d been sent to the settlement because an angel was there, so he hadn’t been quite so startled this time around.  He also slinked up slowly, watching (and tongue twitching beyond his lips every now and then), which helped his reptile brain report, “This is that Eastern Gate fellow.”   

So instead of panic and discorporation, Crowley was able to slide up, smooth and cool, and say, “How’s it going there, oh, Angel of the Lord?” 

The angel jumped, which was very gratifying.  About time an angel was nervous about him.  

The angel’s currently dark brows drew together before his expression cleared.  “Crawly?” he asked, and then, before Crowley could correct him, “No, it’s Crowley, isn’t it?” 

Crowley was gratified again.  “It is.  And you’re Aziraphale.”  He tried to sound casual.  Maybe he’d asked around.  Maybe he just knew things.   

Aziraphale turned his eyes back to the foul-smelling but good natured mortals as they went about their business.  The two of them were visible, not not…noticeable.  Nothing interesting here, please go on about you pre-historical business.  “It’s been some time.” 

“’Bout 60 years.”  Crowley had spent nine of them doing punishment paperwork and other, less enjoyable, things for so quickly wasting a corporation.  But the last fifty hadn’t been so bad, back on earth.  He was finding Earth highly preferable to hell, and didn’t understand why most demons bellyached about assignments on the first floor (so to speak). “What brings you here?  Spreading a little miracle or three?  Light of grace and all that good stuff?” 

“Observing, mostly.  I’m rather between assignments at the moment.”  The angel glanced over.  “You?” 

“Oh, sent here to kill you, I reckon.” 

One brow rose alone this time.  The gray-blue eyes were a little incongruous with his current coloring, but who was Crowley to point out glass houses?  “Oh?  And how are you planning to do that?  Another epic bout of clumsiness.” 

Crowley probably should have scowled, but found himself grinning instead.  Not bad! Most angels were painfully boring.  ….At that, so were most demons.  “Maybe.  Want to stand near a handy fire for me?”   

The angel made a show of considering it before settling on, “No, I think not.  I don’t need any more paperwork or nasty notes.” 

Crowley would (pretend to) kill for a nasty note.  Bet there were no boils and papercuts in heaven.  

“Ah, well.  Guess I’ll just slink downstairs then.” 

Crowley didn’t move.  They kept standing there, side by side.   

“Did you know,” Aziraphale said after several minutes of oddly comfortable silence, “that they’ve started little pairing ceremonies?” 

Crowley shot him a look.  “What now?” 

“Well, you know how some of the animals pair off for life?  And others don’t?  Humans are similar, yes?  Some pair off, like Adam and Eve, others don’t.” 

“Rrrrright.”  Crowley scratched at a flea trying to set up house in the long fall of his hair.  “Hell’s undecided on that one.  Seems to fit with a sort of heavenly chastity on one side, but the way two people can make each other miserable?  Full marks.” 

The angel gave him a censorious frown.  Crowley spread his hands with demonic innocence, as if to say, “Above my pay grade, good sir.”   

Had the movement been invented and imbued with meaning at the time, Aziraphale would have rolled his eyes.  As it was, he just said, “Well, be that as it may, they’ve created this little ritual for it, and it’s rather sweet.” 

A minor miracle caused every flea in the vicinity to go up in tiny flames.  

“Ritual?  What, skulls and blood and feet of newts?”  Crowley tried to look pleased, though the whole concept actually made him a bit queasy.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that “feather of demon” or “eye of serpent” would one day be popular for these “little rituals” of the humans’.   

“No, no, nothing so disturbing.  Just a sort of speech and a promise.”   

“Oh.”  Crowley wrinkled his nose.  He was fond of a good nose wrinkle these days.  Couldn’t pull that off as a snake.  “Sounds boring.” 

“It’s sweet!” Aziraphale argued.  He looked decidedly put-out, as if the opinion of this semi-random demon was of some importance in his angelic brain.  Then he clearly came to a decision and, without so much as a “Mary may I?” wrapped his hand about Crowley’s wrist and pulled him into the bustle of humanity. 

Crowley should have protested, maybe popped a little hellfire, but he was so surprised by being touched without an intent to cause pain (it had been so long) that he shamedly just let his enemy drag him on.  

They stopped in front of a woman – older, heavy set, stripes on her stomach and gray in her hair.  She wore little in the heat, but she had several necklaces of shell and bone, painted with red clay, that were unique among the humans.  Someone of importance, then?   

She clearly recognized the angel and greeted him with a smile and a fair approximation of his name.   

“Hello,” he said back, his smile warm but his voice officious.  “Lovely to see you again.”   

“It was only this morning,” she said, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes that Crowley wholeheartedly approved of.  “I’m not so old as all that.” 

“Of course not!  You’re a lovely young woman.”  Crowley shot Aziraphale a look.  He thought perhaps the angel was being sincere.  Still figuring out aging, was he?   

The human chuckled warmly. “Now then, young charmer, what do you require my help with?”  

“I would like you to show the pairing ceremony,” Aziraphale motioned to Crowley, “to my,” he stopped a moment, frowning.  Crowley watched with some amusement. My enemy was hardly the way to introduce someone without causing suspicion.  After a beat, he settled on, “companion.” 

The human’s eyebrows rose in a riot of wrinkles.  “The pairing ceremony?” 

“Yes.  I told him it’s quite lovely, but he has his doubts.” 

Dark eyes glanced between them.  “I hardly think it is appropriate to perform the ceremony for someone who isn’t certain.” 

“Oh, I’m certain enough,” Crowley drawled.  Clearly it existed, since they were talking about it. 

The old woman eyed them again, gaze assessing.  Then she raised her shoulders dismissively – he'd seen that a few times now, wasn’t entirely certain what it meant to them – clapped her chapped hands, and said, “Might as well!” in a cheerful voice.  

Aziraphale gave Crowley a smug look.  Crowley stared at him, annoyingly unblinking.   

(Later, Crowley would miss those early days, when his eyes hardly merited comment.  The woman had looked at them, of course, but passed on readily.) 

The woman motioned to a young man, who jogged off to gather a few supplies.  She chatted easily with Aziraphale as they waited, and offered a handful of figs to them both.  Aziraphale took them immediately.  Crowley was more hesitant, but gave in when Aziraphale bit into one with clear enjoyment.   

And here he thought angels didn’t eat. 

They were so delicious (he hadn’t properly had figs; they were sweeter than he  that the boy was painting a stripe of clay on his forehead before he realized they’d started.   

“Wait-” he started to say, but the woman shushed him and Aziraphale sent him a look for interrupting.  He fell silent, listening to the simple words.  The gist was all about support – looking out for the other person, working to keep the other person safe, providing comfort. 

It was lovely, though he was loathe to admit it.  A nice idea, having someone to depend on and spend time with.  He couldn’t remember much about heaven, but hell certainly wasn’t known for its comradery.   Shame it wasn’t real- 

The woman took his hand and placed it on top of the angel’s.   

Crowley jumped as if burned – expecting, really, to be burned, that was the rumor – and saw Aziraphale flinch as well.  But. 

Nothing happened. 

The skin was unusually soft, given angels didn’t work, but beyond that, it was just a hand.   

Their eyes met briefly, yellow to gray. 

“And may you protect each other until the end of your days,” the woman said, taking their two hands in her strong, leathery ones.   

Crowley saw, in Aziraphale’s eyes, the moment the angel realized what he had. 

This was not a demonstration. 

It was a ceremony. 

He couldn’t help it.  Crowley threw his head back and laughed, startling the woman, the demon, and several people in the vicinity with the underlying hiss he hadn’t learned to control yet.  It was an inhuman laugh, and an inhuman smile, and the angel frowned at him, but he couldn’t help it.  It wasn’t real, not truly.  They weren’t human, and human ceremonies didn’t mean anything in heaven or hell, but- 

An angel bound to a demon just to make a point? 

Hilarious! 

Aziraphale sighed deeply, the old woman barked a laugh (“It’s unusual, but some people react like this,” she assured Aziraphale gently as he looked like he might throw up if his corporation would let him), and Crowley grinned, broad and toothy and wild.   

(As long as hell didn’t know, as long as hell never found out, he should be just fine.) 

@book-omens-week

[thedemoninmywalls]

Pillow Talk

Rire and Aro have a conversation.

“How does it feel knowing I was your first?” “Hm?” Aro glanced over. Rire repeated the question. “What are you talking about?” she asked tiredly. “I’ve been around a long time, you know,” he purred. “I know a virgin when I see one.” Aro was silent. “What, never had any boyfriends?” Rire pressed. “No high school flings?” “It’s none of your business,” Aro spat, feeling embarrassed. He raised an eyebrow, and she quickly amended. “If you must know, I was…sort of hoping to have sex after marriage.” “Ah,” Rire smiled in amusement. “Guess I ruined that plan, hm?” “You ruined everything,” Aro mumbled. “My whole life…” “Indeed,” Rire agreed. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I cannot get you pregnant.” “Yeah, that’s a relief,” said Aro bitterly. “I’m not raising your demon spawn.”

Rire laughed. “I doubt you would survive such a birth.”

Aro went quiet again. She was thinking about marriage, and children, and love - real love, not…whatever this was.

“I think I do want to have children someday,” she said quietly. “When I’m ready. When I’m married and stable.”

“Married to who?” Rire teased.

“Not you!” she snapped. “Someone else! Someone who loves me.”

“You think I don’t love you?” He sounded hurt, but his eyes were full of mockery.

“I know you don’t,” she answered stubbornly. “But there must be someone out there who does.”

“Perhaps,” he conceded. “Or perhaps no one will love you after you’ve been tainted by a demon.”

“What?” Aro sat up, concern and fear in her eyes.

“Oh yes, you’re impure now,” Rire continued mercilessly. “No human will ever want you. They’ll think you’re a filthy, disgusting–”

“You’re lying,” Aro accused, her voice trembling. “People aren’t like that anymore! They won’t blame me for what you did. They’ll believe me!”

“People are people,” Rire shrugged. “And they will believe whatever they want to believe. No human will want to associate with someone marked by a demon.”

“Y-You’re wrong,” Aro looked away. “You don’t own my soul–”

“Ah, I’ll get it eventually,” he replied cheerfully. “Soul or no soul, you’re mine, forever.”

Rire could practically see Aro’s hopes and dreams for her future crumble before her eyes. He saw tears land in her lap, and he sighed. “Come here.”

Aro wiped her eyes and turned towards him. He held out his arms, and she crawled over, submitting to his embrace.

“I hate you,” she whispered into his skin. “You ruined my life and took away everything I love.”

“Are you giving up on me?” he chuckled. “What happened to that optimism, that attitude I love so much?”

“You can have it,” she replied dully. “I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to be yours for the rest of my life.”

“We cannot always get what we want,” he reminded her. “But I wouldn’t despair of the future just yet. Who knows what will happen?”

“Maybe you’ll drown in holy water and die,” she deadpanned.

That made him laugh. “You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Anything’s possible.”

“Very true. If I die before you - which is unlikely - I will leave to you all my riches and possessions, my eternal status. You can be the next demon lord.”

“No thanks. Sounds like a chore.”

“It is. Why do you think I like spending time with you instead?”

“Because you love torturing me.”

“Well, besides that.”

Aro rolled her eyes. “Do you ever get tired of being such a jerk?”

“Never,” he smiled. “At least not while you’re so much fun.”

“I hate you.”

I know~”

[junichan]

The Return of Flower Fruit Mountain

Part 3 of 3

Content warning: None, TW: None

Based on The Journey to the West by Wu Cheng'en and the Monkey King graphic novels by Chaiko

“Your bride, huh?” Wukong scoffed, glancing down at the horrified celestial. It wasn’t the first time he’d encountered a demon trying to force a pretty young woman to be his wife, but usually the girl was human. Seeing a celestial woman in that situation was a little strange. The Monkey King’s obvious skepticism made the demon puff up indignantly. “My bride!” he insisted, “Bequeathed to me by Heaven itself!” Wukong lifted a brow and dropped into a squat to get more comfortable. He had to hear this. Mud-Dragon King got the hint to continue and went on, “Last year a golden lotus blossom drifted down from Heaven and took root in the middle of my lake. I watched as the sublime energies of the sun and moon infused it until it grew massive and bloomed. And from that divine blossom the Heavenly Princess of Eternal Spring emerged! I knew from the moment I looked at her the Heavens had meant her for me, to be my wife. But when I reached out to take her into my arms, she fled! I have been chasing her ever since!” No wonder the woman had no idea who the Monkey King was – she was practically a newborn!

Wukong cast a curious look at her, “Is this true?”

The woman huffed, throwing a glare at the demon. “It’s true that I emerged from a lotus in the middle of the demon’s lake,” she admitted, “But that doesn’t mean I want to marry him! Heaven certainly didn’t intend for us to marry, and even if it did – I REFUSE!”

The alligator demon wore a pained expression, his eyes even welling up with thick, wet tears. “But my beloved,” he implored, pressing a hand over his chest, “You smiled at me! Don’t you remember??”

Annoyance was making the young woman bold and she leaned forward to shake her finger at the demon, almost forgetting she was sitting in a tree, “I smiled because it is in my nature! And you were the first living thing I saw! But that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to marry me!”

Wukong snickered as he straightened up, standing to lean on his staff. “Well that settles it, Mud Lord. Guess you’ll have to look somewhere else for a wife. The Princess is under the protection of Sun Wukong, the Monkey King!” He was gladdened to see the alligator demon look shaken and take a momentary step back. At least it seemed someone knew his reputation.

“Wait a minute!” the Mud-Dragon King protested, “Why are you sticking your neck out for her?? She isn’t one of your subjects! She isn’t even a monkey! Why should you care??”

The Princess huffed and transformed, causing the little monkeys watching from above to chatter and giggle in delight as she resumed her simian form. Her balance once again innately secure on the branch she turned and bowed to Wukong. “Great Sage, Monkey King of Fruit and Flower Mountain, please accept this humble servant,” she intoned, “I swear your people shall never go hungry, nor know the bite of cold or the pain of illness so long as I live!”

Wukong didn’t really need an excuse to protect an innocent person, and especially not to fight a demon dumb enough to wreck his forest. But he couldn’t help laughing at the sight of the celestial pledging herself to him just to spite the demon pursuing her. He ignored the demon’s indignant sputtering as he reached down and touched her head as such a poignant declaration demanded. “The Monkey King accepts his new subject -- Uh, what’s your name?”

“If I have one, I don’t know it.”

That reminded him of his youth. He’d come into the world without a name too and had only become Sun Wukong when his first master named him such. “Then I’ll call you Sun Sying,” he smiled, “For your pretty pale fur.” He didn’t have to give her his surname, but it was amusing to rub it in the Mud-Dragon King’s face just a little bit more. Sying looked up at him with a grateful smile and for a moment he could understand why the demon had fallen in love with her on first sight. Her smile seemed to make the whole world warmer and brighter.

The demon wasn’t quite so happy. He let out an eardrum blasting roar of fury. But the smell was so much worse than the noise! His breath was so foul the little monkeys covered their noses and fled.

“Damned stupid monkey!” the demon swore, lifting his halberd and charging forward. Wukong grabbed Sying around the middle and leapt clear. The massive halberd blade smashed the branch they had been sitting on into splinters, while they landed safely several meters away. Wukong gave his newest subject a reassuring grin and a wink before jumping back into battle. Now that the demon and thrown the first blow and proven a desire to kill him and the Princess, he saw no reason to hold back.

“Stupid is threatening my subjects!” he shot back, blocking another blow from the halberd with his staff. He batted the demon’s weapon aside and smashed his staff into the alligator’s massive skull, causing the monster to stagger. “You won’t make the same mistake twice!”

Every strike the Mud-Dragon King threw at him was either blocked or missed wildly. The demon even tried using his tail like a lash, knocking down several more trees but unable to touch Sun Wukong. And for every strike he tried to land on the Monkey King, Wukong’s staff smashed down on him in return. The alligator’s armor-like scales, which had survived countless battles before, were being beaten off like dust on an old rug. Several times he looked back to make sure Sying was safe and watching, and he was pleased to see the look of astonishment on her face.

No demon or immortal was a match for the Monkey King!

“Mercy!” the demon wailed when the shaft of his halberd shattered under a strike from Wukong’s staff. Although it sounded more like ‘mur-thee’ now that most of his teeth had been knocked out. He cowered and sobbed, covering his battered head with his claws. “I beg you Great Sage! Don’t kill me!”

Wukong wasn’t moved by the demon’s crocodile tears. In fact he was disgusted by the sight of the colossal demon groveling before him, especially since he was just starting to warm up! “Why shouldn’t I?” he demanded through gritted fangs, “Look now many trees you’ve destroyed! You’re gonna pay for that! I’m gonna use your wretched carcass for fertilizer!!”

He swung his staff high for one last blow, but Sying’s shout made him pause, “My King, please stop!!”  He swung his glare toward her, ready to tell her off for her misguided sympathy. The alligator was faking it, trying to save his own skin!

“He would make poor fertilizer. Too salty,” she said, nodding sagely, “Better to roast him and skin him for leather.”

The girl has a vicious streak! Wukong howled with laughter while the Mud-Dragon King sweated even more. His mood lightened; he didn’t really feel like killing the demon anymore. “Take the trees you’ve knocked down and stack them neatly,” he ordered the quaking alligator demon, “Then get off my mountain and never come back!” Wukong watched him kowtow several times before limping off to grab the closest tree and carefully carry it away. He would show his monkeys how to make lumber and firewood out of the fallen trees later. He had no doubt the alligator would be quick about leaving; and if he didn’t Wukong would soon find out from his sentries, if not the ever nosey and curious young ones.

“Come Princess,” he beckoned the celestial turned monkey, “Let me show you your new home.” He summoned his magical nimbus and jumped atop it. Mortals couldn’t stand on the divine cloud on their own, but since she was a celestial being she had no trouble sitting down on it behind him.

“Don’t worry about the trees,” Sying assured him as they rose into the sky. “I’ll grow new ones.” He glanced back as they soared above the mountain to see her reaching one hand down. A golden light emanated from her fingertips, calling into being pink flower petals that drifted slowly downward. Where the petals fell, new trees began to grow, maturing in minutes and bursting into bloom, defying the decay of autumn.

Wukong felt a thrill race up his tail and back at the display of Sying powers. She really was the Heavenly Princess of Eternal Spring! With Sying making plants produce food whenever he said so, his monkeys would never be hungry again! He couldn’t help wondering why she’d been born in the Earthly realm, and in the middle of a demon-haunted lake at that. She certainly didn’t seem to know, but she didn’t seem terribly bothered by not knowing. He was sure he’d find out eventually, but for now all he cared to think about was the welcome feast he was going to throw in Water Curtain Cave for his newest subject.

A feast Sying would be providing most of the food for, but a welcome feast none the less.

Previous

[neroversal]

Relationship dynamics that don’t get talked about enough IMO

Absolute girl boss x Some Dad. Bonus: the dad turns out to be some super powerful ex-lord or some similar shit (Romantic or Sexual)

~~~

Looks like a cinnamon roll, is batshit insane x looks like an absolute nightmare, is actually a cinnamon roll. Bonus: They’re both actually insane but they both hide it well (Romantic or Platonic)

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Stupid idiot that you wonder if they actually have something up there x no No NO GOD PLEASE NOT THEM! Bonus: They’ve been married X amount of years and bozo over there is just realizing they have a whole-ass partner with two kids and a pet. (Romantic)

~~~

“Whatever you do, please! Find me in the next life!” x “No matter where or when we are, I’ll always be by your side. Not even fate can tear us apart” (Romantic)

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Royal/Nobel x Personal Knight/Servant (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

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Tall sexy bottom x short chaotic top (Romantic or Sexual)

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Tall sexy Asexual x short goober that has no idea what sex even is nor do they even care about it (Romantic)

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Looks like they can flirt, unintentionally does, and are never aware x looks completely innocent but is absolutely thirsty (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

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“I’m the absolute worst human being. I should’ve never been allowed to walk the planet” x “No sweetheart. It’s okay. It was just a bug” (Romantic or Platonic)

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“I fucken suck” x “same bro. Wanna suck together?”(Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

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Ex-assassin that turned over a new leaf x The target that helped them do so and fell in love along the way (Romantic or Platonic)

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“PLEASE! Let me go or you’ll die!” x “I’ll never let go so long as it means you’ll be in my arms”(Romantic or Platonic)

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“LET ME HEAL YOU!!” x “meeting you was the only good thing I’ve ever done”(Romantic or Platonic)

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Evil cat parent x Happy dog parent. Bonus: both their pets bicker like siblings (Romantic or Platonic)

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Evil demon that literally hates everyone but one person x “They’re not so bad once you get past the hatred and malice” (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

Same thing but an Evil demon that literally hates everyone but one person x “I thought they were a dog” (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

Again! Evil demon that literally hates everyone but one person x “I didn’t get a choice in the matter” Bonus: The demon is a bottom (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

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Person who goes around on one-night stands because sex is all they’re good for x teaches them they are worth so much more (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

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“I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAM AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE! I WILL COME UP ON TOP” x “you tell ‘em babe!” (Romantic, Sexual, or Platonic)

Same thing but “I'll NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE! I WILL COME UP ON TOP” x “NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST!” Bonus: They are childhood friends. (Romantic or Platonic)

~~~

Overpowered girl boss x Equally as strong partner but they like getting their ass kicked because strength = sexy. (Romantic or Sexual)

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Raging Aro/Ace x got married for the tax benefits (Platonic)

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Tall, dark, and stupid x Genius lil goober (Platonic or romantic)

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“I have feelings for you” x “I have feelings…for you” The feeling was friendship (Platonic)

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“You’re my rival but I get really upset when others dare say that they’re your rival as well” x “Don’t worry, you’re the only rival perfect for me” (Romantic or Platonic)

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Rugged, homeless-looking man that has no manners, no sense of personal hygiene, and no sense of class X absolute goddess of a woman that's definitely way too good for him but they're fucken cute together anyways (Romantic or Sexual)

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“I never wanted to be but I guess I’m a parent now” x some lost child that coincidentally is the key to saving the world (Platonic)

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“Why won’t they notice me?” x “life is like a hurricane. Here in. Duckburg” (Romantic)

[kkusuka]

I’m so proud I’ve been here long before 2k💁🏼‍♀️ N E WAY CONGRATSSSSS!!!

Can I have fluff 16 with a twist tho, like “My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." with Gojou, Fushiguro, Itadori and a fem reader? If 3 characters are way to many you can keep only Gojou. Keep being amazinggg<3

thank you so much!! <3

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see."

Gn!Pronouns, but you are implied to be female! 

Cw: an itsy bitsy hint of angst, slight confessions, reader panics, 

a/n: these were almost criminally fun to write, I love these three so much 

Gojou Satoru 

Words: 700 

You had no idea how a simple piece of paper could make you feel. Awkward, confusion, shock, all from one note that you thought was a bill. 

‘Y/n L/n save the date!’ was the last thing you had expected, from your ex-boyfriend nonetheless. The same guy who dated you for a whole three years before telling you over text that it wasn’t going to work out. 

Well, the both of you never had a bad relationship after, but you were a severe level of butthurt. But what made you really freeze was the plus one invitation, if you showed up to your ex’s wedding you would look like a loser. 

Since you were clearly going, you’d never miss on free food and a chance to have a day off, you needed an outfit and a date. The outfit was pretty easy to figure out, you’d go shopping on the weekend and buy something then. 

But someone to go with? You had about three friends whom you knew could not afford any days off and that you just didn't want to take. (at least you had some last resorts) Then, another problem, if they weren’t part of the Jujutsu world it would be harder to explain if you had to abruptly leave, which was a huge possibility this time of year. 

With that, your options were cut down to two- Nanami and...Gojou, of all people. 

Obviously, you tried, emphasis on tried, Nanami first. But after 24 missed calls and a 15-second conversation where he basically told you to shove it, you were in full-on panic mode. The wedding was in three days and you had to do something about your inevitable loneliness. 

You had to get over yourself, the worst Gojo could do was make fun of you or say no. But, he never passes up the opportunity for sweets, just lay on the dessert y/n!

“To what do I owe this sweet phone call Y/n? Confessing your love for yours truly?” his voice laughed through the line. You just had to ask him in a way that would compel him to want to come with you. 

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you blurt not even thinking about the words falling from your lips. 

You come to realize your words from the ringing silence in your ears, “I’m sorry I just-” 

“I’ll come” he answered, cutting off your apologies. He’ll come, you didn't even have to say anything about sugar or bribe him into coming. 

“You’ll come? Really? Why-wait Thank you! It’s on Saturday at 3 pm, we can go together if that makes things better! Thank you so much, you just saved me Gojo! How can I make it up to you!” you were just spouting whatever you could to thank him, listening to his daughter from his side. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my little Sugar? You can make it up to me by wearing your prettiest little dress so we’ll be the hottest couple at the wedding.” he teased, continuing ranting about how you should match colors to add ‘flare’. 

“While we’re there we can start planning our own wedding! Doesn’t that sound fun Sugar!” 

Fushiguro Megumi 

Words: 700 

“What even is that” Megumi’s voice rang through the office hallway. You’d like to know too, you haven’t spoken to anyone from your hometown, save for our family, since you moved away six years ago. 

“I’m not totally sure, you want to open it with me?” you question opening the door to your office as he silently follows you in. 

Settling the rest of the mail down, you take a closer look at the suspicious envelope noticing the name on the return address. There's no way! Why the hell was your ex sending you things to your official workspace?

“What’s wrong? Is it bad?” Megumi doesn't know what to do, your face went pale and you looked super confused. 

“Oh, nothing really. I’m just surprised, it’s from my ex” well now he was frozen, was it a love letter? Why was he sending you stuff, he just hoped that it wasn't bad, you had enough on your plate and you didn’t need more. 

Opening the envelope to see flower patterns and script lettering; you know exactly what this letter will be telling you. Just as you suspect a date plastered on the card along with two all familiar names flood your senses. 

“He’s getting married!” you couldn't believe it, why would he invite his high school ex to his wedding, it was an odd choice, to say the least. 

“That’s cool I guess, anyway I gotta go, have fun,” he murmured leaving the room and letting to wonder if you were even going to show up in the first place, but at the moment you send an email and reserve a spot for yourself and admittedly a plus one that didn’t exist. 

You would figure it out in due time!

 ❍❍❍

You did not figure anything out and the wedding was tomorrow. No one in their right mind would drop everything to come to some random wedding. Your point proved when Itadori explained he had plans to go see a movie marathon with Jumpei that he just couldn’t cancel. 

Not even Nobara would spare you some mercy, she and Maki were having a pre-planned girls' day, one that you would be going to if you hadn't agreed to go to some random wedding. 

Now you could only pray that Mehgumi felt enough pity that he would go with you. Deciding that a call would be too impersonal and would be easier to say no over, you make your way to his apartment with a box of dumplings that you knew he loved. 

“Gumi-chan? Open up please!” you knocked on the door waiting for him to come, him appearing a few seconds later; hair messy in sweatpants and a black tank-top. No- this isn’t about his body, it could be, but you had to get this settled first. 

“Uh? Did I miss something? Why are you here?” his questions break you from your stare as you shove the food in his arms, gathering all the courage you could muster. 

“These are for you and all you need to do is hear me out, please? I would really like you too!” you beg, watching as he silently commanded for you to continue. 

“As you know, my ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you kept your head low as you explained to him what had happened, “I really need you to do this for me, I'll give you anything I swear! Just help me this once!” 

“Why do you need me?” he mumbled, commanding your attention back onto his face. 

“Because it’ll be fun and you need to get out.” ‘and this is my way of asking you out but not asking you at the same time’ goes unsaid.

“Fine, but you have to come to dinner with me the next time my dad asks.” that was it you, ultimatum, an easy one too. 

“Deal! Now we have to match or it’ll look stupid, and we have to practice dancing and-” 

“Dear Lord, what did I get into” 

Itadori Yuji 

Words: 600 

You’d pinned the invitation above your bed as a constant reminder that you had to do something. 

Not that you cared what your ex thought of you at their wedding, but something deep inside wanted to show him that you were happy without him. 

And the only way to do that was to shove a hot guy down his throat; better yet, a totally hot guy that was into you. Now all you needed was a hot guy to be into you. 

Well, you had a hot guy to go with you. In a desperate plea, you had asked your good friend Itadori, formally known as the vessel of another somewhat friend Sukuna, and he had agreed. 

Just thinking about it made you cringe a bit; you had been freaking out and ran to his apartment, drenched in rain. 

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see," you explained frantically, waving your hands. Watching his face contort into every human emotion you could think of, before spreading into a smile. 

“Of course I’ll come with you! It sounds like a blast!” of course Sukuna had a few choice words to say about that, something along the lines of, ‘you're not dragging me to some stupid event because you're lonely! I refuse!” 

And he continued to complain throughout the night of planning and the next morning when you told him he was going whether he wanted to or not and he told you he’d rather die. 

“This Wench will not dictate my life!” he spoke through a mouth on Yuji’s cheek, eye slit glaring in your direction. 

“And I’m not letting some lame demon tell me what I can and can’t do with my friend!” you argued back. 

But he didn't have a say anyway. 

Now you were standing before a mirror, admiring how your dress wrapped around your body, waiting for Itadori to come to the door. 

Hearing the knocks on your door, you grab a small bag and your invitations and your plus one, opening the door to Yuji in a three-piece black suit, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“You look great-” 

“You look crazy beautiful-” 

Both of you freeze at the word mix-up, then breaking into laughter as you loop your arm through his outstretched one. 

“Seriously you look great, y/n. You have that guy wishing he’d never let you go! Wait then you wouldn’t be with me, so just make him miss you a bit but not too much!” he stammered out as you continued your way to his car. 

“You are the worst two humans in existence.” 

[iwannawritelots]

Sorry to bother you but can you make something for simeon x barbatos please .

Hi!! Thank you for the ask! Not a bother at all❤️ please let me know what you think!

Crying is Normal

Originally written May 2022

Ship(s): Simeon X Barbatos, (brief mention of) Asmodeus X Solomon

(no MC)

(requested)

Trigger/content warnings: crying?

Headcanons/notes from the author: non-binary Simeon. I guess it’s a bit out of character for any of these characters to cry but everyone reaches their breaking point… this is one of those times❤️ I let myself kind of just write it without overthinking too much

Brief Blurb: Barbatos gets comforted by Simeon.

The Demon King’s castle was quiet as Lord Diavolo sat down for his afternoon tea. His loyal butler carefully set down a plate of sweets and began to pour some tea into Lord Diavolo’s cup. “Barbatos?”

“Yes, my lord?”

“I was thinking about ways to unite the realms further, and I had an idea to pass by you.”

Barbatos nodded and gave an encouraging smile. “What is this idea of yours?”

The demon prince quietly thanked Barbatos for the tea before gesturing for him to sit down. “Before I tell you, why don’t you join me this time? You are always standing and watching me eat.”

Unsurely, Barbatos joined Lord Diavolo at the tea table and froze when the prince poured his tea for him. “My lord—”

“There is no harm in me pouring some tea for you.” Lord Diavolo gave him a small smile. “Now, I was thinking…” Barbatos took a sip of his tea, then raised an eyebrow at Lord Diavolo. “What if we were able to have angels and demons marry?” Barbatos opened his mouth, then closed it. Lord Diavolo laughed loudly, gently patting Barbatos’ shoulder. “Don’t be so shocked. We have managed to marry Solomon and Asmodeus, after all.”

“Th-That is much less difficult than what you are suggesting, my lord.” Barbatos sipped his tea again, averting his gaze. “I doubt any angel would… w-want to marry a demon.”

“With the exchange program going on as strong as it has, I’m sure that sentiment has changed.” He watched Barbatos closely, unsure if he had upset the butler. “I thought that perhaps you would want this to become reality.”

Barbatos sighed and ran his fingers through his bangs. “I told you of my feelings for Simeon in confidence.”

“I haven’t mentioned this to anyone else!” Lord Diavolo assured him quickly. “I don’t plan to either, without your opinion.”

“I have no issue with it, as long as you leave Simeon out of this…” Barbatos gazed into the tea, wondering how to best say as he wished. “There is no way for me to know that they have mutual feelings.”

Softly, Lord Diavolo told him, “You of all demons don’t get to say that.”

Barbatos chuckled, then set his tea down. “Perhaps not.” He hesitantly gazed at Lord Diavolo, then back at the tea. “Still, I am too busy for them to be happy with me. I will not mention it to them.”

“We could make time. I’ve already told you this,” Lord Diavolo attempted to look Barbatos in the face, but he turned away. “Barbatos, look at me.”

Softly, Barbatos told him, “I must refuse.”

“Barbatos, please.” Lord Diavolo noticed Barbatos’ shoulders shaking, and felt guilt engulf him. The butler crying was a rare occurrence, and even rarer was Lord Diavolo being the cause. Barbatos took off his gloves, then wiped his cheeks with the palms of his hands. “I’ve seen how you look at Simeon, you love them.”

“So?” Barbatos’ voice broke.

Lord Diavolo sighed, then gently offered a napkin to Barbatos, who took it and attempted to clear his nose of fluid. The two sat there, the only noise being Barbatos’ crying. As time went on, it only escalated into heavier sobs, and Lord Diavolo was unsure how to calm him. Before he could think of anything, Li’l D. No. 2 peeked into the room. “My Lord, Simeon and Luke are here for Luke’s baking lesson.”

“Ah…” Barbatos began to stand, but Lord Diavolo gently kept him seated and stood instead. “I’ll be right there.” Once the Li’l D. left, Lord Diavolo softly spoke, “I’ll take care of it. Do you want me to have them leave?”

“N-No… I just need to… calm down…” Barbatos attempted to dry his tears still, but they wouldn’t stop sliding down his face. “P-Please just ask Luke to wait…”

“Alright…”

Once Lord Diavolo had left the room, Barbatos felt a building pressure within him snap. He broke into violent sobs, coughing and wailing into his hands. It had been a while since he let himself cry. Sometimes it took him around an hour to stop once he started, and he hated it. The initial trigger of his breakdown was only part of it, the rest of his woes piling themselves on as well. “F-Fuck…”

“Barbatos?”

The demon in question startled, sniveling and hiding his face still. “S-Simeon… Luke just needs to wait a bit.”

“Lord Diavolo failed to tell me he left you to cry all by yourself.” Barbatos whimpered and curled into himself, mind too fragile now that he had let his guard down. He heard Simeon come closer and attempted to hide even more, flinching when they sat down next to him. A hand laid on his back, and he let out another pitiful wail. “Barbatos, is there anything I can do?”

Shaking his head, Barbatos coughed and sobbed into his hands. Small pangs of remorse shot through Simeon’s heart as they rubbed circles on Barbatos’ back. “P-Please don’t think poorly of me…” he muttered, completely defeated. “I j-just… haven’t cried in a while…”

“It’s normal to cry,” Simeon stated softly. “I cry sometimes.” They watched Barbatos frustratedly claw at himself, unsure what he would accept as comfort. Does anyone comfort Barbatos when he’s sad? “Here, let me hold you…” they murmured, cautiously pulling the demon into their arms. Barbatos was either too drained to fight it or too distracted by trying to force himself to calm, because he did nothing in retaliation. “There, there…”

After a few minutes of Simeon’s soft consoling and soothing ministrations, Barbatos’ upset reduced into small hiccups and sniffles. The quaking had shifted into nearly unnoticeable trembles, and his breathing returned to mostly normal, but Simeon didn’t release their hold. “Simeon…”

“Mm?”

Barbatos let out a soft, shaky sigh. “Thank you…”

“Of course.” Simeon hesitantly moved a hand to pet Barbatos’ hair. “I couldn’t just let you cry all by yourself.” Despite his heart swelling from the kindness of Simeon’s gestures and words, Barbatos remained quiet. “Have you… always been left alone when you cry?”

Very quietly, Barbatos told them, “I usually cry in my room. The young master can only handle so many things, after all.” He burrowed into the crook of Simeon’s neck, the smell of their perfume comforting him. “I apologize for allowing you to see me in a moment of weakness…”

“You’re not weak for crying,” Simeon muttered, playing with his hair. “It’s bound to happen, especially if you hold in your emotions.”

Weakly laughing, Barbatos told them quietly, “I suppose I do that every waking hour…”

“Me too…” Simeon let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. After a moment of consideration, they spoke again, much closer to a whisper than before. “Barbatos?”

“Mmhm…?”

“May I tell you something?”

��Yes, of course.”

Simeon brushed their fingers through Barbatos’ hair one more time, then rested their hand on the back of his neck. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” Barbatos felt his heart stop for a moment, completely at a loss for words. “I understand if you don’t return my feelings. I just… wanted to tell you.”

Blinking out a couple more tears, Barbatos slowly wrapped his arms around Simeon. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you too.”

[sqlmn]

the problem with trying to design a helmet for the demon lord is he already has horns and I have no idea how to design fantasy armor. u_u so here's a basic attempt that is hopefully not final.

[thewritetofreespeech]

MC + Cursed Toddler-fied Boys

prompt: All the boys suffer the same fate as Satan by reading ‘The Forbidden Book of Toddlerization��

Lucifer

You have to wonder why they kept so many cursed books around, just out like this. You would think, like any normal person, with this continuing to happen, that they would keep them locked up or something. But no. They just leave them out for anyone to find….

“I’m going to the meeting!” Lucifer yelled, stamping his foot. His face twist in a petulant frown. It would be rather adorable, if you hadn’t been arguing with him for the past 20 minutes

“Lucifer, we talked about this. You can’t go to the meeting. You need to stay here.”

“No! I wanna go to the meeting! It’s very important and everyone is counting on me!” His arms are wailing now as he stamped his foot more.

Of course, you couldn’t let him go to the first of the month meeting like this. His pride would be wounded beyond compare if anyone else saw him like this. But reasoning with him wasn’t working. You had to resort to more, unsavory tactic to win. “But the meeting was cancelled. Lord Diavolo called earlier to let me know.”

Lucifer stopped stamping his feet and waving his arms to look at you with a vacant expression you didn’t know he could muster. “Really?”

Gods help you. “Yes, really.”

He seemed to think about this for a moment before he beamed, “ok!” His mood instantly brightening. “I believe you, because [Y/N] would never lie to me.” ‘Forgive me Lucifer’ You think to yourself. “What are we gonna do instead then?”

“Why don’t we play a game instead to pass the time? Would you like that?”

“I know chess!” He exclaimed loudly. “Let’s play that.”

Of course, knowing and being good at it were two different things. In this state you were actually able to beat Lucifer several times. When he retuned to normal the day was ‘conveniently’ put away for sometime after.

Mammon

“Mammon. Please. I’ll just be gone for a minute.”

“Nooooooo!” Mammon wailed when you tried to get up again. Clinging to your waist tightly to keep you on the couch. “Onii-chan said you had to stay with me! Stay with me! Stay with me!”

After reading The Forbidden Book of Toddlerization, Mammon had, of course, reverted to the personality of a small child. His brother made fun of him, say ‘what’s the difference’, but Lucifer knew that this could be a disaster if he was set to wander free in this state across the Devildom. So he sat you to babysit him.

“Mammon, I promise I’ll be right back. I’m just going to get us some snacks for our movie.”

“Then let me come with you!” He whined, still clinging to you. In this state it seemed he had also taken on the personality of a baby duck. Imprinting on you and following you around everywhere you went in his room. He hadn’t left you alone for 5 seconds since he got this way. “I promise I’ll be good!”

“It’s not a question of you being good or bad Mammon-chan.” He liked to be called Mammon-chan right now. “It’s that you need to stay here. If someone sees you like this well…they could use it to tease you.”

“No…I don’t want to be teased anymore….” His voice was low, and sad. His bright eyes looking on the verge of tears, like kids do when they’re said, before he buried his face into your side. “Mammon-chan doesn’t want to be made fun of anymore. Mammon-chan also doesn’t want to be alone anymore.”

You sigh. Unable to argue with him when he was like this. Your hand lifted to pet his head, which he seemed to appreciate, before you text Satan to bring you some snacks. He was always reliable and would do it for you.

Once the affects of the book had worn off, Mammon denied any of this happening. The mere mention would cause his face to turn red and yell about how, “that didn’t happen!” You almost wish you had taken a video of it to show him. Guess you would just have to keep Mammon-chan forever in your heart.

Levi

You went to Levi’s room after class to check on him in his….condition.

Since he did remote learning a lot of the time, being an otaku, it was pretty easy to keep him away from people so they did see him in the current state he was in. Apparently as a toddler he didn’t like being around people either.

So, you had set him up comfortably in his room before heading to class. Promising to come back that afternoon to be with him.

“Levi! I’m back! How are you—what are you doing?!?!”

“Playing with my toys.” Levi replied, with an obvious expression, as a sea of toys stretch out in front of him where he laid on his belly on the floor.

Your brain stopped. Completely at a loss for words. Levi was going to kill you when he returned to normal, because toddler-Levi, left unattended, had unboxed nearly all of his figurines from their packaging. Some of which were incredibly rare, and unable to get anymore.

“I just…I mean…Why?? Why would you do this??”

“They’re my toys.” Levi replied with a pout. Sitting up. “I can do what I want with them. What’s the point in having neat toys if you aren’t going to play with them??”

He did have a point there. But adult-Levi was going to be so mad!

“Do you want to play with me?” The demon asked with a hopeful expression. “You can even be blue Ruri-chan.” The limited edition, color swap Ruri-chan from 1999. He was gonna blow a gasket!

“Yeah. Ok.” But then again, when were you ever going to be able to touch them again.

As expected, Levi totally lost it when he came to his senses. Of course, there was no one to blame but himself, in the end, so he just had to be upset and mope alone. Thankfully, none of them were broken or beyond just out of their originally packaging. He bought them all clear showcase boxes for his ‘ruined’ figurines. Some of them he could rebuy to replace; which seemed to make him happy to have two.

Satan

It had been hours since the affects of the book had taken ahold of Satan. You were starting to wonder if they would ever wear off.

Lucifer had left in search of another book, one that might help speed the process along, and left his younger brother in your care. Of course you were happy to help, but you were getting nervous you would never see the old Satan again.

“[Y/N]-chan?” You look up from your phone, waiting for Lucifer to text you back, to see the blonde demon looking timidly at you from around the corner. 

“What is it Satan?”

“Would you….read to me?” His hands holding out the small children’s book he had some how found in the piles of books covering his room.

You smile softly at him. Your heart warmed by his request. “Of course,” you tell him, and the demon scampered over to sit on the bed beside you. His long legs and body tucked neatly into you as he waited for you to tell him the story of a little lost chicken and it’s journey back home. “[Y/N] tells the best stories!”

After 3 stories, he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, Satan was back to normal. He doesn’t answer your questions on where the children’s books had come from, but you spot the red & gold spines on his book shelves sometimes.

Asmo

There was no denying that Asmo was fascinated by art and all things beautiful. He went on and on about it any chance he got. So you shouldn’t have really been surprised when his toddlerfied self just wanted to draw all day.

“Look, look [Y/N]-chan! I finished another one!”

“That’s great Asmo.” You praise. Just like you had done with all the other ones he had handed to you. “Wow! This is really great! Is that a….chicken?”

“No, silly! That’s the white horse for our carriage when we get married!” The demon beamed, then shuffled over on his knees to instruct you on his picture properly. “That’s you, and that’s me. That’s the princess carriage that’s going to ride us off into the sunset. That’s Solomon and Simeon throwing flowers at us. That’s my brothers crying because I got to marry [Y/N]-chan and they didn’t.”

“You certainly seem to have all the parts here.” You praise. Giggling at his enthusiasm and picture.

“I want to have a perfect picture of when we get married. Because I love [Y/N]-chan! And we’re gonna get married and live happily ever after.” He replied, with certainty, with a smile.

“Well, I’ll be glad for that. Why don’t you draw me our perfect house for after we get married?” Asmo scampered off and did just that.

When Asmo came to, and back to his normal self, he took all the pictures he had drawn and framed them. Forcing his brothers and Solomon to take a tour of his mini-art gallery. The piece ‘Marriage of Two Bonded Souls’ was met with some controversy.

Beel

Beel, in his younger days, seemed to have boundless energy. Or you at least had to assume he did, because ever since he had read that stupid book he had been running around.

Lucifer had told you to take him outside. Irritated at hearing his large feet clump around the house, but trying not to show it since it wasn’t his fault. He even let you both take Cerberus outside to help run Beel out. It would be good for the pup too. Get some exercise, he said.

That had been sometime ago, and it seemed baby-Beel and Cerberus were an even match in energy. They had been running around, chasing each other, and play fighting in the back yard all afternoon. You were tired just watching them.

“Beel! Do you want to come in? I think it’s time for a break.”

Both Beel and Cerberus pop their heads up, in a comical and adorable unison head tilt, before jogging over to you. “Break time means snack time right?!”

You chuckle a little. Somethings never changed. “I brought some apple slices & peanut butter for you, for now. We can get you something bigger when we go inside.”

Beel grinned and sat in the grass with the container. “I like apple slices!”

“You do hn?” You don’t think you’ve seen Beel eat an actual fruit on its own. It was usually attached to, baked in, or covered in something, to get him to eat it.

“Yep! They’re crunchy and sweet. Just like you! Though, I guess you aren’t crunchy. Do you want one of my apple slices [Y/N]?”

You blush a little at Beel’s bright, unwavering expression. How could he look so innocent while still looking like that?

He finished his apple slices, minus one, before asking if he could go play again. You let him, but then all of a sudden he spotted playing with Cerberus and stood straight up. Seeming confused on how he got out here and what was going on. “Did I eat an apple? I haven’t had one since….do you think we have more in the kitchen?”

Belphie

It was honestly hard to tell if Belphie was under the spell of the forbidden book or not. He’d been asleep for most of the time; which was not uncommon for him. Then he would wake up and whine a little about something; again, not uncommon for him. Then he would take another nap.

You had figure out that he was still under it’s spell by the requests he was making when he woke up. Juice boxes. More plushies. His ‘blankie’. Eventually it would run its course though, and Belphie would be back to his own sleepy eyed, grown up self. “[Y/N]?”

You walk over to the bed when the demon called your name. The boy half sitting up, but still tucked under his covers. “What is it Belphie?”

“I can’t sleep.” He stated. Which seemed ridiculous since he had been sleeping most of the day. “I miss Lilli. And Be-be. Can you sleep with me?”

You blink at little at the request. You supposed it made since. Kids often wanted someone to sleep with them, so they didn’t have bad dreams or could keep them safe. Maybe that’s why he had been sleeping so much. Because he hadn’t been sleeping well, just sleep.

“Sure Belphie. I’ll lay down with you.” The demon smiled softly, sleepy, before he scooted over to give you some space to lay next to him.

He slept for a while this last time. Clinging onto you in his sleep, with a soft smile on his face. When he woke up, it seemed he was back to normal. “Gosh [Y/N]. If you wanted to sleep with me, all you had to do was ask. You didn’t have to trick me with that lame book.”

[mitsungo]

Oh lord help me.

I was just imagining things in my head, when suddenly, I had an urge to write a part two of the first fic I wrote. So, here we are. Except, Akaza is here now.

☆*:.｡. o❄️o .｡.:*☆

It had been over a week since Akaza had killed the flame hashira, Kyojuro Rengoku. Though he succeeded in killing the hashira, his master was deeply, upset with him for not finding anything about the flower that he was sent to search for. It frustrated Akaza that he had failed his mission in someway. As he recalled his battle with Kyojuro, he remembered that he had seen a photo fall out of the hashira’s pocket. Akaza wasn’t able to see much of it, but he did see a glimpse of a woman. He also remembered that as he ran away from the sun, the weakling that had called him a coward say that he had taken Kyojuro from his fiancée.

“So you were going to get married huh?” He quietly spoke to himself in the middle of a forest. Akaza snickered at the thought of Kyojuro’s fiancée hearing the news of her future husband’s death. “If only he had become a demon then he wouldn’t have died. Though I doubt he would control himself from devouring you.” Akaza said, he shut his eyes and pondered wether or not to go and find this fiancée of the man he killed. He was curious about the woman Kyojuro was going to marry for some reason. Sighing, Akaza stood up, finally making his decision. He was going to find that woman, just to satisfy his curiosity.

He didn’t really have much of a lead at first, but as he remembered certain parts of the fight, some of the memories of that night helped him start off with something. There was a certain piece of cloth that Kyojuro clung onto during the fight, it was a beautiful piece too if he was honest, with two cranes, some flowers and a crest. That must have been the family crest of the girl’s family. Now, you may ask, how on earth is that even a clue? Well duh, it’s a crest, someone must know of it, he had to unfortunately go around in his spare time asking random strangers if they knew about the crest. And so far, no one he asked knew about it. Pity.

And so now it was two weeks since he had killed kyojuro, and still no fiancée. Akaza was ready to give up on the task of finding the girl, until he ran into a lowly demon that he happened to cross paths with frequently in a village.

“Oh yes! I know that crest! It belongs to a kimono shop in the village next over to this one! I don’t get so close to the shop itself since the place is littered with Wisteria and I hear the seamstress herself is an extremely talented young beautiful woman who recently lost her fiancé!” The demon said to Akaza. Akaza felt relief about the information for some weird reason. The demon continued, “I’m sure the house of the tailor has the crest on their home so it won’t be hard to find either!” “I see. Thank you. I’ll let you be now then.” And with that, Akaza made his way to where the demon had said.

When he arrived at the village, he decided to eat first before going to find the house of the tailor. Once he found his victim of the night, he asked them about the seamstress and if they knew where she lived. After they told him the information (barley), he proceeded to devour them. Akaza wiped his mouth and stretched, he grinned with delight and made his way to the house of the girl he had been searching for. He arrived at a mansion not far from the forest where he had just eaten, the mansion itself was fairly big and wisteria flowers were hanging from wooded fences at the front of mansion and the main door. Akaza decided to look around first before doing anything else, he made his way to the back of the house and saw that there was a woman standing in the garden of the home. She was breath taking for sure, her eyes were puffy and red from crying, this must be her. The fiancée of Rengoku Kyojuro. Did she know he was the one that killed him? Did they tell her? Guess he’d have to find out himself. He jumped on top of the fence and looked down at her. How come there wasn’t any wisteria flowers here? Akaza had finally made his presence known to the girl as she slowly looked his way, her eyes making contact with his own.

“Who might you be? Are you perhaps a demon? Have you come to eat me? If so, please do it quickly. I’d rather not keep my husband waiting for me in the afterlife.” She told him stoically. Akaza was taken back by her words. “I am not here to eat you. I do not eat women. I just,” he had to think of a good excuse. “…heard from some townsfolk over in the last village that you are an extraordinary talented seamstress. I wanted to see for myself.” The girl looked at him with a small gentle smile, she looked back to where she was looking and said nothing. A minute passed by and she finally spoke again, “I do not make kimonos anymore. I have given up that passion to instead drown myself in pain and tears. I am sorry to disappoint you, but you have come here for nothing.” “Is that so? Why may that be?” He asked, tilting his head. Here it comes. “I recently lost my husband to an illness and he dearly loved when I would craft kimonos. Since he died, I have not made a single kimono.” She smiled softly, her smile beaming like the moonlight. Liar. She lied. Kyojuro didn’t die from illness. “Really? How tragic. And what was his name if I may ask?” The girl hummed, pausing for a second. “Rengoku Kyojuro.” Akaza wanted to giggle at that moment, but he had to resist the urge to do so. Though the part of kyojuro dying from a sickness bothered him, he still felt joy. “What is your name demon?” The girl asked, her head tilting, as if she was mimicking the gesture he had just done a few minutes ago. “Akaza.” “L/n Y/n.” “That’s a beautiful name you have there Y/n.” She didn’t reply, her eyes fixated on his. He was starting to get uncomfortable by the look in her eyes, as if she could see right through him. “You are a tragic as I am. Please. Indulge me with small talk. To relief my pain.” Y/n softly said, walking over to where he was and stretching her hand out for him to take. Akaza felt a vain pop out from irritation. She really creeped him out. “Alright. I will then.” He replied, taking her tiny hand and jumping down from his spot. “Just so I can see you make those beautiful kimonos that they say you make.”

And so now, four weeks have passed since he had killed kyojuro and met Y/n. He had come to take a liking to y/n, she was gentle and patient. She would listen to Akaza and speak very little as she wasn’t a talker. He really enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed his. He had also been able to convince her to start crafting kimonos again, he felt really happy when he would come over and she would be waiting for him, a kimono in her lap, ready to start working on it. Sometimes he would talk and she would do what she did, other times he would just watch in awe as she quickly finished detailed patterns and sceneries. Those were his favorite, when she would sew landscapes of winter or spring, they were just beautiful to look at once she was done. Another thing that had made their relationship closer, wait. Relationship? He didn’t want to admit it, but they had some relationship going on, perhaps on the surface it seemed like comfort for both of them, but the more he thought of it, they had both gotten intimate on the third day he visited. Akaza knew she was just sexually frustrated, who could blame her? So he just let it happen, he was also glad she acted as if those moments didn’t happen but he kinda wished she acted like they did. Still, he was happy to just be with her. No wonder kyojuro loved this woman so much, she was perfect in every way. As his visit was coming to and end, he bid Y/n goodnight and jumped on the fence of the mansion, turning to face her before he left. Y/n waved him goodbye though her eyes widened in shock, tears spilling from her eyes when his last words for the night slipped from his mouth,

“I’ll see you when I come back tomorrow! And then, you, y/n, can show me how to sew such beautiful details in those kimonos you make!”

[the-lonelybarricade]

Feysand Oneshots, Twoshots, and Drabbles Masterlist

Canon:

ACoMaF Wedding Scene - Canon compliant Feysand wedding scene.

The Chains That Bind Us - Feysand are married and Rhysand’s mating bond snaps w/ someone else. 

When The Glass Shatters - Feysand are married and Feyre’s mating bond snaps w/ someone else.

A Conversation At Dawn - Rhys takes a quiet moment to reflect with his mother. 

Just Can't Prove It - Feyre meets a stranger on a flight

All By Design - What if Isaac Hale was Rhys all along?

AU:

Cakes & Cupid - Birthday party meet-cute. (Modern AU)

Scaring Is Caring - Halloween themed meet-cute. (Modern AU)

Arrowmusings B-day Present - Lucien x Rhys x f!reader fluff (Modern AU)

Long Story Short - Feyre gets stood up in a restaurant. (Modern AU)

The Dating Game - Modern fake couple AU. (Modern AU)

The Outlier - part 1 ⟡ part 2 - Timetravel fluff / university AU. (Modern AU)

A Letter Never Sent - Christmas fluff (Modern AU)

Caught Up In You - Rhysand Celebrity AU (Modern AU)

Don't Be a Jerk (It's Christmas) - Coffee Shop Christmas fluff (Modern AU)

Down the Water Well - Eldritch Horror Vibes AU

if you ever think you got it wrong - modern hurt/comfort friends to lovers

Drabbles:

Good Morning, Darling - Feysand & baby Nyx fluff 

Behind You - Batboy Snowball fight featuring Nyx

Like An Illyrian - Rhys and baby Nyx fluff

No One Has to Know What We Do - vaguely smutty angst

Every Time I Look at You, It's Like the First Time - Feysand fluffy proposal

Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats - Feyre drunk at a party

Smut:

It’s Nice to Have a Friend  🌶️ - part 1 ⟡ part 2 -  Modern AU best friends to lovers/accidental kiss.

Hate Me If It Helps 🌶️ - Feysand angsty sex pollen fic.

The Most Magnanimous High Lord 🌶️- Rhys gives Feyre a reading lesson

Ten Past Five 🌶️ - plotty Feysand NYE meet cute

Five Times the Beast Was Subdued (and the One Time It Wasn't) 🌶️ 🌶️ - Part 1 ⟡ Part 2 - Feysand beast form, monsterfucking, breeding kink filth

Snow on the Beach 🌶️🌶️ - Daddy kink, Feysand join the mile high club

Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself 🌶️🌶️ - Part 1 ⟡ Part 2 - Feysand Sugar Daddy AU 

The Music of the Night 🌶️🌶️- Demon!Rhys dubcon filth

Violent Delights 🌶️🌶️ - Feysand vampire smut

Be a Doll, Darling🌶️🌶️ - Feyre's Sex Doll comes to life

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

so get this. I was gonna roll around in Tombstone related fluff today - but no, no - this post came across my dash so Now We Are Gonna Discuss the Carnal Consumption of Meat as it appears on That Show Supernatural.  YEAH BUDDIES!

(also my sincere apologies to OP of the inspiration post who innocently tagged it with “lunch date!”  because I am about to go Elsewhere, cursedly).

Let’s all go meat man, after the cut!

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine.  The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009. 

Which I will be renting soon I guess.  ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?]  ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL 

First date.

They then eat each other.  Literally they eat each others flesh.  They also do it while dirty talking about it.  SPN IS A SHOW 

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day.  The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to 

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine. 

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen.  Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity).  Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need.  It consumes souls (demon and human alike).  

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL 

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins.  Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode.  Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl.  In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN 

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL 

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM 

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL 

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important.  but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL 

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate.  they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex.  they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful.  and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN 

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL 

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat?  He is starving for red meat?  You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?!  No way.  Absolutely no way.  This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup.  Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling.  Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.  

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable.  and it is SUPPOSED to be.  Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited.  For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean.  Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.   

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN 

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM 

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN 

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM 

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again.  sex/lust to gluttony.  hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW -  *takes deep breath*

 this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry.  Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE 

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN 

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE 

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! 

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. 

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. 

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for.  That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious.  It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala.  But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.  

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.  

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh. 

Wanna know the kicker?  

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

***oh and @lilac-void​ im tagging you in this one because in exchange for your KIND creator content nomination I guess I will respond by cursing you with an Honorary tag in this, a Meat Meta.  you’re welcome slash I'm sorry XO [but seriously thank you again for your kindness and appreciation; it really motivated me to sit down and get moving on making more content <3]