beyuwol

[beyuwol]

present.

truth be told, yuwol doesn't know the first thing about giving gifts. back then, he thinks the gifts that he would prepare his sister weren't the best. he tried, but it's not enough. he does wish he can do something more personal, more tailored to the person on the receiving end instead of handing over something generic. but to do that, it means he'd need to do a little bit of studying.

he'd invited @bechaerin out under the guise of catching up. now that he's a trainee, there's a lot that he can tell her. the concept of sharing his feelings and how he's doing is still somewhat foreign to him, he's used to keeping things to himself—but chaerin had been such an integral part to his growth on this journey, it'd feel strange not to talk to her about what he's been doing under sr media. different companies, but they're both still under axis labels.

it's only fair that he wants to get chaerin a present too, isn't it? unfortuantely, he'd need to do some more... research. as they're still browsing the stalls, yuwol hands over one cup of hot cocoa to chaerin. "careful, it's a little hot," he warns gently. he blows on his own cup.

"there's a lot of things on discount, aren't there?" he points out, eyes wandering to booths on display. "does anything catch your interest?"

[beyuwol]

reassurance.

it's one thing after the other. the surprising turn of events that is being signed, by his current dream company no less, to the unexpected news that they will be performing at lotte world—a place that yuwol has never been to, because it's a waste of time ( according to his parents ). he can't exactly imagine what that would be like, still confined to the company building in order to practice for the upcoming performance.

honestly, it's been a lot in general. yuwol hadn't expected this, but he can't imagine how @bexjae must be feeling about the entire ordeal. as he remembers it, jaesung had just gotten signed recently. very recently. to suddenly have to perform in front of an audience—despite it being a group performance involving all trainees, that doesn't make it easier. he doesn't think he's that much of a senior, but he does want to show concern.

as they're taking a break from practice, he decides to approach the other boy. he musters his kindest smile—he hopes it's reassuring, even though he's sure his tired eyes could imply otherwise. "how are you doing?" he asks, sitting next to the other as they catch their breath from their rigorous training. "are you nervous?" he questions. "i know i am," he admits.

[beyuwol]

lately, yuwol thinks that he has been too... self-deprecating. it comes with the territory, he'd never known himself to be confident about anything other than being a violinist, credits to his parents. even now, as an idol trainee with a public performance under his belt, he still believes he lacks in so many areas, both visible and invisible to the naked eye. he knows this ingrained thought process of his will easily become his downfall if he isn't careful, so he has been working to think a little more positively. it takes a bit more effort each day, but he's getting there.

however, there's no beating around the bush here. not when it comes to this. yuwol sucks at ice skating. it's a renowned fact that's further being proven today ( embarrassingly so ).

yuwol has no experience on the ice rink, whether leisurely or not. he never got to learn, nor had it crossed his mind before either. unfortunately, yuwol has a horrible habit when it comes to refusing people too, especially when they're skilled smooth talkers who are probably used to convincing fussy customers to sign up for whatever they're offering. in this case, it's the free outdoor ice skating rink.

at first, he tried to tell them that he doesn't have a pair of skates, only for the staff to say that they're happy to lend them. next, yuwol admits that he never skated before, only to be met with: then this is the perfect opportunity to try! he can't even refute that properly.

so here he stands now, leaning against the fence, having no clue what to do with his feet. he's just staring at them. only when he hears a familiar voice does he look up, seeing jo approaching.

yuwol smiles, sheepish. "is it that obvious? i must really be... out of place, then." he's not going to hide his lack of experience, there's no use lying just to save face. "how long have i been standing here awkwardly like a flickering lamp post?"

he lets out a sigh, still holding onto the fence for dear life. "no, i've never done this before... and i wasn't planning on skating today either. but... i was convinced." peer pressured, more like, but he digresses. "you seem to be a natural, though."

don't freeze--*

@beyuwol

it's been years, a decade, maybe, since jo had been on the ice. it used to be something he thoroughly enjoyed- back during the days before his brother learned a professional sport from his love of the ice and back when things were, well, simple. for a while when jo first arrives and realizes there's an ice rink, he only stands on the sides, watching the eager participants like he was having an out of body experience instead of standing right there.

it has to be minutes, he thinks, before one of the attendants is asking if he needs a pair of skates, and his mind flashes back to his own pair that he found just a few weeks ago while he was unpacking, haphazardly tossed into a box that one of his friend's shipped to his apartment. uhh... he hesitates, before shrugging and accepting the offer. going through the motions of fixing his socks, checking blades and tying laces, jo can't shake the deep feeling of deja vu he has, and when he looks to his left he half expects anna to be there, with eli waiting for them both at the entrance to the rink, teasing them for being too slow.

his eyes drift in the direction of the rink, and instead of his brother, he sees a vaguely familiar face instead, looking a little frozen at the entry, and he can't help but smile to himself, making his way over.

"if your goal is to blend in by being as still as ice, being on the ice is a better start." jo jokes gently, remembering the first time he was in the same position, and how much time and encouragement he needed. he politely sidesteps a pair of kids that came behind him, stepping onto the section of rink right in front of yuwol. "you've never done this before, have you?"

[beyuwol]

even now, yuwol finds himself far too dependent on kou. becoming part of sr media's roster had piqued his interest since next gen, that's true. still, if yuwol were to say kou's status as an sr media trainee had nothing to do with his desire to be signed under that company, it would be a complete and utter lie. he wishes he could say it were true—seo ran had been the most encouraging judge throughout his time at the show after all, but if kou hadn't been here, he probably wouldn't have had the courage to keep going either. it's inevitable, that he finds himself drawn to kou in every scenario.

should yuwol have ended up as a lime entertainment trainee, would he have fared the same? would he have found some sense of independence, or would he have sought the other boy out in a moment of desperation? as selfish as he feels that it is, he can admit to himself that he's glad he ended up in sr media in the end. with kou by his side, for a long time—if he could have his wish, then forever.

he doesn't want to rely solely on kou though, he's determined about that much. he wants to be good, to become someone that kou wouldn't be embarrassed to root for. even though kou had assured yuwol multiple times that would never be the case, he knows that kou himself can be a rather biased source. he supposes another thing he's grateful for is that he can study alongside kou, just like this, in a workshop opportunity he never would have been able to partake in otherwise.

"you're more than alright," yuwol reminds, shaking his head as kou puts himself down once again. he never understands it—kou had always been a multitalented individual, the fact that not a lot of people see that ( or seem to be able to comprehend that ) constantly leaves a bad taste in yuwol's mouth. sr media wouldn't have picked kou if they don't see his potential.

while yuwol doesn't agree, and he makes it obvious that he doesn't in the short string of words that he managed to get out, he still listens to kou. he speaks of his feelings on acting, with yuwol nodding along. before all this, kou had shared his activities as a trainee too. he's kind of excited—a feeling yuwol isn't quite familiar with—to witness it with his own eyes.

i'll have to act like i'm upset because my mother abandoned me. yuwol blinks, caught off guard by the blank statement that stumbled out of kou's mouth so casually. but before yuwol could confirm that kou was okay with such a script, kou had already begun—the corner of his eyes brimming with tears.

his eyes widened slightly, for a quick second. once a beat passes though, he returns to the script at hand. right, the scene. he wonders how he should respond, but he decides to go with his gut, a reaction that wouldn't stray too far from reality. if kou had meant his words, if this wasn't a scripted scenario. gently, his hand envelops kou's, hoping that there is warmth in his touch.

"your mom... would never abandon you," he says, his voice soft and patient. he lifts his eyes from the script to kou, allowing another beat to pass. "however, if she really... did such a thing, i'm sure she had a reason." he finishes, squeezing kou's hand as he reaches the end of his sentence.

kou doesn't think he's good at many things. it isn't him being humble though, he just truly, is well aware of the fact that he isn't good at many things. or at least, he doesn't think so. he isn't the most hard-working individual out there, doesn't find himself getting stressed out by the need to constantly improve that much – if anything kou has always just... gone with the flow of things. sr media had made it a clear necessity for all their trainees to take acting lessons, and kou had simply followed through with that. whatever he's learnt or picked up, had been from the lessons themselves.

he isn't a pro, far from that if anything, but at the very least he now knows that he isn't looking at the script with untrained eyes. this lack of physical distance with yuwol is something that he's grown accustomed to, and something that he no longer wants taken away from him. kou has never been much of a fighter, but he'll fight to protect this. him and yuwol, and having yuwol by his side.

"i'm alright," kou says, he'd never thought too deeply about how he's progressed either anyway. all he knew was that progress was never linear, and when yuwol had been ripped away from him, he'd fallen into plateau. it's different now though, like this with yuwol by his side. kou thinks he can be better.

his gaze falls onto yuwol's cheek, and he notices the slight hue of red. he's more than accustomed now though, with how red can cover yuwol's skin, from head to toe. it's odd to think that just almost a year ago, he'd thought that he'd have to forever be satisfied with the distance between him and yuwol. that being with yuwol was something that someone like kou could never experience.

"you're blushing," kou says, smiling, and he lifts his hand to brush his thumb against yuwol's cheek gently. he's aware of the fact that there are cameras everywhere though, and that while yuwol was no longer kept away from him, he was now faced with another challenge. yuwol constantly being around him. and kou would have to keep his hands and heart to himself at all times. mostly.

"my element?" he tilts his head. he'd never thought of himself as much of an actor, but ... "i guess so," he says after a moment. "i don't hate it. acting. i guess i'm not too bad," he blinks. "the last time you saw me in my element was... when i played the guitar, i guess. and then..." and then he'd jumped on yuwol, and claimed his soul as his, wanted so badly to intertwine the both of their breaths together.

he stretches his neck slightly and begins the scene. "i'll have to act like i'm upset because my mother abandoned me," he says, though despite how close to home the scene is, he doesn't allow for his face to falter. "we'll start now, okay?"

he takes in a deep breath, and after a few moments, his eyes begin to well with tears. he isn't too sure what he's thinking of – nothing in particular, really. "my mother abandoned me," he reads, in character.

[beyuwol]

yuwol blinks, head tilted slightly. "yeah, the halloween party, you mean?" has time become such a blur in noel's eyes that he's starting to get the seaons mixed up? that's wholly possible, yuwol knows that better than most people. especially lately, when he's stuck doing repetitive routine that would usally grate anyone's mind. unfortunately, there's no end to it—at least now that he's a trainee, there's something new and slightly more refreshing than what he's used to doing for the majority of his life. he's having less and less time for himself, but that's a good thing. an opportunity for yuwol to step out of his own head; away from his constant doomspiral.

"i'm glad you've made a lot of friends," yuwol replies, meaning it sincerely. yuwol thinks he hasn't exactly had the best luck. he never considered himself dull socially, having to cultivate those skills under the pressure of his parents. lately though, he hasn't been able to muster enough energy for that. fake it till you make it, sure, but it's been getting more cumbersome as days go by.

he knows enough to discern that the next best course of action is to pull noel off of the ground before continuing the conversation though. he isn't that unaware! so he does, grabbing hold of noel's hand and pulling, helping the other up gently.

"sweat and mud are two completely different things," yuwol mumbles, hopefully clear enough for noel to hear. "do you want to head back now then? you might catch a cold if you keep that on for too long." it's a shame that their small hang out session was cut short, but it's better than noel getting sick abruptly.

"oh, right... yeah, i'm in sr media now. it's nice... so far. my callback was actually for your company at first. lime. but i suppose they changed their mind." no hard feelings. yuwol doesn't regret where he ended up.

beyuwol

it's been an unpredictable journey, suddenly becoming a trainee after all the obstacles that had presented themselves on this path. it's undeniably weird, and while he doesn't mind the sudden shift in schedule ( but his parents does, which is another thing coming ). still though, he's grateful for the opportunity that finally came knocking on his door. it took a while, but he managed to reach this point, so that's a good thing isn't it? he has become arguably busier though, on top of university as well and his parents' endless demands. but still, he has to make it work. otherwise, he can't continue on as is. "it has been," yuwol replies. was the last time he talked to noel during christmas last year? that's a little crazy, considering it's almost time for christmas again this year. time flies by fast. "but it was nice catching a glimpse of you during the halloween party, i was surprised to see quite a few people that i recognized. what about you? what have you been up to?" he blinks though, hearing a small commotion from behind him. he'd been walking ahead by a bit, looking at the road—only to hear a thump from behind him. "ah, are you okay?" yuwol questions, concerned, reaching out a hand to pull his friend up. "oh no, i think your clothes are wet and a little dirty now..." yuwol comments, wondering whether he should let noel wear his coat to cover up.

noel had attempted to see all his friends, but once he became a trainee it was close to impossible. he had school, work and he was a trainee, he simply didn’t have much time to hang out with people who weren’t from school, work or fellow lime trainees. he felt bad about it, and even though he was now done with school, he was still busy as ever. he actually feels bad, that it’s taken him this long to reach out to yuwol again, taken this long for them to meet again. there’s some faces who have taken even longer though, and though noel would love to see his friends, he simply didn’t have much time.

“ah? you saw me at the christmas party?” he runs a hand through his hair “i was so busy at the party… i’ve made quite a lot of friends in my time in lime” he shrugs. “congrats to you though, you’re a trainee at sr media now, aren’t you?”. “how have they been treating you there, do you enjoy being a trainee there?”. then yuwol asks what he’s been up to, and noel would like to tell him about project green, but he’s not sure how much he’s able to tell. “i’ve just been practicing a lot” shrug “i’m finally starting to feel confident in my dance skills, so that’s nice”.

sitting here in the puddle, noel isn’t quite sure what his intentions with jumping in the puddle was. he sits still, looking up at yuwol, “i feel completely fine. cold? yes, wet? yes, does it hurt? surprisingly no” he shrugs, continuing to sit. he reaches out a hand “can you help me up?”. “who cares about it being wet and dirty, i’ve been sweating in my outfit during practice so i would’ve had to wash it anyway”.

[beyuwol]

despite having very little hands-on experience on the craft, seo ran had complimented yuwol on his acting on stage. the truth is, yuwol had practically just winged the whole thing—going with what felt right, using his dead eyes to emphasize the themes of horror and his facial expressions for something cuter. for some reason, it worked out perfectly—but yuwol still has no idea what exactly he did to warrant the praises that he received. somehow though, it became one of his greatest assets on stage.

still, yuwol knows he’s basically green in this area too. just like everything related to the idol world. then again, that’s why his status is as a trainee. he’s here to learn and hopefully debut. something like that ( if he even makes it that far, yuwol can’t stop himself from thinking up the worst-case scenarios first ).

that means the acting workshop is the perfect opportunity to properly practice and learn, without the aspect of dumb luck and desperation. actually studying from professionals. besides, he’s now under sr media of all companies, it’s only right that he works on this skill too. it seems to be something that his company deeply values. he wonders if he’ll ever be good at it though.

yuwol already knows that his parents don’t think so, they believe he’d drop out of the race before ever reaching the finish line—and they had let yuwol know that. to handle both the schedule from them and the new routine he has as a trainee hadn’t been the easiest feat, the dark circles under his eyes prove that, but at least he’s doing something outside of their wishes for once. even though they’re punishing him for it.

all of that melts away as kou leans against his shoulder, slowly bringing yuwol back to reality from the depths of his own mind. he smiles, resting his own head against kou’s for a moment, enjoying the small moment of peace. he gives the script a once-over, humming under his breath. “yeah… i’m not sure i could carry the emotional weight of this scene,” he expresses, honest.

kou pulls away soon after, carrying on with an explanation. yuwol listens, he always listens to kou when he talks, and vice versa. “i’m sure you’re a lot better than me now, since you’ve practiced this for far longer than i have,” he encourages with another smile. it’s easy, if it’s with kou.

“mhm, okay.” he nods. “i’ll keep that in mind.” he returns kou’s gaze, after reading through the script one last time. there’s a faint hue of pink across his cheeks, stemming from kou’s comment about his eyes. “and you look… serious. it’s been a while since i’ve seen you in your element.”

scene // starter for @beyuwol

it isn't as though kou had planned to be surprisingly good at acting. if anything, he still thinks he's got a long way to go – but kou isn't horrible. at the very least, he knows that his acting has improved from when he'd first started off in sr, with little to no experience at all. a blank slate, really.

he's no stranger to acting now though, and if anything, he finds it a little comfortable. he takes a seat next to yuwol, flipping through the script that they'd been given. unlike the previous acting workshop, this one's more intense, and a lot more in depth. something that kou finds himself appreciating.

he studies the lines, facial expression deadpanned as per usual, as he mumbles it under his breath. without a word, he grabs his pencil and begins jotting down notes on the spot – pause, higher intonation, eye contact, deep breath. things he'd picked up and learned to do whilst taking acting lessons in sr.

"this is a pretty emotional scene," he says after reading through the script. he turns to yuwol and rests his head on the boy's shoulder, like a cat leaning closer towards it's owner in search of warmth and comfort, and something he'd done long before yuwol had even become a trainee himself, even before next gen had ruthlessly torn him away from kou's embrace.

except now he was well aware of yuwol's feelings, the night that the older boy cried and confessed vivid in his mind. when kou had told him that it was okay, that his feelings for kou would always be okay, the night he saw a rainbow.

"oh, you've never seen me act, have you?" he lifts his head, blinking up at yuwol. "you've seen me play the guitar a lot but... i guess i've never acted in front of you," he doesn't stray away from yuwol though, if anything he clings even closer, unwilling to let go of the boy. he's always enjoyed the comfort that yuwol brought him.

"i'm not amazing, but... i guess i'm okay," he reads through the script again, before finally pulling away. "yuwol, when you're acting, you have to look the person in the eyes. it might be a little awkward, but you'll have to look right at me, okay?" he lifts his eyes so that they meet the older boy's. "i like your eyes, black pearls," he smiles, gentle.

[beyuwol]

it's been an unpredictable journey, suddenly becoming a trainee after all the obstacles that had presented themselves on this path. it's undeniably weird, and while he doesn't mind the sudden shift in schedule ( but his parents does, which is another thing coming ). still though, he's grateful for the opportunity that finally came knocking on his door. it took a while, but he managed to reach this point, so that's a good thing isn't it? he has become arguably busier though, on top of university as well and his parents' endless demands. but still, he has to make it work. otherwise, he can't continue on as is.

"it has been," yuwol replies. was the last time he talked to noel during christmas last year? that's a little crazy, considering it's almost time for christmas again this year. time flies by fast. "but it was nice catching a glimpse of you during the halloween party, i was surprised to see quite a few people that i recognized. what about you? what have you been up to?"

he blinks though, hearing a small commotion from behind him. he'd been walking ahead by a bit, looking at the road—only to hear a thump from behind him. "ah, are you okay?" yuwol questions, concerned, reaching out a hand to pull his friend up.

"oh no, i think your clothes are wet and a little dirty now..." yuwol comments, wondering whether he should let noel wear his coat to cover up.

slippery

“i’m glad you had time to meet, even if it’s just for a short time” he smiles at yuwol ( @beyuwol ) . lately the only people noel has seen is his fellow project green members and the coaches. and as much as all of the project green members are nice and he speaks well with them all, he misses seeing other faces. he has to use a lot of time on practice, but makes sure to take a break here and there so he doesn’t overwork himself. finding time for a break, he’s reached out to yuwol, it’ll probably just be a thirty minute walk, but he’s excited to get some fresh air and see yuwol.

“so, what have you been up to? it’s been a while since we last saw each other” he looks at yuwol, curious about what people who aren’t in project green are doing. he’s not sure how much he can tell back if yuwol is curious about his doings too, but for now he’ll just listen to what yuwol has to say.

“oh look, a puddle!” and with that noel half-runs over to it, jumping in the puddle, however his second jump leads to him falling right on his butt, “ouch!”.

[beyuwol]

against his wishes, yuwol had witnessed the sight of insu's angry expression more times than he'd like. a glimpse of that familiar image appears, only to fade away quickly to be replaced with surprise. yuwol doesn't know what kind of face he's making himself, but either way he's already busy looking to the floor, hoping that whatever this is will pass quickly. sure, they were close back then, and at some point he thought insu would be a constant in his life that won't leave. but that was naive of yuwol to believe, considering how things have ended up.

maybe back then, insu would be the person yuwol tells about the plight in his life. the fact that he's basically been trapped by his parents lately, unable to step a foot outside the door without checking in, having a curfew at this age. but not anymore, clearly. if they had stayed friends, instead of trying out a romantic relationship, would things have been fine? he doesn't know the answer to these questions, but there's no use asking anyway—there's no undoing the damage that already exists.

"you really don't have to..." yuwol insists, his voice even softer than it usually is. it's strange, in front of insu like this he feels kind of small. memories of their constant fighting flash through his mind as insu draws closer, now just a few feet away from him. even though he isn't looking up, he can tell that insu is glancing at him every now and then—honestly, it makes him nervous. he doesn't know what insu is thinking after all, if they're even okay.

so yuwol decides to focus on gathering all the items that have fallen out instead, putting them back into his bag. still, insu starts off the conversation regardless, something that yuwol hadn't expected in the slightest. it'd be rude to ignore it, right? it's not like he wants to act like insu doesn't exist, when insu had been an important part of his life for a while. "how i've been..?" horrible, yuwol wants to say, but insu doesn't need to know that. but with the eyebags under his eyes, his sunken demeanor, the slump on his shoulders—insu can probably tell. "i'm... okay," he lies.

he stands back up once everything is sorted out. "thanks for the help, by the way... it's really not your fault though, it's okay."

there's so many different things going through insu's head in that moment, so many things that he could say or do, though despite his best efforts of listening to what he wants to do his body ends up doing the opposite of what he tells it. one moment he's just standing there listening to what yuwol says, another moment he's actually listening to what the other tells him and turning to walk away, but the next he's letting out a heavy sigh before he finds himself bending down and helping the other pick up the items that he had dropped.

he honestly doesn't understand why he's even like this, why he's so keen on avoiding yuwol yet wanting to help him at the same time, though he guesses that's just how their 'relationship' is, or rather was at some point.

insu was never one that ever cared about someone else's feelings before, much less helping them unless it benefitted him in some way, though when it came to the other male in front of him it felt as if he couldn't resist the urge to just be in the other's presence. why? even he wasn't sure about that, though he figures that it has something to do with their shared history (even if it were pretty much short-term) with one another.

"no, it's my fault for not paying attention so it's only right that i help..." the words seem to just come out on their own, even before insu can fully process or even think about what to say in response to what yuwol had told him just moments before. even as he's there helping pick up the items from the floor, he can't help but occasionally glance up at the other male every now and then, only looking down at where he's reaching when it's time for him to pick something else up.

there's that voice inside his head that tells him he should have just taken the chance to book it, that he could have avoided any confrontation that may come their way once they were standing face-to-face again, though it's not like he could avoid the other forever. hell, insu didn't have a reason to really avoid yuwol, yet here they were awkwardly picking up the contents that were sent flying to the floor during their literal run in with one another.

once upon a time things were different between them, way different. now they were acting like they had to avoid one another as if the other were infected or something. "so.... how have you been?" smooth insu, real smooth. he was never great with words, even now he was still known to be the 'anti-social' asshole that played around and left when things got too serious.

[beyuwol]

now that luciel pointed it out, it does make a lot of sense. from the moment yuwol had entered the tour, there were people being wary of him. whenever he passed by a different group, they would make a surprised noise, even though all yuwol had done was walk across from them. he didn't think too much of it at first ( because why should he? it didn't seem too relevant ), until now. "do i really look... that lifeless?" he questions, unsure how to respond whatever luciel's answer may be, but he has a feeling luciel would lean closer towards yes.

"i feel kind of apologetic... i should say sorry," he whispers to himself, although he knows that if he approaches them they wouldn't care to hear what he has to say in the first place. "i hear that a lot lately, that i have dead eyes." he murmurs, but he thinks luciel can hear him anyway. it is pretty quiet right now—oh, right, he also has a soft voice, so that might be surprising too.

"smile...?" yuwol blinks, but decides to try, for some reason. why not? honestly, he just reacted—he tries to smile, but it only comes out twisted and creepy; uncanny. a couple walks by, only to tense up and walk in the other direction. but he's still waiting for lucel's glowing review.

luciel doesn’t expects that kind of answer, but he also wasn’t too surprised by it. he’s encountered his fair share of cryptic people (arguably, he’s one of those too, but it’s not something he cares about). though, he’s always found odd people interesting, those who do not fit in the realm of ‘normalcy’. but who’s to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what isn’t? it’s a powerful word that people uses without knowing the weight of its power. it takes a feathery blink to point fingers at someone, deem them ‘abnormal’ for not fitting their standards, then casting them out of society.

“i suppose you ended up scaring others instead,” he comments. yuwol is odd, and an individual he knows solely through their family connections. he remembers him as someone with a perfect smile, to the point of eerie. but that’s about it. “all white, and dead-looking eyes. if you mess your hair up, you could look even more the part.”

then he adds in, “maybe you could scare others instead of trying to get scared. since you’re already looking like a ghost. ah, actually... maybe it would work better if you smiled a little too.” the ghost tour became a bit more fun than he thought.

[beyuwol]

"ah, i suppose so...?" yuwol had never been one to receive compliments that are genuine, especially when it's about something he knows he's lacking in ( then again, he feels that way when it comes to everything unrelated to the violin ). he feels kind of awkward, not exactly knowing what to say. oh, but he should express his gratefulness. it's odd, nowadays he's starting to forget proper etiquette, when usually it's easy for him to put on the mask. "thank you, by the way. i... don't really remember whether i've congratulated you either, but. congratulations as well, i'm glad to see you again." at least that last portion is genuine.

yuwol raises an eyebrow—luciel always puts on an air of normalcy and politeness, but yuwol has a feeling the other boy is a little off. well, yuwol would know best. it's when luciel emphasizes on the word blood that yuwol's suspicions are even more so strengthened. "i don't usually drink... then again, these are non-alcoholic drinks, so i guess it's fine?" he blinks, making a mental note to get a glass for himself later.

"i'm sorry to hear that," yuwol offers his sincerest apology, although he tilts his head when he notices luciel's lips quirk upwards for a moment there. "i'm sure they'll receive another chance eventually. i've started... to think a bit more optimistic on that regard."

are you excited to train with someone specifically? for some reason, that question has yuwol's ears turn red. "that... there is someone that i know quite well in sr media..." that's as far as yuwol is willing to explain though. "i think the idea of debuting with someone i know... can be exciting."

breaking through the industry is hard. it’s never easy, even though it’s been a rather smooth sailing journey for luciel thus far. luck? efforts? destiny? a mix of all three that got him here, perhaps? “you still tried, and you’re here now. so that means you still have something in you,” luciel remarks. some sort of fire, no matter how small it is, it keeps someone going. it’s something he’s felt before, but then it disappeared, leaving behind a cold darkness. it was a nice feeling, but good things never lasts for a long time.

“i don’t, actually,” luciel laughs as he takes another sip of the drink that tastes horrid. “it’s good to try new things at times, so at least i tried it, and i know not to take it again next time. you should try something too, other than plain water. it’s a party after all,” he makes a suggestion. “like this glass of blood.” he emphasises on that last part for no particular reason.

luciel too, looks around the room as yuwol does. he knows a few. some passed, and some didn’t. “i do. one of my friends didn’t made it, though. it’s a pity.” it’s a sad thing, and yet the corners of luciel’s lips curls up at the memory when he received the news. “it’s really such a pity,” he murmurs softly, before tilting his head slightly with a smile. “ah, then… are you excited to train with someone specifically?”

[beyuwol]

it's strange, how when kou speaks of the future, yuwol feels like he can be a part of it. whenever he's with kou, yuwol thinks that there truly is a future for him out there, when he'd usually live life day-by-day, surprising himself whenever he made it to tomorrow. and then again, and then again. rinse and repeat. with kou though, it's different. it always is—he knew why, he just chose not to say anything in hopes that it will never become a burden on kou.

recently, he realized how silly he had been. all that he has been doing is probably hurting the both of them. while he came to that realization though, he hasn't exactly figure out how to move on to that next step. truthfully, it slipped his mind—because when he was told that he is being offered a contract from sr media after a sizeable amount of failure before, his mind kind of... spiraled on its own. like it often does, against his will.

it's selfish of him, to allow himself this moment with kou, to let kou drive all his negative thoughts away. simply by being by kou's side is he fulfilled—like this, yuwol knows that he is loved, by kou. he hopes now, kou knows that it's not a one-sided love. it never was, it was yuwol who stupidly hid that fact away, thinking it would bring nothing but disaster. he should've known better. even now, as kou speaks about the past, yuwol can only sense pure adoration and affection coming from kou's words. he had never been cherished so deeply—he still doesn't think he can ever amount to kou's love, but this time he wants to try. kou deserves that much.

"saying things like that, right here..." the tips of his ears feel hotter than usual, no doubt because of how effortlessly kou can say such things. "my eyes have never really been anything i paid attention to... not until you kept pointing them out. nowadays, i look at them in the mirror, and wonder what you find so fascinating about them." he laughs a little, finding the reveal somewhat awkward. "but i suppose i always looked at you differently, since you're so bright... and i know i should look away, but can't."

honestly, it's getting kind of embarrassing, talking about all this despite there being a lot of people surrounding them. yuwol can never fathom how shameless kou can be, he doesn't think he can ever be like kou. but that's precisely why he loves kou. "i am yours," yuwol whispers carefully, knowing that they need to mind where they are. "i might've... always been yours."

yuwol turns his head slightly, so he can look at kou as well. then, he smiles—it's genuine, it often is when he's with kou. only kou can get him to smile with his whole heart on his sleeve, exposed. "yeah, i do. i told you, didn't i? that i can only see a rainbow if i was with you. thank you, kou. for showing me a rainbow when i need it most. you always do."

this is perhaps the closest he's been to yuwol in a while, arms touching and voice so close, he can feel them against his ears. but they're surrounded by a crowd, and kou now stands beside yuwol with the knowledge that his feelings are reciprocated beyond what he'd initially thought.

his mind takes him back to japan a few years ago; when they'd first met, when he'd been drawn to a boy he'd never seen before. "not now, but maybe one day. i think i'd like if you could see me on stage again," he says, and he glances to the stage where the lime boys had previously performed. envy isn't something that kou feels too often, but in that moment, he'd wished that he'd been the one up there for yuwol to watch.

"when we first met in japan, i had a girlfriend, and you had someone else," he says, unwilling to say the word boyfriend out loud. "but i always thought that you were someone i could fall in love with, even from the start. and now you're here, next to me in the axis building,"

"your eyes," kou begins, and he turns to look at his friend ( ... was that it? was that what they were? friends? friends that shared the same feelings, that in another much simpler life, could've perhaps been more. were they friends? ), head tilting upwards just slightly to sneak a look at his eyes. "after next gen, it felt like you had something ripped away from you," he says, eyes still looking at yuwol's, "i like your eyes, i like them more when they look at me. now, or back then, i like them the same." kou's never been one to hide his feelings from yuwol, had found no reason to. he'd been open and honest with his attraction for the older boy.

he smiles at the mention of his guitar, and a memory pops into his mind. "when you played my guitar at my apartment..." their first time, when kou had almost lost all reason, when he'd snapped and threw the guitar onto the floor, all because his body yearned the touch of yuwol's. "... it was like you were touching a part of my soul. and i held you like you were my guitar. i liked that, it felt like you were mine," he comments. it's been a while since he's held yuwol that close, and he misses the warmth of the older boy, both in body and soul.

he takes in a deep breath and smiles. "welcome to sr media, yuwol. i told you, didn't i? that after the rain, comes a rainbow. do you see a rainbow tonight?"

[beyuwol]

trick or treat !

well, it's probably a good thing that he's able to participate in this trick or treat festivities. it's the only time yuwol would actually be forced to interact with senior artists, even though he doesn't exactly know what to say to them in this moment. it's strange, but what else can he do? back out? actually, now that he's thinking about it, that offer that his head made up sounds tempting on its own.

he isn't going to though, why should he? as a new trainee, it wouldn't be nice for him to not participate, it'd probably make him look like an ungrateful person—or maybe he's overthinking this? then again, it doesn't matter, because he's already taking a basket and walking around greeting every artist he can remember and he can spot. ever since the events of next gen, he had looked up the senior artists affiliated with axis labels, so it wasn't too hard. mostly because he wanted to know what could've been his future should he have earned a slot through the survival show. looks like at the end of the day, he made it here anyway, despite the different trials and tribulations on his path.

funny, but that isn't the focus of the matter currently.

so far, he has collected quite the amount of autographs. he doesn't know what to do with them... display them in his room? that feels a little too much, he isn't a big fan in the first place. but he'd probably find the signed papers nostalgic later down the road should he make it ( or not ), so it's best to keep them somewhere safe regardless.

the sweets, though? he can keep them in the fridge... or distribute it to the ahjummas at home. it'd be a nice gift, a thank you for still believing in him all this time.

oh, maybe a few of them are fans of these artists. he could give them the autographs too.

[beyuwol]

yuwol had no idea that there would be a party, until he's suddenly at the party itself. it's strange, there are a lot of familiar faces, people he hasn't seen for a while. those he had met during next gen, and others that seem to have been newly signed through dream wave like he did. with everyone gathered in one place, yuwol is starting to realize that he has quite a bit of friends that are trainees ( and the fact that yuwol has friends at all is still surprising to him, honestly ). he thinks it's nice, but also terrifying. this isn't the time to dive into that though.

luciel congratulates him, even though it only feels like pleasantries, but yuwol accepts it nonetheless. "thank you, truth be told... i thought this path wasn't for me anymore," he admits, a little more open these days. mostly because he's been tired of hiding, of being someone that isn't himself; it's a habit that's hard to break though. he tries smiling, and he wonders what it looks like. "happy is subjective, but... i suppose it's nice," he summarizes, choosing not to elaborate anymore. he does clink his glass to luciel's, humming. "drinking a witch's blood is quite the imagery," he comments. "do you like it, then? all i've been drinking... is water."

he looks around the room, scanning and observing. "being part of the new batch feels... odd. ah, did you know someone who also auditioned through dream wave?"

blood punch ♰⸝⸝ starter for @beyuwol

luciel doesn’t knows everyone, but he did realise that there were a bunch of newly contracted trainees that arrived recently. he sees faces, both new and familiar. they definitely came from dreamwave auditions. he has the time to wander around after his performances, it’s a good opportunity to craft a perfect smile and make merry with others at the party. luciel counts the number of new trainees as he goes about the party, just for his own amusement. at the back of his mind, a voice haunts—there could have been one more.

he swirls his drink around, gazes into it to see a reflection of himself. of course, it’s nothing but a scarlet blur. “congratulations, yuwol,” he holds his glass out to the other boy to clink them. “you’re finally here, are you happy?” mere common courtesies to throw about. “this drink… they call it witch’s blood, but it just tastes like cherries, or berry-like. i can’t really tell. i wonder if this is how they imagine the taste of a witch’s blood.” it’s just a drink that luciel got out of curiosity for its name, but he ended up not liking it that much. it’s too fruity on his tongue.

[beyuwol]

to say the results of dream wave was shocking is an understatement. at first, he’d been thrown for a loop when he received a callback from lime entertainment instead. somehow, yuwol had managed to mess that up, only for sr media to swoop in and collect him when all hope seems lost. he had come to terms with the roller coaster of emotions that this path had put him through—honestly, it had been too much to process that updating kou on the matter slipped his mind. so when he walked through the doors of the sr media building, kou was none the wiser.

well, that was yuwol’s fault. but he made sure to give kou a quick run down of everything that has happened in relation to dream wave. what he hasn’t told kou, were the reactions of his parents ( he has a feeling kou wouldn’t like what he might be hearing anyway ).

as if the world wouldn’t give him a moment to breathe, suddenly he was told that there will be a halloween party. of all things. yuwol is criminally underprepared, he doesn’t even have a costume to wear for the occasion. at this point, he feels a little too silly to get one so last minute and considered skipping the entire event. but he rethinks his situation, and decides to go anyway.

it wouldn’t be polite for a new trainee to miss an important event where seniors and other trainees are gathering.

with kou leaning against him though, yuwol’s head can’t help but wander—to the appealing idea of it just being the two of them, in the comfort of his own apartment, where it can feel like they are the only two people in the world. it’s been a while, that sense of completion simply through being by kou’s side.

“but you’re not the one on stage, this time…” yuwol hums, the memory of that night as clear as day in his head. “it was fun, watching you. my eyes back then… were probably a little less dead, when i watched your performance,” he admits, allowing himself to be more open. what’s there to hide right now? kou knows, maybe, the depths of his feelings now.

“you already know this… but i liked the way you held your guitar, and played it. i haven’t been able to see that lately… but i still do, i know.”

the night // starter for @beyuwol

it's still something that kou hasn't quite processed. the fact that his love isn't one sided, the fact that yuwol is in love with him – that he'd cried in his arms, gripped onto him tight as he confessed his feelings. all this time, all this time, he'd been in love with kou, and kou didn't know any better. had instead poured his heart to yuwol thinking that maybe his affections would never amount to anything. and yet, here he was now, with the knowledge that yuwol shared his feelings, that the intensity of those feelings had caused him to cry.

and as though that hadn't come as enough of a shock, kou had walked into the sr media building one day, convinced that he'd been hallucinating from the events of the last few days. he'd stared at the room in shock, blinking rapidly as he tried to make sense of everything, and it was only when he'd caught sight of those eyes, did he realize that he wasn't losing it – that this was real. that yuwol was in sr media.

yuwol. his yuwol? was yuwol his? kou still isn't too sure, but all he knew was that he'd once held yuwol's soul so close to his heart that it felt as though any distance would tear at it. he used to think that perhaps yuwol wasn't his, but with the recent turn of events, perhaps he was.

his heart hasn't quite settled yet from ... everything. it isn't easy to, clearly. and now faced with yuwol everyday, the longing in his chest increases tenfold. it helps though, that at least tonight they're surrounded by other trainees and senior idols. the music is loud, but all kou can really focus on is yuwol as he stands beside the older boy.

the distance between them is small, his shoulders leaning onto the taller boy's, as their arms touch. if this had been in the comfort of yuwol's old apartment, perhaps kou would have done more, would have leaned his head onto yuwol's shoulder, as he'd mindlessly nibble on it. though of course, it had been a while since they shared that sort of intimacy, even longer since they've been in that apartment.

he lifts his head up, about to comment about the music, when his eyes meet yuwol's and he's momentarily stunned once again. so reminiscent he thinks. "it reminds me of that night," he says suddenly – kou's never been one to think before he speaks anyway. "in japan, when we first met. it was similar to this. my band was playing at a gig, and you were there. it feels like that night again," he continues, and he smiles, genuine. for the last few months, he'd felt as though his face had remained nothing but stoic.

"i liked your eyes that night, i like them tonight too."

[beyuwol]

maybe there’s something to say about his lack of reaction in what’s a scary and tense atmosphere with a lot of jumpscares hidden in every corner. yuwol had never been one to react much, finding fascination and amusement in the more obscure and the occult. that’s probably one of the reasons why the decorations scattered about hadn’t really scared him, but it could also be because he had been zoning in and out ( like he usually does ) as he walks around the tour.

that is, until he hears the sound of taevin’s scream—loud and piercing, and from this distance it reaches straight to yuwol’s ears. he flinches, only slightly. this is probably the closest thing he had felt to being scared, even though it’s more shocking really. yuwol blinks, squinting, unsure what to say until the scream died down on its own.

“sorry… did i scare you?” he asks, his voice still a whisper, hoping it doesn’t scare taevin any further. yuwol should’ve been more careful. it’s dark, and there’s probably a bunch of scare actors trying to crank up the fear factor. “it’s just me, yuwol,” he adds on.

“do i look… scary?” then again, taevin seems to scare easy in the first place. but still, yuwol should be more careful from now on. “i was going to ask if you wanted to walk around together instead… if you’re still afraid.”

it's unfair really. taevin can do a lot of things. he can play piano. everybody loves piano! sure, practically everyone could play that, but he can play oboe, too! not everyone plays the oboe, let alone even know what it is. he can be hot and cool, he can totally sing and dance, he can smile all pretty-like, he's practically perfect.

but the one thing he can't do is get through scary things. he's honestly a big scaredy baby at this point, but he'll be damned if he ever lets anybody see him like that. he's cool, super cool, wicked cool, ultra cool. he's not a scaredy cat at all.

if anything, he only screams just a little bit when he feels something touch him and a voice call his name. he can't help it if his first instinct told him to scream. he turns to whatever has him spooked and screams some more.

it's just yuwol. which is great because it's his friend, yuwol! but on the other hand, yuwol just spooked the absolute hell out of him. he's definitely going to ask for some sort of compensation after this. maybe he'll make his friend buy him a coffee before class and stuff. that sounds promising. but for now, he screams.

[beyuwol]

— COMPANY NOTICE

HAN YUWOL has joined sr media as of OCTOBER 23, 2024.

he is on a probationary contract which expires JANUARY 23, 2025.

[beyuwol]

halloween celebration is just that, another celebration that yuwol doesn’t think much about. honestly, he doesn’t really dress-up for the occasion either, but he has been told that he’d look like a ghost if he wears an all-white outfit and continue to walk around with his dead and sullen eyes. so, that’s what he says he is—to anyone that bothers to ask, that is. while he can admire the people around him who are taking this opportunity to show off their skills in costume and make-up, he doesn’t intend to participate in the festivities.

but he thinks this is a nice opportunity wander around, look at the decorations and stock up on some candy ( that’s his main motive anyway, nothing else ).

that’s mostly what’s filling his basket right now, a few halloween-themed chocolate bars and candies, along with a pumpkin he thinks he can put up in his room. it’s rather barren and lifeless at home, a splotch of orange might make it seem a bit more lively. even though he hasn’t felt that spark of life since being dragged back to his parents, forced to stay in a makeshift prison he calls his family home. but that’s neither here or there.

at first, yuwol doesn’t think about the fear factor of halloween—but perhaps, these hauntings can come in different forms. today, it comes in the form of someone from his past, someone he thinks doesn’t want anything to do with him. how funny, that the world can just drop insu onto him suddenly when he’s woefully unprepared. when they crashed into one another, a bunch of yuwol’s recently purchased items fall out of his basket, pathetically scattering about.

so yuwol has an excuse to look down on the floor, instead of at insu. even though insu’s voice is enough to make him shudder a little, memories of their arguments and fights creeping up at him.

“ah, sorry… for bumping into you,” yuwol starts, eyes still looking at the floor, fixated. eventually, he crouches down, trying to gather everything that fell out back into his basket. “i can take care of this, so… it’s okay. you can go… sorry.”

he doesn’t know what else there is to say.

⠀ ⠀ ☆ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔

it's been a while since he's been around this area, after having taken a bit of a 'vacation' and closing himself off from his friends or anyone that even knew of his existence. there's no real reason behind him just suddenly disappearing, he just sort of needed some time away from everyone and time for himself, in which he made sure to do exactly that over the past few months that he had been gone. now? well, he was back and he wasn't sure whether to continue his life where he left off at or start anew.

he guesses that this halloween celebration would be a good start with getting back into the flow of things around here, though he wasn't exactly up for dressing up too much so he had gone with something more simple when he picked out a historical hanbok to wear. it didn't really fit well with his usual 'bad boy' look, though at least he tried, right?

the crowd of people isn't too bad, though at some point he finds himself accidentally bumping into someone and sighing heavily, turning to face the person with an annoyed expression on his face before freezing in place. @beyuwol was standing there in front of him, someone that insu hadn't really expected to see this soon after arriving back in korea after so long. "yuwol..." the other's name almost sounds foreign at this point, though he can't really blame anyone else but himself for that.