#got picked up CRYING
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me: -sitting in art club with my kids when my phone rings- me: A.P.? did you mean to call me? AP: yeah you have a trip tomorrow with this 6th grade class? me: yeah! we're going to the historical society AP: well -student- isnt going me: ....oh she messed up? AP: mhm me: what did she do? AP: what DIDNT she do. ask the guidance counselor. but yeah shes not going me: ok???? -turns out the student has been bullying our one french girl in 6th grade, called her a fucking bitch in front of the ELA teacher, was being mean to the girl STILL on a trip they had today, and then when the AP told her about herself at the end of the day, she lied to her mom and said oh the AP called me the n word and cursed at me
#work things#there are 8 more days of school#UM#a kid brought a lighter and cigarette to school yesterday and lit it in the science class#a kid had to get picked up bc he was talking shit#and was threatened by 3 kids from the school below us#bc he THINKS hes an actual thug#but the school below us has like fr gang members#and mans is like 12#so-#got picked up CRYING
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captain jasmine "jazz" drake broke into my brain and is now living there rent free help
#i uhm i uhhh i i i#queen too. i was introduced to queen and uh i uhuhm i yeahgh huhuhu#those two get me all giggly kicking my feet yknow#ep91 killed me three times im triple dead can s omeone help im so deep in my riptide fixation istg if i pick up any vocal stims bc of this#istg if i start going lalala. well idk what id do but smth..#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#jrwi jazz#jasmine drake#chip jrwi#jay ferin#gillion tidestrider#i got to their big revamped designs yiippeeee#N JAYS MAGI C WING S IM SO HYPE#my art#oki now i need to learn how to draw queen uhm i was scared for their debut bc i knew i would be insane but yeah ok i nee d to go like i nee#to leave i cant hes literally perfect i cant deal with it im gonna cry i l ove her sm istg theyer evertyhtinnhg
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TV Appreciation Week 2024
Day 5: Favourite season of a tv show ↳ Fringe - Season 2
#tvweek24#tvarchive#tvedit#fringeedit#gifs*#Anna Torv#Olivia Dunham#Josh Jackson#Peter Bishop#John Noble#Walter Bishop#this season is perfect to me#even the weaker episodes#i know most people would pick season 3#and while the whole arc up to Marionette is incredible#season 2 has this ability to just make me CRY so many times#even while knowing the episodes by heart#it's the season that got me obsessed with the show too so it's sentimental#don't ask me how i feel having just made 22 gifs in less than 2 days though#i couldn't just pick a few moments#i'm photohop!hungover#most of them barely had anna's face too smh 🤣#gonna have to go back to my olivia gifsets soon to compensate#flashing gif#tw flashing
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Bruce is actually really attractive, and I have enough reasoning to make a list
He's:
Tall (. Tall enough to hit his head on the vault doorframe)
Long-legged
Has a straight nose bridge
Has high cheekbones (more noticeable in 2nd pic below)
Has a strong jawline
Sharp eyes, but they aren't small (plus eyebags if you're into that)
Overall, he has strong, attractive facial features
Has broad, refined shoulders. You can tell he works out (or he did, when he was alive)
Even has a thick, muscly neck
He has MUSCLE. Is SCULPTED. NOICE. VERY NOICE. (nice arms. Nice shoulders. Nice neck. Nice legs. Nice butt-)
(There are actually panels where you can see some of his muscles. Other than those already shown here, he's got bricky thighs-
-and in the panels where we first get his name dropped, he's got those shoulder blades too-)
The one time we see him smile, and he actually has a scary one
Has small, kinda sharp pupils, and his eyes remind me of a cat. We only ever saw him tense or defensive, so his resting/listening face is really cute
Other than the physical appearance stuff, he also:
Takes shit without batting an eye (patience, knowing it's just how Kudo is, etc)
Kudo being all "Cut the crap Bruce and give it to me straight", after Bruce tests his blood and is rightfully Concerned because they just faced AFO
Put up with Kudo's experimenting and testing over Yoichi's transferable Factor
Did ya'll see the look on Kudo's face when he realized he had Yoichi's Factor/will? Kudo was going to start in nonsense and Bruce just dealt with that.
Also something I noticed when looking back at the images here; Bruce has bandages on his arms in the void. But not when he faced AFO in the sewers.
Were he and Kudo cutting their arms open in their experimenting over Yoichi's theory? Is this why Kudo has two gauntlets instead of his one? Why we never see his bare arms in the void? That he always keeps his arms down so there's no slip?
Is smart enough to run blood tests, plus has enough common sense to pick Shinomori as his successor
He picked a guy who avoids society, has an Ability to detect danger so he can always stay away from AFO, is also a coward so he's never going to go throw himself into danger, even without knowing instinctively he stands no chance, etc.
Meanwhile, Kudo chose Bruce, who he played Hot Potato Yoichi with; but he did also trust Bruce, and put the only pure combative Ability in OFA through Bruce.
These two made their choices based on what they valued and saw the Factor needed.
Is logical, analytical, and calm.
He tried advising Midoriya on their Abilities in One For All, especially his own.
Midoriya then tried ignoring him about using Fa Jin for the first time, but found he was right, thinking: "Dammit!! I had [Lady Nagant] right where I wanted her, but... ugh! The Third was right. My parallel Quirk processes are all screwed up!" (ch. 314).
Plus, when Midoriya fixed his processing mistakes, Bruce was analyzing the way he reached his new conclusion. Pure facts, no bias, very calm, just saying it as it was.
We never see him panic. When he's caught by surprise in the sewers by AFO, Kudo, and Yoichi's little bubble event, he immediately reacts. He doesn't falter, he just knows he has to do something right now.
Was more willing to listen than Kudo to Yoichi's beckon, and probably was just following Kudo's rejection of Midoriya
While we don't see Kudo's face, we see Bruce's eyes when Yoichi calls on his heroes. Bruce was more open and receptive, or at least more impacted.
Bruce was also the one to start talking, while Kudo just kept quiet.
He actually communicates a lot
When Yoichi called them to support Midoriya, Bruce started talking to paint a picture of why they thought the way they did, so Yoichi understood where they were coming from.
(Though he seems to beat about the bush sometimes, since Kudo spoke up to be direct on how they couldn't just put their trust in some starry-eyed teenager. Plus, when Kudo tells him to just tell him what's wrong [double Factors])
When Midoriya first used Fa Jin against Nagant, Bruce came out just to tell him he knew what he was trying, but that Midoriya wasn't ready; and Midoriya found he was right. Midoriya just didn't want to listen to him then.
He asks Kudo for clarification after finding Kudo had two Factors in him after the sewer incident ("Just to be sure, All For One didn't touch you, right?") Kudo knew him well enough to go "stop beating around the bush and tell me", so Bruce was probably gonna start with questions, theories, and trying to understand everything in general, before saying "yeah you have two Factors. Don't know why".
Is strong-willed and loyal.
He followed Kudo, even to death, carrying on the cause he started until it ended with him.
Plus, when talking about how AFO needs a strong will to override OFA's own, we first see Bruce, Kudo, and Yoichi.
AFO couldn't steal OFA because the will was too strong for him, and that was back during Banjo's time. Since Shinomori never actually tried opposing AFO and just hid, we can assume the first Three (Yoichi, Kudo, Bruce) already had an accumulation of strong willpower that made OFA un-stealable. Those three are a strong enough foundation, and the main wills, that the other users just become bonuses.
Kudo, also saying that Midoriya needs allies with the same will and drive as him... hey Kudo, you're talking about yourself and your old allies, aren't you? That's why you look at Yoichi and Bruce when you say this.
Not only is Bruce attractive, but he's got good character. THE END.
#yes this is a bruce appreciation post#am i biased? yes. am i right that he has these features? also yes.#hes actually a very attractive person. hes got all the right features for it#plus hes smart (some medical knowledge) is really loyal strong-willed and patient#he puts up with kudo SO much#from being bossed around to taking home yoichis brother to whatever the heck kudo made him do to figure out OFA's transfer properties.....#i didnt think much of bruce originally#then i started doing resistance fic stuff and now hes a fave#hes a little blorbo#that i throw in terrible situations for my own entertainment#used his scary smile for comedy purposes#like when he made a kid cry once. or when a meta child was afraid of him so they bit him#has patience to deal with kudo and co. but also. has enough bite to snark them. is how i like writing him#oh? background character? well lemme just *picks him up* EXPAND ON THAT-#fic stuff: he tries making a good impression on a girl and kudo is ruining it immediately#he doesnt know what to do because the two always banter#kudo: fuck you#oc: fuck me yourself you coward#he sees through a rose-lens that kudo is trying to rip off his face#appeciation kinda turned analysis in general#bruce#kudo#yoichi shigaraki#bnha#mha#spoilers#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#NOT YOICHIS BROTHER. i meant Yoichi / AFO's brother in a prev tag up there but theres too much tags i dont wanna rewrite to fix that#(image limit and tag limit)
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Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie
(she weighed nothing in your hands)
#ffxiv#noraxia#arr#arr spoilers#the first time this game made me cry u__u#just picking her up and then having to take her back to little solace ah#it was the quest title that got me
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absolutely obsessed with the idea of timbern being super secretive over bear's time in the cult.
on one hand, bear is wildly insecure of his scars from the cult. cause it's not like he fucking got them saving the city or helping someone, he was just stupid enough to get sucked into a cult. (a voice in the back of his head that sounds a lot like his therapist and tim tell him that kids are supposed to be stupid and that his time in the cult is more a reflection of the adults in his life than his own choices) anyway his back and legs are like a mess of scarring and normally he'd just tattoo over them but scars have to be a certain age before they're tattooable. so he now just covers them up.
on the other hand, tim is insanely protective over bear's traumas. like if he got any more protective he'd be like certified deranged. so he just straight up dodges or lies about bear's backstory. anyway all this to say, they're hanging out in the pool at the manor and nobody but them ws supposed to be home. so bear thinks it's safe to take off his shirt. they're both having fun until someone says behind bear, "dude... what happened to your back?" cue tim lunging at them like a rabid dog and bear struggling to hold tim back going "tim, tim, what the fuck, what the fuck????"
#batfamily member: get your dog bitch#bear barely holding tim back smiling: he don't bite#them looking at tim growling and snarling and trying to bite them: YES HE FUCKIN DO!!!!#i think the idea of tim being more affected by bear's trauma than bear is insanely funny#bear talking about his trauma: yeah i was in a school shooting and then i got sucked into a pain cult but hey! you live and learn right?#tim punching the ground crying screaming: hasn't he been through /enough/?!#one of the cult leaders gets out on parole and red robin shows up at their house to beat them up#tim's bear's attack dog. his pokemon if you will#bad social scenario? bear shouts 'i summon you tim drake!' and tim the sappy bastard that he is strikes a pose like theyre team rocket#that's a compleste lie btw. tim is the pokemon girlie. bear is the yugioh girlie. they get into arguments about this daily.#it does not help that dami and duke are on bear's side while jason and dick are on tim's#it becomes an all out war and bruce refuses to pick a side#dc#bernard dowd#tim drake#timber#timbern
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dating is so hard bc wdym neither of us knows how to drive like … if i’m a passenger seat princess and you’re a passenger seat princess then who’s driving the car ???????
#she’s like ‘u can drive to come pick me up 🥰’#and 27281 curbs are injured and i pull up shaking and crying x#when i live in a walkable city with public transportation again then EVERYONE will be sorry !!!!!!!!#nat vs car and the car wins every time.#i once got almost crushed by an 18 wheeler on my to austin and it was 2933928% my fault#:(#i’m not like a super bad driver tho i just hate it immensely and never want to do it bc. well. it’s fucking scary.
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"listening is an act of love"
#phil got him the dune popcorn bucket i could cry#this is genuinly so sweet i cant stop thinking about it#he attentively listens and i will never ever be over this#it seems such a small thing to pick up one but its so meaningful#dan and phil#dnp#daniel howell#phandom#phil lester#phan#dan howell#amazing phil#dapg#amazingphil
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why is horror almost ALWAYS sweating bro this man must be a straight up water faucet with how much sweat he has in every horrortale panel. however it is for this reason that i think he has hyperhidrosis. hello my name is triglycercule and in this essay i will explain
#because he deserves to have to deal with sweaty hands 24/7#oh i KNOW it is annoying as hell to live in SNOWdin and then be sweating ALL THE DAMN TIME#me when i have my fan blasting at me but my hands are still wet#i cant be bothered to research more than hyperhidrosis can be caused by nervous system disorders#and nervous system disorders can be caused by damage to the brain/spinal cord. and guess who has a giant hole in his head#bro are you crying??? no its just my excessive sweat says horror#and then he just feels colder with the sweat and snowdin wind and then horror starts shivering all the time#shaky hands!!! sweaty hands!!!!!! permanently bloodstained hands!!!!! how else can i make horror hate his hands#he cannot pick up anything at all bro. not even open a doorhandle#in times like those its a goddamn shame horror cant sustain his blue magic#because he would be overusing the shit out of it if he did have it#when horror wants to cause a minor irritation to dust and killer he just rubs his hands all over them#because i do it#its SO disgusting imagine having someone's sweat all over your arm. yeah no#he replaced the whoopie cusion handshake for a drill so he wouldn't have to explain his sweaty hands 😭😭😭😭😭😭#a human got away from horror because they LITERALLY slipped out of his sweaty hands#i know bro was furious. it was comedically easy for them the escape#from that day forward he began wearing gloves. now he has to deal with changing them all the time#first reason you know someone read the horrortale comic: they draw horror with his sweat#i dont even have hyperhidrosis i just get so pissed when my hands start sweating so much. so horror has to deal with it too#i woke up this morning. fan on. full blast. sweaty hands. sweaty feet. immediately decide to cast my rage onto horror#not even 10 am and my hands are still wet even after i washed them someone slice my limbs off#tricule hc#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#sans au#utmv
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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Read one of your asks which is how I found out that Cherik have a COMIC CANON LOVECHILD WHAAAAAAAAAT
you will address onslaught correctly alright that is their canonical love/hate mpreg brain baby child
#snap chats#sometimes they co-parent outside of onslaught tho ... xavier co-parents pietro and wanda a bit in the ultimate universe i think#i know we dont talk about The Ultimate Universe but we can take the good from it sometimes ....#also david- in krakoa- really looked up to erik and was. Really Moved by the fact erik trusted him#and THAT always makes me scream and cry and throw up remembering oouuugh david ... my son .. vegeta domed son of mine...#this is the daily reminder i have to get legion of x I SHOULD JUST GO GET IT. IVE BEEN SAYING ILL GET IT FOREVER#I DONT KNOW IF BOTH PARTS ARE IN THE COMIC SHOP ONLY THE SECOND PART WAS THERE I THINK LAST I CHECKED#guys should i go to the shop and pick it up today todays one of my less-busy days <- its still pretty busy#i thought of getting lunch too.... i have money to spend for once but also i dont really like eating#like i like eating but. idk . no i lied i dont like eating HLEKVEAKLJ BUT I DONT HATE IT#its just not somethign i think about its just a think i have to do yk. moving on from my Questionable dietary habits#NOOOOOO WAIT there was this one matcha place i really like... is it because of the matcha or the gal that works there dont ask me#the matcha is really good tho .... do i treat myself for. my insane morning... many questions i ask myself...#anyway yeah they got a baby or whatever //party popper noise// congratulations its an abomination. and davids half brother
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So I've mentioned before that my irl friend and my partner got me to watch HoTD, but since we got caught up to the season finale of that we're now watching GOT.
So during a Littlefinger & Varys scene one of them mentioned how the two of them could both just absolutely kick Larys' ass as whisper masters and just now all I can picture is Larys just fucking full on snot crying after they've been bullying him at like 1/10th of their power for one (1) day and he's just like "Alicent can you come pick me up? I'm scared."
#idk if he'd be writing a raven letter or just somehow magically have a telephone#but either way it's just so fucking hilarious to picture omfg#and for whatever reason I'm picturing that she has to like drive out in the middle of the night to come get him like a kid at a sleepover#either in a carriage or a car whichever (or get one of her kids to dragonmobile her out there)#and the ride back home is just dead silent and whenever she goes to ask him he's just like “I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT”#and starts back crying#look and I LIKE Larys a lot but this was just too fucking perfect omFg#shitpost#mom come pick me up i'm scared#got#game of thrones#house of the dragon#HoTD#littlefinger#varys#larys#larys strong#alicent hightower#hotd alicent#hotd larys#got varys#got littlefinger#my friend has gotten me watching game of thrones and now it's other people's problem
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So I may have made an absolutely terrible decision…. I have been hearing the siren song of the loom and I was not strong enough to turn away 😔 I really want a floor loom, but we have no space for one. So I got a table loom instead. Unfortunately, we have no space for this table loom either… I have no idea where I’m going to put it- hence why it’s terrible decision. It’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It’s currently on my sewing cutting table, but it can’t stay there. (Check out the angle it's bending my table at!) I don’t want to make it my roommates’ problem, but my craft room is an oversized walk in closet. There’s barely enough space to turn around in it. I don’t know what to do /: I don’t know where I can put it to actually weave. This table is too tall for me to weave while seated. why did I do this to myself. why couldn’t I be strong and resist the call of the loom.
but I found this for a super good deal! I was really lucky to find it! It came with books and a warping board and some yarn. It’s a Leclerc Medico that was made in 1974! a 4 shaft table loom that’s 22” wide. I’m really excited :3 I can weave fabric!! I mostly want to make yardage for sewing clothes out of.
I started warping it with the yarn that came with it- which is some 3/2 cotton yarn. I’m hoping it will turn into placemats. But I’m?? confused?? I have no idea what I’m doing. The books that came with it don’t actually have enough information to be helpful to a complete beginner. Even though they’re all called some variation of “weaving for beginners”. I am so completely lost. A lot of internet resources are on more modern looms or rigid heddle or floor looms or assume you have a raddle. I can’t find much for vintage table looms. Let alone for this specific model. So I’m sure I’m fucking this up. But here we go anyway.
#weaving#table loom#feyweaves#fiber arts#craftblr#crying struggling back pain#I think the fact that the table isn't level is fucking up the tension??#I've had a couple picks where the shed isn't fully formed and it skips a thread or two#the reed also doesn't beat it evenly#i need to find a new location#is it weird to weave on the floor#new definition for floor loom i guess#i think my first actual projects are going to be with halloween yarn bc its on sale at hobbii#buying lots of cones is expensive ):#i can't afford to buy like five of them at once if i want to do plaid or stripes or anything#i could barely afford this loom#i got it for an absolute steal
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we welcome you to unite! (just don't pick speedster thats my role 😤😤😤)
My friend this image is the penultimate reason I finally downloaded Pokemon Unite. You have given me a gift I will not soon forget. Thank you.
#ive got so much research to do on Unite and what pokemon to pick. i gotta watch some video essays or something#anyhoo UGLY CRYING THAT ART IS SO CUTE#Ark is gonna have to break out the stilt legs if those goals get any higher#Alternatively Twig will evolve late-game and fly him up to one past where he usually floats#BUT YEAH. THIS IS ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT AND IM CRYING.#ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS BUT I LOVE IT#the present is a gift fanart#ark/twig#travailshipping#pmd darkrai#pokémon mystery dungeon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd explorers of sky#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pmd2#pmd#sofie answers asks
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ILY FP 258
I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.
Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.
I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!
That's enough rambling, let's jump in.
There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.
But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.
A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.
This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.
I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.
There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.
As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.
Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.
And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.
How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).
He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.
He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.
And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;
For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.
I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...
Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.
But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.
I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.
I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.
And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.
Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.
#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#I Love Yoo#Kousuke Hirahara#Shinhye#idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore#and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name#so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol#alas#anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March#literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip#BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it#Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop#i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl#to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace#all the opportunities he lost#the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted#he lost himself in the process#or maybe he never even got to know himself#i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad#that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked#so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of#FUCKING DEVASTATED#I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS
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It’s a fun video, check her out @what-is-my-aesthetic
My favorite part was her immediately checking out CSPAN footage after showing my meme and…
Mood girlie, mood…
(if you had kept watching you would’ve seen the senators almost break into a brawl…)
#what a fun little pick me up after a rough couple months#college is brutal#but there’s something so endearing about someone liking my meme so much that they put it in a video they made#i love people :)#check out her video!#i love that she put tumblr notes on for makeup#i can’t believe he got rejected FOURTEEN times#i would’ve been sobbing in the senate bathroom#us politics#cspan#athena p#house speaker#tumblr meme#tumblr meme review#speaker of the house#mine#wholesome#YouTube#i would’ve been crying in the house floor
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