#gotta get my thoughts out somehow

[untiedshoelaces]

Rant post I'll probably delete later. This contains multiple anxiety inducing parts of my life and will be all over the place because I can't form a coherent thought without everything overlapping.

My 30th birthday is less than a month away. I live with my parents, and I know that, in this economy, it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of. I'm not ashamed of it at all. But I am scared.

My dad is in his sixties now and he's noticeably slowing down. He's the only one who works because my mom is disabled and can't walk. I know I should have a job, but it's so fucking hard with everything going on with me mentally and physically. I've tried and tried and tried to work, but it never works. I'm scared that I'll be homeless.

Therapy is just out of reach for me. I have state insurance, but it just barely covers the bare minimum. I had a psychologist who I had 2 phone appointments with and then got kicked from the program for not going to an appointment I didn't even know I had.

I know I have friends, but it feels like I don't. Genuinely. I don't feel supported by anyone. Nobody listens when I talk. I get talked over constantly. So I end up not talking at all. And it has messed with me deeply. I can't have a proper conversation anymore. I'm silent 95% of the time. I know it's up to me to fix myself, but when you have no support, it's so fucking hard. I'm tired of people saying "I'm here for you" "you can talk to me about anything" and then just don't actually do any of that. They show each other the support that I don't receive. My messages go unread, unanswered.

I have nowhere to place my thoughts and the idea of posting anything other than "cute and quirky" or "funny" online is debilitating. I don't want to be seen as someone who is only so negative. I don't want pity. I just want to be heard. I'm just trying to be happy.

I feel shitty for not being able to lift myself out of whatever is going on with me. But I also know that I need support. I feel like everyone else has at least one person to confide in, to have them in their corner no matter what. But I'm just alone.

These days, I'm really trying to reach out more. Meet new people. Tell people when I feel uncomfortable or when they do things that upset me.

I know I'm not perfect. Everybody around me treats me like a child. I'm tired of all the eggshells.

[doodoodinklefart]

back for another jjk yap sess, this time abt geto LOL...

im honestly a little surprised i never noticed this before but the way that geto (who thought that his best friend was killed and saw a girl he was essentially willing to uproot his life for get murdered right in front of him) tries SOO hard to stay calm while toji's talking and then the MOMENT he brings satoru up again and trivializes riko's death, suguru loses it. i'm thinking suguru let him talk in the first place despite the risk of letting toji reveal his pact (and wanting to kill him Very Bad) cuz he figured it would be better to understand toji's deal since he beat satoru, something that suguru trusted would not happen

but then he starts referring to satoru strictly as "the six eyes", and i think that suguru, one of the few people that saw satoru as a person beyond his cursed technique or his family name could not help but get super pissed abt toji's dehumanization of satoru (and riko too, who he only refers to as the star plasma vessel). i just thought that it was very interesting....... suguru cared so much and it makes me CRAZY AS FUCK.

like, to begin with i think its sooo so interesting that suguru made it a point to be considerate of all the human parts of satoru despite the fact that im sure most other people assume he doesn't need to be worried about. i'll never stop thinking about suguru asking if he needs a break since he's overusing his technique, telling him he worked hard after getting back to the school, trying to rush to his side after he's been stabbed and being conflicted when satoru tells him to leave with riko and kuroi... he didn't just assume satoru could handle all that shit on his own cuz even if he could have he shouldn't have to.

also related omg im almost done i promise but!! the scene where suguru gets to the star religious group and sees satoru again for the first time...

the way that he can't even believe his eyes, probably in part because he's acting way different but also because he thought he FUCKING DIED. and he had to drag himself out of the tomb of the stars and probably went to look for gojo's body before even going to shoko. and then he had to tell her he couldn't even find his body man WHAT THE FUCK!!! i think maybe saw a twitter post about this part in particular but he might have thought toji took riko's body and satoru's, so the thought that he went all the way there thinking he'd have to see two dead bodies of people he cared about... ugh. suguru geto i love you

[nejackdaw]

(reads my own fic) woah. I'm so good at my job

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

[southern--downpour]

kinda miss void dragon ngl

[zhongrin]

honestly i think. i'm truly blessed to have two brothers who would bully me (affectionately) but also would genuinely vouch and care for me ᰔᩚ

[mollysails]

and if i went crazy and started translating and adapting the entirety of the beetlejuice musical to spanish, with changes to the jokes that would make sense within the pop culture…

what then

[setsumushou]

Man, I am in my Bradley Bradshaw feelings, and I don’t care.

I think it’s popular to headcanon this man as kind of a himbo because I guess Miles Teller himself has an endearingly-goofy personality, so it bleeds over into interpretations of the characters he plays? Which is very valid! But to be honest, I haven’t sought out that much Miles media individually myself, although I have seen TGM 20x in the movie theaters, so my interpretation of these characters remains largely what I had observed from the movie. And imo, Bradley is strong and intelligent as hell.

The man has a lot of emotional intelligence. Obviously, there was that moment where Natasha points out, “Now you know a little something about Rooster,” to refer to his empathetic and self-sacrificial nature, how he’s always going to put the lives of others first (in his doing the push-ups in lieu of his teammates being punished). But it’s the scene at the end where he assures Maverick, “It’s what my dad would have done,” that showed the utmost empathy and emotional intelligence.

He could have said, “You’re welcome.” He could have said, “Thank YOU for saving my life.” Both of these affirmations would have told Maverick that he did something wonderful for Bradley, and both would have validated Maverick and still would have been things Maverick wanted to hear from him.

But he knew that what Maverick needed the most was absolution for his role in Goose’s death. Above even protecting and saving Bradley, he wanted Goose’s forgiveness. And thus, by telling him, “It’s what my dad would have done,” Goose’s son tells Maverick what he most needs to hear and releases him from his overarching guilt from the whole movie. Maverick’s emotional arc wouldn’t have been complete without Bradley intuiting exactly what he needed from him at that moment.

That’s how intelligent Bradley is.

Man, I fucking love Bradley Bradshaw. I think he always was my favorite character, which was why I always wanted to see him in the best light I could, but I was just so blinded by Tom Cruise’s tits and ass (...and I still am, lol - I can enjoy many things!).

But I see you now, Bradley. You’re smart, strong, and gorgeous (though that is just the icing on the cake for how I love this character for his intrinsic traits), and it’s going to be that way with me going forward, always.

[rivilu]

disjointed fandom posting sorry but it just hit me that pwotr is like. the only rpg where a companion never once left my team

[alongtidesoflight]

.

[orcelito]

ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.

like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo

i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.

[artificial-condition]

I’m going to lose it I fucking hate working full time

[mementoasts]

jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london

[shadowkira]

I want to join discords to talk to people about ships up until I actually join because then I never know what to say. Or, because of my weird schedule, I end up popping in hours later and feel like the topic has shifted.

I also feel like I never want to bug mutuals, so I stay quiet...

What I'm saying is, I am bad at initiating conversations but I do really want to talk.

My inbox is open if anyone ever wants to discuss ships. 🫣

[aria0fgold]

Okay like, I think it'd be too long to put in the tags of the last post so I'm making my own post but ngl that method helped me A LOT. It helped me unlearn So Much stuff by having that first thought, interrogating it, and replacing it. Cuz way back, the thing I'd do is have the first thought, hate myself for it, never try to have it again which isn't helpful At All. And then I reached a point in my life where it was like, have the first thought, avoid it, which is just as worse.

And then last year, when I realized A Lot of stuff bout me, I had to work on unlearning so much during then and like okay, this is like treading the territory of "you gotta be unwell a lil bit to heal" typa thing, like imagining your favourite characters Right There. But mine is like, a lil to the left. Cuz when I realized all the stuff I gotta unlearn, there wasn't any character from a media that can count for that just yet (I got hyperfixated on Cain months after the realization but if I've known him earlier he would've ngl took on the patron saint role in my life of unlearning unhealthy stuff)

So what I did was... used an OC. It wasn't Alec and Ray surprisingly enough cuz in my head they have their own lives and it was a lil harder for me to put them in that role. And it just so happens I have One OC that is specifically made with an awareness that makes it seem like he's a self-insert but not really. It's Alerik. The designated creator of the universe that is practically aware of the truth behind that universe and his own existence so it was easier to pull him. And it worked.

Cuz whenever I do the have first thought, interrogate it, replace it thing, I can't get it right in a way that when I think of interrogating Myself, my brain's immediate reaction is always "hatred" so then when I got Alerik to do the interrogation, my brain couldn't react immediately cuz it isn't just Me, there's Alerik now and he's both me and not at the same time, he's a piece of me. That I love. So my brain couldn't react with "hatred" towards a character I made with love, it worked. I could interrogate myself, figure out "why" I reacted the way I did, "why" I had that first thought, and what I could do moving forward without hating myself or avoiding anything. And I love it. Cuz after a year of just that, slow and steady, I managed to unlearn most of the bad habits and get rid of the self-hate. I love myself now! And the world! And everything just seems so much beautiful this way.

[byanyan]

byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun