#growing up polish

[liviathemenace]

I was born and raised in a shithole where my many great grandfathers would set vodka on fire to summon the spirits of those who have passed to win the favor of the deceased. I was born and raised prepared.

Prepare yourself

[liviathemenace]

About to head out for my end of the school year assembly but I still have some time left, so why not reminisce on some things.

So I'm on individual learning, meaning I have one on one classes with my teachers. We also don't have assigned classrooms, just go to whichever is available. During my 2nd semester I had my biology classes in the religion classroom because it was always free during that period. It was somewhat ironic, learning about evolution in that room. My school is really liberal, so I doubt creationism was ever taught in that room, but the dichotomy is still there.

[wszczebrzyszynie]

czechserwis (czeski fanserwis) + moja bardzo artystyczna interpretacja beboków (lubię kózki)

[coolnonsenseworld]

Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰

linktr.ee/Mezzy

[sealrock]

andromache: ... there's no such thing as a god-uncle. achille: there is now!

(based on this)

[faaun]

the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid

[torchstelechos]

Housemaiden Lillian tried not to judge, truly! She thought the saviors of Vaugarde were incredible individuals with amazing talent and never ending bravery. Its just... shes not quiet sure what to think of the traveler in their group. At first she had thought them an unfortunate soul that had pushed themself too far to save Vaugarde as he had collapsed after the celebration, but after a while it became clear something was wrong with him.

The ever present smell of something sweet in the air when she entered the room to change the towel on their head. The way the lights flickered and bent around him in a pattern unlike anything she had ever seen. It was unsettling, it was wrong. But no one else seemed to notice! The other saviors simply went about their business and talked to the unconscious traveler laying in bed, unable to respond but listening all the same. It was like she was the only one to notice, to see, to be aware.

Then one day the traveler was awake when she came in to do her rounds. Simply sitting up, looking out the window in awe at the sunshine, turning to stare at her when she opened the door a tad to quickly. His eyes snapping to her and sparking with thousands of lights that dissipated in an instance, now back to the dark shade they'd been previously. They squinted at her before smiling wide, too wide, teeth sharp and pure darkless; the appearance of ceramics and not bone. It took everything in her to not scream at the strange creature masquerading as a human in her medical room, but she prevailed as she simply nodded at the stranger.

"You're awake. Thats good, I'll let your party know."

Turning around before the stranger could speak, she hurried away. But it was fore not as the creature let out a sound akin to the sound of glass shattering on the ground, but no, actually, was it the sound of a million tiks of a clock all at once? Or perhaps the sound of sobbing? Maybe even the grind of rock against scissors... If Lillian had to name what sound the creature made it would have been the knowledge of death breathing on her neck but she knows, she knows, she knows... the creature had simply called out "wait!"

The world reset itself and she turned back to the creature, the stranger, the traveler, the human. The thing that bent the lights and shades around it into undefinable things, as it looked at her with pitiful eyes.

"Could you... get me some water, please?" Its hands come up in a pleading motion, as if in mockery of prayer, and Lillian tried to ignore the anger that brought to her. She swallowed, and nodded.

Hurrying down the halls to the kitchen, turning left here, turning right there, bump into housemaiden Mirabelle- ah! Wait! Mirabelle needs to know her... thing... is awake. Yes, she can handle that abomination in human form.

"Housemaiden Mirabelle! Thank goodness! Your... ally is awake in the infirmary, please do go talk to them. Im sure they would enjoy your company!" Please, please, please take it from her hands she does not want to see it ever again, please.

Mirabelle's eyes widen before crinkling in joy, her hands clasped not unlike the creatures own previous pleading. Her smile was that of a human, perfectly normal, perfectly sized.

"Oh! Oh! Oh yes! Thank you so much! I'll go see him right now, thank you for getting me!" and off she ran, her pins dinging as she goes.

Oh thank goodness indeed, Lillian sighs, before continuing onward to grab a pitcher of water. She took her time to grab it and walk back, the unease oozing in the air around her but she is a housemaiden! And she wont! Give in! To some weird creature pretending to be human! Huffing and puffing she stomps back to the infirmary with the requested water. At the door, however, she paused.

What if the creature was a saddness pretending to be human and she had sent Mirabelle to it? What if it was something far worst than a saddness? What if Mirabelle was already dead and Lillian was to blame and that creature escaped and suddenly there was no more saviors and what if, what if, what if???

Opening the door to peek inside, Lillian is surprised to see how normal it is. The creature is smiling at Mirabelle, who is laughing at something it had said. The defender was also there watching on with soft eyes. The researcher sat close by with the child hanging off her, loudly talking about the food they were going to make the creature eat now that it was awake. And everything was... normal? There was no smell of sweetness in the air, the lights didnt bend, and the creatures smile was normal with normal teeth. It was almost like Lillian had imagined it all... did she? It's been stressful after the King and she had only just reawaken from being frozen.

With a sudden rush of guilt, Lillian came in quietly before setting the pitcher of water down on the bedside table. Nodding at the saviors who all cheered and waved and smiled at her, all of them human, completely normal humans. So why, why did she dehumanize the injured traveler? Was it because they weren't from Vaugarde? Was she being prejudiced? Why, why, why?? She thought, well, it doesn't matter what she thought. Clearly she was in the wrong and had turned against one of the saviors because she was tired and stressed out, what a horrible thing to do. Taking a careful breathe in, she turned to smile at the traveler in the bed and froze.

No. No no no no no no. THATS NOT A HUMAN. The shade of pain, of breaking, of rotting, of failing, of something awful reflected back at her from its eye. Stars, thousands, millions, the entire night in it's eye. The light bending and stretching and changing and becoming something WRONG.

Lillian screamed before running but the world bent and turned and shook and she fell hard. The creature making a noise impossible to describe the very feeling of time shattering in her ears and the yelling of humans alongside it. Wrong, wrong, wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrong-

Lillian felt. The world. Change. and Shatter.

Lillian woke up in bed, she forgot what she was dreaming about but the saviors were there. She remembers the traveler smiling at her, she smiled back. What a nice fella, that traveler was. Though, she did feel like she forgot something important, but well, you know the saying. If it was important, you'd remember it.

With a smile, she went about her day and hoped the future stayed just as perfect as it was now.

[lavellyne]

can the "finding your art style" discussion finally end because it does nothing but feeds people's insecurity and obsession with finding something... that they already have?

i've been there, trust me. growing up i was obsessed with "finding" my own art style. but you know what it only did? it made me almost quit drawing altogether on many occasions when in reality i already had one.

an art style is how you interpret everything around you through the act of creation. it's how you draw right now. it's how you place the lines. your line-weight. it's how you draw the eyes. it's how you shade.

an art style grows with you. it grows with your improvement. of course you can explore and bump it up by testing bits and pieces from art you love. but you don't add those bits to nothing. you add to what you already have, to the art style you already have. it's how you draw.

[skinreflectsthesun]

I love a black nail polish 🖤😮‍💨💅🏻

[ilovedthestars]

Sometimes I think about how there are friends whose names I don’t know anymore.

I grew up with a little posse of queer kids. I haven’t talked to most of them in years. I remember them as they were in middle school, when we were still figuring ourselves out. Some of them were trans, or thought they might be trans. Some of them tried on new names.

I had a friend who told me to call her a new name, and she/they. I mostly used she, because she was only out to a small handful of people at the time. If I slipped up and used the new name around other friends, most of them didn’t know who I was talking about. That was eighth grade. We went to different high schools, and didn’t keep up.

That friend shared a handful of playlists with me, back when we knew each other. I still have them saved on my phone. The name under the playlist title has changed from either of the ones I knew her by. I looked again while writing this, and it’s changed to a new name since the last time I looked. I’m sure my friend doesn’t know that by changing their name on their own device, they’re sending out a faint signal that I’m still receiving. It feels like a strange peephole into the present of a friend I left in the past.

Their number is still in my contacts, under the name they told me to call them by. We’ve texted each other on a handful of birthdays in the last few years. Otherwise we haven’t talked. The last time I saw their face was five years ago. They called my name in public, and for a second I didn’t recognize them when I turned to look. I wonder if I’d recognize them now if I ran into them on the street. I wonder what name I’d call them by, and if they’d answer to it.

I might not think of this at all, if not for those playlists from my friend who keeps changing their name. But that makes me wonder about the other trans kids I grew up with, and if the names I learned to call them are still the right ones. We were all still figuring ourselves out, back then. I hadn’t figured myself out yet. (I still haven’t.) I wonder if any of them think of me as their straight friend. I wonder if any of the friends I never knew as trans have new names now.

I know that all the friends I left behind have changed from the goofy, awkward, messy fourteen-year-olds that are frozen in my memory. I know I’m a different person, and they might not recognize me if they saw me today. It’s just so strange to think of someone I once shared everything with and wonder if I still know their name.

[thedrotter]

as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit

it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now

[te4k3ttle]

they were pinky and the brain for me growing up

[liviathemenace]

That One Time My Babushka Made a Pact With An Eldrich Evil: One Night in Bydgoszcz

[pushing500]

Buckeye has a good name for our newest temporary base. "Parish-by-the-Expanse" is much nicer than "Landfall" was, and as our new residence is a cult settlement in a wide, flat grassland... It really is a parish in the expanse.

Not going to lie, I had completely forgotten that Duchess was pregnant so I appreciate the helpful reminder. A crib was quickly constructed, and baby food was added to the stove bill! We're all looking forward to meeting Blackdragon Jr.

Waaah I can't believe Bella is seven already!!! Happy birthday! I imagine Blackdragon (our resident tailor) has made some adjustments to Bella's favourite dress so she can still wear it even though she's probably grown heaps since we landed.

They grow up so fast...

Oh for crying out loud, Duchess, we're in the middle of an important cult meeting! Don't you think this could have waited a few more minutes?

Welcome to the world, Dire Wolf. It's a pleasure to have you, and we can't wait until you're old enough to wear a mask just like your dad.

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[oswlld]

oswlld's monthly wrap up: april

note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb

--

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone [started 04/04, finished 04/09] *drags my hands down my face until the end of time* I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I WANT TO MEET YOU!!!! IN EVERY PLACE I EVER LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4.75⭐️ in storygraph. — Hamnet, Maggie O’Farrell [started 04/12, in prog] I am about 100 pages in and still not sure if I want to keep going or DNF it. idk what isn’t sticking because the writing is beautiful and the pacing is great. And I do care about the characters, I really do. I love the way the author borrows from future grief, it’s what I am enjoying most about this read so far. Maybe I’ll give it 50 more pages and see if it finally sticks.

23.5 Degrees, GMMTV [started: 03/08, ongoing] As mentioned, I am caught up on eps 3-8. I’ll likely not be able to watch it live in may but I will be keeping up with the series til the end. It’s so lighthearted and charming! Not sure how they managed this, but I am constantly surprised by the character group dynamics. It’s def due to the great chemistry everyone has with literally everyone. I need NEED to discuss the score of this show because it’s IMMACULATE. The celestial themes, from the props all the way down to the music, is so rich. I’m so excited to see how this story unravels. — Devil’s Plan [started: 04/23, ongoing] This is a bestie pick, a show my best friend chose to have us watch on our facetime calls. We are 1.5 eps in and it’s a grower. The first game is hella complex and we’re slowly picking up on what’s happening. The people on this show are incredibly intelligent, so I feel like I have to work extra hard to keep up. It does feel rewarding, I’m hooked.

Oppenheimer, Peacock [watched on 04/05] I am a self-proclaimed Nolan girlie, I’ll admit it. I do enjoy his work and the many ways he translates time into film. When I wrote this, it had been a few days since I watched it and I still think abt the little moments that blew me away. Moments like the accentuated dust particles, how the coloring of the movie can be an unreliable narrator, and the utilization of a crowded hall stomping their feet to create tension. The last eight minutes still haunts me. I find more value in the technical side of film, but I will give credit when credit is due: every award Cillian Murphy got this season was so well earned. He carried all three hours of that film with such powerful quietude. And lastly, my heart now belongs to Jennifer Lame. Upon seeing her accept the award for Best Film Editing for Oppenheimer, I have come to learn that she also edited Tenet. HER MIND!!! She has such a bright future ahead of her, to be up there with the minds of Thelma Schoonmaker and Anne V Coates. — Yellow Door: ’90s Lo-Fi Film Club [watched on 04/14] This film needs to be studied in film school. It’s incredibly meta in some ways, having renown directors be the subjects, talking about their passion for film. The production being so stylized and the editing feels very reminiscent of Our Beloved Summer, with the way the found footage and the aspect ratios are intertwined with current day quality shots. This film will hit everyone right in the millennial. A true surprise for me is discovering that Bong Joon Ho and I are more alike that I had originally thought. The way he speaks in casual conversation and his story of setting strict rules for their film collection had me hollering because SAME. The most jessi thing he recounted was how all the VHS tapes were labelled. Yellow Door is somehow the opposite of the "doesn’t take itself too seriously" mentality; it’s actually so great that they made the film like that. By fully immersing us with gorgeous cinematography, cheeky editing sequences, and lush music to tug at your heartstrings, it bewitches you into loving film as much as they did. And still do.

Cowboy Carter, Beyoncé [relisten] I’ve given this several good cycles to confirm my first impressions: it’s def one of her most cohesive albums to date and still stands as a spectacular album. This passion project of hers takes such great care and attention to the voices she amplifies. I can feel the hunger, the innate need for her to make this album. If you haven’t heard how this album came to be, I insist you take the time to educate yourselves. It makes the listening experience so much more empowering. Good for her… GOOD. FOR. HER!! Current favs: Ameriican Requiem, 16 Carriages, Bodyguard, Jolene, Spaghettii, Ya Ya, Desert Eagle, II Hands II Heaven, and Sweet/Honey/Buckin’. — Older, Lizzy McAlpine [first time listening] Coming off the heels of my Five Seconds Flat hyperfixation last year, I haphazardly went into Older hoping its a natural progression in production value. I was shocked that it turned out to be a completely different sound. I soon learned that she actually didn’t really like how Five Seconds Flat was produced because it didn’t feel true to her as an artist. Tbh I was feeling a little lost after the first listen but after digesting this new info, I went back into it and appreciated it a lot more. In fact, the third listen was when I realized that it gave off the same energy as Laufey. I’m excited to listen to it again soon. — Stick Season: Forever, Noah Kahan [first time listening] Having stumbled on all the collabs on Alexa earlier this year, Forever was the only new song for me from his latest release. I’m OBSESSED with this song!!!! The way his voice carries the entire weight of every hurt inside me and just takes it away. Something healed in me. I play it in the car every time I leave the house. I cry in the car every time I leave the house. — The Tortured Poets Department, Taylor Swift [first time listening, standard vinyl ed.] I am going to get this out of the way and say that this album is great. Just great. I understand more than ever why she felt the need to make this album. Having only listened to the standard version a couple times and the anthology twice through, I sit here in this kind of… discomfort. And I’m kind of okay with that feeling. But… it pains me that I can’t share this album with some people in my life and it’s largely due to how she depicts her struggles with people with mental illness/addiction. It’s one, if not the biggest, strike I have against this album and by extension, her. Songs cycling in my head: Down Bad, So Long London, Guilty as Sin?, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?, loml, imgonnagetyouback, Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, How Did It End?, I Look in People’s Windows, The Prophecy, Peter, and The Manuscript.

EXPO Chicago [attended 04/13] Yes, I am doxxing myself a bit if you didn’t already know. During college, I used to attend EXPO yearly and occasionally went back long after I finished school. I haven’t attended in a long time, so I made it my goal to attend this year. And I had a blast! My mother tagged along and she’s not one to attend shows like this or art museums in general. It was a beautiful day trip to the city and it was nice to have her company. She mostly trailed behind and took pics of me as I floated around the exhibition hall. I have 50+ artists I tracked on my phone to actively research in my spare time. I sat in on one of the panel talks (ON COLOR), discussing color theory in today’s bipoc landscape. I took so much away from that conversation, it was very charged. I'm kinda obsessed with Alteronce Gumby, I need to do an artist deepdive on his work. — Coachella [watched from 04/12 to 04/14] I work for a big tech company and one of the biggest events to be on standby for is Coachella. I had to be on call for Friday and was backup support for Sunday lineups. Thus, Saturday was the only day I could sit back and relax while watching. My first time lineups included: Hatsune Miku, Peso Pluma, Late Night Drive Home, Jon Batiste, Ateez, le Sserafim, Purple Disco Machine, Bleachers, No Doubt, 88rising Futures, and Latin Mafia. Of all of the performances, I want to take a full deep dive into Ateez and Peso Pluma’s discography in the near future.

[kyouka-supremacy]

hii a few days ago (i think) you mentioned in the tags of one of the asks that you have some thoughts regarding the themes of bsd characters being pretty 👀👀 could you elaborate on that?

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING. I have very strong opinions on where skk and sskk place on the thematical prettiness scale so here you go. The fun part is that I am a radical beauty relativist which makes any judgement on appearance ultimately meaningless– because there's not such thing as universal beauty to me, only time and space susceptible beauty standards. Additionally, I don't think there's any significant distinction in their depictions, because Harukawa's art style is very beautiful and elegant and such applies to virtually every character with no notable difference. But like that's the whole point isn't it!! Because it's not about Chuuya being handsome or Dazai being prettier than Akutagawa per sé, as much as what those things represent in terms of symbolism in a story. Here's my personal headcanons (with the very much needed disclaimer that I feel attracted to men once every three months at best, so it really is all about the narrative and plot value their physical appearances hold more than like. actual valuations of their beauty):

Dazai is distinctively, remarkably beautiful. I mean, that part is pretty much canon, isn't it? He really is that kind of charming, charismatic presence that would make people turn back to look at him when crossing the street. But his beauty has some sort of distance and elusiveness to it– his features are classical and very conventionally beautiful in a way that makes him vaguely impersonal. Most importantly, his beauty is vastly intimidating. He is beautiful in a way that feels distant, out of reach, that makes people subconsciously uncomfortable. That only adds to his charisma (and having an easy game to manipulate people), as people will be immediately bewitched when someone as ethereal looking as Dazai shows the slightest sign of interest in them. He definitely looks older than he is.

Chuuya is a completely different deal! He's just as beautiful as Dazai, yet in a substantially different way. He's handsome due to a certain feeling of naturalness and unconstraint he has to him. He has that real and specific beauty of someone who's comfortable in their own skin, which is something genuinely pleasant to witness. His appearance is handsome and cool, but in such an effortless way that vastly adds to his appeal; he exudes confidence and freshness, he's passionate and lively and just someone to bask in the presence of. He can come off as intimidating, too, but to a slightly lesser extent than Dazai and in a way he's way more in control of, able to make people feel at ease if he wants to. Ultimately, to make a silly example, I fear Chuuya would have quite a bit of suitors (that he's only half aware of), while Dazai regretfully comes off too scary for most people.

(And I feel like someone's going to think “it shows that Op hasn't read Stormbringer 🙄🙄” and like. That much is true and irrefutable ahah. But I also like to think Chuuya's story was a gradual journey into accepting himself and feel comfortable in his body. I am a strong happy ending Chuuya supporter ///// )

Atsushi is beautiful in a very peculiar and unique way. He's the kind who, at first sight, one wouldn't find remarkably attractive at all, all his beauty being covered up by raggedness and a neglected appearance, and he wouldn't be spared a second look. And yet when that second look is spared, one would suddenly realize he's got bewitching, glistening eyes, a certain masculine pronunciation to his face that results very attractive, a toned figure, a stunning smile. And his beauty is the furthest that can be from Dazai's classical lineaments: it's unusual, and wild, but still strikingly gorgeus. The truest diamond in the rough. Atsushi's completely oblivious to it, btw– how could it be any differently with him! Moreover, it would be quite fitting if Atsushi's beauty was, too, one of the many contributing factors that trigger Akutagawa's feeling of minority.

Akutagawa isn't beautiful. This is the only take actively sustained by canon elements (besides from maybe Dazai being beautiful, but to a way lesser extent), and the canon judgement of his apparence is definitely not a flattering one: “a faint smile curled Akutagawa’s lips, slightly exposing the inside of his mouth, which was as red as blood” “Akutagawa’s smirk was colder than a snake’s, his breath more repulsive than a demon’s”. His skin is grey, and his eyes are bloodshot, and he coughs blood, and he definitely stinks– he's messy and rabid and unkept. Before everything else stands the fact that he has this sickly impression to him which makes him vaguely repulsive to whoever stumbles across him. But that's exactly everything Akutagawa is, isn't it!! His whole thing is being fundamentally unable to be loved– both because of things he controls and things he can't control, his unpleasant physical appearance falling in the second category. That's what I mean when I say characters' physical appearance is a fun tool to convey their core themes! The tragedy of Akutagawa's character being someone who constantly strives for being loved and yet is doomed by destiny to result repulsive to everyone nicely translates in him having unpleasant looks that make him ugly and unlovable.

And as little extra, pretending for a moment that I don't have Beast bias:

Beast Akutagawa being quite handsome. Not at Dazai or Chuuya's level, but people would casually consider him a beautiful man. Compared to his canon counterpart, he's got the same fire in his eyes, yet it's paired with a slightly healthier, less repulsive built, greater confidence in his stance, and a more - although far from being tidy - clean appearance, all contributing to make him fairly attractive. Besides, bonus prettiness points for the coolest outfit in the entirety of bsd only second to the Dark Era Dazai one in my very humble opinion...

Beast Atsushi is gorgeus in a way that makes him look almost noble, yet feels unsettlingly plastic-like: artificial, stiff, imposed. I've talked before about how his being kept and tidy is actually just another expression of the grip that Dazai has on his persona and psyche, who wraps, controls and manipulates every aspect of his being including his very appearance. He's got the same stunning strong lineaments, yet they're schooled to look far more distant and intimidating. I wonder if the kind eyes would stay the same... They probably don't shine as brightly as the canon Atsushi's ones.