#growing through adversity

[absinthemindedly]

Patron saint of dandelions that grow through cracks in the sidewalk

the patron saint of worms that died on concrete

[la-pheacienne]

I'm reading the lord of the rings and I'm once again amazed at how... good most characters are. Like, they are genuinely good people. They are a bunch of kindhearted, gracious, caring people, coming together under adverse circumstances and trying to figure things out and find a solution and support each other through it all. Like Frodo and Sam meet Faramir and Faramir is a bit suspicious at first and kind of implies Frodo may be a spy, and then when he hears his story and he's like Frodo, I pressed you so hard at first. Forgive me! It was unwise in such an hour and place. And this blows.my.mind. He wasn't even particularly mean or threatening to him in the beginning, he's just such a kind, considerate man, recognizing the kindness and honesty of another man. And they're all like that. Even Gollum starts slowly changing (for a short while) when he encounters Frodo because that's the thing about kindness and humility and grace, they are contagious. They transform people, even a creature like Gollum cannot be immune to that. Like, you may consider all this simple and basic and I get it but, hear me out. It is quite rare to see that in modern media and it is also pretty difficult to pull off in a way that is not corny and simplistic. It is mind blowing that you actually don't have to present the entire palette of human cruelty and vice in order to tell a compelling story, contrary to popular belief. Lotr does the exact opposite, and it is just beautiful and it warms my heart. Especially taking into consideration tolkien's pretty grim growing-up experience, him being a double orphan without a home, raised between an orphanage and a priest and having no family apart from his brother and then the war and then he almost dies and then he's poor as hell and then a second war and it all makes sense somehow. He writes to his wife who is also an orphan two days before the marriage "the next few years will bring us joy and content and love and sweetness such as could not be if we hadn't first been two homeless children and had found one another after long waiting" and, yes, yes! The love and sweetness just radiate from his work, the entire lotr series is a little radiant bubble of hope and love and grace that he imagined in his head to deal with a dismal reality and then he just gave that to the world, and isn't that what imagination and art is all about after all?

[dearjewels22]

[jessdrawz]

"Great Basin Bristlecone pines are remarkable for being the oldest non-clonal species on the planet. This strange tree, shaped by the wind, snow, and rain has survived over thousands of years, overseeing the rise and fall of great empires, growing through ice-ages and catastrophic volcanic eruptions. But their ability to survive these harsh environments and adverse growing conditions is exactly their secret to great longevity." - Nat'l Park Service (nps.gov)

[inseparabiles]

There's also the repeat references to their father's cruelty towards them. They did not get an upbringing which would foster care for anyone but each other. I'm looking at this from a perspective that makes this personally stand out to me, but while subtle, there is a very significant narrative with the two of prolonged childhood trauma, which has had them in a survival mode their whole lives.

Then their father is no longer there and for the first time, they're not fearing the consequences of breathing wrong. The only thing they've learned through and through is that they have no one else but each other, and combined with their other damage, this has become to the exclusion of everybody else - a trait you do not want to see in an emperor. Put two of them together, and they'll end up in a self-perpetuating cycle of becoming the worst of themselves, because their sole meaningful audience can always only make them worse.

With Caracalla's illness, he is constantly further pushing Geta out of any potential other path that he had. Most of Geta's rule consists of trying to stop his brother from self-destructing through his uncontrollable behaviour and catering to his desires to keep him stable/satisfied. Despite this, throughout the film, he shows some promise: he asks Caracalla first, for example, when deciding the fate of a gladiator. A surprise to no one, Caracalla tells him he'd like to "see some blood", but this is clearly not the answer that Geta wanted to hear, so he asks Lucille also, under the guise of her being their guest. She tells him to show mercy - and he does.

Later, take this with a grain of salt since I've only seen the movie once (fixing this in a couple hours however so if I'm utterly wrong maybe I'll come back to correct myself here), Geta is the one who hesitates on initially commanding Acacius's death, when the crowd shows such preference for him. Surely - he ends up calling for it with his whole chest when disobeyed, but there is a moment there where he thinks, this is not the right choice to make.

But what Geta is above all other things, is a survivor of childhood abuse who made it his purpose to protect his weaker brother. Shoved into a position of ultimate power, he does not change from this. And Caracalla, at this point, simply is not capable of being more to him than someone he desperately needs to retain his sense of safety and stability in a world which is unpredictable and uncaring toward him. The only person he loves, and trusts to truly love him in return, even if the glimpses to that side of him are slipping from their hands by the day.

While in his role as the emperor and his brother's primary and only caretaker, what Geta ends up doing is look for a father figure. Someone who could advice him in the matters of the realm - but who also cares for him, and would provide safety and stability both for himself and Caracalla. They are VERY young men who never had the experience of being protected, or being kindly guided through their responsibilities. They are surrounded by sycophants and enemies. They latch onto and immediately trust the only person in their circle who, they think, shows them genuine care and concern. Who becomes a true friend. The fact that Geta ultimately asks for Macrinus to be the one to go talk to Caracalla, to calm him down, and then for the second time that night asks him for help helping his brother when things are going very wrong? That takes an insane amount of sincere trust from him - Caracalla is his primary responsibility, but with Macrinus around, he begins to trust that maybe he does not have to be alone with that responsibility, and maybe, for the first time, he can allow himself to think of his empire, too.

They are incredibly naive and desperate for protectors and parents. It's easy to see with Caracalla, whose illness makes his behaviour lapse so often to regression and childlike states. But Geta is by no means any better.

This all, of course, followed by the disclaimer that Geta's still a monster in the making who is seen to clearly enjoy and delight in the suffering of others, and will not hesitate to call for the heads of those who do wrong against him. But he shows that he is capable of second-guessing these instincts. The reason he rarely does is that he has no one who cares about him and who could help him choose another path, and as much as he remains the stronger and more coherent brother, Caracalla is the only person who he can allow himself to fully, unconditionally love, and whom he feels connected with. And Caracalla's judgement will always be "I'd like to see some blood".

They could have been better, though. If they didn't grow up raised by fucking wolves.

From the way Geta and Caracalla reacted to Acacius' and Lucilla's betrayal to their fear of the people's wrath against them, you can really tell how young and inexperienced these two really were.

Yes, they had an almost complete disregard of their subjects needs and, yes, they were heading straight to madness but there is also a tragedy to their stories. They were given great power at a young age, Caracalla's mind was all but gone and Geta showed signs of an unhinged character. They had no one to rely on except each other and seemed eager to have someone that they can trust.

But their madness also makes you wonder, how much of it can also be blamed on their position? These two would probably have different demeanors (and most certainly different fates) if they had never become Emperors which makes you realize how power can truly corrupt and destroy people and even display their true characters.

[ms-demeanor]

This is a good faith/genuine ask. Sorry if you’ve posted this already on your blog! My parents were big into medical woo when I was growing up. My dad’s a chiropractor and while he doesn’t think it’ll cure autism or asthma, I’ve learned a lot over the past few years about its origins and how it’s a pseudoscience. Do you have resources about the pseudoscience or lack of evidence for spinal manipulation? I feel a bit like I’m trying to leave a cult with how embedded some of these claims are from my childhood.

thanks for all your posting about medical woo and pseudosciences! It’s made a huge difference for me.

sorry about formatting, I’m on mobile

Quackwatch has a very good introductory article that links to lots and lots of other articles. That page has been up a long time, so many of the links are broken, but you can find the references at the bottom of the page by searching the full name and title of the articles (which, for the record, is a really great reason to include full citations even when writing for the internet!)

Two of the articles that had broken links that I'd suggest looking at are by Edzard Ernst, who is a researcher focused on CAM who has published a *ridiculous* amount of information analyzing the efficacy of alternative therapies. Both of these are available as free fulltext articles online, they are:

Chiropractic: a Critical Evaluation

Adverse Effects of Spinal Manipulations: A Systematic Review

Like most alternative medicine, it is hard to find "fair" research on chiropractic because most of the people who are reporting on outcomes are the people performing the treatments. There are dozens of "peer-reviewed" chiropractic journals that do little more than function as advertising for the industry and that churn out lots of studies that sound good but are badly constructed and are poor evidence for the efficacy of the treatment.

Even "fair" research that finds that chiropractic is largely ineffective often gets misinterpreted and held up as a win for chiropractic; a 2019 paper found that spinal manipulation therapy was as effective as other recommended treatments for low back pain - the issue is that other recommended treatments for low back pain aren't very effective. Ernst did a write-up on that study too, which provides a good basic model for how to look at research reviews.

Thanks for reaching out and asking, it sounds like you've been dealing with a lot through this and I hope you have a good day.

[sincerelykimii]

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰?

𝘉𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘉𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝐒𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺， 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴, 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵．

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴， 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘺．

𝐀/𝐍: 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺！

Growing up, you always felt a sense of detachment from those around you. Your parents were preoccupied with their own struggles, leaving you to navigate your emotions alone. As a result, you built walls around your heart, finding it easier to keep your feelings hidden rather than risk vulnerability. Friendships and relationships were challenging, as you often seemed distant and aloof. Despite your longing for connection, the fear of getting hurt kept you emotionally unavailable.

When you joined the avengers, you had a hard time connecting with the others. The first couple of weeks you were cooped up in your room keeping to yourself, often finding yourself reflecting on your past life, mirroring the experiences and emotions you once lived through. Whether it was the way you approached relationships or handled adversity, your past life served as a constant reminder and guide. This mirroring allowed you to draw strength from your history, using it as a foundation to build a better future while remaining deeply connected to your roots. Over time you slowly started to join the conversations, showed up at events, even staying for movie nights.

After years of feeling like you were constantly on edge, you finally found a sense of calm. The anxious thoughts began to quiet down, and you felt a newfound sense of control over your emotions. The once overwhelming stressors in your life seemed more manageable, and slowly you approached each day with a serene confidence, bringing a deep sense of inner peace you longed for.

That was until you met Bucky.

You truly didn’t have a problem with him, you found him almost intriguing. His cold demeanor, his attitude, his attractive features. You felt drawn to him. Until you finally drew him out. His snarky comments, his shameful teasing, the pure hatred in his eyes when you walked in the room. Lowering your walls was already hard enough to overcome, but letting in the hatred that spat from his lips wasn’t what you were expecting whatsoever.

You had always been sensitive to the harsh words and negativity thrown your way, but over time, you learned to block out his antics, keeping your calm personality you’ve built. Constantly reminding yourself of your strengths and the small acts of love received from those who truly mattered.

———

You walked into the gym, finally getting some alone time to work out in peace. Well, you thought you did.

There he was. Shirtless, lifting an overly weighted bar over his chest. You didn’t pass up the opportunity, letting your eyes travel down his toned abdomen. That didn’t last long, because as soon as your eyes met his, it felt like the air shifted completely. He was up within seconds, walking over to you. Great.

“Leave.” he practically growled.

You let out a scoff, setting your bag at one of the weight machines, “I didn’t know you owned the gym?” Your retort, your words dripping with annoyance. His eyes flash with just as much annoyance dripping in your tone. He takes a step towards you, his voice dropping an octave lower.

“I don't own the gym, but I make the rules here. And the rule is, you leave.”

You roll your eyes, grabbing spare weights placing them on the bar. Does he hear how stupid he sounds? Like actually. What kind of comeback is that? “I don’t know who you think you are, but you have no right to try and boss me around.” your tone is calm, you didn’t want him to think he can get under your skin so easily, and you surely didn’t want to provoke him. You weren’t mentally prepared for another unnecessary argument. You simply throw your headphones on, not wanting to hear any more of his ‘rules’.

You start your work out, pushing the heavy bar above your chest then slowly back down, letting your arms really feel the weight. Your music plays almost eardrum shattering loud, almost forgetting about Bucky.

Almost.

He finds himself watching how you smoothly handle the weight, his initial anger turning into something more... admiring. His usual sharp tongue stays silent for once, caught off guard by your calm defiance. Instead of chasing you out, he walks closer, deliberately trying to disturb your peaceful workout.

Pushing the bar above your chest a final time, you Finish your set. You glance up, looking into the mirror taking a double take as you see bucky standing too close for comfort. You lower your headphones, letting them fall around your neck before turning to face him. “Did you need something?” You ask, brows furrowing in confusion. You could already hear his sarcastic tone coming from a mile away.

"Need something?"

He smirks, crossing his arms over his chest, still standing uncomfortably close. "I thought I already made it clear you weren't welcome here." Despite his harsh words, there's no real malice behind them now, just pure curiosity on how you'll react.

He wanted a reaction out of you, and you refused to let him get one.

“I’m not going to argue with you.”

Bucky narrows his eyes suspiciously as you abruptly change tactics, his usual confrontation tactic failing miserably. He uncrosses his arms, unsure how to proceed without getting a reaction out of you.

"So, what? You just gonna ignore me?"

You nod at him through the mirror, hands lingering on your headphones, “That exactly.” You say, sliding your headphones back on your head, starting your next set. As you take the weighted bar in your hands, the weight feels lighter than before, almost like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. That weight in question being, Bucky.

He eventually walks away, going back to his own workout. He looks…upset? Usually the two of you would be biting eachothers heads off, but now it’s, peaceful, almost too peaceful. The rest of your workout goes smoothly, no sharp remarks, no bickering, just peace. That’s how you liked it, well you thought you did. Something in the back of your mind, was screaming at you to go and talk to him. The other part telling you to leave him alone.

You began packing your bag back up, glancing over every so often at Bucky, his expression still a frown. Maybe you were too harsh? You leave the gym, taking a final glance at Bucky, his eyes meeting yours briefly before looking away.

Bucky’s head was spiraling just as much as yours, maybe even worse. He watched you pack your bag, your quiet, care free workout making him realize how much he feeds off of the arguments. He sees you look at him multiple times, your expression unreadable. He unconsciously unclenches his jaw when you finally leave, his frown deepening. He had always struggled with expressing his feelings, just as you did. Especially when it came to the person he found himself heavily drawn too. Instead of telling you how much you meant to him, he found himself teasing and picking on you. It was his way of getting your attention, but deep down, he knew it wasn't the best approach. He admired you from afar, wishing he could find the right words to show his affection.

———

A few hours later, you found yourself rummaging through the fridge for what felt like the hundredth time. Just as you reached out to grab something, the door closes almost catching your nose. “What the fuck.” You spat out, jerking your head back.

Once again, there he was. Leaning against the counter, his muscular arms crossed over his chest, a smirk playing on his lips. "Language," he chastises lightly, his tone teasing rather than scolding. He tilts his head slightly, studying you with an unreadable expression.

You roll your eyes opening the fridge again, grabbing a pre-made caeser salad Peter picked up for you at the deli. “Do you ever get tired?” you ask, opening the salad, taking a bite.

“Of what?”

“Being a pain in my ass.” you retort, chuckling softly.

He laughs unexpectedly, throwing his head back slightly. "No," he answers simply, uncrossing his arms. He watches you eat, his smirk softening. "You know what's funny?" He adds suddenly. "You never seem to snap at me anymore." He watches your expression shift, mesmerized by your beautiful features. "You're always calm," He points out thoughtfully, his voice lower than usual. "Like nothing gets to you."

He unconsciously mirrors your action, leaning back against the counter again.

"Do you ever get mad?"

Instead of finding a healthy way to communicate, you often let her frustration and anger take over. You would lash out at those around you, even when they had done nothing wrong. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" You snapped at your friend, who was only trying to help. It was your way of coping, but it left you feeling isolated and misunderstood.

You set your fork down, suddenly losing your appetite. “Not really, you don’t get under my skin as much as you think you do.” you say, sliding the bowl towards him.

He raises an eyebrow, taking the bowl from you and sitting on the counter instead. He starts eating the salad, his mind reeling with questions. "So you're telling me that none of my jokes, or pranks, or constant bickering bothers you?" He asks incredulously.

You shake your head, leaning further against the counter. “I like to think you just like me so much, the only way you think you can talk to me is through those insults.” you reply calmly, knowing just how to get under his skin. You can see his jaw tighten slightly, though there's a flicker of amusement in his eyes at your calm confidence.

He swallows a bite hurriedly, trying to maintain his composure. "You think you've got me all figured out, don't you?

“You didn’t deny it.”

For a split second, his eyes darken with something more than his usual teasing - a mix of frustration and awareness. Then he covers it with a smirk, "Just because I don't deny something doesn't mean it's true," he says.

“Well it stands, till denied.”

He chuckles, taking another bite before speaking. "Fine, I'll deny it. I don't like you, and I only talk to you through insults because I hate your calm, annoying personality." He says, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Your lips curl into a grin, “Lying is a sin Barnes.” you retort, a full smile on your lips now.

He rolls his eyes, but he can't help the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Every time you smiled, it was as if the world around him lit up. Your smile had a way of reaching your eyes, making them sparkle with a warmth that melted his heart.

“And what about you, huh? Always so perfect and put together.” He says, his eyes trailing over your face.

A quiet scoff leaves your lips, “No one’s perfect. Fake it till you make it.” you say, shrugging your shoulders.

His eyes narrow slightly at your words, a hint of vulnerability flashing in their depths before he masks it with a scowl. "Fake it till you make it, huh? Is that what you're doing with your whole perfect act?" He challenges, his tone a bit sharper than before.

You nod, eyes focusing anywhere but his, “yeah.” you coo, softly. Your tone wasn’t as playful anymore, it’s was vulnerable, it was...real.

This obviously didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky.

His scowl deepens, his mind reeling with questions. He's crossed a line, he can tell by the way your voice has lost its usual teasing tone. He swallows hard, his eyes searching your face for any sign that you're really faking it. He can see it now - the way you won't look at him, the way your shoulders have tensed up. He's hit a nerve, and he hates that he feels a strange sense of satisfaction from it.

Before he could say anything, you jump off the counter. “Goodnight.” you say, before dissapearing to your room.

His jaw tightens as he watches you retreat, his mind racing. For the first time in a long time, he feels like an actual asshole. "Shit," he mutters to himself, running a hand through his hair. He knows he's hurt you, can feel it in his gut.

———

The sun came shining strong through your window, illuminating your face. Tossing and turning trying to avoid it, your eyes eventually flutter open taking in the light. You layed in bed longer than you usually would, finding yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to experience true love. The kind of love that made your heart race and your soul feel complete. You longed for someone who would understand you in ways no one else could, someone who would stand by your side through the highs and lows. You yearned for the gentle touch, the shared laughter, and the comforting silence that only one could bring. Finally getting up from the place you enjoyed most, you enter the kitchen pouring coffee into the mug Tony got you for Christmas. ‘Be Happy!’

How ironic.

Bucky hears the soft footsteps down the hall, his eyes watching as you enter the kitchen. He notices the dark circles under your eyes, the tight lines around your mouth.

"Morning," He grunts softly, testing the waters.

You glance over at him, a small smile tugging at your lips, “Mornin.” you coo, voice still gravely from sleep.

He nods, his eyes lingering on your face for a moment longer than necessary. He wants to say something, anything to break the tension between you two. But he's never been great with words, especially when it comes to emotional shit.

"You...uh...look tired."

A small chuckle leaves your lips, before taking a sip of the caffeinated drink. “Thanks.” you mumble, leaning against the counter. Your hair is a mess evident you just awoken, still in your pajama pants hanging low on your hips, paired with a black tank top. He looks you up and down, taking in the sleep-mussed hair, the worn-out pajamas, the way you lean against the counter. There's something about the picture that makes his chest tighten. He sets his own coffee down, moving to stand next to you.

"You okay?"

You nod mimicking his movements, “Yeah, not really a morning person.” Lie. You loved the mornings, just not particularly…this morning. Something about last night hit a nerve, shifting your whole mood. He raises an eyebrow at that, his gaze lingering on your face. He knows a lie when he sees one, and right now, you're practically screaming it. "Liar," he says bluntly, his voice low. "You love mornings. Always have."

Your eyes widen slightly, shocked he knew that. “Someone’s been paying attention, you’re only proving my point from last night.” you retort, taking a long sip of your coffee, loving the feeling of your body warming up.

He tenses at the mention of last night, his jaw clenched tight. He knows he fucked up, knows he hurt you with his careless words. "I'm sorry about last night," he says gruffly, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I was an asshole."

You simply brush it off shrugging your shoulders, “It’s fine.” you mutter. He frowns slightly at your dismissive shrug, knowing full well that 'fine' doesn't necessarily mean fine. He leans in a bit closer, trying to maintain eye contact. "It's not 'fine'. I was a prick, plain and simple. Didn't mean to make you feel like shit."

Your heart tightens at his words, an unfamiliar flutter making itself present. “It wasn’t you, just…not my day today.” You weren’t lying, although he was being a real ass last night, he wasn’t the full reason to your mood change.

He watches you closely, buying your excuse. He knows you're not a great liar - your nose wrinkles when you do it. "You hungry?" He asks instead, changing the subject. He's not an idiot, he knows there's something off about you today, but he won't push. You shake your head, setting your mug in the sink. “No, I’m gonna go shower. I’ll see you later Bucky.” You say before disappearing back to your room.

He watches you leave, a furrowed brow and a heavy heart. Something's definitely off with you, and it's bothering him more than he cares to admit. With a sigh, he turns back to the coffee maker, pouring himself another cup. He has a feeling he's going to need it.

———

An hour or so later you emerge to the living room, finding Bucky reading a book, settled comfortably on the sofa. You smile softly at him as he meets your eyes. Grabbing another caeser salad from the fridge, you open it immediately digging in. Thank god for Peter. He looks up from his book as you enter, his eyes following you as you move to the fridge. He watches as you pull out the salad, his eyebrow raising slightly. "That's the second one of those you've had in two days," he comments, setting his book aside.

You stuff another mouthful past your lips, shrugging your shoulders, “It’s so good.” you mumble, a hand coming up to cover your mouth.

He grins slightly, watching you eat. God, you're like a guy when you eat. No lady-like small bites for you. He watches your shoulders, seeing them tense up slightly. "You do this when you're stressed," he realizes softly.

“What?” You mutter.

"Eat like that."

Your eyes widen in shock once again, for someone who hates you, he sure notices a lot of small details. “Barnes if you didn’t pick with me every other day, I would think you’re in love with me” you say casually.

He almost chokes on his own saliva, shocked at your teasing tone. His face flushes slightly red, and he clears his throat roughly. "Fuck off," is his immediate response, trying to keep his voice casual, but his eyes betray him. "Just stating fact." He adds.

Your lips tug into a smirk, his response telling you everything you needed to know. “Once again, not denying it.” you retort, laughing softly.

He rolls his eyes, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms. "You're delusional," he mutters, trying to play it cool. He hates that you can read him like an open book.

You coo a soft, almost sarcastic,“uh huh.” stuffing another bite of salad in your mouth. I gotta thank Peter when he gets here. Finally tossing the empty container, you make your way to the couch opening your own book to read, before putting on your headphones. The music is painfully loud, blasting John Wayne, just how you liked it.

He watches you from the corner of his eye, noticing your choice of music. Cigarettes after sex- predictable. Then again, it suits you. His jaw ticks slightly at how damn cute you look with your headphones on. Focus, idiot. You're supposed to hate her.

The song plays peacefully through your ears, the soft singing easing all your thoughts. You glance up at Bucky to find him already looking at you. offering a warm smile before returning back to reading your book.

He catches your smile, feeling his heart skip a beat and internally curses himself. Your warm smile does something to him, things he can't fucking ignore anymore. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair, then abruptly stands. "I'm going for a run," he mutters, grabbing his coat.

You look up at him, a confused expression all over your face. “It’s raining…? Just wait, I’ll go with you.” you mutter, jogging to get your own coat. It’s not like you had anything better to do.

He nearly tells you to stay inside, but seeing your determined expression stops him. Instead, he tightens his jaw, trying to ignore how his heart does that stupid flutter thing again. "It's fucking pouring," he argues, partly hoping you'd change your mind. "You'll get soaked."

You roll your eyes in response as you slide your coat on, “So will you, someone has to make sure you don’t slip.”

He scoffs, but secretly smiles at your stubbornness. God, why does she have to be so- fuck, stop thinking like that. "I'm not some damsel in distress," he grumbles, stepping out into the rain.

“Sure act like one.”

He hears your whispered comment and his eyes narrow slightly. He's about to retort when he realizes the cold rain is seeping into his bones. Fucking hell. He quickens his pace, hoping to get this over with. "Just keep up," he calls back, his voice muffled by the rain.

“Yeah, yeah.” you mumble, jogging not too far behind him. You can hear his hushed ‘hurry ups’ so you quicken your pace reaching him, just as you do you miss a step almost tripping. You close your eyes preparing for the fall.

Without thinking, Bucky's hand shoots out reflexively, catching you before you face-plant onto the slick pavement. His arms instinctively wrap around you, holding you steady against him as rain pouring down both of you. He blinks, momentarily stunned by how perfectly you fit against him.

Your arms wrap around his body instinctively, the rain pouring down soaking your hair. His arms wrapped protectively around you make your heart flutter, “Thank you.” you whisper, faces inches from his.

They found themselves wrapped in each other's embrace, completely unaware of the feelings that had blossomed between them. The world around them seemed to fade away as they held on tightly, seeking warmth and comfort in each other's arms. The rain soaked through their clothes, but they didn't mind; the closeness they shared was all that mattered. They looked into each other's eyes, feeling a connection that words couldn't describe, yet neither of them realized that was love.

Bucky's breath catches in his throat, his eyes searching yours for a long moment. The rain pounds around you both, but he barely notices, captivated by your proximity. His grip on you loosens slightly, yet he doesn't pull away. "Careful," he murmurs, his voice rough. You nod, pulling away from his embrace. As soon as you do, you regretted it. His touch is warm, fitting, nearly perfect.

“We should go back, if I get sick, I’m gonna kill you.”

Bucky can't help but smirk at your words, despite the cold biting into him. He falls into step beside you as you both head back, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Yeah, yeah, blame it on me if you catch a cold,"

You snort out a laugh, placing your hands in your own pockets. “Oh I will.”

———

You prayed you didn’t get sick, really prayed. But with your luck, it was bound to happen. The next day, you woke up chest burning, and nose stuffy.

“I’m gonna kill him.” You mumble, a cough following.

Bucky on the other hand was perfectly fine, not an single thing wrong with him. He was heading to the kitchen for a snack, but stopped abruptly hearing coughing down the hall. He freezes, listening intently. "Shit," he mutters, spinning on his heels, heading towards your room. He tiptoes to your door, pushing it open slightly. As the door opens, you’re already looking at him, standing there, your face flushed red and your eyes watery from constant sniffles. Irritation written all over your face. He crosses his arms, trying to look stern. "You sound terrible," he states, his tone unintentionally softening slightly.

You shake your head, walking closer to him, “Thanks.” you mumble, pushing him aside so you can open the door. You enter the kitchen, grabbing a bottled water immediately taking a long sip.

He watches you grab a bottle of water, only to have to suppress a smirk as you stagger past him, clearly irritated. He leans against the doorframe, arms crossed as he observes your attempt to hydrate dramatically.

"Feel better?"

You send him a glare, before setting the water down. “If I had the energy, I would -makes a stabbing motion- you right here.” you say, before flopping on the sofa, curling into a ball. He chuckles at the threatened gesture, finding it hard to stay annoyed at you when you're sick and grumpy like this. He sits down beside you on the sofa, turning on the TV to distract himself from your miserable presence.

"You're so dramatic when you're sick,"

You roll your eyes, if it wasn’t for his little dramatic episode you wouldn’t be sick. You reach for your headphones instead met with air, you curse softly under your breath. “Can you go to my room, and grab my headphones, please?” you coo, sweetly.

He raises an eyebrow at the sudden sweet tone, knowing full well you're buttering him up to get what you want. He gets up reluctantly, heading to your room to fetch the headphones. He returns a minute later, tossing them onto your lap. "Here," You catch them, swiftly putting them on.

“Thanks hun.”

Bucky blinks, momentarily taken aback by the endearment slipping so casually from your lips. A faint blush creeps up his neck, quickly masked by a scowl. He flops back down on the couch, stretching his legs out. "Yeah, whatever,"

You hum to the song, immediately feeling better, eyes glancing at Bucky every so often.

Ever since that day in the rain, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. The way he held you, how he looked at you, something about it had your head spinning and you’re slowly getting dizzier and dizzier. It was in the quiet moments, the ones where words weren't needed, that you finally realized your feelings. As they sat together in comfortable silence, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace and belonging. It was the way he understood you without needing explanations, the way his presence alone could calm your restless mind. In that moment, you knew that what you felt went beyond friendship or admiration—it was love.

As you continue to glance at him, Bucky starts to notice. He catches your gaze a few times, furrowing his brow in confusion. After a while, he reaches out and gently removes your headphones, setting them aside. "Hey, you okay? You look kinda pale."

You nod, despite the uneasy feeling in your stomach. Maybe it wasn’t just your head getting dizzy…you rush to the bathroom, throwing up everything but those damn feelings. A few minutes later, you returned back to the living room, flopping on the couch. He watches you rush to the bathroom and return looking worse than before. He sits up straight, his brows furrowing in concern. "You're still sick," he states the obvious, reaching for the remote to pause the TV.

You groan, looking up at him. “No shit, captain obvious.” you retort.

He ignores the sarcastic remark, his mind more focused on the fact that you look worse by the minute. He gets up, standing over you. "You need to drink more," he insists, heading to the kitchen to grab another bottle of water. For the first time, you comply sitting up against the sofa. You take the water bottle from his hands, taking slow sips.

“Thank you.”

He freezes slightly at your genuine 'thank you'. He's so used to your snarky remarks that this catches him off guard. He watches you carefully, noting the dark circles under your eyes and your faded complexion. "You hungry?" He asks softly. "Like, actual food?"

You nod, another unfamiliar flutter in your chest. You’ve must of got it bad, the sickness is affecting your heart. Right?

He nods, pleased with your response. It's a small victory, but he'll take it. He heads to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. After a moment, he emerges with a bowl of soup and some crackers. "Chicken noodle, okay?" Your eyes light up, the warm soup clouding your senses. “I think you’re going soft on me Bucky.” you say, your words dripping with sarcasm. You raise the spoon full of warm broth to your lips, quietly sipping it. Your body immediately relaxing.

He rolls his eyes at your teasing remark, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Don't get used to it," he mutters, watching you sip the soup. Seeing you relax, even slightly, brings an unexpected warmth to his chest. "It's just soup."

It’s more than just soup, the thoughtfulness behind it warming your heart, he’ll never truly know how much this meant to you. You eat slower than usual, savoring the broth, the taste making you feel all cozy inside. As you eat, Bucky settles back onto the couch, his gaze lingering on you. He tells himself it's just because he's making sure you eat, nothing more.

You glance at Bucky catching his baby blues staring, you squint your eyes at him, “Do I have something on my face?” you say, as he practically stares into your soul, it’s kind of sweet actually.

He quickly looks away, running a hand through his hair. "No... just making sure you're actually eating." He tries to play it cool, but his eyes keep drifting back to you. "You're usually not this quiet." He adds, trying to break the unusual silence.

Heat rushes to your cheeks at his words, since when did he care? And why is it making you feel all warm inside. Are you gonna die? “I’m usually not sick, but thanks to somebody.” you mumble playfully.

His smirk returns at your mumbling, he can't help but feel a strange warmth at the fact that you're blaming him for your sickness. "Yeah, yeah, blame the guy taking care of you." He teases back, leaning against the armrest. You smile softly, picking the almost empty bowl up in your hands, placing it in the kitchen. As you return you grab the remote out of Buckys grasp, changing it to a rom com.

Sick days equal Romantic Comedy’s. I don’t make the rules.

Bucky's eyes widen in surprise as you take the remote and change the channel. He watches as a cheesy rom-com starts playing, his initial annoyance quickly turning into a soft smile. "Seriously?" He asks, his voice a little quieter than usual. “Yup.” you reply, popping the ‘P’ dramatically before taking your seat next to Bucky on the sofa, trying to siphon his warmth.

Bucky shifts slightly as you snuggle up next to him, trying to ignore the sudden surge of warmth flooding through him. He clears his throat, looking away from the mushy scenes unfolding on screen. "You do realize these movies are all lies, right?"

You gasp turning to look at him, “Not cool Barnes, they’re real to me.”

He chuckles, his arm instinctively draping behind your body, resting on the sofa. "Oh, come on. You can't seriously believe in all that sappy love stuff, do you?" He asks, his voice a little softer as he looks down at you. You meet his gaze, pondering for a moment. You’ve never really seen it first hand, but you like to believe you’ll experience it one day. Cuddling, romantic dinners, taking care of eachother when you’re sick…kisses, chocolates for Valentine’s Day. You wanted all that sappy love stuff. “I do.” you say almost too soft.

His expression softens slightly as he looks at you, seeing the dreamy look in your eyes. He swallows hard, pushing down the strange feeling in his chest. "You really believe in all that stuff? The grand gestures, the love at first sight, the happily ever after?"

You nod, “I never got see that sorta thing growing up, always made me wanna experience it.” you admit, feeling a bit too vulnerable around him.

Something inside him shifts at your vulnerability, the way you talk about something you've never even had. He suddenly feels a strong urge to protect you from every hurt in the world. He really needed to get it together. "What kind of fucked up place did you grow up in that you didn't even see people in love?"

“My home.”

You sat quietly in the corner, watching as your parents argued yet again. The harsh words and raised voices filled the room, creating an atmosphere thick with tension. You longed to see them show the love they once had for each other, to witness a simple hug or a gentle kiss. Instead, they avoided each other's gaze, their interactions cold and distant. It broke your heart to see the people who were supposed to be her role models in love and unity drift further apart with each passing day. You wished they could remember the warmth and affection they once shared, instead of letting anger and resentment take over.

His expression immediately turns serious, voice dropping to a gentle rumble as he realizes he struck a nerve. "Hey..." He shifts slightly, tilting your chin up so you meet his eyes. The concern in his gaze is stark. "Bad enough you're sick. Stop giving me those sad eyes, doll.” A weak laugh slips from your lips, soaking in the comfort of his hand resting on your chin comfortably.

His thumb caresses your jaw unconsciously. He realizes how soft your skin is, how small your face is compared to his large palm. "So, wait..." He hesitates, trying to word his question carefully. "No one ever showed you what real love was?" He asks softly.

You shake your head, “It’s not just that, my parents never really showed their love for eachother. They didn’t kiss, hug, hell…they barely even talked to eachother. It affected me heavily growing up, I couldn’t even stay in a relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the person I was with, I just didn’t know how to show them.” The confession was enough to fully break the walls you’ve built, it hurt. In another sense you felt relieved, relieved you could finally open up to somebody. To tell them what you were feeling without being afraid how they’ll react.

His heart clenches painfully at your words, a fierce protectiveness rising inside him. No wonder you're so closed off. No one ever showed you what love could be. He wants to be the one to show you, to break through those walls you've built up. What if he was.

"That's..."

You cut him off with your own words, “Fucked up. I know.” you mutter, focusing back on the movie.

Bucky watches you for a long moment, the soft glow of the TV illuminating your profile. He realizes then, more than ever, how much you need those cheesy rom-coms. They're not just entertainment—they're a glimpse into the kind of love you've never known.

"Hey..."

He looks at you intently, his voice soft but firm. "You deserve better than what you've had. You deserve someone who'll make you laugh, who'll hold you when you're sick, who'll kiss you just because." You deserved him. The man who makes you laugh no matter what mood you’re in, the man who’s currently holding you while you’re sick, the man you wished lips were on yours instead of talking.

“You check off three of those boxes.”

His breath hitches at your words, his heart racing in his chest. He looks at you, really looks at you, and sees the vulnerability in your eyes, the longing. Without thinking, he leans in, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. "And the fourth?"

Your breath catches in your throat, your free hand subconsciously moving to his jaw. “Hasn’t been checked off yet.” you whisper, leaning in just enough to feel his breath against your lips. His eyes flick down to your lips, his own parting slightly. He can feel your warm breath mixing with his, can see the way your pupils dilate. Slowly, giving you every opportunity to pull back, he closes the distance between you.

"Let me check it off for you."

You had spent years keeping your emotions locked away, convinced that love was something you could never truly have. But in that moment, love came into your life, patient and kind, completely breaking down the walls you had built around your heart. For the first time, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, realizing that you had finally found the love you had yearned for.

[luvvictoria]

Sleepless

+ pairings. captain john price x f!reader

+ tags. romance, slow burn, intimate moments, vulnerability, military

+ a/n. Reblog with your favorite line! It would help me to grow my account !! Thank you in advance. Thank you so much for your support ! It means very much to me! Also if you want to take a little peek at the next chapter here is my ko-fi !!

Captain John Price had never been adverse to therapy. In fact, he enjoyed it. Therapy was a rare moment of reprieve, a sanctuary where he could untangle the knots of his experiences and trauma. He credited his openness in those sessions to his lack of sleepless nights. “If you’re not afraid of your past,” he’d once told Soap, “it can’t haunt you.”

But this week had been different.

For the past seven nights, Price had woken up gasping for air, his heart hammering against his ribcage like it was trying to break free. His chest burned with the force of his breathing, sweat slicking his skin as if he’d run a marathon in his sleep. Each time, the dream was the same — a relentless nightmare that dragged him into its depths, leaving him stranded in the abyss of his own mind. He’d see you there, cradled in his arms, your body lifeless and growing colder with every passing second. Blood, so much blood, pooled beneath you, staining the ground, his hands, his clothes — your blood.

His voice would crack with desperate, guttural pleas, begging you to hold on, to look at him, to give him something — anything — to cling to. But your eyes were empty, staring through him like he wasn’t even there. The silence was unbearable, a cruel mockery of his anguish, echoing louder than any scream ever could. He’d shake you gently at first, then more frantically, his hands trembling as he fought to stop the inevitable. "Please," he’d whisper, the word breaking as it left his lips, the weight of it too much to bear.

It felt real — so devastatingly, achingly real. He could feel the warmth of your blood seeping through his fingers, hear the shallow rasp of his own breath mingling with the pounding of his heart. The metallic tang of copper clung to the air, suffocating him even as he screamed your name over and over, the sound tearing from his throat like it was being ripped from his soul.

And then he’d wake, choking on the phantom taste of grief, the memory of your lifeless form etched behind his eyelids like a brand. The stark contrast between the vivid nightmare and reality was a cruel reminder that you were safe — for now. But the fear refused to leave him. It clung to him, heavy and oppressive, invading his waking hours and gnawing at the edges of his sanity.

It wasn’t just a dream. It was a warning, a premonition, a manifestation of his deepest fear — the fear of losing you. Of failing you. Of not being enough when it mattered most. It was the price he paid for loving you so fiercely, a torment he would endure a thousand times over if it meant keeping you safe. But as he sat there in the stillness of the night, his heart racing and his breath uneven, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the nightmare was more than just his mind playing tricks on him.

It felt like a promise.

And it was all your fault.

Last week, during a mission gone sideways, an enemy grenade had landed behind the team’s cover. There had been no time to think, no moment to hesitate. Before anyone could react, you’d lunged for it, your hand closing around the cold, metal shell. With a strength born of pure adrenaline and the kind of reckless bravery that made Price’s blood run cold, you’d hurled it back over the barrier. It detonated mid-air, the explosion rattling the ground beneath them, sending shockwaves that reverberated through Price’s chest.

You’d saved them all. The team owed you their lives. But at what cost? The sheer audacity of your actions had left Price frozen for a heartbeat too long, his mind torn between disbelief and fury. If he hadn’t been so shocked, if the battlefield hadn’t demanded his focus in that critical moment, he might have dragged you aside right then and there and wrung your neck.

He managed to keep it together, just barely. The mission still needed finishing, and there was no room for personal grievances in the middle of a war zone. But the fury brewed beneath the surface, simmering like a storm ready to break. Every time he glanced at you, still standing, still breathing, a mixture of relief and anger knotted in his chest. By the time they’d returned to base, his patience had run out, and the storm finally erupted.

In the privacy of the debriefing room, he unleashed it. “What the hell were you thinking?” he roared, his voice shaking with a raw edge that even he couldn’t temper. It echoed off the sterile, gray walls, amplifying the weight of his anger.

You didn’t flinch. You didn’t shrink back or stammer. Instead, you stood there, calm and composed, like the grenade you’d tossed hadn’t nearly taken you with it. Your expression was steady, infuriatingly so, as if you didn’t see the problem.

“I was thinking about keeping us alive, Captain,” you said evenly, your voice as calm as a still pond.

The nerve. The sheer bloody nerve. Price’s jaw tightened, his teeth grinding together as his fists curled at his sides. “Keeping us alive?” he repeated, his voice low, venomous. “You could’ve died, damn it! You should’ve died! Do you understand that?”

You lifted your chin, your calm composure an unrelenting wall against his fury. “But I didn’t.”

That simple, infuriating response was the final crack that let his emotions spill over. “You don’t get to decide that!” he shouted, his voice rising with every word. “You don’t get to play hero and gamble your life like it’s worth nothing! Your life matters! You matter, damn it!”

For a split second, the mask you wore faltered, and Price thought he saw a flicker of something — regret, guilt, maybe even fear. But then it was gone, replaced by that same maddening calm. “And so does the team, sir. I did what I had to do.”

“No,” he snapped, taking a step closer, his voice dropping to a dangerous growl. “You did what you wanted to do, and you scared the hell out of me.”

There it was, the truth buried beneath the anger. His fear. The image of you, broken and bleeding, had burned itself into his mind the moment you’d grabbed that grenade. It had been haunting him every second since, replaying in vivid detail with a far worse ending than reality had dealt. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake it.

“Price…” your voice was softer now, the calm cracking under the weight of his raw emotions.

But he shook his head, unwilling to let the moment slip away. “You think being a soldier means throwing yourself in harm’s way without thinking about the people you’ll leave behind? It doesn’t. It means fighting like hell to survive, for them, for me.” His voice broke slightly on the last word, and he hated the vulnerability that slipped through, but he couldn’t stop it. “You scared the bloody life out of me, and I can’t—” He stopped himself, his breath hitching as he fought for control.

The silence that followed was heavy, oppressive. He could see the way his words landed, the faint flicker of guilt that crossed your face. But even then, he knew you wouldn’t apologize. You were too stubborn for that, too damn brave for your own good.

And it terrified him. Because no matter how much he yelled, no matter how much he tried to make you understand, he couldn’t protect you from yourself.

Now, as he marched through the dimly lit halls of the barracks at three in the morning, Price found himself muttering under his breath, his frustration with you simmering just beneath the surface. His boots echoed against the cold, hard floor, each step driving him closer to you, closer to the only thing that might bring him some semblance of peace. He wasn’t even sure what he’d say when he saw you — hell, he didn’t even know why he was doing this. All he knew was that he needed to see you. He needed to know, beyond the lingering haze of his nightmares, that you were alive and breathing, that the image of your lifeless body was nothing more than a cruel trick of his mind.

His fists clenched at his sides as he turned the last corner, your door coming into view. The dim overhead light cast long shadows down the corridor, but he barely noticed. His mind was too tangled with the weight of what he felt — anger, fear, relief — all of it swirling into a chaotic storm that refused to settle.

When he reached your door, he didn’t hesitate. His fist pounded against the wood with a force that startled even himself. The sound echoed through the quiet barracks, loud and insistent. For a moment, there was nothing — no movement, no response — and his stomach twisted painfully. But then came a muffled groan, the kind that could only come from someone dragged unwillingly from the depths of sleep.

He heard the shuffle of footsteps, slow and reluctant, before the door creaked open. You stood there, blinking against the dim light of the hallway. You were a picture of disheveled exhaustion, clad in an oversized t-shirt that hung loosely over a pair of shorts, your hair tousled from sleep. There were faint creases on your face where the pillow had pressed against your skin, and the sight of you — alive, breathing, utterly unbothered by the chaos in his head — hit him like a punch to the gut.

“Captain?” you mumbled, your voice thick with sleep. You rubbed at your eyes, your expression caught somewhere between confusion and mild annoyance. “It’s three in the bloody morning. What’s going on?”

For a moment, Price just stood there, staring at you, his throat tight and his words caught somewhere between his chest and his mouth. He’d been so consumed by the need to see you, to prove to himself that you were okay, that he hadn’t thought this far ahead. Now, faced with the reality of you standing there, looking very much alive and irritated, he felt like a damn fool.

"Do you have any idea what you've done to me?" he demanded, his voice low and sharp, carrying the weight of something deeper than just anger.

You frowned at the intensity in his tone, stepping aside to let him in. "Come in before you wake everyone up," you said softly, closing the door behind him. You didn't understand what he meant, but something in his eyes — something in the way he was standing there, barely holding himself together — made your heart flutter uncomfortably.

He didn't speak right away, instead turning to face you, his posture tense, his fists clenched at his sides. His expression was a mixture of frustration, worry, and something more vulnerable — something raw — that you couldn't quite place. "That stunt you pulled with the grenade," he said, his voice tight and controlled, but there was an unmistakable edge of desperation beneath the words. "You think you're invincible? That your life doesn't matter?"

His words hit you harder than you expected. You had never seen Price like this, not this… undone, not this emotional. He was always the steady, reliable leader, the man who carried the weight of the world without complaint. Seeing him this shaken, this worried about you, made your chest tighten with an emotion you couldn't quite name.

You stepped closer, your movements slow, deliberate. "Is that what this is about?" you asked gently, your voice softening. "Price, I wasn't trying to be reckless. I did what I thought was necessary. We were all in danger— "

"Necessary?" he repeated, his voice rising, frustration and fear bleeding through. "You nearly got yourself killed! Do you have any idea what that would’ve done to me? To the team?"

His words cut through the air, raw and jagged. You could feel the tension in the room, the weight of everything he was holding back. The way he was looking at you — like you were both his salvation and his burden — made your heart race. You wanted to explain, to make him understand, but the words felt inadequate. How could you make him see that you had acted out of instinct, out of a desire to protect the team, when it had torn him apart inside?

You stepped closer, your hand reaching out, hesitating just for a moment before you placed it gently on his arm. The contact was tentative, but it was enough to draw his gaze to you, and when you spoke again, your voice was quiet, almost pleading. "But I didn’t," you said softly. "I’m here, Price. I’m fine."

His eyes flared with something fierce, something desperate, and in that instant, you saw the depth of his fear. He shook his head, pulling away from your touch like it burned him. "You don’t get it," he muttered, his voice cracking slightly. "Every time I close my eyes, I see you lying there, bleeding out. I can’t… I can’t keep doing this. Not knowing that one wrong move could— "

The words faltered in his throat, and for the first time, he didn't try to cover up the rawness in his voice. You watched, stunned, as he struggled to contain something deep within himself, something that broke through the usual tough exterior. He had always been the one to shoulder the burden, to bear the weight of everyone else's fears and emotions. To see him this exposed, this vulnerable — it hit you harder than you ever expected.

"John," you said softly, and it was the first time you had ever used his first name. Something about it felt right, like it was the key to breaking through the tension between you. "I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I didn’t know it was affecting you like this."

He looked at you then, his eyes searching your face for something — understanding, perhaps, or a promise that you’d never put him through this again. "You can’t do that to me again," he whispered, his voice barely audible, but the weight of it settled in the room like a heavy fog. "Promise me."

You felt the air around you shift, the quiet intensity of the moment wrapping around you both. There was a part of you that knew he was asking for something that couldn’t be promised, not in your line of work, not with the dangers you faced every day. But the pain in his eyes — raw and unfiltered — made you want to say something, anything, to ease the torment you had unknowingly caused.

"I promise I’ll be more careful," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "That’s the best I can do."

It wasn’t much. You both knew that. But it was all you could give him in that moment, and it was enough.

For now.

He let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping as the weight of his emotions seemed to shift. His hand ran through his hair, and he muttered under his breath, "You’re impossible." But there was no bite in his words, no anger. Only weariness.

You smiled softly, a gentle, knowing expression that softened the edges of the tension between you. "And you’re stubborn," you replied lightly, your voice warm, affectionate even. "Seems we’re a good match."

For the first time in what felt like forever, you saw his lips twitch — just a little. The smallest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and the tension in the room seemed to dissipate, if only for a moment.

"Go back to bed," he said gruffly, but there was a softness to his tone that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t just the exhaustion from the weight of the day, nor the usual hard edge that came with the responsibility of leading his team — this softness came from something deeper, something unexpected. "And try not to give me a heart attack tomorrow."

The words felt more like a plea than an order, and you could hear the exhaustion in his voice, the vulnerability that had slipped through the cracks during your conversation. It was the first time in a long while you’d heard him sound so… human, so fragile. You nodded, taking a small step back toward your bed, feeling the warmth of the moment linger in the air like the last embers of a fire.

The room, still dimly lit, felt too small now — too close. But there was a comfort in it, in the proximity, in the quiet understanding that passed between you. A gentle silence settled, one that wasn’t uncomfortable or strained, but soothing. Almost like a promise.

You paused for a moment, your eyes meeting his as you stood by your bed, and for a fleeting second, you could’ve sworn you saw a flicker of something in his gaze. Maybe it was the same vulnerability, the same rawness he’d shown when he’d spoken about the nightmares, or maybe it was something more — something unspoken, hanging between you like a fine thread.

"Goodnight, John," you said softly, your voice much quieter than before, the affection you felt for him suddenly clear in the words. His name on your lips felt different now, more intimate than before, and as the syllables left you, it was like something shifted in the room.

He hesitated, just for a beat too long, his hand on the door handle, his broad shoulders turned slightly toward you as if he was fighting the urge to stay. His gaze lingered on you, the storm in his eyes calming just a little. There was something in the way he looked at you — a tenderness you hadn’t seen before, a silent acknowledgment of everything that had been said and unsaid between you.

"Goodnight," he replied, his voice soft and quiet, almost as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile peace between you. The way he said it, with that slight rasp to his tone, made your heart beat a little faster, and you felt a warmth spreading through you that wasn’t just from the soft glow of the room.

For a long moment, neither of you moved. The silence hung between you like a shared breath, the air thick with something unspoken but undeniable. The kind of quiet that only came when two people were close — really close, in a way that went beyond friendship, beyond mere camaraderie.

As he finally turned to leave, his footsteps slow and measured, you couldn’t help but feel the absence of him in the room already. The door clicked shut behind him, but for a long moment, you stood there, just listening to the soft hum of the hallway outside.

You pressed your hand to your chest, feeling your heart still racing, the echo of his words still pulsing in your veins. Goodnight, John.

For the first time in a long time, those words didn’t feel like a simple farewell. They felt like a promise. A promise that, despite the chaos, despite the danger that loomed over you both every day, there was something here, something more than just a fleeting connection. It was something deeper — something that had been quietly building between you, something that could no longer be ignored.

And as the silence settled in your room, you couldn’t help but feel like you’d just crossed a threshold. It wasn’t just about the mission or the risk anymore. It was about the two of you, together, in the middle of this chaotic, unpredictable life you led.

You lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Your thoughts were scattered, but they all circled back to one thing — John. And as you closed your eyes, you felt the weight in your chest lift just a little. It wasn’t gone entirely, but it was lighter, more bearable now.

For the first time in a long while, both of you had found a sliver of peace amidst the chaos. But deep down, you knew this was only the beginning.

[perfectlyoongi]

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who writes you a song as a marriage proposal. as intelligent as Namjoon could be, when he was nervous it was difficult for him to express himself verbally and he knew perfectly well that in that request he would run over every word and choke on them; that's why Namjoon decided to open his soul in the most natural way for him: the song was small, brief, just a verse and a chorus, but every word was beautiful, peppered with the love he felt, ringing with a melody of hope from an eternal future by your side. “i’m not very good with words, i hope the song is enough for you.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who hires a painter to portray your special day. yes, photographs were beautiful, faster, saving every moment and action they could; but, for Namjoon, there was magic on a canvas, in how each brushstroke was like a fragment of your dreams and hopes, the vivid colors complementing each other and appearing as an omen for your married life. “i think a portrait of us is more intimate. i think it’s with oil paints that you can clearly see our love and happiness.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who writes your initials in the corners of his music sheets. Namjoon felt like it was nonsense, a small, insignificant and quite embarrassing detail, but, in a way, he couldn't stop himself from doing it; like a lucky charm, your initials decorated the various pages with a touch of magic, as if the letters designated for you blessed Namjoon's mind and all his work. “i know it doesn't make much sense, but i feel like it really helps me. at least it always gives me strength when i see your initials in my art.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who gives you a bouquet of flowers every monday, even when he's on tour. Namjoon wanted to make sure you had a good week, he wanted to motivate you to get through five more days of intense work and complex people; so, he came up with a simple solution that, in addition to filling your living room with sweet smells of passion and longing, also brought with it bright colors that painted the gray days that could lie ahead. “i hope you have a good day today. don't forget that the world only makes sense because you are in it. i love you.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who goes on sunset walks with you. if when you were dating the two of you shared the sunrise on a bicycle, now in your marriage your attention has turned to the sunset, as if a natural representation of your love — at sunrise your love was still blooming, but now, already together with promises and vows of eternity, your love was based on a sea of reds and oranges that forever warmed your hearts. “i feel so complete with you. i still can't believe we're actually married. you just make my life better.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who takes you on surprise dates. it wasn't because you were married that Namjoon was going to stop dating you; without telling you, or simply spontaneously, Namjoon would take you to dinners or aquarium, ceramics classes or evening picnics, the possibilities seemed endless and Namjoon swore to you that he would explore each one of them with you. “just because we’re married doesn’t mean the romance is over. i hope you know that i will take you on dates even if we are eighty and use canes.”

HUSBAND!NAMJOON who swore an eternity of love for you. in any adversity, Namjoon promised you that your love would not weaken; in any opportunity, Namjoon promised you that your love would only grow; in any future, Namjoon promised you that your love would never end, for you were chosen by the stars, blessed by the gods — there was nothing that could ruin your love. “the dust of the universe are crumbs of our love that could not fit into our hearts in this life.”

[sparrowlucero]

would life as a larrow suck? like if you could choose to be isekai'd as a larrow rn would you take it up? what about the other way around, would a larrow want to be us

It doesn't really suck anymore than life as a human does, but a lot of humans would see it as bad or stressful in certain ways:

Larrow imago usually only live about 30 years, and it's not super abnormal for them to die before 20. They're also very tiny (like on average the size of a button quail or a smallish parrot) so compared to humans they seem pretty fragile.

Their society doesn't consistently exist; eggs are produced, hatched and grow up at roughly the same time, and all the larrow of a single generation usually die off entirely before new ones emerge from the ocean (with an occasional outlier). That next generation isn't exactly the same culture as before, just formed through similar needs and off of the technology left behind by the last. their whole 'rome falls every few decades' set up would probably be very offputting to most alien cultures

They have next to no health care; larrow learn medical care by themselves, for themselves, and they practice surgery and similarly extreme procedures on themselves quite regularly.

Larrow are basically fine not socializing and will sometimes go years without talking to one another; it's to a degree where even anti social humans may be stressed and lonely. They also don't really show a ton of concern for other people and animals, empathy is more of a philosophical idea than this totally innate thing.

The world they live has very extreme storms; their average low winds would be difficult for a human to walk around in. They don't have houses but public access "storm shelters" which, from a human perspective, look woefully incompetent as they're full of holes and look more like animal nests than a "real" building

On the other hand:

Larrow are adapted to live in an environment with constantly moving air and are instinctively adverse to areas with stagnant air, as they struggle to breathe in it and it can make them really sick. Human buildings seem really gross to them in the same way rot or mold does to us

The way humans are constantly trailing each other and actively trying to initiate touching and interaction all the time feels both animal-like and weird/scammy/aggressive to them, our social behavior is their "about to get mugged" behavior

complex nest building in constant storms was like their main evolutionary pressure to Get Good with the brain power, so they're very technologically minded in a way humans just aren't. They could open up a human car or computer (or indeed a body) for the first time and understand how it worked back to front. This is all just architecture to their lizard brains. Which means humans needing to go to school to study this stuff sounds like, really stupid to a larrow.

the whole idea that humans will bribe other humans to knock them out and operate on them sounds like a horror show. What if the doctors got bored and left? What if it turned out they wanted to hurt you while you were asleep? If letting other people chop you up is a normal cultural quirk why do they keep making scary movies about it

the way humans have all these complex daily networks of giving things up and gaining them is confusing and stressful. they're kind of like that boar in this tumblr post

This is all to say many humans would see larrow as living short lonely survivalist lives in ramshackle houses in a dying culture too selfish to care about each other, where many larrow would see humans as spending most of their lives in gross little prisons being so incompetent at everything that they'll die of minor ailments like "tumors" and "internal bleeding" if other humans don't randomly take pity on them.

Not to say some people wouldn't be interested or jealous about aspects of each other's lives... "what if you could just fly alone for weeks at a time and work on the first draft of your novel" would obviously be appealing to a lot of humans, and getting to root through a world of completely alien tech and biology would make a larrow feel like it was one of these caddisflies

[honeymilktea-444]

🕊️ What affirmations does your spirit need to hear right now? 🕊️

Hi my babies! Take a deep breath in and out and choose whatever pile/number/picture you’re drawn to. Take what resonates and leave the rest. Enjoy! 🌸💖🫶🏾🧸🧚🏾‍♀️🪽🌸

🕊️ Pile 1 🕊️

• strength •

Hi pile 1 babies, the affirmations below are what your soul/spirit needs to hear at this time. Repeat them daily when you wake up to start your day, before you go to bed and throughout the day whenever you may need it. 🤎

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

♡ I am resilient, and my inner strength empowers me to face any challenge with grace.

♡ I trust in my ability to navigate adversity with compassion and wisdom.

♡ I embrace my vulnerabilities, knowing they are part of my power.

♡ I am calm and centered, handling each moment with patience and understanding.

♡ I am capable of overcoming obstacles, and each experience strengthens me.

♡ My courage grows as I honor my emotions and respond with kindness to myself.

♡ I trust my intuition and allow my inner power to guide me through uncertainty.

♡ I am connected to my inner lion, fearless, yet gentle in my approach to life.

♡ Each breath I take fills me with the strength to move forward with grace and peace.

♡ I am capable of transforming fear into wisdom and using it to grow stronger.

♡ I honor my journey and trust that every challenge strengthens my spirit.

♡ I have the courage to remain calm in the face of adversity, knowing peace resides within me.

♡ I am the master of my emotions, guiding them with compassion and wisdom.

♡ I trust that my inner strength is enough to guide me through any storm.

♡ I am patient with myself, knowing that true strength comes from within and unfolds in its own time.

♡ I embrace my power with humility, using it to nurture and protect myself and others.

♡ I release fear and trust in the infinite strength that flows within me.

♡ I am fearless in the face of challenges, knowing I am capable of overcoming anything.

♡ My heart is strong, and I trust it to guide me with love and wisdom.

♡ I am at peace with my strength, using it not to dominate, but to heal and uplift.

🕊️ Pile 2 🕊️

• the sun •

Hi pile 2 babies, the affirmations below are what your soul/spirit needs to hear at this time. Repeat them daily when you wake up to start your day, before you go to bed and throughout the day whenever you may need it. 🤎

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

♡ I deserve happiness and to be happy. I am doing nothing wrong by being happy, and choosing my happiness over everything.

♡ I radiate positivity and joy, embracing the light within me.

♡ I am connected to the warmth and vitality of the sun, which fills me with energy and hope.

♡ Each day is a new opportunity for growth, healing, and happiness.

♡ I trust in the clarity of the path ahead, knowing that I am guided by the light of truth.

♡ I embrace the fullness of life with open arms, knowing that all is unfolding for my highest good.

♡ I am worthy of love, abundance, and all the blessings that the universe offers me.

♡ My heart is full of light and love, and I share it freely with the world.

♡ I am grounded in the present moment, basking in the warmth of my own joy.

♡ I release any negativity and invite pure, radiant energy into my life.

♡ My inner light shines brightly, illuminating my path and those of others around me.

♡ I am grateful for the clarity that surrounds me and the peace it brings to my soul.

♡ I embrace all of my achievements, knowing that I deserve every success and blessing.

♡ I welcome new beginnings with confidence, knowing that I am supported by the sun’s energy.

♡ I am open to receiving all the love, joy, and abundance that the universe has to offer.

♡ I trust in the divine timing of my life, knowing everything is unfolding as it should.

♡ I celebrate my uniqueness and the light I bring into the world.

♡ I find healing in the presence of sunlight, allowing it to recharge and renew my spirit.

♡ I honor my journey and the progress I’ve made, knowing I am always moving toward greater happiness.

♡ I trust that everything I need to thrive is already within me, illuminated by the light of the sun.

🕊️Pile 3 🕊️

• the emperor •

Hi pile 3 babies, the affirmations below are what your soul/spirit needs to hear at this time. Repeat them daily when you wake up to start your day, before you go to bed and throughout the day whenever you may need it. 🤎

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

♡ I am a powerful force of stability and order in my life.

♡ I embrace my role as a wise and compassionate leader.

♡ I trust in my decisions and the path I am creating.

♡ I am grounded, rooted in purpose, and centered in my truth.

♡ I have the strength and discipline to overcome any challenge.

♡ I am confident in my ability to manifest my goals and dreams.

♡ My authority comes from love, clarity, and wisdom.

♡ I honor my boundaries and create healthy structures in my life.

♡ I lead with integrity and empower others through my actions.

♡ I am the architect of my future, and I build it with intention.

♡ I trust that the foundation I lay today will support me for years to come.

♡ I am a pillar of strength and support for those I care about.

♡ I confidently navigate my responsibilities with focus and discipline.

♡ I am aligned with my higher purpose and make decisions with confidence.

♡ I nurture my inner wisdom and trust my intuitive guidance.

♡ I stand tall in my authority, knowing I am capable of achieving anything.

♡ I release all fear of failure, knowing my strength comes from my resilience.

♡ I am at peace with my power, using it to create balance and harmony.

♡ I embrace my leadership role, trusting in my ability to guide others.

♡ I walk forward with unwavering confidence, creating stability in all areas of my life.

🕊️ Pile 4 🕊️

• the empress •

Hi pile 4 babies, the affirmations below are what your soul/spirit needs to hear at this time. Repeat them daily when you wake up to start your day, before you go to bed and throughout the day whenever you may need it. 🤎

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

♡ I am a radiant source of love, abundance, and creativity.

♡ I honor and nourish my body, mind, and spirit with care and compassion.

♡ I trust in the natural flow of life and allow myself to receive all that I deserve.

♡ My creativity flows effortlessly, bringing forth beauty and inspiration.

♡ I embrace the fertile energy within me, ready to manifest my desires.

♡ I am a nurturing presence, fostering growth and healing in myself and others.

♡ I trust in the wisdom of my intuition, which guides me to abundance.

♡ I am deserving of all the blessings life has to offer, and I welcome them with open arms.

♡ I create a loving and supportive environment for myself and those I care about.

♡ I honor my emotions and allow myself to feel and express freely.

♡ My life is a reflection of the love, abundance, and beauty I cultivate within.

♡ I radiate peace, love, and harmony in all my relationships.

♡ I nurture my dreams and give them the care they need to flourish.

♡ I trust in the process of growth and change, knowing I am always evolving.

♡ I am deeply connected to the earth and its abundant energy.

♡ I honor my feminine energy, celebrating both my softness and strength.

♡ I am at peace with the cycles of life, trusting that each phase brings its own gifts.

♡ I release all self-doubt and embrace the limitless potential within me.

♡ I am a channel for abundance, allowing prosperity to flow freely into my life.

♡ I am deeply grateful for the beauty and richness that surrounds me every day.

• do not copy and paste, to post as your own. thank you so much for supporting my blog, remember to always be kind. sending love 2 you! •

[formylovetodaryldixon]

"Make you happy." Daryl Dixon Imagine.

Daryl reminisces about the day you two got married, when you found out you were pregnant, and when Marley was born.

A/N: If you want to read another story about dad!daryl you can check out: "My everything" "A whole new world" "For life". Hope you like this. Sorry if it's a little bit long :c But thank you!

For the first time in his life, Daryl could feel his hands shaking, but he had never felt so alive.

Daryl Dixon had always considered himself a lonely person.

It was like that since he was a child and had to survive the adversities of life, instead of living his childhood and adolescence like any other kid. Daryl had fought his way through life, literally, getting into so many fights that it was normal for his mother to see him come home with bruises while he was growing up, although nothing compared to the beatings his father used to give him while his mother watched as a silent spectator, doing nothing to protect her own child, until finally one day, the supposed paternal figures left his life for good.

He was alone, yes, but Daryl could feel he could finally rest, taking a moment to breathe without his body aching from the remnants his father's fists left on his body.

By the time Daryl grew up, he had convinced himself that he would be better off alone, that his past was too dark to ever truly be seen by anyone, or any woman in particular. For that same reason, he believed, in an almost sacred way, that the very idea of getting married or ​​having children one day was a crazy one, if not fatal given his temper, which was like a volcano, too dangerous to play near.

But the moment he met you, he never felt alone again: he knew you were the peace, the silent, the color the world lost even before the apocalypse. And in that instant, when your hand held his, his body recognized your warm, and his trembling heart finally calmed down.

Father Gabriel kept talking, making the wedding official, and Daryl took the opportunity to look to his right side. There you were, as beautiful as always: your hair was loose, and the left side was behind your ear. You were wearing a white dress and it was a simple one, with long sleeves and a skirt that fell a little below your thighs, but it was as overwhelming as the memory of you and the life before the end of the world.

Now, he was completely happy, as never before.

When father Gabriel asked to say your vows, you two turned towards each other, sharing an amused expression.

“Do we have to?” You said, with a worried but playful tone that made Daryl smile.

“Yes.” Maggie answered next to you, giving you a serious look as she gave you the ring.

“Better say somethin’ that makes me cry, peach.” Daryl chuckled, but he was so nervous that his hand continued to hold on to yours.

“And I wanted to start saying you are hot as hell... but that feels wrong in God’s house.” You chuckled, making the few presents laugh: your future husband, the family you made in the apocalypse, and even Gabriel. But in the next second, you took a deep breath, trying to calm your anxious heart. “There is so much in yourself I would like you to be able to see, Daryl. Like the way you protect our people, even if that puts you in danger. You don’t talk much, but your silence says it all, and it's comforting. When I met you, I realized that I had always lived in a house, but it never felt like a home until you and I started our own. And yes, you do have some anger issues, but I find that strangely attractive…” You teased him, earning you a scoff from him. “But I wouldn’t change this for anything, ever. And I promise you couldn’t make me any happier than I am now. I’m happy just because you’re with me, because while you’re here, I don’t need anything else.”

You slipped the ring on his finger, smiling so cutely that Daryl had to stop himself from pulling you towards him. But when Father Gabriel asked him to answer and while Rick gave him the ring, Daryl couldn't help but feel so shy.

“Fuck… shit, sorry, father…” Daryl looked at Gabriel, who smiled to say silently that it was okay. And when he looked back at you, a new wave of feelings washed over him when he realized he was your husband. “Peach, ya know I ain’t good with words, so I guess I'll just tell ya what I thought when I met ya...” He looked at you so deeply, that for a second, you felt like you could swim in the depths of his blue eyes. “In ma world full of chaos, ya’re the silence, peach: ya were, and ya always will be.”

Then, Daryl put the ring in your finger, pulling you towards him before father Gabriel could say he could kiss the bride. You smiled softly against his lips, one hand caressing his cheek as he kept you in his arms, the place where he knew you belonged.

There was a time when Daryl thought his heart couldn’t keep beating, but it was you who made it beat again. There was a time when he thought he was giving his last breath, but you made him breathe again. Over a year and a half and even living in that new world, what a wonderful life you two lived. Alexandria gave you a house, but you two turned it into a real home. Daryl never knew how to be the man who gave flowers or chocolates: but it was sweet how he always came back from the runs with a book, some old cassettes, even a few movies he found in a store.

However, when Daryl brought in a pink stuffed octopus, claiming it was too cute to leave behind, perhaps that should have given you a clue as to what would happen shortly after.

You two never really talked about the idea of ​​having children, not in that world or the previous one actually, but one evening when the wind began to bring the first whispers of spring, you found yourself at a crossroad.

PREGNANT.

For you, the world was suddenly spinning out of control and it felt unstable, as if it was going to split open and swallow you alive. And it was then that the lust of weeks ago turned into guilt inside you, hitting you with a hard force right in the place where a life was beginning to grow.

Your body was the home of a future person, to an embryo that was the result of some nights of alcohol and fun sex, because even when you two had always been careful, let's be honest: sometimes alcohol was a good conduit for fun and unexpected results. But as you held that pregnancy test in your shaking hands, hundreds, thousands of ideas came to your mind, a projection of the future that awaited a baby in that apocalyptic world.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hands clasped in prayer for mercy, guidance, or divine intervention, you thought it was funny how one screaming mind could silence the entire world around you. It took two people to make a baby, but, would the roots of Daryl's love be deep enough to handle the change in the future? And most of all, would it be the right thing to do to bring a baby into the world under those circumstances?

“Peach, ya okay?”

His deep voice pulled you out of your trance, but the surprise made you drop the test as you turned around.

“Fuck…” You whispered as you rushed to pick it up, but Daryl was closer than you thought, and yours and his hand brushed together as he was the one who picked the pregnancy test up.

He looked at it for a seconds that seemed longer than that first night when the end of the world began.

“I don’–” Daryl raised his head, his long hair covering part of his eyes, his brow furrowed in a thoughtful expression. “Don’ know what this means. Never seen one in real life.”

Your mouth was dry, and the words you still didn’t say aloud were like fire on gunpowder about to explode, or at least that was how dangerous the situation felt, but, armed with nothing but the truth, you ventured to say it.

“It means positive.” You answered softly, your heart beating faster.

Daryl’s mind ran as fast as possible, registering your words, processing who he was and who he will be: a future father?

“Are we…” Daryl finally said, but he had to clear his throat first. “Happy ‘bout it?”

He looked confused, not angry.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

Then, he did the last thing you thought he would do: Daryl started smiling, just a little bit.

“Yeah, I mean, I'm fuckin’ scared, but…” He paused, looking at you with a worried expression, and his voice became even lower. “But if ya don’ want to have her I would get that, ‘cause for yer face ya ain’t lookin’ so sure ‘bout it.”

In that moment your face relaxed, too immersed in fear to notice that you were holding an unpromising expression.

“No, sorry, it’s not that. It’s just that…” You chuckled, a nervous little laugh. “I’m fucking scared, too.”

His smile faltered, but it was still encouraging in those moments of turbulent thoughts for you. Then, he extended his hand towards you.

“Come, let’s sit on the bed.”

You took his hand, and it was so warm that it seemed it could reach every part of your heart, filling it a little bit with hope while fighting fear. Daryl took you towards the bed on the middle of the bedroom, to help you sit down on the edge, one leg under you, with him still close to you. He let go of your hand for a moment, only to hold the evidence that seemed to be weighed down with the possibility of having a baby, for real.

“Can you please say something?” You said. “Because I don’t know what to say.”

Daryl chuckled, looking back at you, and somehow, he was looking at you the way he always did. Like the first time you two met, the time you got together, when he proposed to you, always with so much love despite his constant fear of not being enough for you.

“Ya know all ‘bout ma childhood, peach, ‘bout ma mom, dad, ma asshole brother. Didn’t have love, like, not a lil’ shit ‘bout it, until ya came along. Everythin’ was better since I met ya n’ hell, I pictured us havin’ a kid a few times. A lil’ girl or a lil’ boy walkin’ around our home, gettin’ all excited to see me like I was a real father, nothin’ like the asshole one I had.”

You chuckled, even if you knew well how bad and sad his story was.

“Are you gonna teach it to swear too?”

“Fuck no.” He answered instantly, and when he cursed under his breath again for his mistake, it made you laugh a little more. “Listen, peach, I know exactly where we are right now. This life is jus’ fucked up, but… only if ya wanna do this ‘cause I ain’t pressurin’ ya to do somethin’ ya don’ want to, ya got to know I wanna do this with ya.”

Daryl said it so sweetly that you felt like your heart was about to burst. You knew he was also very scared, but when you looked at him, you could see clearly how serious he was too.

“You said she.”

He blinked, confused.

“What?”

“You said: if you don’t want to have her.”

“Oh, that?” Daryl chuckled, kind of relieved. “Every time I pictured us with a kid, always thought ‘bout havin’ a girl first. I had a big brother n’ that bastard was the worst brother ever.”

You laughed softly.

“I met him so I can say that was kind of true. But I know he loved you, in his own special way…”

“Yeah, guess he did after all.” Daryl said, in a soft but deep voice, and his hand caught yours. “Ya have to tell me if this is what ya want, peach…” His next words trembled, and you could hear his fear. “But If ya want to get an abortion we can talk to Denisse. S’yer body and yer decision.”

You looked to the open window for a moment, and for Daryl, the wait was almost defeating, and so suffocating. For him, escaping was not an option, but he wanted to give you the freedom to choose, to think about what was best for you too, but when you looked back at him, Daryl could see a sparkle of hope between the shadows of fear.

“Can you at least promise me that you won't be leaving on supply runs so often from now on? Because if this child gets your personality, he or she won't be easy to take care of, you know?”

And there it was, the way you teased him, but at the same time, telling him that you and him were going to be parents. Then, Daryl smiled, thinking that he never imagined that he could be even happier than he already was.

He hugged you tightly, trying to banish all fear in your body, even when he had some fears too. And it was kind of overwhelming, as if suddenly the baby was his whole world and his reason for living, but because that was a beautiful thought, you hugged him back.

From there, his life was even better. The promise of being a father scared him to death, but it was so liberating too that he silently counted the days and weeks until he could meet his baby. Daryl knew he could never be like his own father; he knew he could give his child all the love he never got. Over the next months, he kept his promise and stopped going on all the supply runs: but when he did, Daryl always came back with some toy or a piece of clothes, even with a book about parenting that he started reading in a sacred way. He wanted to be as ready as possible, to learn how to hold a baby, how to change a diaper and more.

The night of his last run and when Daryl reached the gates, Maggie was there to meet him.

As he got off the bike, he just knew.

“But we still had a few weeks ahead.” He said, even when he knew anything was possible.

However, the moment Daryl walked into the bedroom, nothing could prepare him for that. The doctor and Carol were there, next to you as you were lying sideways on the bed, almost in a fetal position, eyes tightly closed, holding yourself against the sheet, too immersed in the pain to notice he was there.

“Peach, hey, I’m here…” Daryl knelt in front of you, taking your hands in his. There, you opened your eyes, but you looked so scared like never before. “I’m here, okay? I’m here with ya.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this…” You said breathlessly closing your eyes, eyebrows furrowed in an expression of pain as a new contraction pressed against your belly.

But you and him knew well you couldn’t turn back now.

“Ya can do this, sweetheart, jus’ hold on a lil’ more, okay?” Daryl kissed your hand before getting up again, helping you to sit when the doctor said it was time to push.

He climbed onto the bed, sitting behind you to hold your body against his, to let you know that he was there with you. And the entire time it took you to give birth, he did nothing but encourage you, assuring you that you were doing an incredible job, that you were strong, that you just had to hold on a little longer because soon you were going to hold your baby.

But when Daryl heard the baby crying for the first time, that was the most beautiful sound he ever heard.

Neither of you knew if the baby was going to be a girl or a boy, but when Carol said it was girl, making Daryl's wish come true, it felt like the world got back its color. Like breathing for the first time, like waking up from the sweetest dream, everything just made sense.

The doctor wrapped her in a blanket, laying her on your chest. But the moment she felt your touch, the baby looked into your eyes and it was as if she could see deep into your soul, to see all the love you had for her, giving you a new feeling of peace.

And in that moment, she stopped crying.

“She has your eyes.” You said softly, exhausted and in pain, but happy in a new way.

Daryl was smiling since he heard her, but seeing her there, so little and healthy and even more beautiful than in the dreams he had about her, it was like taking the first step into a whole new world, one that promised nothing but happiness. His hand caressed her cheek, feeling a tickle on the tips of his fingers at the contact of his daughter's soft skin.

His daughter, his princess, his little angel.

“She’s so lil’.” Daryl said softly, afraid that if he talked louder she would be scared.

“Ya can hold her. Do you want to?” You asked in a small voice, thinking that he would be the one who would end up scared.

Daryl pulled away from you slightly to sit on the edge of the bed, taking the little life he helped create into his arms. For a single second, he feared that he might hurt her, a small thought in his frightened head, but when she locked her eyes with her daddy, Daryl knew well he would always make his daughter happy.

“Did you two choose a name?” Carol asked.

Daryl chuckled, looking at you.

“Remember when Merle joked ‘bout namin’ our child after him?”

“Yeah. You told him to fuck off.” You chuckled, too. But you could see clearly the idea in his eyes, asking you the permission first. “Marley is a good name; don’t you think? Marley Rose Dixon. I think it sounds sweet, and your last name will make her look intimidating too after the people meet her daddy.”

"That's what we need. Another Dixon." Carol chuckled.

But the idea was more than a delight for him. And right there, Daryl promised Marley he would always make her smile, he would always make her happy, showing her nothing but love.

And he kept his word.

Now, they are lying on the bed, his head on the pillow and with her in his arms as he caresses her back, one arm under her head. As the night falls in Alexandria and Daryl finishes telling his daughter that story (omitting some thoughts, words and curses) Marley is still awake.

“Are ya sleepy now, angel?” Daryl asks softly, looking into her eyes, but when she shakes her head, giggling, he sighs. “How ‘bout ya lay down and daddy rubs yer back? Ya loved that when ya were a baby.”

“Really, daddy?”

“Yeah, ya spent most of yer day on daddy’s chest.” Daryl nudges his nose against his daughter's, earning another laugh. “It was much better than sleepin’ with mommy.”

“Hey…” You complain, entering the room. Marley chuckles, sticking her body even closer to her daddy. “I don’t like you, any of you.”

Daryl chuckles.

“Told ya she was a Dixon.”

You sigh dramatically, joking, laying on your side of the bed.

“Nine months in my belly but she loves daddy more.”

Marley giggles, but before you can say anything, she pulls away from her daddy, turning until she is next to you.

“I love ya too, mommy.”

“I know, baby...” You hold her in your arms, kissing her head as you hear her accent. “Mommy loves you too, my love.”

She looks at you, her blue eyes as deep as her father.

“And daddy too?”

“Well…” You tease him, earning a scoff from your husband. “Yeah. I love daddy too.”

“But s’time to sleep, angel.” Daryl says softly when he knows the late night has begun, one hand rubbing her back. “Close yer eyes, okay?”

“Okay, daddy…” Marley does it, snuggling into your chest. “I love ya both.”

@fluffy-dixon

[theshiftingwitch]

The Shifting Witch's Masterlist:

It's finally here!

In this masterlist, you will have access to everything I know about shifting, manifesting, and taking control of your reality!

Happy reading!

What is reality shifting?

There are infinite realities.

My services

Shadow work 101

Shadow work as a tool to manifest.

Work through limiting beliefs.

Self concept.

Feelings do not manifest!

You're not doing anything wrong.

Revision in manifestation.

Aging up/down.

The age discourse PT2

Multiverse VS consciousness

Permashifing

The Shifting challenge!

My subliminals

FAQ:

How do I manifest?

Can I manifest multiple people?

What to do when the 3d triggers me?

I can manifest. Why can't I shift?

Do I have to believe in my manifestations?

Imagination is the true reality.

Resistance? 3P? none of it matters.

How to feel fulfilled in the 4d?

Manifesting through adversity.

Lack mentality.

Manifesting a shift.

Do I need to ignore the 3d?

How Do I get into the void state?

How do I manifest/shift if I have OCD?

I am not my SP's type?!

How do I get into the void state?

I'm sure this list will continue to grow as I keep answering your questions and sharing my thoughts and breakthroughs, buy for now, I hope it's a good starting point for you.

Happy manifesting, shifting, and reading ❤️

Love,

Your favorite shifting witch ✨

[theleotarot]

How Your Person Of Interest Sees/Thinks/Feels About You

Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, & pile 3 ✨

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Pile 1

(Knight of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Three of Wands, Knight of Swords, The Unknown Card, Three of Swords, Mentor, Plane, & Thriving)

Hi Pile 1! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest sees you as someone who is very hardworking in all areas of your life. Perhaps, right now you are pursuing a degree or job, or maybe you are working towards a goal that requires lots of resilience and financial responsibility. Your person sees you very successful as well. I am also getting this energy that they may think you are above them in some way, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. I really think they do look up to you in every way regardless if you feel like you are struggling yourself or you feel like you can do better. They see you as someone who is very helpful to other people and the community. Your job or every day work may involve with interacting and helping people out, and this is confirmation that this is your pile! They might find you very funny and young at heart as well. I'm getting that some of you may not think you're funny, but your person definitely thinks that you are. I'm getting that you may be the type of person to also laugh things off when you feel scared or hurt, it's kind of like a coping mechanism, only for some. Besides that though, I really do think your person sees you as someone who radiates bright energy and that's why people and even animals enjoy being around you. Not only they see you as bright energy, but they also see you as someone who attracts very much positive things into your life, again, abundance, school, work, you name it. What your person thinks about you is that you have a huge future ahead of you, and you have the ability to achieve your goals if you just go for it. I believe that they also think that you are very good with your words. Again, I keep getting this energy from your person of interest that they do not think they are as good as you. Honestly, I feel like they are intimidated by your potential and success. I believe that your person is going through something difficult or heartbreaking. It may be because of a separation, insecurities, or any kind of past trauma, but it is unknown. I think that this difficulty they are facing has an affect on how they feel about you. I do think that their feelings for you are developing though. I think that this person just cannot show your their full interest or attention because they need to focus on themselves more. Even though they are facing their own difficulties, I do believe you cross their mind, and their feelings for you have potential in growing into something bigger within time. Overall, I feel like your person sees you as a light in their life. They really look up to your for your positivity and ambitions. I think that once they get their life together and feel better about themselves, their feelings for you will escalate and they will start to show how they truly feel.

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Pile 2

(Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Eight of Swords, The Magician, Shape-Shifter, Flowers, & Transformation)

Hi Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Okay pile 2, before I start your reading, I just want to say that this is the sweetest pile. 🥺 Okay let's carry on. Your person sees you as someone who carries or has carried a lot of baggage on themselves. Perhaps, you have struggled financially or educationally, or you have really struggled with your family or friend relationships. I also get this energy from you that part of your baggage has something to do with the fact that you always put others as a priority rather than yourself. You are always sacrificing yourself, even if it costs you your happiness. Even though you've been through so much emotional baggage, you continue to persevere through adversity, and your person of interest definitely sees this about you. They see how hard your life has been, yet you find the power to proceed with your life, and they find this absolutely inspiring about you. It's like, you have the choice to stay in despair and yearn for a better life, but you choose the opposite and make changes to your life to be happy instead. Your person sees that you have amazing grit and can also adapt to your environment, whether it be difficult or easy. They might also see you as someone who is very emotional and someone who wants to have their own family and children in the future. They can see you feminine as well. The way that your person sees you is very warm and precious. There are lots of pink and purple in your reading pile 2, so this means that your person sees you very delicate and they are really romantically connected with you too. I think they think you are confident in your actions as well, and whatever risks or actions you take, you are able to go through with it. I think your person thinks you're very playful as well. Even though sometimes you may feel stressed or upset about certain things in your life, your person knows that inside of you, at the very core of you, you are actually a very warm, delicate, loving, affectionate, and playful individual. I think that they believe that you deserve the best, pile 2, especially since you've gone through so much. They also think of you as a flower. Not only are they beautiful and delicate, but they're also a product of growth and transformation. Your person not only sees you for your beauty but for also all your hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice. Pile 2, I believe that your person has very romantic feelings for you, but they do not know how to come forward with it towards you. I believe that they want to turn your bond with them into something more, but they are intimidated at the same time. I think that maybe you have a chance to come forward instead, and this will save your person a headache lol because they feel for you so much. One more message I'm getting is that they see you as a butterfly. Again, you have transformed so much in your life. You may have felt stuck in the past and over worried, but you will grow into your wings and you'll be set free to fly. Your reading is beautiful pile 2. Your person deeply feels for you.

——————————————————————————

Pile 3

(King of Pentacles, The Hermit, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Tower, Four of Wands, Servant, Unity, & Protection)

Hi pile 3! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest finds you very, very attractive, and maybe even very addicting pile 3! I say this because The Devil card popped out twice in the back of the deck. You're quite appealing to them I would say. 😏 Anyway, I think you give off independent vibes to your person. You're very successful, and you're independent. You're not a loner, you're in solitude. There's a big difference between those two. I think they see you as someone who does not take bs either (I'm getting that some of you here are more mature so I can insert bs here lolol). I think they see you as someone very helpful to others. Maybe you are a people pleaser, for some? I just got that. Your person also might see you as quite mysterious. You may be more of the quiet type, and they are intrigued by you. They just want to know more and more about you. I get the feeling that your person also thinks that you may have a lot of people lined up for you in regard to romantic partners. Your person may think that they don't even have a chance with you because you're so hot lol. They do think of you as a star though. You radiate light in their life, and I think that they may admire you from a distance, and they keep their feelings to themselves at times. I think that when you or if you have conversations with them, they will feel very emotionally connected with you. Your conversations with them are easy, and they feel like they can open up to you about pretty much anything comfortably. I think this is what separates you from others. You just get them in a way that no one else does, this pertains to your conversations with them, as well as your looks. 😉 One random thing, I think they might like your hands lol. Your person's feelings for you are strong pile 3, it's a given here. I think they did not expect to be this attracted to you though. Maybe some people here are in a work or classroom environment with your person, and your relationship with them could almost feel "taboo" but they can't help but be so drawn to you. Another situation I’m seeing here is a friend dynamic. Just take what resonates. I think that your person does really want something more with you though. I think if you two were together, they would really make it known to the world that you are theirs and they would celebrate your love lol. They also feel very protective over you. Even if you are already strong on your own and independent, your person still wants to be the one to protect you at all costs and even be your knight in shining armor. I believe that your bond with this person does have potential to lead to something more pile 3, even if you do not talk to them, the both of you still have potential together. Overall, they are so attracted to you pile 3. Do you ever have that person that you like so damn much that they are ruining your life???!! Yeah, that's you to them. Lol.

——————————————————————————

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “all i need in this life of sin…” ⭐️🏆❤️‍🔥🍒

• the personality traits and overall aesthetic of your person.

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. i had fun doing this :) hope you all enjoy! feedback is always appreciated of course.

pile 1 🪷 —

“lotus flower bomb, firefly. when i'm low, she take me high. i can teach you all the sounds of love.”

heyyy pile 1, let me just start by saying the energy is strongggg af my goodness. your person is definitely a go-getter! they say what they mean, and mean what they say. this is a person who has gone through a lot of hardships in life and has experienced a lot of setbacks, causing them to feel hopeless and discouraged. but on the flip side, they possess the strength to rise like a phoenix from the ashes and overcome adversity. your person may have a deep and/or commanding voice…it's one of the things you definitely are going to love about them. your person has a lot of structure, power and authority. they call the shots and you'll love it lol. they weren't always like this either pile 1, they had to grow into the person that they are now. this provider/protector role. also, i keep hearing that they are veryyy attractive. there's a detached vibe to them that intrigues people, it's like they can't fully figure out your person & your person likes that honestly. i heard "let's keep it that way." lol they do not like people all up in their business. your person may have prominent air sign placements in their chart. this is someone who is intellectually sharp, has a clear vision, and knows how to take on challenges with a levelheaded approach. they can be headstrong from time to time but they typically make decisions based on careful thought and precision. it used to be hard for them to see the brighter side of things, but you are a beacon of light for them. you bring out the energetic and adventurous side of them, they're gonna be all over you pile 1. they can't even control it…they're usually laid back and chill but you get them so excited and aroused i'm hearing LOLOLOL. with you by their side, they know that they can do anything. i'm now hearing i won by future ft. kanye west wowww they're definitely gonna feel so lucky to have you pile 1.

their overall aesthetic:

i'm getting certified lover boy vibesssss. your person might have a calm and composed demeanor, but deep down you really stir something primal in them. they want to impress you so badly, even when you two get into the relationship they still want you to feel like you're in the honeymoon phase (i'm hearing years) down the line. whatever you want, they'll get it. they're gonna treat you with so much care, devotion and respect. i feel like this person has money mhm they're gonna splurge on you. i'm getting spontaneous trips, fine dining, luxury gifts and lots of pampering. you may not always expect that from them, but it's something they want to do for you because they love you. i feel like their love language is quality time, gift giving and words of affirmation. i see 11:11 on the clock now that i'm wrapping up your reading, WOW. this is amazing pile 1.

other channeled messages:

the party & the after party by the weeknd, aquarius, unbothered, gemini, change, cancer, authority, hey daddy (daddy's home) by usher, fancy by drake ft. t.i. & swizz beatz, 11:11, get on your knees by nicki minaj ft. ariana grande

pile 2 ☀️ —

“that's the way everyday goes. every time we've no control. if the sky is pink and white. if the ground is black and yellow. it's the same way you showed me.”

your person is an absolute gem, pile 2. i mean wow…i don't even know where to begin. i can feel their attraction and adoration for you 🥹 you inspire them so much. your person has a lot of complex emotions that they have to work through at times and they'll love how you'll always be willing to listen and give them the advice they need to carry on. i can see you two sitting really close together, faces nearly inches apart and your hand over their heart saying "i'm always here, you know that." you don't ever want them to hold back. i don't know why carmy and sydney from ‘the bear’ keep popping up in my head. (do y'all watch that show?) i'm seeing stolen glances, small smiles and hearing lots of giggling/laughter. you take their breath away pile 2. this person is not confrontational, they try to avoid conflict and discomfort as much as possible. if your upset though, they'll put their shit aside and make sure you're okay. again, idk if y'all watch ‘the bear’ but whenever sydney is upset/angry with carmy he'll immediately try to get to the root of the problem and ask her what's going on. your person does not want to fuck up the foundation they are working to build with you. they sometimes struggle with getting things started and leaving them unfinished, but with this relationship they want to see it all the way through. you have the natural ability to care for others and appreciate the beauty and value of life (i hear you romanticize life), and you inspire your person to do the same. they feel so blessed to have someone like you in their life. your person wants the whole 9 with you, they are willing to give you the world. you bring them so much joy pile 2 it nearly brings tears to my eyes.

their overall aesthetic:

i'm hearing that your person has the midas touch; everything they touch turns to gold. this is random but i feel like you're their first bad b*tch lol they've never had someone like you. i feel like their last relationship didn't end on the greatest of terms and they felt really down about it, doubting if love is even real. but you came along and shook things up! i feel like you both match each other's fly. they have a very clean-cut, simple yet effective style that you'll really like. possibly even tattoos. also, they're gonna be BIG on physical touch.

other channeled messages:

i know you by faye webster, carmy berzatto from the bear, you bring me joy by mary j. blige, leo, flirty, separation anxiety, broken, happy by ashanti, money, 222, honey by mariah carey

pile 3 🌅 —

“i'm tellin' everybody you're mine and i like it. and i really hope you don't mind, i can't fight it. no, you know i cannot hide it 'cause i am so excited that i finally decided on you.”

heyyy pile 3, i'm getting major best friends to lovers vibes holy shit. thinkin bout you by frank ocean just came to mind. literally anything you say or do will have your person in such awe of you. i'm getting serena van der woodsen and nate archibald vibes (without the betrayal and cheating behind a friend's back lol) but there's an undeniable chemistry between the two of you. i'm hearing "the golden boy and the it girl" 🌟 you both shine so bright together. your person is very career-oriented and self disciplined, they've worked hard for everything they have. your person has a lot to offer you! i can see you two traveling to tropical places, trying out new hobbies together, and unlocking parts of yourself that you didn't even know were hidden. you're gonna take a leap of faith with this person because they're always so encouraging and reassuring that everything will work out just fine. you might be a person that likes to plan things out and have things in order first but your person? they're just like fuck it let's do it lol they're very spontaneous and that might catch you off guard at first, but you'll actually grow to appreciate their optimism as the relationship goes on. i can hear that quote from scarface, "the eyes chico, they never lie." they'll be so enamored by you. they have a very old-fashioned way about them, in terms of how they'll court you and show you off. (they might like those classic 90s/2000s mob movies idk) but your person is very generous, romantic and sweet. you're all they can think about and vice versa. you'll both be sprung hehe.

their overall aesthetic:

they love nice things. nice cars, nice watches, nice tux, you name it. i feel like because of how they carry themselves and how well-kept they are, they attract envious people/haters. they're not oblivious to it but they definitely try to pay it no mind. i'm hearing "fuck the haters!" lol they don't care. again, i feel like they're really going to love showing you off and claiming you loud and proud for the world to see. they're very confident and some of you may be a little shy but their energy is so infectious that you'll start owning your power even more. i love love love love it pile 3!

other channeled messages:

harry potter, ravenclaw, hufflepuff, the less i know the better by tame impala, adorn by miguel, daydreamin’ by ariana grande, you taught me how to live again, sweetest taboo by sade, pride by kendrick lamar, upper east side, video games by lana del rey, motorcycles, gemini, ibiza, loyalty, charming, power couple

pile 4 🎇 —

"drop the roof and let the smoke clear. i got diamonds doin' toosie slides in both ears. dice rollin' on the las vegas strip tonight. slip that on and we might miss the fight.”

hiii pile 4! i know this is straightforward but right off the bat i'm hearing that you're gonna give your person hell LMFAOOO? paint the town red by doja cat keeps playing in my head 😮‍💨 especially the part that goes "she a bad lil' bitch, she a rebel. she put her foot to the pedal, it'll take a whole lot for me to settle." you have high standards (as you should!) and they will be met. i feel like some of you that chose this pile have really bold and assertive personalities and people may find it intimidating, especially masculine energies. it's funny cause i feel like your person does have a bit of an ego and it's gonna take a minute to really figure out how to navigate the relationship. your person is a BOSS, (a big boss i'm hearing) and they have a similar mindset to you in terms of not settling for less. they are assertive by nature and it's gonna catch them off guard when you're not submissive initially. they like to take control, but you also like to take control so that's where the friction comes in. i'm not getting that it's bad or toxic though. if anything, it turns them on. i will say, out of all the other piles this one has the strongest sexual energy 😅 very very spicy! this person likes to put the work in but if something/someone is boring them they won't hesitate to move on. they hate wasting time. but you? you keep them on their toes, it's neverrr gonna be boring! i feel like you're gonna make them love drunk. i'm hearing church by mariah the scientist which is a very sensual song. they feel so pulled to you, it's out of their control and it scares them. i feel a bit dizzy rn (your person is lowkey dramatic it's hilarious) you're gonna drive them halfcrazy because they love you so much. definitely hearing halfcrazy by musiq soulchild. “my minds gone halfcrazy cause i can't leave you alone.” YEAH, they're gonna be deep in their bag about you. they may need to step back for a minute to get their mind right but one thing they know for sure is that they want you. they want it all. i'm getting heavy scorpio vibes (maybe even 8h placements) but this relationship is going to be very transformative, passionate, hypnotic and exhilarating. you're gonna love how much they yearn for you even though they try to fight it. y'all know how much power you possess hehe just be careful of playing too many mind games with this person. they really do love you pile 4, it's just gonna take a minute to find a nice balance between you both. they may need a little reassurance from you.

their overall aesthetic:

i feel like your person is a bit cold and reserved, but that's going to draw you to them even more. you want to know what's behind the mask. i just thought of the scene in ‘the batman’ when cat woman and batman are on the rooftop and she strokes his face and asks “who are you under there? what are you hiding?” AH, that's exactly what this is! you have that enticing push and pull that neither of you can walk away from because it's just too good. you're not gonna find that with anyone else, this person is your soulmate. you or this person may have had previous relationships that just didn't satisfy you or awaken you like this relationship will. i just heard f&mu by kehlani LOL y'all will love to get them riled up just to kiss and make up. i feel like you both will say it to each other too, it's a consensual game you both like to play. you both will be very upfront and honest with each other as you get comfortable, which will bring you two even closer. your person does have a bruce wayne vibe going for them lol definitely not boring but very intelligent, neat, practical, a bit brooding and always prepared for any and everything. i just heard “the bat and the cat…it's got a nice ring.” AHHH.

other channeled messages:

been away by brent faiyaz, crew by gold link ft. brent faiyaz, spread thin by mariah the scientist, u are my high by dj snake & future, electric by alina baraz ft. khalid, maneater, popular by the weeknd ft. madonna & playboi carti, how to lose a guy in 10 days, awkward by sza, is there someone else? by the weeknd, 7 rings by ariana grande, famous, flashing lights by kanye west, trust fund baby, tall in height, nothing burns like the cold by snoh aalegra ft. vince staples, wild side by normani ft. cardi b

[readychilledwine]

Trials and Tribulations

Rhysand Week Day 1 - Adolescence

Summary - Rhysand was always a cocky teen, until it came to you at least

Warnings - Childhood crushes, first dates, flirting, Cassian and Azriel being wingmen (no pun intended), mixed ending (some will like it, some won't), reader likes traditional female roles (it makes sense in the end)

A/n- Happy @officialrhysandweek! This is just a short cute fic with Rhys and a childhood crush. I like to imagine Rhys was always really smooth with everyone, but someone he felt genuine emotion for. I feel like that's a skill we are still watching him learn to cope with and tackle with Feyre.

✨️Rhysand Week Masterlist✨️Rhys Masterlist✨️Master Masterlist✨️

Arrogant is a strong word, but it fits how you felt about the male in front of you perfectly. Yes, he was beautiful. His hair dark as night, sharp jawline, eyes so deep and blue they almost appeared purple.

But that smirk. That smirk as he touched you, flirting with you so openly as other Illyrian males and females watched in stunned silence. It was enough to make you feel as though all attraction to him was melting away.

“Remove your hand from my hip or I will have my father remove it for you,” that smirk dropped at your words, his eyes growing wide with shock. Rhysand's hand slowly moved off of you, the strategy Cassian had told him to use not working in the slightest on you.

He glanced back to where his brothers were sitting and watching. Nonverbally begging for help. It wasn't that you didn't want him touching you. He knew that just based on your thoughts, but you were almost upset he had.

6 months. 6 months of you two admiring each other from afar, of shared sneaking glances, of occasional words and smiles shared, but you were rejecting him. Rejecting his advances.

“I- I apologize,” he took in a quick breath before trying Azriel's tactic, one that worked for the mysterious and handsome male without fail. “Do you want to go back to my place and talk?” He watched as your face fell, a glare appearing in those normally bright eyes. “I fucked this up, didn't I?” You only nodded and walked away from him, going back to your older brother and his friends.

Rhys returned to his brothers then, grabbing his drink before walking out of the community dininghall.

Cassian chased after him, Azriel not far behind as Cass yelled, “What the hell happened?!”

“Your ideas didn't work.” Rhys had never sounded so small, so insecure. Being a half illyrian came with challenges, but Rhysand had always been strong through them. He faced adversity with the confidence of a male who knew his worth, even if others felt that worth was lower than he did.

“So we make a new plan,” Azriel was stoic in his response. “I know she likes you. I overheard her telling her friends during chores.” The three of them began replotting the next day. For a week, they formed a new plan for Rhysand to charm you into a date, into a walk, anything.

You shook him to his core. Your smile, your playful eyes, your voice. You knocked him off his pedestal and he had no plans in allowing you to walk away without so much as a single date.

The following Saturday was warm, a full moon in the sky, bonfires all around. You were with your friends, all giggling and laughing while your brother stood guard. The two of them were holding eye contact, your brother almost silently begging Rhysand to try again. The two of them liked each other. Trained together frequently. Discussed you even more frequently.

Your family was more forward-thinking. They believed your worth was equal to your brother's, but oddly, you loved chores. You made the choice not to train. You loved keeping a clean home, baking, cooking. You loved your vegetable garden. Perhaps it was that choice that both drew Rhysand to you and made him struggle in dealing with his feelings for you. So many other Illyrian females were happy to crawl into his bed. To rebel for a few hours or all night. Yet you? You had a healthy home. A happy life. There was no need for you to rebel against a heavy-handed father or a cruel mother.

He had been attracted to you since his mother brought him here. A childhood crush he longed to turn to more. It wasn't until Azriel and Cassian came into the picture that he felt it was possible, though. The three of them were always pushing each other. They motivated each other to be there best, to be strong, to be good males. Rhys knew he could be that for you. He could be strong. He could be confident. He could be all you needed him to be if only he gave himself a chance.

He took his beer like a shot before walking over to you, praying to The Mother the second time would be the charm. “Can we talk,” he offered his hand, waiting for you to place your smaller one in it and smiled when you did.

“How was training this week?” You were hoping to help him relax. He loved when you asked about him, loved when you cared about his week.

“Good. Got to fight Cassian hand to hand.”

“Ah, so you lose again?”

He glared at you playfully, “Barely.”

“How quickly did he take you down?”

“I’ll have you know-”

“So quickly then,” you interrupted with a smirk.

“Smartass.”

“Sore loser,” You shrieked as he spun on you, throwing you over his shoulder. “Rhysand!” He could hear you say his name forever. Listen to your laugh on repeat. He tried to keep his confidence with him as Azriel and Cassian gave him thumbs up from the treeline.

They had figured out that it was Rhysand you liked. Rhysand. Not his looks. Not his money. Not his massive wings. Not even the fact that he was heir to the Night Court. It was him. You liked him. You liked how easy your conversations flowed, how kind he was, how easy it was to push his buttons. You liked the friendship you two shared, the moments of vulnerability and innocence.

Shamelessly, he carried you to a blanket and picnic basket he and his brothers had set up, setting you down with little grace. “I brought snacks."

You blinked at his simple statement, “You brought snacks?”

“For our date, yes,” he sat down without further words, opening the basket. “Are you going to sit or just stand there?” He would never admit how insecure he was feeling right now. That anxious bubbly feeling in his stomach threatening to ruin his plan of wooing and courting you.

It wasn't visible to anyone else, but you saw the change in his eyes as you studied him, the way his glance kept flickering to the trees. “You're kidding me,” your gaze followed his. “You brought Azriel and Cassian?”

His face fell and a blush began to spread, “No! I- no!” He stood again, blocking you from looking over into the trees by flaring out his wings. “Just us. You and me. Me and you.”

“And your friend Az?” Rhysand wanted to melt on the spot as you continued trying to look around with him with a bright smile. “You're normally so confident, Rhysand,” you suddenly stopped and just stared at him.

“You bring out my nerves,” he said calmly. “You're beautiful. You're smart. You're lovely. We're friends. You-”

A voice broke from the tree line, “Stop ranting!”

The two of you began to laugh as he sat back down and you followed him. You had never seen him like this before. A ball of nervous energy just looking for an outlet.

“Relax,” you whispered and leaned your head on his shoulder. “Tell me about what Azriel and Cassian are like.”

Rhysand seemed to find his confidence in that touch, that soft reassurance. The coil in his stomach released, his shoulders falling, “I'm the most handsome out of the three of us,” he said loudly, smiling as you nodded. “And the most delightful. Possibly the most cunning.”

“Definately the most humble,” you mumbled, earning a playful glare. As the date went on, he eased more. His rants about Cassian and Azriel caused loud yells to come from suddenly noisy trees at random times.

It became the first date of many in his late teens. A reference point he now used as he stared in the mirror getting ready to take Feyre out.

You had been his gold standard. A childhood crush turned teenage sweetheart, turned first heartbreak, turned sister. You, in all your tenderness, had helped shape him similar to how Cassian had, to how Azriel had. You were his only true romance before Feyre and one of his hardest lessons in his younger years.

He threw a pillow at you as he entered the living room, “Thanks for baby sitting Nyx tonight.”

You put a finger on your nose, a game all too familiar to you and him, and pointed to Azriel, “All him. But you are welcome.” You adjusted his tie for him. “Relax,” that word rang so many memories in his head. “She loves you."

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