#guess I'll try my best to seem sober now

[thatwhiskyguy]

The ADHD experience of trying to recalibrate your sensors in a quiet corner of the party when you've had 1% too much alcohol

[lasiocampa--quercus]

For all those stuck in 2019...

I have been very reluctant to share any art / writing for — oof, five years. First because it was plain awful, then because it was not good enough. It still isn't, but as the years passed I got increasingly lonely on other social media, so this is my last resort. After I've failed smashingly here, well, I guess I'll just have to stop trying altogether.

Anyway, a first time for everything. So here's one for you.

[Detail. Scroll down (I mean to say, read the whole post) to see the full artwork]

We don't choose what we love, now, do we?

For five years I've been desperately in love with the idea of putting two brilliant characters — Eggsy from Kingsman (2015, 2017) and David from Bodyguard (2018) — into the context where they could meaningfully interact and explore one another's worlds. Such a context has been established (it is not the subject of the current post but I'd be willing to tell all about it later), resulting in their taking a shine to each other almost immediately. For Eggsy this acquaintance was something excitingly in between the two class extremes he was most accustomed to, sabotaging his life-long distaste for having anything to do with coppers. For David it was a breath of fresh air. He'd been two years well into therapy after the events covered in the series, and he was still struggling to get back on track when he met Eggsy, arch and lively, and at the same time so dashingly insightful as he was. Somehow it felt like they'd known each other for years as they talked throughout afternoons and after-work hours over a pint of lager somewhere in North London. David, usually rather inhibited, smiled and laughed at Eggsy's jokes, charmed by his candour and straightforwardness, taken aback by his astute remarks often delivered in a childlike unassuming manner. To be sure, he'd never met anyone quite like him. The prospect of friendship was an enticing one despite all their differences and despite the pressures of their jobs. While at first one was suspicious of the other's occupation (David, of course, more suspicious than Eggsy, being inherently averse to secrecy of any kind), they soon grew to respect the boundaries imposed by respective lines of duty (David was inclined to believe Eggsy's agency couldn't be that bad seeing as it employed such a brilliant lad). In effect, Eggsy trusted him more than he could ever trust any of his old mates and occasionally slipped into the conversation uncanny details of his field experiences. But best of all he liked exchanging ideas, relaying to David something that Harry had told — or taught — him, expounding on his reflections that were philosophical or even biblical in essence, although he couldn't ever say whom he unwittingly quoted. David would recognise a concept or two, but he never abashed him by mentioning the fellow's name. Over time the content of their communion had got more intimate, insomuch that Eggsy took to dedicating a huge chunk of time to moaning about his relationship with Harry which had gone on for quite a while after he split up with Tilde.

One such time, fuelled by a considerable amount of drinks, Eggsy set to illustrate the supposed reasons for Harry's recent aloofness. He clamorously hurled his jeerings and complaints at David, impinging on much-cherished privacy of the pub tables. Before it started to wear on virtually everybody in their proximity, David took his noisy, fairly plastered companion outside for a breather. The cool evening air didn't seem to have the desired effect of sobering him up a bit as Eggsy nearly blacked out after a brief (but crucial) exchange between himself and David. That occurrence prompted David to call a cab and take him to his place to recuperate. He reasoned it would not be wise to let him dart off home to Harry in such a flustered state, for it appeared as if the conflict between them was merely an ember, or rather, a heap of embers waiting to be stirred. From then on David's conduct was laced with strange acts of gracious benevolence, such as taking Eggsy's trainers off before laying him down, sleepy and a tad confused, on his sofa and leaving the keys to his flat for when he woke up and presumably wished to go home, with little trim notes strewn around telling about it, as well as where to look for aspirin if his head was giving him a hard time after the other night's drunken debauchery. At the time David didn't question his actions, although they clearly ran counter to his long-conditioned circumspection and, to a lesser extent, his vague views on male intimacy. If anything, the day when he, trying not to disturb Eggsy's healing sleep, snuck away for work he couldn't shake off a quaint feeling of invigoration which seemed to permeate his otherwise dull routine of desk duty. Later that day, confident that Eggsy had left, he got back to a startle in the form of his coyly looking, supper-serving friend with unkempt hair and a crumpled white T-shirt. Eggsy stayed not only to defer having to face Harry, but to show gratitude for David's kindness the best way he knew — by doing a kindness in return. He furnished their dinner table with a bottle of wine, promising to go easy on it and proposing a toast to David's general gemness. There they were, having another quiet night of good conversation, the homely setting and their tipsiness conducing to even more warmth and unrestraint, when Eggsy accidentally tipped over his half-emptied glass and stained his T-shirt. If one could ever be sure of such things, one would say that exact moment was the point of no return, the moment of truth. A simple, ordinary incident that tore down a facade with the light tinkle of glass as it touched the floor. From lighthearted jocularity Eggsy went on to unbosom his brooding insecurity. The change in his disposition was so thunderboltingly sudden it made David somewhat uncomfortable. It made Eggsy uncomfortable too. The only suitable course of action suggested they should comfort each other, so Eggsy placed his hand in David's. A bashful kiss ensued. Once it was reciprocated, little smiles creased their flushed faces. Both hardly had an opportunity to process what was happening, but it somehow felt ridiculously, madly right. And peaceful, too.

Well, now that all the heavy lifting is done by that snippet above we can sit back and (hopefully) enjoy this little picture depicting David and Eggsy decently progressed in their ‘comforting each other’. I must point out, however, that what you've just (hopefully) read is really only a summary, a squeeze if you will, of what transpired, produced specifically for purpose of acquainting you with the context. In actual fact the story is teeming with dialogue and detail which, with your kind permission, I would like to show you some other time.

[mellybouboulove]

My guardian angel🤍𓆩♡𓆪☁️

Chapter 3

Plot summary: Drug Dealer Ellie Williams X OFC slowburn fic, out of universe and takes place in college, set in the 2000s. Smut content to come.

previous: Chapter 2, next: Chapter 4,

Tags: #wlw #sapphic #drugdealer!ellie #modern!ellie #tlou #slowburn #smut #fluff #tlouau #au #modernau #drugs

Chapter 3

The morning after, I woke up on the couch covered with a blanket. The light was shining through the blinds and the birds were singing, that was my first night of real sleep since a week. Lana who was sleeping on my lap started meowing to make me feed her. I finally got the energy to open my eyes and stand up to give food to my cat. Suddenly I looked around realizing she wasn't here anymore.

A wave of emptiness submerged me. My house is still a mess because I was still too lazy to do anything about it. I took a shower, my head full of questions : Why did she leave without telling anything? Did she even care at all? Am I just another stupid drug addict to her? I guess I'll never know. Anyway, it's not my problem anymore. I have more important things to think about like where to find my opiates. Right now I'm feeling better but I know I couldn't handle another day sober.

I put on another pyjama after getting out of the shower when I heard the door opening. I quickly left the bathroom and ran to the leaving room full of joy. Here she was ; she had 2 bags of groceries in her hands and a big backpack; could this be what I was thinking about ? No, she’s too busy to do this. She probably came to say goodbye.

-Ok so, I saw that the fridge was empty, I bought you eggs, pastas… She started to enumerate what she bought for me and explained that she wanted to stay with me for the weekend. I was right, she was about to stay here for a while. -Thank you so much I don't know what to say Ellie that’s so kind of you, how much do I own you? And why do you want to stay here? I’m not at my best you know.. -Nothing, she said, it’s my pleasure if I can help you. I’m gonna stay here for the week-end and yeah I saw that you’re not at your best. I don’t want to be a passive watcher of your fall, that's also why I want to stay with you.

I was so happy to hear this, I don't know if she would be able to do anything to help me heal but her attention was already enough to make me feel better. She installed  her clothes then we talked about my situation while eating. I explained to her how I was feeling about what happened.

-I'm gonna give you some meds. If I see that you’re about to vomit or you’re shaking or about to faint I’ll give you something. If you’re feeling bad and start thinking too much about it just talk to me. I listened carefully to her instructions and she continued.  -Do you think you'd be able to clean your place with me?

All alone I could never clean all that, I couldn’t even find the motivation to eat but now she’s here I dont know why but it seems effortless. She got up, turned on MTV and dragged me by the arm to the kitchen. I did the dishes as she was throwing out my spoiled groceries that were still in my fridge and placed the new ones she just bought. Then we picked up all the clothes that were around my house then she did a machine while vacuuming and cleaning the dust everywhere. We changed my bedsheets, cleaned the bathroom and even gave a bath to Lana. 

Later, we both felt hungry so we decided to bake pancakes. It was really fun, though we first argued on the measurements of the sugar, she gave up and let me add an extra amount of sugar to make them sweet enough. She was eating the leftovers of dough stuck in the spoons and bowls and as she wanted to give me a taste, she unintentionally put some dough on my face which led to a little -very cliché romcom like- fight of trying to put dough on the other’s face. We were running around the kitchen aisle when she finally caught me and we started to calm down. She wiped the dough I had on my cheeks and forehead with her thumb then we went back to baking. The dough was ready, it was time to bake them on the pan. She was making them flip in the air like a pro which I strangely found very attractive of her. She tried teaching me but I made the pancake fall and the dough that was not cooked yet spilled everywhere. She decided to not let me have control of the pan again for the rest of the recipe and I, instead, took charge of setting the table and doing the dishes we just dirtied. 

We enjoyed our pancakes in front of SpongeBob Squarepants. 

-You were right, the more the sugar, the better. She said.  -Told ya..  -Are you feeling tired or do you wanna go out now ? -No I’m feeling good, what do you have in mind? In reality my head was hurting but I needed to stay occupied.  -I was thinking we could go to the fair maybe? -Ohh yes sounds good for me, let me get ready first.

I took another shower after sweating like a pig with all this cleaning, I got dressed in a skirt, a tight top and my platform boots, put some makeup on then did my hair. In the meantime, Ellie took a shower and got ready too. We got into her car on the way to the fair. The smell of the popcorn, cotton candy and churros filled my nostrils, the sky was dark, the stars and lights from the attractions were lighting us. We decided to go for a ride on the big wheel, we sat next to each other, her arm behind my neck, as we enjoyed the beautiful view from the top. I spotted a thrilling roller coaster. I begged Ellie to go for a ride with me until I had to drag her by her hand. We had a lot of fun, I felt like a kid. 

Then, she decided to play a shooting game that could earn us a big teddy bear. After 3 shots, she finally managed to get the target; we were handed a big green dinosaur plushie. I felt so excited, it kinda looked like a date. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, violently turning me around; I was a little shaken up and turned with furrowed eyebrows to see the person who was assaulting me when I ended up face to face with Emily. My heartbeat immediately increased, my throat felt as tight as a bow. 

-How dare you step foot at any party, how dare you pretend like nothing happened ? You’re such a pathetic selfish bitch. Do you ever even think about what you did and how much it impacted me ? Going on cute little dates with your stupid girlfriend while Jonathan is dying at the hospital ?? How can you even handle looking at yourself in the mirror? 

I was left speechless, tears started to fill my eyes, my hands were shaky. She was right; I’m so selfish. I’m thinking about this day on repeat all day long but I didn’t even really try to check up on them. After my treatment started to make me feel crazy, I couldn’t focus on anything else than drugs. I guess it was easier than facing my responsibilities and the horrible consequences my actions had on my friends’ lives. I was just looking for something to focus on other than this. Emily has lost her scholarship after not being able to stay in the soccer team due to her injuries. Jonathan was still in a coma, his parents are visiting and praying for him everyday. I’ve been the luckiest out of us three yet I can only think about MY problems, MY addiction, MY guilt. 

After what felt like forever of just standing there, Ellie took me apart in a more quiet area. She handed me a glass of water to try to calm me down. She pulled me into a hug and I let myself cry into her arms. We agreed it was time to go back home. Yet again we were driving to my house, making ourselves comfy on the couch while she reassured and took care of me. The day after we spent a while talking about everything and I understood focusing on drugs was selfish, I need to take action and try to fix what I can; Ellie said she’ll help me with everything and will stay with me all along but once the weekend was over, I quickly came back to reality.

[starlightsuffered]

Snow Storms and Guessing Games

Pairing - Regulus Black/fem!reader

Warnings - smut, cockwarming, oral male and female receiving, mentions of masturbation, unprotected sex, friends to lovers

A/N - this was unexpectedly super fun to write for personal reasons. I am AFAB but identify as genderfluid so writing from a male perspective gave me a thrill. I hope you enjoy. Sorry about the format I'm on mobile.

"Hey there Mr. Black," she said plopping down across from me at The Three Broomsticks. She had no idea how beautiful she was as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and ordered from Rosmerta. My grip on my butter beer became tighter when I noticed her eyelashes were adorably flecked with snowflakes.

"So, I'll show you mine if you show me yours," she said wiggling her eyebrows before bursting into laughter at my expression. Being in love with your best friend was hard when she was never opposed to making dirty jokes, not to mention how carelessly touchy she could be.

Last week when I'd asked Y/N what we were doing in Hogsmede this weekend, since we always went together, she'd blushed. She told me Peter Pettigrew had asked her out and she'd said yes. I had wanted to throw something against the wall. Once again my stupid brother and his stupid friends were trying to steal something away from me. I had immediately scrambled to get a date so I wouldn't look so pitiful to her. I'd asked out Amelia Bones who had been mad for me since fifth year. It hadn't been hard to get a yes. Y/N and I agreed we would meet up later to compare notes and hang out as we usually did. I had been miserable on the date, as pretty and interesting as Amelia was, no one was Y/N.

"You go first," I said, taking a sip of butter beer wishing I was old enough to purchase fire whisky so I didn't have to be sober while hearing about this.

"He was as skittish as a rat," Y/N chuckled. "Which is kinda sweet I suppose."

"But," I smirked. I knew her well enough to know that 'but' was coming.

"He just isn't my type," she sighed. "I like confidence, and,"

"Quidditch players," I finished for her with a chuckle. It always took a concentrated amount of effort to not remind her that I was a Quidditch player when she said that.

"You know me too well Black," she said. She stretched and yawned, her chest was being pushed out as she bent back. It was hard to concentrate.

"It's a bit warm," she commented and took off her large winter coat. Underneath, she was wearing a sparkling dark blue velvet top that was very low cut. I nearly choked on my drink when I saw it. I now envied Pettigrew even more, he'd gotten to walk around with her in that.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, trying to act like I hadn't been staring. My grip on my mug was white knuckled. Could she really be so blind? Did she truly not know what she was doing to me?

"Reg?" She called, her voice finally breathing through my thoughts.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I said how did it go with Amelia?" She asked as she fiddled with a necklace I'd gotten her for Christmas the year prior.

"Well, she didn't seem to like me very much once we actually went out."

Her laugh rang out like bells, making me smile as well.

"Did you go into typical Black brooding mode?" She asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When you have a lot on your mind you get this look on your face."

"What kind of look?" I questioned.

"The best way to describe it is like a storm cloud became a human," she chuckled.

"That's harsh," I grinned.

"I'm just being honest my dear friend. Sirius does it too you know. If I didn't know you so well I wouldn't go near you when you have that face, I don't blame Amelia for being apprehensive."

"You're so kind to me," I stuck my tongue out at her and she returned the gesture. Oh the things I wished she'd do with that tongue. No, Regulus, focus, she'll definitely notice if you get a hard on, she knows you too well.

"So, who is next on your hit list?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a praying mantis, I don't decapitate my mate."

"My bet is on Potter, you'll probably try to work your way through all the Marauders for bonus points."

"Don't be daft, Potter is so stuck on Evans he probably doesn't know I exist."

"Remus then," I suggested, wishing she'd tell me that it was only me she wanted.

"He's nice," she mused.

"Just not my brother."

"Oh La La, Sirius Black," she taunted. "He's got good hair, definitely has confidence. He doesn't play Quidditch, but maybe a few bedroom favors could convince him."

She was joking, I knew she was joking to bother me, but I felt sick to my stomach. The images she'd just put in my head weren't going to go away soon. I knew I'd be tossing and turning in my dorm tonight trying not to think about what she'd said.

"Actually, I do have my eye on someone," she said and for once she looked nervous. "I've had my eye on them for a while, but I don't think they'd like me."

"I don't see how they couldn't," I responded after gulping down my disappointment. "You're so-"

"Did you guys hear?" Suddenly Evan Rosier was skidding in front of our table.

"What?" Y/N asked.

"Potter and Black, got into another duel with Snape and Mulciber. Mulciber, the idiot, tried to blast ice and snow into Potter's chest but he missed and it must've hit a cloud or something because there's a huge blizzard. McGonagall is here and she said students should go to one of the inns and wait out the storm. She said Hogwarts is paying for all the students lodgings until it's safe to go back to the castle."

"Of course," I ran my hand down my face.

"Fuck, come on Reg," she said, getting her coat.

"Me?" I nearly squeaked.

"Yeah, come on," she held out her hand. "Before it gets too bad."

It ended up already being bad. The snow was so thick we could barely see in front of us. Good thing an inn was right next to the Three Broomsticks. Y/N clung to me the entire way over and I relished the way her fingers dug into my skin. I wished it were my back as I pounded into her, showing her how much she belonged with me and not whoever she was fantasizing about.

"Two from Hogwarts," she said at the cashier. The man's eyes drifted slowly to me. Y/N knew that I wasn't naturally confrontational, but it seemed people always thought of me that way. The name of Black carried a lot of weight, and some of that weight could be deadly.

"Oh Mr. Black no worries, I'll get you the finest room."

"It is really no problem, you must have many guests pouring in from Hogwarts." I tried to be nonchalant, but it irked me when people acted this way.

"No, no good sir, you and your friend shall have the best we can offer," he gave a toothy grin and handed me a slip of paper. On it was the password for the door.

"Thank you," I bowed slightly, and pulled her along.

"Fickle Feather," I said to the door once we'd reached the correctly numbered room.

Y/N opened the door to the room and her mouth dropped open. Everything was gilded, gold seemed to cover every surface. Almost every piece looked like it would empty out a normal wizard's Gringotts account. Of course, I was used to such lavishness, but Y/N came from a small town muggle family.

"So this is what the name Black does," she said in awe.

"I'd give it all up just to have you," I thought to myself just as I noticed a problem. The bed, singular, as in just one bed.

"Um, I can take the couch," I gestured lamely at the golden couch that did not look at all comfortable. Stupid rich wizards always choosing looks over comfort.

"Oh," Y/N was actually blushing, a sight that was rare to see.

"No, no Regulus, I can take the couch. We may not even need to stay overnight here."

"No way am I making you take the couch," I said folding my arms.

"Oh stop being so chivalrous," she rolled her eyes.

"I don't care what you say, I'm not letting you take the couch."

We stared at one another for a long moment. Eventually my curated Black glare won out. She shrugged her shoulders, but what she said next took me off guard.

"Guess we're sharing then huh."

"What?" I gasped.

"We're sharing if you want to be so difficult. The bed is the size of like four of the beds in the dorms anyway."

She ran over to the bed before I could respond and began jumping on it, giggling.

"Come on Reg!" She demanded. I sighed, knowing I'd literally do anything for this girl. I stepped up onto the bed and she immediately grabbed my hands. She urged me to jump with her.

"If you like this, you should let me take you on a broom ride," I offered.

"Sure Reggie," she said, smile growing and my heart was soaring. I was so focused on her I lost my footing. We tumbled down, and I was smart enough to turn us so that she landed on me.

"Sorry," I huffed.

"No problem," she cocked her head to the side, not moving.

"Bet Pettigrew wishes he were me right now," I chuckled. In reality I was breathless, trying my best not to give into temptation and wrap my arms around her.

"Oh hush," she rolled her eyes and got up. She adjusted her top and I had to force myself not to look again.

"Regulus," she said suddenly as I was running my hands through my hair to fix it.

"Yeah?" I asked turning to her, and felt the breath leave lungs from the way she was staring at me.

"Has anyone ever told you, you're really pretty," she was moving closer and my whole body felt like it was buzzing.

"Only you, several times," I gulped. She did tell me often, but it never ceased to make me feel like I was flying.

"Well you are, and there's no one I'd rather be stuck in a snowstorm with," she beamed.

"You're going to be the death of me," I thought to myself.

"Regulus, can you finish what you were going to say at the Three Broomsticks?" She asked in a near whisper.

"What was I saying?"

"You said you didn't see how my crush couldn't like me because I'm so, but we got interrupted."

"Oh," I cleared my throat awkwardly. "I mean, there's many ways I could end that sentence. You're so kind, you're so brave and loyal and smart."

"Yeah?" She was biting her lip, hope filling her lovely eyes.

"And you're very um...," I trailed off scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. "Let's just say you aren't hard to look at."

"Aww Reggie, are you saying I'm pretty?"

I felt a blush creep up my face, and I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Is that weird?"

"No, I just called you pretty," she reasoned.

"Yeah but you always give people compliments, I'm awkward with my words."

"Well I think you're great," she beamed at me and it took all I had to not pull her into a kiss.

"Who is it?" I blurted without thinking. I mentally cursed myself but it was eating away at me.

"Who is who?" She hedged but I could see she knew what I meant.

"The person you think you're not good enough for?"

"I don't wanna say," she looked away.

"Why? Is it embarrassing?"

"A bit yeah," she crinkled her nose.

"How about this, we'll play 20 questions and see if I can guess it."

"How does that benefit me?" she quipped. I thought for a moment of how I could convince her. My self deprecating mind was having trouble coming up with anything she'd want that I could give. That's when I remembered something I had in spades. Money.

"I'll buy you five books at the store," I offered quickly.

"Whichever ones I want?" She lit up like a firecracker at my suggestion. I nodded.

"Okay fine, guess," she folded her arms.

"Sirius," I hated myself for asking but I had to know. It was the one that would hurt the most.

"Nope," she popped the P and something in my chest loosened.

"Are they in our year?" He asked.

"Yes," she confirmed.

"So, not James then," I mused and she rolled her eyes.

"I told you already it wasn't James."

"Are they in Gryffindor?" I asked, it was likely since it was her house.

"No."

"Hufflepuff?"

"Wrong again."

"Ravenclaw?" I knew this had to be it.

"You have fifteen more questions loser," she said nudging me.

"No way, Y/N, no way they're in Slytherin," I gawked at her, the majority of my house were assholes.

"Is that a question?" She countered.

"Is it a muggle?" I asked curiously, still not ready to believe her crush was in Slytherin.

"Very much not a muggle," she chuckled.

"Oh fuck it, are they in Slytherin?"

"Yes."

I was wracking my brain now for any boy in our year that it could be.

"Please tell me it isn't Evan Rosier," I begged.

"No, not him," she smiled, knowing she was winning. "You're honestly getting colder as you go."

"I just can't..." I was floundering. I genuinely couldn't think of who it could be.

"You really don't know do you?" She asked.

"I give up, I'll buy you your books because I can't think of who it could be."

"Use your brain," she challenged now, seemingly changing her mind about wanting me to know.

"Avery?" I tried weakly though I'd hardly ever seen the two interact.

"Ugh," she threw her head into her hands dramatically.

"I'll take that as a no?"

"Yes! take it as a no. You're so stupid," she moaned from her hunched position.

"Ouch," I joked although it had hurt a bit.

"You idiot, you're going to make me say it," she said raising her head, her cheeks were flaming red.

"I guess so," I said in confusion. Why was she so mad.

"It's you, dummy."

My world stopped spinning. Had I imagined what she'd said? No she was looking at me intently, waiting for a response.

"M-Me?" It was all I could say.

"Yes, you," she responded looking as though she might cry.

"Me, Regulus Black?"

"Yes," she said in a sob. "This was such a bad idea, you're so weirded out." She was truly crying now, tears slipping down her cheeks with embarrassment.

"No, no!" I was such a fool, why hadn't I spoken up sooner?

"I'm sorry love, don't cry. I thought I was hearing you wrong is all," I told her, taking her hands away from her face.

"What does that mean?" She asked. "What do you feel?"

"I've been in love with you ever since you hexed Snape for saying I looked like a dementor."

"You have?"

I nodded, wiping the tears from her face. She smiled under my touch.

"I think I fell in love with you when you opened up to me about how much you missed Sirius at home."

"Really, not when I caught the snitch in the first ten minutes of the game that one time," I joked.

"No," she smirked. "But that is the first time I realized I wanted to fuck you."

My heart dropped into my stomach and my mouth went dry. She was always bold but this was a whole new level. She was never hotter than when she was pushing the boundaries.

"Regulus Black, I'm going to kiss you now," she said, eyes flicking to my lips.

"Please," I breathed and her lips were on mine. She was talented, lips expertly fitting into mine, her hands on my chest. Her touch ignited me. Just her lips had me needy and wanting.

She wound her fingers into my hair, pulling lightly. I couldn't help the whine that left my mouth. She began to kiss down my neck and I could barely catch my breath. She took my hands that were placed lightly on her back and guided them to her breasts.

"C-Can I?" I breathed, although she'd put them there.

"Please touch me Regulus."

That was all I needed. My hands were slipping up her top, feeling the skin of her breasts. She pulled my mouth back to hers, the kiss becoming more breathless and heated. Suddenly, she pushed my hands away and stripped off her top. My eyes were bulging out of my head as she reached for the hem of my shirt. I didn't resist as she pulled it off.

"You're amazing," I gasped, so taken with her boldness.

"Come here," she said, but ignored her own plea and straddled me.

"You are everything," I panted as she kissed all over my face while she pulled my hair.

"No," she replied. "You are, you don't even know what you do to me."

"Tell me," I begged, I needed to know if she was as addicted to me as I was to her.

"Touch me while I tell you," she demanded and I shuddered. My hand went to the clasp of her bra. Her breasts fell heavily as I threw her bra into the corner.

"Do you know how many times I've wanted to tackle you on the Quidditch field when you're all sweaty and cocky in your robes. I want to make out with you in front of the whole school so they know how sexy you are."

I tentatively touched her nipples that were peaked. She moaned, and arched into my touch.

"All the times I've looked at your lips and wanted to kiss them, or suck them, or bite them."

"You should have," I whispered as I got more confident with my hands. I was pinching and rolling her nipples between my fingers.

"You don't even know how many times I've wanted to pull you into an empty classroom and get on my knees for you."

"Fuck," I moaned, my cock so hard it was throbbing. I leaned down to suck lightly on the hardened buds.

"Shit, Reg," she whimpered. "Imagine it Regulus, how many times I've woken up from a dream about you and my panties were soaked."

I could barely stand her words and the images they put in my head. My moans vibrated against her skin. She ground down on me and I nearly choked.

"I had to use my stupid fingers and pretend it was your hand, or your tongue, or your cock."

"I'm going to help you with that," I said as I popped off her breast, leaving wet circles in my wake. In seconds I had her on her back. I kissed down her body until she was right above her heat. I pulled down her panties with my teeth, and couldn't resist touching her with my fingers.

"Reg," she arched up as I pressed a finger into her.

"You're so wet," I shuddered with need.

"For you, all for you, only for you," she promised.

I began to move my finger in and out of her and her moans sounded like music. She was bucking upward, trying to ride my hand, and it was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen.

I removed my finger, feeling an overwhelming desire to taste her. I dove in and was rewarded by her curses. She grabbed my hair, making me groan into her. My name and profanities were the only words on her lips as I lapped at her.

"I'm going to cum, please don't stop," she begged and I continued my assault gladly. She made the most erotic sound I'd ever heard when she came, her thighs clamping around my head.

"That was so good," she panted, sitting up. Her hands were immediately on my crotch.

"You're so hard," she whined and I felt dizzy with need for her. She pulled down my boxers and I watched as her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"Regulus," she moaned out my name making it longer than usual.

"What?" I asked with concern.

"You're so fucking big baby," she complimented, and I swear I felt my chest swell. "Why didn't you tell me that's what you were packing?" She asked and I could nearly see her salivating.

"Not really a common friendly conversation topic," I joked.

"Sorry, I'll do the best I can," she said and I was confused about her meaning until she dove down, taking my cock in her mouth. I nearly screamed. She was right, she couldn't fit all of me down her throat but what she couldn't fit she worked with her hand.

I was in heaven. She took me so well I couldn't even describe it. Her mouth was causing wave after wave of bliss to wash over me. Not even winning the house cup felt this satisfying.

"Stop, stop," I begged. She popped off of me, my cock covered in saliva, her eyes slightly teary from gagging.

"What, are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay, I was so close, but I want to cum inside you angel."

"You say the most beautiful things," she sighed as she situated herself on the bed.

I hovered overtop of her. I couldn't help but stop and appreciate the moment. This was all I had wanted. She seemed to understand because she reached up to stroke my cheek and give me a chaste kiss.

I lined myself up with her and rolled my hips forward to sheath myself in her. We moaned in tandem. I began to thrust, and I watched in wonder as I disappeared inside her. How many times had I pictured this? How was it possible that it was better than my imagination.

"Regulus," she was gasping as I plunged into her, her nails were in fact clawing up my back just as I had wished earlier. I felt my chest swell with pride that I could make her come undone like this.

I attached my lips to her neck, needing to mark her as mine. She moaned as I suckled. Her legs came up to lock around my waist as I thrust, trying to get me closer.

"I need to stop," I groaned into her neck.

"Why?" She whined.

"I'm not going to last," I admitted. Her sounds, her breasts, her tight wet heat, it was all too much.

"I don't care, fill me Regulus. We can fuck all weekend for all I care, but I don't want you to pull out, I need you inside me."

Her words were all it took, one more thrust and I was gone, cumming inside her. She came from the sensation, her walls clenching deliciously around my cock. It was pleasure in its purest form.

"Fuck, don't pull out," she begged. "I've wanted to be close to you for so long, so please, don't leave me now."

I obliged her request happily, pulling her close to me. She was bright with the afterglow of sex. She was looking at me like I was a god among men and it took me a moment to stop tears from welling in my eyes. I wasn't used to looks of love of adoration. I was used to scathing glances, to sneers and insults. This is why I knew she was it for me, there would never be anyone else but her.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #304

…I am accidentally drunk. I took like half the amount of spiced wine that BB would have drank, and somehow I'm still drunk.

We are getting up at 5am tomorrow. I need to be in bed at 9pm. It is currently 7:25pm. I do not have time to wait to be sober. So I'm just gonna write and hope for the best!

I've been VERY busy all day today. I woke up at like 7 this morning, and I scrambled around the house trying to get myself packed up. I packed my CPAP, my laptop, a change of clothes, the dress I'm gonna wear tomorrow, all my hygiene supplies, and probably more things than that, which I can't seem to think of right now because my brain is kinda woobly.

(I had HALF a glass. WHAT THE FUCK.)

(…)

(…I almost never drink alcohol. I guess I should have expected this.)

Well. I also packed this:

I wove this tree together for BB and N for their wedding months ago. Today I put it in a jar with some gravel. When I got to BB's house, I hid it on top of her fridge. I am very tall (physical therapy gave me like an inch and a half of height because I'm hunching less; I'm 5 feet and 9.5 inches, or 175.26cm). BB, C, and Mg are here, and BB's mom and sister were here, too, and... I kind of tower over them. Sometimes I feel really awkward about it.

(I've had angry grown men tell me my height is "emasculating", as though it's something I can help. Being tall mostly means I stick out like a sore fucking thumb, and it sucks.)

Anyway, point is, I can still see it on top of BB's fridge. None of the other ladies here can see it, because of height and angles and stuff. I feel amused at this.

I will hide it in my bag tomorrow. And then I will give it to BB and N tomorrow. The tree is woven in some of BB's favorite colors; I did that on purpose. I think she's going to enjoy it a lot.

(Don't tell her, okay? It's supposed to be a surprise!!! 🤫🤭)

Anyway!!! I got a couple of nice pictures on the way to BB's house, because J drove me there. Here:

...And then I got to BB's house, where I took even MORE nice pictures for you!!

...And this!!! This is the fabled tub that I spoke on in a previous letter!!! The very same tub that I've been given permission to use!!!!!

...I will be using this very soon. Tomorrow, some fancy people are gonna do my hair, I guess, and they want it to be freshly washed. So I guess that's what I'm gonna do as soon as I'm done writing this letter!

BB lives in a very proud house!!! And this makes me feel incredibly happy!!!

BB, her sister, N, and I got breakfast from somewhere. Here's what I got:

I had to eat it in little bits; biting things is difficult when your teeth are upset from being moved around.

...It's okay. The discomfort now will lead to a better outcome overall.

From here, we went to the place to rehearse for the wedding tomorrow. I'm a bridesmaid, so I gotta wear a fancy dress and everything tomorrow. But it's easy; I just have to walk to a specific place and stand there until everyone is done talking! Piece of cake!

I got some pictures along the way. And I got some pictures of the place, too. But not too many; I'll take more of the place for you tomorrow! It'll be a surprise!!

Here are a couple pictures of the place!!

(I seem to have a thing for windows today...)

...I got pictures on the way back to BB's house, but I don't like how any of them turned out.

Still, BB, her sister, her mother, N, Mg, C, and N's friend G came back with us, and we got pizza...

In the background is the half glass of wine. Don't worry; I still feel kinda wiggly, but I followed it up with A LOT of water.

BB, her sister, and C and Mg are currently painting their nails. I'm thinking about joining them, but... I don't think I have time. And even if I did, I know myself well enough to understand that I probably won't be able to stop poking at it after it dries. I feel like if I use it, it'll be a waste of nail polish.

...I wonder if you've ever painted your nails, or thought about doing it. Nail polish comes in all sorts of pretty colors, and anyone of any gender can wear it if they want to.

If you decide to try it sometime, and someone gives you a problem with it due to you being a guy, just yell at them until they go away. Or call me and I'll kick them in the shins until they run away. "It'll be super easy - barely even an inconvenience", as Ryan George likes to say.

...I have to stop procrastinating getting washed in an unfamiliar place. I am safe here. Nothing weird is going to happen. This vague sense of dread is reflective of my past, not reflective of the here and now. I can reassure myself and give myself what I need to remember that I am safe, and then I can do the thing.

...I'm gonna go do the thing. It's gonna be nice, and it's gonna be good.

I love you a whole lot. So please stay safe out there in the world, okay? I'll wish for you to be able to get washed in a safe place with soaps in your favorite scents someday soon.

Keep working on it, okay? Please come home to this world full of people who love you, okay? So that you can be safe and cared for. Don't lose hope; you wouldn't believe how many people in my world need a friend just like you.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[pleasantspark]

Orion seemed to frown at this, as her, Sir Pentious, Niffty, Husk, Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb entered a club. She was left in charge for today by her niece Charlie and she found this to be very concerning. Why were they even here? She didn’t think this would help Angel at all.

“Woo! Isn't this place the fucking best?” Cherri asked.

“Um, no! This isn’t a place to be hanging out, Angel. Please, reconsider!” Orion said, and Cherri huffs.

“Oh, look, the “Angel” is speaking on what’s correct and morally righteous!” Cherri sarcastically said, Orion bit her tongue and turned away.

“I'll admit, "Consent" is a good name for a sex club.” Husk said.

“Niffty, dear, what are you doing?” Pentious asked.

“I'm sweeping! Ugh, look how icky it is in here!” Niffty asked.

 “That's because we're at a club, dear.”

“Oh! I thought the hotel looked different!” Niffty giggles. 

Sir Pentious leans over to Cherri Bomb. “Ms. Bomb, I-I'd like to buy you a drink.” 

At that, Orion sighs and shakes her head. Sir Pentious was wasting his time with Cherri and she knew it. 

“Why? Didn't you say we're arch rivals?” Cherri asked.

“Uhm… uhh… because I'm buying everyone a drink!” Pentious said.

“Free drinks! I love alcohol!” The Crowd said.

Orion pulled Sir Pentious away and he yelped.

“Ah! Guardian Angel! What’ssss the matter?” Sir Pentious asked. Orion sighs, and looks away.

“I don’t think Cherri is interested in you.” She said, Sir Pentious huffs and turns away.

“I know Ms. Bomb likessss me!” Sir Pentious huffs, puffing his chest out. Orion shakes her head. 

“I’m telling you, Pentious please… Listen to me-” Orion began, and Pentious turned around and left. 

“Good, I need a drink after today. You know, Val, he's into this waterboarding shit now, I don't know, it's a kink.” Angel Dust said.

“Angel, enough with the Val talk. He already ruined your whole day, don't let him ruin your night too.” She hands him three pills. “Here, take one of these and you won't be worrying about nothing.”

“Here we go.” Husk said.

“Oh look! The drunk sobered up long enough to judge us.” Cherri said.

“Hey, don’t talk shit about my friend!” Orion poked a finger into the chest of Cherri who shoves her away. 

“Don’t touch me.” She snarls. 

“You’re hurting Angel Dust more than you think!” Orion yells.

“He’s fine, he’s fine! You and that drunk are just not letting him do what he needs!”

“What? Getting drunk and fucking up his chance at Heaven?” Orion asked.

“What do you even know about the basics in Heaven anyways? Weren’t you kicked out of Heaven anyways?” Cherri asked, Orion looked at Angel Dust for help, he just looked away. 

“Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Some friend you are. I tried to help at least when Charlie made you a fool in front of everyone.” Orion blinks back tears of rage.

“Fine! Be my guest!.” Orion stood by Niffty who frowned. 

“I ain't the one trying to get into Heaven. Look, you want to fuck up all your progress? Be my guest. I just…” Husk sighed. “I just thought you were better than that. And, I thought you cared enough for what Orion was trying to and helped you as well.”

“Thanks, Captain Buzzkill, but the Angel doesn’t have the proper understanding that a friend like me has!. Come on, Angie, let's get fucked up! It's been too long!” Cherri said.

“I uhh… I don't know, it's been a long night and I don't need to go too wild.” Angel declines.

“Hmm.” Husk smiled.

“Come on, bitch. If you've really been working that hard, you deserve a little R and R, some THC, or maybe PCP with DMT. Aw, fuck it, let's see where the night takes us, huh?” Cherri asked.

“Cherri, stop it, he said no. Don’t peer pressure him!” Orion steps in front of Cherri who shoves her back. Orion fell on the floor, her wings spreading out in warning as if to warn her. Cherri snorts.

“What is this? A way to “intimidate” me? You don’t even scare me in the slightest.” Cherri said, and crossed her arms waiting for Angel Dust’s response. Orion sighs. 

Sir Pentious slithers back.

“I.. I guess?” Angel Dust questions.

“Cherri, I bought you a shot. B-because I bought everyone another shot! Hooray!” He chuckles.

“Yeah! Another drink! I love alcohol!” The Crowd said.

“Ah… Fuck it, let's do it.” Angel gives in to the peer pressure and drinks it.

 Orion’s eyes were downcast as Husk was feeling the same, she met with Husk’s eyes and she can tell he too was thinking the same thing.

“This is a disaster.”

At this rate, everyone was drunk with the exception of Orion who was the designated chaperone for this unlikely bunch. She looked at everyone having a great time, and she sighs, sitting off to the side, a few demons tried to flirt with her but she held them back. 

“Round 12, motherfuckers! Heels are coming off!” Cherri said.

“Ho ho yeah! Keep 'em comin'! Come on, right here! Come right here to daddy.” Angel said.

“Oh, it's wonderful to have friends!” Pentious chuckles.

“Everything's spinny!” Niffty giggles.

“Ha, I think you're done, tiny.” Angel said.

“No! Gimme gimme gimme!” Niffty said.

“Oh come on, bitch! She can handle a little more!” Cherri encourages.

“She can’t. She never actually fucking drank before!” Orion said, standing up.

“Why do you have to fucking ruin everything? We’re just having fun! Why does a stickler like you have to ruin things?” Cherri snarks.

“Because, I was told by my niece to watch all of you, and Angel is supposed to be the whole Hotel’s business, and by you pressuring him and making him progress backwards!” Orion snaps. 

“He’s fine! It’s not like Heaven will even care!” Cherri dismisses. 

“Heaven cares! They do! They do! I should know!”

“Yeah, but like, you know because you were left behind here. It’s obvious they didn’t want you, no one wants you here at all! You’re ruining the vibe!” Cherri complains. 

“She's like 10 pounds soaking wet and— oh shit, where'd she go?” Angel questions.

Niffty is shoving other patrons' drinks into a sack.

“Hey! Fuck!” 

“Dirty, dirty! Make it clean!”

“Damn it, Niffty. Sorry fellas, here, next one's on me. Niffty? Shit!” Angel said.Niffty's digging through a supply closet.

“Chlorine… Bleach…” Niffty said.

“Angie, the fuck you doin'? You're supposed to be relaxin', not playin' nanny!” Cherri said.

“Look she ain't used to this scene, I-I just don't want her to end up in the gutter like I used to.” Angel said.

“Pfft, WHATEVER, NERD, just catch up when you're done!” Cherri yelled.

Niffty was laughing. Angel picks Niffty up.

“STOP!! You can't take tha- GOD, Niff, why you bein' such a mess?!” Angel asked.

“I'm the mess...?” Niffty starts crying

“Oh, oh shit! Hey hey, Hey calm down.” Angel takes deep breaths. “It's fine. Shh.. Hey, you wanna play with the kitty?”

Niffty stops crying. “Yeah…” Angel puts Niffty on Husk's head while she giggles about it.

“The fuck is this?” Husk asked.

 “She's wasted, just go with it.” Angel said.

“Really?” Husk sees Niffty playing with his ears and wings. “Ugh, get the…”

Scene changes to Sir Pentious falling off his seat and slithering over to Cherri Bomb.

“Ahh... HEY, WOW!!!! Hey, so… I see the club has a sex room, so I was thinking, maybe you'd want to, uhmm… do a… sssSEX with me?”

Cherri snorts. “I'm sorry, why would we have sex?”

“Uh… uhm… because I'm having sex with everyone here!” He laughs briefly before being grabbed

Crowd cheers, before dragging Sir Pentious towards the 'sex room'. Many sets of eyes are visible inside

“Wait!”

“Oh fuck no.”

That was the last straw for Orion, she sat by letting Cherri treat Sir Pentious like shit, enabled Angel Dust’s addictions and allowed her to push others around including herself. But she drew the line at people dragging Pentious away to be assaulted. She beats up the demons, and Pentious looked surprised as fuck, and shaken up. She hauls him over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at the remaining people in the club.

“All of you, come to the Hotel. Now, and Cherri, if you don’t care, then fuck off. I don’t care what you are here for, but if you’re not here to support Angel then fuck off. Everyone else, this doesn’t involve you at all. Husk, Angel, Niffty let’s fucking go.”

The others followed behind and Cherri was fuming. She followed behind.

“Hey! What are you doing- Let me go!” Pentious shouts hitting Orion’s back.

“No, I stood back and let you make too many bad choices and I think you need to hear this from me of all people.” Orion places Pentious down on the floor.

“Hear what?” Pentious asked.

“Why do you insist upon Cherri liking you? She didn’t care a lick for you when you offered drinks to her, and even less when you tried to have sex with people! I don’t know what it was like in the 1800s at all, but Cherri isn’t interested in you!” Orion snaps. 

“Why? Ssshe isss!” Sir Pentious croaks.

“She let you get dragged away by those freaks! They were going to fucking hurt you like that guy did to those two girls in 1807! You think that they actually liked you? No! They were going to hurt you! If she cared, she wouldn’t have let you get dragged away!” Orion said.

“...”

“And what’s worse, Pendleton! I was sticking up for you and Angel Dust, and none of you, with the exception of Husk, cared to stick up for me! This Hotel is supposed to be a team! Instead these past few weeks have shown that we are far from teamwork! Charlie is taking several wrong steps with this rehab center, and I think we need to actually have a meeting when she gets back from Heaven.” Orion said.

“...I don’t think there’sss sssomething wrong!” Sir Pentious asked.

“Because none of you do! That’s what I am here for! I’m the only bitch here who knows what Heaven is like! Lucifer is an exception because he barely even is around! If anything, you shouldn’t dismiss my warnings! Angel Dust has destructive habits that Charlie isn’t actually focusing on only for him! What he needs is a special one on one and someone who knows why he’s in Hell! Not just some trust exercise and placing a bandaid on it and hoping it works!” Orion said, then turned to face Husk. “Or singing about how his problems aren’t worth it and how you both relate!” 

Husk winces, and Orion wasn’t finished, she turned to face Cherri who had been quiet this entire time. “And CERTAINLY not a friend who continues to pressure their own friend into giving into their destructive habits, destroying any real progress he could have. Can you even call yourself a friend when you continuously prod him and pressure him into doing harmful shit? What kind of friend are you?” She asked. 

“A bad one.” Sir Pentious finally spoke up for Cherri. Orion turned to face him, “No friend would do thisss, nor would they allow sssomeone to be dragged away. Ms. Bomb, I liked you. But it wasss clear that thossse feeling’sss aren't mutual at all. I wanted to impresss you. And I feel… I feel hurt my attemptsss at conversssing wasss met with disssinteressst.” 

Orion takes a look away. She hoped beyond hope that Charlie was able to convince Heaven. Because if so, they were fucked.

[888bambi]

MY LIVER WILL HANDLE WHAT MY HEART CAN'T - LEE HEESEUNG

✰ a/n: alcohol might give you a headache but it also gives you the best time of your life hehe- anyways be careful when drinking. also, friendly advice, if you go clubbing, GLUE yourself to your friends.

TW for sexual assault/mentions of sexual assault!!!

!heeseung x reader; university au, mentions of hee being a basketball player, reader goes through a lot (mentions of other enha members + le sserafim's chaewon, yunjin and kazuha, aespa's giselle)

genre: fluff, angst/ it's kinda suggestive

warnings: alcohol consumption, and i mean a lot of alcohol, substance abuse, sexual assault kinda? reader gets vary of men after that one encounter, ptsd i guess? let me know if i left anything (lowercase intended) & not proofread (i'll look for any errors when i have time, i am really sorry if there are a lot)

word count: 6424

✰13.03.2023

-

‘’c’mon chaewon, come with us!’’ four young women together was definitely a lot. when you got into college with your cousin kazuha, you somehow ended sharing an apartment with yunjin, her classmate, and later chaewon joined too, even though she went to a different college. it was like you all were sisters: gossiping again and again, sharing clothes and skin care products, helping each other with work- but the best part came every time your group would go clubbing, on friday.

‘’last time we went clubbing together, kazuha almost stole the bartender’s job, yunjin started screaming and crying, making it seem like i was trying to kidnap her or something, and you vanished. literally. i went to get kazuha and you were nowhere to be seen. worst part, i wasn't even sober myself.’’ chaewon stated, pointing at the three of you, and if eyes could kill, you, yunjin and zuha would all be dead right now.

‘’but that's what makes a night out fun.’’ kazuha said, almost begging her older friend to agree.

‘’kazuha, do i need to remind you about that time when you started talking about politics with a decorative plant?’’ she added, both you and yunjin laughing heavily as kazuha desperately tried to defend herself.

‘’don’t act like you’re the saint.’’ you quickly added, a mischievous grin spreading on your lips, ‘’you make out with everyone in sight when there's even a small drop of alcohol in your system.’’

silence fell over the room as chaewon couldn't seem to find a worthy comeback; somehow, the three of you convinced the oldest girl, and now you were all getting ready.

the dorm was a mess, clothes and makeup products everywhere, music playing from yunjin’s laptop to put you all in the right mood.

two hours and three identity crises later, your group finally left the dorm, headed to the parking lot, where you decided you'd just order a cab to get to the club, since you were all planning to drink later tonight.

as soon as you arrived, you already split up; chaewon met some ‘old friend’ and it was clear she had other plans for the rest of the night, kazuha saw her ballet girls, which was definitely an unexpected crossover, leaving you with yunjin, both you and her heading straight to the bar.

''tequila for the hot girlies.’’ the bartender said, sending you both a wink as he carefully poured you two shots, handing you salt and a slice of lemon, making it easier for you to drink.

one shot turned into two, then three, and now, somehow, you were taking your eighth shot, still going strong; yunjin was now chatting with some guy, and by the way he talked you could tell he was american as well, leaving you all alone at the bar, drinking more and more on your own.

you didn't specifically have any plans for tonight, you just wanted to get wasted. not too long ago, you broke up with your boyfriend of two years, simply because the two of you couldn't handle the distance: going to different colleges in different countries, staying together would have been ‘a waste of time’, according to him. if you had to be honest, his words cut you deep like a knife. did he see the whole thing as a waste of time? nevertheless, you decided that your liver will handle what your heart couldn't, so you were stuck in a club, on your own, taking shot after shot until you’ll eventually go numb.

it wasn't even midnight and you were desperately trying to leave this place; making your way through the dance floor, bodies were moving around you like you were stuck in a freak show; perhaps it was the alcohol that made your anxiety skyrocket, or the fact that you realized you were completely separated from your group, and every face was either blurry or unfamiliar. having this eerie feeling overcoming you, you had to get some fresh air quickly. barely walking straight, it took you all your strength to balance yourself between the dancing people, and get out of the crowd in one piece.

looking around for your friends for one last time, you decided that it was time to go back home, even if the night was still young. you weren't like this, and definitely this feeling wasn't what you wanted. for some reason, the alcohol tonight made you feel confused, stressed and anxious. normally it would make you talkative, energetic and horny. but tonight it didn't happen.

being self conscious of the fact that you’re in such a miserable state, and worse, on your own, you quickly made your way towards the empty hallway, which led to the exit of the club.

the blue lights in the hallway gave you a headache, desperately making you try to adapt your vision to the new lighting and get out of here faster. with every second spent there, your heart rate was only getting faster, making you feel nauseous.

this was a completely new feeling, and it made you wonder if the bartender slipped something in your drinks. given the deplorable state you were in, of course you would never notice if someone messed with your drink. you swear you felt your body rotting with every step you took, feeling the veins in your body, each and every single one of them, the sensation making you want to rip out all your flesh.

‘this never happened before’; you kept telling yourself to stay strong until you made it out; but no matter how many steps you took, it felt like time froze and you were walking in the same spot, again and again.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ your stomach flipped upside down when you heard a voice echoing from behind you, making you stop in your tracks as you tried your best to appear as intimidating and as sober as you could.

the person quickly walked in front of you, leaning down to take a better look at your face in the faint lightning. ‘’what a pretty doll.’’ he happily said, a wide grin spreading on his lips. the man was much older than you, and by the way he looked, he was definitely the highest in the room at the moment.

roughly pinning you to the wall, his action caught you off guard, a gasp leaving your lips as you clenched your teeth during the impact. ‘’i’ve never seen a prettier thing in my entire life.’’ leaning in closer, you felt his hot breath on your face, doing your best to contain yourself. ‘’seems like my prayers were heard. i’m having fun tonight.’’ and with no warning, his dry lips were smashed on yours, pinning you on the wall with his large hands, pushing down on your hips, his knee in between your legs, making sure you couldn't escape.

a tear rolled down your cheek, and that didn't go unnoticed, as he was quick to pull away and lick your salty tears, your body getting overfilled with disgust and fear right away.

you needed an escape, and you needed it now. or else, who knows what might happen, even worse than his disgusting touches. when he kissed you again, a dumb idea crossed your mind; without giving it a second thought, you bit down on his tongue as hard as you could, causing him to yank away suddenly, his eyes widening in shock as he looked back at you.

turning on your heels, you started heading towards the exit in a rush, only to be pulled back by the man, roughly gripping your hair; you forgot you couldn't walk that fast, huh?

‘’fucking bitch!’’ lifting his hand, you shut your eyes in fear, ready to take his hit. you were never hit in your entire life, not even by your parents. right now, you have no idea whether he’ll be satisfied with only a slap, or beat you until you're lying unconscious on the cold floor.

waiting and waiting, you realized his hit never came. no, he was actually silent as well. as you slowly opened your eyes, you saw a tall figure towering over the man, squeezing his wrist tight enough to cause him more pain than you already did. ‘’what the fuck?! who are you?!’’ he yelled, massaging his wrist as he managed to pull away from the tall figure.

‘'doesn't matter.’’ the guy nonchalantly said, putting his hands in his pockets, his back facing you. ‘’you should get lost while i’m still a chill man.’’ he spoke, his voice filled with nothing but nonchalance, speaking in a robotic kind of way.

‘’and who are you to send me away? her man?’’ he snapped back, still keeping his distance.

‘’that doesn't concern you.’’ again, another calm reply, making you wonder if he would still be this collected if he saw what happened earlier in the hallway.

‘’i see, i see.’’ the drunk man laughed, a mischievous grin spreading on his lips as he checked you out once again, ‘’does the bitch bite when she gives head too-’’ he stopped talking when the mystery man dashed towards him, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him up against the wall. oh, how the tables have turned.

‘’what didn't you understand from ‘get lost’, huh?’’ if he was calm earlier, he was definitely terrifying now, and the whole vibe he had changed in a split second. without saying anything anymore, the drunk man quickly apologized, making his way back into the crowd without looking back again.

while his back was still facing you, you quickly wiped away your tears; you didn't even realize you were crying this whole time.

your heart dropped to your knees when you saw who was the one that saved you; lee heeseung. he went to the same college and you saw him in the hallways, but you knew him because of how popular he was as the captain of the basketball team. he had a reputation for his bad temper, so his calm demeanor earlier surely shocked you. ‘’thank you.’’ you whispered, avoiding his eyes.

''don't mention it.’’ he shortly replied, leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, ‘’was he bothering you for a long time?’’

‘’no-’’ you lied, trying to seem as convincing as you could, ‘’he just came. asked me to leave with him, said no… the typical stuff.’’ you tried to laugh it off, hoping that it was convincing enough for the doe-eyed man, but taking a second look at his face, it was clear he wasn't listening to your bullshit. ‘’anyways, thanks again, have a great night!’’

turning on your feet, this time, you were determined to get away. using all your strength, you managed to run towards the exit without stumbling; you heard heeseung calling after you, but you decided to ignore it for the moment; it was time you went home and calmed yourself down a bit.

the ride back home was silent. luckily enough, the cab driver was an old man, and he was sweet to give you water once he realized you were sick- perhaps he did that so that you won't throw up in his car. anyway, you got back to the dorm on your own, safe and sound.

yunjin, kazuha and chaewon weren't home yet; looking at the clock, it was only two in the morning, so being the party monsters they are, there’s no chance they’ll be home before the sunrise. once you found yourself in the comfort of your house, you quickly took off your clothes, and headed for the shower.

once the cold water hit you, your skin was burning in all the places where that creep touched you. the sad part, this wasn't the first time someone did this to you. no, you had it worse than this, and you were only ten when it first happened.

someone said that trauma never really goes away. that person was right. you might think it goes away, but then something triggers it and bang- memories come back again. memories? was it right to call it a ‘memory’? aren't memories supposed to be pleasant?

that cold shower made you sober real quick, but you knew you'd have a monstrous headache in the morning. hiding yourself under your cozy blankets, all you saw was that grin, every time you close your eyes.

his disgusting scent remained in your nostrils, no matter how hard you washed your face; his devilish grin was imprinted on your retina, and you wanted to wash yourself again, this time with bleach, to make sure you took off his print from your skin.

you didn't sleep that night, and you knew this was simply the beginning of something much worse.

by the time the girls got back, you were awake, watching TV in the living room. you heard them laugh and talk about their night in the club; you couldn't call them ‘bad friends’ since they tried to find you- no, they called you a few times last night. at least they tried to find you.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ yunjin jokingly said as she entered the living room, her way of wording her sentence sending a shiver down your spine.

was your mind fucking with your right now? was it simply a coincidence?

‘’are you okay sweetie?’’ yunjin asked, gently brushing your hair, ‘’you’re quite pale. do you want some water?’’ her worry was evident in her voice, the other two girls turning their attention to you as well.

‘’no, i’m fine! i just couldn't sleep really well since i didn't know where you guys were.’’ a faint smile appeared on your lips, and apparently, that was enough to ease yunjin.

‘’we tried to find you everywhere,’’ chaewon added, jumping on the couch, a loud sigh leaving her lips, ‘’it was like you fell into a rabbit hole or something. you were nowhere to be found.’’

once all four of you were gathered in the living room, they started talking about their night. chaewon hooked up with that old friend of hers, and he apparently asked her out for dinner today, which was cute. kazuha had fun with her ballerina friends, going to three different clubs before coming back home, and yunjin had some fun with jake, another guy from your college, but surprisingly, nothing too wild, which was new for her.

‘’how was your night? of course, other than that you basically vanished again.’’ chaewon asked, their attention turning to you.

you debated for a split second if telling them was worth it; sure, they were your friends, but was it okay to burden them with something so… trivial? what would they say? all he did was kiss you. was it that big of a deal or were you being dramatic.

would they think you are a whore for kissing that man?

they wouldn't, they are your friends- but wouldn't them?

‘’i drank too much and i threw up a bit. i panicked because i couldn't find you so i went home earlier to calm myself down.’’ you felt bad for lying to them, and you felt even worse when you saw how easy they believed you.

maybe it would've been easier if you simply told them.

it’s been a week after that night and you barely slept. not to mention, you barely attended your classes. everything seemed to go downhill. you were falling behind in class, missing a lot of assignments, and simply isolating yourself slowly from everyone and everything.

you told the girls that you weren't feeling that well, saying that ‘you got a cold or something’. but you can't have a cold forever, and you needed to get your life together.

putting on the first hoodie you found in your room, you dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and left for the starbucks near the corner; you had many problems at the moment, and a vanilla latte wouldn't solve them; but you were still going to get it.

if you saw yourself in the mirror, you would probably cry; were you weak for letting something like this tear you apart? should you tell someone? was it bad that you didn't tell anyone?

pushing the door open to the starbucks, you were happy to see it wasn't as crowded as it usually was; ordering your drink, you patiently waited for it, trying to plan what to do once you get back to the dorm.

''can't believe i run into you here.’’ turning your head in the direction of the voice, your eyes widened when you saw heeseung, now beside you, figuring out that he must be waiting for his drink as well, ''haven't seen you in class all week.’’

‘’we share the same class?’’ you wanted to slap yourself for how dumb you sounded right now; this wasn't like you. for some reason, you couldn't help but wonder if he saw that man touching you before he stepped in. did he actually see? no- if he did he would've stepped in earlier. right?

looking straight into your eyes, he looked slightly amused as he answered your question, ‘’finance?’’

if you were honest, after this week, you even forgot finance was one of your classes, and also forgot he was in that class too. truth be told, you had no idea why the two of you were talking. you never talked before. was he checking up on you after what happened? was he pitying you?

‘’yeah, finance. i remember.’’ you responded, trying to sound as confident as you could.

‘’wow.’’ heeseung added, making you turn your head in his direction again, ‘’never knew you could be so fake.’’ a little smile appeared on your lips, feeling comfortable talking with him. he had quite a reputation for being the best basketball player on campus- and a player in general, although he was rarely seen with girls. actually, he was rejecting girls quite a lot, and he managed to do so even when he was extremely drunk; he was also known for that.

‘’my bad. if you think that’s fake, you should see yunjin.’’ you replied, grabbing your drink, getting ready to leave after you thanked the barista.

‘’i’d rather see you than yunjin.’’ heeseung was quick to reply, not even trying to hide what he just said.

‘’excuse me?’’ you asked visibly confused, stopping in your tracks.

‘’see you on monday, hopefully.’’

somehow, you pulled yourself to got to school on monday, even if you slept seven hours in total during the past days. you kept telling yourself you weren't going there because of heeseung, but the fact that he wanted to see you in class made you feel better after all those days.

perhaps he saw through your little facade- but was he really able to see right through you when even your friends couldn't?

it didn't matter now, you were already seated in class, laptop on the table, ready for the lecture.

you looked around a few times, hoping you would see heeseung, but he was nowhere in sight. turning your attention back on the lecture, you barely paid attention, getting sleepy all of a sudden. at least now you knew that if you wanted to sleep, coming to professor han’s lecture was the answer.

going to your last class for the day, you spotted heeseung walking on the other side of the campus, headphones on as he was wearing his basketball jersey. although he seemed to be in a rush, you really wanted to talk with him, even for a moment.

making your way towards him, you tapped him on his broad shoulders, his expression when he turned around sending a shiver down your spine. as he removed his headphones, his face softened, surprised at the fact that you approached him. ‘’i didn't see you in class.’’

‘’i had practice. finance wasn't that important to me anyways.’’ he replied, switching his backpack from arm to his shoulder, ‘’what a pleasant surprise you finally decided to show up though.’’

rolling your eyes, he laughed at your little action, ‘’putting basketball over finance when finance is mandatory and basketball isn't. not a smart move.’’

laughing at your sentence, he shifted his gaze from your face to your bag. ‘’how many books you got in there?’’ he asked, pointing towards your bag.

‘’none actually. just a notebook and my laptop.’’ you replied, quite confused by his question.

‘’how cool, me too.’’ and so, he took the bag from your hand without any warning, placing it on his other shoulder, ‘’i had to balance my shoulders somehow. now i carry equal weight on both. anyways, where were you headed?’’

‘’i have a seminary. the last one for the day actually.’’

‘’wanna go to starbucks instead? you look like you could really have some coffee right now.’’ he stated, making you self conscious of your dark circles, reminding you of your troubled sleeping schedule.

going with him to the starbucks was definitely better than going to that boring seminary. although you and heeseung barely knew each other, you learnt a lot about him today: he plays a lot of video games, and he likes toy story, as funny as it might sound. he plays basketball at home with his father and older brother, he loves ramen and sleeps a lot. actually, you found out the two of you had a lot in common, even if the two of you led two very different lifestyles: while you were focused on your grades, or at least, this is how you were until that thing shattered you apart, he was more laid back, going with the flow rather than trying to break it.

‘’i know it might be kind of sudden but there’s a party at jake’s frat,’’ heeseung said, instantly making your heart drop when you heard the word party. ‘’i was wondering if you'd like to come around? you can get your friends as well- i mean, jake definitely told yunjin about it. but it’d be nice if you came too.’’

trying to regain your composure, you forced your confidence as much as you could, ‘’why is that?’’ you asked, playing with the straw of your drink.

‘’i genuinely enjoyed your presence. it’s been quite long since i felt so nice around someone who isn't from my friend group. plus, i am not that smart but i can tell you're not feeling your best right now.’’ heeseung was nice, contrary to what others might say. he was, actually, too nice. it was a party held by a frat. you knew some members of this frat. there’s no way there would be freaks like that one in the club, right? even so, how could you deny heeseung when he was giving you those beautiful doe eyes?

‘’i don't really know…’’ you said, tilting your head to the side. if you were going you might as well make him stay with you, in order to avoid another incident like that happening, ‘’when me and my friends drink, we don't really stick together…everyone goes off on their own as if we are doing side quests or something.’’

‘’i’ll stay with you.’’ he quickly said, a chuckle escaping your lips, ‘’i’ll do side quests as well, if that’s what you want. i promise.’’

you don't understand how it was so easy for him to get you to come here; the girls were overly excited once they heard you decided to come as well, and once you told them heeseung was the one who got you to come, they went mad. while chaewon kept asking you about how the two of you started talking, kazuha and yunjin were helping you pick an outfit. were you trying too hard?

the outfit you picked was simple; a long black tube top with a low waisted pair of flare denim jeans, hugging your hips perfectly; everything else was natural, minimal makeup and neat hair. as soon as you stepped inside, you already saw drunk people making out in front of everyone, some even passed out on the floor, broken glasses and so on.

this frat was known for their wild parties, straight out of project x. but they were always fun, and for some reason, no matter how wild they got, the police never got involved.

‘’i’ll go find jake, will you be fine on your own?’’ yunjin asked you, gently brushing your arm. for some reason, which you didn't understand, kazuha and chaewon were coming later, so for the moment, it was just you and her.

‘’yeah, no worries. i’ll go find heeseung.’’ you assured her, feeling her happiness flying through the roof when she heard your response.

being left all alone in the heart of the party, you had a strong feeling of deja vu; how ironic. making your way to the kitchen, you found sunghoon, who was more than pleased to pour you a shot. sunghoon was extremely awkward when he was sober, but after he drank a little, he became friendlier. after letting you know that you can drink as much as you want, he quickly made his way towards his friends, who were playing beer pong at the moment. looking around, you couldn't spot heeseung anywhere. how foolish of you to actually think he would stay with you, someone he barely knew, at a party where he could even get laid if he wanted, considering the amount of hot girls you saw around.

at least the alcohol won't leave you alone when you need it most. drowning all your problems in alcohol was definitively a dumb idea. drinking alone in a place with so many people was even dumber, especially after what happened at the club. did you care? not really. every single problem left your system when you were drunk, and you were willing to let go of everything tonight, even if it meant throwing up everything afterwards.

this time, you didn't stick to only one alcohol, helping you get drunk faster, but also making you dizzier than ever. luckily enough, this time you weren't feeling anxious, nor confused or scared. you genuinely wanted to enjoy yourself tonight, wanting to move on from that incident completely. everything happens for a reason- at least that's what you always told yourself. you should be thankful he didn't do more. it was too much, but it could've been far worse. you’ll never fully move on from it, but you might as well lie to yourself and have a nice time.

after all, you can't go back in time and do things differently. tonight, it was all about feeling good; your heart might not be good with feelings, but your liver surely was a pro at alcohol. drinking away your pain was a hobby at this point.

taking shots with random strangers, drinking different cocktails and drinking raw vodka were the reasons you were now dancing in the middle of everyone with a girl you've never met, drunker than you were, and possibly, high as well. all eyes were on the two of you, and in all that madness you heard that her name was giselle. making friends with random strangers at parties like this one was always wholesome.

swaying your hips to the music, your leg was between hers as the two of you moved in sync, running your hands up and down her waist, spinning her around and so on. you felt the music running through your veins, and you knew there was no way you were going home tonight, not when you were feeling this good.

rolling your eyes back, both you and giselle got even closer to each other, backs touching as you felt the rhythm down to your core. it felt magical, too good to be real. everything was spinning around, and the lights weren't helping either; pitbull’s old songs were, and will always be, a vibe.

everything went smoothly until you felt someone in your close proximity; an unknown guy, with a bottle of soju in his left hand, was now dancing with the two of you, and while giselle was seemingly happy with his arrival, you quickly excused yourself and desperately tried to get away from them. pushing people out of your way, you started getting anxious again. that guy came up to you just because he wanted to do so- which made you realize that what happened at the club two weeks ago, could always happen again. especially when you are alone and vulnerable like this.

where was heeseung, really? why did he ask you to come here, and on top of that, promise you that he’ll stay with you? you were a fool for believing him, and a clown for trying to trick yourself into believing that drinking would make you forget an incident that occurred while you were drunk.

trying to stop your eyes from rolling back, you supported yourself on the wall as you slowly made your way back into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. you heard a familiar laugh in the distance, not too far from you, making you snap your head in that direction. there he was: lee heeseung. he was wearing baggy jeans and a plain white t-shirt, an oversized leather jacket hanging off his broad shoulders. he looked more attractive than he usually does, his black hair neatly parted in the middle.

he was very attractive indeed. his mannerisms made him even hotter than he already was. you felt something strange in your stomach, and you knew this wasn't because of all that damn alcohol. he suddenly turned his gaze on you, catching you staring at him, making you turn your head away suddenly, feeling the heat going up to your cheeks. ‘’pass me the bottle, would you?’’ you nearly froze when you heard his milky voice behind you, mentally slapping yourself in desperate attempts to get your shit together.

‘’which one,’’ you asked without turning around to face him, ‘’there’s soju, tequila, vodka, some wine, whiskey and lots of beer. what would you like?’’

‘’the one you’re holding,’’ heeseung nonchalantly stated, taking the water bottle from your hands and pouring himself a glass, ‘’i’m driving.’’

you wanted to slap yourself when you realised you were staring at him again, quickly shifting your attention to the tequila bottle in front of you, pouring yourself a shot and taking it down without a second thought.

‘’you surely like drinking a lot, don't you?’’ heeseung asked, leaning back on the counter, scanning your facial features, your heart skipping a beat when you saw his eyes landing on your lips for a brief moment. were you actually going crazy?

‘’my liver will handle what my heart can't.’’ you suddenly confessed, catching him completely off guard, ‘’it’s the best way. no one has to suffer.’’

you could tell he was about to say something, but you weren't in the mood for talking right now. something about the way he looked made him dreamier than he normally was, doing something in your brain. ‘’wanna dance?’’ you confidently asked, taking a few steps towards him, so that your face was inches away from him.

you might as well risk everything. worst case, he rejects you. but you could feel the rising tension between the two of you, and he could surely feel it too. shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he pushed himself up from against the counter, towering over you, ‘’lead the way.’’ not only there was a change in his whole behavior, but also in the way he spoke.

without hesitating, you grabbed his hand and dragged him behind you, on the dance floor, pressing your back against his body 'accidentally’, before turning around and putting some distance between the two of you. a smirk appeared on his lips as he looked down at you, fixating his eyes on your lips before slowly scanning you from head to toe. his hands quickly made their way to your waist, pushing you closer, literally pressing your body on his as he gently massaged your waist, dragging his hand lower, daringly putting it inside the back pocket of your jeans.

perhaps you should be ashamed since you were clearly drunk and he was sober, or he should be the one ashamed since he knew you were drunk. it seemed like he read your mind, leaving you for a moment, before returning with two fresh tequila shots, ‘’i thought you were driving?’’ you asked, raising your eyebrow.

‘’i can get a cab and take the car tomorrow, you know?’’ taking the shot together, that wasn't the last one that night.

after taking more shots together, mixing a ‘mystery’ cocktail for him, you found yourself in front of his car as he was desperately searching his pockets for his car keys. once he found them and unlocked the car, you were quick to sit in the backseat, climbing on top of his lap, cupping his face with your fragile hands. his hands were softly caressing your waist, his doe eyes nowhere in sight as he seemed way more confident than he was earlier. you could see his eyes in the dim light, and their whole vibe was changed, making him look like a completely different person.

without holding back, you leaned in and connected your lips to his, moving your lips slowly in sync, his hands squeezing your waist a little bit. breaking the kiss, you saw him pouting at the lack of closure.

this time, before you kissed his lips, you kissed his whole face, leaving lipstick stains everywhere. you couldn't understand what about him was so comfortable and calming, but at the same time mesmerizing yet intimidating. connecting your lips once again, the kiss wasn't soft anymore. biting onto your lower lip, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, a small moan leaving your lips as you slowly moved your hips against him, his hands abruptly going down from your waist to your hips, squeezing them tightly, trying to stop you from moving.

after more kissing and touching, he gently pushed you away, earning a confused look from you. ‘’did i do something?’’ you asked, tilting your head to the side, as you felt your eyelids getting heavy.

‘’i think there’s something we need to talk about first.’’ he seriously said, although his voice was sweet.

‘’hm?’’ you asked, resting your hands on his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself.

‘’about the night we first met.’’ your eyes widened in shock as soon as his words left his lips, quickly pushing yourself off his lap, trying to open the car’s door, only to be stopped by him. ‘’don’t. calm down a little.’’ your breath was going crazy, and you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest.

‘’you saw… that guy-’’ as much as you tried to sound coherent, it didn't work out the way you wanted, trying to read heeseung’s expression while also trying to understand your emotions.

‘’what i saw?’’ he asked, earning a small nod from you, ‘’his tongue bleeding. i didn't need anything else to realise what he did.’’ your eyes started watering at his words.

was he going to see you differently now? was he going to say it was your fault? would he tell anyone else?

heeseung wasn't this type of person.

‘’don’t cry.’’ he gently said, pulling you back on his lap, wrapping his arms around you, ‘’it’s not your fault.’’ his reassuring words were enough to make you break down, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hid your face on his left shoulder. running his hands up and down your back, the two of you stayed in silence for a while; heeseung didn't say anything anymore, letting you cry while he hummed a melody in your ear, trying to calm you down.

‘’i can't thank you enough for saving me that night.’’ you said between sobs, his gaze softening once you pushed yourself away from his shoulder and he saw your reddish eyes in the dim lights, and your mascara running down your cheeks. a faint smile appeared on his lips as he kissed your mascara stained cheeks before he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

‘’you don't have to thank me. any good person would've stepped in.’’ he said, another smile appearing in your face.

‘’still, i’m grateful it was you,’’ the sentence left your lips without you realizing it, making you slap yourself mentally at how bold you were tonight, ‘’i-i mean, we wouldn't be here if you didn't save me that night?’’

‘’actually…’’ heeseung said, shifting his gaze from you to the window, looking at the frat house in the distance, biting his lip before turning his attention back on you, ‘’i wanted to get to know you for a long time. i just didn't have the courage.’’

his confession left you speechless; you never saw yourself worthy of someone like heeseung, someone who was good at everything he did, someone who seemed perfect in all aspects. ‘’you looked kind of untouchable,’’ another shocking confession for the night, ‘’you came to college, went to class and left, no interest in cliches or frats or the typical campus drama. i saw you at a few parties and you were completely different from how you were in school. i found you quite intriguing and i might have developed a small crush on you…so i tried to find the courage to come up to you.’’

you couldn't help but smile like a dumb bimbo at his confession, pressing a soft kiss on his jawline before playing with his necklace, pulling him closer to you, ‘’what a good thing you found the courage to come up to me.’’ you chuckled, leaning in for a kiss, only to be denied by him, which got you more confused.

‘’hold up, hold up,’’ the black haired boy said, removing your hands from his body, ‘’sorry to ruin it to you, but if you keep kissing me i won't be able to hold back anymore.’’

again, he made you confused. was he rejecting you or subtly telling you you're pushing yourself onto him? upon seeing your perplexed expression, the silence was replaced by his loud laugh, squeezing his eyes shut while he laughed in your face. calming down, he barely held back his laughter when he saw the confusion written all over your face.

‘’we can have fun later, sweetheart,’’ heeseung spoke, playing with a strand of your hair, ‘’let me take you out on a date first.’’

(small note: if you ever find yourself in a similar situation and you're afraid to ask for help because you think people will blame your for it, just remember that there's always going to be someone there for you. since i went through something similar and i needed a whole year to tell anyone about it, constantly blaming myself for what happened, i felt much better when i told someone about what happened and got it off my chest. even if it's hard, don't hesitate to seek help <3)

[excelsi-or]

summoned (pt. 9)

pairing: woozi x fem!reader/fem!OC

w.c. 2.6k

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

After some maneuvering, they make it back to the car. The hand that had been enveloped in his goes straight for one of the cool cans in the bag. She sighs in relief.

"Have you told Seokmin?"

"Not yet. Surprisingly, I need free hands to text or call." She goes to Jihoon's car screen and taps around. "Doesn't this thing do calling?"

"What?"

"You have a GPS and a touch screen in your car. There must be a way to call people."

Jihoon scoffs. "I don't know. The fancy gadgets don't interest me."

"Demons are surprisingly useless." She says it with a laugh, so it soothes some of Jihoon's annoyance. Giving up on figuring out his car, she pulls her phone out of her pocket and calls Seokmin, putting him on speaker.

"Isn't he at work?"

"You expected me to tell him when my hands were full, and now, you're concerned that he's busy?" It's the first time Jihoon's heard actual irritation in the human's voice. "Seokmin owns the company anyway."

"We dropped him off at a law firm."

She shrugs. "Perks of being the oldest, I guess." She holds the phone up between them as it rings.

"Not in human years, he's not."

"He bought the company a few years after we graduated high school." She waves him to be quiet when the phone connects. "Seokminnie."

"You need something. What is it?"

She chuckles. "The demon needs you to come on an escapade with us later this evening."

Jihoon shakes his head. "Tomorrow. We're not going to be back in time for it to all seem normal."

An idea pops into her head. "You know who we can send? Hansol. One sec, Seokminnie." She adds Hansol to the call. The boy's voice sounds distracted when he answers. "Hey, Sollie. Just five minutes."

Hansol takes a deep breath, as if he's just come up for air. "You're on a timer. What do you need?"

"I need you to go to Mrs. Han's convenience store with Seokmin today."

Hansol hesitates. "Why...?"

"I'm not trying to set you up with Ara, relax. Jihoon and I need you to get into Mrs. Han's back room."

"What?"

She catches him up. And luckily, her best friend takes all the confusing news in stride. He'll pepper her with questions later, but for now, Hansol manages to contain all of his curiosity.

"So, we need you to get into her back office and see what exactly is going on in there. I know you can't see what I can see or what Jihoon and Seokmin can see, but we know that Mrs. Han will only step away to talk with an angel. That angel is going to have to be Seokmin."

"It's most likely bodies back there, Hansol," Jihoon says. "But if you can also figure out why this angel would have those bodies, hey, that'd be great."

Hansol clears his throat, and they all hear the alarm go off on his end. Seokmin jumps in here. "We'll deal with it. Sol, I'll pick you up after I'm done at work and we'll head over there. We can even stop into the flower shop for a bit."

She smiles at Hansol's awkward sputtering. "Stay safe, you two."

That sobers Hansol up. "You too, noona."

Jihoon waits for the phone to be put away before he starts to speak. "That's only the first location."

"I know. But why did the demons choose these specific spots?" She leans back in her seat, watching the city go by. "Why the convenience store? The abandoned building makes sense, because it's unlikely that humans will stumble upon it. But people walk into Mrs. Han's convenience store all day. Why there?"

"Say your mother's hospital isn't the only place they're collecting bodies."

"Don't you need to have a susceptible host to possess?"

"We're not parasites," Jihoon argues. "I could possess you right now if I wanted."

She shakes her head. "No, because I have a strong will. You guys choose humans who are weak-willed or vulnerable."

Jihoon's eyes narrow, taking his gaze off the road for a moment.

She uses the bottom of the cola can to turn his face back to the road. "Mom made sure that I knew that none of the demons who entered our home would hurt me. And that if any of them tried anything on me, that a strong will to live was a sufficient deterrent for a demon." She motions towards Jihoon. "Clearly didn't work on you, but it's worked on every other demon I've met."

Jihoon scowls. Even if he wanted this human's soul, there is no reasonable way to get it. However, it's really difficult to tell if she even has a soul. Which has been the most unsettling part about this human among all the things that unsettle him. He's wondered a few times since meeting her parents whether the ambiguity comes from the angel and demon blood in her veins. 

"What I don't understand," Jihoon says, bringing them back to the task at hand, "is why an angel would be involved. In the off-chance event that that woman befriended a demon, why would she get involved? Your parents keep their angel and demon jobs separate."

"You and Seokmin don't." She gauges his expression and changes the subject. "We're just coming up with more questions and no solutions."

They settle into their thoughts. He can tell she's falling asleep next to him again. He digs around the center console for any CDs to pass the time (while also manipulating time and space a bit to ease the car a bit faster). 

"Here," she mumbles. Drowsily, she sits up again and plays around with the touch screen.

Jihoon watches out of the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?"

"Connecting my phone to your car." A ding sounds through the car. Now, that they don't need to call anyone, the car is completely compliant. "It's paired. So," she settles back and closes her eyes again, "just ask Siri to play music."

"Who's Siri?"

"The woman in my phone."

"The who?"

"Mom trapped a woman in my phone to do things for me."

Jihoon gapes at her, but the human has her face turned away from him and is curled up ready to sleep. "And she does them willingly?"

She hums. "She's never disobeyed me before. Only issue is if she's been sleeping a while, so the connection is bad or she just doesn't understand what I'm saying."

Jihoon's brow furrows.

"Try it. Ask her to play something." When he doesn't, she looks over at him. The expression on Jihoon's face elicits a chuckle. "When was the last time you were on Earth?"

"Just before the millennium."

She smirks before curling back onto her side. "Hey, Siri, play 90s music."

They arrive at the hospital in record time. When she wakes and sees the time, she pats her body to make sure she's still in one piece. Jihoon's grumbling under his breath to her overreaction is just a cherry on top.

"What floor does your mom work on?" Jihoon asks as they head towards the main entrance.

"Don't know the floor, but I know she works in the ICU."

Putting the ex-right hand in the ICU to source bodies for whatever the cause is, is almost too genius. Jihoon trails after the human, taking in all the people hanging around the lobby. It's teeming with people, wheelchairs, students, volunteers, nurses, and doctors. Many of them are headed to the coffee shop; others are sat in the lobby chairs.

She bypasses the volunteers at the reception desk and heads straight for the elevators.

"Do you know where you're going?" Jihoon asks.

She points to the sign that tells them the floor of the ICU before pressing the call button for the elevator. "We're going to have to look through the hospital records."

"Okay. You have a plan?"

"You're the plan."

"I'm the what?"

Luckily, the elevator is empty. "Mom sent me a list of the names of the patients that she can remember. For us to find them, alive or not, I need to find these records. And if you don't mind, I'd like if you distracted every person of authority that might ask me what the hell I'm doing." She leads him off the elevator. "And we might have to meet some of your demon friends today."

"We what?" Jihoon groans.

"She warned me that the demons are asking for more bodies. She says they didn't have anyone until today. So, your friends may be here."

"Not my friends." His hand goes red before slipping into hers. He lets out one long yawn.

"Oh, we're just done asking for permission." She adjusts her grip in his. "You've now also 1) put a timer on us, and 2) made it so we have to be seen together."

"Then you're going to have to work fast."

Jihoon swears he hears her grumbling about the uselessness of demons. She smiles at the nurses at the front desk and slips around the side. Jihoon catches the women watching them, but he easily diverts their attention back to their work.

Suddenly, she bends over as if to tie her shoe.

"You can't let go of my hand. I've already counted two demons and we've been here all of four seconds," Jihoon hisses.

She straightens up with a key card in her hand. Jihoon frowns before he realizes that it's her mother's. They continue down the hallway, her eyes darting to the doors to find the right one while trying to look casual.

Jihoon suddenly stops. "It has to be this one."

She glances around. It doesn't look that different from the others they passed. "Why?"

"Reinforced steel, key card access required, and it isn't labeled like the other doors." Jihoon tugs her closer. "Humans are so worried about personal information theft."

This time, he thinks he hears her praising him, but he isn't quite sure because the beep of the key card granting them access overpowers her voice. They duck inside and are met with not only filing cabinets, but also a computer at the desk. She leads him to the desk and shakes the mouse.

"What?" Jihoon asks. Her expression looks annoyed. Unusual for this human, which in and of itself seemed unusual for humans. The general look of annoyance seemed universal.

"We need a password, which I don't have." She turns to the filing cabinets. "Which means we need to go through these by hand." Her fingers release his hand. "Which means I need this back."

Jihoon stands by the door, his eyes closed. "I'm giving you five minutes."

Human, human, human.

He hears the frantic flipping through the files.

Human, human, de—

Jihoon jerks back towards her and grabs her hand.

She hisses in pain, the burn causing her to drop to her knees. Jihoon gies her a gentle tug to her feet. He doesn't apologize, but he does burn his other hand and takes hers until the demon passes. Grumbling and taking steadying breaths, she flips through more files with her uninjured hand. There are no letters on the front of the drawers to denote what could be contained within the files. So, she has to check. Once she learns the filing system, she's able to systematically go through her mother's short list of names.

The burning in her hand is only mildly distracting, even when he lets go to stand by the door again. She swears Jihoon's manipulating her mind.

But even though she's distracted from the pain, her body is still reacting. Her eyes well up with tears, and she catches sight of the skin blistering as she flips through file after file. Then she has to rifle through papers, taking pictures of each one.

She manages to find all nine people, though she doesn't have the wherewithal to read anything fully.

"Get me out of here," she says. She debates holding out her good hand to redistribute the pain but decides against it. Even with whatever Jihoon's doing to her head, she feels discomfort when his skin makes contact with hers.

"Okay?"

The human's eyes keep going in and out of focus.

"Well, no." She blinks a few times. "But until I look properly, I won't know how bad it is."

Just as he's about to turn the door knob, he notices her hands are empty. "Where are the files?"

"Photos are on my phone. Get me out of here, please."

Jihoon guides her out of the room, past the nurses' station, and into the elevator. Where they wind up right next to a...

Demon.

Jihoon shifts closer to her, using her to block the demon's view of him. But he can see the demon eyeing them.

"Per chance... do I...?" The demon moves closer, but she doesn't turn her head.

"Dude, give me space." She takes a step towards Jihoon, brushing against him. "You're giving me the creeps."

The change in her tone is surprising. Jihoon tries not to react.

"I did not mean to—"

"Seriously." She looks him dead in the eye. "Back. Off."

"Ah." The demon huffs, and his voice deadpans. "I do know you." He returns to his side of the elevator. "You're Xero's 'daughter'."

"Which is why I told you to back off, demon."

"That is Linnaeus to you." Linnaeus glances over at Jihoon. "Who's this? You've got a boyfriend now, hmm?"

"Yes. And you're also giving him the creeps." Luckily, the elevator doors open before Linnaeus can scrutinize them further. She squeezes Jihoon's hand to encourage him to get off first.

"A nice human boyfriend I see? Your mother surely would have preferred a demon."

"She also probably would have preferred to keep her soul and status. But needs must when the devil farts in your direction." She ignores Jihoon's snort of laughter as he drags her into the sunlight. "Have a good day, demon."

"Who says that?" Jihoon hisses, struggling to hide his smile. While he hates when humans take that sarcastic, cutting tone with him; with other demons, it's much more fun.

And from her, particularly charming.

Once out of Linnaeus's watchful eye, she slips her hand out of his. "I heard it in a Youtube video." As she walks around to her side of his car, she takes a breath before checking her hand. Her palm is warm, but surprisingly void of blisters. It also doesn't hurt as much as it had earlier. "Did you heal me?"

"I don't do that." He adjusts his hat, running his fingers through his hair before putting it back on. "Why?"

She shrugs. "Never mind. Thanks for fucking with my head in there."

Jihoon blinks in surprise. "Didn't know you noticed."

"The pain was initially excruciating." Her eyes move to her palm again. Baffled at how normal it feels. "I shouldn't have been able to focus in there."

As she begins scrolling through the pictures of the files she'd taken, Jihoon studies her profile.

"What?" She punches in the first address, triple checking that it's correct before hitting 'Go'. "You're staring."

"Does Linnaeus always talk to you like that?"

"Yeah." She opens and closes her hand. "I always tell him he doesn't blend in well because he talks quite archaic. Do you not think?" She makes a silly point of bowing, which makes Jihoon smile. Rolling her eyes, she continues, "So yeah, he's never really liked me much because of it."

"It'd help him blend in." Jihoon glances at the GPS before turning onto the route.

"And when have demons ever liked help from humans?" She snuggles back into the seat, already preparing to doze. "The other demons were more appreciative because it made it easier for them to do their demon deeds. Linnaeus just hates the constructive feedback."

"He's always been a pretentious jerk. Thought it was just to me, though." He glances at her out of the corner of his eye. "Never heard you speak like that before."

"Linnaeus is always an exception."

part 10

[biterbones]

blood and decay

a vampire searches for her prey at a local bar, only for the night to not go as planned

cw: 18+, mild gore, blood, lesbians, mentions of sex

she stepped into the club, occasionally feeling the hips of a beautiful woman brush up against her. the whole building was alive, it exhaled and she could feel the heartbeat in her toes. out of the entire crowd of flesh, one specific girl caught her interest. a lonely girl, standing at the bar all by herself.

the first thing she noticed was how tall, she was. her curly, messy black hair that covered half of her face nearly reached the top of the ceiling. scraping the lesbian flag painted on the roof. another obvious thing was how raggedy she was, she looked like an anemic corpse and for some reason, vanessa liked that. it made her chest hot thinking of all the ways she could suck up everything that rotting hottie has to offer.

"heeey there cutie, i'm vanessa. who are your?" she casually questioned while running a contrasting dark brown finger over the mystery woman's pale skin.

"oh shit, are you talking to me? i'm zaniyah." She awkwardly tucked some hair behind her ear, revealing differently covered eyes. brown and blue swirled together like koi fish in the pond of vanessa's mind. "i've never seen you around here before, are you new in town?"

"yeah i am, i move a ton. i might stay here for a while though, this place is nice. plus, the people here are beautiful..." vanessa reached a hand up to stroke her face softly, but found zaniyah too tall. "shit, i can't reach. you're really fuckin' tall. how about you lean down so i can properly flirt, m'kay babe?" an odd dull blush spread over zaniyah's cracked skin as she was hit on.

"yeah, i get that alot. it's probably because i'm 6'8" she chuckled awkwardly, flaunting her height the same way insecure men do.

"you being for real?! why are you here and not in the nba?!"

"maybe i'm here so i can be with you?" zaniyah shrugged her shoulders cautiously. now it was vanessa's turn to blush, the maroon spreading all the way to the bleach blonde coils that framed her perfect face. oh this girl was just perfect, her mind filling with thoughts of what she'd taste like.

"how about i buy you a drink?"

"sorry, i don't drink."

"really? are you one of those puritans that always go sober?" vanessa's soft, adorable laughter didn't hide the mocking in her tone well. luckily the peer pressure went right over her new date's head, probably.

"no, it's cause of health stuff. my liver is terrible, that's why you never get hand me downs from alcoholics!" vanessa chuckled, trying her best not to spit out her own drink. "buuut if you're gonna be a sweetheart, i guess i'll ask the bartender for a steak kabob, extra rare."

"skirting past your odd food tastes-" zaniyah rolled her special eyes playfully. "- i'm glad i found someone with the same dark humor as me, that 'hand me down liver' joke was hilarious!"

"i'm glad you like it, sometimes i freak people out."

"don't worry baby, i like that you seem a little freaky~"

"oh my gosh!" zaniyah lightly pushed her away with one hand while grabbing her appetizer with the other hand. it kind of put vanessa off how she devoured the bloody meat like a starving dog, but she hadn't brought anyone home in weeks and she was getting desperate. this was no time to be picky.

anxiety slithered onto her skin and creeped into her veins, paralyzing her with dread. she needed to get this girl home before one of the tens of other women around them got to her prey first. she needed to pounce.

"hey, zaniyah?" the tall girl's lips formed into a curious smile as vanessa ran a soft hand over her waist. "what do you say we go back to my apartment, and i'll give you something else to eat? it's super close by."

"huh?" the confused and mildly horrified look on her face was replaced with a shy understanding once she finally got it. "oh yeah... maybe we could just walk there though? my car is almost out of gas and i wanna save it for the ride home."

"sure!" that was fine with vanessa, it just meant less evidence to deal with at the end of the night.

the fear slowly slipped away as vanessa brought zaniyah up to her apartment, falling into the comfortable routine of kissing and leading her to the nice couch wrapped in plastic. ignoring the odd feeling of her teeth, she began to strip for her guest. what she never expected though, was for zaniyah to pounce first.

"what the fuck?!" the second she slipped the red dress of her shoulders, zaniyah ripped out a set of fake teeth and charged at her. biting into her shoulder and ripping into it, licking her lips at the tart, exotic taste. suddenly the juicy morsel was gone, the room was spinning, and there was a throbbing pain in her nose. she found herself across the room with blood pouring out of her nose.

"did you punch me?! what the hell!" zaniyah wiped the blood off her face and stood, taking a defensive stance. angry hisses and globs of spit flew out of vanessa's mouth. "oh my god, you're a vampire aren't you?! that's why you busted my favorite nose!"

"That was reasonable, you were trying to eat me!"

"I bet you were gonna try to eat me too!"

"oh here you go with the fucking stereotypes, you dumb zombies are all the same!"

"oh i'm dumb?! you brought a stranger in your home, i should kick your ass for ruining my night and my nose!"

"oh are you now?" the two women leaned in close, their noses only a little bit apart. eyes locked onto eachother's.

the room was a disaster. pillows stuck to the walls, sheets soaked with mystery liquids, and two sets of limbs tangled together. vanessa let herself relax into the warm hold of zaniyah as the zombie ran fingers over her pudgy stomach, letting her icy fingers rest on the flesh.

"holy shit... that was amazing..." zaniyah mumbled.

"i know right? humans just can't keep up with us monsters." she nibbled at her, lapping up the small pearls of blood that came out of the wound. "i guess it took someone dead to give me the best sex of my unlife. i was right, you are a little freak."

"how did we not even know the other was a monster anyway?"

"i know it's not my fault, i've never seen you at the conventions."

"wait, there were conventions?!" the zombie shot out of bed.

"you didn't know?! nobody invited you?! the whole underworld is there."

"this is bullshit." zaniyah went to walk away but was stopped by the blonde.

"i have a proposition and not the kind we did 10 minutes ago." she raised an eyebrow curiously. "i think if we work together, we could have enough food to feed a whole villiage. i get the blood, and you get the flesh." a soft smile spread on those creepy features that drew vanessa closer in the first place.

"i'd be happy to vanessa, i think... i think i found the love of my afterlife."

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 42 - Message Memory.

-----Andy's point of view----

Andy: I was sitting alone in the darkness, it was a cold crisp night, a few days after the news about the mate bond I now will share with Evan. Things had been weird the whole day. Evan had been very relieved after the news of the bond, well all of us had. But at the same time he had also grown more nervous. Nervous of what news Akin and the clan will find when they start digging around to try to figure more on the matter. The past two hours he had gotten really drunk, and started crying a lot, it had just gotten too much for me, seeing him like that, so Congo and Daniel had offered me to keep an eye on him, and try to sober him up a bit, if I were to go take a small walk. Getting some air. Clearing my head. So here I was, about 100 meters above our house, looking down at it. I loved this little look out post above us, and often went up here for a smoke when I needed a little time for myself. It was a nice opportunity to be alone, without really being alone. If that makes sense. Without the commitment so to speak. From here I could look through the windows, and easily see people move around inside the living room and parts of the kitchen was also visible. I could see people move around, but they couldn't see me here in the darkness. Kinda a little spy-like, I chuckled cheekily at the thought, then returned to scrolling my old messages in my phone. I had been doing this the past 10-15 minutes. Reading old messages between me and Evan from back when we started having something together. It was nice and warming, looking back at how it all started. Like this one message:

January 7, 2015. Andy: Are you still awake?

Evan: Yes?

Andy: I want you but like just laying in bed… cuddling… naked skin against naked skin being close till we doze off

Evan: I'll be over in a minute.

Andy: See you.

I remember how I used to want to be with him as much as possible, afraid he might just disappear any second. Like he would somehow wake up and see what he was doing and then… poof…. turn into dust particles and blow away in the breeze. Well, I still wanna be with him all the time. But for different reasons now. I smiled softly as my eyes returned to the screen

January 9, 2015. Andy: Evan…. I want you… I want you so bad… fuck

Evan: I don't know what to say…

Andy: You don't have to say anything… if it happens, it happens…

Evan: well, for starters we need to shove some food down our throats, and then we need Daniel off our hands… and maybe tonight cuddling would be better?

Andy: Yeah… you might be right. I will take care of Daniel, I have a plan, just roll with it when you get down.. okay?

Evan: Okay. Still plan to kiss you though.

Andy: Yes, please… I miss your lips!

Evan: I miss yours too.

Andy: Damn! Foods here!

Evan: Ill be down in a minute or two…

Andy: Okay will be hard not to kiss you…

I easily remember how hard it was to keep hiding. Especially after we moved into the new house! Evan lived next door with Daniel at that point, but he came over almost every night anyway. Well, when he had the guts at least. He was still somewhat trying to deny things, not fully having the courage to commit to them. So there were always a lot of sneaking around. Which in some ways could be hot and exiting too. But most of all, I just wanted to be near him. I just wanted him to let his guards down.

January 11, 2015. Evan: Hey… I apologize for earlier… don't wanna call and ruin more of your day… I just wanted to apologize for interfering with your couples weekend. Sorry. Hope you both are having a good time.

Andy: Hey, please don't apologize. We are both okay with it. Really don't worry about it, it happens for the best ;) How are you feeling?

Evan: Thank you. Uh, I don't feel so good. Very sick in my stomach, it seems.

Andy: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that :/ still hungover or is it something else?

Evan: Gas I guess, mainly. Gives me a lot of trouble since it doesn't seem to want to get out…

Andy: :/ sucks for sure! Is there anything I can do for you?

Evan: Nah. It will pass eventually. Just sucks to be alone when feeling "sick". You didn't post any pictures today? You know, in those folders you always post in?

Andy: Yes, I can imagine all too well. Wanna come over? And no, I didn't… spent my whole day with Congo :)

Evan: I don't wanna intrude. I hope you two had fun?

Andy: I can barely walk! :P I'll throw some pics together for you, but then I'll go to bed. Congo is already sleeping. He has work early in the morning… at freaking 7!!!! He has to get up at 6!!!! >:(

Evan: You don't have to. You are too sweet. Go to bed. Get some rest :)

Andy: Nah… gotta eat a bit anyway, I'm hungry…

Evan: Okay, thanks :)

I remember how he loved the pictures I used to post in my random folders, well I still do that. But back then I used to post a lot more Yaoi than I do now. He rarely admitted that that was one of the main reasons he was looking forwards to new pics almost every night. Well that, and the fact that maybe he could get to know more about my likes, and that way feel closer to me. It was very transparent, but I shut up about it and enjoyed it in silence. After all I didn't want to scare him off.

January 18, 2015.

Evan: I miss you.

Andy: Then come over silly :P

Evan: No. I just wanted to tell you. I think you and Congo deserve some alone time.

Andy: Congo is on and off the phone for the past 4 hours, trying to salvage what he left at work yesterday, when he hurried home to me. He assures me things are going to be fine, there's just a lot of mess to clean up. Sigh. I was thinking to watch a movie and cuddle…. wanna join?

Evan: No, I'm tired, I think I'll just go to bed for the night. But thank you for the offer. I don't wanna intrude. you need time alone…

Andy: Please? Its the perfect weather for cuddling. I'll even throw in some hot chocolate and marshmallows? Or how about an Irish coffee or 2? Think about it… Daniel will come back tomorrow evening, and then its back to stalking us… and we wont be able to spend as much time together. You will have to stay more around him again, take care of him and so on… and Congo and I will go on vacation soon…. for a week or two….

Evan: Thank you. But I think its better I stay here. Tell Congo I said hi, and that he should be in bed with you instead of hanging on the phone. I'll stop by tomorrow around noon… maybe we can have late breakfast together, or do something, go somewhere… we will see. Good night Andy, sweet dreams :*

I both loved and hated how insecure he was back then. Let's face it, it was damn cute. But also painful that I couldn't be with the man I loved. I missed him so much all the time, and was so afraid he would change his mind any minute. So I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, before it would all be over again. It was hard. Very hard. But it was also hard for him.

January 25, 2015. Evan: Andy, can we talk?

Andy: Yes? You want me to come downstairs?

Evan: No, please stay up there… I might lose my nerves…

Andy: Okay? Getting a bit worried now…

Evan: No, please don't… its nothing to worry about

Andy: Okay, but I still fear the worst… You aren't breaking up with me? Are you? Fuck! I'm totally tearing up right now! I mean I didn't think it would last, but I had hoped it would last longer than this I mean… I really like you fuck! I mean, I love you, you know that right? And this time with you have just been so amazing I really didn't want it to end yet and god, I'm so stupid., asking if you are breaking up with me when we aren't even a couple Fuck! I'm sorry Go on Ill shut up I'm sorry I'm freaking out a bit I just really enjoy our time together I hope you know that you have become more than just my best friend

Evan: Andy

Andy: Yes? Please don't!

Evan: Will you please try to breathe, and try to relax?

Andy: Okay… Fuck!

Evan: Relax… take a deep breath… you put all of these unnecessary thoughts in your mind Just try to relax and breathe please

Andy: I'm sorry

Evan: Its okay. But please listen to me when I say there's nothing to worry about, okay?

Andy: Okay

Evan: Now please listen to this as well…. I like you too and you have also become more than my best friend I can't say I'm okay with things…. you know… I'm still pretty lost in all of this…. But as long as you are with me in this, I feel I don't know… I feel not so lost I feel we have become a lot closer since Christmas, and it means a lot to me… you mean a lot to more… more than I would like to admit I'm sorry I want us to hide this thing between us…. I just need time to figure it out… I'm scared…. And I'm sorry that kinda gets taken out on you when you have to hide with me… but I think/hope you understand why I do it I'm not ashamed of you, not at all… I don't think there's any shameful in being gay or doing gay things… I can't explain better… I just hope you understand at least half of what I try to say At this point I don't really know what to do when I'm not around you… I kinda end up just sitting and starring at whatever my eyes falls upon… mostly thinking of you… I see whole new sides of you… or maybe new angles of things I already knew? Sometimes I even catch myself smiling just thinking about you… I have never felt like this towards a man before… and only few times towards women… I had a really great time with you tonight, and I apologize I acted the way I did when we ran into Gaby and George at the cemetery. It was just unexpected and very sudden, and I didn't know where to put myself in it all… I apologize I left you like that. I hope you understand it wasn't about you, but about my own insecurities. I will try to do better next time, although I beg to whatever force is at play that next time wont happen any day soon, cause I just simply don't have the nerves for it. But at least I will try to do better around Gaby and George, now that they know the secret anyway. Just for tonight I need to hide a bit extra and try to restore my pride… ego… whatever it is… Just know that it's not you… it's me… and I know that's such a kliche thing to say, but it's the honest truth… I didn't mean to hurt you, and I'm sorry I did…. I never meant to hurt you with any of this… I just sometimes get really scared… and then I just don't know what to do or how to act or even what to think about it all… I guess it was like that for you as well… although I still don't think I'm gay…and so far Gaby agrees but I do admit there are some feelings there… and you mean more to me than ever before just know, that no matter what happens, I don't ever mean to hurt you… I only wanna bring you happiness and love cause that's what you deserve honestly and you make me happy too Are you there?

Andy: Yes

Evan: Okay. I was starting to worry you had left after I freaked you out… sorry about that

Andy: No, I was listening.

Evan: Okay, thank you.

Andy: Are you done?

Evan: Uh… yeah… I guess I am? Did I talk too much or say something wrong?

Andy: No, and no…

Evan: Okay, you just seem a bit distant? Is there something wrong with what I said, or something wrong in general? Andy? Now you are kinda freaking ME out Are you okay?

Andy: Yes

Evan: will you then please talk to me?

Andy: Yes :)

Evan: What are you thinking?

Andy: I was thinking why you haven't asked me to come kiss you yet?

Evan: Andy, will you please come down and kiss me?

Andy: I thought you would never ask :P

It was the very first time he really opened up towards me and the possibility of having something with me. Of course I was ecstatic! But I had to keep my cool not to overwhelm him in any way. Some days I was good at keeping my cool. Other days…. not so much.

January 26, 2015. Andy: I'm sorry if I caused you trouble. I'm once again terrified this will all end. I love you man. More than you know. I don't want it to end, please. I know I probably shouldn't say this…. but… I'm in love with you… Like, really in love with you. And I know I have Congo and all, and you know I love him more than anything. He is my soul… my mate…. my husband… and I don't wanna replace him with anyone in the whole universe, not even A… But… maybe if you can find it in your heart… maybe you could give this a chance? I mean…. not like a relationship or… you know… I know that's too much to even dream off…. but, maybe you could just find it in your heart to stick around a little longer? Just be me and you, a little longer? If you can? I don't mind hiding…. if that's what you need. Its okay. We can be a secret, And we don't have to be around people that can walk in on us. We can just meet at a motel or something. I don't know. Whatever you need to feel safe in this all. I'm just so sad and terrified of losing what we have had. I love you. I'm in love with you. A lot. I'm sorry.

It was past midnight, and he never answered. I guess he was sleeping. But he never answered when he woke up either. So later in the evening when I woke up, my nerves got the best of me, and I decided to write again. Hoping I wouldn't have scared him off already. After all it was the first time I had admitted being in love with him.

January 26, early evening. Andy: What are you doing?

Evan: Finishing up a phone call with my manager….

Andy: Oh… am I interrupting?

Evan: No. Go on?

Andy: I miss you

Evan: I miss you too

Andy: I want you

Evan: Yeah?

Andy: Yeah.

Evan: I want you too

Andy: :3 fuck!

Evan: What do you want then?

Andy: Fuck!!! I wanna get on my knees in front of you, unzip your pants, while you are sitting on your couch, buried in that phone conversation, and slowly start licking your dick…

Evan: You make me hard!

Andy: I really need you inside me right now! I'm so fucking horny! That new profile picture of yours!!!!!

Evan: Andy, you were the one who posted the picture… It's your own fault

Andy: Yeah, but you didn't have to put it as your profile picture!

Evan: I know but I like to tease you

Andy: :3 DAMN!

Evan: Tell me what else you want…

Andy: Fuck!!! I wanna take you deep into my throat… feel you big and hard as my saliva runs down your shaft

Evan: Keep going

Andy: Are we seriously doing this?

Evan: Yes Keep going…

Andy: God!!!! I wanna suck you like you have never been sucked before. Grab you by your hips and pull you closer to me so you can reach further down, making me gag…

Evan: yes…

Andy: I wanna hear you moan and say my name as I pull back out and twirl my tongue around your head

Evan: go on……

Andy: FUCK!!!! I need to cum!!!! I wanna look you in your beautiful eyes, as I pull you even closer and gently let a finger caress your hole

Evan: …….

Andy: Gliding you inside my mouth again, swallowing you whole… feeling you pulsate in me as you are ready to cum….

Evan: ………….

Andy: So I slowly let just the tip of my finger glide inside you as I pull off your pants and bite your inner thighs

Evan: Go get a shower in the small bathroom downstairs! I'll be there in a minute!!

Andy: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

It was the first time we had phone sex… or sexting as it seems to be called these days. And I was majorly relieved to find out my little declaration of love hadn't scared him off. Quite the opposite as he fucked my brains out in that shower when he arrived less than a minute later. It was long time before I entered him the first time, but at least the messages gave me the idea he was not hostile towards maybe trying it out one day. And it drove me mad! February 7, 2015. Evan: I want you.

Andy: I just really wanna kiss you right now. Can I kiss you?

Evan: Not here.

Andy: Can we go outside a bit?

Evan: People will notice. I'm sorrry I can't that doesn't mean I don't want to

Andy: I know…. this is just hard…. I would really love to lean over and kiss you right now… or touch you at least…. just grab your hand and caress it

Evan: I would really love that…. I miss touching you… it's so hard being so close to you, but not able to touch you… that's why I drank so much

Andy: fuck! please go outside with me! I can't stand this any longer!!!!

Evan: Please Andy…. I'm not ready I'm scared

Andy: I'm sorry. I forget sometimes. I understand, and I wont pressure you. I'm sorry.

Evan: Its okay. Thank you. I know it's hard for you too. Jut please don't doubt that I want to. I love you.

Andy: I love you too. Please don't drink more.

Evan: Okay.

I worried about him. The family dinner had taken hard on him. I think he was nervous about my parents maybe figuring out about us, and Daniel of course. He had been on to us since before we left the ranch, and always tried his very best to spy on us. Of course it was bound to put a pressure on poor Evan, so he had been a little too eager with the red wine.

February 12, 2015. Evan: I'm sorry I haven't stopped by yet… I'm freaking out big time right now

Andy: Why???

Evan: Daniel found out about us… I mean we had a joint and some beers I got really high Uh I went to bed, thought I would sleep so tomorrow could come faster and I could get to see you and then he came in to my bed, you know, like always wanting to just talk and talk and talk and I just looked at him and felt so guilty lying to him has just alienated us He asked why I wasnt at your place an I told him about the couples date day he asked if I was jealous I told him no he said I looked jealous apparently I blushed so he asked if I had feelings for you… I almost said no… but it just made me feel even more guilty, so I just nodded He flew up from the bed, 'holy shit!!!' and so on He asked if we had kissed more than that one time, and I said yes… he asked if we had had sex… and I just couldn't handle sticking him another lie so I told him yes he asked if you had fucked me or only the other way around I answered that as well We had a long talk about it, and he seems understanding as to why I wanna keep it a secret I have told him if he wants to talk with someone about it, he can talk to Congo, Gaby or George, but beside that no one else, not even me or you I told him I don't wanna hear about it until I'm ready, and that I don't want him putting pressure on it by talking to you So far he seems fully understanding and actually very gentle with the information. But you know him so naturally now when the weed is wearing off, my brain starts freaking fuck so I don't know if it would be wiser to wait over here till the morning and have another talk with him? I mean, he is sleeping… who can he tell when he is sleeping? But what if he wakes up? I'm just really scared now Are you there?

Andy: Yes

Evan: I'm sorry, I know you don't need this, you have enough to battle already…

Andy: But I need you…

Evan: I need you too :) Still there?

Andy: Yes…

Evan: are you mad at me? you don't speak?

Andy: No, of course I'm not…. I'm proud of you. I think you did the right thing and it's a huge step I think that's the main reason you are freaking out Daniel has changed a lot, and he hasn't said more since Congo had that convo with him… let's try to have a little faith in him besides, he knows if he causes me trouble on purpose, the Andy amusement park closes ;) that should be enough to keep him at bay

Evan: I wouldn't mind if it were to close anyway…

Andy: What? Are you jealous of Daniel?

Evan: A bit?

Andy: Fuck! :3 that's hot! And totally unnecessary! Fuck :3 Anyway, sorry I was quiet, I was just thinking about what you told

Evan: okay

Andy: Evan for fuck sake… just come over please

Evan: Okay. I'll brush my teeth and be over in a few

Andy: And you are really gonna show up this time? Not change your mind like last?

Evan: Yes, I promise.

Andy: Thank you :* See you soon :*

Evan: See you soon :* Andy?

Andy: Yeah?

Evan: I love you <3

Andy: I love you too <3

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I was so madly in love, and it seemed Evan was definitely falling for me too. I ached for him. To be closer. And when he wasn't around, I ended up missing him so much, it was almost torture.

February 20, 2015. yet another awkward family dinner

Andy: Are you okay? You're blushing… well you look flushed….

Evan: I have a massive boner!

Andy: WHAT?! :3 fuck yeah!!!! I want it so bad! Please let's go down stairs and fuck our brains out!!1 I'm so horny I'm gonna explode!!!!

Evan: Andy… you aren't helping me! We aren't supposed to… and even if we could I can't stand up!

Andy: fuck! :3 I wanna get on my knees and disappear under the table :3

Evan: Don't!!

Andy: how did you end up this horny anyway?

Evan: *inserts a picture I posted on Facebook* And this…. *inserts another picture from Facebook*

Andy: Fuck!!! :3 :3 :3

Evan: yeah and this… I don't know why but it's kinda like I keep seeing the brown haired dude as me *another Yaoi picture*

Andy: :3 mmmm yeah you have some similarities :3 wait… does that mean you right now are getting horny, watching yourself getting fucked? :3 O.o o.O

Evan: I guess so?

Andy: Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!

Evan: Andy…. I gotta have you!

Andy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I moaned softly as I read the last part. Fuck!! I was hard as stone!! Since the memories of the graveyard fun we had back in the early winter of this year, my boner had been growing, and this last part!!! Nnngh!! As I looked up from my phone, and down on the living room windows, I saw him, sitting in his boxers in front of the fire place with a book in his left hand, and a cup of something steaming hot in his right hand. I HAD to have him! So I got up fast, ran all the way down to our home, burst through the door, man he was surprised, spilling some of his hot drink on the couch as my quick burst through the door startled him. And as I reached him, already unbuckling my pants, he moaned softly, and invited me with a cheeky smile. Quickly placing his drink on the coffee table, and allowing me to pull of his boxers. After 5 minutes of licking, stroking and biting, I entered him with a satisfied moan. We had come long since then. We were creating a bond. A mate bond.

[ask-the-badman]

“Fuck I know.” I exhaled deeply, running a hand through my hair with an amused scoff. Slumping back against the couch, listening too him speak taking it in the best I could. The alcohol seeming to have wore off some due to the fact my heart tried to jump out of my chest on multiple different occasions tonight. “I’ll ask don’t worry. Least be a lil more direct instead of beating ‘round the bush. AND sober.”

I emphasized on sober. Running both hands through my hair once more, trying to look a little less insane as the realization kicks in that I shouldn’t have been such a pussy to begin with. “Aye! I already want to crawl in a hole tonight.” I whined, gently swatting at his hand when he poked my forehead. I smile softly at his offer for me to stay in his shack, but I decide it’d be best to give him some space as well.

“Thank ya. But I think I’ll stay upstairs tonight. Let ya get some uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a couple days.” I chuckled. I also needed to shower and get the remnants of blood off of me before the smell of copper seeped into my pores for good. Wincing at the thought, I shed myself of his BADMAN shirt completely. “You’ll be needin’ this. And don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ve got my barins some now. Won’t be a stumblin’ mess on my way up.”

I chuck the shirt at him with a smirk and head towards the door, glancing over my shoulder at him. “Sleep. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow when I’m not a flaming hot mess.” I mused, heaving out a heavy sigh. Waving at him before walking out into the awaiting storm.

If I wasn’t drenched before I was now, water splashing up onto my legs with each step till I made it to the porch. I shake my hair out and fling water off of my bare feet before heading inside, hoping that no one else was awake when I opened the front door. Thankfully there wasn’t and I wasted no time herded my ass towards the guest room. Preparing myself for the dreaded hangover morning held for me.

"Alright, suit yerself. I would have taken up a spot in the basement." Johnny shrugged while accepting back his too big shirt to rest across his lap. Then waved to Kat, saying, "G'night, take it easy tonight. I know that hangover is goin' to be shit when ya wake up, plenty'a experience with that."

He laughed, knowing all to well how much fun the day after usually was after drinking heavily. Though the moment they left, he heaved out a tired sigh and looked down at his blanket sized shirt. Guess I'll need to ask a favor of the magic man... He mused, lifting it up to look over and marvel at just how big he must have been to wear it.

Shaking his head, he moved to dress down to his normal nothing for the night and flopped heavily on his couch, finding it heavenly to rest on compared to sleeping on the ground for the last few days. His clothes would need a wash but that was a tomorrow problem as he dragged his shirt overtop of himself. Least it still had some use while oversized.

[pesterloglog]

Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, Autoresponder

Act 6, page 5081

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Hey! Where are you??

GG: I can't find you anywhere in your crazy house.

GG: It's just wizards and pumpkins as far as the eye can see.

GG: I hope you're ok!

GG: Please get back to me as soon as you can.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TG: aw noes

TG: you are snoping up my house

TG: scopping my gourd hoard

TG: janey what are u doing

TG: what is going on here

TG: jane?

TG: god dammit crocket

TG: bleghhh

TG: head hurts

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Judging by the sporadic rates of change in your present coordinates, it seems that you have been running around like a lunatic.

TT: When those ridiculous flesh stilts you refer to as "legs" settle down, and you have a minute to talk, please respond.

TG: smup shades

TG: *sup

TT: Are you in danger?

TG: no

TG: well

TG: not in like robos wanting to kill me immediately as in lilerally right now danger

TG: but still probably some danger

TG: its hot and all these crumbling flamey buildings are so screwed and i wanna just go lie down

TG: plus theres shit coming from the sky

TT: What shit do you mean?

TG: super deudly red shit

TT: Right. The miles. That's why I'm going to need you to get home quickly.

TT: What has taken you so long, anyway? Why has your path been so circuitous?

TT: Surely you can't be even more inebriated than before.

TG: no no

TG: less

TG: trust my

TG: me

TT: Ok. Then what?

TG: ive been trying to i guess

TG: round up some neighbors

TG: whenever i see them

TG: and try to get then to follow me home

TG: whichis harder than is sounds!

TT: You are accumulating carapacian refugees?

TG: yes

TT: That seems like a very inefficient and risky use of your time.

TG: i know but

TG: they always seem confused and dont know what todo

TG: and everythings bunring down

TG: i think i should try to take some with me i cant just leave all of the poor chess guys here to die

TT: Alright, that's fine.

TT: As luck would have it, your imperfect human sentimentality has been completely factored into my calculations.

TT: You should be ok. Just get back to your house as quickly as possible now. There's no time left.

TG: lmao @ your "caluculations" as if htose are real but ok ill get moving

TT: We're going to need you to connect with Jake to bring him into the game.

TT: You will complete the chain of entry. This is very important.

TG: ok

TG: jane was trying 2 reach me

TG: messin with my pumpkips or some shit???

TG: where is she

TT: There's been a little subordination issue there.

TT: With both Crocker and English, actually. Strider and I are working on it.

TG: what u talkin about

TG: subordingation

TG: you saying those chucklefucks went rouge

TT: Sort of.

TG: but thats what i do!

TG: posers be frontin hard up on my roguey turf

TG: *roguish?

TG: roguish is better it means sly

TT: Don't worry about it for now. Just do your part, and catch up with them later.

TT: Who knows, maybe you will prove yourself to be the only 100% cooperative, fully competent non-Strider player?

TT: How ironic would it be if the best player turned out to be the drunk girl? Wouldn't that be sweet?

TG: yeah!!!!

TG: :3

TT: Go home. Connect with Jake. Deploy the equipment in the ruins of his old house.

TT: I'll focus on actually getting him there. The kid is seriously a work in progress, I gotta say.

TT: Are you sober enough to do all that?

TG: i think

TG: the answer

TG: unfortunately

TG: is yes

TG: :[

[donnerpartyofone]

Daily survival feels like being forced to finish a really difficult exam for a class you already know you failed.

I promise I'm going to try to train myself not to talk like this in public because it's probably bad for other people to overhear, but while I still lack self-control I must say that when I see things that say "Don't worry Americans, lots of people around the world live meaningful and ethical lives under fascist regimes," I always think "Yeah but probably most of those regimes don't have the same ability to radically escalate environmental collapse or nuclear holocaust with the bare minimum of effort." Up to now, my main challenge in life has been just trying to get myself to the point of normal adult functioning, like at all, and recently I faced the likelihood that my real goal will have to be accepting the fact that I'll never be functional, while still fulfilling my societal and biological obligations to act *as if* I'm a self-sustaining and reliable grownup. But now we're in a situation where the absolute only hope will be in every single person showing up and making their best effort every single day, and that seems really grim when I consider what my best effort looks like and how often I have to just give up or make someone else do X for me. And I realize this is an insane time to express so much self-pity, but it's just a lot to acknowledge that it's going to be harder and harder to get my shit together while the world falls down AND it's going to have a greater impact on other people that I don't have my shit together under these conditions. And somehow I have to convince myself that it's worth while to keep applying for jobs and keep up with my failing efforts to manage my health and keep doing the personal projects that "make me happy" (3/4 of which I recently realized I cannot or should not do anymore for various reasons). I don't really know where I was going with this and I DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT any of the little well-meaning platitudes and pep talks people pass around on here that always seem to not so subtly suggest that your personal, sober, experienced self-assessment is stupid/dishonest/delusional/etc. I guess I'm just posting because what have I ever known how to do except post. Some day soon I'll learn to stop, but for now the only thing I can think to do is mindlessly, meaninglessly vent.

The central problem is that I need to find the ability to act as if there is a future--meaning anything from political actions to applying for jobs--without actually feeling or believing that there is a future.

[mar-im-o]

The Watcher's hands weave threads of green and gold and red throughout those Grian loves.

And in those threads the Watchers tie souls. Souls bound in love. Souls bound in pain. Souls bound between one another. Some try to fight it--insisting that they are not soulmates, that their soul belongs to another, but it's a tiresome, futile effort to reject the manipulation of the soul.

Not that Grian thinks so.

He's seen how the others react as they try to reject their soulmates. Scott thinks of Pearl constantly, dotes on her well-being, obsessively calls her to him under the guise of toying with her. Martyn sobs for Cleo. BDubs panics when Impulse is too far from him.

The Watcher's threads are strong.

But not to Grian.

"We're not soulmates," he insists one evening, the harsh words riding on the breeze rushing pass their base and off into the ravine.

He's perched atop pointed dripstone, watching lazily as Scar puts the Jellie pandas to sleep. His friend looks up at Grian with a start, brow quirked in a teasing glance. "Oh?"

"Yep," Grian goes on. Clipped wings help him leap from the cake and onto the perimeter of the Jellie Sanctuary. "Big B's my soulmate now. Just so you know."

Scar snorts then turns back the Jellies, feeding one bamboo. "Well, alright then!"

Grian squints. "Seriously. I'm leaving you. Big B and I are running away together."

"Right."

"Far away," Grian says, placing emphasis on the distance as he looks to the sky, pretending not to be drinking in Scar's every reaction. "We're gonna build our own ranch in the mountains. Farm goats."

"Sounds nice."

"Without you."

"Just remember to eat," Scar says with hum, scratching beneath a Jellie's chin. "I'll try not to get us on Red!"

But the red has already infiltrated Grian's soul, shown through a burning in his cheeks. He puffs them out in frustration (a little more bird-like than he'd prefer) feathers at his back fluffing in a similar response as he jumps into the sanctuary.

It spooks the Jellies and a few grumble in response, the one nearly tipping Scar's chair backwards. Scar rights himself with a laugh, finally meeting Grian's eyes.

And he's fine. No hidden jealousy, no subtle longing. Nothing. He's...

He's fine.

Grian puffs up a bit more. "Do you not care if I leave?"

Scar finally seems to register Grian's tone and sobers. He tilts his head, full attention on Grian.

Finally.

"Do you want me to?" Scar asks, and Grian feels like he could explode.

"YES!! We're soulmates! We should be doing what the others are, shouldn't we? Being alone should sound miserable!"

Scar just offers a confused chuckle, looking around the sanctuary as if the Jellies could help him escape. "Well it doesn't sound fun but I don't own you, G. If you want to leave, you can leave!"

"But--" Grian fumbles for words, trying his best to soothe a soul that won't calm. He ends up just crossing his arms. "This isn't how the game goes. Everyone else--they want to be together, they're obsessed with each other. Why aren't we?"

"Because we're not them?" Scar guesses. He's clicked off his brakes so he can move closer to Grian, offering a hand. "Why do you want to be?"

Grian looks away from the open palm.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know why this is so important to him, why he wants to see Scar get worked up and angry and insist that they're meant to be together. He doesn't know why this has him panicking.

Everyone else--their soulmates are their everythings, but no matter what Grian does, Scar's attention can easily find something else. Does that mean he doesn't care?

"Gri?"

Grian sniffs. "You do care, right? About me? You like being soulmates?"

Scar laughs, a bit more genuine in his surprise. "Of course I do! Did you think I didn't?"

"Maybe?" Grian shrugs and, finally, places a hand in Scar's offered palm. Familiar fingers wrap around his, and he's happy to let the sensation calm him. "I just don't get why it hasn't affected us like everyone else. Guess I figured something was wrong."

"Something wrong--?" Scar shakes his head and tugs an unsuspecting Grian forward, the man squawking a bit as he falls forward and into Scar's lap. Scar immediately traps him in a hug, pressing their foreheads together.

When he speaks again it's with a fond smile and a faux British accent. "'I am in your service until you lose your first life'."

The anger disperses at the poor mockery and Grian snorts, making an attempt to shove Scar away. "That's borderline offensive!"

Scar only pulls Grian closer, a teasing glint in his eye. "'I don't want to see him go! I just can't let him go!'"

"Alright," Grian laughs, and he gives in. He melts in Scar's arms, wings a curtain of feathers separating them from the Jellies. And they're alone. And they're together. And Grian is putty in Scar's lap, sturdy arms holding him close. "What's all this then?"

"Proof," Scar says, voice normal again. "And accent practice."

Grian shakes his head. "Needs work. And proof of what?"

"That we're soulmates." Scar's hand moves from Grian's back to his chest, plucking the ethereal thread between them. "The Watchers didn't tie this, Grian. We did. Back when this all started."

"I don't--"

"If we aren't like everyone else, it's because they're all new to this! They've never been bound to someone else before. But we have." Scar's fingers roll into an open palm pressed firmly over Grian's heart. He can feel his heart race at the sensation, and Scar's follows. "We're soulmates, Grian."

And Grian collapses. Tears which threatened his eyes spill and he shifts to wrap his arms around Scar, chests pressed together so that two synced hearts might combine. He buries his face in Scar's neck and Scar holds him.

Scar holds him.

"We're soulmates," Grian whispers to the wind and the evening stars.

And a loyal partner whispers back: "We're soulmates."

[icallhimjoey]

Can you please write a funny/smutty JQ with whiskey dick? Like you go out and he drinks too much so he can’t get it up, but the next morning he wakes up and thinks you guys did the deed 👀 and you need to break it to him like, honey no you passed out halfway through taking off my bra and I was trapped under you all night lol

he's such a fucking idiot, i love him (i kept this cute, hope thats ok!) Wordcount: 1.1K ----

The Best

The second you saw him, you knew it was a good thing that you'd remained sober that night. Walking up to the pub Joe was at, his laughs could be heard outside and you were met with loud cheers as Joe and his friends spotted you.

"There she is!" Joe reached both hands for you, even though he was holding a drink. You thought he was going to go in for a hug, but then he dipped down lower and you realised he was going to try to pick you up and lurch you over his shoulder. You planted both feet sturdily into the carpet and used both hands to push into Joe's shoulders to stop him.

"No, no, come here, normal hugs, they're fine," and you wrapped your arms under his, forcing him to straighten and give you a normal, sensible hug. Pulling back, he left an arm slung around your shoulder and you could feel how wobbly he was, legs almost providing no support. He leant into you heavily, and you had to use a lot of strength to push back in order to keep him upright.

Joe was drunk.

"We've been discussing this all night and we need you to confirm," one of Joe's friends started.

"Or deny," another added.

Oh no. You looked at Joe, but it didn't seem like he was even fully aware of the conversation. He just grinned down at you, eyes nearly all the way shut.

"But Joe said,"

You felt your hands get clammy as Joe's friend paused to look at Joe, waiting maybe for Joe to interrupt and save himself from whatever was about to be said. But Joe just kept grinning at you.

"That he is the best... bedpartner you've ever had." You were surprised at how delicately polite they had put it.

Joe huffed a laugh through his nostrils into his drink and bent over slightly, nearly losing balance. You eyed him for a second, understanding the question, but not answering.

"Yea, Joe? Hanging with the lads? Talking about our sex life?" you challenged, unable to hide your own smile, even though you did think it wasn't the coolest thing for Joe to have said. Especially not if it was something that apparently had been the topic of a long discussion. You could just imagine how Joe would've boasted about himself to his friends, and how very clearly they hadn't believed a word of it.

"It's all good bants," Joe frowned and pushed his chin up, making his friends laugh.

You turned to face them.

"I guess I'll find out tonight, won't I?" you joked, knowing full well Joe was way too far gone to even try to think about getting his dick hard. If you didn't pay close attention, you could've mistaken him for being unconsicious right there, right now, in the middle of the pub.

"He's not," "You're definitely not,"

Both friends spoke in unison, making Joe scoff at them, and at you, and from the way Joe kept his eyes closed a little too long with each blink, you knew the smart and sensible thing to do was to take him home.

It was only a short walk to your apartment, and Joe was swaying with every step, using you to stay upright and guide him in the right direction. Half the time he forgot to pick up his feet properly, scraping his shoes against the pavement, something you knew he was going to regret later.

"I am, though, right?" Joe asked when you manouvered Joe to lean against the wall in your hallway before you turned to close the front door behind the two of you, locking it up securely.

"You are, what, baby?" you snuck your hands around his shoulders under his coat in order to take it off. Joe couldn't keep his eyes open and you softly giggled at the state of him. Here in the bright light of your own home, Joe really did look worse for wear, his curls wild and frizzy, eyes half the size they normally were.

"The best," Joe said it like he really believed it himself and flexed his bicep which he then tried to press a kiss onto, but he missed his own mouth, slamming his arm into his chin, making you giggle.

"Sure," you said, your sarcasm going unnoticed as you crouched down to take off his shoes for him.

"Come on," Joe bucked his hips forward, hitting you in the forehead with his crotch. "Jesus, Joe," you frowned, untangling his laces still.

"Come on," Joe did it again, making you lose your balance for a second and nearly falling over which made Joe laugh. He was too horny for his own good, too much alcohol turned him into a teenager.

"Bed," you said sternly, like you were telling off a child, holding your hands firmly on his shoes, making Joe step out of them as he listened to your command. It took some struggling, but after a few tries, Joe stumbled down the hall in his socks, sloppily pulling his T-shirt over his head as he stepped into the bedroom.

You predicted Joe to fall asleep upon the sight of the bed, but when you walked in, he had positioned himself seductively lying on his side, one knee propped up, waiting for you to join him in the bed. He looked ridiculously goofy.

"Are you ready for-" Joe hiccuped. "For the best night of your life?"

You raised your eyebrows questioningly as you undressed. "Of my life, Joey?"

"You haven’t seen half the things I could do to you," Joe couldn't even balance himself lying down, flopping over onto his front, making you laugh. "I'm intrigued," you tried not to think of how awful the next morning would be. Joe's hangovers could really go either way; or he'd be up for a run like he hadn't been having the most difficult time finding the bathroom in his own flat the night before, or he'd quite literally look and smell deceased.

Getting into bed, Joe was on you instantly, his torso heavy on top of yours, his head in crook of your neck, doing his very best to press kisses where you could feel them, but you knew he was getting mouthfuls of your hair from where he'd positioned himself. You just hugged him, and when you let your fingers slowly caress his back, you felt Joe sink into you more. He let out a deep sigh and his weight seemed to double on your frame as you felt his full body relax on top of yours. It took seconds for Joe's breath to even out near your ear, and you knew he'd fallen asleep. You pressed kisses to the side of Joe's head as you whispered "Best night of my life," into his hair and shifted slightly under him to get more comfortable. You treated Joe as you own personal weighted blanket and it didn't take long for you to drift off as well.

[prettyboykatsuki]

I need more toxic eren in my life you haven’t posted that in a while my love 😭🤌it’s about eren’s obsession with us you know?

cw ;; toxicity, obsession, lovesick!eren, drunkness, a little dubcon, hate sex kinda sorta, fingering / afab!reader, 18+ |

"Baby," ― The voice from the other side of your door is smooth, deep, and terribly drunk. You sigh deeply as you tap your foot on the other side ― "Please baby, open the door for me. I miss you so much,"

Eren Yeager has never done well in leaving you alone. You've known him for a bigger part of your life and it's never mattered to him what you wanted. He doesn't know the first thing about boundaries, or about following rules. He's never had to learn.

With a face and body like his, you find it hard to believe he's had to work for anything in his life. And as much as everyone seems to love and adore him - you fall into the minority that doesn't.

You don't hate Eren by any means. You just try not to pay him mind. You don't even remember when the chasing started, but if you had to guess - when in highschool you were rejected after a confession.

Shy, little highschool you rejected by a guy you thought was your best friend. It was a hard lesson to learn, but you worked through. Your slow distance from Eren let you focus on school, so you worked hard and got into the college of your choice with plans to never look back for Eren. Not after everything.

Along the way, you found yourself in his line of sight. He followed you to college, and all the way into your senior year. You are, decidely, over Eren Yeager.

But for what feels like forever now, Eren has chased you endlesly. Chased away all your potential love interest and damn near every male friend you've ever had. He's exhausting, and most days you want to knock his teeth out.

But when he gets drunk and gets all soft around the edges, he always ends up at your door. He won't leave no matter what. He's fallen asleep on your doorstep more than once and caught a fever before too.

"Eren, go home. Your roomates are probably waiting,"

"I miss you so much," ― He hiccups slightly, fist hitting the door ― "You make me so fucking crazy. Open the door, baby - lemme in,"

"I'm not your fucking baby, Eren," Your exasperation rises like bile in the back of your throat, gritting your teeth "You get it? There's nothing here. You broke up with me the way you did. Do you get it?"

"We're gonna be together whether you like me or not" He replies easily. You huff.

"I am not doing shit with you. I don't fucking like you."

This makes him laugh. Of course it does.

"Liar. You always lets me in," ― He says thoughtfully, soft and desperate ― "Even if it's just to get your pretty pussy wet. You always do,"

You feel your body go flush, groaning.

"That-! What we've done has nothing to do with -"

"I like when you're mad at me like this. You might not like me, but you love me, right?" ― He says with confidence that staggers you. So much you go quiet ― "You've always loved me. You always will, right?"

"Eren,"

"Tell me you'll always love me baby," He says more seriously, before knocking on the door a little more "Tell me you'll be with me forever. And open the door up or I'll start waking up your neighbors,"

Your hands tremble as you twist the door knob. You don't want to but knowing him, he really will do something you hate. Swinging it open, you stare at him. His tan skin flush with pink, and piercing green eyes.

The first thing he does is let himself in and close the door neatly behind him. When he does, he's quick to force your back to the wall. His hands are shameless, dipping into your waist band. His teeth nip at your neck and your knees suddenly feel weak. Miserably weak against him, your mouth opens up to moan.

"Eren, fuck - you're drunk,"

"I'm sober enough to touch you," ― He says, fingers against your slit, over your achy clit with a soft huff ― "You love me,"

"I don't l-like you, Eren,"

"But you love me. Me and no one else. Always me," His teeth nip at your throat as you let out another soft wet. Growing wet between your legs and exhaustion settling in your heart "You can use me, or hit me, or cry. Just can't love anyone else,"

You hiccup, holding his arms as you feel thick fingers stretch you out with a gasp. The world is spinning at your feet.

"You're crazy," You say seriously. He doesn't disagree.

"I won't ever let you be with someone other than me,"