#green lantern pizza

[frankentyner]

[incorrect-green-lantern-quotes]

Imagine if DC made a WFA-style webtoon but for the Green Lanterns? Like, the GLs decide to come back to Earth and raise Keli as their kid bc they’re not gonna just toss her back to the junkyards of Bolivia

Like, it could be a really sweet yet unorthodox dynamic where there’s no clear parental figure and it’s more like seven older siblings trying to raise their youngest sister. Even better if Alan shows up every now and then to act like the grandpa of the family

They could live in the sector house that Simon was squatting in during the Humphries Green Lanterns run but John renovates it into an actual family home with enough space for all of them and any guests who stop by. So Keli can invite her Young Justice friends to her cool space home (eat your heart out Wayne manor)

But this doesn’t have to be all about Keli, the adults are important characters too and there needs to be more casual interactions between the older four corpsmen and the newer additions. Like Kyle and Jo fooling around by making constructs of anime characters or changing their costumes into cosplay. Or Jessica and John designing a terrarium for the house because you can never have too much green. Hal and Simon installing jet engines into a car just bc they can

Also just imagine all the guest characters that could show up. Not just the obvious ones like Kilowog but non-GLs like the JLI that Guy was part of. Imagine Jaime gets dragged along by Booster and Ted, and he gets into an argument with Keli about whether the Teen Titans or Young Justice is cooler

DC Comics pls hire me lol

at the very least give us an updated family pic that isn't a blurry blob in the background

[gummi-stims]

🎃🍕🍉Summerween Party!🍉🍔🎃

[rhymeswithfart]

Blue 2

Please look at this link:

https://gofund.me/c05ca25c A Cry from Gaza: A Mother's Plea for Her Children's Survival. Help Tarneem Sami care for her three young children. This campaign has been vouched for by 90ghost, a Palestinian blogger and vetter, shared by him here.

Low on funds, €1,645 / 60k ≈ 3%

Visit Tarneem's blog @tarnem-1

[smww4ever]

The Mischievous Imp

Before you watch this, just some things.

This took hours, literally. Lots of dialogue crammed into this. So I hope you’re a speed-reader. Since people’s attention spans last only 3 seconds, hopefully you’ll last on this one. About 2:36.

Trying to bring my stories together and frankly it’s a pain in the a—. Probably why it’s easier to panel it out on Instagram or just do Tumblr posts.

Part 2 will come eventually.

Enjoy the comedic relief. This world right now is just so 😕…

✌️

Also time constraints. IG limits to One Minute.

In other news, started a YouTube channel.

[jwong2000]

Ride Report - Solana Beach. Epic. Post-Thanksgiving

79.8 miles, 5:26 moving time, 2,533 ft ascent Lynda, Bill, Alvin, Eric, Ryan, Marisa, Gregg S., San, Raoul, Rick, Peter, Greg M., Kirk, Mark M., Mark G., Carrie, Kevin, Burt, Jeff B., Kevin B., Paul G., Brennan, Sue, Gary, Julian, Joe Great Day. Sunny morning. On the crisp side. Mile 0: We met up at the Anaheim Multi-Modal. Amtrak station. Lucas was our SAG driver. He drove the Sprinter Van…

[zhelin-thames]

Danny meets JL members #8

[Danny floating around a space station, inspecting glowing tech. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) appears, constructing a giant glowing boxing glove with his ring.]

Green Lantern: [grinning] Who are you, Casper? And why are you messing with that? Danny: [turning around] First of all, rude. Second, it’s Danny, not Casper. Third… this thing was glowing. I’m like a moth to a flame.

Danny: [looking at Hal’s ring] Cool toy. Green Lantern: [smirking] It’s not a toy. It’s a highly advanced weapon powered by willpower. Danny: Uh-huh. So, like… can I try it? Green Lantern: [laughs] No way, kid. Danny: [phases through Hal and tries to grab the ring] Come on, share the cool space bling! Green Lantern: [yanks his hand away] Okay, definitely no.

[Danny watching Hal make constructs]

Danny: You’re telling me that thing can make anything? Green Lantern: Yep. As long as I can imagine it and have the will to sustain it. Danny: [grinning] So, like, a giant pizza? Green Lantern: [sighs, makes a glowing green pizza] There. Happy? Danny: [pretending to eat it] Meh, needs ectoplasm.

[Hal sees Danny go intangible to dodge lasers during a fight.]

Green Lantern: Okay, not bad, Ghost Boy. Danny: Thanks. You’re doing great too—for someone using a glowing green mood ring. Green Lantern: [narrowing eyes] It’s not a mood ring. Danny: [grinning] You sure? It kinda screams “emotional support jewelry.”

[Danny tries to prank Hal mid-mission.]

Danny: [phasing into the cockpit of Hal’s spaceship] Boo! Green Lantern: [not even looking] Saw your glowing trail. Nice try. Danny: Dang it! Why do you space people keep catching me? Green Lantern: Kid, you literally glow. Stealth is not your strong suit.

[Green Lantern tests Danny’s creativity with constructs.]

Green Lantern: If you had a ring, what would you make? Danny: [grinning] A giant thermos to trap bad guys. Green Lantern: …Why a thermos? Danny: Because ghosts. Duh. Green Lantern: [muttering] This is why I don’t work with teenagers.

[Green Lantern complains to the Justice League group chat.]

Green Lantern: Why is the ghost kid my problem today? The Flash: He’s everyone’s problem, Hal. Welcome to the club. Wonder Woman: Perhaps he’s a test of patience. Batman: He’s surprisingly effective. Danny: [joins the chat] Aw, Bats thinks I’m useful. Green Lantern: Who gave him access to this chat?!

[Later, Danny with Sam and Tucker]

Danny: So, I met Green Lantern today. Cool guy, bit of a control freak. Tucker: Dude, his ring can do anything! Did you try it? Danny: No, but I did call it a mood ring. Pretty sure he hates me now. Sam: Sounds about right.

Masterpost

[shinyspanishgem]

A Batlantern meet cute, except it's out of costume. Pre-Identity reveal.

Hal Jordan is visiting Gotham, because he's not allowed to when he's Green Lantern, as a mental 'gotcha!' towards mr-getoutofmycity Batman ( + basic tourism, they have the best pizza places after all)

Then, of course, he's lost. The streets of Gotham are a natural labyrinth where google maps hasn't fully rendered it. And so he had grabbed a physical map, old fashioned, but it did the work.

Until he got to a specific district, rapidly developed and not up to date in the map he got. He winged it, following where people were going, and ended up in some random opening event.

Deciding he does not want to waste his morning there, he approaches the first person he sees, tall dark and elegant features register in Hal's head, but after tapping his shoulder he looks down at his map.

Bruce Wayne turns around, and sees a handsome brunette looking down at a map like it's the 1800's, lost in a city where looking slightly distracted WILL get your wallet stolen, asking him if he knows how to get the hell out of this boring event, not seemingly aware he's talking to both the main attraction of said event and Bruce fucking Wayne.

He's smitten immediately, offering his best advice on how to navigate the city, he takes a pen out of his suit and draws around the "can't miss" spots of the city, proud to show it off. Hal nods and jokes with him a bit, his "so, come here often?" gets a genuine snort out of Bruce.

He glances at the event, and decides he'll probably have a better time with the man, he walks Hal around Gotham that morning, they get coffee, and talk about their lives, all the while trying to not tell the other too much (I'm a pilot instead of a superhero vs I'm a business man instead of The Wayne/vigilante)

They get an alert on their coms, they have an JL meeting in five minutes, so they give eachother their phones and plan on going-

But then, they keep walking towards the same direction.

But it's not awkward! They laugh and just keep making conversation, silently happy they get some extra minutes together.

Then, they get to the same teleporter to get back at the JL base...

Hal freaks out, Does Bruce know? Or Is he just following him unaware of where they were going?

Bruce scans in his brain who Hal could be, if indeed he's here for the same reason, it doesn't take much time, he sighs and just gets in, "Not a word, Lantern, not a word"

Hal is both proud and horrified he's the first to know Batman's identity, especially after searching who Bruce Wayne is. But he really wanted to keep talking to Bruce...

Bruce is mourning his meet cute.

[dnschmidt]

Clark Kent's Glasses Aren't Dumb

People love to make fun of Superman/Clark Kent for having a bad disguise. "Oh, he just puts on a pair of glasses? That's all? Everyone would know Clark is Supes! Lois must be an idiot!"

But no, that's not the case at all.

First of all, even if people did recognize that Clark Kent looks like Superman, that's about as far as it would go. People would think "Hey, that guy looks like Superman. Huh. Neat." And then they would go on with their day.

Superman is basically a god. Why would The God Of Punches pretend to be some random guy? There's absolutely nothing to indicate that he might have a secret identity. As far as anyone knows, he's Superman 24/7, and those blue pajamas are his only outfit.

Think about it. If you ordered a pizza, and the deliveryman looked like Tom Holland, would you think, "Oh, clearly Spider-Man movies don't pay as much as I thought, and Tom Holland was forced to get a side gig for Domino's"? No, you'd just think it was a weird coincidence, and that the pizza guy should totally start a Tom Holland impersonator business, or at least a Spidey-themed YouTube channel.

Secondly, let's say some Metropolis bad guys do figure it out. So what? Unless you're Lex Luthor or Doomsday, what the hell are you going to do?

Remember that scene in "The Dark Knight" where one of Bruce Wayne's employees figures out that Bruce is Bats and tries to blackmail him? Bruce's right hand man Lucius Fox implies that Bruce would just crush him financially or put on his bat onesie and beat him to death his with bare hands. The would-be blackmailer just gives up. Going up against Supes would be even dumber.

Let's say you're not fooled by Clark's glasses. You know who he is. Are you going to go mess with Supes just because he's wearing his nerd costume that day? He can still pick you up and hurl you into the sun.

Finally, the glasses aren't even the worst disguise in DC Comics. There are dozens of other characters who wear tiny little domino masks that do virtually nothing to conceal your identity. As Blake Lively pointed out in Green Lantern, people can still recognize you even when they can't see your cheekbones.

And then there's Jay Garrick. When he dresses up as the Flash, he doesn't even wear a mask. He just puts a hubcap on his head. Why not wear a lampshade? That would at least cover his face.

If you really want to hide your identity, wear a whole head mask like Spidey, or at least some KISS makeup.

[evilminji]

Gold can be exchanged for goods and services (o.o )

Pariah's Keep probably has a shit ton of Precious Goods from various places.

Danny is become King?

If Danny becomes King... then the Zone will somewhat obey him. The Crown and Ring could EASILY tell him where the next natural portal is, where it opens up, and for how long. How many there are. Could probably make a few.

Probably WAS supposed to be making them. Consciously. But, well, Coma(tm).

Would probably count as Kingly Duty to filter and collect. Clean Ecto goes out for souls that remain, a Gateway home for those that wish to LEAVE, so forth and so on.

Effectively, being The Grim Reaper. You don't CAUSE Death. You just guide the way home. If folks so choose.

And that's neat! Horrifying, but neat! And Danny can TOTALLY see how it would eventually drive him completely breakfast cereal fruity nuggets! LUCKILY, he's got a vaguely bro's/Mentor thing going with the ghost who has ALL OF POSSIBLE TIME flowing through HIS head! So Danny should be Gucci!

The headaches suck though.

But WHAT... to do with all this Gold and valuable Space Goods? Most of these aren't even recognized currency on earth! Like the Shells. You could buy a mansion with one of those... on the right planet. On Earth? Pretty paperweight. Hmmmm >.>

Wait.

WAIT!

<o> *points to top of head!* CROWN! It can? Predict and make PORTALS!

Portals lead any WHERE and any WHEN!

:O

Gold... can be exchanged for goods and services. He remembers, holding a gold brick, about to eat so, SO much pizza.

But WAIT! I hear you wondering! Surely, you mean? Within his past? The history and region of space he knows, right? Ha ha :) Nope! Cowards.

Danny is on the alien otter's planet, trading those sweet, sweet Shells for some snacks no human could eat and a shawl for his sister! He's hiding, badly, behind a food stall in the Martian market place. Hoping future hero J'onn Johnes doesn't notice him.

Lying to the Space Cops, bout where his untraceable Space Money came from, on an alien trading satellite. The Green Lantern's not buying it. Oh noooo >.> sudden Fright Knight. Looming Menacingly by the loading doooocks. Everyone's upset! Definitely not related to him! Better go check on that! :) *gets the heck out of dodge* (my king. Please stop using me as a distraction.) (No promises)

But! It's all fun and games? Until your human friends get sick. Like... REALLY sick.

And then you suddenly remember time and space mean nothing to you. One 15 minute flight that way, two doors, a quick flight of stairs, and a literal child's play place slide? You could be in the 32nd century.

That disease is AT BEST, an unpleasant afternoon, there.

Here, your friend could die.

You trade a student two Spanish dubloons. They have no idea what they are. Just like the look of them and know they're real metal. They walk into the pharmacy for you. Don't question your "social experiment paper" lie.

You're back in less then an hour.

The screaming argument about ethics and mortality lasts hours.

She still takes the medicine. Gets better. Won't talk to you for months. Because why does HER life matter more? Why bend the rules for HER? And you can't bring yourself to say what pulses as Truth from both Crown and Ring.

You could because she didn't Matter. Time... would not notice, nor change. She was in no way pivotal to the flow of history, must one more ant beneath its unrelenting march. Mattering only because those who love her CARE. Because one or two little things might change for the better.

But it takes the shine off of it, a little.

Being able to go to the FUTURE. Watch movies and see aliens and humans alike in the crowd. Read books and dance to songs from people who won't be born for hundreds of years. Eat snacks from the farthest reaches of the cosmos. Or the early BCs!

And that's BEFORE other time travelers clock him as That Shopping Guy. The one who keeps popping up... buying things. For what? Unknown. Probably dinner. Half the time it's food. Trinkets. Once it was a really, REALLY nice goat. (His aunt was THRILLED.)

It probably drives Bart crazy. Because NO ONE knows anything about the guy? Everyone just universally goes "oooh yeah! HIM! Yeah, he sure does Exsist(tm). Very... present and exsistant." Like that's not CRAZY! He has so many question. So Many! What is he even BUYING!? Why? Is there an order? Or is he winging it?!

*pulls out list* he needs ANSWERS!

@hypewinter @hdgnj @ailithnight

[ledesaid]

Seeking a Father for Saturday ►○◙◄ #2

“Are you sure this is necessary?”

“Absolutely!”

“But I don’t recognize myself in the mirror... I feel like one of the kids who used to tease me in school...”

“Wrong, if you dress with style, nobody is going to bother you.”

Billy tried to undo his styled hair back to its classic natural fall, but Guy stopped him and added even more gel.

Billy just sighed. Defeated, what he did for a double gift and a mountain of sweets...

In addition to his hair, he now had an American football jacket that fit him, luckily in a yellow tone... A Green Lantern t-shirt and some bulky sneakers. Oh, and some red glasses to complete the "style."

It was almost time, and Billy had butterflies in his stomach. He was so nervous that he didn’t want anyone to discover him, but he wanted to go!

“Courage and willpower, Cheeky!”

“Billy.”

“Is that your name, kid?”

“Something like that.”

“Great, because it sounds just like what I’d call my fake son. You can call me whatever you want, kid, just remember it will haunt you forever.”

“I don’t understand...”

“Remember” —Guy placed his fingers behind his ears and a pair of black pointy protrusions came to mind. Right, Batman.

“No fear of success, Cheeky. Remember, stand straight, puff out your chest, and laugh loudly. You’re a Gardner for the next eight hours!”

“I’m Billy...”

“Gardner! Cheeky! Visualize it and go for it!”

“Eat me, mother earth,” his magic common sense was telling him.

The welcome committee was headed by Superman and Wonder Woman, the dream of every kid if you were going to meet your superheroes...

Well, Billy wasn’t going to admit that seeing his companions in his kid form, without the height and confidence of Captain Marvel, made him feel like a fan boy. And no, he wasn’t jumping for joy as he approached the other heroes... Well, maybe he was...

“H-hi!”

Billy awkwardly extended a hand to Superman.

It was exhilarating. This meet and greet was the best thing in his life as Billy!

“Hello, little one. Guy surprised us a lot when he told us you were coming. What’s your name?”

“Billy, sir Superman, sir!” He spoke loudly, not on purpose or because of Guy’s advice, but... he was shaking Superman’s hand as Billy Batson!

No, wait, wait, Billy Gardner, yes, yes, remember to stay in character.

“He’s quite the fan,” Guy started laughing openly, but Billy didn’t blame him...

“I am, sir!”

Superman, cheerful as he was, sat him on his shoulder and carried him to the cafeteria.

“Are you also a fan of Wonder Woman, Billy?”

Diana accompanied them, walking behind along with Guy.

“Of course, Miss Wonder Woman, you are very amazing and powerful!”

The walk to the cafeteria felt so short when Superman put him down. Billy was going to remember this, it was the dream of his life! Billy with the League without repercussions of being handed over to social services!

“Go ahead, Billy, the program will start shortly, you can take whatever you want from the dessert bar.” This time Wonder Woman tried to ruffle his hair, but the gel made it impossible.

“Behave badly, Cheeky!”

Billy didn’t see the disapproving looks they gave Guy, because hearing that he had free pass was the only thing that mattered as he darted towards the goodies. Finally, he could have the feast he had dreamed of. His champion form couldn’t taste, and taking food to his hideout made him feel uncomfortable.

Everything tasted so delicious!

He didn’t stop until the second cake and the third slice of pizza when he noticed sharp eyes on his back. There were only children aged four to ten who were studying him... He supposed it was part of being one of the older ones in the room and, yes, maybe the floating plates around him.

“Are you magical?”

And Billy coughed his spirit out.

“Are you okay?”

He didn’t expect to be confronted so soon by this blond kid...

“N-no... Not that...”

Billy darted towards the door in a desperate attempt to avoid more questions he wasn’t going to answer. He didn’t expect someone with such sharp eyes; a bit of air would give him more ideas... As he supposed, the door wouldn’t open and in his five-minute crisis he practically fried the circuits of the entrance console. It was an accident, his magic occasionally played tricks on him...

But everything went out of control when two blurs shot out of the cafeteria followed by a small legion of superpowered kids...

Did it count as a breakout? Did Billy just cause a breakout?

The sound of Black Canary’s screams in the distance said yes.

And the small champion of magic hoped to grab a juice and sit to wait for his scolding, but two arms grabbed him by surprise...

Was it the blond kid? Were those gelatinous magic arms?!

“Super Sons, attack!”

Someone shouted, and yes, Billy was dragged as the ringleader of the breakout and he wasn’t laughing, just awkwardly enjoying... Well, he was laughing; he had just seen Hawkman unconscious on the ground and Elastic Man tied in a knot. The chaos was unbelievable, yet Billy couldn’t help but find the situation both hilarious and surreal.

Was that Black Canary stuck to the ceiling?

Oh, holy moly! He’s in big trouble...

How much damage could a group of excited and unsupervised kids do?

“So, you are magical?”

“Yes, something like that...”

“Arthur Curry Junior, nice to meet you.”

“Billy B-Gardner, nice to meet you too, Arthur.”

-------------------------------

Parte 1

[frankentyner]

[incorrect-green-lantern-quotes]

I went down an Arrowverse wiki rabbit hole (don't ask) and somehow ended up at Coast City Pizza. I'm pretty sure it's exclusively a CW show invention that's just supposed to be a comic book reference, but just how good is this pizza that Barry will run halfway across the country and back for it??

Like, I know his super speed probably makes that trip as trivial as driving a few blocks would be for non-speedsters, but still! Barry could get pizza from New York or Chicago or Detroit yet somehow Coast City's pies beats out all the famous regional ones.

This little tidbit is especially funny to me, since I was born and raised in LA. Despite the existence of California Pizza Kitchen, neither my home state nor any of its cities are particularly known for its pizza. So what the hell is Coast City doing? Their pizza has gotta have like, the most cartoonish cheese-pull in the whole country

ok but actually tho, what would Coast City pizza be like? I doubt they're just slapping avocado slices and shrimp on it and calling it a day. Nah, my guess is that this fictional style of pizza is unique to Hal Jordan's hometown for a reason, whether that be ingredients or composition.

Now, sources vary about Coast City's exact location, but all of them agree that it's somewhere on the California coast. This could mean the residents like fresh seafood on their pizzas, but given the divisiveness of anchovy as a topping, I kinda doubt that. Rather, I think the warm Mediterranean climate of California's coast would make thinner crust pizza the preferred choice over something heartier like deep dish.

This, combined with probable proximity to San Francisco, conjures the image of sourdough stretched and spun into an especially flavorful tavern-style crust that's baked in a wood-fired oven. But what goes on top?

California is one of the big agricultural producers in the US, particularly for fruit. So it's probably not hard to source really fresh local produce like olives for toppings. If you're vegetarian or vegan, I imagine Coast City pizzerias have plenty of options.

For the meat lovers, there's the standard pepperoni or sausage ofc, but I think what would really make Coast City unique would be taking advantage of a California classic in Santa Maria-style BBQ.

So if you were to ask Hal Jordan what the best pizza in the world is, he'd tell you it's a tavern-style sourdough crust that's shatteringly crisp, topped with tangy tomato sauce, oozing Oaxaca cheese, salty olives, and thin slices of smoky tri-tip beef...

Damn now I'm hungry for a completely fictional pizza

[fancyfeathers]

How do you think Yandere!Hal Jordan deals with having to go on long space missions?

What does he do with his Darling? How does he cope?

-🪼

Hal is literally the most clingy yandere alive with heavy protective and obsessive tendencies, so being separated from his darling is horrible for him. Missions as a Green Lantern takes him all over and normally far from her, it is torture for him. Now he would do two things with his darling when he was heading off planet and it really depends on how long he’ll be gone for.

The first of which would be when he is only gone for a few days, he would leave her with a member of the Green Lantern Corps that he trusted along with their own darling. It would probably be Kyle or John because like hell would he trust Guy with his darling and her safety. It is almost reminiscent of when a parent would drop their child off at a sleepover, and it is painfully embarrassing, the way that Hal coos over her before he leaves and how he hands Kyle a bag with her things and a list of her daily medications and when she takes them, list of her allergies, and you get the idea.

Then the other course of action if he is going to be gone a really long time and or the other lanterns are going to be gone as well. So he sends her to the watchtower, he knows she will be safe there and there are the other members of the Justice League to look after her, they all look after each other’s darlings if need be. The watchtower is a bit better, more people to interact with, basically free to do as she wants besides leave. I wrote a bit more about it here, but I imagine the darlings of the lanterns are very close because of this, because similar things are bound to occur when the other lanterns go off planet, I can just imagine all of them bitching to each other about their situations while all the lanterns are off planet, like sitting in Hal’s and his darling’s room in the watchtower sleepover style with pizza and stuff and just completely dissing their yanderes.

Then when Hal comes back the first thing he does every time is pick up his darling and spin her around in a hug. Hal gets ten times more clingy when he is finally home, it feels like he has been gone for years when he has to leave his darling’s side. They end up going home together and spend some time together, and then perhaps one day he won’t have to leave her all alone if they have one of their own together.

[madman479r]

Knight Light

*Earth* *Pizza place*

*Jessica, (Green Lantern) Diana (Wonder Woman), Dinah (Black Canary) and Mari (Vixen) having a girl's night out.*

Jessica:... and he's such a gentleman, he's kind, considerate, loving and just... *sighs lovingly* perfect.

Mari: Damn, you are love struck.

Karen Starr (power girl) : **appears because she was late** Who's love struck?

Dinah: Jess.

Karen: Really, you found a guy? Congrats. What's his name?

Jessica: Jaune Arc.

Karen: Jaune Arc, Huh? Short, sweet, rolls of the tongue. Where's he from?

Jessica: Another dimension.

Karen:... So am I gonna have to be the bitch here or was this Girls night out actually an intervention?

Diana: What do you mean?

Karen: *sighs* Alright, guess it's option 1 then. Jess, sweetie, I get sometimes ladies, especially hot ones such as yourself, get embarrassed by not having a guy but you don't need to pull the "he goes to another school" or dimension in this case, with us.

Mari: No, but like he's literally from another dimension.

Dinah: Besides, aren't you from another reality as well? How is it so far fetched?

Karen: Okay, mind showing a pic of the guy?

Jessica: Sure. **Shows volume 1-3 Jaune**

Karen: Hmmm. I mean I guess he's cute, not exactly my type, unless I wanted a one night stand but I say you could do better.

Jessica: **swipes to show volume 8 Jaune.**

Karen: Okay, well he certainly had a glow up. He looks more confident and that body is definitely a plus but I still say-

Jessica: **Swipes to show volume 9 Jaune**

Karen:...Would you be opposed to a threesome?

**Laughter from all girls**

Mari: But I think we need to ask the most important, emotional question.

Dinah: That's right. I've heard of long distance relationships but this is pushing it.

Diana: My thoughts as well. Neither of you would be willing to leave your own dimensions so... how... would... *notices what Mari is doing*

Mari: *puts her index fingers together and slowly starts to pull them away, looking Jessica in the eyes.*

Jessica: *smiling smugly*

Mari: *Continues to widen the gap between her fingers*  Oh? Okay. *Gap is now 7 inches wide* Nice. *8 inches* ain't no way. *9 inches* no, no! Really?!

Jessica: *Still smiling, not saying anything*

Dinah: I'm actually getting worried for her now.

Mari: *Reaches 12 inches*

Jessica: *Nods*

Mari: Holy shit.

Diana: Talk about blessed by the Gods.

Dinah: She's gotta be lying.

Karen: I can see her heart rate and pupils, holy shit she isn't lying.

Jessica: And you wanna know the best thing? His ability lets him charge himself back to full, so he can go for hours.

[marsbarsfrommars]

truth, justice, and the problem with not telling your friends about your double life

superman; justice league | rated t | complete | 3546 words | clark kent & diana prince & bruce wayne, clark kent & the justice league, clark kent/lois | humour, fluff

summary

“Well, no,” Barry says, “But he also doesn’t call his house ‘The Fortress of Solitude’.” “I do not live in the Fortress,” Clark reiterates for what feels like the umpteenth time.

or, Clark's friend know that being Superman isn't his full-time job, right? Right?

read

under the cut or on ao3 for better formatting

notes

I know I said I'd write more elvar and I'm sure I will at some point bc I love them, but I've started watching smallville and got back into the dc fandom bc of it. my characterisation is based on a mix of the few comics I've read, smallville and other fanfictions so I really hope this isn't too ooc. I don't really know the canon timeline (and I'm not sure dc does either) so I just made something up: bruce, clark and diana met for the first time when bruce was 23 and clark 22, about half a year after clark debuted as superman, two years later they officially founded the jla and the other members joined them over the past year. the plot of this is very silly, but I hope you still enjoy it. happy holidays to everyone who celebrates! title inspired by the quote "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the american way." from the 1978 film (that I haven't even watch) as always, english isn't my first language so there might be grammar or spelling mistakes, but spellchek says it's fine so I don't really care as long as it's not unreadable content warnings: absolutely none this time, this is just fluff and humor

  

Clark is honestly having a great week. No world—ending events, no villains trying to kill him personally, and only one ‘you look kinda like Superman’ comment when he took off his glasses in the office. It’s a late Friday afternoon so he’s done with work for the week and can enjoy a lazy evening on the couch with Lois, watching reruns of The Great British Bake Off and commenting on the candidate's work, even though both of them don’t know the first thing about baking. He’ll make something quick and easy for dinner or, better yet, he could fly over to that really great Italian place and get them a nice pizza. Yes, he’ll do that as soon as this meeting is over. Hal has been talking almost uninterrupted for the last few minutes, and at this point Clark isn’t sure if it’s even about work still.

He glances over at Bruce, expecting to see his friend listening attentively and maybe even taking notes, but the man is sitting weirdly still, even for Batman standards. He focuses his enhanced senses on his friend for a moment and, sure enough, The Batman, known among his fellow heroes for his near absolute commitment to the job, is asleep in a League meeting. The white lenses of his cowl hide it well enough, but his even breathing and slowed heartbeat are giving him away to Clark. Clark debates lightly kicking him under the table to wake him up, but then decides against it. Bruce is running a company, being Batman and raising a hyperactive eleven-year-old all at the same time, he needs all the sleep he can get.

Hal is somehow still talking and Clark is sure that, at this point, what the Green Lantern is saying is either very serious and he should have listened intently the whole time instead of spacing out for the last five minutes, or it's deeply, deeply unserious. He decides to tune back in on the conversation and okay, the topic has somewhat strayed from official Justice League business. Hal is seemingly telling Barry and Oliver how he was part of a fraternity and even lived in the frat house for a semester in university, despite never officially signing up. Diana and J’onn are listening intently, the latter with the look of mild horror on his face exclusively reserved for people who didn’t grow up in the States hearing about a fraternity for the first time. Dinah is listening to the tale as well, albeit seeming rather bored and increasingly disgusted every time Hal says the word ‘frat house’. Bruce is undoubtedly still asleep or he would have ended this meeting minutes ago.

Apparently Clark has been staring at Hal a little too intently for a little too long while he was trying to understand what the man was even talking about because now Hal turns to him with an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry, Kal-El. I totally forgot to explain to you and J’onn what a fraternity is.”

This doesn’t raise any immediate red flags for Clark—which, big mistake. Is it a little odd that Hal thinks he wouldn’t know what a fraternity is? Sure, but Clark doesn’t exactly look like someone who spent a significant amount of his time in university in frat houses (it was twelve minutes in total and he regrets every single one of them), so it’s probably just that.

“I think I have already gathered all the essential facts from your story,” J’onn says before Hal can start his explanation, looking vaguely unenthusiastic at the prospect of hearing more about fraternities and frat parties and whatnot.

“And I’ve been to a frat party before, so no worries,” Clark adds. (Yes, this is about the aforementioned twelve minutes and no, he doesn’t want to elaborate.)

Hal furrows his brow, while the rest of the League, minus Diana, J’onn and Bruce, turn to them with matching questioning looks on their faces. “When did you go to a frat party?”

Now, that is definitely more than a little odd. Since when are his colleagues that interested in minor details about his private life?

“Uh, when I was in university,” Clark responds, still not seeing what the big deal is—which, again, big mistake.

“So, what?” Barry asks. “Did you just look up universities near you and walk into the first frat house you saw or was it, like, by accident?”

Now it’s Clark’s turn to furrow his brow. “No, it was in my first semester at uni and my friend dragged me along to socialise, but we left after a while because it just wasn’t nice.”

“You went to university?” Oliver asks at the same time that Hal says, “I didn’t know you had friends other than us!”

Okay, ouch. That is definitely a little hurtful. He may be a little introverted at times, but he definitely has friends other than the League, and Lois, for that matter. He stares at his friends blankly. “Yes, I went to university and yes, I have friends who aren’t you. Why would you think I didn’t?”

“Well,” Barry starts to say, then pauses and thinks for a moment before he continues. “We’re obviously very happy for you. We were honestly a little worried that you were getting lonely,”—Oliver, Hal and Dinah nod along emphatically at that bit—”It’s just a little unexpected for us with your full-time job being Superman and you living in the Fortress and stuff.”

Pause. What the fuck is happening? Clark considers about a hundred possibilities, ranging from ‘this is all a really weird dream’ to ‘my friends have somehow completely lost it in the five minutes I wasn’t listening’, before he decides that actually, none of this makes sense and the only thing he can even say to all of this is, “What?”

Oliver shoots a confused look at Barry before he picks up where the latter left off. “We’re really not trying to sound ignorant here, we just didn’t think you were very involved in the human world, apart from being Superman of course.”

“It’s not because you’re an alien,” Dinah assures him quickly, “I mean, J’onn is alien too and he has a job and everything, but your home is literally called ‘The Fortress of Solitude’.”

The others are clearly trying to explain this whole thing to him, but Clark just gets more confused with every word they say. He glances over at Diana, a pleading look in his eyes, but she just lightly shakes her head, clearly trying to hold back laughter. Apparently she understands what the hell is going on but won’t tell him. Traitor. Clark decides that, under these circumstances, now would be a good time to wake Bruce and lightly kicks him in the shin under the table. Bruce doesn’t visibly startle, but he glares at Clark with his infamous Bat-glare, which would be a lot more effective if Clark didn’t witness Lois glaring at Lombard in a similar fashion on a weekly basis when he bothered her while she was in the middle of writing an article. He's pretty desensitised to glares of all kinds at this point, thank you very much. Bruce obviously doesn’t say anything, as to not give away to the others that he has, in fact, not been attentively listening but napping for the past twenty minutes.

“I don’t live in the Fortress,” Clark says, since he is obviously on his own in this and that is the only thing he can think of.

“What do you mean?” Hal asks, a look of utter confusion visible on his face.

“I do not live in the Fortress of Solitude,” Clark repeats. “It’s kind of like my base of operations. The place where most of the surviving Kryptonian knowledge and artefacts are stored, but it's not my house or anything. Why would I want to live there anyway? It's in the Arctic and completely made of ice and that's not all that comfortable.”

“But if you don’t live in the Fortress,” Barry says slowly as if he’s piecing together critical information and not inquiring about Clark’s current place of residence, “Where do you live?”

“In my flat in Metropolis.”

Oliver looks completely lost—a sentiment Clark shares. “But how do you pay for that?”

Clark looks at his friends as if they’ve all gone spontaneously mad, which is a theory that sounds more and more realistic with every inane question they ask him. “With my money, which I earn at my job.”

“You’re getting paid to be Superman?” Hal asks, sounding scandalised and at least mildly offended.

“What? Who would even—what?” Up until this point Clark had tried to be polite and answer his colleagues' questions, no matter how strange they are, but this is too far. “Are you, and I say this with the utmost respect, are you all insane?”

Instead of an answer, he receives a round of blank stares.

“If this is a joke, please stop because I clearly don’t get it and, to be honest, I’m starting to get really concerned about you.”

Still no answers, and now Clark is starting to feel like he’s the one losing his mind. This is when Diana finally decides to chime in, and Clark can honestly say that he has never been more grateful for her. “Kal,” she says slowly, looking directly at him, “Is there a possibility you forgot to inform the rest of the League about your civilian identity? Or the fact that you even have one?”

Oh, fuck. This can not be real. This is not happening right now. This is-

“You have a civilian identity?” Oliver interrupts his train of thought in an overly incredulous tone.

“Yes, obviously,” Clark answers. “I didn’t think that was something I had to specifically tell you about. There’s a reason all of us are keeping our civilian lives private, well, all of us except Hal, maybe. But just because I don’t really talk about mine doesn’t mean I don’t have one. Batman doesn’t talk about his either, but I’m pretty sure that none of you are assuming he’s Batman full-time either, right?”

“Well, no,” Barry says, “But he also doesn’t call his house ‘The Fortress of Solitude’.”

“I do not live in the Fortress,” Clark reiterates for what feels like the umpteenth time. “And I’m not Superman full-time, I do have a civilian identity like the rest of you and I’m very sorry for not telling you, but I didn’t think it was something I had to specifically confirm for you.”

“So you really did go to a regular university and live in a normal flat in Metropolis?” Hal asks.

“Oh my God!” Clark throws his head back in exasperation. He is officially no longer having a great week. Next to him, Diana snickers. That’s it, the only League members who are getting holiday presents this year are J’onn and Bruce. Diana is officially off the list. Clark slowly dips his head back down and looks at Barry, Hal, Oliver and Dinah one after the other. “I was raised in Kansas by my parents, they are human and adopted me when I was about one year old, before any of you get any ideas. I went to high school like any other teenager would, and when I was eighteen I got into university on a football scholarship. I finished university a few years ago and now I live and work in Metropolis.”

There are a few moments of merciful silence as his friends process what he just told them, and Clark almost sighs in relief. Almost.

“Could you, uh, define ‘a few years’ a bit more clearly?” Dinah asks, obviously trying to sound tactful and not offend him.

“Yeah, how old are you exactly?” Hal adds, clearly having no such reservations.

“Twenty-six. Give or take a few months because of the adoption.”

“Twenty-six?” Barry shouts at the same time that Dinah buries her head in her hands and murmurs, “Oh God.”

“You’re not twenty-six,” Hal says firmly. “You’re not twenty-six because that would mean I’m a full two years older than you and that simply cannot be true.”

Now, this is just rude. He doesn’t act older than twenty-six, at least in his opinion, and he certainly doesn’t look it.

“Wait,” Diana interjects, “How old did you think he was?”

“I don’t know!” Hal is obviously severely distraught by the fact that Clark is a little younger than him. “Like two-, maybe three hundred years old, how would I know?”

Clark is shocked. Diana bursts out into laughter and even Bruce is struggling to hide his amusement now, the rest of the League wouldn’t notice, but it’s obvious to Clark when he glances over at him. Bruce is definitely off the holiday present list as well. Clark simply can’t hold back anymore. “Three hundred years? Are you kidding me?”

Diana laughs even harder and Clark kicks her under the table, which doesn’t phase her at all. (No, he’s not being childish. Shut up.)

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. He probably just assumed you would be older because you’re practically immortal in comparison to some other people here.” This is the first time J’onn speaks up since the beginning of this conversation, and Clark is so very grateful for it. He knows that J’onn isn’t actively using his telepathy to read the team’s minds, but he’s never sure how much the man subconsciously picks up on. It is, however, evident that he picked up enough to know that Clark has a civilian identity. Or maybe he just has the common sense the rest of their friends seem to have misplaced, who’s to say? Clark nods weakly at him in thanks. He is so ready for this conversation to be over. All he wants to do is go home and not tell Lois about this incident when she asks him how the meeting went because he knows she would never let him live it down.

“We’re so sorry about this. This is a pretty stupid misunderstanding and we shouldn’t have made assumptions about your private life,” Dinah says because she’s a normal, sensible person, unlike the rest of his so-called friends.

“It’s fine, really,” Clark assures her. “I’m not mad, just…surprised, is a good word for it, I think, about some of your assumptions. But since it’s all cleared up now, I think it would be a good idea for all of us to end this meeting here and go home. Unless there are any other burning questions?”

While the rest of the League seems to have heard what he said, they don’t look like they will be answering him any time soon. The traitorous traitors Bruce and Diana are too busy trying not to start laughing (again) and Hal, Barry and Oliver are apparently still processing the fact that he has a life outside the Justice League and being Superman. Clark is seriously considering just getting up and leaving at this point, which would be a very rude thing to do to his friends and he knows his mum would be scolding him for it if she knew, but it’s not like they’re going to get anything productive done and the meeting should have ended at least twenty minutes ago anyway.

Then Barry shakes his head and—God help Clark—starts to speak again, “Dinah’s right. It’s just all very surreal right now. I mean, up until now we thought being Superman was what you did all day and now we find out you went to high school and uni and have a flat and a job and everything. Next, you’ll be telling us you’re actively dating or something.”

(If Clark had a time machine this would be the moment he’d travel back to later and shut himself up because Barry was clearly joking, not asking a question, and he doesn’t need to say anything in response. He just needs to nod, smile, say goodbye, get up, leave and never ever bring this situation up again. Of course this isn’t what he does, though.)

“I’m married, actually.” Shit. He didn’t mean to say that. He didn’t mean to say that at all.

“Married? You’re married?” Hal’s voice has risen at least three octaves in tone.

As his only normal friends, J’onn smiles warmly and gives him a double thumbs up (?) and Dinah rolls her eyes and mouths ‘sorry’ at him before she says, “I’m very happy for you. Congratulations.”

Clark smiles warmly at both of them, trying his best to not let his smile look too strained. This has all been a bit much.

“I can’t believe it,” Oliver mutters, because apparently the universe has condemned Clark to eternal suffering via awkward situations and annoying friends, but before he can even say anything to that, Oliver turns away from him to point an accusing finger at Bruce. “Did you know about this?”

This isn’t that bad, Clark thinks, Bruce always acts very serious in the presence of the whole League and he surely won’t contribute anything to this conversation. This is fine. But Bruce smirks and Clark can feel the horror rising in his chest like a physical thing when his friend says, “I was at the wedding. As his best man.”

All hell breaks loose at Bruce’s admission because of course it does. Barry gasps, a full on overdramatic, broadway-worthy gasp, while Hal looks like someone just punched him in the face and Oliver is staring at Bruce with the most unamused expression Clark has ever seen on him. Diana starts laughing so hard she’s crying, and Bruce looks like holding back his own laughter is causing him physical pain. (He manages it though because God forbid the Justice League ever sees him as anything other than the overly serious Dark Knight.) Clark has no idea what Dinah or J’onn are doing, he’s too busy regretting every single decision he has ever made that led him to this point.

“Okay, please calm down everyone,” Clark says and miraculously they actually do. “I am not angry at you,” he reassures them again, “But I do think you’re overreacting a little.” He would say more than that, but he really just wants the conversation to end and never be brought up again.

“A little is a bit of an understatement,” Bruce mutters under his breath. Clark shoots him a dirty look because Bruce could’ve at least helped him end this sooner. Bruce smirks at him ever so briefly. Clark rolls his eyes. “While this seems to have been very enlightening for some of you, I suggest we end this meeting now. Unless there’s an emergency, we’ll see each other next week. Diana, Kal and I will schedule something.”

And with that, the meeting finally comes to an end. Clark has never been more thankful for anything in his life. (A blatant lie.) The general commotion at the end of every meeting starts with everyone getting up and saying their goodbyes. Normally, Clark would stay behind to chat and catch up on their personal lives with Diana and Bruce, but today he’s getting out of here as fast as possible and polite. He’s almost at the door when Bruce, in front of everyone, calls out to him, “Enjoy the next episode of The Bake Off! The season 5 finale is especially good!”

Clark is going to murder him. He’ll do it, really. “One more word from you and I’ll get your son a drum set for Christmas.”

Everyone’s attention immediately shifts to Bruce, who looks absolutely mortified and rushes out of the door with a hurried ‘see you next week’. Clark follows him, leaving a confused Justice League—minus Diana and J’onn—in their wake. He can hear Barry say that the last part was surely a joke and everyone else agreeing emphatically. Apparently, the one thing more unbelievable than Clark being married is Batman being a father. If only they knew.

“Just so you know,” Bruce says as they’re walking side by side, “If you actually get Dick a drum set for Christmas, I will be repaying the favour as soon as you and Lois have children. Don’t think I won’t.”

Clark throws his head back and laughs loudly. “Then I hope you’re patient because Lois and I aren’t even thinking about having children at the moment and when we do it’s still going to be some time before they can even hold a drumstick.”

“It's a good thing then that there’s an abundance of noisy light-up toys I could buy for a baby out there.”

Clark groans.

“What do you think about a Furby? They’re nice, aren’t they?” Bruce says with a mock contemplative expression on his face.

“I’m taking your name off the potential godparent list as soon as I get home,” Clark threatens, although he’s not serious at all.

Now it’s Bruce's turn to laugh. He pats Clark’s shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Just know that I’ll tell Lois that the League honestly thought you didn’t have a normal life and that you were three hundred years old the next time I see her.”

Clark punches him in the arm. Bruce laughs even louder.